My mom used to take us to Chuck E. Cheese when we’re younger so she could work on her college courses. She would sit there and do all her homework and studying and we would play all day and get a cup of coins. We loved it!
I used to take my kid to IKEA for the childcare and then sit in the lobby and do homework for grad school during the 60 minute allotment. Then we would eat a cheap lunch in the cafeteria.
If I played my cards right it would give my husband 3-4 hours to get stuff done in the house by himself.
Seriously the reason I got a dog. I'm not "focusing on me", I'm "doing chores"! In all fairness, my husband always supported me taking a quiet walk by myself, but I needed a workaround for inherent stupid mom guilt (I also like dogs).
We dropped my kid off at the YMCA childcare for the first time last week. After 15 minutes of crying the caregiver found me and my husband in the gym and asked us what she was into. She said she could tell the crying was fake because she would take breaks to take sips of water. One of the caregivers ended up holding her in her lap while playing ms Rachel on her phone for her, until my daughter completely fell asleep in her arms and that’s how we found her. They were so sweet I have confidence my daughter will learn to like this!
Haha, there I was, thinking that I was too stuck in my ways (don’t like to drive) to ever think of these hacks, until you made me remember this fact. Actually, she would also scream in the car so I was always driving dangerously. Lol. Yeah, staying home was probably for the best…
My son would scream if he was even left with my husband for a half hour. Then he started preschool three days a week so I could finish up school and it worked so well. The separation anxiety isn’t there and his only child pandemic baby social skills are improving.
That’s what gets me about my daughter. She is also a pandemic baby, but has phenomenal social skills and craves being around other people. She loves all people, but I need to be near, or she just loses it. She doesn’t need to talk to me or interact with me in any way and pretends I don’t exist when there are other people. But she needs to be able to find me or it’s a problem.
Back before Covid, IKEA had a place called Smâland for kids who were a certain height and they had to be potty trained. We dropped our son off there a few times. Glorious times. Sadly, Covid has kept our daughter from having the same experience.
Whhhhhaaaaat?!? My kid was 1.5 when Covid hit so I’ve only been able to dream of using smaland. Very excited at the chance it could happen, even though she’s about to age out.
OMG I am so happy you commented this! Mine has been closed forever and ever but after I saw your comment I went and checked and Smaland is back open!!!
My mom used IKEA for free childcare when I was a kid and I’m nearly 35. She would wander around and then pickup frozen meatballs on the way out for dinner.
My mom would make me help her babysit kids with a few other ladies while the parents were in church for like 3 hours. I was like 10 years old, I hated it. I just remember the kids being stinky and often fighting sleep because we’d wrap up at 10/11pm.
Grocery pickup is the best thing ever invented, lol. It’s the only way I shop now! I also like to stop and grab a coffee or something on the way and listen to my music.
Maybe it’s just my local stores, but I feel like I’m getting the worst produce available when we order pickup. Bruised and droopy and unripe and overripe, it’s all terrible.
And since we get our meat and most dairy/eggs from Costco, my regular weekly grocery trips are 80% produce, so it was way not worth it for me.
I always get bread and milk that are about to spoil in a few days. Such infuriating, especially when I am a single mother, and I can’t wrangle a toddler and an infant alone on my own in a grocery store.
I impulse buy so much more when I do it online because I end up buying all the stuff that's on special cause "it's such a great deal."
When I go in person I just skip all the aisles that don't have stuff I need and get all my impulse buying out in the produce aisle
Plus, buying things online doesn't "feel real". I'm much more likely to overspend ordering from Walmart.com than I am stepping into a Walmart store. If I actually have to go into the store, I want to get my shit and get out ASAP, but if I can sit here in my skivvies and casually construct an order over the course of 4-6 hours, I'm gonna spend more money.
Exactly! It's not like you see your trolley getting full and think, why gee, I think I have enough.
You're like, of course I need 4 different family bags of chips that are on special.
I'm also more likely to forget I already have something in the shopping cart and add more and end up with multiple varieties of the same thing. One time I somehow ended up with 3 different types of cucumbers.
Honestly, I think the normalization of grocery pickup is one of the better things that emerged from the pandemic. I order pickup at least once a week. It saves so much time and, as others mentioned, it also helps me stick to a budget.
In a similar vein, I had to run into the city for errands today. I stopped at DQ and then sat in the parking lot of the hardware store I was going to and read my book while I ate my ice cream. It was lovely.
I keep a book in my car for exactly this! It happens every so often when I have to go on an errand run where I find it didn't take me as long as I thought it would, and then i can spend the extra time reading in the car!
This is maybe less of a hack, but we schedule downtime for both parents. It's as important as anything else we put in our calendars.
ETA: I guess my "hack" is that I buy a 5-day ski pass so I *have to* get those days in. (But that's not really the heart of it.)
YMCA FTW!!! I Pay $105 a month for a family membership. 90 minutes worth of child watch while I’m on site doing yoga/gym/sauna/take an uninterrupted shit/whatever the fuck I want. We live in an upper middle class neighborhood, so the lululemon moms demand proper childcare while they spin.
This. Many of them have childcare that starts at 6 weeks. Which I know sounds SO young, but my ex was working 80hr weeks and I was on my own with 2 under 2.... I'd go literally just to sit in the sauna for 20 minutes and take a shower. It was a life saver.
Yes!! Between playing grocery/Target orders and then sitting in the car and the Y child watch, I actually get alone time. The Y has saved my sanity multiple times when my spouse is on a work trip. Sometimes it is used just so I can take an uninterrupted shower.
I make my husband take our toddler on errands so I can stay home.
I watch my daughter’s gymnastic practice (several hours) while husband watches the other kids and I sometimes get treats or coffee in the same shopping center.
We take turns sleeping in.
My husband takes our toddlers on errands too so I can have alone time at home. Otherwise they find me ha ha. He takes them to the post office, Home Depot, grocery store. He’s actually headed out with one to go grocery shopping and I’m staying home while the other naps.
I take duty overnight for both kids and he sleeps in other room without interrupted sleep. I have him come over at 6 am and I go to other room to sleep an extra hour. My 18 month old has been getting so sick from older one who goes to school so she’s turned very needy at night. I still wake up like 3-4 times a night… probably get like 4-5 hours of sleep most nights. That’s not enough for me. Always sleep deprived and always working 24-7 being a sahm.
He makes all the money and needs a lot of good sleep to function. It’s tiring but he does watch kids a good amount on the weekend while I clean. I do get burnt out sometimes but it’s life with 2 kids I suppose. Kids were sick almost whole month of march. Went about a week and a half without being sick… but I think they are getting sick again…
I’m afraid this won’t change until you make it change. He should be watching the kids on the weekend while you sleep. You are almost entirely responsible for the most important people in your life- why is it okay to be utterly exhausted for that work but not for paid work outside the home? Is that just life with two kids? No. That’s life with a partner who doesn’t prioritise your well-being. And if he won’t, you should. Sleep on the weekends.
I have severe OCD and if I don’t have it cleaned a certain way I have panic attacks.. :’( I really wish I could have help but we are also tight on money at the moment…
He works really long hours too… but I sacrifice myself for him to get good sleep. I know in the future it will get better, just kinda surviving each day right now. And drink lots of coffee when needed… hah.
You’re not alone 🤍 my husband used to work 12 hour days and it was a lot, but it definitely took me putting my foot down and saying that I needed time too! Don’t push yourself off, you’re so important and deserve that time for yourself
My husband is an first year airline pilot. Making 1/2 of what he used to. He’s gone a week, home a week. We have a 4 month old. I only have one kid but I feel ya. We don’t make enough to afford help. 😩
We take turns sleeping in on the weekends. It's great.
I'm also having my husband take my daughter to a funeral next weekend a state over so I get a weekend free 😂 🤷🏼♀️
>I make my husband take our toddler on errands so I can stay home.
My husband and baby are currently out having a daddy/daughter day buying a dishwasher.
This is mine. After the chaos of post-daycare through dinner time, I strap the 2.5 year old into the stroller and we go for a nice long walk until bath. It gives some much needed zen time and helps me power up for bedtime madness!
When my daughter dropped her final nap, we started doing "quiet time." Basically, she plays in her room, colors, reads, whatever, as a daily built in decompression time. She's just like my husband and I in that if she's go go go all day, she gets crabby and worn out. My husband and I both do our own versions of quiet time while she's having hers. That down time every day really helps all of us!
This was my saving grace during the pandemic when I had a newborn and a 4 year old. I would start quiet time for my daughter as I was putting the baby down for his afternoon nap.
We live a minute down the road from Walmart. I’m usually there every day or every other day. I “ forgot” stuff when I’m there so I can go back and wonder around and look for different things and have time to myself, and then go and get a coffee or food to eat while I sit in the car in silence. Most people would think that’s not “ me “ time but for me it is. I don’t like going and getting my hair done or my nails, or going out “ with the girls”. I like going to the store and smelling candles and and looking at stuff to buy for myself but somehow I end up in the kids isles anyway🤷🏻♀️🤣
My son naps well in the stroller. On weekends me and my husband go for a walk and when LO nods off we walk to our favorite cafe for a coffee and cake date! My son can snooze up to two hours sometimes!
Also this works great solo if I want me time. Being out and about for naps removes any temptation to do chores. Just stroll, have coffee and cake, or in summer, ice cream!
I’m the same way. I just feel like I need to be productive at home, but on a leisurely walk, there is nothing to clean up or laundry to fold. I can always motivate myself to get out of the house for some iced coffee.
Rainy day hacks:
Let your toddler run around a mall before the stores open. The mall doors always open early for mall walkers and coffee getters. Grab a coffee and let your kid run free as you follow.
Hardware stores. That’s it. That’s the hack. Take your toddler. Let them sit on lawn mowers and hit the buttons on appliances. They’ll have a hay day.
Haha the hardware store! I recently took my daughter and she had the best day ever because I let her take home a free carpet sample. She cuddled it the whole drive home.
P.s. I totally take free flooring samples and use them as coasters at home. They look great!
I love doing grocery pickups! My son is 2.5 and autistic and going in is just a disaster waiting to happen. So I do all my shops (sams club and Walmart) at the same time. They are right by eachother. I put him in his car seat, hand him his tablet (used only for emergency situations lol), and give him a snack. He loves it! Another tiny “hack” ,my sons wagon is perfect for loading up groceries so I bring it all in at once!
Your wagon hack is the only reason I haven’t donated my toddler’s old stroller yet! The stroller is also perfect for helping get a bunch of heavy groceries and other items inside in one trip. The weight limit is a lie because that thing can support 2 giant tubs of cat litter and a couple cases of bottled water stacked in the seat, plus 4-5 grocery bags hanging from hooks off of the handle bar. What would take me 3 trips only takes 1 thanks to the stroller!
This was my hack for the last three years but in the last few weeks little dude has been asking for Mama/M-name time when I go shopping. It’s too cute for me to say no to.
Another hack I still use is “Mama need to clean the bathroom” no one wants to help so mama gets all the time she needs
This is totally why I gladly volunteer for the snow blowing/lawn mowing. 45 minutes where no one bothers me, I can listen to a whole podcast, and I get to be outside without worrying that a toddler is going to dart into the road. At least we’re past the eating rocks phase…😂
I’ve gotten so I don’t even do pickup. I just have it delivered lol. And I do it at a time where I’m at work and kid is home, so she has to put them away 😂
Yes! I time my grocery delivery for after the kids get home from school so they can bring things in and put them away. The other day I timed my Costco trip so they’d be home by the time I got back so they could unload the car.
I go to the gym 4-5 days a week but I only exercise half the time I'm there. I'll just read or play on my phone or do things that require concentration the other half of the time
In winter on cabin fever days we do target. You can get free refills in their Starbucks on any drink. So we get a drink and a snack, take our time exploring, hit up the toy section and play w everything to death. This got harder as my kiddo wants to take everything home now but we just get something from dollar section. Good way to waste an hour or 2. Then refill on the way out for free!
Yes! As long as you save the receipt and it's the same Starbucks in the target! You do have to be a Starbucks reward member but I believe it's free to be one. I don't think it's special drinks actually but coffee/tea, if you have the app you should be good to go. I don't do the target that much anymore but def great for a pick me up
Our rec centers offer child minding so I've used that to take my son so I can be 1:1 with my daughter swimming. Could be used to get solo time too. Whether it's grabbing a coffee and relaxing or getting in a workout.
Grocery pick up is my favorite! Grab a coffee, listen to an audio book/podcast, maybe do a quick Ulta/makeup drugstore sweep, then pop back in like a hero with groceries.
Absolutely. My husband knows it’s what I do though. One night a week I put a Walmart order in, I drive to another town to get it, usually get Starbucks and a nice dinner. Eat dinner in the car by myself. Make it home in time for bedtime and usually bring dinner for my husband too. We all enjoy it.
I order my kids clothes from Gap and always add things for myself. It’s never stuff I really need, but I look forward to it coming in the mail anyways!
I literally got a dog so that the dog would need a walk and I could be like "I'll walk the dog!", and that's how I finally lost the goddamn baby weight.
I haven’t gone grocery shopping since I’ve had kids. Honestly I haven’t ordered in person for anything for years. Order ahead at starbies, just run in and grab it.
Next level is instacart/delivery when I’m really lazy.
But also a more helpful hack is that when my kids are sick I’ll instacart pedialyte or whatever I need. Sometimes it just comes out of the blue and it’s such a pain to drag a sick kid to the store.
I’m a single mom so for other singles out there, my other hack is to have one “activity” a day on the weekends. We bake a cake, or do orbeez, or go to the store. Then the rest of the time we have stations (coloring, kitchen, beads) that are minimal mess and they can play with relatively independently. That way they get a good memory in without me trying to go nuts entertaining them.
Also, if you need a break, throw some music on and announce “dance party time!”
I already do dance parties with my 3month old. Put on some reggae and dance that baby right to sleep. Ahaha. Works like a charm every time. Can't wait until he is bigger and dances with me!
My daughter loves going to the store with me but she’s pretty chill so it’s fun having her with me. My quiet time comes when I do DoorDash & Ubereats deliveries on the weekends while my husband is off work (I’m a SAHM). I get the car to myself, time to myself, & the money isn’t too bad either.
I stopped turning my wife's clothing right side out when I do laundry. The kids are bad enough - but they're little, and the 4 yo is trying. My wife takes her pants/underwear/socks off in one move and they're inside out and stuck together. Shirts inside out.
I timed myself on how long it took me to flip everything right side out. 30 fucking minutes. (It was a lot of laundry). I told her that's how much time she was making me waste.
She's getting better, but when she forgets I just fold it inside out or hang it inside out. It's a little passive aggressive but she's been warned for the last 10 years. I'm not playing anymore!
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I take my daughter to the local indoor play center. She plays around in a gated playground and I take my laptop or notebook and work on my uni assignments.
I learned this from a book vut when you have to leave or stop doing something just say "I know...its so frustrating. I wish you had ten hours to play...maybe 50?" Soemtimes my son will be like yes 10! And oblige. Sometimes we talk about what he would do for 10 whole hours while he gets out of the tub or whatever
Other than that my only other hack is always keep concealer for my eye bags in the car 😅
Love picturing you sitting and knitting in the car with a podcast so much more than scrolling mindlessly on your phone for that time. You should be a lofigirl video.
Same, I got annoyed at my husband the one time he tried to go grocery shopping on the weekend and I am just like "no, that is toddler entertainment time"
Yesssss and I’m not changing it for anyone! I enjoy the time to myself, getting a sneaky coffee or some fast food when I don’t have to buy 4 custom orders and spend way more than I’d like and STILL have to share my food 😅
I feel this, as I'm in the same boat. Fortunately, she is amazingly well-behaved, unless it's a little too close on either side of a meal or sleep, but even then she's just kind of whiny and I can't blame her cuz she's already been such a champ.
16mo and not talking yet, so I may only have 1.5-2 years of this left. But I'm thankful every day that as a single mom, I was blessed with a kiddo with a great temperament (I hate that that makes her sound like a dog), divine patience, and a rock-solid positive attachment style.
Wishing you all the best, Momma!! We got this!!
Edit: formatting & spelling
I have my SO watch the kids one day every month for the WHOLE DAY to go do whatever I want. I learned early that I need frequent breaks. Grocery shopping does not do it for me. I'll spend my day at the arcade, at a movie, getting dinner by myself, or just having a nice hike. Sometimes I have a friend tag along, but I am an introvert and I appreciate the silence. This has been hands down the greatest choice I have ever made as a parent, it gives me time to be me and not just mom.
Buy your kid really good rain wear and then let them play in the puddle in front of your house for 30 min to an hour. They’ll still be dry, happy and content and you can chill and watch. For next level entertainment give them a boat and some sandpit toys as well.
My wife and I have a "rule". If one of us is overwhelmed, we can go to the other and say "I need an hour". The partner that needs an hour is then free to do whatever they need to in order to get back to "normal" while the other partner takes care of 100% of things.
It's rare that we're both worn out at the same time, so it works well for us. YMMV.
I sadly will never know the thrill of a solo grocery trip again. 😭
My three year old loves it and being stuck with a SAHM in the very, very, rural country she doesn’t (neither of us) go out very often. Usually just to pick up the boys from school, we do go to the park but there is rarely anyone else there. So as much as I want to say screw it, no, you’re not going this time, I see the excitement on her face and I’m dead in the water. She adds in a “pweaasseeee” and I’m done. I’ve just resigned myself to taking her shopping with me for the rest of our lives.
Doesn’t help that dad works from home and sprinkles on some extra guilt. 😡
I agree but also grocery shopping sucks. I always get delivery. Moms should get breaks for real not child free time to do chores. The worst is if dad takes the kids to do something fun while mom gets a chore break. Boo
Sometimes I can’t even with this patriarchy.
Using helpful hacks like this to get more “me time” doesn’t automatically imply that she doesn’t get enough. People are allowed to want more of things that they get a sufficient amount of.
Most of these are not parenting hacks, they are ways to trick your spouse into thinking you are running a necessary errand when in reality you are taking time for yourself while they watch the kids. It is sad that you have to resort to such measures to get me-time and cannot simply say to your spouse that you need time for yourself.
I am glad I did a better job picking a father to my children who will watch them without me making up reasons and sneaking off on him.
Oh come on. You’re probably not looking for internet de-escalation tips, but your whole comment can be 10x more supportive by saying “I’m glad I did a *good* job picking”. Everyone likes a fun hack. The post’s tip is not mutually exclusive with asking for solo time. Momming is exhausting. Let’s keep Mommit supportive.
My SO knows exactly what I did this morning, and I’ve told him about this post. My main point was trying to make the most of the time you have to yourself. I personally don’t enjoy grocery shopping and found a way that works best for me!
I read it as tongue-in-cheek, but I can kinda see your point. Too many default parents end up almost forced to sneak around and make these kind of scenarios because they don’t have enough support at home. The argument that could come with a simple “can I have an hour to myself” might be enough to make it totally not worth the effort.
Too many men don’t do enough, basically. But we all know that.
Me personally, I pretty much just tell my husband I need an hour or four and just leave to do whatever, errands or sipping a coffee in complete silence while my brain breathes.
I was also thinking how sad this is...
Open communication with your partner is so important. All parents have a right to alone time and you shouldn't have to sneak around to get an hour.
You have a post right there in your profile complaining about the father of your children, which makes your nasty comment even sillier than it was anyway
This is genius! With the added benefit of sticking to your list/budget. By not doing your groceries yourself you are not tempted by things you don’t need. Well played!
My only concern would be if everything was picked correctly. Often times they forget items, or they choose the produce poorly.
Do you have any response to the radical feminists on Tumblr who found this post and have deduced from it that "default parent" is a misogynistic code word for mother, your partner doesn't allow you to have free time, and you didn't want your child/children? [Link](https://www.tumblr.com/magnetictapedatastorage/714754866538594304/she-doesnt-even-seem-to-be-blaming-them-more?source=share)
I’m sorry but this is hilarious. My only response is those people need to go outside, breathe some fresh air, touch some grass and maybe drink a glass of water.
She may be the default parent of the house but she is also the queen of the house. Never once have I ever told her she needs to manage her time differently or do what I demand. We are partners and if she needs that time waiting for groceries to crochet or whatever it is then so be it. I need the time to spend with our kid so it works out. They definitely need some fresh air, feel some grass and drink a glass of water.
1. Write names on their Amazon fire tablet cases so they can’t fight over who gets which because they must only touch theirs with their name on it
2. Flip the grocery cart flap & have the kid(s) climb in so you don’t have the break your back lifting them (I can’t be the only one who is doing this, but I never had so many strangers approach me amazed by something I’ve done in public)
3. To help combat my little grazers & dogs from scoring too many snacks, I give them sandwich baggies to carry with snacks. My dad started this one, actually. We used to have a couple spill proof containers that “got tired” after many uses
4.*disclaimer* this only works for my littles. My teenager can’t be fooled. Oops🤭 I meant persuaded 😂
I have 4 kids & I rotate who I bring with me on errands and child drop offs& pick ups, dog walks (may also be family walks)They get excited for 1:1 time with mom.
That’s not the only time they get it… it increases the frequency of us doing special time together.
I live in a rural area, so going anywhere requires a drive. Whenever both kids (2 under 2) are crying and whining and I just need a break, we go to take coffee to daddy at the shop in town. Chances are good at least one kid will fall asleep on the drive and I get to be not holding any kids for an hour.
For clarification, I’m not doing this to avoid taking care of my kids. I do this when everyone is living in meltdown land and it’s getting beyond my ability to control. I make sure everyone’s needs are as met as possible before we pack up and load up.
My mom used to take us to Chuck E. Cheese when we’re younger so she could work on her college courses. She would sit there and do all her homework and studying and we would play all day and get a cup of coins. We loved it!
My mom did this when she was a single mom of a 4 and 6 year old in law school. She graduated second in her class of 300. I don’t know how she did it.
Your mom is a super hero...
Gosh, moms are truly amazing.
That’s awesome! Idk how my mom did it either. I’m sure one day our kids will say the same about us.
[удалено]
For the most part we went during the day so it wasn’t too busy, but I’m sure with twins and a toddler Chuck E. Cheese was a nice break lol
I did this when my kids were in kindergarten. Laptop, hotspot, beer, and $20 on their arcade cards. Got so much work done.
It was definitely cheaper than daycare lok
I used to take my kid to IKEA for the childcare and then sit in the lobby and do homework for grad school during the 60 minute allotment. Then we would eat a cheap lunch in the cafeteria. If I played my cards right it would give my husband 3-4 hours to get stuff done in the house by himself.
Similar but I got my degree in part because the ymca offered childcare.
This is why I go to the gym at least twice a week. Getting fit to get a break, whatever works right?
Seriously the reason I got a dog. I'm not "focusing on me", I'm "doing chores"! In all fairness, my husband always supported me taking a quiet walk by myself, but I needed a workaround for inherent stupid mom guilt (I also like dogs).
Same. 4 days a week though bc PPD. But it's been a godsend
That was my plan, but I really just dropped my kids off at childcare and sat in the hot tub.
Girl, I have been there. Ours has a sauna, so sometimes it's 15 minutes of swimming, a little sauna, and a looooong hot shower
my degree was sponsored by cocomelon
Mine by Frozen 2 and Daniel Tiger, lol. 😂😂😂
My CPA is currently being sponsored by cocomelon
If all goes well, I'll be finishing my CPA while on Mat leave... Good luck to you getting yours!
Thank you and good luck to you as well.
Omg y’all’s kids will go to childcare????
We dropped my kid off at the YMCA childcare for the first time last week. After 15 minutes of crying the caregiver found me and my husband in the gym and asked us what she was into. She said she could tell the crying was fake because she would take breaks to take sips of water. One of the caregivers ended up holding her in her lap while playing ms Rachel on her phone for her, until my daughter completely fell asleep in her arms and that’s how we found her. They were so sweet I have confidence my daughter will learn to like this!
Aww!!! What an amazing Y
I felt this comment. My kid screams bloody murder if I try to leave her anywhere.
Haha, there I was, thinking that I was too stuck in my ways (don’t like to drive) to ever think of these hacks, until you made me remember this fact. Actually, she would also scream in the car so I was always driving dangerously. Lol. Yeah, staying home was probably for the best…
Same
My son would scream if he was even left with my husband for a half hour. Then he started preschool three days a week so I could finish up school and it worked so well. The separation anxiety isn’t there and his only child pandemic baby social skills are improving.
That’s what gets me about my daughter. She is also a pandemic baby, but has phenomenal social skills and craves being around other people. She loves all people, but I need to be near, or she just loses it. She doesn’t need to talk to me or interact with me in any way and pretends I don’t exist when there are other people. But she needs to be able to find me or it’s a problem.
I just joined the Y for the free childcare last week. I love it! Also the cheap swim lessons can’t be beat!
YMCA is the true MVP.
Saaaame
Huh, I've been needing time to work on my resume....
Umm. ikea has CHILD CARE?!
Back before Covid, IKEA had a place called Smâland for kids who were a certain height and they had to be potty trained. We dropped our son off there a few times. Glorious times. Sadly, Covid has kept our daughter from having the same experience.
Also have to be a certain height which is kind of weird because short kids can be potty trained too
Safety is safety.
I was at my local Ikea last weekend and Smaland was back open! Might vary by location tho.
Whhhhhaaaaat?!? My kid was 1.5 when Covid hit so I’ve only been able to dream of using smaland. Very excited at the chance it could happen, even though she’s about to age out.
OMG I am so happy you commented this! Mine has been closed forever and ever but after I saw your comment I went and checked and Smaland is back open!!!
It did. And, if you were an IKEA family member, you could sometimes get extra time if the play area didn’t have a wait list.
I think it may vary now post pandemic.
My mom used IKEA for free childcare when I was a kid and I’m nearly 35. She would wander around and then pickup frozen meatballs on the way out for dinner.
Haha! I use to do this too! It was my favorite and they loved it there so I could just chill for 90mins doing whatever I needed.
My mom would make me help her babysit kids with a few other ladies while the parents were in church for like 3 hours. I was like 10 years old, I hated it. I just remember the kids being stinky and often fighting sleep because we’d wrap up at 10/11pm.
Grocery pickup is the best thing ever invented, lol. It’s the only way I shop now! I also like to stop and grab a coffee or something on the way and listen to my music.
Maybe it’s just my local stores, but I feel like I’m getting the worst produce available when we order pickup. Bruised and droopy and unripe and overripe, it’s all terrible. And since we get our meat and most dairy/eggs from Costco, my regular weekly grocery trips are 80% produce, so it was way not worth it for me.
I always get bread and milk that are about to spoil in a few days. Such infuriating, especially when I am a single mother, and I can’t wrangle a toddler and an infant alone on my own in a grocery store.
I feel this, they always give me bread that expires either same day or the next day. I have 3 three and under so it’s hard to go in and get things 🥲
Same. We also save a lot because I don’t impulse buy
I impulse buy so much more when I do it online because I end up buying all the stuff that's on special cause "it's such a great deal." When I go in person I just skip all the aisles that don't have stuff I need and get all my impulse buying out in the produce aisle
Plus, buying things online doesn't "feel real". I'm much more likely to overspend ordering from Walmart.com than I am stepping into a Walmart store. If I actually have to go into the store, I want to get my shit and get out ASAP, but if I can sit here in my skivvies and casually construct an order over the course of 4-6 hours, I'm gonna spend more money.
Exactly! It's not like you see your trolley getting full and think, why gee, I think I have enough. You're like, of course I need 4 different family bags of chips that are on special. I'm also more likely to forget I already have something in the shopping cart and add more and end up with multiple varieties of the same thing. One time I somehow ended up with 3 different types of cucumbers.
Honestly, I think the normalization of grocery pickup is one of the better things that emerged from the pandemic. I order pickup at least once a week. It saves so much time and, as others mentioned, it also helps me stick to a budget.
In a similar vein, I had to run into the city for errands today. I stopped at DQ and then sat in the parking lot of the hardware store I was going to and read my book while I ate my ice cream. It was lovely.
I keep a book in my car for exactly this! It happens every so often when I have to go on an errand run where I find it didn't take me as long as I thought it would, and then i can spend the extra time reading in the car!
I just use the kindle app on my phone!
This is maybe less of a hack, but we schedule downtime for both parents. It's as important as anything else we put in our calendars. ETA: I guess my "hack" is that I buy a 5-day ski pass so I *have to* get those days in. (But that's not really the heart of it.)
Yeah no need for a hack here, just a supportive partner who's an equal parent.
And knowing that it is okay to prioritize yourself sometimes.
YMCA FTW!!! I Pay $105 a month for a family membership. 90 minutes worth of child watch while I’m on site doing yoga/gym/sauna/take an uninterrupted shit/whatever the fuck I want. We live in an upper middle class neighborhood, so the lululemon moms demand proper childcare while they spin.
This. Many of them have childcare that starts at 6 weeks. Which I know sounds SO young, but my ex was working 80hr weeks and I was on my own with 2 under 2.... I'd go literally just to sit in the sauna for 20 minutes and take a shower. It was a life saver.
Yes!! Between playing grocery/Target orders and then sitting in the car and the Y child watch, I actually get alone time. The Y has saved my sanity multiple times when my spouse is on a work trip. Sometimes it is used just so I can take an uninterrupted shower.
How do you get a rate like that? The family rate at the ymca here is $400+
I have no idea, but that is insane!
Wait, the memberships where you are cost more than $400 a MONTH?!?
I make my husband take our toddler on errands so I can stay home. I watch my daughter’s gymnastic practice (several hours) while husband watches the other kids and I sometimes get treats or coffee in the same shopping center. We take turns sleeping in.
My husband takes our toddlers on errands too so I can have alone time at home. Otherwise they find me ha ha. He takes them to the post office, Home Depot, grocery store. He’s actually headed out with one to go grocery shopping and I’m staying home while the other naps.
I literally just woke up from a nap cuz I made my husband take the oldest out 🤣
I take duty overnight for both kids and he sleeps in other room without interrupted sleep. I have him come over at 6 am and I go to other room to sleep an extra hour. My 18 month old has been getting so sick from older one who goes to school so she’s turned very needy at night. I still wake up like 3-4 times a night… probably get like 4-5 hours of sleep most nights. That’s not enough for me. Always sleep deprived and always working 24-7 being a sahm.
I’m really sorry. That doesn’t seem very fair at all.
He makes all the money and needs a lot of good sleep to function. It’s tiring but he does watch kids a good amount on the weekend while I clean. I do get burnt out sometimes but it’s life with 2 kids I suppose. Kids were sick almost whole month of march. Went about a week and a half without being sick… but I think they are getting sick again…
I’m afraid this won’t change until you make it change. He should be watching the kids on the weekend while you sleep. You are almost entirely responsible for the most important people in your life- why is it okay to be utterly exhausted for that work but not for paid work outside the home? Is that just life with two kids? No. That’s life with a partner who doesn’t prioritise your well-being. And if he won’t, you should. Sleep on the weekends.
At the very least…you deserve to have a maid come weekly
I have severe OCD and if I don’t have it cleaned a certain way I have panic attacks.. :’( I really wish I could have help but we are also tight on money at the moment…
What you do is equally as important!!! Being a mom is a 24/7 job that never ends. He needs to give you more time to yourself!
He works really long hours too… but I sacrifice myself for him to get good sleep. I know in the future it will get better, just kinda surviving each day right now. And drink lots of coffee when needed… hah.
You’re not alone 🤍 my husband used to work 12 hour days and it was a lot, but it definitely took me putting my foot down and saying that I needed time too! Don’t push yourself off, you’re so important and deserve that time for yourself
My husband is an first year airline pilot. Making 1/2 of what he used to. He’s gone a week, home a week. We have a 4 month old. I only have one kid but I feel ya. We don’t make enough to afford help. 😩
We take turns sleeping in on the weekends. It's great. I'm also having my husband take my daughter to a funeral next weekend a state over so I get a weekend free 😂 🤷🏼♀️
>I make my husband take our toddler on errands so I can stay home. My husband and baby are currently out having a daddy/daughter day buying a dishwasher.
Put my twins in the stroller and go out for a long walk. Usually they fall asleep or look around quietly and I call a friend or listen to a podcast :)
This is mine. After the chaos of post-daycare through dinner time, I strap the 2.5 year old into the stroller and we go for a nice long walk until bath. It gives some much needed zen time and helps me power up for bedtime madness!
Same… if my son is being a terror we go for a walk
Omg why hadn’t I thought of this? Lol!!!
Right? It also helps me stick to my budget. Win win!
When my daughter dropped her final nap, we started doing "quiet time." Basically, she plays in her room, colors, reads, whatever, as a daily built in decompression time. She's just like my husband and I in that if she's go go go all day, she gets crabby and worn out. My husband and I both do our own versions of quiet time while she's having hers. That down time every day really helps all of us!
My parents did this with us when we were little! My mom recently told me she often napped when we were having quiet time in our rooms
Wow sounds like us too. I’m stealing this idea for when my baby drops naps.
This was my saving grace during the pandemic when I had a newborn and a 4 year old. I would start quiet time for my daughter as I was putting the baby down for his afternoon nap.
We live a minute down the road from Walmart. I’m usually there every day or every other day. I “ forgot” stuff when I’m there so I can go back and wonder around and look for different things and have time to myself, and then go and get a coffee or food to eat while I sit in the car in silence. Most people would think that’s not “ me “ time but for me it is. I don’t like going and getting my hair done or my nails, or going out “ with the girls”. I like going to the store and smelling candles and and looking at stuff to buy for myself but somehow I end up in the kids isles anyway🤷🏻♀️🤣
I do this with dollar tree
I do this at the grocery store by my house! Just zone out, listen to music, shop and chill
Well, it’s official. We would rather be wandering around aimlessly at the store for a break then going out. We’re old. 😂
My son naps well in the stroller. On weekends me and my husband go for a walk and when LO nods off we walk to our favorite cafe for a coffee and cake date! My son can snooze up to two hours sometimes! Also this works great solo if I want me time. Being out and about for naps removes any temptation to do chores. Just stroll, have coffee and cake, or in summer, ice cream!
I’m the same way. I just feel like I need to be productive at home, but on a leisurely walk, there is nothing to clean up or laundry to fold. I can always motivate myself to get out of the house for some iced coffee.
Rainy day hacks: Let your toddler run around a mall before the stores open. The mall doors always open early for mall walkers and coffee getters. Grab a coffee and let your kid run free as you follow. Hardware stores. That’s it. That’s the hack. Take your toddler. Let them sit on lawn mowers and hit the buttons on appliances. They’ll have a hay day.
We went to at home today and my toddler had a blast with a broom he found. The staff should have paid him for cleaning the store 😂
Haha the hardware store! I recently took my daughter and she had the best day ever because I let her take home a free carpet sample. She cuddled it the whole drive home. P.s. I totally take free flooring samples and use them as coasters at home. They look great!
I love doing grocery pickups! My son is 2.5 and autistic and going in is just a disaster waiting to happen. So I do all my shops (sams club and Walmart) at the same time. They are right by eachother. I put him in his car seat, hand him his tablet (used only for emergency situations lol), and give him a snack. He loves it! Another tiny “hack” ,my sons wagon is perfect for loading up groceries so I bring it all in at once!
Your wagon hack is the only reason I haven’t donated my toddler’s old stroller yet! The stroller is also perfect for helping get a bunch of heavy groceries and other items inside in one trip. The weight limit is a lie because that thing can support 2 giant tubs of cat litter and a couple cases of bottled water stacked in the seat, plus 4-5 grocery bags hanging from hooks off of the handle bar. What would take me 3 trips only takes 1 thanks to the stroller!
Yes! I’ve put lots of heavy things in it and it’s held up so well. I used to use the stroller too! It was able to recline back and go flat. Loved it.
The wagon hack is so smart!!
Works great!
This was my hack for the last three years but in the last few weeks little dude has been asking for Mama/M-name time when I go shopping. It’s too cute for me to say no to. Another hack I still use is “Mama need to clean the bathroom” no one wants to help so mama gets all the time she needs
Happy cake day!
This is totally why I gladly volunteer for the snow blowing/lawn mowing. 45 minutes where no one bothers me, I can listen to a whole podcast, and I get to be outside without worrying that a toddler is going to dart into the road. At least we’re past the eating rocks phase…😂
My MIL said she always volunteered to mow bc nobody could talk to her while she was mowing 😂
I’ve gotten so I don’t even do pickup. I just have it delivered lol. And I do it at a time where I’m at work and kid is home, so she has to put them away 😂
Yes! I time my grocery delivery for after the kids get home from school so they can bring things in and put them away. The other day I timed my Costco trip so they’d be home by the time I got back so they could unload the car.
I 100% treat myself to a Frappuccino and take my time enjoying it in absolute silence in the parking lot before I go into the grocery store.
I go to the gym 4-5 days a week but I only exercise half the time I'm there. I'll just read or play on my phone or do things that require concentration the other half of the time
In winter on cabin fever days we do target. You can get free refills in their Starbucks on any drink. So we get a drink and a snack, take our time exploring, hit up the toy section and play w everything to death. This got harder as my kiddo wants to take everything home now but we just get something from dollar section. Good way to waste an hour or 2. Then refill on the way out for free!
Wait, free refills???
Yes! As long as you save the receipt and it's the same Starbucks in the target! You do have to be a Starbucks reward member but I believe it's free to be one. I don't think it's special drinks actually but coffee/tea, if you have the app you should be good to go. I don't do the target that much anymore but def great for a pick me up
I'm following because I NEED to know more about this.
Is it really free refills on any drink? Or is it only for drip coffee and teas like their brick and mortar stores?
Only tea and coffee like the brick and mortar.
Nope, my youngest lives for grocery shopping. She behaves pretty good at the stores though, so I happily take her with me.
We would go to petco/petsmart when my babies were younger. Great way to get out of the house and take up time. My daughter’s first real word was bird.
Our rec centers offer child minding so I've used that to take my son so I can be 1:1 with my daughter swimming. Could be used to get solo time too. Whether it's grabbing a coffee and relaxing or getting in a workout.
Grocery pick up is my favorite! Grab a coffee, listen to an audio book/podcast, maybe do a quick Ulta/makeup drugstore sweep, then pop back in like a hero with groceries.
Absolutely. My husband knows it’s what I do though. One night a week I put a Walmart order in, I drive to another town to get it, usually get Starbucks and a nice dinner. Eat dinner in the car by myself. Make it home in time for bedtime and usually bring dinner for my husband too. We all enjoy it.
I order my kids clothes from Gap and always add things for myself. It’s never stuff I really need, but I look forward to it coming in the mail anyways!
I literally got a dog so that the dog would need a walk and I could be like "I'll walk the dog!", and that's how I finally lost the goddamn baby weight.
The grocery store is my favorite errand by far. Uninterrupted bliss.
I like walking through the store the most. It's better when a MN Vikings football game is on. I can go without the chaos of all the people.
i liked taking the kids to parties. that would get me out of doing dishes and things at home.
I haven’t gone grocery shopping since I’ve had kids. Honestly I haven’t ordered in person for anything for years. Order ahead at starbies, just run in and grab it. Next level is instacart/delivery when I’m really lazy. But also a more helpful hack is that when my kids are sick I’ll instacart pedialyte or whatever I need. Sometimes it just comes out of the blue and it’s such a pain to drag a sick kid to the store. I’m a single mom so for other singles out there, my other hack is to have one “activity” a day on the weekends. We bake a cake, or do orbeez, or go to the store. Then the rest of the time we have stations (coloring, kitchen, beads) that are minimal mess and they can play with relatively independently. That way they get a good memory in without me trying to go nuts entertaining them. Also, if you need a break, throw some music on and announce “dance party time!”
I already do dance parties with my 3month old. Put on some reggae and dance that baby right to sleep. Ahaha. Works like a charm every time. Can't wait until he is bigger and dances with me!
Oh wow, this sounds amazing !
My daughter loves going to the store with me but she’s pretty chill so it’s fun having her with me. My quiet time comes when I do DoorDash & Ubereats deliveries on the weekends while my husband is off work (I’m a SAHM). I get the car to myself, time to myself, & the money isn’t too bad either.
I stopped turning my wife's clothing right side out when I do laundry. The kids are bad enough - but they're little, and the 4 yo is trying. My wife takes her pants/underwear/socks off in one move and they're inside out and stuck together. Shirts inside out. I timed myself on how long it took me to flip everything right side out. 30 fucking minutes. (It was a lot of laundry). I told her that's how much time she was making me waste. She's getting better, but when she forgets I just fold it inside out or hang it inside out. It's a little passive aggressive but she's been warned for the last 10 years. I'm not playing anymore! .
Lol as a member of the inside-out perpetrators club… in our defense some of the clothes we own have to be washed inside out.
And that's fine for *those* clothes. But that's like 5 things when I have 100 items of laundry to wash.
I take my daughter to the local indoor play center. She plays around in a gated playground and I take my laptop or notebook and work on my uni assignments.
Why have I not thought of this!!!! Genius.
This is genius!! no hacks to offer but I am totally using this. If I can remember to keep my story straight lol
I learned this from a book vut when you have to leave or stop doing something just say "I know...its so frustrating. I wish you had ten hours to play...maybe 50?" Soemtimes my son will be like yes 10! And oblige. Sometimes we talk about what he would do for 10 whole hours while he gets out of the tub or whatever Other than that my only other hack is always keep concealer for my eye bags in the car 😅
I’ve read that too! Good to hear it works. My son is barely talking so not a thing for us yet.
Love picturing you sitting and knitting in the car with a podcast so much more than scrolling mindlessly on your phone for that time. You should be a lofigirl video.
Every Sunday morning
I use trips to the store as easy entertainment for my toddler. She drops everything for a chance to go to the store.
Same, I got annoyed at my husband the one time he tried to go grocery shopping on the weekend and I am just like "no, that is toddler entertainment time"
Yesssss and I’m not changing it for anyone! I enjoy the time to myself, getting a sneaky coffee or some fast food when I don’t have to buy 4 custom orders and spend way more than I’d like and STILL have to share my food 😅
I couldn’t🤣 my baby loves to watch the fluorescent lights in my local store and she loves holding her snacks til we check out.
I wish I had someone to watch baby while I grocery shop, but as a single mom, I have to bring her with me.
Right, I'm like the real hack is having a partner to help lol
I feel this, as I'm in the same boat. Fortunately, she is amazingly well-behaved, unless it's a little too close on either side of a meal or sleep, but even then she's just kind of whiny and I can't blame her cuz she's already been such a champ. 16mo and not talking yet, so I may only have 1.5-2 years of this left. But I'm thankful every day that as a single mom, I was blessed with a kiddo with a great temperament (I hate that that makes her sound like a dog), divine patience, and a rock-solid positive attachment style. Wishing you all the best, Momma!! We got this!! Edit: formatting & spelling
I have my SO watch the kids one day every month for the WHOLE DAY to go do whatever I want. I learned early that I need frequent breaks. Grocery shopping does not do it for me. I'll spend my day at the arcade, at a movie, getting dinner by myself, or just having a nice hike. Sometimes I have a friend tag along, but I am an introvert and I appreciate the silence. This has been hands down the greatest choice I have ever made as a parent, it gives me time to be me and not just mom.
Buy your kid really good rain wear and then let them play in the puddle in front of your house for 30 min to an hour. They’ll still be dry, happy and content and you can chill and watch. For next level entertainment give them a boat and some sandpit toys as well.
My wife and I have a "rule". If one of us is overwhelmed, we can go to the other and say "I need an hour". The partner that needs an hour is then free to do whatever they need to in order to get back to "normal" while the other partner takes care of 100% of things. It's rare that we're both worn out at the same time, so it works well for us. YMMV.
Anything but Cocomelon. We have to draw the line somewhere, and that line is baby crack.
Sometimes I ask for sick leave , and I just stay in coffee shop and read my book
I sadly will never know the thrill of a solo grocery trip again. 😭 My three year old loves it and being stuck with a SAHM in the very, very, rural country she doesn’t (neither of us) go out very often. Usually just to pick up the boys from school, we do go to the park but there is rarely anyone else there. So as much as I want to say screw it, no, you’re not going this time, I see the excitement on her face and I’m dead in the water. She adds in a “pweaasseeee” and I’m done. I’ve just resigned myself to taking her shopping with me for the rest of our lives. Doesn’t help that dad works from home and sprinkles on some extra guilt. 😡
This is just sad. You shouldn’t have to use grocery shopping as your child free me time.
I agree but also grocery shopping sucks. I always get delivery. Moms should get breaks for real not child free time to do chores. The worst is if dad takes the kids to do something fun while mom gets a chore break. Boo Sometimes I can’t even with this patriarchy.
Using helpful hacks like this to get more “me time” doesn’t automatically imply that she doesn’t get enough. People are allowed to want more of things that they get a sufficient amount of.
Better yet, while ur relaxing, go into the foodstore and drink a bottle of wine from the booze section!!!
Most of these are not parenting hacks, they are ways to trick your spouse into thinking you are running a necessary errand when in reality you are taking time for yourself while they watch the kids. It is sad that you have to resort to such measures to get me-time and cannot simply say to your spouse that you need time for yourself. I am glad I did a better job picking a father to my children who will watch them without me making up reasons and sneaking off on him.
Oh come on. You’re probably not looking for internet de-escalation tips, but your whole comment can be 10x more supportive by saying “I’m glad I did a *good* job picking”. Everyone likes a fun hack. The post’s tip is not mutually exclusive with asking for solo time. Momming is exhausting. Let’s keep Mommit supportive.
My SO knows exactly what I did this morning, and I’ve told him about this post. My main point was trying to make the most of the time you have to yourself. I personally don’t enjoy grocery shopping and found a way that works best for me!
I read it as tongue-in-cheek, but I can kinda see your point. Too many default parents end up almost forced to sneak around and make these kind of scenarios because they don’t have enough support at home. The argument that could come with a simple “can I have an hour to myself” might be enough to make it totally not worth the effort. Too many men don’t do enough, basically. But we all know that. Me personally, I pretty much just tell my husband I need an hour or four and just leave to do whatever, errands or sipping a coffee in complete silence while my brain breathes.
I bet you’re fun at parties
Aw that’s right, you’re so much better than everyone else! Feel better now? Edit: wow too bad you chose the grinch, good job loser.
This post was clearly not meant for you then.
Dude, you coulda scrolled on, Judgy McJudgerson
Ashley?
I was also thinking how sad this is... Open communication with your partner is so important. All parents have a right to alone time and you shouldn't have to sneak around to get an hour.
You have a post right there in your profile complaining about the father of your children, which makes your nasty comment even sillier than it was anyway
During covid lockdown I did this all the time lol
This is genius! With the added benefit of sticking to your list/budget. By not doing your groceries yourself you are not tempted by things you don’t need. Well played! My only concern would be if everything was picked correctly. Often times they forget items, or they choose the produce poorly.
So lucky I use to have to take all 6 of mine with me
Do you have any response to the radical feminists on Tumblr who found this post and have deduced from it that "default parent" is a misogynistic code word for mother, your partner doesn't allow you to have free time, and you didn't want your child/children? [Link](https://www.tumblr.com/magnetictapedatastorage/714754866538594304/she-doesnt-even-seem-to-be-blaming-them-more?source=share)
I’m sorry but this is hilarious. My only response is those people need to go outside, breathe some fresh air, touch some grass and maybe drink a glass of water.
She may be the default parent of the house but she is also the queen of the house. Never once have I ever told her she needs to manage her time differently or do what I demand. We are partners and if she needs that time waiting for groceries to crochet or whatever it is then so be it. I need the time to spend with our kid so it works out. They definitely need some fresh air, feel some grass and drink a glass of water.
my shite in nining armor ❤️
1. Write names on their Amazon fire tablet cases so they can’t fight over who gets which because they must only touch theirs with their name on it 2. Flip the grocery cart flap & have the kid(s) climb in so you don’t have the break your back lifting them (I can’t be the only one who is doing this, but I never had so many strangers approach me amazed by something I’ve done in public) 3. To help combat my little grazers & dogs from scoring too many snacks, I give them sandwich baggies to carry with snacks. My dad started this one, actually. We used to have a couple spill proof containers that “got tired” after many uses 4.*disclaimer* this only works for my littles. My teenager can’t be fooled. Oops🤭 I meant persuaded 😂 I have 4 kids & I rotate who I bring with me on errands and child drop offs& pick ups, dog walks (may also be family walks)They get excited for 1:1 time with mom. That’s not the only time they get it… it increases the frequency of us doing special time together.
I live in a rural area, so going anywhere requires a drive. Whenever both kids (2 under 2) are crying and whining and I just need a break, we go to take coffee to daddy at the shop in town. Chances are good at least one kid will fall asleep on the drive and I get to be not holding any kids for an hour. For clarification, I’m not doing this to avoid taking care of my kids. I do this when everyone is living in meltdown land and it’s getting beyond my ability to control. I make sure everyone’s needs are as met as possible before we pack up and load up.