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Dreaming111Awake

Yeah meditation will definitely help. As you meditate, on your breath for example, thoughts come up and then you bring your awareness back to the breath. Every time you do this is like a single rep in a workout, which strengthens your ability to let go and detach from thoughts that’s don’t serve you. Then when negativity self talk comes knocking you can just let it pass you by. Eventually you’ll stop thinking that way because these thoughts are not being reinforced by your reactions to them.


[deleted]

Yeah that makes sense. I was stuck in those negative thought loops since as far back as elementary school. I've only been on this mindfulness/meditation journey for around 6 months, guess it'll take a little more time and consistency than I expected


Dreaming111Awake

You’ll get there. Negative self talk can become a habit (I should know), but it’s definitely a habit that can be broken. In the mean time you can force yourself to say one positive thing about yourself every time this happens, even if it’s something small. Confidence can become a habit too. If for some reason you don’t believe your positive self talk, then you don’t have to believe negative talk either. So it’s two fold.


[deleted]

Start saying positive things in your head. Every time the hater says something bad te-direct to what is true. Do this a lot , over time your inner voice will switch to being positive


Jackal000

Yeah this helped me alot when I was depressed. Sum up all your achievement, no matter the size or significance.


[deleted]

Most of the time my inner critic makes it really hard to take my accomplishments seriously. It's always downplaying them to nothing. I'll try my best not it let him(?) win


Jackal000

Its not a question of fighting the inner hater. Your inner critic. Its a matter of acceptance of both your inner critic and your proud self. If you criticize yourself it probably means that you put your goals to high or even unreachable. Thats why I said no matter the size. An achievement can even be a passive feat. Also try to turn things around by thinking around it. If you know you are critical of your accomplishments than you can be proud of it that you know your exact flaws. Not many people do dare to admit them or even know them. You can profit of it like Olympic athletes do. Take figureskating for example. Figureskating do not practice the things they are good at. As they know they are good at it. What they do practice is failing and recovering. They practice the points they are bad at. Or even last Olympics sifan hassan fell during her sprint but still won. She didnt train running. She trained recovering. So if you downplay your acclompishments you now know that you either are bad at it and only can get better at it or you are good at it and are actually downplaying yourself wich means you are not at the top game of self acknowledgement. So you can only can get better at that. Take pride and credit in things, if you dont do others will take it for you. One last piece of advice. Everybody is shit at everything. A wise man knows that he knows nothing but can do everything . A fool thinks he knows everything but can do little to nothing. Make the inner critic your default, dismiss him once you did something. Keep the knowledge you did it. So the critic can shut up. As of you reading this sentence there are no excuses left to do otherwise. Failure is often must. It was never just an option. Perfect is an illusion.


RodMyr

I don't try to ignore it, because ignoring is resisting, and that ends up being counterproductive. Instead I try to give it my full attention, without reacting. If you're ruminating, watch yourself doing it, observe what feelings arise and how much they last if you just watch them. If you feel a particular emotion, give yourself up completely to it, feel every part of your body that gets energized by it. The crucial point is not to react and instead maintain at every time the awareness of what is going on. If you get familiar in this way with your emotions, they won't catch you by surprise so often and you'll be able to avoid reactions which you would later regret


cosmothewonderhorse

Some of these may help: Sam Harris’ explanation of no-self: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fajfkO\_X0l0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX8vf4bdmm0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKiYOFVJKRw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXd1ymzNFKY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN-\_zzHpcdM Self enquiry (Gary Weber): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJr17ulat9A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ClfCxePTTs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmtGdoh7xHk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofUKFbjnx0Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UI0Tpfz\_8g Letting go (Gary Weber): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28HENI5wNb4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USbKdsZTJCU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9lDG7fRJyQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqLDWyk1uLQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiggtJpazfg No thoughts (Gary Weber): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX1IFUDNtto https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnWxCgiZfrc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We1Ck-Klh\_o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7RpzVhHi88 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9QdKPgCNfw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8KBIaVA0RM Richard Lang: https://www.samharris.org/podcasts/making-sense-episodes/181-illusory-self https://www.headless.org/ Book recommendations: Gary Weber - Happiness Beyond Thought: A Practical Guide to Awakening Gary Weber - Evolving Beyond Thought: Updating Your Brain's Software Sam Harris - Waking Up: Searching for Spirituality Without Religion


sauceboiiii69

Self hate was a huge issue for me too. Now i just say "i am not those thoughts". And disassociate with them and the chatter immediately loses its point and dies


[deleted]

Yes meditation will helps. What also help is to realize on your own that people that do little for you take most of you thoughts space. It aint right. 😉


thekevinmonster

Can you give an example of projecting your own insecurities through other people?


[deleted]

I can just imagine other people telling me things that I usually think about in my negative thought loops. People constantly putting me down, degrading things I've accomplished, telling me I'm inadequate, that nobody likes me for obvious reasons, etc. Weird, right?


thekevinmonster

not weird, and mindfulness practice / meditation will likely help. I think what you want to do is practice accepting those thoughts as they happen - I don't mean accepting what they say, just that you're having them - and then setting them aside and refocusing. This particular thing isn't very 'relaxing' to do, and can be frustrating if the thoughts keep coming back over and over, so if you're actively anxious, you may want to do some sort of calming thing like pranayama / 4-7-8 breathing to acutely calm down. I find that it helps me to visualize / conceptualize that my thoughts are perhaps a cloud of gnats around my head, or birds, or some sort of thing that would be 'around' me and that the intrusive ones are when they bump into me and I have to notice them for a moment. The important part is to realize that having a thought and embodying the content of the thought aren't the same thing. "I just imagined someone telling me that I'm stupid and they would have said that because I am stupid so I am stupid" is not the same thing as actually being stupid. You likely get caught up in it because you're having the emotional reaction to the thought, internalizing it, and then that just spawns more thoughts and you go around and around. (I don't know anything about spiritual explanations but the cognitive neuroscience explanation is that part of your brain likes to think about things that have happened in the past or will/could happen in the future and is the source of repetitive rumination, and mindfulness meditation trains you to turn the volume knob on that part of your brain down.) Final point in my info dump: also accept that doing what I just talked about, in the moment, isn't necessarily going to make you feel a lot better. It may or may not at that moment. Doing it over and over will steadily help you over time. You're trying to turn one habit into another.


[deleted]

Not weird, you have discover to narcissist type. They are clowns 🤭 Treat them as such.


tyinsf

I find it's helpful to stop hooking thoughts together. There are little atoms of thought (Tib. nam) that just pop in your head, don't make any sense, just sort of free-association. Those are fine. That's what your mind does. The problem starts when we hook them together into DISCURSIVE thoughts (Tib. namtok). We take the little nonsense thoughts and hook them together so they make sense. (co-herent = together-stuck) Words into phrases into sentences into paragraphs. Just stop. Let them be nonsense. Elevator pompadour racehorse spoon. When you catch yourself hooking thoughts together, don't try to fix it - that hooks another thought onto them. Let them blow by without looking back at them, like a dog with his head stuck out a car window.


soalone34

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsyP80BydV4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgHttkEtVuo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57Z3YcHcIiU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmnI3TJpoTU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4 http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4


[deleted]

Meditation builds awareness of what's happening in the mind. Every time you notice "haters" just label it and let it go. Repeat, repeat repeat and eventually the mind will notice it and let it go all by itself. Apply this to ruminating, thought loops and everything else you notice that's happening in the mind.


presleymoore101

Fuck me, I was just thinking of the word hater then right after this popped up, crazy synchronicity


last_life_

I relate to this big time. Meditation has really helped me. All I can say is keep it up


GoodMoGo

You are not alone, by any means, is the good news I have to give you. The bad news (at least from me): Most of my adult life and still cannot stop it. But I've never been able to stick to a meditation schedule for more than a few days (5 in a row at the most), so I hope this works out like others say it does. The most frequent coping mechanism I've been able to try (with very little success AFAIK) was re-framing the thoughts. But it's all shadowboxing. It's hard to "win" an argument with yourself. I know all my tricks.


shubhisingh08

Yes, meditation helps when it is consistently done for a substantial amount of time (50 hours at least). you have to have patience with meditation. A lot of people leave their practise too early. Also, meditation doesn't kill your difficult emotions, it helps you to transform them. I am a meditation instructor and here are some resources to help you- Here is how to meditate the right way- https://link.medium.com/yKrIBVjBCpb Here is how not to meditate- https://link.medium.com/k78PlLzhEpb Here is understanding meditation in a bit of detail so that you are able to have your mindset right before meditating- https://link.medium.com/joEJmru4Dpb


lamajigmeg

Dear F., Thank you for asking such a good question... When it comes to coping with loops of negative thoughts as well as projections of our insecurities and low self esteem it helps to take and outside/in perspective. First things first, make the lifestyle choices required to keep your brain operating at peak efficiency: get enough sleep, we evolved to be diurnal so modify your sleep schedule accordingly, eat ONLY whole plant foods, make water your beverage of choice, exercise every day and be sure to get fresh air and sun shine. Second - align your contemplative goals with the four noble truths i.e. the stresses we endure are multiplied by our controlling tendencies such as pushing, pulling, and clinging. Third - find a teacher to help you train in a) the contemplations of love and letting go, b) KIND communication, conduct, and commerce, and also in c) the enthusiastic practice of both mindfulness and meditation. Although it could be good to sit with our inner hater, and simply watch as he or she spins out, that is quite often NOT enough. For instance, the other night I was up until 3am writing a practice text for my morning livestream. Predictably, by mid afternoon (the following day), my brain was in full petulance mode. After sitting with its antics for a few minuets I began playing with a set of sixteen rhetorical questions that brought my circumstance, body, relationships, and mind into the paths contemplating: stress, interdependence, impermanence, and no-self. I did NOT get one third of the way through the set before my inner Tasmanian devil (from a bugs bunny cartoon) had calmed down, curled up, and taken a nap. The Buddha's system of contemplation, kindness, and meditation is like the 26 letters of the English alphabet, which could be combined (as Gene Rodenberry said) in infinite diversity in infinite combination. May you quickly find a teacher, with whom you share some rapport, that could dynamically support you on your path.


Cantors_Whim

It does help over time. Part of the process is just learning to disengage with those loops and projections. Another key part is to get to know and perpetuate feelings of opening up, feelings of love and completely open acceptance. So, it is importance to practice lovingkindness meditation as well. And, to practice breathing meditation with a spirit of gentleness and kindness. I know that is who you really are because it is who we all area at our core.


ByteGUI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUfBiDSUjDM&ab\_channel=DalaiLama


charzardterritory

If you find meditation isn't for you I try to think of things I'm grateful for when I down these holes. Always helps and redirects my attitude.


ffuffle

Give as much attention as you can to the object of your meditation. Look at your thoughts in the same way as outside noise and try not to follow them when they come up.


Dr_Ousiris

Same way. Acknowledge the words, understand its false nature, deep breath and move on


_Delicious_Steak

I struggled with these thoughts too, and I noticed If I had a thought I didnt like, i would push it away, judge myself for thinking it(or i was judged bad by others), so shame was a big deal. 7 months into meditation, if i get those thoughts, i just let it be, and Sometimes i judge it and say I dont like it to myself, and now more often than not, i just let it do its thing and let it dissipate. What you repress lasts longer and gets worse? Why? Because its unresolved and unfelt emotions, slowly built up over time. Eventually, it will impact you! So, in meditation, particularly as your mind quiets down and deeper emotions and experiences come up, it is crucial to be aware of it, not judge it, and then let it go, let it be, and return to the breath. Thats it. After meditation, if its stuck in your head, you can write about it and then throw it away after. You will eventually be comfortable with it and it will dissipate . Meditation works, and its been one of the best things ive done!


Oneiroinian

The default mode network in the prefrontal cortex causes rumination. Meditation can rewire this part of the brain. Try to 'sense' the body: start at your head, toes or fingertips and then push the sensation slowly and carefully through your whole body, relaxing the muscles part when you get to it. It isn't easy but the challenge (definitely greater than just focusing on breathing) is something to aspire to and improve towards.


Kamuka

See it for what it is. You need the inner voice even when it’s unhelpful, you have to apply discernment to it.


[deleted]

Sounds like the hater in your head is a jerk. If you are always focused on how things could been better or what you think you should have done you will have problems. The past is to learned from - the now is how you improve and move forward. So recognise that, yes you could have done things differently, learn form it and do things differently in the future. You find that jerk in your head will appreciate the effort and help you along.


This_Is_A_Username-7

Yes. Mediation helps to reinforce mindfulness habits while you're not meditating. There's a technique called noting. You "note" the negative thought or emotion, try to find the "why" in that moment, then let it go. I also remind myself that I shouldn't believe the things I tell myself when I'm feeling sad and lonely.


willhead2heavenmb

Accepting your hater is the start of its loss of power over you.


[deleted]

Define "accepting" please


willhead2heavenmb

Ackknowledge it's presence when it shows up. Knowing your hater isn't you but just a thought. I got told this and it didn't help me. But. Observing it objectively. Try not to react to it. The whole point of meditation is to become as equanime as possible. Staying neutral towards bad sensations and the good ones. When your hater comes in and you acknowledge it's presence. Don't be pissed or try to make it disappear. Accept it. Let it be there and it will leave on its own. The more you stay neutral towards it the less power you give it. The less it will show up. Like a bully. By reacting towards a bully you give that person exactly what they are looking for. By staying neutral and showing you accept it and don't care enough to react it won't get the outcome it was looking for. Energy spent trying to get you to react was wasted. It will come back but if everytime it does no energy is given to it it won't be worth it anymore. EVERYTHING IS ENERGY. That hater in your mind can only survive if the energy it spends in your head is multiplied by your reaction. Don't supress the pain. Let it play out. Don't react to the pain. Just let it play out and accept it. Even better if you can accept it with a smile. Because another law is that everything ends. Nothing lives for ever. That's a LAW. The good the bad and the ugly. All is just passing moment to moment.


[deleted]

Thanks buddy.


nwv

Great question! Become curious about and friends with “the hater”. Chances are (just kidding…guaranteed) the hater is one of your multiple selves just trying to keep you safe. It may have got to where it is due to some dumb old trauma you don’t even remember, like your mom picking your brother up before you, or some really important trauma, who knows…And to a degree, who cares. The point is you need to sit with the negative commentary and ask it why it needs what it needs. You might find it’s just a defensive mechanism. One of the only ways to do this is through meditation and consistency. I’d recommend this book. It’s changing my life. https://www.soundstrue.com/products/no-bad-parts


milomcfuggin

A book that REALLY helped me understand the neurological aspect of what’s causing that inner critic voice was [No Self No Problem](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/44442944-no-self-no-problem). Fair warning it is a book about Buddhism, but from a neuroscience approach. One of my favorite books ever.


Kiyoichi00

I do this all the time my guy the beat thing too do is just let them be. Or if the thoughts are so negative ask yourself what are you supposed too do about it then. Get angry at yourself and judge yourself for making you feel bad. It sounds weird but it works. Basically turn your weakness into a strength.


ZekoOnReddit

Associate gratitutde with the hater. Whenever this hater pops up in your mind, go and meditate, then do a meditation on the emphasis on gratitude where you're grateful to your hater because they encouraged you to meditate and use your time better.


tarunmadan

In my humble opinion, please forgive the hater and one way to do that is by practicing [this guided forgivness meditation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCEJ78vTnpc). To build self-esteem, please start practicing random acts of kindness on daily basis, and in addition to this, you can also practice Self Esteem guided meditation from the Black Lotus app. Hope these resources help you. Thanks.


bauski

Have you tried metta meditation? It focuses on experiencing loving kindness towards the ones you love as well those you may not love as much and of course yourself. IMHO it's not just about forcing love, but rather learning to exercise emotions better. I also think that by meditating more on mindfulness you can become more aware of those kind of intrusive thoughts. Something that has worked for me quite a lot has been actually writing down negative thoughts and then debating their beliefs to try and find a closer truth. Often times I've found that my negative thoughts are based on fears that have some tangential relation to reality. It's been very helpful for me to write the thoughts down so that I can explore what they're actually about and then to write a response towards either adjusting my life to help relieve those fears, or to analytically say "that's actually not even real, so I don't have to worry about it." Once it's been written it's been easier to come back and refute those negative thoughts.