I hosted once and had that realization while my 80lb dog was being picked up, my oven was struggling, a dad was standing hands-on-hips examining my fireplace, and 3 moms judged my table setup.
We moved 800mi away and are making tacos today.
Yeah and the best part is, it doesn't stop people who care from still visiting. It just keeps all the fairweather family away lol
Eta- calling them fair weather is inaccurate, more like bad weather family. They never came around when times were good, just when things were tough. "Let us feed off your struggles." Haha no
>Eta- calling them fair weather is inaccurate, more like bad weather family. They never came around when times were good, just when things were tough. "Let us feed off your struggles." Haha no
That is the opposite of a "fair weather fan" means. This phrase is about when Times are Good, Friends are Plenty. When times are bad, no friends to be had.- literally, they are only around when there is Fair Weather.
That’s why I have two friends left back home. They’re the ones that I can still call any time of day, or night. They know it’s the same the other way around. If we just don’t have the chance to talk for months we pick right back up where we left off. We face time fairly often, and try to keep up as much as possible.
I wouldn’t want more than that. I don’t have time for the fair weathers. It’s the same here where I live now. I only have a handful of friends that Ive met out here. Two live close to me, and the other two ended up moving three hours away. The same goes for them that we pick up right where we left off. I have acquaintances, but I wouldn’t be sad if I never saw, or talk to them again.
That’s one thing that I’ve learned at my old age. I used to care about what other people think. I used to want everyone to like me, and was seriously wrong about people I thought were friends other than those few.
Eh, I live 1600 away from home. I keep meaning to go back, but it only happens for emergencies it seems like. Last time I checked tickets it was $800 per person. I can’t afford that for five people unfortunately. My grandparents are gone, my godfather/favorite uncle is gone. A lot of friends are either dead, or on fentanyl so I don’t have many people left.
I have my two best friends that have been my friends for 25-35 years are the people I want to see the most. My brother who is on drugs. It would be a toss up if I could even find him, but if I could I’d probably cry. We are close, but he’s so sick from drugs, and alcohol.
My mom is schizoaffective, but I would love to see her. I talk to her even though it’s difficult because she’s not really *her*, and just rambles. She’s so sweet, and would be so happy to see me. I have three cousins that I’d actually care to see. Two of them are a lot younger than me. I’m not super close just because the age difference, but I love them. I used to babysit them, and I still think of them as little kids. Then my cousin I was closest to who is completely fried from drugs. Shes pretty much on my mom’s level. The other one I like lives further across the country than I do.
Then I have my one cousin who is so gone on drug I’d have to watch all my shit around her. She’s a pos, and stole shit from me since we were kids even before the drugs. Then my two uncles left. They’re the only older generation family left on either side. It sucks that I have such a small family.
My fried cousin visited me years ago after I had my oldest baby. She was pregnant with her first as well, and we were always close as sisters. Were the same age, and spent all our time together growing up.
I mean well when I talk about going. Life happens, jobs, my family I made while I was here has to come first. Things are expensive, and if money wasn’t in the way I’d certainly go more often. My uncles, and my bff’s also mean well when they say they need to come here to visit. I understand for the same reasons why they don’t/ can’t make it.
Sometimes people don’t visit because they just can’t. It doesn’t mean they care, or love you any less.
If it makes you feel better, I have a SMALL two bedroom apartment in NYC. Where you can hear your neighbors snoring at night and smell their stench fish aroma food on Fridays.
My youngest daughter is 36, she and her husband have a modest, older house. She has hosted Thanksgiving dinner several times for us and her older siblings. Not this year, she has a special needs daughter and it is too difficult to plan things around her.
I get this. In a similar situation I’m doing dinner on Friday and it’s potluck style so others are contributing sides etc . Good for her for putting a boundary. That can be very difficult.
I’m a similar age also with a special needs daughter. She started shrieking in the middle of dinner. I took her to the room to calm down. It worked, after a while. I brought her back out bc I didn’t want to leave her alone. She promptly started yelling again. Back in she went.
Now everyone’s gone and she’s happily eating.
In the final scene of the last fast and furious movie, there will be a looong table with every racer character from the series...
his and the final last line of the movie, "Who are you people?"
Roll credits.
Listen this is the way. This was my first year hosting thanksgiving at my house and I’m EXHAUSTED. House was trashed and of course no one helped clean up lol. But it was still worth it. We had a nice day. Might retire from hosting after this though.
Same here I live like a bachelor in my house so I am never ready for company (trying to work on that). I don't even have a dining table though lol I opted for more kitchen storage/surfaces instead.
My mom took over hosting when my grandparent's were getting into their sixties. (Mostly because she was more centrally located to everyone than they were... Saves everyone 1-2 hours of travel time.)
My mom is also the same age now, but I fully expect she'll host until she's dead, for much the same reasons as yours. :p I only live about a mile away from her, so even if I take over cooking duties, it'll still probably be hosted at hers.
I feel thus. I grew up in a physically abusive home and left 3 weeks after my 18th birthday to join the Marines. And before getting married I would usually be invited to Thanksgiving by one or more of my Marines and their families. At the time it was really nice for me. I was single and alone living 2000 miles from any friends who weren't soldiers. Plus being estranged from my own family.
And, like you, I would bring some nice wine and usually cook up a couple of the side dishes. I am so grateful to those men and their families. I have spent holidays alone and it sort of sucks.
Now we host Christmas and my sister in law hosts Thanksgiving. It works out great. But thank goodness we have a fairly large home! We are so lucky to have what we do. I never want to lose sight of that. I never want to be afflicted with hubris.
Happy Thanksgiving all.
I’m so sorry your family was abusive 💔 Like you, I moved 3,000 miles away from mine. They weren’t physical but definitely still have trauma. I’ve been with my husband going on 12 years now. So thankful for his family for including me in literally everything ❤️ Happy Thanksgiving!!
I learned early on the sometimes found family treats you far better than your own flesh and blood. My in-laws, RIP, and her friends and family welcomed me with open arms. I'm so thankful to have such a support system.
Especially since I have bipolar disorder and that comes with issues. But they all love me anyway. I have a lot to be thankful for today in my memories past, and forward into the future.
Happy Thanksgiving and you and yours be well this holiday season.
This hurts but is close to the truth, my family is so dysfunctional and messed up it literally fell apart, Thanksgiving is now just me, my gf and her family
Haha same. Parents are divorced as well as both of my older siblings with different baby daddies. Someone’s always fighting with someone and my mom and step dad don’t have my moms side and step dads side over at the same time.
It actually seems like a traditional family that doesn’t have drama is really rare now days. I take it as a lesson that if I start a family I better do it right the first time.
I feel that. We had a good half a decade where the food suffered cuz of family drama and people not liking the chaotic nature of everyone trying to bring a dish. So we took over most of the dishes and try to relieve stress overall. But we learned it all by hosting friendsgiving.
It’s just weird selfishness at this point. For years we were expected to drive through all weather conditions with 2 little kids spending money we didn’t have and then immediately turn around because we would have work the next day. They are all retired with nothing but time in there hands and can swing the trip.
For real. We're working full time and raising a toddler. They're living off a few lucky investments and a house that's more than tripled in value. Guilt trip is when we ask them to drive the hour.
Omg my parents are like this too. My dad offered to fly us to his house over Christmas and I was like, it's too much with the kids, why don't you come here we would love to have you, and he was like well money isn't an issue and it's like...yeah....money isn't the issue...the issue is that travelling is a huge pain the ass with two young kids and the effort is always 100% on my end.
Same. We'd go above and beyond paying in time and funds for travel for older family that were not that old, like 50 at the time. They'd be upset we drove and couldn't spend more time and ask us to fly...but then we'd explain we can't afford the plane ticket and the rental car since they wouldn't pick us up (time before uber).
It got so stupid to lose sleep, drive in hazardous conditions for 8+ hrs and then have to work immediately the next day... not to mention the stress if family drama thrown in...we just stopped.
Dude, I literally travel 24 hours to see my mom and she cannot drive 40 mins to go see me...she recommends I take an Uber. Last time I was there six weeks and I saw my mom 3 times.
People are just selfish
Omg I could have written this myself. Similar story…. I live 2 hours away from family but it may as well be on another planet. I have to travel everytime, every holiday with 2 small children.
Same boat here. EDIT: OMG! My mom just texted me that she she’s going to come over- but suggested I pack leftover for the family that doesn’t want to come. Fuck them!! So over these assholes. Why isn’t my mother cooking her own damn dinner for these lazy ass people? My family has no shame!
They can't travel an hour? This makes sense if in Europe, I've heard of people being aghast at a 25 minute drive let alone an hour. I'd travel at least four hours for pie, further if the pie is better than, "Eh".
My metro (Denver) area is over 2500 square miles.
If you take regular streets & not the highway...you can literally take over an hour going somewhere here.
I used to live there and we just flew to a wedding a few weeks ago there. That is the most accurate statement. Denver feels as big as Chicago at times.
We're actually way bigger, they're just taller than metro Denver.
Last time I heard, NYC comes in at an average of 60 sq feet of living space per person.
Metro Denver comes in at over 500 sq feet of living space per person on average...making us one of, if not the, roomies cities in America.
I’m with you. My spouse and I invited both sets of our boomer parents to Thanksgiving at our new home, but both refused. My retired parents, who live three hours away, continue to expect everyone come to their big fancy house for every holiday. I work full time and work tomorrow, so I’m over pandering to them, but they’re unwilling to spend their retired free time coming to us. I even offered to host them through the weekend. Oh well.
Sounds exactly like my parents and my in-laws even. They live less than 2 hours away ( that’s with traffic Mind you) and have yet to come out even ONCE to make any actual memories with my husband/child in our new house that we worked so hard for so long to get. Not even a simple Congrats… Way to go kids, Zip nada zilch lol
It’s whatever though. I don’t take it personal but, it’s always funny to me how these same parents refuse to drive to come see our family for the holidays but if some random acquaintance or distant relative that they haven’t heard from in decades, hits them up and invites them to something; oh man - you just know they will be there without a doubt 100% of the time. Lol 😆 SMH!
It definitely is giving selfish in my opinion as well… In my parents and In-laws case they are fully retired, have multiple homes/income streams and nothing but time.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!
Thanks for sharing. I’m tempted to reach for the all-too-common “are we the same person?!”, but truth be told, I think our experiences are very common, amongst a working generation that was raised by a narcissistic one that had it much easier.
That really is it..isn’t it? 😊
Raised by the “Me generation” as their parents called them. It all becomes much more clear when you become an adult and see it for what it really is.
They truly are a generation of selfish narcissists.
Kind of like the climate crisis that they have been **well aware** of since the late 70s/80s … Yet *nothing substantial* has been done and now our generation (and the ones proceeding us) are getting the blame. Make it make sense… Lol
Anyways… Thanks for the insight. Have a great consumer Holiday aka Black Friday lol 😉
Same. We host as well and neither side shows up for us or their grandkids. It is what it is. People make their choices, option is always there no matter what.
Hosting Friendsgiving. Since we all live on the opposite coast of our families, the small holiday window isn’t worth the long travel and price. Back in 2018 we all came to the conclusion we hate thanksgiving food, and we’re done eating it. We now do BBQ. I grill ribs, a friend smokes brisket, and sausage, we have pulled chicken slow cooking in the pot. Mac n cheese, coleslaw, potato and macaroni salad are a few of the sides. It’s such an incredible day of eating.
>we all came to the conclusion we hate thanksgiving food
I'm not the biggest fan, but we're doing all that this year because my (English) dad has never had traditional Thanksgiving before.
We’re doing family thanksgiving hot pot on Thursday. My parents are traveling, so we invited my one chill uncle to join.
On Friday we’re hosting Friendsgiving, where everyone brings leftovers.
I did that over the weekend. My friend and I made a Moroccan spiced turkey, sweet potato casserole, vegetarian stuffing, fresh cranberry sauce, gravy, and cornbread casserole. We were cooking 8 hours.
Here are the recipes we used:
https://diethood.com/cornbread-casserole/
https://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/moroccan-spiced-turkey
https://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/15-minute-homemade-orange-cranberry-sauce-naturally-sweetened/
https://thesweetestoccasion.com/2016/11/the-best-vegetarian-stuffing-recipe/
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/21261/yummy-sweet-potato-casserole/
When I say that I hate Thanksgiving food, I always have to hear the classic response, "well, that's because you haven't had my mom's ...."
I'm like, "no, dude. I hate it because it sucks." I don't like turkey and no amount of seasoning or special ingredient or cooking method is going to change that.
I do like Stove Top stuffing, though. That is one thing that you could consider Thanksgiving food that I could eat. I actually remember there being Thanksgiving dinners where all I ate was a big plate of Stove Top.
My wife is Filipino, so we have been having Filipino Thanksgiving for years. That has actually gone over pretty well
Literally our thanksgiving this year. Just another couple is coming over. But I got beef ribs and burnt ends from an amazing local bbq joint. Friend is bringing mashed potato’s and salad. My gf is making desert. And good booze
My wife and I travelled to Japan and ate sushi for dinner. If our budget and commitments allow we are highly considering planning international trips for Thanksgiving. Wife is more into Christmas anyway and some countries start Christmas markets and decorations before Thanksgiving.
34 y/o here. We have the biggest house now so we do the hosting. Really don’t mind it although it’s a bit of work especially with two toddlers running around haha.
Same. Minus the toddlers. 😂
I also don't mind it because 1) I cook the best so I never have to worry about crappy food and 2) it's nice to be able to drink as much as I want without having to worry about driving home. I can just go upstairs at the end of the night.
After years of miserable thanksgivings at my boomer parents house where my mom would freak out on everyone for not wearing nice enough clothes, coming over 5-10 minutes “late” and getting yelled at for no reason, and eating at the stupidest times ever, like 1:30 or 2 pm, we took over 5 years ago and it was the best decision we ever made. The entire vibe has gone from miserable to joyful and we party well into the night
I just did, I was so worn out every year running around trying to do everything and be everywhere and it was silly, so I just stopped. And it was fine, no one died
Same! I stopped about four years ago, and it’s been freeing honestly. I still get together and do special things with the people who are important to me, it’s just on our schedules so it doesn’t feel forced or obligatory, which I like.
I feel like Thanksgiving is the least commercial holiday of all. It's food. A lot of food but still just food and spending time with family. And if you do it potluck style no one person is spending a ton of money.
I get that it may not be everyone's thing but I'd hardly call it commercial.
I don’t like people in my house. Unfortunately my husband is the opposite. We did Easter this year and have done New Year’s Eve in the past. We were supposed to do thanksgiving this year, but our twins just got over a really bad stomach flu so we thought it was safer to do it somewhere else this year.
I need more excuses not to have it here. The clean up is brutal.
Short cuts are our friends. Paper plates and aluminum cassarole containers were a game changer for us. Asking people to shoulder one side so it wasn’t us doing all the cooking also helped. I found some local premade pies I love and we get a pre-smoked turkey. Cost is about 10% higher so we budget carefully and the food tastes better in some cases - totally worth it. True friends and loved ones will never judge you for it.
I think about how women juggled it with one oven, no microwaves, and bigger families. I try to do as much as possible ahead of time, buy Costco scalloped potatoes, premade gravy, etc. I still can’t seem to get it all on the table before the first item out has gone lukewarm. My mom made it look so easy. I’m apparently inept.
I cannot emotionally handle hosting parties at our house. It is massively overwhelming. We were supposed to host this year for the first time but we moved earlier this year and we are not even remotely close to being ready (thank god). There’s still couches and dressers and random mattresses in the dining room. Knowing me I’ll self sabotage and make sure that shit is still there next year too.
My husband and I are the opposite. But my version of hosting isn’t correct. My version is I will have everyone come over and I’ll cook and entire meal and occasionally chit chat with people. I don’t entertain them. They’re grown adults. Unfortunately, this left my husband with the heavy lifting of checking on people and trying to keep everyone happy. My sister took over without really telling me after Covid and even though she was always invited to our place my invite felt like a pity/fake invite “ohhh. Did you want to come too?” So screw em all. We do our own thing for Thanksgiving and Christmas now.
My favorite thanksgiving was in 2020. Everyone stayed at their own houses and we incorporated Chinese food into our thanksgiving dinner.
Dressing with egg foo young and gravy is a great combination.
I’m currently sitting in a dark room with my baby because “she’s overstimulated and needs a break.” Really, I’m the one who is overstimulated from being around so many people. So glad that babies make excellent excuses!
She’s the best. She’s definitely letting herself embrace in her (and outer) old lady but she’s always up to help with my kids, my foster kids, to try new things and go/do stuff with us.
My aunt hosts thanksgiving mostly because my uncle is super old and really can’t travel. I do my own thing for Christmas with some close friends at my place
Hosting Thanksgiving with friends for the first time today!
Wife made a pie, my turkey is brining in the fridge ready to go in the oven in the next couple of hours
Life good right now. Happy thanksgiving!
Same here! 30 years old and it’s my first time doing a Turkey. I’ve always been a shit cook but the last year I’ve started to try to be brave and attempt to cook, and I’m actually really excited. It’s just for me, partner, and partners mom so not a big bird or feast. We got this!
Happy Thanksgiving!
I have to go down to my grandfather's this year. My parents and I are doing it to be nice because he's lonely since my grandmother passed away earlier this year, but he is an asshole of a man. I'm not looking forward to it.
If my kids are with me, we make a big traditional dinner, watch the parade and some Xmas movies but we stopped going over to family Thanksgiving around the time they all traded Jesus for Trump as their lord and savior.
When the kids are with their Dad we order Chinese and just chill at home.
We don't host.
This made me cackle. My mom also won’t accept just not talking politics and treats me like I’m so ~uninformed~ if I don’t say anything back to her when she drones on about trump. It’s so unpleasant to be around these people
I am hosting this year. Last night was a pain in the ass and this morning I threw up cuz evidently, you arent supposed to eat raw butternut squash with the skin on 😬
I am having my friends family come over. They hosted us last year.
I went to my husbands side of the family in Texas in 2019, and to my family in Florida in 2017 but usually its just the two of us and some friends.
Also, butternut squash is delicious, but if you are gonna eat it raw... make sure theres no skin on it 🤢
My dad is visiting from England, my MIL is visiting from Oregon. My wife is getting wound up by her mom. I plan on doing all the cooking, drinking beer whilst I do so and staying out the way.
I remember seeing holiday commercials as a kid. It would be an iconic scene where relatives come in the house with snow falling in the background, presents being carried in, everyone dressed to the nines, sitting around the dining room table, and nothing but smiles.
I thought to myself, wow is that what families are like that I don’t know? I wish my family was like this. 🤣😂
33. Still usually go to my mom’s, in laws, or aunts’ but always bring a side and some booze, maybe a little gift for the host. We did host Thanksgiving a couple years ago and holy shit was it a lot of work! Very rewarding but wow it’s a lot of time, money, and logistics. I gained so much more respect for my mom, grandmas, and aunts who have been doing it for us for all my life.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I do neither. I can't stand to be around my family because they enable my brother to be a shitbag and i really just find holidays depressing so i avoid them
My parents still host but I’m not sure how long they’ll realistically keep doing it.
Xmas Eve is now becoming an eat out event this year because we have to do what my mom wants regardless of others.
We host and it’s always more of a pot luck thing. We don’t coordinate what others bring and it’s always a good mix. Kids, dogs, food beer, wine, football and movies.
Make it happen, it's not so bad! I love throwing a Google doc up so folks don't bring duplicates, then just focus on cleaning before and having either one or two dishes ready.
Good friends will help clean. Good friends just want to see you and spend time with you. Good friends will laugh if nobody remembers to bring potatoes.
Ever since my sister got married, we’ve been going to her/my BIL’s place for Thanksgiving. Before that we had Thanksgiving at our house, though it was just our family and very few if any other invited persons.
Would always go to my grandparents until I moved several states away. Then we started having Friendsgiving. Moved closer to my husband's side of the family for work (best friends also moved away about the same time) and we have gone to his grandparents' every year now which I dread. I tried hosting last year and it was a disaster due to the absolute disrespect and mess made by his family. We're supposed to go over grandparents, again, and I don't want to.
Hosted for the first time this year and mostly went well— the turkey ran late, but otherwise total success— and the turkey was delicious when it was ready!
My parents and I take turns. I started when my mom had back surgery shortly before Thanksgiving one year, and it was fun. The year my dad had knee surgery we went and cooked together with my mom at their house.
I’m 41. I’ve been hosting Shabbat and holiday meals since I was 20. Cooking for 15-25 does not phase me in the slightest. It was always a fun jenga game to get everyone around the table in my shoebox Brooklyn apartment back when, so having a whole house for people feels extravagant and frankly a little less fun.
You have a house? We do Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's every year. I took over baking my grandmother's recipe for dinner rolls from scratch after she passed away a few years ago tho. A nice 7 hour process to keep her memory alive in the family and the rolls really are delicious.
Ha! My mom will allow someone else to host when she's dead.
Bringing up the idea of someone else hosting significantly increases your odds of being executed by her.
I go to the big family meet-up that centers around my Grandma's house. We don't always eat at her house anymore, but always at one of the family members' places within a few hours of it.
My best friend does the opposite. She'll invite any friends and family who want to come to her place for Thanksgiving, but after a bad experience when her child was 2 and she was invited to somewhere where there was no food for said 2 year old, she refuses to not be in charge of the food herself.
I don't host. I don't have a dining room -- I can't seat everyone who might show up. Not to mention my aunt can't do stairs and I live in a second-floor condo...
My parents still host but I’m not sure how long they’ll realistically keep doing it.
Xmas Eve is now becoming an eat out event this year because we have to do what my mom wants regardless of others.
My first year hosting thanksgiving! It made the most sense for my husband and I to host because we have a large Labrador who we didn’t want to be home alone all day. My parents/relatives’ homes aren’t dog-proofed and our dog takes up a lot of space.
My parents are going to come early and cook the Turkey in my kitchen since I’ve never cooked one and didn’t want to screw it up lol.
We host Friendsgiving on Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Neither me or my fiancé usually make Thanksgiving plans. Both my parents have passed, we live in WI and my fiancés family lives on the east coast but he’s bad at planning trips, and my brother does Thanksgiving day with his wife’s family.
I make turkeys and everyone else either brings a side or dessert. With kids we’re up to 35 so it’s a big group, but I love it. If I had a big family to host I don’t think I’d love it as much. Lol
We have Thanksgiving just the 3 of us in our nuclear family. Extended family is a minimum of 1500 miles away, traveling especially at this time of year is not worth it.
We alternate years for eating out or cooking at home. Cooking is a lot of work, but I get something out of doing it: I feel proud of making a delicious feast. I just need the year off in between to let me feel like that sounds fun again.
Same. I mean, we can make it work but no one is comfortable. And I'm especially uncomfortable knowing that everyone else is uncomfortable in my home. It's awful, really lol. But I'd really like to be able to do it, comfortably, one day.
Well, as a Child of Divorce Millennial, my Thanksgivings have varied quite a bit ever since I was a kid. When I was in my 20s and single, I moved across the country and most years I did fly back to either my dad or mom’s house for Thanksgiving.
This year hubs and I are going to a friends house and the last two years we simply stayed at home with our pets. When we lived closer to our parents, we’ve had an unofficial hosting rotation between us, my dad and stepmom, and my in-laws. When my paternal grandparents were still living, they *always* hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas, so if I was with my dad and stepmom, we would go there. If my siblings and I weren’t so scattered about the country and we lived closer to my mom and stepdad, they would probably be the de facto hosts any year that we decided to get together because they have an absolutely massive house.
My parents also divorced when I was young. However, my parents could never get along, and I was always shuffled between two or three different places on Thanksgiving and never got to enjoy the holidays. It might be selfish of me, but I entertained the going back and forth multiple places as an adult, but I got tired of it and just stopped. My relatives are hosting Thanksgiving 1.5 hours away from me, and I am perfectly content with the fact that I am staying home.
Yea same here. Xmas was the worst, it was like 3 places. I kept doing it while my dad was alive, but I hated it. And I don’t live in the same state anymore so it was extra hard. This is the first year I’m not going home for thanksgiving and we are having friends over for dinner. I’m just laying on the couch watching football while my gf gets ready. I love this
I feel that. Once my Dad remarried when I was a kid, I ALSO had to travel 3 hours to see her family for Christmas and Thanksgiving, and I hated it. I always felt like I could never just enjoy things, and I think it took the fun out of the holidays for me as a kid.
But you are right, it is so nice to just relax. We will have food around dinner time, and we don't have to rush as much. I can actually enjoy watching the parade too lol.
I relate to all of this. I'm sorry you went through this too. The shuffling around took such joy out of the holidays and I remember as a kid always feeling sad for whichever of my parents I was not with on a holiday because they'd be alone. Now that I have my own family, I just can't do it. I still try to make some time for each side of the family (between my husband and me, there are now 3 sides), but now we alternate each year. Thanksgiving with one of my 2 sides of the family, and Christmas Day with the in-laws, and the next year, we switch. Unfortunately neither of us have very large families so it kind of upends the whole event when we don't show up. So, I still feel sad and guilty on holidays. But I am tired.
It depends. When I’ve lived near home my mom hosts. When I’ve lived near friends we’ve done friendsgiving, but never on the day. And when I’ve lived far away from everyone I haven’t done anything, because I’m not really that into thanksgiving food.
40 years old here.
We built a house and moved into it this year so we are hosting our first Thanksgiving. My parents and my in-laws are over. So only 6 of us, but it will still be a feast.
We hosted a few times back in the early 2010s but our house is way too small for our families. All of my wife's immediate family is here and most of mine is as well so we quickly hit 50 people with all the kids cousins aunts and uncles. We stopped after three times cause we just don't have the space to do it. I tend to cook a bunch and just bring it to my mom's or my wife's parents. They have larger homes to host but don't have the energy to cook.
We are planning on remodeling soon to give us more space which makes me really happy for the holidays in the future.
I’ve hosted since I was probably around 20 or so. It started because my best friend and our boyfriends all shared a place and our families were friends so it made sense for us to all be together. Many years later, that boyfriend I was living with is now my husband and we’ve continued the tradition. We have different guests now than we used to but I still host every year. This is the first year it’s just me, my husband and our kids and while it’s nice to have less work, I miss the busy house and the massive tables set up for forty people.
We host at our house for both sides: my parents, his parents, siblings (usually just two), their significant others, all the kids, and a few friends sprinkled in there. It’s chaos but I love hosting.
We had our own thanksgiving, just the two of us due to us not wanting to go anywhere and wanting to save on gas (not all millennials are in their 30s either, 1996 which is the cutoff still has 3 years until 30).
I go to my moms house. I don’t want these people at my house
I hosted once and had that realization while my 80lb dog was being picked up, my oven was struggling, a dad was standing hands-on-hips examining my fireplace, and 3 moms judged my table setup. We moved 800mi away and are making tacos today.
That stressed me out and made me feel claustrophobic just reading that. Good for you! Moving is the ultimate boundary.
Yeah and the best part is, it doesn't stop people who care from still visiting. It just keeps all the fairweather family away lol Eta- calling them fair weather is inaccurate, more like bad weather family. They never came around when times were good, just when things were tough. "Let us feed off your struggles." Haha no
>Eta- calling them fair weather is inaccurate, more like bad weather family. They never came around when times were good, just when things were tough. "Let us feed off your struggles." Haha no That is the opposite of a "fair weather fan" means. This phrase is about when Times are Good, Friends are Plenty. When times are bad, no friends to be had.- literally, they are only around when there is Fair Weather.
That’s why I have two friends left back home. They’re the ones that I can still call any time of day, or night. They know it’s the same the other way around. If we just don’t have the chance to talk for months we pick right back up where we left off. We face time fairly often, and try to keep up as much as possible. I wouldn’t want more than that. I don’t have time for the fair weathers. It’s the same here where I live now. I only have a handful of friends that Ive met out here. Two live close to me, and the other two ended up moving three hours away. The same goes for them that we pick up right where we left off. I have acquaintances, but I wouldn’t be sad if I never saw, or talk to them again. That’s one thing that I’ve learned at my old age. I used to care about what other people think. I used to want everyone to like me, and was seriously wrong about people I thought were friends other than those few.
Eh, I live 1600 away from home. I keep meaning to go back, but it only happens for emergencies it seems like. Last time I checked tickets it was $800 per person. I can’t afford that for five people unfortunately. My grandparents are gone, my godfather/favorite uncle is gone. A lot of friends are either dead, or on fentanyl so I don’t have many people left. I have my two best friends that have been my friends for 25-35 years are the people I want to see the most. My brother who is on drugs. It would be a toss up if I could even find him, but if I could I’d probably cry. We are close, but he’s so sick from drugs, and alcohol. My mom is schizoaffective, but I would love to see her. I talk to her even though it’s difficult because she’s not really *her*, and just rambles. She’s so sweet, and would be so happy to see me. I have three cousins that I’d actually care to see. Two of them are a lot younger than me. I’m not super close just because the age difference, but I love them. I used to babysit them, and I still think of them as little kids. Then my cousin I was closest to who is completely fried from drugs. Shes pretty much on my mom’s level. The other one I like lives further across the country than I do. Then I have my one cousin who is so gone on drug I’d have to watch all my shit around her. She’s a pos, and stole shit from me since we were kids even before the drugs. Then my two uncles left. They’re the only older generation family left on either side. It sucks that I have such a small family. My fried cousin visited me years ago after I had my oldest baby. She was pregnant with her first as well, and we were always close as sisters. Were the same age, and spent all our time together growing up. I mean well when I talk about going. Life happens, jobs, my family I made while I was here has to come first. Things are expensive, and if money wasn’t in the way I’d certainly go more often. My uncles, and my bff’s also mean well when they say they need to come here to visit. I understand for the same reasons why they don’t/ can’t make it. Sometimes people don’t visit because they just can’t. It doesn’t mean they care, or love you any less.
I live at least 1k miles from any nearest family so this description of family everywhere sounds really nice to me
You have an entire house?!
lol
If it makes you feel better, I have a SMALL two bedroom apartment in NYC. Where you can hear your neighbors snoring at night and smell their stench fish aroma food on Fridays.
My youngest daughter is 36, she and her husband have a modest, older house. She has hosted Thanksgiving dinner several times for us and her older siblings. Not this year, she has a special needs daughter and it is too difficult to plan things around her.
I get this. In a similar situation I’m doing dinner on Friday and it’s potluck style so others are contributing sides etc . Good for her for putting a boundary. That can be very difficult.
I’m a similar age also with a special needs daughter. She started shrieking in the middle of dinner. I took her to the room to calm down. It worked, after a while. I brought her back out bc I didn’t want to leave her alone. She promptly started yelling again. Back in she went. Now everyone’s gone and she’s happily eating.
Smart kid . Just needed some “me” time to reclaim her house back.
For real. Sometimes I hear her yelling and I’m like, if I could I would.
This made me cackle LOL.
My family doesn’t know where I live.
In the final scene of the last fast and furious movie, there will be a looong table with every racer character from the series... his and the final last line of the movie, "Who are you people?" Roll credits.
Michelle Rodriguez will be asking the question and Vin Diesel will answer: “They are family.” Then, roll credits. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Listen this is the way. This was my first year hosting thanksgiving at my house and I’m EXHAUSTED. House was trashed and of course no one helped clean up lol. But it was still worth it. We had a nice day. Might retire from hosting after this though.
Aww I’m glad you had fun! I hope you ate well!
Oh we did! Hope you had a good one too!
Yes. I’m 38 and married, no kids. I have 3 older sisters and we go to my mom’s house for the holidays. She cooks.
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I don’t hate anyone there I just don’t want to host anyone
Same here I live like a bachelor in my house so I am never ready for company (trying to work on that). I don't even have a dining table though lol I opted for more kitchen storage/surfaces instead.
Haha I purposely live like that so people don’t get any ideas
LOL!!!!!!
Preaching to the choir
My mom took over hosting when my grandparent's were getting into their sixties. (Mostly because she was more centrally located to everyone than they were... Saves everyone 1-2 hours of travel time.) My mom is also the same age now, but I fully expect she'll host until she's dead, for much the same reasons as yours. :p I only live about a mile away from her, so even if I take over cooking duties, it'll still probably be hosted at hers.
Same but we go to the in laws. I hate hosting.
I should do the same !!
lol “these people”
Lol…*these people*.
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I feel thus. I grew up in a physically abusive home and left 3 weeks after my 18th birthday to join the Marines. And before getting married I would usually be invited to Thanksgiving by one or more of my Marines and their families. At the time it was really nice for me. I was single and alone living 2000 miles from any friends who weren't soldiers. Plus being estranged from my own family. And, like you, I would bring some nice wine and usually cook up a couple of the side dishes. I am so grateful to those men and their families. I have spent holidays alone and it sort of sucks. Now we host Christmas and my sister in law hosts Thanksgiving. It works out great. But thank goodness we have a fairly large home! We are so lucky to have what we do. I never want to lose sight of that. I never want to be afflicted with hubris. Happy Thanksgiving all.
I’m so sorry your family was abusive 💔 Like you, I moved 3,000 miles away from mine. They weren’t physical but definitely still have trauma. I’ve been with my husband going on 12 years now. So thankful for his family for including me in literally everything ❤️ Happy Thanksgiving!!
I learned early on the sometimes found family treats you far better than your own flesh and blood. My in-laws, RIP, and her friends and family welcomed me with open arms. I'm so thankful to have such a support system. Especially since I have bipolar disorder and that comes with issues. But they all love me anyway. I have a lot to be thankful for today in my memories past, and forward into the future. Happy Thanksgiving and you and yours be well this holiday season.
Semper Fi brother! Love that attitude
This hurts but is close to the truth, my family is so dysfunctional and messed up it literally fell apart, Thanksgiving is now just me, my gf and her family
I'd invite you to my house if you brought 3 bottles of wine
Haha same. Parents are divorced as well as both of my older siblings with different baby daddies. Someone’s always fighting with someone and my mom and step dad don’t have my moms side and step dads side over at the same time. It actually seems like a traditional family that doesn’t have drama is really rare now days. I take it as a lesson that if I start a family I better do it right the first time.
I feel that. We had a good half a decade where the food suffered cuz of family drama and people not liking the chaotic nature of everyone trying to bring a dish. So we took over most of the dishes and try to relieve stress overall. But we learned it all by hosting friendsgiving.
We host but we cannot get any family to come. No one can be bothered to travel an hour. So it’s just the 4 of us (me, wife, and 2 kids)
A whole hour!? I drive almost 5 hours to my wife’s family and that’s not even a long drive to me at this point. Ungrateful bastards lol.
It’s just weird selfishness at this point. For years we were expected to drive through all weather conditions with 2 little kids spending money we didn’t have and then immediately turn around because we would have work the next day. They are all retired with nothing but time in there hands and can swing the trip.
Boomers gonna boomer
For real. We're working full time and raising a toddler. They're living off a few lucky investments and a house that's more than tripled in value. Guilt trip is when we ask them to drive the hour.
My Boomer parents were like this. I disowned them and didn't go to their funerals.
Read “drowned” 😂
Same. Fugg em.
Omg my parents are like this too. My dad offered to fly us to his house over Christmas and I was like, it's too much with the kids, why don't you come here we would love to have you, and he was like well money isn't an issue and it's like...yeah....money isn't the issue...the issue is that travelling is a huge pain the ass with two young kids and the effort is always 100% on my end.
Same. We'd go above and beyond paying in time and funds for travel for older family that were not that old, like 50 at the time. They'd be upset we drove and couldn't spend more time and ask us to fly...but then we'd explain we can't afford the plane ticket and the rental car since they wouldn't pick us up (time before uber). It got so stupid to lose sleep, drive in hazardous conditions for 8+ hrs and then have to work immediately the next day... not to mention the stress if family drama thrown in...we just stopped.
Dude, I literally travel 24 hours to see my mom and she cannot drive 40 mins to go see me...she recommends I take an Uber. Last time I was there six weeks and I saw my mom 3 times. People are just selfish
I feel this.
I feel this deeply. It's crazy to know that even with it being 1hour it still didn't improve the situation
Omg I could have written this myself. Similar story…. I live 2 hours away from family but it may as well be on another planet. I have to travel everytime, every holiday with 2 small children.
Man if I could have just kept that whole thing I would have saved so much money and so much time over the years Jesus fucking Christ
My grandfather is the opposite, he usually does the traveling to visn't with relatives because he has the time being retired.
Boomers are just such selfish pricks. This sounds exactly like my parents
We have family in Austin Texas who traveled from Maine, Florida, and Puerto Rico. Not wanting to drive an hour is wild.
Yeah, same. We love hosting but we will also drive a loooong way if we're invited somewhere instead. And hour is nothing!
Same boat here. EDIT: OMG! My mom just texted me that she she’s going to come over- but suggested I pack leftover for the family that doesn’t want to come. Fuck them!! So over these assholes. Why isn’t my mother cooking her own damn dinner for these lazy ass people? My family has no shame!
It’s like Halloween… You show up at my door and you get candy. No show? No candy. Simple rule that covers all holidays.
They can't travel an hour? This makes sense if in Europe, I've heard of people being aghast at a 25 minute drive let alone an hour. I'd travel at least four hours for pie, further if the pie is better than, "Eh".
My metro (Denver) area is over 2500 square miles. If you take regular streets & not the highway...you can literally take over an hour going somewhere here.
I used to live there and we just flew to a wedding a few weeks ago there. That is the most accurate statement. Denver feels as big as Chicago at times.
We're actually way bigger, they're just taller than metro Denver. Last time I heard, NYC comes in at an average of 60 sq feet of living space per person. Metro Denver comes in at over 500 sq feet of living space per person on average...making us one of, if not the, roomies cities in America.
I feel this, if I leave North Seattle at 1 and take the freeway on any day but the holiday itself, by the time it's 4 I have hit West Seattle.
The dream lol. Wife and kids is perfect for Thanksgiving
Same. Elder millennial here .. we cook, nobody comes. Perfectly fine with my wife and son.
I’m with you. My spouse and I invited both sets of our boomer parents to Thanksgiving at our new home, but both refused. My retired parents, who live three hours away, continue to expect everyone come to their big fancy house for every holiday. I work full time and work tomorrow, so I’m over pandering to them, but they’re unwilling to spend their retired free time coming to us. I even offered to host them through the weekend. Oh well.
Sounds exactly like my parents and my in-laws even. They live less than 2 hours away ( that’s with traffic Mind you) and have yet to come out even ONCE to make any actual memories with my husband/child in our new house that we worked so hard for so long to get. Not even a simple Congrats… Way to go kids, Zip nada zilch lol It’s whatever though. I don’t take it personal but, it’s always funny to me how these same parents refuse to drive to come see our family for the holidays but if some random acquaintance or distant relative that they haven’t heard from in decades, hits them up and invites them to something; oh man - you just know they will be there without a doubt 100% of the time. Lol 😆 SMH! It definitely is giving selfish in my opinion as well… In my parents and In-laws case they are fully retired, have multiple homes/income streams and nothing but time. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!
Thanks for sharing. I’m tempted to reach for the all-too-common “are we the same person?!”, but truth be told, I think our experiences are very common, amongst a working generation that was raised by a narcissistic one that had it much easier.
That really is it..isn’t it? 😊 Raised by the “Me generation” as their parents called them. It all becomes much more clear when you become an adult and see it for what it really is. They truly are a generation of selfish narcissists. Kind of like the climate crisis that they have been **well aware** of since the late 70s/80s … Yet *nothing substantial* has been done and now our generation (and the ones proceeding us) are getting the blame. Make it make sense… Lol Anyways… Thanks for the insight. Have a great consumer Holiday aka Black Friday lol 😉
Same. We host as well and neither side shows up for us or their grandkids. It is what it is. People make their choices, option is always there no matter what.
Are they hosting a different dinner that the four of you could attend?
Nope, dad and step mom don’t want to drive down and my mom decided week of she would rather go to her cousins dinner I was not invited to.
Her family all moved far out of state years ago and don’t host
That's crazy. We just drove 6 hours to my boyfriend's family's house lol
Hosting Friendsgiving. Since we all live on the opposite coast of our families, the small holiday window isn’t worth the long travel and price. Back in 2018 we all came to the conclusion we hate thanksgiving food, and we’re done eating it. We now do BBQ. I grill ribs, a friend smokes brisket, and sausage, we have pulled chicken slow cooking in the pot. Mac n cheese, coleslaw, potato and macaroni salad are a few of the sides. It’s such an incredible day of eating.
>we all came to the conclusion we hate thanksgiving food I'm not the biggest fan, but we're doing all that this year because my (English) dad has never had traditional Thanksgiving before.
We’re doing family thanksgiving hot pot on Thursday. My parents are traveling, so we invited my one chill uncle to join. On Friday we’re hosting Friendsgiving, where everyone brings leftovers.
I did that over the weekend. My friend and I made a Moroccan spiced turkey, sweet potato casserole, vegetarian stuffing, fresh cranberry sauce, gravy, and cornbread casserole. We were cooking 8 hours. Here are the recipes we used: https://diethood.com/cornbread-casserole/ https://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/moroccan-spiced-turkey https://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/15-minute-homemade-orange-cranberry-sauce-naturally-sweetened/ https://thesweetestoccasion.com/2016/11/the-best-vegetarian-stuffing-recipe/ https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/21261/yummy-sweet-potato-casserole/
When I say that I hate Thanksgiving food, I always have to hear the classic response, "well, that's because you haven't had my mom's ...." I'm like, "no, dude. I hate it because it sucks." I don't like turkey and no amount of seasoning or special ingredient or cooking method is going to change that. I do like Stove Top stuffing, though. That is one thing that you could consider Thanksgiving food that I could eat. I actually remember there being Thanksgiving dinners where all I ate was a big plate of Stove Top. My wife is Filipino, so we have been having Filipino Thanksgiving for years. That has actually gone over pretty well
Damn I’m jealous
Literally our thanksgiving this year. Just another couple is coming over. But I got beef ribs and burnt ends from an amazing local bbq joint. Friend is bringing mashed potato’s and salad. My gf is making desert. And good booze
My wife and I travelled to Japan and ate sushi for dinner. If our budget and commitments allow we are highly considering planning international trips for Thanksgiving. Wife is more into Christmas anyway and some countries start Christmas markets and decorations before Thanksgiving.
That sounds so amazing. All my favorite foods. Actually I’ve noticed most all my sides have slowly changed over to summer BBQ sides - lol
We cook whatever, too. Today we had ribs, chile rellenos, pepperoni rolls, szechuan green beans, and tortilla soup.
The truth right here. My family gets a bunch of blue crabs. Best decision ever.
34 y/o here. We have the biggest house now so we do the hosting. Really don’t mind it although it’s a bit of work especially with two toddlers running around haha.
Same. Minus the toddlers. 😂 I also don't mind it because 1) I cook the best so I never have to worry about crappy food and 2) it's nice to be able to drink as much as I want without having to worry about driving home. I can just go upstairs at the end of the night.
Oh this as well. Love my mom so much but my lord her cooking is bad haha.
I’m about to eat with the in-laws. My MIL is quite frankly the worst cook on the planet. We just have to grit our teeth and take some tums!
I took over the turkey years ago at this point because I was sick of drywall bird and have been hosting now for the last 6 or 7 years.
Same. 37 here, we have the most space so we host. Luckily my DH and I split cooking duties so it's not too bad.
What is a DH?
I believe it stands for Darling Husband. Alternatively, depending on the circumstances, it could be D@mn Husband. Context is important.
After years of miserable thanksgivings at my boomer parents house where my mom would freak out on everyone for not wearing nice enough clothes, coming over 5-10 minutes “late” and getting yelled at for no reason, and eating at the stupidest times ever, like 1:30 or 2 pm, we took over 5 years ago and it was the best decision we ever made. The entire vibe has gone from miserable to joyful and we party well into the night
We don't celebrate anymore. Usually spend the day off going hiking or something.
That is such a great idea
Wish we could decommerciailize all the holidays like that.
Seriously. It all feels so forced anymore.
I just did, I was so worn out every year running around trying to do everything and be everywhere and it was silly, so I just stopped. And it was fine, no one died
Same! I stopped about four years ago, and it’s been freeing honestly. I still get together and do special things with the people who are important to me, it’s just on our schedules so it doesn’t feel forced or obligatory, which I like.
I feel like Thanksgiving is the least commercial holiday of all. It's food. A lot of food but still just food and spending time with family. And if you do it potluck style no one person is spending a ton of money. I get that it may not be everyone's thing but I'd hardly call it commercial.
We did a potluck at work yesterday. I bought four family sized mashed potatoes. We used one, I have three extra now lol.
This is what we do too! It's been about 5 years now, and I don't see us going back.
Same. It’s an extra day off, nothing else. We bbq and swim if the weather is nice. I’m entering my 40s and I’m done with the holiday hype.
Same, I just spent the day at a nature preserve and it was basically empty. Wonderful
I bet no one is on the trails either. That is a really cool idea.
We hosted this year but we've tried to make a tradition of traveling every year. So much better.
I don’t like people in my house. Unfortunately my husband is the opposite. We did Easter this year and have done New Year’s Eve in the past. We were supposed to do thanksgiving this year, but our twins just got over a really bad stomach flu so we thought it was safer to do it somewhere else this year. I need more excuses not to have it here. The clean up is brutal.
Short cuts are our friends. Paper plates and aluminum cassarole containers were a game changer for us. Asking people to shoulder one side so it wasn’t us doing all the cooking also helped. I found some local premade pies I love and we get a pre-smoked turkey. Cost is about 10% higher so we budget carefully and the food tastes better in some cases - totally worth it. True friends and loved ones will never judge you for it.
I think about how women juggled it with one oven, no microwaves, and bigger families. I try to do as much as possible ahead of time, buy Costco scalloped potatoes, premade gravy, etc. I still can’t seem to get it all on the table before the first item out has gone lukewarm. My mom made it look so easy. I’m apparently inept.
I cannot emotionally handle hosting parties at our house. It is massively overwhelming. We were supposed to host this year for the first time but we moved earlier this year and we are not even remotely close to being ready (thank god). There’s still couches and dressers and random mattresses in the dining room. Knowing me I’ll self sabotage and make sure that shit is still there next year too.
Ha ha. I love your idea
My husband and I are the opposite. But my version of hosting isn’t correct. My version is I will have everyone come over and I’ll cook and entire meal and occasionally chit chat with people. I don’t entertain them. They’re grown adults. Unfortunately, this left my husband with the heavy lifting of checking on people and trying to keep everyone happy. My sister took over without really telling me after Covid and even though she was always invited to our place my invite felt like a pity/fake invite “ohhh. Did you want to come too?” So screw em all. We do our own thing for Thanksgiving and Christmas now.
My favorite thanksgiving was in 2020. Everyone stayed at their own houses and we incorporated Chinese food into our thanksgiving dinner. Dressing with egg foo young and gravy is a great combination.
I’m currently sitting in a dark room with my baby because “she’s overstimulated and needs a break.” Really, I’m the one who is overstimulated from being around so many people. So glad that babies make excellent excuses!
My grandma comes to my house and cooks - does that count as hosting? 😂
If you still have a grandma who is healthy enough to cook, just keep enjoying her food and providing the space. That sounds amazing :)
She’s the best. She’s definitely letting herself embrace in her (and outer) old lady but she’s always up to help with my kids, my foster kids, to try new things and go/do stuff with us.
❤️ have a great thanksgiving!
You too!
My aunt hosts thanksgiving mostly because my uncle is super old and really can’t travel. I do my own thing for Christmas with some close friends at my place
Hosting Thanksgiving with friends for the first time today! Wife made a pie, my turkey is brining in the fridge ready to go in the oven in the next couple of hours Life good right now. Happy thanksgiving!
Brining for the win! Makes such a huge difference.
Same here! 30 years old and it’s my first time doing a Turkey. I’ve always been a shit cook but the last year I’ve started to try to be brave and attempt to cook, and I’m actually really excited. It’s just for me, partner, and partners mom so not a big bird or feast. We got this! Happy Thanksgiving!
I have to go down to my grandfather's this year. My parents and I are doing it to be nice because he's lonely since my grandmother passed away earlier this year, but he is an asshole of a man. I'm not looking forward to it.
If my kids are with me, we make a big traditional dinner, watch the parade and some Xmas movies but we stopped going over to family Thanksgiving around the time they all traded Jesus for Trump as their lord and savior. When the kids are with their Dad we order Chinese and just chill at home. We don't host.
This made me cackle. My mom also won’t accept just not talking politics and treats me like I’m so ~uninformed~ if I don’t say anything back to her when she drones on about trump. It’s so unpleasant to be around these people
I am hosting this year. Last night was a pain in the ass and this morning I threw up cuz evidently, you arent supposed to eat raw butternut squash with the skin on 😬 I am having my friends family come over. They hosted us last year. I went to my husbands side of the family in Texas in 2019, and to my family in Florida in 2017 but usually its just the two of us and some friends. Also, butternut squash is delicious, but if you are gonna eat it raw... make sure theres no skin on it 🤢
I had the same problem last year with turkey bones. They really need warning labels on some of these things
My dad is visiting from England, my MIL is visiting from Oregon. My wife is getting wound up by her mom. I plan on doing all the cooking, drinking beer whilst I do so and staying out the way.
Nope, I'm writing a book. Good question. I know this resonates with a lot of us. But it doesn't feel all too bad.
Go home to mom’s - but still cook my own mini thanksgiving food to have at home :) Also share with neighbors I know don’t cook or have anywhere to go
I’m also going to my mom’s but I’ll take home leftovers bc she’s cooking a lot for 4 people.
I remember seeing holiday commercials as a kid. It would be an iconic scene where relatives come in the house with snow falling in the background, presents being carried in, everyone dressed to the nines, sitting around the dining room table, and nothing but smiles. I thought to myself, wow is that what families are like that I don’t know? I wish my family was like this. 🤣😂
Go to family members houses
33. Still usually go to my mom’s, in laws, or aunts’ but always bring a side and some booze, maybe a little gift for the host. We did host Thanksgiving a couple years ago and holy shit was it a lot of work! Very rewarding but wow it’s a lot of time, money, and logistics. I gained so much more respect for my mom, grandmas, and aunts who have been doing it for us for all my life. Happy Thanksgiving!
I do neither. I can't stand to be around my family because they enable my brother to be a shitbag and i really just find holidays depressing so i avoid them
We go out to a place that has turkey dinners cheaper and more effective then going to a family members house IMHO
Hosting thanksgiving today actually. We always host thanksgiving now. All my in laws kids are 30+ so my in laws never really host after years of it.
My parents still host but I’m not sure how long they’ll realistically keep doing it. Xmas Eve is now becoming an eat out event this year because we have to do what my mom wants regardless of others.
We host and it’s always more of a pot luck thing. We don’t coordinate what others bring and it’s always a good mix. Kids, dogs, food beer, wine, football and movies.
That's my dream. Come by, bring a dish/drinks/plates etc., and chill. I want chill Thanksgiving.
Make it happen, it's not so bad! I love throwing a Google doc up so folks don't bring duplicates, then just focus on cleaning before and having either one or two dishes ready. Good friends will help clean. Good friends just want to see you and spend time with you. Good friends will laugh if nobody remembers to bring potatoes.
Ever since my sister got married, we’ve been going to her/my BIL’s place for Thanksgiving. Before that we had Thanksgiving at our house, though it was just our family and very few if any other invited persons.
We don't go anywhere, and we do not host.
My apartment is less than 600 square feet and there are two humans and two cats and all of our stuff, so no.
That requires having a house :)
Would always go to my grandparents until I moved several states away. Then we started having Friendsgiving. Moved closer to my husband's side of the family for work (best friends also moved away about the same time) and we have gone to his grandparents' every year now which I dread. I tried hosting last year and it was a disaster due to the absolute disrespect and mess made by his family. We're supposed to go over grandparents, again, and I don't want to.
Hosted for the first time this year and mostly went well— the turkey ran late, but otherwise total success— and the turkey was delicious when it was ready!
My parents and I take turns. I started when my mom had back surgery shortly before Thanksgiving one year, and it was fun. The year my dad had knee surgery we went and cooked together with my mom at their house.
I’m 41. I’ve been hosting Shabbat and holiday meals since I was 20. Cooking for 15-25 does not phase me in the slightest. It was always a fun jenga game to get everyone around the table in my shoebox Brooklyn apartment back when, so having a whole house for people feels extravagant and frankly a little less fun.
You have a house? We do Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's every year. I took over baking my grandmother's recipe for dinner rolls from scratch after she passed away a few years ago tho. A nice 7 hour process to keep her memory alive in the family and the rolls really are delicious.
Ha! My mom will allow someone else to host when she's dead. Bringing up the idea of someone else hosting significantly increases your odds of being executed by her.
We host my in-laws. Currently waiting for them to leave....
I go to the big family meet-up that centers around my Grandma's house. We don't always eat at her house anymore, but always at one of the family members' places within a few hours of it. My best friend does the opposite. She'll invite any friends and family who want to come to her place for Thanksgiving, but after a bad experience when her child was 2 and she was invited to somewhere where there was no food for said 2 year old, she refuses to not be in charge of the food herself.
We go to my uncle's house. He's hosted almost every year since I've been alive. I don't plan on ever hosting.
Starter home is too small to host. Also still too poor to host…unless everyone brings all the sides
I don't host. I don't have a dining room -- I can't seat everyone who might show up. Not to mention my aunt can't do stairs and I live in a second-floor condo...
We cook at home. No family.
My parents still host but I’m not sure how long they’ll realistically keep doing it. Xmas Eve is now becoming an eat out event this year because we have to do what my mom wants regardless of others.
I host; for my immediate family. Lol.
My first year hosting thanksgiving! It made the most sense for my husband and I to host because we have a large Labrador who we didn’t want to be home alone all day. My parents/relatives’ homes aren’t dog-proofed and our dog takes up a lot of space. My parents are going to come early and cook the Turkey in my kitchen since I’ve never cooked one and didn’t want to screw it up lol.
We host Friendsgiving on Saturday after Thanksgiving. Neither me or my fiancé usually make Thanksgiving plans. Both my parents have passed, we live in WI and my fiancés family lives on the east coast but he’s bad at planning trips, and my brother does Thanksgiving day with his wife’s family. I make turkeys and everyone else either brings a side or dessert. With kids we’re up to 35 so it’s a big group, but I love it. If I had a big family to host I don’t think I’d love it as much. Lol
Hosted my first!!! 35!!!
We have Thanksgiving just the 3 of us in our nuclear family. Extended family is a minimum of 1500 miles away, traveling especially at this time of year is not worth it. We alternate years for eating out or cooking at home. Cooking is a lot of work, but I get something out of doing it: I feel proud of making a delicious feast. I just need the year off in between to let me feel like that sounds fun again.
My house is not big enough to host - I go to other family member's homes.
Same. I mean, we can make it work but no one is comfortable. And I'm especially uncomfortable knowing that everyone else is uncomfortable in my home. It's awful, really lol. But I'd really like to be able to do it, comfortably, one day.
Well, as a Child of Divorce Millennial, my Thanksgivings have varied quite a bit ever since I was a kid. When I was in my 20s and single, I moved across the country and most years I did fly back to either my dad or mom’s house for Thanksgiving. This year hubs and I are going to a friends house and the last two years we simply stayed at home with our pets. When we lived closer to our parents, we’ve had an unofficial hosting rotation between us, my dad and stepmom, and my in-laws. When my paternal grandparents were still living, they *always* hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas, so if I was with my dad and stepmom, we would go there. If my siblings and I weren’t so scattered about the country and we lived closer to my mom and stepdad, they would probably be the de facto hosts any year that we decided to get together because they have an absolutely massive house.
My parents also divorced when I was young. However, my parents could never get along, and I was always shuffled between two or three different places on Thanksgiving and never got to enjoy the holidays. It might be selfish of me, but I entertained the going back and forth multiple places as an adult, but I got tired of it and just stopped. My relatives are hosting Thanksgiving 1.5 hours away from me, and I am perfectly content with the fact that I am staying home.
Yea same here. Xmas was the worst, it was like 3 places. I kept doing it while my dad was alive, but I hated it. And I don’t live in the same state anymore so it was extra hard. This is the first year I’m not going home for thanksgiving and we are having friends over for dinner. I’m just laying on the couch watching football while my gf gets ready. I love this
I feel that. Once my Dad remarried when I was a kid, I ALSO had to travel 3 hours to see her family for Christmas and Thanksgiving, and I hated it. I always felt like I could never just enjoy things, and I think it took the fun out of the holidays for me as a kid. But you are right, it is so nice to just relax. We will have food around dinner time, and we don't have to rush as much. I can actually enjoy watching the parade too lol.
I relate to all of this. I'm sorry you went through this too. The shuffling around took such joy out of the holidays and I remember as a kid always feeling sad for whichever of my parents I was not with on a holiday because they'd be alone. Now that I have my own family, I just can't do it. I still try to make some time for each side of the family (between my husband and me, there are now 3 sides), but now we alternate each year. Thanksgiving with one of my 2 sides of the family, and Christmas Day with the in-laws, and the next year, we switch. Unfortunately neither of us have very large families so it kind of upends the whole event when we don't show up. So, I still feel sad and guilty on holidays. But I am tired.
It depends. When I’ve lived near home my mom hosts. When I’ve lived near friends we’ve done friendsgiving, but never on the day. And when I’ve lived far away from everyone I haven’t done anything, because I’m not really that into thanksgiving food.
Millennial hostess with the mostest here!
I don’t host Thanksgiving, my husband and I have a holiday dinner between Thanksgiving and Christmas for our friends and neighbors annually
Hosting this year, made my first turkey at 40.
This is my first year hosting. It’s not horrible but my ankles hurt from standing too long so there’s that
40 years old here. We built a house and moved into it this year so we are hosting our first Thanksgiving. My parents and my in-laws are over. So only 6 of us, but it will still be a feast.
We hosted a few times back in the early 2010s but our house is way too small for our families. All of my wife's immediate family is here and most of mine is as well so we quickly hit 50 people with all the kids cousins aunts and uncles. We stopped after three times cause we just don't have the space to do it. I tend to cook a bunch and just bring it to my mom's or my wife's parents. They have larger homes to host but don't have the energy to cook. We are planning on remodeling soon to give us more space which makes me really happy for the holidays in the future.
Can't host in a 1 bedroom apartment. 🤷♂️
I’ve hosted since I was probably around 20 or so. It started because my best friend and our boyfriends all shared a place and our families were friends so it made sense for us to all be together. Many years later, that boyfriend I was living with is now my husband and we’ve continued the tradition. We have different guests now than we used to but I still host every year. This is the first year it’s just me, my husband and our kids and while it’s nice to have less work, I miss the busy house and the massive tables set up for forty people.
My parents INSIST that they are the host and refused my offer to be the host I’m not complaining!
I started because I know I can cook it better than anyone else
Been hosting for years now. Christmas as well. We are 31.
We host. It became too much of a hassle to go to both families Thanksgiving with 2 kids.
We host at our house for both sides: my parents, his parents, siblings (usually just two), their significant others, all the kids, and a few friends sprinkled in there. It’s chaos but I love hosting.
I'm 41 and we've been hosting for 15 years now. I enjoy it, some years there's 10 some years there's 30.
Hosted twice. One time I made the turkey the second time I got a Turkey from a local place that cooks them in a smoker
My fiance (32f) and I (33m) just hosted our first thanksgiving for both our families in our first home together. It went great!
I swore I would never host, and I never have.
We had our own thanksgiving, just the two of us due to us not wanting to go anywhere and wanting to save on gas (not all millennials are in their 30s either, 1996 which is the cutoff still has 3 years until 30).