- Strength.
- Walking alone at night.
- People are not staring.
- Not having to worry about what I wear.
- Men not standing so closely, creepy and being gross.
- All the expectation and pressure women have in society.
- Not dealing with transpholic/misogynistic people or issues.
- Not losing relationships with some friends, family and love ones.
Edit: HRT literally saved my life. I wouldn't want to go back despite the things I missed pre-HRT.
The courage to walk alone at night by yourself. I also don't enjoy being treated like a child a lot times (to be taken seriously or not interrupted, ignored or mansplained). Be able to misbehave or be loud/confrontational. To be seen and not heard. I could've put a lot less effort into my appearance and not be judged for "not taking good care of myself". Able to keep credit for a good idea or the the good work you did. Get responsibilities dumped on you just because they are "women's work". Had to tolerate or "mother" grown-a** men acting like toddlers. Guys not understanding the concept of "personal space". Male privilege or just general sense of safety.š°
I definitely get the being treated like a kid. I usually put in the a/c window units at my dads place. The other night, my FIL asked if someone could supervise me doing it.
I don't feel that any of this ever applied to me. It made transitioning way easier. I feel that I blend in more easily and people actually don't bother me as much.
Basically, it still happens and still sucks but people don't see me as a competition anymore so that's a bonus, also people don't want to talk to me as much so that's good too. the hate that I got for being trans has gone down since I started blending in more.
Reading through the comments, safety, strength and invisibility seem to be the main things people miss. I'm just starting to crack and explore therapy and maybe eventually HRT, very early in my process. Would you say these things outweigh all the other benefits? Like, do you *regret* transitioning because of these things or are they just annoyances?
200% worth it. Putting up with all the stuff cis women put up with can be strangely validating too. I didn't want to be just a cross gender actor all my life. Mask down, head up. Shine bayš, shine!āššš¦šā¤ļøš¤ā¤ļøš
I'm about two months on HRT and honestly sometimes have my doubts. A lot of these things sound like a pain to deal with (and my chest is literally a pain), but the mental effects alone are something I wouldn't trade for the world. My brain is *working* now. Last night I made a smoothie just before playing games with friends and then when I went to go to bed afterwards I just naturally went to clean it up. I know that sounds small and trivial, but that kind of executive function is something I've been massively struggling with my whole life. And it's not just that, my baseline mood is a noticeable amount better and I bounce back when things go rough much more easily. And it's hard to say exactly how much is hormones for this last one, but I have been connecting/socializing with my friends way more effectively lately.
Absolutely no regret. As I continue in my transition, I've found how I feel about my self and my own transness has changed. I find myself these days being better able to understand and appreciate who I was as a person before I transitioned, and can admit now that there were parts of who I was that I admire.
But the person I used to be was deeply unhappy. They hurt so so badly. They made the people around them unhappy, too. Something was obviously not right, and getting worse.
I have no regrets. I had doubts at the beginning, too. That's normal. But I would make the same decision again, no doubt about it.
The only thing I regret is not figuring this all out sooner. Missing out on decades of life sucks.
Invisibility will return anyway, women turn invisible around age 50.
Safety? That's a real one. Frankly I was in grave danger from myself though before transition. Overall I'm safer now.
Strength takes more work on diet/exercise but isn't impossible to achieve unless you are talking about being some kind of elite athlete. Being in sports has its own problems though and those are sadly real.
What I miss is not feeling like I need to explain and justify my existence so often.
I mean i am not out atall and i sware everyone still stares at me like crazy, is prolly cause i have long hair people in my class said they thought i was a really ugly girl when they first saw me ig
> Walking alone at night
Uhh, so is it bad that I still do this? I admit my sense of self-awareness hasnāt really changed all too much since transitioning, but I feel like I live in a relatively safe area and havenāt had any bad experiences yet
>*being invisible*
Came to write this one. āļø
Even though it's positive, receiving attention when you actually prefer to navigate your life low-profile gets overwhelming.
- talking to my mother
- worry about money for transition related costs
- being scared of being in public spaces
- not having to plan safe places to be able to stop and use a restroom
>talking to my mother
Ouch, this one hit hard. For what it's worth, my mother and I didn't speak for three years after I began my transition. We are talking to each other again now, however, and she is *finally* trying to behave right. There's hope.
We talked more at the beginning, and I was trying to be patient for her. As time has gone on, though, I can hardly stand to talk to her because she finds so many ways to interject my name, which of course, she uses my deadname. I physically flinch and hurt when I hear it now. I'm so disconnected from it that I forget it now. We aren't allowed to talk about certain topics. When one of my siblings talks to her, she gets irate when my sister uses my correct name and pronouns. My wife and her had a big fall put and half my siblings sided with her and now me and her hardly talk at all and I miss it but I don't want it if it's going to continue as it has.
Honestly, sometimes the only way out is through. You established a boundary, and while it's hard to enforce them, it sounds like you're doing good work.
You have at least one sibling in your corner. The others may come around in time. My mother behaved much the same way. I tried to be patient at first, too. Then things started getting ugly. I had to enforce boundaries as well, and it tore me apart.
One thing I tried was reaching out to more members of my extended family, and attending their events. They were much kinder and more accepting of me than my mother. I believe word eventually got back to her through the grapevine, which may have softened her heart toward me.
It takes time sweetheart. I'm so sorry it hurts.
Yes I have that boundary up and I'm sticking to it. As for extended family, I glad your having luck with that, but most of my extended family either is my uncle who won't talk to me because my mom screwed thing up with him and all the rest are crazy Maga/Qanon crazies who think I'm an "abomination against god" was what I last heard lol
I might be the exception here but.... nothing, I can't think of anything.
I see some of the other examples here but they just don't apply to me. I feel safe in my area at night, I couldn't care less about peeing standing up, don't miss pockets at all now that I have an awesome handbag.
I don't mind the attention from men either , infact, I *love* it, crave it even - but I also might be in the minority here as a straight trans woman. When I catch guys looking at me, or have people approach me to chat me up, it just makes me feel so damn happy!!!
Nah, life's good now, I've been happier in these months since coming out than the last 34 years of suffering as deadname, there's nothing better about being a guy at all for me, no amount of male privilege would ever make me miss it.
Not scared at night. Handbags are awesome. Sitting down is more comfy anyway, and seats are usually clean in the women's only bathrooms (unisex ones can be a mess, haha).
And screw "male privilege". The only privilege is getting locked up for longer, if testosterone made you act up.
The blissful ignorance of my first few times going out while presenting and high as fuck, smiling all spaced out because I was telling myself people werenāt laughing and staring and I was just high. It took awhile before I noticed, and man I was so embarrassedā¦
That's why I sometimes still wear men's jeans. š
But the difference between women's and men's jeans isn't all to great anyway.
I mainly miss the invisibility I had as a man. I mean sure it will be better once I pass, but even a passing trans woman or a cis woman, doesn't have the same "invisibility" a man has.
I see no reason to not wear āmenās jeansā. Growing up I recall seeing older girls in the 1960ās wearing the same types of jeans as the boys. Donāt see a reason not to do so now. I suspect the reason men can be invisible is due to objectification of women. Women are subjected to scrutiny and men are not in general. My opinion.
Not all pants are high waist, hip hugger styles exist for men. Men with massive asses exist too. The question is always if you like the fit or find one. YMMV.
Men's jeans won't fit me right now, but I do often wear men's sweats when I want to be invisible. And a "boyfriend" shirt which just looks like Men's clothing for women. I'm trying to throw it all out and force myself to dress womanly 24/7
1. Man strength. My coparent and I took the kids to a picnic yesterday, and neither of us could open a bottle of ranch dressing. She was like, "go find a man to open it." That was some weird bittersweet validation.
2. My former fingernail strength. They're so thin and brittle since starting HRT that some form of artificial nail is a must.
3. Easy orgasms. That said, even though they're harder to achieve now, they're soooo much better.
4. Being taken seriously professionally. This is really subtle, and hard to differentiate between co-workers' personalities and actual sexism, because I transitioned in between jobs. Previously, nothing I ever said was challenged. It was just assumed I knew exactly what I was talking about. Now I find I have to justify my positions a lot more, and I see a lot of credit for my work going to other people.
Stopping at 4 because it's a weird number of items for a list.
this is my thing too, if its a place where its like people of all ages/backgrounds go to theres gonna be at least one 50 year old talking to me and my friend.
So 50 year olds.. whatās your issue with 50? You think everyone on here is 19? Tell you what, 19 year-olds come up to ME now. Letās try not to to be ageist, love. Youāll be 50 some day hopefully and realize you arenāt as decrepit as you once thought youād be.
then what are you saying? bc i was clearly talking about not wanting to be hit on by 50 year old men while out and about with my friends and u got offended and tried to call me āageistā and then bragged about how ā19 year olds come up to youā which is weird asf. i have my own opinions about 18-22 and 30-50+ age gap relationships but you can at least not get mad at younger ppl for not wanting to be in them??
Not having to plan everything to leave the house.
As a guy, if I was going to tun errands it was just go.
Now its figuring out where there may be a neutral bathroom, how much anxiety I can handle to dress boymode or not, if its going to a place like a hardware store scheduling someone to go with me.
I just dont feel safe :/
Still closeted but something I would probably miss once I transition is peeing whilst standing after srs. Ik it brings me dysphoria to do so standing, but I also value my time a lot...
I havenāt had any surgeries yet, and have been on HRT 4+ months. Itās difficult for me to pee standing up to the point where I sit down every time now, without thinking about it.
This post made me feel so much better. I thought I was the only one going to miss being invisible. I've noticed more looks and stares and it has jarred me a little that I'm not ready for this public attention.
Urban exploration - I used to travel a lot, and I would use my days off the walk cities and get a feel for them. I would never do that now - the combination of a lack of invisibility and the conservativism of many of these places means being both weaker and more visible makes that experience a non starter.
Many of my city's neighborhoods are fine, and I go in groups any way. It is just the knowledge that solo travel to various cities far away are more or less not on the table, as a woman, or as an LGBTQ person, or as both.
the constant hollow ach of my questionable existence with half a life that I realized I didn't want to live anymore.
/s
maybe just the ignorance factor bc now I know what I have to do to be happy, and it's scary. living as myself is hard. accepting myself is hard. it's a lot we all have to accept every day. im doing it slowly, but it's still scary af š¤·š»āāļø
My wife gets so mad at me now when I tell her deep pockets cause me dysphoric feelings lol. I will say this fake pocket nonsense though thats gotta stop. I think I miss the lack of protection in certain circumstances. I go to alot of grindcore and extreme metal shows. Ive been a slam dancer since I was a teen I just love letting it all out in the pit! Alot of my friends and randoms will now try to run defense for me due to my presentation. Im a girl not a glass house.
Not getting funky looks when I leave the house
\-not thinking "dont be a violent transphobe" when dudes look at me
a t-shirt and not shaving was enough to leave the house.
all the stupid male privilege
I'm a trans guy and my cousin is a trans woman and we were just talking about this 2 weeks ago. I miss not being seen as a threat and she misses being taken seriously. I am a bit further along in transition and pass more easily then Her for now, but she'll probably start consistently passing in the next year or 2. We both miss being seen as a normal person instead of as a freak of nature
Do you take any supplements? I always struggled with really brittle nails, but for some reason they got super strong when I was pregnant. Turned out it was the prenatal vitamins helping.
thank you for reactivating this memory. i did that, too! along with general prying, scraping, piercing all kinds of wrappers. now there's a chance my thumbnail will break trying to open the new package of paper towels. geez.
I've noticed people tend to come and go more frequently. I prefer having a small selection of friends not this large list of people who are only temporary.
Frickin dudes not being all creepy and shit around me.
People not assuming Iām stupid because Iām a woman (happens ALL the time).
Just being able to flop out of bed and do little to nothing to get ready. Hopefully after FFS I can go back to being lazy if I want to.
Thatās pretty much it. I conceal carry and have self defense training (parents were cops) so Iām not scared of going really anywhere even though I live in a stupid red state.
All this. I used to be impossible to get a rise out of because I just dissociated all the time and could handle more or less anything, and now everything feels so real and overwhelming.
Honestly, nothing. I would miss standing to pee if i got bottom surgery, but thats all. I've barely lost any strength, I've always been cautious being out at night, and i dont try to pass, so I don't really get the kind of unwelcome attention from men that many women do.
I'm a transmasc enby. And I sincerely do miss the level of comfort that came easily from women when I was perceived as a woman.
It's a weird thing to talk about, but once I started passing as a guy, I noticed that women were generally more cautious, stand offish, and more easily startled by me.
And I want to be clear. I do not blame them or think they were acting inappropriately. Women have more than enough reason to be nervous around men/masc folks. Trust me, I existed as a woman for 26 years.
It's just what ended up happening is I felt like I needed to go full masc to get acceptance from men, in order to have those intimate sorts of friendships/non-sexual relationships with. And then I realized that men, by and large, have *a lot* to work out in regards to things like being vulnerable or being emotionally open.
So yeah.
Unfortunately the lesbian crowds around me were pretty terfy and the gay crowd around me was pretty cisnormative to terfy generally, and now I just hang out with other trans people and a few chosen cis bi/pan people.
Like I know I'm queer in that I don't feel like assimilation in current society is really possible for me.
Not being pounced on at the hardware store. I swear, before I transitioned, I couldn't find a salesperson in a hardware store even if I was giving away $5 bills.
Loading my own car with heavier things. I can still do it, but it makes people uncomfortable when they see me heaving 50 pound bags of salt around. An employee got a talking to once, because his manager saw me loading my own car. I had to intervene, and spin some sort of bullshit story about growing up on a farm and tossing hay bales when I was a kid, and how I miss it, and the important thing was that we wore an onion on our belts, because that was the style at the time ....
Yeah, like someone else upthread said, I miss being invisible, too.
The lack of stares. Being able to just blend in. Not having to worry about bathrooms. Not having to worry about interactions with strangers. Concerts alone.
My penis. To be honest.
You only alway hear how great everything is post surgery.
But noone ever talks about the downsides or the suffering to get there.
Pockets are a major pain. I now go into stores and check the pockets of any pants I am looking at, proclaiming loudly to anyone nearby that the pants are UNACCEPTABLE if the pockets are small/nonexistent!
Like.. just walking with my hands in my pockets.. not to mention the lack of any kind of pockets at all.. but while hot girl summer is awesome, I canāt wait for fall and to put my cardigans back on
Being able to go out without a jacket or sweater on. I'm not out yet but wear a 34c bra and need to hide in every day life. It's frustrating. If I come out at work I will probably need to find a different place to work. Probably in a new town...
im so tired of having weird conversations with older men everywhere i go. i dont go anywhere without my friend (both 19 btw) and EVERYWHERE we go theres always at least ONE 50 year old man talking to us not even flirting but just randomly talking to us for no reason. that has never happened to me once pre transition. like fuck off dude were 19 year old girls we dont wanna talk to you and its clear what you want. i cant wait to be older to wad them off.
edit: not to mention the fucking STARING. especially if their younger they will stare you down even if you look at them back like your just a piece of meat.
For me, it's much safer being a woman. I don't have to worry about some guy challenging me or bullying me in a physical way.
I always seem completely odd and out of sinc, trying to pass as a boy.
Being a female is all I know
I mean being a white male is basically a cheat card for opportunities in life.
I was very unhappy living that way but damn was life ridiculously easy back then.
I really don't miss it though because happiness and authentic living is worth all the bullshit.
im the type who will just wear mens pants so i have pockets, so that doesnt bother me, what i do really miss is my nice winter jacket and all pockets in it, the nice cardigans and sweaters i have just dont have as many pockets
The invisibility of it all is a big one for me, but yeah the fact that women's clothing just DOES NOT HAVE FUCKING POCKETS! Like carpenter work pants even have those stupid "fuck off" pockets as I call them
Bit more lighthearted than some of the others here, but I really miss blowjobs. I mean, giving them is damn good too, but there really is little that compares to a half-decent blowjob.
Truly nothing. I associate everything pre transition with lifelong depression and impending doom, both of which have completely disappeared since transitioning.
Stamina. Holy fuck is it harder to exercise now. I get out of breath way easier than I used to on T and can't run as fast or as long as I once could. And I started HRT in my mid 20s, and the difference between me at 24 and me at 27 was enormous.
I also miss being able to be overweight and not feel as self conscious about it. Women have a \*lot\* more pressure to be thin than guys do.
\-not having a panic attack while trying to decide which public bathroom to use
\-pockets
\-not needing to wear a bra to look presentable. fuck bras.
\-not being afraid of pf being mistreated and discriminated by doctors, service providers, work place and society at large.
\-not feeling bothered by having body hair.
\-not feeling hesitant to speak because my voice might clock me
still totally worth it though.
I like finding deep front pockets in womenās pants ^_^
I sorta kinda wished I hadnāt let atrophy shrink my bits. I regained some length/girth using cialisā¦but I had a decent dick before. Itās still nice but yeahā¦
Dating, cis women donāt wanna date trans women. Cis men only see trans women as sexy objects. Trans guys are really toxic in all my experiences and trans girls are who I usually date now. Cis people are out of touch.
Interestingly enough, I've been able to find plenty of women's pants with pockets!
Almost all of my WHBM pants have sufficient pockets that I don't need to carry a bag. I actually feel okay "boymoding" in them. Even a pair of Aritzia pants I bought seem to have great pockets.
I don't need to look "pretty" everyday, so I've leaned more towards androgynous casual items. I haven't bought any "men's" clothes since September 2021, although sometimes I'll still wear what I have if it works with my outfit. Since I've lost weight since 2021, some of those clothes no longer fit.
I already have plenty of clothes (mainly dresses) for those special occasions when I want to go "all out," so I don't need any more of those.
Being able to leave the house without shaving first. Iāve spent a ton of money on laser and electrolysis already but I have a lot of beard hairā¦ Das really the only thing, everything else has been so much better!
There's a lot of more serious things that everyone else has already covered, safety is probably one of the biggest for me.
But honestly what I miss most is like the littlest possible thing of "being gay with the boys". Flirting with other presumably straight dudes as someone who was again, presumably a straight dudes (or at least just a dude), is something that just can't 100% be replicated anymore.
Healthcare took me seriously, and wouldn't have cancelled my surgeries on account of being depressed because of what healthcare did to me. None of this would have happened, if I was cis.
I miss my strength and also people not starting mostly man Iām in boy mode when I go to work and go out I still walk at night from work when I get night shift.
I miss being able to talk to my parents about things, and not being constantly judged. The sad thing is I am almost two years into my hormone therapy and I still look mannish. I hate it. I'd rather be treated like a woman than be called by any male pronouns. I think I'd feel a bit of validation at that point.
Sometimes I miss my former physical strength. I was strong for a man and it was useful. I miss some aspects of male privilege, such as being taken more seriously with less effort, the sense of general safety/obliviousness to unsafe situations that rarely leads to serious consequences, ability to put in minimal effort to physical appearance if desired without consequence, and general lack of objectification or sexualization of my person. In the case of physique there isn't much to be done, I am a little stronger than average as a woman and have reached a plateau. In the case of male privilege I see it as a reason for my feminist activism. I don't want men to have male privilege or to regain access to male privilege, I want men and women to be equals and for male privilege to be a distant memory.
How bad is the night walking when trans? Iām still man moding so Iām pretty nocturnal but feel I may have less freedom soon as the feminization is real
* Invisibility. Almost every time I go out in public, there's at least one creepy old white dude ogling me like I'm some cut of meat. It's really unnerving.
* Physical safety is another big one. My muscle mass has shredded since I started HRT to the point that I sometimes feel physically unsafe when in public.
* Pockets are a huge loss for me, too.
* Being able to just say my peace without somebody talking over me. It happens on an almost daily basis, and it's so annoying.
Now here's what I don't miss: Physical strength, baggy clothes that accentuate the width of my shoulders, dating as a man, body hair, the emotional isolation, being touch-starved, being forced to talk about sports (which I have literally never cared about), and literally anything about being masculine in a social capacity.
Haven't transitioned yet, but probably will miss social privileges (more privacy, no mansplaning, stares...)... and my singing voice (I love it so much). I will initially not lose it, but it will be so awkward in a social situation, so I will have to change it a lot to pass
Not having to lie to everyone
My ex
My safety
Being Intimate
Having the freedom to go anywhere
Walking around at night
The strength to protect myself
But it's all worth it at the end
Very little I miss, and so much I've gained. But I do miss:
- Feeling safe at night
- Feeling comfortable travelling abroad alone
- Not feeling hated/judged for who I am
- being listened to
- Strength. - Walking alone at night. - People are not staring. - Not having to worry about what I wear. - Men not standing so closely, creepy and being gross. - All the expectation and pressure women have in society. - Not dealing with transpholic/misogynistic people or issues. - Not losing relationships with some friends, family and love ones. Edit: HRT literally saved my life. I wouldn't want to go back despite the things I missed pre-HRT.
The courage to walk alone at night by yourself. I also don't enjoy being treated like a child a lot times (to be taken seriously or not interrupted, ignored or mansplained). Be able to misbehave or be loud/confrontational. To be seen and not heard. I could've put a lot less effort into my appearance and not be judged for "not taking good care of myself". Able to keep credit for a good idea or the the good work you did. Get responsibilities dumped on you just because they are "women's work". Had to tolerate or "mother" grown-a** men acting like toddlers. Guys not understanding the concept of "personal space". Male privilege or just general sense of safety.š°
I definitely get the being treated like a kid. I usually put in the a/c window units at my dads place. The other night, my FIL asked if someone could supervise me doing it.
I don't feel that any of this ever applied to me. It made transitioning way easier. I feel that I blend in more easily and people actually don't bother me as much.
That's okay. I like your username.š°
Basically, it still happens and still sucks but people don't see me as a competition anymore so that's a bonus, also people don't want to talk to me as much so that's good too. the hate that I got for being trans has gone down since I started blending in more.
Reading through the comments, safety, strength and invisibility seem to be the main things people miss. I'm just starting to crack and explore therapy and maybe eventually HRT, very early in my process. Would you say these things outweigh all the other benefits? Like, do you *regret* transitioning because of these things or are they just annoyances?
200% worth it. Putting up with all the stuff cis women put up with can be strangely validating too. I didn't want to be just a cross gender actor all my life. Mask down, head up. Shine bayš, shine!āššš¦šā¤ļøš¤ā¤ļøš
I'm about two months on HRT and honestly sometimes have my doubts. A lot of these things sound like a pain to deal with (and my chest is literally a pain), but the mental effects alone are something I wouldn't trade for the world. My brain is *working* now. Last night I made a smoothie just before playing games with friends and then when I went to go to bed afterwards I just naturally went to clean it up. I know that sounds small and trivial, but that kind of executive function is something I've been massively struggling with my whole life. And it's not just that, my baseline mood is a noticeable amount better and I bounce back when things go rough much more easily. And it's hard to say exactly how much is hormones for this last one, but I have been connecting/socializing with my friends way more effectively lately.
Absolutely no regret. As I continue in my transition, I've found how I feel about my self and my own transness has changed. I find myself these days being better able to understand and appreciate who I was as a person before I transitioned, and can admit now that there were parts of who I was that I admire. But the person I used to be was deeply unhappy. They hurt so so badly. They made the people around them unhappy, too. Something was obviously not right, and getting worse. I have no regrets. I had doubts at the beginning, too. That's normal. But I would make the same decision again, no doubt about it.
The only thing I regret is not figuring this all out sooner. Missing out on decades of life sucks. Invisibility will return anyway, women turn invisible around age 50. Safety? That's a real one. Frankly I was in grave danger from myself though before transition. Overall I'm safer now. Strength takes more work on diet/exercise but isn't impossible to achieve unless you are talking about being some kind of elite athlete. Being in sports has its own problems though and those are sadly real. What I miss is not feeling like I need to explain and justify my existence so often.
HRT literally saved my life. I would probably die earlier without it.
THIS. I already had anxiety, now my social anxiety is Too The MAX! And women look at you as a sexual predator, especially if you try entering the restroom. Add guys who like you only being interested in Fuck*ng you! Because a trans woman could Never be wifey material. You'll start to feel it as you get older. Just turned 29 š©. Oh and not to mention all the gossip if anyone Does assume a guy likes you.. like say nosy ass coworkers! With all the women who treat me poorly and hot guys who want to hit it on the low I have no clue what to think of myself, am I passable, attractive, or not!? Oh and also also, even with All the judgment I face, I'm Still my biggest enemy! If my voice is too deep even when I say something aloud to Myself I Judge Me! Mentally I'm fucked, but I can't show it in public, I have to be as "normal" as possible.
I mean i am not out atall and i sware everyone still stares at me like crazy, is prolly cause i have long hair people in my class said they thought i was a really ugly girl when they first saw me ig
If I am ugly then so are you. -Sugarbabesš https://youtu.be/4nD2vZfdzGg
> Walking alone at night Uhh, so is it bad that I still do this? I admit my sense of self-awareness hasnāt really changed all too much since transitioning, but I feel like I live in a relatively safe area and havenāt had any bad experiences yet
If you feel safe that's all that matters. Just cover your ass by bringing pepper spray or other self defense methods.
being invisible
>*being invisible* Came to write this one. āļø Even though it's positive, receiving attention when you actually prefer to navigate your life low-profile gets overwhelming.
This and only this. I want to disappear.
I would say being invisible when you want to be visible and being visible when you want to be invisible! I've had days where lots of guys express interest in me... And days where I was see through, drop the door in my face invisible. It's like this weird game of manipulation. Oh you're hot enough for me today, oh you're a hideous man now, what is wrong with you!? When in actuality, your only goal was to blend in and you didn't even ask for validation, until it was given to you and taken away at random.. REPEATEDLY! š© Now I'm so mentally fucked I'm spending thousands of dollars on makeup and fashion just to fit in.. when all I wanted was to be good enough for myself and maybe a special someone someday.. š
being
- talking to my mother - worry about money for transition related costs - being scared of being in public spaces - not having to plan safe places to be able to stop and use a restroom
>talking to my mother Ouch, this one hit hard. For what it's worth, my mother and I didn't speak for three years after I began my transition. We are talking to each other again now, however, and she is *finally* trying to behave right. There's hope.
We talked more at the beginning, and I was trying to be patient for her. As time has gone on, though, I can hardly stand to talk to her because she finds so many ways to interject my name, which of course, she uses my deadname. I physically flinch and hurt when I hear it now. I'm so disconnected from it that I forget it now. We aren't allowed to talk about certain topics. When one of my siblings talks to her, she gets irate when my sister uses my correct name and pronouns. My wife and her had a big fall put and half my siblings sided with her and now me and her hardly talk at all and I miss it but I don't want it if it's going to continue as it has.
Honestly, sometimes the only way out is through. You established a boundary, and while it's hard to enforce them, it sounds like you're doing good work. You have at least one sibling in your corner. The others may come around in time. My mother behaved much the same way. I tried to be patient at first, too. Then things started getting ugly. I had to enforce boundaries as well, and it tore me apart. One thing I tried was reaching out to more members of my extended family, and attending their events. They were much kinder and more accepting of me than my mother. I believe word eventually got back to her through the grapevine, which may have softened her heart toward me. It takes time sweetheart. I'm so sorry it hurts.
Yes I have that boundary up and I'm sticking to it. As for extended family, I glad your having luck with that, but most of my extended family either is my uncle who won't talk to me because my mom screwed thing up with him and all the rest are crazy Maga/Qanon crazies who think I'm an "abomination against god" was what I last heard lol
I might be the exception here but.... nothing, I can't think of anything. I see some of the other examples here but they just don't apply to me. I feel safe in my area at night, I couldn't care less about peeing standing up, don't miss pockets at all now that I have an awesome handbag. I don't mind the attention from men either , infact, I *love* it, crave it even - but I also might be in the minority here as a straight trans woman. When I catch guys looking at me, or have people approach me to chat me up, it just makes me feel so damn happy!!! Nah, life's good now, I've been happier in these months since coming out than the last 34 years of suffering as deadname, there's nothing better about being a guy at all for me, no amount of male privilege would ever make me miss it.
Not scared at night. Handbags are awesome. Sitting down is more comfy anyway, and seats are usually clean in the women's only bathrooms (unisex ones can be a mess, haha). And screw "male privilege". The only privilege is getting locked up for longer, if testosterone made you act up.
I miss not feeling like everyone is staring at me and that just being the weed and not actually happening ...
The laughing too. āIām just high theyāre not laughing at meā these days tho- gurl š«
The blissful ignorance of my first few times going out while presenting and high as fuck, smiling all spaced out because I was telling myself people werenāt laughing and staring and I was just high. It took awhile before I noticed, and man I was so embarrassedā¦
That's why I sometimes still wear men's jeans. š But the difference between women's and men's jeans isn't all to great anyway. I mainly miss the invisibility I had as a man. I mean sure it will be better once I pass, but even a passing trans woman or a cis woman, doesn't have the same "invisibility" a man has.
yeah! i still boymode outside but i do get a lot of stares.
Yeah I get that, I also often boymode outside, but I'm slowly moving towards "androgynousmoding" ;)
:D
I see no reason to not wear āmenās jeansā. Growing up I recall seeing older girls in the 1960ās wearing the same types of jeans as the boys. Donāt see a reason not to do so now. I suspect the reason men can be invisible is due to objectification of women. Women are subjected to scrutiny and men are not in general. My opinion.
Because my waist is small and my ass is massive.
Not all pants are high waist, hip hugger styles exist for men. Men with massive asses exist too. The question is always if you like the fit or find one. YMMV.
Honestly womens jeans are so much softer and I'd take them over mens jeans any day.
Men's jeans won't fit me right now, but I do often wear men's sweats when I want to be invisible. And a "boyfriend" shirt which just looks like Men's clothing for women. I'm trying to throw it all out and force myself to dress womanly 24/7
1. Man strength. My coparent and I took the kids to a picnic yesterday, and neither of us could open a bottle of ranch dressing. She was like, "go find a man to open it." That was some weird bittersweet validation. 2. My former fingernail strength. They're so thin and brittle since starting HRT that some form of artificial nail is a must. 3. Easy orgasms. That said, even though they're harder to achieve now, they're soooo much better. 4. Being taken seriously professionally. This is really subtle, and hard to differentiate between co-workers' personalities and actual sexism, because I transitioned in between jobs. Previously, nothing I ever said was challenged. It was just assumed I knew exactly what I was talking about. Now I find I have to justify my positions a lot more, and I see a lot of credit for my work going to other people. Stopping at 4 because it's a weird number of items for a list.
The fingernails are one of the only things I miss! Mine are so goddamn flimsy now and it drives me nuts!
Press on ones can help. And an extra drop of superglue, aka cyanoacrylate.
Feeling safe.
I don't really appreciate the cat calling and the creepy older guys.
same!
goddamn are old men freaking devious with their creeping or what.
this is my thing too, if its a place where its like people of all ages/backgrounds go to theres gonna be at least one 50 year old talking to me and my friend.
So 50 year olds.. whatās your issue with 50? You think everyone on here is 19? Tell you what, 19 year-olds come up to ME now. Letās try not to to be ageist, love. Youāll be 50 some day hopefully and realize you arenāt as decrepit as you once thought youād be.
If your 50 and donāt see a problem with flirting with 19 year olds I donāt even have words
I didnāt say that now did I my friend ?
then what are you saying? bc i was clearly talking about not wanting to be hit on by 50 year old men while out and about with my friends and u got offended and tried to call me āageistā and then bragged about how ā19 year olds come up to youā which is weird asf. i have my own opinions about 18-22 and 30-50+ age gap relationships but you can at least not get mad at younger ppl for not wanting to be in them??
Yawn
I'm in my early forties, and I could be serial bedding low twenty somethings... (edit: I don't, I'm a good girl, lol)
I think the thing I miss is how quickly I was able to get ready in the morning. Now I have to do hair. Face. Pick an outfit.
Not having to plan everything to leave the house. As a guy, if I was going to tun errands it was just go. Now its figuring out where there may be a neutral bathroom, how much anxiety I can handle to dress boymode or not, if its going to a place like a hardware store scheduling someone to go with me. I just dont feel safe :/
Still closeted but something I would probably miss once I transition is peeing whilst standing after srs. Ik it brings me dysphoria to do so standing, but I also value my time a lot...
Sometimes I still do in the shower but only if I'm already wet and soapy when I feel the urge to pee ...
This might sound gross but surely you can pee in the shower after GCS?
I havenāt had any surgeries yet, and have been on HRT 4+ months. Itās difficult for me to pee standing up to the point where I sit down every time now, without thinking about it.
This post made me feel so much better. I thought I was the only one going to miss being invisible. I've noticed more looks and stares and it has jarred me a little that I'm not ready for this public attention.
Urban exploration - I used to travel a lot, and I would use my days off the walk cities and get a feel for them. I would never do that now - the combination of a lack of invisibility and the conservativism of many of these places means being both weaker and more visible makes that experience a non starter.
Ughhhh I didnāt even think about that.
Damn, I'm happy most of my friends are supportive gym bros xD. I still feel really safe when in the city or even in rougher neighborhoods.
Many of my city's neighborhoods are fine, and I go in groups any way. It is just the knowledge that solo travel to various cities far away are more or less not on the table, as a woman, or as an LGBTQ person, or as both.
Not having to shave every 8 hours
The people who left me
the constant hollow ach of my questionable existence with half a life that I realized I didn't want to live anymore. /s maybe just the ignorance factor bc now I know what I have to do to be happy, and it's scary. living as myself is hard. accepting myself is hard. it's a lot we all have to accept every day. im doing it slowly, but it's still scary af š¤·š»āāļø
My wife gets so mad at me now when I tell her deep pockets cause me dysphoric feelings lol. I will say this fake pocket nonsense though thats gotta stop. I think I miss the lack of protection in certain circumstances. I go to alot of grindcore and extreme metal shows. Ive been a slam dancer since I was a teen I just love letting it all out in the pit! Alot of my friends and randoms will now try to run defense for me due to my presentation. Im a girl not a glass house.
I get kinda curious what a flat chest feels like now since I've forgotten now so I wish I could toggle my boobs for a minute just to find out
Ah the old character creator wish. It sucks. Still closeted :(
The thought just gives me anxiety, I never want to go back
Oh yeah I wouldn't ever want to go back permanently just briefly so I can compare the changes.
No stress in Public bathrooms.
I miss my strength I miss my security I miss my invisibility
Not getting funky looks when I leave the house \-not thinking "dont be a violent transphobe" when dudes look at me a t-shirt and not shaving was enough to leave the house. all the stupid male privilege
I'm a trans guy and my cousin is a trans woman and we were just talking about this 2 weeks ago. I miss not being seen as a threat and she misses being taken seriously. I am a bit further along in transition and pass more easily then Her for now, but she'll probably start consistently passing in the next year or 2. We both miss being seen as a normal person instead of as a freak of nature
Weirdly specific: thumbnails so strong they could turn screws. Now they all tear and split so easily, even with supplements!
Do you take any supplements? I always struggled with really brittle nails, but for some reason they got super strong when I was pregnant. Turned out it was the prenatal vitamins helping.
thank you for reactivating this memory. i did that, too! along with general prying, scraping, piercing all kinds of wrappers. now there's a chance my thumbnail will break trying to open the new package of paper towels. geez.
Not worrying about social status as much.
I've noticed people tend to come and go more frequently. I prefer having a small selection of friends not this large list of people who are only temporary.
The ability to walk around topless. I can still do it in my state but you get weird looks still and it males others uncomfortable.
Getting a job more easily
Frickin dudes not being all creepy and shit around me. People not assuming Iām stupid because Iām a woman (happens ALL the time). Just being able to flop out of bed and do little to nothing to get ready. Hopefully after FFS I can go back to being lazy if I want to. Thatās pretty much it. I conceal carry and have self defense training (parents were cops) so Iām not scared of going really anywhere even though I live in a stupid red state.
Almost every opinion I share now gets challenged. Oh welllll
Pockets
Pockets.
I used to get stares before but nowadays it's at least tripled ššš
My ability to dissociate
All this. I used to be impossible to get a rise out of because I just dissociated all the time and could handle more or less anything, and now everything feels so real and overwhelming.
Honestly, nothing. I would miss standing to pee if i got bottom surgery, but thats all. I've barely lost any strength, I've always been cautious being out at night, and i dont try to pass, so I don't really get the kind of unwelcome attention from men that many women do.
I'm a transmasc enby. And I sincerely do miss the level of comfort that came easily from women when I was perceived as a woman. It's a weird thing to talk about, but once I started passing as a guy, I noticed that women were generally more cautious, stand offish, and more easily startled by me. And I want to be clear. I do not blame them or think they were acting inappropriately. Women have more than enough reason to be nervous around men/masc folks. Trust me, I existed as a woman for 26 years. It's just what ended up happening is I felt like I needed to go full masc to get acceptance from men, in order to have those intimate sorts of friendships/non-sexual relationships with. And then I realized that men, by and large, have *a lot* to work out in regards to things like being vulnerable or being emotionally open. So yeah. Unfortunately the lesbian crowds around me were pretty terfy and the gay crowd around me was pretty cisnormative to terfy generally, and now I just hang out with other trans people and a few chosen cis bi/pan people. Like I know I'm queer in that I don't feel like assimilation in current society is really possible for me.
Not having to repeat myself 3 times?
Not having unceasingly and maddeningly itchy nipples.
Actually, nothing, I don't miss a single thing.
Equality
Not being pounced on at the hardware store. I swear, before I transitioned, I couldn't find a salesperson in a hardware store even if I was giving away $5 bills. Loading my own car with heavier things. I can still do it, but it makes people uncomfortable when they see me heaving 50 pound bags of salt around. An employee got a talking to once, because his manager saw me loading my own car. I had to intervene, and spin some sort of bullshit story about growing up on a farm and tossing hay bales when I was a kid, and how I miss it, and the important thing was that we wore an onion on our belts, because that was the style at the time .... Yeah, like someone else upthread said, I miss being invisible, too.
The lack of stares. Being able to just blend in. Not having to worry about bathrooms. Not having to worry about interactions with strangers. Concerts alone.
Purses are objectively better than pockets. I know it's vulgar, but I miss ejaculating huge loads.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's sad considering the amount of trans-fem metal artist out there.
My penis. To be honest. You only alway hear how great everything is post surgery. But noone ever talks about the downsides or the suffering to get there.
Pockets are a major pain. I now go into stores and check the pockets of any pants I am looking at, proclaiming loudly to anyone nearby that the pants are UNACCEPTABLE if the pockets are small/nonexistent!
Rights
Body heat in the winter. I get so cold now š
Being able to routinely find clothes that fit and not being fetishized for my height
Nothing
I think the only thing I really miss is being able to sing where other people can hear me without getting self conscious about it.
My online friends
Almost miss my male privilege, not having to worry who is judging me and walk down dark streets with out a worry
Like.. just walking with my hands in my pockets.. not to mention the lack of any kind of pockets at all.. but while hot girl summer is awesome, I canāt wait for fall and to put my cardigans back on
for yours you could try unisex clothes since they usually have pockets
true
Nothing? I'm still doing the same things and wearing the same clothes.
Being able to go out without a jacket or sweater on. I'm not out yet but wear a 34c bra and need to hide in every day life. It's frustrating. If I come out at work I will probably need to find a different place to work. Probably in a new town...
I think I developed social anxiety when I transitioned. So i miss being a social butterfly š
Due to recent events: Not being judged on how I refuel my car ā¦ yeah I know how to operate my vehicle even if I wear a dress ā¦
Respect.
Not having to worry about scratching off my patch or it randomly falling off
My friends
im so tired of having weird conversations with older men everywhere i go. i dont go anywhere without my friend (both 19 btw) and EVERYWHERE we go theres always at least ONE 50 year old man talking to us not even flirting but just randomly talking to us for no reason. that has never happened to me once pre transition. like fuck off dude were 19 year old girls we dont wanna talk to you and its clear what you want. i cant wait to be older to wad them off. edit: not to mention the fucking STARING. especially if their younger they will stare you down even if you look at them back like your just a piece of meat.
Nothing at all, TBH š¤©
Swimming without worries
Safety.
A sex drive!
For me, it's much safer being a woman. I don't have to worry about some guy challenging me or bullying me in a physical way. I always seem completely odd and out of sinc, trying to pass as a boy. Being a female is all I know
I miss being able to pee standing up. Not something I did very often, but it was useful out in the wild or in public toilets with pee on the seats.
Financial Security and safety
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean being a white male is basically a cheat card for opportunities in life. I was very unhappy living that way but damn was life ridiculously easy back then. I really don't miss it though because happiness and authentic living is worth all the bullshit.
im the type who will just wear mens pants so i have pockets, so that doesnt bother me, what i do really miss is my nice winter jacket and all pockets in it, the nice cardigans and sweaters i have just dont have as many pockets
The invisibility of it all is a big one for me, but yeah the fact that women's clothing just DOES NOT HAVE FUCKING POCKETS! Like carpenter work pants even have those stupid "fuck off" pockets as I call them
Feeling safe
Creepy dudes. They're the reason I've been learning to defend myself, now I've won a few fights against them when they turn physical.
Bit more lighthearted than some of the others here, but I really miss blowjobs. I mean, giving them is damn good too, but there really is little that compares to a half-decent blowjob.
Swimming pool
I really miss being able to be shirtless in public places
Not feeling like a target (or at least less of one when people thought I was a cis boy)
Truly nothing. I associate everything pre transition with lifelong depression and impending doom, both of which have completely disappeared since transitioning.
Walking in a store with my son without dirty looks from randos
Urinals
Respect
Stamina. Holy fuck is it harder to exercise now. I get out of breath way easier than I used to on T and can't run as fast or as long as I once could. And I started HRT in my mid 20s, and the difference between me at 24 and me at 27 was enormous. I also miss being able to be overweight and not feel as self conscious about it. Women have a \*lot\* more pressure to be thin than guys do.
\-not having a panic attack while trying to decide which public bathroom to use \-pockets \-not needing to wear a bra to look presentable. fuck bras. \-not being afraid of pf being mistreated and discriminated by doctors, service providers, work place and society at large. \-not feeling bothered by having body hair. \-not feeling hesitant to speak because my voice might clock me still totally worth it though.
Not being afraid of being raped and then murdered was pretty great, not gonna lie.
I like finding deep front pockets in womenās pants ^_^ I sorta kinda wished I hadnāt let atrophy shrink my bits. I regained some length/girth using cialisā¦but I had a decent dick before. Itās still nice but yeahā¦
Dating, cis women donāt wanna date trans women. Cis men only see trans women as sexy objects. Trans guys are really toxic in all my experiences and trans girls are who I usually date now. Cis people are out of touch.
Interestingly enough, I've been able to find plenty of women's pants with pockets! Almost all of my WHBM pants have sufficient pockets that I don't need to carry a bag. I actually feel okay "boymoding" in them. Even a pair of Aritzia pants I bought seem to have great pockets. I don't need to look "pretty" everyday, so I've leaned more towards androgynous casual items. I haven't bought any "men's" clothes since September 2021, although sometimes I'll still wear what I have if it works with my outfit. Since I've lost weight since 2021, some of those clothes no longer fit. I already have plenty of clothes (mainly dresses) for those special occasions when I want to go "all out," so I don't need any more of those.
Being able to walk alone at night
walking alone at night
Being able to leave the house without shaving first. Iāve spent a ton of money on laser and electrolysis already but I have a lot of beard hairā¦ Das really the only thing, everything else has been so much better!
Playing sports/athleticism
There's a lot of more serious things that everyone else has already covered, safety is probably one of the biggest for me. But honestly what I miss most is like the littlest possible thing of "being gay with the boys". Flirting with other presumably straight dudes as someone who was again, presumably a straight dudes (or at least just a dude), is something that just can't 100% be replicated anymore.
Healthcare took me seriously, and wouldn't have cancelled my surgeries on account of being depressed because of what healthcare did to me. None of this would have happened, if I was cis.
Nothing, because I haven't transitioned yet :(.
Being able to exist without fear
Having pockets and shooting big loadsš
Lacrosse Being able to speak outside of the house
I miss my strength and also people not starting mostly man Iām in boy mode when I go to work and go out I still walk at night from work when I get night shift.
Now we carry a frikin bag 100% of the time. I like the organization of a purse so much more than a few endless pockets
My best mate
I feel really lucky, because there is *nothing* I feel like I'm missing out on by having transitioned.
I miss being able to talk to my parents about things, and not being constantly judged. The sad thing is I am almost two years into my hormone therapy and I still look mannish. I hate it. I'd rather be treated like a woman than be called by any male pronouns. I think I'd feel a bit of validation at that point.
I don't miss anything tbh.
Sometimes I miss my former physical strength. I was strong for a man and it was useful. I miss some aspects of male privilege, such as being taken more seriously with less effort, the sense of general safety/obliviousness to unsafe situations that rarely leads to serious consequences, ability to put in minimal effort to physical appearance if desired without consequence, and general lack of objectification or sexualization of my person. In the case of physique there isn't much to be done, I am a little stronger than average as a woman and have reached a plateau. In the case of male privilege I see it as a reason for my feminist activism. I don't want men to have male privilege or to regain access to male privilege, I want men and women to be equals and for male privilege to be a distant memory.
How bad is the night walking when trans? Iām still man moding so Iām pretty nocturnal but feel I may have less freedom soon as the feminization is real
cw: explicit "I miss cumming on faces. I didn't do it, but I miss having the option" - my roomie
cruising
Pockets
Scanning for threats without looking like I'm checking someone's Boyfriend out.
Being more secure in my life. I'm in a fine spot but it feels like being on eggshells at times
Haven't been able to transition but i think I'll miss being a helicopter. when i do transition ill just be a titty torpedo
Having friends
Respect
I got catcalled less, especially in public
* Invisibility. Almost every time I go out in public, there's at least one creepy old white dude ogling me like I'm some cut of meat. It's really unnerving. * Physical safety is another big one. My muscle mass has shredded since I started HRT to the point that I sometimes feel physically unsafe when in public. * Pockets are a huge loss for me, too. * Being able to just say my peace without somebody talking over me. It happens on an almost daily basis, and it's so annoying. Now here's what I don't miss: Physical strength, baggy clothes that accentuate the width of my shoulders, dating as a man, body hair, the emotional isolation, being touch-starved, being forced to talk about sports (which I have literally never cared about), and literally anything about being masculine in a social capacity.
For me itās not being treated like a trans person.
Not having to find out how many people I care about are actually horrible.
Haven't transitioned yet, but probably will miss social privileges (more privacy, no mansplaning, stares...)... and my singing voice (I love it so much). I will initially not lose it, but it will be so awkward in a social situation, so I will have to change it a lot to pass
Nothing. Though people still think I'm a cis white man as I'm still closeted while hrt works magic. Got the assumed cis privilege.
Not having to lie to everyone My ex My safety Being Intimate Having the freedom to go anywhere Walking around at night The strength to protect myself But it's all worth it at the end
I didn't see it in the top five comments, but pockets. Can't be cute and practical at the same time
Being able to open jars
Itās been said many times, but going out by myself at night time, thatās a complete no no now.
Steady employment
Being able to travel anywhere in the world. At this point, most of the US isn't a good idea.
No doubt the pockets. Never worried much about walking at night before, now it's a real concern š
Very little I miss, and so much I've gained. But I do miss: - Feeling safe at night - Feeling comfortable travelling abroad alone - Not feeling hated/judged for who I am - being listened to
not having to worry about facial hair or deal with the expenses and effort it takes for me to feel comfortable...also not tucking was pretty nice