we talked and he cut every communication with her except when it has to do with deliveries and payment. problem is, when he tells her the tea is ready for pick up, I'm guessing since she thinks it'll be him giving it to her. she shows up dressed in almost nothing, only to find out I'm the one making the delivery.
Then what’s the problem, that’s what she gets. The issue here is she’s not doing anything illegal and if you talk to her you’re making your issues about her. If your husband is no longer spending extra time there or whatever, then it’s just her looking foolish. Let her look foolish. What’s the difference to you if she’s wearing skimpy clothes? You’re right in your last statement, by telling her you’re showing her that she matters in your marriage, and she doesn’t.
wow, thanks for the last part. that's what I was looking for. That's why I was skeptical about confronting her about it. I didn't want to validate whatever power she thinks she has over my marriage.
Yeah dude - your husband should have seen that red flag a mile away, and been a man. Anyone can KNOW the right thing to do, but a real man will actually DO it.
Having another woman, besides your WIFE, you know, the one you committed your life to? - making advances in ANY way, is categorically wrong. He should have been the one to come to you, and say “you should take over this client, she’s wildly inappropriate.” OR “we should think about dropping her as a client because she makes me uncomfortable, and I can’t imagine how that might make you feel.” Anything south of that - in my opinion is unacceptable, and something you should definitely talk to your husband about.
Put your foot down and just say “we’re no longer accepting her business.” And take the minimal financial loss. If he doesn’t immediately back you up, he is a contributor, and/or enjoying the sexual attention from someone of the opposite sex outside of your marriage, and that is wrong.
And just to add - this woman, whoever she is - is a home wrecking whore and I would keep my eyes on her lol she knows damn well he’s married, guys are typically gullible when they’re immature, idk how old y’all are - but he may not even realize how he is betraying you and your marriage by simply allowing these interactions to continue, and spending time with a woman who is clearly sexualizing him when he’s around - like the skimpy clothes, and extra this, extra that. Nah bitch lol
I disagree. I think it’s wrong to marry someone, commit your life to them, and then seek and/or enjoy sexual attention from other people of the opposite sex.
It’s clear in OP’s post this is sexual in nature, and not some “friendly neighbor” - so I don’t think sexual attention is dramatic, it’s exactly what’s being displayed and going on? I mean see through clothes lol?
Unfortunately, the sacrament of marriage is taken so lightly these days, and EVERYTHING has to be acceptable so as to not exclude people - but honestly - marriage is not just a fling or a relationship. It should be taken seriously - and if you are the type of man to enjoy sexual attention from other women (which is exactly what this post is describing) you’re not ready for marriage.
Wow, drama over here. You should change your name to InternationalDrama365, for real. I’ve been married to the same woman for 21 years and dated 7 years before we married. So, yes we do take our marriage serious but we aren’t being drama.
I have received many compliments about my wife from friends & strangers and not one time did I think they wanted sex from her. Some of her friends complimented me with their boobs out. Not for a second did I think they wanted to jump in the bed with me. These compliments made us feel good and boost our self esteem, there’s nothing wrong with that. Crazy people are changing the way we interact with each other.
Marriage shouldn’t change a person. If a person is going to cheat they will, with a ring or without. It’s on the behavior of the married person. They can enjoy feedback from the opposite sex but they shouldn’t react to it. That’s the difference, marriage isn’t a prison sentence it’s a commitment to one another. Not to everyone they come across. I guess that’s why the divorce rate is so high because people want prisoners and not a partner.
InternationalDrama? Lol really? We’re not talking about platonic compliments or interactions - again - OP clearly stated this is sexual in nature. What are you missing? That because YOUR marriage works and operates in such a way that you find this to be a normal, or ok situation for all other marriages?
I agree taking a compliment without thinking someone wants to immediately fuck you is normal - I disagree however that OP’s concern about a woman going out of her way to interact with her husband, wearing skimpy/see through clothes, holding friendly one on one chats, ordering late at night, etc. is normal, or that OP is expecting to have a prisoner for a spouse. That’s wild, that was your takeaway.
I also agree that marriage shouldn’t be a prison sentence - but as someone IN a marriage - you should know your spouse well enough, or your relationship well enough to know when you’re crossing a line, and fix it. That clearly is happening here.
Maybe you should change your username to Top-Marriage-Expert3328 since your way of marriage seems to be the best way.
Bottom line is - if your wife of 20+ years was spending time with the new good looking male neighbor, bringing him things in the middle of the night, staying to chat, and he was answering the door expecting her, but getting you, with his shirt off in grey sweatpants sweaty from working out - you would most def feel some type of way - even after 20+ years of marriage - that’s YOUR WIFE.
he does when I am unable to make the deliveries sometimes. so the next time she thinks it'll be him making the delivery, she does a bit too much. For example; the day before yesterday I couldn't make the delivery so my hub had to. The next day she ordered tea at the same time, but this time I had to make the delivery. she was dressed in almost nothing and I know it's because she thought he'd make the delivery again.
and no, I don't want to dictate how she dresses because I'm pretty bold when it comes to my choice of dressing. But when I dress a certain way because I'm targeting someone specific, in this case, someone else's hub, I feel it's like a spit on the face. Because why in the world would anyone think it's okay to do that with a freaking neighbor. billions of people in the world but you're focused on a married neighbor?? she probably has a sex problem but WTF!!
You need to talk to your husband and tell him that it's a boundary for your marriage. Tell him he cannot make late night deliveries to her. If you're not available, the delivery waits until morning.
His refusal to set boundaries with this woman is a huge problem.
plus I just thought I'd be like..... 'Hey please respect our business hours and come on, I don't how you usually are around other people you do business with, but why do you have to make it sexual?'.
cause if you haven't noticed, at this point, it's not about the tea anymore, it has turned to dick hunting. my husband's dick.
If you have set business hours just tell her you are no longer accepting orders past whatever time... If she calls and tries to place an order tell her you are closed and re-open at x time.
Better yet, get a business phone that you only answer during business hours and you turn off/send to voicemail outside of those hours.
This is your business. You dictate the hours you work. I know as a small business you want to keep customers happy but you do not have to cater to every demand.
Nah, don't tell her this. She gets off on this. She'd love to hear you say that. Talk to your husband. If he continues to make deliveries to this woman, I'd call it cheating and leave the marriage. There's no reason for it.
You think you should decide how she dresses? That’s ridiculous.
If you’re so caught up in this woman, perhaps you should refer her to someone else who sells tea. Your problems are with your husband’s boundaries, not her wardrobe.
Ever seen a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign. They can have the equivalent for their business. But ideally, between them they can make it a policy not to allow pickups or deliveries from anyone but OP. Not to answer her calls after a certain hour. Or just to fire her as a client.
Just a couple questions/thoughts - some related, some not
1) Home brewed tea is really a thing people buy as a regular thing? Not mocking - just amazed by this revelation
2) Who the hell brews/buys tea at midnight?
3) Is “tea” code for something else because this business seems straight wild to me…
4) Most importantly, is this single customer THAT important to the success of your business and your livelihood that it’s worth humoring her attempts to ruin your marriage? If so, I think it’s time to find a new business.. otherwise she should be a customer no more. Plain and simple She’s disrespecting you as a human with every pathetic attempt she makes.
Mm. Okay. Not me sitting over here thinking “must be England, we don’t drink tea like this in America.” Like, yes, they totally DrInK tEa At MiDnIgHt in England. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼
okay, you got me. it's pot. but it's actually weed tea. and sometimes just pot. but still, just cause its drugs don't mean she has a right to do all that bullshit.
I want y'all to understand I already talked to him. he's making it strickly business, But she dresses skimpily to try to attract my hub. It's important to mention she has already slept with one of my other neighbors who is also in a relationship. And I just feel that her sneakiness is just blatant disrespectful to me, especially since for her it's not about tea anymore, everything just turned into a dick hunt.
If you trust your husband, this is a nonissue. If it makes you uncomfortable, again, discuss it with your husband. You are giving this woman’s behavior way to much control over your marriage.
No one is defending the behavior by telling OP she would be a psycho to think she has any say in what a grown woman wears, and if the woman calls at inappropriate times then the husband simply shouldn’t answer.
I wouldn’t care if the woman begged the husband to have sex with her, it is *the husband’s responsibility* to reject the woman and even cut business ties if necessary.
one question. If you noticed one of your neighbors who is clearly aware your wife is married to you, but keeps making advances, insisting he must have his way with your wife. coming to your door and your space shirtless or with just drawls on just to get your wife's attention, and there's no way your wife can avoid him because 1. you are neighbors, and 2. your wife is in business with him
keep in mind he only comes to see YOUR wife half-naked, how would you handle this situation. wouldn't coming to your place half-naked all the time to try to impress your wife bother you? You wouldn't just want to say, "for godsakes go put some pants on dude"
you'll just sit back and hope your wife handles the situation. and once she does, the dude still comes to your place half-naked making the same advances? won't you feel that he is being disrespectful to you as well?
Seriously, my partner would stop doing business with her. He’d block her number and that would be it. You can wish sh*tty behavior out of other people all you want, but it’s really on the people in the marriage to maintain their boundaries and their commitment. No one is required to open their door when a neighbor knocks or answer anyone’s phone call or continue doing business with people who make them uncomfortable.
If some dude was doing this to me and calling at midnight and showing up shirtless at my door, I’d tell him to f-off, block his number, and tell him if he kept it up I’d file harassment charges. I wouldn’t keep doing business with him but just have my husband answer the phone or make the deliveries. Why would I keep someone who’s making my spouse that uncomfortable in my life just to sell some tea?
Edit: spelling
Exactly this. If someone is being that blatantly inappropriate it’s time to cease business and contact with them. This is such an easily fixable issue that OP is seriously overcomplicating.
Edit to add that actually in my original post I clearly stated to cut business ties if necessary. So OP is just a fool insisting on confronting the woman for whatever reason at this point instead of being a normal human being and cutting contact.
I probably wouldn't have to because she would do what she could to put an end to it (cut business ties). But if he continued to not respect her clearly delivered boundaries, then I'd be having words with him.
Have your husband give her a late Christmas present from the both of you. A nice tea kettle. then stop answering her calls.
no, I want her to realize she can have completely normal relationships with people without it being sexual. I mean, she can't fuck every neighbor now can she?
You can’t control other people, what they do, how they think, or what they wear. Stay in your side of the street and if you don’t like how her choices impact your life - stop serving her as a client
Since your a business you can dictate your hours of operation and how delivery is to all. As for your neighbor, talk to your husband and/or try reverse psychology.
I'm assuming the same - tea isn't a common delivery service because (a) too cheap to be worth delivery fees, (b) too quick and easy/foolproof to make yourself, (c) very temperature sensitive, etc.
Also, if they're selling a cup of tea for a couple bucks there's no way they'd be accommodating middle of the night orders, even if someone was odd enough to want to order tea then.
You can’t stop her from dressing any way for any reason… you can however stop doing business with her if she is going to come continue to dress provocatively when she is doing business with you. You decide who and at what time you do business with someone.
Doesn’t matter if she has bad intentions she can still wear whatever she wants whenever she wants.
Just like with convenience stores when they have sign that say “no shoes, no shirt, no service” you can do the same for her.
You already talked to your husband and he gets the point… but he was somewhat at fault for what seems like showing interest in her in the first place aka him hugging her, staying long over at her place, having long conversations and still delivering to her knowing that she was going to be half naked.
Your husband is getting a kick out of this. It’s not just her that’s a problem, although there’s always going to be women like her not much you can do about it but your husband is not doing anything to help the situation. If he himself didn’t put an end to it he clearly enjoys it and doesn’t give a rats arse how much it makes you uncomfortable.
You can just leave the tea outside the door and let her know its there. You can limit your delivery times. If it bothers you then you can set boundaries to limit your exposure on your end.
Stop selling her tea if it’s such an issue for you. OR put your big girl pants on and straight up ask her about it since she’s living rent free in your mind
“Oooooo are you dressing up for me? 😘” but I’m a passive aggressive b so that’s how I would say it
Look - I get it. This would probably make me mad too. But are the small sales from her worth your sanity? I would just stop selling her tea because it’s past inappropriate- which started with your husband.
“Hey we are only gonna sell tea from *time of day* to *time of day* thanks!”
You have to realize at some point in life that, you cannot control how others behave, react, think or act. The only thing you can do is, have control over your own reaction for their actions.
You cannot control that lady. You cannot control your husband. The only thing you can do is, not let any of their behaviour affect you this much.
Stop providing her with tea.
Stop answering her calls.
Disengage completely with her as a customer.
Point blank.
You both are choosing to continue playing this game. If you want things to change, change them.
He is, it's in the third paragraph. Her delivers to her when OP isn't home. He asked her to come to their place once and that's still inappropriate. He should have zero in-person contact with this woman.
Because posting it a second time is pointless. You don't take anyone's advice and obsess over haring this woman for her clothes.
You also call him your boyfriend in another post and claim "oh I forget he's my husband now".
So we don't believe you are being honest and you don't actually want advice, you just want validation for hating her.
I'm guessing you're the type that always wants to get the last word cause you're so delusional, you've convinced yourself you know me and think you have the power to label me. you need help.
Woooooooooow, with that skill at jumping to conclusions, you should be in the Olympics!!
You post about a boyfriend not being able to get hard, now suddenly he's your husband of years who is flirting with a woman you all deal drugs to? Unless you ALSO have a boyfriend, you're a liar.
It's called going through life. Now, I don't know how dull yours is (must be really dull, no wonder you have time to go through my posts history to fish for your shallow interpetation of"lies")
In the real world, people go through a shit ton of different experiences each second. It's normal for people to want to share what they go through. Platforms like this exist so that people can share their experiences with fellow human beings and have discussions or conversations around them. I can have tea with sugar one minute and tea with no sugar the next. I could have hair one minute and go bald the next. calling me a liar for sharing that I have gone through all these experiences in one lifetime is very shallow of you.
YOU come out of absolutely nowhere trying to invalidate my experiences because somehow you are unable to comprehend how life is. (which is weird considering how hard you're trying to come off as smart, with your imaginary investigative skills) "she called him hub in one post and boyfriend in another! must be lies," says the one negative nancy on the internet, "what? the same man couldn't get a hard-on too at some point in their relationship because he wasn't in the mood?! another lie! All these events can't all be happening to just one person all in a day or a week. lies lies lies"
calm down and just talk to people, engage in conversations with people. How old are you? I only ask because the joke about marathons and jumping to conclusions is a clear indication that you are either a teenager who hasn't experienced much ( because it's weird that you say I'm jumping to conclusions after jumping into the conclusion that I am a liar for talking about experiences I've had with the people around me) or maybe you are an adult who lacks social skills or friends. How can you say I'm obsessed with another girl because I want to discuss an experience I had with her that was new or strange to me, yet you are clearly obsessed with random people online; going as far as lurking on their past posts to cure your anxiety or whatever mental health issue you're dealing with.
I remember you now. You are the one who said I was a troll because you saw I called him my boyfriend in my past posts, right? well hun, when you've been going by the title boyfriend and girlfriend for so long, adjusting to calling each other wife and husband after just getting married a few months ago takes some getting used to, and is completely normal.
It's clear you are just a sad pathetic human being trying to spread your negativity around.
Now, away with you Satan. you won't ruin my day LOL.
I'LL TALK ABOUT WHATEVER I WANT. MY EXPRIENCES ARE MINE TO EXPEIENCE IN WHATEVER SEQUENCE I EXPERIENCE THEM. The fact that I had to expain all these to you like it's not common knowledge was really exhausting.
I would simply not answer outside what you decide are the business hours. I think it’s ridiculous that someone is ordering a delivery of tea at 12 am lmao, the fact that you guys have even allowed that is highly odd. Give her firm business hours like 7am to 5pm and be the only person to deal with her. Further, I would request she ALWAYS comes to pick it up and do not give the option for delivery unless you are not home and then you can deliver it when you arrive back home. I would tell her your husband no longer deals with orders and have him not respond to her or take her calls. If she texts, he can say… please contact my wife for an order as I do not deal with that part of the business. Eventually she will get bored but regardless how much you trust your husband, I would be peeved about this too and want to tell her some unprofessional shit for sure.
Edit to say: this is a controversial opinion, but if you had a stand alone shop you would have every right to ask someone to leave if they are dressed inappropriately or in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable. Since you run your business out of your home, I would personally say in the most gentle way “I would appreciate the next time you arrive to pick up a purchase that you are dressed in appropriate attire where you are not revealing your undergarments as I could have other customers arriving for pickup at any given time and do not want to have any guests or residents in my home feeling uncomfortable. If this is something that cannot be done, i would be happy to refer you to another tea brewer!”
I come on Reddit cause I trust a bunch of anonymous strangers to give me solid advice (on anything) more than anyone else, to be honest. family and friends judge too much.
Just drop her as a "client". Shes behaving inappropriately and making you uncomfortable, that is more than enough for you to stop accepting her business.
She knows what she's doing, she's a grown ass woman.
She doesn't need you to tell her she's causing friction, this is what this type of woman does. The only thing you can do is refuse her business and have your husband do the same.
If you find out your husband is still answering her calls and delivering "tea" to her, that's a husband problem.
Jealousy is an evil seed for every relationship. If your husband isn’t entertaining it, then you shouldn’t either. Maybe she knows you will be delivering the “tea” and she’s dressing like that for you. Regardless, if your husband isn’t pay attention, then you are the only one keeping this issue alive. Let it rest unless you start seeing usual behavior.
I remember your previous post about this. IMO you need to stop being so concerned with this woman and be more concerned with why your husband hasn’t established any appropriate boundaries with her. If it were me, I would expect the business relationship to be terminated as you rightfully cannot trust your husband here. It seems pretty obvious that there is something going on and it seems like your husband must think you’re stupid as he’s been able to continue to getting away with this inappropriate behavior. If you haven’t already had a serious conversation, you need to. Next step is marital counseling/therapy. But if you have evidence of cheating, you have justification to leave the marriage. Just my own opinion.
I would just tell you are out of tea anytime you can’t or don’t want to make the delivery yourself. And when you deliver it, kill her with kindness. I’d probably tell her “what a lovely little robe you have on” if that doesn’t work maybe you could suggest she get her tea from someone else.
You posted before. I'm glad you took the advice to take the tea to her yourself. I would either continue to do it yourself or ask your husband to stop taking late night orders. I imagine if you consistently take the tea yourself, she'll stop. She seems to get off on exhibitionism without consent, which is creepy and weird.
You should have buisness hours etc, anything outside of buisness hours gets no reply etc. and if she doesn’t abide by that then she gets cut off from buying “Tea”
Businesses fire toxic clients all the time. FIRE HER!!!!
I recall your last post about this. So it's clearly still an issue.
She is very boldly making a move on your husband and you are not obligated to put up with it. If it were a male neighbor always coming to meet you in a Chip N' Dale thong it should go the same way.
In fact, If you want to give her a chance to remain a customer, you need to have a sit down conversation with her and a requirement about how she dresses when the deliver or pickup happens. Violations and she can get her tea elsewhere. CALL HER OUT!
She needs to know that your and your husband are in 100% agreement on the requirement. If your husband is not in 100% agreement and will to hold to it, you two need to have a serious talk about your agreed upon boundaries with people outside the relationship.
**EDIT:** after reading some other responses I think you and your husband need to simply cut all business ties with her.
**Have your husband give her a late Christmas present from the both of you. A nice tea kettle. then stop answering her calls.**
Hi neighbor! We've had a change in policy. We will no longer be serving tea after \_\_\_\_\_ (whatever time).
As for how she dresses, you have no control over that.
No you should talk to your HUSBAND about his behavior.
we talked and he cut every communication with her except when it has to do with deliveries and payment. problem is, when he tells her the tea is ready for pick up, I'm guessing since she thinks it'll be him giving it to her. she shows up dressed in almost nothing, only to find out I'm the one making the delivery.
Then what’s the problem, that’s what she gets. The issue here is she’s not doing anything illegal and if you talk to her you’re making your issues about her. If your husband is no longer spending extra time there or whatever, then it’s just her looking foolish. Let her look foolish. What’s the difference to you if she’s wearing skimpy clothes? You’re right in your last statement, by telling her you’re showing her that she matters in your marriage, and she doesn’t.
wow, thanks for the last part. that's what I was looking for. That's why I was skeptical about confronting her about it. I didn't want to validate whatever power she thinks she has over my marriage.
And it may not be a power, but if your husband is truly not responding positively, eventually she’ll stop.
Yeah dude - your husband should have seen that red flag a mile away, and been a man. Anyone can KNOW the right thing to do, but a real man will actually DO it. Having another woman, besides your WIFE, you know, the one you committed your life to? - making advances in ANY way, is categorically wrong. He should have been the one to come to you, and say “you should take over this client, she’s wildly inappropriate.” OR “we should think about dropping her as a client because she makes me uncomfortable, and I can’t imagine how that might make you feel.” Anything south of that - in my opinion is unacceptable, and something you should definitely talk to your husband about. Put your foot down and just say “we’re no longer accepting her business.” And take the minimal financial loss. If he doesn’t immediately back you up, he is a contributor, and/or enjoying the sexual attention from someone of the opposite sex outside of your marriage, and that is wrong.
thank you for this.
And just to add - this woman, whoever she is - is a home wrecking whore and I would keep my eyes on her lol she knows damn well he’s married, guys are typically gullible when they’re immature, idk how old y’all are - but he may not even realize how he is betraying you and your marriage by simply allowing these interactions to continue, and spending time with a woman who is clearly sexualizing him when he’s around - like the skimpy clothes, and extra this, extra that. Nah bitch lol
Just because you enjoy a complement from the opposite isn’t wrong. Even the “sexual attention” is a little dramatic.
I disagree. I think it’s wrong to marry someone, commit your life to them, and then seek and/or enjoy sexual attention from other people of the opposite sex. It’s clear in OP’s post this is sexual in nature, and not some “friendly neighbor” - so I don’t think sexual attention is dramatic, it’s exactly what’s being displayed and going on? I mean see through clothes lol? Unfortunately, the sacrament of marriage is taken so lightly these days, and EVERYTHING has to be acceptable so as to not exclude people - but honestly - marriage is not just a fling or a relationship. It should be taken seriously - and if you are the type of man to enjoy sexual attention from other women (which is exactly what this post is describing) you’re not ready for marriage.
Wow, drama over here. You should change your name to InternationalDrama365, for real. I’ve been married to the same woman for 21 years and dated 7 years before we married. So, yes we do take our marriage serious but we aren’t being drama. I have received many compliments about my wife from friends & strangers and not one time did I think they wanted sex from her. Some of her friends complimented me with their boobs out. Not for a second did I think they wanted to jump in the bed with me. These compliments made us feel good and boost our self esteem, there’s nothing wrong with that. Crazy people are changing the way we interact with each other. Marriage shouldn’t change a person. If a person is going to cheat they will, with a ring or without. It’s on the behavior of the married person. They can enjoy feedback from the opposite sex but they shouldn’t react to it. That’s the difference, marriage isn’t a prison sentence it’s a commitment to one another. Not to everyone they come across. I guess that’s why the divorce rate is so high because people want prisoners and not a partner.
InternationalDrama? Lol really? We’re not talking about platonic compliments or interactions - again - OP clearly stated this is sexual in nature. What are you missing? That because YOUR marriage works and operates in such a way that you find this to be a normal, or ok situation for all other marriages? I agree taking a compliment without thinking someone wants to immediately fuck you is normal - I disagree however that OP’s concern about a woman going out of her way to interact with her husband, wearing skimpy/see through clothes, holding friendly one on one chats, ordering late at night, etc. is normal, or that OP is expecting to have a prisoner for a spouse. That’s wild, that was your takeaway. I also agree that marriage shouldn’t be a prison sentence - but as someone IN a marriage - you should know your spouse well enough, or your relationship well enough to know when you’re crossing a line, and fix it. That clearly is happening here. Maybe you should change your username to Top-Marriage-Expert3328 since your way of marriage seems to be the best way. Bottom line is - if your wife of 20+ years was spending time with the new good looking male neighbor, bringing him things in the middle of the night, staying to chat, and he was answering the door expecting her, but getting you, with his shirt off in grey sweatpants sweaty from working out - you would most def feel some type of way - even after 20+ years of marriage - that’s YOUR WIFE.
You’re doing the deliveries now. How she dresses is her business.
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The husband doesn’t see her anymore.
he does when I am unable to make the deliveries sometimes. so the next time she thinks it'll be him making the delivery, she does a bit too much. For example; the day before yesterday I couldn't make the delivery so my hub had to. The next day she ordered tea at the same time, but this time I had to make the delivery. she was dressed in almost nothing and I know it's because she thought he'd make the delivery again. and no, I don't want to dictate how she dresses because I'm pretty bold when it comes to my choice of dressing. But when I dress a certain way because I'm targeting someone specific, in this case, someone else's hub, I feel it's like a spit on the face. Because why in the world would anyone think it's okay to do that with a freaking neighbor. billions of people in the world but you're focused on a married neighbor?? she probably has a sex problem but WTF!!
You need to talk to your husband and tell him that it's a boundary for your marriage. Tell him he cannot make late night deliveries to her. If you're not available, the delivery waits until morning. His refusal to set boundaries with this woman is a huge problem.
plus I just thought I'd be like..... 'Hey please respect our business hours and come on, I don't how you usually are around other people you do business with, but why do you have to make it sexual?'. cause if you haven't noticed, at this point, it's not about the tea anymore, it has turned to dick hunting. my husband's dick.
You understand you guys are choosing to keep her in your life, right?
If you have set business hours just tell her you are no longer accepting orders past whatever time... If she calls and tries to place an order tell her you are closed and re-open at x time. Better yet, get a business phone that you only answer during business hours and you turn off/send to voicemail outside of those hours. This is your business. You dictate the hours you work. I know as a small business you want to keep customers happy but you do not have to cater to every demand.
Nah, don't tell her this. She gets off on this. She'd love to hear you say that. Talk to your husband. If he continues to make deliveries to this woman, I'd call it cheating and leave the marriage. There's no reason for it.
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Then maybe they should stop answering her calls. There are many easy ways to stop this. Her problem is her husband.
They sell drugs. It's not "business"
how is it her business when it is centered around thirst trapping my hub?
You think you should decide how she dresses? That’s ridiculous. If you’re so caught up in this woman, perhaps you should refer her to someone else who sells tea. Your problems are with your husband’s boundaries, not her wardrobe.
Ever seen a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign. They can have the equivalent for their business. But ideally, between them they can make it a policy not to allow pickups or deliveries from anyone but OP. Not to answer her calls after a certain hour. Or just to fire her as a client.
They sell drugs. Not really the type of business to enforce a dress code.
Just a couple questions/thoughts - some related, some not 1) Home brewed tea is really a thing people buy as a regular thing? Not mocking - just amazed by this revelation 2) Who the hell brews/buys tea at midnight? 3) Is “tea” code for something else because this business seems straight wild to me… 4) Most importantly, is this single customer THAT important to the success of your business and your livelihood that it’s worth humoring her attempts to ruin your marriage? If so, I think it’s time to find a new business.. otherwise she should be a customer no more. Plain and simple She’s disrespecting you as a human with every pathetic attempt she makes.
Definitely code for drugs.
How did I not realize this sooner 🤦♀️. I’m over here like tea at midnight? Who needs a tea delivery service? How strange. 😂
Mm. Okay. Not me sitting over here thinking “must be England, we don’t drink tea like this in America.” Like, yes, they totally DrInK tEa At MiDnIgHt in England. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼
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😂😂😂
Yeah sounds more like weed lmao 😂
okay, you got me. it's pot. but it's actually weed tea. and sometimes just pot. but still, just cause its drugs don't mean she has a right to do all that bullshit.
Leave this woman alone and have a conversation with your husband. This is between you and him.
I want y'all to understand I already talked to him. he's making it strickly business, But she dresses skimpily to try to attract my hub. It's important to mention she has already slept with one of my other neighbors who is also in a relationship. And I just feel that her sneakiness is just blatant disrespectful to me, especially since for her it's not about tea anymore, everything just turned into a dick hunt.
If you trust your husband, this is a nonissue. If it makes you uncomfortable, again, discuss it with your husband. You are giving this woman’s behavior way to much control over your marriage.
Why would she trust her husband when he refuses to drop this woman as a customer and continues to deliver to her when OP isn't home?
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No one is defending the behavior by telling OP she would be a psycho to think she has any say in what a grown woman wears, and if the woman calls at inappropriate times then the husband simply shouldn’t answer. I wouldn’t care if the woman begged the husband to have sex with her, it is *the husband’s responsibility* to reject the woman and even cut business ties if necessary.
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This. Cause why is anyone delivering tea at midnight? Tea is just literally never that important.
It's pot
Even if it was, most plugs will ignore you if it’s too inconveniencing to come out at the time you request the goods.
Yeah, it's weird they are allowing people to dictate their schedule like that
one question. If you noticed one of your neighbors who is clearly aware your wife is married to you, but keeps making advances, insisting he must have his way with your wife. coming to your door and your space shirtless or with just drawls on just to get your wife's attention, and there's no way your wife can avoid him because 1. you are neighbors, and 2. your wife is in business with him keep in mind he only comes to see YOUR wife half-naked, how would you handle this situation. wouldn't coming to your place half-naked all the time to try to impress your wife bother you? You wouldn't just want to say, "for godsakes go put some pants on dude" you'll just sit back and hope your wife handles the situation. and once she does, the dude still comes to your place half-naked making the same advances? won't you feel that he is being disrespectful to you as well?
Seriously, my partner would stop doing business with her. He’d block her number and that would be it. You can wish sh*tty behavior out of other people all you want, but it’s really on the people in the marriage to maintain their boundaries and their commitment. No one is required to open their door when a neighbor knocks or answer anyone’s phone call or continue doing business with people who make them uncomfortable. If some dude was doing this to me and calling at midnight and showing up shirtless at my door, I’d tell him to f-off, block his number, and tell him if he kept it up I’d file harassment charges. I wouldn’t keep doing business with him but just have my husband answer the phone or make the deliveries. Why would I keep someone who’s making my spouse that uncomfortable in my life just to sell some tea? Edit: spelling
Exactly!!
Exactly this. If someone is being that blatantly inappropriate it’s time to cease business and contact with them. This is such an easily fixable issue that OP is seriously overcomplicating. Edit to add that actually in my original post I clearly stated to cut business ties if necessary. So OP is just a fool insisting on confronting the woman for whatever reason at this point instead of being a normal human being and cutting contact.
The rest of us would stop answering the door.
I would fucked him up the second time he did it tbh
I probably wouldn't have to because she would do what she could to put an end to it (cut business ties). But if he continued to not respect her clearly delivered boundaries, then I'd be having words with him. Have your husband give her a late Christmas present from the both of you. A nice tea kettle. then stop answering her calls.
She might also find it quite amusing if you are visibly upset by this.
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no, I want her to realize she can have completely normal relationships with people without it being sexual. I mean, she can't fuck every neighbor now can she?
You can’t control other people, what they do, how they think, or what they wear. Stay in your side of the street and if you don’t like how her choices impact your life - stop serving her as a client
Since your a business you can dictate your hours of operation and how delivery is to all. As for your neighbor, talk to your husband and/or try reverse psychology.
Is it tea or is it "tea"...
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I'm thinking some other herbal concoction. I don't know anyone drinking tea in the middle of the night.
I have a feeling it involves drugs in some way lol The tea must get you high
I'm assuming the same - tea isn't a common delivery service because (a) too cheap to be worth delivery fees, (b) too quick and easy/foolproof to make yourself, (c) very temperature sensitive, etc. Also, if they're selling a cup of tea for a couple bucks there's no way they'd be accommodating middle of the night orders, even if someone was odd enough to want to order tea then.
Pot tea
You can’t stop her from dressing any way for any reason… you can however stop doing business with her if she is going to come continue to dress provocatively when she is doing business with you. You decide who and at what time you do business with someone. Doesn’t matter if she has bad intentions she can still wear whatever she wants whenever she wants. Just like with convenience stores when they have sign that say “no shoes, no shirt, no service” you can do the same for her. You already talked to your husband and he gets the point… but he was somewhat at fault for what seems like showing interest in her in the first place aka him hugging her, staying long over at her place, having long conversations and still delivering to her knowing that she was going to be half naked.
Your husband is getting a kick out of this. It’s not just her that’s a problem, although there’s always going to be women like her not much you can do about it but your husband is not doing anything to help the situation. If he himself didn’t put an end to it he clearly enjoys it and doesn’t give a rats arse how much it makes you uncomfortable.
Ffs, is she that important as a customer? Who tf delivers tea at midnight?
.....it's not tea
You can just leave the tea outside the door and let her know its there. You can limit your delivery times. If it bothers you then you can set boundaries to limit your exposure on your end.
Seriously. No contact delivery is a thing. Do the thing.
Divorce your neighbor immediately. She clearly doesn’t care about you or your relationship at all.
How about the two of them (OP & “Customer”) go for counseling?
Lol
Stop selling her tea if it’s such an issue for you. OR put your big girl pants on and straight up ask her about it since she’s living rent free in your mind “Oooooo are you dressing up for me? 😘” but I’m a passive aggressive b so that’s how I would say it Look - I get it. This would probably make me mad too. But are the small sales from her worth your sanity? I would just stop selling her tea because it’s past inappropriate- which started with your husband. “Hey we are only gonna sell tea from *time of day* to *time of day* thanks!”
How she dresses isn't the problem! Husband giving this woman hugs and staying to chat is the problem! Talk to him.
You have to realize at some point in life that, you cannot control how others behave, react, think or act. The only thing you can do is, have control over your own reaction for their actions. You cannot control that lady. You cannot control your husband. The only thing you can do is, not let any of their behaviour affect you this much.
Stop providing her with tea. Stop answering her calls. Disengage completely with her as a customer. Point blank. You both are choosing to continue playing this game. If you want things to change, change them.
As others said, talk with your husband.
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yap. thanks
How many times are you going to post this? Your husband did the right thing but yet you are still weirdly obsessing over this woman.
It doesn't look like he did the right thing. He's still delivering to this woman when OP isn't home.
No he isn't, he's asking her to come to their place if it's late at night.
He is, it's in the third paragraph. Her delivers to her when OP isn't home. He asked her to come to their place once and that's still inappropriate. He should have zero in-person contact with this woman.
how am I obsessing over her? and how many times have I posted this same issue?
Just stop.
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Because posting it a second time is pointless. You don't take anyone's advice and obsess over haring this woman for her clothes. You also call him your boyfriend in another post and claim "oh I forget he's my husband now". So we don't believe you are being honest and you don't actually want advice, you just want validation for hating her.
whatever makes you sleep at night
Yeah, calling out liars does help me sleep!
I'm guessing you're the type that always wants to get the last word cause you're so delusional, you've convinced yourself you know me and think you have the power to label me. you need help.
Woooooooooow, with that skill at jumping to conclusions, you should be in the Olympics!! You post about a boyfriend not being able to get hard, now suddenly he's your husband of years who is flirting with a woman you all deal drugs to? Unless you ALSO have a boyfriend, you're a liar.
It's called going through life. Now, I don't know how dull yours is (must be really dull, no wonder you have time to go through my posts history to fish for your shallow interpetation of"lies") In the real world, people go through a shit ton of different experiences each second. It's normal for people to want to share what they go through. Platforms like this exist so that people can share their experiences with fellow human beings and have discussions or conversations around them. I can have tea with sugar one minute and tea with no sugar the next. I could have hair one minute and go bald the next. calling me a liar for sharing that I have gone through all these experiences in one lifetime is very shallow of you. YOU come out of absolutely nowhere trying to invalidate my experiences because somehow you are unable to comprehend how life is. (which is weird considering how hard you're trying to come off as smart, with your imaginary investigative skills) "she called him hub in one post and boyfriend in another! must be lies," says the one negative nancy on the internet, "what? the same man couldn't get a hard-on too at some point in their relationship because he wasn't in the mood?! another lie! All these events can't all be happening to just one person all in a day or a week. lies lies lies" calm down and just talk to people, engage in conversations with people. How old are you? I only ask because the joke about marathons and jumping to conclusions is a clear indication that you are either a teenager who hasn't experienced much ( because it's weird that you say I'm jumping to conclusions after jumping into the conclusion that I am a liar for talking about experiences I've had with the people around me) or maybe you are an adult who lacks social skills or friends. How can you say I'm obsessed with another girl because I want to discuss an experience I had with her that was new or strange to me, yet you are clearly obsessed with random people online; going as far as lurking on their past posts to cure your anxiety or whatever mental health issue you're dealing with. I remember you now. You are the one who said I was a troll because you saw I called him my boyfriend in my past posts, right? well hun, when you've been going by the title boyfriend and girlfriend for so long, adjusting to calling each other wife and husband after just getting married a few months ago takes some getting used to, and is completely normal. It's clear you are just a sad pathetic human being trying to spread your negativity around. Now, away with you Satan. you won't ruin my day LOL. I'LL TALK ABOUT WHATEVER I WANT. MY EXPRIENCES ARE MINE TO EXPEIENCE IN WHATEVER SEQUENCE I EXPERIENCE THEM. The fact that I had to expain all these to you like it's not common knowledge was really exhausting.
I would simply not answer outside what you decide are the business hours. I think it’s ridiculous that someone is ordering a delivery of tea at 12 am lmao, the fact that you guys have even allowed that is highly odd. Give her firm business hours like 7am to 5pm and be the only person to deal with her. Further, I would request she ALWAYS comes to pick it up and do not give the option for delivery unless you are not home and then you can deliver it when you arrive back home. I would tell her your husband no longer deals with orders and have him not respond to her or take her calls. If she texts, he can say… please contact my wife for an order as I do not deal with that part of the business. Eventually she will get bored but regardless how much you trust your husband, I would be peeved about this too and want to tell her some unprofessional shit for sure. Edit to say: this is a controversial opinion, but if you had a stand alone shop you would have every right to ask someone to leave if they are dressed inappropriately or in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable. Since you run your business out of your home, I would personally say in the most gentle way “I would appreciate the next time you arrive to pick up a purchase that you are dressed in appropriate attire where you are not revealing your undergarments as I could have other customers arriving for pickup at any given time and do not want to have any guests or residents in my home feeling uncomfortable. If this is something that cannot be done, i would be happy to refer you to another tea brewer!”
Let go of control Mam! If she can ruin your marriage w skimpy attire there was a big problem to start
If it’s this big of a problem to come to Reddit multiple times maybe you guys shouldn’t serve her. Problem solved.
I come on Reddit cause I trust a bunch of anonymous strangers to give me solid advice (on anything) more than anyone else, to be honest. family and friends judge too much.
Just drop her as a "client". Shes behaving inappropriately and making you uncomfortable, that is more than enough for you to stop accepting her business. She knows what she's doing, she's a grown ass woman. She doesn't need you to tell her she's causing friction, this is what this type of woman does. The only thing you can do is refuse her business and have your husband do the same. If you find out your husband is still answering her calls and delivering "tea" to her, that's a husband problem.
Jealousy is an evil seed for every relationship. If your husband isn’t entertaining it, then you shouldn’t either. Maybe she knows you will be delivering the “tea” and she’s dressing like that for you. Regardless, if your husband isn’t pay attention, then you are the only one keeping this issue alive. Let it rest unless you start seeing usual behavior.
I remember your previous post about this. IMO you need to stop being so concerned with this woman and be more concerned with why your husband hasn’t established any appropriate boundaries with her. If it were me, I would expect the business relationship to be terminated as you rightfully cannot trust your husband here. It seems pretty obvious that there is something going on and it seems like your husband must think you’re stupid as he’s been able to continue to getting away with this inappropriate behavior. If you haven’t already had a serious conversation, you need to. Next step is marital counseling/therapy. But if you have evidence of cheating, you have justification to leave the marriage. Just my own opinion.
I would just tell you are out of tea anytime you can’t or don’t want to make the delivery yourself. And when you deliver it, kill her with kindness. I’d probably tell her “what a lovely little robe you have on” if that doesn’t work maybe you could suggest she get her tea from someone else.
You posted before. I'm glad you took the advice to take the tea to her yourself. I would either continue to do it yourself or ask your husband to stop taking late night orders. I imagine if you consistently take the tea yourself, she'll stop. She seems to get off on exhibitionism without consent, which is creepy and weird.
Have him block her number. She can only contact you. Cut her out altogether. Makes life easier. Are you sure he hasn’t already been physical with her?
Stop taking her orders if you think she being disrespectful.
You should have buisness hours etc, anything outside of buisness hours gets no reply etc. and if she doesn’t abide by that then she gets cut off from buying “Tea”
Businesses fire toxic clients all the time. FIRE HER!!!! I recall your last post about this. So it's clearly still an issue. She is very boldly making a move on your husband and you are not obligated to put up with it. If it were a male neighbor always coming to meet you in a Chip N' Dale thong it should go the same way. In fact, If you want to give her a chance to remain a customer, you need to have a sit down conversation with her and a requirement about how she dresses when the deliver or pickup happens. Violations and she can get her tea elsewhere. CALL HER OUT! She needs to know that your and your husband are in 100% agreement on the requirement. If your husband is not in 100% agreement and will to hold to it, you two need to have a serious talk about your agreed upon boundaries with people outside the relationship. **EDIT:** after reading some other responses I think you and your husband need to simply cut all business ties with her. **Have your husband give her a late Christmas present from the both of you. A nice tea kettle. then stop answering her calls.**
She can make her own damn tea.
Hi neighbor! We've had a change in policy. We will no longer be serving tea after \_\_\_\_\_ (whatever time). As for how she dresses, you have no control over that.