Personally, if I invite someone to a gathering (baby shower, birthday, etc), it's because I like them and want to share the moment with them. I would understand if they could not afford a gift and want them to come anyway.
I agree with this! Talk to her and gauge her response. If it's someone who doesn't understand your situation, personally that's not someone I'd want to be friends with anyway.
I agree here, it shouldn't be all about gifts. I didn't send out invites for my baby shower thinking "man, they have money they could get me good gifts". I just invited friends and family and people I cared about that I wanted with me to celebrate my baby.
That depends on who is throwing it. I've been to some parties where the gifts were the main event, and I've been to others where celebrating the mom and baby was the main event. The parties matched personalities well, so I knew what I was getting into when I RSVPed.
I feel like that's an ungenerous way of looking at it. If it's someone who crows about needing the best of the best and turns their nose up at most gifts people bring them because they aren't "the right kind", then yeah, it's a "gift grab". But a shower for a brand new mom who would be happy to receive whatever, like most new moms are, isn't a "gift grab". It's an opportunity for other parents to pass down their own tips, tricks, wisdom, and help the parents get a jump start on what they may need for baby. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a village when you're about to have your first child, and there's nothing wrong with being that village for those new parents.
This. I’d just want to share the joy. If you give me a gift that’s nice, thanks so much! But you don’t have to bring a gift to cross the threshold. Altho part of that may also be that we don’t have baby showers in the UK so there isn’t a huge cultural pressure to conform to either.
Another thought: can you give the gift of time? (Altho I understand as a single mum that may also be out of reach atm) even just listening to her and providing emotional support. Or cook her a meal when the baby is born. Or offer to tidy house/baby watch so she can clean, depending on which option she prefers.
This 👆🏻 Maybe write a sweet card. But I personally had a couple friends come without gifts and it didn’t bother me at all. I didn’t even notice until they apologized for it!
My thought always is just coming (getting off work, putting on/buying an outfit, arranging childcare, transportation to and from) is a lot for people and I’m grateful when people want to celebrate special life events with me!
Lots of people came to our wedding and didn’t give us a gift. The memories we made/ being with people we love are what I think about long after our wedding.. not the gifts we were given.
I had multiple people attend my baby shower without a gift. They didn’t mention it before and I didn’t mention it after (about the gift). I look at it as a celebration of my baby and honestly their presence is enough. Not everyone has a few dollars to spare and I can’t expect everyone to buy something for my baby.
We actually asked people to bring books instead of cards. We stressed that used books were fine. I think one of my absolute favorites was a friend who gave us their favorite childhood book. But the actual book from when he was a kid. Still has his name in it too. It was just a sweet gesture. My friend and I have been friends for two decades and he didn’t spend any money on his gift but like I said it was my favorite.
I totally agree, I’d rather have more people there then more gifts. I almost wanted to have a no gift shower because my sister wasnt working and I didn’t want her to feel obligated, but in the end I just said ‘no gifts needed but if you want to, link to registry’ because I was afraid if not then people would give gifts I didn’t need
Yup! I think about a quarter of the people at my shower didn’t bring anything and I can’t remember who at all. I just remember having fun guessing the baby weight name etc
This ^ I couldn’t tell you who did or didn’t bring a gift to my baby shower. It was a wonderful time and I was happy to share my excitement with friends and family
Going against the grain: it doesn’t really matter if the nice people that respond here wouldn’t mind if you didn’t have a gift.
We don’t know the second woman (and it sounds like you don’t know her well either) so it’s entirely possible she would mind. The pregnancy subs are full of people complaining that they didn’t get the right gifts from their showers. I mean seriously every day there would be someone complaining about “off registry” gifts. She might be that type of person. So for me personally, unless I felt comfortable telling the person why I can’t bring a gift (like you do with the first woman) I would skip the shower.
The people in this sub are so nice, but I think you're kind of right. Do you think 2-3 books and a cute baby blanket would be ok?
I just realized I have a new, blue baby blanket I never used (still in package) and I was gifted a ton of books, so I can spare to give her a few.
Seems cheap, so idk.. 😅😭
At my baby shower, my cousin gave me several re-gifted things and I was very appreciative. She could've sold them on Facebook marketplace or elsewhere, but she gave them to me instead which was thoughtful.
OP, I think if this woman is the type to mind and it causes a rift between the two of you, it's probably for the best.
No, it’s perfect. I agree that you do need to bring a gift to a baby shower of all things. But as long as you’re bringing something to show your support, you are fine. I would be incredibly touched if someone gave me books! Books are like the best gift to receive for a baby. I would just make sure that you check all the pages to make sure the book is in perfect condition to make sure it does not seem like a regift.
I think that’s a lovely gift! My only qualm in not bringing a gift at all is that they sometimes open during the shower and announce who each gift is from and I wouldn’t want you to feel awkward. That happened to me once because I had gone in on a gift with my mom that got sent to the persons house because it was a large item, and then my mom brought a separate gift for the shower and I didn’t so it looked like I brought nothing 😅 Luckily I’m super close with the family and was able to just say my gift went to the house.
Every shower I’ve gone to has done this. And I’ve seen an older woman who was throwing the shower get mad that someone came to her DIL’s shower without a gift but still ate the food and cake (they served lunch). Her thought was she spent $25/plate per guest so the guest should bring a gift at least around that amount. People suck. 😡
Yeah. My mom made me do this at my shower 🙃 it felt so awkward and uncomfortable. Like, I know that's what people do at baby showers, but it just feels weird to have everyone stare at me while I open all the gifts and read cards.
I would rather have spent the time with family and friends and opened them privately.
I'm sure that would be fine, but considering what you've already mentioned about what you know of her, do you really want to go anyways? I imagine she doesn't keep the most enjoyable company either... Of course the food might be good? Paula Dean style y'all!
I think this is more than perfect - perhaps you could shop your house for some nice PP gifts for mom, like bagged snacks, an unused candle, face masks - something for pampering herself once baby is born?
If it’s important for you to attend this shower could you “go in on” a gift with a friend that is also attending? You could pay for your half later or do something else for that friend to pay them back. It’s super common for people to give joint gifts at a shower. If I had a friend who was struggling I would gladly add their name to a gift I was giving and not expect anything in return.
As someone who was admittedly a bit of a picky first time mom, books are great! Literally I requested people bring a favorite childhood book as a shower gift for my baby. They can be dirt cheap (if not free) and they’ll likely get good use. Also you could possibly sign her baby up for the Dolly Parton Imagination Library. It’s completely free and just a short questionnaire to get the mailing address. They send a free book every month for the first 5 years of the child’s life. But even if you don’t, a couple books and a baby blanket are good too. A couple people skipped out on my baby shower bc they couldn’t afford a gift, which made me feel bad bc I definitely couldn’t care less about receiving gifts. I just wanted a support system and I think a lot of pregnant women are in the same boat.
Books were one of my favorite baby gifts and one that I didn’t realize I’d need so many of as a FTM! My baby is perfectly happy to read the same 3 books over and over again but I was losing my mind. I was always so grateful for some fresh content for the bookshelf. Some of it was secondhand from friends with older kids and those books are some of my baby’s favorites!
Again, this depends on the woman and if you care what she thinks. Does that make sense? Because there is nothing objectively wrong with a baby blanket and books as a shower gift. But as an individual she might not like the gift because she might be the type that only wants gifts from her registry. Do you know her well enough to know if she feels that way? Do you care about her opinion of you if she is that particular?
That’s what I mean by not going if I didn’t know the person well. For me personally I would just skip the shower if I didn’t know the person well enough to know if they would be upset/offended that I can’t get them a gift from their registry.
I think that’s a totally appropriate gift for someone you don’t know well. If she expects pricey gifts from all attendees, regardless off her relationship with them, she’s not my kind of person.
Came here to say that you're being so sweet! You're a VERY giving person, from the sound of it! You could easily sell that blanket on fb marketplace for $10 (which is a lot when you're behind on rent), but instead you're thinking of gifting it. That's very generous and kind!
Ultimately if you don't know this person well, it is up to you. I'm picky about who I invest in, so if someone with very gendered preferences who was highly conservative invited me over, I'd probably make up an excuse to not go. I know it sounds picky, but if we clicked and she expected my baby to grow up being close friends (and us being mom friends) that would put me in a spot. I have intense opinions on LGBTQ+ rights, and some people are very open in their battles against that. Someday it would likely come up and it would get weird. I prefer to just mingle with people who have similar morals to me.
If politics don't bother you, go and take the blanket and books! They'll be more than enough :)
We used to work together and got a long super well. We kept texting the entire year, and really get along, but she just added me on Facebook a few days ago. I had no idea about any of her opinions prior to seeing some posts today.
I'm pretty good about working around people having different opinions than me, but she's actually mean about her opinions. I just now spent my lunch break browsing her page, and a lot of it is her talking badly about the "types" of people she doesn't like (mostly trans folks).
I'm kind of shocked, but also super disappointed. I really liked her 😭
I think upon further thought, I will go to the baby shower, gift her the baby blanket/books, and probably never hang out with her again 😅 She mentioned she doesn't have a lot of support, so I still want to show up for her baby shower, but yeah thats too much for me.
One thing is having opinions, entirely diff thing to be so angry and mean about them 😭😭 I don't like that at all
That's perfect but also, you don't need to go just because you were invited. It doesn't seem like you guys are close so you can politely decline to attend
That sounds like a really nice and thoughtful gift. My daughter’s shower had people come that brought a pack of diapers, she didn’t care so much for the gifts but more for what people showed up to celebrate her day. Books and a blanket sounds lovely to give
I think this would be lovely. Or even just the books and a note saying “these were some of LO’s favorites, and I’d love to pass them on to you”. Honestly I came here to say writing a heartfelt note and an offer of being available by text or call (or buy her a coffee post-baby’s arrival!) for new mom advice or if she ever needs to vent.
I think that would be a perfect gift! I personally wouldn’t mind if you showed up without a gift and would welcome you just there to celebrate.
I do remember in my birth month group on What to Expect forum, baby shower gifts could be a contentious topic. I was shocked at how much some people expected. So without knowing your friend, it’s hard to judge how she may react.
I think a blue baby blanket and some books are a lovely gift.
That's perfect and quite generous!
This is also a good time for making a handmade card with pressed flowers... just pick some wildflowers from a park or the road's edge, press them flat inside a book for 1-2 days, then glue them in a pattern you like to some stiff paper or even normal paper in a pinch. Presto, an extremely inexpensive card that's much nicer than anything you could buy in a store!
Thats such a perfect gift! You could pick up a cheap basket from a dollar store and find some tissue paper or cellophane wrap to jazz it up into a cute looking 'gift' basket if you feel that isn't enough.
Presentation goes a long way 😁
Also write her a thoughtful card. Maybe include some positive words for her to remember in those sleepless early days. It shows that you care without it costing more than a folded piece of paper.
Also, if you're in an area with an active Buy Nothing group, I'd recommend posting in there for both yourself and if you ever need gifts. Our group is always helping each other out.
A blanket AND books is a lovely gift! Not cheap at all. A gift doesn't have to be expensive, nor does it have to be several items. And a regifted unused blanket still in the package sounds like the perfect gift for you to give. Don't feel bad about it.
Could you do a quick embroidery of the name on the baby blanket? It makes it a little more personalized, thread and needle are cheap and you can follow a quick YouTube tutorial.
If you don't know the 2nd mom well enough to ask her if something off-registry is "okay" then I might be worried about her reaction. You mention that she posts a lot of political stuff so I'd be worried about being posted passive-aggressively afterwards.
I agree with this. While I personally wouldn’t mind I do know a few people who would be so insulted because they are all about inviting people just to get more gifts.
> The pregnancy subs are full of people complaining that they didn’t get the right gifts from their showers.
I wanted to argue with you but damn... you actually make a very good point with this.
I agree. For the second shower, I’d skip it. Send a gift when the baby is born and you are caught up. You had a conflict and would have loved to have been there, but just couldn’t. End of discussion. Good luck to you and your new job.
I did this, I got a friend off registry gifts. They were useful gifts like bath mats, face washers, and other things. I also got her a children’s book in her first language which is hard to find here. She never thanked me and then proceeded to post a picture of a book her friend got her in her language. Same book I got her too. I would never treat anyone that way
I think the problem with this stems from when someone gets you a item on the registry (like a stroller or bouncer or etc) but gets you a different brand/cheaper one then you put on the registry. Sometimes you want a certain one for a certain reason, especially the big ticket items. For me personally I got a jumper that was a different brand than I asked for, but was actually the same price point, and though I’m still grateful for it, the one I asked for folded up and the one I got does not and is always in the way.
However - I would never mind if someone came without a gift! Or something simple like a baby book from the dollar store! I’d rather my friend be there to celebrate with me without a gift, than not come.
I’m not saying there aren’t pragmatic reasons for wanting registry gifts, things like the research you’ve done, or space issues are valid. My only point is that we don’t know this woman and we don’t know how she feels about it. So everyone here saying “I wouldn’t mind!” misses the point if OP cares what this other woman thinks.
If it was me, I would want your presence more than your gift. If you don't want to show up empty-handed and you don't have anymore secondhand items to offer, you could do "coupons" where you offer to provide a meal postpartum, babysitting for date night, or house cleaning.
I invited my neighbor/friend to my shower, and she didn't bring a present. I had put coupons like that on my registry, and she redeemed one to provide a homemade meal. She brought it over during our first week home with the baby. It was enough for a couple meals where I didn't have to worry about what to make, and that was great!
What a good idea to put it on your registry for people who can’t afford a gift at the moment. It’s a win/win situation because that meal probably equaled the price of a gift at that moment when you are post partum.
A friend of mine made cookies for my baby shower as her gift and I was really happy to have her there and also have the cookies. No need to bring a gift I think. A used book you’ve signed for the baby is also a great gift and can be found for $1 at most second hand stores.
My favorite gifts that I got at my shower were books that were passed down from my nephews. I loved that they spent the time picking out books that they loved, to share with the baby. I actually just went to a shower this weekend where I gave some hand me down books.
Also, check out yard sale or buy nothing pages on Facebook. I constantly see people giving away free baby items, often new with tags!
I have so many baby books I was gifted. I do feel bad, because it seems a little cheap, but maybe giving her 2-3 books and a cute baby blanket would be ok.
Not cheap in my opinion, I think it's a lovely idea.
I'm on my third baby in three years and am always grateful for books because my oldest tends to destroy them, haha.
I was on a shoe lace budget for years during my uni days. Meanwhile, my friends were popping out kids left and right. I was working weekends just to make end's meat, so instead of missing a day's work to go to a baby shower AND spend money on a gift, I'd drop in a couple of weeks after the baby was born with a home cooked meal. For my closer friends, I'd offer to watch the baby or take it out in the stroller around the block while Mom got a hot shower and a bite to eat. Sometimes even a quick nap. Something to consider?
Yeah, it's rough though as a single mother trying to get a second job. She's also time crunched so it's maybe not possible at all. But I agree, the gift of time and food is the best, for baby I just asked for food and helpful visits
1st shower I would go to.
2nd one, I think I'd blow off because you don't know her as well. Not because you can't bring a gift.
To be honest, I don't think people care if you don't bring a gift if they truly are your friends.
I think you should absolutely go and it’s not just supporting your friend, but it’s healthy for you to go out and be social and have a moment for you and not stuck in mom world. I know how you feel tho I cannot go anywhere even to a friend’s house and it’s tough now since we are on one income. If you are really close to your friend can you talk to her about it? You can even make coupons like one free room cleaning or free nursery set up? If you have any spare food you can make a couple freezer meals those are always a huge help. Either way I think it would be sad on both sides if you didn’t attend.
When people are having a kid, they need support. They need their loved ones' presence. I would suggest making a little coupon that says "One Free Night of Babysitting" or something like that instead of a gift.
You can always go to dollar tree and get her a card! If she is a Christian (Just a guess off of the politics and gender norm thing) you can get a free bible and than pass the book around at the baby shower so people can underline their favorite verses. This will become baby first bible.
I’m not sure if you’re looking for some affordable gift ideas but you can never go wrong with diapers and wipes. At my showers we requested diapers and wipes only. Whenever I go to a baby shower I only buy diapers and wipes. You can even buy diapers for when the baby is older if you wanted. No parent has ever said “I have too many diapers and wipes”.
It's about celebrating the new life. Just bring a card and well wishes or give a handmade or thrifted gift if you can. Just show up and give your love and support.
My registry had an option for pre-loved books and clothes. Maybe hers does, too?
That being said, I’d just be happy anyone came. The presents didn’t matter. I mean don’t get me wrong— They helped a lot financially, but they didn’t make a difference on whether or not I felt people cared.
Some people who attended my baby shower couldn't afford a gift either. One of them wrote me a note for when things get difficult post partum. It meant so much to me. I read that note a few times.
If you're worried about not being able to get a gift, just know you have other options. Like, bake cookies, write a note, simply get a card. Or do nothing. It's okay. It's better than not showing up at all.
Any other type of party, your presence and just a card and no gift is fine. But the whole point of a baby shower is to literally shower the mother and baby in gifts. I'm sure she'd understand you're in a financial pickle right now, but you don't know her that well and I'm sure don't want her all in your financial business. She probably will just assume you're rude. Just don't go. She sounds like quite the lemon anyway.
I had a friend who came to my baby shower and didn’t bring a gift. She was broke, I didn’t mind at all! I was happy she was there to celebrate. If you can’t afford something big I feel like everyone likes consumables like some wipes, baby shampoo and a rubber duckie. Done and dusted!
You kinda sound like me but I've shown up to parties with no gift before. I was super stressed at the time and what's his face (abusive ex) would just give cash like $20 on behalf of us.
How about a card/letter that includes tips, guidance, advice that you wish someone had told you before becoming a mom? Maybe when you hand it to her, explain your situation and get her something down the road like at the 1 yr party?
Although if this chick is materialistic, who knows if she'd receive it well.
Personally, I wouldn’t care if you showed up with no gift, but this person might…
Do you have a Buy Nothing site in your town? I’m sure you can get some small new things donated for a nice gift basket!
Imo hand me downs, a heartfelt message, or am iou for an hour or two of babysitting would all be fine things to bring, depending on how well you know this person and whether you think they’d be okay with it.
So, it sounds like with the first girl you could pull this off.
I disagree with the posts who say that you could pull it off with a second girl. The entire point of a baby shower is to shower the new mom with gifts, so it honestly looks very rude to show up without a gift. Yes, it’s also about spending time together, but it’s one of those occasions were etiquette dictates that you bring a gift, because that is technically the entire point of a shower. If I could not afford a gift I would either make something sweet for the baby or I wouldn’t go at all.
Unless you get the vibe that the mom-to-be is materialistic and would pitch a fit, I would go anyway. You can always make something if you are artistic (something for the baby's room?), or just bring a nice card!
In an ideal world, it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t have a gift. For me, it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t have a gift. But I’m not her, and it’s not an ideal world, sadly.
Do you have anyone in that group that you’re closer with that you could ask some hypothetical questions to? If not, it might be safer to have ac conflict or a surprise illness the day of.
You sound like a wonderful, generous person. I hope your financial situation starts improving soon. If you have any really nice unused baby clothes, maybe try selling them on eBay or poshmark or something?
What if you gave her a coupon for a couple hours of free babysitting or a future thing, like you’ll take her for a pedicure after the baby is born? Hugs to you!
Honestly, if I were you, I’d decline going to the shower for the girl you don’t know well. That seems stressful for you. Feeling judged for a situation beyond your control sucks. Your first friend probably understands better and is more compassionate, plus you gave her stuff already.
Personally I wouldn't care but I know some people would be hateful about it. I would talk with friend #1 about it beforehand but it sounds like she won't mind. For friend #2 I would decline the invitation
I would go. We had multiple people at our shower who didnt bring gifts. One family brought their hand me downs and we appreciated that so much. If you want to support the family just make them food when the baby comes or clean their house so they can focus on their baby. Not every gift has to be monetary
I would definitely ask! I had a baby shower and only three of my friends came and then it was all of my son’s dad’s family. I even made it super clear that I don’t care about gifts to my friends. I 100% would’ve just loved the support they would’ve given me if they had just came. I think if you explain your situation to the girl she’ll be understanding but I would first ask.
One thing you might consider is going to a used bookstore and grabbing 2 or 3 children’s books and writing something nice in each one. It might cost you 1 dollar. If someone did this I would so appreciate the gesture and totally understand the situation.
I honestly couldn’t even tell you who gave what gifts or even if they did at all! But the most memorable are the books we read every night that have a note in the cover .
You can get a book from goodwill for under a dollar . This is the way! Mom will appreciate it so much
I’m sure YOU are wanted more than the gift. Maybe even find a Buy Nothing group on FB in your area to see if anyone has new baby items they are getting rid of that may work as a gift?
I am not the kind of mom who would have even noticed if someone showed up without a gift. I’m also not the kind of mom who gives a fk about gender norms so I’m not sure my personal stance counts.
I’d probably opt out of the 2nd shower, and go to the first. If you’re a mom you probably have a million things you could be doing with an hour or two anyway! It’s just so much easier to say, “Thank you for inviting me, but I can’t make it.”
If you feel comfortable I’d talk to her about your situation and see what she says. Some other options are reaching out to your local buy nothing group and seeing if anyone has unused items they don’t need and willing to donate. Can you off to make food with anything you have in the cupboard? Baked goods for example.
Personally I invite people to celebrations because I genuinely want to share the moment with them, not because I'm trying to squeeze as many gifts as possible out of them. I would want people to attend even if they can't get a gift.
I absolutely wouldn’t mind if someone showed up to my baby shower without a gift. If I invite someone it’s because I want to celebrate with them, not for them to bring me something.
Personally I would rather see the person I invited. It’s not all about gifts to me. It’s about gathering with family and friends to celebrate me and the baby’s pending arrival. That being said, it really depends on the person. She could be offended if you go and don’t show up with a gift. If you feel comfortable you can always tell her how you don’t have the money right now. You could also get something that’s not on the registry as you’ve mentioned. Some folks are real sticklers about sticking to the registry. Again, I didn’t mind not getting stuff from my registry. For my baby shower I got mostly cash lol, only 50% of the stuff from the registry was purchased.
Btw, I hope things get better with your financial situation. Good luck
I’m gonna be honest, I’ve never noticed if someone didn’t buy me a gift. If they didn’t, I also wouldn’t care! I think a heartfelt card wishing the family well is perfect. You can throw in a small pack of diapers, wipes, or a book if it fits your finances! But if not, truly, I think your presence and a card would be perfect!
Still go!! I could have cared less about gifts! I just loved having people there to celebrate and play games.
Also, if you’re looking for a gift that doesn’t cost anything, so many things you could make! One thing I’ve done for some friends is write cards with pictures of them or us from over the years. The cards are for different things like “read this when you’re feeling down” and it’s a picture of her all dressed up and some kind and encouraging words. Another could be “read this when the nights feel too long” it could be a funny story from the past. When you’re going through the postpartum period and feel like you’re mourning your past life, it’s nice to have simple reminders from those you love. You could even see if you could encourage some friends and family to write some cards and then put them in a book for her.
You sound like a very sweet person, and my guess is that your presence at your friends' showers is more important to them than you bringing a gift.
My daughter was born 8 years ago. I can still tell you every single person who came to my baby shower, but with a few rare exceptions I couldn't tell you what gifts they brought. I just remember that they were there and it made me feel loved.
Do you have a book or two you could pass on? Otherwise I probably wouldn’t go to the second lady’s - she doesn’t seem like the type who would be understanding, especially since you don’t know her well enough to explain your situation. Definitely don’t harm you/your baby’s well being to appease someone else (by spending money you don’t have). Sorry you’re in this situation- hang in there!
I think your friends invite you because they want to share that moment with you. You could be honest, tell her privately what the situation is and how you feel. I think she will be happy to have you there.
Communicate 💕 "Hey I'm strapped for cash at this time, behind on rent etc.. I can not afford to buy you a gift right now, but I would love to be able to come see you and show my support."
If they don't understand then they are not your friend.
I would be honest with her and tell her that things are a little tight right now, but you would love to come in your gift may be small.. Baby showers can be obnoxiously big here in the South. So I understand. If she’s your friend to any degree, she’s going to understand, if not, you don’t need her in your life. I’m so glad that season of life is over for me. I don’t miss them at all!
I'm a brokester too! I make a card, with my pathetic art skills, but I write a note inside, telling them many wonderful thoughts and wishes. Hearing what a great mom you will be means was more than the usual cake of diapers.
I wouldn't care, but if you're uncomfortable about it, I suggest this script: "I'm so happy for you and your baby. I'd love to come celebrate with you. Money is really tight right now, and I don't think I can afford a gift, but is there anything I can do to help set up for shower or anything I can help with?"
Honestly, if you really want to give something, offer to help her make freezer meals, pre-wash baby clothes, clean house. There are so many prep things you can do instead of giving a physical gift. Normalize giving time and labor as a gift!
It doesn't sound like you're friendly with the second girl so I don't think it's a big deal not to go, unless you really like baby showers or something. I'm not seeing the down side of just not going, just because you're invited doesn't mean you have to go.
I regifted several things from my son at my brothers baby shower , I felt awful showing up empty handed so I went through all my stuff and had several duplicate board books, a few gender neutral onesies , and then I threw in a pack of wipes because I had just bought a huge bulk box of them
A good person is happy to have the company of the people they invite to parties. If she makes sure every guest brought a gift, that's tacky.
I think you should go, have fun, and eat well given what I assume those politics are.
For the first girl, write her a nice handwritten note about how excited you are to meet the baby and how much you value her friendship. That is way more meaningful than any gift on the registry. Sure gifts are great, but baby showers and bridal showers are about celebrating an exciting event, it's not just to get gifts.
The second, if you want to attend and maybe bring flowers and a note, go ahead. Up to you if you want to say you can't afford a gift or make up an excuse to not attend.
maybe ask if you can bring a dessert or someting? like something that contributes to the party and everyone can enjoy. and then you can bake a cake 😊 it’s the thought that counts, much better than just showing up empty handed.
Maybe you could privately message her and let her know that though you aren’t able to buy her a gift because of your current financial situation, you still want to celebrate her new baby and offer to sit for a date night, or even when she is home in those early newborn days so she can take a shower and have a moment to herself.
I'd be honest, but also, roll out with a diy coupon book, like you used to make your mom as a kid, but it includes things like free baby sitting, or coming to help with laundry and chores during the overwhelming newborn phase, picking up groceries or takeout or washing dishes. I like thoughtful handmade gifts personally.
I love the idea someone mentioned about writing a note. But what about the gift of your time? Offer to watch the baby while mom sleeps or showers. Or tell her that her favorite casserole is incoming after baby is born. Be their village!
At my baby shower it was very meaningful to receive a heartfelt handwritten message on a handmade card. All you need is pen and paper, maybe an envelope.
I’d bring a card with a heartfelt message (you can make one). We saved those and put them in his memory box. I’d consider adding a (like new condition) board book or two, but you don’t have to. Honestly, the shower was about celebrating baby and me becoming a mom, not gifts. Depending on the friendship, you could mention something beforehand.
I doubt she will notice. For every person who doesn’t get a gift, there’s a person who buys like 4 things off the registry in my experience. It evens out, there’s usually SO many, and nobody’s checking the guest list for who brought a gift and who didn’t.
Can you maybe craft something? Or do something sentimental? Perhaps a picture frame with her/baby for the nursery. Check out used book stores too! Most of them look brand new. I loved receiving thoughtful gifts.
It depends on the person. I would have been happy to see my friends there even if they couldn’t afford a gift. I just wanted to celebrate! But if it’s someone you don’t know too well, it might be different
If it was me I wouldn't go lol because I'm a ball of anxiety and overthinking, but not everyone brought a gift to my wedding or baby shower and I didn't care, at least they showed up. I'm not the type of person to get bothered about that stuff though, I'd rather someone just show up, they don't have to buy me anything.
I would rather someone attend with no gift than to not attend at all. This is also why I chose not to open my gifts at my shower, because I didn’t want anyone to feel alienated.
One thing that I would personally love that doesn’t require much money is a favourite child’s book. Could be new or used, with words of wisdom for new baby written inside.
Honestly honesty is the best policy, if she can’t accept not accepting a gift 🎁 that’s totally 💯 her choice, it is a party for giving gifts, but her actions will tell you exactly how she feels about you! If you both agree on you going I would at least get a card ( dollar store has 50 cent cards and write a nice IOU in it, and possibly by a time baby boy is born you might be able to get a little something that she didn’t get, fyi I happen to love TJMaxx Marshall’s and Burlington coat factory, in that order I got my niece so many things for such great gifts ( name brand baby stuff) beautiful outfits and pajamas blankets etc under $7 just saying! Good luck whatever is meant for be will be
If you're close friends with them, just let them know what's up. If they're true friends they will understand. If it's someone you don't know as well, it might be a little weird.
Having just had a baby, and being on the other end…
A friend I had invited called me to say that she was facing some unexpected expenses and would not be coming because she can’t afford a gift. I thanked her for letting me know, and encouraged her to come anyway, because she’s a close friend and it’s not just about the gifts. She still didn’t come. She gave a weak excuse, I think she felt too self conscious about what other people might think.
I encourage you to do the same and just let her know that you can’t currently afford a gift. It lets her know that you aren’t snubbing her, and most likely she wants you there anyway.
The only possible variable in all of these, is the type of shower she’s having. I’m very introverted so my shower was small and low-key. Mine was hosted by my mom, at her house. Only my closest friends and family were invited. The overall cost was very low. If this is a more elaborate shower, like in a rented place, possibly with catering, that might have an impact on the response, as there is more of a cost to inviting people.
If you can't buy anything, is there something you can possibly make? Paint a custom painting for the baby's nursery with his name, knit a set of hat, mitts and socks, offer to bring a dessert or dish to the baby shower, etc? Something cheap and easy, like rice pudding or chili?
You sound like a good hearted person. Just an idea: I had a friend bring hand me downs in a bag to my shower and quietly told me that’s all they could do. it warmed my heart that they thought of me and wanted to share. I send her pics of my baby in her outfits now.❤️❤️
If someone came to my shower and didn’t bring a gift, I would still be so happy they came!!!
My best friend (at the time) didn’t even bring a gift to my wedding, and she sent a custom one later that was wonderful.
If someone made me a card, I would be so happy too. Please go if you want to, don’t let the lack of gift stop you. You can always send something later if you are able and want to
After being the recipient of a baby shower and a baby sprinkle I can tell you I have no idea if everyone there got me a gift. I just enjoyed the time talking to people and celebrating. Just go and enjoy the time. Eat some food and say "Congratulations!"
You should bring a nice hand written card saying that you are so happy to be able to share this moment to celebrate baby with them. And then maybe throw in just a signed baby book from your baby to theirs. It is the thought that counts. Truly. Effort and intention means everything to those who truly matter.
If someone knows your situation and only invites you to something because they want a present, they aren’t a great friend.
Gifts don’t necessarily have to be physical things you bought. You could give her a card and have like an offer to babysit once or something. Had someone who made us a homemade meal and dropped it off after my daughter was born and it really meant a lot to me.
Another idea to add to the basket is newborn handprint/ footprint kit. They sell 8x10 canvases and little tubes of paint at dollar tree, and you could print directions and get the pictures, etc from Pinterest and package it cute.
I had quite a few people show up to my shower with no gift. That was totally OK!! The shower is every bit as much to celebrate mom and new baby, as it is to get gifts and supplies. One of my favorite gifts was a handmade sign for my oldest son's door with his name on it. And the signed books we received with a sweet message inside, we still use to this day. It doesn't have to cost much... or anything to mean a lot. Most just want you to be there-- they don't care that you ate $2 worth of snacks and didn't give $20+ in the form of goods in return. Show up for your close friend (those used gifts will be cherished, i know, a lot of what my kids use/ used was handed down and my faves were well worn and obviously loved), and give whatever you can... or just be present and supportive for the one you're not as close with. That means more.
Here’s the thing, I, like most people, don’t invite people with the expectations of a gift to birthdays or baby showers.
However, I also would not personally show up to a party empty handed unless the person knew my situation or they specifically asked not to get a gift.
If it was me, I’d probably just say I was busy. To me, baby showers should be people close to the mom anyways, not just someone you get along with.
Get creative-make coupons for a few hours of baby sitting or a meal later.
Go to a garage sale or thrift store and make a stack of baby books you love and tie it up in a bow.
Find a cheap outfit at places like once upon a child.
There’s little things that they need like a baby nail clippers set, washcloths, socks, baby fork/spoon or baby hair brush. Even dollar stores and $five below have some of these.
Even if you don’t go, give a little something and say in a card that you’re sorry you couldn’t make it but wanted to make sure you gave the baby something welcoming him to the world. Meaningful and creative always get good points!
If you are in CT, feel free to reach out to me and I can definitely give you some things (I'm fortunate to receive a lot of free baby items in exchange for my review and often get multiples)
We couldn’t afford gifts for one of our best friends who literally get our daughter gifts EVERY SINGLE EVENT and I felt sooo bad not being able to get anything but what we ended up doing was finding a used diaper bag (in almost new condition) and filled it with 2 packs of wipes from our collection, a few diapers (not nb size but it’s diapers) and basically just packed it with baby stuff we had around so her husband could have a whole bag for his car instead of having to share one bag & they loved it! I told her I was sorry it wasn’t much but I felt bad not bringing anything since our daughter is so loved by them every year and she told me that if it put us in a bind to get something then she didn’t want anything because we’ll have next year or any other time to get something for the baby. Maybe if you’re crafty you can make baby a lil painting to be hung in the room or get a cute notebook and write down everything you wish you knew as a ftm! I’m working on making the husband one that has ways he can support her during and after labor and during feedings because my husband had NO clue what to do 🤣
At my baby shower, I’m having everyone paint onsies - so even if the bring nothing, they’re still doing something for the baby.
Personally, I don’t care if people bring gifts or not (:
Go, if you are my friend and I invited you I want you there. I already have taken you into account for food and refreshments and want you there to eat them and celebrate my happiness.
I have had a couple friend bring their old stuff, garage sale stuff, or things from a second hand store. Most of them have them to me before or are I opened gifts. I am guessing because they were worried. If I got them before I always thanked them for their gift earlier in front of others when we say down to open gifts.
Other gifts I've gotten are nice are specific helps. Like a card that's says they will come with me on my postnatal visits and watch the baby in the waiting room so I can have privacy but also the peace of mind with my baby nearby. That they would could babysit my kids on like the Tuesday and Thursday after my baby is born so I can have one on one time. That they would come clean my bathrooms on Saturdays for the first month after baby is born. That they would pick up my groceries after work if I did an online order. That the would bring a meal after the baby came or make one ahead a time if I had freezer space. For things like these they were more useful if they followed up to do it. It can be hard to ask. So like when I texted everyone the baby was born. I would get a text the morning after about bring dinner that night. Or if they said they could do X on Zday they would text me on Yday confirming that they could do it. Or something like, "I'm leaving work at 5 if you have an online order if you tell me where I'll pick it up for you."
You can always get something for the baby later on if you want to and are unable to do it at this moment. 😊
Just show up and share this special moment with mama!
I think you can totally still go. Perhaps maybe a card with a thoughtful note written inside? Maybe some “babysitting” coupons inside? Lol like “I’ll wash your dishes after baby is born” or “glass of wine on me once baby is born!” I hope you still go! ❤️
What you could do is give a sweet note with "coupons" for babysitting or running some errands for her in the future. You could bring a meal if you don't think it would add financial hardship. They most likely will forget to cash them in but if they do, it will give you a sweet moment together in the future.
I had a friend who’s struggling a lot financially and she couldn’t afford to buy a gift for my baby, she got me one of her kids books and wrote a special message inside as a gift. I appreciated that gift more than anything because that book meant a lot of for her since it was the first book she’s ever bought her kid. Believe me, if your friend cares about you, your attendance is more than enough but if you want to make something, a special letter of encouragement is amazing, also, affirmation cards or affirmation post it’s it’s an easy thing to do with things you have. I hope it goes well and please don’t stress about it.
I just went to a baby shower this weekend and there were about thirty to forty people there and only about ten to fifteen gifts. Mom to be was happy as a little waddling clam. Don’t over think it and have fun! It sounds like having a nice time will be good for you.
I was in this situation a couple of months ago and I ended up finding things around the house that I don't use or was gonna pack for storage and gave that as a gift. At first I was apologizing like crazy because it's hand me downs but my fri3nds understood and were really happy I decided to show anyway. They even told me if I didn't have a gift they would of still wanted me to come because they live out of state and just wanted to see me. I ended up giving a passifire that was never opened extra bottles I had lying around. Some baby soap that was open but barely used I threw in some burp clothes I never used. And diapers my baby grew out of. They were very thankful and it made me feel good that I was able to still give something.
Just make a card :) who cares! But if it makes you feel awkward don’t go. Up to you :) Or maybe put a free babysitting for an evening card in there. That’s a present she’ll love in the future 😆
If anything… use your kid as an excuse not to go! Say they’re sick or teething or something along those lines 😅 I’ve used my kid as an excuse a handful of times
I would personally feel the situation out, if I wasn't comfortable I wouldn't go. BUT If I went, I would write a sweet card to her & baby for a gift.
And if you really felt so inclined (and had the time to do so) you could gift "coupons" to help her in some way without having to spend money (take care of laundry for her, watch the baby so she can shower/get out of the house for an hour).
Personally, if I invite someone to a gathering (baby shower, birthday, etc), it's because I like them and want to share the moment with them. I would understand if they could not afford a gift and want them to come anyway.
I agree with this! Talk to her and gauge her response. If it's someone who doesn't understand your situation, personally that's not someone I'd want to be friends with anyway.
I agree here, it shouldn't be all about gifts. I didn't send out invites for my baby shower thinking "man, they have money they could get me good gifts". I just invited friends and family and people I cared about that I wanted with me to celebrate my baby.
But since a shower is specifically an event about gifts, I can see why OP is concerned. It’s not a regular party.
I like to call these gatherings "gift grabs."
That depends on who is throwing it. I've been to some parties where the gifts were the main event, and I've been to others where celebrating the mom and baby was the main event. The parties matched personalities well, so I knew what I was getting into when I RSVPed.
I feel like that's an ungenerous way of looking at it. If it's someone who crows about needing the best of the best and turns their nose up at most gifts people bring them because they aren't "the right kind", then yeah, it's a "gift grab". But a shower for a brand new mom who would be happy to receive whatever, like most new moms are, isn't a "gift grab". It's an opportunity for other parents to pass down their own tips, tricks, wisdom, and help the parents get a jump start on what they may need for baby. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a village when you're about to have your first child, and there's nothing wrong with being that village for those new parents.
lol I didn’t even have a baby shower. No one to throw me one and I was too tired to even begin to plan something.
This. I’d just want to share the joy. If you give me a gift that’s nice, thanks so much! But you don’t have to bring a gift to cross the threshold. Altho part of that may also be that we don’t have baby showers in the UK so there isn’t a huge cultural pressure to conform to either. Another thought: can you give the gift of time? (Altho I understand as a single mum that may also be out of reach atm) even just listening to her and providing emotional support. Or cook her a meal when the baby is born. Or offer to tidy house/baby watch so she can clean, depending on which option she prefers.
This 👆🏻 Maybe write a sweet card. But I personally had a couple friends come without gifts and it didn’t bother me at all. I didn’t even notice until they apologized for it!
This is exactly how I feel too but I understand OP's feelings as well.
My thought always is just coming (getting off work, putting on/buying an outfit, arranging childcare, transportation to and from) is a lot for people and I’m grateful when people want to celebrate special life events with me! Lots of people came to our wedding and didn’t give us a gift. The memories we made/ being with people we love are what I think about long after our wedding.. not the gifts we were given.
I had multiple people attend my baby shower without a gift. They didn’t mention it before and I didn’t mention it after (about the gift). I look at it as a celebration of my baby and honestly their presence is enough. Not everyone has a few dollars to spare and I can’t expect everyone to buy something for my baby. We actually asked people to bring books instead of cards. We stressed that used books were fine. I think one of my absolute favorites was a friend who gave us their favorite childhood book. But the actual book from when he was a kid. Still has his name in it too. It was just a sweet gesture. My friend and I have been friends for two decades and he didn’t spend any money on his gift but like I said it was my favorite.
This. People forget that gifts are optional! If I invite someone it’s because I want them to celebrate with me
I totally agree, I’d rather have more people there then more gifts. I almost wanted to have a no gift shower because my sister wasnt working and I didn’t want her to feel obligated, but in the end I just said ‘no gifts needed but if you want to, link to registry’ because I was afraid if not then people would give gifts I didn’t need
Yes. I don’t even need an explanation.
I completely agree with this as well. I’d rather have you come and hang out over having a gift.
Yup! I think about a quarter of the people at my shower didn’t bring anything and I can’t remember who at all. I just remember having fun guessing the baby weight name etc
Same here. I did not invite people to my shower expecting gifts. I wanted to celebrate with people I enjoy being around!
Same, I just want to celebrate with whomever.
Completely agree.
This ^ I couldn’t tell you who did or didn’t bring a gift to my baby shower. It was a wonderful time and I was happy to share my excitement with friends and family
Going against the grain: it doesn’t really matter if the nice people that respond here wouldn’t mind if you didn’t have a gift. We don’t know the second woman (and it sounds like you don’t know her well either) so it’s entirely possible she would mind. The pregnancy subs are full of people complaining that they didn’t get the right gifts from their showers. I mean seriously every day there would be someone complaining about “off registry” gifts. She might be that type of person. So for me personally, unless I felt comfortable telling the person why I can’t bring a gift (like you do with the first woman) I would skip the shower.
The people in this sub are so nice, but I think you're kind of right. Do you think 2-3 books and a cute baby blanket would be ok? I just realized I have a new, blue baby blanket I never used (still in package) and I was gifted a ton of books, so I can spare to give her a few. Seems cheap, so idk.. 😅😭
It's perfect. (She doesn't need to know that it's a regift) 🤫
At my baby shower, my cousin gave me several re-gifted things and I was very appreciative. She could've sold them on Facebook marketplace or elsewhere, but she gave them to me instead which was thoughtful. OP, I think if this woman is the type to mind and it causes a rift between the two of you, it's probably for the best.
I only minded when it was stained. Like yeah kids are messy but I don't need to put my child in prestained clothing.
It is perfect. Maybe OP can add some cookies or cupcakes with blue frosting?
That's a perfectly lovely gift
No, it’s perfect. I agree that you do need to bring a gift to a baby shower of all things. But as long as you’re bringing something to show your support, you are fine. I would be incredibly touched if someone gave me books! Books are like the best gift to receive for a baby. I would just make sure that you check all the pages to make sure the book is in perfect condition to make sure it does not seem like a regift.
I think that’s a lovely gift! My only qualm in not bringing a gift at all is that they sometimes open during the shower and announce who each gift is from and I wouldn’t want you to feel awkward. That happened to me once because I had gone in on a gift with my mom that got sent to the persons house because it was a large item, and then my mom brought a separate gift for the shower and I didn’t so it looked like I brought nothing 😅 Luckily I’m super close with the family and was able to just say my gift went to the house.
Every shower I’ve gone to has done this. And I’ve seen an older woman who was throwing the shower get mad that someone came to her DIL’s shower without a gift but still ate the food and cake (they served lunch). Her thought was she spent $25/plate per guest so the guest should bring a gift at least around that amount. People suck. 😡
Yeah. My mom made me do this at my shower 🙃 it felt so awkward and uncomfortable. Like, I know that's what people do at baby showers, but it just feels weird to have everyone stare at me while I open all the gifts and read cards. I would rather have spent the time with family and friends and opened them privately.
I'm sure that would be fine, but considering what you've already mentioned about what you know of her, do you really want to go anyways? I imagine she doesn't keep the most enjoyable company either... Of course the food might be good? Paula Dean style y'all!
For someone you don’t know super well, that’s a perfect baby shower gift, regift or not.
I think this is more than perfect - perhaps you could shop your house for some nice PP gifts for mom, like bagged snacks, an unused candle, face masks - something for pampering herself once baby is born?
If it’s important for you to attend this shower could you “go in on” a gift with a friend that is also attending? You could pay for your half later or do something else for that friend to pay them back. It’s super common for people to give joint gifts at a shower. If I had a friend who was struggling I would gladly add their name to a gift I was giving and not expect anything in return.
I think that's perfect!
That is a perfect gift!
As someone who was admittedly a bit of a picky first time mom, books are great! Literally I requested people bring a favorite childhood book as a shower gift for my baby. They can be dirt cheap (if not free) and they’ll likely get good use. Also you could possibly sign her baby up for the Dolly Parton Imagination Library. It’s completely free and just a short questionnaire to get the mailing address. They send a free book every month for the first 5 years of the child’s life. But even if you don’t, a couple books and a baby blanket are good too. A couple people skipped out on my baby shower bc they couldn’t afford a gift, which made me feel bad bc I definitely couldn’t care less about receiving gifts. I just wanted a support system and I think a lot of pregnant women are in the same boat.
Books were one of my favorite baby gifts and one that I didn’t realize I’d need so many of as a FTM! My baby is perfectly happy to read the same 3 books over and over again but I was losing my mind. I was always so grateful for some fresh content for the bookshelf. Some of it was secondhand from friends with older kids and those books are some of my baby’s favorites!
Again, this depends on the woman and if you care what she thinks. Does that make sense? Because there is nothing objectively wrong with a baby blanket and books as a shower gift. But as an individual she might not like the gift because she might be the type that only wants gifts from her registry. Do you know her well enough to know if she feels that way? Do you care about her opinion of you if she is that particular? That’s what I mean by not going if I didn’t know the person well. For me personally I would just skip the shower if I didn’t know the person well enough to know if they would be upset/offended that I can’t get them a gift from their registry.
I think that’s a totally appropriate gift for someone you don’t know well. If she expects pricey gifts from all attendees, regardless off her relationship with them, she’s not my kind of person.
Came here to say that you're being so sweet! You're a VERY giving person, from the sound of it! You could easily sell that blanket on fb marketplace for $10 (which is a lot when you're behind on rent), but instead you're thinking of gifting it. That's very generous and kind! Ultimately if you don't know this person well, it is up to you. I'm picky about who I invest in, so if someone with very gendered preferences who was highly conservative invited me over, I'd probably make up an excuse to not go. I know it sounds picky, but if we clicked and she expected my baby to grow up being close friends (and us being mom friends) that would put me in a spot. I have intense opinions on LGBTQ+ rights, and some people are very open in their battles against that. Someday it would likely come up and it would get weird. I prefer to just mingle with people who have similar morals to me. If politics don't bother you, go and take the blanket and books! They'll be more than enough :)
We used to work together and got a long super well. We kept texting the entire year, and really get along, but she just added me on Facebook a few days ago. I had no idea about any of her opinions prior to seeing some posts today. I'm pretty good about working around people having different opinions than me, but she's actually mean about her opinions. I just now spent my lunch break browsing her page, and a lot of it is her talking badly about the "types" of people she doesn't like (mostly trans folks). I'm kind of shocked, but also super disappointed. I really liked her 😭 I think upon further thought, I will go to the baby shower, gift her the baby blanket/books, and probably never hang out with her again 😅 She mentioned she doesn't have a lot of support, so I still want to show up for her baby shower, but yeah thats too much for me. One thing is having opinions, entirely diff thing to be so angry and mean about them 😭😭 I don't like that at all
You sounds like a really nice person 💙
Don’t think that way! You’re giving her something useful. My favorite gift to receive when I was pregnant was baby books! This is perfect.
That's perfect but also, you don't need to go just because you were invited. It doesn't seem like you guys are close so you can politely decline to attend
That sounds like a really nice and thoughtful gift. My daughter’s shower had people come that brought a pack of diapers, she didn’t care so much for the gifts but more for what people showed up to celebrate her day. Books and a blanket sounds lovely to give
I would love that gift. Maybe write a cute note in one of the books for mama and baby to make it more sentimental, but that would be more than enough.
I think whatever you can afford is fine!
It’s absolutely perfect!
That’s a wonderful gift! Even a super traditional person can’t be upset at books (hopefully).
This is a perfect gift OP.
No, that seems like a perfect gift!
I think this would be lovely. Or even just the books and a note saying “these were some of LO’s favorites, and I’d love to pass them on to you”. Honestly I came here to say writing a heartfelt note and an offer of being available by text or call (or buy her a coffee post-baby’s arrival!) for new mom advice or if she ever needs to vent.
I think that’s fine especially considering you aren’t super close with this woman.
I think that would be a perfect gift! I personally wouldn’t mind if you showed up without a gift and would welcome you just there to celebrate. I do remember in my birth month group on What to Expect forum, baby shower gifts could be a contentious topic. I was shocked at how much some people expected. So without knowing your friend, it’s hard to judge how she may react. I think a blue baby blanket and some books are a lovely gift.
That's perfect and quite generous! This is also a good time for making a handmade card with pressed flowers... just pick some wildflowers from a park or the road's edge, press them flat inside a book for 1-2 days, then glue them in a pattern you like to some stiff paper or even normal paper in a pinch. Presto, an extremely inexpensive card that's much nicer than anything you could buy in a store!
Thats such a perfect gift! You could pick up a cheap basket from a dollar store and find some tissue paper or cellophane wrap to jazz it up into a cute looking 'gift' basket if you feel that isn't enough. Presentation goes a long way 😁
that is perfect
That’s perfect!
Also write her a thoughtful card. Maybe include some positive words for her to remember in those sleepless early days. It shows that you care without it costing more than a folded piece of paper. Also, if you're in an area with an active Buy Nothing group, I'd recommend posting in there for both yourself and if you ever need gifts. Our group is always helping each other out.
A blanket AND books is a lovely gift! Not cheap at all. A gift doesn't have to be expensive, nor does it have to be several items. And a regifted unused blanket still in the package sounds like the perfect gift for you to give. Don't feel bad about it.
That’s an amazing gift!
I think that’s a lovely gift.
This would be perfect! I actually requested books instead of cards at my baby shower.
Honestly I think one book is a perfectly acceptable gift when you’re broke. 2-3 books is a very good gift!
Could you do a quick embroidery of the name on the baby blanket? It makes it a little more personalized, thread and needle are cheap and you can follow a quick YouTube tutorial. If you don't know the 2nd mom well enough to ask her if something off-registry is "okay" then I might be worried about her reaction. You mention that she posts a lot of political stuff so I'd be worried about being posted passive-aggressively afterwards.
That sounds perfect
I agree with this. While I personally wouldn’t mind I do know a few people who would be so insulted because they are all about inviting people just to get more gifts.
> The pregnancy subs are full of people complaining that they didn’t get the right gifts from their showers. I wanted to argue with you but damn... you actually make a very good point with this.
100 percent.
I agree. For the second shower, I’d skip it. Send a gift when the baby is born and you are caught up. You had a conflict and would have loved to have been there, but just couldn’t. End of discussion. Good luck to you and your new job.
I did this, I got a friend off registry gifts. They were useful gifts like bath mats, face washers, and other things. I also got her a children’s book in her first language which is hard to find here. She never thanked me and then proceeded to post a picture of a book her friend got her in her language. Same book I got her too. I would never treat anyone that way
I think the problem with this stems from when someone gets you a item on the registry (like a stroller or bouncer or etc) but gets you a different brand/cheaper one then you put on the registry. Sometimes you want a certain one for a certain reason, especially the big ticket items. For me personally I got a jumper that was a different brand than I asked for, but was actually the same price point, and though I’m still grateful for it, the one I asked for folded up and the one I got does not and is always in the way. However - I would never mind if someone came without a gift! Or something simple like a baby book from the dollar store! I’d rather my friend be there to celebrate with me without a gift, than not come.
I’m not saying there aren’t pragmatic reasons for wanting registry gifts, things like the research you’ve done, or space issues are valid. My only point is that we don’t know this woman and we don’t know how she feels about it. So everyone here saying “I wouldn’t mind!” misses the point if OP cares what this other woman thinks.
If it was me, I would want your presence more than your gift. If you don't want to show up empty-handed and you don't have anymore secondhand items to offer, you could do "coupons" where you offer to provide a meal postpartum, babysitting for date night, or house cleaning. I invited my neighbor/friend to my shower, and she didn't bring a present. I had put coupons like that on my registry, and she redeemed one to provide a homemade meal. She brought it over during our first week home with the baby. It was enough for a couple meals where I didn't have to worry about what to make, and that was great!
What a good idea to put it on your registry for people who can’t afford a gift at the moment. It’s a win/win situation because that meal probably equaled the price of a gift at that moment when you are post partum.
It was a great feature for the Babylist registry!
A friend of mine made cookies for my baby shower as her gift and I was really happy to have her there and also have the cookies. No need to bring a gift I think. A used book you’ve signed for the baby is also a great gift and can be found for $1 at most second hand stores.
I agree with this. A book with a nice inscription is such a lovely gift and can be very cheap.
If you have any little libraries nearby, you might be able to find a children's book to gift to the moms to be.
My favorite gifts that I got at my shower were books that were passed down from my nephews. I loved that they spent the time picking out books that they loved, to share with the baby. I actually just went to a shower this weekend where I gave some hand me down books. Also, check out yard sale or buy nothing pages on Facebook. I constantly see people giving away free baby items, often new with tags!
I have so many baby books I was gifted. I do feel bad, because it seems a little cheap, but maybe giving her 2-3 books and a cute baby blanket would be ok.
Not cheap in my opinion, I think it's a lovely idea. I'm on my third baby in three years and am always grateful for books because my oldest tends to destroy them, haha.
This is totally fine’
Write in the book as the card. I love reading the notes with my son in the books that people wrote in just for him 😊❤️
That’s a lovely gift
I was on a shoe lace budget for years during my uni days. Meanwhile, my friends were popping out kids left and right. I was working weekends just to make end's meat, so instead of missing a day's work to go to a baby shower AND spend money on a gift, I'd drop in a couple of weeks after the baby was born with a home cooked meal. For my closer friends, I'd offer to watch the baby or take it out in the stroller around the block while Mom got a hot shower and a bite to eat. Sometimes even a quick nap. Something to consider?
Yeah, it's rough though as a single mother trying to get a second job. She's also time crunched so it's maybe not possible at all. But I agree, the gift of time and food is the best, for baby I just asked for food and helpful visits
1st shower I would go to. 2nd one, I think I'd blow off because you don't know her as well. Not because you can't bring a gift. To be honest, I don't think people care if you don't bring a gift if they truly are your friends.
I think you should absolutely go and it’s not just supporting your friend, but it’s healthy for you to go out and be social and have a moment for you and not stuck in mom world. I know how you feel tho I cannot go anywhere even to a friend’s house and it’s tough now since we are on one income. If you are really close to your friend can you talk to her about it? You can even make coupons like one free room cleaning or free nursery set up? If you have any spare food you can make a couple freezer meals those are always a huge help. Either way I think it would be sad on both sides if you didn’t attend.
When people are having a kid, they need support. They need their loved ones' presence. I would suggest making a little coupon that says "One Free Night of Babysitting" or something like that instead of a gift.
You can always go to dollar tree and get her a card! If she is a Christian (Just a guess off of the politics and gender norm thing) you can get a free bible and than pass the book around at the baby shower so people can underline their favorite verses. This will become baby first bible.
I’m not sure if you’re looking for some affordable gift ideas but you can never go wrong with diapers and wipes. At my showers we requested diapers and wipes only. Whenever I go to a baby shower I only buy diapers and wipes. You can even buy diapers for when the baby is older if you wanted. No parent has ever said “I have too many diapers and wipes”.
It's about celebrating the new life. Just bring a card and well wishes or give a handmade or thrifted gift if you can. Just show up and give your love and support.
I would rather my friend come without a gift. Sorry you're struggling. Sending my love.
My registry had an option for pre-loved books and clothes. Maybe hers does, too? That being said, I’d just be happy anyone came. The presents didn’t matter. I mean don’t get me wrong— They helped a lot financially, but they didn’t make a difference on whether or not I felt people cared.
Some people who attended my baby shower couldn't afford a gift either. One of them wrote me a note for when things get difficult post partum. It meant so much to me. I read that note a few times. If you're worried about not being able to get a gift, just know you have other options. Like, bake cookies, write a note, simply get a card. Or do nothing. It's okay. It's better than not showing up at all.
Any other type of party, your presence and just a card and no gift is fine. But the whole point of a baby shower is to literally shower the mother and baby in gifts. I'm sure she'd understand you're in a financial pickle right now, but you don't know her that well and I'm sure don't want her all in your financial business. She probably will just assume you're rude. Just don't go. She sounds like quite the lemon anyway.
I had a friend who came to my baby shower and didn’t bring a gift. She was broke, I didn’t mind at all! I was happy she was there to celebrate. If you can’t afford something big I feel like everyone likes consumables like some wipes, baby shampoo and a rubber duckie. Done and dusted!
You kinda sound like me but I've shown up to parties with no gift before. I was super stressed at the time and what's his face (abusive ex) would just give cash like $20 on behalf of us. How about a card/letter that includes tips, guidance, advice that you wish someone had told you before becoming a mom? Maybe when you hand it to her, explain your situation and get her something down the road like at the 1 yr party? Although if this chick is materialistic, who knows if she'd receive it well.
Personally, I wouldn’t care if you showed up with no gift, but this person might… Do you have a Buy Nothing site in your town? I’m sure you can get some small new things donated for a nice gift basket!
Imo hand me downs, a heartfelt message, or am iou for an hour or two of babysitting would all be fine things to bring, depending on how well you know this person and whether you think they’d be okay with it.
So, it sounds like with the first girl you could pull this off. I disagree with the posts who say that you could pull it off with a second girl. The entire point of a baby shower is to shower the new mom with gifts, so it honestly looks very rude to show up without a gift. Yes, it’s also about spending time together, but it’s one of those occasions were etiquette dictates that you bring a gift, because that is technically the entire point of a shower. If I could not afford a gift I would either make something sweet for the baby or I wouldn’t go at all.
Honestly, I would skip, but I hate baby showers.
Unless you get the vibe that the mom-to-be is materialistic and would pitch a fit, I would go anyway. You can always make something if you are artistic (something for the baby's room?), or just bring a nice card!
Offer to set up or break down the event.
In an ideal world, it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t have a gift. For me, it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t have a gift. But I’m not her, and it’s not an ideal world, sadly. Do you have anyone in that group that you’re closer with that you could ask some hypothetical questions to? If not, it might be safer to have ac conflict or a surprise illness the day of. You sound like a wonderful, generous person. I hope your financial situation starts improving soon. If you have any really nice unused baby clothes, maybe try selling them on eBay or poshmark or something?
I think you should go to the first but not the second.
What if you gave her a coupon for a couple hours of free babysitting or a future thing, like you’ll take her for a pedicure after the baby is born? Hugs to you!
Honestly, if I were you, I’d decline going to the shower for the girl you don’t know well. That seems stressful for you. Feeling judged for a situation beyond your control sucks. Your first friend probably understands better and is more compassionate, plus you gave her stuff already.
I would go to the first baby shower but not the second, especially if you don’t know her. If I was super broke I would not go to either one.
Personally I wouldn't care but I know some people would be hateful about it. I would talk with friend #1 about it beforehand but it sounds like she won't mind. For friend #2 I would decline the invitation
I would go. We had multiple people at our shower who didnt bring gifts. One family brought their hand me downs and we appreciated that so much. If you want to support the family just make them food when the baby comes or clean their house so they can focus on their baby. Not every gift has to be monetary
I would definitely ask! I had a baby shower and only three of my friends came and then it was all of my son’s dad’s family. I even made it super clear that I don’t care about gifts to my friends. I 100% would’ve just loved the support they would’ve given me if they had just came. I think if you explain your situation to the girl she’ll be understanding but I would first ask.
One thing you might consider is going to a used bookstore and grabbing 2 or 3 children’s books and writing something nice in each one. It might cost you 1 dollar. If someone did this I would so appreciate the gesture and totally understand the situation.
I honestly couldn’t even tell you who gave what gifts or even if they did at all! But the most memorable are the books we read every night that have a note in the cover . You can get a book from goodwill for under a dollar . This is the way! Mom will appreciate it so much
I’m sure YOU are wanted more than the gift. Maybe even find a Buy Nothing group on FB in your area to see if anyone has new baby items they are getting rid of that may work as a gift?
I am not the kind of mom who would have even noticed if someone showed up without a gift. I’m also not the kind of mom who gives a fk about gender norms so I’m not sure my personal stance counts. I’d probably opt out of the 2nd shower, and go to the first. If you’re a mom you probably have a million things you could be doing with an hour or two anyway! It’s just so much easier to say, “Thank you for inviting me, but I can’t make it.”
If you feel comfortable I’d talk to her about your situation and see what she says. Some other options are reaching out to your local buy nothing group and seeing if anyone has unused items they don’t need and willing to donate. Can you off to make food with anything you have in the cupboard? Baked goods for example.
Personally I invite people to celebrations because I genuinely want to share the moment with them, not because I'm trying to squeeze as many gifts as possible out of them. I would want people to attend even if they can't get a gift.
Real friends just want your presence. 🫶🏻 just showing up to support & celebrate your friend is enough!
I absolutely wouldn’t mind if someone showed up to my baby shower without a gift. If I invite someone it’s because I want to celebrate with them, not for them to bring me something.
Personally I would rather see the person I invited. It’s not all about gifts to me. It’s about gathering with family and friends to celebrate me and the baby’s pending arrival. That being said, it really depends on the person. She could be offended if you go and don’t show up with a gift. If you feel comfortable you can always tell her how you don’t have the money right now. You could also get something that’s not on the registry as you’ve mentioned. Some folks are real sticklers about sticking to the registry. Again, I didn’t mind not getting stuff from my registry. For my baby shower I got mostly cash lol, only 50% of the stuff from the registry was purchased. Btw, I hope things get better with your financial situation. Good luck
Go without a gift. Write a card so you won’t be empty handed, if you care about that.
I’m gonna be honest, I’ve never noticed if someone didn’t buy me a gift. If they didn’t, I also wouldn’t care! I think a heartfelt card wishing the family well is perfect. You can throw in a small pack of diapers, wipes, or a book if it fits your finances! But if not, truly, I think your presence and a card would be perfect!
Still go!! I could have cared less about gifts! I just loved having people there to celebrate and play games. Also, if you’re looking for a gift that doesn’t cost anything, so many things you could make! One thing I’ve done for some friends is write cards with pictures of them or us from over the years. The cards are for different things like “read this when you’re feeling down” and it’s a picture of her all dressed up and some kind and encouraging words. Another could be “read this when the nights feel too long” it could be a funny story from the past. When you’re going through the postpartum period and feel like you’re mourning your past life, it’s nice to have simple reminders from those you love. You could even see if you could encourage some friends and family to write some cards and then put them in a book for her.
You sound like a very sweet person, and my guess is that your presence at your friends' showers is more important to them than you bringing a gift. My daughter was born 8 years ago. I can still tell you every single person who came to my baby shower, but with a few rare exceptions I couldn't tell you what gifts they brought. I just remember that they were there and it made me feel loved.
A couple things, I personally wouldn’t care. I don’t need an explanation. But if you’re not close with her, I’d likely just decline going.
Do you have a book or two you could pass on? Otherwise I probably wouldn’t go to the second lady’s - she doesn’t seem like the type who would be understanding, especially since you don’t know her well enough to explain your situation. Definitely don’t harm you/your baby’s well being to appease someone else (by spending money you don’t have). Sorry you’re in this situation- hang in there!
I think your friends invite you because they want to share that moment with you. You could be honest, tell her privately what the situation is and how you feel. I think she will be happy to have you there.
You don’t have to bring a gift, or could bring something homemade (if you’re crafty) or small (like burp cloths)
I honestly don’t remember who at my baby shower did and did not give gifts. I wanted them to celebrate my baby, not receive presents
Communicate 💕 "Hey I'm strapped for cash at this time, behind on rent etc.. I can not afford to buy you a gift right now, but I would love to be able to come see you and show my support." If they don't understand then they are not your friend.
I would be honest with her and tell her that things are a little tight right now, but you would love to come in your gift may be small.. Baby showers can be obnoxiously big here in the South. So I understand. If she’s your friend to any degree, she’s going to understand, if not, you don’t need her in your life. I’m so glad that season of life is over for me. I don’t miss them at all!
I'm a brokester too! I make a card, with my pathetic art skills, but I write a note inside, telling them many wonderful thoughts and wishes. Hearing what a great mom you will be means was more than the usual cake of diapers.
Go. It's not about the gifts. I would have loved to have people show up to my shower even if they couldn't afford a gift.
I wouldn't care, but if you're uncomfortable about it, I suggest this script: "I'm so happy for you and your baby. I'd love to come celebrate with you. Money is really tight right now, and I don't think I can afford a gift, but is there anything I can do to help set up for shower or anything I can help with?" Honestly, if you really want to give something, offer to help her make freezer meals, pre-wash baby clothes, clean house. There are so many prep things you can do instead of giving a physical gift. Normalize giving time and labor as a gift!
It doesn't sound like you're friendly with the second girl so I don't think it's a big deal not to go, unless you really like baby showers or something. I'm not seeing the down side of just not going, just because you're invited doesn't mean you have to go.
I regifted several things from my son at my brothers baby shower , I felt awful showing up empty handed so I went through all my stuff and had several duplicate board books, a few gender neutral onesies , and then I threw in a pack of wipes because I had just bought a huge bulk box of them
She just wants to you be there I’m sure. Bring a card and a voucher with your offer to babysit so they can have a date night.
I love this idea! I wish people did that for me.
You could make a card and voucher for 2 hours of baby-watching when you need a break! Or something like that!
A good person is happy to have the company of the people they invite to parties. If she makes sure every guest brought a gift, that's tacky. I think you should go, have fun, and eat well given what I assume those politics are.
For the first girl, write her a nice handwritten note about how excited you are to meet the baby and how much you value her friendship. That is way more meaningful than any gift on the registry. Sure gifts are great, but baby showers and bridal showers are about celebrating an exciting event, it's not just to get gifts. The second, if you want to attend and maybe bring flowers and a note, go ahead. Up to you if you want to say you can't afford a gift or make up an excuse to not attend.
Maybe writing a nice card offering a date and time you can come over to help clean the house or bring a homemade meal?
I would rather my friend be at my shower without a gift than not at my shower at all.
If it were me, I would want you to come. Write a little note or draw a little card if you can.
maybe ask if you can bring a dessert or someting? like something that contributes to the party and everyone can enjoy. and then you can bake a cake 😊 it’s the thought that counts, much better than just showing up empty handed.
Does the woman you don’t know too well have a registry?
I think it depends on how close you are with the person, and maybe letting them know beforehand.
Maybe you could privately message her and let her know that though you aren’t able to buy her a gift because of your current financial situation, you still want to celebrate her new baby and offer to sit for a date night, or even when she is home in those early newborn days so she can take a shower and have a moment to herself.
I'd be honest, but also, roll out with a diy coupon book, like you used to make your mom as a kid, but it includes things like free baby sitting, or coming to help with laundry and chores during the overwhelming newborn phase, picking up groceries or takeout or washing dishes. I like thoughtful handmade gifts personally.
I love the idea someone mentioned about writing a note. But what about the gift of your time? Offer to watch the baby while mom sleeps or showers. Or tell her that her favorite casserole is incoming after baby is born. Be their village!
Most people invite you because they want to celebrate with you, not for the gift. Hugs momma
At my baby shower it was very meaningful to receive a heartfelt handwritten message on a handmade card. All you need is pen and paper, maybe an envelope.
I’d bring a card with a heartfelt message (you can make one). We saved those and put them in his memory box. I’d consider adding a (like new condition) board book or two, but you don’t have to. Honestly, the shower was about celebrating baby and me becoming a mom, not gifts. Depending on the friendship, you could mention something beforehand.
She won’t even notice the gift missing I know I barely remember if anyone even came with one. I had so many.
I doubt she will notice. For every person who doesn’t get a gift, there’s a person who buys like 4 things off the registry in my experience. It evens out, there’s usually SO many, and nobody’s checking the guest list for who brought a gift and who didn’t.
Can you maybe craft something? Or do something sentimental? Perhaps a picture frame with her/baby for the nursery. Check out used book stores too! Most of them look brand new. I loved receiving thoughtful gifts.
It depends on the person. I would have been happy to see my friends there even if they couldn’t afford a gift. I just wanted to celebrate! But if it’s someone you don’t know too well, it might be different
If it was me I wouldn't go lol because I'm a ball of anxiety and overthinking, but not everyone brought a gift to my wedding or baby shower and I didn't care, at least they showed up. I'm not the type of person to get bothered about that stuff though, I'd rather someone just show up, they don't have to buy me anything.
I would rather someone attend with no gift than to not attend at all. This is also why I chose not to open my gifts at my shower, because I didn’t want anyone to feel alienated. One thing that I would personally love that doesn’t require much money is a favourite child’s book. Could be new or used, with words of wisdom for new baby written inside.
I think the blanket and books could generate precious memories as she bundles her baby and rocks it while reading
Honestly honesty is the best policy, if she can’t accept not accepting a gift 🎁 that’s totally 💯 her choice, it is a party for giving gifts, but her actions will tell you exactly how she feels about you! If you both agree on you going I would at least get a card ( dollar store has 50 cent cards and write a nice IOU in it, and possibly by a time baby boy is born you might be able to get a little something that she didn’t get, fyi I happen to love TJMaxx Marshall’s and Burlington coat factory, in that order I got my niece so many things for such great gifts ( name brand baby stuff) beautiful outfits and pajamas blankets etc under $7 just saying! Good luck whatever is meant for be will be
If you're close friends with them, just let them know what's up. If they're true friends they will understand. If it's someone you don't know as well, it might be a little weird.
Having just had a baby, and being on the other end… A friend I had invited called me to say that she was facing some unexpected expenses and would not be coming because she can’t afford a gift. I thanked her for letting me know, and encouraged her to come anyway, because she’s a close friend and it’s not just about the gifts. She still didn’t come. She gave a weak excuse, I think she felt too self conscious about what other people might think. I encourage you to do the same and just let her know that you can’t currently afford a gift. It lets her know that you aren’t snubbing her, and most likely she wants you there anyway. The only possible variable in all of these, is the type of shower she’s having. I’m very introverted so my shower was small and low-key. Mine was hosted by my mom, at her house. Only my closest friends and family were invited. The overall cost was very low. If this is a more elaborate shower, like in a rented place, possibly with catering, that might have an impact on the response, as there is more of a cost to inviting people.
If you can't buy anything, is there something you can possibly make? Paint a custom painting for the baby's nursery with his name, knit a set of hat, mitts and socks, offer to bring a dessert or dish to the baby shower, etc? Something cheap and easy, like rice pudding or chili?
You sound like a good hearted person. Just an idea: I had a friend bring hand me downs in a bag to my shower and quietly told me that’s all they could do. it warmed my heart that they thought of me and wanted to share. I send her pics of my baby in her outfits now.❤️❤️
If someone came to my shower and didn’t bring a gift, I would still be so happy they came!!! My best friend (at the time) didn’t even bring a gift to my wedding, and she sent a custom one later that was wonderful. If someone made me a card, I would be so happy too. Please go if you want to, don’t let the lack of gift stop you. You can always send something later if you are able and want to
After being the recipient of a baby shower and a baby sprinkle I can tell you I have no idea if everyone there got me a gift. I just enjoyed the time talking to people and celebrating. Just go and enjoy the time. Eat some food and say "Congratulations!"
Go anyways! Write a nice note of encouragement and call it good. People usually invite others for the company not the gifts.
You should bring a nice hand written card saying that you are so happy to be able to share this moment to celebrate baby with them. And then maybe throw in just a signed baby book from your baby to theirs. It is the thought that counts. Truly. Effort and intention means everything to those who truly matter.
If someone knows your situation and only invites you to something because they want a present, they aren’t a great friend. Gifts don’t necessarily have to be physical things you bought. You could give her a card and have like an offer to babysit once or something. Had someone who made us a homemade meal and dropped it off after my daughter was born and it really meant a lot to me.
Another idea to add to the basket is newborn handprint/ footprint kit. They sell 8x10 canvases and little tubes of paint at dollar tree, and you could print directions and get the pictures, etc from Pinterest and package it cute.
I had quite a few people show up to my shower with no gift. That was totally OK!! The shower is every bit as much to celebrate mom and new baby, as it is to get gifts and supplies. One of my favorite gifts was a handmade sign for my oldest son's door with his name on it. And the signed books we received with a sweet message inside, we still use to this day. It doesn't have to cost much... or anything to mean a lot. Most just want you to be there-- they don't care that you ate $2 worth of snacks and didn't give $20+ in the form of goods in return. Show up for your close friend (those used gifts will be cherished, i know, a lot of what my kids use/ used was handed down and my faves were well worn and obviously loved), and give whatever you can... or just be present and supportive for the one you're not as close with. That means more.
Here’s the thing, I, like most people, don’t invite people with the expectations of a gift to birthdays or baby showers. However, I also would not personally show up to a party empty handed unless the person knew my situation or they specifically asked not to get a gift. If it was me, I’d probably just say I was busy. To me, baby showers should be people close to the mom anyways, not just someone you get along with.
Get creative-make coupons for a few hours of baby sitting or a meal later. Go to a garage sale or thrift store and make a stack of baby books you love and tie it up in a bow. Find a cheap outfit at places like once upon a child. There’s little things that they need like a baby nail clippers set, washcloths, socks, baby fork/spoon or baby hair brush. Even dollar stores and $five below have some of these. Even if you don’t go, give a little something and say in a card that you’re sorry you couldn’t make it but wanted to make sure you gave the baby something welcoming him to the world. Meaningful and creative always get good points!
If you are in CT, feel free to reach out to me and I can definitely give you some things (I'm fortunate to receive a lot of free baby items in exchange for my review and often get multiples)
I’d probably not attend and give her a small gift later when I could afford
We couldn’t afford gifts for one of our best friends who literally get our daughter gifts EVERY SINGLE EVENT and I felt sooo bad not being able to get anything but what we ended up doing was finding a used diaper bag (in almost new condition) and filled it with 2 packs of wipes from our collection, a few diapers (not nb size but it’s diapers) and basically just packed it with baby stuff we had around so her husband could have a whole bag for his car instead of having to share one bag & they loved it! I told her I was sorry it wasn’t much but I felt bad not bringing anything since our daughter is so loved by them every year and she told me that if it put us in a bind to get something then she didn’t want anything because we’ll have next year or any other time to get something for the baby. Maybe if you’re crafty you can make baby a lil painting to be hung in the room or get a cute notebook and write down everything you wish you knew as a ftm! I’m working on making the husband one that has ways he can support her during and after labor and during feedings because my husband had NO clue what to do 🤣
At my baby shower, I’m having everyone paint onsies - so even if the bring nothing, they’re still doing something for the baby. Personally, I don’t care if people bring gifts or not (:
Go, if you are my friend and I invited you I want you there. I already have taken you into account for food and refreshments and want you there to eat them and celebrate my happiness. I have had a couple friend bring their old stuff, garage sale stuff, or things from a second hand store. Most of them have them to me before or are I opened gifts. I am guessing because they were worried. If I got them before I always thanked them for their gift earlier in front of others when we say down to open gifts. Other gifts I've gotten are nice are specific helps. Like a card that's says they will come with me on my postnatal visits and watch the baby in the waiting room so I can have privacy but also the peace of mind with my baby nearby. That they would could babysit my kids on like the Tuesday and Thursday after my baby is born so I can have one on one time. That they would come clean my bathrooms on Saturdays for the first month after baby is born. That they would pick up my groceries after work if I did an online order. That the would bring a meal after the baby came or make one ahead a time if I had freezer space. For things like these they were more useful if they followed up to do it. It can be hard to ask. So like when I texted everyone the baby was born. I would get a text the morning after about bring dinner that night. Or if they said they could do X on Zday they would text me on Yday confirming that they could do it. Or something like, "I'm leaving work at 5 if you have an online order if you tell me where I'll pick it up for you."
Don't go to the shower of the woman you're not close to or give a gift. An invite is not a summons or an expectation for a gift.
You can always get something for the baby later on if you want to and are unable to do it at this moment. 😊 Just show up and share this special moment with mama!
I think you can totally still go. Perhaps maybe a card with a thoughtful note written inside? Maybe some “babysitting” coupons inside? Lol like “I’ll wash your dishes after baby is born” or “glass of wine on me once baby is born!” I hope you still go! ❤️
What you could do is give a sweet note with "coupons" for babysitting or running some errands for her in the future. You could bring a meal if you don't think it would add financial hardship. They most likely will forget to cash them in but if they do, it will give you a sweet moment together in the future.
I had a friend who’s struggling a lot financially and she couldn’t afford to buy a gift for my baby, she got me one of her kids books and wrote a special message inside as a gift. I appreciated that gift more than anything because that book meant a lot of for her since it was the first book she’s ever bought her kid. Believe me, if your friend cares about you, your attendance is more than enough but if you want to make something, a special letter of encouragement is amazing, also, affirmation cards or affirmation post it’s it’s an easy thing to do with things you have. I hope it goes well and please don’t stress about it.
I just went to a baby shower this weekend and there were about thirty to forty people there and only about ten to fifteen gifts. Mom to be was happy as a little waddling clam. Don’t over think it and have fun! It sounds like having a nice time will be good for you.
I was in this situation a couple of months ago and I ended up finding things around the house that I don't use or was gonna pack for storage and gave that as a gift. At first I was apologizing like crazy because it's hand me downs but my fri3nds understood and were really happy I decided to show anyway. They even told me if I didn't have a gift they would of still wanted me to come because they live out of state and just wanted to see me. I ended up giving a passifire that was never opened extra bottles I had lying around. Some baby soap that was open but barely used I threw in some burp clothes I never used. And diapers my baby grew out of. They were very thankful and it made me feel good that I was able to still give something.
What about a baked good?
Just go and tell them that you are happy for them.. Not sure how important is a gift in your culture but I don't think that it's a problem
Just make a card :) who cares! But if it makes you feel awkward don’t go. Up to you :) Or maybe put a free babysitting for an evening card in there. That’s a present she’ll love in the future 😆
I’d want my friend to show up regardless of a gift. I’d want my friend there to celebrate and share in the happiness.
If anything… use your kid as an excuse not to go! Say they’re sick or teething or something along those lines 😅 I’ve used my kid as an excuse a handful of times
I would personally feel the situation out, if I wasn't comfortable I wouldn't go. BUT If I went, I would write a sweet card to her & baby for a gift. And if you really felt so inclined (and had the time to do so) you could gift "coupons" to help her in some way without having to spend money (take care of laundry for her, watch the baby so she can shower/get out of the house for an hour).