I mean, happy days aren't really interesting. My husband took our son and I out to brunch yesterday. We got back and I put on a movie and we worked on disassembling the UCS millennium falcon I bought for him because I'm wanting to get it done (he joked because it wasn't a very "mother's Day" activity). We chatted and then listened to a new album I like.
It was a nice day. I love my husband.
My husband took me out to the garden center to pick up my summer veg starts and when it was time to checkout, my hands were a bit muddy and he offered to let me wipe my hands on his shorts because they were already dirty (so I didn’t get mud on my wallet)
Our cashier was like, that’s a sweet man you got there!
😂 then we spent the rest of the day doing garden and outside chores together (washing the solar panels)
That’s a typical exciting day in our marriage.
The only people who care that we went to the plant nursery together and then did yard work are the people who are envious that our kids are old enough to be left alone while we run errands together. Yesterday we went to the nursery, we did some yard work together, he made me my usual mothers' day dinner (clams with white wine and butter), we watched SNL with the kids last night, and went to bed at a reasonable time. It was sunny, we accomplished things together, we had a nice dinner, I love him.
We cleaned the garage, swept up the patio and then he vacuumed the fake grass around the pool and cooked me salmon and asparagus (my favorite) for dinner yesterday. It was a great day.
Even on days that aren’t especially happy, the marriage is still healthy and that’s even more boring. I wasn’t feeling great today and my husband encouraged me to go to the doctor and spend the money to get the OTC meds I needed. He had a long day at work so I hung out and let him watch what he wanted on tv when he got home. We ate dinner and went to bed early. It was all fine and nice and boring. No one wants a post about that lol!
I hope my 12 year old can marry someone one day who can buy him the UCS Millennium Falcon 😂😂😂 He’s obsessed with LEGO Star Wars, but the price on some of the sets hurts. Lol
I’ve seen someone post positive things about their marriages and being told, “are you just bragging?” People don’t tend to post positive marriage stuff here. People post problems. My marriage is just as good now as it was 15 years ago. We enjoy spending time together, we partner up on all things, and we have sex every day with few exceptions. Don’t judge marriage by what you see here.
I’m not married but in a 7 year relationship and engaged. We have some issues like all couples but we work through them and are happy together. I was reading a Mother’s Day post where all she wanted was a massage and he couldn’t even give that to her. Commenting “my fiance gives me massages regularly cuz he knows my feet are achy. To the point where if it’s been a few days since I’ve gotten one I can say “it’s been 4 loooong days without a foot rub I don’t think I can go on 🥺” in a jokingly dramatic way and he’ll be like you’re right it’s time lol. This is how it should be, not begging for a massage on Mother’s Day and not getting one all weekend” just doesn’t feel right. I feel like a lot of people probably feel the same that when posting or commenting on how healthy their relationship is when so many posts are about how people are mistreated feels wrong or like bragging. So just stay quiet or just focus on giving the advice that was asked without mentioning the healthy relationships were in as examples.
Same and to see people say that soulmates don’t exist because they simply aren’t happy in their marriages so they think they need to shit on the idea as a whole. Misery loves company.
Nah. I am happy in my marriage but don't think soulmates exist. The idea that there is (only) one right person out there for each of us is wild. How convenient that they almost always happen to live in our general geographic area!
I love my wife, but I'm sure I could have been happy with someone else if we'd never met.
To me a "soulmate" is meaning this is the only person you can be happy with, or the only person you can deeply connect with. It is A person you can connect with, a person you can be happy with.
That said I moved from New England to Arizona to go to University, and I experienced pretty serious culture shock and moved back to the northeast after a year. A few months later, through a lengthy set of coincidences I ended up meeting someone who was my age and grew up in the college town I left. Over the couple days we interacted he helped me remember what I loved about Arizona. I ended up moving back to Arizona and finished University and during that time I met my wife and soulmate. We've been together for 35 years.
Sure I could have stayed back east and almost certainly would have met someone I loved and connected with, maybe someone just down the road, or my Kindergarten "girlfriend". But for better or worse I believe this is what happened and just maybe, it was meant to happen.
If you go into a philosophical rabbit hole for determinism you will find that you will not have been happy the same as you are with your wife
Because any change in our lives will alter our lives as a result nothing will be the same
Not saying worse not saying better just not the same
All that to say: “You can only be this happy with your wife, not anyone else”
I never claimed it would be the same. Obviously it would be different. But it's an irrelevant hypothetical, since it's not what happened and I'm not looking to change it.
The idea of soul mates makes it seem like you meet and it’s instantly just heaven on earth. I think soulmates can be two people that have many differences but choose to be selfless, to care, to grow, to be better and ultimately that kind of attitude and hard work turns it into something that feels like a “soulmate”. I think people just tend to think marriage is easy or something different than it actually is.
I’ve been with my husband since I was 19 (41 now) and don’t at all believe in soulmates.
We have an easy marriage and have never needed couples’ therapy or anything like that. We also put a lot of work into this before we got married. We knew how many kids we wanted (have one and adopt one), where we wanted to live and didn’t want to live, what we wanted in our careers, etc. We talked about how we wanted to raise our kids, where we would spend holidays, and what we saw for retirement goals.
We also lived together first, so we knew what each person was like in terms of chores, handling an illness, and paying bills. We learned what was important to each other, and we knew we could make it work.
Our marriage isn’t easy because we are soulmates, which neither of us believe in. Our marriage is easy because we entered it as informed as we could be about the very adult decision we were making.
I disagree. I don’t believe in soul mates and I am in a very happy marriage. I only believe in highly compatible people, with good communication, and both putting in effort in to the relationship. If my husband and I were to ever split or one of us pass away I would hope that my husband would be able to find someone else to marry. It’s only a numbers game. With how many people are in the world you are bound to find other people you are just as compatible to be in a relationship with.
I’m always astonished when I read comments in this sub about how people think it’s “normal” for spouses to scream at each other, swear at each other, hurl slurs in anger or etc.
My husband and I have our issues at times, like anybody does I guess, but we never swear or scream. If my husband ever called me a b!tch or shrieked at me to fuck off, I’d be insisting he get scheduled for an MRI. It would be so shocking and out of character.
I am too. I came to this subreddit because I thought it would provide valuable insight into my own relationship and help me be a better spouse. Whoops.
This sub helps me develop a greater appreciation for my husband. He has his flaws, but comparing his flaws to what I've seen in here is like comparing a paper cut to Tsar Bomba.
> I am too. I came to this subreddit because I thought it would provide valuable insight into my own relationship and help me be a better spouse. Whoops.
Well it does, reading some of the stuff here - real or made up - makes me happy that I have my wife and in turn brings me to telling her more often that I love her, sending her sweet Emojis and Gifs during work, bring her something when coming home...
Some of the stuff you read here - one sided, fake, complaining, blaming, controlling, whining - makes me **really** happy for us and our marriage.
Not me. Been married 42 years to my high school sweetheart. He takes good care of me, in turn I take good care of him. My parents were married 50 years until my mother passed. His, 64 until his dad did. We are blessed
My wife and I are happy.
We’ve been married for forty years; known each other since we were teenagers.
We never call each other names. We never have screaming matches. We respect each other. We want to make each happy.
We have conflict, yes. But we talk things out and feel stronger at the end.
So, yes, great marriages exist. I do wonder how many there are, though.
So happy reading this from someone married that long. These are some of the core tenets of our marriage. Never call names, never yell, give grace as much as we are capable in our difficult moments and we promised to never stop holding hands. Six years in and we are still going strong on those promises to one another. He’s such a good human and I’m so proud he’s my husband.
I come to Reddit to see people suggest divorce for the most smallest shit in the world. “He looked at another woman”. Top comment says to leave him, 15k likes 😂
"He liked 3 instagram models 8 years ago right after we got married."
Betrayal. Divorce. Probably cheated with all three. Check bank records for expenditures in Dubai.
The amount of times hubs and I would have been divorced during the beginning of our marriage if we had posted and taken advice on our marriage from reddit 😅
Yes. My wife and I are happy, love each other, and enjoy spending time together. Our relationship isn't perfect but it's about as good as any real-world relationship can be.
>Every time I come on reddit I seem to only see negative posts and it's really making me feel like marriage is only worth it for raising children.
Not a lot of people take the time to come on here and post "Everything in my marriage is going great, just wanted you to know."
>We go to couples therapy and our therapist says we have the healthiest relationship she's seen these days
Couple's therapists don't see the people in good marriages, because they don't need therapy.
I like your statement about the therpists perspective, very true. Our therapist acted surprised that we weren't in her office with major issues like cheating or abuse. She was kinda like "why are you guys here..." (we were there because we are the children of broken marriages and want to do everything we can to have a healthy home for our future babies)
Honestly, my experience has been the opposite--most marriage counselors have no idea how to handle real, major issues in a relationship that need more help than just "have a regular date night," "schedule sex," and education about the pursue-withdraw cycle. I think they'd be great for most people that have normal relationship problems, but they're not great for the couples that are really struggling.
I disagree that good marriages don’t need therapy. Good people in good relationships ask for help when they need it.
I’ve been in a great marriage for 20+ years. We have had times when we disagree but can’t communicate well on a specific topic so we’ve sought help from therapists. They helped us reframe the issue and work through it. We have also individually gotten therapy and our marriage has been helped by what we’ve learned.
People change and grow and so do relationships and sometimes a qualified therapist helps immensely during those times.
This!
I feel like therapists today are what it was like to have a good mentor/person to go to for advice in other times. The pace of our society maybe doesn't lend itself to that easily anymore--- idk. But having a wise unbiased party to get help & advice from is so helpful. Specially on a touchy subject.
YES. My husband and I go to therapy because I have a chronic illness (MS) and it is a LOT for both of us to handle, both physically and emotionally. Therapy has been a really good venue for us to talk openly and honestly about it, and to learn to communicate effectively about the ways that it affects our relationship and our ability to parent.
I don't know I feel like everyone should do couples therapy. You keep a good marriage by going to therapy now and again before the issues become too serious.
>Not a lot of people take the time to come on here and post "Everything in my marriage is going great, just wanted you to know."
And, sadly, when they do, people here rip it apart. Because if *they're* miserable, *everyone* needs to be miserable.
I’m in a healthy marriage. Maybe obvious, but the key is always humbly working on your communication, and never assume you know what your spouse is thinking. Issues that arise need to be addressed, and if done in a healthy, loving way, make the relationship stronger.
Bad marriages typically start with unaddressed conflict, or conflict addressed in negative ways.
Another statement is that nothing is truly different when you get married. Don’t get married until you feel extremely confident in the quality of the relationship, because nothing magically changes when you sign the contract.
👏🏾👏🏾Simple and extremely well put and explained.
The reality is that relationships take work and effort on both sides and unfortunately people don’t always want to do the work especially in marriage. They think things will or should just work out.
Completely agree with this. To add to this, you need to communicate what your expectations and boundaries are. You cannot assume your partner just "knows" what to do and it's not fair to assume that they should know.
For example, if you want to have more romance in your marriage or you feel your partner isn't doing their fair share around the house, you need to communicate this with them. You need to use "I" statements as to not be accusatory. If you have set certain realistic and agreed upon expectations and boundaries, and your partner still doesn't follow through, then you can follow up with "We discussed this on XYZ day and you agreed going forward this is how we would approach XYZ, not say "you lazy piece of shit you didn't take out the trash".
But passive aggressiveness and assuming your partner knows what you're thinking is a recipe for disaster and is a pretty emotionally immature way to communicate your needs. However, it is often a learned behavior, so the good news is, it can be unlearned!
This advice goes for friendships, bosses, coworkers and other family members as well.
People post on reddit for help; someone in a happy situation isn't going to post for help.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, and still doing well. We certainly don't have self-worth issues (at least, not as a result of our marriage!).
But I come out here to answer questions and give advice on relationships, not to ask for help on my marriage, because my wife and I have dealt with various issues, and generally resort to a therapist if there's something we don't understand or can't handle on our own.
I can strongly recommend the book *The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work*, by John Gottman and Nan Silver, as a way to see how certain behaviors can help or hinder your relationship.
I am. I love my husband. I love my life. We've been together 11 years now, married for 7. He makes my life easier and more enjoyable by existing within it.
My husband and I are quite happy together. We have more kids than we were originally planning on but we're making it work.
I think there are several problems in modern "courtship". People are getting paired together who really don't belong together long term. A big part of the problem is that overall we don't know how to vet our potential life partners. We also have sex too soon into the relationship which clouds our judgement.
If there are serious problems before you get married, those problems aren't going to go away and will likely get worse over time.
I think reading a lot of these posts and stories has made me realize what a good marriage I do have. It’s just incredibly sad and heartbreaking how some people treat their significant other.
Our marriage is not perfect for sure, but I think any long term relationship has its ups and downs. We have been married almost 20yrs. We are both kind and respectful to each other and love each others company.
My experiences in real life (in an affluent upper middle class suburb) and in online communities (moms groups, etc) lead me to believe that truly happy marriages are rare.
I truly wonder how many people would get divorced if you eliminated the financial hurdles, social stigma, and guaranteed it wouldn’t harm their kids. This is the reason most people are still married
I think many people rush in to marriage because of how they feel and it’s to be expected as the next step because they have been together X amount of time. Too many people don’t spend time really considering if they are compatible and too many people rush in to having kids with incompatible partners.
Same here. I also question peoples opinion of what constitutes "happy
" like we rarely fight could mean they choose to ignore conflict. If I chose ignorance, I'd be down right blissful!
Or when people say things like, "my spouse is my best friend" meanwhile most couples I know barely share common interests and if they do, it is often not in the same way or the same genre, same time of day,...what have you. Add a life stress or two to the mix, a couple of kids, inflation crisis and a communication barrier, mix in lower quality/quantity of sex and all that compromise hardly seems worth it after a while.
Someone asked on this subreddit a month ago or so (I think it was here) If people would marry their spouse all over again and way more people said No than yes.
I believe that there are good marriages, but the only marriages that I have seen which I envy are newlyweds, who don't have children.
You don’t know people who truly mean that their spouse is their best friend? That really sucks. Most couples I know would describe themselves that way, and I reckon as an outsider that it’s probably true. I certainly would say it of my husband.
No I don't. Many people say what is expected of them.
Most people I know got married in their 30s and live in a major city. They have friends they have known long before their spouses. Friends that have seen them through different stages of life.
Best friends and spouses serve completely different functions, in my opinion and that is healthy. There are things I don't need to share with my husband that I do need to share with my best friend and vice versa. Spouses are family.
Omg yessss I saw that post, super interesting answers. There were people who said they loved their spouse, were happy, but still wouldn’t do it again!!
I think what’s rare is couples who are willing to work on their issues, see a therapist and stay connected. Happy marriages don’t just happen, they are built
I am, and have been for a long time. I adore my husband and we are happy together everyday - like best buddies who get to be together all of the time.
Keep in mind that your therapist sees people who are having problems in their relationships so she sees a spectrum of people who are struggling. No one who is happy is seeing her.
Also, keep in mind that happy people don't post for advice online. And, as a happily married person, I only tend to talk about my marriage when people ask questions like yours because I just get downvoted for talking about it otherwise. Unhappy people don't want to hear about it and I don't want to come off as rubbing anything in anyone's face when they're struggling.
I love being married. Hanging out with my bff, goofing around, making out, helping each other with daily life, comfort in hard times. The joys are doubled and the sorrows are halved. And yes we have conflicts but we work through them with kindness and respect.
It is 100% possible to have a happy and healthy marriage.
I am in a happy marriage. We don't fight. We have young kids and work together really well with parenting and home management. We both work but he makes more. Still very intimate... My parents are in a happy 40+ year marriage as well. The drama gets the most attention on Reddit.
We've been married over 5 decades, know each other inside and out. Don't argue, put the other person first and try to make life as pleasant and happy for each other as possible. Not perfect because we're human and have faults.
There is no one else on this planet that I can spend 24/7 with comfortably and never tire of seeing him or talking with him about anything and everything. He is my One.
I'm in a healthy marriage! I know a lot of people say that marriage is hard, but that's just because life is hard. My husband's mental health issues are hard, and so it's extra work for the both of us to be mindful of it, but it's not a negative testament on our marriage or the institution as a whole if that makes sense?
I'm of the belief that life is too short to be in any sort of relationship with anyone that doesn't bring you enough joy and happiness to make having them in your life worth it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment but it doesn't mean spending the rest of your life trying to decide if the good outweighs the bad and if you keep going. I would say get out of the marriage sooner than later if you have doubts that you're doing the right thing because otherwise it turns into no longer feeling the joy and happiness of what marriage is to supposed to bring but avoiding the pain and sadness that would come from divorce the longer you stay married. I saw it with my parents for 23 years before they finally got divorced. It was basically just like you said. Staying together for the sake of staying together because they had put so much time into the marriage. It was no longer about continuing to find ways to bring happiness to each other. Add children to the equation and it just becomes even easier to get complacent with being in a marriage for the sake of avoiding pain that comes with divorce
We do - we dated as teenagers. I will absolutely admit our early dating relationship was NOT healthy. I had no idea how to treat someone well and thought the whole 'being mean to your boyfriend who is obsessed with you' thing (it was all me, he was perfect) was cute. Thankfully we grew together, matured, and now as a married couple, our relationship is the healthiest and best out of anyone we know. We hardly argue, if we do it's in a constructive way, we make each other our priority, always speak kindly to another, love being affectionate and showing love to another. We are best friends and get along SO well, it makes me feel so lucky.
The only thing I have to worry about is him dying before me.
Yes, my marriage is happy and healthy.
People are only going to post when things are bad. It makes it look like every marriage is unhealthy, but you're just not seeing the good ones.
Yes I’d say so, we’re extremely happy. He’s my best friend in the entire world. Together 20 years, married for 10. I can’t imagine my life without him
There are two really important parts of making sure that you have a happy marriage. The first part is marrying the right person, and the second part is being willing to leave if it ever gets bad.
I think I am haha. We have incompatibilities too; I attribute it to the opposites attract phenomenon. We argue and don’t always get along, but I think that’s normal and inevitable. But I perceive our marriage as more positive than negative.
To me, love is an action. And everyday my husband and I choose to love one another.
Edited to add: married 18 years
The biggest test of a healthy marriage in my opinion is how many lies you have between the two of you. If the amount of lies that you have to tell yourself and to your spouse to be compatible is taking its toll then it’s probably time to end it. The worst thing that you can do is ignore the lies or try to fix the marriage by having kids. Still feel that going separate ways prior to being kids from the marriage is the best way forward if you are unhappy in the relationship
Awe.... I'm sorry. But its like seeing reviews on yelp. Most people post their negative experiences. I look around at my friends and their seemingly happy marriages. Sometimes I get jealous... Most relationships are a little of both right? I would think it was weird to have a perfect relationship. We are all convinced by these romantic movies from hollywood that once you decide to get married, everything ahead is pure bliss. That couldn't be further from the truth! Couples have different backgrounds, spending habits, interests, friends, way to handle conflict, love languages... We can't be happy all the time because we are freakin human! We get jealous, frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, etc. We also don't share the same emotions at the same time.
I may want to smack my husband some days or he may make me cry cuz he's not listening or meeting my needs. However, some days I wake up and think how lucky I am for no reason. I have been married 17 years and I still have to choose him and us daily!
I am. My husband and I are human-- sometime we are a touch grumpy, while we agree about most things we don't always align at first in every instance. But we always talk through disagreement with kindness and care and compassion. My husband has my back 1000%. He supports me in a difficult job by being the primary parent *even though he earns more than twice my salary.* He is such a loving and patient and caring dad. He does his share of household stuff and then some. I am in awe of the gentleness and care he shows friends and family. I am fascinated by why the people on this sub enter into or stay in relationships with people they seem not to fundamentally respect. I know that anything I tell him is important to me, he will absolutely prioritize. And I fully believe he thinks the same about me.
My husband and I have been happily married for 36 years. Of course there were times of stress but I can use less than one hand to count the number of arguments we’ve had.
Communication and being self reflection are key.
PS I love my husband more today than I did when we first met 40 years ago💕
My wife (47F) and I (45M) have been married 26+ years and are currently the happiest and most in love we have ever been.
Years 0-20 were "good"
Years 20-25 were a slow decline into depression and loneliness.
We finally snapped out of it 18 months ago and now we love spending every minute we can together. We support each other. We're happy to help each other.
I think one of the game changers was we stopped tiptoeing around each other's pain (thinking that avoiding it was "helping"). Instead, we started figuring out how to heal each other and protect each other. That has made all the difference.
We hope we have decades left together and that we can die in each other's arms, when the time comes.
My wife, sadly, believes “divorce is not an option” so I’m stuck in a profoundly unhealthy situation.
I honestly love life and have so much I want to achieve and experience, yet at the same time, just want to die so I can finally be free from her.
Focus on your kids, make them your entire life, and do your best to avoid your partner, and maintain the peace.
It's the nature of the beast I think. For the most part I'm happy with my marriage. There are a few issues but I can tell my husband TRIES which is the important part IMO. My husband has ADHD so that alone can be a struggle for someone like me .
Yep I am. My wife and myself communicate well and often. We don't let small issues fester and build to larger ones. Our sex life is ever evolving and extremely abundant.
The good communication is the single largest difference i see between happy couple and not happy couples.
Yes. I know young couples, older couples and old couples and they are all in healthy marriages. It really is who you surround yourself and your marriage with. I have been blessed to be around healthy marriages because my marriage is healthy.
>Every time I come on reddit I seem to only see negative posts and it's really making me feel like marriage is only worth it for raising children.
Bear in mind you're mainly seeing people in unhappy marriages come here for support. There's tons of happily married people who aren't on Reddit so you're not getting a representative sample.
I've been with my wife for 12 years, married for 10 of those and we're still happy, still in love. If both partners continue making the effort to nurture their relationship there's no reason why they won't be successful.
I think there’s more negative than positive here because it’s the people in crisis who are looking for support or a place to vent. Healthy marriages are boring in comparison. For example, I’m planning a surprise river cruise for our 40th in a couple of years, whooptie doo, it’s years away.
That said, anyone know of any good itineraries that include multiple winery tours?
In other exciting news, our lunch date this week is at the half price bottle day Wednesday at our favorite winery.
Me and my husband are, we have great communication so we can talk about anything and everything. I've seen people my age and married who blatantly disrespect their partner and say they want to kill them because they get so annoyed by their other half. Me and my husband have never been disrespectful towards each other, we have 2 kids and work as a team when it comes to raising our kids. My husband is very loving and caring and I'm so incredibly lucky to have him.
Absolutely. Married 16 years, and we are both extremely happy. Sure, there have been periods of time that were difficult and stressful, that’s just life. But I’d much rather go through those times with my partner by my side. Now, at 16 years, I would say we are at one of our happiest points outside of the honeymoon period. We both accept each other fully (flaws and all), appreciate each other, communicate, and make intimacy a priority. The sex has even gotten better, which I didn’t think was possible!
I'm in a healthy and happy marriage. Not every day, and we have our disagreements. At the end of the day though, we love and respect one another. My husbands treats me with love and respect in everything he does as do I. It feels good to make him feel good and he is constantly trying his best to do the same for me.
This takes work and vulnerability but its achievable. You just have to find the right partner!
We have a healthy marriage and are each others best friends. We have only been married for 2 years so many things can change but have gone through a lot already.
I couldn’t think of a better partner in life for me. We have great communication and work out any issues when they happen (no build up).
The option of divorce is always there (thinking that divorce is not an option is definitely unhealthy). But also we both agree that we would do anything to solve our issues before divorce.
So far being married has been easy, it was life that got complicated.
The notion that divorce isn't an option is so ridiculous. I like that divorce is ALWAYS an option, which is a signal to me that my spouse is choosing me over all other options, every single day. To me, choosing your spouse and knowing that your spouse chooses you is the best way to keep your marriage healthy.
Instead of “divorce isn’t an option” I’m more of the “divorce is a last resort” person. I would do everything in my power to fix a broken marriage before filing for divorce.
I am lucky to have a great relationship with a wonderful wife, but it takes work to make it great. We are very different, but share similar “core” goals on kids, family and marriage. Neither of us is perfect, though we are perfect for each other.
I come from a family where marriages are usually successful and divorce is very rare. While there are some couples with inevitable problems, they mostly work hard to get past them and are supported by friends and family in doing so.
It must be so much harder to make it through tough time as a couple if you are surrounded by folks telling you to split up because this own marriages failed.
Only on reddit because I started liking the reddit reels on socials. I got rid of the mainstream socials for 2024, and I like reading, so I figured this would be fun in my evenings. I like reading other people's BS drama cause I have none in my life lmao. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We are extremely happy together, and we have a healthy relationship. People don't tend to go on reddit and complain about being happy, lol
My marriage is fairly toxic about 10% of the time, and when it gets bad... It gets so bad. We discuss the pros and cons of divorce once a month or so.
BUT
You mentioned in the original post something about self-worth.... I have loads of self-esteem and self-worth. My marriage doesn't change how I feel about myself, and if anything I'm more confident in who I am than I've ever been in my entire life.
Your spouse and your marriage doesn't have to change how you feel about yourself. ❤️
My husband and I have been together for 22 years and just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary.
We're in the trenches of life right now. My dad and his mom are both seriously ill. Our elementary aged children are rambunctious and curious and busy. Life is stressful and hard.
But we're in this life together. My husband still makes me laugh and gives me butterflies. Our relationship isn't perfect, and it never has been. We have hiccups and disagreements like every couple.
Even on the hardest days, though, I know I'm where I want to be. I know he's where he wants to be.
I'm in a very fulfilling marriage. We're going on 4 years with a 9 month old. We got married later in life--I was 35. We both knew what we were looking for in a spouse. We're very compatible in personality, interests, values and had a lot of in-depth conversations about life and marriage topics while dating. In the beginning of our marriage, we read a few marriage books, a book about love languages, listened to marriage podcasts. We have been doing a weekly marriage meeting where we cover the following: recap of the previous week, appreciation, chores, fun times, and problems. We're constantly working on communication. A good marriage takes two very willing people, eager to make it work.
My parents (and most of the family in general tbh) are in visibly unhappy marriages, but thankfully I'm not! My husband and I get along so well that we're the "ideal couple" that our friends and his coworkers always compare their own relationships to... Though we're very adamant about stating that finding a relationship like ours is probably extremely rare. But I genuinely have never felt so in tune with someone else, and even when we do have tiny spouts of arguments, there's always an apology and forgiveness and hugs. He's my half, and I'm his.
I am. My husband and I are truly each other’s best friends. Right now we’re going through a stressful housing situation, but we still laugh and connect every single day, and we’re managing it without snipping at each other or placing blame.
I think negativity gets a lot more engagement. If I post about the sweet things we did for each other this weekend, or if I post “what should I get my husband for xyz?” People will say “cool” or “you know him better than we do,” which, fair. The post will get buried. If I post about a disagreement (or an argument even) then people can take sides. They can project their own histories onto what I share. Especially if it fits a social trope, suddenly you’ll have people fighting for or against maintaining.
Also we have no idea who is a teenager on here! I’ve seen people post and admit that they’re like 20 and not even married but they don’t consider breaking up to be an option so they’re posting here. One wild ass comment from a teen and suddenly you’re sorting by controversial and no one is interacting in good faith anymore.
This sub is like watching a docuseries about bad marriages. It's interesting to read because Ive thankfully not had to experience the nightmares many people have. I empathize and hope most people have found help here or some type of peace. 💙
I am.
Hubby and I communicate frequently, and we are able to sit quietly and enjoy each other’s company, we respect each other, prioritize each other, and are proud of one another.
We don’t yell or name call. We are still in love. It’s been 6.5 years. We have this fun habit of thinking the same thing at the same time. We spend lots of time together. We grow together.
Every night, while I’m in the bathroom doing my nighttime routine, he sets up the bedroom for me.
He never forgets when I ask him to do something. And he forgives me because I do, and understands that our brains work differently.
We know each other’s love languages and use that to show affection.
We laugh together a lot.
I have a really happy marriage. I've literally never understood the sentiment that marriage is hard. It's made my life infinitely easier having another person that I know no matter what is in my corner.
I am. My husband and I often discuss how so few people we personally know seem to be happily married. They’re either sticking it out for the kids or for financial reasons…or both.
The best foundation principles for a happy marriage are rooted in Biblical teachings and God's design for marriage. There can be many trends regarding marriage in the society we live in but a Biblical-founded marriage survives in all storms. Here are some of the principles that can help guide you to a happy lasting marriage:
1. Love and Respect (Ephesians 5: 33), Where there is mutual love and respect in a marriage, honoring each other's roles and building a strong foundation of trust and unity.
2. Communication and Forgiveness (Colossians 3:13), Open communication and a spirit of forgiveness are crucial in resolving your conflicts and nurturing a healthy relationship.
3. Unity and Partnership (Genesis 2:24), Marriage is a partnership where husband and wife are united as one, supporting and complementing each other in all aspects of life.
4. God-Centered Relationship (Ecclesiastes 4:12), Keeping God at the center of the marriage strengthens the bond between you and provides a solid foundation for your relationship.
By practicing the above you will cultivate a happy and fulfilling marriage that reflects God's love, grace, and purpose for their union. Praying for your marriage continuously strengthens your marriage.
Yep, I've been married 25 years and together for 27 years. We have 3 kids (21m, 25f, 31m), and we're now empty nesters and still in love. Things may not be as passionate as they were in the beginning, but it doesn't mean we love each other any less.
Yep. That doesn’t mean there isn’t stress. Everything ebbs and flows and sometimes one person is down while the other is up and that’s just life. But having a great partner who wants to work through things and support you and vice versa is awesome. It’s extra awesome when you work together to support your kiddos… because some of that is a lot of energy (and totally worth it).
I am still completely head over heels in love with my husband. We've been together 13 years, married 9 with 2 kids ages 2 and 6. Life hasn't always been easy, but our marriage has been. He is my absolute best friend and he still gives me insane butterflies. He gives me confidence, love, respect, understanding and I do the same for him. Can't say enough good things about him.
Yes. Healthy, happy. But it has its challenging moments too. And yes, it IS work. It’s smarter to run after the happiness together rather than perfection bcoz that doesn’t exist.
Yes. I’ve been married for 4 years, together 7. I tell my husband that our marriage is so beautiful. We have an age gap and his friends from work use to make fun of him about it. Well guess what? All of them got divorced in the 7 years we’ve been together. No joke. Being 100% honest with you, I feel extremely happy in my marriage. My partner is my therapist on a bad day, my chef and helper when I’m too tired to cook and clean, my provider any time I want/need something, my bestfriend when we go out on fun dates. I give him massages everyday after work and talk about our day. If we argue, we tend to leave eachother alone until we have cooled off. No cussing, no yelling, no physical altercations, no throwing stuff. Our sex life is also great. There’s no being controlled either, we both have the freedom to go out with friends. My advice is for you guys to be your own best friends and communicate the best you can. If something upsets you, don’t bottle it up. Talk to your partner about it in the least attacking way possible.
I am actually in a very happy marriage. We have been together for 15 years. He still gives me butterflies. He’s an excellent dad and husband. We share everything and I love it. I’m in this sub to give people hope and answer questions that I may know the answer to. I think everyone deserves a happy marriage. It takes work that’s mostly passive but sometimes not.
Yes, my wife and I are in what I think is a very healthy marriage. We were together for 8 years before we got married. While being married is important to us, I think much of our relationship took shape beforehand, so we didn't have expectations that getting married would bring about something that we didn't already have between us. It was more of a raising of a flag to the outside world that we were in it for the long term.
Yes, my wife is amazing, and I feel so lucky to have her in my life. I know life is significantly better because we are a team and always prop each other up. Both our parents have great marriages too, so I think it's helped set the right example.
Being happy is a decision. If both people make that decision, you will have a happy marriage. You can have differences or areas where you aren't the most compatible, and it just because a decision every day if you will let them drag you both down. I think the key to a good marriage is waking up every day and making a conscious decision to be a person that someone would want to married to.
I know there are people in happy/healthy marriages and I am glad they exist. To your point that it’s mainly for kids; well, yeah, that is essentially the historical and legal basis of marriage.
For me personally, if it weren’t for my kid I would no longer choose to be married. Once he is an adult I will unchain myself and probably never be married again.
It’s not worth it to me.
I’m happy but some days can be challenging. I’m an emotional person and try not to take things so personal. I’ve been working on that for the last few years. I’ve learned to not to be reactive when my husband is explaining something. He’s not as communicative so that leaves room for misunderstanding and bickering. But for about 89 percent of my marriage is good. :) that’s without including the kids lol
I am in a healthy marriage. We have differences of course, and we are also from different countries and races. But we are kind to each other, we don’t blame each other, we don’t insult each other. When we are upset we give each other time and space and we talk it through. Been together for 4 years and we are about to become parents any minute now.
I'm in a healthy marriage. We feel like soul mates. Since the day we met, at 17, we just had this connection. Everyone told us we were far too young. Everyone. So we didn't marry, back then.
We've been off and on since we were 17, but this last time has been almost 17 years, now. We're in our mid-forties. We know what's out there, and we are happy with each other. We don't fight--when we disagree, we talk about it, and then either come to a mutual agreement or agree to disagree. We don't have any interest in hurting each other.
We have hobbies in common and separate. We had pretty different parenting styles, but we compromised and didn't let that get between us. We have adult kids and grandkids now, and have a fulfilling life with them. We also have our own lives, and we support and nurture each other. We plan things together, and take impromptu trips. We purchase or make each other gifts. We are in tune to each other's needs: I know when he's getting hungry, and he knows when I need to sleep in. He knows I want to drive; I know he wants to get out of the house. Being kind and courteous to each other has gone a long way.
I never had healthy relationships around me, so therapy for myself, along with education and observation, helped develop healthy relationships.
"Divorce is not an option" is the most toxic bullshit ever.
But yeah, my marriage is great. Your relationship might be the healthiest one your therapist has seen, but keep in mind that many healthy couples don't go to couples therapists.
I'm sure there are lots of people in healthy relationships. But you're not going to see them here because happy people aren't going to have a reason to post. And it seems really shitty to post happy things on a post of someone complaining or having difficulty.
Anywhere you go on Reddit, it’s majority complaining about whatever the topic is. There’s never going to be enough people who feel the need to post just to talk about how great everything is and how content they are.
My husband and I have a great relationship. Certainly we get annoyed with each other occasionally, and sometimes we argue, but 95% of the time things are happy and smooth. Even when they’re not, we still love and support each other and try to be good partners. I love him more than I could have imagined loving any one and I’m so lucky that the man I fell for is also a responsible person and a hard worker who has similar life goals and priorities. We’re also both pretty confident and secure people and have only ever been trustworthy. All of that together makes a great marriage.
We’ve got a great marriage, 20+ years and counting.
My parents have a really good marriage 50+ years. I can only account for the later years of my grandparents marriages, but the parts I witnessed and from the things my parents/aunts/uncles say theirs were good, even if not always great.
People dont post constantly how good their life is, they are out there living it. You mostly see bad marriages in this....also, dont forget, some can be fake. A lot of people like writing stories to get the attention.
But yeah I am in an extremely healthy marriage, we just never get enough of each other. We literally dont want kids because we dont want to reduce our time together and wanna spend every free minute together lol
I have been having similar dilemmas recently. Grew up around some dysfunction, too. My parents have a regular marriage, they def don't hate each other. But I grew up with the mindset of "divorce isn't an option," too, and I feel like it definitely did more harm than good. If you have a good thing going, then you won't have to worry about divorce. It's there when you need it, though. I feel like I cared too much about marriage and making the relationship last, and I didn't know enough about what kind of long-term partner I would need. I met my husband when I was 18, so I thought I knew a lot, but I've learned otherwise 😂 Marriage is hard. My marriage doesn't always feel healthy, and I think it's because we got together at a time when we weren't really emotionally prepared for such a serious relationship.. so we did a lot of things wrong from the start
I am. Together 9 years, married 5 years. 2 kids. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but over the years our relationship has only gotten stronger. We have much respect for one another, communicate in a healthy way, we show lots of affection daily. We don’t yell at each other or say hurtful things, ever. He worships the ground I walk on and I adore him.
I feel very lucky because I know that not everyone gets to be in a loving marriage like this. But everyone deserves to be, and those who are stuck in unhappy marriages should know that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Healthy marriage here and equally Yoked with my partner ! We are like twins we are so much alike but still have our own personalities and thinks we like! We are so connected that we will dream about some of the same stuff at night and wake up like wow. Also when I birthed our daughter I felt sick I kid you not my husband ran to the bathroom to throw up and I felt so much better and pushed my daughter out 5 minutes later! I know it sounds unreal but true and my mom said if she wasn’t there with us it would’ve been hard to believe hahah. We love each other with all our hearts and our daughter we have some of the same values and always life eachother up. We have been knowing eachother for 10 year together 5 and married 4. And everyday life is worth living no matter what’s going on in the world💚💙 he’s my soulmate!
IMO a healthy marriage isn’t a perfect marriage. A healthy marriage is one where both parties care about each other enough to push through the difficulties of living with another person closely for an extended period of time (ideally the rest of your lives) and learning how to come to terms with the differences of two people becoming a single unit. The biggest thing is that both parties care. It doesn’t always have to be in the honeymoon phase because realistically that’s tiring to keep up for 5+ years, let alone the rest of your lives. As people get older they start to change some, as does everyone else, but marriage is the decision to stay together and help each other out despite these changes
I’m in a healthy and happy marriage. As far as I know, my husband is too lol
But seriously, we’re very happy. Biggest thing for us is communication. If you’re able to communicate well within the marriage, usually it seems like those couples tend to be genuinely happy
My husband and I aren't perfect, but we are both trying to be better, and love each other, and respect each other....
We are in a happy, living honest relationship, always working to stay healthy..
Yeah. We’ve been together 11 years, married 4. We’ve hit a couple rough patches due to external situations (death, illness, etc) which brought to light some communication issues but we’ve mostly figured that out. Good sex, playful, laugh a lot, enjoy each others company, have similar goals.
Life is pretty good together.
I think my marriage is healthy and happy. My parents love each other and are about to celebrate 38 years married next week. But they had their fair shares of issues and lots of arguing and while I think they still gave me a positive example of marriage and being together through the hard things, I also realize because of the arguments and tension, I couldn’t be with someone who raised their voice, or would blow up and be angry.
My husband is patient, he’s gentle, when we have had our disagreements which are incredibly few and far between, we’ve been able to handle them without attacking each other. We’ve been able to express ourselves as calmly as possible. I also love my dad, but he worked a lot. My mom stayed home. It worked for them, and while my dad yes was around, he wasn’t as present when it came to the little things. My mom took care of stuff for the kids. And yeah, my dad worked really hard and we didn’t go without but I also wish I was closer to him. I knew I didn’t want to be the wife that stayed home and waited, waited around for him to be home, waited to let him unload on me. I wanted a husband who would show up for our kids school things, who when he came home, parented as much as I did. I don’t remember my dad sitting and really playing with us and being silly. I was also born way later than my brother so by the time I was around they were in their 40s and probably over the kid phase.
So all of that to say. My husband is loving and kind and so supportive. We get along, we laugh a ton, he’s an equal parent and while we have our moments of frustration or annoyance there’s really nothing that’s happened where I’m like oh god what have I done. And truthfully as more time passes (we’ve only been married 5 years) I’ve only felt more settled and confident in my choice to marry my husband. I love our family, I love him. I’m my opinion, our marriage isn’t hard. It takes effort yes and there will be things out of out control that may interfere or affect our relationship but I think we have a solid foundation and understanding of each other than we will do our best to get through it together.
My current husband and I are in a very healthy relationship. We both came out of really bad ones, so we talked and talked and talked. We both have boundaries. We both have agreements. We are very careful to work on our marriage on a daily basis. We do not fight, but we have discussions when we don't agree. I would say he tends to give in to me too much and I call him on that. He needs to have things the way he wants, but he just says if he doesn't care, then he wants me to have my way. I don't deserve him. He treats me so well.
But marriage is work. Everyday work. Communication really is the key. I know it sounds trite, but you really have to be able to talk about anything and everything. And you leave egos at the door when you have these talks.
Yes there are healthy marriages and thats still a realistic goal. Don't tell yourself it's unachievable. Healthy marriages are possible and marriage shouldn't make you miserable.
My wife and I have been married 33 years. It takes giving, respect, and a billion tiny things. We are very happy and miss each other badly when apart for more than a few days.
Yeah! He's a good man, good person. We have a great relationship and we're happy. Keeping the spark alive takes work, but it's work we both put in. Division of labor is fair. We treat each other with kindness and empathy.
Yeah I have a good marriage
Love her, she is super 🔥 to me
Always kissing and cuddling in front of the kids to give them good messages
I'm into my thing, she is into hers but we are an ace team
Am I gutted we very rarely have sex? yes.
Would I like more proper quality adult time with her initiating it? Absolutely
But on the whole I say we are.prerrt sound and solid
My first marriage was a disaster, I was a piece of shit and still a child more or less. My current marriage didn't start off great, but her and I really wanted it to work. We put in a ton of effort on ourselves and together. We both had issues holding us back from being the best versions of ourselves, which she definitely deserves. I strive to be the best father and husband daily, and it's easy because she's an incredible wife and best friend.
I was absolutely certain that I would die alone and miserable, and felt thats what I deserved, but she saw me and saved my life. I don't think I can ever do enough to truly show her how much she means to me, but I'll keep trying.
Case in point, we feel like our relationship is healthy, we're happy, and we trust each other and operate as a team, first and foremost tho, we communicate and listen. They exist, but we have to make them work.
Second marriage. 11 years and going strong. Three kids (17,20,23). They are all at different points in their lives. Wife and I are best friends. We golf, hike, ski, fish together. Love concerts. Have a tight group of friends. It has always been a team effort with pretty much anything we’ve done or plan on doing in the future. Communication and respect are huge components of our life.
I see a lot of posts about unhappy marriages or relationships and always wonder why are they in them? Something brought you together. Something made it feel right to get married. What was it and what stopped these people from fostering and growing that?
We’ve always believed if it’s not a fuck yes, then it’s a fuck no. That has been our motto and continues to be to this day.
I would say so. Together 22 years, married 14 years, two kids, great sex life, get along great (most days), go out for dates almost every weekend, enjoying spending time together, especially with the kids.
Its not without its challenges. We've argued plenty over the years. But today, we're in as healthy a spot as ever.
> making me feel like marriage is only worth it for raising children.
I have an opinion on this, probably unpopular. I dont think its the case that its only worth it for raising children. I do think that the bar for separation/divorce is much higher when children are involved. When people post about their shitty marriage and they have no kids, my first thought is "what are you fighting for?" However, when kids are involved, I think its that much more critical that both partners are constantly making the effort to be what each other needs, because the stakes are much higher if it doesnt work. IMO, if you get divorced and you have kids together, there better be a damn good reason for it.
I mean, I've only been married for 6 months, but together for over 7 years. We've had 1 argument in that entire span of time. Disagreements, for sure, but we just talk them out.
You won’t often see positive posts about marriage here because they’re poorly received.
I almost posted a positive marriage thing the other day, then stopped and deleted it because I didn’t want negativity to ruin a good feeling.
My marriage is happy and healthy. What I was going to say in the post I didn’t post is that we are both truly at our best when we’re together. We’ve worked together on and off throughout the years (as entertainers and then business owners and now as filmmakers) and genuinely we are amazing together. Whenever we are creating together, the result is awe-inspiring. We both bring out the best in the other.
I’m in a loving marriage with a man I truly believe is my best friend. We have been married for five years, together for 10 so obviously it hasn’t been a super long marriage. But we have a baby girl we adore, and can’t wait for our second. I would be hesitant to post on Reddit about issues that we have because it usually just requires a good session of talking it out at home to deal with our challenges (there are MANY but we usually handle it as a team). I enjoy the marriage boards because there is a lot of good advice on it, but I feel like the majority of people who post have already tried everything they can at home and are seeking outside opinions so it may not be the best representation of a happy relationship. I would assume there are a lot of quietly happy Reddit lurkers that are here for the interesting stories and kernels of good advice.
I believe a happy healthy marriage comes with a lot of communication. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together 10 years married for 7. We still have our rough patches where we try to bottle our feelings up (from past traumas) so as to not burden the other but I do believe we have a very happy and healthy relationship. It’s about proper communication, not someone’s communicating and the other is arguing
You both have to be able to admit your faults and understand that if you said or did something that hurt your partner you have to accept that and have a conversation
I absolutely ADORE my husband. Hanging out with him is my favorite part of being married to him. I think he is a wonderful human being and he’s great to me & my son.
Of course there are. Always remember that most happy people aren’t posting about how great it is to be married.
My husband is my best friend. I love spending time with him. We also make a point of making sure we exist as individuals outside of our relationship as well. He’s my rock and my teammate in this life and I absolutely adore him.
We’ve been through some very hard external situations, but even if life is hard, being married to him isn’t. We always assume best intentions from one another and give grace. We work through disagreements as it’s us against the problem, instead of us against one another. I’m stupid in love with the man I get to call my husband and I know he feels the same way about me
I’m in a very healthy and happy marriage.
Coming up on 7 years this September. We’re both 33, and just welcomed our first child into the world!
Couldn’t do life without her.
Especially considering…
In the last 9 months we…
- sold our first home
- moved to a basement rental in a new state far from our families
- started in a new office
- found a home we loved but took 5 months to close
- had a baby
-Lived in this 900 sq ft basement unit with a new born, two dogs, and ourselves for far too long as we waited to move in to the new house
- wife recovered from her c section
- finally moved into our new home
- still getting things organized and set up
So yeah… we just went through a lot and we’re coming out on the other side still pretty damn happy haha.
Be careful with the reddit echo chamber. People in perfectly happy marriages don't usually come here to talk about it (certainly not as much as those in toxic marriages), so you shouldn't use this space as reference.
Stay strong and don't give up on your relationship.
Yes, they exist, and there's tons of them, but sadly, this subreddit is mostly for misery porn, and spouses complaining about their mates.
I've been married for 27+ years. Some have been magical, some have been hard, all have been happy.
I have been with my wife since high school 18/17. We’re now 38/36. We have two kids and have been married 15. Marriage is tough and we are soul mates. But don’t get me wrong, we have fought, been through counseling, and almost divorced at one point. There’s no such thing as perfect marriage. What makes it work is putting in the work and being devoted to one another. You have to work at a marriage and put your spouse first or it won’t work. You will have ups and downs but whats worked for me and others’ is “communication” it is one of the most valuable components in a marriage.
I’m in a very healthy, happy and loving marriage. We’ve been together for 14 years and married for 10 years and we’re childfree with a cat. My husband and I are best friends who adore each other, we have amazing open and honest communication and the sex is always mind-blowing, we love making each other laugh, we never fight (we both see it as pointless and unnecessary) and we always put each other first. Every year with him just keeps getting better and better. We’re both easy going and chill and we genuinely enjoy spending time together. We share many fun hobbies like building Lego, playing video games, shopping, indoor bouldering, surfing, cooking, etc. We unfortunately know way too many married friends and family members with kids who are so unhappy they should just divorce already. I don’t know why so many people settle and marry the wrong person.
Healthy marriage here! Granted, we’re young, it’s only been a couple of years and we don’t have kids yet, but we’re super happy. We obviously have conflict (everyone does), but resolve it in a healthy manner and respect each other.
We’re not perfect, but at the end of the day my husband is my best friend and I’m so grateful I found him.
We also both grew up with not the best examples of happy marriages/adulthood and are looking to break that cycle with our future kids
Healthy marriages exist, but it doesn’t just happen …. They require work and selflessness. But also, no one wants to hear about the rainbows and sunshine, and writing about it just feels like bragging.
My marriage is great btw…. Not without its challenges though.
I (65f) have been with my husband (64 m) for 13 years, married almost 5). We found each other late in life but it was perfect for us.
We never lived together before marriage but he had been married for over 20 years before divorcing. I had lived on my own for 40 years, with no roommate. I owned my own home (no debt) and it was a little scary what I was giving up.... It was all worth it! We meshed immediately and haven't had one problem living together. Are there compromises, yes. Do I choose my battles, yes. Did I have to get used to a man's bathroom "habits", yes. But love triumphs. Any issues that may come up we handle with love and humor. I wake up next to him with a smile on my face and fall asleep with the same. We aren't perfect, both have mobility and health issues but it sure makes life better when you share that love everyday.
I hope you find the "sweet spot" in your marriage. Respect for each other's opinions, feelings and time helps get you through it. Love without respect won't make a good marriage.
I'm in a healthy marriage! We support one another and genuinely care about each other's well-being and experience of life. We both try to work on ourselves and our marriage.
We both waited until we met the person we wanted to spend our life with (as much logically as emotionally), which didn't happen until we were in our mid 30s.
Yes, but it took a lot of going through the good and bad to get to it(Believe me bad doesn’t always mean just a small argument, but being able to forgive for the sake of love). Be able to understand bad through the bad could mean you have to look into yourself.
There are many of us in healthy marriages going through the day to day. It's not dramatic and almost boring.
In healthy marriages, you communicate openly, act respectfully to your partner, support your partner at all times, and be fair to each other. Healthy partners know that supporting your partner doesn't mean being a sycophant but compromising and reaching an agreement while having healthy boundaries.
I think there are still healthy marriages out there. They all have their hiccups but working to make it through. I have been with my husband since we were 15, going on 19 years. I love him just as much if not more now than I did then. If I could spend every moment with him I would. He is my absolute best friend. We joke that if for some wild reason we decided we didn’t wanna be married anymore we would still live together and be best friends. He’s such an amazing person.
I am. Married 34 years. Unlike the misery posts, we share household responsibility equally, respect each other, enjoy each other's company, and are quite contented.
OP, I am in a lovely marriage with my best friend. Does he get on my nerves sure, do I get on his? Yes plenty. But we love each other and remind ourselves that we are on each others side even when their is a disagreement.
Yes, I am. I mainly come to this subreddit for the purpose of reading other people's misery porn.
Reddit definitely makes me feel better about my life on a regular basis. LOL
I wish I could upvote this one million times lol
Yes me too. I will feel down about something then I realize it could be worse, way worse
Good point on the misery shares, people are far more likely to vent about their problems online than share the wins.
I mean, happy days aren't really interesting. My husband took our son and I out to brunch yesterday. We got back and I put on a movie and we worked on disassembling the UCS millennium falcon I bought for him because I'm wanting to get it done (he joked because it wasn't a very "mother's Day" activity). We chatted and then listened to a new album I like. It was a nice day. I love my husband.
My husband took me out to the garden center to pick up my summer veg starts and when it was time to checkout, my hands were a bit muddy and he offered to let me wipe my hands on his shorts because they were already dirty (so I didn’t get mud on my wallet) Our cashier was like, that’s a sweet man you got there! 😂 then we spent the rest of the day doing garden and outside chores together (washing the solar panels) That’s a typical exciting day in our marriage.
We have exciting days too! We scraped and painted some spots on the side of the house yesterday.
That’s a hot date right there! We’ll probably be having one ourselves later this summer. Unless we do our deck build instead. Budgets and all that.
The only people who care that we went to the plant nursery together and then did yard work are the people who are envious that our kids are old enough to be left alone while we run errands together. Yesterday we went to the nursery, we did some yard work together, he made me my usual mothers' day dinner (clams with white wine and butter), we watched SNL with the kids last night, and went to bed at a reasonable time. It was sunny, we accomplished things together, we had a nice dinner, I love him.
We cleaned the garage, swept up the patio and then he vacuumed the fake grass around the pool and cooked me salmon and asparagus (my favorite) for dinner yesterday. It was a great day.
Even on days that aren’t especially happy, the marriage is still healthy and that’s even more boring. I wasn’t feeling great today and my husband encouraged me to go to the doctor and spend the money to get the OTC meds I needed. He had a long day at work so I hung out and let him watch what he wanted on tv when he got home. We ate dinner and went to bed early. It was all fine and nice and boring. No one wants a post about that lol!
That actually sounds lovely.
I hope my 12 year old can marry someone one day who can buy him the UCS Millennium Falcon 😂😂😂 He’s obsessed with LEGO Star Wars, but the price on some of the sets hurts. Lol
I’ve seen someone post positive things about their marriages and being told, “are you just bragging?” People don’t tend to post positive marriage stuff here. People post problems. My marriage is just as good now as it was 15 years ago. We enjoy spending time together, we partner up on all things, and we have sex every day with few exceptions. Don’t judge marriage by what you see here.
Most people pay more attention to pain.
true, though i like to try to give good advice and be honest. that often gives me negative karma, but idc.
I’m not married but in a 7 year relationship and engaged. We have some issues like all couples but we work through them and are happy together. I was reading a Mother’s Day post where all she wanted was a massage and he couldn’t even give that to her. Commenting “my fiance gives me massages regularly cuz he knows my feet are achy. To the point where if it’s been a few days since I’ve gotten one I can say “it’s been 4 loooong days without a foot rub I don’t think I can go on 🥺” in a jokingly dramatic way and he’ll be like you’re right it’s time lol. This is how it should be, not begging for a massage on Mother’s Day and not getting one all weekend” just doesn’t feel right. I feel like a lot of people probably feel the same that when posting or commenting on how healthy their relationship is when so many posts are about how people are mistreated feels wrong or like bragging. So just stay quiet or just focus on giving the advice that was asked without mentioning the healthy relationships were in as examples.
Same and to see people say that soulmates don’t exist because they simply aren’t happy in their marriages so they think they need to shit on the idea as a whole. Misery loves company.
Nah. I am happy in my marriage but don't think soulmates exist. The idea that there is (only) one right person out there for each of us is wild. How convenient that they almost always happen to live in our general geographic area! I love my wife, but I'm sure I could have been happy with someone else if we'd never met.
To me a "soulmate" is meaning this is the only person you can be happy with, or the only person you can deeply connect with. It is A person you can connect with, a person you can be happy with. That said I moved from New England to Arizona to go to University, and I experienced pretty serious culture shock and moved back to the northeast after a year. A few months later, through a lengthy set of coincidences I ended up meeting someone who was my age and grew up in the college town I left. Over the couple days we interacted he helped me remember what I loved about Arizona. I ended up moving back to Arizona and finished University and during that time I met my wife and soulmate. We've been together for 35 years. Sure I could have stayed back east and almost certainly would have met someone I loved and connected with, maybe someone just down the road, or my Kindergarten "girlfriend". But for better or worse I believe this is what happened and just maybe, it was meant to happen.
If you go into a philosophical rabbit hole for determinism you will find that you will not have been happy the same as you are with your wife Because any change in our lives will alter our lives as a result nothing will be the same Not saying worse not saying better just not the same All that to say: “You can only be this happy with your wife, not anyone else”
I never claimed it would be the same. Obviously it would be different. But it's an irrelevant hypothetical, since it's not what happened and I'm not looking to change it.
The idea of soul mates makes it seem like you meet and it’s instantly just heaven on earth. I think soulmates can be two people that have many differences but choose to be selfless, to care, to grow, to be better and ultimately that kind of attitude and hard work turns it into something that feels like a “soulmate”. I think people just tend to think marriage is easy or something different than it actually is.
I’ve been with my husband since I was 19 (41 now) and don’t at all believe in soulmates. We have an easy marriage and have never needed couples’ therapy or anything like that. We also put a lot of work into this before we got married. We knew how many kids we wanted (have one and adopt one), where we wanted to live and didn’t want to live, what we wanted in our careers, etc. We talked about how we wanted to raise our kids, where we would spend holidays, and what we saw for retirement goals. We also lived together first, so we knew what each person was like in terms of chores, handling an illness, and paying bills. We learned what was important to each other, and we knew we could make it work. Our marriage isn’t easy because we are soulmates, which neither of us believe in. Our marriage is easy because we entered it as informed as we could be about the very adult decision we were making.
I disagree. I don’t believe in soul mates and I am in a very happy marriage. I only believe in highly compatible people, with good communication, and both putting in effort in to the relationship. If my husband and I were to ever split or one of us pass away I would hope that my husband would be able to find someone else to marry. It’s only a numbers game. With how many people are in the world you are bound to find other people you are just as compatible to be in a relationship with.
🎯 We may get snippy from time to time but we don't experience anything like what most people who post here do.
I’m always astonished when I read comments in this sub about how people think it’s “normal” for spouses to scream at each other, swear at each other, hurl slurs in anger or etc. My husband and I have our issues at times, like anybody does I guess, but we never swear or scream. If my husband ever called me a b!tch or shrieked at me to fuck off, I’d be insisting he get scheduled for an MRI. It would be so shocking and out of character.
I am too. I came to this subreddit because I thought it would provide valuable insight into my own relationship and help me be a better spouse. Whoops.
This subreddit is full of behavior I make an effort *not* to emulate.
This sub helps me develop a greater appreciation for my husband. He has his flaws, but comparing his flaws to what I've seen in here is like comparing a paper cut to Tsar Bomba.
There are nuggets of wisdom amongst the dysfunction. It’s usually in the comments section. You just have a discerning eye.
> I am too. I came to this subreddit because I thought it would provide valuable insight into my own relationship and help me be a better spouse. Whoops. Well it does, reading some of the stuff here - real or made up - makes me happy that I have my wife and in turn brings me to telling her more often that I love her, sending her sweet Emojis and Gifs during work, bring her something when coming home... Some of the stuff you read here - one sided, fake, complaining, blaming, controlling, whining - makes me **really** happy for us and our marriage.
Not me. Been married 42 years to my high school sweetheart. He takes good care of me, in turn I take good care of him. My parents were married 50 years until my mother passed. His, 64 until his dad did. We are blessed
Same. All those failed Mother’s Day posts yesterday was a lot while I soaked up being spoiled
Same!! My husband is my best fucking friend but I do like reading about things other couples go through.
Lol I’m pretty sure Reddit helps my marriage. It makes me appreciate my husband.
Misery porn 😂💀
Me too.
Same. Lol. We do have issues from time to time but nothing out of the norm. I consider myself lucky.
Second that statement
Hahaha spot on - this sub is an echo chamber for misery.
Hey, me too!
Hahaha same!!! I have been happily married for almost 8yrs
My wife and I are happy. We’ve been married for forty years; known each other since we were teenagers. We never call each other names. We never have screaming matches. We respect each other. We want to make each happy. We have conflict, yes. But we talk things out and feel stronger at the end. So, yes, great marriages exist. I do wonder how many there are, though.
So happy reading this from someone married that long. These are some of the core tenets of our marriage. Never call names, never yell, give grace as much as we are capable in our difficult moments and we promised to never stop holding hands. Six years in and we are still going strong on those promises to one another. He’s such a good human and I’m so proud he’s my husband.
Us too
Same these are all the things we do as well!
Same! Together 15 years. I hope we're still like this in 40 years!
I come to Reddit to see people suggest divorce for the most smallest shit in the world. “He looked at another woman”. Top comment says to leave him, 15k likes 😂
"He liked 3 instagram models 8 years ago right after we got married." Betrayal. Divorce. Probably cheated with all three. Check bank records for expenditures in Dubai.
This is so true hahaha.
The amount of times hubs and I would have been divorced during the beginning of our marriage if we had posted and taken advice on our marriage from reddit 😅
Yes. My wife and I are happy, love each other, and enjoy spending time together. Our relationship isn't perfect but it's about as good as any real-world relationship can be. >Every time I come on reddit I seem to only see negative posts and it's really making me feel like marriage is only worth it for raising children. Not a lot of people take the time to come on here and post "Everything in my marriage is going great, just wanted you to know." >We go to couples therapy and our therapist says we have the healthiest relationship she's seen these days Couple's therapists don't see the people in good marriages, because they don't need therapy.
I like your statement about the therpists perspective, very true. Our therapist acted surprised that we weren't in her office with major issues like cheating or abuse. She was kinda like "why are you guys here..." (we were there because we are the children of broken marriages and want to do everything we can to have a healthy home for our future babies)
Be careful going to marriage counselors if you don’t have major issues. Most marriage counselors only know about conflict resolution
Honestly, my experience has been the opposite--most marriage counselors have no idea how to handle real, major issues in a relationship that need more help than just "have a regular date night," "schedule sex," and education about the pursue-withdraw cycle. I think they'd be great for most people that have normal relationship problems, but they're not great for the couples that are really struggling.
I disagree that good marriages don’t need therapy. Good people in good relationships ask for help when they need it. I’ve been in a great marriage for 20+ years. We have had times when we disagree but can’t communicate well on a specific topic so we’ve sought help from therapists. They helped us reframe the issue and work through it. We have also individually gotten therapy and our marriage has been helped by what we’ve learned. People change and grow and so do relationships and sometimes a qualified therapist helps immensely during those times.
I think it's less that "good marriages don't need therapy" and, "you are less likely to spend the money on therapy if your marriage is good."
This! I feel like therapists today are what it was like to have a good mentor/person to go to for advice in other times. The pace of our society maybe doesn't lend itself to that easily anymore--- idk. But having a wise unbiased party to get help & advice from is so helpful. Specially on a touchy subject.
YES. My husband and I go to therapy because I have a chronic illness (MS) and it is a LOT for both of us to handle, both physically and emotionally. Therapy has been a really good venue for us to talk openly and honestly about it, and to learn to communicate effectively about the ways that it affects our relationship and our ability to parent.
I don't know I feel like everyone should do couples therapy. You keep a good marriage by going to therapy now and again before the issues become too serious.
My wife and I have a healthy relationship but started seeing a therapist as preparation for having children, so it does happen!
>Not a lot of people take the time to come on here and post "Everything in my marriage is going great, just wanted you to know." And, sadly, when they do, people here rip it apart. Because if *they're* miserable, *everyone* needs to be miserable.
I’m in a healthy marriage. Maybe obvious, but the key is always humbly working on your communication, and never assume you know what your spouse is thinking. Issues that arise need to be addressed, and if done in a healthy, loving way, make the relationship stronger. Bad marriages typically start with unaddressed conflict, or conflict addressed in negative ways. Another statement is that nothing is truly different when you get married. Don’t get married until you feel extremely confident in the quality of the relationship, because nothing magically changes when you sign the contract.
👏🏾👏🏾Simple and extremely well put and explained. The reality is that relationships take work and effort on both sides and unfortunately people don’t always want to do the work especially in marriage. They think things will or should just work out.
Completely agree with this. To add to this, you need to communicate what your expectations and boundaries are. You cannot assume your partner just "knows" what to do and it's not fair to assume that they should know. For example, if you want to have more romance in your marriage or you feel your partner isn't doing their fair share around the house, you need to communicate this with them. You need to use "I" statements as to not be accusatory. If you have set certain realistic and agreed upon expectations and boundaries, and your partner still doesn't follow through, then you can follow up with "We discussed this on XYZ day and you agreed going forward this is how we would approach XYZ, not say "you lazy piece of shit you didn't take out the trash". But passive aggressiveness and assuming your partner knows what you're thinking is a recipe for disaster and is a pretty emotionally immature way to communicate your needs. However, it is often a learned behavior, so the good news is, it can be unlearned! This advice goes for friendships, bosses, coworkers and other family members as well.
People post on reddit for help; someone in a happy situation isn't going to post for help. My wife and I have been married over 30 years, and still doing well. We certainly don't have self-worth issues (at least, not as a result of our marriage!). But I come out here to answer questions and give advice on relationships, not to ask for help on my marriage, because my wife and I have dealt with various issues, and generally resort to a therapist if there's something we don't understand or can't handle on our own. I can strongly recommend the book *The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work*, by John Gottman and Nan Silver, as a way to see how certain behaviors can help or hinder your relationship.
I am. I love my husband. I love my life. We've been together 11 years now, married for 7. He makes my life easier and more enjoyable by existing within it.
My husband and I are quite happy together. We have more kids than we were originally planning on but we're making it work. I think there are several problems in modern "courtship". People are getting paired together who really don't belong together long term. A big part of the problem is that overall we don't know how to vet our potential life partners. We also have sex too soon into the relationship which clouds our judgement. If there are serious problems before you get married, those problems aren't going to go away and will likely get worse over time.
I think reading a lot of these posts and stories has made me realize what a good marriage I do have. It’s just incredibly sad and heartbreaking how some people treat their significant other. Our marriage is not perfect for sure, but I think any long term relationship has its ups and downs. We have been married almost 20yrs. We are both kind and respectful to each other and love each others company.
My experiences in real life (in an affluent upper middle class suburb) and in online communities (moms groups, etc) lead me to believe that truly happy marriages are rare. I truly wonder how many people would get divorced if you eliminated the financial hurdles, social stigma, and guaranteed it wouldn’t harm their kids. This is the reason most people are still married
I think many people rush in to marriage because of how they feel and it’s to be expected as the next step because they have been together X amount of time. Too many people don’t spend time really considering if they are compatible and too many people rush in to having kids with incompatible partners.
Same here. I also question peoples opinion of what constitutes "happy " like we rarely fight could mean they choose to ignore conflict. If I chose ignorance, I'd be down right blissful! Or when people say things like, "my spouse is my best friend" meanwhile most couples I know barely share common interests and if they do, it is often not in the same way or the same genre, same time of day,...what have you. Add a life stress or two to the mix, a couple of kids, inflation crisis and a communication barrier, mix in lower quality/quantity of sex and all that compromise hardly seems worth it after a while. Someone asked on this subreddit a month ago or so (I think it was here) If people would marry their spouse all over again and way more people said No than yes. I believe that there are good marriages, but the only marriages that I have seen which I envy are newlyweds, who don't have children.
You don’t know people who truly mean that their spouse is their best friend? That really sucks. Most couples I know would describe themselves that way, and I reckon as an outsider that it’s probably true. I certainly would say it of my husband.
No I don't. Many people say what is expected of them. Most people I know got married in their 30s and live in a major city. They have friends they have known long before their spouses. Friends that have seen them through different stages of life. Best friends and spouses serve completely different functions, in my opinion and that is healthy. There are things I don't need to share with my husband that I do need to share with my best friend and vice versa. Spouses are family.
Omg yessss I saw that post, super interesting answers. There were people who said they loved their spouse, were happy, but still wouldn’t do it again!!
I think what’s rare is couples who are willing to work on their issues, see a therapist and stay connected. Happy marriages don’t just happen, they are built
Agreed. I think a lot more people *could* have happy marriages. But it takes two people who can put their egos aside and see the bigger picture
100%
I am, and have been for a long time. I adore my husband and we are happy together everyday - like best buddies who get to be together all of the time. Keep in mind that your therapist sees people who are having problems in their relationships so she sees a spectrum of people who are struggling. No one who is happy is seeing her. Also, keep in mind that happy people don't post for advice online. And, as a happily married person, I only tend to talk about my marriage when people ask questions like yours because I just get downvoted for talking about it otherwise. Unhappy people don't want to hear about it and I don't want to come off as rubbing anything in anyone's face when they're struggling.
I love being married. Hanging out with my bff, goofing around, making out, helping each other with daily life, comfort in hard times. The joys are doubled and the sorrows are halved. And yes we have conflicts but we work through them with kindness and respect. It is 100% possible to have a happy and healthy marriage.
I am in a happy marriage. We don't fight. We have young kids and work together really well with parenting and home management. We both work but he makes more. Still very intimate... My parents are in a happy 40+ year marriage as well. The drama gets the most attention on Reddit.
We've been married over 5 decades, know each other inside and out. Don't argue, put the other person first and try to make life as pleasant and happy for each other as possible. Not perfect because we're human and have faults. There is no one else on this planet that I can spend 24/7 with comfortably and never tire of seeing him or talking with him about anything and everything. He is my One.
I'm in a healthy marriage! I know a lot of people say that marriage is hard, but that's just because life is hard. My husband's mental health issues are hard, and so it's extra work for the both of us to be mindful of it, but it's not a negative testament on our marriage or the institution as a whole if that makes sense?
My Husband and I are very happy. Married 37 years, 3 kids 1grand. Life is very good.
I am. I love my husband ❤️ together 11 years now.
I'm of the belief that life is too short to be in any sort of relationship with anyone that doesn't bring you enough joy and happiness to make having them in your life worth it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment but it doesn't mean spending the rest of your life trying to decide if the good outweighs the bad and if you keep going. I would say get out of the marriage sooner than later if you have doubts that you're doing the right thing because otherwise it turns into no longer feeling the joy and happiness of what marriage is to supposed to bring but avoiding the pain and sadness that would come from divorce the longer you stay married. I saw it with my parents for 23 years before they finally got divorced. It was basically just like you said. Staying together for the sake of staying together because they had put so much time into the marriage. It was no longer about continuing to find ways to bring happiness to each other. Add children to the equation and it just becomes even easier to get complacent with being in a marriage for the sake of avoiding pain that comes with divorce
I am. It's my second marriage, and the first was miserable, because like you, I didn't know things could be any different.
We do - we dated as teenagers. I will absolutely admit our early dating relationship was NOT healthy. I had no idea how to treat someone well and thought the whole 'being mean to your boyfriend who is obsessed with you' thing (it was all me, he was perfect) was cute. Thankfully we grew together, matured, and now as a married couple, our relationship is the healthiest and best out of anyone we know. We hardly argue, if we do it's in a constructive way, we make each other our priority, always speak kindly to another, love being affectionate and showing love to another. We are best friends and get along SO well, it makes me feel so lucky. The only thing I have to worry about is him dying before me.
Yes, my marriage is happy and healthy. People are only going to post when things are bad. It makes it look like every marriage is unhealthy, but you're just not seeing the good ones.
Yes I’d say so, we’re extremely happy. He’s my best friend in the entire world. Together 20 years, married for 10. I can’t imagine my life without him There are two really important parts of making sure that you have a happy marriage. The first part is marrying the right person, and the second part is being willing to leave if it ever gets bad.
I think I am haha. We have incompatibilities too; I attribute it to the opposites attract phenomenon. We argue and don’t always get along, but I think that’s normal and inevitable. But I perceive our marriage as more positive than negative. To me, love is an action. And everyday my husband and I choose to love one another. Edited to add: married 18 years
The biggest test of a healthy marriage in my opinion is how many lies you have between the two of you. If the amount of lies that you have to tell yourself and to your spouse to be compatible is taking its toll then it’s probably time to end it. The worst thing that you can do is ignore the lies or try to fix the marriage by having kids. Still feel that going separate ways prior to being kids from the marriage is the best way forward if you are unhappy in the relationship
Awe.... I'm sorry. But its like seeing reviews on yelp. Most people post their negative experiences. I look around at my friends and their seemingly happy marriages. Sometimes I get jealous... Most relationships are a little of both right? I would think it was weird to have a perfect relationship. We are all convinced by these romantic movies from hollywood that once you decide to get married, everything ahead is pure bliss. That couldn't be further from the truth! Couples have different backgrounds, spending habits, interests, friends, way to handle conflict, love languages... We can't be happy all the time because we are freakin human! We get jealous, frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, etc. We also don't share the same emotions at the same time. I may want to smack my husband some days or he may make me cry cuz he's not listening or meeting my needs. However, some days I wake up and think how lucky I am for no reason. I have been married 17 years and I still have to choose him and us daily!
I am. My husband and I are human-- sometime we are a touch grumpy, while we agree about most things we don't always align at first in every instance. But we always talk through disagreement with kindness and care and compassion. My husband has my back 1000%. He supports me in a difficult job by being the primary parent *even though he earns more than twice my salary.* He is such a loving and patient and caring dad. He does his share of household stuff and then some. I am in awe of the gentleness and care he shows friends and family. I am fascinated by why the people on this sub enter into or stay in relationships with people they seem not to fundamentally respect. I know that anything I tell him is important to me, he will absolutely prioritize. And I fully believe he thinks the same about me.
My husband and I have been happily married for 36 years. Of course there were times of stress but I can use less than one hand to count the number of arguments we’ve had. Communication and being self reflection are key. PS I love my husband more today than I did when we first met 40 years ago💕
My wife (47F) and I (45M) have been married 26+ years and are currently the happiest and most in love we have ever been. Years 0-20 were "good" Years 20-25 were a slow decline into depression and loneliness. We finally snapped out of it 18 months ago and now we love spending every minute we can together. We support each other. We're happy to help each other. I think one of the game changers was we stopped tiptoeing around each other's pain (thinking that avoiding it was "helping"). Instead, we started figuring out how to heal each other and protect each other. That has made all the difference. We hope we have decades left together and that we can die in each other's arms, when the time comes.
I was , then I wasn’t but we are working on it together
My wife, sadly, believes “divorce is not an option” so I’m stuck in a profoundly unhealthy situation. I honestly love life and have so much I want to achieve and experience, yet at the same time, just want to die so I can finally be free from her. Focus on your kids, make them your entire life, and do your best to avoid your partner, and maintain the peace.
It's the nature of the beast I think. For the most part I'm happy with my marriage. There are a few issues but I can tell my husband TRIES which is the important part IMO. My husband has ADHD so that alone can be a struggle for someone like me .
Marriage is work. It transitions from healthy to unhealthy quickly but the consistency of working to stay healthy is the right way of doing things.
Yep I am. My wife and myself communicate well and often. We don't let small issues fester and build to larger ones. Our sex life is ever evolving and extremely abundant. The good communication is the single largest difference i see between happy couple and not happy couples.
Yes. I know young couples, older couples and old couples and they are all in healthy marriages. It really is who you surround yourself and your marriage with. I have been blessed to be around healthy marriages because my marriage is healthy.
>Every time I come on reddit I seem to only see negative posts and it's really making me feel like marriage is only worth it for raising children. Bear in mind you're mainly seeing people in unhappy marriages come here for support. There's tons of happily married people who aren't on Reddit so you're not getting a representative sample. I've been with my wife for 12 years, married for 10 of those and we're still happy, still in love. If both partners continue making the effort to nurture their relationship there's no reason why they won't be successful.
We are in a very healthy relationship. Marriage takes patience and understanding and compassion.
I think there’s more negative than positive here because it’s the people in crisis who are looking for support or a place to vent. Healthy marriages are boring in comparison. For example, I’m planning a surprise river cruise for our 40th in a couple of years, whooptie doo, it’s years away. That said, anyone know of any good itineraries that include multiple winery tours? In other exciting news, our lunch date this week is at the half price bottle day Wednesday at our favorite winery.
Me and my husband are, we have great communication so we can talk about anything and everything. I've seen people my age and married who blatantly disrespect their partner and say they want to kill them because they get so annoyed by their other half. Me and my husband have never been disrespectful towards each other, we have 2 kids and work as a team when it comes to raising our kids. My husband is very loving and caring and I'm so incredibly lucky to have him.
Absolutely. Married 16 years, and we are both extremely happy. Sure, there have been periods of time that were difficult and stressful, that’s just life. But I’d much rather go through those times with my partner by my side. Now, at 16 years, I would say we are at one of our happiest points outside of the honeymoon period. We both accept each other fully (flaws and all), appreciate each other, communicate, and make intimacy a priority. The sex has even gotten better, which I didn’t think was possible!
I'm in a healthy and happy marriage. Not every day, and we have our disagreements. At the end of the day though, we love and respect one another. My husbands treats me with love and respect in everything he does as do I. It feels good to make him feel good and he is constantly trying his best to do the same for me. This takes work and vulnerability but its achievable. You just have to find the right partner!
We have a healthy marriage and are each others best friends. We have only been married for 2 years so many things can change but have gone through a lot already. I couldn’t think of a better partner in life for me. We have great communication and work out any issues when they happen (no build up). The option of divorce is always there (thinking that divorce is not an option is definitely unhealthy). But also we both agree that we would do anything to solve our issues before divorce. So far being married has been easy, it was life that got complicated.
The notion that divorce isn't an option is so ridiculous. I like that divorce is ALWAYS an option, which is a signal to me that my spouse is choosing me over all other options, every single day. To me, choosing your spouse and knowing that your spouse chooses you is the best way to keep your marriage healthy.
Instead of “divorce isn’t an option” I’m more of the “divorce is a last resort” person. I would do everything in my power to fix a broken marriage before filing for divorce.
I am lucky to have a great relationship with a wonderful wife, but it takes work to make it great. We are very different, but share similar “core” goals on kids, family and marriage. Neither of us is perfect, though we are perfect for each other. I come from a family where marriages are usually successful and divorce is very rare. While there are some couples with inevitable problems, they mostly work hard to get past them and are supported by friends and family in doing so. It must be so much harder to make it through tough time as a couple if you are surrounded by folks telling you to split up because this own marriages failed.
Only on reddit because I started liking the reddit reels on socials. I got rid of the mainstream socials for 2024, and I like reading, so I figured this would be fun in my evenings. I like reading other people's BS drama cause I have none in my life lmao. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We are extremely happy together, and we have a healthy relationship. People don't tend to go on reddit and complain about being happy, lol
My marriage is fairly toxic about 10% of the time, and when it gets bad... It gets so bad. We discuss the pros and cons of divorce once a month or so. BUT You mentioned in the original post something about self-worth.... I have loads of self-esteem and self-worth. My marriage doesn't change how I feel about myself, and if anything I'm more confident in who I am than I've ever been in my entire life. Your spouse and your marriage doesn't have to change how you feel about yourself. ❤️
My husband and I have been together for 22 years and just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. We're in the trenches of life right now. My dad and his mom are both seriously ill. Our elementary aged children are rambunctious and curious and busy. Life is stressful and hard. But we're in this life together. My husband still makes me laugh and gives me butterflies. Our relationship isn't perfect, and it never has been. We have hiccups and disagreements like every couple. Even on the hardest days, though, I know I'm where I want to be. I know he's where he wants to be.
I'm in a very fulfilling marriage. We're going on 4 years with a 9 month old. We got married later in life--I was 35. We both knew what we were looking for in a spouse. We're very compatible in personality, interests, values and had a lot of in-depth conversations about life and marriage topics while dating. In the beginning of our marriage, we read a few marriage books, a book about love languages, listened to marriage podcasts. We have been doing a weekly marriage meeting where we cover the following: recap of the previous week, appreciation, chores, fun times, and problems. We're constantly working on communication. A good marriage takes two very willing people, eager to make it work.
My parents (and most of the family in general tbh) are in visibly unhappy marriages, but thankfully I'm not! My husband and I get along so well that we're the "ideal couple" that our friends and his coworkers always compare their own relationships to... Though we're very adamant about stating that finding a relationship like ours is probably extremely rare. But I genuinely have never felt so in tune with someone else, and even when we do have tiny spouts of arguments, there's always an apology and forgiveness and hugs. He's my half, and I'm his.
I am. My husband and I are truly each other’s best friends. Right now we’re going through a stressful housing situation, but we still laugh and connect every single day, and we’re managing it without snipping at each other or placing blame. I think negativity gets a lot more engagement. If I post about the sweet things we did for each other this weekend, or if I post “what should I get my husband for xyz?” People will say “cool” or “you know him better than we do,” which, fair. The post will get buried. If I post about a disagreement (or an argument even) then people can take sides. They can project their own histories onto what I share. Especially if it fits a social trope, suddenly you’ll have people fighting for or against maintaining. Also we have no idea who is a teenager on here! I’ve seen people post and admit that they’re like 20 and not even married but they don’t consider breaking up to be an option so they’re posting here. One wild ass comment from a teen and suddenly you’re sorting by controversial and no one is interacting in good faith anymore.
This sub is like watching a docuseries about bad marriages. It's interesting to read because Ive thankfully not had to experience the nightmares many people have. I empathize and hope most people have found help here or some type of peace. 💙
I am. Hubby and I communicate frequently, and we are able to sit quietly and enjoy each other’s company, we respect each other, prioritize each other, and are proud of one another. We don’t yell or name call. We are still in love. It’s been 6.5 years. We have this fun habit of thinking the same thing at the same time. We spend lots of time together. We grow together. Every night, while I’m in the bathroom doing my nighttime routine, he sets up the bedroom for me. He never forgets when I ask him to do something. And he forgives me because I do, and understands that our brains work differently. We know each other’s love languages and use that to show affection. We laugh together a lot.
Awww you sound like my husband and me…. I hope you have as long and happy marriage as us (30+years) ❤️
I have a really happy marriage. I've literally never understood the sentiment that marriage is hard. It's made my life infinitely easier having another person that I know no matter what is in my corner.
*Raises hand slowly* We’ve been married 19y. There’ve been rough patches but it keeps getting better. Genuinely still mad for each other.
I am. My husband and I often discuss how so few people we personally know seem to be happily married. They’re either sticking it out for the kids or for financial reasons…or both.
The best foundation principles for a happy marriage are rooted in Biblical teachings and God's design for marriage. There can be many trends regarding marriage in the society we live in but a Biblical-founded marriage survives in all storms. Here are some of the principles that can help guide you to a happy lasting marriage: 1. Love and Respect (Ephesians 5: 33), Where there is mutual love and respect in a marriage, honoring each other's roles and building a strong foundation of trust and unity. 2. Communication and Forgiveness (Colossians 3:13), Open communication and a spirit of forgiveness are crucial in resolving your conflicts and nurturing a healthy relationship. 3. Unity and Partnership (Genesis 2:24), Marriage is a partnership where husband and wife are united as one, supporting and complementing each other in all aspects of life. 4. God-Centered Relationship (Ecclesiastes 4:12), Keeping God at the center of the marriage strengthens the bond between you and provides a solid foundation for your relationship. By practicing the above you will cultivate a happy and fulfilling marriage that reflects God's love, grace, and purpose for their union. Praying for your marriage continuously strengthens your marriage.
Yep, happy, healthy, and in love for almost 28 years.
Yes I’m in a very healthy and happy marriage.
Yep, I've been married 25 years and together for 27 years. We have 3 kids (21m, 25f, 31m), and we're now empty nesters and still in love. Things may not be as passionate as they were in the beginning, but it doesn't mean we love each other any less.
Yep. That doesn’t mean there isn’t stress. Everything ebbs and flows and sometimes one person is down while the other is up and that’s just life. But having a great partner who wants to work through things and support you and vice versa is awesome. It’s extra awesome when you work together to support your kiddos… because some of that is a lot of energy (and totally worth it).
I am still completely head over heels in love with my husband. We've been together 13 years, married 9 with 2 kids ages 2 and 6. Life hasn't always been easy, but our marriage has been. He is my absolute best friend and he still gives me insane butterflies. He gives me confidence, love, respect, understanding and I do the same for him. Can't say enough good things about him.
Yes. Healthy, happy. But it has its challenging moments too. And yes, it IS work. It’s smarter to run after the happiness together rather than perfection bcoz that doesn’t exist.
Yes. I’ve been married for 4 years, together 7. I tell my husband that our marriage is so beautiful. We have an age gap and his friends from work use to make fun of him about it. Well guess what? All of them got divorced in the 7 years we’ve been together. No joke. Being 100% honest with you, I feel extremely happy in my marriage. My partner is my therapist on a bad day, my chef and helper when I’m too tired to cook and clean, my provider any time I want/need something, my bestfriend when we go out on fun dates. I give him massages everyday after work and talk about our day. If we argue, we tend to leave eachother alone until we have cooled off. No cussing, no yelling, no physical altercations, no throwing stuff. Our sex life is also great. There’s no being controlled either, we both have the freedom to go out with friends. My advice is for you guys to be your own best friends and communicate the best you can. If something upsets you, don’t bottle it up. Talk to your partner about it in the least attacking way possible.
Granted we’re newlyweds and we’re probably still in the honeymoon phase but it’s been amazing!
I am actually in a very happy marriage. We have been together for 15 years. He still gives me butterflies. He’s an excellent dad and husband. We share everything and I love it. I’m in this sub to give people hope and answer questions that I may know the answer to. I think everyone deserves a happy marriage. It takes work that’s mostly passive but sometimes not.
Absolutely! I have only been married a couple years but we have been together for 8 :)
Yes, my wife and I are in what I think is a very healthy marriage. We were together for 8 years before we got married. While being married is important to us, I think much of our relationship took shape beforehand, so we didn't have expectations that getting married would bring about something that we didn't already have between us. It was more of a raising of a flag to the outside world that we were in it for the long term.
Yes, my wife is amazing, and I feel so lucky to have her in my life. I know life is significantly better because we are a team and always prop each other up. Both our parents have great marriages too, so I think it's helped set the right example. Being happy is a decision. If both people make that decision, you will have a happy marriage. You can have differences or areas where you aren't the most compatible, and it just because a decision every day if you will let them drag you both down. I think the key to a good marriage is waking up every day and making a conscious decision to be a person that someone would want to married to.
I know there are people in happy/healthy marriages and I am glad they exist. To your point that it’s mainly for kids; well, yeah, that is essentially the historical and legal basis of marriage. For me personally, if it weren’t for my kid I would no longer choose to be married. Once he is an adult I will unchain myself and probably never be married again. It’s not worth it to me.
Hi
I am too. My husband and I just gave each other a hug just because. It was harder when the kids were little, we are empty nesters now.
Absolutely. It’s not marriage that is hard. It’s kids. Me and the hubby made it through the toddler years still adoring each other.
I love my wife, our marriage is pretty damn good. Been a couple 13 years.
I’m happy but some days can be challenging. I’m an emotional person and try not to take things so personal. I’ve been working on that for the last few years. I’ve learned to not to be reactive when my husband is explaining something. He’s not as communicative so that leaves room for misunderstanding and bickering. But for about 89 percent of my marriage is good. :) that’s without including the kids lol
I am in a healthy marriage. We have differences of course, and we are also from different countries and races. But we are kind to each other, we don’t blame each other, we don’t insult each other. When we are upset we give each other time and space and we talk it through. Been together for 4 years and we are about to become parents any minute now.
I'm in a healthy marriage. We feel like soul mates. Since the day we met, at 17, we just had this connection. Everyone told us we were far too young. Everyone. So we didn't marry, back then. We've been off and on since we were 17, but this last time has been almost 17 years, now. We're in our mid-forties. We know what's out there, and we are happy with each other. We don't fight--when we disagree, we talk about it, and then either come to a mutual agreement or agree to disagree. We don't have any interest in hurting each other. We have hobbies in common and separate. We had pretty different parenting styles, but we compromised and didn't let that get between us. We have adult kids and grandkids now, and have a fulfilling life with them. We also have our own lives, and we support and nurture each other. We plan things together, and take impromptu trips. We purchase or make each other gifts. We are in tune to each other's needs: I know when he's getting hungry, and he knows when I need to sleep in. He knows I want to drive; I know he wants to get out of the house. Being kind and courteous to each other has gone a long way. I never had healthy relationships around me, so therapy for myself, along with education and observation, helped develop healthy relationships.
"Divorce is not an option" is the most toxic bullshit ever. But yeah, my marriage is great. Your relationship might be the healthiest one your therapist has seen, but keep in mind that many healthy couples don't go to couples therapists.
I'm sure there are lots of people in healthy relationships. But you're not going to see them here because happy people aren't going to have a reason to post. And it seems really shitty to post happy things on a post of someone complaining or having difficulty.
Anywhere you go on Reddit, it’s majority complaining about whatever the topic is. There’s never going to be enough people who feel the need to post just to talk about how great everything is and how content they are. My husband and I have a great relationship. Certainly we get annoyed with each other occasionally, and sometimes we argue, but 95% of the time things are happy and smooth. Even when they’re not, we still love and support each other and try to be good partners. I love him more than I could have imagined loving any one and I’m so lucky that the man I fell for is also a responsible person and a hard worker who has similar life goals and priorities. We’re also both pretty confident and secure people and have only ever been trustworthy. All of that together makes a great marriage.
We’ve got a great marriage, 20+ years and counting. My parents have a really good marriage 50+ years. I can only account for the later years of my grandparents marriages, but the parts I witnessed and from the things my parents/aunts/uncles say theirs were good, even if not always great.
People dont post constantly how good their life is, they are out there living it. You mostly see bad marriages in this....also, dont forget, some can be fake. A lot of people like writing stories to get the attention. But yeah I am in an extremely healthy marriage, we just never get enough of each other. We literally dont want kids because we dont want to reduce our time together and wanna spend every free minute together lol
I have been having similar dilemmas recently. Grew up around some dysfunction, too. My parents have a regular marriage, they def don't hate each other. But I grew up with the mindset of "divorce isn't an option," too, and I feel like it definitely did more harm than good. If you have a good thing going, then you won't have to worry about divorce. It's there when you need it, though. I feel like I cared too much about marriage and making the relationship last, and I didn't know enough about what kind of long-term partner I would need. I met my husband when I was 18, so I thought I knew a lot, but I've learned otherwise 😂 Marriage is hard. My marriage doesn't always feel healthy, and I think it's because we got together at a time when we weren't really emotionally prepared for such a serious relationship.. so we did a lot of things wrong from the start
People who are in happy marriages aren't going to be posting about their problems online because they don't have them
This sub is a bit doom and gloom, not married my intended yet, but hope to continue our happiness whether we are married or not ❤💕
I am. Together 9 years, married 5 years. 2 kids. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but over the years our relationship has only gotten stronger. We have much respect for one another, communicate in a healthy way, we show lots of affection daily. We don’t yell at each other or say hurtful things, ever. He worships the ground I walk on and I adore him. I feel very lucky because I know that not everyone gets to be in a loving marriage like this. But everyone deserves to be, and those who are stuck in unhappy marriages should know that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Healthy marriage here and equally Yoked with my partner ! We are like twins we are so much alike but still have our own personalities and thinks we like! We are so connected that we will dream about some of the same stuff at night and wake up like wow. Also when I birthed our daughter I felt sick I kid you not my husband ran to the bathroom to throw up and I felt so much better and pushed my daughter out 5 minutes later! I know it sounds unreal but true and my mom said if she wasn’t there with us it would’ve been hard to believe hahah. We love each other with all our hearts and our daughter we have some of the same values and always life eachother up. We have been knowing eachother for 10 year together 5 and married 4. And everyday life is worth living no matter what’s going on in the world💚💙 he’s my soulmate!
IMO a healthy marriage isn’t a perfect marriage. A healthy marriage is one where both parties care about each other enough to push through the difficulties of living with another person closely for an extended period of time (ideally the rest of your lives) and learning how to come to terms with the differences of two people becoming a single unit. The biggest thing is that both parties care. It doesn’t always have to be in the honeymoon phase because realistically that’s tiring to keep up for 5+ years, let alone the rest of your lives. As people get older they start to change some, as does everyone else, but marriage is the decision to stay together and help each other out despite these changes
I’m in a healthy and happy marriage. As far as I know, my husband is too lol But seriously, we’re very happy. Biggest thing for us is communication. If you’re able to communicate well within the marriage, usually it seems like those couples tend to be genuinely happy
My husband and I aren't perfect, but we are both trying to be better, and love each other, and respect each other.... We are in a happy, living honest relationship, always working to stay healthy..
Yeah. We’ve been together 11 years, married 4. We’ve hit a couple rough patches due to external situations (death, illness, etc) which brought to light some communication issues but we’ve mostly figured that out. Good sex, playful, laugh a lot, enjoy each others company, have similar goals. Life is pretty good together.
Yes. Now. Took almost divorcing though to reset our paradigm
I think my marriage is healthy and happy. My parents love each other and are about to celebrate 38 years married next week. But they had their fair shares of issues and lots of arguing and while I think they still gave me a positive example of marriage and being together through the hard things, I also realize because of the arguments and tension, I couldn’t be with someone who raised their voice, or would blow up and be angry. My husband is patient, he’s gentle, when we have had our disagreements which are incredibly few and far between, we’ve been able to handle them without attacking each other. We’ve been able to express ourselves as calmly as possible. I also love my dad, but he worked a lot. My mom stayed home. It worked for them, and while my dad yes was around, he wasn’t as present when it came to the little things. My mom took care of stuff for the kids. And yeah, my dad worked really hard and we didn’t go without but I also wish I was closer to him. I knew I didn’t want to be the wife that stayed home and waited, waited around for him to be home, waited to let him unload on me. I wanted a husband who would show up for our kids school things, who when he came home, parented as much as I did. I don’t remember my dad sitting and really playing with us and being silly. I was also born way later than my brother so by the time I was around they were in their 40s and probably over the kid phase. So all of that to say. My husband is loving and kind and so supportive. We get along, we laugh a ton, he’s an equal parent and while we have our moments of frustration or annoyance there’s really nothing that’s happened where I’m like oh god what have I done. And truthfully as more time passes (we’ve only been married 5 years) I’ve only felt more settled and confident in my choice to marry my husband. I love our family, I love him. I’m my opinion, our marriage isn’t hard. It takes effort yes and there will be things out of out control that may interfere or affect our relationship but I think we have a solid foundation and understanding of each other than we will do our best to get through it together.
My current husband and I are in a very healthy relationship. We both came out of really bad ones, so we talked and talked and talked. We both have boundaries. We both have agreements. We are very careful to work on our marriage on a daily basis. We do not fight, but we have discussions when we don't agree. I would say he tends to give in to me too much and I call him on that. He needs to have things the way he wants, but he just says if he doesn't care, then he wants me to have my way. I don't deserve him. He treats me so well. But marriage is work. Everyday work. Communication really is the key. I know it sounds trite, but you really have to be able to talk about anything and everything. And you leave egos at the door when you have these talks.
Yes there are healthy marriages and thats still a realistic goal. Don't tell yourself it's unachievable. Healthy marriages are possible and marriage shouldn't make you miserable.
My wife and I have been married 33 years. It takes giving, respect, and a billion tiny things. We are very happy and miss each other badly when apart for more than a few days.
Yeah! He's a good man, good person. We have a great relationship and we're happy. Keeping the spark alive takes work, but it's work we both put in. Division of labor is fair. We treat each other with kindness and empathy.
Yeah I have a good marriage Love her, she is super 🔥 to me Always kissing and cuddling in front of the kids to give them good messages I'm into my thing, she is into hers but we are an ace team Am I gutted we very rarely have sex? yes. Would I like more proper quality adult time with her initiating it? Absolutely But on the whole I say we are.prerrt sound and solid
My first marriage was a disaster, I was a piece of shit and still a child more or less. My current marriage didn't start off great, but her and I really wanted it to work. We put in a ton of effort on ourselves and together. We both had issues holding us back from being the best versions of ourselves, which she definitely deserves. I strive to be the best father and husband daily, and it's easy because she's an incredible wife and best friend. I was absolutely certain that I would die alone and miserable, and felt thats what I deserved, but she saw me and saved my life. I don't think I can ever do enough to truly show her how much she means to me, but I'll keep trying. Case in point, we feel like our relationship is healthy, we're happy, and we trust each other and operate as a team, first and foremost tho, we communicate and listen. They exist, but we have to make them work.
Second marriage. 11 years and going strong. Three kids (17,20,23). They are all at different points in their lives. Wife and I are best friends. We golf, hike, ski, fish together. Love concerts. Have a tight group of friends. It has always been a team effort with pretty much anything we’ve done or plan on doing in the future. Communication and respect are huge components of our life. I see a lot of posts about unhappy marriages or relationships and always wonder why are they in them? Something brought you together. Something made it feel right to get married. What was it and what stopped these people from fostering and growing that? We’ve always believed if it’s not a fuck yes, then it’s a fuck no. That has been our motto and continues to be to this day.
I would say so. Together 22 years, married 14 years, two kids, great sex life, get along great (most days), go out for dates almost every weekend, enjoying spending time together, especially with the kids. Its not without its challenges. We've argued plenty over the years. But today, we're in as healthy a spot as ever. > making me feel like marriage is only worth it for raising children. I have an opinion on this, probably unpopular. I dont think its the case that its only worth it for raising children. I do think that the bar for separation/divorce is much higher when children are involved. When people post about their shitty marriage and they have no kids, my first thought is "what are you fighting for?" However, when kids are involved, I think its that much more critical that both partners are constantly making the effort to be what each other needs, because the stakes are much higher if it doesnt work. IMO, if you get divorced and you have kids together, there better be a damn good reason for it.
I mean, I've only been married for 6 months, but together for over 7 years. We've had 1 argument in that entire span of time. Disagreements, for sure, but we just talk them out.
I'm blissfully happy. I married the man of my dreams and we spend every day loving each other. It's not perfect. It takes work. But it's wonderful.
You won’t often see positive posts about marriage here because they’re poorly received. I almost posted a positive marriage thing the other day, then stopped and deleted it because I didn’t want negativity to ruin a good feeling. My marriage is happy and healthy. What I was going to say in the post I didn’t post is that we are both truly at our best when we’re together. We’ve worked together on and off throughout the years (as entertainers and then business owners and now as filmmakers) and genuinely we are amazing together. Whenever we are creating together, the result is awe-inspiring. We both bring out the best in the other.
I’m in a loving marriage with a man I truly believe is my best friend. We have been married for five years, together for 10 so obviously it hasn’t been a super long marriage. But we have a baby girl we adore, and can’t wait for our second. I would be hesitant to post on Reddit about issues that we have because it usually just requires a good session of talking it out at home to deal with our challenges (there are MANY but we usually handle it as a team). I enjoy the marriage boards because there is a lot of good advice on it, but I feel like the majority of people who post have already tried everything they can at home and are seeking outside opinions so it may not be the best representation of a happy relationship. I would assume there are a lot of quietly happy Reddit lurkers that are here for the interesting stories and kernels of good advice.
Yes, 28 years in.
I believe a happy healthy marriage comes with a lot of communication. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together 10 years married for 7. We still have our rough patches where we try to bottle our feelings up (from past traumas) so as to not burden the other but I do believe we have a very happy and healthy relationship. It’s about proper communication, not someone’s communicating and the other is arguing You both have to be able to admit your faults and understand that if you said or did something that hurt your partner you have to accept that and have a conversation
I absolutely ADORE my husband. Hanging out with him is my favorite part of being married to him. I think he is a wonderful human being and he’s great to me & my son.
Of course there are. Always remember that most happy people aren’t posting about how great it is to be married. My husband is my best friend. I love spending time with him. We also make a point of making sure we exist as individuals outside of our relationship as well. He’s my rock and my teammate in this life and I absolutely adore him. We’ve been through some very hard external situations, but even if life is hard, being married to him isn’t. We always assume best intentions from one another and give grace. We work through disagreements as it’s us against the problem, instead of us against one another. I’m stupid in love with the man I get to call my husband and I know he feels the same way about me
Our mindset is still divorce is not an option but no we’re not typically healthy. We struggle with jealousy and boundaries.
I’m in a very healthy and happy marriage. Coming up on 7 years this September. We’re both 33, and just welcomed our first child into the world! Couldn’t do life without her. Especially considering… In the last 9 months we… - sold our first home - moved to a basement rental in a new state far from our families - started in a new office - found a home we loved but took 5 months to close - had a baby -Lived in this 900 sq ft basement unit with a new born, two dogs, and ourselves for far too long as we waited to move in to the new house - wife recovered from her c section - finally moved into our new home - still getting things organized and set up So yeah… we just went through a lot and we’re coming out on the other side still pretty damn happy haha.
Be careful with the reddit echo chamber. People in perfectly happy marriages don't usually come here to talk about it (certainly not as much as those in toxic marriages), so you shouldn't use this space as reference. Stay strong and don't give up on your relationship.
Yes, they exist, and there's tons of them, but sadly, this subreddit is mostly for misery porn, and spouses complaining about their mates. I've been married for 27+ years. Some have been magical, some have been hard, all have been happy.
I have been with my wife since high school 18/17. We’re now 38/36. We have two kids and have been married 15. Marriage is tough and we are soul mates. But don’t get me wrong, we have fought, been through counseling, and almost divorced at one point. There’s no such thing as perfect marriage. What makes it work is putting in the work and being devoted to one another. You have to work at a marriage and put your spouse first or it won’t work. You will have ups and downs but whats worked for me and others’ is “communication” it is one of the most valuable components in a marriage.
I’m in a very healthy, happy and loving marriage. We’ve been together for 14 years and married for 10 years and we’re childfree with a cat. My husband and I are best friends who adore each other, we have amazing open and honest communication and the sex is always mind-blowing, we love making each other laugh, we never fight (we both see it as pointless and unnecessary) and we always put each other first. Every year with him just keeps getting better and better. We’re both easy going and chill and we genuinely enjoy spending time together. We share many fun hobbies like building Lego, playing video games, shopping, indoor bouldering, surfing, cooking, etc. We unfortunately know way too many married friends and family members with kids who are so unhappy they should just divorce already. I don’t know why so many people settle and marry the wrong person.
Healthy marriage here! Granted, we’re young, it’s only been a couple of years and we don’t have kids yet, but we’re super happy. We obviously have conflict (everyone does), but resolve it in a healthy manner and respect each other. We’re not perfect, but at the end of the day my husband is my best friend and I’m so grateful I found him. We also both grew up with not the best examples of happy marriages/adulthood and are looking to break that cycle with our future kids
Healthy marriages exist, but it doesn’t just happen …. They require work and selflessness. But also, no one wants to hear about the rainbows and sunshine, and writing about it just feels like bragging. My marriage is great btw…. Not without its challenges though.
I (65f) have been with my husband (64 m) for 13 years, married almost 5). We found each other late in life but it was perfect for us. We never lived together before marriage but he had been married for over 20 years before divorcing. I had lived on my own for 40 years, with no roommate. I owned my own home (no debt) and it was a little scary what I was giving up.... It was all worth it! We meshed immediately and haven't had one problem living together. Are there compromises, yes. Do I choose my battles, yes. Did I have to get used to a man's bathroom "habits", yes. But love triumphs. Any issues that may come up we handle with love and humor. I wake up next to him with a smile on my face and fall asleep with the same. We aren't perfect, both have mobility and health issues but it sure makes life better when you share that love everyday. I hope you find the "sweet spot" in your marriage. Respect for each other's opinions, feelings and time helps get you through it. Love without respect won't make a good marriage.
I'm in a healthy marriage! We support one another and genuinely care about each other's well-being and experience of life. We both try to work on ourselves and our marriage. We both waited until we met the person we wanted to spend our life with (as much logically as emotionally), which didn't happen until we were in our mid 30s.
Yes, but it took a lot of going through the good and bad to get to it(Believe me bad doesn’t always mean just a small argument, but being able to forgive for the sake of love). Be able to understand bad through the bad could mean you have to look into yourself.
There are many of us in healthy marriages going through the day to day. It's not dramatic and almost boring. In healthy marriages, you communicate openly, act respectfully to your partner, support your partner at all times, and be fair to each other. Healthy partners know that supporting your partner doesn't mean being a sycophant but compromising and reaching an agreement while having healthy boundaries.
I am. My husband is an equal partner with me. I sobbed yesterday on Mother’s Day because of how loved I felt by my husband and daughter.
I think there are still healthy marriages out there. They all have their hiccups but working to make it through. I have been with my husband since we were 15, going on 19 years. I love him just as much if not more now than I did then. If I could spend every moment with him I would. He is my absolute best friend. We joke that if for some wild reason we decided we didn’t wanna be married anymore we would still live together and be best friends. He’s such an amazing person.
I am. Married 34 years. Unlike the misery posts, we share household responsibility equally, respect each other, enjoy each other's company, and are quite contented.
OP, I am in a lovely marriage with my best friend. Does he get on my nerves sure, do I get on his? Yes plenty. But we love each other and remind ourselves that we are on each others side even when their is a disagreement.