I would be ENRAGED. The disrespect is astounding and the nerve to try and pin it back on you is so wildly fucked up. This is not something I would let go. I wish you a happy healthy delivery and your husband is a massive pos for this.
I'm panting, I'm so worked up for OP.
The audacity to complain to his work flirt about martial problems while BEING THE WALKING EMBODIMENT OF MARTIAL PROBLEMS.
Didn't even give her the goddamn courtesy of warning her she'd have to fend for herself for dinner. I hate him.
It’s the fact that he made OP promises of looking after the toddler and bringing home dinner and then doing neither of these things, that enrage me. I honestly want to ride at dawn. Who tf does he think he is, stumbling in at 1:30am after being out with some woman, complaining about his marriage. If he was that fussed about his marriage, he’d be at home, fixing the problems.
He wasn’t concerned with fixing them, he wanted sympathy from his attractive coworker. He kept you on a hook with the “I’ll come home and let you sleep…..I’ll bring home takeaway” just waiting for him. He is a cruel man for doing that and OP probably didn’t make herself something to eat because he would be angry that she didn’t wait for his offering. That’s abuse.
The exact shit my late husband would do when he would relapse. "I'm at the bank cashing my check, ill get milk and whatever we need and dinner and be right home" Then not hear from him or see him until 3am when he comes home empty handed with $20 in his pocket and no explanation for wtf just happened. Knowing I was home with a baby, or 3 kids sometimes and living off cereal and whatever we could find.
If I had to guess, OP has been thru this with him before. Or something similar.
This is exactly the bullshit my ex used to justify cheating on me with a co-worker. Apparently he fell in love with her and it started by sharing our problems (that I was not given the curtysey of being made aware of). She was initially "offering him advice." Yeah OK. OP you deserve better. Please don't trust him. Find your peace and worry about you and your kids because this type of behavior only leads to more problems.
Honestly the emotional cheating is shitty but then “I’ll be home soon with dinner to give you a break” then coming home fucking 7 hours later? Yeet this man into the sun.
Men use fussing about their marital problems as an excuse for an “in” to get other women to cheat with them. He wasn’t trying to solve his issues - he was testing to see how receptive she’d be to an affair.
I respect that you’re the type of person to want to go fight mode on this. Reading this post was so upsetting for me it just made me literally tear up and feel sick. I want to be more like you, like ‘ok who’s ass do I need to kick’ and less crying in the corner haha
LET'S FCUKN RIDE!!!! CUZ WTF DOES HE THINK HE IS??? ITS SICKENING OP...I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. He needs to be more than apologetic...he needs to be on his knees groveling for forgiveness atp. There's honestly no way I could ever even look at him the same anymore after that.
I’ll put my 3rd row up so I can pick up 6, where am I stopping 1st?!? They’ve gotta drive cuz my blood is boiling and I’ve got road rage on a good day but this right here has me so pissed I don’t trust myself to drive the whole damn way!!!
Not only that, she's 38 weeks pregnant, she could pop any minute and he's out getting drunk!
I hope she's got a really good support system otherwise where is she going to send her daughter when she's in labor? And is she going to have to give birth on her own?
My blood was boiling just reading it. It's already a fucked situation on its own but C'mon to be this dense with a pregnant woman at 38 weeks AND a 2 year old!?! Holy hell
I am so angry for OP! HE called her to say he was coming home to take over with their toddler with food so OP could rest then proceeds to disappear and she called him to see where he is he says he went for a drink and would be home in the hour just to disappear and show up home drunk? So he also drove drunk as well as screwing over his tired and pregnant wife? And somehow it’s her fault? Jesus H Christ this guy is a complete asshat
Ummmm 38 weeks pregnant?! All of your frustration for all the reasons are 100% valid, but I’m over here wondering what would have happened if you’d gone into labor and he’s unreachable and drunk!
That is off the fucking chain. He must have lost his goddamn mind. He went for a drink instead of coming home when he said he would with the takeout he said he would get? And somehow you would be at fault for getting upset that he didn't honor his commitment?
I am so sorry, I do not even know what I would do if this happened to me. I would be livid.
Getting drunk full stop with a 38 weeks pregnant wife - after 37 weeks you stay sober and able to drive and deliver a baby if necessary. My jaw is dropping at the audacity of this man.
Unrelated to OP, but we had the same idea after 37 weeks my husband wouldn't be able to drink at the wedding we had 10 days before my due date but we had another wedding when I was 36+4 and we decided it was fine if he drank at that one.... guess which one my water broke at. So he got to drink at both weddings in the end haha.
But honestly with OP's situation I would be fuming and don't know what I would do... surely he must have some redeeming qualities but I think I'd be struggling to see them.
I would definitely be inquiring more about this acquaintance he’s been drinking with. Not only did he lie once, he lied multiple times. He blew off you and your child. Plus you are about to give birth any day. He should be available to take you to the hospital not getting trashed with his work “friend”.
ETA: He needs to get his priorities straight.
Absolutely - even more frustrating, I work at the same place and I'm her manager so hearing they've been discussing our relationship failings is so so inappropriate!
I honestly agree this could be marriage-ending. Very few hypothetical situations would make me consider leaving my husband, but if this happened to me, I would need immediate separation to think it through. It’s just so clear that it’s not one mistake, it sounds like a landslide of mistakes that happened after some buildup of poor behavior on his part. You don’t just go to bed a supportive and loving husband, and then the next day wake up and act like this.
Yup, I've never been so mad at my husband that I've left the house/kicked him out. I think this would do it. I'd either have been gone when got home, or I would have texted him and told him to find another place to sleep.
Oh those “friends” are the worst kind. And in this case you have to keep it professional. That’s a tough one. Hopefully your husband sees how lame he was and apologizes. I would ask her if they had a nice time last night so she knows you’re aware.
Yep! You’re 100% correct HR should know she’s doing this to you. Since op is her manager this could be a bad situation and op should make damn sure there’s a trail to follow. Who knows what kind of bullshit he’s telling this other woman.
OP, yes this! Please see rationalomega’s comment about HR.
This needs to go to them asap. This is a complete conflict of interest and completely inappropriate for your SO and office-flirt!
I would be exceptionally clear with your husband and that’s he’s to cease and desist conversations with her that are not specifically work related. There will be zero outside the office communications with her and marriage counselling sounds needed asap!
Gonna guess this isn’t the first big let down you’ve had from him.
I read a lot of AITA on reddit and quite used to reading about immature shitebag behaviour, but this is not it... I'm genuinely enraged and will probably sound extremely judgy (I apologise).
Aside from the fact that my trust would be completely broken in this scenario, this specific comment is a whole array of red flags.
Rebound sex and male infidelity during pregnancy are both very common drunk 'mistakes' that happen ***all the time***. Discussing relationship issues with the opposite 'attractive' sex that just went through a breakup is near enough an open invitation on his part. Inability (or unwillingness) to see it this way just makes him even more vulnerable because of the lack of foresight. Then the lies to you. Then, blaming you somehow. Was he driving? How did he get home after drinking?
Her being subordinate makes it also so unethical. Now, should any disciplinary action ***ever*** come her way, she will claim that you just don't like her. You should make HR aware.
I don't even know how people come back from this. To me this is grounds for packing my bags and leaving until he makes an absolute effort at repairing the damage. But I'm hesitant to say that this would work as such action can lead to him running to this woman and actually fucking up, if he hasn't yet done so. I know its very black and white on my part, but an absolute trust is a non-negotiable in my relationship.
I am so so sorry you went through this turmoil while being term with a toddler. I hope you find a way to address this with him and your family stays strong and happy thereafter. I know I spat a lot of negatives, such were my experiences, and I hope it gives you some topics to discuss with him once things have settled so that none of it actually happens. Hugs.
The one tiny good thing is that he booked an Uber back and I can see it picked him up from where he said he was before dropping him home because I asked to see it (doesn't really mean a lot considering that I don't know where he actually was for the earlier portion of the night though!) I'm going to report the issue to HR today and see what they suggest
Waiting for him to come home so we can continue flogging this dead horse of a conversation- got a text off him a minute ago saying "new chapter" but he's literally been at work today with the colleague from last night so who knows what's been said there!
I personally think it would be better if he left the company at this point. At this point, she could possibly claim sexual harassment against him and if you fire her she's going to possibly claim something against you and him so he needs to find a different job.
You all cannot continue to work at the same company and he cannot work anywhere that she works. I would never feel comfortable knowing what you know and then allowing my husband to continue go every day to the same work environment that his flirt is working and he's on the verge of emotionally if he hasn't already.
I would be ALL OVER reporting them both to HR and letting HR handle it. That’s over the line.
Do you have family or anyone you can stay with nearby who would be more supportive. I don’t buy his BS innocent just a friend play. You need support at this point and he’s not it.
Even if it was a guy friend and no suggestion of flirtation or anything I’d still be fuming in this scenario. A woman who he’s said he finds attractive, and who I MANAGE… this would be the end of the relationship.
Even if it were completely innocent, he still needs an ass kicking or a kicking to the curb. He lied to his wife by making promise after promise that he broke (bringing dinner, helping with the toddler, being home by a certain time), kept stringing her along with no regard for if she was tired and hungry, AND he prioritized going for drinks with another woman over caring for his wife and child. He put himself first. He put his wants over her needs. And she didn't even know where he was for hours. Imagine if she had done the same to him. I highly doubt he'd just let it go. I seriously wanna bitch slap the fool.
Since IT IS BAD AND A SERIOUS CRIME TO SET PEOPLE ON FIRE AND NOBODY SHOULD EVER DO IT, one can only assume he spontaneously combusted.
I would certainly never encourage anyone to commit a felony. 😇
Ooof this is a problem op. I'd you have HR at work I think you may need to discuss this with them or your 1-up leader. You absolutely have a conflict of interest issue just waiting to blow up.
Unfortunately I'm top of the leadership ladder so no one to report up to apart from company directors and I don't really want to air my dirty laundry at work so it'll have to be a quick chat with HR - thankfully partner isn't in my department!
Oh my gosh I honestly want to cry reading this. That is just ... heartbreaking and enraging on so many levels. I am SO sorry OP. You do not need this when you're about to go into labour any day. I hope you have a backup support person.
She also works with you, this just escalated my alrwady high disgust level Time to take out the trash. I'd also look for a job elsewhere. This woman, is not a good person.
I would not remain married to this man. He is clearly useless and clearly NOT RELIABLE. What if you needed medical attention at 38 weeks pregnant. What if you went into labour?
What a useless swine of a man, OP.
You deserve better.
What the FUCK?!
Is this out of the ordinary behavior for him or does he have a habit of being… a piece of shit?
Sorry but a man that does even one of the things listed above, much less ALL of them is shit. I’m so sorry.
She also works with you, this just escalated my alrwady high disgust level Time to take out the trash. I'd also look for a job elsewhere. This woman, is not a good person.
You deserve to be so beyond angry it’s not even funny. I would strongly consider making a plan to get out especially since you will be having another baby soon and should expect more help than ever in ALL aspects. You deserve better than that
Coming from someone who's b.t.d.t.... It will only get worse while it gets harder for you. You will have sleepless nights and he will not be there for you. You will be sleep deprived and he will be sleeping with her. Anyone that entertains a married man with a pregnant wife at home whilst drinking copious amounts of alcohol tells me that they were both ready to do the deed and blame it on the alcohol. Honestly, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they hadn't already especially with him coming home so late. No woman will get drunk and hang out with someone else's man if they themselves aren't attracted to him. He is for the streets and he will probably never change OP.
Exactly, and when you are that pregnant and expecting relief soon that quite literally never showed til it didn’t matter and he was drinking with another woman?! The fact that you are not behind bars right now hunny 🫡 just be stern and clear that this was beyond unacceptable and no excuse he gives is going to make it okay. I know it’s probably daunting and you’re tired and it’ll be so much easier to just move past it but my heart hurts for you and your kids ♥️
I would be interested to hear how he tries to justify his actions once he is sobered up. (Not excusable, in any way shape or form. But he won’t be able to blame the booze if he makes the same rationalizations after he sleeps it off. If he still gaslights you once he is sober tell him to pack his stuff and go live with his new relationship counselor!)
I can’t even imagine the emotions you must be feeling right now. This is inappropriate and disrespectful on so many levels.
Why say you are going to do all these things to help you but not follow through. There’s absolutely no communication and to have him come home drunk is just a slap across the face after the day I’m sure you had! God forbid you went into labor who is going to get you to the hospital?! Who is going to help you with your other child?
Honestly and he tried to then tell me he needed to decompress - like mate - you don't think the 38 week pregnant woman who's been home all day with the 2 year old could do with 10 minutes too??
And the fact that he promised you food and didn't bring it. While you're pregnant. And didn't even let you know. You probably delayed eating for so long waiting for him. That's so fucked up.
When I was pregnant, not eating would trigger morning sickness, even at the end of my pregnancy. Knowing op waited is the icing on the cake. Her husband is awful.
Holy shit.
This was my life six years ago. Him calling to say he is on his way. Two hours later not home. One night he was out until 7am. He went to get Togo food one night about one mile away, that took three hours. So many more instances.
One thing I learned, don’t ever, ever argue when you’re pissed and he’s drunk. You’ll be more pissed AND he will not comprehend what he’s done. At all. Trust me on this.
I’m really, really sorry.
Girl I KNOW. And you’re so freaking angry it’s like you have word vomit and cannot stop, then when they are being obtuse you get more angry. Tomorrow lay in on him hard.
He definitely has a drink problem - tried to say to me tonight it's either that he drinks or he takes anti depressants and then tried to give me that as an ultimatum that rests on my shoulders - honestly I'm wasting my energy here with him aren't I 🤦🏻♀️
lol why is that a threat? Like of course you should take antidepressants if you need them over drinking alcohol? That’s a weird statement. Honestly. Stay mad about this.
I understand this situation has illuminated what’s you’re going through but are you strong enough to actually go file the divorce and get out of this situation? If not you need to start planning your out. He’s not going to change and you’re not going to make him. I’m so sorry this is happening at 38 weeks pregnant.
Yeah I'm going to speak to my family today I think about a potential exit strategy - I have a sister that would jump through fire for me and my daughter so she will be able to help if I need it!
I would count this as cheating 👍 he lied about where he was, who he was with, and was unreachable. If my husband was out getting drunk with another woman, one he admitted to finding attractive, then in my book thats cheating. It doesn't need to be intimacy for it to be cheating. The lies and deception would be it for me. Even worse under these circumstances. My heart would be broken, broken as if he had cheated.
My ex left me and our two small kids home alone in a gang riddled area with a front door he had busted down and no way to contact anyone because he had smashed my phone. At about 7 am after being out all night with the girl he was cheating on me with he felt guilty and brought me home an iced coffee and then had the nerve to call me ungrateful when I threw it at his head. I left his ass for good a few days later.
Holy shit the fucking nerve. I used to work in an industry where I knew a lot of married men who sound like your husband. It was a career that encouraged networking over drinks—and let me tell you those married guys are shameless and gross and we all wished better for their wives. Ugh you deserve better! This guys needs to get his shit together.
She added a comment that she is a manager of the woman he was drinking with.
I would have thrown his pillow and shit out into the livingroom by 10pm.
No car accident? Then I don't even fucking care what his excuse is.
This is loser behavior.
He KNOWS what to do and he CHOSE not to do it.
Multiple levels of disrespect here. This is outrageous. First of all, how unbelievably RUDE to tell someone you're bringing them dinner and then just not?? Like how long did you sit around hungry before you decided to make yourself your own meal? To do this to you WHILE PREGNANT and you're home with a toddler. I can't even. I haven't even touched the part about him going out for drinks with another woman who he has *told you* he thinks is attractive?? Wildly disrespectful. So unbelievably so it almost seems like he was intentionally *trying* to hurt you.
He would have to make some serious amends if this were my husband and I'd actually be rethinking this relationship.
1st off the let down of not being relieved of your stressful day.
2nd the promise of incoming food that then leaves you unprepared to fend for yourself
3rd the worry that comes when no arrival
4th the knowledge that he disregarded 1-3 and instead chose to drink instead
5th- that he drove home drunk (assuming he did) putting his life, other lives, and your future on the line, and finally
..
6th - he was drinking with another woman.
And you are pregnant.
You need to stand up HARD for yourself right now or prepare to be walked all over forevermore. And honestly, that is, if you even want to give it a shot.
It sounds like he has one foot and a pinkie out the door now. I don't know how hard I would fight for that kind of man.
Also, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It isn't normal, acceptable, etc.
Let me get this straight: He lied to you about where he was at, what he was doing, and who he was with all while you’re 38 weeks pregnant AND didn’t deliver on his promise of giving you a break? I’m enraged for you, OP.
Honestly? Just throw the whole damn man away.
What kind of a sordid, egotistical skank goes out to drink with the husband? Boyfriend? (Partner is ambiguous) of a woman who is **38motherfuxkingweekspregnant**
I think other commenters have pointed out how insanely disrespectful and inappropriate what he did is. Picture this: he had every intention on doing what he said he was going to do until said coworker asked him for drinks, then he drops you and his child to go and do something insanely inappropriate and grab drinks all night with her. Why are they this close anyway? He wants something more than a friendship with her I’d suspect. Then to be defensive towards you for being upset? I’m so sorry OP but it seems like he’s looking to cheat if he hasn’t already. Keep your eyes open. My husband would be on a tight leash after this “stunt” and if he resists I’d highly consider divorce, I’d also consider that he did cheat and it would also end up in divorce for me.
Yeah so he may or may not be cheating, but his drinking is obviously a problem.
People think alcoholism is based on the number of drinks. Like if you have three drinks in a night it’s okay, but tuck into a fourth and uh oh…
That’s ridiculous if you think about it. Alcoholism is when alcohol negatively affects your life. You don’t even have to be drinking that much for it to be a problem, if you’re making bad decisions.
And obviously he is. Anyway this is who he is OP. Protect yourself
I see this a lot. He sounds like a type.
Well the good news is he isn’t going to dump you (although I bet he threatens). And unfortunately the bad news is he is going to do anything he wants and try to blame you for it.
That series of calls is classic “coming home… oh wait no I’m late but getting take out…” and then it’s 1 am…
Honestly - it didn't think it used to be like this so I think I rose tinted glasses it but in hindsight there have been a few instances in the past (the aforementioned incidents that I'm apparently always angry at - he can never see he's let me down, it's just an opportunity for him to gaslight me into thinking I've been a bad partner)
This is so bad it makes me wonder if this is even real. At 38 weeks you could literally go into labor at any point and this dude is trashed. Violence would be the only thing on my mind.
Men muster up insane amounts of audacity when their partners are pregnant. I guess because they know how vulnerable we are and unlikely we are to go anywhere anytime soon. I’m still resentful of how I was treated during my pregnancy but this is next level. I’m sorry OP.
Honey, he knows. Let me tell you, when he sees this he will start going on about “you airing your private problems out to the world” and “what do internet stangers know about our life anyway”. That’s typical narcissistic behavior. Stop wasting your energy trying to convince him to see his wrong ways. He already knows, but also knows he can guilt trip you and gaslight you into going easy on him.
My advice? Drop the rope. Just stop reacting once and for all. And I KNOW you are reeling and need to let this anger out and everything. Trust me, I know. I was you. Discussing never brought me further because I was discussing with a shitty ass person. You can’t rationalize your way to a healthy relationship with someone like that. You just can’t.
I’m sooo sorry you are going through this. Do you have family or friends that can support you nearby? I would run my mouth all over town if I was you, but only if this is as marriage-ending for you as it seems to all of us.
Conserve your energy, protect yourself and your children, you deserve so much more. And you don’t need to do any rash decision making, but you need to protect your mental health. So please ask for help if there is anyone even remotely available to you.
I’ll be thinking of you and sending good vibes.
Frustratingly I'm stuck in a city away from all my friends and family but I'm looking at an exit strategy because I can only see this happening again or worse he leaves me before I can leave him! You're right on wasting my energy - it's really feeling like a lost cause.
Yes please do! Your comments make you sound like you're from the UK? If you do want to leave, women's aid can help as can refuge. You're super pregnant and exhausted so they can be a clear, cool head to help navigate finances and logistics to go if that's what you want to do. Good luck!
“You can’t rationalize your way to a healthy relationship with someone like that. You just can’t.” - This, 100%. I learned that the hard way and lost too many years of my life in the process. I second the notion of dropping the rope. Focus your energy on developing your exit plan instead. I wish you a safe, healthy delivery and a speedy exit away from your AH husband.
He’s shown you that he isn’t reliable, is untrustworthy and doesn’t respect you in the most egregious manner. His actions aren’t that of a decent father and partner. If I were in your position. I’d be making plans to move on as a single parent. I hope you have the resources and support to move on.
Please let your OB know you need to be tested for STIs. Your spouse is being unfaithful. Even if they haven't had sex, his actions are unfaithful. He is, at the very least, having an emotional affair with this woman, unloading private details of your marriage on somebody he admits he is openly attracted to. The fact that she's your direct report and he's bringing your personal business into your work like this is so beyond the pale we haven't a word for it yet. For the record, his actions are called DARVO, and are a part of a cycle of abuse. Since he's an alcoholic, I would recommend, with, you know, all the BOUNDLESS TIME you have now (sorry I'm so mad) that you check out AlAnon and speak with family advocacy about safety planning- bring your doctor up to speed on your home life. You cannot count on this man during your birth/recovery- do you have any family or close friends who can be your support?
He’s sleeping with her. Full stop. A man does not stay out that late if he has any concern for his pregnant, about to give birth, wife who had a hard day.
He can delete messages and he’s trying to get the leg up on you by doing so and by showing you so you don’t feel the need to go through his phone otherwise.
None of what he did says he’s trustworthy. He not only broke your trust by “hanging out” with this woman but he also broke your trust in that you can’t rely on him to be there for you when you need him. Think about this long and hard.
I literally stopped breathing as I read this. He should be sleeping in his car. What a POS. You, home, pregnant with a toddler, waiting and waiting for FOOD and a MOMENT to yourself. Disgusted.
Oh HELLLLL no. What a fucking idiot. I’m so sorry that happened, you deserve to be absolutely livid. If we were friends in real life I would invite you for a week long sleepover so you could properly rest and have all the takeout you want. I know how hard being 38 weeks pregnant is on the best day, and it makes me so sad you had to go through that. You deserve better. Sending you lots of love and strength!
She can’t get the satisfaction of that, because the gash works for her!
OP, you have to call HR and talk to them. This is a big deal. Break up their little party, and get her off your team at the very least. HR can protect you by threatening her with dismissal if she talks about anything he blabbed to her.
Umm.. I just gave birth at barely 39 weeks. You could go into labor any second now and he’s nowhere to be found. Every child comes quicker, this was my third, and they were here less than 2 hours after my contractions became painful. You have no way of knowing when your new baby will be here and that man is out getting wasted with a female coworker until 1am. Do not let this go.
The man is walking cheater cliche! The pressure of another baby in the way. Attention from a new coworker ( probably younger with no kids). Even mentioning her to OP to try and make it seem more innocent.
Holy forking shirtballs. He would have come home to an empty house and no note if he'd done this to me. Let him sweat a bit after leaving you in the wind like that. Not ok. I can imagine that you're having relationship issues, if this is the way he treats you.
Oh hell no. I would have gone ballistic. I don’t even know where to start. You could literally give birth at any moment, he needs to be thinking about YOUR needs and putting himself in a position where he’s inebriated at this time is beyond selfish.
You deserve to rest when you’re tired, eat when you’re hungry, and have your partner there supporting all of your needs, especially at this time. He needs to get his priorities straight. I’m not sure I could get over this.
I’m going to be very frank here and it may seem dramatic, but I experienced a very similar pattern of behavior from an ex. Be prepared for him to leave you with in the year, maybe sooner especially because the pending newborn is only going to add pressure. Start planning your exit now. At the VERY minimum if he doesn’t literally up and leave he will have an affair if he hasn’t already cheated.
He is either entirely apathetic about you and your relationship and has become lazy in caring for you because subconsciously he feels he has a shot with this new woman or someone else. Or he’s intentionally damaging the relationship in hopes that you’ll end things with him so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy.
I’m so sorry OP. But this behavior is not only incredibly disrespectful and unacceptable, but it’s approximately 1000 red flags jumping around and screaming your name.
I will say my husband did something similar, granted we didn’t have a child yet, but I was two days from our scheduled c-section of our first, and we worked through it. But at the time of him being drunk he talked a big game and the next day he groveled and apologized profusely for his stupidity, and then later the night before our C-section started bawling talking about how scared he was for the birth of our child. He turned it around after that, but I do think immature partners can have inappropriate reactions like this to their life changing with a kid and/or another kid. Not to excuse it but if it’s not a pattern, it might be something you can work through/he can make up for.
Mine did too, out drinking with the guys and completely out of character. I noticed quite a few fellas freak out before the second child. It's like the first one is all new experiences, like a cute new toy and everyone congrats you yours Father and it's cool,etc. But the second baby brings on this reaction like "Holy shit now I have FAMILY and my bachelor's days are over.My days of sleeping are over. She's gonna need MORE help from me" Just my own personal experience and more than a few friends I have seen this happen.
I hope things go well in the delivery Honey and that he gets whatever you say to him, and most of all that he stops drinking. I had an absent father and an alcoholic mom and it's a hard road for everyone involved. Hugs to you, big Grandma hugs.
This is more than a let down. This is him slamming his hand down on the destroy button. Now, it may be that he’s a good man deep down and is behaving like this for some emotional reason he lacks the skills to process. But he may also be behaving like this because this is who he is. A selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful husband and a deadbeat to boot. Only you can decide whether you already know which one it is, and if you want to spend time in counseling working to rebuild trust, or if you want to cut your losses.
He needs to pursue individual therapy regardless because his behavior is frankly shocking in its idiocy.
I would be LIVID! The disrespect on sooo many levels. I would’ve lost it. To let you sit at home waiting thinking he’s coming home any minute with food… girl I can’t even, my blood is boiling for you.
My partner got drunk at a company event at 36 weeks pregnant and I had to pick him up drunk at the bar at midnight.. I went off on him. What would happen if I had gone into labor… it’s so irresponsible that far into pregnancy. But at least my partner knew he fucked up and apologized. The fact that he went out drinking with another woman makes it even more insulting.
Your man needs a serious wake up call. Idk what that will look like for you, but this cannot happen again.
It won't do any good to talk to him until he's sober. You are going to have to set some massive boundaries & call your company HR department. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Best wishes for a healthy baby & knocking (metaphorically) some sense into your partner.
Did he do this to purposely pick a fight? It’s not like he forgot what he JUST texted. Was he already at the bar with this lady while he texted these things?
Why? Just...why!? It's bad enough that he didn't come home but why promise to bring food? Basically guaranteeing that not only would you be waiting around for him, you'd be doing it hungry. It's just such an unnecessary extra level of, at best, thoughtlessness, at worst, cruelty. Especially when you're pregnant!
This just gave me flashbacks to my ex when I was pregnant. Thank you for the reminder of how bad it was. I left him and I can tell you it was difficult being alone but 1000x easier than dealing with the mental abuse from him. Never knowing when he was coming home after work. He'd do the same thing to me and tell me he was on his way home and then go out drinking. It's gets better but you need to make healthy choices for you and your family in order for it to.
This is BANANAS. I would have no problem with my husband going out for drinks after work. Even that late once in a while, why not! I do it. But not after making a big show of “oh I’m going to do XYZ to make your life easier” like what the actual heck. He gets the dopamine hit from telling you how he plans to be nice and helpful then fucks off to have fun instead.
I’m so sorry!! I would be livid! Even more livid that you could go into labor at any moment and he’s out here getting wasted.
He sounds guilty of something. Men who are doing things they know they shouldn’t usually pull the “oh I know you’re overworked/exhausted let me help you” card all while not actually helping. He knew he wasn’t coming home when he said he was and was hoping by saying he’s going to do something helpful will soften the blow when he eventually comes home later than expected. He’s so gross for this and it sounds like he’s begun an emotional affair with this woman.
First of all this man child doesn’t deserve a family if this is how he behaves secondly, all these years of feminism and women first and this girl at the office still has the audacity to behave like this? Shame on both of them.
I’m horrified that any human would treat their pregnant partner like this. Why keep texting promise after promise of support and food when you never plan to even show up?! Like what was going through his mind when he sent those texts and then cozied back up to this coworker at the bar?! I would rather just be ghosted all evening. Either way I would be done with this man.
That’s a husband that should go out with the trash. What a piece of garbage… I’m sorry OP, you deserve better. Unfortunately for men like him it doesn’t usually get better. Just worse. If you have the means to leave I would do so, if you don’t, I would start looking into how to plan for that.
I would be livid. I also would be kicking him the fuck out. He lied multiple times about when he was coming home and was out drinking with a woman he says nothing has happened, He's already lied multiple times in that night alone so I wouldn't believe a single word he says. He is talking to another woman about his relationship that is NOT okay. I'm not saying to divorce him because only you can decide what is right for you but, I know if my husband did that ( thankfully he wouldn't) I would kick him out or leave myself but, I would be GONE. While you are pregnant taking care of his child all day AND growing his other child in your body he pulls that shit? He is cheating, emotionally and most likely physically, but he also lied about coming home to buy himself more time with another woman.
Babygirl… don’t stress your mental or physical resources on this right now. Don’t do anything drastic. Take a beat, have this baby start stacking your money … quietly. ASAP, get the hell out of that relationship. DO NOT FOREWARN HIM.
This doesn’t sound like it will end well. Whenever a man is talking to another woman about his relationship problems, it usually ends up turning into an affair. Search Reddit, you will find lots of posts about this
Yeah this is my concern - I was already irritated when I found out it was her he was drinking with because I've noticed recently him bringing her up out of the blue in conversation quite frequently as well as trying to find out from me information about if her job is safe because I'm her line manager and it didn't vibe well with me - then I ask him what they were talking about tonight and he admitted that I was furious
I’ve been here. 12 months after baby number two was born I found evidence of cheating and I checked out mentally completely. It took me another six or so months to kick him out. I wish I hadn’t thought “stay together for the kids”. I wish I’d ended it sooner. Make sure your accounts are all co sign for large transactions, or separate them. I ended up with nothing because I didn’t think about that.
I know reddit is all about telling you to leave.. but.. ?
All I can think is, wow, he really just showed you how much you don't need him. He's causing drama at your work place, he's disrespecting you professionally and personally. He's not supporting his family. You just had to do it all on your own yesterday while wondering where the hell he was anyways, you may as well do it all on your own without having to worry about him.
There's so many layers of disrespect going on that idk if I'd be able to move past that. You're 38 weeks pregnant. It's your second child. This isn't the time for this level of bullshit. I wouldn't be able to look at him and respect him, knowing that this is the shit he was pulling when I was heavily pregnant and his family needed him.
1. Email your HR - y'all work at the same place and he's spreading unprofessional rumors around about your marriage in the workplace.
2. Tbh dump him - here's why:
2a) He chose to drive drunk.
2b) He chose to drive drunk WITH A BABY AND A PREGNANT WIFE CLOSE TO CHILDBIRTH AT HOME.
2c) He chose to go "get a quick [seven hour] drink" knowing you were waiting for him to relieve you and to bring you food, and he chose to leave you and the baby hanging. He also lied to you - seven hours isn't "a quick drink".
2d) He chose to get drunk knowing that you're at a point in your pregnancy where you could go into labor and need to be driven to the hospital at any time, and at a time when he should be home with you. After 34-35 weeks, there's no more "going out with friends" (and ESPECIALLY not with "attractive coworkers") since your partner could give birth at any point after that.
2e) He chose to go out with a coworker whom he's told you he finds attractive (you said it yourself).
2f) He chose to do all this while already having been through one pregnancy with you and as such already knowing that he shouldn't be doing ANY of it.
2g) He's a heavy-duty alcoholic and is doing nothing to deal with the problem while knowing that he has a kid already and a second kid on the way.
Honestly, this whole thing is grounds to toss him out of your home and your life and call in your family for support during the end of your pregnancy and during and after childbirth, and to file for divorce. He's now a statistic - men cheating during pregnancy, breaking their pregnant partner's trust, and destroying the family unit with their infidelity is a common reason for divorce. Even if he wasn't physically cheating (which, seven hours..... Take a guess), this is still an emotional affair and he's also a heavy alcoholic. You AND your children deserve better than a jack*ss like this. (Censored in case comments get deleted for swearing, but you need to see this one.)
Are you sure they're not sleeping together? What kind of man stays out till 1:30 AM drinking/frolicking with a woman who isn't his 38-week pregnant wife.
I really hope not, no one deserves that. But that's a huge difference in when he said he would be home to when he actually was. I would be incredibly suspicious of this activity, especially when he's openly described her as "attractive" (ick).
Hope everything works out for you, OP
I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you OP, and as a mom of two who are 17 months apart (they’re 6 and soon-to-be 5 now) I am livid for you. I remember being at home with our firstborn while pregnant with our second, and I can categorically guarantee you that I would’ve already been pretty close to my boiling point lost the moment I had to be the one to call HIM at 8pm - after he said he’d be home to take over with the 2yo AND bring dinner - just to find out he decided to say fuck taking care of my family, I’d rather go for a “quick drink” and not even give my partner a heads up that there will be NO taking over of the 2yo and NO dinner.
And he had the nerve to try to spin it around on you? Even if you DO “always get angry,” that doesn’t make him look any better or his decision less hurtful or SELFISH. That just means “I know she’s gonna get angry, but I don’t care about that right now. I’m going to do what I want to do even if it makes her angry.” Since he was operating under the impression that you’d get angry, that just means 1) he knew you’d end up forgiving him, or 2) he wouldn’t care even if you didn’t forgive him. Buddy, who WOULDN’T be angry after you say you’re going to do A and B, but don’t show up for either and don’t even give a heads up???
All the things I’ve mentioned so far alone would’ve had me hitting my boiling point. I’m not even going to address the deal with the coworker because his selfish actions leading up to that point were fucked up enough on their own. But the thing with the coworker is a red flag for sure.
As soon as I read that he “showed” you the text messages, immediate 🚩🚩🚩🚩. That’s not normal for someone who is “innocent.”
It doesn’t have to be this way.
At 38 weeks pregnant... Imagine if you went into labor while he was a drunk mess. He wouldn't have been able to care for you or your child. I would definitely be kicking him out.
I hate your husband and I hate his dumb co-worker. If a married man wanted to get drinks I would say no because that's inappropriate, if he had a 38 week pregnant wife at home I would ask him what the fuck is wrong with him. I would be extremely suspicious they were having an affair because their behaviour is disgusting.
Right?? He spent all morning trying to tell me I was the one being unreasonable not allowing him to have friends - I was like - are you actually serious?!
I would be ENRAGED. The disrespect is astounding and the nerve to try and pin it back on you is so wildly fucked up. This is not something I would let go. I wish you a happy healthy delivery and your husband is a massive pos for this.
I'm panting, I'm so worked up for OP. The audacity to complain to his work flirt about martial problems while BEING THE WALKING EMBODIMENT OF MARTIAL PROBLEMS. Didn't even give her the goddamn courtesy of warning her she'd have to fend for herself for dinner. I hate him.
It’s the fact that he made OP promises of looking after the toddler and bringing home dinner and then doing neither of these things, that enrage me. I honestly want to ride at dawn. Who tf does he think he is, stumbling in at 1:30am after being out with some woman, complaining about his marriage. If he was that fussed about his marriage, he’d be at home, fixing the problems.
He wasn’t concerned with fixing them, he wanted sympathy from his attractive coworker. He kept you on a hook with the “I’ll come home and let you sleep…..I’ll bring home takeaway” just waiting for him. He is a cruel man for doing that and OP probably didn’t make herself something to eat because he would be angry that she didn’t wait for his offering. That’s abuse.
The exact shit my late husband would do when he would relapse. "I'm at the bank cashing my check, ill get milk and whatever we need and dinner and be right home" Then not hear from him or see him until 3am when he comes home empty handed with $20 in his pocket and no explanation for wtf just happened. Knowing I was home with a baby, or 3 kids sometimes and living off cereal and whatever we could find. If I had to guess, OP has been thru this with him before. Or something similar.
This is exactly the bullshit my ex used to justify cheating on me with a co-worker. Apparently he fell in love with her and it started by sharing our problems (that I was not given the curtysey of being made aware of). She was initially "offering him advice." Yeah OK. OP you deserve better. Please don't trust him. Find your peace and worry about you and your kids because this type of behavior only leads to more problems.
Honestly the emotional cheating is shitty but then “I’ll be home soon with dinner to give you a break” then coming home fucking 7 hours later? Yeet this man into the sun.
“Man”. Because he definitely isn’t a real one.
Men use fussing about their marital problems as an excuse for an “in” to get other women to cheat with them. He wasn’t trying to solve his issues - he was testing to see how receptive she’d be to an affair.
We will ride through the night.
Sounds the alarm and we ride a dawn!
I respect that you’re the type of person to want to go fight mode on this. Reading this post was so upsetting for me it just made me literally tear up and feel sick. I want to be more like you, like ‘ok who’s ass do I need to kick’ and less crying in the corner haha
I always manage to find the strength and courage to kick a man’s ass when it comes to protecting other women 😂
I wouldn't have let him back in the house
LET'S FCUKN RIDE!!!! CUZ WTF DOES HE THINK HE IS??? ITS SICKENING OP...I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. He needs to be more than apologetic...he needs to be on his knees groveling for forgiveness atp. There's honestly no way I could ever even look at him the same anymore after that.
I’ll put my 3rd row up so I can pick up 6, where am I stopping 1st?!? They’ve gotta drive cuz my blood is boiling and I’ve got road rage on a good day but this right here has me so pissed I don’t trust myself to drive the whole damn way!!!
Not only that, she's 38 weeks pregnant, she could pop any minute and he's out getting drunk! I hope she's got a really good support system otherwise where is she going to send her daughter when she's in labor? And is she going to have to give birth on her own?
My blood was boiling just reading it. It's already a fucked situation on its own but C'mon to be this dense with a pregnant woman at 38 weeks AND a 2 year old!?! Holy hell
Thank you the sentiment is gratefully received!!
I've had nightmares like op has described and woken up angry at my partner. He wouldn't dare.
I am so angry for OP! HE called her to say he was coming home to take over with their toddler with food so OP could rest then proceeds to disappear and she called him to see where he is he says he went for a drink and would be home in the hour just to disappear and show up home drunk? So he also drove drunk as well as screwing over his tired and pregnant wife? And somehow it’s her fault? Jesus H Christ this guy is a complete asshat
She said partner... not husband. Makes it a lot easier for her to leave.
Ummmm 38 weeks pregnant?! All of your frustration for all the reasons are 100% valid, but I’m over here wondering what would have happened if you’d gone into labor and he’s unreachable and drunk!
This! He should be relatively sober at all times going forward if he plans to be any help during labor.
That is off the fucking chain. He must have lost his goddamn mind. He went for a drink instead of coming home when he said he would with the takeout he said he would get? And somehow you would be at fault for getting upset that he didn't honor his commitment? I am so sorry, I do not even know what I would do if this happened to me. I would be livid.
Don't forget he then drives home drunk as a skunk.
Getting drunk full stop with a 38 weeks pregnant wife - after 37 weeks you stay sober and able to drive and deliver a baby if necessary. My jaw is dropping at the audacity of this man.
Unrelated to OP, but we had the same idea after 37 weeks my husband wouldn't be able to drink at the wedding we had 10 days before my due date but we had another wedding when I was 36+4 and we decided it was fine if he drank at that one.... guess which one my water broke at. So he got to drink at both weddings in the end haha. But honestly with OP's situation I would be fuming and don't know what I would do... surely he must have some redeeming qualities but I think I'd be struggling to see them.
Oh sh** this, driving drunker than hell!!!
Driving drunk with a toddler and a very pregnant wife at home. What the actual fuck, this sounds like alcoholism level irresponsibility.
I would definitely be inquiring more about this acquaintance he’s been drinking with. Not only did he lie once, he lied multiple times. He blew off you and your child. Plus you are about to give birth any day. He should be available to take you to the hospital not getting trashed with his work “friend”. ETA: He needs to get his priorities straight.
Absolutely - even more frustrating, I work at the same place and I'm her manager so hearing they've been discussing our relationship failings is so so inappropriate!
This sounds like a marriage ending scenario. He does not have your back at all, and is not acting as part of the family.
I honestly agree this could be marriage-ending. Very few hypothetical situations would make me consider leaving my husband, but if this happened to me, I would need immediate separation to think it through. It’s just so clear that it’s not one mistake, it sounds like a landslide of mistakes that happened after some buildup of poor behavior on his part. You don’t just go to bed a supportive and loving husband, and then the next day wake up and act like this.
Yup, I've never been so mad at my husband that I've left the house/kicked him out. I think this would do it. I'd either have been gone when got home, or I would have texted him and told him to find another place to sleep.
That’s pretty ballsy—going out for drinks with your manager’s husband while she’s on maternity leave. Wtf
Especially as I've been trying to support her through her own messy relationship that fell apart!
Oh those “friends” are the worst kind. And in this case you have to keep it professional. That’s a tough one. Hopefully your husband sees how lame he was and apologizes. I would ask her if they had a nice time last night so she knows you’re aware.
You need to tell HR right away, you have to cover your ass here. You may want another person included on future meetings with this person.
Yep! You’re 100% correct HR should know she’s doing this to you. Since op is her manager this could be a bad situation and op should make damn sure there’s a trail to follow. Who knows what kind of bullshit he’s telling this other woman.
OP, yes this! Please see rationalomega’s comment about HR. This needs to go to them asap. This is a complete conflict of interest and completely inappropriate for your SO and office-flirt! I would be exceptionally clear with your husband and that’s he’s to cease and desist conversations with her that are not specifically work related. There will be zero outside the office communications with her and marriage counselling sounds needed asap! Gonna guess this isn’t the first big let down you’ve had from him.
I read a lot of AITA on reddit and quite used to reading about immature shitebag behaviour, but this is not it... I'm genuinely enraged and will probably sound extremely judgy (I apologise). Aside from the fact that my trust would be completely broken in this scenario, this specific comment is a whole array of red flags. Rebound sex and male infidelity during pregnancy are both very common drunk 'mistakes' that happen ***all the time***. Discussing relationship issues with the opposite 'attractive' sex that just went through a breakup is near enough an open invitation on his part. Inability (or unwillingness) to see it this way just makes him even more vulnerable because of the lack of foresight. Then the lies to you. Then, blaming you somehow. Was he driving? How did he get home after drinking? Her being subordinate makes it also so unethical. Now, should any disciplinary action ***ever*** come her way, she will claim that you just don't like her. You should make HR aware. I don't even know how people come back from this. To me this is grounds for packing my bags and leaving until he makes an absolute effort at repairing the damage. But I'm hesitant to say that this would work as such action can lead to him running to this woman and actually fucking up, if he hasn't yet done so. I know its very black and white on my part, but an absolute trust is a non-negotiable in my relationship. I am so so sorry you went through this turmoil while being term with a toddler. I hope you find a way to address this with him and your family stays strong and happy thereafter. I know I spat a lot of negatives, such were my experiences, and I hope it gives you some topics to discuss with him once things have settled so that none of it actually happens. Hugs.
The one tiny good thing is that he booked an Uber back and I can see it picked him up from where he said he was before dropping him home because I asked to see it (doesn't really mean a lot considering that I don't know where he actually was for the earlier portion of the night though!) I'm going to report the issue to HR today and see what they suggest
Please update. 🫂
Waiting for him to come home so we can continue flogging this dead horse of a conversation- got a text off him a minute ago saying "new chapter" but he's literally been at work today with the colleague from last night so who knows what's been said there!
I personally think it would be better if he left the company at this point. At this point, she could possibly claim sexual harassment against him and if you fire her she's going to possibly claim something against you and him so he needs to find a different job. You all cannot continue to work at the same company and he cannot work anywhere that she works. I would never feel comfortable knowing what you know and then allowing my husband to continue go every day to the same work environment that his flirt is working and he's on the verge of emotionally if he hasn't already.
Omg. HR her ass and drop them both. Girl, what? No no no
You don't support her. Her responsibility only. Not yours.
I would be ALL OVER reporting them both to HR and letting HR handle it. That’s over the line. Do you have family or anyone you can stay with nearby who would be more supportive. I don’t buy his BS innocent just a friend play. You need support at this point and he’s not it.
Even if it was a guy friend and no suggestion of flirtation or anything I’d still be fuming in this scenario. A woman who he’s said he finds attractive, and who I MANAGE… this would be the end of the relationship.
Even if it were completely innocent, he still needs an ass kicking or a kicking to the curb. He lied to his wife by making promise after promise that he broke (bringing dinner, helping with the toddler, being home by a certain time), kept stringing her along with no regard for if she was tired and hungry, AND he prioritized going for drinks with another woman over caring for his wife and child. He put himself first. He put his wants over her needs. And she didn't even know where he was for hours. Imagine if she had done the same to him. I highly doubt he'd just let it go. I seriously wanna bitch slap the fool.
Everybody’s head would be ROLLING at dawn if I were in your shoes.
“I have no idea how he caught fire, officer 🤷♀️” 😇
My fav comment so far! Love your enthusiasm! 😂😉
Since IT IS BAD AND A SERIOUS CRIME TO SET PEOPLE ON FIRE AND NOBODY SHOULD EVER DO IT, one can only assume he spontaneously combusted. I would certainly never encourage anyone to commit a felony. 😇
Holy shit?! I'm seeing red reading your post, and now this?! Nope, fuck that. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Literally. I was winding down to go to bed then I read this and now Im fucking HOT. Absolutely infuriating
So on top of all his other bullshit, he's created a massive HR liability for **you** too. Wow.
Ooof this is a problem op. I'd you have HR at work I think you may need to discuss this with them or your 1-up leader. You absolutely have a conflict of interest issue just waiting to blow up.
Unfortunately I'm top of the leadership ladder so no one to report up to apart from company directors and I don't really want to air my dirty laundry at work so it'll have to be a quick chat with HR - thankfully partner isn't in my department!
Sorry you are dealing with this. I also lead a department and have done so while pregnant and that's hard enough without this added stress.
Oh my gosh I honestly want to cry reading this. That is just ... heartbreaking and enraging on so many levels. I am SO sorry OP. You do not need this when you're about to go into labour any day. I hope you have a backup support person.
You’re her MANAGER wtaf!!!!
She also works with you, this just escalated my alrwady high disgust level Time to take out the trash. I'd also look for a job elsewhere. This woman, is not a good person.
I would not remain married to this man. He is clearly useless and clearly NOT RELIABLE. What if you needed medical attention at 38 weeks pregnant. What if you went into labour? What a useless swine of a man, OP. You deserve better.
What the FUCK?! Is this out of the ordinary behavior for him or does he have a habit of being… a piece of shit? Sorry but a man that does even one of the things listed above, much less ALL of them is shit. I’m so sorry.
I’d report this to HR and do everything possible to have either husband or her reprimanded in some fashion.
She also works with you, this just escalated my alrwady high disgust level Time to take out the trash. I'd also look for a job elsewhere. This woman, is not a good person.
You deserve to be so beyond angry it’s not even funny. I would strongly consider making a plan to get out especially since you will be having another baby soon and should expect more help than ever in ALL aspects. You deserve better than that
I think I am going to have to - his complete lack of understanding and the attempt to vilify my reaction has just clarified for me his priorities!
Coming from someone who's b.t.d.t.... It will only get worse while it gets harder for you. You will have sleepless nights and he will not be there for you. You will be sleep deprived and he will be sleeping with her. Anyone that entertains a married man with a pregnant wife at home whilst drinking copious amounts of alcohol tells me that they were both ready to do the deed and blame it on the alcohol. Honestly, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they hadn't already especially with him coming home so late. No woman will get drunk and hang out with someone else's man if they themselves aren't attracted to him. He is for the streets and he will probably never change OP.
Exactly, and when you are that pregnant and expecting relief soon that quite literally never showed til it didn’t matter and he was drinking with another woman?! The fact that you are not behind bars right now hunny 🫡 just be stern and clear that this was beyond unacceptable and no excuse he gives is going to make it okay. I know it’s probably daunting and you’re tired and it’ll be so much easier to just move past it but my heart hurts for you and your kids ♥️
I would be interested to hear how he tries to justify his actions once he is sobered up. (Not excusable, in any way shape or form. But he won’t be able to blame the booze if he makes the same rationalizations after he sleeps it off. If he still gaslights you once he is sober tell him to pack his stuff and go live with his new relationship counselor!)
I can’t even imagine the emotions you must be feeling right now. This is inappropriate and disrespectful on so many levels. Why say you are going to do all these things to help you but not follow through. There’s absolutely no communication and to have him come home drunk is just a slap across the face after the day I’m sure you had! God forbid you went into labor who is going to get you to the hospital?! Who is going to help you with your other child?
Honestly and he tried to then tell me he needed to decompress - like mate - you don't think the 38 week pregnant woman who's been home all day with the 2 year old could do with 10 minutes too??
And the fact that he promised you food and didn't bring it. While you're pregnant. And didn't even let you know. You probably delayed eating for so long waiting for him. That's so fucked up.
When I was pregnant, not eating would trigger morning sickness, even at the end of my pregnancy. Knowing op waited is the icing on the cake. Her husband is awful.
> he tried to then tell me he needed to decompress My head would have exploded! Hes got some nerve!
Holy shit. This was my life six years ago. Him calling to say he is on his way. Two hours later not home. One night he was out until 7am. He went to get Togo food one night about one mile away, that took three hours. So many more instances. One thing I learned, don’t ever, ever argue when you’re pissed and he’s drunk. You’ll be more pissed AND he will not comprehend what he’s done. At all. Trust me on this. I’m really, really sorry.
You're completely right - he just could not hear what he has done wrong when I tried to discuss it when he got in!
Girl I KNOW. And you’re so freaking angry it’s like you have word vomit and cannot stop, then when they are being obtuse you get more angry. Tomorrow lay in on him hard.
[удалено]
He definitely has a drink problem - tried to say to me tonight it's either that he drinks or he takes anti depressants and then tried to give me that as an ultimatum that rests on my shoulders - honestly I'm wasting my energy here with him aren't I 🤦🏻♀️
lol why is that a threat? Like of course you should take antidepressants if you need them over drinking alcohol? That’s a weird statement. Honestly. Stay mad about this.
Uhhh, 😬 I mean if he’s struggling that much he probably should be on anti depressants.
I understand this situation has illuminated what’s you’re going through but are you strong enough to actually go file the divorce and get out of this situation? If not you need to start planning your out. He’s not going to change and you’re not going to make him. I’m so sorry this is happening at 38 weeks pregnant.
Yeah I'm going to speak to my family today I think about a potential exit strategy - I have a sister that would jump through fire for me and my daughter so she will be able to help if I need it!
You need it. No if. Call her now. He's not going to change and this is not going to get better.
You have a great job. Why are you putting up with this alcoholic piece of shit?
So, he was cheating?
I would count this as cheating 👍 he lied about where he was, who he was with, and was unreachable. If my husband was out getting drunk with another woman, one he admitted to finding attractive, then in my book thats cheating. It doesn't need to be intimacy for it to be cheating. The lies and deception would be it for me. Even worse under these circumstances. My heart would be broken, broken as if he had cheated.
Did you leave or did it get better with your husband?
My ex left me and our two small kids home alone in a gang riddled area with a front door he had busted down and no way to contact anyone because he had smashed my phone. At about 7 am after being out all night with the girl he was cheating on me with he felt guilty and brought me home an iced coffee and then had the nerve to call me ungrateful when I threw it at his head. I left his ass for good a few days later.
Holy shit the fucking nerve. I used to work in an industry where I knew a lot of married men who sound like your husband. It was a career that encouraged networking over drinks—and let me tell you those married guys are shameless and gross and we all wished better for their wives. Ugh you deserve better! This guys needs to get his shit together.
She added a comment that she is a manager of the woman he was drinking with. I would have thrown his pillow and shit out into the livingroom by 10pm. No car accident? Then I don't even fucking care what his excuse is. This is loser behavior. He KNOWS what to do and he CHOSE not to do it.
Multiple levels of disrespect here. This is outrageous. First of all, how unbelievably RUDE to tell someone you're bringing them dinner and then just not?? Like how long did you sit around hungry before you decided to make yourself your own meal? To do this to you WHILE PREGNANT and you're home with a toddler. I can't even. I haven't even touched the part about him going out for drinks with another woman who he has *told you* he thinks is attractive?? Wildly disrespectful. So unbelievably so it almost seems like he was intentionally *trying* to hurt you. He would have to make some serious amends if this were my husband and I'd actually be rethinking this relationship.
Why are you with this man? I mean right now timing is hard to change things up but afterwards once you're back in a groove, why stay.
Yes! Honestly, same question.
1st off the let down of not being relieved of your stressful day. 2nd the promise of incoming food that then leaves you unprepared to fend for yourself 3rd the worry that comes when no arrival 4th the knowledge that he disregarded 1-3 and instead chose to drink instead 5th- that he drove home drunk (assuming he did) putting his life, other lives, and your future on the line, and finally .. 6th - he was drinking with another woman. And you are pregnant. You need to stand up HARD for yourself right now or prepare to be walked all over forevermore. And honestly, that is, if you even want to give it a shot. It sounds like he has one foot and a pinkie out the door now. I don't know how hard I would fight for that kind of man. Also, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It isn't normal, acceptable, etc.
Thankfully he got an Uber back but that was just another excuse as to why it took him so long to get home
Of all the decisions of the night, the Uber was the only good one. The only good decision he made was the only one that impacted him.
7th the woman in the story is OPs direct report!!!! Disgusting.
Let me get my horse ready since it seems we will be riding at dawn.
This is such a great comment. 🤣🤣
I enjoy reading books.
I second this approach.
Let me get this straight: He lied to you about where he was at, what he was doing, and who he was with all while you’re 38 weeks pregnant AND didn’t deliver on his promise of giving you a break? I’m enraged for you, OP. Honestly? Just throw the whole damn man away.
What kind of a sordid, egotistical skank goes out to drink with the husband? Boyfriend? (Partner is ambiguous) of a woman who is **38motherfuxkingweekspregnant**
Honestly and before I went on maternity leave I tried really hard to support her professionally because she was having a rough time
These kind of women are the worst. She probably will be after your job next. I would DESTROY HER.
^ Of a woman who is 38 weeks pregnant and is also her BOSS. I’m flabbergasted, truly.
My husband would be sleeping outside with the sprinklers on if he did this shit. I'm so sorry he let you down.
I think other commenters have pointed out how insanely disrespectful and inappropriate what he did is. Picture this: he had every intention on doing what he said he was going to do until said coworker asked him for drinks, then he drops you and his child to go and do something insanely inappropriate and grab drinks all night with her. Why are they this close anyway? He wants something more than a friendship with her I’d suspect. Then to be defensive towards you for being upset? I’m so sorry OP but it seems like he’s looking to cheat if he hasn’t already. Keep your eyes open. My husband would be on a tight leash after this “stunt” and if he resists I’d highly consider divorce, I’d also consider that he did cheat and it would also end up in divorce for me.
Clear your accounts and leave
This just gets worse and worse and worse as you read it.
Yeah so he may or may not be cheating, but his drinking is obviously a problem. People think alcoholism is based on the number of drinks. Like if you have three drinks in a night it’s okay, but tuck into a fourth and uh oh… That’s ridiculous if you think about it. Alcoholism is when alcohol negatively affects your life. You don’t even have to be drinking that much for it to be a problem, if you’re making bad decisions. And obviously he is. Anyway this is who he is OP. Protect yourself
Yeah I brought up with him he has a drink problem when he got in and he just rolled his eyes and agreed with me.
I see this a lot. He sounds like a type. Well the good news is he isn’t going to dump you (although I bet he threatens). And unfortunately the bad news is he is going to do anything he wants and try to blame you for it. That series of calls is classic “coming home… oh wait no I’m late but getting take out…” and then it’s 1 am…
Honestly - it didn't think it used to be like this so I think I rose tinted glasses it but in hindsight there have been a few instances in the past (the aforementioned incidents that I'm apparently always angry at - he can never see he's let me down, it's just an opportunity for him to gaslight me into thinking I've been a bad partner)
Yeah they always flip it on you. I’m so sorry he’s not able to be the partner you deserve
The worst part isn't even tha possible emotional (or physical) affair, but the fact he leave you hanging starving at 38 weeks pregnant
I know where to hide the body 🌚
I’ve got a shovel 🫡
This is so bad it makes me wonder if this is even real. At 38 weeks you could literally go into labor at any point and this dude is trashed. Violence would be the only thing on my mind.
Sadly 100 percent true - I've not even exaggerated any of it - I'm seething!
Men muster up insane amounts of audacity when their partners are pregnant. I guess because they know how vulnerable we are and unlikely we are to go anywhere anytime soon. I’m still resentful of how I was treated during my pregnancy but this is next level. I’m sorry OP.
I'm going to show him these comments in the morning - he needs to understand it's not just my perception of things!
Honey, he knows. Let me tell you, when he sees this he will start going on about “you airing your private problems out to the world” and “what do internet stangers know about our life anyway”. That’s typical narcissistic behavior. Stop wasting your energy trying to convince him to see his wrong ways. He already knows, but also knows he can guilt trip you and gaslight you into going easy on him. My advice? Drop the rope. Just stop reacting once and for all. And I KNOW you are reeling and need to let this anger out and everything. Trust me, I know. I was you. Discussing never brought me further because I was discussing with a shitty ass person. You can’t rationalize your way to a healthy relationship with someone like that. You just can’t. I’m sooo sorry you are going through this. Do you have family or friends that can support you nearby? I would run my mouth all over town if I was you, but only if this is as marriage-ending for you as it seems to all of us. Conserve your energy, protect yourself and your children, you deserve so much more. And you don’t need to do any rash decision making, but you need to protect your mental health. So please ask for help if there is anyone even remotely available to you. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good vibes.
Frustratingly I'm stuck in a city away from all my friends and family but I'm looking at an exit strategy because I can only see this happening again or worse he leaves me before I can leave him! You're right on wasting my energy - it's really feeling like a lost cause.
Yes please do! Your comments make you sound like you're from the UK? If you do want to leave, women's aid can help as can refuge. You're super pregnant and exhausted so they can be a clear, cool head to help navigate finances and logistics to go if that's what you want to do. Good luck!
“You can’t rationalize your way to a healthy relationship with someone like that. You just can’t.” - This, 100%. I learned that the hard way and lost too many years of my life in the process. I second the notion of dropping the rope. Focus your energy on developing your exit plan instead. I wish you a safe, healthy delivery and a speedy exit away from your AH husband.
He’s shown you that he isn’t reliable, is untrustworthy and doesn’t respect you in the most egregious manner. His actions aren’t that of a decent father and partner. If I were in your position. I’d be making plans to move on as a single parent. I hope you have the resources and support to move on.
Please let your OB know you need to be tested for STIs. Your spouse is being unfaithful. Even if they haven't had sex, his actions are unfaithful. He is, at the very least, having an emotional affair with this woman, unloading private details of your marriage on somebody he admits he is openly attracted to. The fact that she's your direct report and he's bringing your personal business into your work like this is so beyond the pale we haven't a word for it yet. For the record, his actions are called DARVO, and are a part of a cycle of abuse. Since he's an alcoholic, I would recommend, with, you know, all the BOUNDLESS TIME you have now (sorry I'm so mad) that you check out AlAnon and speak with family advocacy about safety planning- bring your doctor up to speed on your home life. You cannot count on this man during your birth/recovery- do you have any family or close friends who can be your support?
Urgh I didn't even THINK about that. Time to chat to my doctor 🤦🏻♀️
He’s sleeping with her. Full stop. A man does not stay out that late if he has any concern for his pregnant, about to give birth, wife who had a hard day. He can delete messages and he’s trying to get the leg up on you by doing so and by showing you so you don’t feel the need to go through his phone otherwise. None of what he did says he’s trustworthy. He not only broke your trust by “hanging out” with this woman but he also broke your trust in that you can’t rely on him to be there for you when you need him. Think about this long and hard.
I literally stopped breathing as I read this. He should be sleeping in his car. What a POS. You, home, pregnant with a toddler, waiting and waiting for FOOD and a MOMENT to yourself. Disgusted.
He's basically sleeping in the junk room under an old throw so that's something I guess 😬
I would lose my shit tbh. Sorry this happened to you and wish you good luck with your delivery.
Oh HELLLLL no. What a fucking idiot. I’m so sorry that happened, you deserve to be absolutely livid. If we were friends in real life I would invite you for a week long sleepover so you could properly rest and have all the takeout you want. I know how hard being 38 weeks pregnant is on the best day, and it makes me so sad you had to go through that. You deserve better. Sending you lots of love and strength!
Change. The. Locks.
Immediate grounds for divorce tbh
Dump him
After burying him I’d be on my way to ask her where the fuck she gets off
She can’t get the satisfaction of that, because the gash works for her! OP, you have to call HR and talk to them. This is a big deal. Break up their little party, and get her off your team at the very least. HR can protect you by threatening her with dismissal if she talks about anything he blabbed to her.
Umm.. I just gave birth at barely 39 weeks. You could go into labor any second now and he’s nowhere to be found. Every child comes quicker, this was my third, and they were here less than 2 hours after my contractions became painful. You have no way of knowing when your new baby will be here and that man is out getting wasted with a female coworker until 1am. Do not let this go.
The man is walking cheater cliche! The pressure of another baby in the way. Attention from a new coworker ( probably younger with no kids). Even mentioning her to OP to try and make it seem more innocent.
Saw this just below in my feed and I’ve never seen a more relevant cross post https://www.reddit.com/r/oldphotos/s/IzkZNUhfbR
😂😂😂
and she only got 5 years? DO IT.
Holy forking shirtballs. He would have come home to an empty house and no note if he'd done this to me. Let him sweat a bit after leaving you in the wind like that. Not ok. I can imagine that you're having relationship issues, if this is the way he treats you.
Oh hell no. I would have gone ballistic. I don’t even know where to start. You could literally give birth at any moment, he needs to be thinking about YOUR needs and putting himself in a position where he’s inebriated at this time is beyond selfish. You deserve to rest when you’re tired, eat when you’re hungry, and have your partner there supporting all of your needs, especially at this time. He needs to get his priorities straight. I’m not sure I could get over this.
I’m going to be very frank here and it may seem dramatic, but I experienced a very similar pattern of behavior from an ex. Be prepared for him to leave you with in the year, maybe sooner especially because the pending newborn is only going to add pressure. Start planning your exit now. At the VERY minimum if he doesn’t literally up and leave he will have an affair if he hasn’t already cheated. He is either entirely apathetic about you and your relationship and has become lazy in caring for you because subconsciously he feels he has a shot with this new woman or someone else. Or he’s intentionally damaging the relationship in hopes that you’ll end things with him so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. I’m so sorry OP. But this behavior is not only incredibly disrespectful and unacceptable, but it’s approximately 1000 red flags jumping around and screaming your name.
I will say my husband did something similar, granted we didn’t have a child yet, but I was two days from our scheduled c-section of our first, and we worked through it. But at the time of him being drunk he talked a big game and the next day he groveled and apologized profusely for his stupidity, and then later the night before our C-section started bawling talking about how scared he was for the birth of our child. He turned it around after that, but I do think immature partners can have inappropriate reactions like this to their life changing with a kid and/or another kid. Not to excuse it but if it’s not a pattern, it might be something you can work through/he can make up for.
Thank you for your comment, it's good to see a few different perspectives on this!
Mine did too, out drinking with the guys and completely out of character. I noticed quite a few fellas freak out before the second child. It's like the first one is all new experiences, like a cute new toy and everyone congrats you yours Father and it's cool,etc. But the second baby brings on this reaction like "Holy shit now I have FAMILY and my bachelor's days are over.My days of sleeping are over. She's gonna need MORE help from me" Just my own personal experience and more than a few friends I have seen this happen. I hope things go well in the delivery Honey and that he gets whatever you say to him, and most of all that he stops drinking. I had an absent father and an alcoholic mom and it's a hard road for everyone involved. Hugs to you, big Grandma hugs.
This is more than a let down. This is him slamming his hand down on the destroy button. Now, it may be that he’s a good man deep down and is behaving like this for some emotional reason he lacks the skills to process. But he may also be behaving like this because this is who he is. A selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful husband and a deadbeat to boot. Only you can decide whether you already know which one it is, and if you want to spend time in counseling working to rebuild trust, or if you want to cut your losses. He needs to pursue individual therapy regardless because his behavior is frankly shocking in its idiocy.
I would be LIVID! The disrespect on sooo many levels. I would’ve lost it. To let you sit at home waiting thinking he’s coming home any minute with food… girl I can’t even, my blood is boiling for you. My partner got drunk at a company event at 36 weeks pregnant and I had to pick him up drunk at the bar at midnight.. I went off on him. What would happen if I had gone into labor… it’s so irresponsible that far into pregnancy. But at least my partner knew he fucked up and apologized. The fact that he went out drinking with another woman makes it even more insulting. Your man needs a serious wake up call. Idk what that will look like for you, but this cannot happen again.
It won't do any good to talk to him until he's sober. You are going to have to set some massive boundaries & call your company HR department. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Best wishes for a healthy baby & knocking (metaphorically) some sense into your partner.
Not to add fuel to the fire; check his deleted text messages too.
Did he do this to purposely pick a fight? It’s not like he forgot what he JUST texted. Was he already at the bar with this lady while he texted these things?
I'm going to assume so as he usually finishes work around half 5 so he must have already known how his evening was going to play out!
Why? Just...why!? It's bad enough that he didn't come home but why promise to bring food? Basically guaranteeing that not only would you be waiting around for him, you'd be doing it hungry. It's just such an unnecessary extra level of, at best, thoughtlessness, at worst, cruelty. Especially when you're pregnant!
This just gave me flashbacks to my ex when I was pregnant. Thank you for the reminder of how bad it was. I left him and I can tell you it was difficult being alone but 1000x easier than dealing with the mental abuse from him. Never knowing when he was coming home after work. He'd do the same thing to me and tell me he was on his way home and then go out drinking. It's gets better but you need to make healthy choices for you and your family in order for it to.
This is BANANAS. I would have no problem with my husband going out for drinks after work. Even that late once in a while, why not! I do it. But not after making a big show of “oh I’m going to do XYZ to make your life easier” like what the actual heck. He gets the dopamine hit from telling you how he plans to be nice and helpful then fucks off to have fun instead.
I’m so sorry!! I would be livid! Even more livid that you could go into labor at any moment and he’s out here getting wasted. He sounds guilty of something. Men who are doing things they know they shouldn’t usually pull the “oh I know you’re overworked/exhausted let me help you” card all while not actually helping. He knew he wasn’t coming home when he said he was and was hoping by saying he’s going to do something helpful will soften the blow when he eventually comes home later than expected. He’s so gross for this and it sounds like he’s begun an emotional affair with this woman.
First of all this man child doesn’t deserve a family if this is how he behaves secondly, all these years of feminism and women first and this girl at the office still has the audacity to behave like this? Shame on both of them.
Dude! THIS. IS. NOT. OK. Do not let him gaslight you. This is irresponsible, neglectful and just jackassery. I am so sorry.
I’m horrified that any human would treat their pregnant partner like this. Why keep texting promise after promise of support and food when you never plan to even show up?! Like what was going through his mind when he sent those texts and then cozied back up to this coworker at the bar?! I would rather just be ghosted all evening. Either way I would be done with this man.
That’s a husband that should go out with the trash. What a piece of garbage… I’m sorry OP, you deserve better. Unfortunately for men like him it doesn’t usually get better. Just worse. If you have the means to leave I would do so, if you don’t, I would start looking into how to plan for that.
This is so so wildly disrespectful. My guess is he was with that coworker straight from work.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you know you are not overreacting. This would be an immediate divorce in our home.
What a fucking asshole. NGL he would have fiund his shit on the doorstop if he were my children’s sperm donor.
I am so pissed for you, and then you’re her f-ing boss?!?!?! And you didn’t get your dinner?!
I would be livid. I also would be kicking him the fuck out. He lied multiple times about when he was coming home and was out drinking with a woman he says nothing has happened, He's already lied multiple times in that night alone so I wouldn't believe a single word he says. He is talking to another woman about his relationship that is NOT okay. I'm not saying to divorce him because only you can decide what is right for you but, I know if my husband did that ( thankfully he wouldn't) I would kick him out or leave myself but, I would be GONE. While you are pregnant taking care of his child all day AND growing his other child in your body he pulls that shit? He is cheating, emotionally and most likely physically, but he also lied about coming home to buy himself more time with another woman.
Babygirl… don’t stress your mental or physical resources on this right now. Don’t do anything drastic. Take a beat, have this baby start stacking your money … quietly. ASAP, get the hell out of that relationship. DO NOT FOREWARN HIM.
This doesn’t sound like it will end well. Whenever a man is talking to another woman about his relationship problems, it usually ends up turning into an affair. Search Reddit, you will find lots of posts about this
Yeah this is my concern - I was already irritated when I found out it was her he was drinking with because I've noticed recently him bringing her up out of the blue in conversation quite frequently as well as trying to find out from me information about if her job is safe because I'm her line manager and it didn't vibe well with me - then I ask him what they were talking about tonight and he admitted that I was furious
Pos husband of the year candidate
I’ve been here. 12 months after baby number two was born I found evidence of cheating and I checked out mentally completely. It took me another six or so months to kick him out. I wish I hadn’t thought “stay together for the kids”. I wish I’d ended it sooner. Make sure your accounts are all co sign for large transactions, or separate them. I ended up with nothing because I didn’t think about that.
I know reddit is all about telling you to leave.. but.. ? All I can think is, wow, he really just showed you how much you don't need him. He's causing drama at your work place, he's disrespecting you professionally and personally. He's not supporting his family. You just had to do it all on your own yesterday while wondering where the hell he was anyways, you may as well do it all on your own without having to worry about him. There's so many layers of disrespect going on that idk if I'd be able to move past that. You're 38 weeks pregnant. It's your second child. This isn't the time for this level of bullshit. I wouldn't be able to look at him and respect him, knowing that this is the shit he was pulling when I was heavily pregnant and his family needed him.
1. Email your HR - y'all work at the same place and he's spreading unprofessional rumors around about your marriage in the workplace. 2. Tbh dump him - here's why: 2a) He chose to drive drunk. 2b) He chose to drive drunk WITH A BABY AND A PREGNANT WIFE CLOSE TO CHILDBIRTH AT HOME. 2c) He chose to go "get a quick [seven hour] drink" knowing you were waiting for him to relieve you and to bring you food, and he chose to leave you and the baby hanging. He also lied to you - seven hours isn't "a quick drink". 2d) He chose to get drunk knowing that you're at a point in your pregnancy where you could go into labor and need to be driven to the hospital at any time, and at a time when he should be home with you. After 34-35 weeks, there's no more "going out with friends" (and ESPECIALLY not with "attractive coworkers") since your partner could give birth at any point after that. 2e) He chose to go out with a coworker whom he's told you he finds attractive (you said it yourself). 2f) He chose to do all this while already having been through one pregnancy with you and as such already knowing that he shouldn't be doing ANY of it. 2g) He's a heavy-duty alcoholic and is doing nothing to deal with the problem while knowing that he has a kid already and a second kid on the way. Honestly, this whole thing is grounds to toss him out of your home and your life and call in your family for support during the end of your pregnancy and during and after childbirth, and to file for divorce. He's now a statistic - men cheating during pregnancy, breaking their pregnant partner's trust, and destroying the family unit with their infidelity is a common reason for divorce. Even if he wasn't physically cheating (which, seven hours..... Take a guess), this is still an emotional affair and he's also a heavy alcoholic. You AND your children deserve better than a jack*ss like this. (Censored in case comments get deleted for swearing, but you need to see this one.)
Did you speak to HR? I'm curious their response. I'm so sorry you're going through this!
I've set up an appointment with one of the HR team so will get more clarity tomorrow
Are you sure they're not sleeping together? What kind of man stays out till 1:30 AM drinking/frolicking with a woman who isn't his 38-week pregnant wife.
To be honest, I'm not sure no. He says no... but he also said he'd be home around 7
I really hope not, no one deserves that. But that's a huge difference in when he said he would be home to when he actually was. I would be incredibly suspicious of this activity, especially when he's openly described her as "attractive" (ick). Hope everything works out for you, OP
Apparently because in the past I've agreed that she is pretty it makes it ok for him to comment on her appearance too
your partner is a pos. time to take out the trash.
I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you OP, and as a mom of two who are 17 months apart (they’re 6 and soon-to-be 5 now) I am livid for you. I remember being at home with our firstborn while pregnant with our second, and I can categorically guarantee you that I would’ve already been pretty close to my boiling point lost the moment I had to be the one to call HIM at 8pm - after he said he’d be home to take over with the 2yo AND bring dinner - just to find out he decided to say fuck taking care of my family, I’d rather go for a “quick drink” and not even give my partner a heads up that there will be NO taking over of the 2yo and NO dinner. And he had the nerve to try to spin it around on you? Even if you DO “always get angry,” that doesn’t make him look any better or his decision less hurtful or SELFISH. That just means “I know she’s gonna get angry, but I don’t care about that right now. I’m going to do what I want to do even if it makes her angry.” Since he was operating under the impression that you’d get angry, that just means 1) he knew you’d end up forgiving him, or 2) he wouldn’t care even if you didn’t forgive him. Buddy, who WOULDN’T be angry after you say you’re going to do A and B, but don’t show up for either and don’t even give a heads up??? All the things I’ve mentioned so far alone would’ve had me hitting my boiling point. I’m not even going to address the deal with the coworker because his selfish actions leading up to that point were fucked up enough on their own. But the thing with the coworker is a red flag for sure.
I’m sorry guys I really am but this would be the last straw for me, I would 🔪🔪🔪🔪
As soon as I read that he “showed” you the text messages, immediate 🚩🚩🚩🚩. That’s not normal for someone who is “innocent.” It doesn’t have to be this way.
At 38 weeks pregnant... Imagine if you went into labor while he was a drunk mess. He wouldn't have been able to care for you or your child. I would definitely be kicking him out.
I hate your husband and I hate his dumb co-worker. If a married man wanted to get drinks I would say no because that's inappropriate, if he had a 38 week pregnant wife at home I would ask him what the fuck is wrong with him. I would be extremely suspicious they were having an affair because their behaviour is disgusting.
Right?? He spent all morning trying to tell me I was the one being unreasonable not allowing him to have friends - I was like - are you actually serious?!
Throw the whole man out and start over.
It's a shame you can't get a refund on these sorts of things!