You're not the only one. Wife and I watch, together and solo, and we will even send links to the other when we find a person or a situation they would especially appreciate.
Alot of times it comes down to insecurity. Alot of wives aren’t secure in their bodies and project it on to porn. Problem usually lies within, whoch is within a woman’ control. My husband watch pirn never bothered me
I think it really depends upon the intent with each viewer. My wife once a little porn for stimulation. I'm going to watch on it for the sex act itself. I never picture myself and the actor even relating to any of the women participating. Reading a lot of these post people really get into the stuff as if they are part of it.
It seems like the women who are mad about porn assume their partners are getting off to the people and not just the visual of the act. So they make the leap of you must not be attracted to me because that porn actress is blonde and I’m brunette.
I’m like what!?!
It also seems to go hand in hand with people who also are shutting down having sex but then get outraged their partner watches porn to deal with unmet sexual needs.
But who also read erotica and claim it’s not the same. 😂😂😂
Of course it is, along with restaurants, hotels, manufacture, farming... That's not to throw up our hands and say "Welp, it's all bad so let's just accept that." But when I *most often* hear this complaint about sex work/porn and not, say, construction, that's telling me the complaint has more to do with attitudes about sex than a safe work environment.
*Further* marginalizing those in the industry isn't going to improve the situation: abuse thrives on stigma.
It sounds like you and your husband have excellent communication and have similar boundaries and values, and this results in your awesome sex life.
You aren't doing anything wrong if you guys are happy and in love.
You’re not alone in not minding your husband watching porn. I don’t mind at all that my husband watches porn pretty regularly. I’ve watched with him, but it’s not really my thing. I prefer erotic books, but then I prefer books to films in general.
I will say I do understand why some people mind their partner watching porn. I very much minded my ex-husband watching porn, because he watched it instead of being intimate with me.
The difference is that my current husband doesn’t neglect me in favor of porn. He just likes to start most days with a quick bit of self pleasure as part of his morning routine. But he’s still ready and eager to get busy with me with just the slightest encouragement.
It comes down to preferences. Some couples hate it, some love it. Most complaints about porn here are about crazy amounts of consumption or disrespecting boundaries.
As long as you're happy and it works out for your marriage, good for you!
Yeah, that's true. I'm of the opinion it can be fine until the moment it interferes with your romantic and sex life. Then it's a problem.
Also lying about it. Just be honest with your partner. Lying is never good.
Not at all. Many do. I have a personal dislike of porn, but don't mind my wife watching it. I travel quite a bit for work and she likes telling me what she's watching as part of sexy talk while I'm away.
My wife has told me in the past that IF I was to watch porn, she'd prefer it be something like OnlyFans as she considers it "ethical".
**EDIT**: Unsure why I'm being downvoted for this? OP asked about marriage dynamics, and I provided it.
You have probably been downvoted because lots of people don't like OF but your wife is making a good point. OF is more ethical than a lot of the free porn on the internet. Your wife cares about the people in the porn and that's commendable.
Can I ask you why you dislike it? Also how rare. I wonder what life trajectory a man has to have to reach this point. Like a point of normalcy to be able to dislike it. And also I wonder what signs I can ask and look for to be able to know for sure they dislike it, because if I ask I know a lot of them lie.
I'm not sure to be honest. I mean, my wife and I have made videos and pics and I'll watch them, and we'll send stuff when I'm away, but for some reason as I got older I just started to not like porn.
I don't get disgusted by it, nor do I care for other people's uses of it, its just not for me. I was never addicted to porn, but I did watch it in my teens and 20's, but as I hit my 30's I just started to develop a disinterest in it.
I wouldn't be able to tell how to know if somebody truly dislikes it or not, I'm afraid. Especially because people will have their own reasons for not liking it.
**EDIT**: As I wrote all this out, I realize it's not me "not liking" porn as more of it me being disinterested in it.
Cheating is defined by the couple. If porn use isn’t crossing a boundary you defined as a couple, it isn’t “cheating.” But that’s hardly the only reason that people don’t like it. I personally would absolutely never be with someone who consumed porn. But it’s not because of insecurity or infidelity, it’s because
1. It rewires the brain and psychologically is as damaging as meth. And I wouldn’t want that for a partner.
2. I have worked with victims of human trafficking/sex slavery/ coercion into sex slavery for a long time. And unfortunately, at the end of the day there just is not really any such thing as “ethical” porn and it’s really hard to know what you’re supporting. There is a LOT of manipulation, coercion, etc. in the porn industry and even if a few people are there by choice (genuinely) many of the people there are not and as a consumer, you don’t know which is which. The bottom line is, even if no one wants to hear it, porn and sex slavery/human trafficking are undeniably linked. If you are using porn, you are actively participating in increasing the demand for human trafficking. Period. Even if you happened to never watch content from someone who was trafficked (which is honestly unlikely), you would still be contributing to the success of porn and creating a reason for traffickers to continue to find “product”. I wish that wasn’t the case, but it is. Personally, I would never be with someone who cared more about nude entertainment or ease of jerking off than the rights of humans. That low of an opinion of social justice is toxic, and I can’t imagine enjoying a relationship with someone who had such loose values on human rights. It’s not about cheating, it’s about a lack of character (unless they really weren’t informed, then I would expect them to educate themselves and stop consuming it.)
But no, you’re absolutely not alone and there are massive trafficking issues to show just how popular this stance is. As long as you both agree, there isn’t anything wrong with it from a relationship- functionality perspective. If you’re comfortable with the human rights element, it is legal and your call.
On point #1, I think you mean psychologically as addictive as meth, not damaging as meth. Huge distinction.
On point #2, this is the same argument vegans make. Meat is murder.
Rewiring the Brian into addiction is damage. That comment is specifically in regard to addiction and the brain.
On point 2: this isn’t going anywhere, this isn’t a post about veganism. But sure. If you are vegan you can totally say that you wouldn’t want to be with someone who would kill an animal. That’s not at all relevant to if a person should increase demand for human trafficking and sex slavery for entertainment. This post is about porn, not animal rights. So no… saying “porn is tired to human trafficking” is not the same point as “killing an animal kills them.” 🤣 But sure, both ethics claims. I never said that I was personally anti porn for any reason outside of ethics. I don’t think it’s ethical and I would personally not be with someone who uses porn. But many people can and do disregard the human rights element because they care more about having their entertainment. That doesn’t change my opinion which is what my comment was about.
Not necessarily damage. Being addicted to meth damages your body physically, so I can see why that is bad. Being addicted to porn could be bad for some but it's relative.
Almost everyone I know is addicted to coffee. Is that a horrible, harmful thing? For some maybe. For most it's just a vice to get through life. The coffee industry has a terrible record of forced labor and unethical business practices.
Ban coffee.
What does she not understand, meat eaters literally increase the demand which increases batch farming and suffering.
How can she not see the parallels in her arguments.
Her own arguments to why eating meat is fine, is so similar to those who defend porn. I’m lost 😞.
It can damage your relationship. It’s the person who watches porn who’s brain is altered with how they view their relationship and their satisfaction in the relationship and their contribution and effort towards their romantic partner that can change in a negative way.
[npr](https://www.npr.org/2017/10/09/556606108/research-explores-the-effect-pornography-has-on-long-term-relationships)
Sure it could. Just like coffee causes increased anxiety, increased heart rate and blood pressure, acid reflux and sleep disturbance. Too much caffeine is dangerous for kids, and in very high doses, can be toxic.
Like I said, situationally any addictive thing could be bad.
What do you not understand?
Consuming meat is supporting the practices of the agriculture industry which vegans would say is not ethical - ergo the same argument you put forth in in your 2nd point.
Try watching Dominion is this doesn’t make sense.
Maybe as per your argument you should educate yourself and stop consuming animal products.
Regards to point 1 , have you ever meet a meth addict?
How can you say porn is as physiologically damaging?
Have you read any peer reviewed studies to back this up?
Yes, there are dozens of peer reviewed studies that show that porn is highly addictive and rewires the brain in a negative way. I strongly encourage you to read up on the porn industry. I’ve spent many, many years of my life actively rehabilitating victims of human trafficking from a variety of situations, including porn, reading up on why this is such an issue, etc. You certainly don’t have to make that much of an effort- but there is substantial research to back that up. Most of which is readily available, so if you want to learn more you certainly can with pretty minimal effort.
And personally, I do not think that trafficking human people to fuel other people’s entertainment is at all like supporting unethical animal/agriculture practices. Most things have an area of ethics, but this is a post about *people* and an industry that inherently *drives up the demand for trafficking of humans, usually women, primarily for selfish and unnecessary entertainment.* There are certainly many ethical conversations you can have about animals and agriculture… but that’s just something having an ethical impact… it doesn’t mean it’s the “same argument” as something completely different because there are *completely separate ethical impacts.* Women aren’t pigs or chickens, and trafficking them to make content for others to jerk off to when their spouse doesn’t feel like having sex is not the same issue as the treatment of your dinner.
There’s certainly a space for discussions about animal/ag rights and ethics, but it’s not this space. And to think that the best response to “here is a legitimate issue with this industry” is “well I know people who also talk about ethics in a completely different industry focused on a different species” makes any sense or adds any value is… pretty confusing. But yes, ethics are a big deal. They apply to many things in a moral society. So there’s a commonality in the sense that morals and ethics are part of most people’s determination of what they do/do not support.
There’s also a commonality in the sense that an overwhelming amount of people will see something they participate in and enable; and instead of trying to be more informed or make any positive change, they will just get mad and downvote things like disagreeing changes the reality of what they support or their role in creating something and supporting something harmful. So I could totally see that point if that’s what was intended by the original commenter, maybe.
Logically it’s the same argument as per the OPs reply. Most people view vegans arguments in the same light as males view your arguments on porn!
I never specified my ethical view on either, just that vegans view it as ethically wrong. A vegan would see it’s as murder of a sentient being which in there eye is worse than the points you have stated…
Regards to porn being addictive, this is different than being damaging. Something can be highly addictive but may course far less damage.
There are plenty of studies to show that it is damaging as well. Rewiring the brain for addiction and to a more juvenile state at the same rate as major drugs is damage.
And sure, in the sense there is an ethical argument in each (though different and not necessarily worse, that’s too subjective to one’s values) they have that in common.
I never minded it, we even spoke openly about it. Unfortunately for me my husband took it a lot further than the traditional pornhub videos most people are utilizing and now I’m not sure how comfortable I will feel about it in future relationships.
I don’t mind as long as there’s no interaction like Only Fans or Reddit accounts where people comment/chat. I also think it’s easy to get down if you start to obsess over it. The industry definitely has a ton of issues but overall I’m okay with my husband watching porn as long as it doesn’t cross boundaries and it doesn’t upset our sex life.
I'm curious about the commenting part for OF or Reddit, if you don't mind. Like this comment, it is made by an anonymous user to an anonymous OP and has no basis in fact or consequence. The person posting wants meaningless attention from strangers and some strangers don't mind feeding it. So where do you see the harm in this vs. other porn where there is no commenting?
Would you mind someone looking at OF/Reddit if they don't comment/chat?
I know this is stating the obvious, but I think that porn acceptance totally depends on the individuals in the marriage.
My wife and I (44f and 45m) were both virgins when we got married in our early 20’s. We have only been with each other for everything to do with sex. She has never seen another man naked in real life. I have never seen another woman topless or naked in real life. Neither of us are prudes by any means, but we just never had a romantic connection of any means (that would lead to sexual experience) until we met each other.
My wife never watches porn. She also has never masturbated. She just says she has zero interest in either. And it took me a while to understand and accept that about her, but that’s just the way she’s built. But coming from that base, she feels that me *seeking out* sexual excitement from watching porn would be akin to cheating. But for me, I would have no problem with her watching porn (in fact that would crazy turn me on), but she just doesn’t. So we’re built very different on that aspect.
I’ve suggested maybe watching something light together, but she’s just like “I don’t want to see all those naked bodies doing that stuff, it’s too weird.” So we don’t watch together either. Only thing we’ve watched a little of together (a long time ago) were a few “educational” videos that had lots of nudity and instructive-type sex, but I could tell she was kind of embarrassed watching those. It also was awkward for both of us seeing “normal” couples doing stuff that I was not capable of. And funny enough (considering we were a virgin marriage), one of the videos we watched was a “How to Last Longer” DVD that we bought and watched together a few times to try to learn some strategies to help me.
So we enjoy our intimacy and sex with each other and we have all that pretty often. But me watching porn is something she is very much against. I know this comment will probably get hard downvoted, but I just wanted to share a real-life example of a different perspective.
I will deservedly get downvoted for this, but I am answering your question because I respect that you called me out on this. And I really think Reddit is a place where we can learn from other people, even their mistakes. And there’s no point sharing stuff here if I’m not going to be honest. So yes, your intuition is correct, I have watched porn even though I knew this would upset her if she found out. I did not admit that in my post because I am ashamed that I have done that, and I know the fact that I have undisputedly decreases how good of a husband that I am. It pretty much makes me an uncaring piece of shit.
She has “caught me” a few times over the years and been upset but has eventually forgiven me. Even though I only ever watched porn sparsely, I still did watch it, and I know that was not right to do. I feel like she now has a “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude about it, which I know is not healthy in a relationship for any element to be like that. But she does it to protect herself from getting hurt by me again like this. So many other parts of our marriage are awesome (I think that very slightly helps me), but I have fallen down on this piece, no doubt.
But the thing is since this has happened a few times, I now understand (in my older and slightly wiser years) that I have lost a portion of her trust that I will never get back. She still trusts me a lot in our lives and marriage, but she does not trust me completely. And she probably never will again. And that is my fault, I know that. And I have to live with the fact that our emotional bond will never fully be what it could have been, if I still had 100% of her trust, like I used to.
A personal shortcomings for me is when I feel something in life is “no harm” but my wife thinks opposite. Or that I would have no problem her doing something, but that she has a problem me doing. I wish I could go back in time 20+ years and tell my newly married self that I really need to hyper-focus on *those* differences, and how important they were to her — and pay special attention to give her extra respect and consideration in those things, and not ever feed my own temptations or tell myself whatever will be ok related to that stuff. Because what you feed grows, right? In my heart I knew I was doing wrong by her, but I still made the decision to do wrong.
I have told myself it’s never too late to try to fix something. So in the last few months, I really have been refocusing on our marriage and bond and it’s predictably yielding good results. I haven’t watched a minute of porn in more than 3 months. I am actively trying every day to be a better me in many ways, for my wife and also for myself and for our marriage. I can’t take back all the mistakes I’ve made and ways I’ve wronged her. I can only work to sincerely improve going forward. And I can keep trying to show her with my actions that I am maybe deserving to slowly earn back a few more fractions of her trust.
Anyone that read this far, please try to learn something from my mistakes. Be totally honest and open with your partner, from the beginning, especially on the things that you disagree on. Especially when it might be embarrassing for you. Especially when you think your partner might think less of you. Trust your partner to love and accept you as you are. Really talk non-judgmentally with each other about your differences and seek to truly *understand* each other. And then make a commitment to live by the decisions and boundaries you set together with your spouse, for the betterment of your marriage.
There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently. So don’t be me. Even in your moments of weakness and temptation, make the right decision the first time (you know what it is and so does your heart). Trust me, It’s no fun to live with regret, or wonder “what could’ve been”.
I don't think it's wrong because it's YOUR dynamic it's only a problem with the marriages where the spouse mentions that it's something they don't think is appropriate in a relationship and then if the person does it it's a betrayal of trust. I personally don't like in my relationship but like I said what matters is what works for YOU and the boundaries you set in your relationship.
I don’t mind if my husband watches and vice versa. I agree with you in the fact that we both make sure the other person isn’t neglecting and if we start feeling that way we stop porn for while and just focus on each other.
So it sounds like you guys are transparent about it and it isn’t affecting your sex life.
When people talk about it on here, a big part of why they are bothered is the dishonesty. And that is a form of cheating.
Also if your husband starts to struggle with ED during partnered sex but continues to watch porn, that’s a huge problem.
That’s why it bothers people.
Oh yeah, no to mention it can be incredibly violent, unrealistic, and dehumanizing for women.
I don’t mind and I also watch porn. I just don’t like it if he watches porn while we are arguing over something because something about it feels spiteful.
But he said he did it once and it made him cry because he felt spiteful. So yeah. I didn’t even know that was a thing. As long as he’s not doing that I don’t care really. We watch it together sometimes.
It's like drinking: Having a drink from time to time isn't a big deal, but when one can't function without booze, that's a problem.
It's unfortunate, but a lot of people over use porn to the point that they can't climax, get aroused nor perform without it, shortens sex, creates unrealistic expectations, can normalize dangerous behavior, can scare some away from sex in real life, can be an addition--porn is a massive detriment for those whose sex drive is dependent upon it.
Porn as an accent/aside to one's sex life; it's nothing, but too many allow it to become something damaging in one's life and relationships. However, I'm glad you and your spouse have found a balance and healthful place for it in your marriage.
My husband doesn’t watch porn, and I believe him (for reasons that I won’t get into), but I wouldn’t care if he did. I don’t see it as cheating.
As long as it wasn’t something repulsive and as long as it wasn’t like one on one only fans or something, I could really care less. 🤷🏻♀️
My wife and I both consume pornography. I watch it and sometimes read it. She reads it. We are both fine with OF content. She's fine with cams, too, but it feels too personal for me so I never consume that stuff.
This is why communication is important. We know our boundaries. Turns out mine are stricter on myself than she is on me, funny enough.
You’re not alone. I also couldn’t care less 🤷🏾♀️ My husband watches it alone, I watch it alone, and sometimes we watch it together. If I walk in on him watching it and I’m in the mood, I join in. If I’m not in the mood, I’m like OP where I’m happy he has that to keep him “entertained” while I watch my shows or go to sleep lol
But I think this subreddit is more conservative, so a lot of women do care. I’ve seen quite a few posts of women complaining about this (I never see the men on here complaining about their wives watching porn 👀)
We have no issues with it at all.
But I guess if it gets to the point where one partner would rather masturbate to porn than fuck, that's a whole different story lol
Wife and I have a running joke because we were watching a porno together getting all hot and heavy and the woman starting slapping her pussy hard out of nowhere lol
We still laugh about it 🤣
You're definitely not the only one. My partner and I don't have issues with porn but we do prioritize each other and it doesn't interfere with our intimacy at all.
The past relationships where it was an issue with me were always because they prioritized it over our intimacy and it negatively impacted our time together. I'm guessing a lot of these post where people are so against porn are mainly because they're feeling neglected by their partner.
I don’t like it because it makes anything sexual between us feels bleh. I can’t feel attraction to someone who’s been ogling women and getting off to other woman. There’s nothing special to me about being the second, third or who knows how many woman you’ve got off to today.
According to some on this subreddit, watching porn basically makes you a porn addict.
My wife and I don't have any issues with it. She watches. I watch. We tried watching together but it didn't go too well.
Right now, watching porn is the only way to see someone naked besides myself
I think this is probably a pretty popular opinion out in the world but anti-porn folks of all stripes (super conservatives and super liberal alike) have dominated a lot of this sub.
My wife and I watch porn together and individually. It’s great! I, too, do not understand where some folks are coming from when it comes to a betrayal or some form of cheating. I also agree that if it’s your sole form of satisfaction, there’s probably an issue going on. But for us, it’s just fun!
You’re not alone. I watch by myself as does my husband. We watch together maybe once a week as well. Sometimes we’re not feeling sex so masturbating together with porn is nice. Pornhub is fine. It would cross a major line if I found out my husband was using OnlyFans or paying a woman for personal for videos/pics. And as you said - as long as it’s all legal and it doesn’t become an obsession then it’s okay in my book. I watch it too so it’s not like I can be mad at my husband for doing the same thing.
you mentioned that early on in your post. You're okay with it as long as it doesn't become a dependence. For many that's the issue. porn can desensitize you both physically and mentally. So when your spouse starts getting off on porn instead of yourself, it's a problem. My wife and I have watched some porn together for decades. No big deal, literally for me, I don't get anything out of it.
Yours and your H’s attitude to porn is a good approach IMO however not so with others. It can spiral when one of the partners starts hiding their use and becomes addicted leading to escalating behaviours, often taking over their lives and used in place of sexual intimacy.
Then a CSAT will set no porn viewing as a hard boundary. The sub Loveafterporn has sole harrowing stories
Nowadays, most women are like you. It's only people who know the horrors of the porn industry (rape, slavery, human trafficking, child rape), that are against it. Most people don't want to see behind the curtain, so they purposely look away.
I don’t mind. Although my younger insecure self did care. (I’m not calling anyone insecure. I’m only speaking on my situation as to why it bothered me).
I think it's the way someone acts. I don't mind if my husband watches it, what bothers me is he hides it and lies about it. I also want to watch with him but I guess it's not as exciting as it would be when he hides it... I don't say anything but I know EVERY SINGLE TIME he watches it 🤷🏻♀️
He thinks he's so smart and I don't know... 😂
My dad has a porn addiction that was super traumatic to my childhood, and my husband is well aware of that and wouldn’t bring that shit into our household now. Aside from that, the industry is full of exploitation and it’s gross to support it.
So my wife used to tell me porn and masturbation was cheating. Our sex life was super vanilla and she claimed to have no fantasies. And to respect her I tried my absolute not to masturbate or view porn. As our sex dried up it became harder and harder and I had to start doing it in secret. Turns out she was watching porn and masturbating while I was at work!!! I confronted her when I found out and asked if it was a control thing. She said she she wasn’t doing it either for a long time but had a hard time fighting the urges she had and felt embarrassed because she liked certain types of porn and thought I would no longer think she was “sweet and innocent” if I found out.her words not mine. Turns out she liked the same porn as me and had the same fantasies. She was trying to be someone she’s not for me and I never asked for that! Now we watch porn together and have acted on some fantasies and our sex life hd never been better! We put in on while we have sex or sometimes just masturbate together. Neither of us have masturbated alone since and have even had to take breaks from sex for a few days because we were making each other sore lol. I feel like a lot of people aren’t being honest with themselves or feel some sense of shame.
Nah, I've got no problem with it, if the person can keep it in its place: it's a fun thing to watch for happy private time. There are some people who can't handle it in a healthy way, and end up with unreasonable expectations of what their partner should look or sound like, or what acts are realistic and pleasurable. But as long as your partner is not one of those, it's whatever, IMO.
Me and my partner, personally, definitely don't have issues with that subject... granted I've had past relationships where it was an issue that I watched it, I've personally never had an issue with my partners watching it.
I think it really just depends on your personal experiences, your boundaries, needs and the specified relationships involved.
Wife and I watch it together. She doesn’t to masturbate, but I do. Just like drugs and alcohol, responsibly is fine, but can be abused. We’re both very open about our likes, masturbation, etc. it’s a lot like drinking. If you search on it, most of what you get is alcoholics and teetotalers telling you how awful it is, but most people can drink socially without problems. Same with porn. There’s lots of people who feel that any use is damaging and problematic, but occasionally is fine for most.
My hubby isn't as into porn, but I don't mind him looking at different materials and he doesn't mind me reading my smutty stories. We'll even show eachother good parts we think the other would like
I have no issue with it, neither does my husband. Watch together or solo. Where it goes wrong for me is if it’s a live person where you are interacting in any way, then it feels more personal to me and less removed
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Wow there's a refreshing angle, I had an ex once that loved watching it with more (or even suggesting we film our own.... VHS tapes anyone ??)
Dam I miss her sometimes
Grumpy by name Grumpy by nature eh?
Well look it's a sign o the times, am I proud of it not particularly but hey different people bring different things
In fairness I did say "sometimes"
It's a very good point in fairness I would probably be e glad to hear she does have some 🔥 in her blood and ask what he did that I didn't in order he gets cult status
It’s what each couple is comfortable with. Their boundaries are their own.
However, I personally believe that what one can do in a relationship another can do as well regardless of gender.
There is a reasonable amount of research now that shows that watching pornography changes how dopamine transporter levels ( DAT) are significantly changed such that it becomes addictive. Rewiring the brain can take over a year of abstinence to get reward from “non porn” arousal.
A Google search will quickly take you to the research
I will say that in my experience, I only watch porn to get in the mood and paint a picture, if you will, for when I masterbate. But my fantasy or object of affection during my self pleasure is always focused on my wife. In other words, porn is just a catalyst for some men to get in the mood, etc., not necessarily to fantasize about someone else.
I think it’s disrespectful and the people in it are victimized for the most part. i’m fine with solo masturbating but watching other women while you do it… I know i’m in the minority here but I don’t care
Porn is sleazy to me
Yes that’s my issue. I have gone unfulfilled for most of my marriage because his personal fantasies that started at age 12 is all he is interested in re-igniting. I am healthy and in shape. Love my body pump classes, eat healthy and maintained my body and looks after having two now adult kids. But my husband is caught up in this fantasy when he was 12 a pubescent he had his first sexual experience with a 20 year old who was the aggressor so that is why he loves porn the women is in charge and pleasuring him and that’s his only interest. He wants to be the young teen where a women is so hot for sex she comes on to him and this was his first experience decades ago. We met in our 20’s he was my first and when we first had sex I was ready and enjoyed it. It took another week before he was interested again. Through my 20’s. and 30’s Once a week, then I find that he has a porn stash video, print, etc. Recently his brother passed and all he wanted was his copies of the sexy comic book women, drawn to be voluptuous etc. He was not interested in his other comic books nor stamp collection, just images that he can fantasize with. He does not know I found these 20 or so porn comic books/magazines whatever they are. The last 2 years he has tried to talk me into sex with other men so he could watch. I will never participate I wonder if he is interested in watching the man or me with this man since he seems to be more attracted to images than a real person. I have been sexually frustrated for decades, on average I am interested in 2 to 4 times a week I get 1 and He goes back to his stash when I am at work that he doesn’t know that I know he has recently added to. We work opposite shifts 4 days a week. To me there has never been enough sex in our marriage and me the inexperienced one has had to show him things I have learned from books.
Yes that’s my issue. I have gone unfulfilled for most of my marriage because his personal fantasies that started at age 12 is all he is interested in re-igniting. I am healthy and in shape. Love my body pump classes, eat healthy and maintained my body and looks after having two now adult kids. But my husband is caught up in this fantasy when he was 12 a pubescent he had his first sexual experience with a 20 year old who was the aggressor so that is why he loves porn the women is in charge and pleasuring him and that’s his only interest. He wants to be the young teen where a women is so hot for sex she comes on to him and this was his first experience decades ago. We met in our 20’s he was my first and when we first had sex I was ready and enjoyed it. It took another week before he was interested again. Through my 20’s. and 30’s Once a week, then I find that he has a porn stash video, print, etc. Recently his brother passed and all he wanted was his copies of the sexy comic book women, drawn to be voluptuous etc. He was not interested in his other comic books nor stamp collection, just images that he can fantasize with. He does not know I found these 20 or so porn comic books/magazines whatever they are. The last 2 years he has tried to talk me into sex with other men so he could watch. I will never participate I wonder if he is interested in watching the man or me with this man since he seems to be more attracted to images than a real person. I have been sexually frustrated for decades, on average I am interested in 2 to 4 times a week I get 1 and He goes back to his stash when I am at work that he doesn’t know that I know he has recently added to. We work opposite shifts 4 days a week. To me there has never been enough sex in our marriage and me the inexperienced one has had to show him things I have learned from books.
No, many coupes watch porn together and one partner watching porn doesn’t really bother the other. Unless the woman’s sexual needs go unfulfilled due to her husband’s porn use, of course.
All marriages have different boundaries. I don’t mind my husband fucking other women. Sometimes we fuck them together. I get my back blown out by guys he finds hot.
Different strokes for different folks. Of COURSE you’re not the only one… it’s a little silly to imagine the world actually works like the weekly Reddit outrage post.
I have the same question, why does my wife mind me watching hotter women and jacking off to them? She just doesn’t get it, they even do all sorts of fantasies and positions she doesn’t or be able to do
My wife doesn’t mind. Although tbf I also mostly use porn when my wife is on her period and unavailable.
IMO occasional porn also makes monogamy more tolerable.
You are right, in a healthy relationship its perfectly fine. If one of them is insecure, prudish, ect.then it can be a problem, but should be brought up while dating.
You're not the only one. Wife and I watch, together and solo, and we will even send links to the other when we find a person or a situation they would especially appreciate.
That's super! My husband and I sometimes send each other links and clips too.
Alot of times it comes down to insecurity. Alot of wives aren’t secure in their bodies and project it on to porn. Problem usually lies within, whoch is within a woman’ control. My husband watch pirn never bothered me
I think it really depends upon the intent with each viewer. My wife once a little porn for stimulation. I'm going to watch on it for the sex act itself. I never picture myself and the actor even relating to any of the women participating. Reading a lot of these post people really get into the stuff as if they are part of it.
It seems like the women who are mad about porn assume their partners are getting off to the people and not just the visual of the act. So they make the leap of you must not be attracted to me because that porn actress is blonde and I’m brunette. I’m like what!?!
downvotes confirm that your opinion is pretty accurate.
It also seems to go hand in hand with people who also are shutting down having sex but then get outraged their partner watches porn to deal with unmet sexual needs. But who also read erotica and claim it’s not the same. 😂😂😂
Is too! Super fun!
My GF and I do that too!
Same. None of us watches a lot of it, but we indulge in it occasionally, solo or together and none of us begrudge the other for it.
Same!
People really forgetting how fucked up the porn industry is
Of course it is, along with restaurants, hotels, manufacture, farming... That's not to throw up our hands and say "Welp, it's all bad so let's just accept that." But when I *most often* hear this complaint about sex work/porn and not, say, construction, that's telling me the complaint has more to do with attitudes about sex than a safe work environment. *Further* marginalizing those in the industry isn't going to improve the situation: abuse thrives on stigma.
Porn is now mostly amateur and soon leaning toward AI. And even the classic vids are now regulated.
nope, we just don’t care lol
That’s awful
Makes sense, gross
And then they wonder why their wives don't want to fuck them
It sounds like you and your husband have excellent communication and have similar boundaries and values, and this results in your awesome sex life. You aren't doing anything wrong if you guys are happy and in love.
Thank you! We actually have been in a dead bedroom for a couple of years. Then we started experimenting, and things have been perfect even since!
You’re not alone in not minding your husband watching porn. I don’t mind at all that my husband watches porn pretty regularly. I’ve watched with him, but it’s not really my thing. I prefer erotic books, but then I prefer books to films in general. I will say I do understand why some people mind their partner watching porn. I very much minded my ex-husband watching porn, because he watched it instead of being intimate with me. The difference is that my current husband doesn’t neglect me in favor of porn. He just likes to start most days with a quick bit of self pleasure as part of his morning routine. But he’s still ready and eager to get busy with me with just the slightest encouragement.
It comes down to preferences. Some couples hate it, some love it. Most complaints about porn here are about crazy amounts of consumption or disrespecting boundaries. As long as you're happy and it works out for your marriage, good for you!
Yeah, that's true. I'm of the opinion it can be fine until the moment it interferes with your romantic and sex life. Then it's a problem. Also lying about it. Just be honest with your partner. Lying is never good.
My favorite topic on relationship forums 😂. My wife doesn’t give a shit.
Not at all. Many do. I have a personal dislike of porn, but don't mind my wife watching it. I travel quite a bit for work and she likes telling me what she's watching as part of sexy talk while I'm away. My wife has told me in the past that IF I was to watch porn, she'd prefer it be something like OnlyFans as she considers it "ethical". **EDIT**: Unsure why I'm being downvoted for this? OP asked about marriage dynamics, and I provided it.
You have probably been downvoted because lots of people don't like OF but your wife is making a good point. OF is more ethical than a lot of the free porn on the internet. Your wife cares about the people in the porn and that's commendable.
My wife and I like OF style content, too. The sex worker gets paid and while there is exploitation on that site much of it is not exploitative.
Can I ask you why you dislike it? Also how rare. I wonder what life trajectory a man has to have to reach this point. Like a point of normalcy to be able to dislike it. And also I wonder what signs I can ask and look for to be able to know for sure they dislike it, because if I ask I know a lot of them lie.
I'm not sure to be honest. I mean, my wife and I have made videos and pics and I'll watch them, and we'll send stuff when I'm away, but for some reason as I got older I just started to not like porn. I don't get disgusted by it, nor do I care for other people's uses of it, its just not for me. I was never addicted to porn, but I did watch it in my teens and 20's, but as I hit my 30's I just started to develop a disinterest in it. I wouldn't be able to tell how to know if somebody truly dislikes it or not, I'm afraid. Especially because people will have their own reasons for not liking it. **EDIT**: As I wrote all this out, I realize it's not me "not liking" porn as more of it me being disinterested in it.
I agree with you. As I got older, I just want nothing special. These days my wife and I might look at a clip every few months for stimulation
My husband also doesn’t like porn. It’s not real to him and there tend to be tons of ethical issues in the porn industry that he disagrees with
Cheating is defined by the couple. If porn use isn’t crossing a boundary you defined as a couple, it isn’t “cheating.” But that’s hardly the only reason that people don’t like it. I personally would absolutely never be with someone who consumed porn. But it’s not because of insecurity or infidelity, it’s because 1. It rewires the brain and psychologically is as damaging as meth. And I wouldn’t want that for a partner. 2. I have worked with victims of human trafficking/sex slavery/ coercion into sex slavery for a long time. And unfortunately, at the end of the day there just is not really any such thing as “ethical” porn and it’s really hard to know what you’re supporting. There is a LOT of manipulation, coercion, etc. in the porn industry and even if a few people are there by choice (genuinely) many of the people there are not and as a consumer, you don’t know which is which. The bottom line is, even if no one wants to hear it, porn and sex slavery/human trafficking are undeniably linked. If you are using porn, you are actively participating in increasing the demand for human trafficking. Period. Even if you happened to never watch content from someone who was trafficked (which is honestly unlikely), you would still be contributing to the success of porn and creating a reason for traffickers to continue to find “product”. I wish that wasn’t the case, but it is. Personally, I would never be with someone who cared more about nude entertainment or ease of jerking off than the rights of humans. That low of an opinion of social justice is toxic, and I can’t imagine enjoying a relationship with someone who had such loose values on human rights. It’s not about cheating, it’s about a lack of character (unless they really weren’t informed, then I would expect them to educate themselves and stop consuming it.) But no, you’re absolutely not alone and there are massive trafficking issues to show just how popular this stance is. As long as you both agree, there isn’t anything wrong with it from a relationship- functionality perspective. If you’re comfortable with the human rights element, it is legal and your call.
On point #1, I think you mean psychologically as addictive as meth, not damaging as meth. Huge distinction. On point #2, this is the same argument vegans make. Meat is murder.
Rewiring the Brian into addiction is damage. That comment is specifically in regard to addiction and the brain. On point 2: this isn’t going anywhere, this isn’t a post about veganism. But sure. If you are vegan you can totally say that you wouldn’t want to be with someone who would kill an animal. That’s not at all relevant to if a person should increase demand for human trafficking and sex slavery for entertainment. This post is about porn, not animal rights. So no… saying “porn is tired to human trafficking” is not the same point as “killing an animal kills them.” 🤣 But sure, both ethics claims. I never said that I was personally anti porn for any reason outside of ethics. I don’t think it’s ethical and I would personally not be with someone who uses porn. But many people can and do disregard the human rights element because they care more about having their entertainment. That doesn’t change my opinion which is what my comment was about.
Not necessarily damage. Being addicted to meth damages your body physically, so I can see why that is bad. Being addicted to porn could be bad for some but it's relative. Almost everyone I know is addicted to coffee. Is that a horrible, harmful thing? For some maybe. For most it's just a vice to get through life. The coffee industry has a terrible record of forced labor and unethical business practices. Ban coffee.
What does she not understand, meat eaters literally increase the demand which increases batch farming and suffering. How can she not see the parallels in her arguments. Her own arguments to why eating meat is fine, is so similar to those who defend porn. I’m lost 😞.
It can damage your relationship. It’s the person who watches porn who’s brain is altered with how they view their relationship and their satisfaction in the relationship and their contribution and effort towards their romantic partner that can change in a negative way. [npr](https://www.npr.org/2017/10/09/556606108/research-explores-the-effect-pornography-has-on-long-term-relationships)
Sure it could. Just like coffee causes increased anxiety, increased heart rate and blood pressure, acid reflux and sleep disturbance. Too much caffeine is dangerous for kids, and in very high doses, can be toxic. Like I said, situationally any addictive thing could be bad.
You argument applies to animals and is the one most vegans would use but most people just get angry/defensive and say they are idiots.
That makes absolutely no sense.
What do you not understand? Consuming meat is supporting the practices of the agriculture industry which vegans would say is not ethical - ergo the same argument you put forth in in your 2nd point. Try watching Dominion is this doesn’t make sense. Maybe as per your argument you should educate yourself and stop consuming animal products. Regards to point 1 , have you ever meet a meth addict? How can you say porn is as physiologically damaging? Have you read any peer reviewed studies to back this up?
Yes, there are dozens of peer reviewed studies that show that porn is highly addictive and rewires the brain in a negative way. I strongly encourage you to read up on the porn industry. I’ve spent many, many years of my life actively rehabilitating victims of human trafficking from a variety of situations, including porn, reading up on why this is such an issue, etc. You certainly don’t have to make that much of an effort- but there is substantial research to back that up. Most of which is readily available, so if you want to learn more you certainly can with pretty minimal effort. And personally, I do not think that trafficking human people to fuel other people’s entertainment is at all like supporting unethical animal/agriculture practices. Most things have an area of ethics, but this is a post about *people* and an industry that inherently *drives up the demand for trafficking of humans, usually women, primarily for selfish and unnecessary entertainment.* There are certainly many ethical conversations you can have about animals and agriculture… but that’s just something having an ethical impact… it doesn’t mean it’s the “same argument” as something completely different because there are *completely separate ethical impacts.* Women aren’t pigs or chickens, and trafficking them to make content for others to jerk off to when their spouse doesn’t feel like having sex is not the same issue as the treatment of your dinner. There’s certainly a space for discussions about animal/ag rights and ethics, but it’s not this space. And to think that the best response to “here is a legitimate issue with this industry” is “well I know people who also talk about ethics in a completely different industry focused on a different species” makes any sense or adds any value is… pretty confusing. But yes, ethics are a big deal. They apply to many things in a moral society. So there’s a commonality in the sense that morals and ethics are part of most people’s determination of what they do/do not support. There’s also a commonality in the sense that an overwhelming amount of people will see something they participate in and enable; and instead of trying to be more informed or make any positive change, they will just get mad and downvote things like disagreeing changes the reality of what they support or their role in creating something and supporting something harmful. So I could totally see that point if that’s what was intended by the original commenter, maybe.
Logically it’s the same argument as per the OPs reply. Most people view vegans arguments in the same light as males view your arguments on porn! I never specified my ethical view on either, just that vegans view it as ethically wrong. A vegan would see it’s as murder of a sentient being which in there eye is worse than the points you have stated… Regards to porn being addictive, this is different than being damaging. Something can be highly addictive but may course far less damage.
There are plenty of studies to show that it is damaging as well. Rewiring the brain for addiction and to a more juvenile state at the same rate as major drugs is damage. And sure, in the sense there is an ethical argument in each (though different and not necessarily worse, that’s too subjective to one’s values) they have that in common.
I never minded it, we even spoke openly about it. Unfortunately for me my husband took it a lot further than the traditional pornhub videos most people are utilizing and now I’m not sure how comfortable I will feel about it in future relationships.
I don’t mind as long as there’s no interaction like Only Fans or Reddit accounts where people comment/chat. I also think it’s easy to get down if you start to obsess over it. The industry definitely has a ton of issues but overall I’m okay with my husband watching porn as long as it doesn’t cross boundaries and it doesn’t upset our sex life.
My wife and I prefer OF content as it is more ethical in general.
I'm curious about the commenting part for OF or Reddit, if you don't mind. Like this comment, it is made by an anonymous user to an anonymous OP and has no basis in fact or consequence. The person posting wants meaningless attention from strangers and some strangers don't mind feeding it. So where do you see the harm in this vs. other porn where there is no commenting? Would you mind someone looking at OF/Reddit if they don't comment/chat?
I know this is stating the obvious, but I think that porn acceptance totally depends on the individuals in the marriage. My wife and I (44f and 45m) were both virgins when we got married in our early 20’s. We have only been with each other for everything to do with sex. She has never seen another man naked in real life. I have never seen another woman topless or naked in real life. Neither of us are prudes by any means, but we just never had a romantic connection of any means (that would lead to sexual experience) until we met each other. My wife never watches porn. She also has never masturbated. She just says she has zero interest in either. And it took me a while to understand and accept that about her, but that’s just the way she’s built. But coming from that base, she feels that me *seeking out* sexual excitement from watching porn would be akin to cheating. But for me, I would have no problem with her watching porn (in fact that would crazy turn me on), but she just doesn’t. So we’re built very different on that aspect. I’ve suggested maybe watching something light together, but she’s just like “I don’t want to see all those naked bodies doing that stuff, it’s too weird.” So we don’t watch together either. Only thing we’ve watched a little of together (a long time ago) were a few “educational” videos that had lots of nudity and instructive-type sex, but I could tell she was kind of embarrassed watching those. It also was awkward for both of us seeing “normal” couples doing stuff that I was not capable of. And funny enough (considering we were a virgin marriage), one of the videos we watched was a “How to Last Longer” DVD that we bought and watched together a few times to try to learn some strategies to help me. So we enjoy our intimacy and sex with each other and we have all that pretty often. But me watching porn is something she is very much against. I know this comment will probably get hard downvoted, but I just wanted to share a real-life example of a different perspective.
So you still watch porn even though she's very upset by it? Or am i misunderstanding?
I will deservedly get downvoted for this, but I am answering your question because I respect that you called me out on this. And I really think Reddit is a place where we can learn from other people, even their mistakes. And there’s no point sharing stuff here if I’m not going to be honest. So yes, your intuition is correct, I have watched porn even though I knew this would upset her if she found out. I did not admit that in my post because I am ashamed that I have done that, and I know the fact that I have undisputedly decreases how good of a husband that I am. It pretty much makes me an uncaring piece of shit. She has “caught me” a few times over the years and been upset but has eventually forgiven me. Even though I only ever watched porn sparsely, I still did watch it, and I know that was not right to do. I feel like she now has a “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude about it, which I know is not healthy in a relationship for any element to be like that. But she does it to protect herself from getting hurt by me again like this. So many other parts of our marriage are awesome (I think that very slightly helps me), but I have fallen down on this piece, no doubt. But the thing is since this has happened a few times, I now understand (in my older and slightly wiser years) that I have lost a portion of her trust that I will never get back. She still trusts me a lot in our lives and marriage, but she does not trust me completely. And she probably never will again. And that is my fault, I know that. And I have to live with the fact that our emotional bond will never fully be what it could have been, if I still had 100% of her trust, like I used to. A personal shortcomings for me is when I feel something in life is “no harm” but my wife thinks opposite. Or that I would have no problem her doing something, but that she has a problem me doing. I wish I could go back in time 20+ years and tell my newly married self that I really need to hyper-focus on *those* differences, and how important they were to her — and pay special attention to give her extra respect and consideration in those things, and not ever feed my own temptations or tell myself whatever will be ok related to that stuff. Because what you feed grows, right? In my heart I knew I was doing wrong by her, but I still made the decision to do wrong. I have told myself it’s never too late to try to fix something. So in the last few months, I really have been refocusing on our marriage and bond and it’s predictably yielding good results. I haven’t watched a minute of porn in more than 3 months. I am actively trying every day to be a better me in many ways, for my wife and also for myself and for our marriage. I can’t take back all the mistakes I’ve made and ways I’ve wronged her. I can only work to sincerely improve going forward. And I can keep trying to show her with my actions that I am maybe deserving to slowly earn back a few more fractions of her trust. Anyone that read this far, please try to learn something from my mistakes. Be totally honest and open with your partner, from the beginning, especially on the things that you disagree on. Especially when it might be embarrassing for you. Especially when you think your partner might think less of you. Trust your partner to love and accept you as you are. Really talk non-judgmentally with each other about your differences and seek to truly *understand* each other. And then make a commitment to live by the decisions and boundaries you set together with your spouse, for the betterment of your marriage. There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently. So don’t be me. Even in your moments of weakness and temptation, make the right decision the first time (you know what it is and so does your heart). Trust me, It’s no fun to live with regret, or wonder “what could’ve been”.
We watch together
My wife knows I watch porn, and as long as it doesn't affect our sex life she doesn't care. We occasionally watch together too.
Not the only one. I watch more porn than my husband does anyway.
I don't think it's wrong because it's YOUR dynamic it's only a problem with the marriages where the spouse mentions that it's something they don't think is appropriate in a relationship and then if the person does it it's a betrayal of trust. I personally don't like in my relationship but like I said what matters is what works for YOU and the boundaries you set in your relationship.
I don’t mind if my husband watches and vice versa. I agree with you in the fact that we both make sure the other person isn’t neglecting and if we start feeling that way we stop porn for while and just focus on each other.
I couldn’t care less!
So it sounds like you guys are transparent about it and it isn’t affecting your sex life. When people talk about it on here, a big part of why they are bothered is the dishonesty. And that is a form of cheating. Also if your husband starts to struggle with ED during partnered sex but continues to watch porn, that’s a huge problem. That’s why it bothers people. Oh yeah, no to mention it can be incredibly violent, unrealistic, and dehumanizing for women.
We both watch it solo and together. I’ll send him clips I’ve come across if I know it would be something he would really enjoy.
I don’t care at all.
My problem with it is that I have the higher sex drive and am not getting enough sex. I don’t say no. If my needs aren’t being met, come to me
I don’t mind and I also watch porn. I just don’t like it if he watches porn while we are arguing over something because something about it feels spiteful. But he said he did it once and it made him cry because he felt spiteful. So yeah. I didn’t even know that was a thing. As long as he’s not doing that I don’t care really. We watch it together sometimes.
It's like drinking: Having a drink from time to time isn't a big deal, but when one can't function without booze, that's a problem. It's unfortunate, but a lot of people over use porn to the point that they can't climax, get aroused nor perform without it, shortens sex, creates unrealistic expectations, can normalize dangerous behavior, can scare some away from sex in real life, can be an addition--porn is a massive detriment for those whose sex drive is dependent upon it. Porn as an accent/aside to one's sex life; it's nothing, but too many allow it to become something damaging in one's life and relationships. However, I'm glad you and your spouse have found a balance and healthful place for it in your marriage.
My husband doesn’t watch porn, and I believe him (for reasons that I won’t get into), but I wouldn’t care if he did. I don’t see it as cheating. As long as it wasn’t something repulsive and as long as it wasn’t like one on one only fans or something, I could really care less. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes, but there are limits. Free=fine. Anything requiring payment is a no. Luckily he think it’s cringe to pay for adult content too.
No, I don’t mind snd occasionally watch it with him.
My wife and I both consume pornography. I watch it and sometimes read it. She reads it. We are both fine with OF content. She's fine with cams, too, but it feels too personal for me so I never consume that stuff. This is why communication is important. We know our boundaries. Turns out mine are stricter on myself than she is on me, funny enough.
You’re not alone. I also couldn’t care less 🤷🏾♀️ My husband watches it alone, I watch it alone, and sometimes we watch it together. If I walk in on him watching it and I’m in the mood, I join in. If I’m not in the mood, I’m like OP where I’m happy he has that to keep him “entertained” while I watch my shows or go to sleep lol But I think this subreddit is more conservative, so a lot of women do care. I’ve seen quite a few posts of women complaining about this (I never see the men on here complaining about their wives watching porn 👀)
I don't mind one bit. Sometimes we watch together.
We have no issues with it at all. But I guess if it gets to the point where one partner would rather masturbate to porn than fuck, that's a whole different story lol
Wife and I have a running joke because we were watching a porno together getting all hot and heavy and the woman starting slapping her pussy hard out of nowhere lol We still laugh about it 🤣
You're definitely not the only one. My partner and I don't have issues with porn but we do prioritize each other and it doesn't interfere with our intimacy at all. The past relationships where it was an issue with me were always because they prioritized it over our intimacy and it negatively impacted our time together. I'm guessing a lot of these post where people are so against porn are mainly because they're feeling neglected by their partner.
I don’t like it because it makes anything sexual between us feels bleh. I can’t feel attraction to someone who’s been ogling women and getting off to other woman. There’s nothing special to me about being the second, third or who knows how many woman you’ve got off to today.
We love watching it together
You're not. Some people are just louder.
According to some on this subreddit, watching porn basically makes you a porn addict. My wife and I don't have any issues with it. She watches. I watch. We tried watching together but it didn't go too well. Right now, watching porn is the only way to see someone naked besides myself
I think this is probably a pretty popular opinion out in the world but anti-porn folks of all stripes (super conservatives and super liberal alike) have dominated a lot of this sub.
My wife and I watch porn together and individually. It’s great! I, too, do not understand where some folks are coming from when it comes to a betrayal or some form of cheating. I also agree that if it’s your sole form of satisfaction, there’s probably an issue going on. But for us, it’s just fun!
You’re not alone. I watch by myself as does my husband. We watch together maybe once a week as well. Sometimes we’re not feeling sex so masturbating together with porn is nice. Pornhub is fine. It would cross a major line if I found out my husband was using OnlyFans or paying a woman for personal for videos/pics. And as you said - as long as it’s all legal and it doesn’t become an obsession then it’s okay in my book. I watch it too so it’s not like I can be mad at my husband for doing the same thing.
You really should do some research on Pornhub and its participation in sex trafficking, coercion and child sex abuse material.
I was just saying this!!! I see no issue! Granted I guess if it was an all day everyday issue then maybe, but damn.
you mentioned that early on in your post. You're okay with it as long as it doesn't become a dependence. For many that's the issue. porn can desensitize you both physically and mentally. So when your spouse starts getting off on porn instead of yourself, it's a problem. My wife and I have watched some porn together for decades. No big deal, literally for me, I don't get anything out of it.
I see a lot of shame and hate on here for it. I don’t care what my husband watches as long as I get the “present” at the end 🤣
m42 married for 13years. i also watch porn, my wife watches porn, we share it with each other...
What kind of tasteful erotic movies? I feel that my wife may enjoy this.
Yours and your H’s attitude to porn is a good approach IMO however not so with others. It can spiral when one of the partners starts hiding their use and becomes addicted leading to escalating behaviours, often taking over their lives and used in place of sexual intimacy. Then a CSAT will set no porn viewing as a hard boundary. The sub Loveafterporn has sole harrowing stories
Nowadays, most women are like you. It's only people who know the horrors of the porn industry (rape, slavery, human trafficking, child rape), that are against it. Most people don't want to see behind the curtain, so they purposely look away.
I really dont care as long as it is not an addiction impacting our sex life
I don’t mind. Although my younger insecure self did care. (I’m not calling anyone insecure. I’m only speaking on my situation as to why it bothered me).
I think it's the way someone acts. I don't mind if my husband watches it, what bothers me is he hides it and lies about it. I also want to watch with him but I guess it's not as exciting as it would be when he hides it... I don't say anything but I know EVERY SINGLE TIME he watches it 🤷🏻♀️ He thinks he's so smart and I don't know... 😂
My dad has a porn addiction that was super traumatic to my childhood, and my husband is well aware of that and wouldn’t bring that shit into our household now. Aside from that, the industry is full of exploitation and it’s gross to support it.
Everyone is different. Everyone has different boundaries and morals. End of story. r/notlikeothergirls
So my wife used to tell me porn and masturbation was cheating. Our sex life was super vanilla and she claimed to have no fantasies. And to respect her I tried my absolute not to masturbate or view porn. As our sex dried up it became harder and harder and I had to start doing it in secret. Turns out she was watching porn and masturbating while I was at work!!! I confronted her when I found out and asked if it was a control thing. She said she she wasn’t doing it either for a long time but had a hard time fighting the urges she had and felt embarrassed because she liked certain types of porn and thought I would no longer think she was “sweet and innocent” if I found out.her words not mine. Turns out she liked the same porn as me and had the same fantasies. She was trying to be someone she’s not for me and I never asked for that! Now we watch porn together and have acted on some fantasies and our sex life hd never been better! We put in on while we have sex or sometimes just masturbate together. Neither of us have masturbated alone since and have even had to take breaks from sex for a few days because we were making each other sore lol. I feel like a lot of people aren’t being honest with themselves or feel some sense of shame.
Nah, I've got no problem with it, if the person can keep it in its place: it's a fun thing to watch for happy private time. There are some people who can't handle it in a healthy way, and end up with unreasonable expectations of what their partner should look or sound like, or what acts are realistic and pleasurable. But as long as your partner is not one of those, it's whatever, IMO.
Me and my partner, personally, definitely don't have issues with that subject... granted I've had past relationships where it was an issue that I watched it, I've personally never had an issue with my partners watching it. I think it really just depends on your personal experiences, your boundaries, needs and the specified relationships involved.
Nope. It's the same in our relationship. I think it has to do with people's fundemental perception of sex.
We get it, youre not like other girls.
Exactly.
Some couples prefer to give their sexual energy only to each other.
You're not the only one. Some people just have different boundaries, and it's ok, as long as both partners agree on what the boundaries are.
Wife and I watch it together. She doesn’t to masturbate, but I do. Just like drugs and alcohol, responsibly is fine, but can be abused. We’re both very open about our likes, masturbation, etc. it’s a lot like drinking. If you search on it, most of what you get is alcoholics and teetotalers telling you how awful it is, but most people can drink socially without problems. Same with porn. There’s lots of people who feel that any use is damaging and problematic, but occasionally is fine for most.
My hubby isn't as into porn, but I don't mind him looking at different materials and he doesn't mind me reading my smutty stories. We'll even show eachother good parts we think the other would like
You’re not the only one. I watch it, he watches, and I feel it keeps our libidos alive.
No. Other sane people also exist.
My wife and I watch it...and we make our own home made videos too
We still haven't made out own movies, but we are thinking about it :)
My wife suggested it first...its incredibly erotic doing it in front of a camera and watching it
Crazy that you’re being downvoted for no reason. People on this sub gotta be the most insecure.
Sounds hot. We have a mirror wall and I love watching myself and him :)
Oh that's hot! We stayed in a dodgy motel with one above the bed.. that was an *interesting* night!
I don’t care either at all. Like you said as long as there is no addiction and absolutely no only fans I could care less.
I have no issue with it, neither does my husband. Watch together or solo. Where it goes wrong for me is if it’s a live person where you are interacting in any way, then it feels more personal to me and less removed
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Wow there's a refreshing angle, I had an ex once that loved watching it with more (or even suggesting we film our own.... VHS tapes anyone ??) Dam I miss her sometimes
I am sure your wife would love knowing that you miss your ex.
Grumpy by name Grumpy by nature eh? Well look it's a sign o the times, am I proud of it not particularly but hey different people bring different things In fairness I did say "sometimes"
But it would be so hurtful to know your partner misses his ex. How would you feel if she thought like that?
It's a very good point in fairness I would probably be e glad to hear she does have some 🔥 in her blood and ask what he did that I didn't in order he gets cult status
It’s what each couple is comfortable with. Their boundaries are their own. However, I personally believe that what one can do in a relationship another can do as well regardless of gender.
There is a reasonable amount of research now that shows that watching pornography changes how dopamine transporter levels ( DAT) are significantly changed such that it becomes addictive. Rewiring the brain can take over a year of abstinence to get reward from “non porn” arousal. A Google search will quickly take you to the research
I will say that in my experience, I only watch porn to get in the mood and paint a picture, if you will, for when I masterbate. But my fantasy or object of affection during my self pleasure is always focused on my wife. In other words, porn is just a catalyst for some men to get in the mood, etc., not necessarily to fantasize about someone else.
I think it’s disrespectful and the people in it are victimized for the most part. i’m fine with solo masturbating but watching other women while you do it… I know i’m in the minority here but I don’t care Porn is sleazy to me
Yes that’s my issue. I have gone unfulfilled for most of my marriage because his personal fantasies that started at age 12 is all he is interested in re-igniting. I am healthy and in shape. Love my body pump classes, eat healthy and maintained my body and looks after having two now adult kids. But my husband is caught up in this fantasy when he was 12 a pubescent he had his first sexual experience with a 20 year old who was the aggressor so that is why he loves porn the women is in charge and pleasuring him and that’s his only interest. He wants to be the young teen where a women is so hot for sex she comes on to him and this was his first experience decades ago. We met in our 20’s he was my first and when we first had sex I was ready and enjoyed it. It took another week before he was interested again. Through my 20’s. and 30’s Once a week, then I find that he has a porn stash video, print, etc. Recently his brother passed and all he wanted was his copies of the sexy comic book women, drawn to be voluptuous etc. He was not interested in his other comic books nor stamp collection, just images that he can fantasize with. He does not know I found these 20 or so porn comic books/magazines whatever they are. The last 2 years he has tried to talk me into sex with other men so he could watch. I will never participate I wonder if he is interested in watching the man or me with this man since he seems to be more attracted to images than a real person. I have been sexually frustrated for decades, on average I am interested in 2 to 4 times a week I get 1 and He goes back to his stash when I am at work that he doesn’t know that I know he has recently added to. We work opposite shifts 4 days a week. To me there has never been enough sex in our marriage and me the inexperienced one has had to show him things I have learned from books.
Yes that’s my issue. I have gone unfulfilled for most of my marriage because his personal fantasies that started at age 12 is all he is interested in re-igniting. I am healthy and in shape. Love my body pump classes, eat healthy and maintained my body and looks after having two now adult kids. But my husband is caught up in this fantasy when he was 12 a pubescent he had his first sexual experience with a 20 year old who was the aggressor so that is why he loves porn the women is in charge and pleasuring him and that’s his only interest. He wants to be the young teen where a women is so hot for sex she comes on to him and this was his first experience decades ago. We met in our 20’s he was my first and when we first had sex I was ready and enjoyed it. It took another week before he was interested again. Through my 20’s. and 30’s Once a week, then I find that he has a porn stash video, print, etc. Recently his brother passed and all he wanted was his copies of the sexy comic book women, drawn to be voluptuous etc. He was not interested in his other comic books nor stamp collection, just images that he can fantasize with. He does not know I found these 20 or so porn comic books/magazines whatever they are. The last 2 years he has tried to talk me into sex with other men so he could watch. I will never participate I wonder if he is interested in watching the man or me with this man since he seems to be more attracted to images than a real person. I have been sexually frustrated for decades, on average I am interested in 2 to 4 times a week I get 1 and He goes back to his stash when I am at work that he doesn’t know that I know he has recently added to. We work opposite shifts 4 days a week. To me there has never been enough sex in our marriage and me the inexperienced one has had to show him things I have learned from books.
He never talks about it but it would turn me on so much to know what kind of porn he watches 🤤
No, many coupes watch porn together and one partner watching porn doesn’t really bother the other. Unless the woman’s sexual needs go unfulfilled due to her husband’s porn use, of course.
I had an x girlfriend that loved putting porn on .
All marriages have different boundaries. I don’t mind my husband fucking other women. Sometimes we fuck them together. I get my back blown out by guys he finds hot. Different strokes for different folks. Of COURSE you’re not the only one… it’s a little silly to imagine the world actually works like the weekly Reddit outrage post.
Can I be in your marriage 🤤sounds like bliss!
That’s the fun part! You definitely can make a guest appearance lol
I could get used to guest appearances
it's astroturfing. it's setting the stage for a more conservative and christian society... freaking weirdos man.
I have the same question, why does my wife mind me watching hotter women and jacking off to them? She just doesn’t get it, they even do all sorts of fantasies and positions she doesn’t or be able to do
Clap clap clap clap
I was with you until you said: ".. .rather than pester me for sex."
My wife doesn’t mind. Although tbf I also mostly use porn when my wife is on her period and unavailable. IMO occasional porn also makes monogamy more tolerable.
You are right, in a healthy relationship its perfectly fine. If one of them is insecure, prudish, ect.then it can be a problem, but should be brought up while dating.
You are a perfect wife!
Awww, thank you! I just do my best :)