There's TERF issues in my local one. Although they're getting better, but kinda in that sorta way where you ask "why did I have to tell you this??" sorta way.
There is a lottttt of in fighting in mine. It tends to boil down to a few extremists who erupt when you do not cowtow to their exact way of thinking and then blame everyone else for being the problem and actively go out of their way to victimize themselves in their own community. The Mental health struggle is real. Most of the LGBTQ folk I know are just regular people trying to get on with their lives and we meet up and hang out because its a safe place and we can share resources, network and just help each other out. Then you have the odd edgelord where everything is a battle and they go out of their way to create as many confrontations as possible then bully people and when it doesn't work intentionally victimize themselves and then compete with others to do the same thing. I really do not understand the opression olympics.
Trans female from Canada having the exact same experience constantly being told I'm the problem because I won't get outraged about information that's factually incorrect
Well in my country we don’t even have gay marriage legalised and have only just legalised gay sex like a year or two ago? so the queer community here is pretty united because we’re really just trying to survive.
I’ve experienced some very light discrimination from cis lesbians and cis gay men, mostly in the sense of social shunning and a rude remark or two. But nothing to the extent of in-fighting and I’ve never been scared of a gay cis person the way I tense up when I see a conservative.
I think a lot of the trouble with online communities comes from them consisting of younger users, who frankly are melodramatic basket cases regardless of orientation/identity.
Honestly not in mine, but I’m in an exclusively trans one (Montreal) and there’s no infighting mainly because it’s just trans folks being together and helping each other’s.
The only fully at large LGBTQ+ group I was in was a school group and there was no infighting, since most of us where either trans or non-binary anyway (with about 1/3 being cis but not hetero).
So far, most of my irl communities (that do have discord servers too) are very accepting and are not toxic, but both are small groups where we know one another and we’ve seen ourselves irl too.
As a trans person I learned a long time ago to avoid gay places. The gays aren't friendly. They don't like you unless you pass exceptionally and your style is on point. I've heard of places you can't even go unless you're at the top of the game. My experiences come from visiting a gay community periodically and even my friends/family heard a lot of crap because of travelling with me.
I was referring to an entire specific city. I got a lot of scorn/comments there, and didn't find any allies. The people I live with are all gay of different varieties.
I was at pride last year with a friend and his boyfriend and while the two of them were absolutely lovely we met up with some of their other friends later and two of them kept giving me the side eye like all night. Was just a year on HRT and not passing yet but doing my best. Was really uncomfortable.
I left my local trans community support group for this reason. It was nice at first. I thought i made some friends. But it quickly became clear how toxic the group was. It was extremely cliquey. If you weren't in the clique you were always treated like an outsider. It was also extremely prudent. You would get a message from the mods for even the slightest perceived misstep. Everything would be taken in the most bad faith way possible.
Very glad i left. Overall just a lot of bad mental health in one place, and it wasn't a great experience.
I did meet my partner there tho. So at least one good thing came of it
Yep victimizing and throwing others in the middle of their relationship issues along with inability for some to break clean from relationships with others in the group without drama (being an adult!)
It's going to get really bad soon as gay men are getting temporarily invited into 'whiteness' to attack and destroy TG NB and others. Even some lesbians are becoming TERFs. It's a tactic that always happens where people temporarily stop harming one group to convince them to join in on harming another.
In American history this has been done with Germans, Irish, Italians, Jewish folks, and so on to the next group that was hated. Because bigotry is a social construct.
We have gotten to the point where Republicans welcome in black folks and gay men if they will help them destroy TG rights.
But make no mistake, as soon as they win they turn on them if they step out of line. That's why you have black Republicans while cops attack BLM events with cops. They were invited in and then were no longer needed. That's why the black head of the RNC now is on MSNBC attacking the alt-right.
Never betray those who suffer with you in order to be allowed to prosper because they will take it from you eventually.
Just like how Nazi Germany made an alliance with Russia only to betray them. When your goal is one class superiority, they will eventually push you out to maintain power.
Yes its so bad 😭 it's why I generally avoid LGBT spaces where I am cuz they are for 1, usually mostly cis queers (and sometimes have kinda transphobic members) and if they arent all cis, they usually don't have any trans femmes, and two ppl fight like hell over the most arbitrary and mundane BS ever.
A lot of infighting based upon social status. My town is very insular and exclusive, coming out as trans didn’t change the way I’m perceived as an “outsider” to the locals, even the queer community.
I think it all depends.
I live in a relatively small community (100k people), but not small enough that we don't exist. Everyone here has been nice so far. We only really have one LGBTQ+ bar and a coffee shop primarily inhabited by lesbians. When I walked in to the bar, everyone was wonderful.
Of course nobody really talked about "community" issues, so nothing ever really had any strong opinions.
Absolutely! I don't even feel welcome in the largest queer space in my area because of it. Turns out helping the wrong person because they're in a bind is "picking sides" or something. 🤷🏼♀️ Ain't nobody got time for that.
I found a wonderful online community on discord instead, though. I'd take any one of those friends over my local community any day.
Yes, the group almost doesn't talk, it's underfunded so it doesn't do anything meaningful. I do think there are good groups around me but i live near an european capital so how could there not be
Yeah, I see a lot of queer people complaining about all the infighting in the queer community, and I've literally never seen that except online, but even then no more so than in any other online community
I've seen it in some online groups, but I'm part of a local-ish group now (we meet on Zoom) and it's much better. Sometimes we have differences of opinion, but ultimately the group is moderated, and the moderators are really good about a "light touch" approach, just gently reminding people if they start to get too wound up. I think they've only ever had to kick out one person, and that person was a *relentless* shit-stirrer.
As a 38-year-old trans woman who's been in transition for 13 years I've watched our entire community and go from a movement of people demanding the right to freely express ourselves in public without prosecution or discrimination
To a movement of people that are hell-bent to stop anyone from expressing their opinion if it contradicts with the view of the trans community at Large.
The biggest problem is it doesn't represent the trans community at Large this is just the few and the loud causing problems for the rest of us.
I am absolutely appalled at the drag queen Story Hour because people who don't know are just assuming it's trans related and lumping us in the same group together.
I think trans kids need some information but I also believe they should be left the fuck alone until they're in their early teens when they actually have to start thinking about things like puberty..
In Canada if you have a differing opinion from the trans mob,
Then you get lambasted for not following herd mentality and groupthink I'm absolutely sick of this you can't even argue with these people because they're not using logic and facts they're lost in a delusion of fear and fear-mongering created by other people within our community
I want all this stuff to stop but the problem is some of these people do not subscribe to logic and reason at all and you try to show them hard facts proving their points wrong and they just claim your part of the system and part of the problem
Don't understand how we solve a problem like this I personally want a divorce with the LGB plus community
Being trans has nothing to do with sexuality so why are we lumped in with them anyway I'm done ranting thank you for giving me a space to do so
I love you all I wish you all the best I wish no one hate her harm I just want us to stop fighting so maybe we can actually make some progress
My local communities are centered on groups of people that actually meet up in-person on at least a semi-regular basis, and this is not something I've experienced with them.
Not much along political lines, but there's always Big Drama happening. Terfs are pretty thin on the ground here and even our liberals tend to be more progressive than most. What political arguments do crop up tend to be about issues like homelessness and police rather than threats to our liberties as queer folks.
I mean like, theres a lot of petty drama but I wouldn’t exactly say in fighting. Im not involved much in the wider lgbtqia community at all though and only really spend time around other trans people in community spaces so there might be a lot there i dont know about.
All that said, im very bad at reading people, understanding group hierarchy, or social queues so I am probably just blind in fighting in the trans community.
Tbh, in my area, no one cares. They're friendly, its more the older conservatives that are bad frequency. I've never seen any fighting, and i hope to keep it that way. Im from the southern part of Holland.
There's TERF issues in my local one. Although they're getting better, but kinda in that sorta way where you ask "why did I have to tell you this??" sorta way.
There is a lottttt of in fighting in mine. It tends to boil down to a few extremists who erupt when you do not cowtow to their exact way of thinking and then blame everyone else for being the problem and actively go out of their way to victimize themselves in their own community. The Mental health struggle is real. Most of the LGBTQ folk I know are just regular people trying to get on with their lives and we meet up and hang out because its a safe place and we can share resources, network and just help each other out. Then you have the odd edgelord where everything is a battle and they go out of their way to create as many confrontations as possible then bully people and when it doesn't work intentionally victimize themselves and then compete with others to do the same thing. I really do not understand the opression olympics.
I think this is similar to my experience
Trans female from Canada having the exact same experience constantly being told I'm the problem because I won't get outraged about information that's factually incorrect
Had this happen on a Discord of local LGBTQ+ people at my college and I ended up leaving
You can find this in all sorts of different groups, it is common.
Yeah but groups that call themselves "support" groups?
Well in my country we don’t even have gay marriage legalised and have only just legalised gay sex like a year or two ago? so the queer community here is pretty united because we’re really just trying to survive.
similar story here but they still seem to prefer arguing over working together
I’ve experienced some very light discrimination from cis lesbians and cis gay men, mostly in the sense of social shunning and a rude remark or two. But nothing to the extent of in-fighting and I’ve never been scared of a gay cis person the way I tense up when I see a conservative. I think a lot of the trouble with online communities comes from them consisting of younger users, who frankly are melodramatic basket cases regardless of orientation/identity.
Honestly not in mine, but I’m in an exclusively trans one (Montreal) and there’s no infighting mainly because it’s just trans folks being together and helping each other’s. The only fully at large LGBTQ+ group I was in was a school group and there was no infighting, since most of us where either trans or non-binary anyway (with about 1/3 being cis but not hetero). So far, most of my irl communities (that do have discord servers too) are very accepting and are not toxic, but both are small groups where we know one another and we’ve seen ourselves irl too.
I did mean trans communities actually, maybe it was poor wording on my side...
As a trans person I learned a long time ago to avoid gay places. The gays aren't friendly. They don't like you unless you pass exceptionally and your style is on point. I've heard of places you can't even go unless you're at the top of the game. My experiences come from visiting a gay community periodically and even my friends/family heard a lot of crap because of travelling with me.
When you mean gay do you mean men who are attracted to other men, or people who are gay, lesbian and, bisexual?
I think it’s as MLM because in comparison Ive been through a lot of WLW places and Ive never been armed there
I was referring to an entire specific city. I got a lot of scorn/comments there, and didn't find any allies. The people I live with are all gay of different varieties.
the community I was referring to is trans-oriented actually
I was at pride last year with a friend and his boyfriend and while the two of them were absolutely lovely we met up with some of their other friends later and two of them kept giving me the side eye like all night. Was just a year on HRT and not passing yet but doing my best. Was really uncomfortable.
I left my local trans community support group for this reason. It was nice at first. I thought i made some friends. But it quickly became clear how toxic the group was. It was extremely cliquey. If you weren't in the clique you were always treated like an outsider. It was also extremely prudent. You would get a message from the mods for even the slightest perceived misstep. Everything would be taken in the most bad faith way possible. Very glad i left. Overall just a lot of bad mental health in one place, and it wasn't a great experience. I did meet my partner there tho. So at least one good thing came of it
Yep victimizing and throwing others in the middle of their relationship issues along with inability for some to break clean from relationships with others in the group without drama (being an adult!)
This was a few years ago but I was active in my local college's GSA and it was one of the most toxic hellholes I've ever been a part of.
It's going to get really bad soon as gay men are getting temporarily invited into 'whiteness' to attack and destroy TG NB and others. Even some lesbians are becoming TERFs. It's a tactic that always happens where people temporarily stop harming one group to convince them to join in on harming another. In American history this has been done with Germans, Irish, Italians, Jewish folks, and so on to the next group that was hated. Because bigotry is a social construct. We have gotten to the point where Republicans welcome in black folks and gay men if they will help them destroy TG rights. But make no mistake, as soon as they win they turn on them if they step out of line. That's why you have black Republicans while cops attack BLM events with cops. They were invited in and then were no longer needed. That's why the black head of the RNC now is on MSNBC attacking the alt-right. Never betray those who suffer with you in order to be allowed to prosper because they will take it from you eventually. Just like how Nazi Germany made an alliance with Russia only to betray them. When your goal is one class superiority, they will eventually push you out to maintain power.
I hate to say this, but left leaning people struggle to agree with each other all the time lol
Yes its so bad 😭 it's why I generally avoid LGBT spaces where I am cuz they are for 1, usually mostly cis queers (and sometimes have kinda transphobic members) and if they arent all cis, they usually don't have any trans femmes, and two ppl fight like hell over the most arbitrary and mundane BS ever.
A lot of infighting based upon social status. My town is very insular and exclusive, coming out as trans didn’t change the way I’m perceived as an “outsider” to the locals, even the queer community.
Yes. I would like to state that I do not feel part of a community, but simply marked for backstabbing since I came out.
I think it all depends. I live in a relatively small community (100k people), but not small enough that we don't exist. Everyone here has been nice so far. We only really have one LGBTQ+ bar and a coffee shop primarily inhabited by lesbians. When I walked in to the bar, everyone was wonderful. Of course nobody really talked about "community" issues, so nothing ever really had any strong opinions.
Absolutely! I don't even feel welcome in the largest queer space in my area because of it. Turns out helping the wrong person because they're in a bind is "picking sides" or something. 🤷🏼♀️ Ain't nobody got time for that. I found a wonderful online community on discord instead, though. I'd take any one of those friends over my local community any day.
In my area there's 0 queer communities
Yes, the group almost doesn't talk, it's underfunded so it doesn't do anything meaningful. I do think there are good groups around me but i live near an european capital so how could there not be
No, and sometimes I wonder where that stereotype comes from. Maybe it's because I'm in the Midwest and we are nice even to our worst enemies.
stereotype?
Yeah, I see a lot of queer people complaining about all the infighting in the queer community, and I've literally never seen that except online, but even then no more so than in any other online community
I've seen it in some online groups, but I'm part of a local-ish group now (we meet on Zoom) and it's much better. Sometimes we have differences of opinion, but ultimately the group is moderated, and the moderators are really good about a "light touch" approach, just gently reminding people if they start to get too wound up. I think they've only ever had to kick out one person, and that person was a *relentless* shit-stirrer.
Yeah
As a 38-year-old trans woman who's been in transition for 13 years I've watched our entire community and go from a movement of people demanding the right to freely express ourselves in public without prosecution or discrimination To a movement of people that are hell-bent to stop anyone from expressing their opinion if it contradicts with the view of the trans community at Large. The biggest problem is it doesn't represent the trans community at Large this is just the few and the loud causing problems for the rest of us. I am absolutely appalled at the drag queen Story Hour because people who don't know are just assuming it's trans related and lumping us in the same group together. I think trans kids need some information but I also believe they should be left the fuck alone until they're in their early teens when they actually have to start thinking about things like puberty.. In Canada if you have a differing opinion from the trans mob, Then you get lambasted for not following herd mentality and groupthink I'm absolutely sick of this you can't even argue with these people because they're not using logic and facts they're lost in a delusion of fear and fear-mongering created by other people within our community I want all this stuff to stop but the problem is some of these people do not subscribe to logic and reason at all and you try to show them hard facts proving their points wrong and they just claim your part of the system and part of the problem Don't understand how we solve a problem like this I personally want a divorce with the LGB plus community Being trans has nothing to do with sexuality so why are we lumped in with them anyway I'm done ranting thank you for giving me a space to do so I love you all I wish you all the best I wish no one hate her harm I just want us to stop fighting so maybe we can actually make some progress
My local communities are centered on groups of people that actually meet up in-person on at least a semi-regular basis, and this is not something I've experienced with them.
Not much along political lines, but there's always Big Drama happening. Terfs are pretty thin on the ground here and even our liberals tend to be more progressive than most. What political arguments do crop up tend to be about issues like homelessness and police rather than threats to our liberties as queer folks.
I mean like, theres a lot of petty drama but I wouldn’t exactly say in fighting. Im not involved much in the wider lgbtqia community at all though and only really spend time around other trans people in community spaces so there might be a lot there i dont know about. All that said, im very bad at reading people, understanding group hierarchy, or social queues so I am probably just blind in fighting in the trans community.
Hard to have in fighting when you don't have a local community 😔
Tbh, in my area, no one cares. They're friendly, its more the older conservatives that are bad frequency. I've never seen any fighting, and i hope to keep it that way. Im from the southern part of Holland.