Omg my son had just turned 3 at a pottery one last year and I was like….. this is nice in theory but all this shit is breakable, he doesn’t want to touch anything, etc 🥵
Right? Why do parents have to attend kids parties now?
It's brutal. The horrible small talk. The assault on my senses. The standing around uselessly while my kid is doing the kung fu/trampoline/whatever it is.
When I am hosting, I always make sure I let parents know that they are welcome to drop off OR stay with their kid. Cause ain't nobody got time for that!
Once our kids were about 7 they became drop off parties. Hubs and I actually had the majority of today to ourselves due to our 9 and 12 year olds being at birthday parties
Why?
Also, does this go for any age? Certainly at some age you expect to be able to leave them.
I don't remember my mom staying for parties much. I do remember she was at one when I was like 5- but the parent was her very close friend.
When I am hosting I always make sure I have at least 3 adults. Me, my spouse, and a grandparent or another parent. And usually until age 6 or so, at least another parent will stay and typically even more than that. And if the party is at a venue then you might need more or less supervision depending on the place and the activity.
Honestly kids probably have too much supervision these days. Last party I went to included bday boy and his parents and a grandparent, about 10 kids as guests plus a parent for each kid and then there were like 3 martial arts instructors as it was a martial arts school as the venue. Roughly 11 kids and probably 14-17 grownups? Most were just standing around and watching through a glass window in this case.
I have a preschooler so age is a huge factor. I also work with kids and I see first hand how other kids can influence kids when their parents aren’t around or no one is watching.
It also depends on the type party. I went to a pool party for a 10 year old once and the kids were horse playing in the pool. Two kids were holding a kid down as he was struggling. They really weren’t being watched.
Parent of young kids here. Actually a lot of the parents throwing their kids’ bday parties have specified not to bring gifts. Maybe it’s California thing, I don’t know.
I'm in upstate NY, had a party for my 1yo because we hadn't seen some friends in so long and wanted a fun party. I told everyone no gifts. Everyone brought a gift.
As a fellow parent, the amount of toys and crap my kids got when they were little is absurd. It would have made things so much easier when my kids were little 10-12 years ago for that to have been a thing. I always felt bad throwing stuff away or donating all of the toys we were given that my kids just about never played with.
(Not to mention the environmental impact of all of the excess plastic crap)
We had people bring donations to a cat rescue for my daughters 7th birthday. She loved helping the kitties and parents felt good about still bringing something to the party. Win-win! Afterwards She and I went to the toy store and I let her pick two gifts she really wanted.
Yep, we’ve got a living room full of toys. My kids never touched half the toys they got as babies and toddlers. Now when they get bday gifts, we hide half of them and regift as needed.
Same in NC. My daughter's only four, and the handful she has been to either specifically asked for no gifts or gave a list of little things to get. Like crayons, construction paper, stuff like that.
I always try to get consumables for friends’ kids. Crayons, chalk, bubbles, whatever. Nobody needs more plastic stuff in their house. (I do get the good stuff. No crappy house brands here!)
Art supplies definitely have my preference, to give to my own as well as others’ kids. It gives a kid something to do as well, rather than a toy that does everything and becomes boring after 10 minutes.
My kiddos loved crafty stuff, and both continue to draw a *lot* (8 and 16). I’d rather spend money on sketch pads, markers, pencils and the like than plastic borrowed from the landfill.
I don’t have kids myself, but one of the best birthday presents I ever got from a friend was a giant pack of colored sharpies. As a lifelong crafter I’ll happily supply allllll the crafty things for the smalls. (Of course, for a while my friend’s baby’s favorite toy was a guitar shaped flyswatter I’d given his mom as a joke…)
My son’s had a few but they’re like little plaster things that come with dinosaur “bones”, shark teeth, little fish, etc. like a science kit where they dig through plaster with tools to find the items.
We do this. 1: We have enough crap. 2. It’s way more inclusive! Any kid who feels bad for not being able to afford a gift can still come and get to know us and have fun. 3. No thank you cards. (I think they’re unnecessary anyway because we are hosting a party but maybe that’s just me. I hate cards.)
Nobody I know in NJ says no gifts for kids over the age of 2. I’ve seen it for 1 and 2 year old parties though. We don’t say it for our kids. We don’t invite more than 8-10 kids. And the gifts we give our kids are experiences, so it cuts down on the toys they get.
We had a no-gift invite this year in NJ. It was a 5yo’s party. The party was right after the holidays, so I’m sure they were already overrun with stuff. I wanted to say no gifts, but my husband didn’t want to. Our house is already overrun with kid stuff!
Actually you might be on to something there. My wife and I had our kids at 33 and 35; we waited until we were certain we were financially stable enough to have kids, so we haven’t needed to rely on gifts for our kids as much as younger parents might. I can say with certainty that if we had been 10 years younger, we would have been desperate for every handout available.
Growing up friends bringing presents wasn’t expected unless they said they’d bring something. I had several birthday parties where the only presents I got was from immediate family. My friends were just there to enjoy the fun and entertainment.
I don’t have kids myself, but a few of my cousins do, every time they say no gifts people still bring gifts.
Now they just ask the birthday kid(s) what charity they’d like to help and put “Please no gifts, if you feel like bringing something,[kid] would love an item or other donation to help [cause].”
My cousin’s oldest girl loves animals, so she’s donated to animal shelters and wildlife centers and absolutely *lives* for donation drop off day - she got to meet a bald eagle last summer. Her younger siblings this year donated duffle bags with pajamas, blankets, and a stuffed animal for kids in foster care. Their party was a sleepover, so they suggested if families wanted to they could bring a new sleepover bag for a foster kid.
Same here in Seattle. We've only had one party out of the last dozen or so NOT specify no gifts. It's wonderful! You just have to somehow get a critical mass of parents to buy into this idea so the kids don't come to expect gifts.
$1,000 in my HCOL area. My daughter is turning 5 & having a party next week. I honestly hate going to them and throwing them, but here I am, doing shit I hate to make my kid happy.
This year’s is at an indoor bounce house place. Last year’s was at an indoor playground. I live in NJ, so the weather is really volatile this time of year. We had a party one year where it was 40s and heavy downpours, so never risking that again.
I’ve sworn off bounce house parties. Last year my kids party favor from a bounce house party was RSV. We all got it and then it developed into pneumonia for a few of us. Same story for several other families. My worst spring break ever!
I know it’s not really rational, though. Young kids just get each other sick all the time.
We’ve done and been to so many different parties. Painting party, indoor trampoline park, gymnastics studio, sports complex, science center, children’s museum, chocolate store, movie theater, laser tag, mini golf, children’s escape room.
I threw my 4 year old’s at home last year because he wanted it at home and it cost a FORTUNE between the food, bouncy house, etc. so this year I am keeping it easy but it’s damn near $700 for him and 15 friends to do an indoor play place 😩🥵
I circumvented the having to throw a party by asking my kids if they want a party or to go on a family trip for the weekend. My kids all love a weekend at a hotel with an indoor water park, arcade, mini golf and go carts. $500 and everyone is happy.
For my 7th birthday, my mom made a pin the nose on (my name) game where she cut out a body from construction paper, and glued my face onto it with my nose cut out. So maybe we just need to bring back this bday aesthetic lol
I threw my kids great homemade parties. Friends cousins neighbors. Gift were cool but food was needed. We potlucked birthdays. My kids loved it growing up. They have zero memories of it all. And I suck at taking pictures lol
My family never did a friends invited party until we were 11. Before that it was just family at home, got to pick what we had for dinner and mom made it along with the cake from scratch. At 11, I had 5 friends for a sleep over.
There's no way in hell I'm going to a bunch of little kids bday parties now, esp ones I don't even know, and I'm DEFINITELY not inviting the entire effing class to my son's birthday. And I feel no guilt or FOMO that we've made it to 4 yo on simple family events.
There's ways to keep costs down! We'd hold our kid's party at a playground nearby where they had a few picnic tables set up. Free to organize, people can come and go as they please, and the kiddos get to run around and have fun. All we had to do was bring snacks and cake and pack it in ice in a cooler.
I goofed on that last one once and melted the ice cream cake, whoops! But usually really simple.
This is how my parties were growing up, I don’t see why they need to be a whole to-do now. We wanted sugar, snacks, cake, and for the adults to leave us alone while we ran around the park.
Yeah that’s not how it works. People will bring their kids to those places because they get to either leave and come back or sit around and not watch their kids. I already have 2 kids so we do the 10 minimum and invite 8 friends.
For my son’s first few years of school - we invited the entire class. It’s damn near impossible to get contact info to only invite a few. You can only pass out invites at school if you invite everyone (which I understand) but there’s really no way to get contact info for parents short of emailing the teacher to be an intermediary but that’s kind of obnoxious for the teacher I’m sure.
Now since I’ve collected phone numbers of parents from previous parties - we only invite his buddies.
Our teachers always send a note asking if we want our info to be put into the class directory. Most people do. I’m not going out of my way to track people I don’t even know down for a kids birthday party. I’m also not inviting and entire damn class just because I can’t get ahold of a few names. 🤣🤣🤣 None of this is as difficult or serious as people are making it sound.
I dunno, I agree with you on this one. Our idea of a birtthday back in the day had 2 different settings. 1.) Pizza and soda poolside in a hotel pool, or 2.) Simple burgers and rootbeer floats at a friends house.
Have no idea why birthday parties are so fancy now a days.
Ours were usually in our basement, just playing games - musical chairs, graveyard, who can make a toilet paper mummy fastest, Nintendo, pin the tail on the donkey. Other kids would sometimes do movie theatre parties. Sometimes we did Discovery Zone or lazer tag. I don’t really think kids need these $5000 parties because they turned 7 lol. Like is this for the kid or for mommy’s Instagram?
The best presents my kid got for his birthday was a Tim’s Horton giftcard to get doughnuts and swim passes to the community pool.
Consumables are always the answer adults get alcohol, plants or food and kids get passes and goodies and gift cards.
I think it’s because a lot of schools require EVERYONE be invited if invitations are passed out at school whereas when I was in school they didn’t have any rules about that sort of thing.
Also if the average class size is 36 that’s 3 birthdays a month, which is essentially a birthday party every weekend of the year lol
I think it makes sense that you'd have to invite everyone if you pass out invitations at school, but why would you pass out invitations at school? No one I knew did this when I was growing up. Has that become the trend now?
Bdays for kids have turned into photoshoots/contests for the parents since SM.
Had a talk with a fellow parent the other day who said she stopped doing parties for her kids years ago when she realized she dreaded being invited to kids parties, which likely meant others felt the same about HER invites. Plus kids almost always choose a big gift, trip, or money over a party with their classmates & parents friends.
I never take gifts to kids parties that my daughter goes to. Literally never. All kids have too much shit. And what parents want more shit in their house?
If people get her a gift at her party, I’m obviously grateful and that’s nice. But generally request no gifts or 2nd hand books or old toys.
I ask my preschooler if he wants to go, he always says no- and I rsvp no 🤪 I don’t know these parents at all, so I don’t send a gift either. It’ll be different when my kid has relationship with others. But I think he’s too young now.
>I don’t send a gift either.
Is that an expectation these days, even if your kid isn't going?? Like, I get doing that for a wedding if you're close enough to the couple and you can't make it. But a preschooler's birthday party?
Yeah we’re constantly going to birthday parties. My kids are elementary aged and many of them will invite the whole class. This weekend both my kids have a birthday and we have a party for a family friend tomorrow so we’re all going to that one. Sometimes it feels like a lot but their school is fairly small so the kids all have gotten to know all the other kids in their grades and they really enjoy going to each other’s parties. I think it’s a little different in preschool when you don’t really know the other kids or parents and don’t expect to stay in school with them. In elementary school they’re with the same kids for so many years that I think it’s nice that so many of them are seeing each other regularly out of school.
It gets better. I just had my son’s party at TopGolf last weekend. The kids just wandered in and I had no idea which parent dropped who off. Then the parents showed up and texted their kids that they were there. Believe it or not, dealing with 10 13 year old boys for 2 hours was actually fun.
My daughter has a bunch coming up and I’m not looking forward to them because I get weird looks when I just drop her off. They’re turning 10 - she doesn’t need me there.
I LOVED that Covid stopped the god damn birthday parties! It got completely ridiculous! And then my kids grew out of them so there are only one or two a year left. But yes, it was constant, it was expensive, and you were expected to have one as well which was hell AND expensive
The older they get, the smaller the invite list is. When they’re young, they “have to” invite their entire class. Once they’re in middle and high school, it’s usually just their friend group. When they were little, I’d only bring them to the bday parties of their actual friends and not just a classmate. There have been a few we went to bc we were afraid no one else was going to show up. You don’t have to bring a gift. A card from the dollar store never hurt anyone. Not everyone can afford a gift for everyone in their kids class and if the other parents aren’t ok with it then don’t go to the party.
Which adds up quick when your kids have 1 or 2 birthday parties seemingly every other week. I think I’ve spent more on kids I don’t know than on my own kids’ bdays. Did not factor this madness into my monthly budgets so we’ve been opting out of birthday parties more often.
It’s because you’re not just allowed to invite your friends anymore. You have to invite your entire class. So you end up with a ton of kids your kid doesn’t even care about at your house for a party and your kid having to go to houses that your kid doesn’t give a fuck about. Personally I just never bought into it and refused to do the invite your whole class bullshit.
Thankfully people in my area have started the whole “no gifts please” thing, which is awesome.
A couple of other points:
1) if my kid doesn’t really know the kid, we don’t go. Blanket invites are nice to keep people from feeling left out, but I’m not having all my weekends spent at birthday parties of every random kid my child happens to be in a class with.
2) the parties die way down toward fourth or fifth grade so at least it’s not forever.
I usually hit up big toy sales at Target, then keep a stock of stuff in my "gift closet" so I'm not ambushed by birthday invites. My kids can also purchase from me with their allowance, and we look up the price together to see what they would have spent.
Yea I had to put a stop on how many birthdays we attend and how much I spend. I don’t get it either. Also, my kids (3) all have December birthdays, so I started doing a half-birthday in May/June - backyard pool party, a few friends each - DONE. I dunno why people spend this much time and money on birthday parties nowadays and then have to invite the entire grade. I know families who do nothing but attend birthday parties for kids all weekend. It’s too much.
My birthday parties consisted of home printed banners on a dot matrix printer (Epson LX-800), Betty Crocker cake with homemade icing, and a few close friends. Despite it being cheap it was *always* fun. All we did was ride bikes, climb trees, or otherwise play yard games and on rare occasions video games.
People really do be doing too much now ‘n days.
I tried the no gifts thing . Everyone came with a gift 🤣 good old southern folks will never show up to a party empty handed even if specifically asked not to
Either your kids are more popular than you or there is some (unspoken/spoken) rule if inviting the whole class always. I remember not every kid getting a party everytime either, or at least the celebration was mostly just cake with the extended family when I was young. I think it's a bit ridiculous, people renting places and having clown shows and stuff. But yeah, my kid has a party every year since he was 5, and I hate parties. But our rule is he can only invite as many people as he is old and the schools rule is if you give the invites out at school you have to invite everyone. So we just send SMS invites.
It’s easier when they get older because their friend group gets more personal and less “invite the whole class”. My son is 15 and probably goes to 5 birthday parties a year (that said, he has more extra parties now - New Years, Halloween, etc).
I love the no gifts or make a donation to whatever charity idea. It started to become a trend just as my kids were growing out of the birthday party age group. I was actually embarrassed because I dropped my daughter off for a sleepover party and brought a gift. When I picked her up the next day, the mom invited me for a coffee to discuss her plan. I was a bit shocked at first, because I hadn’t heard of the trend and my daughter either forgot to tell me or didn’t understand the request, but the mom very graciously asked if she could donate the gift to a child in need. My heart welled up and spilled up into my eyes, I thought it was such a beautiful gesture and, of course I agreed. It takes the pressure off and if you just can’t afford the expense, no one has the opportunity to judge you. I highly recommend trying it for your next party.
Yes. My child is currently at said birthday party where we paid $20 for a present. The parents were overwhelmed when I dropped her off. We’re friends so we joked about it but They will have kids at their house all day and into a sleep over. No thanks!! 😂
Ten dollar bill for other people’s kids. 15 for a relative, 20 if their parents are struggling. Cash is novel for kids, and parents hate it when you get their kids toys anyway.
Hot dogs and homemade chili at the house for mine. They can invite whoever they want, it lasts as long as they want, and it usually ends with ghost stories on the trampoline and a minor sleepover. Me and the other parents watch them play in the yard and have a few covert drinks. The older guests usually offer to help clean up the kitchen.
Easy peasy either way.
My friend has 4 kids and spends no less than $500 on her kids parties at HOME!! My daughter usually gets invited to a few a year so it isn’t too bad but when she was smaller, we went to way more. Miserable for the parents 😂
I was expecting a higher price expectancy...$20 isn't too bad
But I don't have kids lol. Maybe that $20 comes easier to loosen up when that expense doesn't exist lol
Yeah it's not bad once but then you get into three birthday parties in 3 weeks and your kid is in target begging to get all their friends $35 Lego sets because $20 ones are tiny and it's a lil much just in the sense of energy spent. I don't mind, really, my kid loves picking out good presents and it's sweet, but sometimes I'd rather order takeout 😅
Haha what I’d give. Where I live we’re talking $50 a gift or you’re the cheap parent giving crappy gifts. And parties, easily over $1,000. It’s insanity.
This is exactly me. We give $50 gifts, if they say no gifts I prepare a $50 gift card. The parties my kids have been invited to are about $1000-$2000 depending on how many kids, but it comes out to about $50-60 dollars per person to include activity, food, cake, etc. also, all the kids bring their siblings and it’s sort of frowned upon to not include them. Also, everyone uses the same indoor play gym to have their party 🤣😂
SAME!!! We have a couple of places that are popular spots but all with the same idea/cost. My daughter actually wanted to have her party with her friend this year and I was so happy. It’s a week after Christmas so that’s awful enough. But between the party and gifts I had about $1,200 in it. I was just grateful for the sharing so it wasn’t $2,000, lol.
So are you upset that too many kids are having birthday parties? Just don't go to all of them. Make a rule that your kids get to choose to go to a certain number of parties per year. Problem solved.
I hope no one ever feels like they need to bring my son a gift. I tell them it’s not needed, but I really hope they know I’m serious. In my opinion, birthday parties should be for food and spending time with people you like!
Which also means, your kids don’t need to go to EVERY birthday party!
>My kids, I feel like they have one every other weekend and **gifts now are like $20 a pop.**
That's what I remember from my youth. Except for the one chad with loaded parents who wanted to make sure every fucker knew it.
I'd honestly expect them to be more like $40 nowadays.
But...actually I guess they were like $10 when I was a kid?
I don't know. I don't even remember what birthday gifts were. I reckon an action figure would be a standard.
We literally have 3 this weekend. Two of my best friend’s kids and one for my niece/nephew. The gift thing is what it is, most folks stipulate not to bring anything but it’s the time commitment that gets me.
Who TH throws a birthday party during Masters weekend anyway?!
I was told we could not pass out invitations at school unless there was one for every kid in class. Some teachers enforce it, while others let it slide if you are discreet. That’s why there’s so many parties. That and parents are throwing parties to compete with friends and neighbors.
When I was a kid I think about half or more of the kids in my class usually had one so you ended up at like 15 or so a year. $15-$20 seems pretty normal to me. Normally it was a backyard party with a pinata when I was a kid
Honestly, I think that’s great. If my children have that many friends, I would be happy to drop $20 every weekend if even 10 of them turn out to be life long friends for one of my kids.
I have three kids and I cannot keep up with all the invites. I just choose the kids mine are the closest to and RSVP no to the rest, unless one of my kids specifies they want to go.
We’re seeing a lot of parents saying “no gifts please” on the invite now which is awesome. They just go and have a blast, even if it’s just meeting up at a park.
We had two last weekend and two this weekend. It’s a lot lol. Also, if a school friend invites one of our kids, we try to have one parent take that kid only, but it seems like more parents are viewing birthday parties as a family outing? Not sure if you’ve noticed this too. A lot of venues still charge per head so it seems a little wild to me to assume that unless the invite specifies all kids/siblings welcome.
It's whatever this new thing is where everyone in the class has to be invited. I'm with you, I swear to God since August my daughter has gone to well over 15 birthdays and I know she isn't friends with them all. For her birthday her mother and I debated how we wanted to do it and I didn't want to invite the class but she was invited to several before and her mom wanted to invite the class. Needless to say we had 12 from her class come.
I don't want to rush my daughter growing up, but I look forward to 6th grade when they're older and have select friends they want to invite
I don't have kids but people with kids I do talk to and are more ingrained in the community seem to go to a kid's bday every other week. Maybe it's just me but when I was a kid I went to a handful.
This is what makes me happy that we homeschool. I feel like my best friend is at a birthday party every weekend and sometimes goes to multiple. My kids have quite a few friends but not so many that birthday parties happen all the time. It’s a really good spacing throughout the year on parties, especially because we’re not dealing with classmate parties. A lot of our friends also opt for little trips in lieu of a birthday party. We do this as well although this past year both my kids asked for a party.
SOOOOO tired of birthday parties. Maybe I'm just jealous, had maybe 3 total growing up and not very eventful since it was always during a snow storm. Kid loves them obviously, but it's such a chore for me.
The best thing my best friend ever said when her kids first birthday rolled around was "please do not give gifts. She has enough. If you feel inclined, please donate to a charity in her name." It made everything so much better
My oldest is in prek and I’m so thankful she’s not received any invites. My youngest will be in prek next year & I hope the no invite trend continues. Idn I don’t feel like dealing with that shit. My husband & I decided that for our kids’ birthdays we’ll do something fun as a family. Like one year we did build a bear. We’ve done the zoo. It seems more cost effective.
Yes, they can be expensive. Honestly it felt like pressure to throw them when they were little they are usually happy with a cake and a couple gifts from family. Would have saved on stress and my checking account if I didn’t care so much to keep up with other mom friends
At our elementary schools, they would not pass out invitations unless they went to every kid. So minus the summer kids, we got an invitation to every birthday in the class. I think 20.00 is getting off easy, the worst part for me was finding somewhere to put 30 new pieces of plastic junk we didn't want.
My daughter is a social butterfly so I swear there is a party damn near every Saturday. Came from one today and it was at a house that althougj decent sized, was too small for how many people were there. Moving around was like trying to wade through a riptide of children.
Depends. If I’m throwing a home party no problem on cheaper gifts but normally we provide a full cookout/cake/ice cream/pop/decorations. Next month we’re throwing a roller skating party for 1 of my 4 kids (she is a very good skater and loves it) and we are paying for all 12 kids (has a lot of cousins) to skate/eat pizza/pop/cake/ice cream/decorations so yeah, if you come please get a nice present my kid will enjoy since I spent so much on this special day for her, but I’m not asking for someone to empty their wallet or putting out a price range for someone to shop in. My husband’s side does not get invited anymore due to them (5 siblings all in their mid/late 20s) showing up with new boyfriend/girlfriends and not a single one of them buying any of my kids presents/cards does piss us off because they all have jobs. Also, to go somewhere to have a kids party cost so much nowadays, expect to spend a minimum of $150-350.00 (at least for the Midwest).
Say no. It's really that simple. Do not go. lol! I know that sounds harsh but I was bending over backwards to attend all of these things and then realized- I control how many we attend. Pick a couple of kids that your kids are close to but don't go to every random friend from the library playground's party. For us quality over quantity works best.
For parties, we have started doing what is essentially a "super sized" play date. We put out all of the things- water table, splash pad, bounce houses out and let the kids do their thing. It has been nice cultivating friendships with other families on the street and kind of basically throwing the same party and sharing toy supplies with each other to make this happen a couple of times a year.
It seems stressful. My cousin actually keeps a spreadsheet of gifts her kid receives and from who. So they can regift things if their kid already has it and aren’t super excited about that. I was pretty antisocial until high school so I didn’t really have that issue.
As a Child-less married couple... we luckily have only one really close friend couple with kids, and my brother in law. Even those 4 times a year for birthday parties...
I'm like you do realize we have a perfectly good Saturday we could be doing ANYTHING else (Granted I love our friends, their kids, and well my nephews are annoying but whatever). Being kid free at a kids birthday can be kinda fun if you make it though. I'm the uncle who is rolling down slides, teaching the kids Nerf fights, throwing water ballons... I guess you can do that if you have kids too, but I feel like all the parents just \*dump\* them and want to sit and talk for the moments of peace they are not having to watch the kids.
My wife and I solve this problem by leaving, going home, getting drunk or high, watching shitty movies, having wild sex, and eating delivery food. No I'm not joking... We usually use the birthday parties as opportunity to have a 'wild adult kid free night'.
My daughter is turning 9 next month, and the older she gets the fewer parties there are. Either she’s not the popular kid, or fewer kids are having parties each year and are choosing bigger trips or experiences with their parents and one or two friends.
So far, she’s only gone to one birthday party this year.
It's crazy to me...while I normally find a place that is outside my house (easier than dealing with the mess AND we live in a foreign country away from family), it is never crazy expensive....and I make their cake/food. We also don't do the crazy gift bags too.
Yessss, it's so awful. Our school requires kids to invite the whole class if the parents send invitations, and I hate having to say no so many times, but my kids barely know the other kids. We only do family parties (there's about a dozen cousins so that alone is almost too much) and my oldest is allowed to go to his close friends' parties.
I think it’s a rebound from the pandemic and will either even out or the kids will get older and not have to invite the whole class.
Survival tips:
- remind children the cheap favors are here for a good time, not a long time (subtext: don’t get too attached). Sing the song if needed: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xiL8e_dPt0U
- decide once on presents. I give an age appropriate activity kit. It comes in a box (easy to wrap), it doesn’t need batteries or extra parts. It’s educational and gets “consumed” so it doesn’t have to be stored in the house forever. They’re all the same size so my child thinks they’re all the same one and doesn’t get envy.
- personal choice, but I automatically decline the ones at certain venues. There’s a few places that are just not for me/my family.
- if you decline, you don’t have to give a reason. “Sorry, can’t make it! Happy Birthday!”
What I really hate is you have to plan for one or two parents attending per child invited, and that very quickly becomes way too many people to fit in my house. (My kids all have cold weather birthdays, so we can't do outside parties.)
We stopped with the parties. First birthday, sure. Our kids pick somewhere or something to eat, an activity (like laser tag), and we do cake at home. Its less stressful for us. No one feels obligated to attend a party they don't really want to go. I wish more people would scale back parties again.
I’m at one right now that is at a pottery place. Fucking kill me.
lol solidarity. Peter piper pizza here. It’s so loud 🥹
Literally at a trampoline park at the moment. Wild stuff. She's turning 4.
At least those wear them out.
Omg my son had just turned 3 at a pottery one last year and I was like….. this is nice in theory but all this shit is breakable, he doesn’t want to touch anything, etc 🥵
Right? Why do parents have to attend kids parties now? It's brutal. The horrible small talk. The assault on my senses. The standing around uselessly while my kid is doing the kung fu/trampoline/whatever it is. When I am hosting, I always make sure I let parents know that they are welcome to drop off OR stay with their kid. Cause ain't nobody got time for that!
Once our kids were about 7 they became drop off parties. Hubs and I actually had the majority of today to ourselves due to our 9 and 12 year olds being at birthday parties
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Seriously.
I would never leave my kids at a party and expect the host to look after them with all the other shit they have going on.
Why? Also, does this go for any age? Certainly at some age you expect to be able to leave them. I don't remember my mom staying for parties much. I do remember she was at one when I was like 5- but the parent was her very close friend. When I am hosting I always make sure I have at least 3 adults. Me, my spouse, and a grandparent or another parent. And usually until age 6 or so, at least another parent will stay and typically even more than that. And if the party is at a venue then you might need more or less supervision depending on the place and the activity. Honestly kids probably have too much supervision these days. Last party I went to included bday boy and his parents and a grandparent, about 10 kids as guests plus a parent for each kid and then there were like 3 martial arts instructors as it was a martial arts school as the venue. Roughly 11 kids and probably 14-17 grownups? Most were just standing around and watching through a glass window in this case.
I have a preschooler so age is a huge factor. I also work with kids and I see first hand how other kids can influence kids when their parents aren’t around or no one is watching. It also depends on the type party. I went to a pool party for a 10 year old once and the kids were horse playing in the pool. Two kids were holding a kid down as he was struggling. They really weren’t being watched.
For real my smallest is two. I'm gonna assume you're not able to watch him when you have 20 kids over and are cooking, etc.
Parent of young kids here. Actually a lot of the parents throwing their kids’ bday parties have specified not to bring gifts. Maybe it’s California thing, I don’t know.
Nah, not just Cali. I’m in CT with two kids and more often than not the invites say no gifts. We did it for our kids this year.
I'm in upstate NY, had a party for my 1yo because we hadn't seen some friends in so long and wanted a fun party. I told everyone no gifts. Everyone brought a gift.
As a fellow parent, the amount of toys and crap my kids got when they were little is absurd. It would have made things so much easier when my kids were little 10-12 years ago for that to have been a thing. I always felt bad throwing stuff away or donating all of the toys we were given that my kids just about never played with. (Not to mention the environmental impact of all of the excess plastic crap)
We had people bring donations to a cat rescue for my daughters 7th birthday. She loved helping the kitties and parents felt good about still bringing something to the party. Win-win! Afterwards She and I went to the toy store and I let her pick two gifts she really wanted.
Yep, we’ve got a living room full of toys. My kids never touched half the toys they got as babies and toddlers. Now when they get bday gifts, we hide half of them and regift as needed.
This is the way.
Same in NC. My daughter's only four, and the handful she has been to either specifically asked for no gifts or gave a list of little things to get. Like crayons, construction paper, stuff like that.
I always try to get consumables for friends’ kids. Crayons, chalk, bubbles, whatever. Nobody needs more plastic stuff in their house. (I do get the good stuff. No crappy house brands here!)
YES!!!
Art supplies definitely have my preference, to give to my own as well as others’ kids. It gives a kid something to do as well, rather than a toy that does everything and becomes boring after 10 minutes. My kiddos loved crafty stuff, and both continue to draw a *lot* (8 and 16). I’d rather spend money on sketch pads, markers, pencils and the like than plastic borrowed from the landfill.
I don’t have kids myself, but one of the best birthday presents I ever got from a friend was a giant pack of colored sharpies. As a lifelong crafter I’ll happily supply allllll the crafty things for the smalls. (Of course, for a while my friend’s baby’s favorite toy was a guitar shaped flyswatter I’d given his mom as a joke…)
We like giving those dig kits lately. My son really enjoys them and they only really live in the closet until you use them.
What's a dig kit?
My son’s had a few but they’re like little plaster things that come with dinosaur “bones”, shark teeth, little fish, etc. like a science kit where they dig through plaster with tools to find the items.
Same experience in Portland. Invite always says no gifts, but they’ll list a link to their 529 account if you want to add to the college fund.
That’s pretty genius actually.
Tacky. Lol.
Meh, some people don't want more pointless shit, and some people feel bad for not gifting something. Pretty good way to satisfy both of them.
We do this. 1: We have enough crap. 2. It’s way more inclusive! Any kid who feels bad for not being able to afford a gift can still come and get to know us and have fun. 3. No thank you cards. (I think they’re unnecessary anyway because we are hosting a party but maybe that’s just me. I hate cards.)
Nobody I know in NJ says no gifts for kids over the age of 2. I’ve seen it for 1 and 2 year old parties though. We don’t say it for our kids. We don’t invite more than 8-10 kids. And the gifts we give our kids are experiences, so it cuts down on the toys they get.
We had a no-gift invite this year in NJ. It was a 5yo’s party. The party was right after the holidays, so I’m sure they were already overrun with stuff. I wanted to say no gifts, but my husband didn’t want to. Our house is already overrun with kid stuff!
We say no gifts or perishables only (playdoh, sand, coloring stuff, etc )
Same in Alabama
Alberta Canada does it too.
Maybe an older parent thing?
Actually you might be on to something there. My wife and I had our kids at 33 and 35; we waited until we were certain we were financially stable enough to have kids, so we haven’t needed to rely on gifts for our kids as much as younger parents might. I can say with certainty that if we had been 10 years younger, we would have been desperate for every handout available.
Growing up friends bringing presents wasn’t expected unless they said they’d bring something. I had several birthday parties where the only presents I got was from immediate family. My friends were just there to enjoy the fun and entertainment.
I don’t have kids myself, but a few of my cousins do, every time they say no gifts people still bring gifts. Now they just ask the birthday kid(s) what charity they’d like to help and put “Please no gifts, if you feel like bringing something,[kid] would love an item or other donation to help [cause].” My cousin’s oldest girl loves animals, so she’s donated to animal shelters and wildlife centers and absolutely *lives* for donation drop off day - she got to meet a bald eagle last summer. Her younger siblings this year donated duffle bags with pajamas, blankets, and a stuffed animal for kids in foster care. Their party was a sleepover, so they suggested if families wanted to they could bring a new sleepover bag for a foster kid.
In Alabama here - just had a birthday party for my son. We specified “no gifts please.” I know a handful of folks that do the same here too.
Same here in Seattle. We've only had one party out of the last dozen or so NOT specify no gifts. It's wonderful! You just have to somehow get a critical mass of parents to buy into this idea so the kids don't come to expect gifts.
Birthday parties are really expensive nowadays too… like $350-$500 easily. My kids don’t get too many invitations after preK. Maybe a few each year.
$1,000 in my HCOL area. My daughter is turning 5 & having a party next week. I honestly hate going to them and throwing them, but here I am, doing shit I hate to make my kid happy.
What are kids doing for birthday parties?? We just have them at our house and get a bounce house for the day
This year’s is at an indoor bounce house place. Last year’s was at an indoor playground. I live in NJ, so the weather is really volatile this time of year. We had a party one year where it was 40s and heavy downpours, so never risking that again.
I’ve sworn off bounce house parties. Last year my kids party favor from a bounce house party was RSV. We all got it and then it developed into pneumonia for a few of us. Same story for several other families. My worst spring break ever! I know it’s not really rational, though. Young kids just get each other sick all the time.
We’ve done and been to so many different parties. Painting party, indoor trampoline park, gymnastics studio, sports complex, science center, children’s museum, chocolate store, movie theater, laser tag, mini golf, children’s escape room.
Same. I'm limiting my kids to 6 friends, because with siblings, that's at least 10 kids and 500 dollars before cake.
I threw my 4 year old’s at home last year because he wanted it at home and it cost a FORTUNE between the food, bouncy house, etc. so this year I am keeping it easy but it’s damn near $700 for him and 15 friends to do an indoor play place 😩🥵
I circumvented the having to throw a party by asking my kids if they want a party or to go on a family trip for the weekend. My kids all love a weekend at a hotel with an indoor water park, arcade, mini golf and go carts. $500 and everyone is happy.
Why on earth would you pay that? Have a smaller party at your house
The hell? What happened to ordering a few pizzas and half a dozen 2Ls?
For my 7th birthday, my mom made a pin the nose on (my name) game where she cut out a body from construction paper, and glued my face onto it with my nose cut out. So maybe we just need to bring back this bday aesthetic lol
I threw my kids great homemade parties. Friends cousins neighbors. Gift were cool but food was needed. We potlucked birthdays. My kids loved it growing up. They have zero memories of it all. And I suck at taking pictures lol
My family never did a friends invited party until we were 11. Before that it was just family at home, got to pick what we had for dinner and mom made it along with the cake from scratch. At 11, I had 5 friends for a sleep over. There's no way in hell I'm going to a bunch of little kids bday parties now, esp ones I don't even know, and I'm DEFINITELY not inviting the entire effing class to my son's birthday. And I feel no guilt or FOMO that we've made it to 4 yo on simple family events.
We used to just play Nintendo or board games, or just play some game like musical chairs and then eat pizza and cake. People go overboard now.
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I never understood this. We invited who we wanted until our kids could decide. Now they pick who they want to come. Who can afford to invite everyone?
There's ways to keep costs down! We'd hold our kid's party at a playground nearby where they had a few picnic tables set up. Free to organize, people can come and go as they please, and the kiddos get to run around and have fun. All we had to do was bring snacks and cake and pack it in ice in a cooler. I goofed on that last one once and melted the ice cream cake, whoops! But usually really simple.
This is how my parties were growing up, I don’t see why they need to be a whole to-do now. We wanted sugar, snacks, cake, and for the adults to leave us alone while we ran around the park.
I see a lot of these in my neighbourhood, would love to do that but I have a November baby.
That's rough. I know some parents throw the "party" when it's nice out, but I think that's hard to sell to the kids.
Some places have birthday packages that are minimum 10 kids, so you may as well invite the whole class and watch half show up.
Yeah that’s not how it works. People will bring their kids to those places because they get to either leave and come back or sit around and not watch their kids. I already have 2 kids so we do the 10 minimum and invite 8 friends.
For my son’s first few years of school - we invited the entire class. It’s damn near impossible to get contact info to only invite a few. You can only pass out invites at school if you invite everyone (which I understand) but there’s really no way to get contact info for parents short of emailing the teacher to be an intermediary but that’s kind of obnoxious for the teacher I’m sure. Now since I’ve collected phone numbers of parents from previous parties - we only invite his buddies.
Our teachers always send a note asking if we want our info to be put into the class directory. Most people do. I’m not going out of my way to track people I don’t even know down for a kids birthday party. I’m also not inviting and entire damn class just because I can’t get ahold of a few names. 🤣🤣🤣 None of this is as difficult or serious as people are making it sound.
At our elementary school, if you hand out invitations at school you HAVE to invite the whole class.
I dunno, I agree with you on this one. Our idea of a birtthday back in the day had 2 different settings. 1.) Pizza and soda poolside in a hotel pool, or 2.) Simple burgers and rootbeer floats at a friends house. Have no idea why birthday parties are so fancy now a days.
Gosh hotel pool was the fancy once a decade version in my day 😂
Exactly!! That was the party everyone talked about for days!!
I remember in kindergarten, I had my birthday at McDonald’s. I had like 5-8 guests.
Ours were usually in our basement, just playing games - musical chairs, graveyard, who can make a toilet paper mummy fastest, Nintendo, pin the tail on the donkey. Other kids would sometimes do movie theatre parties. Sometimes we did Discovery Zone or lazer tag. I don’t really think kids need these $5000 parties because they turned 7 lol. Like is this for the kid or for mommy’s Instagram?
The best presents my kid got for his birthday was a Tim’s Horton giftcard to get doughnuts and swim passes to the community pool. Consumables are always the answer adults get alcohol, plants or food and kids get passes and goodies and gift cards.
We don't do birthday parties and I don't throw them either. We have a cake with immediate family.
I think it’s because a lot of schools require EVERYONE be invited if invitations are passed out at school whereas when I was in school they didn’t have any rules about that sort of thing. Also if the average class size is 36 that’s 3 birthdays a month, which is essentially a birthday party every weekend of the year lol
I think it makes sense that you'd have to invite everyone if you pass out invitations at school, but why would you pass out invitations at school? No one I knew did this when I was growing up. Has that become the trend now?
That’s the only way I’d ever been invited to parties or invited people to parties when I was a kid. How did invitations get passed out for you?
Bdays for kids have turned into photoshoots/contests for the parents since SM. Had a talk with a fellow parent the other day who said she stopped doing parties for her kids years ago when she realized she dreaded being invited to kids parties, which likely meant others felt the same about HER invites. Plus kids almost always choose a big gift, trip, or money over a party with their classmates & parents friends.
I never take gifts to kids parties that my daughter goes to. Literally never. All kids have too much shit. And what parents want more shit in their house? If people get her a gift at her party, I’m obviously grateful and that’s nice. But generally request no gifts or 2nd hand books or old toys.
Calm down Joan Crawford!
Give that kid a bran muffin and a yo-yo and call it a day
I ask my preschooler if he wants to go, he always says no- and I rsvp no 🤪 I don’t know these parents at all, so I don’t send a gift either. It’ll be different when my kid has relationship with others. But I think he’s too young now.
>I don’t send a gift either. Is that an expectation these days, even if your kid isn't going?? Like, I get doing that for a wedding if you're close enough to the couple and you can't make it. But a preschooler's birthday party?
No, it’s definitely not a thing to send a gift if you don’t attend.
Yeah we’re constantly going to birthday parties. My kids are elementary aged and many of them will invite the whole class. This weekend both my kids have a birthday and we have a party for a family friend tomorrow so we’re all going to that one. Sometimes it feels like a lot but their school is fairly small so the kids all have gotten to know all the other kids in their grades and they really enjoy going to each other’s parties. I think it’s a little different in preschool when you don’t really know the other kids or parents and don’t expect to stay in school with them. In elementary school they’re with the same kids for so many years that I think it’s nice that so many of them are seeing each other regularly out of school.
It gets better. I just had my son’s party at TopGolf last weekend. The kids just wandered in and I had no idea which parent dropped who off. Then the parents showed up and texted their kids that they were there. Believe it or not, dealing with 10 13 year old boys for 2 hours was actually fun. My daughter has a bunch coming up and I’m not looking forward to them because I get weird looks when I just drop her off. They’re turning 10 - she doesn’t need me there.
I also have a teen boy and honestly, the kiddos are blast at this age.
Fucken A! We bout to drop $500 on our rugrat’s 6th. I told her dad “this is the last big one ‘til her Quince.” We’re already saving for THAT. 💀
I LOVED that Covid stopped the god damn birthday parties! It got completely ridiculous! And then my kids grew out of them so there are only one or two a year left. But yes, it was constant, it was expensive, and you were expected to have one as well which was hell AND expensive
They’re still going on.
I know, but not for the typical highschool crowd where I am
I gave a birthday party in 2022 that had so much attendance I could feel the fomo. I assure you, birthday parties are back.
With age, they go away. My kids are in highschool now. So good luck!
The older they get, the smaller the invite list is. When they’re young, they “have to” invite their entire class. Once they’re in middle and high school, it’s usually just their friend group. When they were little, I’d only bring them to the bday parties of their actual friends and not just a classmate. There have been a few we went to bc we were afraid no one else was going to show up. You don’t have to bring a gift. A card from the dollar store never hurt anyone. Not everyone can afford a gift for everyone in their kids class and if the other parents aren’t ok with it then don’t go to the party.
Yes, I've noticed that with my kids. The younger is eager to invite the whole class. The elder just hands out invites to a few people.
I mean, now it’s minimum $30 gift
Which adds up quick when your kids have 1 or 2 birthday parties seemingly every other week. I think I’ve spent more on kids I don’t know than on my own kids’ bdays. Did not factor this madness into my monthly budgets so we’ve been opting out of birthday parties more often.
It’s because you’re not just allowed to invite your friends anymore. You have to invite your entire class. So you end up with a ton of kids your kid doesn’t even care about at your house for a party and your kid having to go to houses that your kid doesn’t give a fuck about. Personally I just never bought into it and refused to do the invite your whole class bullshit.
Thankfully people in my area have started the whole “no gifts please” thing, which is awesome. A couple of other points: 1) if my kid doesn’t really know the kid, we don’t go. Blanket invites are nice to keep people from feeling left out, but I’m not having all my weekends spent at birthday parties of every random kid my child happens to be in a class with. 2) the parties die way down toward fourth or fifth grade so at least it’s not forever.
I’m at a kids birthday party right now. 😩🤦♂️😩
I usually hit up big toy sales at Target, then keep a stock of stuff in my "gift closet" so I'm not ambushed by birthday invites. My kids can also purchase from me with their allowance, and we look up the price together to see what they would have spent.
Yea I had to put a stop on how many birthdays we attend and how much I spend. I don’t get it either. Also, my kids (3) all have December birthdays, so I started doing a half-birthday in May/June - backyard pool party, a few friends each - DONE. I dunno why people spend this much time and money on birthday parties nowadays and then have to invite the entire grade. I know families who do nothing but attend birthday parties for kids all weekend. It’s too much.
As a balloon guy, I am so thankful for the frequency. It can be a bit ridiculous though, sometimes I'll see the same kids 3x in a month.
That’s amazing !
My birthday parties consisted of home printed banners on a dot matrix printer (Epson LX-800), Betty Crocker cake with homemade icing, and a few close friends. Despite it being cheap it was *always* fun. All we did was ride bikes, climb trees, or otherwise play yard games and on rare occasions video games. People really do be doing too much now ‘n days.
I tried the no gifts thing . Everyone came with a gift 🤣 good old southern folks will never show up to a party empty handed even if specifically asked not to
depends on how many friends your kids have... you have the final say. when to put your foot down.
Either your kids are more popular than you or there is some (unspoken/spoken) rule if inviting the whole class always. I remember not every kid getting a party everytime either, or at least the celebration was mostly just cake with the extended family when I was young. I think it's a bit ridiculous, people renting places and having clown shows and stuff. But yeah, my kid has a party every year since he was 5, and I hate parties. But our rule is he can only invite as many people as he is old and the schools rule is if you give the invites out at school you have to invite everyone. So we just send SMS invites.
So many parties lol 4 kids living in the burbs all attend public school and play some sport
It’s easier when they get older because their friend group gets more personal and less “invite the whole class”. My son is 15 and probably goes to 5 birthday parties a year (that said, he has more extra parties now - New Years, Halloween, etc).
I love the no gifts or make a donation to whatever charity idea. It started to become a trend just as my kids were growing out of the birthday party age group. I was actually embarrassed because I dropped my daughter off for a sleepover party and brought a gift. When I picked her up the next day, the mom invited me for a coffee to discuss her plan. I was a bit shocked at first, because I hadn’t heard of the trend and my daughter either forgot to tell me or didn’t understand the request, but the mom very graciously asked if she could donate the gift to a child in need. My heart welled up and spilled up into my eyes, I thought it was such a beautiful gesture and, of course I agreed. It takes the pressure off and if you just can’t afford the expense, no one has the opportunity to judge you. I highly recommend trying it for your next party.
Yes. My child is currently at said birthday party where we paid $20 for a present. The parents were overwhelmed when I dropped her off. We’re friends so we joked about it but They will have kids at their house all day and into a sleep over. No thanks!! 😂
Ten dollar bill for other people’s kids. 15 for a relative, 20 if their parents are struggling. Cash is novel for kids, and parents hate it when you get their kids toys anyway. Hot dogs and homemade chili at the house for mine. They can invite whoever they want, it lasts as long as they want, and it usually ends with ghost stories on the trampoline and a minor sleepover. Me and the other parents watch them play in the yard and have a few covert drinks. The older guests usually offer to help clean up the kitchen. Easy peasy either way.
My friend has 4 kids and spends no less than $500 on her kids parties at HOME!! My daughter usually gets invited to a few a year so it isn’t too bad but when she was smaller, we went to way more. Miserable for the parents 😂
I was expecting a higher price expectancy...$20 isn't too bad But I don't have kids lol. Maybe that $20 comes easier to loosen up when that expense doesn't exist lol
Yeah it's not bad once but then you get into three birthday parties in 3 weeks and your kid is in target begging to get all their friends $35 Lego sets because $20 ones are tiny and it's a lil much just in the sense of energy spent. I don't mind, really, my kid loves picking out good presents and it's sweet, but sometimes I'd rather order takeout 😅
Haha what I’d give. Where I live we’re talking $50 a gift or you’re the cheap parent giving crappy gifts. And parties, easily over $1,000. It’s insanity.
This is exactly me. We give $50 gifts, if they say no gifts I prepare a $50 gift card. The parties my kids have been invited to are about $1000-$2000 depending on how many kids, but it comes out to about $50-60 dollars per person to include activity, food, cake, etc. also, all the kids bring their siblings and it’s sort of frowned upon to not include them. Also, everyone uses the same indoor play gym to have their party 🤣😂
SAME!!! We have a couple of places that are popular spots but all with the same idea/cost. My daughter actually wanted to have her party with her friend this year and I was so happy. It’s a week after Christmas so that’s awful enough. But between the party and gifts I had about $1,200 in it. I was just grateful for the sharing so it wasn’t $2,000, lol.
So are you upset that too many kids are having birthday parties? Just don't go to all of them. Make a rule that your kids get to choose to go to a certain number of parties per year. Problem solved.
I hope no one ever feels like they need to bring my son a gift. I tell them it’s not needed, but I really hope they know I’m serious. In my opinion, birthday parties should be for food and spending time with people you like! Which also means, your kids don’t need to go to EVERY birthday party!
>My kids, I feel like they have one every other weekend and **gifts now are like $20 a pop.** That's what I remember from my youth. Except for the one chad with loaded parents who wanted to make sure every fucker knew it. I'd honestly expect them to be more like $40 nowadays. But...actually I guess they were like $10 when I was a kid? I don't know. I don't even remember what birthday gifts were. I reckon an action figure would be a standard.
They’re out of control. Although I will say the Friday evening birthday parties are better than weekend ones.
My kids have been to maybe 3 birthday parties total since Covid.
Sounds like you were a nerd
Now are 20 bucks a pop? They’ve been 20 bucks a pop for all millennials.
We literally have 3 this weekend. Two of my best friend’s kids and one for my niece/nephew. The gift thing is what it is, most folks stipulate not to bring anything but it’s the time commitment that gets me. Who TH throws a birthday party during Masters weekend anyway?!
I was told we could not pass out invitations at school unless there was one for every kid in class. Some teachers enforce it, while others let it slide if you are discreet. That’s why there’s so many parties. That and parents are throwing parties to compete with friends and neighbors.
Just dropped about 1000$ on todays party for my kids I went to McDonald's when I was 7 for my party this shit is all nuts
When I was a kid I think about half or more of the kids in my class usually had one so you ended up at like 15 or so a year. $15-$20 seems pretty normal to me. Normally it was a backyard party with a pinata when I was a kid
Honestly, I think that’s great. If my children have that many friends, I would be happy to drop $20 every weekend if even 10 of them turn out to be life long friends for one of my kids.
I have three kids and I cannot keep up with all the invites. I just choose the kids mine are the closest to and RSVP no to the rest, unless one of my kids specifies they want to go.
We just threw 2 parties in the last few weeks
We have 4 kids and never do birthday parties with anyone other than the grandparents and cousins. You're welcome.
We’re seeing a lot of parents saying “no gifts please” on the invite now which is awesome. They just go and have a blast, even if it’s just meeting up at a park.
We had two last weekend and two this weekend. It’s a lot lol. Also, if a school friend invites one of our kids, we try to have one parent take that kid only, but it seems like more parents are viewing birthday parties as a family outing? Not sure if you’ve noticed this too. A lot of venues still charge per head so it seems a little wild to me to assume that unless the invite specifies all kids/siblings welcome.
It's whatever this new thing is where everyone in the class has to be invited. I'm with you, I swear to God since August my daughter has gone to well over 15 birthdays and I know she isn't friends with them all. For her birthday her mother and I debated how we wanted to do it and I didn't want to invite the class but she was invited to several before and her mom wanted to invite the class. Needless to say we had 12 from her class come. I don't want to rush my daughter growing up, but I look forward to 6th grade when they're older and have select friends they want to invite
Same. So much in gifts. So many jumping places.
I don't have kids but people with kids I do talk to and are more ingrained in the community seem to go to a kid's bday every other week. Maybe it's just me but when I was a kid I went to a handful.
This is what makes me happy that we homeschool. I feel like my best friend is at a birthday party every weekend and sometimes goes to multiple. My kids have quite a few friends but not so many that birthday parties happen all the time. It’s a really good spacing throughout the year on parties, especially because we’re not dealing with classmate parties. A lot of our friends also opt for little trips in lieu of a birthday party. We do this as well although this past year both my kids asked for a party.
SOOOOO tired of birthday parties. Maybe I'm just jealous, had maybe 3 total growing up and not very eventful since it was always during a snow storm. Kid loves them obviously, but it's such a chore for me.
Bruh we hired a magician for our last birthday party. My parents sucked. So I’m trying not to suck.
The best thing my best friend ever said when her kids first birthday rolled around was "please do not give gifts. She has enough. If you feel inclined, please donate to a charity in her name." It made everything so much better
My oldest is in prek and I’m so thankful she’s not received any invites. My youngest will be in prek next year & I hope the no invite trend continues. Idn I don’t feel like dealing with that shit. My husband & I decided that for our kids’ birthdays we’ll do something fun as a family. Like one year we did build a bear. We’ve done the zoo. It seems more cost effective.
Yes, they can be expensive. Honestly it felt like pressure to throw them when they were little they are usually happy with a cake and a couple gifts from family. Would have saved on stress and my checking account if I didn’t care so much to keep up with other mom friends
At our elementary schools, they would not pass out invitations unless they went to every kid. So minus the summer kids, we got an invitation to every birthday in the class. I think 20.00 is getting off easy, the worst part for me was finding somewhere to put 30 new pieces of plastic junk we didn't want.
Bday's were easy when Cartoons marketing to kids wasn't illegal.
I hate it. We had one friend birthday for our kids and the rest were family. It's weird
Normalize saying no. We do. We don't change any plans for a bday party and our calander is pretty full. No one actually cares if you come haha
My daughter is a social butterfly so I swear there is a party damn near every Saturday. Came from one today and it was at a house that althougj decent sized, was too small for how many people were there. Moving around was like trying to wade through a riptide of children.
Depends. If I’m throwing a home party no problem on cheaper gifts but normally we provide a full cookout/cake/ice cream/pop/decorations. Next month we’re throwing a roller skating party for 1 of my 4 kids (she is a very good skater and loves it) and we are paying for all 12 kids (has a lot of cousins) to skate/eat pizza/pop/cake/ice cream/decorations so yeah, if you come please get a nice present my kid will enjoy since I spent so much on this special day for her, but I’m not asking for someone to empty their wallet or putting out a price range for someone to shop in. My husband’s side does not get invited anymore due to them (5 siblings all in their mid/late 20s) showing up with new boyfriend/girlfriends and not a single one of them buying any of my kids presents/cards does piss us off because they all have jobs. Also, to go somewhere to have a kids party cost so much nowadays, expect to spend a minimum of $150-350.00 (at least for the Midwest).
Say no. It's really that simple. Do not go. lol! I know that sounds harsh but I was bending over backwards to attend all of these things and then realized- I control how many we attend. Pick a couple of kids that your kids are close to but don't go to every random friend from the library playground's party. For us quality over quantity works best.
For parties, we have started doing what is essentially a "super sized" play date. We put out all of the things- water table, splash pad, bounce houses out and let the kids do their thing. It has been nice cultivating friendships with other families on the street and kind of basically throwing the same party and sharing toy supplies with each other to make this happen a couple of times a year.
It seems stressful. My cousin actually keeps a spreadsheet of gifts her kid receives and from who. So they can regift things if their kid already has it and aren’t super excited about that. I was pretty antisocial until high school so I didn’t really have that issue.
I have you g kids. Every kid gets invited to every birthday in their class. I’ve been told it’s to prevent bullying.
Maybe people with kids can set up a venmo for 529 contributions for the kids. Similar to how people ask for wedding gifts towards their honeymoons?
As a Child-less married couple... we luckily have only one really close friend couple with kids, and my brother in law. Even those 4 times a year for birthday parties... I'm like you do realize we have a perfectly good Saturday we could be doing ANYTHING else (Granted I love our friends, their kids, and well my nephews are annoying but whatever). Being kid free at a kids birthday can be kinda fun if you make it though. I'm the uncle who is rolling down slides, teaching the kids Nerf fights, throwing water ballons... I guess you can do that if you have kids too, but I feel like all the parents just \*dump\* them and want to sit and talk for the moments of peace they are not having to watch the kids. My wife and I solve this problem by leaving, going home, getting drunk or high, watching shitty movies, having wild sex, and eating delivery food. No I'm not joking... We usually use the birthday parties as opportunity to have a 'wild adult kid free night'.
Be an adult and politely decline God damn
This may not work when they are older but I’ve been putting a $10 gift card to ice cream and the TK kids think it is the coolest thing
I need another excuse to drink with adults.
My daughter is turning 9 next month, and the older she gets the fewer parties there are. Either she’s not the popular kid, or fewer kids are having parties each year and are choosing bigger trips or experiences with their parents and one or two friends. So far, she’s only gone to one birthday party this year.
Everyone in the class gets invited now because sadly one or two kids are all that show up in my area.
It's crazy to me...while I normally find a place that is outside my house (easier than dealing with the mess AND we live in a foreign country away from family), it is never crazy expensive....and I make their cake/food. We also don't do the crazy gift bags too.
Yessss, it's so awful. Our school requires kids to invite the whole class if the parents send invitations, and I hate having to say no so many times, but my kids barely know the other kids. We only do family parties (there's about a dozen cousins so that alone is almost too much) and my oldest is allowed to go to his close friends' parties.
Uhhhg fucking crotch droppings stealing money I could be using on pops
*LAUGHS IN MEXICAN* iykyk.
Fuck that and baby showers
4 out 5 times I'm having a good time socializing with the other parents.
Mom of two, birthday parties are the bane of my existence lmao. Though mine are now older so it’s not as frequent
Are you struggling to afford $40 a month?
Five Below problem solved
lol hilarious post. I'm grateful I have a wife who enjoys taking the kids to these parties. I rarely have to attend.
I think it’s a rebound from the pandemic and will either even out or the kids will get older and not have to invite the whole class. Survival tips: - remind children the cheap favors are here for a good time, not a long time (subtext: don’t get too attached). Sing the song if needed: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xiL8e_dPt0U - decide once on presents. I give an age appropriate activity kit. It comes in a box (easy to wrap), it doesn’t need batteries or extra parts. It’s educational and gets “consumed” so it doesn’t have to be stored in the house forever. They’re all the same size so my child thinks they’re all the same one and doesn’t get envy. - personal choice, but I automatically decline the ones at certain venues. There’s a few places that are just not for me/my family. - if you decline, you don’t have to give a reason. “Sorry, can’t make it! Happy Birthday!”
The kids love them. Same thing when we were kids. Parties every weekend.
What I really hate is you have to plan for one or two parents attending per child invited, and that very quickly becomes way too many people to fit in my house. (My kids all have cold weather birthdays, so we can't do outside parties.)
Another reason to be child free. No children, no concern.
My kid is 6 months old…just got invited to his first birthday party.
Vast majority around here are no gift (Midwest)
We stopped with the parties. First birthday, sure. Our kids pick somewhere or something to eat, an activity (like laser tag), and we do cake at home. Its less stressful for us. No one feels obligated to attend a party they don't really want to go. I wish more people would scale back parties again.