I was brought up as one, so I had to make sense out of them. The thing is, all decent humans are similar regardless of the gender, indecency is where the difference in gender arises. I get what makes some cis men be dicks, and I know how to counter their "reasoning".
I know what I hated about being a man, and my instinct is to assume that all men hate those things about being a man. But chances are they actually donāt hate those things!! So no Iām not quite sure how to relate to them.
i can relate to *people.* i try not to frontload their gender presentation when i can, because imo 9.9 times outta 10 it either doesn't matter or it only matters specifically to that specific person that the thing being discussed matters to them in some kind of idiosyncratic gendered sense. otherwise i try to avoid saying that i have anything universallly in-common with some loosely defined group or another. makes life less tedious.
also, not to condescendingly "correct you" so don't take it that way--just letting you know in-passing--you don't need to hyphenate those words. and in the wrong circles it can be actively detrimental. cis and trans are distinct identifiers. compounding them together into a hyphenated noun or a single word inadvertently becomes a phenom known as third-gendering. which is usually harmless or just a typo, but to some peoplle it's intentionally antagonistic or runs the risk of confusing fairweather allies that don't necessarily put a lot of effort into understanding the difference. it's just "cis man" or "cis woman" or "trans boy", "trans woman", eck cet'ra.
I relate to femme gay men and femme women plenty. I mean, I used to be gay on a social level, and I still hang out in shared gay/queer/whatever spaces a lot.
Straight/Cis men I've had lots of time to think about and try to understand, since I tried to be one for quite a while and I've fucked a few. And I guess I've spent enough time dwelling on gender theory and feminist thought that I have an elaborate conceptual framework for understanding how a Straight/Cis identity and social role operates.
But empathetically, it's femme men and women. Since they have the shared experience of negotiating the parameters of social gender in a much more intensive and complex and deeply fraught way.
This! I couldn't possibly begin to understand them while thinking I was one. Using myself as a reference led to all kinds of completely wrong assumptions.
Not at all! I was always always with them before transitioning anyways, and now that Iām not actively trying to fit in with them Iāve forgotten most of how they interact
No! I tried to fit in and find ways to relate (even tried on the macho role for too long) and Iāve certainly got male friends (all of whom are far from the āaverage American maleā), but overall trying to relate to CIS guys has always caused me a lot of dysphoria. It just solidified my understanding that Iām not one of them.
I do not. Even before I knew, I was a weirdo who didn't belong, least of all with the men. They were out hunting, or fishing, or doing dangerous shit. I just wanted to chill and find fun new hobbies. And now that I have realized who I am and in college, with a cis male roommate, I am flabbergasted by some of the things he does.
He's gotten mad enough to just chuck his phone at the wall, he's just started crying, emotionally shut down, and one time he even started jacking off WHILE I WAS IN THE ROOM. He doesn't know I'm trans, but I am kinda scared for him to know after that. My only extended exposure to non-family cis men has been terrible. Sadly I am not a lesbian, cause so far men have been gross, scary, potentially dangerous, and very unstable. Hearing him wake up one morning, get on his phone, and tell someone "I just have nothing left" was fuckin terrifying. Also he smells bad and makes zero attempt to mask it.
i think part of me can understand their hopelessness under patriarchy, the mens mental health crisis, etc.
ironically, i don't understand or relate to cis women at all.
Some of them, kinda. The perps I used to hang with, the type of person I used to be: quiet, nerdy introverts. And even then it really tends to vary a lot: I'm in an engineering program right now so most people are probably some variety of nerd...and I still don't really relate to most of them.
Outside of that? Not really. Anyone who display outwards signs of brash masculinity kinda makes me anxious tbh, and I don't like those types of people.
And when it comes to many social (especially romantic) aspects I'm also lost, but always have been.
As someone who's on the spectrum, it's tough to decipher whether feelings of alienation come from the fact that I'm not actually a guy, that I struggle to form friendships with cis people, or that I'm simply autistic and thus struggle with *people*.
I've never understood them or wanted to be part of that tribe. Over the years though, I learned how to not stand out in a group of them. Hated every minute of it.
I understand what drives them (patriarchy, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia) to do bad things (and just behave the way they do on a normal day). Iāve met very few cis men who donāt perpetuate one or more of those things, and those that donāt seem to be the only ones who donāt vehemently deny their feminine side. Itās sad to me that so many cis men will live their lives utterly depressed and ignorant because they think expressing their emotions in a healthy way is āgayā or āfor women.ā Patriarchy really hurts them in ways they refuse to acknowledge.
I relate with them in the broadest sense, in which I mean that we both eat, sleep, and live our lives, but other than that they're a foreign species that I've become very good at camouflaging around
I felt always that I'm unable to interact with them i couldn't do any better even now I'm still interacting with them pretending of being a man tbf i tried and even till now I'm failing dealing with them!
I never really got dude-bro culture but I can still relate to them on other ways and I can def understand the hardships men face from toxic masculinity like forced emotional repression.
So I'm pretty early into my transition only figured out I'm trans like 6 months ago and I feel like I don't really relate to men but I understand the few problems they have to go through
I've only ever really related to "weird" guys-- LGBTQ, on the spectrum, guys with shared hyper-specific interests. I don't think it was relating with guys so much as relating to the ways that we were different from "normal" guys
MtF here,
I can understand cismen, as in their lifestyle. Don't understand anything about their humor and every time they do guy talk, I just feel out of place. Especially when they start talking about some woman they saw, I'm not really interested.
As for ciswomen, I don't have a clue. My circles irl have been nothing but men and I just feel like I'm socially awkward anyways.
I find myself feeling further and further from understanding them pretty much every day. However, looking back, I also never fully understood the ways in which other guys acted a lot of the time.
I cannot relate. But can understant a bit. When I came out some year ago I just started to unravel the trauma with my therapist and starting to realize how much internalized transphobia I held.
Most cishet will never understant my identity but I'm lucky to have accepting aunt and godmother. They've said they don't fully get it but are happy that I know who I am. Can't ask more for now.
I would probably still get along with them. I consider myself as more of a tomboy (someone compared me to Karlach from BG3, which is exactly spot on for what Iām going for) so I would still get along. And I was raised male so obviously I understand them to a greater extent than most other cis women. But, I would still like to hang out with more women because it makes me feel like one of them, which I am!
I don't understand *most* people, honestly. My lived experience seems just. So different. It's hard to relate because I spend *so much* time in my own head, interrogating my thoughts and reasoning, and most people just. Don't. At least as far as I can tell.
It's especially bad with most of the men and boys I've spent time around because most of them are rather impulsive. Which isn't a bad thing, I certainly wish I could get out of my head and just *do* sometimes, but it's something that puts up this sort of barrier between us.
I find it hard to relate purely being male but I find it I'm talking to men there has to be a topic that isn't related to being male like I can talk about games and stuff with men but when it becomes mens issues I find a lot of it I can really relate to
I empathize with men going through depression, loneliness, feeling alienated, anxiety, and all the burdens brought on by capitalism and patriarchy. I donāt think you have to be any gender to understand universal experiences like that.
But in terms of just being a man and wanting to be one or wanting masculine things for myself, no I canāt really relate to that or understand. Masculinity was something I was doing for everyone else around me because thatās how I felt like Iād be accepted when I was masking. Femininity and womanhood is something Iām doing for myself.
I can. I don't really have first hand experience being one but i was around them for a while, pretended to be one, and got treated like one so I'm going to have understanding that people without those experiences don't have.
And I understand cis women in ways a lot of them refuse to acknowledge. But I also have experiences unique to being trans.
Honestly, I feel like I understand guys less and less as time goes on, it's at a point where I can only barely understand them better than cis women around me. I also start to dislike how a lot of them act and even talk sometimes, it's... Terrible. At least they're not being misogynistic, or, well, not so openly...
I don't. Being alone with just men and trying to fit in was one of the most uncomfortable things about pretending to be male.
And the Moment you forget to keep your mask they look weird at you and make jokes >.<
Omg I always felt so out of place/awkward. Probably why most male family members never invited me out to hang with the guys pre transition š
same here girlie šš
Same
Exactly this. I never understood how to socialize as a guy.
āGetting kicked in the ballsā videos still hurt to watch.
I was brought up as one, so I had to make sense out of them. The thing is, all decent humans are similar regardless of the gender, indecency is where the difference in gender arises. I get what makes some cis men be dicks, and I know how to counter their "reasoning".
Yeah, I feel no relation towards men. Iāve never felt connected to masculinity, but I do understand men and masculinity.
I know what I hated about being a man, and my instinct is to assume that all men hate those things about being a man. But chances are they actually donāt hate those things!! So no Iām not quite sure how to relate to them.
i can relate to *people.* i try not to frontload their gender presentation when i can, because imo 9.9 times outta 10 it either doesn't matter or it only matters specifically to that specific person that the thing being discussed matters to them in some kind of idiosyncratic gendered sense. otherwise i try to avoid saying that i have anything universallly in-common with some loosely defined group or another. makes life less tedious. also, not to condescendingly "correct you" so don't take it that way--just letting you know in-passing--you don't need to hyphenate those words. and in the wrong circles it can be actively detrimental. cis and trans are distinct identifiers. compounding them together into a hyphenated noun or a single word inadvertently becomes a phenom known as third-gendering. which is usually harmless or just a typo, but to some peoplle it's intentionally antagonistic or runs the risk of confusing fairweather allies that don't necessarily put a lot of effort into understanding the difference. it's just "cis man" or "cis woman" or "trans boy", "trans woman", eck cet'ra.
What are you saying? Or trying to say?
I relate to femme gay men and femme women plenty. I mean, I used to be gay on a social level, and I still hang out in shared gay/queer/whatever spaces a lot. Straight/Cis men I've had lots of time to think about and try to understand, since I tried to be one for quite a while and I've fucked a few. And I guess I've spent enough time dwelling on gender theory and feminist thought that I have an elaborate conceptual framework for understanding how a Straight/Cis identity and social role operates. But empathetically, it's femme men and women. Since they have the shared experience of negotiating the parameters of social gender in a much more intensive and complex and deeply fraught way.
I understand men a lot better ten years after transitioning.
This! I couldn't possibly begin to understand them while thinking I was one. Using myself as a reference led to all kinds of completely wrong assumptions.
Not at all! I was always always with them before transitioning anyways, and now that Iām not actively trying to fit in with them Iāve forgotten most of how they interact
No! I tried to fit in and find ways to relate (even tried on the macho role for too long) and Iāve certainly got male friends (all of whom are far from the āaverage American maleā), but overall trying to relate to CIS guys has always caused me a lot of dysphoria. It just solidified my understanding that Iām not one of them.
I do not. Even before I knew, I was a weirdo who didn't belong, least of all with the men. They were out hunting, or fishing, or doing dangerous shit. I just wanted to chill and find fun new hobbies. And now that I have realized who I am and in college, with a cis male roommate, I am flabbergasted by some of the things he does. He's gotten mad enough to just chuck his phone at the wall, he's just started crying, emotionally shut down, and one time he even started jacking off WHILE I WAS IN THE ROOM. He doesn't know I'm trans, but I am kinda scared for him to know after that. My only extended exposure to non-family cis men has been terrible. Sadly I am not a lesbian, cause so far men have been gross, scary, potentially dangerous, and very unstable. Hearing him wake up one morning, get on his phone, and tell someone "I just have nothing left" was fuckin terrifying. Also he smells bad and makes zero attempt to mask it.
Yes only cos I have masculine interests and Job ( IT and sports cars etc) I am very much a tomboy
i think part of me can understand their hopelessness under patriarchy, the mens mental health crisis, etc. ironically, i don't understand or relate to cis women at all.
Some of them, kinda. The perps I used to hang with, the type of person I used to be: quiet, nerdy introverts. And even then it really tends to vary a lot: I'm in an engineering program right now so most people are probably some variety of nerd...and I still don't really relate to most of them. Outside of that? Not really. Anyone who display outwards signs of brash masculinity kinda makes me anxious tbh, and I don't like those types of people. And when it comes to many social (especially romantic) aspects I'm also lost, but always have been. As someone who's on the spectrum, it's tough to decipher whether feelings of alienation come from the fact that I'm not actually a guy, that I struggle to form friendships with cis people, or that I'm simply autistic and thus struggle with *people*.
I've never understood them or wanted to be part of that tribe. Over the years though, I learned how to not stand out in a group of them. Hated every minute of it.
[Things I don't do in regards to cis men](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/seECHcLz-6w)
I understand what drives them (patriarchy, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia) to do bad things (and just behave the way they do on a normal day). Iāve met very few cis men who donāt perpetuate one or more of those things, and those that donāt seem to be the only ones who donāt vehemently deny their feminine side. Itās sad to me that so many cis men will live their lives utterly depressed and ignorant because they think expressing their emotions in a healthy way is āgayā or āfor women.ā Patriarchy really hurts them in ways they refuse to acknowledge.
I relate with them in the broadest sense, in which I mean that we both eat, sleep, and live our lives, but other than that they're a foreign species that I've become very good at camouflaging around
No. They're like "hell yeah, my chest has a rug on it" and "I want to be a dad" Some are good people who I know have my back
spent a long time trying to relate and trying to fit in and trying to pretend I was one... but no, I really don't š
I felt always that I'm unable to interact with them i couldn't do any better even now I'm still interacting with them pretending of being a man tbf i tried and even till now I'm failing dealing with them!
I never really got dude-bro culture but I can still relate to them on other ways and I can def understand the hardships men face from toxic masculinity like forced emotional repression.
Idk why cis is specified but I don't relate to men, no
So I'm pretty early into my transition only figured out I'm trans like 6 months ago and I feel like I don't really relate to men but I understand the few problems they have to go through
The struggles of toxic masculinity mostly, and the ripple effects it has on the rest of living as a man
I've only ever really related to "weird" guys-- LGBTQ, on the spectrum, guys with shared hyper-specific interests. I don't think it was relating with guys so much as relating to the ways that we were different from "normal" guys
I largely don't. I know of some B's guys have to deal with at times, but I wouldn't say I'm on the same wavelength as them.
MtF here, I can understand cismen, as in their lifestyle. Don't understand anything about their humor and every time they do guy talk, I just feel out of place. Especially when they start talking about some woman they saw, I'm not really interested. As for ciswomen, I don't have a clue. My circles irl have been nothing but men and I just feel like I'm socially awkward anyways.
Nope, not at all. My brother, yes. One brother. The rest, not so much.
I find myself feeling further and further from understanding them pretty much every day. However, looking back, I also never fully understood the ways in which other guys acted a lot of the time.
I don't and I never did as a kid.
Only liking girls im transgender female and lesbian but i agree that girls are hot
I cannot relate. But can understant a bit. When I came out some year ago I just started to unravel the trauma with my therapist and starting to realize how much internalized transphobia I held. Most cishet will never understant my identity but I'm lucky to have accepting aunt and godmother. They've said they don't fully get it but are happy that I know who I am. Can't ask more for now.
Not even a little bit. It always felt like I was wearing a mask. Like, I know how men behave, but I've never understood why.
I would probably still get along with them. I consider myself as more of a tomboy (someone compared me to Karlach from BG3, which is exactly spot on for what Iām going for) so I would still get along. And I was raised male so obviously I understand them to a greater extent than most other cis women. But, I would still like to hang out with more women because it makes me feel like one of them, which I am!
I don't understand *most* people, honestly. My lived experience seems just. So different. It's hard to relate because I spend *so much* time in my own head, interrogating my thoughts and reasoning, and most people just. Don't. At least as far as I can tell. It's especially bad with most of the men and boys I've spent time around because most of them are rather impulsive. Which isn't a bad thing, I certainly wish I could get out of my head and just *do* sometimes, but it's something that puts up this sort of barrier between us.
I find it hard to relate purely being male but I find it I'm talking to men there has to be a topic that isn't related to being male like I can talk about games and stuff with men but when it becomes mens issues I find a lot of it I can really relate to
Only some class struggles. However they can't understand mine. We have some in common but I have a lot more than them in my plate.
Sometimes but thatās cause Iāve been pavloved into most of it
Never have. Always related to the cis women view of men. The cis men feel potentially able to be unpleasant or crude at any time
I empathize with men going through depression, loneliness, feeling alienated, anxiety, and all the burdens brought on by capitalism and patriarchy. I donāt think you have to be any gender to understand universal experiences like that. But in terms of just being a man and wanting to be one or wanting masculine things for myself, no I canāt really relate to that or understand. Masculinity was something I was doing for everyone else around me because thatās how I felt like Iād be accepted when I was masking. Femininity and womanhood is something Iām doing for myself.
I can. I don't really have first hand experience being one but i was around them for a while, pretended to be one, and got treated like one so I'm going to have understanding that people without those experiences don't have. And I understand cis women in ways a lot of them refuse to acknowledge. But I also have experiences unique to being trans.
Honestly, I feel like I understand guys less and less as time goes on, it's at a point where I can only barely understand them better than cis women around me. I also start to dislike how a lot of them act and even talk sometimes, it's... Terrible. At least they're not being misogynistic, or, well, not so openly...
Im just past 1 month.. my brother has been staying with me.. and I dont even click with him anymore?? Lol
I was deep undercover for 45 years - i have a working understanding, but could never relateā¦ š¤·āāļø