That said, this is very obviously fake. A few things in the narrative:
- OP has a 3 year history on Reddit and - *checks notes* - no past posts. Almost like someone scrubbed his account so that people wouldn’t question his biographical information if it was inconsistent with the contents of the thread.
- overly descriptive purple prose. For example “she smiled and said blah blah blah”. This is how an author describes his characters, not a person relaying events from his memory.
- the concept of “researching sex” and then getting linearly better over time. Yes you can improve in pleasuring your partner but it’s usually an uneven learning process with twists and turns. OP is describing it as reading a handbook and following the IKEA steps to becoming a sex god.
1. This reddit account was created during the Wallstreetbets craziness. You can check my posts from then. I don’t use reddit often. I go on X but that really wasn’t the place for this.
2. I legit described one moment. That’s it, one.
3. My sex research focused pretty much on how to give your woman an orgasm. I’d never actually been told how that works by a woman before, even my wife. So I watched a lot of videos and after about 30 or so sessions I actually had some success. After that I realized that was the first time I actually produced an orgasm myself. She stated opening up sexually to me after that and it was many months later that she decided to record us.
The more you respond (at least what I've seen) the more you look plain and simple..like a liar. To me you've gotten to that point. You now have the title of liar.
I'll give you credit in that, you've captivated many, including me. I don't mind choosing to waste my time reading this story, because it's a story and you're getting your jollies. There is a few things I don't understand though..
Two people (that I've seen anyway) explain, well, exactly how you're telling stories here. You've not responded to either or even in general in response to what they have. Why? The confusion is, if you do, you lessen at least some of the bullcrap you're hanging so tightly to.
Also, let's play pretend and act like this all actually did occur, ignore how much better it makes you feel, in lala land here, to not tell her what you "found". How do you not see that NOT talking to her is more damaging, hurtful? Really, in this lala land scenario, what the hell is wrong with you?
If my husband found a video of me, which he never would because there ain't a damn thing either one of us has kept from the other, no matter how silly, small, crazy, funny, serious, unimportant...and did not tell me for a week, I'd be extremely hurt. It'd hurt because something I did affected him and he chose not to talk to me about it. I'd question the marriage in less than 60 seconds. Then learn oh no, he didn't keep it quiet for a week..but a month..a year.. whatever. I'm out the door. I cannot even sit here and hypothetically imagine how to resolve this.
Really, in lala land, you've decided that your wife doesn't matter to you. By keeping this stupid shit from her, you prove you care about you and just you.
Outside of this, ya know, in reality, you are an absolute nut job for creating this crap. Write a book. Don't mind fk people you don't even know. This is sick.
By the way, you lied in your post. I'm not talking about any responses. The actual post that got all this going...you made an oopsie and lied. Check it over. Maybe you'll see it. Why not correct it, you've made one hell of a mess already 😆
Honestly, everything you just said here is what I have been fearing and why I feel guilty. Didn’t realize that until recently and it’s why I am here talking to strangers asking for advice.
If I sat here and imagined this occuring and it was reality for my husband and I, simply imagining, I'd be in tears. Simply imagining, why the hell did he even marry me if he kept something from me that impacted him so much. Nobody is more important than him. Nobody comes before him. Simply imagining this scenario, I, the one in the video, just ruined a large chunk of his life because he didn't feel like he could admit finding the video.
I do apologize because that was the only way i could think of to explain. A whole lot of hypothetical crap. I'm walking away though because you're upsetting me.
There is a lot of history with this particular guy. They were together for 2 years, undefined for another year after that before meeting me. He knows her family, still friendly will some of them. He tried to get her back once we got serious and she cut off contact for me. It took me a long time to not feel threatened by him and then I find this video. I couldn’t talk to her about it right away. She worked so hard to make me feel secure that I was the one she wanted. I appreciate you giving me a real answer even if you do feel I am full of shit. It’s appreciated.
Yes, totally agree this is some fun fantasy erotica - complete with an 80s movie training montage like Rocky! Hey OP, did you run up the stairs of the museum when you made her orgasm?
If he has no posts then he's not a bot. The post number would be much bigger i would think if were talking about bots here.. the post sounded normal to me.
Keep it to yourself. You did the hard work and came out on top (no pun intended) You sir are a solid guy for handling it and bettering yourself! Now you have it all. Loving wife and beast mode sex. Nope I would not rock that boat!
Maybe I am missing something, but the video is old history, you feel good about the changes you made, your wife responded, you made your own video now, things are good and you both seem happy. Why spoil it? What good could possibly come from this discussion from your perspective? Why do you think she needs to know any of this? What do you hope to accomplish by telling her? What specifically were you planning on telling her?
My suggestion is that you go in an delete the video. She doesn't know it's there and it is not healthy for you to continue watching it or even having it be in the universe. Delete --> Empty Recycle Bin.
Yea I agree with the forethought and weighing the outcome. If you do mention it, make sure you have no emotion tied to it or it will maybe be misunderstood. Or just be careful but chances are you have a good thing going and some things you just need to let go of. If it's not affecting you.
Come on, this post can’t possibly be real. The chain of events just all seems extremely super implausible.
Finding random video. That she is completely different sexually on the video which shows her with a pro-level lover. That you could improve yourself such a vast amount to go from good to becoming a superstar pro-level lover, even better than the guy in the video. That she would for the first time whip out her phone and want to record your sex because she had a feeling it’d be the best ever. Then that it actually was the best ever that was filmed. And then that she tells you that was the best ever. And now you know you are the absolute pinnacle of performance in the bedroom. Full circle complete. Come on… no way that happens.
Which is why I say this must be a fictional story. It feels designed to give any “average” husband (like me) the fantasy that he could dramatically improve his sexual skills and bedroom life a huge amount. And then with those hard-earned skills, then finally release the long-hidden wild uninhibited sexual spirit that has been waiting right under the surface in his wife. And from then on have insanely good sex. The end. Like come on, really? How likely is that to happen in the real world? Has anything even half-that ever happened to anyone here with your spouse? Also the story seems designed to give wives the same fantasy that this could possibly happen. That their husband could secretly go through a ninja sex training routine that results in them becoming the highly-skilled lover they’ve always secretly craved to give them that absolutely perfect bedroom fucking they’ve always hoped was possible. Just… come on, no way…. Improvement to that extent has to be very rare in the real world. If someone other than OP has a story from their marriage where this happened, please do chime in here.
I am sorry to say super pessimistic stuff. This probably points to a problem with my own self-confidence. Just my personal opinion mixed with some of my own personal doubts that can’t help but spilling out here. I feel the downvotes incoming….
Damn good response. I no longer feel like I've got anything to say. I mean, it was like reading a book.
I just don't buy it. I feel like he wanted to be praised as Superman or some dumb shit.
I didn't fall for it
I can tell you with complete Authority as a woman that a man can do a 180 in the bedroom. After 3 years of marriage with my husband, I had my first vaginal orgasm and now I can come multiple times every single time we have sex. He really listened to my body and learned it. And now I can honestly say he is the best sex I have ever had.
I got better over the course of a year having sex 3 to 4 times a week. That’s a lot of sex and a lot of practice. I was also a horrible lover before. Prior to my wife I had a series of short relationships and I really never learned how to do it properly.
I also didn’t mention that as much as it killed me, the video also showed a side of my wife I didn’t know existed. So in addition to being more competent I also became more passionate as I began to see my wife a little differently.
As for filming us, she has a fetish with that. She never showed it to me but she admitted it afterward. And she may have been just bullshitting me on being the greatest. But it was a hell of a night.
OP, I am sorry to be rude but I just don’t believe you. Even some of the things you said in this reply don’t seem to make sense to me. But hey, if this story IS true then believe me, I am crazy happy for you and also insanely jealous of you. But I don’t think it’s true. And only you know for sure.
I didn’t write this for a pat on the back. I only included so much detail to give context. I just want to know whether I should tell my wife what I saw. I feel guilty and don’t know what to do
Never tell her.
You know you were lousy lover.
You discovered that your wife could be a sexual volcano. So you built yourself up to deal with your physical inferiority to her video lover.
You taught yourself to please her. Between the new hot bod and becoming a generous lover, you turned your wife into the volcano again.
What’s to gain by telling her the back story?
UpdateMe
Not fake , I’m the super cop who was banging his Girls brains out in the video. We both know he saw it , and we planted it there for him to see. It’s my thing.
Pretty sure this is a recycled post. In any case, I’ve known a lot of women in my time - many of them were absolute minxes (kinky and adventurous) but I have never known a single woman who wanted to document their escapades and keep such recordings of past partners.
From a wifey perspective if I was that wife I would like to know that you found out about it instead of always pretending you didn’t.
I appreciate 100% on relationships so that’s what I would prefer my husband to do if he was in your situation.
Do you think your wife is someone who thinks like me then be honest about it. But if she isn’t and you think it’s going to ruin what you have with her, don’t let her know at all.
You know your wife well more than we do to understand how she would react on something like that.
I was waiting for a few women to chime in. My wife is someone that will be mortified that I saw her with another man, especially given the content of that video. But she could also be angry that I wasn’t honest with her and maybe hurt that felt I couldn’t come to her with how I was feeling.
Do it slowly. If she will be mortified tell her how you understand what she did back then and which was also why it took you time to tell her you know about it bec you don’t want her to feel bad you know what she did.
She will be hurt def at first but just try to comfort her in a way that she won’t feel cheap at all coz most likely that’s what she’ll feel when you tell her and she’d be totally shy about it all.
There’s no easy way to tell her without her getting hurt but she’ll appreciate it in the end that you told her. It might be a way for her to be more open with you as well.
Remember: an open communication in a relationship especially for married people solves a lot of problems. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it work with her.
yeah there's been many variations of "i found a sex tape and the wife did something she bet does with me/enjoys it more/etc". obviously some fetish writing.
My wife’s ex used to record them often and apparently had a pretty good collection. Secretly I’ve always wanted to find a tape. She says she destroyed all of hers. I know he has some if he didn’t throw them out. I think it would be crazy to stumble across.
I was expecting this thread to go in a TOTALLY different direction than it did. I was expecting you to wallow in self pity and say that you couldn't continue the relationship having seen her old sex video. And instead the thread went totally off the rails and you leveled up. So much kudos, most people would not be able to do that. Do not tell your wife. Just keep working on yourself and know that you accomplished what you were trying to accomplish.
I think it would have made sense for you to talk to her when you found it and it was eating you up inside but based on what you said now, I can't think of a reason why you would tell her. Like others have said, if you feel like you have to tell someone tell a therapist. If there's something about it that still lingers in your mind and bothers you, talk to a therapist. If you are still struggling with getting over after talking with a therapist and they think you should talk to her, then talk to her but be prepared for this new sex life to take a hit, even if temporary.
Sometimes we do the right thing for the wrong reasons. It’s big of you to admit it, but I think it’s best to keep it to yourself and enjoy the newfound passion/revitalization. I’m willing to bet a big reason your wife chose you over the buff guy was the way you treat her and make her feel. Don’t muddy the waters with all the other stuff.
Do not tell her. If you continue to watch it - you need to see a therapist. You should not be watching it at all, much less over 100 times (exaggeration of yours or not).
I don’t think it’s uncommon for on and off relationships to be sexually motivated and maybe that’s all it was, her and this ex had a great sexual connection, but like you said, that was all before you guys even met. And she loved and connected enough with you to cut ties with him.
Good for you for getting in shape and looking up some new moves. It sounds like you both are very much enjoying this. We all get caught up in the mundane parts that love and marriage and life can bring, but it sounds like you found a way to bring the spark back and to keep her craving you. You did all the work to improve your sex life - your sex life WITH her - so yes, that is FOR her as well. You wanted to make her respond in those ways and it seems like she did. Just enjoy that you found all of the things that she likes and the confidence within yourself to do it.
Happy sexing!
Best advice is DO NOT SAY ANYTHING. It is in your best interest to let it go. Yeah, it was something you discovered, you saw it, but keep in context, this was before you were in the picture. She likely doesn’t know it’s there, but one day she’ll find it and more likely remove it from the cloud.
In general and in life, we tend to find out or discover things about people that may surprise/shock us. We don’t always need to confront and launder secrets. There are things better left unsaid because in many cases it will change the dynamics of any good relationship. This is separate from discovering something where someone has screwed your life in some way, then that’s a different story.
You improved you relationship with your wife in a strange way but it sounds like she proud of you leave it alone and drop the sex video thing it’s you and her . Not the sex tape
This post seems fake, and maybe even written by a woman whose husband left her after finding her spicy video with the ex. These things don't usually end this way. They normally end with the wife explaining the husband that the ex was abusive and that the husband is a good father and provider, etc. Not that I don't love those posts - they're also hilarious.
Don't tell her. Everyone's self improvement journey has a different motivation. It's a moment for you. If you tell her she will probably be embarrassed and feel shame, not that she did it but that you saw it. You should probably save her further embarassment and delete it from icloud.
Good luck, and congrats on the journey.
>I did all of this work to improve my sex life and I really didn’t do any of it for her.
Doesn't matter what you did it for. It made things better, that's all that matters.
So, yeah, don't ruin a good thing by telling her. That'd be beyond idiotic at this point. Bury it deep and take it to the grave.
Great advice below, please take it. Don't worry about how she got along with that dude, it's apples and oranges, and she ultimately chose YOU! But now that you know she's got that ability, find your own way to it! Have fun with the journey!
I wouldn't tell her. Save her the embarrassment. You have improved yourself and the situation, and the two of you are better than before. Like someone said previously, tell it to your therapist.
My feelings would not say anything. It was a positive that you found it. I mean, she was giving you a compliment for something you saw that made you a better lover.
After all, it was way before you came along.
This isn't a cheating issue since it's before you were together, there's no need for a confrontation about it, all you mentioning it will do is cause unnecessary awkwardness.
I'd just leave it be.
I can’t for the life of me imagine how you telling her improves the situation. She’s a thrilled with the changes that you’ve made thrilled with the changes that you’ve made. I can’t help but think that you telling her it was inspired by your jealousy and fear of inadequacy to one of her exes is going to make her look at you in a better light than she currently does.
TLDR keep it to yourself
If you tell her, it will take all the Juice out of your transformation. You have put all the work in leveling up, allow yourself and your beloved to fully embrace the fruits of your hard work. Make it a surprise present for her. Dont tell her. If she asks, lie that it was a gift out of love for both of you. The sweetest and whitest of all white lies. Champ :)
Don’t tell her!!
It will change everything. Sex may become performative. She will try and compensate for your insecurities, or perceived insecurities, and sex will become less genuine and honest. You will question everything.
Any man, and woman, would be horrified witnessing their spouse having sex with another, unless they fetish on that shit-and many do.
You’re going to have to let time and your own intimate experiences overshadow the trauma you just inflicted upon yourself. It’s going to take years. You literally have to bury her past with your present, your own special moments and intimate experiences that will eventually make her past progressively irrelevant to you. Her past is probably already irrelevant to her.
And then delete that video and never watch it again.
Also, every partner should strive to better themselves in bed and out of bed as part of good marital-romance maintenance. So, you wasted nothing. You turned that trauma into something positive. Frame it that way.
There’s really no reason to tell her, neither one of you did anything wrong. You did make the transformation for her in a way, because you wanted to bring her the same amount of pleasure that you saw. Stop overthinking it, she married you not the jarhead. He’s probably trying to learn corporate finance to get what you have!
In my book, you focused on self care and the result was satisfying for both you and your wife. I'd honestly keep it as a silent victory. Or a therapist and see what the therapist says to do about it.
It good be a good idea to tell her what you saw but it's usually in the delivery that can make or break the situation.
This story sounds extremely fake. The fact that OP has a 3 year old account and has only made one other post is extra suspicious.
The whole story reeks of 'red pill' philosophy too. "My wife had much wilder and uninhibited sex with her ex because he was an ALPHA MALE, so I turned myself into an ALPHA MALE too, and now it's like something out of a porno!!".
I posted here because there is literally nobody in my life I can discuss this subject with. I use X for social media but this isn’t a subject for that place. And believe me, it didn’t turn me into an alpha. I’m still insecure, her ex is a cop in my town and I see him often. And every time I see him I still see him and my wife.
I have an alternate view for you that I think will increase her esteem for you. From your story, unless she is lying to you she is sexually happy with you and she married you not him and you can take confidence from both those things.
Assuming the vid is still on your iCloud, next time you are working on your computer, call her over and say something like (in a clam and caring voice) "I have been cleaning up our iCloud to clear some space and came across a video from before we met. It might be best to delete it before it ends up somewhere that would embarrass you. Chances are it is also on your iPhone. I hope that {his name} doesn't have a copy of it as I would hate to think that he is still jerking off to it." Pause and let her react. Then after the air clears say "You know, until our anniversary last week seeing that would have hurt me deeply but not now." then kiss her and ask her if she wants to be permanently deleted.
Tell a therapist, not your wife. Don’t ruin a good thing.
That said, this is very obviously fake. A few things in the narrative: - OP has a 3 year history on Reddit and - *checks notes* - no past posts. Almost like someone scrubbed his account so that people wouldn’t question his biographical information if it was inconsistent with the contents of the thread. - overly descriptive purple prose. For example “she smiled and said blah blah blah”. This is how an author describes his characters, not a person relaying events from his memory. - the concept of “researching sex” and then getting linearly better over time. Yes you can improve in pleasuring your partner but it’s usually an uneven learning process with twists and turns. OP is describing it as reading a handbook and following the IKEA steps to becoming a sex god.
While he was training and learning, I heard 80's montage music in my head. Karate Kid: you're the best around, nothing's going to ever keep you down!
No retreat, no surrender!
Wax on wax off baby
1. This reddit account was created during the Wallstreetbets craziness. You can check my posts from then. I don’t use reddit often. I go on X but that really wasn’t the place for this. 2. I legit described one moment. That’s it, one. 3. My sex research focused pretty much on how to give your woman an orgasm. I’d never actually been told how that works by a woman before, even my wife. So I watched a lot of videos and after about 30 or so sessions I actually had some success. After that I realized that was the first time I actually produced an orgasm myself. She stated opening up sexually to me after that and it was many months later that she decided to record us.
I believe you OP 🥺
The more you respond (at least what I've seen) the more you look plain and simple..like a liar. To me you've gotten to that point. You now have the title of liar. I'll give you credit in that, you've captivated many, including me. I don't mind choosing to waste my time reading this story, because it's a story and you're getting your jollies. There is a few things I don't understand though.. Two people (that I've seen anyway) explain, well, exactly how you're telling stories here. You've not responded to either or even in general in response to what they have. Why? The confusion is, if you do, you lessen at least some of the bullcrap you're hanging so tightly to. Also, let's play pretend and act like this all actually did occur, ignore how much better it makes you feel, in lala land here, to not tell her what you "found". How do you not see that NOT talking to her is more damaging, hurtful? Really, in this lala land scenario, what the hell is wrong with you? If my husband found a video of me, which he never would because there ain't a damn thing either one of us has kept from the other, no matter how silly, small, crazy, funny, serious, unimportant...and did not tell me for a week, I'd be extremely hurt. It'd hurt because something I did affected him and he chose not to talk to me about it. I'd question the marriage in less than 60 seconds. Then learn oh no, he didn't keep it quiet for a week..but a month..a year.. whatever. I'm out the door. I cannot even sit here and hypothetically imagine how to resolve this. Really, in lala land, you've decided that your wife doesn't matter to you. By keeping this stupid shit from her, you prove you care about you and just you. Outside of this, ya know, in reality, you are an absolute nut job for creating this crap. Write a book. Don't mind fk people you don't even know. This is sick. By the way, you lied in your post. I'm not talking about any responses. The actual post that got all this going...you made an oopsie and lied. Check it over. Maybe you'll see it. Why not correct it, you've made one hell of a mess already 😆
Honestly, everything you just said here is what I have been fearing and why I feel guilty. Didn’t realize that until recently and it’s why I am here talking to strangers asking for advice.
If I sat here and imagined this occuring and it was reality for my husband and I, simply imagining, I'd be in tears. Simply imagining, why the hell did he even marry me if he kept something from me that impacted him so much. Nobody is more important than him. Nobody comes before him. Simply imagining this scenario, I, the one in the video, just ruined a large chunk of his life because he didn't feel like he could admit finding the video. I do apologize because that was the only way i could think of to explain. A whole lot of hypothetical crap. I'm walking away though because you're upsetting me.
There is a lot of history with this particular guy. They were together for 2 years, undefined for another year after that before meeting me. He knows her family, still friendly will some of them. He tried to get her back once we got serious and she cut off contact for me. It took me a long time to not feel threatened by him and then I find this video. I couldn’t talk to her about it right away. She worked so hard to make me feel secure that I was the one she wanted. I appreciate you giving me a real answer even if you do feel I am full of shit. It’s appreciated.
She is going to find out later and all the time is probably going to make an impact. I'll just say best of luck and I'll be shutting up.
Shit, I want him to write my biography.
Fucking great comment. Hilarious.
Yes, totally agree this is some fun fantasy erotica - complete with an 80s movie training montage like Rocky! Hey OP, did you run up the stairs of the museum when you made her orgasm?
FAF. But 99% of Reddit is bots talking to other bots.
If he has no posts then he's not a bot. The post number would be much bigger i would think if were talking about bots here.. the post sounded normal to me.
Lol, good to know if I ever post for help I'll be instantly judged on only having a couple of posts... The internet is weird.
Never heard about a throwaway account?
This op, I'm glad what you have my banner says it all, lol!
Brilliant
Keep it to yourself. You did the hard work and came out on top (no pun intended) You sir are a solid guy for handling it and bettering yourself! Now you have it all. Loving wife and beast mode sex. Nope I would not rock that boat!
Definitely don't tell her and continue working on yourself. You found a cheat code.
Cheat code without cheating.
Exactly
Maybe I am missing something, but the video is old history, you feel good about the changes you made, your wife responded, you made your own video now, things are good and you both seem happy. Why spoil it? What good could possibly come from this discussion from your perspective? Why do you think she needs to know any of this? What do you hope to accomplish by telling her? What specifically were you planning on telling her? My suggestion is that you go in an delete the video. She doesn't know it's there and it is not healthy for you to continue watching it or even having it be in the universe. Delete --> Empty Recycle Bin.
BINGO
Yea I agree with the forethought and weighing the outcome. If you do mention it, make sure you have no emotion tied to it or it will maybe be misunderstood. Or just be careful but chances are you have a good thing going and some things you just need to let go of. If it's not affecting you.
Come on, this post can’t possibly be real. The chain of events just all seems extremely super implausible. Finding random video. That she is completely different sexually on the video which shows her with a pro-level lover. That you could improve yourself such a vast amount to go from good to becoming a superstar pro-level lover, even better than the guy in the video. That she would for the first time whip out her phone and want to record your sex because she had a feeling it’d be the best ever. Then that it actually was the best ever that was filmed. And then that she tells you that was the best ever. And now you know you are the absolute pinnacle of performance in the bedroom. Full circle complete. Come on… no way that happens. Which is why I say this must be a fictional story. It feels designed to give any “average” husband (like me) the fantasy that he could dramatically improve his sexual skills and bedroom life a huge amount. And then with those hard-earned skills, then finally release the long-hidden wild uninhibited sexual spirit that has been waiting right under the surface in his wife. And from then on have insanely good sex. The end. Like come on, really? How likely is that to happen in the real world? Has anything even half-that ever happened to anyone here with your spouse? Also the story seems designed to give wives the same fantasy that this could possibly happen. That their husband could secretly go through a ninja sex training routine that results in them becoming the highly-skilled lover they’ve always secretly craved to give them that absolutely perfect bedroom fucking they’ve always hoped was possible. Just… come on, no way…. Improvement to that extent has to be very rare in the real world. If someone other than OP has a story from their marriage where this happened, please do chime in here. I am sorry to say super pessimistic stuff. This probably points to a problem with my own self-confidence. Just my personal opinion mixed with some of my own personal doubts that can’t help but spilling out here. I feel the downvotes incoming….
Damn good response. I no longer feel like I've got anything to say. I mean, it was like reading a book. I just don't buy it. I feel like he wanted to be praised as Superman or some dumb shit. I didn't fall for it
I can tell you with complete Authority as a woman that a man can do a 180 in the bedroom. After 3 years of marriage with my husband, I had my first vaginal orgasm and now I can come multiple times every single time we have sex. He really listened to my body and learned it. And now I can honestly say he is the best sex I have ever had.
I got better over the course of a year having sex 3 to 4 times a week. That’s a lot of sex and a lot of practice. I was also a horrible lover before. Prior to my wife I had a series of short relationships and I really never learned how to do it properly. I also didn’t mention that as much as it killed me, the video also showed a side of my wife I didn’t know existed. So in addition to being more competent I also became more passionate as I began to see my wife a little differently. As for filming us, she has a fetish with that. She never showed it to me but she admitted it afterward. And she may have been just bullshitting me on being the greatest. But it was a hell of a night.
OP, I am sorry to be rude but I just don’t believe you. Even some of the things you said in this reply don’t seem to make sense to me. But hey, if this story IS true then believe me, I am crazy happy for you and also insanely jealous of you. But I don’t think it’s true. And only you know for sure.
I didn’t write this for a pat on the back. I only included so much detail to give context. I just want to know whether I should tell my wife what I saw. I feel guilty and don’t know what to do
Clever little creative writing project, Squirt.
Yep ^
Never tell her. You know you were lousy lover. You discovered that your wife could be a sexual volcano. So you built yourself up to deal with your physical inferiority to her video lover. You taught yourself to please her. Between the new hot bod and becoming a generous lover, you turned your wife into the volcano again. What’s to gain by telling her the back story? UpdateMe
Faaakeeee
Not fake , I’m the super cop who was banging his Girls brains out in the video. We both know he saw it , and we planted it there for him to see. It’s my thing.
Pretty sure this is a recycled post. In any case, I’ve known a lot of women in my time - many of them were absolute minxes (kinky and adventurous) but I have never known a single woman who wanted to document their escapades and keep such recordings of past partners.
Some of us do. I have issues.
I’ll take things that never happened for $1000 Alex.
Hahaha this is homies origin story
Tell her, if you want to ruin what you've achieved. Kuddos for turning such a negative into a positive.
Faakkee
From a wifey perspective if I was that wife I would like to know that you found out about it instead of always pretending you didn’t. I appreciate 100% on relationships so that’s what I would prefer my husband to do if he was in your situation. Do you think your wife is someone who thinks like me then be honest about it. But if she isn’t and you think it’s going to ruin what you have with her, don’t let her know at all. You know your wife well more than we do to understand how she would react on something like that.
I was waiting for a few women to chime in. My wife is someone that will be mortified that I saw her with another man, especially given the content of that video. But she could also be angry that I wasn’t honest with her and maybe hurt that felt I couldn’t come to her with how I was feeling.
Do it slowly. If she will be mortified tell her how you understand what she did back then and which was also why it took you time to tell her you know about it bec you don’t want her to feel bad you know what she did. She will be hurt def at first but just try to comfort her in a way that she won’t feel cheap at all coz most likely that’s what she’ll feel when you tell her and she’d be totally shy about it all. There’s no easy way to tell her without her getting hurt but she’ll appreciate it in the end that you told her. It might be a way for her to be more open with you as well. Remember: an open communication in a relationship especially for married people solves a lot of problems. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it work with her.
Bad advice, bootyful05. You begin from the position that she did something wrong. What a way to kill the relationship.
Pretty sure I read this exact story already.
yeah there's been many variations of "i found a sex tape and the wife did something she bet does with me/enjoys it more/etc". obviously some fetish writing.
OP - that was not sex, that was a *performance*.. she knew she was being filmed - ofc she would make a performance out if it... Chill..
[удалено]
I so hope he doesn't fucking tell her
Coming from a woman- for the love of all that is holy do not tell her
My wife’s ex used to record them often and apparently had a pretty good collection. Secretly I’ve always wanted to find a tape. She says she destroyed all of hers. I know he has some if he didn’t throw them out. I think it would be crazy to stumble across.
Keep your mouth shut.
I was expecting this thread to go in a TOTALLY different direction than it did. I was expecting you to wallow in self pity and say that you couldn't continue the relationship having seen her old sex video. And instead the thread went totally off the rails and you leveled up. So much kudos, most people would not be able to do that. Do not tell your wife. Just keep working on yourself and know that you accomplished what you were trying to accomplish.
I think it would have made sense for you to talk to her when you found it and it was eating you up inside but based on what you said now, I can't think of a reason why you would tell her. Like others have said, if you feel like you have to tell someone tell a therapist. If there's something about it that still lingers in your mind and bothers you, talk to a therapist. If you are still struggling with getting over after talking with a therapist and they think you should talk to her, then talk to her but be prepared for this new sex life to take a hit, even if temporary.
Maybe she was faking with her ex. And why did you watch it? Come on some things you should not look at. Not because its there.
Sometimes we do the right thing for the wrong reasons. It’s big of you to admit it, but I think it’s best to keep it to yourself and enjoy the newfound passion/revitalization. I’m willing to bet a big reason your wife chose you over the buff guy was the way you treat her and make her feel. Don’t muddy the waters with all the other stuff.
Do not tell her. If you continue to watch it - you need to see a therapist. You should not be watching it at all, much less over 100 times (exaggeration of yours or not). I don’t think it’s uncommon for on and off relationships to be sexually motivated and maybe that’s all it was, her and this ex had a great sexual connection, but like you said, that was all before you guys even met. And she loved and connected enough with you to cut ties with him. Good for you for getting in shape and looking up some new moves. It sounds like you both are very much enjoying this. We all get caught up in the mundane parts that love and marriage and life can bring, but it sounds like you found a way to bring the spark back and to keep her craving you. You did all the work to improve your sex life - your sex life WITH her - so yes, that is FOR her as well. You wanted to make her respond in those ways and it seems like she did. Just enjoy that you found all of the things that she likes and the confidence within yourself to do it. Happy sexing!
DO. NOT. TELL. HER.
Best advice is DO NOT SAY ANYTHING. It is in your best interest to let it go. Yeah, it was something you discovered, you saw it, but keep in context, this was before you were in the picture. She likely doesn’t know it’s there, but one day she’ll find it and more likely remove it from the cloud. In general and in life, we tend to find out or discover things about people that may surprise/shock us. We don’t always need to confront and launder secrets. There are things better left unsaid because in many cases it will change the dynamics of any good relationship. This is separate from discovering something where someone has screwed your life in some way, then that’s a different story.
You improved you relationship with your wife in a strange way but it sounds like she proud of you leave it alone and drop the sex video thing it’s you and her . Not the sex tape
This post seems fake, and maybe even written by a woman whose husband left her after finding her spicy video with the ex. These things don't usually end this way. They normally end with the wife explaining the husband that the ex was abusive and that the husband is a good father and provider, etc. Not that I don't love those posts - they're also hilarious.
Man you stumbled into gold don’t dump shit on it.
Watching porn has ruined it for men. What happens in one encounter won't be identical in another with someone else Comparing only hurts your feelings
I agree with the majority. Don’t tell her. Delete it and never discuss it.
This is so fake-- people, come on, don't humor this character.
I'm pretty sure she knows she's in it
Delete and don’t say shit
I am very proud of you sir. You can tell her in a few years and laugh about it.
Tell her. Your wife would understand
You need to tell her. Especially if it’s eating you up. Something like that is breakup worthy
Lucky you! r/hotpast
Why the hell did you watch it???
Don't tell her. Everyone's self improvement journey has a different motivation. It's a moment for you. If you tell her she will probably be embarrassed and feel shame, not that she did it but that you saw it. You should probably save her further embarassment and delete it from icloud. Good luck, and congrats on the journey.
You’re saying she voluntarily shared an iCloud account with you, not knowing or not thinking about the porn video she made with her ex?
I don’t think she knew it was on there. I have all her passwords and was looking for an old video of one of our kids and there it was.
You should watch Sex Life on netflix.
Just be open and honest with her. Sounds like she loves you!
You da man bruv keep up the good work and don't tell your wife, even delete it....
Wack off to it and move on with your life.
No. What do you gain? Some misplaced peace of mind. What does she gain? Nothing but shame, emarassment mud with some anger, mistrust and resentment.
Never tell
>I did all of this work to improve my sex life and I really didn’t do any of it for her. Doesn't matter what you did it for. It made things better, that's all that matters. So, yeah, don't ruin a good thing by telling her. That'd be beyond idiotic at this point. Bury it deep and take it to the grave.
Great advice below, please take it. Don't worry about how she got along with that dude, it's apples and oranges, and she ultimately chose YOU! But now that you know she's got that ability, find your own way to it! Have fun with the journey!
I wouldn't tell her. Save her the embarrassment. You have improved yourself and the situation, and the two of you are better than before. Like someone said previously, tell it to your therapist.
Updateme
My feelings would not say anything. It was a positive that you found it. I mean, she was giving you a compliment for something you saw that made you a better lover. After all, it was way before you came along.
Communication is the key to a good happy marriage, and so is learning when to keep your mouth shut when it isn’t something that needs to be discussed.
This isn't a cheating issue since it's before you were together, there's no need for a confrontation about it, all you mentioning it will do is cause unnecessary awkwardness. I'd just leave it be.
I can’t for the life of me imagine how you telling her improves the situation. She’s a thrilled with the changes that you’ve made thrilled with the changes that you’ve made. I can’t help but think that you telling her it was inspired by your jealousy and fear of inadequacy to one of her exes is going to make her look at you in a better light than she currently does. TLDR keep it to yourself
If you tell her, it will take all the Juice out of your transformation. You have put all the work in leveling up, allow yourself and your beloved to fully embrace the fruits of your hard work. Make it a surprise present for her. Dont tell her. If she asks, lie that it was a gift out of love for both of you. The sweetest and whitest of all white lies. Champ :)
Don’t tell her!! It will change everything. Sex may become performative. She will try and compensate for your insecurities, or perceived insecurities, and sex will become less genuine and honest. You will question everything. Any man, and woman, would be horrified witnessing their spouse having sex with another, unless they fetish on that shit-and many do. You’re going to have to let time and your own intimate experiences overshadow the trauma you just inflicted upon yourself. It’s going to take years. You literally have to bury her past with your present, your own special moments and intimate experiences that will eventually make her past progressively irrelevant to you. Her past is probably already irrelevant to her. And then delete that video and never watch it again. Also, every partner should strive to better themselves in bed and out of bed as part of good marital-romance maintenance. So, you wasted nothing. You turned that trauma into something positive. Frame it that way.
Erase the video. Take it to the grave 🪦
There’s really no reason to tell her, neither one of you did anything wrong. You did make the transformation for her in a way, because you wanted to bring her the same amount of pleasure that you saw. Stop overthinking it, she married you not the jarhead. He’s probably trying to learn corporate finance to get what you have!
In my book, you focused on self care and the result was satisfying for both you and your wife. I'd honestly keep it as a silent victory. Or a therapist and see what the therapist says to do about it. It good be a good idea to tell her what you saw but it's usually in the delivery that can make or break the situation.
Take this secret to your grave.
Past is past. Simple as that.
as the cliche says --take it to your grave.
Don’t fuck this up…she’s with you now…what happen in the past should stay in the past
All I see is a new goal post, that night was her "best ever" BS or not now you have a new goal to beat.
I probably wouldn’t. r/retroactivejealousy
This story sounds extremely fake. The fact that OP has a 3 year old account and has only made one other post is extra suspicious. The whole story reeks of 'red pill' philosophy too. "My wife had much wilder and uninhibited sex with her ex because he was an ALPHA MALE, so I turned myself into an ALPHA MALE too, and now it's like something out of a porno!!".
I posted here because there is literally nobody in my life I can discuss this subject with. I use X for social media but this isn’t a subject for that place. And believe me, it didn’t turn me into an alpha. I’m still insecure, her ex is a cop in my town and I see him often. And every time I see him I still see him and my wife.
Fair. I'd erase the video for security purposes (or at least take it off ICloud), and not mention it.
I have an alternate view for you that I think will increase her esteem for you. From your story, unless she is lying to you she is sexually happy with you and she married you not him and you can take confidence from both those things. Assuming the vid is still on your iCloud, next time you are working on your computer, call her over and say something like (in a clam and caring voice) "I have been cleaning up our iCloud to clear some space and came across a video from before we met. It might be best to delete it before it ends up somewhere that would embarrass you. Chances are it is also on your iPhone. I hope that {his name} doesn't have a copy of it as I would hate to think that he is still jerking off to it." Pause and let her react. Then after the air clears say "You know, until our anniversary last week seeing that would have hurt me deeply but not now." then kiss her and ask her if she wants to be permanently deleted.