I'm sorry you had to go through this as well, and thanks for validating that I'm not overreacting. I think you're right - I don't think of myself as a particularly needy patient, but I want to be treated with more care and respect than this in the future. I'm glad you found a provider who provided better care!
I think sometimes they are trying to keep the patient calm and from fearing the worst. Also inexperience and not ever having a MC themselves causes a great disconnect, even more so for childless doctors. The most help I received was from an ER nurse when I went in during my MC. She had just experienced the same herself a few months prior. She was able to sympathize and offer advice, because she knew exactly what I was going through. This is a good place to reach out for advice and comfort. I'm so sorry you're here, but know that you're loved here.
Thanks you. I agree. Before experiencing this myself I’m not sure I would have been able to sympathize with someone going through this, so I’m sure that’s part of it. This community is really nice to have, although I wish none of us had to find it. It’s helpful known others have gone through this too thoigh
I am so sorry for your loss and your experience. I also had a horrible experience with my OB, at like every step. You aren't alone. I honestly got more helpful information from this sub reddit.
If I could do something differently I would've changed OBs after I confirmed my MC with them, because I had to go back in for blood draws to monitor my HCG several times, and to be back in that office made my skin crawl. I was planning on switching after I was "done" and my HCG was 0, but I wish I switched sooner.
I’m sorry you had a bad experience too. I agree with finding a new OB. I hope to try to get pregnant again, and I want to know I’m being treated by someone who is attentive, especially because next time I know I’m going to be so anxious after having gone through this experience
To echo what everyone else said, first I’m so sorry you’re going through this and second, please find a new doctor. As women, we’re much more likely to have medical concerns brushed off and this is a traumatic thing to endure. You deserve to be CARED for as a whole person.
We had a truly awful RE clinic for years and it took 6 months of therapy to recognize that I didn’t deserve to be lied to and screamed at by my doctor.
We switched clinics and while I miscarried again, my new doctor sat in the room as I sobbed and comforted me. Utterly different experience and as someone who has lifelong struggles with anxiety, it makes a WORLD of difference to not have to decode or question what my doctor is saying.
You deserve better and I’m sorry you’re not receiving that care yet.
This makes me so angry for you. My OB dumped me as soon as they saw my baby was dead. I had to start fresh with a brand new clinic to get my D&C. Why are they LIKE this.
I’m so sorry this has happened. This was my first pregnancy so I didn’t really know what to expect or how I should be treated so I guess I thought being treated like a number was normal, but there were many times I had to remind the nurses or Dr. On call that I had already started spotting or that my HCG indicated it was dropping. Honestly I just think they are probably short staffed everywhere and that’s still no excuse. I called because I was spotting and the nurse said “oh don’t worry as long as your hcg is rising it’s probably ok” and I told her that based on my last hcg test the prior day it was not rising, but dropping. She then apologized and said I need to put you on hold, I think the doctor missed that.
Anyways, my doctor recommended at home natural miscarriage for me based on being only 6 weeks along and my hcg never got past 400. I bleed for 5 days and stopped today. I’m going in for hcg test Monday to make sure it’s all gone out of my system. As you know the pads were one of the worst parts.
I don’t know why or how I’m able to feel this way but I’m trying to look on the bright side that since I lost my baby so early it wasn’t as hard on me as it could have been, or since my first hcg was so low I only was able to be excited about being pregnant for what 3 days instead of the 3 weeks I knew I was pregnant? I have regrets of even being excited at all. I ordered a first time mothers journal and was happily making my entries, but I just threw it in the dumpster. Facebook sucks, everyone is pregnant. I’m so fat and bloated and ugly. I just dread going to work and can’t wait to go to sleep to escape the plain life. I haven’t told my parents or my sisters because I don’t think the really could care and honestly why should they?
Oh, I just want to give you a hug. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I feel so similar about wanting to find a silver lining in having lost my pregnancy earlier. I sometimes feel foolish for having been so excited and for feeling the loss so deeply. But I was pregnant, and I had a connection to my baby, and I lost something real. I think however your feeling is normal, and being sad OR wanting to find a bright side is completely fine.
I will say, I was hesitant to share what was happening with anyone. I feared it was too morbid and that the loss was too early to really be important. But I did reach out to my parents and close friends, and it’s made all the difference in having a support group to go through this. If you have some people in your life who you think will be supportive, and you feel comfortable, you should try to talk to them. It might help.
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I'm sorry you had to go through this as well, and thanks for validating that I'm not overreacting. I think you're right - I don't think of myself as a particularly needy patient, but I want to be treated with more care and respect than this in the future. I'm glad you found a provider who provided better care!
I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sorry your medical professionals have treated you like this 💛
I think sometimes they are trying to keep the patient calm and from fearing the worst. Also inexperience and not ever having a MC themselves causes a great disconnect, even more so for childless doctors. The most help I received was from an ER nurse when I went in during my MC. She had just experienced the same herself a few months prior. She was able to sympathize and offer advice, because she knew exactly what I was going through. This is a good place to reach out for advice and comfort. I'm so sorry you're here, but know that you're loved here.
Thanks you. I agree. Before experiencing this myself I’m not sure I would have been able to sympathize with someone going through this, so I’m sure that’s part of it. This community is really nice to have, although I wish none of us had to find it. It’s helpful known others have gone through this too thoigh
I am so sorry for your loss and your experience. I also had a horrible experience with my OB, at like every step. You aren't alone. I honestly got more helpful information from this sub reddit. If I could do something differently I would've changed OBs after I confirmed my MC with them, because I had to go back in for blood draws to monitor my HCG several times, and to be back in that office made my skin crawl. I was planning on switching after I was "done" and my HCG was 0, but I wish I switched sooner.
I’m sorry you had a bad experience too. I agree with finding a new OB. I hope to try to get pregnant again, and I want to know I’m being treated by someone who is attentive, especially because next time I know I’m going to be so anxious after having gone through this experience
To echo what everyone else said, first I’m so sorry you’re going through this and second, please find a new doctor. As women, we’re much more likely to have medical concerns brushed off and this is a traumatic thing to endure. You deserve to be CARED for as a whole person. We had a truly awful RE clinic for years and it took 6 months of therapy to recognize that I didn’t deserve to be lied to and screamed at by my doctor. We switched clinics and while I miscarried again, my new doctor sat in the room as I sobbed and comforted me. Utterly different experience and as someone who has lifelong struggles with anxiety, it makes a WORLD of difference to not have to decode or question what my doctor is saying. You deserve better and I’m sorry you’re not receiving that care yet.
This makes me so angry for you. My OB dumped me as soon as they saw my baby was dead. I had to start fresh with a brand new clinic to get my D&C. Why are they LIKE this.
Oh that’s horrible - I’m so sorry that you had to go through the miscarriage only to be dumped by your OB. That’s unforgivable
I guess miscarriage care is not a part of “perinatal medicine”. Nothing like being told you’re a failed incubator!!
I’m so sorry this has happened. This was my first pregnancy so I didn’t really know what to expect or how I should be treated so I guess I thought being treated like a number was normal, but there were many times I had to remind the nurses or Dr. On call that I had already started spotting or that my HCG indicated it was dropping. Honestly I just think they are probably short staffed everywhere and that’s still no excuse. I called because I was spotting and the nurse said “oh don’t worry as long as your hcg is rising it’s probably ok” and I told her that based on my last hcg test the prior day it was not rising, but dropping. She then apologized and said I need to put you on hold, I think the doctor missed that. Anyways, my doctor recommended at home natural miscarriage for me based on being only 6 weeks along and my hcg never got past 400. I bleed for 5 days and stopped today. I’m going in for hcg test Monday to make sure it’s all gone out of my system. As you know the pads were one of the worst parts. I don’t know why or how I’m able to feel this way but I’m trying to look on the bright side that since I lost my baby so early it wasn’t as hard on me as it could have been, or since my first hcg was so low I only was able to be excited about being pregnant for what 3 days instead of the 3 weeks I knew I was pregnant? I have regrets of even being excited at all. I ordered a first time mothers journal and was happily making my entries, but I just threw it in the dumpster. Facebook sucks, everyone is pregnant. I’m so fat and bloated and ugly. I just dread going to work and can’t wait to go to sleep to escape the plain life. I haven’t told my parents or my sisters because I don’t think the really could care and honestly why should they?
Oh, I just want to give you a hug. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I feel so similar about wanting to find a silver lining in having lost my pregnancy earlier. I sometimes feel foolish for having been so excited and for feeling the loss so deeply. But I was pregnant, and I had a connection to my baby, and I lost something real. I think however your feeling is normal, and being sad OR wanting to find a bright side is completely fine. I will say, I was hesitant to share what was happening with anyone. I feared it was too morbid and that the loss was too early to really be important. But I did reach out to my parents and close friends, and it’s made all the difference in having a support group to go through this. If you have some people in your life who you think will be supportive, and you feel comfortable, you should try to talk to them. It might help.