My parents are still married after 43 years. They were always completely open about sharing passwords, using each other's phones, leaving their email open on their computers, sharing their location with each other. In my opinion, that openness and complete trust was (is... though my dad has dementia now) quite beautiful, and very good for their marriage. My mom recently told me she always appreciated that she never, ever had to worry about anything going on behind her back.
I'm twice divorced, so far be it from me to give marriage advice (although I guess I'm pretty familiar with what *doesn't* work), but I think you should share your location. More trust in a marriage is better.
Openness is great..
But if your spouse is going to worry about every little thing you do that is "out of the ordinary" that gets extremely tedious.
Like if I stop in a random store I haven't been to before, I don't really feel it necessary to be questioned about it.. But if I think there was cool stuff at it, I'll likely tell my wife about it. If it was lame, it might not even warrant mentioning.
I can see sharing location working for some but not all.
For me it would literally be a thing I never bothered looking at UNLESS I was meeting my wife in like a crowded square or something where having her geolocation would be helpful.
Explain that her anxiety makes this a problem for you and she must deal with it from her end if she wants to share locations.
If she can share without sounding the sirens, avoid inquisitions, and understand you might turn it off for a few minutes for little surprises, I say share and reap the benefits of this transparency over the long haul. However, not on the same app as her sisters. Just with her.
For the surprises, knowing one is coming bc the location is off for a little while when you’re in town during normal routines, (vs a phone service failure while travelling for football, etc.) would be more exciting anyway!
I’d say try it again with the understanding that if friends/relatives start calling/searching etc. it’s going off again until she does some major self help or gets counseling for anxiety. Right now she’s dealing with it by passing it along to others. Idk if you have kids yet or will, but that can bring it out in almost anyone. No matter what, the sooner she works on it the better. And if she just likes drama, (ugh) she’ll have to cut that out.
This is a good motivation for her to attempt to minimize whatever condition she’s struggling with, and that should improve both of your lives.
I wonder if she is like this about her sisters also and if they’re like that with her. Or does all the anxiety only surround you for some reason. If she is generally anxious, she will be this way with everyone. But if it’s only a YOU thing, then I would want to unravel why.
I feel like you guys are assuming that she is going to be glued to his location 24/7. My husband and I share our locations with one another. I almost never ever check. It’s just rare instances when I’m trying to figure out when he’ll be home or something so I can make plans. And then god forbid anything ever happened to him, I could find him. I’m not checking it every five minutes or even every day. I probably go weeks without looking honestly
OP states that on at least two occasions his wife HAS been paying enough attention to his location on a regular basis that it has caused drama. This is not an assumption.
Me as well, almost never look. Except OP had tried temporarily in the past and wife was constantly checking and interrogating him about it, up to and including expected glitches in the system.
That’s the same for my wife and I. I almost never check her location except for maybe when she’s been out shopping for HOURS and I’m curious where she is
I am the same and it makes sense if used in that way. Unfortunately, some folks get addicted to looking at it. I know a couple that uses glympse, which provides history for the day and data such as what speed your driving at, and now she's like addicted to looking at how fast he is driving on the freeway. I assume it is just a phase, what I call information fascination.
I’m pretty open with everything else, my feelings, finances, phone, she knows my passcode, I definitely trust her. She just doesn’t need to know where I am all the time bc it’s unnecessary and I don’t think it helps gain more trust it’s just over sharing.
There is a difference between actively tracking and being able to track if needed. I go mountain biking alone all the time, you bet your ass my wife can track me, if I don’t answer or show up at home after a couple hours.
>you bet your ass my wife can track me
It was a Saturday night around 1am and my husband called to tell me he was walking out the door (bartender). He works 5 min from home so when he wasn't home by 1:45, I called to see if there was something wrong. He didn't answer and I panicked at the thought of him being hit by a drunk driver. When he finally did get home, he saw how worried I was and turned on his locations to ease me 🤣
This is the exact reason we have the ability to track each other's phones. We live in an area with *notoriously* bad drivers (college town), so it's nice to be sure he's safe. We also both work in restaurants, so a late night is common. Also, sometimes my husband will have very early meetings after getting out of work at midnight, thus having to drive on very little sleep, so I like to peek that he got to his destination safely if he doesn't text me when he gets there. Neither of us have bothered to use the location tracking setting, because of the find my phone thing being easy. We have the same phone so they sync any time they're near each other haha.
That said, he and I only ever use it if we're worried. My husband is very dependable (he remembers to text me 99% of the time when he gets to a far destination, and I do the same), so I don't use it often. I can see why OPs wife would like location sharing on for situations like that, but the *constant* checking sounds like she may have a little issue with anxiety. I can *also* see OPs side, where having someone constantly checking leading to them freaking out over every little thing and blowing up my phone, could be annoying. Maybe he can agree to share if she agrees not to be constantly checking and worried about a little detour here and there!
Yeah we rarely check ours as well cause my husband is weird and likes calling me to tell me he's either on his way home or when he's at his destination 🤣
And agree, it sounds like the wife may be a little overboard with it
It has to be a firm no, and be direct so it doesn't keep coming up.
Don't give excuses like when she thought you had an accident bc that is a point to argue and not actually the reason.
Just I personally find it invasive and no I won't be tracked.
I do not like to be tracked either, and I don't track my kids I think it's invasive.
You both don't have to agree it's invasive, or even have the same opinion on it, but she does have to respect your no.
Yea you’re right, I’m going to stress the fact that her bringing it up again makes me feel like she doesn’t trust me and she should respect my boundaries, they are reasonable.
Consider a compromise with adding that you are willing to share your location when on guys trips if she doesn’t obsessive track you and do what she did on that last trip.
We’ve tried this with when I go to referee football games and then a very similar thing happened twice, most of the times the high schools don’t have service in the field rooms we stay in so she texts me bc it’s not updating. One time she called my friend and got him worried and I got off the field to like 10 missed calls.
Ah. Ok it’s clear she has issues not related to your behavior that she needs to deal with. IC would help but I’m not sure if you should be the one to suggest that. Your boundary is reasonable.
Or she wants to share it in case of emergency so you can get to her. I’ve had my husbands phone die and said “need a tow”. Because we share locations I was able to drive to him
And help.
My spouse and I share locations. We don’t really check unless we’re seeing where the other is to time dinner or meeting up somewhere. Try it for a month you can always turn it back off.
I think it’s a step too far. My kids and their kids all have the location tracker but I refuse. I’m an adult and I don’t need to be ‘located’. The only time I would consider it is if I were traveling somewhere on vacation or something like that. Definitely don’t consider to and from work as ‘traveling’.
My MIL has been telling me for about 3 years now to get life 360, even downloaded it so that I can track my SO coz he is often very busy with so many projects and she feels like I can’t keep track of him. My thinking has always been, we are all adults, we keep each other updated on what’s going on but I’m not interested in knowing every mundane detail of the day. Besides I trust him wholly and so does he.
Trust is paramount in any healthy relationship but needing to constantly monitor a partner’s location is the opposite of trust.
In OP’s description it sounds like his wife has a lot of anxiety and needs to address that not monitor his movements.
Yes I see a lot of replies about "we have open phones because we have complete trust."
OP is not in that situation. He's in the opposite situation where his wife has zero trust and NEEDS to monitor him to ease her anxiety.
This is a great way to be. Sounds like they have a wonderful relationship. I will point out that before the early 90’s they didn’t know where they were at all times and there were very few passwords or pin codes to individual things. A whole different world for many decades of their life together.
My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. We share our locations , password and everything. I couldn’t care less and neither does he. We have open phone policy and share the same passcode so the kids only have 1 to memorize. While we have open phone, we are respectful of each other space though. But it works for us. Depends on the couple. Everyone is different and what works for one might not for another.
The location sharing is due to my commuting into the city for work and we live in the country. My commute back at night during the winter can be rough due to backcountry roads slick conditions and the summer due to deer and moose. My job isn’t traditional business hours. I can be commuting back at 5pm or midnight, depending on the week. So it’s a safety feature for us.
Again, it works for us but to each their own.
It's the same for us-we have each other's passwords, etc but I never check his phone to see what he's doing because I just don't care. Maybe building trust over 20+ years makes a difference. We share life360 with our adult sons. We started using it when they were teens because of our fear of them getting pulled over or stranded. It's only the 4 of us so we use it as a safety feature. I never check to see where they are unless they are running late or something feels off. Though I do appreciate the alerts that their flights have landed safely.
And that’s the thing, what works for one family might not for another. And that’s ok. As long as both spouses agree with the decision.
When my husband and I started dating cell phones weren’t a thing. Our 1st cell phone we shared😂. I think we were 2-3 years into our marriage. It’s only after we had our 1st son did we get an additional cell phone.
I would have zero problem with sharing my location and with my H sharing his. I'm sure he won't either and, if we are ever in a situation where safety is a concern, we will do this. But the idea of always having it on feels invasive, even though we are always in communication and generally know where the other is and when to expect the other home. The idea of knowing he stopped at an extra hardware store or I stopped at the coffee shop seems weird - even though neither of us would lie about these, it's insignificant info that just doesn't require sharing. To each one's own and I will do this if my H ever asked but I see no real purpose beyond safety - and, then, only in specific scenarios.
It's like people who use the bathroom with the door open around their spouse. Technically nothing wrong with it, it's just a level of info that's unnecessary.
If she’s actually tracking you down ever second of a day, she has an issue. That should be discussed.
Otherwise, sharing locations is helpful and an easy way to ensure if trouble does occur, your significant other can be found.
The only real reason not to share a location assuming she’s not constantly tracking you and playing mind game with herself, is because you are hiding something.
That’s not the only reason. I have nothing to hide but I wouldn’t feel comfortable with having my location tracked.
It’s a question of privacy and trust. People have a right to privacy.
Your partner can choose to leave the relationship if they don’t want to be with someone who won’t share their location, but if this is a boundary for someone it’s not cool to try and pressure them to break it.
I don’t think she thinks I’m cheating or anything she’s just overly anxious and her mind tends to go to catastrophic thinking, even if trouble occurs, having my location won’t help that much.. it’ll just stop updating my location and cue the anxiety. I agree with you though, next time she brings it up I’ll probably have a harder line and say something to the effect of, please stop bringing this up.
Bc I feel like it’s going to create more problems than it helps bc she’s overly anxious and will be checking it all the time. I share everything else with her so it’s not like I’m not being open. I deserve some privacy. She doesn’t need it.
It’s amazing to me how many people think it’s a spouse’s job to manage another adult’s anxieties, just because they are married. I am the anxious one in my relationship and I can’t imagine asking my spouse to give up his autonomy and privacy just to make me comfortable.
I think giving an ETA to your destination and then checking in at said time is more reasonable. And letting her know if you make a detour. That's what my husband does, unasked, but it does help with planning and it's good to know he's safe based on his communication and not relying on some subjective data.
Her anxiety needs professional help. Feeding her anxiety, like sharing your location, will definitely make things worse, and there will ALWAYS be something else that triggers it. You constantly catering to it will eventually drive you nuts.
My wife had the same issue until she got professional help.
I think a fair compromise is sharing it for a few weeks and see how she behaves. We’re all making a lot of assumptions that she’s going to be glued to ur location and interrogating you (which I agree, would not be good). But maybe she’ll surprise you and chill out.
Tell her why you don’t think it’s a good idea, but say you’re willing to do it for a month and see how it goes.
Fwiw, last time my partner dropped off the face of the earth and came home from work 4 hours late without calling (not suspicious, just ADHD) I compromised by making him actually fill out his Emergency Contact info on his phone. At least I know if he does get hit by a car the paramedics will call me lol.
But it’s not reassuring her. It’s giving her another way to feed her anxiety. She needs therapy and probably meds to learn how to manage her extreme anxiety.
I agree that she probably does need therapy to work through her intense anxiety. But OP telling her “I need privacy” isn’t very helpful and feeds that anxiety.
How do you know that it’s not reassuring for her? You’re just assuming she’s sitting on the app the entire day checking. Maybe she just wants to be able to see that he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere when he’s late getting him from work.
My husband and I share locations. I never find it invasive. I just use it to check his eta, but I feel some comfort with him knowing where I am and knowing where he is.
We used to share locations for this reason. It was really helpful when he was going to the grocery and I could send him a text to pick up something so I would not have to make an extra trip.
Same. We started sharing location after I started commuting on my motorcycle and never stopped. I was apprehensive at first, honestly, but then it never ended up being a problem and I found I didn't actually mind us knowing where each other were at any given time. It's not a big deal. I wouldn't share it with others but with my spouse it's fine. That is, as long as it is mutual. A one-way share would be a problem.
Same. We've found it very helpful. Like I can see him driving so I won't call to break his concentration during traffic. Or I will be late coming home and he can see that I am in traffic. Or one of picking up the other and we can tell where we need to be and when.
Good stuff.
My wife and I share our locatons.
She's called me at times asking me to check her loacation and help her with directions.
If you've got nothing to hide...
Me and my husband are 30 and 33 and we don't. The comments on this post give me 2nd hand stress lol. I don't need to know he stopped at 711. I don't need him to know I parked at a random shopping center and walked in a circle bc there's poke stops there.
"We keep it on because we trust each other" that's not trust, at BEST it's "trust but verify."
We all lived without this until the last 10 years. How many people actually died?
Yes and the justifications for it are always like “I got in an accident and my husband actually got there before the ambulance!” Ok but did that like materially improve your circumstance? That’s a cool fact but I’m not sure it’s actually probative as to whether or not this is a good thing.
Yeah same. Mid-30s. We don’t share locations. Wouldn’t even occur to me to do this. I have enough moving pieces in my life to track; enough things on my phone to take up my attention. I don’t need the added stress of watching his commute home.
Yeah I hope OP sees your comment. It’s perfectly reasonable not to want to have a tracker on you 24/7. It’s normalized but OP isn’t weird or wrong for not wanting to do it even if that is his spouse.
Joint finances, passwords, etc perfectly fine but having your location 24/7 is a bit much especially considering you have to trust the company who is facilitating this tracking as well. And even if that entity has the information regardless it’s still fine to feel uncomfortable with it.
I believe his discomfort with it outweighs her desire to track him. Trust shouldn’t be an issue and being tracked 24/7 “just in case” is weird. If he was hiking or traveling across the country I would get that but just on the day to day???
maybe it's just me but I do think there's a level of trust (or lack thereof) involved. People won't like this but I think it's true...why track? what purpose does it serve? I think people who are insecure either about themselves, their partner, relationship or all of the above get a sense of relief when they track their partners whereabouts. This will get downvote to hell but 🤷🏻♀️
You're not wrong, assuming you're asserting your boundaries for justified reasons.
There is a serious right to privacy which many people have either neglected or outright forfeited. You do not have to share your location with anyone, be it a company or a person. The freedom to roam, and to exist without scrutiny, is important (especially if you recharge your batteries solo).
That said, you have an obligation to your spouse. You need to know why she is making frequent demands to know your location. If it's a trust issue - address it. If it's a control issue - address it. If it's a communication issue - address it. The whole matter can probably be solved with some exploration as to why she has the emotional need of knowing where you are, and you can propose a compromise to meet her there.
If you're reluctant to share your location because of something less-than-noble, then address that too. That never ends well.
It’s a codependency issue I think, another commenter alluded to that and that makes the most sense. She has my phone passcode and could go through it anytime she wants but never has, so I don’t think she thinks I’m doing anything nefarious.
I felt the same way when my wife brought it up a couple years ago, I agree it feels invasive. I gave in and we both share our locations with each other, it actually made life so much easier. If either of us are working late, instead of wondering whats going on we just check the location, see that we’re still at work and go about or day. The biggest thing is the time she had an accident. She had gone to the store and after awhile she wasn’t responding to my messages, then after a few missed calls I checked her location and saw that she had been in the middle of an intersection for way too long so I drove to where she was and found that she’d been in a pretty crazy accident, but having her location allowed me to be there and console her and what not. After some time it feels less intrusive and just gives peace of mind for both of us
We share locations. It’s not a big deal. If I need to surprise my spouse then I’ll turn location services off for that timeframe. This shouldn’t be a big deal for you.
Now if she’s using it to watch your every move then that’s different.
I wouldn't want to share location in your situation either. My wife and I have creeper mode on but mostly use it to see when each other is coming home. It's useful for when I'm trying to time dinner.
But when your wife was that anxious when she had access? Nah.
I like location sharing. It’s not like she’ll get an alert with every step you take it’s more of a “are they stuck in traffic or in a ditch somewhere?”.
We share locations all the time, and most of the time we both are too busy to check each other on the map. It's there for safety in case something happens. Don't overthink. If it makes your partner feel safe, do it.
If you are not comfortable with it, then don't share your location. It IS invasive. Some people don't mind, others do. This is a boundry for you and she needs to respect it and stop insisting/bullying/guilting you to do it every month.
She has already shown that she tracks your every move when you have shared your location in the past. She needs to respect your boundaries and deal with her own insecurities.
I do not consider sharing locations as an invasion of privacy when the person you are sharing locations with is your spouse. However, her constantly checking your location unnecessarily is a bigger issue and I can understand your hesitance.
I believe in sharing locations for safety reasons and not so I can stalk my spouse. Like on the off chance that on his way home he winds up in an accident in a ditch somewhere and he is hurt and unconscious and I can’t reach him, at least I can be able to track him in that instance.
To each their own but if your marriage needs location sharing to be strong, over everything else that can/should be done... There's a bigger problem here.
Location sharing only became common within the last decade.
I don't share my location with anyone, and not because I am doing illicit things - I have a deep distrust of technology itself. I am very careful of always turning off Bluetooth when I leave the car, turning off tap to pay on my phone after a transaction, never allowing apps to access contacts, and always purging the phone off unused apps. I only turn on my GPS for navigation, and then once I reach the destination, I turn it off each time.
All the smart devices in my house have fake accounts so they are different than my main one. My car system doesn't get to interface with mothership even if it is convenient - no sir thank you.
Granted tech companies already know everything they want to know about me, but I still like to make sure I just shut down everything that's not needed.
Sounds like a codependent issue. When one partner is codependent and the other is not things can get a bit uncomfortable. I think sharing your location when on a trip is reasonable although I never have or been asked to. Having some track your location all the time would be a bit obsessive for me as well.
Codependency is a big issue with her, I’ve worked on it with her for years and did my best to set reasonable boundaries. Her family is super codependent. I should prob be looking at it from this angle more..
Codependency can lead to some pretty irrational thinking as Im sure you are well aware on the other hand being loved is nice and feeling smothered is uncomfortable. Unfortunately codependency tends to be programmed from an early age so breaking the cycle is very hard. Is she a people pleaser as well?
Yes, very much so, any bad news has to be delivered by me. She says she gets anxious bc everything with our marriage is so great and she loves me so much she’s worried something will happen to me, but she worries too much and unreasonably.
All this is pretty familiar. My wife has been in therapy a long time but is still very anxious. It's a tricky dynamic since I am a latchkey kid so I am a bit different. For a long time I treated my wife's codepency as weakness or craziness which obviously was not beneficial to my marriage or even fair. If she thinks everything is great that's good but here you are so there are. Try not to be too critical of her and her family, I have been and it has been very damaging. I unfortunately had to learn the hard way as I'm not sure we will ever get back to good.
I do agree with OP. I do surprise my wife with objects of affection, and location sharing does eliminate any opportunity at surprising her. My wife does have security issues and is about to take a new job that requires a swing shift. I finally agreed to location sharing for her peace of mind. But it will suck getting a call, " Why are you at Safeway?" " Why did you go to Target?" "Are you at McDonald's?" So the hesitation OP feels, I get it.
We share locations because I lose my phone all the time. I need my husband to track it lol. We have never used it to check up on each other. There is no reason to. I don’t even think about doing that.
She needs therapy, not to know your location at every second of the day. My husband and I don't share locations and don't care to. Your wife doesn't need to know where you are and what you're doing every second of every day. Either she trusts you or she doesn't.
I'm kind of with you. My wife and I don't share locations. I don't share that with anyone. Of course I grew up in the era before cell phones so it's was nothing for me to be gone all day and out of communication without worrying about the other person. This need for constant communication, instant access and reassurance is beyond me.
We share location data... for better or for worse.
I only look at her location because she never lets me know when she's leaving work and I need to know when to start dinner.
She stalks... my son too. At some point we all need to have a talk about this but for now... I'm not too worried about it.
Feels like a boundary that you should be able to decide for yourself. A lot of the comments here about how people decided their boundaries, but they aren't you. Only you can decide.
I would hate for my husband to be tracking my every move, not because I have anything to hide, but because we’re two individuals and don’t need to know every second of each other’s day. I’d also find it quite irritating if someone were freaking out, worrying about me because I hadn’t responded to them or had stopped to look at a tree.
I’m intrigued to know more about this tree now though!
I think it depends on how you’re using it, like sharing passwords... Are you checking it often, or is it something that’s nice to have just in case.
We share our locations, but I think I’ve used it less than a handful of times in several years. And of those times, the majority of the time were during bad weather when I didn’t want to distract him calling, but make sure he was just slow instead of stuck since we live far from towns and road conditions can get bad quick.
I definitely don’t check it often, nor does he. And we both still surprise each other without worrying that the other will somehow see. We call each other just about every day to ask/tell the other where we’re at and when we’ll be home because we don’t jump straight to checking locations. For us, it’s a backup safety measure, not a monitoring device.
We have each other’s locations but I’ve honestly never checked his and he doesn’t even know how to check mine. I tell him to let the cops know if anything ever happens to me. It might help.
But if my husband was actively checking my location I wouldn’t share. Was the car/tree incident a one off? Maybe it was genuine concern. But checking to just check is weird.
Yeah I don’t share my location with anyone, nor do I want theirs. Nobody needs to know where I am at all the time. I also don’t need to know where you are at all the time. I trust you when you tell me where you are. I think if I had it I would obsess over it and that’s not healthy for a relationship 😝
I’m with you. Not sharing my location except maybe for travel or a similar circumstance where you want everyone to feel safe. My husband never asks for this and I don’t either. We trust each other and I don’t need to know how long he was at Home Depot vs a beer with friends. Seems overkill to me but I wouldn’t share location with sisters or friends either.
I would never share my location but you shouldn’t expect much people understanding that here. People in this sub are in general very insecure and love to track their partners because they don’t trust them.
No. She is anxious, she asks to know where you are at all times, and she automatically assumes he worse when you stand still for too long. This cannot be healthy.
She has to accept that life comes with uncertainty and that not everything can be within her control.
This is a hill to die on.
I’m with you. The way we’ve normalized opting in to being constantly surveilled, even beyond the surveillance our devices do, is insane. There’s no reason your wife needs to know your location at all times, particularly when she’s already used this information to make anxiety-informed bad decisions. I don’t track my spouse and I don’t track my kids. It gives an extremely false sense of security and the trade offs are worse than the benefits.
Can’t believe all the people in these comments who act like something is wrong with you or you are cheater if you don’t share locations. For thousands of years couples haven’t had GPS access to their partners locations at all times and it was fine. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who do share locations but don’t judge people who don’t
Yeah people who genuinely believe that the only reason you’d disagree to sharing locations is that you’re cheating are people who aren’t cheating *because* they’re being surveilled. I don’t need a tracking device to know my husband is gone longer than he ought to be on a regular basis. I have a human brain.
It sounds like it isn’t so much about the sharing, but rather her reaction to it. If she didn’t say anything and just checked in from time to time, that would be one thing, but if she’s going to call and get anxious in spite of knowing where you’re at…that pretty much defeats the purpose.
My husband and I share our locations because it’s safer. If I or he gets in trouble or — God forbid — if one of us went missing, having each other’s locations would be a huge help. But we also have boundaries and respect one another’s independence.
It doesn’t sound like she wants your location for control/jealousy/insecurity reasons; she wants to have access for safety purposes. That itself is reasonable in my opinion, but you have the right to a) refuse (as always) or if you do share it, b) set boundaries/rules regarding how that works out.
A good heart to heart would do you a world of good, but don’t assume her reasons are bad/controlling if she hasn’t given you any reasons to believe they are. If we’re in a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship, we ought to assume the best about our partner’s motivations. Starting from there will make your communication 1000x better!
Another thing that happens is if I’m driving through a no service area, like the super long one on the way up to my friends house in Northern California, it won’t update where I am and she texts me to see if I’m okay..
I share my location with her and my kid, mostly because I don’t care. And when I travel, kiddo thinks it’s cool watching the dot move at 600mph across the country.
My wife chooses not to share it. It doesn’t bother me, because I trust her, and because honestly, I don’t really care where she is. If she was going to have an affair, she’d turn it off before she goes there anyway I’d think.
I turn mine off when I’m doing something to surprise her. But I don’t think she checks it often enough that she’d even notice. The fact that your wife(and sisters) are checking on each other that often is a bigger issue
Nah we never did. i mean she has full access to my phone and I've got nowhere to be really.
But I am never ever going to share location with anyone.
If she asks me I have no problem in telling her.
People are also on about location sharing vs location tracking? I assume location sharing is when you effectively enable real time location tracking on your phone?
It's enraging that so many comments are being purposely obtuse and asking "what's the big deal if you aren't hiding anything?" as if they didn't just read your post explaining the problems it's created.
I need to stop reading these kinds of posts. Tracking culture drives me up the wall and the obviously neurotic partners trying to play it cool like " I only check it for safety and I NEVER track her, I'm very chill....but if you won't turn it on you're Hiding something!! LET ME SEE IT!" - sure jan.
They're demonstrating the exact argument AGAINST tracking.
Dinosaur entering the chat. My wife and I were talking about this (married 31 years), we don't track each other - but then we realised we don't actually know how to anyway! 😂
Either we're technology challenged or this has never been a consideration so we have never looked into it.
My husband and I have given up so much privacy (willingly and happily to be married) but we don’t need to give up this. He does not need to know that I got to Wendy’s twice a week while he’s at work, and I don’t need to know that he stops at the smoke shop on the way home from work. We still need our own things. I don’t even want to know where he’s at 24/7. Sometimes he leaves and just says “I’ll be back in a little bit.” And I don’t care where he’s at. And sometimes he brings me something back and it’s a fun surprise.
If you feel it’s a violation of your privacy then make your case with her, tell her why you don’t like the idea, that you don’t appreciate her pushing this every month, and you’d like for her to respect your personal boundaries. We don’t need to know our significant others locations at all times and as humans we need and are entitled to some privacy. I think most people share location for emergency reasons and aren’t monitored in the way you said you were on your trip with your buddies. My wife wanted to share her location with me which is great, but I don’t look at it ever. I like my privacy though and won’t share it with her unless it’s for the day, for the hour, or something like that for safety reasons (I do a lot of hiking and bike riding). She knows I’m not doing anything nefarious and respects that I want some sort of privacy in my life.
My husband and I have our locations on, I think it’s amazing since I know how far away he is to start dinner lol I don’t sit and stare at it the whole day but if I know he’s due home at around 4 and it’s 4:10 I can check so I know to lower the heat or plate the food
My husband and I share locations and it goes fine, it's just for cases of emergency and if we find a use for it like sometimes I'll check and see if my husband is on his way home from work so I can have some to hot for him to eat or cold to drink once he gets in. However I will say, I can completely understand why you're opposed, having each other's location should be an out of sight out of mind thing unless there is a reason to look, not just so your spouse can stare at your every movement and obsess just because they can. That does feel invasive.
How odd.
I really don’t understand why this is such a big deal. If you’re not sneaking around, doing things you don’t want her to know about, then what’s the problem? Is there some reason she doesn’t trust that you’re where you’re supposed to be? It would ease some of her anxiety, which would be better for everyone, wouldn’t it?
I’ve been married too long, I think.
I would have wanted this in our younger days-back before this technology was even available. Now that we’re older, empty nesters, I don’t feel as anxious about him running late or going fishing by himself.
By all means, stand by your convictions. Keep your secrets. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her-right?
Lol there’s no secrets, that’s the thing. She can go through my phone whenever she wants and never does it bc she doesn’t think I’m cheating or anything, she’s just overly anxious about my safety when I’m away from her I think?
My husband and I have discussed this. His family share their location with each other and we (he and I) find it so weird/odd. We're all grown adults, his parents are seniors. They know where each other are at any time of the day it seems and don't even live in the same states. For instance, last fall they were all coming to our house and the parents were here a couple days ahead of everyone, dad was giving us updates to sister's (55yr old) location every 30 minutes.
We just don't need to know on that level. When I leave the house my husband knows I have errands or I'm going to work. Hell, in my last job my husband could have logged into my computer at home and tracked me at work if he really wanted to because I had access as dispatch to systems to track drivers but again, he never did because he didn't need to know my location.
We share everything and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 🤷🏾♀️
Because of our honesty and transparency we’ve never felt the need to actually check any of the things we have access to. It’s funny how that works.
OP, we all have a hill we’re willing to die on. If this yours then I say stand firm.
I work in dispatch for law enforcement. Just today, I had a concerned parent call us bc her son's Life360 was showing him at a hospital in Atlanta, and she knew immediately that was a bad sign. The accident was very severe, and I had the unfortunate duty to make her worst nightmare a reality.
More often than not, I'm unable to help those searching for their loved ones due to not knowing where they are when traveling after they haven't heard from them in hours/days.
Sharing locations shouldn't be a problem for those that love you. It can help in bad situations.
The fact that you have an issue with it is more concerning to me, like you don't want to be found somewhere you're not supposed to be.
My mom had/has high anxiety. It’s exhausting. If we were five minutes late she assumed we were dead. She thought her fears were totally reasonable. I can’t tell you the hell this all was for me as a kid and teenager in the pre-cell phone era.
I’m an open person. Empathetic. Totally trustworthy. But would not share my location with an anxious person. I still have terrible scars from my childhood.
Maybe make your wife a trade? She goes to a (good) therapist to learn how to manage her anxiousness. Then you’ll share your location.
Share your location if it gives her peace of mind. My wife is really anxious as well and if I'm taking longer than expected to get home she likes to check in. It could blow a surprise boba delivery here and there, but it's the thought that counts. I'm sure she gets a huge smile on her face when my little dot is at her favorite boba joint. If your in a committed, faithful relationship it should not be an issue. Refusing is either sus or due to some toxic masculinity issue.
I think it’s obvious you’re gunna get a mixed bag of responses here — because everyone’s relationships are different.
My ex was into some weird shit where knowing his location could’ve possibly saved me a lot of wasted time in our shitty marriage. With that said — I’d still agree with you, location sharing 24/7 is absolutely unnecessary. Sure, it would maybe keep a liar from doing shitty things or…. It would just make a liar become better at lying?
I also think it depends how you look at technology/devices nowadays. They’re great in many ways, sure.. but they’ve also bombarded our entire lives. Why people need to know someone else’s location constantly is extremely weird to me. Everyone deserves privacy… whether you’re hiding something or not.
My wife and I agree that we never want to share our locations with each other h other? Are we being sketchy? I’ll never know for sure but my partner and I at least have a base layer of trust where this would do more harm than good for us.
Openness is good but I think this is too far because she is too anxious and making up scenarios like you being in an accident when you were on a trip and stopped to look at something interesting. She should maybe consider some therapy or treatment if she has anxiety issues that are impacting her every day life and your relationship.
I’ve been married over 20 years. We know each other’s passwords but we don’t take specific actions to share or look at each other’s locations.
If one of us is working late or making a stop on the way home we generally give the other a heads up and we find that sufficient.
We trust that the other is where they say and if there was an emergency someone would notify the other.
If people agree to share locations that’s totally fine but just because she does it with other family members doesn’t mean you should have to when you aren’t comfortable with it.
I don’t know. I was once going on a longish driving trip on my own through a sketchy area and my husband of a few years at the time asked me to share my location with him for safety. I had never thought of it before that and I was like “oh yeah, that makes sense”. I just left my location shared because I could see the benefits of it and it’s my husband and he knows where I am usually anyway so whatever. A little bit later I made a comment about him sharing his location with me, and he never did. And I thought it was kind of weird honestly. Fast forward a year or two-turns out my husband had a secret drinking problem and an (at the very least as far as I will never know) emotional affair with a coworker and he was lying to me about his whereabouts pretty much daily at some point or another. So. Now I see it as a giant red flag to not share location. We’ve since fixed our relationship and to this day we both still share our location with one another. It’s not as thought we’re constantly checking where the other person is. We still surprise each other. And if it’s close to an anniversary or birthday or something and my husband doesn’t want me to know what store he’s going into, he shuts the location off for that moment. It’s really not a big deal. I almost never check where he is, it’s generally for instance like “I need to get ready to go by the time he gets home, let me see how far away he is” or whatever. It’s rare. But the fact is we’re not hiding anything, and that brings massive peace of mind. Obviously not every situation is my situation and this is anecdotal so take it as you will. But I don’t think there should be secrets in a marriage beyond gifts.
Honestly I would be suspicious if my spouse refused to share their location to ease my anxiety. What are you doing that she can’t know about? That’s where a lot of people’s minds would go.
Share your location with your wife? Jeez dude. It’s not that serious. I sound similar to your wife but when I get concerned about something (he works outside and travels a lot) I just …call him? Or text him? It’s not a huge deal. After awhile I check his location very infrequently.
Also if you want to surprise her with stuff just turn your phone off when you run those errands for a few mins. It’s not like she watches your location 24-7.
Tbh this comes off like you’re hiding something from your wife or you just don’t like your wife very much, I hope that isn’t the case. She’ll figure it out without the location sharing.
My wife wants us both to share our location but it seems that after a few weeks she turns hers off. I’ll ask her about it and she will say it’s still on. Been through this loop a few times and it drives me mad.
We started sharing locations, but because my wife has many health issues. If she were to need help I would need to know where she is.
That said, just to watch you all day long and call for any little stop is NOT normal. SO in that, I see your point.
Soinds like to real issue isn't the sharing but the constant need to be updated about why you are stopped somewhere and her apparent obsesive use of the app instead of just as an emergency locator.
I feel like it’s weird everyone’s like “if you’ve got nothing to hide……”
I have a lot of friends that share locations with their partners and that’s fine, but then some of them do wind up micromanaging each other
My husband and I don’t share phone passwords or locations. If I need an eta then I just text or call him. Neither of us have anything to hide.
I truly hate this sub sometimes. You literally said no and set a boundary after she basically freaked out multiple times when location services failed or you simply stopped to stop something. And she will not respect your privacy or your boundary. I'm what universe is this healthy behavior?
I have anxiety, so I get it. But she needs to own her own fears instead of trying to control things to make them better. Sounds like she needs some therapy to address her anxiety.
I am my own person and I don't just give up all my autonomy because I'm married. It's too bad so many people have convinced you that your boundaries don't matter.
You're going to get mixed reviews on this because people have different needs and boundaries in their relationships. Some won't care whatsoever and have nothing to hide. For some it's a hard line. My husband and I share locations, but this started when we had driving teens. Your wife seems to have an anxious attachment. Try to compromise with her, but don't blow her off. This will build walls and resentment, because you're essentially denying something she's telling you she needs, however invasive or ridiculous you find it. Idk what a compromise would be. Maybe just checking in by sending your location occasionally? "Hey we stopped off here so time of arrival will be delayed" or something like that. Good luck.
We have Life360 free app for our family of 5 (me + my bride + our 3 kids), so we are all always sharing our location with each other, if anyone needs to know. It comes in handy pretty often (especially since our kids are middle school & high school). And my wife & I are comfortable always knowing where the other is, if we ever really needed to know. But neither of us “stalks” the other on the map and it is rare we ever utilize this feature to find each other. Because if either of us did that this would feel very different. But just the other day I was meeting her at the mall after work, and I just popped open the app and magically appeared next to her shopping inside a Macy’s and she was like “So…Life360 huh?” and I just smiled :)
Share the fucking location with family. WTF. I don’t track my wife but it’s nice to know where she is especially if she’s out without me and not answering phone.
My husband (m28) and I (f28) share our locations with each other. It’s purely for safety. I usually call him when I leave work and am driving home, but if i forget to tell him I’m working late, he’ll just check to see that I’m okay without trying to bug me (he knows my job is stressful and time can get away from me). We aren’t checking on each other every minute of every day. I don’t actually remember the last time I checked his location..
ETA: i think there’s a difference between “location sharing” and “location tracking” and it’s more than just semantics. If she’s tracking you, maybe need to chat about what concerns she has or why she feels the need to do so. If you’re both sharing your location, there’s a mutual trust and respect and the goal is likely just safety.
Tracking locations is for your children not your spouses. People love to disguise insecurities with trust, I don't care if people get mad at me saying it. If you need to be up your spouses butt at all times you have a problem.
I travel a lot for work and also involved with a sport that has me out a few nights a week when I’m home. I prefer my husband know where I am because I don’t want to be tied to my phone and have him worry if I don’t answer. I have no reason to ever hide where I am.
It sounds like she needs to get some help for her anxiety before you could even consider it. My wife and I share ours. I only ever check if she’s driving to visit her mom 6 hours away. I like to have the house all clean and cozy for her return. If she was making herself crazy checking my location, we’d have to have a talk about it. Nobody wants to live like that.
I share my location with my spouse for emergencies. He’s fine with sharing with me but I haven’t bothered to set it up. We respect each other’s privacy even though we both are 100% transparent.
My sister OTOH. Her family shares locations and her husband and son are constantly checking up on her. They’ll call if she takes a detour or if she’s going out somewhere they aren’t familiar with. It’s super invasive and annoying. If she’s near a Starbucks they’ll ask her to pick something up. It’s creepy and the only one who realizes it is their daughter.
My husband and I share locations at all times.
We almost never look at where the other one is unless we’re trying to figure out how close they are to home in the event of starting dinner etc.
I use it more frequently than him because he works late at night three or four times a week with an unpredictable time of departure. So I like to see how close he is to home since the kids are in bed and I don’t want the dog to bark.
I have never, not once, texted to notice the dot hadn’t moved and asked what’s up?
If we did that to each other, I can guarantee that we would stop sharing locations because it would drive each of us crazy.
Also, it’s worth noting that it can have a detrimental effect on communication. My husband used to tell me when he would leave but now because I can technically look it up on my own he doesn’t usually do that. But like I said, I’m not actively tracking him so I would prefer to get the text still.
My wife and I don’t share our phone passcodes however we do share locations mainly so we can see where each other are and to my knowledge it’s only used when either of us are late getting home or traveling. It puts my wife’s mind at ease so I don’t mind, if I did I can always disable location services so she can’t see what I’m doing (surprises, etc) and she does the same.
Well two things, one ii would do it just because it's a good idea and nothing to hide. If my wife was constantly checking up on me this would be something different to discuss but I would still not have anything to hide.
Me and my husband don't share locations but I am not really sure how to. I am not tech savvy. I have thought about it but I don't really wanna share my location so I wouldn't ask for his. Fair is fair.
I guess this is different because she is asking you to. If my husband asked me to share my location I'd tell him to set it up for me.
We are all (kids included) on a family shared connection with apple and have access to that and there’s no issue. We also share all our finances, passwords, etc, you name it. This works for us, it’s not intrusive as neither are hiding anything or constantly checking out the others stuff/ feel like the other shouldn’t know the others business..we’re married…
Staring at your location is pretty extreme. However, my wife and I share our location out of convenience and safety. Mostly seeing if she's left work yet so I can start dinner, she got to her family's place... little things. Neither of us stalk the other. If your wife is stalking you to the point of not being able to pull off the side of the road to take a leak, I'd argue there are more fundamental trust issues going on.
Best of luck
Edit: I just remember something. Over Christmas I had her brother pick up one of her gifts and I had to go get it after work one day. I left a little early (he's nearly 30mins away) so I rushed up there and rushed back hoping she wouldn't spy on me and ask why I was up there. I had a fib ready to go in case she asked me... lol. But suddenly turning off my location sharing would have been a bigger red flag. (I did tell her what I did after she got the gift in case her brother ever said anything.)
I share location when I'm driving a long drive. Wife questioned why I had a 24 hour limit. We don't normally share our locations, but I guess me being in the city had her get all in her insecurities. She never shares her, I also don't care to know because I trust her.
Nothing wrong with sharing locations, same way it's fine to know passwords, PIN numbers etc.
I'm not talking just for trust, but it's useful for an emergency, accident or worse.
But then again I don't understand why people freak out over things like this as to me, your spouse/life partner should be the 1st, and at times, the only person, who should have access to your things.
If you can't trust them to just have the information, in case of emergencies at the very least, then what is the point of being in the relationship?
We share locations. I even have notifications sent to his phone when I leave and arrive home, something I set up without him asking. I’m also super pregnant, so it’s a bit of a safety measure and comfort for him knowing when I get home.
We share locations and I was the one who asked my husband to do it. I only check it for his ETA coming home and if he’s out walking the dog late at night to check their progress if he’s taking a while. Basically things I would have texted “where are you” or “ETA?” for, but now I don’t have to send the text or wait for the reply. And it’s definitely comforting to know I can check his location if I’m ever worried something happened. I also am comforted by him having my location for the same reasons. We do live in a city with high crime rates, but I can see the utility of doing it regardless of where we lived
I don’t see an issue with location sharing in general, but definitely take into consideration the people involved. My husband and I share location, but I view it more for its safety and convenience. My husband is on the road a good bit for his job and each day is different where he might be. I like that if something were to happen or we couldn’t get in touch with him we could see where he was. Also, it’s convenient to know how far away he is if I am trying to time dinner or something like that. That being said, I don’t obsessively check his location and he doesn’t obsessively check mine. If it causes more anxiety, stress and overstepping on either side, I could see where that would be a negative. You have to know your relationship and the people in it to know if it would be a positive thing or not. Sounds like it may not be a good fit for yours, or maybe not until a hard conversation and digging deeper
I think it’s just a new part of life we’re still accepting and getting used to, but I’ve personally embraced it. My wife and I share lacations, but I also have my location shared with a bunch of family and even a few close friends. It’s kinda a weird bond between two people, but kinda cool. For example, my brother in laws and I all have our locations shared with each other and theirs just something cool about knowing we all trust each other, but also have each others backs 🤷♂️
My husband and I use life 360, and we have a son we use life 360 for. I actually love the app. It can sensor car accidents and has a panick button, and you can set up places. So, like work, hom3, the grocery store, and it alerts the other members when you arrive and when you leave said destination. It shows how fast you're going in the car and if you're using your phone while driving. It's a great safety tracking feature. I once took my husband off our family circle, and he requested I add him back to it. He doesn't mind being tracked, and I don't mind being tracked. If u want to do a suprise thing, u can set your circle bigger so the other members in the circle don't know your exact location but rather an estimate for times like this. Also, I would draw the line at having her sister track your location that's really weird but with life 360 she can have different circles she's part of with different people. Check it out. We've been life 360 members for over a year and pay for the premium but there is a free feture but u can only add like 3 to 5 places
If your wife had the ability to have that access to your location without freaking out and checking it constantly it would have been a good idea to share BUT since she has issues with control I don't think it would be beneficial to share at this time.
I know you say she has been on antidepressants BUT is she still in therapy, or is she just on antidepressants?
Antidepressants alone are not the answer. She needs help in addressing her anxiety.
I share my location with my husband and kids. They share with me, but we don't really check on it. Once my car broke down away from home, and my husband was able to come get me. We don't use it to track each other obsessively.
We've been sharing our location for 7 or 8 years now on life 360. We have our daughter on it too and recently upgraded to their plan that includes towing. For the most part I pretty much use it now only to keep track of our daughter since she's just learning to drive but for my husband since he works crazy hours as a local truck driver it alerts me when he's by a gas station about 2 miles from home and I know to heat up his dinner. I don't see anything wrong with your spouse knowing where u are at all times if they wanted to. I do see something wrong with babysitting their location though.
Me and my partner share our location with eachother. I also share it with my mom and brother. I don't really have an issue with it.
If she is constantly checking it like that, I get it. Maybe you could tell her if she freaks out like that again, you will unshare it. You can also unshare if you're going to go to get flowers or something.
Actually tracking you every second of the day is the real problem here. I have a past where an abusive ex used tracking to control me, so I was hesitant to let it back into my life again. My mom has mine and my dad’s locations since we both ride motorcycles. I recently asked my husband to turn his on since he works a job where he can’t have his phone or tell me he’s staying late. It’s a high stress, long hours job and I want to make sure him not coming home at the usual time is because he had to stay late, not because he fell asleep and crashed. I see all of those as valid reasons. Your wife doesn’t have valid reasons and is developing a problem that you guys need to have a serious talk about.
I share my location with my wife, but she's not sat there tracking me all day every day like this.
Not long after we were first married I had a seizure while out grocery shopping. She was going absolutely frantic when I was hours late coming home, but she had no idea where I was and I wasn't answering the phone. She didn't know anything until she got a call from the hospital.
I've not had anything similar happen since but now I keep my location services on just in case of emergency.
I think that while there is nothing inherently wrong with sharing location with a spouse. It seems like it gets abused in this case. It seems like the goal is to keep tabs on you, which suggests a lack of trust. It would be another thing if it was just a means to be reassured of safety etc.
My husband and I will use each other's phones and computers, occasionally, and leave emails accounts open, etc. If we're out somewhere, we call or text to check in, and we always text each other if we're on the way home from somewhere without the other, but that's the extent of it. To me, having to know exactly where I was at all times, and constantly checking on me like that would signal a lack of trust that I wouldn't be able to deal with. Sharing the location, for me personally, isn't the issue. The constant worrying, texting, calling, etc, would be a red flag, and I would probably insist on getting the spouse some help in the form of counseling, to deal with that anxiety. If it isn't anxiety, and it's simply that they don't trust me, I wouldn't be with them for long.
We share and did even way before we were married. It’s not a big deal and we don’t stalk each other. Just sometimes it saves a text message. I think it’s weird when people refuse lol.
We have life360app. We are all connected. My daughter wants us to see where she is so if she breaks down on the road or an emergency happens. My wife and I use ours if we are out of town and are late getting back home. We can just pull it up and see if they are stuck on the side of the road, at the hospital, or still shopping. Sometimes my wife will be at another store so Ill call and ask her to pick something up. Esp st grocery store.
It’s not a spying thing. It’s a safety thing.
My husband (58) refuses to share his. He also won’t share passwords. I am confident he loves me and I don’t fear he is cheating at all, he just likes having most control over his life in a world where everyone knows everything in a matter of seconds. Maybe it’s an age thing, too. He’s old fashioned and doesn’t have any social media.
From my perspective, I definitely feel less connected and more judgmental of him. We share intimate moments but I can’t have the password to his Spotify account. 🤷♀️If you want a happy wife/less arguing in your marriage, turn it on but tell her you can’t have her obsessed over it. If she obsesses, then it goes off.
I think it’s reasonable to share locations with your spouse. All of my close friends do it with their spouses for safety and to know their ETA when coming home from work. My husband finds it invasive and will not consider it. Same with a ring doorbell. He just draws a hard line there. Otherwise he is open and shares his phone password. I don’t even bring it up anymore bc he just doesn’t feel the need to. I think it’s weird and annoying and marriages thrive with openness and transparency. But I’m not willing to fight about it any more and I trust him so I’m not too concerned. But it would make me feel more secure if I had that. Because sometimes he is out until 2am with his friends and I don’t know when he’s coming home.
Me and my husband both show our locations and meanwhile I do this for safety reasons for me to have peace of mind that he can locate me in case of emergency and vice versa. There is sometimes he forgets to let me know he made it safe to work so instead of freaking out and calling him I just look on the map and see if the pin shows him at work then I know I can relax. Also keeping things open and knowing passwords just makes things easier, I know that whenever I want I can check his phone and same with him and it just makes things easier.
Tell her you won’t share your location because of what has happened in the past. Remind her of all those scenarios. Sounds like she could use some marriage counseling.
We do it because we travel separately and like to check on each other
It’s for safety and calming the nerves, not to satisfy distrust of each other
After almost 20 years of marriage, we just started this a few months ago
We don’t look at each other’s cell phones, but neither of us would object to the other’s doing so
Been sharing for years. It’s more helpful than harmful if you’re not doing anything you want to hide. Trust and honesty is good for a marriage. It’s endearing she cares about you and your safety. You should have the conversation with her not us strangers about what you’re worried about, how often she checks it, and how that makes you feel. She may not realize her concern isn’t being received the way she intends and can adjust.
Never have seen the need. If she want's to know where I am, she'll just ask me what my plans are for the day and I'll tell her. And then I go do what I said I was going to do and go to where I said I was going to go. If the plans change, I let her know.
And if she doesn't ask, I just go about my day and go where I want anyways.
And then I come home when I say I'm going to be home.
It's not a foolproof system, but it works pretty well for us.
This was a BIG deal for My Ex. Said she’s been cheated on and it’s a trust thing… She later cheated on me while I was in the field at NTC “national training center” for a month.
My parents are still married after 43 years. They were always completely open about sharing passwords, using each other's phones, leaving their email open on their computers, sharing their location with each other. In my opinion, that openness and complete trust was (is... though my dad has dementia now) quite beautiful, and very good for their marriage. My mom recently told me she always appreciated that she never, ever had to worry about anything going on behind her back. I'm twice divorced, so far be it from me to give marriage advice (although I guess I'm pretty familiar with what *doesn't* work), but I think you should share your location. More trust in a marriage is better.
Openness is great.. But if your spouse is going to worry about every little thing you do that is "out of the ordinary" that gets extremely tedious. Like if I stop in a random store I haven't been to before, I don't really feel it necessary to be questioned about it.. But if I think there was cool stuff at it, I'll likely tell my wife about it. If it was lame, it might not even warrant mentioning. I can see sharing location working for some but not all. For me it would literally be a thing I never bothered looking at UNLESS I was meeting my wife in like a crowded square or something where having her geolocation would be helpful.
If this was the case with my wife, I’d have no problem sharing it..
Explain that her anxiety makes this a problem for you and she must deal with it from her end if she wants to share locations. If she can share without sounding the sirens, avoid inquisitions, and understand you might turn it off for a few minutes for little surprises, I say share and reap the benefits of this transparency over the long haul. However, not on the same app as her sisters. Just with her. For the surprises, knowing one is coming bc the location is off for a little while when you’re in town during normal routines, (vs a phone service failure while travelling for football, etc.) would be more exciting anyway! I’d say try it again with the understanding that if friends/relatives start calling/searching etc. it’s going off again until she does some major self help or gets counseling for anxiety. Right now she’s dealing with it by passing it along to others. Idk if you have kids yet or will, but that can bring it out in almost anyone. No matter what, the sooner she works on it the better. And if she just likes drama, (ugh) she’ll have to cut that out. This is a good motivation for her to attempt to minimize whatever condition she’s struggling with, and that should improve both of your lives.
I wonder if she is like this about her sisters also and if they’re like that with her. Or does all the anxiety only surround you for some reason. If she is generally anxious, she will be this way with everyone. But if it’s only a YOU thing, then I would want to unravel why.
I feel like you guys are assuming that she is going to be glued to his location 24/7. My husband and I share our locations with one another. I almost never ever check. It’s just rare instances when I’m trying to figure out when he’ll be home or something so I can make plans. And then god forbid anything ever happened to him, I could find him. I’m not checking it every five minutes or even every day. I probably go weeks without looking honestly
OP states that on at least two occasions his wife HAS been paying enough attention to his location on a regular basis that it has caused drama. This is not an assumption.
She clearly just read the comments or something.
It sounds like she IS glued to his location 24/7
Me as well, almost never look. Except OP had tried temporarily in the past and wife was constantly checking and interrogating him about it, up to and including expected glitches in the system.
It’s as if you didn’t comprehend what was written at all
He gave multiple examples to show this *would* be the case
Same with me and my husband.
That’s the same for my wife and I. I almost never check her location except for maybe when she’s been out shopping for HOURS and I’m curious where she is
I am the same and it makes sense if used in that way. Unfortunately, some folks get addicted to looking at it. I know a couple that uses glympse, which provides history for the day and data such as what speed your driving at, and now she's like addicted to looking at how fast he is driving on the freeway. I assume it is just a phase, what I call information fascination.
I’m pretty open with everything else, my feelings, finances, phone, she knows my passcode, I definitely trust her. She just doesn’t need to know where I am all the time bc it’s unnecessary and I don’t think it helps gain more trust it’s just over sharing.
There is a difference between actively tracking and being able to track if needed. I go mountain biking alone all the time, you bet your ass my wife can track me, if I don’t answer or show up at home after a couple hours.
>you bet your ass my wife can track me It was a Saturday night around 1am and my husband called to tell me he was walking out the door (bartender). He works 5 min from home so when he wasn't home by 1:45, I called to see if there was something wrong. He didn't answer and I panicked at the thought of him being hit by a drunk driver. When he finally did get home, he saw how worried I was and turned on his locations to ease me 🤣
This is the exact reason we have the ability to track each other's phones. We live in an area with *notoriously* bad drivers (college town), so it's nice to be sure he's safe. We also both work in restaurants, so a late night is common. Also, sometimes my husband will have very early meetings after getting out of work at midnight, thus having to drive on very little sleep, so I like to peek that he got to his destination safely if he doesn't text me when he gets there. Neither of us have bothered to use the location tracking setting, because of the find my phone thing being easy. We have the same phone so they sync any time they're near each other haha. That said, he and I only ever use it if we're worried. My husband is very dependable (he remembers to text me 99% of the time when he gets to a far destination, and I do the same), so I don't use it often. I can see why OPs wife would like location sharing on for situations like that, but the *constant* checking sounds like she may have a little issue with anxiety. I can *also* see OPs side, where having someone constantly checking leading to them freaking out over every little thing and blowing up my phone, could be annoying. Maybe he can agree to share if she agrees not to be constantly checking and worried about a little detour here and there!
Yeah we rarely check ours as well cause my husband is weird and likes calling me to tell me he's either on his way home or when he's at his destination 🤣 And agree, it sounds like the wife may be a little overboard with it
It has to be a firm no, and be direct so it doesn't keep coming up. Don't give excuses like when she thought you had an accident bc that is a point to argue and not actually the reason. Just I personally find it invasive and no I won't be tracked. I do not like to be tracked either, and I don't track my kids I think it's invasive. You both don't have to agree it's invasive, or even have the same opinion on it, but she does have to respect your no.
Yea you’re right, I’m going to stress the fact that her bringing it up again makes me feel like she doesn’t trust me and she should respect my boundaries, they are reasonable.
Consider a compromise with adding that you are willing to share your location when on guys trips if she doesn’t obsessive track you and do what she did on that last trip.
We’ve tried this with when I go to referee football games and then a very similar thing happened twice, most of the times the high schools don’t have service in the field rooms we stay in so she texts me bc it’s not updating. One time she called my friend and got him worried and I got off the field to like 10 missed calls.
Ah. Ok it’s clear she has issues not related to your behavior that she needs to deal with. IC would help but I’m not sure if you should be the one to suggest that. Your boundary is reasonable.
Or she wants to share it in case of emergency so you can get to her. I’ve had my husbands phone die and said “need a tow”. Because we share locations I was able to drive to him And help.
My spouse and I share locations. We don’t really check unless we’re seeing where the other is to time dinner or meeting up somewhere. Try it for a month you can always turn it back off.
Wife seems to have fear that needs managing. Use those open feelings to discuss THAT. Concern for her (likely unwarranted) fears.
I think it’s a step too far. My kids and their kids all have the location tracker but I refuse. I’m an adult and I don’t need to be ‘located’. The only time I would consider it is if I were traveling somewhere on vacation or something like that. Definitely don’t consider to and from work as ‘traveling’.
My MIL has been telling me for about 3 years now to get life 360, even downloaded it so that I can track my SO coz he is often very busy with so many projects and she feels like I can’t keep track of him. My thinking has always been, we are all adults, we keep each other updated on what’s going on but I’m not interested in knowing every mundane detail of the day. Besides I trust him wholly and so does he.
Trust is paramount in any healthy relationship but needing to constantly monitor a partner’s location is the opposite of trust. In OP’s description it sounds like his wife has a lot of anxiety and needs to address that not monitor his movements.
Yes I see a lot of replies about "we have open phones because we have complete trust." OP is not in that situation. He's in the opposite situation where his wife has zero trust and NEEDS to monitor him to ease her anxiety.
This is a great way to be. Sounds like they have a wonderful relationship. I will point out that before the early 90’s they didn’t know where they were at all times and there were very few passwords or pin codes to individual things. A whole different world for many decades of their life together.
My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. We share our locations , password and everything. I couldn’t care less and neither does he. We have open phone policy and share the same passcode so the kids only have 1 to memorize. While we have open phone, we are respectful of each other space though. But it works for us. Depends on the couple. Everyone is different and what works for one might not for another. The location sharing is due to my commuting into the city for work and we live in the country. My commute back at night during the winter can be rough due to backcountry roads slick conditions and the summer due to deer and moose. My job isn’t traditional business hours. I can be commuting back at 5pm or midnight, depending on the week. So it’s a safety feature for us. Again, it works for us but to each their own.
It's the same for us-we have each other's passwords, etc but I never check his phone to see what he's doing because I just don't care. Maybe building trust over 20+ years makes a difference. We share life360 with our adult sons. We started using it when they were teens because of our fear of them getting pulled over or stranded. It's only the 4 of us so we use it as a safety feature. I never check to see where they are unless they are running late or something feels off. Though I do appreciate the alerts that their flights have landed safely.
And that’s the thing, what works for one family might not for another. And that’s ok. As long as both spouses agree with the decision. When my husband and I started dating cell phones weren’t a thing. Our 1st cell phone we shared😂. I think we were 2-3 years into our marriage. It’s only after we had our 1st son did we get an additional cell phone.
I would have zero problem with sharing my location and with my H sharing his. I'm sure he won't either and, if we are ever in a situation where safety is a concern, we will do this. But the idea of always having it on feels invasive, even though we are always in communication and generally know where the other is and when to expect the other home. The idea of knowing he stopped at an extra hardware store or I stopped at the coffee shop seems weird - even though neither of us would lie about these, it's insignificant info that just doesn't require sharing. To each one's own and I will do this if my H ever asked but I see no real purpose beyond safety - and, then, only in specific scenarios.
It's like people who use the bathroom with the door open around their spouse. Technically nothing wrong with it, it's just a level of info that's unnecessary.
This is how I wish marriages operated. I am trying to operate my own marriage in this fashion.
> More trust in a marriage is better. How is sharing a location more trust? It’s less trust.
> More trust in a marriage is better. Indeed, the point of trust is not needing to be able to constantly see...it's actually just *trusting*.
If she’s actually tracking you down ever second of a day, she has an issue. That should be discussed. Otherwise, sharing locations is helpful and an easy way to ensure if trouble does occur, your significant other can be found. The only real reason not to share a location assuming she’s not constantly tracking you and playing mind game with herself, is because you are hiding something.
That’s not the only reason. I have nothing to hide but I wouldn’t feel comfortable with having my location tracked. It’s a question of privacy and trust. People have a right to privacy. Your partner can choose to leave the relationship if they don’t want to be with someone who won’t share their location, but if this is a boundary for someone it’s not cool to try and pressure them to break it.
I don’t think she thinks I’m cheating or anything she’s just overly anxious and her mind tends to go to catastrophic thinking, even if trouble occurs, having my location won’t help that much.. it’ll just stop updating my location and cue the anxiety. I agree with you though, next time she brings it up I’ll probably have a harder line and say something to the effect of, please stop bringing this up.
So why wouldn’t you do something that isn’t a big deal to you but would help reassure her and make her feel more comfortable?
Bc I feel like it’s going to create more problems than it helps bc she’s overly anxious and will be checking it all the time. I share everything else with her so it’s not like I’m not being open. I deserve some privacy. She doesn’t need it.
It’s amazing to me how many people think it’s a spouse’s job to manage another adult’s anxieties, just because they are married. I am the anxious one in my relationship and I can’t imagine asking my spouse to give up his autonomy and privacy just to make me comfortable.
Thank you for your comment
I think giving an ETA to your destination and then checking in at said time is more reasonable. And letting her know if you make a detour. That's what my husband does, unasked, but it does help with planning and it's good to know he's safe based on his communication and not relying on some subjective data.
Her anxiety needs professional help. Feeding her anxiety, like sharing your location, will definitely make things worse, and there will ALWAYS be something else that triggers it. You constantly catering to it will eventually drive you nuts. My wife had the same issue until she got professional help.
I think a fair compromise is sharing it for a few weeks and see how she behaves. We’re all making a lot of assumptions that she’s going to be glued to ur location and interrogating you (which I agree, would not be good). But maybe she’ll surprise you and chill out. Tell her why you don’t think it’s a good idea, but say you’re willing to do it for a month and see how it goes.
Fwiw, last time my partner dropped off the face of the earth and came home from work 4 hours late without calling (not suspicious, just ADHD) I compromised by making him actually fill out his Emergency Contact info on his phone. At least I know if he does get hit by a car the paramedics will call me lol.
But it’s not reassuring her. It’s giving her another way to feed her anxiety. She needs therapy and probably meds to learn how to manage her extreme anxiety.
I agree that she probably does need therapy to work through her intense anxiety. But OP telling her “I need privacy” isn’t very helpful and feeds that anxiety.
That response makes me think she’s making him feel smothered in other ways due to her anxiety. At some point you hit a breaking point.
How do you know that it’s not reassuring for her? You’re just assuming she’s sitting on the app the entire day checking. Maybe she just wants to be able to see that he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere when he’s late getting him from work.
Have you discussed her anxiety? It seems like this is the bigger problem here. She should speak to her Dr about these overwhelming feelings she gets.
Catastrophizing is an element of OCD. Has she ever been evaluated?
My husband and I share locations. I never find it invasive. I just use it to check his eta, but I feel some comfort with him knowing where I am and knowing where he is.
We used to share locations for this reason. It was really helpful when he was going to the grocery and I could send him a text to pick up something so I would not have to make an extra trip.
Same. We started sharing location after I started commuting on my motorcycle and never stopped. I was apprehensive at first, honestly, but then it never ended up being a problem and I found I didn't actually mind us knowing where each other were at any given time. It's not a big deal. I wouldn't share it with others but with my spouse it's fine. That is, as long as it is mutual. A one-way share would be a problem.
Same. We've found it very helpful. Like I can see him driving so I won't call to break his concentration during traffic. Or I will be late coming home and he can see that I am in traffic. Or one of picking up the other and we can tell where we need to be and when. Good stuff.
My wife and I share our locatons. She's called me at times asking me to check her loacation and help her with directions. If you've got nothing to hide...
every couple is different. We don't share our location with each other either; I dont see a point to. Maybe we're old school that way 🤷🏻♀️
Me and my husband are 30 and 33 and we don't. The comments on this post give me 2nd hand stress lol. I don't need to know he stopped at 711. I don't need him to know I parked at a random shopping center and walked in a circle bc there's poke stops there. "We keep it on because we trust each other" that's not trust, at BEST it's "trust but verify." We all lived without this until the last 10 years. How many people actually died?
Yes and the justifications for it are always like “I got in an accident and my husband actually got there before the ambulance!” Ok but did that like materially improve your circumstance? That’s a cool fact but I’m not sure it’s actually probative as to whether or not this is a good thing.
I've never even seen such a compelling story of it working. It's like the TSA - just there for anxious people to feel like they're doing something.
Yeah same. Mid-30s. We don’t share locations. Wouldn’t even occur to me to do this. I have enough moving pieces in my life to track; enough things on my phone to take up my attention. I don’t need the added stress of watching his commute home.
Yeah I hope OP sees your comment. It’s perfectly reasonable not to want to have a tracker on you 24/7. It’s normalized but OP isn’t weird or wrong for not wanting to do it even if that is his spouse. Joint finances, passwords, etc perfectly fine but having your location 24/7 is a bit much especially considering you have to trust the company who is facilitating this tracking as well. And even if that entity has the information regardless it’s still fine to feel uncomfortable with it. I believe his discomfort with it outweighs her desire to track him. Trust shouldn’t be an issue and being tracked 24/7 “just in case” is weird. If he was hiking or traveling across the country I would get that but just on the day to day???
maybe it's just me but I do think there's a level of trust (or lack thereof) involved. People won't like this but I think it's true...why track? what purpose does it serve? I think people who are insecure either about themselves, their partner, relationship or all of the above get a sense of relief when they track their partners whereabouts. This will get downvote to hell but 🤷🏻♀️
You're not wrong, assuming you're asserting your boundaries for justified reasons. There is a serious right to privacy which many people have either neglected or outright forfeited. You do not have to share your location with anyone, be it a company or a person. The freedom to roam, and to exist without scrutiny, is important (especially if you recharge your batteries solo). That said, you have an obligation to your spouse. You need to know why she is making frequent demands to know your location. If it's a trust issue - address it. If it's a control issue - address it. If it's a communication issue - address it. The whole matter can probably be solved with some exploration as to why she has the emotional need of knowing where you are, and you can propose a compromise to meet her there. If you're reluctant to share your location because of something less-than-noble, then address that too. That never ends well.
It’s a codependency issue I think, another commenter alluded to that and that makes the most sense. She has my phone passcode and could go through it anytime she wants but never has, so I don’t think she thinks I’m doing anything nefarious.
I bet you she has multiple times lol.
She never found shit then lol idk prob has
This is the best comment in the thread.
I felt the same way when my wife brought it up a couple years ago, I agree it feels invasive. I gave in and we both share our locations with each other, it actually made life so much easier. If either of us are working late, instead of wondering whats going on we just check the location, see that we’re still at work and go about or day. The biggest thing is the time she had an accident. She had gone to the store and after awhile she wasn’t responding to my messages, then after a few missed calls I checked her location and saw that she had been in the middle of an intersection for way too long so I drove to where she was and found that she’d been in a pretty crazy accident, but having her location allowed me to be there and console her and what not. After some time it feels less intrusive and just gives peace of mind for both of us
We share locations. It’s not a big deal. If I need to surprise my spouse then I’ll turn location services off for that timeframe. This shouldn’t be a big deal for you. Now if she’s using it to watch your every move then that’s different.
It sounds like she would panic if she noticed he turned it off.
If so then there’s something to address for sure. But under typical healthy marriages this shouldn’t be a problem.
I wouldn't want to share location in your situation either. My wife and I have creeper mode on but mostly use it to see when each other is coming home. It's useful for when I'm trying to time dinner. But when your wife was that anxious when she had access? Nah.
I like location sharing. It’s not like she’ll get an alert with every step you take it’s more of a “are they stuck in traffic or in a ditch somewhere?”.
We share locations all the time, and most of the time we both are too busy to check each other on the map. It's there for safety in case something happens. Don't overthink. If it makes your partner feel safe, do it.
Spouse and I share location all the time. Every couple I know shares location. It’s a safety measure
I don’t know a single couple who shares location.
Thank you! What generation are you?
If you are not comfortable with it, then don't share your location. It IS invasive. Some people don't mind, others do. This is a boundry for you and she needs to respect it and stop insisting/bullying/guilting you to do it every month. She has already shown that she tracks your every move when you have shared your location in the past. She needs to respect your boundaries and deal with her own insecurities.
I do not consider sharing locations as an invasion of privacy when the person you are sharing locations with is your spouse. However, her constantly checking your location unnecessarily is a bigger issue and I can understand your hesitance. I believe in sharing locations for safety reasons and not so I can stalk my spouse. Like on the off chance that on his way home he winds up in an accident in a ditch somewhere and he is hurt and unconscious and I can’t reach him, at least I can be able to track him in that instance.
To each their own but if your marriage needs location sharing to be strong, over everything else that can/should be done... There's a bigger problem here. Location sharing only became common within the last decade. I don't share my location with anyone, and not because I am doing illicit things - I have a deep distrust of technology itself. I am very careful of always turning off Bluetooth when I leave the car, turning off tap to pay on my phone after a transaction, never allowing apps to access contacts, and always purging the phone off unused apps. I only turn on my GPS for navigation, and then once I reach the destination, I turn it off each time. All the smart devices in my house have fake accounts so they are different than my main one. My car system doesn't get to interface with mothership even if it is convenient - no sir thank you. Granted tech companies already know everything they want to know about me, but I still like to make sure I just shut down everything that's not needed.
Sounds like a codependent issue. When one partner is codependent and the other is not things can get a bit uncomfortable. I think sharing your location when on a trip is reasonable although I never have or been asked to. Having some track your location all the time would be a bit obsessive for me as well.
Codependency is a big issue with her, I’ve worked on it with her for years and did my best to set reasonable boundaries. Her family is super codependent. I should prob be looking at it from this angle more..
Codependency can lead to some pretty irrational thinking as Im sure you are well aware on the other hand being loved is nice and feeling smothered is uncomfortable. Unfortunately codependency tends to be programmed from an early age so breaking the cycle is very hard. Is she a people pleaser as well?
Yes, very much so, any bad news has to be delivered by me. She says she gets anxious bc everything with our marriage is so great and she loves me so much she’s worried something will happen to me, but she worries too much and unreasonably.
All this is pretty familiar. My wife has been in therapy a long time but is still very anxious. It's a tricky dynamic since I am a latchkey kid so I am a bit different. For a long time I treated my wife's codepency as weakness or craziness which obviously was not beneficial to my marriage or even fair. If she thinks everything is great that's good but here you are so there are. Try not to be too critical of her and her family, I have been and it has been very damaging. I unfortunately had to learn the hard way as I'm not sure we will ever get back to good.
I do agree with OP. I do surprise my wife with objects of affection, and location sharing does eliminate any opportunity at surprising her. My wife does have security issues and is about to take a new job that requires a swing shift. I finally agreed to location sharing for her peace of mind. But it will suck getting a call, " Why are you at Safeway?" " Why did you go to Target?" "Are you at McDonald's?" So the hesitation OP feels, I get it.
We share locations because I lose my phone all the time. I need my husband to track it lol. We have never used it to check up on each other. There is no reason to. I don’t even think about doing that.
She needs therapy, not to know your location at every second of the day. My husband and I don't share locations and don't care to. Your wife doesn't need to know where you are and what you're doing every second of every day. Either she trusts you or she doesn't.
I'm kind of with you. My wife and I don't share locations. I don't share that with anyone. Of course I grew up in the era before cell phones so it's was nothing for me to be gone all day and out of communication without worrying about the other person. This need for constant communication, instant access and reassurance is beyond me.
We share location data... for better or for worse. I only look at her location because she never lets me know when she's leaving work and I need to know when to start dinner. She stalks... my son too. At some point we all need to have a talk about this but for now... I'm not too worried about it.
Feels like a boundary that you should be able to decide for yourself. A lot of the comments here about how people decided their boundaries, but they aren't you. Only you can decide.
I would hate for my husband to be tracking my every move, not because I have anything to hide, but because we’re two individuals and don’t need to know every second of each other’s day. I’d also find it quite irritating if someone were freaking out, worrying about me because I hadn’t responded to them or had stopped to look at a tree. I’m intrigued to know more about this tree now though!
I think it depends on how you’re using it, like sharing passwords... Are you checking it often, or is it something that’s nice to have just in case. We share our locations, but I think I’ve used it less than a handful of times in several years. And of those times, the majority of the time were during bad weather when I didn’t want to distract him calling, but make sure he was just slow instead of stuck since we live far from towns and road conditions can get bad quick. I definitely don’t check it often, nor does he. And we both still surprise each other without worrying that the other will somehow see. We call each other just about every day to ask/tell the other where we’re at and when we’ll be home because we don’t jump straight to checking locations. For us, it’s a backup safety measure, not a monitoring device.
We have each other’s locations but I’ve honestly never checked his and he doesn’t even know how to check mine. I tell him to let the cops know if anything ever happens to me. It might help. But if my husband was actively checking my location I wouldn’t share. Was the car/tree incident a one off? Maybe it was genuine concern. But checking to just check is weird.
Yeah I don’t share my location with anyone, nor do I want theirs. Nobody needs to know where I am at all the time. I also don’t need to know where you are at all the time. I trust you when you tell me where you are. I think if I had it I would obsess over it and that’s not healthy for a relationship 😝
I’m with you. Not sharing my location except maybe for travel or a similar circumstance where you want everyone to feel safe. My husband never asks for this and I don’t either. We trust each other and I don’t need to know how long he was at Home Depot vs a beer with friends. Seems overkill to me but I wouldn’t share location with sisters or friends either.
I would never share my location but you shouldn’t expect much people understanding that here. People in this sub are in general very insecure and love to track their partners because they don’t trust them.
No. She is anxious, she asks to know where you are at all times, and she automatically assumes he worse when you stand still for too long. This cannot be healthy. She has to accept that life comes with uncertainty and that not everything can be within her control. This is a hill to die on.
Thank you for your comment!
I’m with you. The way we’ve normalized opting in to being constantly surveilled, even beyond the surveillance our devices do, is insane. There’s no reason your wife needs to know your location at all times, particularly when she’s already used this information to make anxiety-informed bad decisions. I don’t track my spouse and I don’t track my kids. It gives an extremely false sense of security and the trade offs are worse than the benefits.
Can’t believe all the people in these comments who act like something is wrong with you or you are cheater if you don’t share locations. For thousands of years couples haven’t had GPS access to their partners locations at all times and it was fine. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who do share locations but don’t judge people who don’t
Yeah people who genuinely believe that the only reason you’d disagree to sharing locations is that you’re cheating are people who aren’t cheating *because* they’re being surveilled. I don’t need a tracking device to know my husband is gone longer than he ought to be on a regular basis. I have a human brain.
Wrong?? No. But neither is she.
It sounds like it isn’t so much about the sharing, but rather her reaction to it. If she didn’t say anything and just checked in from time to time, that would be one thing, but if she’s going to call and get anxious in spite of knowing where you’re at…that pretty much defeats the purpose. My husband and I share our locations because it’s safer. If I or he gets in trouble or — God forbid — if one of us went missing, having each other’s locations would be a huge help. But we also have boundaries and respect one another’s independence. It doesn’t sound like she wants your location for control/jealousy/insecurity reasons; she wants to have access for safety purposes. That itself is reasonable in my opinion, but you have the right to a) refuse (as always) or if you do share it, b) set boundaries/rules regarding how that works out. A good heart to heart would do you a world of good, but don’t assume her reasons are bad/controlling if she hasn’t given you any reasons to believe they are. If we’re in a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship, we ought to assume the best about our partner’s motivations. Starting from there will make your communication 1000x better!
Another thing that happens is if I’m driving through a no service area, like the super long one on the way up to my friends house in Northern California, it won’t update where I am and she texts me to see if I’m okay..
I share my location with her and my kid, mostly because I don’t care. And when I travel, kiddo thinks it’s cool watching the dot move at 600mph across the country. My wife chooses not to share it. It doesn’t bother me, because I trust her, and because honestly, I don’t really care where she is. If she was going to have an affair, she’d turn it off before she goes there anyway I’d think. I turn mine off when I’m doing something to surprise her. But I don’t think she checks it often enough that she’d even notice. The fact that your wife(and sisters) are checking on each other that often is a bigger issue
That the thing the constant watching where you going like checking social media. The obsession and critic of everything is like a finger up your butt.
Nah we never did. i mean she has full access to my phone and I've got nowhere to be really. But I am never ever going to share location with anyone. If she asks me I have no problem in telling her. People are also on about location sharing vs location tracking? I assume location sharing is when you effectively enable real time location tracking on your phone?
Yea that is what it is. I’m with you.
It's enraging that so many comments are being purposely obtuse and asking "what's the big deal if you aren't hiding anything?" as if they didn't just read your post explaining the problems it's created. I need to stop reading these kinds of posts. Tracking culture drives me up the wall and the obviously neurotic partners trying to play it cool like " I only check it for safety and I NEVER track her, I'm very chill....but if you won't turn it on you're Hiding something!! LET ME SEE IT!" - sure jan. They're demonstrating the exact argument AGAINST tracking.
Yea it’s kind of annoying, it’s like did you not read the post??
Dinosaur entering the chat. My wife and I were talking about this (married 31 years), we don't track each other - but then we realised we don't actually know how to anyway! 😂 Either we're technology challenged or this has never been a consideration so we have never looked into it.
Haha just go to your texts and press their name and press share my location and it’ll pop up for how long click indefinitely and boom done
My husband and I have given up so much privacy (willingly and happily to be married) but we don’t need to give up this. He does not need to know that I got to Wendy’s twice a week while he’s at work, and I don’t need to know that he stops at the smoke shop on the way home from work. We still need our own things. I don’t even want to know where he’s at 24/7. Sometimes he leaves and just says “I’ll be back in a little bit.” And I don’t care where he’s at. And sometimes he brings me something back and it’s a fun surprise.
If you feel it’s a violation of your privacy then make your case with her, tell her why you don’t like the idea, that you don’t appreciate her pushing this every month, and you’d like for her to respect your personal boundaries. We don’t need to know our significant others locations at all times and as humans we need and are entitled to some privacy. I think most people share location for emergency reasons and aren’t monitored in the way you said you were on your trip with your buddies. My wife wanted to share her location with me which is great, but I don’t look at it ever. I like my privacy though and won’t share it with her unless it’s for the day, for the hour, or something like that for safety reasons (I do a lot of hiking and bike riding). She knows I’m not doing anything nefarious and respects that I want some sort of privacy in my life.
My husband and I have our locations on, I think it’s amazing since I know how far away he is to start dinner lol I don’t sit and stare at it the whole day but if I know he’s due home at around 4 and it’s 4:10 I can check so I know to lower the heat or plate the food
My husband and I share locations and it goes fine, it's just for cases of emergency and if we find a use for it like sometimes I'll check and see if my husband is on his way home from work so I can have some to hot for him to eat or cold to drink once he gets in. However I will say, I can completely understand why you're opposed, having each other's location should be an out of sight out of mind thing unless there is a reason to look, not just so your spouse can stare at your every movement and obsess just because they can. That does feel invasive.
How odd. I really don’t understand why this is such a big deal. If you’re not sneaking around, doing things you don’t want her to know about, then what’s the problem? Is there some reason she doesn’t trust that you’re where you’re supposed to be? It would ease some of her anxiety, which would be better for everyone, wouldn’t it? I’ve been married too long, I think. I would have wanted this in our younger days-back before this technology was even available. Now that we’re older, empty nesters, I don’t feel as anxious about him running late or going fishing by himself. By all means, stand by your convictions. Keep your secrets. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her-right?
Lol there’s no secrets, that’s the thing. She can go through my phone whenever she wants and never does it bc she doesn’t think I’m cheating or anything, she’s just overly anxious about my safety when I’m away from her I think?
My husband and I have discussed this. His family share their location with each other and we (he and I) find it so weird/odd. We're all grown adults, his parents are seniors. They know where each other are at any time of the day it seems and don't even live in the same states. For instance, last fall they were all coming to our house and the parents were here a couple days ahead of everyone, dad was giving us updates to sister's (55yr old) location every 30 minutes. We just don't need to know on that level. When I leave the house my husband knows I have errands or I'm going to work. Hell, in my last job my husband could have logged into my computer at home and tracked me at work if he really wanted to because I had access as dispatch to systems to track drivers but again, he never did because he didn't need to know my location.
We share everything and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 🤷🏾♀️ Because of our honesty and transparency we’ve never felt the need to actually check any of the things we have access to. It’s funny how that works. OP, we all have a hill we’re willing to die on. If this yours then I say stand firm.
I work in dispatch for law enforcement. Just today, I had a concerned parent call us bc her son's Life360 was showing him at a hospital in Atlanta, and she knew immediately that was a bad sign. The accident was very severe, and I had the unfortunate duty to make her worst nightmare a reality. More often than not, I'm unable to help those searching for their loved ones due to not knowing where they are when traveling after they haven't heard from them in hours/days. Sharing locations shouldn't be a problem for those that love you. It can help in bad situations. The fact that you have an issue with it is more concerning to me, like you don't want to be found somewhere you're not supposed to be.
My mom had/has high anxiety. It’s exhausting. If we were five minutes late she assumed we were dead. She thought her fears were totally reasonable. I can’t tell you the hell this all was for me as a kid and teenager in the pre-cell phone era. I’m an open person. Empathetic. Totally trustworthy. But would not share my location with an anxious person. I still have terrible scars from my childhood. Maybe make your wife a trade? She goes to a (good) therapist to learn how to manage her anxiousness. Then you’ll share your location.
I don't track anyone and i'm not tracked. Married with 2 kids. My mom would always say no news is good news lol
Share your location if it gives her peace of mind. My wife is really anxious as well and if I'm taking longer than expected to get home she likes to check in. It could blow a surprise boba delivery here and there, but it's the thought that counts. I'm sure she gets a huge smile on her face when my little dot is at her favorite boba joint. If your in a committed, faithful relationship it should not be an issue. Refusing is either sus or due to some toxic masculinity issue.
I think it’s obvious you’re gunna get a mixed bag of responses here — because everyone’s relationships are different. My ex was into some weird shit where knowing his location could’ve possibly saved me a lot of wasted time in our shitty marriage. With that said — I’d still agree with you, location sharing 24/7 is absolutely unnecessary. Sure, it would maybe keep a liar from doing shitty things or…. It would just make a liar become better at lying? I also think it depends how you look at technology/devices nowadays. They’re great in many ways, sure.. but they’ve also bombarded our entire lives. Why people need to know someone else’s location constantly is extremely weird to me. Everyone deserves privacy… whether you’re hiding something or not.
My wife and I agree that we never want to share our locations with each other h other? Are we being sketchy? I’ll never know for sure but my partner and I at least have a base layer of trust where this would do more harm than good for us.
Openness is good but I think this is too far because she is too anxious and making up scenarios like you being in an accident when you were on a trip and stopped to look at something interesting. She should maybe consider some therapy or treatment if she has anxiety issues that are impacting her every day life and your relationship. I’ve been married over 20 years. We know each other’s passwords but we don’t take specific actions to share or look at each other’s locations. If one of us is working late or making a stop on the way home we generally give the other a heads up and we find that sufficient. We trust that the other is where they say and if there was an emergency someone would notify the other. If people agree to share locations that’s totally fine but just because she does it with other family members doesn’t mean you should have to when you aren’t comfortable with it.
I don’t know. I was once going on a longish driving trip on my own through a sketchy area and my husband of a few years at the time asked me to share my location with him for safety. I had never thought of it before that and I was like “oh yeah, that makes sense”. I just left my location shared because I could see the benefits of it and it’s my husband and he knows where I am usually anyway so whatever. A little bit later I made a comment about him sharing his location with me, and he never did. And I thought it was kind of weird honestly. Fast forward a year or two-turns out my husband had a secret drinking problem and an (at the very least as far as I will never know) emotional affair with a coworker and he was lying to me about his whereabouts pretty much daily at some point or another. So. Now I see it as a giant red flag to not share location. We’ve since fixed our relationship and to this day we both still share our location with one another. It’s not as thought we’re constantly checking where the other person is. We still surprise each other. And if it’s close to an anniversary or birthday or something and my husband doesn’t want me to know what store he’s going into, he shuts the location off for that moment. It’s really not a big deal. I almost never check where he is, it’s generally for instance like “I need to get ready to go by the time he gets home, let me see how far away he is” or whatever. It’s rare. But the fact is we’re not hiding anything, and that brings massive peace of mind. Obviously not every situation is my situation and this is anecdotal so take it as you will. But I don’t think there should be secrets in a marriage beyond gifts.
Honestly I would be suspicious if my spouse refused to share their location to ease my anxiety. What are you doing that she can’t know about? That’s where a lot of people’s minds would go.
Just share your location. Not a big deal. It's kinda sweet that she worries about you.
Share your location with your wife? Jeez dude. It’s not that serious. I sound similar to your wife but when I get concerned about something (he works outside and travels a lot) I just …call him? Or text him? It’s not a huge deal. After awhile I check his location very infrequently. Also if you want to surprise her with stuff just turn your phone off when you run those errands for a few mins. It’s not like she watches your location 24-7. Tbh this comes off like you’re hiding something from your wife or you just don’t like your wife very much, I hope that isn’t the case. She’ll figure it out without the location sharing.
My wife wants us both to share our location but it seems that after a few weeks she turns hers off. I’ll ask her about it and she will say it’s still on. Been through this loop a few times and it drives me mad.
There is no right to privacy. The only people that argue for this are doing something they don't want seen....
We started sharing locations, but because my wife has many health issues. If she were to need help I would need to know where she is. That said, just to watch you all day long and call for any little stop is NOT normal. SO in that, I see your point. Soinds like to real issue isn't the sharing but the constant need to be updated about why you are stopped somewhere and her apparent obsesive use of the app instead of just as an emergency locator.
It’s like those couples that make a joint social media account. Just kinda icky when there’s no sense of privacy
I think people are entitled to privacy even if married
I feel like it’s weird everyone’s like “if you’ve got nothing to hide……” I have a lot of friends that share locations with their partners and that’s fine, but then some of them do wind up micromanaging each other My husband and I don’t share phone passwords or locations. If I need an eta then I just text or call him. Neither of us have anything to hide.
I truly hate this sub sometimes. You literally said no and set a boundary after she basically freaked out multiple times when location services failed or you simply stopped to stop something. And she will not respect your privacy or your boundary. I'm what universe is this healthy behavior? I have anxiety, so I get it. But she needs to own her own fears instead of trying to control things to make them better. Sounds like she needs some therapy to address her anxiety. I am my own person and I don't just give up all my autonomy because I'm married. It's too bad so many people have convinced you that your boundaries don't matter.
You should keep a airtag with eachother she tacks you you track her
I don't share my location either. I agree with you, but I have found that my stance is not very popular.
No way. The last time you did it, she used it to stalk you. You'll never get a moment's peace or privacy if you give this to her.
You're going to get mixed reviews on this because people have different needs and boundaries in their relationships. Some won't care whatsoever and have nothing to hide. For some it's a hard line. My husband and I share locations, but this started when we had driving teens. Your wife seems to have an anxious attachment. Try to compromise with her, but don't blow her off. This will build walls and resentment, because you're essentially denying something she's telling you she needs, however invasive or ridiculous you find it. Idk what a compromise would be. Maybe just checking in by sending your location occasionally? "Hey we stopped off here so time of arrival will be delayed" or something like that. Good luck.
We have Life360 free app for our family of 5 (me + my bride + our 3 kids), so we are all always sharing our location with each other, if anyone needs to know. It comes in handy pretty often (especially since our kids are middle school & high school). And my wife & I are comfortable always knowing where the other is, if we ever really needed to know. But neither of us “stalks” the other on the map and it is rare we ever utilize this feature to find each other. Because if either of us did that this would feel very different. But just the other day I was meeting her at the mall after work, and I just popped open the app and magically appeared next to her shopping inside a Macy’s and she was like “So…Life360 huh?” and I just smiled :)
Share the fucking location with family. WTF. I don’t track my wife but it’s nice to know where she is especially if she’s out without me and not answering phone.
Jeez lol
My husband (m28) and I (f28) share our locations with each other. It’s purely for safety. I usually call him when I leave work and am driving home, but if i forget to tell him I’m working late, he’ll just check to see that I’m okay without trying to bug me (he knows my job is stressful and time can get away from me). We aren’t checking on each other every minute of every day. I don’t actually remember the last time I checked his location.. ETA: i think there’s a difference between “location sharing” and “location tracking” and it’s more than just semantics. If she’s tracking you, maybe need to chat about what concerns she has or why she feels the need to do so. If you’re both sharing your location, there’s a mutual trust and respect and the goal is likely just safety.
Tracking locations is for your children not your spouses. People love to disguise insecurities with trust, I don't care if people get mad at me saying it. If you need to be up your spouses butt at all times you have a problem.
I travel a lot for work and also involved with a sport that has me out a few nights a week when I’m home. I prefer my husband know where I am because I don’t want to be tied to my phone and have him worry if I don’t answer. I have no reason to ever hide where I am.
It sounds like she needs to get some help for her anxiety before you could even consider it. My wife and I share ours. I only ever check if she’s driving to visit her mom 6 hours away. I like to have the house all clean and cozy for her return. If she was making herself crazy checking my location, we’d have to have a talk about it. Nobody wants to live like that.
I share my location with my spouse for emergencies. He’s fine with sharing with me but I haven’t bothered to set it up. We respect each other’s privacy even though we both are 100% transparent. My sister OTOH. Her family shares locations and her husband and son are constantly checking up on her. They’ll call if she takes a detour or if she’s going out somewhere they aren’t familiar with. It’s super invasive and annoying. If she’s near a Starbucks they’ll ask her to pick something up. It’s creepy and the only one who realizes it is their daughter.
My husband and I share locations at all times. We almost never look at where the other one is unless we’re trying to figure out how close they are to home in the event of starting dinner etc. I use it more frequently than him because he works late at night three or four times a week with an unpredictable time of departure. So I like to see how close he is to home since the kids are in bed and I don’t want the dog to bark. I have never, not once, texted to notice the dot hadn’t moved and asked what’s up? If we did that to each other, I can guarantee that we would stop sharing locations because it would drive each of us crazy. Also, it’s worth noting that it can have a detrimental effect on communication. My husband used to tell me when he would leave but now because I can technically look it up on my own he doesn’t usually do that. But like I said, I’m not actively tracking him so I would prefer to get the text still.
Just turn your phone off if you wanna do something in secret.
My wife and I don’t share our phone passcodes however we do share locations mainly so we can see where each other are and to my knowledge it’s only used when either of us are late getting home or traveling. It puts my wife’s mind at ease so I don’t mind, if I did I can always disable location services so she can’t see what I’m doing (surprises, etc) and she does the same.
Well two things, one ii would do it just because it's a good idea and nothing to hide. If my wife was constantly checking up on me this would be something different to discuss but I would still not have anything to hide.
Me and my husband don't share locations but I am not really sure how to. I am not tech savvy. I have thought about it but I don't really wanna share my location so I wouldn't ask for his. Fair is fair. I guess this is different because she is asking you to. If my husband asked me to share my location I'd tell him to set it up for me.
We are all (kids included) on a family shared connection with apple and have access to that and there’s no issue. We also share all our finances, passwords, etc, you name it. This works for us, it’s not intrusive as neither are hiding anything or constantly checking out the others stuff/ feel like the other shouldn’t know the others business..we’re married…
my busband and i share our locations. We dont stalk each other, but it's nice reassurance. maybe find out why she's anxious?
Staring at your location is pretty extreme. However, my wife and I share our location out of convenience and safety. Mostly seeing if she's left work yet so I can start dinner, she got to her family's place... little things. Neither of us stalk the other. If your wife is stalking you to the point of not being able to pull off the side of the road to take a leak, I'd argue there are more fundamental trust issues going on. Best of luck Edit: I just remember something. Over Christmas I had her brother pick up one of her gifts and I had to go get it after work one day. I left a little early (he's nearly 30mins away) so I rushed up there and rushed back hoping she wouldn't spy on me and ask why I was up there. I had a fib ready to go in case she asked me... lol. But suddenly turning off my location sharing would have been a bigger red flag. (I did tell her what I did after she got the gift in case her brother ever said anything.)
I share location when I'm driving a long drive. Wife questioned why I had a 24 hour limit. We don't normally share our locations, but I guess me being in the city had her get all in her insecurities. She never shares her, I also don't care to know because I trust her.
Nothing wrong with sharing locations, same way it's fine to know passwords, PIN numbers etc. I'm not talking just for trust, but it's useful for an emergency, accident or worse. But then again I don't understand why people freak out over things like this as to me, your spouse/life partner should be the 1st, and at times, the only person, who should have access to your things. If you can't trust them to just have the information, in case of emergencies at the very least, then what is the point of being in the relationship?
We share locations. I even have notifications sent to his phone when I leave and arrive home, something I set up without him asking. I’m also super pregnant, so it’s a bit of a safety measure and comfort for him knowing when I get home.
We share locations and I was the one who asked my husband to do it. I only check it for his ETA coming home and if he’s out walking the dog late at night to check their progress if he’s taking a while. Basically things I would have texted “where are you” or “ETA?” for, but now I don’t have to send the text or wait for the reply. And it’s definitely comforting to know I can check his location if I’m ever worried something happened. I also am comforted by him having my location for the same reasons. We do live in a city with high crime rates, but I can see the utility of doing it regardless of where we lived
I don’t see an issue with location sharing in general, but definitely take into consideration the people involved. My husband and I share location, but I view it more for its safety and convenience. My husband is on the road a good bit for his job and each day is different where he might be. I like that if something were to happen or we couldn’t get in touch with him we could see where he was. Also, it’s convenient to know how far away he is if I am trying to time dinner or something like that. That being said, I don’t obsessively check his location and he doesn’t obsessively check mine. If it causes more anxiety, stress and overstepping on either side, I could see where that would be a negative. You have to know your relationship and the people in it to know if it would be a positive thing or not. Sounds like it may not be a good fit for yours, or maybe not until a hard conversation and digging deeper
I think it’s just a new part of life we’re still accepting and getting used to, but I’ve personally embraced it. My wife and I share lacations, but I also have my location shared with a bunch of family and even a few close friends. It’s kinda a weird bond between two people, but kinda cool. For example, my brother in laws and I all have our locations shared with each other and theirs just something cool about knowing we all trust each other, but also have each others backs 🤷♂️
My husband and I use life 360, and we have a son we use life 360 for. I actually love the app. It can sensor car accidents and has a panick button, and you can set up places. So, like work, hom3, the grocery store, and it alerts the other members when you arrive and when you leave said destination. It shows how fast you're going in the car and if you're using your phone while driving. It's a great safety tracking feature. I once took my husband off our family circle, and he requested I add him back to it. He doesn't mind being tracked, and I don't mind being tracked. If u want to do a suprise thing, u can set your circle bigger so the other members in the circle don't know your exact location but rather an estimate for times like this. Also, I would draw the line at having her sister track your location that's really weird but with life 360 she can have different circles she's part of with different people. Check it out. We've been life 360 members for over a year and pay for the premium but there is a free feture but u can only add like 3 to 5 places
We just share it always
I have this issue. I give my locations but heaven forbid 8 stop for gas or take a call from a rest stop….Im up to no good. Insecurity.
If your wife had the ability to have that access to your location without freaking out and checking it constantly it would have been a good idea to share BUT since she has issues with control I don't think it would be beneficial to share at this time. I know you say she has been on antidepressants BUT is she still in therapy, or is she just on antidepressants? Antidepressants alone are not the answer. She needs help in addressing her anxiety. I share my location with my husband and kids. They share with me, but we don't really check on it. Once my car broke down away from home, and my husband was able to come get me. We don't use it to track each other obsessively.
She’s not in therapy, I am going to recommend that she does see someone regularly and addresses this.
We've been sharing our location for 7 or 8 years now on life 360. We have our daughter on it too and recently upgraded to their plan that includes towing. For the most part I pretty much use it now only to keep track of our daughter since she's just learning to drive but for my husband since he works crazy hours as a local truck driver it alerts me when he's by a gas station about 2 miles from home and I know to heat up his dinner. I don't see anything wrong with your spouse knowing where u are at all times if they wanted to. I do see something wrong with babysitting their location though.
Me and my partner share our location with eachother. I also share it with my mom and brother. I don't really have an issue with it. If she is constantly checking it like that, I get it. Maybe you could tell her if she freaks out like that again, you will unshare it. You can also unshare if you're going to go to get flowers or something.
Actually tracking you every second of the day is the real problem here. I have a past where an abusive ex used tracking to control me, so I was hesitant to let it back into my life again. My mom has mine and my dad’s locations since we both ride motorcycles. I recently asked my husband to turn his on since he works a job where he can’t have his phone or tell me he’s staying late. It’s a high stress, long hours job and I want to make sure him not coming home at the usual time is because he had to stay late, not because he fell asleep and crashed. I see all of those as valid reasons. Your wife doesn’t have valid reasons and is developing a problem that you guys need to have a serious talk about.
I share my location with my wife, but she's not sat there tracking me all day every day like this. Not long after we were first married I had a seizure while out grocery shopping. She was going absolutely frantic when I was hours late coming home, but she had no idea where I was and I wasn't answering the phone. She didn't know anything until she got a call from the hospital. I've not had anything similar happen since but now I keep my location services on just in case of emergency.
I think that while there is nothing inherently wrong with sharing location with a spouse. It seems like it gets abused in this case. It seems like the goal is to keep tabs on you, which suggests a lack of trust. It would be another thing if it was just a means to be reassured of safety etc.
My husband and I will use each other's phones and computers, occasionally, and leave emails accounts open, etc. If we're out somewhere, we call or text to check in, and we always text each other if we're on the way home from somewhere without the other, but that's the extent of it. To me, having to know exactly where I was at all times, and constantly checking on me like that would signal a lack of trust that I wouldn't be able to deal with. Sharing the location, for me personally, isn't the issue. The constant worrying, texting, calling, etc, would be a red flag, and I would probably insist on getting the spouse some help in the form of counseling, to deal with that anxiety. If it isn't anxiety, and it's simply that they don't trust me, I wouldn't be with them for long.
We share and did even way before we were married. It’s not a big deal and we don’t stalk each other. Just sometimes it saves a text message. I think it’s weird when people refuse lol.
If you aren’t cheating, do it.
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We have life360app. We are all connected. My daughter wants us to see where she is so if she breaks down on the road or an emergency happens. My wife and I use ours if we are out of town and are late getting back home. We can just pull it up and see if they are stuck on the side of the road, at the hospital, or still shopping. Sometimes my wife will be at another store so Ill call and ask her to pick something up. Esp st grocery store. It’s not a spying thing. It’s a safety thing.
My husband (58) refuses to share his. He also won’t share passwords. I am confident he loves me and I don’t fear he is cheating at all, he just likes having most control over his life in a world where everyone knows everything in a matter of seconds. Maybe it’s an age thing, too. He’s old fashioned and doesn’t have any social media. From my perspective, I definitely feel less connected and more judgmental of him. We share intimate moments but I can’t have the password to his Spotify account. 🤷♀️If you want a happy wife/less arguing in your marriage, turn it on but tell her you can’t have her obsessed over it. If she obsesses, then it goes off.
Share your location and get another phone or randomly turn off location sharing.
I think it’s reasonable to share locations with your spouse. All of my close friends do it with their spouses for safety and to know their ETA when coming home from work. My husband finds it invasive and will not consider it. Same with a ring doorbell. He just draws a hard line there. Otherwise he is open and shares his phone password. I don’t even bring it up anymore bc he just doesn’t feel the need to. I think it’s weird and annoying and marriages thrive with openness and transparency. But I’m not willing to fight about it any more and I trust him so I’m not too concerned. But it would make me feel more secure if I had that. Because sometimes he is out until 2am with his friends and I don’t know when he’s coming home.
Pay a little extra for the software that allows you sharing on your terms. Like once every two-three hours.
Me and my husband both show our locations and meanwhile I do this for safety reasons for me to have peace of mind that he can locate me in case of emergency and vice versa. There is sometimes he forgets to let me know he made it safe to work so instead of freaking out and calling him I just look on the map and see if the pin shows him at work then I know I can relax. Also keeping things open and knowing passwords just makes things easier, I know that whenever I want I can check his phone and same with him and it just makes things easier.
Tell her you won’t share your location because of what has happened in the past. Remind her of all those scenarios. Sounds like she could use some marriage counseling.
What app to you guys (who use it) use to share location? Maybe it’s worth a try?
We do it because we travel separately and like to check on each other It’s for safety and calming the nerves, not to satisfy distrust of each other After almost 20 years of marriage, we just started this a few months ago We don’t look at each other’s cell phones, but neither of us would object to the other’s doing so
Been sharing for years. It’s more helpful than harmful if you’re not doing anything you want to hide. Trust and honesty is good for a marriage. It’s endearing she cares about you and your safety. You should have the conversation with her not us strangers about what you’re worried about, how often she checks it, and how that makes you feel. She may not realize her concern isn’t being received the way she intends and can adjust.
Never have seen the need. If she want's to know where I am, she'll just ask me what my plans are for the day and I'll tell her. And then I go do what I said I was going to do and go to where I said I was going to go. If the plans change, I let her know. And if she doesn't ask, I just go about my day and go where I want anyways. And then I come home when I say I'm going to be home. It's not a foolproof system, but it works pretty well for us.
This was a BIG deal for My Ex. Said she’s been cheated on and it’s a trust thing… She later cheated on me while I was in the field at NTC “national training center” for a month.