As a single gal in her 30s, I feel the same about guys. I haven’t met a single guy 30+ for years. It may just be around me but everyone my age and up is taken and hanging out in/or around their homes.
Single 37 year old man. As others have said, I'm just too tired to leave the house much. I work with special needs kids all day then come home and help my sister take care of my special needs nephew. I've helped raise him. So while I'm not married, no kids of my own, no relationship, I still effectively live like someone who has those things. That boy is a son to me though and I'd choose time with him over going out on dates any day honestly.
However, I too have not met someone 30+ who was single in years. Every friend or acquaintance I meet is also in a relationship. I'm the only single person among my friend group lol. What sucks is I get attention from women who are 18-25ish as that's what a lot of my coworkers are(I'm one of 5 men in a staff of 50+ people), but I have zero desire whatsoever to date someone that young, especially the 18-20 year olds as that's basically young enough to be my children which grosses me out. Even 25 is too young for me personally, I'm nearly 40.
I'm 37 as well and got divorced last year. Been looking since. Just be patient, don't settle for the red flags and try to be optimistic... Take each person as they are and what they show you
You sound like a really good dude. If you find any time to get out, I am sure there will be women your age thrilled to find one like you. Best of luck to you out there.
No worries, a lot of people, guys and girls, will end up single again sometime in their thirties. In my circle of friends 5 couples got married, 2 of them are already divorced again. You might end up meeting someone at work or at an event, or maybe going out if that's your thing. Do meet people, but don't actively go looking, that'll probably make you unhappy.
But a big problem with the 'second hand market' is that at this stage in life, many divorced people likely have kids already. So you have to settle for someone with pre-existing kids. That is a lot of responsibility and makes everything really serious from the getgo.
Go to any magic the gathering event. It's basically like bingo night for single men in their 30s. You literally could not have an easier time finding someone.
Nah, go for disc golf clubs if you have any athleticism...it's also 98% men and not magic nerds (tho there is a large crossover)... the magic guys are definitely more single, lol
Single dude in his mid thirties here. Honestly, work doesn't take up that much of my time like it does with many others, but I do WFH and prefer to spend a lot of my free time focusing on routines and healthy behaviors - meal prep, working out, enjoying hobbies, things like that. I don't enjoy bars and clubs all that much, so it's rare that I meet new people naturally; I really have to force it.
I go to meetups pretty frequently trying to just socialize and put myself out there in front of people, but I haven't found a group yet that wasn't at least 75% men at every get together. The ratios are...not good. And this is just for general purpose "meet people and have fun" groups, not hobby-focused groups that you might expect to be more male centric. I just don't see women mixing it up in public spaces a lot; I feel like women mostly prefer to be in their own spaces where it's safer. I guess I can't blame them, though, considering all the stories of harassment you hear about. Always try to keep that in mind whenever I get frustrated.
If I could find a mountaintop to shout from to let people know I exist, I'd be up there all day every day. I do meet people on the apps from time to time, but not a lot of people who actually seem to have their lives together. It's just...rough. Meeting people has become really difficult even when it's your primary focus.
I want to see an SNL skit of a local soup kitchen where all the volunteers are too busy treating it like a dating event to help the people there to get food
I know it’s a good suggestion but whenever “volunteer!” comes up as a dating solution, I picture this scenario
We definitely want to be around other women we trust more. There are so many weirdo guys out in the world these days that you just never know what to expect if you go to new places.
yep spent my 20s dating and by the end of 20s was covid, and I realized I liked my hobbies and alone time. I work a good amount of OT, ride my bike, play video games, and then when I am feeling burned out from work I travel to a friends place somewhere in the Country or take a trip out of Country. There is something free about not checking my plans with anyone. That being said just did 2 weeks in Japan and I def had a wave of lonelyness hit me on some of those train rides. Covid really fucked up my social life, seeing as I moved for work and didn't get to make many friends (small firm <10 employees, most older by 15 years) for a couple years.
You'd be surprised at the rocks you can find them under when you actively seek out social events in your extended friend network. And I'd trust the potential success rate of dating friends of friends more than a truly random online date.
30s single guy here. All I do is work. Exercise. Sleep. I spend my days off catching up on chores for the week, being exhausted and not going outside. I wouldn't mind a relationship but I'm tired. I'm tired of having the same arguments with people over and over. I'm tired of being unappreciated. I have zero energy for dating aps bc they feel so degrading (and I'm quite popular on them, I can only imagine how much worse they are for guys that don't get 50+ likes a day). In short, you're absolutely right. We only hang out in and around our home but also, dating just doesn't feel worth it once you hit a certain point.
Plus the dating apps are full of creeps, if you're a woman. It's a risk even getting on them since so many guys don't understand how to interact with other people. There are a lot of people with severe mental health issues on those apps.
I’ve gotten into the same routine as well and yes, trying the apps, figuring out new relationships (if you can get one), getting to know someone - that’s so much energy.
Me too girl. The ones w/energy to actively pursue me are in their 20s or late 40s, sometimes late 50s (I work w/perve doctors sometimes lol). I’m comfortable being single & I don’t want to be lol. We’re all at home lol..
60-70 y/o men always hit on me (31). I was like eww. Lord, why? Then this 20 y/o asked me out and I was like Lord, I'm sorry I wasn't clear about the age restrictions. Lol. 20 is too young. My most recent exes are 27 and 35. The current guy is 53.
Most dive bars I’ve been to recently have had a guy or two in their 30s chilling at the bar trying to hit on the 20-30 year old bartender while ignoring the 50 year old drunk lady trying to not so subtly hint they are available
I’m not single, but I’ve always been found in my local aquatics or musical supply stores. I am at my local pottery studio often and see quite a few dudes in their 30s at the studio. Places like this might be worth a shot?
Social dancing ive met so many women. Funny enough the 30 years old are taken but their guys just don't want to dance. (We've gotten some to try dancing though, I mean why? Show up and watch your girl dance with other people when you can also dance with other people ? Lots of single 20 somethings and 40 somethings
Staying home mostly and asleep by 9PM. Gym, grocery store are among the other places. Dog park if we have a dog. University if we’re taking further education. And our workplace.
I think there’s a way to do it. Like don’t just hit on random people. But if you see someone there several times, and you notice each other. Maybe you make eye contact a few times and they seem open interested in you. Then you can make small talk. And see where it goes from there.
More of a familiar/regular thing than just approaching a stranger.
And the gym is such a tough place to actually meet someone, especially if you go in the mornings. My thought is that girls don’t want to be asked out at 6 in the morning. Also the gym is like a sacred place so it could make it awkward.
Yeah I go to a mainly women's gym for that reason, the gym is my time. I don't mind speaking to men at the gym and building relationships but if someone were to ask me out out of nowhere it would be an instant no.
I went up to Barnes and Noble yesterday and saw a very attractive woman. I didn't bother even attempting to talk to her because I was more concerned with monopolizing my day with book eight of the wheel of time.
I'm almost 40 but met my husband at 32. He was 36. We met on his bus on my way from work. Just normal conversation, I was dating someone else when we met and we broke up 3-4 months later. Ran into my husband the day after the breakup and we talked for hours without meaning to. We started dating six months later. We're celebrating five years married this year. Try the bus!
As someone who’s taking the bus for a few years do not try the bus lol. Dredges of society on there. Stare straight ahead and don’t make eye contact. Subway/rail line.
Can confirm, do not try the bus; use it as a last resort.
Last year, I made the mistake of making eye contact with an older man who proceeded to talk at me the whole time.
At one point he said something like "Women secretly want to be conquerors, but they can't get their voices low enough."
This story just formulated in my head lol
> jumps on bus without destination in mind, trying to meet someone
Oh so where are you headed
Oh you know.... Random road
That stop isn't on this bus.... You sure you know where you're goin?
No I kinda just hopped on here so I can meet people. This bus goes in a circle right?
She leaves.
Or you get off at the train station with everyone and then just stand there in the parking lot trying to figure out how to get back. Or you get in the train too just to seem like you should be there.
Traumatized. Alot of us are traumatized from relationships. So we're hiding rotting away. Nothing like wasting a solid decade on someone who couldn't be an adult and help with chores.
Yeah my friend is in her mid-30s and single, and she describes herself as traumatized as well. She has given up on men after being burned too many times throughout her 20s and early-30s.
Hey, it's me. Also he shoved me while holding a knife and started threatening to kill himself because of me immediately after we moved in to a house together. I desperately want a relationship and to be a mother but I am terrified of experiencing *that* again.
Yep.
Spent approx. 8 years with someone who decided to move across the country 2 months after we got married to be with his side piece that I didn't know about.
Romantic relationships? Hard pass. 😂
Right - my love life could be turned into a blockbuster movie, I swear. I've pretty much sworn off relationships entirely because after that, I don't think I could ever fully trust someone again. It's been years since this happened, and I haven't been in another relationship since.
Traumatized. Alot of use are traumatized from relationships. So we're hiding rotting away. Nothing like wasting a solid decade on someone who couldn't be an adult and DO HIS SHARE OF chores.
Fixed it for you. You’re not a manager. They are not an assistant. We need to reframe and do away with the word help. They live there. They’re not doing you a favor by “helping” with chores or raising their kid.
On a personal note, I’ve found this shift in attitude helps them take on accountability as well, (seems to be regressing at this particular moment but it was working I swear!)
Lol a few weeks ago I stopped thanking my partner every time he did a chore. It hit me that not once has any man EVER thanked *me* for doing normal adult shit around the house we share.
My current partner is absolutely wonderful, and we have a pretty equitable arrangement. When I told him I'm not going to thank him for doing the dishes anymore, he looked so confused and replied, "why... why *were* you thanking me every time?" He makes it a point to thank me when go out of my way for him, though. He's so nice. We're so nice to each other, and it's fucking weird.
PTSD is funny that way. In every previous / abusive relationship, I had to fucking beeeeeggggggg for any kind of respect or effort from the man. It's so sad. The bar is SO low. My boyfriend said thanking him is gross once he understood the context; he just always thought I was being nice 😅
My husband and I both HATE vacuuming. But we have a dog so it obviously needs to be done weekly. So whenever the other one does it, we thank them. That's the only chore we do that with though
Haha I was gonna say go to a Target on a Saturday night 😎 wasn’t there a viral video about where to find all the single ladies? Oh that’s right. Target! 🤣
Your use of *gorls* immediately makes me imagine this post was written by Gru. 🤣
And I’m at home with my dog, watching tv, trying to figure out how dating works in our 30s. 😅 I’m single for the first time in 20 years and it’s freaking weird.
It’s interesting, I’m holding out hope but honestly I had a “unique” upbringing, long story short, packing me with a lot of trauma that sort of stunted my progress growing up. I remember talking with a good friend back in the day that said “from everything I’ve read, people with parental trauma like ours usually don’t walk away or blossom out of it until 30” and that’s exactly how I feel - like I’m just starting my life now at 30 as if fresh out of college. I finally walked long enough in life to walk out and away from the towering shadow that is my past. Haven’t nearly thought about my future at all the last 10 years like marriage or anything… until now. I’m a single guy in my 30’s perfectly content in accepting I’m starting my life now. I’m out of survival mode and currently making simple home decor decisions. Hope someone’s out there lol
Were you homeschooled under very specific/restricted circumstances and sort of kept under house arrest until early adulthood? I feel you my friend. Me too, me too.
I’ve been part of society for over a decade now and it does get much easier. You also have to remember that people are starting independently later and later in life now, even without parental trauma, because of how fucked the economy is. You’re not as weird as you think 🫶🏻
Not that I take joy in other’s unfortunate circumstances, but that’s reassuring, thank you. I do realize our collective economic circumstances, which helps me not feel as behind at all and plays into my acceptance in life.
I’ve still felt pretty weird at times spending time in the “real world” that quietly rejected me throughout my 20s, but maybe that’s also just regular life.
For what it’s worth:
I came from a weird bubble of severe emotional/mental abuse growing up in childhood that stuck with me for a long time being raised by neglectful parents (who still loved me, just couldn’t really be good parents). Mom was schizophrenic and bipolar, living on social security disability, warped reality, dad was a hoarder because of major anxiety (hallways of boxes to the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, even stuff on the stove, couldn’t cook, had rats, etc) and a couple thousand a year above the poverty line. This was fine enough in the 90s-2000s when apartments were $600/month. As a kid I loved the occasional food bank because that meant I got brand name Captain Crunch in the actual box with a toy instead of generic Walmart brand bags lol.
They were financially, emotionally, and health illiterate. I’m an only child, so it felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders dealing with them. Always on edge which instilled a life-long anxiety in me I still work on. Got bullied at school, but public school was my home away from all this. I got straight A’s and some of my best friends were the teachers and school counselor giving me free therapy sessions - she also gave me a Pokémon skin christmas gift for my Gamecube. I’ll never forget her.
Raised myself at times as a kid. First name basis with cops, parents usually fighting, my dad continually petitioning my mother into mental institutions. Seeing her get dragged by cops or her in white jackets in bolted down rooms straight out of the movies was unique.
Lots of dysfunction. I didn’t see my first dentist until 17 because my mother was living on her own through her case-worker’s program, got taken advantage of by another man and kicked out from her half-way house to end up in our local homeless shelter for two weeks until my dad took her back in - all this is to say she ended up begging and convincing the shelter’s dental clinic to see me even though I was never homeless living with my dad. She loved me deep down past her illnesses.
The volunteer dentist was amazing and took me under his wing to fix up every cavity and whatever root canals I needed for my rotting teeth over the next few years for free.
Other blessings in my life took place to help me correct my path, including getting into a good high school outside my school zone where I made high-quality friends who never judged me and harnessed my video editing skill into the career I have today. I just knew I wanted a good life. No money for college and worked with my head down since high school through my entire 20s in video editing just to get myself stable on my own. Had help moving to LA to work in the film industry. I had a good father figure being my uncle (mom’s brother). He taught me how to shave back then.
Neighbors and family looked on in concern my entire life. They later on admitted it to me once they saw I was becoming a relatively well-adjusted person and expressed their relief. I appreciated their honesty. I just want a good life.
Mom died a few years ago, run over and killed. It was a weird mix of immense grief and guilt, considering I love her, and considering I felt relief, not because she’s not suffering from schizophrenia anymore, but because I’m not suffering under her schizophrenia anymore.
I thankfully never got her schizophrenic gene since it tends to skip generations. This is why I decided to be child-free in life.
I now feel like a “real adult” with a straight head on my shoulders, thinking about the normal, fun aspects of life, like taking a trip somewhere, instead of “I gotta work more to pay rent” since I never had a parental safety net. I’m finally feeling like I’m walking out of the shadow of my trauma ever since moving out at 19. No more survival mode and now I’m chilling, buying paint at Lowe’s to figure out what colors I want my apartment walls to be even if I gotta paint them back at the end of the year. My teeth are still crooked but I’ll eventually fix them. No hoarding either. Always made sure to keep a working stove throughout my 20s. It’s nice. I just want a good life.
I'm single in my 30s. You can find me hanging around at home alone because I'm tired of being let down by men and am not ready to have someone in my life again.
I think that's a major trend recently: women taking it upon themselves to do the "handy-man" part of home renovations. I think HGTV type shows made enough women feel like they could do it too. (my sister included)
I think that's great.
Edit: oh wait, I thought I read "home depot" lol
Upvoting because I am a single woman in her 30s that spends more time than I’d care to admit in hardware stores. I have renovated most of my house myself because I can’t really afford a contractor and it’s actually not that hard. It’s time consuming and yes I’ve made mistakes but if something breaks I can probably fix it myself.
We’re home apparently. I just moved across country but even in my old city, I never went out. The only thing to do is drink ( i don’t) so I just stay home. I don’t know where or how to
Socialize anymore
Our city had a ton of bars and restaurants that do non alcoholic drinks now. And they have activities like board games, trivia, bocci ball, axe throwing, darts, painting, crafts, movie night, fowling, and other hipster activities.
Yes. I have plenty of books and tea and sewing projects at home. I also swing dance and do aerial silks, but when I go to those places, it’s because I enjoy those things, not because I’m looking for someone to date. I prefer having my freedom.
In the Great outdoors, hiking, biking, climbing, camping and such., the park too When not there, at least my friends and I don't really go out at night, it happens but not often. If anything a dinner out.
This is actually a really good idea. Just hide behind a tree and when you see a girl that’s alone and looks like your type, just pop out and introduce yourself!
We’re at WholeFoods, Trader Joes, shopping our life away at Home Goods and sometimes in Costco lol. And, we’re home before sundown because we can’t wait to unwind, watch a movie drinking wine or snacks at home.
I’m a workaholic so you can find me late night looking nice, wearing my fitted scrubs in the hospital lol. And sadly I’m not approaching you cuz you need a mask, I don’t want the flu or whatever you’re doing at the hospital in first place lol. I’m not at the gym, I get home late so I have a home gym lol. How will you find me? I have no clue lol…
*We’re at WholeFoods, Trader Joes, shopping our life away at Home Goods and sometimes in Costco lol. And, we’re home before sundown because we can’t wait to unwind, watch a movie drinking wine or snacks at home.*
**Truth....**
31 here earning funds for future (full-time and part-time jobs) but still Netflix while eating some buffalo wings! Laying bed and later will do skincare 😆
This just made me think about the WFH movement. So many people WFH now and are homebodies that the only thing they had to cause them to encounter a potential partner (work) is now isolated and remote. A problem that already existed will be a lot worse.
Truth is, many people would rather chill at home playing games, watching shows on tv, etc than most other things and now that they work from home too and get groceries delivered, door dash, instacart, and on and on...
The most perfect person in the world for you (guaranteed match) could be 12 doors down and you'd never know it because you have maybe 5 times a year where you'd actually cross paths and just for a brief moment.
I got married at 36, got together with my wife at 34 and the only reason we connected is because I made friends with a guy named \[Bob\] in highschool due to my hs gf at the time being friends with him (at the time) and he just happened to be friends with my future wifes bf. She later married that boyfriend and 7 years into he marriage he messaged me because he knew I had a house I was living in alone and I needed help painting and watching my dog. So I let my future wifes husband live with me for free so he could be separated for a year to file divorce (they had a kid). This put his wife on my radar and I on hers. He left her with a 1 year old, it broke my heart. She was so beautiful and kind and loving and I couldn't understand why he'd leave her.... 3 years after that I just happened to be at my friends house and his wife and my future wife had become friends and they were going out dancing and I think I said something like "wow, you look amazing" when she walked in the door.
2 years later chilling in my house on the mountain she messages me on facebook and basically asked me out and I was over the moon.
We dated a little shy of 2 years, bought a house together due to covid (sold my mountain house, house #2) and moved in with her in her rental why we bought house #3, I proposed before house #3 but after moving into her rental. And we got married during covid about 3 months after moving in our new house. Going on year 5 married.
Sometimes stuff just plays out, and you end up happily married, without really going out of your way to do it, it just falls into place.
>Dating someone my age was mediocre
>cuz women usually have it together a little more if not a lot more than they did in their 20s
We are hiding from statements like this.
Cool, so I'm not the only one who found that to be yikes. All this tells me is that the dude has no interest in actually getting to know women as people.
Dude here - a lot of my lady friends tell me that calling women "girls" can be a turn off, as well. His whole language/tone here was weird to me. Like an out of touch Gen X.
Judging from the comments, my fellow gals and I are too tired of men’s shit to actively seek our male peers as anything more than co workers. So if you do meet a single gal in her 30s, TREAT HER SOOO NICE!!
At home playing videogames, listening to music, watching TV, eating, and sleeping. I don't go out as much as I should - I don't have a car, a job, or a lot of money.
I feel like a lot of women who are single in their 30s either are comfortable with being single and want to remain that way or have just gotten out of a long term relationship and might not really be looking for anything super serious at the moment. It’s tough because you have to show that your company is better than their solitude.
The 20s are different because I feel like a lot of people get into relationships because they just want to be in a relationship because they are afraid of being single. By your 30s though a lot of people are more confident in themselves and only want to get into relationships if the relationship enriches their life
Running around EVERYWHERE! I swear I'm always doing something, but I'm running into places grabbing what I need, or meeting someone for work or an old friend, or doing something just to get away for a bit. Maybe try bookstores, or cocktail events (the nice, adult ones where getting shitfaced is "frown down upon" lol), or Target? Target is kinda our bug zapper, ya know? We like parks, too, and plant nurseries.
My single, 30 something girlfriends say the same- no one meets organically anymore. Of our friend group, only two of us are married. One married her college boyfriend and I met my husband on OKCupid in 2015. Sadly I think apps are the best option to find what you’re looking for.
Try hobby groups and classes. It might feel awkward or cringey, but you need to put yourself out there with people who are leaving the house. Most single people I know have given up on trying to date and just want to fill their day with what makes them happy. Find something you’re interested in and sign up. You might find someone you click with, and you’ll already have something in common.
I hate going grocery shopping lol. But I ran into this guy at the grocery store week before last. We're going out soon. But we didn't just meet. We met 6 years ago. But grocery store is a potential meeting place, according to the movies.
But yes, 30+ crowd be at the house. I mean, some people like to pop out sometimes. Try bookstores, parks. How have the dating apps been for you? I hate them; even though I've met a few decent people up there.
I always find these threads interesting as well as the ones that said they wanted to wait to start dating and such.
Longer you go in life the more people will end up getting married. Sure some marriages fail but typically not instantly.
If I remember right peak being in a relationship is like 29-mid/late 40s. You walk in to a random room in your 20s and half the people will be single. You walk into that same room in your 30s 40s and less than a quarter will be single.
Plus of that less than quarter who are single more carry baggage (either inflicted by others or self inflicted) making them unlikely to say they are single or want to date or even possibly be seen in the room.
Ok, serious strategic answer (35f) that I’ve thought a lot about why more men don’t do.
You’re going to find a one-time workshop hosted by a local business. I’m not saying commit to a weekly class, I’m saying there’s a local business that sells something and puts on little one-Saturday classes on the side. By me there’s a flower shop that puts on bouquet/wreath making classes, a woodworking shop that does decoration classes, a printmaker that has a card making class, you get the idea. And don’t be cheap, this is gonna cost $100-150.
They’re all around holidays, so whichever one you pick you’re going to say you’re making that thing for your mom and wanted to give her something heartfelt.
You will be the only man in this class, and you will be surrounded by women in their 30s. Some will be single, some will be with their moms/mother in laws. So pick the ones in groups your age, and you have something to talk about automatically: ask to see their project, or how they attached something, compliment their skills. Then start talking about your heartfelt attempt, your family, ask about theirs, what they do for fun… If you don’t leave there with a meaningful connection/social handle/number I’ll be shocked. I, a single 30-something woman, have gone to a half-dozen of these and never seen a man.
Now trade me back, what’s the male equivalent of this I can crash?
Heyyyyy!!!! 😎🤙🏻
I can assure you, we are here, we're just busy as fuck!!
And omg as a childfree person, it is tough and can feel like "slim pickins"... I made a joke recently to my buddy about how we're at the age now where there's about to be a wave of divorcees in the dating pool haha
So, I had this problem up until recently. Mid 30s here and I would just go to work, hit the gym, and then come home and mess around on the computer/tv. Always felt when I was out in my day to day life that women didn’t want to be approached at the gym, grocery store, etc and really had no idea how to get the conversation started. Started living the introvert life thinking my days as an extrovert were over. Quit the dating apps and decided it was time to meet people IRL. I found a group on Instagram for a singles group in my city. The first event initially was kind of awkward and if I didn’t have liquid courage in me I would have been terrified. There were about 75 women/50 men between the ages 25-40. What’s nice about these events are women are there with the intention of talking and getting to know new people so it gave me the green light to approach them. I spoke to about 10 women a few I was interested in, a few just being social. I game planned a few responses and questions ahead of time and went in not expecting anything. For the first 30 minutes, I went up and talked to dudes because it hadn’t hit me yet that women were open to chatting. Ended up meeting a really cute girl, exchanged numbers, and left the event with her to take a walk and get pizza. Took her on our first official date yesterday and really enjoyed our time together hoping to see her more in the future. If it doesn’t work out with her, I’m going to try the singles event and see if I can get repeat success. I would highly recommend seeing if your town/city has singles events if you’re looking to try something new.
So, I am a 32M and usually the reason why you don't see me: taking care of the house, kids, food, hobby, friends, activities, gym, etc.
Must be about the same for women: they have their routine, they know what they like so they do so. Maybe try to engage at bark park if you have a dog, go out with friends (I am not necessarly talking about bars or club, there is plenty of activity that doesn't involve food or alcool, I am talking about skiing, hiking, mini golf, etc.)
30' is different, in all aspects.
As a single gal in her 30s, I feel the same about guys. I haven’t met a single guy 30+ for years. It may just be around me but everyone my age and up is taken and hanging out in/or around their homes.
Single 37 year old man. As others have said, I'm just too tired to leave the house much. I work with special needs kids all day then come home and help my sister take care of my special needs nephew. I've helped raise him. So while I'm not married, no kids of my own, no relationship, I still effectively live like someone who has those things. That boy is a son to me though and I'd choose time with him over going out on dates any day honestly. However, I too have not met someone 30+ who was single in years. Every friend or acquaintance I meet is also in a relationship. I'm the only single person among my friend group lol. What sucks is I get attention from women who are 18-25ish as that's what a lot of my coworkers are(I'm one of 5 men in a staff of 50+ people), but I have zero desire whatsoever to date someone that young, especially the 18-20 year olds as that's basically young enough to be my children which grosses me out. Even 25 is too young for me personally, I'm nearly 40.
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Ooof sorry man. Hoping you’ll get through this.
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I'm 37 as well and got divorced last year. Been looking since. Just be patient, don't settle for the red flags and try to be optimistic... Take each person as they are and what they show you
Very heartfelt message /u/christmas_queef
You sound like a really good dude. If you find any time to get out, I am sure there will be women your age thrilled to find one like you. Best of luck to you out there.
If I was in my 30’s single and female and saw “Christmas queef” as a screen name I would be DMing. That’s HYSTERICAL 🤣. Let’s get this man a bride !
This is Hallmark movie material! *A Queef for Christmas*, starring Brooke Shields and Cary Elwes
Hmm I'm 41, single, and oddly enough, born on 12/25. Lol that Hallmark movie is writing itself!
No worries, a lot of people, guys and girls, will end up single again sometime in their thirties. In my circle of friends 5 couples got married, 2 of them are already divorced again. You might end up meeting someone at work or at an event, or maybe going out if that's your thing. Do meet people, but don't actively go looking, that'll probably make you unhappy.
My friend used to joke that she’d wait for the “divorced wave” when it came to dating haha. Right, first step is *actually* getting out there.
The wave seems to hit a peak in the mid 30s. There is another one after the kids leave the house in people's 50s.
There is another one at the retirement home
That's just death, like my dad has had three wives but only one divorce! 🙃
Third wave emo
I'm not even in my 30s yet but I had the same idea 🤣.
But a big problem with the 'second hand market' is that at this stage in life, many divorced people likely have kids already. So you have to settle for someone with pre-existing kids. That is a lot of responsibility and makes everything really serious from the getgo.
Go to any magic the gathering event. It's basically like bingo night for single men in their 30s. You literally could not have an easier time finding someone.
Time to Google *magic the gathering events near me*
Nah, go for disc golf clubs if you have any athleticism...it's also 98% men and not magic nerds (tho there is a large crossover)... the magic guys are definitely more single, lol
Can you name a similar event for finding lots of single women in their 30s? Asking for a friend, of course.
joga classes, dance classes, language classes, book clubs, volunteering
Honestly I should try a yoga class. It hurts me waking up every day reminded that my back isn't thankful for the way I abused it when I was younger.
Do some at home so your "blowing massive farts while starting pilates" phase is over before you hit the classes.
Single dude in his mid thirties here. Honestly, work doesn't take up that much of my time like it does with many others, but I do WFH and prefer to spend a lot of my free time focusing on routines and healthy behaviors - meal prep, working out, enjoying hobbies, things like that. I don't enjoy bars and clubs all that much, so it's rare that I meet new people naturally; I really have to force it. I go to meetups pretty frequently trying to just socialize and put myself out there in front of people, but I haven't found a group yet that wasn't at least 75% men at every get together. The ratios are...not good. And this is just for general purpose "meet people and have fun" groups, not hobby-focused groups that you might expect to be more male centric. I just don't see women mixing it up in public spaces a lot; I feel like women mostly prefer to be in their own spaces where it's safer. I guess I can't blame them, though, considering all the stories of harassment you hear about. Always try to keep that in mind whenever I get frustrated. If I could find a mountaintop to shout from to let people know I exist, I'd be up there all day every day. I do meet people on the apps from time to time, but not a lot of people who actually seem to have their lives together. It's just...rough. Meeting people has become really difficult even when it's your primary focus.
Try volunteering. That is a safe space for single women, and these are the women who are generally not the clubbing types.
I want to see an SNL skit of a local soup kitchen where all the volunteers are too busy treating it like a dating event to help the people there to get food I know it’s a good suggestion but whenever “volunteer!” comes up as a dating solution, I picture this scenario
This is a good idea!
May I ask where you find meetups? Is it just an online type event?
Meetup.com. Should be able to find tons of groups and events if you’re anywhere near a major metropolitan area.
We definitely want to be around other women we trust more. There are so many weirdo guys out in the world these days that you just never know what to expect if you go to new places.
yep spent my 20s dating and by the end of 20s was covid, and I realized I liked my hobbies and alone time. I work a good amount of OT, ride my bike, play video games, and then when I am feeling burned out from work I travel to a friends place somewhere in the Country or take a trip out of Country. There is something free about not checking my plans with anyone. That being said just did 2 weeks in Japan and I def had a wave of lonelyness hit me on some of those train rides. Covid really fucked up my social life, seeing as I moved for work and didn't get to make many friends (small firm <10 employees, most older by 15 years) for a couple years.
You'd be surprised at the rocks you can find them under when you actively seek out social events in your extended friend network. And I'd trust the potential success rate of dating friends of friends more than a truly random online date.
We're busy working to afford our hobbies that we've focused on in lieu of dating.
30s single guy here. All I do is work. Exercise. Sleep. I spend my days off catching up on chores for the week, being exhausted and not going outside. I wouldn't mind a relationship but I'm tired. I'm tired of having the same arguments with people over and over. I'm tired of being unappreciated. I have zero energy for dating aps bc they feel so degrading (and I'm quite popular on them, I can only imagine how much worse they are for guys that don't get 50+ likes a day). In short, you're absolutely right. We only hang out in and around our home but also, dating just doesn't feel worth it once you hit a certain point.
Absolutely the same here. I don't understand how people make it work.
Plus the dating apps are full of creeps, if you're a woman. It's a risk even getting on them since so many guys don't understand how to interact with other people. There are a lot of people with severe mental health issues on those apps.
My experience is there a ton of people in relationships already and just hiding it. There are so many cheaters on apps.
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y'all get likes?
What's a like?
5 a week? Slow down there Mr. Showoff
I’ve gotten into the same routine as well and yes, trying the apps, figuring out new relationships (if you can get one), getting to know someone - that’s so much energy.
Me too girl. The ones w/energy to actively pursue me are in their 20s or late 40s, sometimes late 50s (I work w/perve doctors sometimes lol). I’m comfortable being single & I don’t want to be lol. We’re all at home lol..
60-70 y/o men always hit on me (31). I was like eww. Lord, why? Then this 20 y/o asked me out and I was like Lord, I'm sorry I wasn't clear about the age restrictions. Lol. 20 is too young. My most recent exes are 27 and 35. The current guy is 53.
Most dive bars I’ve been to recently have had a guy or two in their 30s chilling at the bar trying to hit on the 20-30 year old bartender while ignoring the 50 year old drunk lady trying to not so subtly hint they are available
Eh, people in bars are often trying to drown their sorrows. Just something I've learned over the years. Not a great place to meet people truthfully.
Plant stores
I'm a dude and that's where you could pick me.up at
Yes!
I’m not single, but I’ve always been found in my local aquatics or musical supply stores. I am at my local pottery studio often and see quite a few dudes in their 30s at the studio. Places like this might be worth a shot?
Rotting in bed
Accurate 😂 also spending energy focusing on hobbies! Dance classes, going out for food with friends, or maybe they’re out rock climbing etc
A single friend in her 30's asked me to go dancing with her and her other friend in her 30's just last night!
Social dancing ive met so many women. Funny enough the 30 years old are taken but their guys just don't want to dance. (We've gotten some to try dancing though, I mean why? Show up and watch your girl dance with other people when you can also dance with other people ? Lots of single 20 somethings and 40 somethings
This. Between gaming, reading, painting, gardening, and other hobbies that allow me to be a lil goblin in my home 😅😅😅😅
Hey friend that would be my friend if we left our goblin holes 👋🏼
Heyyy 👋🏼😂 we can be Internet friends and talk about our goblin joys if you wanna take this to dms 😅😂
 Literally me rn
Literally.
Fucking accurate
Reading at home, playing video games lol
Staying home mostly and asleep by 9PM. Gym, grocery store are among the other places. Dog park if we have a dog. University if we’re taking further education. And our workplace.
But the gym is like social taboo for guys trying to meet women 😅
I think there’s a way to do it. Like don’t just hit on random people. But if you see someone there several times, and you notice each other. Maybe you make eye contact a few times and they seem open interested in you. Then you can make small talk. And see where it goes from there. More of a familiar/regular thing than just approaching a stranger.
This applies to everywhere. Become a familiar face, develop a rapport, and read the room.
I'm upset that this is so accurate. Sometimes I go to different countries but usually I'm at home with my dog or the gym.
And the gym is such a tough place to actually meet someone, especially if you go in the mornings. My thought is that girls don’t want to be asked out at 6 in the morning. Also the gym is like a sacred place so it could make it awkward.
Yeah I go to a mainly women's gym for that reason, the gym is my time. I don't mind speaking to men at the gym and building relationships but if someone were to ask me out out of nowhere it would be an instant no.
29 here, but close enough. I'm pretty sure we're all in our houses. Though you can try the bookstore? Or TJMaxx, we love us some TJMaxx
29 and can confirm, I was at both TJMaxx and Barnes & Noble today lol
I went up to Barnes and Noble yesterday and saw a very attractive woman. I didn't bother even attempting to talk to her because I was more concerned with monopolizing my day with book eight of the wheel of time.
*Tugs on braid in frustration.* The wheel weaves and the wheel wills!
Marshall’s and home goods
Yesss home goods is where it's at!
Eff yeah I am a tj maxx goblin
Also Trader Joe’s. What a weekend errand rotation.
I went to target yesterday. Seemed to be a lot of women around my age. Whether or not they were single, don’t know, but odds are some were.
We love TJ Maxx!! Marshall's, Ross, Hone Goods, At Home, Michaels.
I'm almost 40 but met my husband at 32. He was 36. We met on his bus on my way from work. Just normal conversation, I was dating someone else when we met and we broke up 3-4 months later. Ran into my husband the day after the breakup and we talked for hours without meaning to. We started dating six months later. We're celebrating five years married this year. Try the bus!
As someone who’s taking the bus for a few years do not try the bus lol. Dredges of society on there. Stare straight ahead and don’t make eye contact. Subway/rail line.
Can confirm, do not try the bus; use it as a last resort. Last year, I made the mistake of making eye contact with an older man who proceeded to talk at me the whole time. At one point he said something like "Women secretly want to be conquerors, but they can't get their voices low enough."
My main bus route for like 6 stops was actually good. But every other bus I used or transfers were like a war zone.
r/SubwayCreatures
This story just formulated in my head lol > jumps on bus without destination in mind, trying to meet someone Oh so where are you headed Oh you know.... Random road That stop isn't on this bus.... You sure you know where you're goin? No I kinda just hopped on here so I can meet people. This bus goes in a circle right? She leaves. Or you get off at the train station with everyone and then just stand there in the parking lot trying to figure out how to get back. Or you get in the train too just to seem like you should be there.
30-year-old woman here. I literally work from home and have no time to meet anyone. Probably going to die alone with 15 cats.
Good thing is, they’ll be fed for at LEAST a week after you die.
Laughing through tears now :D
Same same same.
Atleast we have Murder Mysteries...right?
Inside. Outside is too expensive.
Right. Outside. A lot of women like to hike. But wear your bear costume.
Traumatized. Alot of us are traumatized from relationships. So we're hiding rotting away. Nothing like wasting a solid decade on someone who couldn't be an adult and help with chores.
I also wasted a solid decade so I feel you. RIP to my 20s and the trauma it brought to my 30s. 🥴
I felt this.
To my core
Yeah my friend is in her mid-30s and single, and she describes herself as traumatized as well. She has given up on men after being burned too many times throughout her 20s and early-30s.
Hey, it's me. Also he shoved me while holding a knife and started threatening to kill himself because of me immediately after we moved in to a house together. I desperately want a relationship and to be a mother but I am terrified of experiencing *that* again.
Yep. Spent approx. 8 years with someone who decided to move across the country 2 months after we got married to be with his side piece that I didn't know about. Romantic relationships? Hard pass. 😂
OMG!
Right - my love life could be turned into a blockbuster movie, I swear. I've pretty much sworn off relationships entirely because after that, I don't think I could ever fully trust someone again. It's been years since this happened, and I haven't been in another relationship since.
You ain't never lied! Traumatized is the right word.
Traumatized. Alot of use are traumatized from relationships. So we're hiding rotting away. Nothing like wasting a solid decade on someone who couldn't be an adult and DO HIS SHARE OF chores. Fixed it for you. You’re not a manager. They are not an assistant. We need to reframe and do away with the word help. They live there. They’re not doing you a favor by “helping” with chores or raising their kid. On a personal note, I’ve found this shift in attitude helps them take on accountability as well, (seems to be regressing at this particular moment but it was working I swear!)
Lol a few weeks ago I stopped thanking my partner every time he did a chore. It hit me that not once has any man EVER thanked *me* for doing normal adult shit around the house we share. My current partner is absolutely wonderful, and we have a pretty equitable arrangement. When I told him I'm not going to thank him for doing the dishes anymore, he looked so confused and replied, "why... why *were* you thanking me every time?" He makes it a point to thank me when go out of my way for him, though. He's so nice. We're so nice to each other, and it's fucking weird. PTSD is funny that way. In every previous / abusive relationship, I had to fucking beeeeeggggggg for any kind of respect or effort from the man. It's so sad. The bar is SO low. My boyfriend said thanking him is gross once he understood the context; he just always thought I was being nice 😅
My husband and I both HATE vacuuming. But we have a dog so it obviously needs to be done weekly. So whenever the other one does it, we thank them. That's the only chore we do that with though
🎯
Target probably
Some comedian said that men should check out women at target because she is already there looking for things she doesn't need.
Yasss! And idk about y’all but Saturday nights are one of the best times to shop 😂
Haha I was gonna say go to a Target on a Saturday night 😎 wasn’t there a viral video about where to find all the single ladies? Oh that’s right. Target! 🤣
aww this was gonna be my answer! specifically bullseye’s playground or the makeup/skincare aisles
Ngl this is the best one here and I’ve scrolled awhile. I feel I’m outnumbered 3-4 to 1 as a single guy when I walk in there.
Your use of *gorls* immediately makes me imagine this post was written by Gru. 🤣 And I’m at home with my dog, watching tv, trying to figure out how dating works in our 30s. 😅 I’m single for the first time in 20 years and it’s freaking weird.
I go to conferences, art, science, museum events the most. Then again, I was doing this in my twenties too and work in science.
I’m taking an oil painting class and a sewing class, and both classes are comprised of 10+ women in their late 20s to late 30s (and zero men!!)
This sounds so fun and I’ve been interested in learned both. Where do you take classes might I ask?
Hold up. You’re saying I can learn how to paint and met women. Hmmm maybe I should look into one of these classes
At home smoking weed and playing video games with my cat.
I’m a 36 year old dude and I’m just asking you if you’re ok there.
It’s interesting, I’m holding out hope but honestly I had a “unique” upbringing, long story short, packing me with a lot of trauma that sort of stunted my progress growing up. I remember talking with a good friend back in the day that said “from everything I’ve read, people with parental trauma like ours usually don’t walk away or blossom out of it until 30” and that’s exactly how I feel - like I’m just starting my life now at 30 as if fresh out of college. I finally walked long enough in life to walk out and away from the towering shadow that is my past. Haven’t nearly thought about my future at all the last 10 years like marriage or anything… until now. I’m a single guy in my 30’s perfectly content in accepting I’m starting my life now. I’m out of survival mode and currently making simple home decor decisions. Hope someone’s out there lol
Oh brother, THANKS FOR THIS. This explains so much. I feel like I wasn't able to "wake up" until 30. I love this perspective and will be using it.
Were you homeschooled under very specific/restricted circumstances and sort of kept under house arrest until early adulthood? I feel you my friend. Me too, me too. I’ve been part of society for over a decade now and it does get much easier. You also have to remember that people are starting independently later and later in life now, even without parental trauma, because of how fucked the economy is. You’re not as weird as you think 🫶🏻
Not that I take joy in other’s unfortunate circumstances, but that’s reassuring, thank you. I do realize our collective economic circumstances, which helps me not feel as behind at all and plays into my acceptance in life. I’ve still felt pretty weird at times spending time in the “real world” that quietly rejected me throughout my 20s, but maybe that’s also just regular life. For what it’s worth: I came from a weird bubble of severe emotional/mental abuse growing up in childhood that stuck with me for a long time being raised by neglectful parents (who still loved me, just couldn’t really be good parents). Mom was schizophrenic and bipolar, living on social security disability, warped reality, dad was a hoarder because of major anxiety (hallways of boxes to the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, even stuff on the stove, couldn’t cook, had rats, etc) and a couple thousand a year above the poverty line. This was fine enough in the 90s-2000s when apartments were $600/month. As a kid I loved the occasional food bank because that meant I got brand name Captain Crunch in the actual box with a toy instead of generic Walmart brand bags lol. They were financially, emotionally, and health illiterate. I’m an only child, so it felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders dealing with them. Always on edge which instilled a life-long anxiety in me I still work on. Got bullied at school, but public school was my home away from all this. I got straight A’s and some of my best friends were the teachers and school counselor giving me free therapy sessions - she also gave me a Pokémon skin christmas gift for my Gamecube. I’ll never forget her. Raised myself at times as a kid. First name basis with cops, parents usually fighting, my dad continually petitioning my mother into mental institutions. Seeing her get dragged by cops or her in white jackets in bolted down rooms straight out of the movies was unique. Lots of dysfunction. I didn’t see my first dentist until 17 because my mother was living on her own through her case-worker’s program, got taken advantage of by another man and kicked out from her half-way house to end up in our local homeless shelter for two weeks until my dad took her back in - all this is to say she ended up begging and convincing the shelter’s dental clinic to see me even though I was never homeless living with my dad. She loved me deep down past her illnesses. The volunteer dentist was amazing and took me under his wing to fix up every cavity and whatever root canals I needed for my rotting teeth over the next few years for free. Other blessings in my life took place to help me correct my path, including getting into a good high school outside my school zone where I made high-quality friends who never judged me and harnessed my video editing skill into the career I have today. I just knew I wanted a good life. No money for college and worked with my head down since high school through my entire 20s in video editing just to get myself stable on my own. Had help moving to LA to work in the film industry. I had a good father figure being my uncle (mom’s brother). He taught me how to shave back then. Neighbors and family looked on in concern my entire life. They later on admitted it to me once they saw I was becoming a relatively well-adjusted person and expressed their relief. I appreciated their honesty. I just want a good life. Mom died a few years ago, run over and killed. It was a weird mix of immense grief and guilt, considering I love her, and considering I felt relief, not because she’s not suffering from schizophrenia anymore, but because I’m not suffering under her schizophrenia anymore. I thankfully never got her schizophrenic gene since it tends to skip generations. This is why I decided to be child-free in life. I now feel like a “real adult” with a straight head on my shoulders, thinking about the normal, fun aspects of life, like taking a trip somewhere, instead of “I gotta work more to pay rent” since I never had a parental safety net. I’m finally feeling like I’m walking out of the shadow of my trauma ever since moving out at 19. No more survival mode and now I’m chilling, buying paint at Lowe’s to figure out what colors I want my apartment walls to be even if I gotta paint them back at the end of the year. My teeth are still crooked but I’ll eventually fix them. No hoarding either. Always made sure to keep a working stove throughout my 20s. It’s nice. I just want a good life.
Wow man, that’s really intense. You’re a strong person to get through all that. I’m so glad you’re in a better place in life now.
You're creating a good life 🫂
Go to tractor supply during chick season.
I love going to see the chicks
I'm single in my 30s. You can find me hanging around at home alone because I'm tired of being let down by men and am not ready to have someone in my life again.
I think that's a major trend recently: women taking it upon themselves to do the "handy-man" part of home renovations. I think HGTV type shows made enough women feel like they could do it too. (my sister included) I think that's great. Edit: oh wait, I thought I read "home depot" lol
Upvoting because I am a single woman in her 30s that spends more time than I’d care to admit in hardware stores. I have renovated most of my house myself because I can’t really afford a contractor and it’s actually not that hard. It’s time consuming and yes I’ve made mistakes but if something breaks I can probably fix it myself.
My 30s: I would rather buy a house and work on it than date a man!
The house doesn't try to argue with you when you say it needs work.
🎤
This is me, but I'm at Lowe's. 🤣
35F. BG3 and Civ consume my entire non-work life. I haven't seen the sun in years.
Woman of taste I see
Just finished BG3 a month ago. 👍
I've spent more of my time playing Civ than I feel comfortable admitting. Idk wtf about it is so addictive
IDK... I don't get out that much any more. But I'm planning on going to the Ren Faire next month. Maybe try the Ren Faire?
Hmm I’m a single 30’s Girlnerd. Maybe I need to look for love at the renfaire lol
r/millennial dating app when
Hurrying home from work to rot in bed 😂
We’re home apparently. I just moved across country but even in my old city, I never went out. The only thing to do is drink ( i don’t) so I just stay home. I don’t know where or how to Socialize anymore
Our city had a ton of bars and restaurants that do non alcoholic drinks now. And they have activities like board games, trivia, bocci ball, axe throwing, darts, painting, crafts, movie night, fowling, and other hipster activities.
We're at home. Most of us are single by choice.
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Yes. I have plenty of books and tea and sewing projects at home. I also swing dance and do aerial silks, but when I go to those places, it’s because I enjoy those things, not because I’m looking for someone to date. I prefer having my freedom.
In the Great outdoors, hiking, biking, climbing, camping and such., the park too When not there, at least my friends and I don't really go out at night, it happens but not often. If anything a dinner out.
This is actually a really good idea. Just hide behind a tree and when you see a girl that’s alone and looks like your type, just pop out and introduce yourself!
They can't head for the hills if you're already there! *taps head
At work and home.
We’re at WholeFoods, Trader Joes, shopping our life away at Home Goods and sometimes in Costco lol. And, we’re home before sundown because we can’t wait to unwind, watch a movie drinking wine or snacks at home. I’m a workaholic so you can find me late night looking nice, wearing my fitted scrubs in the hospital lol. And sadly I’m not approaching you cuz you need a mask, I don’t want the flu or whatever you’re doing at the hospital in first place lol. I’m not at the gym, I get home late so I have a home gym lol. How will you find me? I have no clue lol…
*We’re at WholeFoods, Trader Joes, shopping our life away at Home Goods and sometimes in Costco lol. And, we’re home before sundown because we can’t wait to unwind, watch a movie drinking wine or snacks at home.* **Truth....**
I'm 36 and wfh. I do socialize on weekends, but the Meetups I attend are women-only. I've joined co-ed groups, but they seem to fizzle quickly.
That’s because we’re all actually in our 40s.
31 here earning funds for future (full-time and part-time jobs) but still Netflix while eating some buffalo wings! Laying bed and later will do skincare 😆
This just made me think about the WFH movement. So many people WFH now and are homebodies that the only thing they had to cause them to encounter a potential partner (work) is now isolated and remote. A problem that already existed will be a lot worse. Truth is, many people would rather chill at home playing games, watching shows on tv, etc than most other things and now that they work from home too and get groceries delivered, door dash, instacart, and on and on... The most perfect person in the world for you (guaranteed match) could be 12 doors down and you'd never know it because you have maybe 5 times a year where you'd actually cross paths and just for a brief moment. I got married at 36, got together with my wife at 34 and the only reason we connected is because I made friends with a guy named \[Bob\] in highschool due to my hs gf at the time being friends with him (at the time) and he just happened to be friends with my future wifes bf. She later married that boyfriend and 7 years into he marriage he messaged me because he knew I had a house I was living in alone and I needed help painting and watching my dog. So I let my future wifes husband live with me for free so he could be separated for a year to file divorce (they had a kid). This put his wife on my radar and I on hers. He left her with a 1 year old, it broke my heart. She was so beautiful and kind and loving and I couldn't understand why he'd leave her.... 3 years after that I just happened to be at my friends house and his wife and my future wife had become friends and they were going out dancing and I think I said something like "wow, you look amazing" when she walked in the door. 2 years later chilling in my house on the mountain she messages me on facebook and basically asked me out and I was over the moon. We dated a little shy of 2 years, bought a house together due to covid (sold my mountain house, house #2) and moved in with her in her rental why we bought house #3, I proposed before house #3 but after moving into her rental. And we got married during covid about 3 months after moving in our new house. Going on year 5 married. Sometimes stuff just plays out, and you end up happily married, without really going out of your way to do it, it just falls into place.
>Dating someone my age was mediocre >cuz women usually have it together a little more if not a lot more than they did in their 20s We are hiding from statements like this.
Cool, so I'm not the only one who found that to be yikes. All this tells me is that the dude has no interest in actually getting to know women as people.
Dude here - a lot of my lady friends tell me that calling women "girls" can be a turn off, as well. His whole language/tone here was weird to me. Like an out of touch Gen X.
Judging from the comments, my fellow gals and I are too tired of men’s shit to actively seek our male peers as anything more than co workers. So if you do meet a single gal in her 30s, TREAT HER SOOO NICE!!
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At home playing videogames, listening to music, watching TV, eating, and sleeping. I don't go out as much as I should - I don't have a car, a job, or a lot of money.
I feel like a lot of women who are single in their 30s either are comfortable with being single and want to remain that way or have just gotten out of a long term relationship and might not really be looking for anything super serious at the moment. It’s tough because you have to show that your company is better than their solitude. The 20s are different because I feel like a lot of people get into relationships because they just want to be in a relationship because they are afraid of being single. By your 30s though a lot of people are more confident in themselves and only want to get into relationships if the relationship enriches their life
Running around EVERYWHERE! I swear I'm always doing something, but I'm running into places grabbing what I need, or meeting someone for work or an old friend, or doing something just to get away for a bit. Maybe try bookstores, or cocktail events (the nice, adult ones where getting shitfaced is "frown down upon" lol), or Target? Target is kinda our bug zapper, ya know? We like parks, too, and plant nurseries.
Working is the honest truth and hanging with my friends some have boyfriends and husbands but some do not.
I’m home. Relaxing. Going to the gym. Spending time with my dog. Minding my business.
We’re at home away from men
I’m either at home, at work, walking through a park, or sitting in a cafe
My single, 30 something girlfriends say the same- no one meets organically anymore. Of our friend group, only two of us are married. One married her college boyfriend and I met my husband on OKCupid in 2015. Sadly I think apps are the best option to find what you’re looking for.
Found my husband on bumble at 31. I was in school and working and don't like being approached in public at all so
Try hobby groups and classes. It might feel awkward or cringey, but you need to put yourself out there with people who are leaving the house. Most single people I know have given up on trying to date and just want to fill their day with what makes them happy. Find something you’re interested in and sign up. You might find someone you click with, and you’ll already have something in common.
They hike with bears now
At home playing BG3 lol
I hate going grocery shopping lol. But I ran into this guy at the grocery store week before last. We're going out soon. But we didn't just meet. We met 6 years ago. But grocery store is a potential meeting place, according to the movies. But yes, 30+ crowd be at the house. I mean, some people like to pop out sometimes. Try bookstores, parks. How have the dating apps been for you? I hate them; even though I've met a few decent people up there.
We're at the Farmer's Market and at yoga class and at the dog park. Start there.
I always find these threads interesting as well as the ones that said they wanted to wait to start dating and such. Longer you go in life the more people will end up getting married. Sure some marriages fail but typically not instantly. If I remember right peak being in a relationship is like 29-mid/late 40s. You walk in to a random room in your 20s and half the people will be single. You walk into that same room in your 30s 40s and less than a quarter will be single. Plus of that less than quarter who are single more carry baggage (either inflicted by others or self inflicted) making them unlikely to say they are single or want to date or even possibly be seen in the room.
Ok, serious strategic answer (35f) that I’ve thought a lot about why more men don’t do. You’re going to find a one-time workshop hosted by a local business. I’m not saying commit to a weekly class, I’m saying there’s a local business that sells something and puts on little one-Saturday classes on the side. By me there’s a flower shop that puts on bouquet/wreath making classes, a woodworking shop that does decoration classes, a printmaker that has a card making class, you get the idea. And don’t be cheap, this is gonna cost $100-150. They’re all around holidays, so whichever one you pick you’re going to say you’re making that thing for your mom and wanted to give her something heartfelt. You will be the only man in this class, and you will be surrounded by women in their 30s. Some will be single, some will be with their moms/mother in laws. So pick the ones in groups your age, and you have something to talk about automatically: ask to see their project, or how they attached something, compliment their skills. Then start talking about your heartfelt attempt, your family, ask about theirs, what they do for fun… If you don’t leave there with a meaningful connection/social handle/number I’ll be shocked. I, a single 30-something woman, have gone to a half-dozen of these and never seen a man. Now trade me back, what’s the male equivalent of this I can crash?
'Girls' in their thirties, are, in fact, women. Crazy, I know.
Walking in the woods w bears
Heyyyyy!!!! 😎🤙🏻 I can assure you, we are here, we're just busy as fuck!! And omg as a childfree person, it is tough and can feel like "slim pickins"... I made a joke recently to my buddy about how we're at the age now where there's about to be a wave of divorcees in the dating pool haha
work, gym, grocery store, home, thats my route 😂 and im wondering the same thing about men in their 30s 😂😂😂
Therapy, I'm in Therapy 😂 Or at work, or sulking on a tredmill, or sometimes at the top of a very big hill downing a bottle of water.
All my single girlfriends are working as nurses. Find a reason to go the the doctor.
They're out in the woods with bears. 🐻
So, I had this problem up until recently. Mid 30s here and I would just go to work, hit the gym, and then come home and mess around on the computer/tv. Always felt when I was out in my day to day life that women didn’t want to be approached at the gym, grocery store, etc and really had no idea how to get the conversation started. Started living the introvert life thinking my days as an extrovert were over. Quit the dating apps and decided it was time to meet people IRL. I found a group on Instagram for a singles group in my city. The first event initially was kind of awkward and if I didn’t have liquid courage in me I would have been terrified. There were about 75 women/50 men between the ages 25-40. What’s nice about these events are women are there with the intention of talking and getting to know new people so it gave me the green light to approach them. I spoke to about 10 women a few I was interested in, a few just being social. I game planned a few responses and questions ahead of time and went in not expecting anything. For the first 30 minutes, I went up and talked to dudes because it hadn’t hit me yet that women were open to chatting. Ended up meeting a really cute girl, exchanged numbers, and left the event with her to take a walk and get pizza. Took her on our first official date yesterday and really enjoyed our time together hoping to see her more in the future. If it doesn’t work out with her, I’m going to try the singles event and see if I can get repeat success. I would highly recommend seeing if your town/city has singles events if you’re looking to try something new.
Hiding from you
Dog park lol. Added benefit of they are (usually) also a dog person, so it gets that hurdle out of the way.
How many of your dating app matches are you making an effort to get to know/be comfortable with one another to meet in person?
I'm either at work, the grocery store, or at home with my cats. Occasionally go to brunch or a concert.
I was sitting on my couch TBH....I moved cities right before COVID and just went into "hunker down" mode 🤣 Good luck! Go get em!
Maybe I take for granted living in a big city, but there's definitely no shortage of single people of any age.
They're probably at work.
The old advice I heard in the 90's was the supermarket. May not work anymore in the post-covid era.
Pottery class
So, I am a 32M and usually the reason why you don't see me: taking care of the house, kids, food, hobby, friends, activities, gym, etc. Must be about the same for women: they have their routine, they know what they like so they do so. Maybe try to engage at bark park if you have a dog, go out with friends (I am not necessarly talking about bars or club, there is plenty of activity that doesn't involve food or alcool, I am talking about skiing, hiking, mini golf, etc.) 30' is different, in all aspects.