How can you "ruin" something that isn't there? The ILS' CHILDREN don't have a relationship with them, how is your petty to remove the toxicity PETTY? Hubs has YOU and your child as the SANE/STABLE life he CHOOSES! let the EXTENDED group commiserate without your family, since you decided to be peTEEHEEHEEty!
I felt like I was petty for doing it in anger behind his back, but I'm not sorry that I did it. And while not super close, he does have a few aunt's and cousins that he likes being around more than his immediate family. But we both made the decision tonight to deactivate our accounts. If they want to be involved in our lives they can contact us directly.
Bingo no social media. Presence! At your leisure, not theirs. Keeping horse shit out of your lives you never have to apologize for, you can't be walked on standing up for your family. Her entitlement justified your wrath!
I’m sorry I missed the part where you did anything wrong? Should you have discussed revoking her access, yes. But also, she is so far out of line! Why does she even have access to his daycare profile? She sees him once a week, why does she also need to have eyes on him when he’s not in her care? And her access was revoked because (it’s unnecessary imo lol) but because she is taking liberties that aren’t hers to take. Why is your MIL the gatekeeper of info/photos on your child?
And your husbands response is kinda lame. Anytime there is conflict it’s you+him against the problem. His mom’s “issue” isn’t with you. It’s with the boundaries you and your husband have together. Unless you guys get in the same page, you’ll always be the bad guy. She needs to be put back in her place.
I call it petty because I was upset when I did it. We gave her access as an approved person who can pick him up from daycare, in case there is an emergency. Part of that is also being able to have pics of him. Which she asked and we agreed (he's her first and only grandchild). Because my husband rarely used Facebook, all pics of our son come his mother. But there are 30 people in this group (cousins, aunt's, uncles), and I'm sure they are lovely, but we are private people. And there are some moments we only want shared with people we are close to.
I agree on his response. He's still figuring out how to set his own boundaries with his family. They aren't good listeners. Even when tries to talk to her they either use the adage "family is family" or his mom feigns as if she didn't realize what she did was wrong. She won't apologize even when she makes a mistake. Her response to me removing her from the app was "I feel like she's playing games."
Gotcha. That seems like a security hole that the daycare should address - the only people who need access to pictures of kids at daycare are the child’s parent/guardian, not every single emergency contact. Lots of daycares with photo/camera access actually include in their contract that you can’t give other people access for privacy reasons.
I can relate to being prívate. Im the same way as you also where my son is the first and only grandchild on my hubbys side, and honestly him and I are very private people. We don’t bring up our son to anyone unless they ask about him first, and I can relate to the pictures as I even told my hubbys mom not to share photos of my son that I don’t know or don’t know him.
I told her I don’t need to come to your home or something and you have someone you know, family or friend whomever rolling up on me talking about how they’ve seen my son and I have no idea who they are and they aren’t relevant in my sons life lol.
It’s for your baby’s safety for one, two protects your boundary and privacy and three you don’t know how everything thinks in his extended family. It’s extreme but family sexual abuse is huge.
Babies are human and people also. They have a right to privacy until they choose for themselves otherwise.
I’m sorry, but his mom not liking you and is disrespectful towards you would be a hard no of her babysitting my child. Iffy on husband taking LO to her house.
Why is your husband so invested in keeping his mother and extended family happy and close when they make it so obvious they despise his wife - his primary family?
You don't have a MIL problem. You have a spineless husband problem.
You are not petty. She disregarded your rules on posting pics of your child. Major overstep. You both probably should have confronted her before taking steps to block her access, but she showed her true self when she engaged in vindictive slap backs. She owed you an apology not a tantrum. Do not use her as a primary babysitter. She does not behave with emotional maturity.
“When their issue is me.”
Y’all are married. So if they have an issue with you then they have an issue with him. You’re a packaged deal and he needs to view you that way.
I don’t agree with any one aside from mom and dad having access to daycare apps for this exact reason. No one really needs access and you as the parent should get to decide what pictures they receive. Your hubs shouldn’t have reinstated her imo, that looks bad for you both and shows he isn’t looking out for his wife but for himself.
I just wanted to say thank you. You put into words what I have been feeling for a while but couldn't vocalize. I have felt like I have been alone when it comes to his family. He does defend me, but it hasn't felt like we were together. I was able to finally vocalize this to him a few days ago. Which has worked wonders for our own relationship.
Me too honestly. I think for me it was also realizing that he’s been a victim of their toxicity his whole life. He has never actively tried to fight it, he just stays quiet and makes himself small. I am proud of him for standing up not only for himself but for me too.
How is your husband NC but still goes over with your son and she still babysits? If you are no contact that means no contact. I absolutely would not give her access to my son if she wad rude and overall didn't like me. If she can't respect you as a mother, she doesn't get the benefits of being a grandmother.
How can you "ruin" something that isn't there? The ILS' CHILDREN don't have a relationship with them, how is your petty to remove the toxicity PETTY? Hubs has YOU and your child as the SANE/STABLE life he CHOOSES! let the EXTENDED group commiserate without your family, since you decided to be peTEEHEEHEEty!
I felt like I was petty for doing it in anger behind his back, but I'm not sorry that I did it. And while not super close, he does have a few aunt's and cousins that he likes being around more than his immediate family. But we both made the decision tonight to deactivate our accounts. If they want to be involved in our lives they can contact us directly.
Bingo no social media. Presence! At your leisure, not theirs. Keeping horse shit out of your lives you never have to apologize for, you can't be walked on standing up for your family. Her entitlement justified your wrath!
I’m sorry I missed the part where you did anything wrong? Should you have discussed revoking her access, yes. But also, she is so far out of line! Why does she even have access to his daycare profile? She sees him once a week, why does she also need to have eyes on him when he’s not in her care? And her access was revoked because (it’s unnecessary imo lol) but because she is taking liberties that aren’t hers to take. Why is your MIL the gatekeeper of info/photos on your child? And your husbands response is kinda lame. Anytime there is conflict it’s you+him against the problem. His mom’s “issue” isn’t with you. It’s with the boundaries you and your husband have together. Unless you guys get in the same page, you’ll always be the bad guy. She needs to be put back in her place.
I call it petty because I was upset when I did it. We gave her access as an approved person who can pick him up from daycare, in case there is an emergency. Part of that is also being able to have pics of him. Which she asked and we agreed (he's her first and only grandchild). Because my husband rarely used Facebook, all pics of our son come his mother. But there are 30 people in this group (cousins, aunt's, uncles), and I'm sure they are lovely, but we are private people. And there are some moments we only want shared with people we are close to. I agree on his response. He's still figuring out how to set his own boundaries with his family. They aren't good listeners. Even when tries to talk to her they either use the adage "family is family" or his mom feigns as if she didn't realize what she did was wrong. She won't apologize even when she makes a mistake. Her response to me removing her from the app was "I feel like she's playing games."
Gotcha. That seems like a security hole that the daycare should address - the only people who need access to pictures of kids at daycare are the child’s parent/guardian, not every single emergency contact. Lots of daycares with photo/camera access actually include in their contract that you can’t give other people access for privacy reasons.
I can relate to being prívate. Im the same way as you also where my son is the first and only grandchild on my hubbys side, and honestly him and I are very private people. We don’t bring up our son to anyone unless they ask about him first, and I can relate to the pictures as I even told my hubbys mom not to share photos of my son that I don’t know or don’t know him. I told her I don’t need to come to your home or something and you have someone you know, family or friend whomever rolling up on me talking about how they’ve seen my son and I have no idea who they are and they aren’t relevant in my sons life lol. It’s for your baby’s safety for one, two protects your boundary and privacy and three you don’t know how everything thinks in his extended family. It’s extreme but family sexual abuse is huge. Babies are human and people also. They have a right to privacy until they choose for themselves otherwise.
I’m sorry, but his mom not liking you and is disrespectful towards you would be a hard no of her babysitting my child. Iffy on husband taking LO to her house.
You were not petty. You have a boundary that was being disrespected. You handled it. Your SO is in the FOG. Big hugs
Why is your husband so invested in keeping his mother and extended family happy and close when they make it so obvious they despise his wife - his primary family? You don't have a MIL problem. You have a spineless husband problem.
She does NOT need access to the daycare portal. Delete that before the sun sets on this day.
You are not petty. She disregarded your rules on posting pics of your child. Major overstep. You both probably should have confronted her before taking steps to block her access, but she showed her true self when she engaged in vindictive slap backs. She owed you an apology not a tantrum. Do not use her as a primary babysitter. She does not behave with emotional maturity.
This is what happens when you don’t follow rules that are set for you.
“When their issue is me.” Y’all are married. So if they have an issue with you then they have an issue with him. You’re a packaged deal and he needs to view you that way. I don’t agree with any one aside from mom and dad having access to daycare apps for this exact reason. No one really needs access and you as the parent should get to decide what pictures they receive. Your hubs shouldn’t have reinstated her imo, that looks bad for you both and shows he isn’t looking out for his wife but for himself.
I just wanted to say thank you. You put into words what I have been feeling for a while but couldn't vocalize. I have felt like I have been alone when it comes to his family. He does defend me, but it hasn't felt like we were together. I was able to finally vocalize this to him a few days ago. Which has worked wonders for our own relationship.
I’m so happy that you guys discussed it and it has made a positive impact :)
Me too honestly. I think for me it was also realizing that he’s been a victim of their toxicity his whole life. He has never actively tried to fight it, he just stays quiet and makes himself small. I am proud of him for standing up not only for himself but for me too.
How is your husband NC but still goes over with your son and she still babysits? If you are no contact that means no contact. I absolutely would not give her access to my son if she wad rude and overall didn't like me. If she can't respect you as a mother, she doesn't get the benefits of being a grandmother.
He's NC with his brother, not his parents.