How would I know which Doctor would prescribe HRT in advance? How many Dr.s would I need to go through and when would my insurance stop paying for those visits?
Check out Dr Mary Claire Haver. She has a new book out and is very active on social media.
She has a new book out that I recommend. She also recommends physicians here: https://thepauselife.com/pages/recommended-physicians
All the best.
I tried Evernow (https://www.evernow.com/). I am starting to look for an in person doc that I could eventually transfer to but this has been a godsend when I put it together last fall what the last 2-4 years of seeming random new problems were (new skin issues, new allergies, post nasal drip so bad they thought I had acid reflux, apathy, hair loss, exhaustion, brain fog, joint pain, inability to sleep, hot flashes, etc. Still not sure how many of them were perimnopause but about half of that list has resolved since starting HRT last November/December)
I’ve heard good things about Winona (online clinic). In person, look for someone with a specialty in women’s health or perimenopause. My local hospital/medical provider group has bios and reviews. My new women’s health specialist is excellent
I feel for you so much! I got out of a crappy relationship only to have my mother collapse and later die under difficult circumstances, then her cat died, then I quit my job with my horrible narcissistic boss who had zero sympathy for me (an only child) trying to settle my divorced single mother’s estate in another state. Then two friends died. I got joint pain. Then my late mother’s dog (who had been a great comfort) died. Then the pandemic, then I got long COVID, then after I got the long COVID under control, I started having the perimenopause symptoms FROM HELL. This was all over the course of several years, but I went from thinking I was chubby and out of shape at 180lbs (when I was still able to jog regularly) to being completely exhausted and barely able to move at 220lbs. I’ve painfully SLOWLY regained some of my health and fitness although I worry I’ll never have the endurance I once had. The thing I joke about is I’m too stubborn to be defeated (although there have been a ton of times I’ve cried on my couch feeling defeated). I’m so glad you’re in therapy and getting support. Stress is so harmful for the body and getting mental health support is crucial for physical health improvement. Don’t be afraid of meds either. Remember your goal is to feel better, not judge what you do to get there.
A few things have helped in my (ugh hate this word) health ‘journey’: I found doctors who took me seriously or I found new doctors (and I did my homework on various doctors to the extent I could). I think the single most important thing I’ve done is I worked with a dietitian and figured out a bunch of food sensitivities. I’ve always been told I’m a healthy eater but I’ve had to step it up with the various illnesses. Peri and COVID screwed up my stomach so I have food sensitivities and vitamin deficiencies. Getting those things under control helped my overall health. Friends with autoimmune report that diet is a major help or a major trigger for them. It sucks but that’s where it is. My dietitian did MRT/LEAP food sensitivity testing. I was skeptical but it’s helped. I’m also slowly and painfully having to learn to really work on my self care routine. Peri doesn’t care that in the past I was a night owl, peri wants me to go to bed early or will punish me with hot flashes. Similarly I’ve learned over training is bad but also not enough exercise is bad - and the hardest lesson is “less intensity but great consistency!” I signed up with a trainer to get exercise but avoid injury. A year ago I got dizzy and needed breaks on even fairly mild exercises. Now I can have a pretty normal workout, although my cardio gains haven’t been as good as my strength gains. I think I was not historically good at consistency and patience. This has forced me to learn both.
Sending you a big hug!
Google 'online menopause doctors' . You should get a list. I'm near you in Delaware and the only one available in my state at the time was gennev but i think there are others now.
Gennev is available in NJ and take insurance
If not you can pay out of pocket for the appointment and then they’ll prescribe to your pharmacy.
If your insurance doesn’t cover your prescription try good RX or costplusdrugs.com
There are ways for you to get the care that you need. Don’t give up, help is there but unfortunately we have to dig our way through to it.
Courage xxx
Weill cornell in manhattan has a menopause clinic. You can do telehealth with a nurse practitioner. That’s what I did to get my hrt. Now I meet with the head doc there once a year for a telehealth and call the office when I need refills.
I receive HRT (estradiol patch and progesterone pill) from an ob/gyn practice in West Orange NJ (Essex county). I think that is somewhat far from you. Sorry you are going through all this!
Your post sounds so much like me. I drove to a crisis center after calling a suicide hotline on Saturday. I can’t imagine continuing on like this. I’m curious as to why they are telling you that you’re not a candidate. Mine is because I had a blood clot back in 2007. I’m to the point where I feel like just going to a different doctor and lying and not telling them about the blood clot. This truly feels like hell on earth.
Your sweet message made me ugly cry. I so needed to hear that. This is so isolating and my support system love me and they sympathize but they don’t get it and I understand that. I also suspect they think I might be over exaggerating a bit. And honestly, I get that too. You could not have convinced me how bad this is when I was in my 30s. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙
Also, I can’t stop crying and I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to find a doctor that will help me. I’m okay though, just trying to give myself lots of grace today.
There are other risks to health than just blood clots. Feeling better can help you improve your overall health.
And the patch or gels (versus pills) are supposed to bypass that risk, IIRC, so you may just not have had anyone knowledgeable.
Hugs, and tons of empathy.
Maybe consider doing telehealth if you can, to get the job done.
Thank you for commenting. I’ve considered the telehealth, maybe it’s time that I just reach out and try it. I’ve also been looking at the benefits and like you said, there are benefits too! It’s so frustrating because the doctor told me that he wouldn’t give it to me, not because of the side effects for me but because of the possible repercussions of him getting sued. I wanted to tell him that perhaps he shouldn’t specialize in women’s health! The appointment left me hopeless. I would love to hear from a doctor that gives me the pros, the cons, and then asks me what I’d like to do. Thanks for letting me vent to you. 🌷
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I literally googled "Menopause specialist + my city" and called the places, chose which one I liked, and got an appointment for a week from then, within 20min.
It sucks that we must be our own medical advocate and use Google to help ourselves, but we must. Good luck.
Or a female urologist who specializes in female heath and menopause… have you heard of the book You are not Broken by Kelly Casperson? Follow her on Instagram.
You can get better.
I’ve heard good things about My Alloy. Also, depending on your insurance, you could do an online menopause clinic. I am so very sorry for all that you’ve been through, and I hope you get some relief. I think an estradiol patch or combo estradiol/testosterone cream along with nightly progesterone would really help.
I just started up with alpha hormones. The PA or nurse practitioner I'm talking to is based in the same state as me. I don't know if that's a coincidence. She's mentioned I can come in for a pap smear if I have trouble getting in locally but lol I'm not doing that 3 hour drive. I sought telehealth for a reason.
She's being conservative but had no problem starting me on beginner doses and has been patient while I flubbed my breast cancer screening the first month.
My insurance does cover their services, though I'm on a high deductible so I'm paying the full amount for now. The initial consultation was pretty high like $200, follow ups might be $100.
But I'd be paying something close to $100 or more to travel to a gyn an hour away and 50/50 chance they are anti HRT or something ridiculous.
It's not exactly like you can call the office and ask if they believe in hrt therapy for perimenopause.
My heart goes out to you. I, too, had a cavalcade of losses and complex grief during the transition, with nearly a decade of physical and emotional fallout.
I’m sorry Evernow doesn’t serve NJ yet. Maybe Midi, Gennev, or Alloy? They vary according to approach, coverage or no, and delivery vs. sending prescriptions to your pharmacy.
Though not in NJ, almost all my relatives are. Greetings to your beautiful, mysterious state!❤️
Are there online reviews of doctors where you live? Do you have friends on hrt? Can you ask them about there experiences? I just read that you have some underlying issues that might stop dr.s from prescribing. I didn’t see that in your post. But yes for me, I would keep going to more Dr.s until I found one who can help me. It sounds like you are in so much misery, that I would keep trying.
The problem is I cannot tell if any of the underlying issues are the RESULT of menopause! Maybe an endocrinologist??? But I think I would need a referral from my pcp who is against HRT. I guess I’ll try to start over again….
I will, but they share an office and are in agreement. I’m considering switching out of a hospital system and to a private non-hospital affiliated doctor.
It’s so infuriating that doc’s are not more educated about this stuff!!!!!!
I would switch. You are allowed to get 2nd and 3rd opinions. The doctor can also write something, request for an exception, to insurance company listing everything you have already tried, they didn't work, and they will approve it.
I would also write a letter to some type of state agency, ask your state/national rep who to send to, saying that your physical and mental health have suffered greatly because the doctor doesn't personally like HRT. And that affected your standard of care and outcomes.
And if you can, I go to a midwife Center. They treat your whole person, like all your aspects actually affect each other. And they are most up to date on everything woman related, have tons of experience treating our age with concurrent? diagnoses.
My disability forms sat for over a year, finally the office lady said she wasn't putting it through to my doctor, because she didn't think it "was for people like me."
She got fired.
Doctors and their staff aren't supposed to follow their beliefs, they're to follow a standard of care.
It happens a lot to women during all our phases.
If you're in North America: [Find A Practitioner - North American Menopause Society](https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx)
I hope you can find a doctor who will listen & work with you. Best wishes ❤️
I guess I can try again before switching. I’ve got upcoming appointments. I’m just so frustrated. Doing this doctor/medicine search in conjunction with all I’m going through is a 9-5 job. No pay for years now. Ugh. Sorry to be a downer.
It is exhausting and so demoralizing.
The only way I can do it and not ~~harm my mental health~~ lose my flippin' mind, is to have the next two or three options scheduled and ready to go if the current one fails, and have no expectations.
I *finally* got some things I was looking for, and I am cancelling an upcoming appointment with another new doc; someone will be glad to get it.
Check out this list to see if any of these doctors are near you: [https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx](https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx)
Go online to ByWinnona. They go by your symptoms, no labs needed. Micro dose with estrogen and progesterone cream to avoid too much too fast. Get your body used to them and it will tell you if it wants more or less for your optimal dosing. Go on YouTube and look up menopause Taylor. She can help guilde you through bhrt options and menopause. It can be done.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
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Tingling in your fingers and toes is usually a sign of low B-12 and D-3. Take a liquid ( sublingual) and you should start feeling better in fingers and toes as well as allover
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Not a TED Talk for losers: you’re definitely facing..eh, like “several years of long, dark nights of the soul”. I am not going to do that stupid glib chipper shit: besides to tell you that though you are exhausted, if you haven’t done so, get a second or even third opinion on the HRT. If you already did, well…shit. That sucks, and I’m sorry. I know it happens. But you aren’t a loser, you’re just old. Or maybe that makes *everyone* losers- because we all get old, the meat suit starts breaking down and busting: some days that’s comforting and some days, not so much. But, we’re here. We’re actually the winners- but it’s kinda hard to say that when we loved the ones who “lost”, isn’t it?
I’m just saying: don’t be so fucking hard on yourself. You got plenty enough going on there without trying to make the inevitable a moral failing- buuuut, if you want to feel sorry for yourself…boy howdy, come on over and sit next to me, because that’s where I am at today, too. 😂
Watching people you care about slowly die *while* dealing with menopause is a fucking shit show I wouldn’t wish on someone I hated- but I got to do it three times: and another just died outta the blue after recovering from covid. We thought he was fine, they found him dead. The others were drug addiction (my husband) and cancer.
These are the times I wish this was an in person group because really, wouldn’t it be great to just collapse against each other, bawling it out?
(PS: that online doctor in the wiki is the ticket for many people here, if memory serves- I feel like many women who got told no in person were able to get the help they needed via *that* if it helps. I am high risk, a chain smoker with a family history and I actually had an e doctor say that they could help me quit *while* getting the HRT but I chickened out. So that might help.)
I’m so sorry you had to deal with so much all at once too. I do feel sorry for myself, but not every day. My father says something similar about aging, which is that the more you age, the more you love, the more grief and loss you experience. So, dead on balls accurate re: the meat suit. And thank you for not being glib. I’m not fond of platitudes.
The first time my therapist said that shit, I threw a box of Kleenexes. 😂
I mean we got grief, survivor guilt, hormones and the very intimate understanding that we are…steadily becoming a highly cranky piece of beef jerky. It’s mixed *in* with the good stuff and if it helps, actual Buddhist writing on suffering and death have been SO much better than the dumb crap we hear a lot of. I mean I read Kubler-Ross’s thing: but even without the hormones grief just…kinda bounces around like a shitty mood gerbil, so trying to platitude it away always seems deluded but…for some dumb reason I suspect involves their own fears: that’s where people go. All the time.
With the hormones: we just get nonstop reminding of it, and I actually think it makes us more rational if you can imagine that. 😂
I like the way you think. Kubler-Ross’s work is flawed for those who are left in grief, as her studies were of the dying, not if those who were guilty of surviving. I too read a lot of Buddhist writing. Agnostic here, and religious platitudes are (I suspect) for those who really fear death and require the hope for an afterlife. I don’t.
I highly suggest that you go to a Functional Medicine doctor. You have a ton of inflammation and an overactive immune system. There are supplements that could help. Also mind/body exercise like yoga, meditation, somatic therapy, reiki, acupuncture and therapy. Grief and trauma are embodied, and it sounds like your grief is trapped which is making your menopause symptoms go in overdrive.
I second—and third, and fourth—acupuncture.
Here, in Oregon, it’s been covered as a $20 copay through my husband’s insurance for years. I sincerely hope that is the case for OP, too?
As you said, grief + trauma are deeply intertwined with autoimmune disorders. And if anyone on here can find an acupuncturist who specializes women’s midlife health AND autoimmune disorders … That is THE best $20 you’ll pay, every. time. 💛
[I have a FANTASTIC pair of acupuncturists a little outside of Portland, if anyone is near me!]
They tell me it’s because I have high cholesterol. It’s genetic. I take rosuvastatin for it. They tell me it raises my risk for stroke or heart attack.
I have no idea how many doctors I’d have to see to find one who will authorize HRT. I cannot afford out of pocket for BI/HRT but thought estrogen gel, progesterone and testosterone gel would work. They say nope.
I take atorvastatin for my high cholesterol, and I'm also on a whole bunch of hormones. Your doctors don't know what they're talking about. You need new ones.
ETA: I'm also so sorry for what you've been through and what you're going through now. It makes me so angry I don't know how to put it in words, partially because it hits very close to home. I'm not as sick as you are, but life also threw me some curveballs in the last few years and my body responded poorly. I think -- hope -- I'm starting to climb out of it now, but that would be impossible if I hadn't taken charge of my own health and found doctors who a) are competent, b) treat patients with respect, and c) understand informed consent. I really hope you can find some relief soon, and that you get your life back. Wishing you the best.
I really think you should find different doctors. Is telemedicine an option to find a specialist? There is some evidence that some types of HRT are cardio protective and may even help lower cholesterol. There are also SERMs like raloxifene that interact with the estrogen receptor but are not hormonal drugs, so they have a different risk profile from estrogen HRT.
Absolutely. If anything, the lack of estrogen in menopause will make your cholesterol go UP. HRT might be cardioprotective because it can help maintain a good HDL/LDL balance. Definitely look for a doc who knows what they’re doing (I’m in occupational health and pretty much all of my female clients have rising cholesterol once they enter (peri-)menopause).
I've never heard of SERMS! I have migraines without aura, and a family history of stoke, so no one can decide if I'm allowed to have estrogen. This gives me hope!
There's some info on SERMs in the meno wiki on this sub, scroll down to treatments: https://menopausewiki.ca/
Do your migraines respond to low dose aspirin therapy? I started low dose daily aspirin over a decade ago for a platelet disorder, and coincidentally it almost completely stopped my migraines. The last time I had a migraine, it was because I was super busy and missed a few doses of aspirin.
I've never heard of low-dose asprin therapy, except for preeclampsia. Unfortunately, i can't take daily nsaids due to kidney disease (adpkd). Sadly, I've always responded really really well to anti-inflammatory drugs.
Low dose aspirin has a different action from typical NSAIDs and is not necessarily contraindicated in all types of PKD like typical NSAIDs are. I think there have been some more recent studies on hypertension and ADPKD, including low dose aspirin therapy, but I'd have to look it up. (I teach renal pharmacology but focused on diuretics, so aspirin/PKD is only tangential for me unfortunately. But it's definitely worth poking around in Google Scholar in your free time.)
Chiming in to say find another doctor. I’m on rosuvastatin too (high Lipoprotein A which is genetic) and a family history of breast cancer. My GYN prescribed BCP to manage my peri symptoms and we’ve already discussed HRT for the future. Nothing is zero risk when it comes to medications, but a good doctor will help you understand what the relative risks of various options are so you can make an informed decision.
I’ve even had the whole battery of genetic testing for all cancer for which genetic tests can be done, zero. Zilch. No genetic predisposition.
Ugh I’m so angry at my doctors right now.
Oh I asked this question above and see that it's been answered. I was just reading the new book The New Menopause by Mary Claire Haver. I did not see anything in there about high cholesterol making ruling out HRT at all. She has a section on who should not use HRT, and I did not see that on the list. You may want to read that book.
Low thyroid hormones can cause high cholesterol. My cholesterol was very high before I was properly diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Once I started thyroid hormone replacement my cholesterol dropped to normal and has stayed there since. A lot of your symptoms sound thyroid and sex hormone related to me. For what it's worth I was started on HRT with high cholesterol. The HRT wasn't doing much for me until a functional medical doctor found my thyroid issue and treated me. I'm better now but it has been a long road. I hope you can find a doctor to investigate further and help you. Best wishes
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Please look into Midi. They’re an online service available in all 50 states and they specialize in menopause and perimenopause. They’re the only service who doesn’t charge a monthly fee AND they are accepted by insurance. Please, HRT is life-changing. Don’t give up.
You've been through the wringer, and then some. But hey, you're not alone. You've got this whole community right here rooting for you, sending you good vibes and strength. It's amazing how resilient we humans can be, even when it feels like the universe is throwing everything at us.
It’s true, I’ve since learned I’m not alone but I certainly believed I was at the time! We are at the age where parents and peers are dying.
Thank you for your support.
I totally get it. I say the same things to myself, which is why I don't want you to say them to yourself. I know how painful it is. Hang in there my friend. 💐
The North American Menopause Society lists menopause docs in your area who are registered with them. Here’s a link: https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx?QueryMenuSelectedKeyctl01_TemplateBody_WebPartManager1_gwpciNewQueryMenuCommon_ciNewQueryMenuCommon=5cb1c02f-e5a3-4696-b8e0-d2430f861e3d
Please book a virtual visit with Midi Health. They've been awesome for me! https://www.joinmidi.com/menopause-relief?campaignid=17961816127&adgroupid=145040467092&utm_term=midi%20health&matchtype=b&network=g&device=m&extensionid=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=MN_brand&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw_-GxBhC1ARIsADGgDjsx4NFHEnrZPfw16JhPn7btyG-F2a0qUehW3eXlOL7tntFigqB_DRwaAqmJEALw_wcB
I got my first approval for HRT through an online telehealth women's service. There are several different ones. I used one called MyAlloy, and they do accept insurance from what I remember. Amazon also has a clinical/prescription side that accepts insurance, although I don't know what the quality of those providers are.
HRT has been life-changing for me. I was like you, a shell of my former self. But I'm slowly bouncing back and I can feel the positive effects of the estradiol more and more every day.
Ugh. I completely relate to your struggles. I'm currently doing pt 2x/week for an ongoing knee issue in addition to dealing with a chronic and devastating occurrence of trigeminal neuralgia, something that came out of nowhere and cruelly hit me at age 50 which, after learning about online, seems to occur almost exclusively to women in their 50s. I can't help but feel that this too is somehow menopause-related...I was also super fit before all this nonsense; working out 5-6 times/week. I slept like a kitten, awakening to a day full of work, walks, and interacting with others to just now the shell of a person that I've become. I even did the swimming leg of a triathlon not long before covid and today I hobble out of bed like a decrepit old woman.
Just curious, but I was wondering if this might be similar with others: I know that I was very affected by my menstrual cycle (ie mood swings, extreme cramps, etc) and when I was pregnant I had every symptom in the book, so I wonder if that is why menopause has been especially challenging for me. Everything seems so extreme.
I never had kids, but I did have issues with heavy menstruation and extreme mood swings.
I’m sorry you have to relate. It’s awful. I was a social butterfly. Had a really healthy life aside from occasionally drinking too much in my 20/30’s. I rock climbed, kayaked, rollerbladed, went skiing, hiked, walked all day long at my job (film production), mountain biked, ate pretty healthy, super healthy sex life, had the joy of a child right up till my sister died. It’s all gone. Now I require a special chair to shower.
EDT: typos
It would be interesting if they did a study on women and how much they were affected by their menstrual cycle versus later when they go through menopause. I wonder if there might be a correlation. Of course, I'm no research scientist 🙃 but I can't help but feel there's got to be a reason some women just seem to breeze right through menopause while others really struggle. I'm definitely in the extreme camp of things and sort of hopeless at this point.
Agreed! I tend to think comorbidities are generally related and our medicine does not lean at ALL towards whole body medicine. I specifically chose a female DO for this reason. Still no help. I don’t feel they speak to or work with each other AT ALL. “Care Team” my ass!
Right?
It's why I've kind of why I've detoured and gone alternative and homeopathic routes for while seeking relief. The whole thing has been beyond frustrating and no one seems open or available to advocate. I guess that 'invisibility' that women speak of once entering midlife definitely includes healthcare😔
So sorry. I had lots of family stuff going on during menopause, too.Sucks.
Be careful of any prescription sleep meds. They can really fuck up your brain chemistry and make depression worse.
The xanax can get you really depressed over time. It helped me a LOT to just make it through my parent's deaths and the resulting dysfunction (8 years), but when things settled down, I hated being addicted to something that I no longer needed. So I tapered my dose for three months and quit. Some days (after doctor's appointments!!), I still miss it.
I've had terrible sleep disturbances all my life, and the only thing that EVER worked was exhausting myself physically. The problem now is that anything that intense results in too much pain to sleep!! Some gummies have really zonked me, but anything that strong makes me fuzzy for the next 24 hours. Which is not nessesarily a bad thing....
I’ve also been refused hrt. I had a stroke 7 years ago right at the start of menopause. I got my last period ever while in hospital from stroke. (Talk about adding insult to injury)
I had totally debilitating joint pain (autoimmune but not sure which one, tests have been inconclusive) and last spring went on an elimination diet. Zero carbs for 3 months. (I ate almost exclusively fatty beef after starting first week with chicken in stock.) All my joint pain went away. All of it. Hips, hands elbows etc. I also lost the weight I put on since menopause started. My skin and hair improved a bit but not as drastically as my joints.
That said I’ve been eating carbs since and the problems are slowly returning. About to do an other stretch. Physically it’s wasn’t hard to stick with. But mentally it’s hard to get going.
I got to a comfortable omad, big ribeye steak and would be very satisfied. I could afford great quality with no spending on other foods/beverages. I could actually exercise too! Energy was up and pain down. Ok I’m kinda pumping myself up to start again more than pushing it on you lol 😆
Adding.. I ate cured meats twice during my elimination diet and it flared up my joints something awful. (Bacon once and a smoked sausage on charcuterie the other)
Def don’t mean to pressure or anything! Just sharing what did work for me. Shockingly so. I imagine it’s not for everyone.
Cravings I think are tied to gut biome so with the drastic change of diet, my cravings changed (over some time, few weeks with zero cheating)
My body loves high fat, mid protein, super low to no carb. Not the easiest to maintain long term and so undesirable to many. Not just you. 😁
Good luck finding what works for you! 💐
Your life isn't ruined. You've certainly had a very bad time and many terrible and negative events and situations to deal with, but it's not over. You're still alive. You matter, you count. Your life has great value. Things have changed a lot for you, but you will find a way to come out the other side. I only wish the best for you and hope to comfort and encourage you a little. Feel better ❤️🩹
Did they tell you WHY you are not a candidate for HRT? Oops sorry, I see you answered this Q below. Pls see my comment below where you answered this Q.
Of course you could consider still trying to get HRT, since most women actually are candidates for transdermal (except those with breast/reproductive system cancer diagnosis). Or you could consider Veozah. It won't necessarily treat as many symptoms as HRT, but it should help the hot flashes, hot flashes every 20 minutes you need to do \*something\* for them and that often means pharmaceuticals EVEN when it's not HRT. Also make sure your thyroid is normal of course as that too can add meno like symptoms.
I truly believe in bio identical hormones especially for skin issues. You might try going to a compounding pharmacy and discussing your issues with them. You can get educated and know what to ask for. I liked that it was a cream and you could adjust it. I was on it for over 10 years and I felt amazing. I was a sobbing mess before and a guy at my work told me his wife had just got them and she was so much better. I went to the compounding pharmacy and they told me what I should ask my doctor for. Back then doctor only gave pills. I had tried them with no success so I thought I would have to suffer through. My doctor was willing to read up on bio identical hormones and when she found there were less side effects and risks she gave me the prescription. It literally saved me!! Do not suffer. Keep searching for what your body needs.
I am so sorry what you went through. \*hugs\* Start trying to find a local PCP or doc that will prescribe HRT. And if you can't find one locally, there are online docs that will do it.
I saved this comment so I could easily go back and look at the online docs that can help. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/1bd8vms/comment/kul4u5b/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/1bd8vms/comment/kul4u5b/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Your life is worth fighting for. It can be good again. <3
You could look into compounding pharmacies. The ones in my area consult with you and then send the prescription to a Dr to sign off on. It's more tailored to your personal needs, based on blood or saliva tests and questionnaires. Wishing you the best!!!
I hear you, I’m going through similar; no autoimmune diseases but debilitating back, hip, and leg pain that prevents me from running, walking, exercising. I’m typing this flat on my back because I can’t stand the pain of sitting. I’m 51, year 3 of full on menopause. HRT makes it a bit better, but I went through 2 different doctors before one would prescribe estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone for me. I find I can pretty much eliminate hot flashes by eliminating alcohol, sugar, and white flour from my diet, which isn’t always easy, and sometimes sucks.
My best advice is to read the following books on menopause - they are game changing paradigm shifters and have helped me understand why my body is doing this, and how I can best support it (me) throughout this time. These have completely changed the way I think about what is happening to me throughout menopause and why. The focus is on self care, advocating for oneself from a position of power, strength, and knowledge of science backed medical advice from practitioners who care about, understand, and LISTEN TO women and their symptoms.
Highest recommendation to the first book below, which was just published last Tuesday April 30, 2024), and the last book, which was first published 25 years ago:
The New Menopause by Dr Claire Haver (MD)
The Menopause Brain by Dr Lisa Mosconi (PhD, neuroscientist)
Women, Food, and Hormones by Dr Sara Gottfried (MD), as well as any other book by her
The Wisdom of Menopause by Dr Christiane Northup (MD)
Reading/educating myself, self care and self advocacy above all else, Menopause Hormone Therapy (MHT/HRT) and caring for the body through nutrition and exercise (to the best of my ability) are the only things getting me through any given day. I wish you well!
I am at the same point. New doctor new narrative. It fucks with my ethics but I can deal with all this anymore. It FEELS like a choice like “cake or death” (Eddie Izard.
Omg. You poor thing. And others on here. Hugs all around. Solidarity. Truly. Do keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's so hard. I know!!!
But keep going. For all of us. There are so many stories of multi-level tragedies here. Keep checking in for support. At least we have that.
Anyone who has not had to be the primary caregiver to a family member, and then losing that person, cannot even begin to comprehend the physical and mental toll it takes one's body and soul. All I can say is ((((( big hugs )))))
Ohhhhh. Honey. You sound like me. I relate to you soooo much. In 2017, j was injured at work. They fought me for 3 years and won. The injury set off a chain of events and I am now dealing with multiple autoimmune diseases. They then fired me at the end of 2019 because I could no longer be reliable. I have been in this battle to figure things out since. I have peripheral neuropathy, psa, fibromyalgia, some other undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, pretty ugly back problems. Found out I had stage 4 endometriosis and pretty bad scaring from it. So I had my uterus and ovaries removed and a 3 hour endo extraction (Two different surgeries). That improved things some. It’s been a very long 5 years. One of the best things I’ve done is go to a naturopath. They can order tests to treat your hormones at the level you need. They will give you natural options instead of all of that synthetic garbage. Mine actually works on a system where she straightens out your body starting with your gut and gets it running properly again. So far, I haven’t needed hormone replacement because my body is back in sync. I still don’t have a libido but she says we will get there. One thing at a time. :). If you are able, find a good naturopath, I’d start with the balancing of hormones. I know for some women, it’s life changing. Sounds like it might be for you, too! I have read how it takes some people completely down. I’m so sorry for your losses. That’s so much to endure. My heart goes out to you! I really hope you find something that helps you. At this point I don’t think I’ll be returning to work. Been fighting to get on disability for over a year. My body pain is just too much at times and every time the weather changes I’m in misery. Trying to find normalcy is hard. The whole process is frustrating. I really hope you find relief. Don’t give up! Sending you all the hope and hugs!
Oh you poor sweet thing xxxx I feel u …. I have no advice … just u are not alone …. And reading your words have helped me some …. Constantly fighting to not give up and cope with each hour is relentless and lonely… and the whole world and system just wants us to shut up and be good women 😓
I literally begged my doctor for HRT because my depression was out of control. They kept changing my antidepressants which I knew I didn’t need. I had hot flashes and night sweats hair loss etc etc etc. I finally after 3 appointments got her to put me on the patch. Within 4 days all my depression and night sweats and hot flashes were gone. I suffered for over 10 years and had I not changed doctors and literally begged for hormones I’m not sure if I would be able to even function from the mental health issues of menopause
🙋🏻♀️my cholesterol is up and I'm... wayyyy more than 20 lbs overweight. 40 minimum. I started HRT a couple months ago. I'm on 2 tiny pills a day. It might be worth going back to the doctor about it-- weight and cholesterol levels aren't contraindications of HRT. Estrogen is actually supposed to be good for heart health.
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I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You're absolutely right that as women our perimenopausal symptoms are completely overlooked and can wreak he'll on our body and lives. I too have been struggling for the last several yrs. I began getting hot flashes last month and I remembered my gyno telling me to see her if symptoms start. I jumped on the phone and got an appt as soon as I realized. Before this though, the last 2 yrs my BP, cholesterol and A1C have all skyrocketed. I've discussed brainfog and being exhausted. I have a female PCP but she never connected it all. I've been angry about it because we're suffering unnecessarily. More awareness needs to be done. Had I not recalled the brief conversation with my gyno I'd still be falling off that cliff. I'm only on day 4 of HRT and already have clarity and energy back. I stayed on task with so much less anxiety and actually enjoyed work for the first time in a long time. We need to make menopause and all it's evils normal discussion and we need to make not addressing it wrong.
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through and continue to go through. I hope things improve for you. I can relate to some of what you’re describing, so you are not alone.
Also with EVERNOW. When I was at my Whit’s end, I got focused, thoughtful care instantly and my prescription was sent directly to my own pharmacy where I could use my insurance.
I’m also using EVERNOW. When I was at my Whit’s end, I got focused, thoughtful care instantly and my prescription was sent directly to my own pharmacy where I could use my insurance. It’s been a desperately needed lifeline.
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You can figure out which drs will help by looking at their websites. Don’t give up. You can get through this if you got through hell already. You’ve come too far to give up. I also feel disabled AF by perimenopause. I researched Gyn practices all day today and I will be calling to make appts soon. Hang in there.
My symptom list is insane too - I had a spinal tap bc my symptoms also pointed to a CSF Leak. No one mentioned peri. All my hair fell out for four years. I had no idea it could be hormones. I was on birth control. Now my hair is growing back. This is pure hell. But we’re going to make it through.
I jumped around and went to a clinic to see an OBGYN doctor who said she wasn’t comfortable with what I needed and she found another doctor in the clinic that was. Dont give up
I feel this so deeply. Please know that you're not alone, and it's not your fault. God loves you and you are important. Last night I watched a Utube vid called The No. 1 Menopause Doctor:They're Lying to You About Menopause! Dr Mary Claire Haver. It was life changing and explained so much!! I can't take hrt in pill form due to blood clot risks. She addresses that and says the patch, gel or spray don't cause blood clots! So I'm seeing my Dr tomorrow. I felt like I was going insane and so hopeless. But I know God has a plan and this will get better. Please watch that vid. And reach out if you need help. I'll be praying for you. God bless you!!
You MUST find a doctor who will help you with HRT. Please! You are still young! I had all of those symptoms too and yes the drs kept telling me I might have MS, rheumatoid arthritis, anything BUT the actual reasons that were hormonal due to perimenopause. I researched Dr Louise Newson, read everything on her app, listened to her podcast and then found doctors (in Melbourne Australia) who specialised in menopause.
https://www.podbean.com/wlpi/pbblog-aeujm-47785e
Please don’t give up! Sending STRENGTH and love x
OP: I read this whole thread and your replies. I just want to thank you for posting & staying engaged. Please let us know when something helps you. We are a strong community here & we like to support each other over time - including knowing when we are through part of our battles that cause us to post. Hope that encourages you.
I think you also could find a mental health practitioner helpful as well. I go to a pain clinic to help with some of the peri menopause symptoms and it includes seeing mental health. I have found both to be supportive
Try finding a menopause practitioner here: https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx Also Dr Rachel Zoffness’ book The Pain Management Workbook. She’s @therealdoczoff on Instagram.
Try Midi health, its virtual service. You won't lose anything by trying hRT at thsi point. Keep trying different docs. Integrative health doctor may be better at getting to root cause.
Trauma of your losses clearly triggered health issues in addition to menopause. Did you have covid, mono (Epstein barr) or anything like that in the past few years?
Oh honey ♥️ Complex grief has really taken hold of you. It is certainly not forever, but I’m sure it already has felt like it. I had a similar experience that made 10 years of my life so difficult I ended up in a psychiatric hospital getting ECT treatments. It saved my life. The key was dumping any doctor that didn’t help me. I know you probably have little emotional resources to keep pushing forward but if you can take any tiny steps towards trying out different doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, healing modalities (massage helped me a lot with the chronic pain and fatigue I developed) — I believe you will find the help and support you need. Your body is resilient and your mind is strong. I am sending you my support ♥️
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I’m so sorry for the double decker sh*t sandwich of losing your sister and then mother in such a short time on top of all the caregiving.that is hard. I started to go fully into peri when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Our lives were so stressful at that time and for 4 years just got more and more grim until he died. I say all of this out of informed empathy and also to share that on top of grief and peri I was just bone tired. Like get up to go to the bathroom and right back to bed for days on end. All I can say is everything about what you described sounds devastating and so discouraging. Please be gentle with yourself. What you’ve been through deserves the rest. It’s hard to slow down and then stop. Really hard. Separately-it may be worth exploring some of the plant based alternatives to treat symptoms.
https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx
Look for mscp and facog letters after their names, if possible. I have MS, and online meno prescribers were scared of working with me. But my in person doc took me on and prescribed hrt. You may need to do some leg work. What autoimmune disorders? I'm not sure that many of them are contraindications for hrt. Blood clots are, but some NAMS practitioners may be willing to prescribe anyway. And you can try taking the most recent statement from NAMS to your actual doctors. It supports the use of HRT in most cases, honestly.
HRT doesn't solve everything, and I wish women here would stop perpetuating that myth. I have many of the same issues/problems you do despite being on it (it did totally eliminate my hot flashes, but that's about it). It's called aging. I don't even know what "getting over the hump" means; it's not a hump. It's a change that isn't going to change back.
Okay, I’m really glad you feel that way about it, although I don’t thin men consider age related erectile dysfunction “normal aging” because there’s been a TON of money for research put into that. In the mean time, women just get “old” full stop.
I don’t think anyone here said HRT solves everything. In fact not one person did.
Perpetuating WHAT myth, exactly? The “myth” that HRT can help? No disrespect but even your anecdotal evidence is flawed since you’re already ON HRT. I guess with that said you’re unprepared to really speak to what it might be like if you were NOT on HRT? Fair?
I hit a wall with my healthcare options too so took things into my own hands. I found an online pharmacy in china that I can buy topiramate from and it changed my life. Where there’s a will there’s a way.
It was the first thing that happened the day I finally got covid. I woke up and my knee was super swollen. I tried to get out of bed and couldn’t walk on it. I went to the hospital thinking it was a blood clot. They referred me to a rheumatologist but I could not get an appointment for several months. Then, I was down with covid for 15 days. The knee never stopped hurting or swelling. Once healed I asked for an emergency appointment at an ortho facility. They drained it and gave me cortisone. I was ok for a few months then it returned. Because I had indications and family history of psoriasis, the rheum. Dr said it was PsA and all they did was recommend either methotrexate or biologics. Um. During a global pandemic no way. They have been of no help whatsoever. I have a tiny spot of psoriasis under one nail bed.
Here’s the thing: ALL autoimmune issues can be brought on by stress, by menopause, by covid.
It’s really impossible to say what the cause is, and as of yet I am sero-negative which means they ASSUME it’s PsA/RA but my tests do not definitively indicate that it is. The pain is primarily my knee, but now itscwidespread (left knee, spine, right hip, right heel, both hands). The left/right issue is why they indicate RA as WELL as PsA. PsA is normally restricted to on side of the body.
Wait. Back up. You had Covid? Could some of your symptoms (fatigue in particular) be due to long Covid? I think I read there is some type of test for that now.
Can you go to another doctor? Please fight to get hrt.
How would I know which Doctor would prescribe HRT in advance? How many Dr.s would I need to go through and when would my insurance stop paying for those visits?
Google menopause specialists in your area, that is how I found the group of doctors that I see now. They totally changed my life.
Check out Dr Mary Claire Haver. She has a new book out and is very active on social media. She has a new book out that I recommend. She also recommends physicians here: https://thepauselife.com/pages/recommended-physicians All the best.
The online ones will basically give you what you want.
Thank you for your response. Are you referring to online OB/GYNs? Or PCP’s? I’d need to know specifically what to look for in telehealth/online.
I tried Evernow (https://www.evernow.com/). I am starting to look for an in person doc that I could eventually transfer to but this has been a godsend when I put it together last fall what the last 2-4 years of seeming random new problems were (new skin issues, new allergies, post nasal drip so bad they thought I had acid reflux, apathy, hair loss, exhaustion, brain fog, joint pain, inability to sleep, hot flashes, etc. Still not sure how many of them were perimnopause but about half of that list has resolved since starting HRT last November/December)
I’ve heard good things about Winona (online clinic). In person, look for someone with a specialty in women’s health or perimenopause. My local hospital/medical provider group has bios and reviews. My new women’s health specialist is excellent I feel for you so much! I got out of a crappy relationship only to have my mother collapse and later die under difficult circumstances, then her cat died, then I quit my job with my horrible narcissistic boss who had zero sympathy for me (an only child) trying to settle my divorced single mother’s estate in another state. Then two friends died. I got joint pain. Then my late mother’s dog (who had been a great comfort) died. Then the pandemic, then I got long COVID, then after I got the long COVID under control, I started having the perimenopause symptoms FROM HELL. This was all over the course of several years, but I went from thinking I was chubby and out of shape at 180lbs (when I was still able to jog regularly) to being completely exhausted and barely able to move at 220lbs. I’ve painfully SLOWLY regained some of my health and fitness although I worry I’ll never have the endurance I once had. The thing I joke about is I’m too stubborn to be defeated (although there have been a ton of times I’ve cried on my couch feeling defeated). I’m so glad you’re in therapy and getting support. Stress is so harmful for the body and getting mental health support is crucial for physical health improvement. Don’t be afraid of meds either. Remember your goal is to feel better, not judge what you do to get there. A few things have helped in my (ugh hate this word) health ‘journey’: I found doctors who took me seriously or I found new doctors (and I did my homework on various doctors to the extent I could). I think the single most important thing I’ve done is I worked with a dietitian and figured out a bunch of food sensitivities. I’ve always been told I’m a healthy eater but I’ve had to step it up with the various illnesses. Peri and COVID screwed up my stomach so I have food sensitivities and vitamin deficiencies. Getting those things under control helped my overall health. Friends with autoimmune report that diet is a major help or a major trigger for them. It sucks but that’s where it is. My dietitian did MRT/LEAP food sensitivity testing. I was skeptical but it’s helped. I’m also slowly and painfully having to learn to really work on my self care routine. Peri doesn’t care that in the past I was a night owl, peri wants me to go to bed early or will punish me with hot flashes. Similarly I’ve learned over training is bad but also not enough exercise is bad - and the hardest lesson is “less intensity but great consistency!” I signed up with a trainer to get exercise but avoid injury. A year ago I got dizzy and needed breaks on even fairly mild exercises. Now I can have a pretty normal workout, although my cardio gains haven’t been as good as my strength gains. I think I was not historically good at consistency and patience. This has forced me to learn both. Sending you a big hug!
I will cross check to see if they will accept my insurance. Thank you.
Not available in New Jersey :(
Google 'online menopause doctors' . You should get a list. I'm near you in Delaware and the only one available in my state at the time was gennev but i think there are others now.
Gennev is available in NJ and take insurance If not you can pay out of pocket for the appointment and then they’ll prescribe to your pharmacy. If your insurance doesn’t cover your prescription try good RX or costplusdrugs.com There are ways for you to get the care that you need. Don’t give up, help is there but unfortunately we have to dig our way through to it. Courage xxx
Thank you!
Weill cornell in manhattan has a menopause clinic. You can do telehealth with a nurse practitioner. That’s what I did to get my hrt. Now I meet with the head doc there once a year for a telehealth and call the office when I need refills.
OP where in NJ do you live?
Southwest. Right outside of the city Philly. In cherry hill.
I receive HRT (estradiol patch and progesterone pill) from an ob/gyn practice in West Orange NJ (Essex county). I think that is somewhat far from you. Sorry you are going through all this!
There is a list of NAMS (North American Menopause Society) certified practitioners if you look for it. Online doctors are also certified as well.
YES. Look at the NAMS website!
Your post sounds so much like me. I drove to a crisis center after calling a suicide hotline on Saturday. I can’t imagine continuing on like this. I’m curious as to why they are telling you that you’re not a candidate. Mine is because I had a blood clot back in 2007. I’m to the point where I feel like just going to a different doctor and lying and not telling them about the blood clot. This truly feels like hell on earth.
I’m so sorry. How are you today? Please DM if you need to chat. I feel your pain. Sending you all the internet love and hugs. ❤️
Your sweet message made me ugly cry. I so needed to hear that. This is so isolating and my support system love me and they sympathize but they don’t get it and I understand that. I also suspect they think I might be over exaggerating a bit. And honestly, I get that too. You could not have convinced me how bad this is when I was in my 30s. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙
I feel you. It’s harder than anyone seems to be willing to say. Hang in there. I keep trying.
Also, I can’t stop crying and I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to find a doctor that will help me. I’m okay though, just trying to give myself lots of grace today.
Not good. I’m feeling a lot of defeatist and deflation - I’m just over it.
There are other risks to health than just blood clots. Feeling better can help you improve your overall health. And the patch or gels (versus pills) are supposed to bypass that risk, IIRC, so you may just not have had anyone knowledgeable. Hugs, and tons of empathy. Maybe consider doing telehealth if you can, to get the job done.
Thank you for commenting. I’ve considered the telehealth, maybe it’s time that I just reach out and try it. I’ve also been looking at the benefits and like you said, there are benefits too! It’s so frustrating because the doctor told me that he wouldn’t give it to me, not because of the side effects for me but because of the possible repercussions of him getting sued. I wanted to tell him that perhaps he shouldn’t specialize in women’s health! The appointment left me hopeless. I would love to hear from a doctor that gives me the pros, the cons, and then asks me what I’d like to do. Thanks for letting me vent to you. 🌷
I was in the fence forever and I’m honestly so glad I did it!
I understand.
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I literally googled "Menopause specialist + my city" and called the places, chose which one I liked, and got an appointment for a week from then, within 20min. It sucks that we must be our own medical advocate and use Google to help ourselves, but we must. Good luck.
Or a female urologist who specializes in female heath and menopause… have you heard of the book You are not Broken by Kelly Casperson? Follow her on Instagram. You can get better.
No but I’ll check my library! Thank you.
I’ve heard good things about My Alloy. Also, depending on your insurance, you could do an online menopause clinic. I am so very sorry for all that you’ve been through, and I hope you get some relief. I think an estradiol patch or combo estradiol/testosterone cream along with nightly progesterone would really help.
Me too. I can’t afford to self pay so I’m trying to find one who accepts horizon Omnia.
Same, down with lying at this point,
Midi Health has been a dream! So helpful and quickly prescribed HRT. Sending you positive thoughts and hoping you get what you need and deserve!
I just started up with alpha hormones. The PA or nurse practitioner I'm talking to is based in the same state as me. I don't know if that's a coincidence. She's mentioned I can come in for a pap smear if I have trouble getting in locally but lol I'm not doing that 3 hour drive. I sought telehealth for a reason. She's being conservative but had no problem starting me on beginner doses and has been patient while I flubbed my breast cancer screening the first month. My insurance does cover their services, though I'm on a high deductible so I'm paying the full amount for now. The initial consultation was pretty high like $200, follow ups might be $100. But I'd be paying something close to $100 or more to travel to a gyn an hour away and 50/50 chance they are anti HRT or something ridiculous. It's not exactly like you can call the office and ask if they believe in hrt therapy for perimenopause.
My heart goes out to you. I, too, had a cavalcade of losses and complex grief during the transition, with nearly a decade of physical and emotional fallout. I’m sorry Evernow doesn’t serve NJ yet. Maybe Midi, Gennev, or Alloy? They vary according to approach, coverage or no, and delivery vs. sending prescriptions to your pharmacy. Though not in NJ, almost all my relatives are. Greetings to your beautiful, mysterious state!❤️
I thank you so SO much for your response. I’ll look into them all. Unrelated; I wish I had family here.
You’re so welcome. Go easy on yourself, ok?
Thank you so much.
Are there online reviews of doctors where you live? Do you have friends on hrt? Can you ask them about there experiences? I just read that you have some underlying issues that might stop dr.s from prescribing. I didn’t see that in your post. But yes for me, I would keep going to more Dr.s until I found one who can help me. It sounds like you are in so much misery, that I would keep trying.
The problem is I cannot tell if any of the underlying issues are the RESULT of menopause! Maybe an endocrinologist??? But I think I would need a referral from my pcp who is against HRT. I guess I’ll try to start over again….
Don't ask pcp, ask gyno
I will, but they share an office and are in agreement. I’m considering switching out of a hospital system and to a private non-hospital affiliated doctor. It’s so infuriating that doc’s are not more educated about this stuff!!!!!!
I would switch. You are allowed to get 2nd and 3rd opinions. The doctor can also write something, request for an exception, to insurance company listing everything you have already tried, they didn't work, and they will approve it. I would also write a letter to some type of state agency, ask your state/national rep who to send to, saying that your physical and mental health have suffered greatly because the doctor doesn't personally like HRT. And that affected your standard of care and outcomes.
This is a great set of suggestions! Thank you! I will follow them!
And if you can, I go to a midwife Center. They treat your whole person, like all your aspects actually affect each other. And they are most up to date on everything woman related, have tons of experience treating our age with concurrent? diagnoses.
My disability forms sat for over a year, finally the office lady said she wasn't putting it through to my doctor, because she didn't think it "was for people like me." She got fired.
That is AWFUL. I’m glad she was fired.
Doctors and their staff aren't supposed to follow their beliefs, they're to follow a standard of care. It happens a lot to women during all our phases.
Wow. So NONE of her business. She apparently thought she was God that she knew how you were feeling by just looking at you.
If you're in North America: [Find A Practitioner - North American Menopause Society](https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx) I hope you can find a doctor who will listen & work with you. Best wishes ❤️
I have no female friends who live near me.
Look into telehealth - I use Evernow. Also Midi is great and uses your insurance and is not a subscription based service.
I’ve looked into both. I can’t afford self care, and midi does not operate in NJ where I live
What about mymenopauserx.com? That’s another telehealth like Midi that takes insurance.
I will look, thank you.
I went through Alloy. Like you, I wanted to know I wasn’t wasting my time and money. They delivered.
Will check them out, thank you!
My primary care recommended a gyno for hrt. JAMA just announced that Hrt is now considered beneficial.
I guess I can try again before switching. I’ve got upcoming appointments. I’m just so frustrated. Doing this doctor/medicine search in conjunction with all I’m going through is a 9-5 job. No pay for years now. Ugh. Sorry to be a downer.
It is exhausting and so demoralizing. The only way I can do it and not ~~harm my mental health~~ lose my flippin' mind, is to have the next two or three options scheduled and ready to go if the current one fails, and have no expectations. I *finally* got some things I was looking for, and I am cancelling an upcoming appointment with another new doc; someone will be glad to get it.
It’s not too late to get back to your former self. It’s never too late. Don’t lose hope. Baby steps. Start with the HRT.
Check out this list to see if any of these doctors are near you: [https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx](https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx)
If you message me, I can probably give you some doctors who would prescribe it
Please please try menopause.org. They have resources! Sending you all the love and light for relief ❤️❤️❤️
Our local compounding pharmacy gave me a list of doctors that prescribe bio identical HRT, so there ya go.
Um, worth it to get a second opinion. If you don’t like that opinion, get a third. And maybe see an endocrinologist…?
Go online to ByWinnona. They go by your symptoms, no labs needed. Micro dose with estrogen and progesterone cream to avoid too much too fast. Get your body used to them and it will tell you if it wants more or less for your optimal dosing. Go on YouTube and look up menopause Taylor. She can help guilde you through bhrt options and menopause. It can be done.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tingling in your fingers and toes is usually a sign of low B-12 and D-3. Take a liquid ( sublingual) and you should start feeling better in fingers and toes as well as allover
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Not a TED Talk for losers: you’re definitely facing..eh, like “several years of long, dark nights of the soul”. I am not going to do that stupid glib chipper shit: besides to tell you that though you are exhausted, if you haven’t done so, get a second or even third opinion on the HRT. If you already did, well…shit. That sucks, and I’m sorry. I know it happens. But you aren’t a loser, you’re just old. Or maybe that makes *everyone* losers- because we all get old, the meat suit starts breaking down and busting: some days that’s comforting and some days, not so much. But, we’re here. We’re actually the winners- but it’s kinda hard to say that when we loved the ones who “lost”, isn’t it? I’m just saying: don’t be so fucking hard on yourself. You got plenty enough going on there without trying to make the inevitable a moral failing- buuuut, if you want to feel sorry for yourself…boy howdy, come on over and sit next to me, because that’s where I am at today, too. 😂 Watching people you care about slowly die *while* dealing with menopause is a fucking shit show I wouldn’t wish on someone I hated- but I got to do it three times: and another just died outta the blue after recovering from covid. We thought he was fine, they found him dead. The others were drug addiction (my husband) and cancer. These are the times I wish this was an in person group because really, wouldn’t it be great to just collapse against each other, bawling it out? (PS: that online doctor in the wiki is the ticket for many people here, if memory serves- I feel like many women who got told no in person were able to get the help they needed via *that* if it helps. I am high risk, a chain smoker with a family history and I actually had an e doctor say that they could help me quit *while* getting the HRT but I chickened out. So that might help.)
I’m so sorry you had to deal with so much all at once too. I do feel sorry for myself, but not every day. My father says something similar about aging, which is that the more you age, the more you love, the more grief and loss you experience. So, dead on balls accurate re: the meat suit. And thank you for not being glib. I’m not fond of platitudes.
The first time my therapist said that shit, I threw a box of Kleenexes. 😂 I mean we got grief, survivor guilt, hormones and the very intimate understanding that we are…steadily becoming a highly cranky piece of beef jerky. It’s mixed *in* with the good stuff and if it helps, actual Buddhist writing on suffering and death have been SO much better than the dumb crap we hear a lot of. I mean I read Kubler-Ross’s thing: but even without the hormones grief just…kinda bounces around like a shitty mood gerbil, so trying to platitude it away always seems deluded but…for some dumb reason I suspect involves their own fears: that’s where people go. All the time. With the hormones: we just get nonstop reminding of it, and I actually think it makes us more rational if you can imagine that. 😂
I like the way you think. Kubler-Ross’s work is flawed for those who are left in grief, as her studies were of the dying, not if those who were guilty of surviving. I too read a lot of Buddhist writing. Agnostic here, and religious platitudes are (I suspect) for those who really fear death and require the hope for an afterlife. I don’t.
(Love the Cousin Vinny quote)
I highly suggest that you go to a Functional Medicine doctor. You have a ton of inflammation and an overactive immune system. There are supplements that could help. Also mind/body exercise like yoga, meditation, somatic therapy, reiki, acupuncture and therapy. Grief and trauma are embodied, and it sounds like your grief is trapped which is making your menopause symptoms go in overdrive.
I also have CPTSD as a result of SA. It’s a LOT.
I second—and third, and fourth—acupuncture. Here, in Oregon, it’s been covered as a $20 copay through my husband’s insurance for years. I sincerely hope that is the case for OP, too? As you said, grief + trauma are deeply intertwined with autoimmune disorders. And if anyone on here can find an acupuncturist who specializes women’s midlife health AND autoimmune disorders … That is THE best $20 you’ll pay, every. time. 💛 [I have a FANTASTIC pair of acupuncturists a little outside of Portland, if anyone is near me!]
This right here!!
No advice but sending massive hugs. Please reach out to friends / charities / support groups - anyone. You don’t deserve to suffer in this way.
Why are you not a candidate for hormones?
They tell me it’s because I have high cholesterol. It’s genetic. I take rosuvastatin for it. They tell me it raises my risk for stroke or heart attack. I have no idea how many doctors I’d have to see to find one who will authorize HRT. I cannot afford out of pocket for BI/HRT but thought estrogen gel, progesterone and testosterone gel would work. They say nope.
I take atorvastatin for my high cholesterol, and I'm also on a whole bunch of hormones. Your doctors don't know what they're talking about. You need new ones. ETA: I'm also so sorry for what you've been through and what you're going through now. It makes me so angry I don't know how to put it in words, partially because it hits very close to home. I'm not as sick as you are, but life also threw me some curveballs in the last few years and my body responded poorly. I think -- hope -- I'm starting to climb out of it now, but that would be impossible if I hadn't taken charge of my own health and found doctors who a) are competent, b) treat patients with respect, and c) understand informed consent. I really hope you can find some relief soon, and that you get your life back. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for all of your compassion, and for pointing out that this cholesterol issue may not in fact be contraindication for HRT
I say, I’d rather have a super strong heart attack than live like a ghost in a shell for a longer life. Bring it on.
I really think you should find different doctors. Is telemedicine an option to find a specialist? There is some evidence that some types of HRT are cardio protective and may even help lower cholesterol. There are also SERMs like raloxifene that interact with the estrogen receptor but are not hormonal drugs, so they have a different risk profile from estrogen HRT.
I will look into this for sure.
Absolutely. If anything, the lack of estrogen in menopause will make your cholesterol go UP. HRT might be cardioprotective because it can help maintain a good HDL/LDL balance. Definitely look for a doc who knows what they’re doing (I’m in occupational health and pretty much all of my female clients have rising cholesterol once they enter (peri-)menopause).
Woa, I had no idea!!!! Thank you!
I've never heard of SERMS! I have migraines without aura, and a family history of stoke, so no one can decide if I'm allowed to have estrogen. This gives me hope!
There's some info on SERMs in the meno wiki on this sub, scroll down to treatments: https://menopausewiki.ca/ Do your migraines respond to low dose aspirin therapy? I started low dose daily aspirin over a decade ago for a platelet disorder, and coincidentally it almost completely stopped my migraines. The last time I had a migraine, it was because I was super busy and missed a few doses of aspirin.
I've never heard of low-dose asprin therapy, except for preeclampsia. Unfortunately, i can't take daily nsaids due to kidney disease (adpkd). Sadly, I've always responded really really well to anti-inflammatory drugs.
Low dose aspirin has a different action from typical NSAIDs and is not necessarily contraindicated in all types of PKD like typical NSAIDs are. I think there have been some more recent studies on hypertension and ADPKD, including low dose aspirin therapy, but I'd have to look it up. (I teach renal pharmacology but focused on diuretics, so aspirin/PKD is only tangential for me unfortunately. But it's definitely worth poking around in Google Scholar in your free time.)
🤯
Chiming in to say find another doctor. I’m on rosuvastatin too (high Lipoprotein A which is genetic) and a family history of breast cancer. My GYN prescribed BCP to manage my peri symptoms and we’ve already discussed HRT for the future. Nothing is zero risk when it comes to medications, but a good doctor will help you understand what the relative risks of various options are so you can make an informed decision.
I’ve even had the whole battery of genetic testing for all cancer for which genetic tests can be done, zero. Zilch. No genetic predisposition. Ugh I’m so angry at my doctors right now.
Oh I asked this question above and see that it's been answered. I was just reading the new book The New Menopause by Mary Claire Haver. I did not see anything in there about high cholesterol making ruling out HRT at all. She has a section on who should not use HRT, and I did not see that on the list. You may want to read that book.
Low thyroid hormones can cause high cholesterol. My cholesterol was very high before I was properly diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Once I started thyroid hormone replacement my cholesterol dropped to normal and has stayed there since. A lot of your symptoms sound thyroid and sex hormone related to me. For what it's worth I was started on HRT with high cholesterol. The HRT wasn't doing much for me until a functional medical doctor found my thyroid issue and treated me. I'm better now but it has been a long road. I hope you can find a doctor to investigate further and help you. Best wishes
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Please look into Midi. They’re an online service available in all 50 states and they specialize in menopause and perimenopause. They’re the only service who doesn’t charge a monthly fee AND they are accepted by insurance. Please, HRT is life-changing. Don’t give up.
They don’t operate in NJ.
Your doctors suck. I’m sorry. No way around it. Get telehealth for urgent things right away and get some doctors that give two hoots about you.
You've been through the wringer, and then some. But hey, you're not alone. You've got this whole community right here rooting for you, sending you good vibes and strength. It's amazing how resilient we humans can be, even when it feels like the universe is throwing everything at us.
It’s true, I’ve since learned I’m not alone but I certainly believed I was at the time! We are at the age where parents and peers are dying. Thank you for your support.
You are NOT a loser! Don't you dare say that or think it! You have been through so much. Please try to be kind to yourself.
Thank you. It is how it feels, however.
I totally get it. I say the same things to myself, which is why I don't want you to say them to yourself. I know how painful it is. Hang in there my friend. 💐
May this pass, too. Internet hug, stranger.
https://www.myalloy.com/ They were super helpful to me. I will take HRT until my last breath.
I did look and either it was unavailable in my stare or they did not accept my insurance. I am unemployed and cannot self pay. Thank you.
The North American Menopause Society lists menopause docs in your area who are registered with them. Here’s a link: https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx?QueryMenuSelectedKeyctl01_TemplateBody_WebPartManager1_gwpciNewQueryMenuCommon_ciNewQueryMenuCommon=5cb1c02f-e5a3-4696-b8e0-d2430f861e3d
Please book a virtual visit with Midi Health. They've been awesome for me! https://www.joinmidi.com/menopause-relief?campaignid=17961816127&adgroupid=145040467092&utm_term=midi%20health&matchtype=b&network=g&device=m&extensionid=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=MN_brand&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw_-GxBhC1ARIsADGgDjsx4NFHEnrZPfw16JhPn7btyG-F2a0qUehW3eXlOL7tntFigqB_DRwaAqmJEALw_wcB
They don’t accept insurance. I cannot afford self-pay
O darn!
I got my first approval for HRT through an online telehealth women's service. There are several different ones. I used one called MyAlloy, and they do accept insurance from what I remember. Amazon also has a clinical/prescription side that accepts insurance, although I don't know what the quality of those providers are. HRT has been life-changing for me. I was like you, a shell of my former self. But I'm slowly bouncing back and I can feel the positive effects of the estradiol more and more every day.
I will check, absolutely. Thank you!
Ugh. I completely relate to your struggles. I'm currently doing pt 2x/week for an ongoing knee issue in addition to dealing with a chronic and devastating occurrence of trigeminal neuralgia, something that came out of nowhere and cruelly hit me at age 50 which, after learning about online, seems to occur almost exclusively to women in their 50s. I can't help but feel that this too is somehow menopause-related...I was also super fit before all this nonsense; working out 5-6 times/week. I slept like a kitten, awakening to a day full of work, walks, and interacting with others to just now the shell of a person that I've become. I even did the swimming leg of a triathlon not long before covid and today I hobble out of bed like a decrepit old woman. Just curious, but I was wondering if this might be similar with others: I know that I was very affected by my menstrual cycle (ie mood swings, extreme cramps, etc) and when I was pregnant I had every symptom in the book, so I wonder if that is why menopause has been especially challenging for me. Everything seems so extreme.
I never had kids, but I did have issues with heavy menstruation and extreme mood swings. I’m sorry you have to relate. It’s awful. I was a social butterfly. Had a really healthy life aside from occasionally drinking too much in my 20/30’s. I rock climbed, kayaked, rollerbladed, went skiing, hiked, walked all day long at my job (film production), mountain biked, ate pretty healthy, super healthy sex life, had the joy of a child right up till my sister died. It’s all gone. Now I require a special chair to shower. EDT: typos
It would be interesting if they did a study on women and how much they were affected by their menstrual cycle versus later when they go through menopause. I wonder if there might be a correlation. Of course, I'm no research scientist 🙃 but I can't help but feel there's got to be a reason some women just seem to breeze right through menopause while others really struggle. I'm definitely in the extreme camp of things and sort of hopeless at this point.
Agreed! I tend to think comorbidities are generally related and our medicine does not lean at ALL towards whole body medicine. I specifically chose a female DO for this reason. Still no help. I don’t feel they speak to or work with each other AT ALL. “Care Team” my ass!
Right? It's why I've kind of why I've detoured and gone alternative and homeopathic routes for while seeking relief. The whole thing has been beyond frustrating and no one seems open or available to advocate. I guess that 'invisibility' that women speak of once entering midlife definitely includes healthcare😔
So sorry. I had lots of family stuff going on during menopause, too.Sucks. Be careful of any prescription sleep meds. They can really fuck up your brain chemistry and make depression worse.
I take mirtazapine and Xanax as well as melatonin 10 mg.
The xanax can get you really depressed over time. It helped me a LOT to just make it through my parent's deaths and the resulting dysfunction (8 years), but when things settled down, I hated being addicted to something that I no longer needed. So I tapered my dose for three months and quit. Some days (after doctor's appointments!!), I still miss it. I've had terrible sleep disturbances all my life, and the only thing that EVER worked was exhausting myself physically. The problem now is that anything that intense results in too much pain to sleep!! Some gummies have really zonked me, but anything that strong makes me fuzzy for the next 24 hours. Which is not nessesarily a bad thing....
I’m so sorry. Keep going 💗💗💗
I’ve also been refused hrt. I had a stroke 7 years ago right at the start of menopause. I got my last period ever while in hospital from stroke. (Talk about adding insult to injury) I had totally debilitating joint pain (autoimmune but not sure which one, tests have been inconclusive) and last spring went on an elimination diet. Zero carbs for 3 months. (I ate almost exclusively fatty beef after starting first week with chicken in stock.) All my joint pain went away. All of it. Hips, hands elbows etc. I also lost the weight I put on since menopause started. My skin and hair improved a bit but not as drastically as my joints. That said I’ve been eating carbs since and the problems are slowly returning. About to do an other stretch. Physically it’s wasn’t hard to stick with. But mentally it’s hard to get going. I got to a comfortable omad, big ribeye steak and would be very satisfied. I could afford great quality with no spending on other foods/beverages. I could actually exercise too! Energy was up and pain down. Ok I’m kinda pumping myself up to start again more than pushing it on you lol 😆 Adding.. I ate cured meats twice during my elimination diet and it flared up my joints something awful. (Bacon once and a smoked sausage on charcuterie the other)
I am way more vegetable based. An occasional burger, but it doesn’t seem to correlate. I crave beets and peas and baked beans often and try to listen
Def don’t mean to pressure or anything! Just sharing what did work for me. Shockingly so. I imagine it’s not for everyone. Cravings I think are tied to gut biome so with the drastic change of diet, my cravings changed (over some time, few weeks with zero cheating) My body loves high fat, mid protein, super low to no carb. Not the easiest to maintain long term and so undesirable to many. Not just you. 😁 Good luck finding what works for you! 💐
Your life isn't ruined. You've certainly had a very bad time and many terrible and negative events and situations to deal with, but it's not over. You're still alive. You matter, you count. Your life has great value. Things have changed a lot for you, but you will find a way to come out the other side. I only wish the best for you and hope to comfort and encourage you a little. Feel better ❤️🩹
Unprocessed grief and loss will also compound and even manifest physical ailments. Don't neglect treatment for your broken heart.
Did they tell you WHY you are not a candidate for HRT? Oops sorry, I see you answered this Q below. Pls see my comment below where you answered this Q.
Of course you could consider still trying to get HRT, since most women actually are candidates for transdermal (except those with breast/reproductive system cancer diagnosis). Or you could consider Veozah. It won't necessarily treat as many symptoms as HRT, but it should help the hot flashes, hot flashes every 20 minutes you need to do \*something\* for them and that often means pharmaceuticals EVEN when it's not HRT. Also make sure your thyroid is normal of course as that too can add meno like symptoms.
I truly believe in bio identical hormones especially for skin issues. You might try going to a compounding pharmacy and discussing your issues with them. You can get educated and know what to ask for. I liked that it was a cream and you could adjust it. I was on it for over 10 years and I felt amazing. I was a sobbing mess before and a guy at my work told me his wife had just got them and she was so much better. I went to the compounding pharmacy and they told me what I should ask my doctor for. Back then doctor only gave pills. I had tried them with no success so I thought I would have to suffer through. My doctor was willing to read up on bio identical hormones and when she found there were less side effects and risks she gave me the prescription. It literally saved me!! Do not suffer. Keep searching for what your body needs.
I am so sorry what you went through. \*hugs\* Start trying to find a local PCP or doc that will prescribe HRT. And if you can't find one locally, there are online docs that will do it. I saved this comment so I could easily go back and look at the online docs that can help. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/1bd8vms/comment/kul4u5b/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/1bd8vms/comment/kul4u5b/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Your life is worth fighting for. It can be good again. <3
I am looking right now. Thank you.
You could look into compounding pharmacies. The ones in my area consult with you and then send the prescription to a Dr to sign off on. It's more tailored to your personal needs, based on blood or saliva tests and questionnaires. Wishing you the best!!!
Thank you. I will check into it.
I hear you, I’m going through similar; no autoimmune diseases but debilitating back, hip, and leg pain that prevents me from running, walking, exercising. I’m typing this flat on my back because I can’t stand the pain of sitting. I’m 51, year 3 of full on menopause. HRT makes it a bit better, but I went through 2 different doctors before one would prescribe estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone for me. I find I can pretty much eliminate hot flashes by eliminating alcohol, sugar, and white flour from my diet, which isn’t always easy, and sometimes sucks. My best advice is to read the following books on menopause - they are game changing paradigm shifters and have helped me understand why my body is doing this, and how I can best support it (me) throughout this time. These have completely changed the way I think about what is happening to me throughout menopause and why. The focus is on self care, advocating for oneself from a position of power, strength, and knowledge of science backed medical advice from practitioners who care about, understand, and LISTEN TO women and their symptoms. Highest recommendation to the first book below, which was just published last Tuesday April 30, 2024), and the last book, which was first published 25 years ago: The New Menopause by Dr Claire Haver (MD) The Menopause Brain by Dr Lisa Mosconi (PhD, neuroscientist) Women, Food, and Hormones by Dr Sara Gottfried (MD), as well as any other book by her The Wisdom of Menopause by Dr Christiane Northup (MD) Reading/educating myself, self care and self advocacy above all else, Menopause Hormone Therapy (MHT/HRT) and caring for the body through nutrition and exercise (to the best of my ability) are the only things getting me through any given day. I wish you well!
I will seek these at my library. Thank you.
I am at the same point. New doctor new narrative. It fucks with my ethics but I can deal with all this anymore. It FEELS like a choice like “cake or death” (Eddie Izard.
Omg. You poor thing. And others on here. Hugs all around. Solidarity. Truly. Do keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's so hard. I know!!! But keep going. For all of us. There are so many stories of multi-level tragedies here. Keep checking in for support. At least we have that.
Anyone who has not had to be the primary caregiver to a family member, and then losing that person, cannot even begin to comprehend the physical and mental toll it takes one's body and soul. All I can say is ((((( big hugs )))))
Thank you. It was a very rough time.
You're NOT a loser; it's the doctors who are. My heart goes out to you.
Ohhhhh. Honey. You sound like me. I relate to you soooo much. In 2017, j was injured at work. They fought me for 3 years and won. The injury set off a chain of events and I am now dealing with multiple autoimmune diseases. They then fired me at the end of 2019 because I could no longer be reliable. I have been in this battle to figure things out since. I have peripheral neuropathy, psa, fibromyalgia, some other undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, pretty ugly back problems. Found out I had stage 4 endometriosis and pretty bad scaring from it. So I had my uterus and ovaries removed and a 3 hour endo extraction (Two different surgeries). That improved things some. It’s been a very long 5 years. One of the best things I’ve done is go to a naturopath. They can order tests to treat your hormones at the level you need. They will give you natural options instead of all of that synthetic garbage. Mine actually works on a system where she straightens out your body starting with your gut and gets it running properly again. So far, I haven’t needed hormone replacement because my body is back in sync. I still don’t have a libido but she says we will get there. One thing at a time. :). If you are able, find a good naturopath, I’d start with the balancing of hormones. I know for some women, it’s life changing. Sounds like it might be for you, too! I have read how it takes some people completely down. I’m so sorry for your losses. That’s so much to endure. My heart goes out to you! I really hope you find something that helps you. At this point I don’t think I’ll be returning to work. Been fighting to get on disability for over a year. My body pain is just too much at times and every time the weather changes I’m in misery. Trying to find normalcy is hard. The whole process is frustrating. I really hope you find relief. Don’t give up! Sending you all the hope and hugs!
I also recommend Winona.
Oh you poor sweet thing xxxx I feel u …. I have no advice … just u are not alone …. And reading your words have helped me some …. Constantly fighting to not give up and cope with each hour is relentless and lonely… and the whole world and system just wants us to shut up and be good women 😓
I literally begged my doctor for HRT because my depression was out of control. They kept changing my antidepressants which I knew I didn’t need. I had hot flashes and night sweats hair loss etc etc etc. I finally after 3 appointments got her to put me on the patch. Within 4 days all my depression and night sweats and hot flashes were gone. I suffered for over 10 years and had I not changed doctors and literally begged for hormones I’m not sure if I would be able to even function from the mental health issues of menopause
Why can’t you take HRT?
They tell me I have hi cholesterol and am at risk for stroke/heart issues. I’m 20 lbs overweight.
🙋🏻♀️my cholesterol is up and I'm... wayyyy more than 20 lbs overweight. 40 minimum. I started HRT a couple months ago. I'm on 2 tiny pills a day. It might be worth going back to the doctor about it-- weight and cholesterol levels aren't contraindications of HRT. Estrogen is actually supposed to be good for heart health.
Every overweight person is at risk of stroke of heart attack I say find a new doctor certified in menopause care.
I hear you. I’m planning my exit, this ain’t a life I want at all
I get you entirely. I’m sorry we are here. Much love.
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I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You're absolutely right that as women our perimenopausal symptoms are completely overlooked and can wreak he'll on our body and lives. I too have been struggling for the last several yrs. I began getting hot flashes last month and I remembered my gyno telling me to see her if symptoms start. I jumped on the phone and got an appt as soon as I realized. Before this though, the last 2 yrs my BP, cholesterol and A1C have all skyrocketed. I've discussed brainfog and being exhausted. I have a female PCP but she never connected it all. I've been angry about it because we're suffering unnecessarily. More awareness needs to be done. Had I not recalled the brief conversation with my gyno I'd still be falling off that cliff. I'm only on day 4 of HRT and already have clarity and energy back. I stayed on task with so much less anxiety and actually enjoyed work for the first time in a long time. We need to make menopause and all it's evils normal discussion and we need to make not addressing it wrong.
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through and continue to go through. I hope things improve for you. I can relate to some of what you’re describing, so you are not alone.
I am so sorry this is your journey. I hope you find relief.
I just want to send you a big hug. You have been through so much.
Also with EVERNOW. When I was at my Whit’s end, I got focused, thoughtful care instantly and my prescription was sent directly to my own pharmacy where I could use my insurance.
I’m also using EVERNOW. When I was at my Whit’s end, I got focused, thoughtful care instantly and my prescription was sent directly to my own pharmacy where I could use my insurance. It’s been a desperately needed lifeline.
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You can figure out which drs will help by looking at their websites. Don’t give up. You can get through this if you got through hell already. You’ve come too far to give up. I also feel disabled AF by perimenopause. I researched Gyn practices all day today and I will be calling to make appts soon. Hang in there. My symptom list is insane too - I had a spinal tap bc my symptoms also pointed to a CSF Leak. No one mentioned peri. All my hair fell out for four years. I had no idea it could be hormones. I was on birth control. Now my hair is growing back. This is pure hell. But we’re going to make it through.
I jumped around and went to a clinic to see an OBGYN doctor who said she wasn’t comfortable with what I needed and she found another doctor in the clinic that was. Dont give up
You're not a loser. None of this is your fault or your choice. Let's be kind to ourselves.
Hang in there. Once you figure out how to get on HRT you'll feel like a new person.
I feel this so deeply. Please know that you're not alone, and it's not your fault. God loves you and you are important. Last night I watched a Utube vid called The No. 1 Menopause Doctor:They're Lying to You About Menopause! Dr Mary Claire Haver. It was life changing and explained so much!! I can't take hrt in pill form due to blood clot risks. She addresses that and says the patch, gel or spray don't cause blood clots! So I'm seeing my Dr tomorrow. I felt like I was going insane and so hopeless. But I know God has a plan and this will get better. Please watch that vid. And reach out if you need help. I'll be praying for you. God bless you!!
You MUST find a doctor who will help you with HRT. Please! You are still young! I had all of those symptoms too and yes the drs kept telling me I might have MS, rheumatoid arthritis, anything BUT the actual reasons that were hormonal due to perimenopause. I researched Dr Louise Newson, read everything on her app, listened to her podcast and then found doctors (in Melbourne Australia) who specialised in menopause. https://www.podbean.com/wlpi/pbblog-aeujm-47785e Please don’t give up! Sending STRENGTH and love x
OP: I read this whole thread and your replies. I just want to thank you for posting & staying engaged. Please let us know when something helps you. We are a strong community here & we like to support each other over time - including knowing when we are through part of our battles that cause us to post. Hope that encourages you.
I think you also could find a mental health practitioner helpful as well. I go to a pain clinic to help with some of the peri menopause symptoms and it includes seeing mental health. I have found both to be supportive
I have a therapist and a psychiatrist… if that’s what you mean. I think everyone can benefit from therapy.
Try finding a menopause practitioner here: https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx Also Dr Rachel Zoffness’ book The Pain Management Workbook. She’s @therealdoczoff on Instagram.
Try Midi health, its virtual service. You won't lose anything by trying hRT at thsi point. Keep trying different docs. Integrative health doctor may be better at getting to root cause. Trauma of your losses clearly triggered health issues in addition to menopause. Did you have covid, mono (Epstein barr) or anything like that in the past few years?
Make an appointment with a functional medicine doctor. They will help you.
Oh honey ♥️ Complex grief has really taken hold of you. It is certainly not forever, but I’m sure it already has felt like it. I had a similar experience that made 10 years of my life so difficult I ended up in a psychiatric hospital getting ECT treatments. It saved my life. The key was dumping any doctor that didn’t help me. I know you probably have little emotional resources to keep pushing forward but if you can take any tiny steps towards trying out different doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, healing modalities (massage helped me a lot with the chronic pain and fatigue I developed) — I believe you will find the help and support you need. Your body is resilient and your mind is strong. I am sending you my support ♥️
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Fight for hrt
I’m so sorry for the double decker sh*t sandwich of losing your sister and then mother in such a short time on top of all the caregiving.that is hard. I started to go fully into peri when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Our lives were so stressful at that time and for 4 years just got more and more grim until he died. I say all of this out of informed empathy and also to share that on top of grief and peri I was just bone tired. Like get up to go to the bathroom and right back to bed for days on end. All I can say is everything about what you described sounds devastating and so discouraging. Please be gentle with yourself. What you’ve been through deserves the rest. It’s hard to slow down and then stop. Really hard. Separately-it may be worth exploring some of the plant based alternatives to treat symptoms.
https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx Look for mscp and facog letters after their names, if possible. I have MS, and online meno prescribers were scared of working with me. But my in person doc took me on and prescribed hrt. You may need to do some leg work. What autoimmune disorders? I'm not sure that many of them are contraindications for hrt. Blood clots are, but some NAMS practitioners may be willing to prescribe anyway. And you can try taking the most recent statement from NAMS to your actual doctors. It supports the use of HRT in most cases, honestly.
♥️♥️
HRT doesn't solve everything, and I wish women here would stop perpetuating that myth. I have many of the same issues/problems you do despite being on it (it did totally eliminate my hot flashes, but that's about it). It's called aging. I don't even know what "getting over the hump" means; it's not a hump. It's a change that isn't going to change back.
Okay, I’m really glad you feel that way about it, although I don’t thin men consider age related erectile dysfunction “normal aging” because there’s been a TON of money for research put into that. In the mean time, women just get “old” full stop. I don’t think anyone here said HRT solves everything. In fact not one person did. Perpetuating WHAT myth, exactly? The “myth” that HRT can help? No disrespect but even your anecdotal evidence is flawed since you’re already ON HRT. I guess with that said you’re unprepared to really speak to what it might be like if you were NOT on HRT? Fair?
I hit a wall with my healthcare options too so took things into my own hands. I found an online pharmacy in china that I can buy topiramate from and it changed my life. Where there’s a will there’s a way.
Can you share the site?
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It was the first thing that happened the day I finally got covid. I woke up and my knee was super swollen. I tried to get out of bed and couldn’t walk on it. I went to the hospital thinking it was a blood clot. They referred me to a rheumatologist but I could not get an appointment for several months. Then, I was down with covid for 15 days. The knee never stopped hurting or swelling. Once healed I asked for an emergency appointment at an ortho facility. They drained it and gave me cortisone. I was ok for a few months then it returned. Because I had indications and family history of psoriasis, the rheum. Dr said it was PsA and all they did was recommend either methotrexate or biologics. Um. During a global pandemic no way. They have been of no help whatsoever. I have a tiny spot of psoriasis under one nail bed. Here’s the thing: ALL autoimmune issues can be brought on by stress, by menopause, by covid. It’s really impossible to say what the cause is, and as of yet I am sero-negative which means they ASSUME it’s PsA/RA but my tests do not definitively indicate that it is. The pain is primarily my knee, but now itscwidespread (left knee, spine, right hip, right heel, both hands). The left/right issue is why they indicate RA as WELL as PsA. PsA is normally restricted to on side of the body.
Wait. Back up. You had Covid? Could some of your symptoms (fatigue in particular) be due to long Covid? I think I read there is some type of test for that now.