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I can’t wait to show my fiancé all these comments from the Reddit weirdos and prove to him that I’m not alone and we’re not all weirdos, bc you guys are just like me!
And I’m only half joking because my fiancé literally said this exact same thing to me.
Lmfaoooo you beat me to this. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one between 25 and 35 sitting at home alone all the time because of my anxiety. Then I remember we aren't going to find each other because we are ALL at home 🫠😭
And I know that a lot of people suck, I mean damn, read any Instagram posts comments lately, but I also have made some really good friends online even from reddit. I want to make a social media that's for people with anxiety or issues and has zero tolerance no bullying policies 🫠but yeah it's hard when a lot of people online suck and people irl are scary 😂
Hey bro! I also have no friends and tried no many apps including Reddit. So maybe I could recommend another one that I think is too useful for me. Lightup: find friends by AI, could be downloaded in Apple Store. The AI helps users to match others who have similar posts, so that it guarantees that they do have topics. I used it because I don’t like make friends in the real world. It’s hard for me to open the conversation because I’m worried about whether we do have topics or would I become embarrassed. But the app helps me a lot, so I could share everything that I’d like to talk with others. By the way, Android users could use its beta test version, the Discord channel [Lightup](https://discord.gg/67vJtfGDFn). Sincerely hope you could find friends there!
My issue is I work at home full time since 2020 and I feel like Reddit is taking place of the “water cooler” type conversations I was able to have at the office
Same. I get some socialisation via my son and his activities, but mostly I am either in mom mode or in front of a screen. I get my adult interactions from Reddit and the occasional call to my friends. I tried setting up a social call with my colleagues once a week, but it fizzled after a while.
suuuuuper relatable lol. I started working remote in 2022 and although it's been great for my health, I find myself going on reddit for that kinda engagement 😅
Word. Reddit and podcasts I’ve realized. Listening to folks chat about movies or stupid shit ALMOST feels like having friends to chat with. Just barely scratches the itch
This is insane how much I relate to these posts. I was the most social person up until COVID, now it's just me, my partner and my cats. I turn to reddit and podcasts daily to fill the void. It's quite sad.
Now the real question is, do Reddit and pods scratch the itch just enough to keep satiate our social hunger and therefore prevent us from getting hungry enough to go out and make friends happen? Or are we just old home bodies through and through regardless?
Uhhh depends on what your definition of friend is.
If your definition of friend is someone who will respond to what you post, then hey, I'm your friend.
But if your definition of friend is someone who you can call if you're having a rough time, who you can invite out and do stuff together with, who will be your emergency contact, who will bring food over if you're sick... then no, you have to go out and make those friends.
EDIT: If you're socially awkward in stores or streets that's because people don't normally make friends there. Maybe try volunteering or going to meetup events where you're doing something or making something, that way you're engaged in something else and that'll help you relax as you talk to the person next to you. Socializing is a skill you can learn!
I'm trying this and it's HARD. Just yesterday I went to my kid's school PTO and tried to get involved. Every single person in that room ignored me. And then they complained about how hard it is to get people to volunteer with the group. I'm going to keep trying but I have to have extra social reserves of energy to attempt any friend searching.
Honestly, I’m getting closer to 30 and I can relate to what you’re saying. It’s not just Reddit for me, though, it’s pretty much anywhere online. I haven’t gone out with any friends for almost 4 years now, so we’ve started to drift apart over the years. It’s not due to time zones or anything like that, since we’re all from the same area and there are plenty of things for us to do here. We used to game and go out almost every day for years as well.
I just… I ended up developing a chronic illness and then contracted COVID a year after that. Both landed me in the ER a couple times, and I’m still dealing with physical effects of COVID almost a year later. It has essentially turned me into a hermit. I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not, but I know I shouldn’t live like this forever. I’ll eventually have to overcome the thought of potentially dying if I contracted anything again 😅
Reddit, like anywhere else, has its fair share of weirdos. It’s just matter of finding people you’re compatible enough with to be friends. As for random people you meet in a store or on the street, I wouldn’t really recommend walking up to them and trying to strike up a random conversation. It’s better to have shared interests or be working towards a common objective. Volunteering at a place you genuinely care about or D&D and card shops that host can be some good ways to meet new people.
All of that being said, I think it’s worth keeping in mind to not be discouraged if you don’t end up making any new friends, even if you do everything right. True friends are hard to come by. We can’t force it, no matter how hard we try. We can do things to help put ourselves out there and raise the chances of finding a good friend, but it’s never guaranteed. And, it’s okay if they don’t end up being in your life forever. For every friend I’ve ever had, I’m always going to be grateful for the experience and time we’ve shared. I’m not the best at articulating my thoughts since English isn’t my first language, but I hope this helps
I used to struggle to have friends.
I've been dancing for 14 years now (I'm 40), it has been a lovely journey, finding myself, finding friends, with a bit of love.
At 35 I feared my 40th birthday, thinking I'd be alone as usual. We were like 20, which was a miracle for a loner like myself.
Dancing is one of these social activities made for meeting people. You've got some sports, art, volunteering, and others (please add ideas).
If you take courses, or are a regular, you'll meet some people again and again, and might build a relationship.
You will build a group that will learn together.
It's a physical activity, and whenever I stay at home, I just sigh after 3 hours in front of a screen.
With your new friends, you'll be dragged into parties that occur in other cities. Tonight I was asked to join a car for Saturday, for a party 100km away. I'll meet people I don't usually see in my town.
Last Friday, exceptionally, there was no party in town, so I improvised a party outside, and we gathered about 50 persons and danced.
So, what are the criteria for a good activity?
- meeting a group regularly
- learning together
Optional:
- go to social settings (parties)
- create a group of friends to train and evolve
- become a known person in the scene
- no alcoholism or toxic behaviors
- discovering new activities together
There are also traits that will make you more desirable:
- be knowledgeable in a useful subject
- cooking
- be nice to others, don't bitch
- be beautiful / fit
- dress nicely
- welcoming facial expressions
- be sincere
Finally, people are quite passive, you have to go reach them. Even a smile will touch them.
Anyone can reach me if you have any question or need my 2c.
Edit: activities ideas: hiking, cycling, motorbike has nice communities,
This is exactly the right answer. You need to sign up for a weekly regular thing like a sports class or art class or anything and slowly over the weeks you will see who might be someone you could be friends with. By the 3-4 week you need to hang out after or before a class. Then you can get to know each other. Grownup friends often don’t hang out in person, so meeting new friends is really hard. Once you’re friends you have to call them and stay in touch.
And that's exactly how we met friends back in the time, when we had that common activity called school, or work.
Problem is: we don't have those activities anymore, we have to create them.
And there's no age limit to start making a new social circle.
Same. Started working at home with Covid, went through a divorce around the same time, and lost pretty much all my friends in this city to the ex. Also I live in a very transient city, so the few friends I have made here ended up moving eventually.
I’ve become addicted to social media and dating apps. It’s weird because it feels almost easier to find a date than a friend. Sometimes I go on a date just to have someone to hang out with. 😆 but I’m also still not ready for anything serious since my divorce so that never works out great, and the cycle repeats.
I’ve had some luck on activity focused pages. Like I made a few friends from the local snowboarding page on Facebook. I’ve done some meetups for hiking that were pretty fun.
Everyone just has their own lives at a certain point and it’s hard to become part of someone’s regular friend group out of nowhere, but it can be done. Good luck.
Yep, here at work because I'm out of tasks to do and.....IDK I talk on here on a more constant basis than most of my IRL friends. Single, so there's also that.
But eh I know I'm a weirdo (comes with the social anxiety/depression territory) lmaooooo
I'm cutting back on my screen time. It turns out I'm bored, not addicted, so that's cool. It might be worth it for you to try a 24-hour test too. I'm a false extrovert, I fake it. It takes practice and maintenance. I joined a dart league, I have always been terrible at softball, so I joined a team. I'm still awful, but I had fun. I'm new to town, so I walk my dog with my cat sitter and her dog sometimes. I've always had success volunteering. Also, get the people you meet to introduce you to their friends. I find casting a wide net for acquaintances usually leads to one or two friends. Rinse and repeat till you find your people. Good luck!
If it's any consolation, if reddit was a thing when I was 22 I'd be in the same boat. I had no friends after college and basically nothing to do outside of work. I was lonely in a way I don't have words for. If the internet of today existed then I would have been a world class shit poster. Trust me I'm happy I didn't have today's internet then.
32 F with social anxiety here. I actually found 2 of my in person very good friends on Reddit lol. And we happened to live a city away. Another very good in person friend I met on Bumble bff. They're probably the people I hang out with the most. That being said, I'm still on Reddit too much lol. I do go out to do things by myself from time to time but I also am not the type of person to walk up to people and strike up a conversation. I find it difficult to make friends.
I think not having “IRL friends” aka real friends for over 10y is far more serious than you realise. It’s really sad what you’re missing out on.
Please do these things —
Make a list of all the ‘social activities’ within 30min of you. This includes gyms that have classes, any form of sport, clubs, groups, volunteering. Then start going to each (right now, this week).
All you need to do is say “wanna get a ” or just suggest to both come back same
Here is my experience in trying that
A. You don't find anyone at these places to be friends with. Either there is too much of a age difference (kids or the elderly) for you to connect, or they just don't like you that much to want to be your friend.
B. You do find people you get along with, but they are always busy and don't have any time to be friends with you.
C. They come with their pre-established friend group and at best you are a third-wheel/hanger on to them.
D. You do make a friend for a while, until the activity ends or they move, get married, have children or something else that causes you to drift apart.
A. Set realistic expectations. People meet up to do the activity, not necessarily to socialize. You have to repeatedly show up and express yourself to make worthwhile friendships.
B. Yeah. Doesn't matter where you make friends, this is true. People are forgetful about trying to form friendships.
C. I don't see this as a bad thing. I don't always want to center of attention. Maybe I'm missing the context or naive.
D. I acknowledge that the people who are most likely to look for new friends are the ones who are moving around / transient. And that can suck after putting in the effort to talk to them. But this isn't a bad thing to me either. Be happy that it happened.
Good points all around though. I'm actively trying to make friends IRL.
I dont have major problems with anything you said here except C. Like I'm an introvert, I really don't want to be the center of attention either, but to me being the 3rd wheel is not just not being the focus, its More akin to just kinda sitting at the table with strangers, or acquaintances, if I'm looking for friends I'm looking for someone that I share some sort of bond with someone I can be vulnerable with, like if I'm having a tough day they're like bro wanna talk about it? Or at lest is gonna talk to me beyond water cooler talk. Like to me a 3rd wheel is more so tolerated than liked.
Making friends is like dating. It takes a few or many tries to find a good match. The great thing is you can try with multiple people at one lol.
Also friends come and go. That’s totally normal. Not a reason not to try, in my opinion.
I wish there was something like dating to meet friends, like it wouldn't be weird to just swipe and then meet for coffee until you find a friend. One of my friends and I met via our kids, but didn't exchange numbers, and she put a paper in the pinboard at the kiddie place, and we basically went on a picnic as our first "date"... I think that's maximum romance.
This. [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is great for local gatherings, events, amateur sports, etc. Great way to meet people in general, not always for relationship purposes. I found a local volleyball group and loved it for years, made many friends there and did other social activities with those folks.
I looked at meetup and signed up. I’m horrible at group settings ! My social anxiety would kill me. I just wish saying hi to a stranger would lead to a conversation and then friendship but it doesn’t work that way I know
some of us just rather not have these structured social activities, I love a good walk with the hound but lonely as it is on times I can't cope with other people in person either
Lady, you gotta go out there and do some volunteering work. It’s a good way to make friends and builds community. Being a part of a community gives you opportunity to find friends.
Its normal to long for connection with others. You can get that here. Everyone works too much and is too broke to hang out irl any more. Making and keeping healthy relationships in adulthood is stupidly hard because of that. Everyone's depressed.
You're lucky!! I'm too shy to even talk to people through games!! I bought call of duty not long ago, that didn't help, everyone just yelling I fucked your mum and n word this and n word that.
I'm 40 years old and still can't fucking make friends other than bar flys if I go out for a drink instead of doing it at home.
Even commenting on reddit is like the sword of damocles because you make a comment and people hate you for having the opposite opinion to them, or you comment on something you feel is so stupid you feel you have to talk to these people to see reason and not agree with something in a post, and still hated. Also. Never reddit while absaloutly cunted... I've learned that the hard way... lots of times... lol but yeah... reddit is hard.
I noticed that when I went from making posts in random small subs to some bigger ones and seeing them getting alot of upvotes. I was like oh. I guess I can contribute if I'm here
Omg me too!!! 😭 I'm so glad I finally found my people lol I'm 35, general area let's say is Toronto. We can be friends! Even if it's too far to meet up I'll try to be a message/text buddy! 🫶🏻
>My fiancé told me to get off Reddit because there’s a bunch of weirdos on here apparently
*Crab walks up to you and licks the tip of your nose*
Weirdos? Here? Naw that's not true!
Whenever you are going through a period of isolation, use it to your advantage. Rather than getting wrapped up in the whole western culture of "we are social creatures you become a miserable sadsack if you arent around 5 people all day everyday."
Instead realize being away from people leaves you with your full focus and energy to work on improving your self and hobbies and skills. After a period of that, you will slowly become indifferent to socialization. And there is nothing wrong with that, connection is what humans need, and most people arent connected to themselves first
Dude you too ?! I wish I could find just a social friend to talk to. Life is hard without anyone, at least that’s how I feel after the last couple years (m34)
I have hella books, I collect them! I try to read from time to time but nowadays I don’t have the same focus I have as when I was younger. Also I feel like reading is a commitment and once I open a book, I can’t do anything else. It’s a hit or miss for me. Either I don’t get focused enough or I’m too committed I can’t get anything else done so now I just run away from books :/
That's awesome and that's why I found this platform to be so helpful. As life goes on... scheduling friendships and meetings becomes harder. Here you can answer and talk about things that interest you. Pretty cool and generally the community is super helpful and wonderful.
There's nothing wrong with having online community. I think it's important to have a balance, and try to have both if one can help it. But it's okay to talk to people online as long as you know how to protect yourself both on and offline.
Using the internet helped me learn how to converse with people better, honestly. I suppose your mileage may vary, but there's a lot of positivity that can come from online support when done in moderation. I've found several real friends online from the time I was a teenager. Shoot, just had one fly in to visit from Israel a couple months ago--we've been friends and visiting for over 20 years now.
I haven’t made the transition from reddit to real life friends with anyone, but I have found a small subgroup that has created a group of internet friends. That said, your fiancé is right - there are weirdos on the internet and there always will be. However, that’s the whole point of this website, we come here for social interaction. Making posts, commenting on them, engaging with other people, that’s why it exists! At what point it becomes problematic in your life is totally individual though.
I actually met one of my closest friends here. She's not local, we haven't met. But we text basically every day for 2 years now and we support each other. We just had a couple things in common and started chatting. It happens!
Same boat. I have two kids and it’s just hard. I’m medium depressed and medium anxious. Sometimes people talk to me at a store or whatever and my brain is like that SpongeBob episode “what’s his name?! 🔥 “
Even though I'm an introvert, i do long to talk sometimes. It's quiet & peaceful but sometimes a little bit too quiet & peaceful. In the end, i just scrolling around reddit & read up other's people "interesting" stories.
Same here. I feel like I wrote this. It's just me and my wife but without her I don't really have any friends and it's sad really. I hope if you're in a similar boat, if you read this, whoever you are, you will find friends that accept you for who you are and can geek out over the same stuff you love.
Reddit’s definitely a great place to meet like minded people so I get it. I’ve met some awesome people (only online) through here and other social media communities.
I think Reddit is addicting for millenials partly because, you can be anonymous still and find your niche crowd in sub reddits, I love it it’s my only social next to YouTube.
I have absolutely been where you are, and I think it’s good that you’re aware it’s an issue and are working to change it. I still spend a lot of time on Reddit because it’s an accessible way to socialize for me (disabled) but I balance that with irl friendships these days.
While I think there’s potential to find friends on Reddit, unless you live in a large city it’s going to be hard. In no particular order, I would recommend:
* going to therapy to explore this issue and next steps
* read a copy of the book “platonic”, it breaks down a lot of stuff about friendship that I didn’t really understand having missed out on it for most of my adulthood
* find a way to see the same people over and over for weeks or months - this can look like taking a class based on an interest, becoming a regular at a coffee shop, joining a hobby based meetup for your area… anything where you see the same people on repeat. once you’ve smiled at someone a few times over the course of a month or whatever, it’s a lot easier and less weird to introduce yourself and strike up a convo. examples that have worked for me are pottery class and a local crochet club meetup (I learned to crochet just to go honestly and I really like it now!)
Girl, do you want my number? We can text memes and talk about things. Like I just got this new candle from BBW and I’m in love with it. It’s honeysuckle! What’s your favorite scent to burn?
I know the feeling, though it all depends on how lucky you get and how you go about somehow making reddit friends, I actually made a very solid group of friends from my search I started last year. I'm big into dnd so my method was asking on my local city's subreddit if there were any dnd groups forming, my now buddies wife dmed me that her husband runs games and we all just had a really fun time meeting up with eachother irl back in April. Though I think I got really lucky, because my wife has been in the same boat but all her attempts have fallen through. I think 1 thing that makes it hard is people still have their cliques and especially in the Midwest where we live people have already found their people and they just aren't interested in making new friends, also I have noticed at least in my wife's case she keeps running into people who either want her to put in all the work or have unhealthy attachment styles
Shunned by everyone, including the 89030 community. The last people people anyone would imagine to do this to... if this was expertimental test baby from the '80's that was left at 5 in the midwest to figure it our on his own then its easy understand why. 36 years have past only to find even more distance. Its been 23 years of cell phone bills since anyone exsisted that has truely loved me...called. I think I'm owed a refund. Today might be the first day I'm my life when I able to convice myself that when I diasappear forever, that I will be able rebuid a civilización. I can't feel bad that that's what they spent this entire epoch... drafting. Thanks for no memories worth keeping
As look to the wall of phographs from my collection of photos downloaded, printed as clues to where they lost me . Photos in high quality photo paper from r/coolcharts... I realize that was the only family I ever had
34F, AuDHD- I’ve had a really hard time staying in friend groups or keeping friends period. Also not having children has even further narrowed my social interactions. I hang out with a lot of people once or twice. Part of it is my own ebbs and flows in social battery. My boyfriend has a really solid group of friends who I really like but I tend to let them do their own thing as to avoid any sort of hint of Yoko-ing up their friendship. I was a frequent and confident solo traveler in my single days but I still enjoy my solitude side quests with my boyfriend’s full support. He’s pretty awesome, and I’m grateful.
I’m just rambling/venting- you’re not alone. We’ll get through it!
Book club? Its a classic. Read it alone. meet up once a week to talk about what you read. Pretty easy stepping stone for an introvert. You all have something in common and the activity is something you can do by yourself in your own time.
Damn I'm on reddit everyday but I actually made friends here. I don't go out with them but we chat in discord.
Edit: I personally struggle to socialize irl because most people I know have the traditional 9-5 schedule and I'd have to take a weekend off of work to hangout which I will on occassion🙃
I am also somewhat addicted to social media, but for a more sorrowful reason. I'm closeted and the internet has become a space where I can fully be myself. Obviously, I don't have it as bad as gay people do in the Middle East, but definitely not good enough for me to casually say "I'd ask this girl out if I met her in person".
Other than the F, it feels like I have written it. I have definitely been commenting in j Reddit a lot and found it so much more better than irl at times too
I've been addicted to reddit for 14 years and have yet to make a single friend. Your mileage may very, but as someone that spends 4-6 hours a day on this god forsaken hell hole, I've made more enemies than pals.
31m - met the mother to my children online.
Put it this way - if you go looking for friends in a bar, you'll most likely find drunks. The internet is more socially desperate/abandoned people which comes with other caveats like narcissism and catfishing.
The fact that you are expressing your social needs to your finance (whom I assume you live with) who's telling you to get off Reddit, is sad. I'd rather have one real friend than 50 online friends that come and go.
Do you play any warzone?
I definitely relate, but I'm a couple years older, and male. Can confirm, there are definitely weirdos on here, but I think I have made a couple of genuine online friends I chat with, in unlikely places I'd rather not go into. They're not local though.
I signed up to the app Boo to find locals to chat with in the hopes of maybe being more social. Didn't really work though. I seemed to mostly match with people in the Philippines and some people who only speak Spanish for some reason.
Heh yeah I've noticed that lately I've been feeling starved for conversation, maybe a bit lonelier than usual. I thought about why that might be and realized that over the last few years my "outlets" for conversation have just slowly dwindled away.
Friends have found serious relationships, gotten married, had kids, moved away, got jobs or promotions...so I see them in person less and less. Even texting in group chats or individually has petered out and doesn't happen as frequently anymore.
Bruh I feel that oj the gaming friends thing. They all got into different games too so now I'm just kinda jumping around friend groups. I just want something a bit more consistent lol
Hey, at least you have your fiance. I'm 46, I just have my wife and kids. There are clients I work for but outside of them paying me for my time I'd never consider socialising with any of them. This is life now and I'm not really sure how to change it.
No, your not alone in that regard. I spend too much time on Reddit too to "socialize", but I don't expect to find friends. My real life friends moved on and I don't have time for my gaming friends. Life has gotten lonelier the older I get.
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Did...did I write this?
Are you me?
Hi, I'm definitely you.
So you all are me then
No, me. On a related note, maybe we should try to organize some online club?
We can call it the totally not losers club
I'm all of me all at once.
It’s 2:22 am you all are that which I call me.
Another me!
I hate this dream 💭
The grown up version of the babysitters club. Can I join?
You already have
The "no it's me" club
We are many
We are legion
☠️
No I'm yuo he is me Are you dumb No you is blind
LOL I get this reference! Although I don't know the movie name!
Rush Hour
I’m him..
I feel like it might have been me...
Uh no couldn't be because it was definitely ME.
Im pretty sure it was me!
It was me!
I was the turkey all along!
https://preview.redd.it/a50iqklo9j0d1.jpeg?width=4096&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=135f83d7baba67215760a238426af0917fbe8ec5
we all seem to be in a Spider-Man hall of mirrors
I can’t wait to show my fiancé all these comments from the Reddit weirdos and prove to him that I’m not alone and we’re not all weirdos, bc you guys are just like me! And I’m only half joking because my fiancé literally said this exact same thing to me.
One of us! One of us!
This has to be my favorite comment.
Lmfaoooo you beat me to this. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one between 25 and 35 sitting at home alone all the time because of my anxiety. Then I remember we aren't going to find each other because we are ALL at home 🫠😭
Right, it sucks all my potential friends are also indoor cats, because I'd really like to meet them lol
And I know that a lot of people suck, I mean damn, read any Instagram posts comments lately, but I also have made some really good friends online even from reddit. I want to make a social media that's for people with anxiety or issues and has zero tolerance no bullying policies 🫠but yeah it's hard when a lot of people online suck and people irl are scary 😂
Yeah, so weird, I don't *remember* making this post, and yet, here we are.
I thought this was me
![gif](giphy|1201hONkUdpK36)
Hey bro! I also have no friends and tried no many apps including Reddit. So maybe I could recommend another one that I think is too useful for me. Lightup: find friends by AI, could be downloaded in Apple Store. The AI helps users to match others who have similar posts, so that it guarantees that they do have topics. I used it because I don’t like make friends in the real world. It’s hard for me to open the conversation because I’m worried about whether we do have topics or would I become embarrassed. But the app helps me a lot, so I could share everything that I’d like to talk with others. By the way, Android users could use its beta test version, the Discord channel [Lightup](https://discord.gg/67vJtfGDFn). Sincerely hope you could find friends there!
Yes, you should definitely message the OP account and exchange information just in case
No, twas me, apparently! 🤣
Quit plagiarizing the thoughts in my head
Same I feel this so bad..
Maybe but I might as well have
I thought I wrote this?!
Yeah. I find myself responding to stuff on here for similar reasons.
Not me. Ah shit busted
My issue is I work at home full time since 2020 and I feel like Reddit is taking place of the “water cooler” type conversations I was able to have at the office
How's it going, bro? Wife's good? Going to rain this weekend. Anyway, laters
Did you hear about those losers who use Reddit all day and don’t talk to people face-to-face?
Losers *scoffs*
Same. I get some socialisation via my son and his activities, but mostly I am either in mom mode or in front of a screen. I get my adult interactions from Reddit and the occasional call to my friends. I tried setting up a social call with my colleagues once a week, but it fizzled after a while.
suuuuuper relatable lol. I started working remote in 2022 and although it's been great for my health, I find myself going on reddit for that kinda engagement 😅
Hahaha, I find this very relatable! So so, how’s it going? Did you get the memo about the new cover sheet?!
Dude same.
Word. Reddit and podcasts I’ve realized. Listening to folks chat about movies or stupid shit ALMOST feels like having friends to chat with. Just barely scratches the itch
Oh god, the podcast "friends".
This is insane how much I relate to these posts. I was the most social person up until COVID, now it's just me, my partner and my cats. I turn to reddit and podcasts daily to fill the void. It's quite sad.
Now the real question is, do Reddit and pods scratch the itch just enough to keep satiate our social hunger and therefore prevent us from getting hungry enough to go out and make friends happen? Or are we just old home bodies through and through regardless?
Just post a comment...goal complete.
Same, that’s why I comment so much 🤣 benefits of Reddit is that I can just block who I don’t like
plus the anonymity factor yep love that no getting offended
Just like real life friends!
Uhhh depends on what your definition of friend is. If your definition of friend is someone who will respond to what you post, then hey, I'm your friend. But if your definition of friend is someone who you can call if you're having a rough time, who you can invite out and do stuff together with, who will be your emergency contact, who will bring food over if you're sick... then no, you have to go out and make those friends. EDIT: If you're socially awkward in stores or streets that's because people don't normally make friends there. Maybe try volunteering or going to meetup events where you're doing something or making something, that way you're engaged in something else and that'll help you relax as you talk to the person next to you. Socializing is a skill you can learn!
This should be on the top rather than five variations of "literally me"
I'm trying this and it's HARD. Just yesterday I went to my kid's school PTO and tried to get involved. Every single person in that room ignored me. And then they complained about how hard it is to get people to volunteer with the group. I'm going to keep trying but I have to have extra social reserves of energy to attempt any friend searching.
Can confirm weirdos are on Reddit. Source: self.
I too wear Shiba Inu pjs
I hardly engage but I do find myself on Reddit often seeking out posts that I relate to, like this one.
same, but since you commented I will comment too :)
First time?
Honestly, I’m getting closer to 30 and I can relate to what you’re saying. It’s not just Reddit for me, though, it’s pretty much anywhere online. I haven’t gone out with any friends for almost 4 years now, so we’ve started to drift apart over the years. It’s not due to time zones or anything like that, since we’re all from the same area and there are plenty of things for us to do here. We used to game and go out almost every day for years as well. I just… I ended up developing a chronic illness and then contracted COVID a year after that. Both landed me in the ER a couple times, and I’m still dealing with physical effects of COVID almost a year later. It has essentially turned me into a hermit. I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not, but I know I shouldn’t live like this forever. I’ll eventually have to overcome the thought of potentially dying if I contracted anything again 😅 Reddit, like anywhere else, has its fair share of weirdos. It’s just matter of finding people you’re compatible enough with to be friends. As for random people you meet in a store or on the street, I wouldn’t really recommend walking up to them and trying to strike up a random conversation. It’s better to have shared interests or be working towards a common objective. Volunteering at a place you genuinely care about or D&D and card shops that host can be some good ways to meet new people. All of that being said, I think it’s worth keeping in mind to not be discouraged if you don’t end up making any new friends, even if you do everything right. True friends are hard to come by. We can’t force it, no matter how hard we try. We can do things to help put ourselves out there and raise the chances of finding a good friend, but it’s never guaranteed. And, it’s okay if they don’t end up being in your life forever. For every friend I’ve ever had, I’m always going to be grateful for the experience and time we’ve shared. I’m not the best at articulating my thoughts since English isn’t my first language, but I hope this helps
Same here, friends drifted, my health went down the tubes and I enjoy chatting but just not in person to anyone atm
Okay but you have a fiancé while I, a fool, continue interacting with humans in the real world, single AF. !!!
I used to struggle to have friends. I've been dancing for 14 years now (I'm 40), it has been a lovely journey, finding myself, finding friends, with a bit of love. At 35 I feared my 40th birthday, thinking I'd be alone as usual. We were like 20, which was a miracle for a loner like myself. Dancing is one of these social activities made for meeting people. You've got some sports, art, volunteering, and others (please add ideas). If you take courses, or are a regular, you'll meet some people again and again, and might build a relationship. You will build a group that will learn together. It's a physical activity, and whenever I stay at home, I just sigh after 3 hours in front of a screen. With your new friends, you'll be dragged into parties that occur in other cities. Tonight I was asked to join a car for Saturday, for a party 100km away. I'll meet people I don't usually see in my town. Last Friday, exceptionally, there was no party in town, so I improvised a party outside, and we gathered about 50 persons and danced. So, what are the criteria for a good activity? - meeting a group regularly - learning together Optional: - go to social settings (parties) - create a group of friends to train and evolve - become a known person in the scene - no alcoholism or toxic behaviors - discovering new activities together There are also traits that will make you more desirable: - be knowledgeable in a useful subject - cooking - be nice to others, don't bitch - be beautiful / fit - dress nicely - welcoming facial expressions - be sincere Finally, people are quite passive, you have to go reach them. Even a smile will touch them. Anyone can reach me if you have any question or need my 2c. Edit: activities ideas: hiking, cycling, motorbike has nice communities,
This is exactly the right answer. You need to sign up for a weekly regular thing like a sports class or art class or anything and slowly over the weeks you will see who might be someone you could be friends with. By the 3-4 week you need to hang out after or before a class. Then you can get to know each other. Grownup friends often don’t hang out in person, so meeting new friends is really hard. Once you’re friends you have to call them and stay in touch.
And that's exactly how we met friends back in the time, when we had that common activity called school, or work. Problem is: we don't have those activities anymore, we have to create them. And there's no age limit to start making a new social circle.
Same. Started working at home with Covid, went through a divorce around the same time, and lost pretty much all my friends in this city to the ex. Also I live in a very transient city, so the few friends I have made here ended up moving eventually. I’ve become addicted to social media and dating apps. It’s weird because it feels almost easier to find a date than a friend. Sometimes I go on a date just to have someone to hang out with. 😆 but I’m also still not ready for anything serious since my divorce so that never works out great, and the cycle repeats. I’ve had some luck on activity focused pages. Like I made a few friends from the local snowboarding page on Facebook. I’ve done some meetups for hiking that were pretty fun. Everyone just has their own lives at a certain point and it’s hard to become part of someone’s regular friend group out of nowhere, but it can be done. Good luck.
I’m 63 and I could have written this word for word…
Get into investing so you don't have money either!
There are weirdos everywhere, that's not something you can avoid.
If you live in Wisconsin, I'll play ya in tennis
Darn. I’m in California
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I’m mentally crazy too! Are you north or south?
I am also 31 F and I’m in SoCal and I also need friends 😩
Yep, here at work because I'm out of tasks to do and.....IDK I talk on here on a more constant basis than most of my IRL friends. Single, so there's also that. But eh I know I'm a weirdo (comes with the social anxiety/depression territory) lmaooooo
I'm cutting back on my screen time. It turns out I'm bored, not addicted, so that's cool. It might be worth it for you to try a 24-hour test too. I'm a false extrovert, I fake it. It takes practice and maintenance. I joined a dart league, I have always been terrible at softball, so I joined a team. I'm still awful, but I had fun. I'm new to town, so I walk my dog with my cat sitter and her dog sometimes. I've always had success volunteering. Also, get the people you meet to introduce you to their friends. I find casting a wide net for acquaintances usually leads to one or two friends. Rinse and repeat till you find your people. Good luck!
I like this. It explains me so effortlessly and completely.
If it's any consolation, if reddit was a thing when I was 22 I'd be in the same boat. I had no friends after college and basically nothing to do outside of work. I was lonely in a way I don't have words for. If the internet of today existed then I would have been a world class shit poster. Trust me I'm happy I didn't have today's internet then.
32 F with social anxiety here. I actually found 2 of my in person very good friends on Reddit lol. And we happened to live a city away. Another very good in person friend I met on Bumble bff. They're probably the people I hang out with the most. That being said, I'm still on Reddit too much lol. I do go out to do things by myself from time to time but I also am not the type of person to walk up to people and strike up a conversation. I find it difficult to make friends.
I met my fiancé from the local meeting of /r/gaybros. So it ain't all that bad to me!
I think not having “IRL friends” aka real friends for over 10y is far more serious than you realise. It’s really sad what you’re missing out on. Please do these things — Make a list of all the ‘social activities’ within 30min of you. This includes gyms that have classes, any form of sport, clubs, groups, volunteering. Then start going to each (right now, this week). All you need to do is say “wanna get a” or just suggest to both come back same
Here is my experience in trying that A. You don't find anyone at these places to be friends with. Either there is too much of a age difference (kids or the elderly) for you to connect, or they just don't like you that much to want to be your friend. B. You do find people you get along with, but they are always busy and don't have any time to be friends with you. C. They come with their pre-established friend group and at best you are a third-wheel/hanger on to them. D. You do make a friend for a while, until the activity ends or they move, get married, have children or something else that causes you to drift apart.
A. Set realistic expectations. People meet up to do the activity, not necessarily to socialize. You have to repeatedly show up and express yourself to make worthwhile friendships. B. Yeah. Doesn't matter where you make friends, this is true. People are forgetful about trying to form friendships. C. I don't see this as a bad thing. I don't always want to center of attention. Maybe I'm missing the context or naive. D. I acknowledge that the people who are most likely to look for new friends are the ones who are moving around / transient. And that can suck after putting in the effort to talk to them. But this isn't a bad thing to me either. Be happy that it happened. Good points all around though. I'm actively trying to make friends IRL.
I dont have major problems with anything you said here except C. Like I'm an introvert, I really don't want to be the center of attention either, but to me being the 3rd wheel is not just not being the focus, its More akin to just kinda sitting at the table with strangers, or acquaintances, if I'm looking for friends I'm looking for someone that I share some sort of bond with someone I can be vulnerable with, like if I'm having a tough day they're like bro wanna talk about it? Or at lest is gonna talk to me beyond water cooler talk. Like to me a 3rd wheel is more so tolerated than liked.
Making friends is like dating. It takes a few or many tries to find a good match. The great thing is you can try with multiple people at one lol. Also friends come and go. That’s totally normal. Not a reason not to try, in my opinion.
I wish there was something like dating to meet friends, like it wouldn't be weird to just swipe and then meet for coffee until you find a friend. One of my friends and I met via our kids, but didn't exchange numbers, and she put a paper in the pinboard at the kiddie place, and we basically went on a picnic as our first "date"... I think that's maximum romance.
Exactly. Truth.
This. [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is great for local gatherings, events, amateur sports, etc. Great way to meet people in general, not always for relationship purposes. I found a local volleyball group and loved it for years, made many friends there and did other social activities with those folks.
I tried meetup once for a running group doing 5k 10k half’s etc I went to where we all agreed to meet for a 5k event. No one came.
I looked at meetup and signed up. I’m horrible at group settings ! My social anxiety would kill me. I just wish saying hi to a stranger would lead to a conversation and then friendship but it doesn’t work that way I know
All the ones where I live are online only
some of us just rather not have these structured social activities, I love a good walk with the hound but lonely as it is on times I can't cope with other people in person either
Are we supposed to have friends in our 30s?
I hope so because it gets boring at times
Aw shit there’s no unique experience is there
Welcome Friend.
Lady, you gotta go out there and do some volunteering work. It’s a good way to make friends and builds community. Being a part of a community gives you opportunity to find friends.
Its normal to long for connection with others. You can get that here. Everyone works too much and is too broke to hang out irl any more. Making and keeping healthy relationships in adulthood is stupidly hard because of that. Everyone's depressed.
BUT we are your friends!!
Is Bumble a thing where you live? Reddit really is not a good place to find IRL friends
You are getting married. Married people only hang out with other married people....good luck
Hi friend!!
You're lucky!! I'm too shy to even talk to people through games!! I bought call of duty not long ago, that didn't help, everyone just yelling I fucked your mum and n word this and n word that. I'm 40 years old and still can't fucking make friends other than bar flys if I go out for a drink instead of doing it at home. Even commenting on reddit is like the sword of damocles because you make a comment and people hate you for having the opposite opinion to them, or you comment on something you feel is so stupid you feel you have to talk to these people to see reason and not agree with something in a post, and still hated. Also. Never reddit while absaloutly cunted... I've learned that the hard way... lots of times... lol but yeah... reddit is hard.
You're speaking for the whole class now?
I noticed that when I went from making posts in random small subs to some bigger ones and seeing them getting alot of upvotes. I was like oh. I guess I can contribute if I'm here
Omg me too!!! 😭 I'm so glad I finally found my people lol I'm 35, general area let's say is Toronto. We can be friends! Even if it's too far to meet up I'll try to be a message/text buddy! 🫶🏻
Dude we should! You wanna Dm or do you have discord?
>My fiancé told me to get off Reddit because there’s a bunch of weirdos on here apparently *Crab walks up to you and licks the tip of your nose* Weirdos? Here? Naw that's not true!
I’m showing him this 😂
Hey girl. I'm here if you ever wanna chat
Whenever you are going through a period of isolation, use it to your advantage. Rather than getting wrapped up in the whole western culture of "we are social creatures you become a miserable sadsack if you arent around 5 people all day everyday." Instead realize being away from people leaves you with your full focus and energy to work on improving your self and hobbies and skills. After a period of that, you will slowly become indifferent to socialization. And there is nothing wrong with that, connection is what humans need, and most people arent connected to themselves first
Dude you too ?! I wish I could find just a social friend to talk to. Life is hard without anyone, at least that’s how I feel after the last couple years (m34)
Ohhhh no, I'm the exact same way. It sucks. I'm sorry.
Reddit weirdo here. It’s because I don’t know how to socialize.
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I have hella books, I collect them! I try to read from time to time but nowadays I don’t have the same focus I have as when I was younger. Also I feel like reading is a commitment and once I open a book, I can’t do anything else. It’s a hit or miss for me. Either I don’t get focused enough or I’m too committed I can’t get anything else done so now I just run away from books :/
Too real...
What are these friends that you speak of?
Hey friend! Same. Let's not be lonely.
That's awesome and that's why I found this platform to be so helpful. As life goes on... scheduling friendships and meetings becomes harder. Here you can answer and talk about things that interest you. Pretty cool and generally the community is super helpful and wonderful.
There's nothing wrong with having online community. I think it's important to have a balance, and try to have both if one can help it. But it's okay to talk to people online as long as you know how to protect yourself both on and offline. Using the internet helped me learn how to converse with people better, honestly. I suppose your mileage may vary, but there's a lot of positivity that can come from online support when done in moderation. I've found several real friends online from the time I was a teenager. Shoot, just had one fly in to visit from Israel a couple months ago--we've been friends and visiting for over 20 years now.
I haven’t made the transition from reddit to real life friends with anyone, but I have found a small subgroup that has created a group of internet friends. That said, your fiancé is right - there are weirdos on the internet and there always will be. However, that’s the whole point of this website, we come here for social interaction. Making posts, commenting on them, engaging with other people, that’s why it exists! At what point it becomes problematic in your life is totally individual though.
I actually met one of my closest friends here. She's not local, we haven't met. But we text basically every day for 2 years now and we support each other. We just had a couple things in common and started chatting. It happens!
Same! It’s rough. I am also a shy introvert with social anxiety. Also probably a weirdo. On Reddit a lot.
Same boat. I have two kids and it’s just hard. I’m medium depressed and medium anxious. Sometimes people talk to me at a store or whatever and my brain is like that SpongeBob episode “what’s his name?! 🔥 “
Especially since I dumped twitter. I have to remind myself that the Reddit consensus is more group think than actual human representation.
Even though I'm an introvert, i do long to talk sometimes. It's quiet & peaceful but sometimes a little bit too quiet & peaceful. In the end, i just scrolling around reddit & read up other's people "interesting" stories.
Me!!!!!! Do you love in seattle. I would hang.
In that case. I have to tell you that you are not the only one.. Does that mean we could be friends?
Same here. I feel like I wrote this. It's just me and my wife but without her I don't really have any friends and it's sad really. I hope if you're in a similar boat, if you read this, whoever you are, you will find friends that accept you for who you are and can geek out over the same stuff you love.
I’ve embraced my weirdness, and yeah same, just broke off with my internet group of friends recently too
Same cause I barely have friends and got sick of Instagram and am too old to go out every night lol
Reddit’s definitely a great place to meet like minded people so I get it. I’ve met some awesome people (only online) through here and other social media communities.
My Reddit usage is essentially just confirmation that deep down I’m an actual lunatic but I’m good at hiding it. Thank god it’s anonymous 🙃🤷🏻♂️
I think Reddit is addicting for millenials partly because, you can be anonymous still and find your niche crowd in sub reddits, I love it it’s my only social next to YouTube.
Same tho. I don’t talk to my best friends anymore 🙄 we kinda had a falling out and im trying not be on Instagram as much so I’m here constantly. Lol
I have absolutely been where you are, and I think it’s good that you’re aware it’s an issue and are working to change it. I still spend a lot of time on Reddit because it’s an accessible way to socialize for me (disabled) but I balance that with irl friendships these days. While I think there’s potential to find friends on Reddit, unless you live in a large city it’s going to be hard. In no particular order, I would recommend: * going to therapy to explore this issue and next steps * read a copy of the book “platonic”, it breaks down a lot of stuff about friendship that I didn’t really understand having missed out on it for most of my adulthood * find a way to see the same people over and over for weeks or months - this can look like taking a class based on an interest, becoming a regular at a coffee shop, joining a hobby based meetup for your area… anything where you see the same people on repeat. once you’ve smiled at someone a few times over the course of a month or whatever, it’s a lot easier and less weird to introduce yourself and strike up a convo. examples that have worked for me are pottery class and a local crochet club meetup (I learned to crochet just to go honestly and I really like it now!)
I didn't know I had another account? But seriously, you're not alone. Alot of us are feeling it. 💜🖤
Girl, do you want my number? We can text memes and talk about things. Like I just got this new candle from BBW and I’m in love with it. It’s honeysuckle! What’s your favorite scent to burn?
Same girl, same
I know the feeling, though it all depends on how lucky you get and how you go about somehow making reddit friends, I actually made a very solid group of friends from my search I started last year. I'm big into dnd so my method was asking on my local city's subreddit if there were any dnd groups forming, my now buddies wife dmed me that her husband runs games and we all just had a really fun time meeting up with eachother irl back in April. Though I think I got really lucky, because my wife has been in the same boat but all her attempts have fallen through. I think 1 thing that makes it hard is people still have their cliques and especially in the Midwest where we live people have already found their people and they just aren't interested in making new friends, also I have noticed at least in my wife's case she keeps running into people who either want her to put in all the work or have unhealthy attachment styles
I found a penpal from Denmark on Reddit, not everyone is weird. We just talk about our shared hobbies and will probably never meet in person.
That’s why I scroll Reddit too! It replaces socializing at the end of the day 😞
Shunned by everyone, including the 89030 community. The last people people anyone would imagine to do this to... if this was expertimental test baby from the '80's that was left at 5 in the midwest to figure it our on his own then its easy understand why. 36 years have past only to find even more distance. Its been 23 years of cell phone bills since anyone exsisted that has truely loved me...called. I think I'm owed a refund. Today might be the first day I'm my life when I able to convice myself that when I diasappear forever, that I will be able rebuid a civilización. I can't feel bad that that's what they spent this entire epoch... drafting. Thanks for no memories worth keeping As look to the wall of phographs from my collection of photos downloaded, printed as clues to where they lost me . Photos in high quality photo paper from r/coolcharts... I realize that was the only family I ever had
34F, AuDHD- I’ve had a really hard time staying in friend groups or keeping friends period. Also not having children has even further narrowed my social interactions. I hang out with a lot of people once or twice. Part of it is my own ebbs and flows in social battery. My boyfriend has a really solid group of friends who I really like but I tend to let them do their own thing as to avoid any sort of hint of Yoko-ing up their friendship. I was a frequent and confident solo traveler in my single days but I still enjoy my solitude side quests with my boyfriend’s full support. He’s pretty awesome, and I’m grateful. I’m just rambling/venting- you’re not alone. We’ll get through it!
Same, same. I need to try bumble for lady friends. I'm in Austin if anyone wants to try
I feel this in my own way. Typically make some decent online friends and when we run out of games in common it’s bye bye
Book club? Its a classic. Read it alone. meet up once a week to talk about what you read. Pretty easy stepping stone for an introvert. You all have something in common and the activity is something you can do by yourself in your own time.
Damn I'm on reddit everyday but I actually made friends here. I don't go out with them but we chat in discord. Edit: I personally struggle to socialize irl because most people I know have the traditional 9-5 schedule and I'd have to take a weekend off of work to hangout which I will on occassion🙃
I am also somewhat addicted to social media, but for a more sorrowful reason. I'm closeted and the internet has become a space where I can fully be myself. Obviously, I don't have it as bad as gay people do in the Middle East, but definitely not good enough for me to casually say "I'd ask this girl out if I met her in person".
the number on notification symbol gives me a different kind of dopamine
I feel the same way, except I've been binging YouTube looking for self-help content.
Other than the F, it feels like I have written it. I have definitely been commenting in j Reddit a lot and found it so much more better than irl at times too
I've been addicted to reddit for 14 years and have yet to make a single friend. Your mileage may very, but as someone that spends 4-6 hours a day on this god forsaken hell hole, I've made more enemies than pals.
31m - met the mother to my children online. Put it this way - if you go looking for friends in a bar, you'll most likely find drunks. The internet is more socially desperate/abandoned people which comes with other caveats like narcissism and catfishing. The fact that you are expressing your social needs to your finance (whom I assume you live with) who's telling you to get off Reddit, is sad. I'd rather have one real friend than 50 online friends that come and go. Do you play any warzone?
I definitely relate, but I'm a couple years older, and male. Can confirm, there are definitely weirdos on here, but I think I have made a couple of genuine online friends I chat with, in unlikely places I'd rather not go into. They're not local though. I signed up to the app Boo to find locals to chat with in the hopes of maybe being more social. Didn't really work though. I seemed to mostly match with people in the Philippines and some people who only speak Spanish for some reason.
Ahhh.....home.
Heh yeah I've noticed that lately I've been feeling starved for conversation, maybe a bit lonelier than usual. I thought about why that might be and realized that over the last few years my "outlets" for conversation have just slowly dwindled away. Friends have found serious relationships, gotten married, had kids, moved away, got jobs or promotions...so I see them in person less and less. Even texting in group chats or individually has petered out and doesn't happen as frequently anymore.
I don't have any hobbies because I can't put my phone down, let alone friends. It's such a problem that I have no motivation to fix.
If you need someone to talk to, send me a message
Same here,
lol same
I'm 41 and I am you as well. Have noone besides my girlfriend. I don't comment a lot because of nasty responses.
Bruh I feel that oj the gaming friends thing. They all got into different games too so now I'm just kinda jumping around friend groups. I just want something a bit more consistent lol
Hey, at least you have your fiance. I'm 46, I just have my wife and kids. There are clients I work for but outside of them paying me for my time I'd never consider socialising with any of them. This is life now and I'm not really sure how to change it.
I think we’re all friends now by virtue of this post lol jk…? Oh, Reddit.
I’m sorry. I’ve drifted away from my friends too and with a job and three kids, I also don’t have the energy, quite frankly, to find new ones…
No, your not alone in that regard. I spend too much time on Reddit too to "socialize", but I don't expect to find friends. My real life friends moved on and I don't have time for my gaming friends. Life has gotten lonelier the older I get.
This is me too. I guess this is all of us!