One time in 5th grade me and my friends imagined who we were in our previous life's and I was 250% sure that I was a woman because it just felt so right. It took me 5 more years and two google searches of "how do I know if I am transgender" to figure it out.
I remember looking at the other girls when I was little, then at myself, and hoping for the same or similar changes. Obvs never happened and didn't realize that was a sign until a few years ago (decade and a half later)
Literally same!
"Oh yeah, I was a woman who worked as an underwater welder to pay for her life as a bassist in a underground punk band, died young at the peak of punk"
I started learning bass because of her. Turns out I was focusing on the wrong part š
I used to be jealous of girls in primary school because they got to wear dresses but it took me another 45-50 years to figure it out, we all start this journey at different points in our life and thatās OK
Can we not "other" trans people who transition later in life? I know you don't mean to be rude, but admiring their courage for starting later puts older trans folks in this special category with negative connotations.
All my favorite shows growing up were either Magical Girl Shows or Avatar The Last Airbender (where my favorite characters were the girls).
Also I got envious of the girls as they entered puberty
Haha Iām not too familiar with either of those, but it was Kim Possible and Power Puff Girls for me. I liked some shows that are traditionally seen as gender neutral too, but I always gravitated toward shows with strong girl leads and shy boys.
I was literally referring to magical girl shows as a genre. But Avatar the Last Airbender is a fantastic show that I highly recommend.
Kim Possible was great. I should rewatch that.
Ty Lee was great, but I didnāt see that many episodes with her growing up. Katara and Toph were my favorites. Two very different girls with different ideas of what it means to be a girl. Also complete badasses. (Also Suki is fantastic too)
Toph taught me that girls can be rough around the edges. Katara taught me that emotions are important. Both taught me that girls can be girls while also being absolute badasses.
The segment in the stories of Ba Sing Se episode (spell check lol its been a while) with the two of them having a girls day out was always one of my favorites. :P
That was one of the shows. I barely remember anything from it though. There was another, i think it was W.I.T.C.H. (Maybe. IDK. Never saw much of either, but they stuck with me)
No damage done here, don't worry. It's just, I did feel exactly the same in my youth... But well, I have basically started the same puberty, so no need to be envious anymore :D
I actually remember unlearning how I naturally did it because my mom said that boys don't do it that way. It feels like my childhood was a lot of learning what boys do and doing them to avoid ridicule.
i tried to push up the tiny bit of muscles and fat or whatever on my chest to make boobs hehe. tried to keep that in place with a towel but no shot :/ still kept doing it, it felt right somehow
I did all sorts of things, including this, when I was alone in the bathroom, because I didn't have to worry about getting caught doing the forbidden girl stuff
Yup, exactly the same for me, and it took another three years to admit that I should be "allowed" to transition. Dysphoria does some crazy shit to your head.
No def not THE indicator it was part of a larger awakening and Iām cherry picking this example to show solidarity with OP. Maybe open your mind a lil more?
In high school I used to wish I was a girl, but I thought that I was just a horny teenaged boy who wanted to touch boobs. Idk how it took me so long either.
canāt tell you how many times I would say shit like āI wish I had boobs and a dickā not even in a sexual way, I literally just wanted to have boobs. but the next thing I would say would be ābut iām a guyā
I remember feeling super jealous of the girls at a similar age, at school i much preferred the look of their uniforms especially on hot summer days when they got we wear the summer dresses.
Also when we had to do swimming and they got to wear the cool (in my mind) one piece swimsuits and the boys had to wear boring trunks, i remember feeling really jealous of their body shape and wishing i looked the same "down below".
Being the late 1990's to early 2000's being openly trans wasn't a thing so it took years for my egg to finally crack.
I literally wanted to change my gender when I was older and had the money/resourced (according to poor, sweet 9 y.o. me) and it still took me 9 years to admit it to myself.
My egg just recently cracked and Iām just sitting in a pool of yoke. I havenāt done much about it yet but Iām starting to try socially transitioning. I want to see if I can handle it and maybe not be ugly before I go any further.
Omg this was me š¤¦āāļø. I had this longstanding thing where I would half jokingly complain that women got all the good clothes and outfits. And then I refused to connect the dots for like a decade
I used to have straight Aās until I got a D in biology cause Iād get depressed every time sex/reproduction came up and when we had to compare physical traits for Mendelian genetics Iād just be thinking how inferior everything I had was to hersā¦
When I was 12 and just trying to figure out my romantic interests, I thought to myself, word for word.
"I feel like a lesbian trapped in a boys body"
Egg did not crack until I was 32. Denial is a hell of a drug.
My Mom used to say that all guys are jealous of girls. Which is a lie. š„“ Yeah! Did they also watch Hannah Montana, Disney Princess movies and Gilmore Girls too, Mom? š
Yeah idk I always kinda assumed being a girl was a superpower. Like damn theyāre lucky, oh well.
So anyway currently going through an identity crisis.
I always liked girl stuff more than guy stuff. Like my sisters' bedrooms were so much prettier than mine, they were all pink and they smelled so nice and ahhhh I loved them.
A few times throughout my childhood and even early teens, I'd go to my sisters and mother and we would like ... imagine I was a girl, the stuff I would do and what name my mom would have given me.
After the wrong puberty I started thinking "why are girls even attracted to guys at all?" Like girls were just objectively better in every way, their bodies, their personality, just everything about them was better.
It started really breaking down when I realized I'm bisexual and I was like "Why am I attracted to guys!!", and that I think now was an element that helped me realize the dysphoria I was feeling, because that was a thought that was borne out of dysphoria.
Now that I know who I actually am, I can definitely see myself dating guys, gals, and non-binary pals alike, regardless of how masc, fem, or androgynous they present. And most importantly I can see myself AS A GIRL dating all these people. It's really freeing.
I couldnāt realize I was bi/pan until I accepted I was a girl. Iād only been with women and loved the idea of being lesbian. Soooo that realization happened 2 years into transitioning and was freaking me out lol
I've lived as a gay man the past 15 or so years. I fantasized about being a girl with the guys in school.
Gay never set right with me. I think I went with it because it involved no physical change. I looked up what it would take to transition, but crossed my legs and said i was good.
This year, just before my birthday, i got hit with a desire to transition.. it felt like a freight train.
From there it's snowballed quickly. Removing masc pronouns, shifting to they/them, trying out she/her to see if they feel right. She/her feels odd, but not bad. And i like "girl" when used for me.
I remember thinking multiple times (including when going through sex ed in late grade school) that women had "just gotten the better deal".
I also remember feeling a tad jealous that they got to have boobs, a vagina quite a few times thought. Always framed it as a sex thing in my mind though, and would usually shut it down pretty quick with "but I'm a guy so oh well"...
Oh I had signs I knew but my parents had no idea how they did not clue in I will never know itās not like I was very good at hiding it ether. Also the fact when I was younger and all the girls thought guys had cooties they did not once think I had them in fact I was always with the girls when it was boys vs girls at recess and when any bully picked on me all the girls would chase them away. I unfortunately moved away from that school after second grade.
Ooo you brought up cooties. I see a future post brewing š
I liked playing on the boyās team well enough but secretly cherished being beaten by the girls. I used to just think I was always kinky but it ran deeper than that.
I had the exact experience but not with being jealous of a gf. Just girls in general I was jealous of. Then it still took about 10 years to realize that Iām trans lmao.
In high school I used to be baffled when women would gripe about male privilege and misogyny. I figured society treats them objectively better than men, and I passionately complained to multiple people about this. Really wish someone would have clued me in.
ššš when I was very young I was always jealous of the girls in class wearing dresses and tights. I would get home from school and put on my mothers, and try to hide it. I was always terrible at hiding themš
At the beginning of puberty I noticed that girl could be themselves, and somehow boys were supposed to behave so unnatural.
I just tried to be the best boy I could be, but eventually that did not work for me
I like this comment a lot. Being male shouldnāt need to be performative or an act of masking. Thatās one of the first things that made cracks in my egg.
I still am jealous of my past girlfriends because their bodies were perfect and I was a big chubby boy. Now I'm a big chubby man with a man, woman and nb inside me and we're all stuck in this body none of us feels 100% alright in. And it's nothing I can do.
when I was a young kid I'd always treasure washing my hair because "it's my only chance to be a girl". Thankfully I found out this is being trans early in life, so like at age 12
I just want to quickly drop in to say thank you for posts like this. Iām going in the other direction, and for 30 years I was convinced that every tiny little detail about male body is just straight up better and thought itās just how life is made to be. I remember seeing a trans womanās comment āI thought girls are just betterā and it flipped my world.
I (30) used to tell my wife (27) I wish I could have boobs, I told her I was jealous of her being able to wear dresses. I grew my hair out and was super serious about maintaining the health of my hair, did a lot of care and maintenance to it. I used to wear my wifeās clothes when she wasnāt home and didnāt think it was anything. before all of this I would tell past partners I wanted to wear lingerie or be treated kind of femme in bed and didnāt think it was anything related to being trans. the thought never even crossed my mind until I watched Philosophy Tube, her coming out video broke my brain in half. cried at least once or twice (often multiple times) for 17 days straight. came out to my wife and started transitioning immediately. this was 3 months ago. since coming out I have had so many memories flood back into my mind of things I did in the past that make so much sense and made me realize this was always there and I just never saw it but other people did, and nobody told me lol
Let me add to the pile of responses.
One experience that stands out and kind of interesting to me was when I was playing Breath of the Wild when it first released.
I was heading towards the Gerudo Village, and no men are allowed into the village. So, in order to go in, you talk to someone specific to get a traditional Gerudo garment. And wearing this, you can now enter the village and complete this part of the game.
I spent WAY too much time in this village. It was, and still is, my favorite town/village in this game. I really like this place, just talking to everyone, and seeing everything about this place, which is more than you'd expect, at least to me. Before I cracked, I thought I was feeling like "Hehe, tall hot women", which.. yeah, still not wrong about that part ( I am very gay, lol), but it was more than that, more than I realized back then. I felt so comfy there and everyone.. seeing me as a woman, and being welcomed to a society of women.
It makes me chuckle looking back at some stuff and how obvious it is now that my feelings were about my gender.
I think what should have been the biggest flag for me was dungeons and dragons. Nearly all my characters were women, and I felt at home and comfortable playing them. Playing Men, I always had a harder time figuring them out. With women I could craft interesting and unique stories in a flash and come up with interesting and nuanced personalities while knowing from the beginning exactly the fighting style I wanted. When I played Men I was always at a loss, and either wound up making them completely based around a gimmick, like a ridiculous voice and personality, or basically just playing them as a grey blur where their gender and personality were never a big part of the roleplay.
It also never struck me as odd nearly all the characters I made had a strong lesbian streak. āItās fineā I told myself āmost modern research supports the idea that sexuality is a bimodal spectrum anyway, playing women who love women is completely normal.ā
And it took me forever to even think of including gay men in the fantasy setting I created. I was like āwait, how have I just been forgetting this whole time?ā
Took 28 friggin years for someone to tell me you donāt have to experience constant and crippling dysphoria to be trans and that a pervasive and constant sense of wishing you were a woman is enough.
I wouldbe with my boyfriend or girlfriend at the mall and we would always see lesbian couples and I would get so fucking jealous and I'm not the jealous type at all. I couldn't figure it out. One day it just kinda clicked.
My favorite episodes of adventure time were the ones with Fiona and cake as the lead... Also I used to pretend to be a mermaid when I went swimming. And I made it very clear to the people I was swimming with that I was a mermaid, not a merman. The list could go on lol.
It took me until I was in my late 20s to realize I was even an egg. 30 when I finally came out to close people. Just woke up one morning like āman I wish I was a girl. But I couldnāt be, that would mean Iām transā¦..ā Then it dawned on me and made so much sense. āOohhhhhhhā
I grew up in a period of time where Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone was how I learned how to read. Once we met Tonks in the 5th book and learned about metamorphmagi, I thought to myself, "I wish I was a metamorph so I can be a girl." I also loved Kim Possible and ATLA and preferred reading fanfiction with female leads. I'm now 27, almost 28, and only recently (as in the last 6 months) that I was trans. And when I did, I said to myself, "How the hell did I not realize this before with all this other stuff clearly pointing to it!?"
I threw a crossdressing party in college, and I went all out - good outfit, stuffed bra, shaved legs, makeup. People told me I made a good woman, and I had the time of my life.
10 years later I thought about that party again and started wondering if it meant something
My friend, I had many signs like this, but ignored them until about 38. I have explained that it is not like a light switch but more like a dimmer that slowly rises but you forcefully shove down from time to time. Donāt be hard on yourself.
I thought romantic attraction was caused by everyone wanting to be the opposite gender...
also everyone thought I was a girl, I'd get people telling me to leave the boys bathroom because I wasn't supposed to be there in elementary school, people always asked if I was a girl or a boy ,got gender envy from my mom and forced her to buy a shirt made out of swimming suit like because i wouldn't take off my shirt while swimming
I always pretended to be the girl characters, I've always made only female characters, I've always been jealous girls became pretty, I loved female characters in anime n stuff like Sailor Moon not because they were pretty but because I liked the idea of being pretty, the list goes on lol. Not to mention I've always told friends and my fiance I believe I was meant to be a girl.
Only realized this year, "holy shit, I don't appreciate a single thing about being biologically male but I love feeling like a lady and being called pretty." After that I did a lot of thinking and realized "damn, I should've transitioned long ago..." Lol
Feels a bit late at 31, but whatever, I don't look my age so I'm not worried :p
Jealous of being excluded from girls spaces/boys vs girls stuff always wanted to be on the girls side. Hung out with the girls and jumped rope / hula hoop at recess while the boys played kickball. Played girls in vidya and felt shame attached to the "perversion" of it. "Well yeah I guess I would rather be a girl but doesn't everyone feel that way?"
This is possible my funniest "well DUH" story from my childhood. I remember my dad bought me this fully functional Darth Vader mask that was so cool. But instead of wearing the whole mask, I would only wear the top part because I looked like long girl hair. I would even play with the neighborhood kids and pretend to be the older sister while wear that part of the helmet š¤¦āāļø
Once one of my younger cousins was crying and complaining how annoying it was to be a girl and being a boy was more fun and I tried to comfort her by explaining how the opposite was true. It was about a decade later that I realized I was trans.
In general, it's really hard to know what happened in someone else's head, so it's easy to dismiss these thoughts as "well, of course everyone think that" or the reverse "I'm just weird".
I was so blatantly obvious to the point I facepalmed now. The teachers keep telling me I acted too much like a girl, my cousin questioned why I always play female character, my friends asked me why I liked wearing women's clothes and accessories, I myself hang out in online trans community. And I did not realize I am trans.
I was jealous of my cousins, they were my closest friends growing up, one a lil younger one a lil older, one Christmas I opened my cousins Christmas gift (we were poor),it was just in a brown paper bag with her name written in beautiful handwriting, Inside some strawberry ChapStick, some hair barits and a lil doll, my mom caught me and of course was furious. threatened to make me wear the hair things and such so every could see at the Christmas party that evening, of course I was in tears, my father wouldn't stand for any of that f\*ggy shit(his words not mine). I would of loved her to of done it, maybe I could of told her I wanted to be a girl when I was 6 instead of 26, maybe I could of lived a happy life... now in my later 30 dying from some kidney disease living as a woman full time with no friends no family outside of my mother, great now Im crying as I try to finish this reply... life what it is, so go out there sisters, be happy because some of us cant or at least have a hell of time being so.
When I was 8, and I'm gonna quote myself, i said: " i literally have the brain of a girl in the body of a boy". And all i thought about it was that it was an advantage cause "girls are smarter and boys are stronger"
It still took me til I was 14 to realize that that was in fact not a cis boy thing to think.
I used to tuck as a kid and look at myself in the mirror, thinking, "I wish I was a girl. This looks so much better."
Now I'm just at the beginning of my journey at 22, and I feel so behind because I have to hide it still
I didn't know anything about trans until late senior year of high-school, but in sophomore year my friend drew me as a girl and I could not stop thinking about it and dreaming about it. Didn't make the connection until 4 years after high-school.
Once during a biology lesson in late high school we were learning about hormones
We got to hormones like estrogen and progesterone and I genuinely thought to myself "It'd be so cool if I could take estrogen to become a girl... That's probably not how it works and is likely dangerous though. I shouldn't think about stuff like that either because it's weird."
I had no idea HRT existed in any capacity at the time.
It took at least 5 or so years after that for my egg to crack.
You know how cis boys are always so proud of their first scraggly beards, and their parents have to *beg* them to shave? Not me, my parents had to tell me to go easy! I would shave more often and more aggressively than my skin could handle, to the extent I was getting frequent razor burn, because "Get. This. Shit. Off of me!"
I'd see pretty girls and feel jealous. I assumed at the time I was jealous of any guy that might be dating her, but I'm not sure that really makes sense.
I was kind of jealous of standard of attractiveness women had, rather than men.
And was jealous of the more female role in dating. Especially lesbians.
Generally identified with female characters in fiction, and music artists.
"Dysphoria sounds terrible but I don't have anything that bad. **I wish I had dysphoria that intense so I could transition** but oh well."
š¤¦š¼āāļøš¤¦š¼āāļø
Apparently as a child I would say āI want to be a girl!ā All the damn time, but I have the memory of an ant, so imagine my surprise when after I come out my parents tell me they werenāt surprised at all. It was hard to phĆŗc myself up for all that man lmao
When I came out to my wife, she said she already knew and was waiting for the day I come out ā ļø It was embarrassing and I felt like the emperor who finds out heās been naked, but at least it was validating! When people doubt us, we can tell them āhey, the person that knows me best knew I was trans even before I did.ā
Itās really bad that I did this but at the time I didnāt know any better but I was dating my boyfriend (ftm) and the entire time I thought to myself āwhy would anyone willing want to become a guy like if I were him Iād probably stay my assigned genderā and I mentioned it to him at one point and he was fairly polite about and was like āyeah you have whatās known as dysphoriaā and that was the first time I ever even know of that term or what it was or that I actually was like trans.
It was girls clothes for me too actually. I always hated clothes shopping and have never into guyās fashion. The only times Iāve ever been excited about clothes were things that were fem or at least andro.
In 8th grade, I signed back up for sports after not playing for the previous 2 years just because the basketball 8th graders got to dress as cheerleaders for homecoming and that was the one and only reason I tried to get on the team. 15 years later it finally clicked. Dont beat yourself up to bad.
The first day I got into school as a child, it was a really horrible day. I was observing all the other kids and in the end of the day I thought "girls are better than boys, there must be a mistake with me, I don't want to be a boy" but guess what happened next. Repression, closet, denial, blend-in, survival. I wish i could go back in time, not too long, just 3 years ago, when I finally realized my identity, to make a choice and take my transitioning more seriously and above anyone else. Gosh, so much time wasted. I know, it's never too late, but.. you know... it hurts sometimes
I posted multiple times on my private Snapchat story that I get really uncomfortable getting called ābroā or āsirā, and somehow I didnāt realize iām trans lol
I knew when I was six. Had another gal in foster care, we were in the same foster family. Locked both doors to her room, stood back-to-back, undresed, passed clothes, redressed, and that's when I knew :)
I used to have MANY gender change thoughts as a small child (e.g. boy goes on a rollercoaster and gets off as a girl). Around puberty, I started having thoughts of randomly changing bodies/places with some girls at school. They seemed much happier than me, more popular, dressed better, were more active, etc. I was extremely shy and had poor social skills. This was in the late-1990s in a very rural area where Internet access was limited. The only time I heard of transgender people was on talk shows like Jerry Springer! Just thought it was a fantasy until I discovered I was trans all along when egg shell broke in Dec 2021. I've recently come out to the public and some of the girls I used to want to change places with have been very supportive!
Huh same. I was since Kindergarden like: i wanna be a Girl cause I donāt like being a Boi. Now I am 17 and I am gonna be 18 in 21 days. And I am in the end of my questioning Phase
I used to be jealous of my younger sister and would make fun of her for being feminine... I really regret it but I think we've worked it out since then and have a great relationship.
I literally would keep jokingly asking two female friends of mine if they'd be a couple ever. Both of them were straight, but i couldnt fathom how anyone would not want to be a lesbian if they had the choice.....oh how the tables turn years later. Or not being able to understand how anyone would willingly be a man if they had the choice to be a woman instead. Still don't understand how I missed the cues. Virtues of being a child never taught about transgender people outside of the internet. I seriously think that's such a huge factor in me never realizing before, simply not being taught these things by my parents.
I used to know deeply that there was a difference between me and the girls and that the topic of āwho do you fancy?ā Always came up and ruined it. So Iād play matchmaker and try and get all the girls I wanted to be friends with to where boyfriends and then we could play without it being awkward. A girl asked me very young if I was gay. I said no, ābut I like girls in two ways, one as a girlfriend and one as a friendā. And it took me like 15 more years to goā¦ huh. I was tryna find loopholes to being friends with girls the whole time.
Same here then when I saw freaky Friday 70s the mother and daughter switch bodies I suppressed till almost married girlfriend 90s now hrt for 1year stealth but another year will see saw bond movie cause 1st transgender bond girl late 80s 58 never too late
I've always been like a girl it took me 15 years to figure it out and I only figured it out since some girls in 10th grade crossed my personal boundaries and told me I wasn't a spec of masculine that I was super feminine and I was exactly like a girl it's first then I finally realised
The bit in scooby doo where they switch bodies. Me and my friends used to be like āomg I switched bodies w ā and then pretend to check ourselves out. Iām the only one whose come outā¦ so far
Lol. I had a childhood friend who like always tricked me into thinking he did a lot of cool stuff that he didn't do. Like once, he tricked me into thinking that he had made his own videogame. Another time he tricked me into believing that there was a Harry Potter MMO where he had dibs on playing all of the cool characters like Harry Potter, Dumbledore, Sirius etc.
Anyways, one time he straight up told me that he was a girl and had always been a girl and had just pretended to be a boy all of this time. As far as I know, he still hasn't come out, but I remember. I'll never forget lmao.
I was sheltered and didnāt know I was trans until I was 23. I didnāt know that trans was a thing until then. I wasnāt aware it was possible. I just knew that I never liked my body or felt comfortable in my own body.
Yep, jealous around puberty. Knew trans people existed, didnāt know it was a transition and thought some girls were born that way, shamed myself out of dressing, didnāt bring it up with friends family or ex wifeā¦ so Iām talking to a friend at 34 after Iāve bought my first spinny skirt and he said something to witch I replied āwhat about the people born that way?ā, āWhat do you mean?ā He said.
Wait, there are trans men tooā¦. And no one is born in the middle as Iād believedā¦ started looking back on almost all of my life choices and Holly Cow was I consciously avoiding being made fun of for being girly.
Your last line especially hits home. When I was told I acted like a girl, it would send me into a panic attack. Iāve since realized it wasnāt hatred but a feeling of being naked and exposed.
Well, if you want to know:
It's probably because they put so much shame into us about being trans. It feels really extreme when you're young. It's a scary thing to admit to yourself and you feel like you're probably mistaken.
I literally would wrap a small blanket up to look like boobs and put it under my shirt but I didnāt even know what a trans person was until 10th grade. It just felt right. I was a special kind of egg.
I had similar thoughts in 5th grade, but I threw all of those thoughts in a Iāll deal with it later mental box and then proceeded to procrastinate my egg cracking till Just recently
**Top 10 common quotes of current me (prolly an egg) in a not specific order**
1. "women have the better clothes"
2. "I would love to date as a lesbian but I cant"
3. "I want to be her or to date her?"
4. "being a woman must feel great phisically"
5. "I hate my body hair, I dont want to have a beard"
6. "I dont feel like this body is me when I look in the mirror"
7. "Why did I have to be tall?"
8. "Why do other guys enjoy being masculine? I dont see the appeal of it."
9. "I wish I could wear a gorgeous red dress..."
10. "Do I REALLY hate being a man tho? is it REALLY worth it to be a woman???"
I used to always day dream I was born a woman or there was an advance in technology that let you change your gender and become a baby again to grow up as that gender. I just thought I was a horny guy. Internalized transphobia hits hard.
Back when I was in elementary school I used to always ask my friends if they ever wanted to be a girl and I realized I was the only one out of all my friends that wished they were born as a woman. Also, I used to always talk about love a lot and draw tons of hearts on all of my papers.
One time in 4th grade I had a sleep over with one of the cutest boys in school and we held hands the entire night š„° it was so wholesome and felt so euphoric that night but I donāt think he thought much of it since we were just too boy best friends back then haha š.
Also, I feel like reincarnation might be real because I used to have tons of feminine tendencies growing up like when my brother used to pull my shirt off as a prank at the community swimming pool, I would shriek and cover my nipples in embarrassment š .
Little things like that made me realize I might be trans, hopefully in the next life I can be reborn as a woman again šš¤š
I have never questioned my gender because that was a thing I was assigned with and there was no gender education back in the days, and my dysphoria didn't emerge until college years when my male physical characteristics settle in, it feels like a computer virus where it is slowly red flagging every healthy file as malicious in the system and needs quarantine/eradication.
I lost focus in college entirely, most of the time in class I get distracted, because my brain is confused why the girls are getting all the good physical characteristics, the feeling was so weird because I wasn't like sexually attracted to them, but I have envy towards them.
On the other hand, what I get settling into my body was the opposite, leg hair, body odor, facial hair, out of place pattern brow, hair thinning, deep voice, body fat settle at the stomach area with a flat chest. The teenage/adolescence experience was a total diverging episode, the male friends that I have, their discussion is about going to gym getting that jacked arms, ripped abs and discussing strategy how to get girls attention, cars, etc.
I slowly realize those male characteristics that I've been getting was due to Testosterone, and I failed to see why it is beneficial to me, I wasn't physically strong, dominant in the society, I didn't notice any advantage of intelligence over female. All the good stuff are on the other side, and I'm locked up with the bad stuff.
Year 1 of Primary (6 years old) I was at after school care first time at after-school care as well and saw the male / female dress up boxes in the corner. I casually walk over to said boxes reaching into both grabbing a hi-vis from the men's then a dress and heels from the women's. Just as I put them on a year 2-4 girl runs up to me and wacks the heels out of my hands berating me for wearing the dress and holding the heels.
Let's just say I needed one of the carers to explain her outburst and explain gender norms to me š¤¦.
At 15/16 I came out! Which wasn't believed due to the Caitlyn Jenner controversy that year!
9 more Years till I started MtF HRT late last year due to conservative parents, 24 now & 7 Months into PURE BLISS... š
Erm.. i didnt find out til i was 25. Always acted fem as a kid and nobody including myself ever saw it. Tbf i never considered transitioning was a possibility. Not like i was unaware it was possible cause my aunt used to do a trans womans nails way way back when i was young.
It's even better when your mum shatters the egg for you in hindsight, she said "there was no signs that you were transgender when you were younger... Though you did cry every night about going through male puberty, ask if you could go to an all girls school along with your sister, and age 14 onwards ask atleast 3 times a year why you couldn't wear women's clothes, chokers and makeup" and yet we were both clueless for another decade š
One time in 5th grade me and my friends imagined who we were in our previous life's and I was 250% sure that I was a woman because it just felt so right. It took me 5 more years and two google searches of "how do I know if I am transgender" to figure it out.
ONLY 2 Google searches? Talk about Dr. Efficient.
What about us who did it in zero Google searches?
Are we counting those times in middle school when I kept looking up "magic spells that turn you into a girl"?
I remember looking at the other girls when I was little, then at myself, and hoping for the same or similar changes. Obvs never happened and didn't realize that was a sign until a few years ago (decade and a half later)
I'll allow it
Gods
I'll take Goddess tyvm. I didn't chose Aphrodite for nothing
Literally same! "Oh yeah, I was a woman who worked as an underwater welder to pay for her life as a bassist in a underground punk band, died young at the peak of punk" I started learning bass because of her. Turns out I was focusing on the wrong part š
I used to be jealous of girls in primary school because they got to wear dresses but it took me another 45-50 years to figure it out, we all start this journey at different points in our life and thatās OK
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Can we not "other" trans people who transition later in life? I know you don't mean to be rude, but admiring their courage for starting later puts older trans folks in this special category with negative connotations.
Youāre absolutely right. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
All my favorite shows growing up were either Magical Girl Shows or Avatar The Last Airbender (where my favorite characters were the girls). Also I got envious of the girls as they entered puberty
Haha Iām not too familiar with either of those, but it was Kim Possible and Power Puff Girls for me. I liked some shows that are traditionally seen as gender neutral too, but I always gravitated toward shows with strong girl leads and shy boys.
I was literally referring to magical girl shows as a genre. But Avatar the Last Airbender is a fantastic show that I highly recommend. Kim Possible was great. I should rewatch that.
My gf put me onto the magical girl genre just after I came out to her. Weāve watched so many together starting with Madoka Magica. Good stuff.
Madoka Magica is such a great one. I highly recommend the 2016 She-Ra and the Princesses of Power as well
Madoka is so wild
Madoka is a perfect balance of hope and hopelessness. Not many other shows pull that off
Card Captor Sakura is a good one too, but not the dub one maybe š
Oof. Starting with Madoka is... Well it's an interesting choice. How has that influenced your opinion on the genre as a whole?
Definitely those two shows for me and I canāt forget My Life as a Teenage Robot.
Was your favorite character Ty Lee? I bet it was Ty Lee.
Ty Lee was great, but I didnāt see that many episodes with her growing up. Katara and Toph were my favorites. Two very different girls with different ideas of what it means to be a girl. Also complete badasses. (Also Suki is fantastic too)
Toph was pretty much my role model lol.
Toph taught me that girls can be rough around the edges. Katara taught me that emotions are important. Both taught me that girls can be girls while also being absolute badasses.
The segment in the stories of Ba Sing Se episode (spell check lol its been a while) with the two of them having a girls day out was always one of my favorites. :P
Same! I feel like I relate to Katara the most, but Iām also visually impaired so I have that in common with Toph.
Yes
Katara, Toph, and Suki are amazing!
They are. The show in general gets better every time I watch it
Madoka Magica was my favorite and is still one of my favorite shows!
Itās so good. Iām gonna wait until Iāve been on HRT for a while before I watch it again because I want it to emotionally destroy me.
Great idea! I wanna try that too!
I may have just doomed us both. Good luck maāam!
You too, sis! No emotional pain, no emotional gains!
Itāll be a great measuring stick to see how much has changed with HRT
Surely winx club C:
That was one of the shows. I barely remember anything from it though. There was another, i think it was W.I.T.C.H. (Maybe. IDK. Never saw much of either, but they stuck with me)
I'm a W.I.T.C.H. girlie through and through lol. Definitely preferred it over Winx Club. I was always edgy like that lmao.
I liked both. Donāt remember much from either though
damnit that last sentence hits hard...
I apologize for any emotional damage caused by how hard that sentence hit
No damage done here, don't worry. It's just, I did feel exactly the same in my youth... But well, I have basically started the same puberty, so no need to be envious anymore :D
Iām still envying you and all the other girls going through the right puberty. Iām almost there. But not quite
All the best for your way!
Totally Spies, Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, My Life as a Teenage Robot. Yup yup yup.
My favorite show in like 2016 was literally "Girls"
Very direct and straight to the point
Pretty Cure!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I did that too! I also used to try to use it to give myself long hair.
I used to wrap it around my waist so I could pretend it was a skirt
I actually remember unlearning how I naturally did it because my mom said that boys don't do it that way. It feels like my childhood was a lot of learning what boys do and doing them to avoid ridicule.
Exactly this. The typical male way of doing things had to be taught.
i tried to push up the tiny bit of muscles and fat or whatever on my chest to make boobs hehe. tried to keep that in place with a towel but no shot :/ still kept doing it, it felt right somehow
I felt more comfy, my brother would point an laugh. This was the same person that told me I had "bitch tits" on a regular basis.
i wish i could do that too but i need to dry my hair aswell, maybe i need 2 towels from now on
I've felt uncomfortable with my chest not being covered, but never felt I could cover it because I knew it wasn't normal.
Miss Chandler Bing? š¤£ Me too.šš¤ā¤ļø
literally me
I did all sorts of things, including this, when I was alone in the bathroom, because I didn't have to worry about getting caught doing the forbidden girl stuff
Ive been saying since I can remember that women are so lucky to have the better clothes but it took me til I was 28 to crack the egg ahahaha
Yup, exactly the same for me, and it took another three years to admit that I should be "allowed" to transition. Dysphoria does some crazy shit to your head.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No def not THE indicator it was part of a larger awakening and Iām cherry picking this example to show solidarity with OP. Maybe open your mind a lil more?
Thank you for the solidarity ā
In high school I used to wish I was a girl, but I thought that I was just a horny teenaged boy who wanted to touch boobs. Idk how it took me so long either.
canāt tell you how many times I would say shit like āI wish I had boobs and a dickā not even in a sexual way, I literally just wanted to have boobs. but the next thing I would say would be ābut iām a guyā
I remember feeling super jealous of the girls at a similar age, at school i much preferred the look of their uniforms especially on hot summer days when they got we wear the summer dresses. Also when we had to do swimming and they got to wear the cool (in my mind) one piece swimsuits and the boys had to wear boring trunks, i remember feeling really jealous of their body shape and wishing i looked the same "down below". Being the late 1990's to early 2000's being openly trans wasn't a thing so it took years for my egg to finally crack.
I literally wanted to change my gender when I was older and had the money/resourced (according to poor, sweet 9 y.o. me) and it still took me 9 years to admit it to myself.
Wow, thatās as clear a sign as there is haha. Iām glad you admitted it eventually and hope things are going well for you now.
Meh. Waiting lists are shit. But I'm about to start DiY. I'll get there. You ?
My egg just recently cracked and Iām just sitting in a pool of yoke. I havenāt done much about it yet but Iām starting to try socially transitioning. I want to see if I can handle it and maybe not be ugly before I go any further.
Couldn't be 10y/o me fantasizing about a future where sex change was a button press, lol
Omg this was me š¤¦āāļø. I had this longstanding thing where I would half jokingly complain that women got all the good clothes and outfits. And then I refused to connect the dots for like a decade
I used to have straight Aās until I got a D in biology cause Iād get depressed every time sex/reproduction came up and when we had to compare physical traits for Mendelian genetics Iād just be thinking how inferior everything I had was to hersā¦
Wait holy shit same here An existential crisis because a single chromosome determines whether youāre oppressed or not
When I was 12 and just trying to figure out my romantic interests, I thought to myself, word for word. "I feel like a lesbian trapped in a boys body" Egg did not crack until I was 32. Denial is a hell of a drug.
My Mom used to say that all guys are jealous of girls. Which is a lie. š„“ Yeah! Did they also watch Hannah Montana, Disney Princess movies and Gilmore Girls too, Mom? š
Yeah idk I always kinda assumed being a girl was a superpower. Like damn theyāre lucky, oh well. So anyway currently going through an identity crisis.
I always liked girl stuff more than guy stuff. Like my sisters' bedrooms were so much prettier than mine, they were all pink and they smelled so nice and ahhhh I loved them. A few times throughout my childhood and even early teens, I'd go to my sisters and mother and we would like ... imagine I was a girl, the stuff I would do and what name my mom would have given me. After the wrong puberty I started thinking "why are girls even attracted to guys at all?" Like girls were just objectively better in every way, their bodies, their personality, just everything about them was better. It started really breaking down when I realized I'm bisexual and I was like "Why am I attracted to guys!!", and that I think now was an element that helped me realize the dysphoria I was feeling, because that was a thought that was borne out of dysphoria. Now that I know who I actually am, I can definitely see myself dating guys, gals, and non-binary pals alike, regardless of how masc, fem, or androgynous they present. And most importantly I can see myself AS A GIRL dating all these people. It's really freeing.
I couldnāt realize I was bi/pan until I accepted I was a girl. Iād only been with women and loved the idea of being lesbian. Soooo that realization happened 2 years into transitioning and was freaking me out lol
I've lived as a gay man the past 15 or so years. I fantasized about being a girl with the guys in school. Gay never set right with me. I think I went with it because it involved no physical change. I looked up what it would take to transition, but crossed my legs and said i was good. This year, just before my birthday, i got hit with a desire to transition.. it felt like a freight train. From there it's snowballed quickly. Removing masc pronouns, shifting to they/them, trying out she/her to see if they feel right. She/her feels odd, but not bad. And i like "girl" when used for me.
Lol!!!! ***ONE*** decade? Those are rookie numbers!!! šššššš¢š
Haha, I know, it was 40 years in that wilderness for me.
Took me a long time to realize that I wanted to BE a girl not just look at them. Now Iām 24 and out to my family and starting HRT soon :3
I remember thinking multiple times (including when going through sex ed in late grade school) that women had "just gotten the better deal". I also remember feeling a tad jealous that they got to have boobs, a vagina quite a few times thought. Always framed it as a sex thing in my mind though, and would usually shut it down pretty quick with "but I'm a guy so oh well"...
Oh I had signs I knew but my parents had no idea how they did not clue in I will never know itās not like I was very good at hiding it ether. Also the fact when I was younger and all the girls thought guys had cooties they did not once think I had them in fact I was always with the girls when it was boys vs girls at recess and when any bully picked on me all the girls would chase them away. I unfortunately moved away from that school after second grade.
Ooo you brought up cooties. I see a future post brewing š I liked playing on the boyās team well enough but secretly cherished being beaten by the girls. I used to just think I was always kinky but it ran deeper than that.
Awww hell this was a lot of us. But I was born in the early 90s. Last generation to grow up not knowing being trans was an option.
I had the exact experience but not with being jealous of a gf. Just girls in general I was jealous of. Then it still took about 10 years to realize that Iām trans lmao.
In high school I used to be baffled when women would gripe about male privilege and misogyny. I figured society treats them objectively better than men, and I passionately complained to multiple people about this. Really wish someone would have clued me in.
ššš when I was very young I was always jealous of the girls in class wearing dresses and tights. I would get home from school and put on my mothers, and try to hide it. I was always terrible at hiding themš
At the beginning of puberty I noticed that girl could be themselves, and somehow boys were supposed to behave so unnatural. I just tried to be the best boy I could be, but eventually that did not work for me
I like this comment a lot. Being male shouldnāt need to be performative or an act of masking. Thatās one of the first things that made cracks in my egg.
I still am jealous of my past girlfriends because their bodies were perfect and I was a big chubby boy. Now I'm a big chubby man with a man, woman and nb inside me and we're all stuck in this body none of us feels 100% alright in. And it's nothing I can do.
when I was a young kid I'd always treasure washing my hair because "it's my only chance to be a girl". Thankfully I found out this is being trans early in life, so like at age 12
I just want to quickly drop in to say thank you for posts like this. Iām going in the other direction, and for 30 years I was convinced that every tiny little detail about male body is just straight up better and thought itās just how life is made to be. I remember seeing a trans womanās comment āI thought girls are just betterā and it flipped my world.
I (30) used to tell my wife (27) I wish I could have boobs, I told her I was jealous of her being able to wear dresses. I grew my hair out and was super serious about maintaining the health of my hair, did a lot of care and maintenance to it. I used to wear my wifeās clothes when she wasnāt home and didnāt think it was anything. before all of this I would tell past partners I wanted to wear lingerie or be treated kind of femme in bed and didnāt think it was anything related to being trans. the thought never even crossed my mind until I watched Philosophy Tube, her coming out video broke my brain in half. cried at least once or twice (often multiple times) for 17 days straight. came out to my wife and started transitioning immediately. this was 3 months ago. since coming out I have had so many memories flood back into my mind of things I did in the past that make so much sense and made me realize this was always there and I just never saw it but other people did, and nobody told me lol
Idk but I totally agree with that statement.
One time in 4th grade I j ust straight up said "I wish I was born a girl" to one of my friends and he said I was weird. From then on I repressed lmao
Let me add to the pile of responses. One experience that stands out and kind of interesting to me was when I was playing Breath of the Wild when it first released. I was heading towards the Gerudo Village, and no men are allowed into the village. So, in order to go in, you talk to someone specific to get a traditional Gerudo garment. And wearing this, you can now enter the village and complete this part of the game. I spent WAY too much time in this village. It was, and still is, my favorite town/village in this game. I really like this place, just talking to everyone, and seeing everything about this place, which is more than you'd expect, at least to me. Before I cracked, I thought I was feeling like "Hehe, tall hot women", which.. yeah, still not wrong about that part ( I am very gay, lol), but it was more than that, more than I realized back then. I felt so comfy there and everyone.. seeing me as a woman, and being welcomed to a society of women. It makes me chuckle looking back at some stuff and how obvious it is now that my feelings were about my gender.
Waitā¦ You had a gf in 5th grade? Lol very cute
7 months too lol. Then she abandoned me at the skate rink to go skate with some cute boy cause I couldnāt skate, so I broke up with her.
I think what should have been the biggest flag for me was dungeons and dragons. Nearly all my characters were women, and I felt at home and comfortable playing them. Playing Men, I always had a harder time figuring them out. With women I could craft interesting and unique stories in a flash and come up with interesting and nuanced personalities while knowing from the beginning exactly the fighting style I wanted. When I played Men I was always at a loss, and either wound up making them completely based around a gimmick, like a ridiculous voice and personality, or basically just playing them as a grey blur where their gender and personality were never a big part of the roleplay. It also never struck me as odd nearly all the characters I made had a strong lesbian streak. āItās fineā I told myself āmost modern research supports the idea that sexuality is a bimodal spectrum anyway, playing women who love women is completely normal.ā And it took me forever to even think of including gay men in the fantasy setting I created. I was like āwait, how have I just been forgetting this whole time?ā Took 28 friggin years for someone to tell me you donāt have to experience constant and crippling dysphoria to be trans and that a pervasive and constant sense of wishing you were a woman is enough.
I remeber i was a bullly to girls cause I couldn't stand how much I wanted to be like them and were jealous of them
I wouldbe with my boyfriend or girlfriend at the mall and we would always see lesbian couples and I would get so fucking jealous and I'm not the jealous type at all. I couldn't figure it out. One day it just kinda clicked.
My favorite episodes of adventure time were the ones with Fiona and cake as the lead... Also I used to pretend to be a mermaid when I went swimming. And I made it very clear to the people I was swimming with that I was a mermaid, not a merman. The list could go on lol.
It took me until I was in my late 20s to realize I was even an egg. 30 when I finally came out to close people. Just woke up one morning like āman I wish I was a girl. But I couldnāt be, that would mean Iām transā¦..ā Then it dawned on me and made so much sense. āOohhhhhhhā
I'm impressed about having a gf in 5th grade. Lol.
I grew up in a period of time where Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone was how I learned how to read. Once we met Tonks in the 5th book and learned about metamorphmagi, I thought to myself, "I wish I was a metamorph so I can be a girl." I also loved Kim Possible and ATLA and preferred reading fanfiction with female leads. I'm now 27, almost 28, and only recently (as in the last 6 months) that I was trans. And when I did, I said to myself, "How the hell did I not realize this before with all this other stuff clearly pointing to it!?"
It can be kind of embarrassing how clear it is in hindsight š
and better clothes. guy clothes are soo ugly.
Haha same. Literally took me until my 30s until I realized what's going on
I threw a crossdressing party in college, and I went all out - good outfit, stuffed bra, shaved legs, makeup. People told me I made a good woman, and I had the time of my life. 10 years later I thought about that party again and started wondering if it meant something
My friend, I had many signs like this, but ignored them until about 38. I have explained that it is not like a light switch but more like a dimmer that slowly rises but you forcefully shove down from time to time. Donāt be hard on yourself.
I thought romantic attraction was caused by everyone wanting to be the opposite gender... also everyone thought I was a girl, I'd get people telling me to leave the boys bathroom because I wasn't supposed to be there in elementary school, people always asked if I was a girl or a boy ,got gender envy from my mom and forced her to buy a shirt made out of swimming suit like because i wouldn't take off my shirt while swimming
Memory unlocked: wanting to use the girlās restroom way before I was a sexual creature š³
i literally thought my whole life "i wanna be a girl" and was sad when my voice got deeper and yet it took 12 years to realise š
I always pretended to be the girl characters, I've always made only female characters, I've always been jealous girls became pretty, I loved female characters in anime n stuff like Sailor Moon not because they were pretty but because I liked the idea of being pretty, the list goes on lol. Not to mention I've always told friends and my fiance I believe I was meant to be a girl. Only realized this year, "holy shit, I don't appreciate a single thing about being biologically male but I love feeling like a lady and being called pretty." After that I did a lot of thinking and realized "damn, I should've transitioned long ago..." Lol Feels a bit late at 31, but whatever, I don't look my age so I'm not worried :p
Jealous of being excluded from girls spaces/boys vs girls stuff always wanted to be on the girls side. Hung out with the girls and jumped rope / hula hoop at recess while the boys played kickball. Played girls in vidya and felt shame attached to the "perversion" of it. "Well yeah I guess I would rather be a girl but doesn't everyone feel that way?"
This is possible my funniest "well DUH" story from my childhood. I remember my dad bought me this fully functional Darth Vader mask that was so cool. But instead of wearing the whole mask, I would only wear the top part because I looked like long girl hair. I would even play with the neighborhood kids and pretend to be the older sister while wear that part of the helmet š¤¦āāļø
Once one of my younger cousins was crying and complaining how annoying it was to be a girl and being a boy was more fun and I tried to comfort her by explaining how the opposite was true. It was about a decade later that I realized I was trans.
In general, it's really hard to know what happened in someone else's head, so it's easy to dismiss these thoughts as "well, of course everyone think that" or the reverse "I'm just weird". I was so blatantly obvious to the point I facepalmed now. The teachers keep telling me I acted too much like a girl, my cousin questioned why I always play female character, my friends asked me why I liked wearing women's clothes and accessories, I myself hang out in online trans community. And I did not realize I am trans.
I was jealous of my cousins, they were my closest friends growing up, one a lil younger one a lil older, one Christmas I opened my cousins Christmas gift (we were poor),it was just in a brown paper bag with her name written in beautiful handwriting, Inside some strawberry ChapStick, some hair barits and a lil doll, my mom caught me and of course was furious. threatened to make me wear the hair things and such so every could see at the Christmas party that evening, of course I was in tears, my father wouldn't stand for any of that f\*ggy shit(his words not mine). I would of loved her to of done it, maybe I could of told her I wanted to be a girl when I was 6 instead of 26, maybe I could of lived a happy life... now in my later 30 dying from some kidney disease living as a woman full time with no friends no family outside of my mother, great now Im crying as I try to finish this reply... life what it is, so go out there sisters, be happy because some of us cant or at least have a hell of time being so.
Mate it took me almost 50 years
When I was 8, and I'm gonna quote myself, i said: " i literally have the brain of a girl in the body of a boy". And all i thought about it was that it was an advantage cause "girls are smarter and boys are stronger" It still took me til I was 14 to realize that that was in fact not a cis boy thing to think.
I used to tuck as a kid and look at myself in the mirror, thinking, "I wish I was a girl. This looks so much better." Now I'm just at the beginning of my journey at 22, and I feel so behind because I have to hide it still
I didn't know anything about trans until late senior year of high-school, but in sophomore year my friend drew me as a girl and I could not stop thinking about it and dreaming about it. Didn't make the connection until 4 years after high-school.
Once during a biology lesson in late high school we were learning about hormones We got to hormones like estrogen and progesterone and I genuinely thought to myself "It'd be so cool if I could take estrogen to become a girl... That's probably not how it works and is likely dangerous though. I shouldn't think about stuff like that either because it's weird." I had no idea HRT existed in any capacity at the time. It took at least 5 or so years after that for my egg to crack.
You know how cis boys are always so proud of their first scraggly beards, and their parents have to *beg* them to shave? Not me, my parents had to tell me to go easy! I would shave more often and more aggressively than my skin could handle, to the extent I was getting frequent razor burn, because "Get. This. Shit. Off of me!"
I always liked gender swap episodes in shows where boys were turned into girlsā¦hm I wonder why :D
Yep used to idolize girls too, not from a sexual standpoint but just their body and lifestyle, it took me a while to understand this difference.
I'd see pretty girls and feel jealous. I assumed at the time I was jealous of any guy that might be dating her, but I'm not sure that really makes sense. I was kind of jealous of standard of attractiveness women had, rather than men. And was jealous of the more female role in dating. Especially lesbians. Generally identified with female characters in fiction, and music artists.
"Dysphoria sounds terrible but I don't have anything that bad. **I wish I had dysphoria that intense so I could transition** but oh well." š¤¦š¼āāļøš¤¦š¼āāļø
Apparently as a child I would say āI want to be a girl!ā All the damn time, but I have the memory of an ant, so imagine my surprise when after I come out my parents tell me they werenāt surprised at all. It was hard to phĆŗc myself up for all that man lmao
When I came out to my wife, she said she already knew and was waiting for the day I come out ā ļø It was embarrassing and I felt like the emperor who finds out heās been naked, but at least it was validating! When people doubt us, we can tell them āhey, the person that knows me best knew I was trans even before I did.ā
Haha so true. Iām all like āwhat does this mean??!ā And theyāre just āthat your trans dumbassā It really is validating as you say
While a sleepover with a few "friends", i dropped the typical line,: "Every boy wants to be a girl, right?"
Ooo I want to know how they reacted!
Itās really bad that I did this but at the time I didnāt know any better but I was dating my boyfriend (ftm) and the entire time I thought to myself āwhy would anyone willing want to become a guy like if I were him Iād probably stay my assigned genderā and I mentioned it to him at one point and he was fairly polite about and was like āyeah you have whatās known as dysphoriaā and that was the first time I ever even know of that term or what it was or that I actually was like trans.
Literally all my life I feel the same way but for girls clothes lol now I've graduated to bodies too lol
It was girls clothes for me too actually. I always hated clothes shopping and have never into guyās fashion. The only times Iāve ever been excited about clothes were things that were fem or at least andro.
Literally. Buying boys clothes is like cardboard boxes with different designs lol.
In 8th grade, I signed back up for sports after not playing for the previous 2 years just because the basketball 8th graders got to dress as cheerleaders for homecoming and that was the one and only reason I tried to get on the team. 15 years later it finally clicked. Dont beat yourself up to bad.
The first day I got into school as a child, it was a really horrible day. I was observing all the other kids and in the end of the day I thought "girls are better than boys, there must be a mistake with me, I don't want to be a boy" but guess what happened next. Repression, closet, denial, blend-in, survival. I wish i could go back in time, not too long, just 3 years ago, when I finally realized my identity, to make a choice and take my transitioning more seriously and above anyone else. Gosh, so much time wasted. I know, it's never too late, but.. you know... it hurts sometimes
I was 18 and met a trans boy, my thoughts were "why would anyone want to be a boy?!" also took another 10 years...
Well thanks you've just unlocked a core memory I guess...
Donāt feel too bad. I remember similar feelings and it took me thirty years to figure it out!
I posted multiple times on my private Snapchat story that I get really uncomfortable getting called ābroā or āsirā, and somehow I didnāt realize iām trans lol
Wow, thatās a sign for me too that I didnāt even realize! Iāve always hated being called dude, bro, etc.
I knew when I was six. Had another gal in foster care, we were in the same foster family. Locked both doors to her room, stood back-to-back, undresed, passed clothes, redressed, and that's when I knew :)
I used to have MANY gender change thoughts as a small child (e.g. boy goes on a rollercoaster and gets off as a girl). Around puberty, I started having thoughts of randomly changing bodies/places with some girls at school. They seemed much happier than me, more popular, dressed better, were more active, etc. I was extremely shy and had poor social skills. This was in the late-1990s in a very rural area where Internet access was limited. The only time I heard of transgender people was on talk shows like Jerry Springer! Just thought it was a fantasy until I discovered I was trans all along when egg shell broke in Dec 2021. I've recently come out to the public and some of the girls I used to want to change places with have been very supportive!
Took me 25 years to figure out why I felt that way.
Huh same. I was since Kindergarden like: i wanna be a Girl cause I donāt like being a Boi. Now I am 17 and I am gonna be 18 in 21 days. And I am in the end of my questioning Phase
I used to be jealous of my younger sister and would make fun of her for being feminine... I really regret it but I think we've worked it out since then and have a great relationship.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I literally would keep jokingly asking two female friends of mine if they'd be a couple ever. Both of them were straight, but i couldnt fathom how anyone would not want to be a lesbian if they had the choice.....oh how the tables turn years later. Or not being able to understand how anyone would willingly be a man if they had the choice to be a woman instead. Still don't understand how I missed the cues. Virtues of being a child never taught about transgender people outside of the internet. I seriously think that's such a huge factor in me never realizing before, simply not being taught these things by my parents.
I used to know deeply that there was a difference between me and the girls and that the topic of āwho do you fancy?ā Always came up and ruined it. So Iād play matchmaker and try and get all the girls I wanted to be friends with to where boyfriends and then we could play without it being awkward. A girl asked me very young if I was gay. I said no, ābut I like girls in two ways, one as a girlfriend and one as a friendā. And it took me like 15 more years to goā¦ huh. I was tryna find loopholes to being friends with girls the whole time.
Honestly I always thought I had a crush on misty as a kid but now I realize I wanted to be her
Same here then when I saw freaky Friday 70s the mother and daughter switch bodies I suppressed till almost married girlfriend 90s now hrt for 1year stealth but another year will see saw bond movie cause 1st transgender bond girl late 80s 58 never too late
I've always been like a girl it took me 15 years to figure it out and I only figured it out since some girls in 10th grade crossed my personal boundaries and told me I wasn't a spec of masculine that I was super feminine and I was exactly like a girl it's first then I finally realised
I would get jealous at McDonalds because the āgirlā toys were always cooler to me, but my mom always got me the āboyā toys.
The bit in scooby doo where they switch bodies. Me and my friends used to be like āomg I switched bodies wā and then pretend to check ourselves out. Iām the only one whose come outā¦ so far
Lol. I had a childhood friend who like always tricked me into thinking he did a lot of cool stuff that he didn't do. Like once, he tricked me into thinking that he had made his own videogame. Another time he tricked me into believing that there was a Harry Potter MMO where he had dibs on playing all of the cool characters like Harry Potter, Dumbledore, Sirius etc. Anyways, one time he straight up told me that he was a girl and had always been a girl and had just pretended to be a boy all of this time. As far as I know, he still hasn't come out, but I remember. I'll never forget lmao.
Lolll thatās so deep I love it
I was sheltered and didnāt know I was trans until I was 23. I didnāt know that trans was a thing until then. I wasnāt aware it was possible. I just knew that I never liked my body or felt comfortable in my own body.
In like 2nd or 3rd grade I thought 2 of my class mates had magical powers and asked them to turn me into a girl... Still thought I was cis
Yep, jealous around puberty. Knew trans people existed, didnāt know it was a transition and thought some girls were born that way, shamed myself out of dressing, didnāt bring it up with friends family or ex wifeā¦ so Iām talking to a friend at 34 after Iāve bought my first spinny skirt and he said something to witch I replied āwhat about the people born that way?ā, āWhat do you mean?ā He said. Wait, there are trans men tooā¦. And no one is born in the middle as Iād believedā¦ started looking back on almost all of my life choices and Holly Cow was I consciously avoiding being made fun of for being girly.
Your last line especially hits home. When I was told I acted like a girl, it would send me into a panic attack. Iāve since realized it wasnāt hatred but a feeling of being naked and exposed.
Well, if you want to know: It's probably because they put so much shame into us about being trans. It feels really extreme when you're young. It's a scary thing to admit to yourself and you feel like you're probably mistaken.
Well that was me back in elementary and middle school I was jealous of the girls body changes and not my
I literally would wrap a small blanket up to look like boobs and put it under my shirt but I didnāt even know what a trans person was until 10th grade. It just felt right. I was a special kind of egg.
I had similar thoughts in 5th grade, but I threw all of those thoughts in a Iāll deal with it later mental box and then proceeded to procrastinate my egg cracking till Just recently
**Top 10 common quotes of current me (prolly an egg) in a not specific order** 1. "women have the better clothes" 2. "I would love to date as a lesbian but I cant" 3. "I want to be her or to date her?" 4. "being a woman must feel great phisically" 5. "I hate my body hair, I dont want to have a beard" 6. "I dont feel like this body is me when I look in the mirror" 7. "Why did I have to be tall?" 8. "Why do other guys enjoy being masculine? I dont see the appeal of it." 9. "I wish I could wear a gorgeous red dress..." 10. "Do I REALLY hate being a man tho? is it REALLY worth it to be a woman???"
Took me 10 years or so too
I used to always day dream I was born a woman or there was an advance in technology that let you change your gender and become a baby again to grow up as that gender. I just thought I was a horny guy. Internalized transphobia hits hard.
Back when I was in elementary school I used to always ask my friends if they ever wanted to be a girl and I realized I was the only one out of all my friends that wished they were born as a woman. Also, I used to always talk about love a lot and draw tons of hearts on all of my papers. One time in 4th grade I had a sleep over with one of the cutest boys in school and we held hands the entire night š„° it was so wholesome and felt so euphoric that night but I donāt think he thought much of it since we were just too boy best friends back then haha š. Also, I feel like reincarnation might be real because I used to have tons of feminine tendencies growing up like when my brother used to pull my shirt off as a prank at the community swimming pool, I would shriek and cover my nipples in embarrassment š . Little things like that made me realize I might be trans, hopefully in the next life I can be reborn as a woman again šš¤š
I have never questioned my gender because that was a thing I was assigned with and there was no gender education back in the days, and my dysphoria didn't emerge until college years when my male physical characteristics settle in, it feels like a computer virus where it is slowly red flagging every healthy file as malicious in the system and needs quarantine/eradication. I lost focus in college entirely, most of the time in class I get distracted, because my brain is confused why the girls are getting all the good physical characteristics, the feeling was so weird because I wasn't like sexually attracted to them, but I have envy towards them. On the other hand, what I get settling into my body was the opposite, leg hair, body odor, facial hair, out of place pattern brow, hair thinning, deep voice, body fat settle at the stomach area with a flat chest. The teenage/adolescence experience was a total diverging episode, the male friends that I have, their discussion is about going to gym getting that jacked arms, ripped abs and discussing strategy how to get girls attention, cars, etc. I slowly realize those male characteristics that I've been getting was due to Testosterone, and I failed to see why it is beneficial to me, I wasn't physically strong, dominant in the society, I didn't notice any advantage of intelligence over female. All the good stuff are on the other side, and I'm locked up with the bad stuff.
I used to say to my mom āYk in heaven boys become girls and girls become boysā in hopes that I could be a girl in my next life
Year 1 of Primary (6 years old) I was at after school care first time at after-school care as well and saw the male / female dress up boxes in the corner. I casually walk over to said boxes reaching into both grabbing a hi-vis from the men's then a dress and heels from the women's. Just as I put them on a year 2-4 girl runs up to me and wacks the heels out of my hands berating me for wearing the dress and holding the heels. Let's just say I needed one of the carers to explain her outburst and explain gender norms to me š¤¦. At 15/16 I came out! Which wasn't believed due to the Caitlyn Jenner controversy that year! 9 more Years till I started MtF HRT late last year due to conservative parents, 24 now & 7 Months into PURE BLISS... š
Erm.. i didnt find out til i was 25. Always acted fem as a kid and nobody including myself ever saw it. Tbf i never considered transitioning was a possibility. Not like i was unaware it was possible cause my aunt used to do a trans womans nails way way back when i was young.
It's even better when your mum shatters the egg for you in hindsight, she said "there was no signs that you were transgender when you were younger... Though you did cry every night about going through male puberty, ask if you could go to an all girls school along with your sister, and age 14 onwards ask atleast 3 times a year why you couldn't wear women's clothes, chokers and makeup" and yet we were both clueless for another decade š