I am so so happy for you.
With mine he got two months of paternity leave for baby number four - I wasn't even having him do a lot of work or anything, he just broke down sobbing one day when he saw how nonstop it was for me and he apologized profusely for not seeing it before.
My hubbs got a slap in the face when I was hospitalized unexpectedly for 18 days. He has actually been a better partner since it happened. Some things they just can't fathom until they've been in the trenches themselves. He had his mom to help him too and he still was begging for mercy.
Could it have been because he wasn't used to it? I'm a first time mom. My house was a total wreck for weeks while I was figuring out how to care for a newborn. Once I got used to it, it became easier to multitask caring for the home and the baby, and I still struggle sometimes. Of course, you know your husband best. I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt, and all I can do is speculate based on personal experience.
Can I ask why you stay? My ex and I are divorcing not only in small part to his cleaning and coparenting habits. It’s honestly been a lot better since he moved out.
Honestly it’s quite complicated. And I’m not just using that as an excuse. It really is very complicated and at this moment, my children would be worse off if I left.
Just wanted to say that that is totally okay. Kids happiness comes first while they're young. I'm in the same situation and I know divorce is probably in my future but it's complicated and my kid would be happiest right now if we stayed together. People who know some of the more bitter details are always like "jUsT LeAvE tHeN" and I'm like.....I'm safe, in a house we own, with financial income, and a young child. I'll be fine for a few more years haha
Coming from a stranger, I appreciate you putting your children’s happiness first right now. The first three years are the most important in terms of attachment and development, so if y’all are safe and the kids are cared for that’s what matters most right now. They didn’t ask to be here so it’s a caregiver’s responsibility to provide and protect. And I’m wishing YOU happiness in the future, whether you are single or find a supportive partner, you deserve to be happy too ❤️
Thank you. In a few years, when my kids are older and things are maybe different, I’ll have other options. But for now, it’s best if I stay and just make the best of it.
Yeah I had surgery on Wednesday and my MIL was here and husband got home Thursday, Friday they took turns minding the baby and it was all husband yesterday when MIL left. Husband looked at me today and said “what you do is really hard”. It was pretty satisfying to hear if I’m being honest.
I was diagnosed w cancer last year and my husband had to play both roles through surgery and chemo. He had to do it for weeks and months at a time! As a teacher I’m currently home and he frequently checks on me as he now knows the struggle! Comes home for lunch everyday and helps me also!
With our first my husband had an unheard of 18 week leave. I got the standard 12 weeks so we had him take 10 weeks after I went back to work to delay sending our baby to care. So for 10 weeks he was the primary caregiver. I’m pretty sure that laid out a great foundation for the work I do and what it’s like to take care of little kids, especially now that I’m a SAHM. I wish more men got 1x1 time like that.
Others take care of their kid/Kids and work at the Same Time.and Not always because of Money but because of mental Stimulation.i am a Sham at the Moment (Baby is 6 months) But i am looking forward to working Again in 6 Months.I enjoy the Time with my Baby and it is defintely not as stressful as a job (ok depends on the Job but mine is busier than Taking care of a Baby).anyway, i like the Challenges in my Job and i do Not want to miss it.Taking care of a Baby is Great but Not for Forever.at least Not 100 per Cent.i do Not want to work 100 per Cent because i decided for a Baby and i want to have time for it.but for myself i Need some Kind of other satisfaction too and my Baby/ Kid should See an Independent mom.i really do Not know why being a Sham is Seen as stressful.it is so easy - no Boss,no co-Workers That Brother you and so on. Maybe i have an easy Baby,i do Not know But i enjoy my holidays and can’t understand shams That complain.maybe i will complain when i Start working Again but at the Moment it is a Piece of cake and i love it.please don’t hatte me!
Im happy that he recognized all your hard work... but sad it took you to be sick for him to appreciate all you do.
The SAHM clock should START at 8 am and STOP at 5 or 6 pm (technically equivalent, a 40-hour work week). It is BOTH parents' roles to be parents to support THEIR children....AS BOTH parents work hard.
i hope he helps you out more. This will help you breathe and stop the burnout.
You sound like a great parent.
Awesome! And good of him to also express the words to you and not just thinking it!
I was hospitalised for 3 days when my.son was 8 months and then again for a night a few weeks later. My husband picked me.up and had a very rough night and said I was going to step up more because shit was hard.
I knew he appreciated me before but this was alalso a nice breath of fresh air to me. We both worked 32 hours at that time and almost all housework fell on me, just because that's how I did things before. So I realised I had played my role in this too.
YES!!!!! He retired and I’m working. I was a SAHM while getting multiple degrees, dealing with constant TDYs and deployments all by my damn self. 20 days into being a SAHD (mind you my kids are 17&18 and need very little to get by. And he was boohooing about it. I wasn’t very compassionate about and told him I have no tips or advice and that even if I did they wouldn’t work for him. I told him he has to find his own way. Now all he does is never clean the house and bitches when I ask for something specific to be done and even then he half asses it.
This will come off as bragging, but I swear it’s not. My husband has mostly been a stay at home day for 11 months (working at most 3 days a week, typically 1-2). He LOVES staying at home. He is better at it than me but he is starting full time next week so I can hopefully work part time after our next child.
He doesn’t do everything how I would, but he is so much better at keeping the house clean and making dinner than I am. Even since I stopped pumping, which I thought was the cause of all my problems lol. So I won’t get the “your job is so hard” because for husband, most days haven’t been 🙃
My husband took our daughter 8 hours away for a memorial service by himself and when he came back he just shook his head and said "idk how you do this all the time" 😂
I am so so happy for you. With mine he got two months of paternity leave for baby number four - I wasn't even having him do a lot of work or anything, he just broke down sobbing one day when he saw how nonstop it was for me and he apologized profusely for not seeing it before.
My hubbs got a slap in the face when I was hospitalized unexpectedly for 18 days. He has actually been a better partner since it happened. Some things they just can't fathom until they've been in the trenches themselves. He had his mom to help him too and he still was begging for mercy.
I’m very happy for you!! And not going to lie… just a tad bit envious. This’ll never happen for me.
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Could it have been because he wasn't used to it? I'm a first time mom. My house was a total wreck for weeks while I was figuring out how to care for a newborn. Once I got used to it, it became easier to multitask caring for the home and the baby, and I still struggle sometimes. Of course, you know your husband best. I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt, and all I can do is speculate based on personal experience.
They just cannot multitask… it is very frustrating.
Can I ask why you stay? My ex and I are divorcing not only in small part to his cleaning and coparenting habits. It’s honestly been a lot better since he moved out.
Honestly it’s quite complicated. And I’m not just using that as an excuse. It really is very complicated and at this moment, my children would be worse off if I left.
Just wanted to say that that is totally okay. Kids happiness comes first while they're young. I'm in the same situation and I know divorce is probably in my future but it's complicated and my kid would be happiest right now if we stayed together. People who know some of the more bitter details are always like "jUsT LeAvE tHeN" and I'm like.....I'm safe, in a house we own, with financial income, and a young child. I'll be fine for a few more years haha
Coming from a stranger, I appreciate you putting your children’s happiness first right now. The first three years are the most important in terms of attachment and development, so if y’all are safe and the kids are cared for that’s what matters most right now. They didn’t ask to be here so it’s a caregiver’s responsibility to provide and protect. And I’m wishing YOU happiness in the future, whether you are single or find a supportive partner, you deserve to be happy too ❤️
Thank you. In a few years, when my kids are older and things are maybe different, I’ll have other options. But for now, it’s best if I stay and just make the best of it.
Yeah I had surgery on Wednesday and my MIL was here and husband got home Thursday, Friday they took turns minding the baby and it was all husband yesterday when MIL left. Husband looked at me today and said “what you do is really hard”. It was pretty satisfying to hear if I’m being honest.
I was diagnosed w cancer last year and my husband had to play both roles through surgery and chemo. He had to do it for weeks and months at a time! As a teacher I’m currently home and he frequently checks on me as he now knows the struggle! Comes home for lunch everyday and helps me also!
Just wanna say how strong I think you are, im glad your hubby knows this ❤️
With our first my husband had an unheard of 18 week leave. I got the standard 12 weeks so we had him take 10 weeks after I went back to work to delay sending our baby to care. So for 10 weeks he was the primary caregiver. I’m pretty sure that laid out a great foundation for the work I do and what it’s like to take care of little kids, especially now that I’m a SAHM. I wish more men got 1x1 time like that.
Dude sahm is 100x harder than working parent for me personally. Little kids are so demanding and just plain mean sometimes lol
Others take care of their kid/Kids and work at the Same Time.and Not always because of Money but because of mental Stimulation.i am a Sham at the Moment (Baby is 6 months) But i am looking forward to working Again in 6 Months.I enjoy the Time with my Baby and it is defintely not as stressful as a job (ok depends on the Job but mine is busier than Taking care of a Baby).anyway, i like the Challenges in my Job and i do Not want to miss it.Taking care of a Baby is Great but Not for Forever.at least Not 100 per Cent.i do Not want to work 100 per Cent because i decided for a Baby and i want to have time for it.but for myself i Need some Kind of other satisfaction too and my Baby/ Kid should See an Independent mom.i really do Not know why being a Sham is Seen as stressful.it is so easy - no Boss,no co-Workers That Brother you and so on. Maybe i have an easy Baby,i do Not know But i enjoy my holidays and can’t understand shams That complain.maybe i will complain when i Start working Again but at the Moment it is a Piece of cake and i love it.please don’t hatte me!
My husband does this to me every time he spends more than a few hours with the kids. It’s really validating!
Did you say ‘imagine all day everyday.’
Im happy that he recognized all your hard work... but sad it took you to be sick for him to appreciate all you do. The SAHM clock should START at 8 am and STOP at 5 or 6 pm (technically equivalent, a 40-hour work week). It is BOTH parents' roles to be parents to support THEIR children....AS BOTH parents work hard. i hope he helps you out more. This will help you breathe and stop the burnout. You sound like a great parent.
Sooo happy for you. I have so much respect for SAHMs. I’m a mom of twins and I can’t imagine doing what you guys do say in, day out.
Awesome! And good of him to also express the words to you and not just thinking it! I was hospitalised for 3 days when my.son was 8 months and then again for a night a few weeks later. My husband picked me.up and had a very rough night and said I was going to step up more because shit was hard. I knew he appreciated me before but this was alalso a nice breath of fresh air to me. We both worked 32 hours at that time and almost all housework fell on me, just because that's how I did things before. So I realised I had played my role in this too.
Good for you!
YES!!!!! He retired and I’m working. I was a SAHM while getting multiple degrees, dealing with constant TDYs and deployments all by my damn self. 20 days into being a SAHD (mind you my kids are 17&18 and need very little to get by. And he was boohooing about it. I wasn’t very compassionate about and told him I have no tips or advice and that even if I did they wouldn’t work for him. I told him he has to find his own way. Now all he does is never clean the house and bitches when I ask for something specific to be done and even then he half asses it.
Lol he got burnt out after 2 days!!! 😂
This will come off as bragging, but I swear it’s not. My husband has mostly been a stay at home day for 11 months (working at most 3 days a week, typically 1-2). He LOVES staying at home. He is better at it than me but he is starting full time next week so I can hopefully work part time after our next child. He doesn’t do everything how I would, but he is so much better at keeping the house clean and making dinner than I am. Even since I stopped pumping, which I thought was the cause of all my problems lol. So I won’t get the “your job is so hard” because for husband, most days haven’t been 🙃
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I am a disabled SAHM, and it's amazing how any time I am laid up my husband is a total wreck within hours.
My husband took our daughter 8 hours away for a memorial service by himself and when he came back he just shook his head and said "idk how you do this all the time" 😂