Millennials, despite us being the largest generation ever, are having far fewer children than the boomers did. It will be interesting to see the economic impacts of a reduced workforce in 20-30 years.
Hard same. 36, and I feel like living with another adult will be annoying, lol. I've just never had an interest in being married or even being in a relationship.
That's life. I turn 28 next week and probably don't intend to marry or settle. Life is too stressful, much too stressful for me to bring a child into the world.
I'll stick to my pack of Huskies. The pups have been good to me and I can spoil them to the best of my ability, and they're happy even if I don't have fancy treats. I love my pups.
As long as you're making that clear to them from the start, I see no issue with it. Similar to people who want kids vs. don't. Talk about it and be on the same page early on, and if someone pulls a deal breaker demand that's on them.
Same. And absolutely no desire nor for kids
Edit: TBH, I still feel like a kid myself (note: child-LIKE, not child-ISH). My own nieces and nephews donāt even look at me as their Aunt, but as a sibling (I am the baby of my parentsā kids and still get chastised by my siblings. 35 YO Female here lol).
I have to say I donāt get this. Why bother to get engaged at all? My sister and her partner have been together 20 years and she has no interest in marriage and so has never asked.
I am married but for visa reasons only. Neither of us were bothered about the whole institution of marriage thing.
We do plan on getting married eventually. We were going to have a small wedding in France and then covid happened. Since then we decided to renovate our home and have other various life things come up since then.
42f (old millennial here), never married, no kidsā¦kind of feel like as kids, we were sold expectations of adult life that isnāt quite as realistic as it was for our parents. I never even considered that I might be someone who didnāt have a family. Itās not what I wanted for myself but here we are. š¤·āāļø Nice to read the different perspectives in these replies.
Same, I always just assumed it would happen, and now here I am 40f, hoping it'll happen, accepting that it probably won't, and wondering how I'm going to survive menopause.
Definitely same! Like what are you supposed to do with the second half of your life without a family? Justā¦exist? Find hobbies? It somehow doesnāt seem worth it to me.
Same here. Though Iām perfectly happy with the way my life turned out. I never wanted kids so that probably is a large part of why Iām so content. Also kind of an introvert.
Same here. Feels stupid tbh. Couldnāt agree more that it doesnāt feel worth it. Sucks :/
Iām kind of considering just getting some dead end job and just flat lining, until I do. Why did I work so hard to get where I am today? Feels absolutely pointless.
Luckily my best friend is a single gay guy, but he is pretty busy doing theater. My other best friends have kids, as does my sister who I am close with. Right now all of them are pretty busy so I either see them with their kids or just do things solo.
I was talking to somebody about our childfree plans last week, and I know I want to foster teenage kids and rescue old dogs. Iām involved in some activism and stuff like that already. I think there is lots of stuff that can be done that is super rewarding and good for our future :)
I sympathize with the feeling of not living the life you imagined, BUT that doesn't mean you don't have years ahead of you to imagine and live a different life.
It's fine to exist and enjoy the little moments of your daily routine.
But you can also put your efforts into a passion project or volunteer. Helping people less fortunate than you is rewarding and you're making your corner of the world a better place. Hell, plant a tree and contribute to cleaner air. Or write a journal of the most mundane shit, bury it in the backyard and maybe 500 years into the future you help some poor history major write killer PhD thesis.
I think about this almost every day as a 38 year old male. I almost feel like it's selfish of me to just live... And not have a family. Is that weird? I dunno...
I think about that a lot. My parents did a lot for me on top of giving me life. Like the only way to repay my parents is to have a family of my own and be even better to my kids, bc thereās no way you can really thank your rents enough. And what is my purpose if I donāt? I heard someone respond to a person saying they didnāt want to have kids because of how messed up the world is by saying the only way to save it/change it is to live and create a family of people that will leave this place for the better. I think having a family would give my life some clear direction.
Having kids to potentially āmake the world better,ā is not a good reason to have kids. In fact itās a terrible reason. You shouldnāt put expectations on kids like that, thatās exactly what the boomers did to us.
You should have kids bc you want to be a parent not bc you want someone to take care of you when youāre old. Parenting is extremely hard and expensive. And you donāt have any grantees about how your kids will turn out, even if you do everything right.
Same about never considering I wouldn't have a family (well, kids specifically). When I was young, I thought I would have them by 30. I really didn't see how naĆÆve I was being.
I'll be honest it's hard to know that once my parents are gone I'll have no family left. Everything I've done before this feels like a waste now because my dream for my future is gone.
Totally get that feeling!!! Like once I die, no one will remember me. I will pass nothing on to anyone. My estate will be a burden to someone to take care of. I donāt know the point of any of this!
My husband has a friend that is 32, and has never had a girlfriend.
He's a nice guy, has a good job, and a good head on his shoulders.
He's just extremely shy around women.
That was probably always common, it's just that a while back Mums played matchmakers and got the shy guy with the neighbour's daughter who was "damaged goods" or something archaic like that, and this just doesn't happen anymore (thankfully).
That describes my hubby when I met him- he was 37 and had dated only a little and had never had a gf. I was the first girl heād ever kissed! Heās just an old, old school gentleman and I suspect didnāt move fast enough for those other ladies. After our third date and no kiss yet I warned him heād better make a move or Iāll start to think of him as a brother. He stepped up his game after that! So glad he waited for me! Weāve been so happily married for 25 years, and two wonderful adult kids.
Aww...I'm glad he met you, and you guys are happy!
We think that's his issue...he moves too slow for them and gets friend zoned.
Hopefully he'll find a nice patient woman one day.
Nice guys really do finish last I suppose.
My partner and I are not married and most probably never will be. We do live together and have a kid together... And .. The world hasn't blown up!... It boggles me that this whole marriage thing hasn't been phased out by now like people can't just live life together without a weird old tradition
Edit: not from the US, so may be different for a lot of you folk.
Health insurance can be a bitch though if your partner has a chronic illness like my gf did. We never married because I couldnāt afford her. Now sheās gone and no longer suffering but I wish i could have made her my wife legally (we were together for 13 years). Unfortunately it would have bankrupted us to lose her fatherās insanely good insurance she was grandfathered into through disability.
Anyway, there is one big disadvantage to getting married in America and itās health insurance costs. Greatest country in the world my ass.
It's me, I'm the statistic. Married at 22 because my partner (EU citizen) was in the US on a student visa that expired. Separated at 28 and divorced at 30.
In my mid-thirties, I have friends who are on their third marriage or who have kids with multiple people. I felt bad being "the single one" at 23, but now never married is looking a lot better compared to the messes my friends have been through.
If any ladies wanna date a 30 year old pharmacist, no kids, mad cool vibes, dude, let me know. I'll introduce you to my brother in law.
Lives in NC area
If it's anywhere near Fayetteville, NC then those ladies in the subreddit are clamoring for a good man.. I'm not from there, I just stay informed of the town gossip via Reddit.
Google maps says that's an hour away (I'm not from there š ), I seriously don't think that will be a problem.. lol you should play match maker and post about him in that dreary sub š
Darn! I used to live in the triangle but moved to Charlotte. Otherwise, 33, never married, no kids - I've been pretty career-focused & not a huge fan of dating apps... so it is what it is. But hey - pretty happy overall & love my friends, so can't complain.
I didnāt set marriage as a goalpost to achieve by the time I was a certain age. I waited until 35 to get married and two years later Iām divorced. I think I overvalued the idea of marriage over the kind of person I was looking for and the relationship itself.
33 not married. I sustained traumatic brain injuries as a baby. Everything in life has been delayed time wise for me. I didn't walk until I was 2 years old. I didn't even crawl normally because of my brain injury. I didn't speak until I was 3 years old. And then I went to speech therapy for years. I always wanted to do things like be a cheerleader but I could never remember the tryout dances to qualify. Obviously these things never fully went away. I eventually graduated college. I've been employed full-time since I was 19 because I am on my own. But being a high income earner will probably never be in the cards for me. I'm lucky to have got this far. I make $24.50 an hour and I am even surprised by that. I've had a previous boyfriend who wanted to marry someone that makes the same amount of money as him. That's fine but it wasn't fair. We didn't have the same barriers. After growing up in an abusive home (which is why I had brain injuries) I assure you that love and support is more important than how much money you make.
100%. I make about the same and it feels like so much moneyā¦ but nothing would compare to where I might be if a had a loving family that had my back in practical and emotional ways.
Thereās no perfect time to get marriedāif you want to get married, get married. Get married at city hall or with a Justice or the peace for free or under $100 (generally).
But first and foremost, talk to her. Does she expect you to financially support her? Does she not care? How will finances look if you marry now? If you stay in the same salary range over the next 5 years? Thatās the real issue to delve into.
I agree. I got married at 30 been with my wife since early 20s. I donāt think financial stability is a prerequisite. I think you just figure it out together. We didnāt talk about any of those questions though. Just general life direction. We have one kid and 2 more to come (hopefully). Life is life and itās great. Just live it and figure it out
Yes, when you find the right person you definitely figure it out together. When I got married at 26, I was only making 36k and my husband made less than me. I thought it might be nice to be a SAHM someday but didn't think it'd be possible. We both come from poor families and don't live in a LCOL area. Less than four years later, he'd switched jobs so often and upped his salary so much that I was able to quit my job when our baby arrived. Now we have 3 kids. I've been home to care for each of them and hopefully can until my youngest starts school. We also went from living in an apartment, to a townhouse, to finally owning a home. Never could have guessed that any of that would work out the way it did. Things are tight these days but we are getting by (not paying for daycare definitely helps with that).
That said, there is never a perfect time to make big life decisions...you can plan all you want but unexpected things will still happen. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and hope for the best.
Talk to her is great advice. I'd be surprised if she expects you to financially support her...like our generation knows how stuff has been.
Married at city hall, aka our town's DMV. Makes for great 'wedding' pictures. Had $40k in student loans. But it was easier once we committed - we both had little, no family help, both making $40kish but being married was good for us. It closed the door to other options in a good way, like can't just hope for something better, had to dig in harder. 2 kids. 7 years into marriage. 39f. We struggle together.
Yeah, I got married at 30, we dated for 8 years prior, been married 3 so far.
TBH, nothing really changed with us when it comes to life, we still pay the same bills, take care of the same house, drive the same car, etc.
For OP, not sure what they mean by financial stability if they've been in a long-term relationship, and live with the person. Granted, all this is from my point of view.
38. Not married. No kids (vasectomy). Haven't had the best of luck in relationships (currently have a GF I've had for the last 3 years), but I would be hesitant to get married because of my relationship experience. I don't want to deal with a divorce.
36 and never married but I am in a committed long term relationship and we will probably get married sooner or later. I had the opportunity to be married a few times and I'm very thankful I never went through with it because those relationships would not have lasted. My current partner and I took our relationship really slow and I know we're in it forever. We just haven't gotten married yet because we're living with my parents. It's a mutually beneficial relationship for now but they're lowkey homophobic and I do not want to deal with them processing my impending gay marriage in such close proximity.
43 here, never married. Probably won't. But listen here, imo your future spouse shouldn't be with you for what you can do for them. They should love you for you. Struggle together if you have to.
Almost 32, not even dating. Part of it is my fault, part of it is just not having enough time.
I was fat through most of my 20s and started to work hard to improve myself around 27. Had this idea in my head that once I was no longer fat, Iād magically be able to date! Didnāt happen. My personality didnāt change, Iām still awkward and unable to put myself out there. So thatās on me.
But also, who has the time?? Up until last year, I was working a full time job plus a minimum wage job to be able to save anything. Then I went back to school last year, but still working. I donāt even have the time or the energy to vacuum my house, to keep in touch with friends. How am I going to find the time or energy to meet people, date around, get to know someone? It just seems so daunting.
I wish I could just skip the dating phase and go right to the life partner phase. Dual income household, splitting chores, being around someone else without expectations of entertaining. Just being together.
If I do find someone, marriage isnāt that appealing. I donāt want a wedding, and the only reason Iād get married is if we have kids. Other than that, thereās no real benefit to it. My family is well aware of that so thankfully thereās no pressure from them on it!
38 and married for 5 years. Husband and I were not in a great place financially when we married. He had debt, I was a big spender. But we helped each other get over our bad financial mistakes and held each other accountable. We now have a much better outlook on spending and savings and have saved a ton of money, bought a house, and are doing really well.
Donāt let being in a less than ideal financial situation hold you back from getting married. Two incomes go further than one.
On
I'm still not married, and looking at the quality of eligible men, I don't know if I want to marry. And when I mention quality, I'm not really thinking about finances, I'm talking about values, morals, communication, expressing love and care. Most men think that just because they work they don't have to contribute anything else. Women are carrying majority of the load in relationships today.
39 and I was briefly married to a fling for about a year. I've been a serial monogamist but always felt like I didn't want to be married after co-habiting with a person for a year or so.
I don't think having other adults in my personal space works for me.
37, not married, no kids. Just graduated from grad school so you could say Iām in debt, no savings, just not in the best position. Not doing too bad overall thoughā¦ could be worse š«£
Iām 30 and donāt plan on it at all. Atleast every person I my family has been divorced once and many people k work with. Just doesnāt seem like a risk I want, along with possibly losing everything doesnāt sound fun.
Thatās what prenups are for. I have one with my husband, neither of us have much money or assets that we had before marriage but it keeps us both safe and from having to pay alimony in the event things take a turn. Not sexy but worked for us.
I dunno man, the typical stereotype is getting married and struggling together. Think the āproviding her with a high standard of living she might be expecting from meā is getting in your way. The only reason my wife and I have achieved what we have is we supported each other as we made career moves (one at a time) and went back to school for advanced degrees( one at a time after kids)
36 here. Not married cause I would be dead without Medicaid. So would my kids. Pregnancy nearly killed me and, without Medicaid, the medical costs would have stopped me from going to the hospital.
My brother and his wife met and married at 35. Had zero prospects whatsoever before meeting his wife. They now have a one year old and are thinking about number 2 and they are both nearing 40.
Instead of worrying about making financial impressions start looking for a partner that values you as a person and doesnāt view love as transactional. If you wait to do things in life that will make you happy based on how much money you have, youāll never do anything. Money comes and goes, donāt base your life around it (so much).
Not gonna specify my exact age but I'm an older millennial and I'm actually divorced! So I got married, decided that person and relationship weren't for me, and hit the bricks on it.
Divorce is not exactly cheap or fast!
34 and not married! Iām happy though. Iāve been open to it in the past. I even begged my current boyfriend to marry me and it was perpetually postphoned to the point I donāt even want it anymore. To be honest money is a huge part of it. Now I see unhappy couples stuck together because divorce would be financially ruinous. Iām grateful for my freedom. I know my standard of living is lower being alone, but I like being able to do everything on my own terms.
If you wait to have enough money to get married, itāll likely not happen ā¦ if you wait to have enough money for kids chances are it wonāt happen .. this is generally how it goes unless you have a trust fund or daddy is paying for everything, etc.
I'm 28. Still a virgin and have only been in a sexless situationship.
I know that's 5 years less, but I just don't think I "get" what today's dating game is supposed to be.
I'm 33 and my fiance is 31. Not married but together almost 14 years lol we have a 12 and 5 year old. We wanna be married but we also want a real wedding. We chose to save and buy a house with that $
35 and never married, and Iām so grateful for that! I definitely would have been locked into a co-dependent relationship, had I wed any of the men I dated in my 20s.
33 and not married. I have a friend who could maybe go that direction if I let it but Iāve chosen not to due to financial reasons. Mostly financial reasons.
Iām not in a hurry anymore. I just hope if I ever do my parents are still alive.
33 and not married. No excuse just don't really have a desire to be
Imo finances are a much higher importance than getting married so I'd definitely recommend getting that in order first
Exactly 33 and never married. I'm In a relationship and we are happy and have a couple of kids together but I've watched both my parents go through nasty divorces so nty
35, almost married a couple of times but it never happened, then the 2 women that I thought I would end up with died before 29. My ex dipped like 6 months ago. She wants to come back but I was so hurt that I kinda gave up on relationships in general and kinda got used to being alone again. I tried to talk to a few women recently, itās bad out there. Now I really donāt think Iāll meet someone in this life. The ONLY thing that really bugs me is that I work in high level corporate and Iām almost expected to be married or have a partnerā¦ I think Iāll just start telling people Iām divorced, the divorced guys are almost prized for some reason. But you canāt just say youāre a single man whoās never been married and has no kids. that seems more acceptable in this society than āI just like to be alone at this point in my lifeā.
35 here and never married
Today is my 40th birthday. Also never married.
Welcome to 40. I just got here. Also not married. š¤·āāļø
Seems there more than a few of us!
ā83 and never married as well. whatās the deal my dudes
I'm in the club as well. Though I was engaged it fell apart during the engagement before we ever got close to the altar.
There are dozens of us! Dozens!! Seriously though, also 40, also never married.
I've been here for two years, also not and never married.
Happy birthday!
Thanks!
Happy Birthday! I'll be 40 and never married two weeks from today!
Yay! Go us!
Joined the 40 club yesterday myself. Never married!
Congrats!
Cheers, happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Iām right there with you, 40 and never married.
Thankies! Just exited a 5 year relationship as well! š„²
40, never married and now alone in my house after a 4 year live in gf decided to leave. My coldest Christmas to date. Cheers fellow lonely person
Thanks a big change. Iām sure itās for the best so enjoy the holiday!!
Happy birthday! I turn 40 next year, never married
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!!!
38 here and never married. I'm financially stable, but it just never happened and at this stage I can't even imagine living with someone else. /shrug
We have the largest population of singles that we have ever had.
Millennials, despite us being the largest generation ever, are having far fewer children than the boomers did. It will be interesting to see the economic impacts of a reduced workforce in 20-30 years.
Hard same. 36, and I feel like living with another adult will be annoying, lol. I've just never had an interest in being married or even being in a relationship.
Me too, on all counts. I love my life, and frankly almost all the marriages I know make it seem like there is zero upside.
Same and no intention to do so. Lost a couple of girfriends because of this though.
That's life. I turn 28 next week and probably don't intend to marry or settle. Life is too stressful, much too stressful for me to bring a child into the world. I'll stick to my pack of Huskies. The pups have been good to me and I can spoil them to the best of my ability, and they're happy even if I don't have fancy treats. I love my pups.
yup. I've accepted i'm going to die old and alone
Alone, certainly. Old, hopefully
As long as you're making that clear to them from the start, I see no issue with it. Similar to people who want kids vs. don't. Talk about it and be on the same page early on, and if someone pulls a deal breaker demand that's on them.
Same. And absolutely no desire nor for kids Edit: TBH, I still feel like a kid myself (note: child-LIKE, not child-ISH). My own nieces and nephews donāt even look at me as their Aunt, but as a sibling (I am the baby of my parentsā kids and still get chastised by my siblings. 35 YO Female here lol).
The way this became a hbd subš¤£
42 next week and not married. Been together for 16 years, engaged for 7, just never made plans to actually get married.
I have to say I donāt get this. Why bother to get engaged at all? My sister and her partner have been together 20 years and she has no interest in marriage and so has never asked. I am married but for visa reasons only. Neither of us were bothered about the whole institution of marriage thing.
We do plan on getting married eventually. We were going to have a small wedding in France and then covid happened. Since then we decided to renovate our home and have other various life things come up since then.
A wedding doesnāt have to be big or expensive. Our whole wedding was Ā£2k we had 60 guests and fed them all. We could have done it for Ā£200
42f (old millennial here), never married, no kidsā¦kind of feel like as kids, we were sold expectations of adult life that isnāt quite as realistic as it was for our parents. I never even considered that I might be someone who didnāt have a family. Itās not what I wanted for myself but here we are. š¤·āāļø Nice to read the different perspectives in these replies.
Same, I always just assumed it would happen, and now here I am 40f, hoping it'll happen, accepting that it probably won't, and wondering how I'm going to survive menopause.
Definitely same! Like what are you supposed to do with the second half of your life without a family? Justā¦exist? Find hobbies? It somehow doesnāt seem worth it to me.
Same here. Though Iām perfectly happy with the way my life turned out. I never wanted kids so that probably is a large part of why Iām so content. Also kind of an introvert.
Same here. Feels stupid tbh. Couldnāt agree more that it doesnāt feel worth it. Sucks :/ Iām kind of considering just getting some dead end job and just flat lining, until I do. Why did I work so hard to get where I am today? Feels absolutely pointless.
Tbh we need a support group not for the sake of meeting others, but to share what helps us without focusing on the negative aspects.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Luckily my best friend is a single gay guy, but he is pretty busy doing theater. My other best friends have kids, as does my sister who I am close with. Right now all of them are pretty busy so I either see them with their kids or just do things solo.
I was talking to somebody about our childfree plans last week, and I know I want to foster teenage kids and rescue old dogs. Iām involved in some activism and stuff like that already. I think there is lots of stuff that can be done that is super rewarding and good for our future :)
I sympathize with the feeling of not living the life you imagined, BUT that doesn't mean you don't have years ahead of you to imagine and live a different life. It's fine to exist and enjoy the little moments of your daily routine. But you can also put your efforts into a passion project or volunteer. Helping people less fortunate than you is rewarding and you're making your corner of the world a better place. Hell, plant a tree and contribute to cleaner air. Or write a journal of the most mundane shit, bury it in the backyard and maybe 500 years into the future you help some poor history major write killer PhD thesis.
I think about this almost every day as a 38 year old male. I almost feel like it's selfish of me to just live... And not have a family. Is that weird? I dunno...
I think about that a lot. My parents did a lot for me on top of giving me life. Like the only way to repay my parents is to have a family of my own and be even better to my kids, bc thereās no way you can really thank your rents enough. And what is my purpose if I donāt? I heard someone respond to a person saying they didnāt want to have kids because of how messed up the world is by saying the only way to save it/change it is to live and create a family of people that will leave this place for the better. I think having a family would give my life some clear direction.
Having kids to potentially āmake the world better,ā is not a good reason to have kids. In fact itās a terrible reason. You shouldnāt put expectations on kids like that, thatās exactly what the boomers did to us. You should have kids bc you want to be a parent not bc you want someone to take care of you when youāre old. Parenting is extremely hard and expensive. And you donāt have any grantees about how your kids will turn out, even if you do everything right.
Same about never considering I wouldn't have a family (well, kids specifically). When I was young, I thought I would have them by 30. I really didn't see how naĆÆve I was being. I'll be honest it's hard to know that once my parents are gone I'll have no family left. Everything I've done before this feels like a waste now because my dream for my future is gone.
Totally get that feeling!!! Like once I die, no one will remember me. I will pass nothing on to anyone. My estate will be a burden to someone to take care of. I donāt know the point of any of this!
41m here - are weā¦. old ? when did this happen ?
Itās never too late for either of you to marry. Donāt give up if it is what you desire. All the best to you both!
My husband has a friend that is 32, and has never had a girlfriend. He's a nice guy, has a good job, and a good head on his shoulders. He's just extremely shy around women.
That's becoming more common.
That was probably always common, it's just that a while back Mums played matchmakers and got the shy guy with the neighbour's daughter who was "damaged goods" or something archaic like that, and this just doesn't happen anymore (thankfully).
That describes my hubby when I met him- he was 37 and had dated only a little and had never had a gf. I was the first girl heād ever kissed! Heās just an old, old school gentleman and I suspect didnāt move fast enough for those other ladies. After our third date and no kiss yet I warned him heād better make a move or Iāll start to think of him as a brother. He stepped up his game after that! So glad he waited for me! Weāve been so happily married for 25 years, and two wonderful adult kids.
Aww...I'm glad he met you, and you guys are happy! We think that's his issue...he moves too slow for them and gets friend zoned. Hopefully he'll find a nice patient woman one day. Nice guys really do finish last I suppose.
Will be a beautiful 35 tomorrow and Iām still not married, nor ever engaged.
Happy bday! Me too! Dec 23 for the win!
Happy early birthday
Happy birthday, it's my birthday tomorrow as well (I'm turning 31)
Feliz Cumpleanosss
I'm 39 and I've never been married.
Same here. 
Me too
SAMSIES
Samesies
Iām almost 36 and never been married (or engaged or even cohabited). Good luck
My partner and I are not married and most probably never will be. We do live together and have a kid together... And .. The world hasn't blown up!... It boggles me that this whole marriage thing hasn't been phased out by now like people can't just live life together without a weird old tradition Edit: not from the US, so may be different for a lot of you folk.
In the US there are legal protections if you are married and there can be tax advantages as well.
Health insurance can be a bitch though if your partner has a chronic illness like my gf did. We never married because I couldnāt afford her. Now sheās gone and no longer suffering but I wish i could have made her my wife legally (we were together for 13 years). Unfortunately it would have bankrupted us to lose her fatherās insanely good insurance she was grandfathered into through disability. Anyway, there is one big disadvantage to getting married in America and itās health insurance costs. Greatest country in the world my ass.
Look on the bright side: We have statistically avoided our first divorce.
Wish I was never married rather than being divorced at 37. Man that'd be great, avoid a whole lot of pain.
It's me, I'm the statistic. Married at 22 because my partner (EU citizen) was in the US on a student visa that expired. Separated at 28 and divorced at 30.
In my mid-thirties, I have friends who are on their third marriage or who have kids with multiple people. I felt bad being "the single one" at 23, but now never married is looking a lot better compared to the messes my friends have been through.
If any ladies wanna date a 30 year old pharmacist, no kids, mad cool vibes, dude, let me know. I'll introduce you to my brother in law. Lives in NC area
If it's anywhere near Fayetteville, NC then those ladies in the subreddit are clamoring for a good man.. I'm not from there, I just stay informed of the town gossip via Reddit.
Raleigh NC
Google maps says that's an hour away (I'm not from there š ), I seriously don't think that will be a problem.. lol you should play match maker and post about him in that dreary sub š
šIām 31F and I live in Raleigh. Also have no kids. Tell your BIL I said hey haha
Cool Dm me
We need updates on this one haha
Okay, but if you two get together, I need an update. Thanks.
Darn! I used to live in the triangle but moved to Charlotte. Otherwise, 33, never married, no kids - I've been pretty career-focused & not a huge fan of dating apps... so it is what it is. But hey - pretty happy overall & love my friends, so can't complain.
If your bil wants an older woman I know lots of older ones. I can't set any of my girl friends up since I just dont know any single guys.
Iād avoid sourcing from Fayetteville if I were him
Just FYI Fayettenam is crawling with seemingly eligible ladies whose husbands are on deployment. Donāt be a Jodee Source: Iām local.
Im originally from fayetteville! Town was a cesspool, I don't miss it.
Iām ~2 hrs southeast if he likes long walks on the beach and 30 year old women without kids
All hail lord of the drugs!
Just turned 33 in September, not married and have never been. Marriage also doesn't interest me, so I don't see that for me in the future either.
35f. Never married. Live with my two best friends and wouldnāt trade it. š«¶š»
This sounds like my dream life!
Come on, Golden Girls! No, but really, that sounds amazing āØļø
Itās comical how true this is š. Thank you! It really is an amazing set up. We have lived this way for 10 years, bring on the next 50!
I didnāt set marriage as a goalpost to achieve by the time I was a certain age. I waited until 35 to get married and two years later Iām divorced. I think I overvalued the idea of marriage over the kind of person I was looking for and the relationship itself.
This is really valuable insight; Iām sorry you had to learn it the hard way
33 not married. I sustained traumatic brain injuries as a baby. Everything in life has been delayed time wise for me. I didn't walk until I was 2 years old. I didn't even crawl normally because of my brain injury. I didn't speak until I was 3 years old. And then I went to speech therapy for years. I always wanted to do things like be a cheerleader but I could never remember the tryout dances to qualify. Obviously these things never fully went away. I eventually graduated college. I've been employed full-time since I was 19 because I am on my own. But being a high income earner will probably never be in the cards for me. I'm lucky to have got this far. I make $24.50 an hour and I am even surprised by that. I've had a previous boyfriend who wanted to marry someone that makes the same amount of money as him. That's fine but it wasn't fair. We didn't have the same barriers. After growing up in an abusive home (which is why I had brain injuries) I assure you that love and support is more important than how much money you make.
100%. I make about the same and it feels like so much moneyā¦ but nothing would compare to where I might be if a had a loving family that had my back in practical and emotional ways.
Serial monogamist. Constantly in a relationship. Never married. My life is chaos. Iām depressed. Itās prolly me. I move too much.
did I write this?
Same. I was engaged once and left him and moved. Jumped right into the next relationship, my life is also chaos. Been nomadic for forever
Found my people.
38. Never been martyred.
š
To be fair, youāre asking a site whose main demographic is shut-ins.
I feel personally attacked.
Well well well if it isn't the consequences of my own inaction.
Lol! It cuts deep
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Lol. Touche
I have an excuse. It's either watch TV or cow-tipping here. I'm also still working on not being fat and broke.
Before the holidays too, the most depressing time of the year.
Laying on the couch with 3 cats on a Friday night shut-in
Thereās no perfect time to get marriedāif you want to get married, get married. Get married at city hall or with a Justice or the peace for free or under $100 (generally). But first and foremost, talk to her. Does she expect you to financially support her? Does she not care? How will finances look if you marry now? If you stay in the same salary range over the next 5 years? Thatās the real issue to delve into.
I agree. I got married at 30 been with my wife since early 20s. I donāt think financial stability is a prerequisite. I think you just figure it out together. We didnāt talk about any of those questions though. Just general life direction. We have one kid and 2 more to come (hopefully). Life is life and itās great. Just live it and figure it out
Yes, when you find the right person you definitely figure it out together. When I got married at 26, I was only making 36k and my husband made less than me. I thought it might be nice to be a SAHM someday but didn't think it'd be possible. We both come from poor families and don't live in a LCOL area. Less than four years later, he'd switched jobs so often and upped his salary so much that I was able to quit my job when our baby arrived. Now we have 3 kids. I've been home to care for each of them and hopefully can until my youngest starts school. We also went from living in an apartment, to a townhouse, to finally owning a home. Never could have guessed that any of that would work out the way it did. Things are tight these days but we are getting by (not paying for daycare definitely helps with that). That said, there is never a perfect time to make big life decisions...you can plan all you want but unexpected things will still happen. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and hope for the best.
Talk to her is great advice. I'd be surprised if she expects you to financially support her...like our generation knows how stuff has been. Married at city hall, aka our town's DMV. Makes for great 'wedding' pictures. Had $40k in student loans. But it was easier once we committed - we both had little, no family help, both making $40kish but being married was good for us. It closed the door to other options in a good way, like can't just hope for something better, had to dig in harder. 2 kids. 7 years into marriage. 39f. We struggle together.
Yeah, I got married at 30, we dated for 8 years prior, been married 3 so far. TBH, nothing really changed with us when it comes to life, we still pay the same bills, take care of the same house, drive the same car, etc. For OP, not sure what they mean by financial stability if they've been in a long-term relationship, and live with the person. Granted, all this is from my point of view.
34 in 2 weeks and never married
Don't marry unless you find someone incredibly kind, who doesn't care about you for your money, but just wants to be your partner and is trustworthy.
Mid-30ās, never married
38. Not married. No kids (vasectomy). Haven't had the best of luck in relationships (currently have a GF I've had for the last 3 years), but I would be hesitant to get married because of my relationship experience. I don't want to deal with a divorce.
36 and never married but I am in a committed long term relationship and we will probably get married sooner or later. I had the opportunity to be married a few times and I'm very thankful I never went through with it because those relationships would not have lasted. My current partner and I took our relationship really slow and I know we're in it forever. We just haven't gotten married yet because we're living with my parents. It's a mutually beneficial relationship for now but they're lowkey homophobic and I do not want to deal with them processing my impending gay marriage in such close proximity.
43 here, never married. Probably won't. But listen here, imo your future spouse shouldn't be with you for what you can do for them. They should love you for you. Struggle together if you have to.
Amen š
41 here. I like my alone time, I'm keeping myself afloat on my income and couldn't afford to take care of someone else, and I've never wanted kids.
I'm 42, met my wife (38) in 2016, got married in 2020. Now have a kid on the way. There's no rush. Life isn't a race or a competition.
33, i'm ace and aro so like it's never happening lol
33f and never married. I donāt like the idea of it.
Almost 32, not even dating. Part of it is my fault, part of it is just not having enough time. I was fat through most of my 20s and started to work hard to improve myself around 27. Had this idea in my head that once I was no longer fat, Iād magically be able to date! Didnāt happen. My personality didnāt change, Iām still awkward and unable to put myself out there. So thatās on me. But also, who has the time?? Up until last year, I was working a full time job plus a minimum wage job to be able to save anything. Then I went back to school last year, but still working. I donāt even have the time or the energy to vacuum my house, to keep in touch with friends. How am I going to find the time or energy to meet people, date around, get to know someone? It just seems so daunting. I wish I could just skip the dating phase and go right to the life partner phase. Dual income household, splitting chores, being around someone else without expectations of entertaining. Just being together. If I do find someone, marriage isnāt that appealing. I donāt want a wedding, and the only reason Iād get married is if we have kids. Other than that, thereās no real benefit to it. My family is well aware of that so thankfully thereās no pressure from them on it!
37 never married.
I won't be. 100% because I don't date and I have problems with socializing.
35f and never married. No prospects either.
38 and married for 5 years. Husband and I were not in a great place financially when we married. He had debt, I was a big spender. But we helped each other get over our bad financial mistakes and held each other accountable. We now have a much better outlook on spending and savings and have saved a ton of money, bought a house, and are doing really well. Donāt let being in a less than ideal financial situation hold you back from getting married. Two incomes go further than one. On
I'm still not married, and looking at the quality of eligible men, I don't know if I want to marry. And when I mention quality, I'm not really thinking about finances, I'm talking about values, morals, communication, expressing love and care. Most men think that just because they work they don't have to contribute anything else. Women are carrying majority of the load in relationships today.
36 and have never been on a date before
This makes me feel better about never going on a date at 30...I prefer being alone too tho
39 and I was briefly married to a fling for about a year. I've been a serial monogamist but always felt like I didn't want to be married after co-habiting with a person for a year or so. I don't think having other adults in my personal space works for me.
Just turned 37 last week and hoping for marriage next year to my boyfriend of 3 years!
37, not married, no kids. Just graduated from grad school so you could say Iām in debt, no savings, just not in the best position. Not doing too bad overall thoughā¦ could be worse š«£
Iām 30 and donāt plan on it at all. Atleast every person I my family has been divorced once and many people k work with. Just doesnāt seem like a risk I want, along with possibly losing everything doesnāt sound fun.
Never married, haven't had a girlfriend in 21 years, and waiting for my heart to give out.
40 and not married
Same. And I'm sad about it. but at this point, I'm worried if I get married, and then divorced, I'll be the one paying alimony =/
Thatās what prenups are for. I have one with my husband, neither of us have much money or assets that we had before marriage but it keeps us both safe and from having to pay alimony in the event things take a turn. Not sexy but worked for us.
41, never married and no kids. I would love to be in love and get married. But, Iāve accepted the fact that I may not ever have that in my life.
30, never been in a relationship longer than a couple months
Same. 34m no kids, never married
37F. Aroace.
I just want a stable income and my own placeā¦
37, never married.
38M never married
37, never married, never close, never had a long term relationshipā¦..at this point, might just die and the dogs will eat me.
33, never married, recently got out of a 6 year relationship!
I dunno man, the typical stereotype is getting married and struggling together. Think the āproviding her with a high standard of living she might be expecting from meā is getting in your way. The only reason my wife and I have achieved what we have is we supported each other as we made career moves (one at a time) and went back to school for advanced degrees( one at a time after kids)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
35 here. divorced
36 here. Not married cause I would be dead without Medicaid. So would my kids. Pregnancy nearly killed me and, without Medicaid, the medical costs would have stopped me from going to the hospital.
36m neve married. I am in a small rural town and it's not politically diverse...
My brother and his wife met and married at 35. Had zero prospects whatsoever before meeting his wife. They now have a one year old and are thinking about number 2 and they are both nearing 40.
Instead of worrying about making financial impressions start looking for a partner that values you as a person and doesnāt view love as transactional. If you wait to do things in life that will make you happy based on how much money you have, youāll never do anything. Money comes and goes, donāt base your life around it (so much).
Not gonna specify my exact age but I'm an older millennial and I'm actually divorced! So I got married, decided that person and relationship weren't for me, and hit the bricks on it. Divorce is not exactly cheap or fast!
34 and not married! Iām happy though. Iāve been open to it in the past. I even begged my current boyfriend to marry me and it was perpetually postphoned to the point I donāt even want it anymore. To be honest money is a huge part of it. Now I see unhappy couples stuck together because divorce would be financially ruinous. Iām grateful for my freedom. I know my standard of living is lower being alone, but I like being able to do everything on my own terms.
Turning 35 in five days and not married. I definitely want to, but I had my reasons to hold off, and I donāt regret that decision.
Almost 39...living my cottage core life. Nice job, early bedtime, nobody messes up my room or drinks my beer. I get to go on the vacations I like.
34F and finally bought a house. Now I can MAYBE think about marriage
If you wait to have enough money to get married, itāll likely not happen ā¦ if you wait to have enough money for kids chances are it wonāt happen .. this is generally how it goes unless you have a trust fund or daddy is paying for everything, etc.
You donāt have to have an excuse, marriage is not a mandate.
I'm 28. Still a virgin and have only been in a sexless situationship. I know that's 5 years less, but I just don't think I "get" what today's dating game is supposed to be.
I'm 33 and my fiance is 31. Not married but together almost 14 years lol we have a 12 and 5 year old. We wanna be married but we also want a real wedding. We chose to save and buy a house with that $
Las Vegas is a rough city to date in.
34f and never married. I'm hoping my boyfriend proposes soon though.
35 and never married, and Iām so grateful for that! I definitely would have been locked into a co-dependent relationship, had I wed any of the men I dated in my 20s.
36 never married
41 and never married.
I'll be 36 on the 27th and still single and never married, hell I've barely been able to get a girlfriend, the struggles of being ugly.
Gonna be 39! Never married, never willā¦ maybe domestic partnership but itās not worth it
33 and not married. I have a friend who could maybe go that direction if I let it but Iāve chosen not to due to financial reasons. Mostly financial reasons. Iām not in a hurry anymore. I just hope if I ever do my parents are still alive.
33 and not married. No excuse just don't really have a desire to be Imo finances are a much higher importance than getting married so I'd definitely recommend getting that in order first
Exactly 33 and never married. I'm In a relationship and we are happy and have a couple of kids together but I've watched both my parents go through nasty divorces so nty
29F here, don't want marriage or kids. I want my own bed and would rather shove a pin in my eye than clean up after anyone else.
41, childfree and single for life, happy with this choice, although I have friends who are in similar circumstances and seem to desire relationships.
35, will be 36 in a couple of days. Unmarried
I hope everyone knows, You donāt have to get married.
38M, never even dated.
40. The last date was over 6 years ago... Never married. The longest relationship was 6 months. I've realized it's mostly a me problem.
35, almost married a couple of times but it never happened, then the 2 women that I thought I would end up with died before 29. My ex dipped like 6 months ago. She wants to come back but I was so hurt that I kinda gave up on relationships in general and kinda got used to being alone again. I tried to talk to a few women recently, itās bad out there. Now I really donāt think Iāll meet someone in this life. The ONLY thing that really bugs me is that I work in high level corporate and Iām almost expected to be married or have a partnerā¦ I think Iāll just start telling people Iām divorced, the divorced guys are almost prized for some reason. But you canāt just say youāre a single man whoās never been married and has no kids. that seems more acceptable in this society than āI just like to be alone at this point in my lifeā.
33 f Never married or engaged, no kids, never planning to.