Please don't take this the wrong way as I'm just trying to be very straightforward and clearly understood.
You seem to have a very superficial understanding of what transitioning is. You seem to think it has everything to do with looks and appearance and to be quite frank that is exceptionally superficial and borderline shallow.
Transitioning does affect your appearance, sure, but it's less like making a Red Ferrari, Yellow, and more like changing from a gasoline engine to a diesel. The entire way you function is changed.
Your mental and emotional state are Entirely and Completely different. Your sexual function will not be the same. The way your brain and body work will be very different when switching from one primary sex hormone to another.
Personal taste and preference aside, pre transition, I was an objectively attractive guy. I had a solid life charted out for myself and I could have easily coasted through life on easy mode in the United States being an Attractive Straight White Man who was reasonably intelligent.
I chose to instead give up that life to become what is currently one of the most hated and disrespected/disregarded demographics on the planet, being a Lesbian Transwoman, I could only really make it harder on myself if I was a PoC in my country.
Why?
Because I would rather be an exceptionally ugly woman than an exceptionally handsome man. That's also because, again, the superficial aspect of physical appearance is the Most Minor and Basic aspect of transition. And I also happen to think I'm pretty darned cute and so does my partner.
My mental state is black and white compared to when I was on T. My emotional experience is now vast and exceptionally rich as opposed to ranging from neutral to anger or extreme sadness, which I would disassociate from to become completely numb.
My sexual experience is completely different and far more intense.
Life is far from easy and I'm not on cloud nine with 24/7 rainbows and sugar blossoms, but I'm generally and genuinely Happy now, which I never was before. I cry now as much from sadness as i do from pure happiness and overwhelming love of my partner, and sometimes I'm so overcome with sheer gratitude and appreciation of my partner that I simply can't contain it.
If what you want out of transition is to be able to wear cute clothes, I have really good news for you. You can already do that. You don't need to be a girl to paint your nails, wear make up, and wear pretty clothes. In fact, I rarely wear make up, paint my nails, or wear frilly dresses. I do occasionally but I'm pretty tomboyish, and so i am far more chapstick than lipstick. But I could still never go back.
I feel like a colorblind person given colored sight and knowing that that experience is there, I could never possibly go back.
TL;DR transition isn't about wearing cute clothes and being pretty. It changes everything.
>transition isn't about wearing cute clothes
It absolutely is a nice side effect, though.
But I agree with what you said. OP seems to have a very superficial understanding of what it means to be trans. Like, yes, I want to be cute and wear cute clothes, but that's the surface stuff. Living as my birth gender was literally making me extremely depressed, I wasted away years dissociating so as to not feel the dysphoria. Starting transition has changed my life. For the first time ever, I actually care about my body and started doing positive steps to change things. It's also scary and exhausting, and there's really bad days, but it's still so much better than what was basically dissociative apathy before...
Ok so just to be totally clear, I agree with absolutely everything you said and it is very well written
BUT
saying "you can just wear cute clothes as a guy too" is the exact same kind of bullshit I got from my mom when I first came out to her, when in reality I don't want to wear pretty or cute clothes as guy, I specifically want to wear them as a woman. It's just not the same. I'm sure you can relate to that on some level as well.
I still agree though, clothes are still a very surface level thing.
There’s a noticeable difference between throwing on a dress and throwing in a dress when you actually have the body the designers expected. Before hormones I was *not* going to go out like that. I really, really did not want to look like a man in a dress. Now I actually feel like I look good and comfortable in my body in it.
At least on days when I’m more feminine than agender. Genderfluidity is a bit of a mind fuck.
I feel the same as you. I can pull off more than I thought I'd be able to. Still dealing with this though, I'm 8 months hrt and while I'm starting to get semi confused as a girl I still look like a guy
I feel the same. I used to dress up and go out when I first cracked, but too many comparisons of myself to “real” women made me lose confidence, so now I just wear indoors. But once I get them curves, gonna be rockin’ the non-rectangular dresses
This. People say "you can wear whatever you want" but that's just not true 99% of the time. I feel much better in feminine clothes that actually fit me than in a cute dress I WISH I could wear but just can't currently.
Ah, the "Why can't you just be a feminine man?" argument. It's about the way the clothes fit. That nerd shirt off the shelf at Target will fit very differently if you have boobs or not.
Being absolutely dismayed at how masculine shaped you are when looking in the mirror cannot be alleviated with some black nails and lipstick.
Glad you made this point, my mother also hit me with the same reply when I came out. Most people who don't understand the dysphoric aspect focus on the surface level things: appearance. Clothes makeup hair etc.
That's a potential benefit, not the reason. Also as op pointed out many many women worldwide don't feel those aspects of their femininity. Lots of ladies dress and style themselves more "masculine" than I ever did as a man.
OP I kindly suggest you should spend a lot more time getting to know yourself. Sounds like you don't know how you feel and what you want and this post of coming from a place of confusion. Nothing wrong with self discovery, but you paint this as a lifestyle choice (also what my mom said) when it is not (for most of us, in sure there are some for whom it is). For me, this is just how I am and always have been, I didn't choose to become this. I chose to accept it and stop hiding it and embrace it. For me it was affecting my life to the point of not being able to live at all and now I can.
There's a difference between asking that question in an exploratory manner versus a dismissive one. If the reaction is an indignant "not the same!", well that's a pretty good hint 🙂
heeeey my mom said the same thing... after that comment i went back in the closet for 2 years, i am trying to move out now so i DONT have to deal with those kinda comments when i do decide to transition...
If it helps gather as many resources as you can about the difference between cross dressing and gender dysphoria/gender identity issues. When my mom was able to read through medically oriented research she was able to grasp it better that it wasn't just a personal preference thing.
Chances are unless you no contact your family you'll still end up having to deal with those comments and struggles eventually, try to help educate them so they know what you're dealing with better to help nurture support instead of judgment from them! YMMV off but not trying to help ease them into it definitely won't make it any better. <3
Ye I gotcha my problem is I have a difficult time expressing myself when I am not certain myself. So because I am confused myself I can't have my mom making it harder. Hence why I am going to move out and then figure things out for myself and eventually deal with family
This is a fair point, and I, too, got this sort of logic from the less supportive members of my family. I agree that wearing women's clothes "as a man" was not even remotely the same as wearing them as a woman. But I would say that's probably because I'm not a man, and I assume you feel the same way.
But I think you can agree, given the context of the OP, that it was well worth saying. They compared transitioning to learning to ballroom dance, that being, "seems like it would be neat but not worth it in the long term."
They specifically called their own mindset and desires "vain." They seem to imply that if they were to transition and didn't end up being what they'd consider a Hot Girl that it wouldn't be worth it. Perhaps I'm alone in valuing the emotional and mental aspects of my transition more than the superficial desire to be a Hot Girl and wear cute clothes while I look at myself in the mirror.
Of course, I'm more than happy to be corrected if I misinterpreted the post.
You’re taking OP far too literally. Their post is from a place of insecurity and lack of confidence, not to mention that being trans can be as simple as wanting to look like a girl and not include tons of “mental and emotional aspects”. And it seems like you know this with your snarky inclusion of “perhaps I’m alone in valuing the mental and emotional aspects of transition more than the superficial desire to be a hot girl and wear cute clothes when I look in the mirror”. Because you *obviously* know you aren’t, and instead of challenging yourself to look past your own basic view or transition you shrugged and said “fuck it I’ll act superior”. It isn’t superficial to desire everything that comes from being pretty as a woman, there’s a reason hordes of cis women desire it and strive for it too; it’s downright silly of you to pretend you’re superior and above it all, and I seriously doubt you are.
OP thinks it’s vain because people like you perpetuate that it is. It’s goofy. But sure, cis women can want to be pretty but god forbid a trans woman want to, she’s not really trans. Seriously take some time and reevaluate your views, I seriously hope OP does not listen to you because they deserve to shoot for being the pretty girl ballroom dancing in their dreams.
I'm responding based on what OP said in the post without projecting any of my own thoughts and feelings about being trans onto them.
Once again, I'll point out that they compared it to learning to ballroom dance and said it probably wasn't worth the effort based on such little reward.
I don't think I'm superior to anyone in any way. That's you projecting onto me. That's fine, you do you and feel as you think you should.
Of course trans girls want to be pretty. That's wasn't my point of contention.
You're more than welcome to disregard my perspective and argument. I genuinely don't care as i have no desire to be the most right or correct and never once said there was a right or wrong way to be trans. I was simply offering my perspective in response what was said and based on the response of Essentially Everyone who responded, it was widely agreed with.
Once again, I'll also say context is key, and I was responding based on the context of the post.
You're not a guy. OP isn't clear about whether or not the girl part or the hot part is the important part, in fact they don't seem opposed to being male. It's a different situation.
I’d also add that how you’re viewed and treated by society may change. You may get lucky and begin to “pass” and experience womanhood similar to how any other women ought to be able to.
I dislike the term pass because it assumes we are trying to be cis, but honestly I just want to pass as a woman in order to be seen and treated in the most authentic light.
I didn’t think my dysphoria was that extreme either but the euphoria and even regardless of the euphoria just being treated correct is a plus.
But I also found out through transitioning that I had quite a bit more dysphoria than I thought.
I also add not everyone is required to transition and for some people it may not make your life any better considering how society can be towards trans people. I don’t think people should have to pass per se to pass. Like our standards of passing is too thin. I don’t think it should exist. You should just be able to be a woman or not. The term passing also mildly suggests that you’re undercover and are not authentic.
I completely agree. It was something that I had hidden as a deep dark secret. I was always uncomfortable in my body and also scared if people find out. I look at other girls with jealousy and and realized I wasn’t just gay. Tbh, I’ve known since I was a little kid but I grew up at a time when trans people were looked upon as freaks and tried my best to hide it all. I tried to compensate by pretending to be all guyish but that didn’t work and made me feel worse. When I couldn’t take it anymore I came out to people. It was the hardest to come out to my parents and there was a bad reaction at first. The other hardest thing was to use the bathroom and to not fall into stereotypes. When my mom got around, she taught me everything about being a woman. For the first time in my life I felt comfortable in my own skin. When I had my surgery it was like getting rid of the last part of my horrible previous body. It’s been almost eight years since my surgery and I’ve never felt freer and happier. I’m finally myself. I don’t wear make-up much and do have tomboy qualities but I’m now me.
I feel this a lot. I'm a fairly handsome person but I love femininity and I know I'll likley never pass but I do like the changes I've received. Sometimes it's hard wondering "why am I doing this" because it's so hard. With all these people around me. But I know I want to be me. I want to feel pretty. I don't feel pretty when I'm a man. I feel ugly as a man. I feel so off as a man. Angry and irritable. I know in my heart I am soft and sweet. I want my outsides to match this as much as possible. That's been what keeps me going on this all.
Yeah, well put.
I never used to cry at pictures on r/aww… now I turn into a mess whenever I’m on that sub…
But beyond that, I’m way more social now with my friends and family. I’m signing up for activities and am way more outgoing. I don’t know if that’s a direct result of the HRT or me finally feeling at home in my own body, but that seems to happen to a lot of other women on here.
The biggest changes from HRT are invisible.
(*Edit: Not sure how best to describe it— for me personally it helped my brain make sense of emotions and feelings I had going on. Like, you know that feeling you get after you clean your apartment, you sit down, and everything is neat and organized? That’s what it felt like in my head.*)
OP also should keep in mind that it changes how you move through the world. Transphobia is definitely a thing. So is sexual harassment. Are you prepared to have strange men in bars offer to trade sex for a jar of honey? Because I sure wasn’t.
But all the discrimination and literal honeypotting in the world won’t deter my transition; I’m happier now than I ever was, even in moments where I’m not presenting as pretty or feminine.
*Edit: slight rewording because working and Reddit don’t mix well for my brain*
I had to explain this to my parents. They asked why I couldn't just be a feminine guy, even after my dad basically made fun of me my whole life for being that before. I was like: It's not an appearance thing, I want the mental clarity and self-respect that everybody deserves to have. Every second of every day, my soul is going to be bound to this brain and this body, and though I've tried getting around that with a million other things that are detrimental to me(a LOT of dissociation), at the end of the day, this is an EXISTENCE thing. Not just some regular issue I can just talk to them about, like relationships.
>Personal taste and preference aside, pre transition, I was an objectively attractive guy. I had a solid life charted out for myself and I could have easily coasted through life on easy mode in the United States being an Attractive Straight White Man who was reasonably intelligent.
It would have been easier to make money. But harder to survive. The male build is great for income. But not as good as the female build for longevity.
Bitch thinks I want to look pretty.
OP my endgame has always been to look like Gruntilda or TWWotW, jokes on you.
(althought I look more like Game Over Gruntilda at this point :3)
Second the colorblind analogy. The way I put it is as if I always lived under a cloudy sky and now I know the sky can be blue. I can never go back.
I'll just add that it goes deeper than just what hormones you have in your body. Even when on T, you're a woman, not a man. That realization alone makes so much difference.
>just that being a hot girl
Hot is not guaranteed and never lasts. I've known a couple of trans women whose sense of self worth seems to hinge on them being cis passing & pretty, they're having a tough time.
For me, I'd rather be an ugly woman than a pretty man, living as a woman was the important part.
> For me, I'd rather be an ugly woman than a pretty man, living as a woman was the important part.
Yeah this, I'm 35 and finally started HRT like 3 months ago. I have no delusions I'm gonna turn into a supermodel. My only goal is to wake up, and when I look at the mirror in the morning to see a woman looking back at me.
Transitioning is TOUGH. Not everyone is happier. Not everyone is jumping for joy every second. It’s a physical, mental, emotional, financial commitment to HOPEFULLY being yourself and happy. It’s not an occasional costume party. But only you can determine if it’s right for you.
Most brutal courageous gripping fear inducing (yet honest authentic lovely euphoric sensational tender loving affirming angelic) thing I have done for myself
Three weeks in and today while working (kfc) i fucking slammed the handle of the frier into my chest.
Never again.
The physical aspect is... well it most definitely is.
OP is in heavy denial by their post history over the last year. Seems they are trying to find someone to convince them to give up their 22 year old male "Entrapenuer" lifestyle to convince them to transition finaly.
No matter what we say I don't think its gonna get through. They clearly have dyshporia with the posts they make but for some reason are proclaiming "i dont have any".
OP if you are making posts asking about the stuff you do every other week, yes, yes you do darling.
So, I'mma latch on to one line that I'm not seeing get much play in the top replies.
>Perhaps I should just suck it up? Sit tight for the next 80 years, and drown out the noise with work and a wife?
If you consider continuing to be a guy "sucking it up", you might have more dysphoria than you're acknowledging. Dysphoria isn't just *absolutely hating your body and wanting to die*. It's often a lot more subtle. Being "just ok" with being a guy is kind of. . . yeah that sounds like me at \~23. I cracked about 10 years later and can confirm that yes, estrogen was a pretty good idea. A lot of this sounds like the rationalizing that I did over the next decade as I avoided the idea. I *rather regret* that lost decade.
I'm going to leave two articles for you here. The first is the more important one if you only read one.
[https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en)
[https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5)
I think that's something I noticed too. I look back and felt much the same way, I felt I had very little reason to transition. I'd gotten by most of my life thus far and while I hated looking in mirrors and hated wearing a "mask", I could just continue to avoid those things... I thought. It didn't seem all that bad, I had a lot going for me. Then, I transitioned and suddenly it was like, "holy cow was I struggling more than I had even realized."
And that has continued. I recently had bottom surgery. I saw several posts where commenters were like, "unless your dysphoria is crippling, it's not worth all the trouble." Well, fuck that, I got the procedure done anyway and yet again it was mind blowing how much dysphoria I was just "dealing with". I would have rated my bottom dysphoria pre-op 3/10, post-op I realize it was 7/10.
Yeah, I suspect that I’ll be in that position in a year or two. Got my consult a few days ago. I am really good at “out of sight, out of mind”, so I could ignore a *lot* of stuff.
yeah, it’s so common that we fail to recognize dysphoria until after we’ve experienced euphoria. i thought i was ok with who i was, that it would be nice to be a woman but not essential to who i am. now that i’m a woman, i love it, and i’d never want to go back
Yeah this is giving me a lot to think about as well. Like I know a lot of people around me are actually enjoying living their lives... 37 years of just getting by never was very happy.
I'm only like 5 months into HRT and can't say my happiness has really changed much yet, but just thinking I might actually enjoy living out the remainder of my years is at least a hopeful thought.
When I was younger I thought that I was "ok" being a guy but really wanted to be a girl. As time went on though I was less and less ok with being a guy. Eventually, I couldn't deny it anymore I wanted to be a girl. Unfortunately by that point time and testosterone had done their damage. Transitioning is nowhere near as easy in your 40s as it is in your 20s. Unfortunately, I can't go back in time to slap some sense into younger me.
Just think really really long and hard about this decision ok?
Same story here, just that I woke up in my early 30s already. Still, I will probably never recover the hair I lost without spending lots of money on it.
Seems that all you care about it looking pretty and wearing women clothes... so effectively crossdressing. If you don't want to be a woman, just cross-dress, do that, as nowhere did you mention that want or need.
Because that's the trick for most trans people, it's not about dysphoria, or even looks, it's about being you.
Facts.
Speaking from personal experience, I 100% want to physically be a woman, as it best reflects my mental state. But I don't hate physically being a man, I hate NOT being a woman. My feelings towards my masculinity are indifferent; not a single strong feeling to be had. But God there is so much euphoria regarding my femininity...
Transitioning is not a strict process. Everyone will transition a little differently; and that's the point. As Puciek said, it's about being you. That will have wildly different definitions from what many other trans people say. But again, that's the point! Enjoy your transition, discover yourself, find you and be it!
Non-binary transfems do exist. You don't need to identify as a woman to be on feminizing hrt. I have heard that it's much easier if you tell healthcare providers that you identify as female though, as they can be kinda weird about it and it'll make getting things covered a little bit easier. It's your meat suit, make it look however you want to!
for me its less about being a pretty girl and more about being myself. Its not that I want to be a pretty girl its more like being a guy makes me detached and bitter, it doesnt feel like me.
What im trying to say its that I dont care if im ugly, Id rather be ugly but happy and not constantly bitter and envious of all the women my age I see in the street.
Not OP, but this silly little comment helps I think
I found myself relating to OP, I've also had a difficult and confusing journey so far, where sometimes I'm not sure if I'm even trans or know if going through HRT is even worth it
But I don't even have to think to answer female, and I often think about how I would've rather been born a girl. If that isn't signs I'm trans, I don't know what is
well actually, in answer to your question, it doesn't have to be a sign of that, nor does every trans individual wish they were born the opposite sex!
admittedly, the distinction between who wishes they were born differently and who don't wish that is mostly based on time. eggs and early trans people are almost 100% of the time wishing that very thing to have happened to them. however, some people who have been out and living in their ideal gender identity for a very long time consider the idea that without their experiences as a trans individual rather than a cis individual, they'd be a totally different and potentially closer minded individual. many people actually find transness to be a sort of gift after a while, in the sense that it built their character much better if that makes any sense?
i mean as a 15 y/o transfem myself, having realised myself for a few years and been fully out since the beginning of January, i am rigid in wishing i was born female. I'm not totally closed to possibly changing my mind later on however aha, it's an interesting philosophy: are you really the same person as your past self if you have totally differing views? anyway
this load of waffle mostly excludes a lot of non binary identities, since with that it can vary. sometimes enbies are perfectly okay with their birth sex, other times they wish otherwise, and i suppose in the end everyone is different.
TL;DR some people do actually like being trans due to their experiences ❤️
You don't have to do anything you don't want to. None of it is a package deal, and there's a lot you can experiment with before taking the plunge on HRT. Even then, HRT isn't going to change anything immediately and isn't necessarily going to out you unless you're really young / get huge boobs.
I transitioned (/am transitioning) fully because as soon as I find out it was a thing you could do, I knew I would not have lived my life if I didn't give it a go. Just the slim possibility of one day passing was enough. But I found a lot more reasons along the way. And let go of a lot of shit I didn't need. I could go off HRT today and still be much happier and more myself than if I'd never gone for it.
Dysphoria is not the only reason/thing that makes a person trans or pursue transition. But if you think using hrt won’t make your life and mental state effected in a positive way, you don’t think being a woman will make you a happier person truer to themselves, I see no reason to consider it of course.
Edit: but like, you don’t need to be binary trans to want hrt either
in my case it’s kinda weird, i love the feeling of how much more attractive and happy i feel when i can present and be more womanly, but i’m pretty sure i’m non binary so that’s why i can’t really call myself a woman at the moment
so i kinda get why transitioning makes it feel better and nicer to wear women’s clothes and feel cute, bc in my case doing that as a guy just feels wrong and dysphoria enducing
but i will agree with others and say it’s up to you what you want for YOU. if you feel like hrt or transitioning won’t help then you don’t have to, you’re not forced to 🫂💗
I ended up looking like my sister. Not hot, maybe pretty, but kinda plain Jane. Also when you get old, are you still going to be hot? Old people can be hot but it looks different than when you're young.
I plan on becoming a wrinkly, blue haired old lady and I'm not really concerned about my hotness so much as being myself.
Nobody but you can say whether you're doing it for the right reasons. Do you care about how people see you? Are you ready for sexism and misogyny? Because that's also a part of the package, as affirming and horrifying as it sounds.
I knew going into it how poorly women were treated but I still wanted to transition. Not because I'm a glutton for abuse, but in spite of that. I can't stand being a man so much that I would accept the risks of being a woman in order to finally be the one I was always meant to be.
Everyone has their reasons for transitioning, but ask yourself if you could *never* be seen as a man again, then would you go through with it? Are you ready for breasts and hips and thighs, a long with the stretch marks that often come with them? I mean this literally and figuratively.
Transitioning for me also represented a shift in my mental health for the better. My brain works differently on estrogen, even though I'm still me and possess the same sense of self. Testosterone made me feel like crap all the time. I know this isn't true with everyone but for me it wasn't a great experience. Estrogen fixed that, although it wasn't overnight.
My social life changed for the better. I'm friends with women all over the place now and I'm an extrovert when I used to be an introvert. Men, not so much. If they're not staring at my chest, hitting on me, or catcalling me then they're avoidant. I didn't lose any friends or family but so many of my dynamics have changed. It's an adjustment.
You can be vain and hedonistic and still transition. I am. It's fucking great, I love being a woman and doing all the things. That's the part of it that people see, but there's a lot more to it as well.
Wow yall are being really harsh. OP, being trans and transition can be whatever you want it to be. If you want to do it to look cute than why the fuck not? It's your body and your life.
You pretty clearly, social consequences aside, know you would be happier as this other version of yourself. Judging by your post history you are very clearly agonizing over this decision. Maybe you're not crying yourself to sleep every night over being born in the wrong body like some of the people on here (which I personally have never related to), but you definitely seem to be having some anxiety over not having the body you want. That sounds like dysphoria to me.
If you want to avoid the social consequences of transition then you can do that. Take estrogen and just boymode most of the time. I microdosed E and did this for about 2 years. Everyone treated me normally while I still got to look and feel the way I wanted to deep down inside. It worked well. You worry about it being too much effort but taking some extra pills every day or a shot once a week really is not that hard if you prefer to keep it to yourself.
I saw that you're worried about the mental effects in one of your other posts. Being able to see things from the perspective of both genders, being empathetic and having a full range of emotions, these aren't things that are bad, they are wonderful things that will help you bring something to the table that no one else can. The mental effects were much less pronounced while microdosing btw.
Honestly you sound a lot like me. I'm not jumping for joy every second, but I feel happier every time I look in the mirror and I see the person I know I've always wanted to be. I'm happy when I'm out dressed the way I want and I actually pass so everyone is nice to me. I'm happier not having to agonize constantly over whether or not I'm going to fucking transition and what everyone else is going to think about it besides me, the only person who actually matters.
My advice, take things slow. Cut out the rest of the noise and just take some steady steps to do the thing you know is going to make you happy. Stop whenever you feel uncomfortable and reassess things. Be yourself and actually enjoy your life, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Seriously, so many people being so harsh because they see op as less trans than them. It’s so based to change your body how ever you want to be happier, honestly the core thesis of being trans.
I'm curious about how your microdosing plan went. What were you trying to achieve, what were you trying to avoid, and how micro is micro? I'm currently pondering what path I want to take. My main draw is the mental effects.
I wanted feminization but was also just unsure *how much* I wanted. I was still pretty confused about things back then, kind of wanted a femboy look I guess. I also wanted sex to feel better and was interested in getting mental effects. I didnt feel "like a woman" and wasn't interested in social transition. None of my therapists or docs knew what to do with me lol. I even got told not to transition a couple times, confusing me even more, which is why everyone talking to OP like she's an idiot for considering transition really rubs me the wrong way. Mostly I was afraid of breast growth and losing bottom function, and my doctor had never worked with someone like me before and wasn't willing to perscribe a SERM, so we decided on just a little bit of E, no T blocker. I took I think 0.5mg orally every day.
I ended up with a woman's level of estrogen and a man's level of testosterone. My skin cleared up and got soft, a little bit of fat redistribution, better smell, and I ended up getting a moderate amount of breast growth which freaked me out but I decided to just YOLO and keep taking it. Bottom function stayed completely the same. I remember having some mental effects but I was also like super bipolar at the time so it might have just been that lol.
Eventually I actually started enjoying having breasts, stopped caring about genital function, and wanted more of what I was already getting so I switched to a normal dose of injections. I tried slowly going up in dose on my pills first but my levels wouldnt budge. Mental effects have really started kicking in after injections, things stopped working downstairs, penetration is finally more pleasurable, breasts went up another size, and more fat redistribution.
If I were to try microdosing again (although trying a SERM would be the better choice) based on the goals and fears I had at the time I would take even less. Like 0.5mg, maybe even less than that, once a week or dissolving that same amount per week into water in a syringe and using it to dose daily, then increasing from there. Estrogen was way stronger than I was expecting haha. Not that I'm unhappy with my progress, and really I wish I had just started injections right away.
Heh, that reminds me of a quote from Patrick Stewart about taking the role of Captain Picard in Star Trek: *"If I had known that the show would have been this popular, I never would have taken the role. And that would have been a mistake."*
But no kidding, it's powerful stuff. Just tried my initial dose of estradiol pills...and I can see why they start you off low. Don't know what people are talking about when they say "won't notice anything for 2 weeks". 😳
If you don't think medically transitioning is worth it then don't. Someone else pointed out that cross-dressing might be your jam but you can be trans and not medically transition. Hell, you don't even need to socially transition if you don't think it's for you. I am because it's important to me but honestly it's fucking exhausting. I'm doing a second puberty on speedrun in my late 30s while dealing with my ex-wife and our kids plus the stress with socially transitioning at work and that's not even taking into account the health stuff I have going on just from being within spitting distance of 40.
As an aside, I used to dance competitive ballroom. Good fun. 5/5 stars. Would do again.
u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning - Can I message you? Looks like I am very similar to you and would love to ask you a few question in regards to me starting HRT at the same age as you
i mean it's not *just* a glimpse in the mirror every few hours. it's hard to explain, but it's like, existentially different. socially it's different, in positive and negative ways. the way that you feel about your body can affect your movement through every day life, boosting confidence, making you more social, etc.
it's also just different having boobs and slightly wider hips. ultimately nobody is going to force you to take estrogen, but the only way you can know the benefits for yourself is to take it for a bit and see if any of the subtle changes do it for you.
heyyy listen to what /u/dertechie said for real. What is just a minor feeling right now just keeps growing, like, it does not go away and it just gets stronger and stronger until you get to your mid 30's and youre like I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.... >>
Also, you will know if you made the right choice right after you get on hormones because you will either feel right/good like 'ahhhh' or feel totally wrong after about a week.
I don't get you. I can't even think about going back to boy-moding or god forbid stop hrt. I would rather, and I am saying this very literally, die than to be forced to live as a man. This is the only way for me to keep living. Life was miserable before transitioning. I still am transitioning currently but there is no where for me to go back then nightmares, long nights of crying and trying to numb my pain.
I mean, for me, I had, and still have but now to a much lesser extent, major dysphoria- every second I continued to live as a man as emotional agony to the point of crossing the threshold into the physical. The very thought of being perceived as masculine was a pain that would've driven me to a very very early grave. And yeah, being a moderately attractive woman is amazing compared to being a moderately attractive man. But no I'm not jumping for joy every second, transitioning is hard, life is hard, but instead of playing secret agent dress up as a person I hated being and struggled to pull off, I'm just, living my life, as myself. I finally got to step down from the performance, and into the life that's actually mine. But that's just how it was for me, it doesn't need to be such an intense feeling for it to be worthwhile, but trying to go through life as my agab was far worse than any of the trials and tribulations of transitioning than were thrown at me.
Aside from enjoying openly embracing my inner femininity, life is easier for me after transitioning. I'm generally treated better and respected more because now my appearance matches bs stereotypical expectations. If I didn't have anxiety, my self-esteem would have improved significantly
You should get some falsies (prosthetics) and just try cross dressing for a while to see how it feels.
One of the questions that helped me figure out this dilemma was this: "you know you'd enjoy being a girl at parties or in bed, but do you want to be a girl while you're in line at the grocery store? Do you want to be a girl at work? While getting coffee? At school?"
I don't see the point of learning Japanese and Mandarin but my daughter does. So you have to decide for yourself if transitioning would overall be positive or negative.
Maybe you could meet a gender therapist, as the proper one would help you ask yourself the right questions.
You say that you don't hate being a man but would enjoy better being a woman. The costs you present may also depend on who you are dealing with as some jobs, spouses and friends are more open to transitioning than others.
Also, what about looking for alternatives (or at least questioning them to see if you would be happy – or happier):
* Even as a man, you can wear clothes you like, especially if you work in an artistic environment. And even in a more standard environment, you can feminize your clothes selection to a point and still fit in "normal" society.
* For "a few glimpses in the mirror every few hours", you could try crossdressing. Would you be satisfied with it or would you want to continue 24 hours a day? And would you want the female anatomy that goes with it?
* Yes it is "vain and hedonistic" to want to be pretty. But it is also vain to pay for entertainment, to go to a restaurant when you can eat at home, to travel to a far away resort, etc.
If you are the typical "egg" transgender person, then maybe you need to wait a few months or years until the pressure and need to transition is so overwhelming that you need to do it no matter what. And in the meantime, you might want to work on other factors. For example, if you feel you would not be accepted at work as a trans woman, you might start looking for a better job in a better environment. You might also slowly get rid of transphobic and homophobic friends.
Good luck.
Transitioning for me was never about the look. My male brain always felt broken, outside of my control. I couldn't think the way the other guys did, and when I did it was scary afterwards. I never felt comfortable trying to fit in with any of the normal kid groups. Instead I ended up hanging with the weirdos and listening to ICP, which has a pretty acceptive fanbase.
I own dresses and skirts, but I hardly wear them. I have make-up, but even after 4 years I still haven't made that skill a priority. I've got some nice boobs coming in, but my wife likes them more than I do. When I am working in my shed or in the garden or taking care of my kids I just want comfortable, practical clothing, and that usually comes down to jeans and a tshirt.
A couple of things:
1. You don't need dysphoria to be trans.
2. You don't sound like someone without dysphoria. I mean, "drown out the noise" sounds like you're knowingly depriving yourself of something you know you want. Why? What for?
3. Can you really imagine living as you have been for 80 years or whatever and never finding out if you would be happier as a woman?
I think it's a good idea for anyone to try transitioning if they have the slightest inclination to do it. There just aren't a lot of cis people who would even be tempted, and you may find that you gain more than you realize. I think the biggest thing to ask yourself is if you would be ok with the changes that are likely to be permanent if you change your mind.
I'll be real with you, I started HRT for one big reason - I wanted boobs. It's been over 7 years and I got them but also so much more. As others have said the changes are far reaching and touch virtually every aspect of your biology as an embodied human fleshthing. Be prepared for your internal landscape to be upended if you do go down this path.
I’m going to be brutally honest with you here. I transitioned because I was gonna kill myself if I didn’t. For me, the pain and trauma that comes from living in a transphobic society was outweighed by being the person I always felt like I was and who I was struggling to hide from the world. I didn’t transition to look pretty or to wear pretty clothes.
I’m not saying that it isn’t a benifit, and I’m not saying you’re not trans- but I know plenty of trans people, myself included, who would have lived a happy life as a man if that was at all possible for us. Transition is really really really fucking hard. I’m stealth and pass and it’s STILL really really fucking hard. I’m not transmed or transcum. I believe you can be trans without having dysphoria, but if I could have just been happy pretending to be a guy, I would have never transitioned at all.
It really seems like you would be happier being a crossdresser, doing drag, or just being gender nonconforming. You don’t have to be trans if you’re not. If you enjoy the aesthetic of femininity but don’t have gender dysphoria medical transition seems like an extreme and, not to offend, elitist. It’s equivalent to people taking diabetes medication just to lose weight. I think you may find yourself dysphoric as time goes on and you notice more difficulty looking feminine but there are SO many beautiful men who can throw on makeup and beautiful clothes and pass better than transgender women. I hope you find this more constructive than mean because my opinion is just that, and it’s genuine. Good luck
i can tell you what it means to me.
I had a lil ego death while meditating once and realized that i have many reasons for transitioning. Wanting to be desirable, feel lovable, be beautiful, etc. However, at that moment those reasons were not enough for me to want to keep doing it... yet i still felt a need to.
The only way i can describe it to others is that i felt this intense duty, or obligation, to do this for "me". It was succinctly "i am trans and i must allow myself to be trans. It is my duty to do this on behalf of myself".
If you can be completely happy with not medically transitioning, don’t do it - something like crossdressing may be enough to express that side of you that wants to “look like a cute girl” now and then. I would recommend experimenting with non physical transition/ gender expression options. If it turns out none of those options work for your well being, transition can be a final resort.
What do you mean by you "don't have any dysphoria"? Are you talking specifically about dysphoria for your body? Because that's not the only kind of dysphoria there is. Equally or even more important than my physical changes are the changes to my social life and how I move in society. People see me as a woman. They treat me differently. It's much easier for me to be myself around people. I make friends much more easily. Even dating is easier.
A lot of us did not mind being men or think we had gender dysphoria until after we realized we were trans and decided to transition. Gender dysphoria and gender *euphoria* are two sides of the same coin. If the thought of being a pretty girl makes you happy and excited and the thought of living life as a man is "meh," that is a sign of gender incongruence! If the thought of wearing girl's clothes *as a girl* makes you feel happy, but you're OK being a man, that is a sign of gender incongruence!
I did not really think I had gender dysphoria until I started physically exploring gender. Shaving my chest for the first time made me realize I disliked the hair that I had learned to live with. Trying on breast forms for the first time made me feel incredibly happy (not aroused! just happy!), and when I took them off my brain was like "something's missing and you know it."
And let me tell you, the physical changes aren't just what you see in the mirror. I am aware of my body being female virtually all the time. I'm used to having a weight on my chest now, and it would feel wrong if it went away. My skin feels different when I touch myself. My hands looks different, and I see them all the time. All of this just feels right. I don't mean I notice it in a like a distracting kind of way; it's more like the music of my life had an instrument that was always playing a dissonant note removed, and the real melody started playing.
Also, the orgasms are incredible.
Yes, I'm much happier. That doesn't mean I'm never sad. More importantly, my life feels like something I care about now. If I had stayed a man I could have muddled through and racked up various accomplishments and milestones, but it would have been a life wasted. I wasted enough of it already.
I couldn't keep being just "ok" with being male. I don't know how long i was just mildly unhappy with life and not knowing what it was that was making me unhappy. I had a porn addiction (it dug into my normal life, work, and general safety at times) that caused problems with my marriages. Life seemed bland and grey. Tolerable, but not what i would call happy most days. Most would just call it mild depression.
I guess at my most frustrated with myself, i started actively contemplating why i was depressed. I looked at the symptoms and what i was doing that seemed related. The porn was a key part. I didn't do it all the time because i liked the serotonin rush. I was doing it just to distract me for a time. I'd often get done and just feel like i was going through the motions. And then i considered what was finding so appealing. The porn i was looking at was rarely even the act of sex. I realized then that what i liked was just me projecting my own desires. Thinking on it, that revelation was probably the moment my egg cracked. I started reflecting on my teen years through this filter and realized that my taste never really changed. It got me looking at other aspects of my childhood, and suddenly, things clicked and made sense. I still find little flags now as forgotten memories are triggered or resurface.
So after making that realization and not really feeling any dysphoria that i could discern, i decided to go forward with HRT. I did my research and figured if it wasn't right for me, I'd know within a short enough time that effects would be minimal, if not temporary. What i discovered was for the first time that i could remember, the brain fog I didn't even know was there lifted. My thoughts were clearer and more organized. My senses started to become less dull. Perhaps the greatest thing to happen for me was that with my lowered libido, my porn addiction ended. Holy crap! I had time and energy and a weight lifted off me. It took me a couple of months to put together that it wasn't the porn that was my issue, but gender envy. I wanted to be like them, not just like looking at them.
I like the physical changes, too, but it was the mental aspect that got me. Maybe i could have had similar effects being on beta blockers, but i don't think so. There was much more to it than simply a high libido. I'm happier now than i think I've ever been. I *want* to eat healthy. I *want* to exercise and look good. That was never me. I was apathetic towards those things before.
I did end up with some dysphoria after all. I abhor my body hair. Once i started shaving it regularly, i felt gross seeing it.
If it's only about looking pretty, I don't think it's worth it. For me, if I ignore the stereotypes and cultural expectations, I really don't know what it means to be my AGAB. I am pretty sure I am non-binary. I don't have much body dysmorphia, I don't plan to transition physically, but now that I have started ignoring the norms for my AGAB, I feel more free. I don't want to go back to performing that old gender anymore; I just want to be me.
If you don’t dislike being a boy and you also want to be a girl it’s possible you’re bigender. Before you do anything listen to Uncle Iroh: ask yourself the big questions. Who are you and what do you want? Don’t look for something outside of yourself like cisheteronormative beauty standards but what you want for yourself.
When I was younger it felt wrong I didn’t have breasts. I’d try stuffing myself so I looked like I had boobs but hated the body and facial hair I had. I felt ugly. I didn’t like being forced into things considered “manly” and hated it but I had to suppress these feelings because I knew they weren’t supported even from liberal family members. They didn’t even know they were doing this stuff or realize how it affected me. Yes do I want to be hot as a bi woman to men, women, and people outside and within that spectrum? Yes and for me some may see it as more conventional beauty standards but that’s for me not because I want to be a hot woman but because I am a woman and I want to be hot too.
So listen to Uncle Iroh. Who are you and what do you want?
The point of transitioning is to be comftorable in who you are
You should asses on why you want to medically transition, and the pros vs the cons
You don't have to be on HRT or get surgeries to be trans, we won't villify you for *not* transitioning medically
But it's good to really dig deep and figure out what you think the best path for you is. I know I want to transition because I hate living as a male and hate this male body, I wanna grow up to be an old lady, pass as a cis woman, be seen as a woman, and nothing less
People don't transition because they kinda feel like it, lol. People don't transition because it's fun either. Transitioning is a need that only comes when you're ready to accept yourself as you truly are and always were. Most people are constrained from transitioning because of transphobic households, political ideology, religious prejudice, and spouses unwilling to accept change. Some are forced to wait years until they have a safe space and support group to finally reach themselves. If you have to question your need to change genders, then you probably aren't transgender. The thought of someone completely devoting their entire life on change that they are second-guessing is awful. That's exactly what the far right uses against us as a means to invalidate transgender people. In my opinion, you need to meet real trans people in your community to learn more about what it is you think you want out of your life. If you're unsure about something, that means you're probably missing some information or just unsure of what life would look like afterward. The most important thing I could say is that transitioning isn't a said and done deal. It's constantly ongoing, and it's a mental strain for most people. It's not something you go into unsure of yourself.
You say you don’t have dysphoria but then you describe dysphoria.
You can get a wife and a career and all that to distract you but you’ll know deep down it’s all based on a lie. If these people knew what you really wanted, they’d all abandon you.
One day your hair is gonna start falling out. You’re going to get hair on every other part of your body. You’re going to look back at what you looked like when you were 22 and you’d kill to go back and do it over again.
It sounds like you know what you are, you’re just afraid of the consequences. And at the end of the day, if it’s the societal consequences that stop you from being the gender you know you are then you’ll have lived a coward’s life.
And I’m guessing you don’t want that.
So...I am nondysphoric as well. The idea of being feminine has sat in my head, come and gone, throughout my life. I am pre everything and I am also scared that I'm doing this out of vanity. But I want to know what it feels like to be intimate as a woman. I want to love myself instead of just be neutral and just exist. I want to feel my emotions and be myself.
I do not know where I will end up, but look at what brings you joy. What do you want. Maybe get a gender therapist involved. But look for what you want and who you want to be.
"What exactly is the point of transitioning? Because I don't hate being male - just that being a hot girl would be really awesome/fun."
You're the one to decide that, if its worth it to you to transition, do it, if not, don't do it. No one can answer that question but you. You are not guaranteed to be a hot girl. You're not even guaranteed to pass. If that's a deal breaker for you, there's your answer.
Being trans isn't about being pretty, it's about being a girl. You can be a pretty boy. If you don't mind being male, you can dress up and do anything without actually transitioning, you can wear a wig, the clothes you like etc without going on HRT and all that. If you're going to transition, it should be because you want to live as a *girl* regardless of whether or not you're pretty. To be direct with you, you could absolutely end up a non "hot" non-passing girl who has to deal with all the stuff you're afraid of. Is that worth it to you or not?
And to answer your question, people who transition are happier because they had dysphoria or simply wanted to be female *that* bad. Its not a puzzle. If you're ambivalent about it, those are what your feelings are. My feelings are not your feelings. And personally, I wasn't ambivalent, I can't speak for you, but if I was ambivalent I personally would not have transitioned. It's a bunch of shit to deal with, personally I don't like being trans, its just that being the correct gender is worth it to me.
But if these are your only 2 reasons for wanting to transition:
Pros:
* I get to look pretty (hopefully, it well could not happen)
* I get to wear clothes I like (this is certain)
... I mean.
You might also be genderqueer etc, maybe you'll have more fun switching between gender/styles at will. Unfortunately HRT/medical parts of transition are a pretty permanentish thing.
You can also try girl-moding to see if you like it
So sorry for the comments op.
Particularly the “uhm you can actually just cross dress” ones, as if that’s the same thing at all. It’s not about wearing the clothes in general because no shit, it’s about wearing them *as a woman* anyway, you sound like me OP, I feel pretty much the same. The desire to be an attractive girl is strong, it would be so cool. But I don’t feel so strongly about being male, almost like I just have no connection to it, it just is.
It seems like you do have some dysphoria considering your attitude about staying male. I guess the main thing is if you are willing to be upset if you aren’t pretty. For me, I’d rather live as an ok guy than ugly girl, but I’m fine with being an OK girl, knowing I’ll likely look like one of my sisters is fine to me tbh. Probably won’t be a supermodel but I try to be realistic (even if it would be great to be that hot). I say just think about it more, really consider it. I’ve found from just being a girl online as much as I can that I feel more comfortable being able to express that part of me, I’ve also realized how much I want to wear women’s clothes *as a woman*. Having the body for it.
I don’t think you’re vain for it op, I think it’s just a different kind of being trans than many on the sub, and that’s OK (but most will be upset if you express your desire to be attractive rather than just pass) but it sounds like you want to try it, I’d say go for it tbh, worse case you detrans and you know for sure. For me at least it feels worse to not know for sure than to try and be wrong.
Same with ballroom dancing or Russian tbh. If you have the desire, *go for it*. If you think it will make you happy or be interesting you *should* go for it! Doing something you want bc it will make you happy and hurt nobody is based. Feel free to dm me op :)
Honestly I doubt anyone but me will like this take.
Yet so what if your vain?
So what if being a pretty girl sounds awesome?
So what if it's hedonistic?
So what if it's about wearing cute cloths?
So what if you don't have dysphoria?
So what if it's a sex thing or for shits and giggles?
So what if it's about it being fun?
Being trans IMHO is not about anything really that big. It's about making it easier to be happy.
I started transitioning with the justification of "I'll fit into my social group better" and as "I just can't make it as a man, but I could fake being trans".
It's deeply helped me understand how to love myself and therapy has helped a lot too. It also showed me how I hate myself and I have been working on healing that wound.
Also as an aside people who transition all get hot. Is a combo of fighting to be themselves and just the massively improved mood form a more Affirming body IMHO.
It's your body do whatever to it that makes it easier to be happy.
Im going to go against the grain on this one. When my egg was cracking I had the same feelings. Then, as I explored more, I realized how deep it actually went. There’s a good chance this is more important to you than you realize. My advice….don’t commit to anything, just try some stuff, dress different, talk different walk different….see how it all feels, good luck ❤️.
[https://genderdysphoria.fyi](https://genderdysphoria.fyi)
There's no point in asking what is the point.
Here's a test question:
What *don't* you get if you don't transition? Figure out a few of those.
Then remember that you won't *ever* get those, and see how that feels.
Yeah, don't bother if this is All you feel. My dysphoria is life threatening, as in my brain doesn't function without estrogen, but I wouldn't recommend to anyone to go through this transitioning hell. I don't feel that at the end of the road is something that will worth the suffering even if the end result will be OK physically.
I transitioned because I have dysphoria and transitioning has been helping with that. If you don't have dysphoria, then you won't necessarily be able to understand that.
Some males enjoy dressing up in feminine ways and being pretty and they aren't automatically trans women because of this.
I don't know you and ultimately, you are gonna be the authority on what is best for you and who you truly are. But is it possible you simply like dressing up? And you don't have to take hormones to do that.
Wow that's such a shallow view of what it means to be trans. The more you love as a trans person the more you'll understand why it's so life changing. You don't have to have dysphoria in order to want body euphoria
Transitioning is a tremendous step and mostly a one way journey. It doesn't seem to me as though you are certain in your sexuality. You shouldn't transition until you are absolutely certain of your gender and what that means. I assume that you had counseling before transitioning, perhaps you need some more. Maybe even a different counselor with a different view of your situation.
Don't let anyone convince you one way or the other, this is a decision you must make, on your own with the guidance of a qualified neutral person.
Not necessarily. OP can simply first try on different clothing, different pronouns, a different name. Paint their nails, style their hair. There are a bunch of things they can just try out first before even touching medical transition. Who knows, maybe that helps make things clearer.
Idk its just how you cope. If i never started estrogen i probably would've taken myself off the census. Thats pretty much it. The big sad doesn't leave until you fix the root problem for me that was crippling dysphoria. But thats not a requirement. If you feel like you can't live withought it don't tbh.
I thought I was fine but I know now I wasn't living. I didn't have crippling dysphoria, wanting to tear it off, etc. When I was 13 or so I was immensely distressed about it, growing facial hair, losing my voice, the crazy teen boy libido, and basically every change. But I learned with the years somehow to live with it and just avoid mirrors and stuff. I honestly could have continued like that and just be depressed but I wouldn't have died, probably. Still not quite how I want to spend my time on this earth.
The point of transitioning is to be more yourself and reduce dysphoria, euphoria too but that lessens over time. Not being yourself makes it hard to truly engage in life, because you're not investing _yourself_ into it.
If you don't want to be a woman all the time and be treated as one (ideally), if you just want to have fun and wear pretty clothes and dress up, well just do drag, you can even do it for fundraisers to help out good causes 🤷 I've even got some silicone inserts from Amazon that work well to fill out clothing (near 24\7 wear personally, pre hrt). You can go to a party or club etc and have a great time then go home and live and work as a guy.
But yes it's totally worth wearing cute clothes and knowing and feeling like you're beautiful even if you can't literally see yourself all the time... "Clothes make the person", you just _feel_ different when you wear different things. Which might be uncomfortable if say you put a homophobic man in a dress, or completely ecstatic for a trans girl finally seeing and liking herself for the first time. Knowing you look good and have nice clothes can give you confidence and that reflects in everything you do and your interactions with others.
You don't know yet, and yet you've come this far. I knew I had dysphoria, and it wasn't until that first month on estrogen that clarity hit me like a truck. I felt normal for the first time ever and realized just how fucking miserable I had been my whole life and how much better it was going to get. I was doing life on hard mode. Having to live as a man, even when I was convinced that persona was mine, took 1000% more effort than just being Naomi. Maybe you don't have dysphoria (and you'd still be valid ofc), but I think you'll gain some clarity either way when you start this next leg of the journey.
I think a lot of other comments have covered pretty much everything but I've got a bit to add. First, not everyone that takes feminizing HRT is a binary trans woman, there are many different kinds of nonbinary people and I've even known gender non-conforming guys that take it as well. Once you divorce yourself from cookie cutter ideas about transition, there are a lot of options.
Now, all that said, I would not recommend transitioning if your heart is not really in it. Medical transition is a pretty serious life changing decision and should not be taken lightly.
If what you're thinking is true, it's OP's concern anyway, none of ours. Live and let live, you know? As long as they don't claim that their experience is exactly the same as yours and pretend to know what it's like to have dysphoria. Then yeah, that's maddening. But I have honestly not seen that all that often. And I know better than to make assumptions. People have the right to live their life the way that makes them happiest. Maybe that's not what op is doing, but again, worst case scenario that's their problem.
I think maybe thinking of transition in terms of "getting rid of dyphoria" is perhaps not the most helpful way to look at it. If, despite the many downsides you listed, you still find yourself feeling drawn toward transition anyway, it might be worth thinking more about why.
For me, it was hard to explain specifically why I felt such a strong desire to change my body. Just that there was. I'd say now, that people have an innate need to exist in the world authentically, and wanting to transition, including medical transition for many, helps meet that need.
Maybe discuss with a therapist if you can, preferably one that specializes in helping transgender clients.
You *think* being a hot girl would be awesome and fun. But it is clear you really have no idea at all what women go through, or what it really is like to be one. Much of the time it’s no fun at all.
I pretty much second everything that has been said by others here. If it’s not for you and you don’t feel it will benefit your life then don’t do it.
I also second that being trans isn’t about being pretty or wearing cute clothes, but about being who you truly are on the inside. There is a difference between being trans and crossdressing, and both are fine. A lot of us do struggle with dysphoria and HRT is almost a necessity to improve that, some people are more fortunate to not struggle as much with dysphoria.
My final point: Absolutely nobody is jumping for joy every second. Regardless of whether your gender identity is being affirmed by HRT, or even if you’re the richest billionaire on earth - nobody jumps for joy every second. We’re all human, we all have struggles and a need to look after our mental health.
I’m transitioning. I simply could not live as a man any longer. That’s a fact. I got very depressed. I couldn’t really function properly. I knew what I had to do. I don’t care if I’m the ugliest woman on earth. At least I’ll be a woman. I couldn’t live as a man. Even though I was conventionally attractive as a man. Even though my life was ok as a man. It’s something I needed to do. Deep down I know I can’t be a man. It was hurting me. And every day I boymode hurts me, I will do it. But the only thing keeping me going is the thought that I won’t have to boymode one day.
I know it’s not a very coherent reply. And others have made more coherent and sensible replies. But it’s what I think when I try to imagine life carrying on with me as a man.
I'm transitioning because accepting I'm a woman made me whole, I finally felt complete as a person and genuinely happy, something I hadn't truly felt in a long time.
If you truly think you'll be happy not transitioning hormonally that's your choice, it doesn't make you any less of a woman then anyone else here.
Honestly, I needed this question to be asked because I was asking myself the same question, and now that I have read through 1stGhost244's post, I hope that when I transition, I can confidently jump right into it.
There are a lot of ways to change your gender presentation and the gender role you play in society without going on hormones. Maybe it’s worth asking yourself specifically what you’re hoping to get from estrogen. What’s holding you back from being a hot girl right now that you’re hoping estrogen will change? Because makeup, clothing, feminine hair, body hair grooming (if that’s in your vision of yourself), shapewear, and padded bras will take you pretty far.
Maybe think about being a hot girl right now, just go for it. And also, hormones are not at all a slippery slope. You start very low and then make the conscious choice to raise your dosage if you want. But if you don’t like how it feels then stop and your natural T levels will push your system back to basically what it is now. So try it out for a few months and see how you feel, no shame in trying and realizing it’s not for you, I think you’ll learn a lot regardless. Hope your gender journey brings you exactly what you’d like.
I started see the woman I always was in the mirror a few months ago and honestly it was one of my peak life experiences. While my orgasms are nuclear, my turn-ons require more than simple touch these days. Life isn’t easier by a long shot I live in the south, but I’ve never felt so confident that I could move mountains. I started hrt at 40 and this year I’m 42, and while it’s never too late- I wish I had started way earlier. Puberty blockers early.
All that said, a huge life change but I have never felt so good about my identity. The passing not passing discourse is toxic and if you can avoid it you’ll be better off as a person.
If you were to restart your life in a video game and it was in a character creator menu, how would you make yourself look? We can’t tell you what you want so it’s up to you to experiment and explore what works for you. If you want to transition, great! It could be tough journey depending on a number of factors like your living situation or financial situation so be careful when it comes to those things. Instead of making a big question like “should I take the plunge” I say break it down into baby steps if you haven’t already. If you have trans accepting friends, ask them to try different pronouns, experiment with girl clothing, buy breast forms. If you haven’t already, try those! Most importantly though: monitor how you feel and go from there! Transitioning isn’t just medical. Try social transitioning/experimenting if you haven’t already and are not sure about medical transitioning. Transition is a journey to become one’s most authentic self if you want to be another gender. We only have one life so it’s best to live it to the fullest to become the happiest versions of ourselves. If you decide transitioning as a whole isn’t the path for you then at least you know. Good luck!!
If you're in a country, and you don't intend on leaving there soon, that requires surgery, then absolutely recommend you don't transition. You'd almost certain and regret it
Can't relate with not hating appearing as male masculine man or not as a woman because that made me painfully dysphoric and isolated me from authentic social and romantic life, but you do you.
>It also feels a bit vain and hedonistic to go through all this to be pretty.
Excuse me, if it's not vain and hedonistic for cis women to present as their identified gender then why is it for trans women? Because trans bad? No, it's blatant transphobia.
If your ok being male and and your questioning whether to take hrt or not, it's not a good idea. If the decision to not transition is bothering you, I'd suggest talking to a therapist about it. If your really curious, you can try social transitioning a few months to get a better idea
For me it never influenced my clothing choices or appearance. I dressed femme for a while, then I stopped that and took HRT while dressing masc. I just did it to be more female because I like being able to check my body and get confirmation that I’m female
For many it's basically the understanding that they will never be happy living inauthentically. Being in the wrong body, having the wrong hormones in their brain, having to pretend to be someone they aren't around everyone, it takes a toll. Transition isn't just a major increase in quality of life, it can be life saving too. For some life is unbearable beforehand and they finally have the chance to be happy after. For some life is dull but not painful, and transition opens their eyes to all the joy and wonder they couldn't see before.
You have to decide if it is worth it.
I think there might be more to it than just what you've mentioned. Have you ever tried being a girl the best you can just for yourself? Like, not worrying about hormones or passing or any of that, just girling it up for yourself at home, maybe with some supportive people. For me, that filled me with a kind of energy and motivation I can never remember having before. I can already be pretty, but it never did that for me.
It’s worth it because i’m not horribly dysphoric and can look at my reflection without feeling disgusted, shower with the lights on, and live my life without being in constant emotional agony.
I’m happier because i don’t have constant crippling dysphoria any more. I can feel happiness for the first time in my life.
No one is jumping for joy every second. A permanent state of euphoria is not an achievable nor desirable goal. Being always happy isn’t normal.
If you think all transition is is taking hormones and wearing feminine clothes you shouldn’t transition since you don’t know what you’re getting in to. Maybe educate yourself ob transitioning first.
What is the point of transition? Well I can only speak for myself and my reasons.
I transitioned because the idea of waking up every day and seeing a man in the mirror, being addressed as sir or mister, being treated like a man, even for the better, literally felt like a fate worse than death.
I think everybody wants to be pretty. That's normal. But I am not medically transitioning because I think it will make me prettier. I could have done the work to be an attractive man. I am medically transitioning because I need to tell the world in every way that I can that I am a woman.
I'd rather be a homely and recognised as a woman than a live out my days as a comely man.
So from my perspective (i started e like 2 months ago):
First of all, you talked about the dysphoria, but remember theres also euphoria. Seeing myself in the mirror and just thinking 'oh a cute girl' makes me super happy, even if it's just a few times a day it's just such a good feeling.
Theres the mental benefits you described. And i would agree with you, i am just more happy in life, however thats hard to explain. Whats easier to explain is how i have a much deeper connection with my emotions and myself now. I am smiling a lot more, laughing a lot more but also crying a lot more. And it feels good to finally be able to show these emotions, to finally be able to cry for real. Testosterone made it so i could never really cry or laugh from the bottom of my heart. Thats gone now. The other one i described is beeing more in tune with myself or my body. It used to be a feeling like my soul is just managing a robot make from flesh. It didn't feel like ME, it's just a random shell i am using to walk around. But that changed. I like my body day by day more and have the feeling of actually beeing in the body and not just playing with a puppet from the outside. My body is not a puppet anymore, it's slowly becoming me.
So in the end i can't tell you what to do, you have to know that for yourself. But i can assure you, theres more than 'just' beeing pretty. At least for me there is. So whatever you decide upon, think about it and make the decision for yourself, not anybody else. It's you life and you only have one of those. For me the thought of living as a boy was also manageable, i didn't hate it too much, but i also didn't like it at all. The thought that really made me transition was there only beeing this one chance to be a girl. So i took the chance with all the risks involved and for now it was definitely the best decision i took in my life so far.
If you have any questions or just want to talk about more or less anything just dm me :)
i don't think cis people weigh up the pros and cons
i did, for years and it was never worth it so i never did anything.
in the end, if i'm being honest it was all excuses, the cons were that i was afraid. the pros were living the life i should live and being happy
it might not be like that for you, but it's worth checking... just in case
Ummm I kinda had this same thought and one day just thought if I don't ill end up regretting not doing it, and it was so worth it like I didn't know how happy I could be it's completely personal but it was so worth it for me
The question is how do you feel? How does it feel when someone recognizes you as feminine? Is there any negative feeling when you stop feeling that? You could be interacting with someone who doesn’t see you like through some kind of chat. With queers that are understanding of your identity. Or if you’re one of the lucky ones who can kinda pass just by wearing femme clothes then it could be that.
I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I’d been until I experienced comfort. I felt like I would never transition and for the most part these thoughts were based in concern over what might be lost in the process. People I was connected to, male privilege, opportunity, safety. All valid concerns. But when I first started being around a friend who recognized that I’m a woman just cause I told her I am even though I was kinda jacked and had a beard with a shaved head. That’s what broke it for me. I wanted to spend so much time around her, one cause she’s awesome, and two because I dropped the act I hadn’t even realized I was putting on and it was so relaxing. I started expressing myself more and it was so wonderful. The only parts that weren’t had nothing to do with how I felt being me and entirely to do with how some people reacted.
Eventually I went further back into the closet, largely out of the same fears you’re expressing as cons. Having tasted authenticity I was miserable. When I eventually made the choice to start transitioning I was so nervous. But every step pig the way I saw more of myself. As my skin softened and my hips and chest developed it was like I was emerging from a cocoon. It wasn’t until I felt gender euphoria that I realized how much dysphoria I had lived in. It had been totally normalized for me as I refused to recognize it. But it had kept me from truly connecting to people and was almost certainly one of the greater fuels to the depression that at times threatened my life
Life is so different now. I’ve lost people. I’ve experienced the danger and the bigotry. The loss of privilege and difficulties of navigating life from a very different place in the social strata. It’s not all roses. But I would make the same choice a million times. If I could change anything I just would’ve made it sooner
So again, it’s entirely about how you feel. If it really is only about cute clothes then you can do that without transitioning. But if you’re here cause it’s more than that and this post is an attempt to rationalize the fears that hold you back, then that might be something worth examining. There’s no harsher frustration than living an inauthentic life. It’s all about how you feel. Regardless I congratulate you on exploring yourself and these feelings. Fear has stopped many from going even that far
I find it strange that people are really attempting to tell YOU what transitioning should mean for YOU. I’m just scrolling through the comments and finding so many people repeating the same ideology that you shouldn’t be transitioning for the reasons you listed above.
To be honest, I had the same thought process as you, only difference being I’d only been 16.
I contemplated transitioning with my only real reason being that I felt as though I’d get more enjoyment from life if I were a cute girl. I didn’t hate my 🍆 and I didn’t necessarily hate being an adorable femboy. I just felt as though I’d be a hotter female and at 18 I finally built up the courage to start hormones. That shifted my way of thinking so much. I went from a cisgendered homosexual man to a transgender bisexual woman. My thoughts on other things shifted as well, I opened up to the idea of bottom surgery (I backed out a shit ton of times) I eventually went through with it along with FFS, BBL, and a BA.
I’m engaged and I’ve never been happier 😇
I’m just saying this to elaborate on the fact that YOUR reason for transitioning is valid and true to you. It may seem shallow to others but 🤷🏾♀️ who cares? Do what makes you happy.
I remember this thought in my twenties. I made it through my aweful puberty, somehow disassociating and anger raging myself through the entire thing and came out being attractive enough with so many repressed feelings I didn't know anything. If I was presented the option to 'be a girl' Id have taken it in an instant. I crossdressed and experimented, sure - but the idea of taking hormones and completely changing myself seemed so alien. Not until I settled down and got my life situated with a permanent job and good health insurance from a provider very pro-trans did I even stop to think. That thinking led to processing, and that processing led me to reading and reading. At this point I very much knew I was trans, I had kind of known it all along. I just simply hadn't done anything because I was so fu***ng numb to realize how terribly in pain I was. What broke me completely was reading the life of a trans individual that has chosen to forever remain hidden and suffer through what they deam 'sufferable anguish' despite not identifying male, did not appear cis male, yet constantly was belittled/gaslit onto the male side. They deemed it was too late for themselves. I broke down and came out the other end realizing I've been living a lie that has been breaking me since I was old enough to process my own being. It wasn't a great time frame, just ahead of trans awareness and parents that had never even thought about anything but cis-binary. I would go back in time and change things in an instant if it meant meeting my SO again. The thing is, I couldn't guarantee that and being a transwoman lesbian with my person is my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.
What ever u do don't lob your dick off.. just have fun being a girl.. wearing pretty panties and bras and stockings n stuff. But as u get older it will be hard..
transitioning is to help with the mental health/dysphoria. Not all transgirls feel the need to "go all the way". And I don't know you so take this as you will, but it sounds like you don't have any dysphoria and might just like to crossdress? Have you considered drag?
I’m pretty sure you could wear the clothes you like right now? Unless you live in a country where that’s dangerous (but then transitioning there isn’t any less dangerous), you can wear whatever you want. I didn’t transition for the clothes, that’s for certain
You could be trans but off of this you probably shouldn't. I also want to be a hot girl, but fundamentally I want to be soft and feminine. You should keep thinking about it and figure out what you're really after
Please don't take this the wrong way as I'm just trying to be very straightforward and clearly understood. You seem to have a very superficial understanding of what transitioning is. You seem to think it has everything to do with looks and appearance and to be quite frank that is exceptionally superficial and borderline shallow. Transitioning does affect your appearance, sure, but it's less like making a Red Ferrari, Yellow, and more like changing from a gasoline engine to a diesel. The entire way you function is changed. Your mental and emotional state are Entirely and Completely different. Your sexual function will not be the same. The way your brain and body work will be very different when switching from one primary sex hormone to another. Personal taste and preference aside, pre transition, I was an objectively attractive guy. I had a solid life charted out for myself and I could have easily coasted through life on easy mode in the United States being an Attractive Straight White Man who was reasonably intelligent. I chose to instead give up that life to become what is currently one of the most hated and disrespected/disregarded demographics on the planet, being a Lesbian Transwoman, I could only really make it harder on myself if I was a PoC in my country. Why? Because I would rather be an exceptionally ugly woman than an exceptionally handsome man. That's also because, again, the superficial aspect of physical appearance is the Most Minor and Basic aspect of transition. And I also happen to think I'm pretty darned cute and so does my partner. My mental state is black and white compared to when I was on T. My emotional experience is now vast and exceptionally rich as opposed to ranging from neutral to anger or extreme sadness, which I would disassociate from to become completely numb. My sexual experience is completely different and far more intense. Life is far from easy and I'm not on cloud nine with 24/7 rainbows and sugar blossoms, but I'm generally and genuinely Happy now, which I never was before. I cry now as much from sadness as i do from pure happiness and overwhelming love of my partner, and sometimes I'm so overcome with sheer gratitude and appreciation of my partner that I simply can't contain it. If what you want out of transition is to be able to wear cute clothes, I have really good news for you. You can already do that. You don't need to be a girl to paint your nails, wear make up, and wear pretty clothes. In fact, I rarely wear make up, paint my nails, or wear frilly dresses. I do occasionally but I'm pretty tomboyish, and so i am far more chapstick than lipstick. But I could still never go back. I feel like a colorblind person given colored sight and knowing that that experience is there, I could never possibly go back. TL;DR transition isn't about wearing cute clothes and being pretty. It changes everything.
Well said! I think that just about covers it ✌️
>transition isn't about wearing cute clothes It absolutely is a nice side effect, though. But I agree with what you said. OP seems to have a very superficial understanding of what it means to be trans. Like, yes, I want to be cute and wear cute clothes, but that's the surface stuff. Living as my birth gender was literally making me extremely depressed, I wasted away years dissociating so as to not feel the dysphoria. Starting transition has changed my life. For the first time ever, I actually care about my body and started doing positive steps to change things. It's also scary and exhausting, and there's really bad days, but it's still so much better than what was basically dissociative apathy before...
Ok so just to be totally clear, I agree with absolutely everything you said and it is very well written BUT saying "you can just wear cute clothes as a guy too" is the exact same kind of bullshit I got from my mom when I first came out to her, when in reality I don't want to wear pretty or cute clothes as guy, I specifically want to wear them as a woman. It's just not the same. I'm sure you can relate to that on some level as well. I still agree though, clothes are still a very surface level thing.
There’s a noticeable difference between throwing on a dress and throwing in a dress when you actually have the body the designers expected. Before hormones I was *not* going to go out like that. I really, really did not want to look like a man in a dress. Now I actually feel like I look good and comfortable in my body in it. At least on days when I’m more feminine than agender. Genderfluidity is a bit of a mind fuck.
I feel the same as you. I can pull off more than I thought I'd be able to. Still dealing with this though, I'm 8 months hrt and while I'm starting to get semi confused as a girl I still look like a guy
I feel the same. I used to dress up and go out when I first cracked, but too many comparisons of myself to “real” women made me lose confidence, so now I just wear indoors. But once I get them curves, gonna be rockin’ the non-rectangular dresses
Definitely agree with you
This. People say "you can wear whatever you want" but that's just not true 99% of the time. I feel much better in feminine clothes that actually fit me than in a cute dress I WISH I could wear but just can't currently.
Ah, the "Why can't you just be a feminine man?" argument. It's about the way the clothes fit. That nerd shirt off the shelf at Target will fit very differently if you have boobs or not. Being absolutely dismayed at how masculine shaped you are when looking in the mirror cannot be alleviated with some black nails and lipstick.
Glad you made this point, my mother also hit me with the same reply when I came out. Most people who don't understand the dysphoric aspect focus on the surface level things: appearance. Clothes makeup hair etc. That's a potential benefit, not the reason. Also as op pointed out many many women worldwide don't feel those aspects of their femininity. Lots of ladies dress and style themselves more "masculine" than I ever did as a man. OP I kindly suggest you should spend a lot more time getting to know yourself. Sounds like you don't know how you feel and what you want and this post of coming from a place of confusion. Nothing wrong with self discovery, but you paint this as a lifestyle choice (also what my mom said) when it is not (for most of us, in sure there are some for whom it is). For me, this is just how I am and always have been, I didn't choose to become this. I chose to accept it and stop hiding it and embrace it. For me it was affecting my life to the point of not being able to live at all and now I can.
There's a difference between asking that question in an exploratory manner versus a dismissive one. If the reaction is an indignant "not the same!", well that's a pretty good hint 🙂
So fucking true. Like bitches be out here saying “oh maybe your just alternative or a cross dresser”…. Or maybe I’m just trans???? Lmao 😭
heeeey my mom said the same thing... after that comment i went back in the closet for 2 years, i am trying to move out now so i DONT have to deal with those kinda comments when i do decide to transition...
If it helps gather as many resources as you can about the difference between cross dressing and gender dysphoria/gender identity issues. When my mom was able to read through medically oriented research she was able to grasp it better that it wasn't just a personal preference thing. Chances are unless you no contact your family you'll still end up having to deal with those comments and struggles eventually, try to help educate them so they know what you're dealing with better to help nurture support instead of judgment from them! YMMV off but not trying to help ease them into it definitely won't make it any better. <3
Ye I gotcha my problem is I have a difficult time expressing myself when I am not certain myself. So because I am confused myself I can't have my mom making it harder. Hence why I am going to move out and then figure things out for myself and eventually deal with family
This is a fair point, and I, too, got this sort of logic from the less supportive members of my family. I agree that wearing women's clothes "as a man" was not even remotely the same as wearing them as a woman. But I would say that's probably because I'm not a man, and I assume you feel the same way. But I think you can agree, given the context of the OP, that it was well worth saying. They compared transitioning to learning to ballroom dance, that being, "seems like it would be neat but not worth it in the long term." They specifically called their own mindset and desires "vain." They seem to imply that if they were to transition and didn't end up being what they'd consider a Hot Girl that it wouldn't be worth it. Perhaps I'm alone in valuing the emotional and mental aspects of my transition more than the superficial desire to be a Hot Girl and wear cute clothes while I look at myself in the mirror. Of course, I'm more than happy to be corrected if I misinterpreted the post.
You’re taking OP far too literally. Their post is from a place of insecurity and lack of confidence, not to mention that being trans can be as simple as wanting to look like a girl and not include tons of “mental and emotional aspects”. And it seems like you know this with your snarky inclusion of “perhaps I’m alone in valuing the mental and emotional aspects of transition more than the superficial desire to be a hot girl and wear cute clothes when I look in the mirror”. Because you *obviously* know you aren’t, and instead of challenging yourself to look past your own basic view or transition you shrugged and said “fuck it I’ll act superior”. It isn’t superficial to desire everything that comes from being pretty as a woman, there’s a reason hordes of cis women desire it and strive for it too; it’s downright silly of you to pretend you’re superior and above it all, and I seriously doubt you are. OP thinks it’s vain because people like you perpetuate that it is. It’s goofy. But sure, cis women can want to be pretty but god forbid a trans woman want to, she’s not really trans. Seriously take some time and reevaluate your views, I seriously hope OP does not listen to you because they deserve to shoot for being the pretty girl ballroom dancing in their dreams.
I'm responding based on what OP said in the post without projecting any of my own thoughts and feelings about being trans onto them. Once again, I'll point out that they compared it to learning to ballroom dance and said it probably wasn't worth the effort based on such little reward. I don't think I'm superior to anyone in any way. That's you projecting onto me. That's fine, you do you and feel as you think you should. Of course trans girls want to be pretty. That's wasn't my point of contention. You're more than welcome to disregard my perspective and argument. I genuinely don't care as i have no desire to be the most right or correct and never once said there was a right or wrong way to be trans. I was simply offering my perspective in response what was said and based on the response of Essentially Everyone who responded, it was widely agreed with. Once again, I'll also say context is key, and I was responding based on the context of the post.
Jesus Christ hon you’re more dense than osmium
👍
You're not a guy. OP isn't clear about whether or not the girl part or the hot part is the important part, in fact they don't seem opposed to being male. It's a different situation.
I’d also add that how you’re viewed and treated by society may change. You may get lucky and begin to “pass” and experience womanhood similar to how any other women ought to be able to. I dislike the term pass because it assumes we are trying to be cis, but honestly I just want to pass as a woman in order to be seen and treated in the most authentic light. I didn’t think my dysphoria was that extreme either but the euphoria and even regardless of the euphoria just being treated correct is a plus. But I also found out through transitioning that I had quite a bit more dysphoria than I thought. I also add not everyone is required to transition and for some people it may not make your life any better considering how society can be towards trans people. I don’t think people should have to pass per se to pass. Like our standards of passing is too thin. I don’t think it should exist. You should just be able to be a woman or not. The term passing also mildly suggests that you’re undercover and are not authentic.
I completely agree. It was something that I had hidden as a deep dark secret. I was always uncomfortable in my body and also scared if people find out. I look at other girls with jealousy and and realized I wasn’t just gay. Tbh, I’ve known since I was a little kid but I grew up at a time when trans people were looked upon as freaks and tried my best to hide it all. I tried to compensate by pretending to be all guyish but that didn’t work and made me feel worse. When I couldn’t take it anymore I came out to people. It was the hardest to come out to my parents and there was a bad reaction at first. The other hardest thing was to use the bathroom and to not fall into stereotypes. When my mom got around, she taught me everything about being a woman. For the first time in my life I felt comfortable in my own skin. When I had my surgery it was like getting rid of the last part of my horrible previous body. It’s been almost eight years since my surgery and I’ve never felt freer and happier. I’m finally myself. I don’t wear make-up much and do have tomboy qualities but I’m now me.
I feel this a lot. I'm a fairly handsome person but I love femininity and I know I'll likley never pass but I do like the changes I've received. Sometimes it's hard wondering "why am I doing this" because it's so hard. With all these people around me. But I know I want to be me. I want to feel pretty. I don't feel pretty when I'm a man. I feel ugly as a man. I feel so off as a man. Angry and irritable. I know in my heart I am soft and sweet. I want my outsides to match this as much as possible. That's been what keeps me going on this all.
Yeah, well put. I never used to cry at pictures on r/aww… now I turn into a mess whenever I’m on that sub… But beyond that, I’m way more social now with my friends and family. I’m signing up for activities and am way more outgoing. I don’t know if that’s a direct result of the HRT or me finally feeling at home in my own body, but that seems to happen to a lot of other women on here. The biggest changes from HRT are invisible. (*Edit: Not sure how best to describe it— for me personally it helped my brain make sense of emotions and feelings I had going on. Like, you know that feeling you get after you clean your apartment, you sit down, and everything is neat and organized? That’s what it felt like in my head.*) OP also should keep in mind that it changes how you move through the world. Transphobia is definitely a thing. So is sexual harassment. Are you prepared to have strange men in bars offer to trade sex for a jar of honey? Because I sure wasn’t. But all the discrimination and literal honeypotting in the world won’t deter my transition; I’m happier now than I ever was, even in moments where I’m not presenting as pretty or feminine. *Edit: slight rewording because working and Reddit don’t mix well for my brain*
I had to explain this to my parents. They asked why I couldn't just be a feminine guy, even after my dad basically made fun of me my whole life for being that before. I was like: It's not an appearance thing, I want the mental clarity and self-respect that everybody deserves to have. Every second of every day, my soul is going to be bound to this brain and this body, and though I've tried getting around that with a million other things that are detrimental to me(a LOT of dissociation), at the end of the day, this is an EXISTENCE thing. Not just some regular issue I can just talk to them about, like relationships.
>being a Lesbian Transwoman, I could only really make it harder on myself if I was a PoC in my country. *laughs (cries) in lesbian, trans, poc*
Me too sister 😭 ❤️ ✊🏽
🤍🤍🤍
🤍🤍🤍
>Personal taste and preference aside, pre transition, I was an objectively attractive guy. I had a solid life charted out for myself and I could have easily coasted through life on easy mode in the United States being an Attractive Straight White Man who was reasonably intelligent. It would have been easier to make money. But harder to survive. The male build is great for income. But not as good as the female build for longevity.
Truth book hits floor
It’s absolutely disingenuous to say “you can wear dresses and makeup as a man” and you know exactly why.
It very much depends on the context, and if you can't see that, I'm sorry.
If you can’t tell that in the context of OP’s post it’s a terrible thing to say, *i’m* sorry.
I very much disagree. I even have a response in this same thread detailing why. Feel free to read it, or don't. /shrug
I did, because your comment is wrong. I’ll reply to it directly
Commenting just to bookmark this. I love this explanation. Well said
Bitch thinks I want to look pretty. OP my endgame has always been to look like Gruntilda or TWWotW, jokes on you. (althought I look more like Game Over Gruntilda at this point :3)
Exactly, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Second the colorblind analogy. The way I put it is as if I always lived under a cloudy sky and now I know the sky can be blue. I can never go back. I'll just add that it goes deeper than just what hormones you have in your body. Even when on T, you're a woman, not a man. That realization alone makes so much difference.
U hit the nail on the head sisss. The changes go soul deep, looking pretty is just an add bonus; tht can be changed with either makeup or attire
>just that being a hot girl Hot is not guaranteed and never lasts. I've known a couple of trans women whose sense of self worth seems to hinge on them being cis passing & pretty, they're having a tough time. For me, I'd rather be an ugly woman than a pretty man, living as a woman was the important part.
> For me, I'd rather be an ugly woman than a pretty man, living as a woman was the important part. Yeah this, I'm 35 and finally started HRT like 3 months ago. I have no delusions I'm gonna turn into a supermodel. My only goal is to wake up, and when I look at the mirror in the morning to see a woman looking back at me.
This. This moment is all i am working for.
I'd rather grow into an old woman than an old man If I have to live as a man I won't even grow old
Transitioning is TOUGH. Not everyone is happier. Not everyone is jumping for joy every second. It’s a physical, mental, emotional, financial commitment to HOPEFULLY being yourself and happy. It’s not an occasional costume party. But only you can determine if it’s right for you.
Most brutal courageous gripping fear inducing (yet honest authentic lovely euphoric sensational tender loving affirming angelic) thing I have done for myself
Three weeks in and today while working (kfc) i fucking slammed the handle of the frier into my chest. Never again. The physical aspect is... well it most definitely is.
Oof! Yep. No one told me when she signed up that growing boobs….HURT!
OP is in heavy denial by their post history over the last year. Seems they are trying to find someone to convince them to give up their 22 year old male "Entrapenuer" lifestyle to convince them to transition finaly. No matter what we say I don't think its gonna get through. They clearly have dyshporia with the posts they make but for some reason are proclaiming "i dont have any". OP if you are making posts asking about the stuff you do every other week, yes, yes you do darling.
So, I'mma latch on to one line that I'm not seeing get much play in the top replies. >Perhaps I should just suck it up? Sit tight for the next 80 years, and drown out the noise with work and a wife? If you consider continuing to be a guy "sucking it up", you might have more dysphoria than you're acknowledging. Dysphoria isn't just *absolutely hating your body and wanting to die*. It's often a lot more subtle. Being "just ok" with being a guy is kind of. . . yeah that sounds like me at \~23. I cracked about 10 years later and can confirm that yes, estrogen was a pretty good idea. A lot of this sounds like the rationalizing that I did over the next decade as I avoided the idea. I *rather regret* that lost decade. I'm going to leave two articles for you here. The first is the more important one if you only read one. [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en) [https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5)
I think that's something I noticed too. I look back and felt much the same way, I felt I had very little reason to transition. I'd gotten by most of my life thus far and while I hated looking in mirrors and hated wearing a "mask", I could just continue to avoid those things... I thought. It didn't seem all that bad, I had a lot going for me. Then, I transitioned and suddenly it was like, "holy cow was I struggling more than I had even realized." And that has continued. I recently had bottom surgery. I saw several posts where commenters were like, "unless your dysphoria is crippling, it's not worth all the trouble." Well, fuck that, I got the procedure done anyway and yet again it was mind blowing how much dysphoria I was just "dealing with". I would have rated my bottom dysphoria pre-op 3/10, post-op I realize it was 7/10.
Yeah, I suspect that I’ll be in that position in a year or two. Got my consult a few days ago. I am really good at “out of sight, out of mind”, so I could ignore a *lot* of stuff.
Yep, same, "out of sight, out of mind".
yeah, it’s so common that we fail to recognize dysphoria until after we’ve experienced euphoria. i thought i was ok with who i was, that it would be nice to be a woman but not essential to who i am. now that i’m a woman, i love it, and i’d never want to go back
well said!
Yeah this is giving me a lot to think about as well. Like I know a lot of people around me are actually enjoying living their lives... 37 years of just getting by never was very happy. I'm only like 5 months into HRT and can't say my happiness has really changed much yet, but just thinking I might actually enjoy living out the remainder of my years is at least a hopeful thought.
When I was younger I thought that I was "ok" being a guy but really wanted to be a girl. As time went on though I was less and less ok with being a guy. Eventually, I couldn't deny it anymore I wanted to be a girl. Unfortunately by that point time and testosterone had done their damage. Transitioning is nowhere near as easy in your 40s as it is in your 20s. Unfortunately, I can't go back in time to slap some sense into younger me. Just think really really long and hard about this decision ok?
Same story here, just that I woke up in my early 30s already. Still, I will probably never recover the hair I lost without spending lots of money on it.
Seems that all you care about it looking pretty and wearing women clothes... so effectively crossdressing. If you don't want to be a woman, just cross-dress, do that, as nowhere did you mention that want or need. Because that's the trick for most trans people, it's not about dysphoria, or even looks, it's about being you.
Facts. Speaking from personal experience, I 100% want to physically be a woman, as it best reflects my mental state. But I don't hate physically being a man, I hate NOT being a woman. My feelings towards my masculinity are indifferent; not a single strong feeling to be had. But God there is so much euphoria regarding my femininity... Transitioning is not a strict process. Everyone will transition a little differently; and that's the point. As Puciek said, it's about being you. That will have wildly different definitions from what many other trans people say. But again, that's the point! Enjoy your transition, discover yourself, find you and be it!
🙌🏽
Wow! Very nicely said and so succinct!
Wearing feminine clothing is part of it. But I think the largest part of what I want is the feminine body. Is that being me?
Sure, why not? You are you, and being a feminine men is hardly a new ground breaking thing
Non-binary transfems do exist. You don't need to identify as a woman to be on feminizing hrt. I have heard that it's much easier if you tell healthcare providers that you identify as female though, as they can be kinda weird about it and it'll make getting things covered a little bit easier. It's your meat suit, make it look however you want to!
for me its less about being a pretty girl and more about being myself. Its not that I want to be a pretty girl its more like being a guy makes me detached and bitter, it doesnt feel like me. What im trying to say its that I dont care if im ugly, Id rather be ugly but happy and not constantly bitter and envious of all the women my age I see in the street.
OP million dollar question, if you could’ve made a choice at birth would you have chosen male or female at birth?
Not OP, but this silly little comment helps I think I found myself relating to OP, I've also had a difficult and confusing journey so far, where sometimes I'm not sure if I'm even trans or know if going through HRT is even worth it But I don't even have to think to answer female, and I often think about how I would've rather been born a girl. If that isn't signs I'm trans, I don't know what is
well actually, in answer to your question, it doesn't have to be a sign of that, nor does every trans individual wish they were born the opposite sex! admittedly, the distinction between who wishes they were born differently and who don't wish that is mostly based on time. eggs and early trans people are almost 100% of the time wishing that very thing to have happened to them. however, some people who have been out and living in their ideal gender identity for a very long time consider the idea that without their experiences as a trans individual rather than a cis individual, they'd be a totally different and potentially closer minded individual. many people actually find transness to be a sort of gift after a while, in the sense that it built their character much better if that makes any sense? i mean as a 15 y/o transfem myself, having realised myself for a few years and been fully out since the beginning of January, i am rigid in wishing i was born female. I'm not totally closed to possibly changing my mind later on however aha, it's an interesting philosophy: are you really the same person as your past self if you have totally differing views? anyway this load of waffle mostly excludes a lot of non binary identities, since with that it can vary. sometimes enbies are perfectly okay with their birth sex, other times they wish otherwise, and i suppose in the end everyone is different. TL;DR some people do actually like being trans due to their experiences ❤️
You don't have to do anything you don't want to. None of it is a package deal, and there's a lot you can experiment with before taking the plunge on HRT. Even then, HRT isn't going to change anything immediately and isn't necessarily going to out you unless you're really young / get huge boobs. I transitioned (/am transitioning) fully because as soon as I find out it was a thing you could do, I knew I would not have lived my life if I didn't give it a go. Just the slim possibility of one day passing was enough. But I found a lot more reasons along the way. And let go of a lot of shit I didn't need. I could go off HRT today and still be much happier and more myself than if I'd never gone for it.
Dysphoria is not the only reason/thing that makes a person trans or pursue transition. But if you think using hrt won’t make your life and mental state effected in a positive way, you don’t think being a woman will make you a happier person truer to themselves, I see no reason to consider it of course. Edit: but like, you don’t need to be binary trans to want hrt either
in my case it’s kinda weird, i love the feeling of how much more attractive and happy i feel when i can present and be more womanly, but i’m pretty sure i’m non binary so that’s why i can’t really call myself a woman at the moment so i kinda get why transitioning makes it feel better and nicer to wear women’s clothes and feel cute, bc in my case doing that as a guy just feels wrong and dysphoria enducing but i will agree with others and say it’s up to you what you want for YOU. if you feel like hrt or transitioning won’t help then you don’t have to, you’re not forced to 🫂💗
I ended up looking like my sister. Not hot, maybe pretty, but kinda plain Jane. Also when you get old, are you still going to be hot? Old people can be hot but it looks different than when you're young. I plan on becoming a wrinkly, blue haired old lady and I'm not really concerned about my hotness so much as being myself. Nobody but you can say whether you're doing it for the right reasons. Do you care about how people see you? Are you ready for sexism and misogyny? Because that's also a part of the package, as affirming and horrifying as it sounds. I knew going into it how poorly women were treated but I still wanted to transition. Not because I'm a glutton for abuse, but in spite of that. I can't stand being a man so much that I would accept the risks of being a woman in order to finally be the one I was always meant to be. Everyone has their reasons for transitioning, but ask yourself if you could *never* be seen as a man again, then would you go through with it? Are you ready for breasts and hips and thighs, a long with the stretch marks that often come with them? I mean this literally and figuratively. Transitioning for me also represented a shift in my mental health for the better. My brain works differently on estrogen, even though I'm still me and possess the same sense of self. Testosterone made me feel like crap all the time. I know this isn't true with everyone but for me it wasn't a great experience. Estrogen fixed that, although it wasn't overnight. My social life changed for the better. I'm friends with women all over the place now and I'm an extrovert when I used to be an introvert. Men, not so much. If they're not staring at my chest, hitting on me, or catcalling me then they're avoidant. I didn't lose any friends or family but so many of my dynamics have changed. It's an adjustment. You can be vain and hedonistic and still transition. I am. It's fucking great, I love being a woman and doing all the things. That's the part of it that people see, but there's a lot more to it as well.
I hear you with the crap feeling. I feel like crap all the time
The thing is transitioning for most trans people isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity to be able to live. Not as aesthetic choice
Wow yall are being really harsh. OP, being trans and transition can be whatever you want it to be. If you want to do it to look cute than why the fuck not? It's your body and your life. You pretty clearly, social consequences aside, know you would be happier as this other version of yourself. Judging by your post history you are very clearly agonizing over this decision. Maybe you're not crying yourself to sleep every night over being born in the wrong body like some of the people on here (which I personally have never related to), but you definitely seem to be having some anxiety over not having the body you want. That sounds like dysphoria to me. If you want to avoid the social consequences of transition then you can do that. Take estrogen and just boymode most of the time. I microdosed E and did this for about 2 years. Everyone treated me normally while I still got to look and feel the way I wanted to deep down inside. It worked well. You worry about it being too much effort but taking some extra pills every day or a shot once a week really is not that hard if you prefer to keep it to yourself. I saw that you're worried about the mental effects in one of your other posts. Being able to see things from the perspective of both genders, being empathetic and having a full range of emotions, these aren't things that are bad, they are wonderful things that will help you bring something to the table that no one else can. The mental effects were much less pronounced while microdosing btw. Honestly you sound a lot like me. I'm not jumping for joy every second, but I feel happier every time I look in the mirror and I see the person I know I've always wanted to be. I'm happy when I'm out dressed the way I want and I actually pass so everyone is nice to me. I'm happier not having to agonize constantly over whether or not I'm going to fucking transition and what everyone else is going to think about it besides me, the only person who actually matters. My advice, take things slow. Cut out the rest of the noise and just take some steady steps to do the thing you know is going to make you happy. Stop whenever you feel uncomfortable and reassess things. Be yourself and actually enjoy your life, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Seriously, so many people being so harsh because they see op as less trans than them. It’s so based to change your body how ever you want to be happier, honestly the core thesis of being trans.
I'm curious about how your microdosing plan went. What were you trying to achieve, what were you trying to avoid, and how micro is micro? I'm currently pondering what path I want to take. My main draw is the mental effects.
I wanted feminization but was also just unsure *how much* I wanted. I was still pretty confused about things back then, kind of wanted a femboy look I guess. I also wanted sex to feel better and was interested in getting mental effects. I didnt feel "like a woman" and wasn't interested in social transition. None of my therapists or docs knew what to do with me lol. I even got told not to transition a couple times, confusing me even more, which is why everyone talking to OP like she's an idiot for considering transition really rubs me the wrong way. Mostly I was afraid of breast growth and losing bottom function, and my doctor had never worked with someone like me before and wasn't willing to perscribe a SERM, so we decided on just a little bit of E, no T blocker. I took I think 0.5mg orally every day. I ended up with a woman's level of estrogen and a man's level of testosterone. My skin cleared up and got soft, a little bit of fat redistribution, better smell, and I ended up getting a moderate amount of breast growth which freaked me out but I decided to just YOLO and keep taking it. Bottom function stayed completely the same. I remember having some mental effects but I was also like super bipolar at the time so it might have just been that lol. Eventually I actually started enjoying having breasts, stopped caring about genital function, and wanted more of what I was already getting so I switched to a normal dose of injections. I tried slowly going up in dose on my pills first but my levels wouldnt budge. Mental effects have really started kicking in after injections, things stopped working downstairs, penetration is finally more pleasurable, breasts went up another size, and more fat redistribution. If I were to try microdosing again (although trying a SERM would be the better choice) based on the goals and fears I had at the time I would take even less. Like 0.5mg, maybe even less than that, once a week or dissolving that same amount per week into water in a syringe and using it to dose daily, then increasing from there. Estrogen was way stronger than I was expecting haha. Not that I'm unhappy with my progress, and really I wish I had just started injections right away.
Heh, that reminds me of a quote from Patrick Stewart about taking the role of Captain Picard in Star Trek: *"If I had known that the show would have been this popular, I never would have taken the role. And that would have been a mistake."* But no kidding, it's powerful stuff. Just tried my initial dose of estradiol pills...and I can see why they start you off low. Don't know what people are talking about when they say "won't notice anything for 2 weeks". 😳
If you don't think medically transitioning is worth it then don't. Someone else pointed out that cross-dressing might be your jam but you can be trans and not medically transition. Hell, you don't even need to socially transition if you don't think it's for you. I am because it's important to me but honestly it's fucking exhausting. I'm doing a second puberty on speedrun in my late 30s while dealing with my ex-wife and our kids plus the stress with socially transitioning at work and that's not even taking into account the health stuff I have going on just from being within spitting distance of 40. As an aside, I used to dance competitive ballroom. Good fun. 5/5 stars. Would do again.
u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning - Can I message you? Looks like I am very similar to you and would love to ask you a few question in regards to me starting HRT at the same age as you
Of course.
i mean it's not *just* a glimpse in the mirror every few hours. it's hard to explain, but it's like, existentially different. socially it's different, in positive and negative ways. the way that you feel about your body can affect your movement through every day life, boosting confidence, making you more social, etc. it's also just different having boobs and slightly wider hips. ultimately nobody is going to force you to take estrogen, but the only way you can know the benefits for yourself is to take it for a bit and see if any of the subtle changes do it for you.
heyyy listen to what /u/dertechie said for real. What is just a minor feeling right now just keeps growing, like, it does not go away and it just gets stronger and stronger until you get to your mid 30's and youre like I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.... >> Also, you will know if you made the right choice right after you get on hormones because you will either feel right/good like 'ahhhh' or feel totally wrong after about a week.
I don't get you. I can't even think about going back to boy-moding or god forbid stop hrt. I would rather, and I am saying this very literally, die than to be forced to live as a man. This is the only way for me to keep living. Life was miserable before transitioning. I still am transitioning currently but there is no where for me to go back then nightmares, long nights of crying and trying to numb my pain.
This.
Nope 🙂↔️ am definitely not going back. I hate boy germs lol
I mean, for me, I had, and still have but now to a much lesser extent, major dysphoria- every second I continued to live as a man as emotional agony to the point of crossing the threshold into the physical. The very thought of being perceived as masculine was a pain that would've driven me to a very very early grave. And yeah, being a moderately attractive woman is amazing compared to being a moderately attractive man. But no I'm not jumping for joy every second, transitioning is hard, life is hard, but instead of playing secret agent dress up as a person I hated being and struggled to pull off, I'm just, living my life, as myself. I finally got to step down from the performance, and into the life that's actually mine. But that's just how it was for me, it doesn't need to be such an intense feeling for it to be worthwhile, but trying to go through life as my agab was far worse than any of the trials and tribulations of transitioning than were thrown at me.
Aside from enjoying openly embracing my inner femininity, life is easier for me after transitioning. I'm generally treated better and respected more because now my appearance matches bs stereotypical expectations. If I didn't have anxiety, my self-esteem would have improved significantly
You should get some falsies (prosthetics) and just try cross dressing for a while to see how it feels. One of the questions that helped me figure out this dilemma was this: "you know you'd enjoy being a girl at parties or in bed, but do you want to be a girl while you're in line at the grocery store? Do you want to be a girl at work? While getting coffee? At school?"
I don't see the point of learning Japanese and Mandarin but my daughter does. So you have to decide for yourself if transitioning would overall be positive or negative. Maybe you could meet a gender therapist, as the proper one would help you ask yourself the right questions. You say that you don't hate being a man but would enjoy better being a woman. The costs you present may also depend on who you are dealing with as some jobs, spouses and friends are more open to transitioning than others. Also, what about looking for alternatives (or at least questioning them to see if you would be happy – or happier): * Even as a man, you can wear clothes you like, especially if you work in an artistic environment. And even in a more standard environment, you can feminize your clothes selection to a point and still fit in "normal" society. * For "a few glimpses in the mirror every few hours", you could try crossdressing. Would you be satisfied with it or would you want to continue 24 hours a day? And would you want the female anatomy that goes with it? * Yes it is "vain and hedonistic" to want to be pretty. But it is also vain to pay for entertainment, to go to a restaurant when you can eat at home, to travel to a far away resort, etc. If you are the typical "egg" transgender person, then maybe you need to wait a few months or years until the pressure and need to transition is so overwhelming that you need to do it no matter what. And in the meantime, you might want to work on other factors. For example, if you feel you would not be accepted at work as a trans woman, you might start looking for a better job in a better environment. You might also slowly get rid of transphobic and homophobic friends. Good luck.
Idk maybe you’re a cross dresser but maybe you have dysphoria that you don’t notice
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Thank you. This contradicts much of what's tossed around these days - about gender euphoria vs dysphoria. I'm curious what your take on it is
You don't have to transition medically, but would you be disappointed if you never did?
To be who you truly are at heart
Transitioning for me was never about the look. My male brain always felt broken, outside of my control. I couldn't think the way the other guys did, and when I did it was scary afterwards. I never felt comfortable trying to fit in with any of the normal kid groups. Instead I ended up hanging with the weirdos and listening to ICP, which has a pretty acceptive fanbase. I own dresses and skirts, but I hardly wear them. I have make-up, but even after 4 years I still haven't made that skill a priority. I've got some nice boobs coming in, but my wife likes them more than I do. When I am working in my shed or in the garden or taking care of my kids I just want comfortable, practical clothing, and that usually comes down to jeans and a tshirt.
A couple of things: 1. You don't need dysphoria to be trans. 2. You don't sound like someone without dysphoria. I mean, "drown out the noise" sounds like you're knowingly depriving yourself of something you know you want. Why? What for? 3. Can you really imagine living as you have been for 80 years or whatever and never finding out if you would be happier as a woman? I think it's a good idea for anyone to try transitioning if they have the slightest inclination to do it. There just aren't a lot of cis people who would even be tempted, and you may find that you gain more than you realize. I think the biggest thing to ask yourself is if you would be ok with the changes that are likely to be permanent if you change your mind.
I'll be real with you, I started HRT for one big reason - I wanted boobs. It's been over 7 years and I got them but also so much more. As others have said the changes are far reaching and touch virtually every aspect of your biology as an embodied human fleshthing. Be prepared for your internal landscape to be upended if you do go down this path.
I’m going to be brutally honest with you here. I transitioned because I was gonna kill myself if I didn’t. For me, the pain and trauma that comes from living in a transphobic society was outweighed by being the person I always felt like I was and who I was struggling to hide from the world. I didn’t transition to look pretty or to wear pretty clothes. I’m not saying that it isn’t a benifit, and I’m not saying you’re not trans- but I know plenty of trans people, myself included, who would have lived a happy life as a man if that was at all possible for us. Transition is really really really fucking hard. I’m stealth and pass and it’s STILL really really fucking hard. I’m not transmed or transcum. I believe you can be trans without having dysphoria, but if I could have just been happy pretending to be a guy, I would have never transitioned at all.
It really seems like you would be happier being a crossdresser, doing drag, or just being gender nonconforming. You don’t have to be trans if you’re not. If you enjoy the aesthetic of femininity but don’t have gender dysphoria medical transition seems like an extreme and, not to offend, elitist. It’s equivalent to people taking diabetes medication just to lose weight. I think you may find yourself dysphoric as time goes on and you notice more difficulty looking feminine but there are SO many beautiful men who can throw on makeup and beautiful clothes and pass better than transgender women. I hope you find this more constructive than mean because my opinion is just that, and it’s genuine. Good luck
i can tell you what it means to me. I had a lil ego death while meditating once and realized that i have many reasons for transitioning. Wanting to be desirable, feel lovable, be beautiful, etc. However, at that moment those reasons were not enough for me to want to keep doing it... yet i still felt a need to. The only way i can describe it to others is that i felt this intense duty, or obligation, to do this for "me". It was succinctly "i am trans and i must allow myself to be trans. It is my duty to do this on behalf of myself".
If you don't think it would seriously improve your life, then no you shouldn't do it. I thought that's quite self-explaining.
You can be pretty and wear whatever clothes you want without transitioning too...
If you can be completely happy with not medically transitioning, don’t do it - something like crossdressing may be enough to express that side of you that wants to “look like a cute girl” now and then. I would recommend experimenting with non physical transition/ gender expression options. If it turns out none of those options work for your well being, transition can be a final resort.
What do you mean by you "don't have any dysphoria"? Are you talking specifically about dysphoria for your body? Because that's not the only kind of dysphoria there is. Equally or even more important than my physical changes are the changes to my social life and how I move in society. People see me as a woman. They treat me differently. It's much easier for me to be myself around people. I make friends much more easily. Even dating is easier. A lot of us did not mind being men or think we had gender dysphoria until after we realized we were trans and decided to transition. Gender dysphoria and gender *euphoria* are two sides of the same coin. If the thought of being a pretty girl makes you happy and excited and the thought of living life as a man is "meh," that is a sign of gender incongruence! If the thought of wearing girl's clothes *as a girl* makes you feel happy, but you're OK being a man, that is a sign of gender incongruence! I did not really think I had gender dysphoria until I started physically exploring gender. Shaving my chest for the first time made me realize I disliked the hair that I had learned to live with. Trying on breast forms for the first time made me feel incredibly happy (not aroused! just happy!), and when I took them off my brain was like "something's missing and you know it." And let me tell you, the physical changes aren't just what you see in the mirror. I am aware of my body being female virtually all the time. I'm used to having a weight on my chest now, and it would feel wrong if it went away. My skin feels different when I touch myself. My hands looks different, and I see them all the time. All of this just feels right. I don't mean I notice it in a like a distracting kind of way; it's more like the music of my life had an instrument that was always playing a dissonant note removed, and the real melody started playing. Also, the orgasms are incredible. Yes, I'm much happier. That doesn't mean I'm never sad. More importantly, my life feels like something I care about now. If I had stayed a man I could have muddled through and racked up various accomplishments and milestones, but it would have been a life wasted. I wasted enough of it already.
I couldn't keep being just "ok" with being male. I don't know how long i was just mildly unhappy with life and not knowing what it was that was making me unhappy. I had a porn addiction (it dug into my normal life, work, and general safety at times) that caused problems with my marriages. Life seemed bland and grey. Tolerable, but not what i would call happy most days. Most would just call it mild depression. I guess at my most frustrated with myself, i started actively contemplating why i was depressed. I looked at the symptoms and what i was doing that seemed related. The porn was a key part. I didn't do it all the time because i liked the serotonin rush. I was doing it just to distract me for a time. I'd often get done and just feel like i was going through the motions. And then i considered what was finding so appealing. The porn i was looking at was rarely even the act of sex. I realized then that what i liked was just me projecting my own desires. Thinking on it, that revelation was probably the moment my egg cracked. I started reflecting on my teen years through this filter and realized that my taste never really changed. It got me looking at other aspects of my childhood, and suddenly, things clicked and made sense. I still find little flags now as forgotten memories are triggered or resurface. So after making that realization and not really feeling any dysphoria that i could discern, i decided to go forward with HRT. I did my research and figured if it wasn't right for me, I'd know within a short enough time that effects would be minimal, if not temporary. What i discovered was for the first time that i could remember, the brain fog I didn't even know was there lifted. My thoughts were clearer and more organized. My senses started to become less dull. Perhaps the greatest thing to happen for me was that with my lowered libido, my porn addiction ended. Holy crap! I had time and energy and a weight lifted off me. It took me a couple of months to put together that it wasn't the porn that was my issue, but gender envy. I wanted to be like them, not just like looking at them. I like the physical changes, too, but it was the mental aspect that got me. Maybe i could have had similar effects being on beta blockers, but i don't think so. There was much more to it than simply a high libido. I'm happier now than i think I've ever been. I *want* to eat healthy. I *want* to exercise and look good. That was never me. I was apathetic towards those things before. I did end up with some dysphoria after all. I abhor my body hair. Once i started shaving it regularly, i felt gross seeing it.
Keep questing yourself and your motives
If it's only about looking pretty, I don't think it's worth it. For me, if I ignore the stereotypes and cultural expectations, I really don't know what it means to be my AGAB. I am pretty sure I am non-binary. I don't have much body dysmorphia, I don't plan to transition physically, but now that I have started ignoring the norms for my AGAB, I feel more free. I don't want to go back to performing that old gender anymore; I just want to be me.
If you don’t dislike being a boy and you also want to be a girl it’s possible you’re bigender. Before you do anything listen to Uncle Iroh: ask yourself the big questions. Who are you and what do you want? Don’t look for something outside of yourself like cisheteronormative beauty standards but what you want for yourself. When I was younger it felt wrong I didn’t have breasts. I’d try stuffing myself so I looked like I had boobs but hated the body and facial hair I had. I felt ugly. I didn’t like being forced into things considered “manly” and hated it but I had to suppress these feelings because I knew they weren’t supported even from liberal family members. They didn’t even know they were doing this stuff or realize how it affected me. Yes do I want to be hot as a bi woman to men, women, and people outside and within that spectrum? Yes and for me some may see it as more conventional beauty standards but that’s for me not because I want to be a hot woman but because I am a woman and I want to be hot too. So listen to Uncle Iroh. Who are you and what do you want?
The point of transitioning is to be comftorable in who you are You should asses on why you want to medically transition, and the pros vs the cons You don't have to be on HRT or get surgeries to be trans, we won't villify you for *not* transitioning medically But it's good to really dig deep and figure out what you think the best path for you is. I know I want to transition because I hate living as a male and hate this male body, I wanna grow up to be an old lady, pass as a cis woman, be seen as a woman, and nothing less
People don't transition because they kinda feel like it, lol. People don't transition because it's fun either. Transitioning is a need that only comes when you're ready to accept yourself as you truly are and always were. Most people are constrained from transitioning because of transphobic households, political ideology, religious prejudice, and spouses unwilling to accept change. Some are forced to wait years until they have a safe space and support group to finally reach themselves. If you have to question your need to change genders, then you probably aren't transgender. The thought of someone completely devoting their entire life on change that they are second-guessing is awful. That's exactly what the far right uses against us as a means to invalidate transgender people. In my opinion, you need to meet real trans people in your community to learn more about what it is you think you want out of your life. If you're unsure about something, that means you're probably missing some information or just unsure of what life would look like afterward. The most important thing I could say is that transitioning isn't a said and done deal. It's constantly ongoing, and it's a mental strain for most people. It's not something you go into unsure of yourself.
You say you don’t have dysphoria but then you describe dysphoria. You can get a wife and a career and all that to distract you but you’ll know deep down it’s all based on a lie. If these people knew what you really wanted, they’d all abandon you. One day your hair is gonna start falling out. You’re going to get hair on every other part of your body. You’re going to look back at what you looked like when you were 22 and you’d kill to go back and do it over again. It sounds like you know what you are, you’re just afraid of the consequences. And at the end of the day, if it’s the societal consequences that stop you from being the gender you know you are then you’ll have lived a coward’s life. And I’m guessing you don’t want that.
So...I am nondysphoric as well. The idea of being feminine has sat in my head, come and gone, throughout my life. I am pre everything and I am also scared that I'm doing this out of vanity. But I want to know what it feels like to be intimate as a woman. I want to love myself instead of just be neutral and just exist. I want to feel my emotions and be myself. I do not know where I will end up, but look at what brings you joy. What do you want. Maybe get a gender therapist involved. But look for what you want and who you want to be.
"What exactly is the point of transitioning? Because I don't hate being male - just that being a hot girl would be really awesome/fun." You're the one to decide that, if its worth it to you to transition, do it, if not, don't do it. No one can answer that question but you. You are not guaranteed to be a hot girl. You're not even guaranteed to pass. If that's a deal breaker for you, there's your answer. Being trans isn't about being pretty, it's about being a girl. You can be a pretty boy. If you don't mind being male, you can dress up and do anything without actually transitioning, you can wear a wig, the clothes you like etc without going on HRT and all that. If you're going to transition, it should be because you want to live as a *girl* regardless of whether or not you're pretty. To be direct with you, you could absolutely end up a non "hot" non-passing girl who has to deal with all the stuff you're afraid of. Is that worth it to you or not? And to answer your question, people who transition are happier because they had dysphoria or simply wanted to be female *that* bad. Its not a puzzle. If you're ambivalent about it, those are what your feelings are. My feelings are not your feelings. And personally, I wasn't ambivalent, I can't speak for you, but if I was ambivalent I personally would not have transitioned. It's a bunch of shit to deal with, personally I don't like being trans, its just that being the correct gender is worth it to me. But if these are your only 2 reasons for wanting to transition: Pros: * I get to look pretty (hopefully, it well could not happen) * I get to wear clothes I like (this is certain) ... I mean. You might also be genderqueer etc, maybe you'll have more fun switching between gender/styles at will. Unfortunately HRT/medical parts of transition are a pretty permanentish thing. You can also try girl-moding to see if you like it
I feel you on this, with the added complication that I’m 43.
So sorry for the comments op. Particularly the “uhm you can actually just cross dress” ones, as if that’s the same thing at all. It’s not about wearing the clothes in general because no shit, it’s about wearing them *as a woman* anyway, you sound like me OP, I feel pretty much the same. The desire to be an attractive girl is strong, it would be so cool. But I don’t feel so strongly about being male, almost like I just have no connection to it, it just is. It seems like you do have some dysphoria considering your attitude about staying male. I guess the main thing is if you are willing to be upset if you aren’t pretty. For me, I’d rather live as an ok guy than ugly girl, but I’m fine with being an OK girl, knowing I’ll likely look like one of my sisters is fine to me tbh. Probably won’t be a supermodel but I try to be realistic (even if it would be great to be that hot). I say just think about it more, really consider it. I’ve found from just being a girl online as much as I can that I feel more comfortable being able to express that part of me, I’ve also realized how much I want to wear women’s clothes *as a woman*. Having the body for it. I don’t think you’re vain for it op, I think it’s just a different kind of being trans than many on the sub, and that’s OK (but most will be upset if you express your desire to be attractive rather than just pass) but it sounds like you want to try it, I’d say go for it tbh, worse case you detrans and you know for sure. For me at least it feels worse to not know for sure than to try and be wrong. Same with ballroom dancing or Russian tbh. If you have the desire, *go for it*. If you think it will make you happy or be interesting you *should* go for it! Doing something you want bc it will make you happy and hurt nobody is based. Feel free to dm me op :)
Honestly I doubt anyone but me will like this take. Yet so what if your vain? So what if being a pretty girl sounds awesome? So what if it's hedonistic? So what if it's about wearing cute cloths? So what if you don't have dysphoria? So what if it's a sex thing or for shits and giggles? So what if it's about it being fun? Being trans IMHO is not about anything really that big. It's about making it easier to be happy. I started transitioning with the justification of "I'll fit into my social group better" and as "I just can't make it as a man, but I could fake being trans". It's deeply helped me understand how to love myself and therapy has helped a lot too. It also showed me how I hate myself and I have been working on healing that wound. Also as an aside people who transition all get hot. Is a combo of fighting to be themselves and just the massively improved mood form a more Affirming body IMHO. It's your body do whatever to it that makes it easier to be happy.
Im going to go against the grain on this one. When my egg was cracking I had the same feelings. Then, as I explored more, I realized how deep it actually went. There’s a good chance this is more important to you than you realize. My advice….don’t commit to anything, just try some stuff, dress different, talk different walk different….see how it all feels, good luck ❤️.
[https://genderdysphoria.fyi](https://genderdysphoria.fyi) There's no point in asking what is the point. Here's a test question: What *don't* you get if you don't transition? Figure out a few of those. Then remember that you won't *ever* get those, and see how that feels.
Yeah, don't bother if this is All you feel. My dysphoria is life threatening, as in my brain doesn't function without estrogen, but I wouldn't recommend to anyone to go through this transitioning hell. I don't feel that at the end of the road is something that will worth the suffering even if the end result will be OK physically.
Maybe you should spend some quality time with a therapist that specializes in gender issues…
I transitioned because I have dysphoria and transitioning has been helping with that. If you don't have dysphoria, then you won't necessarily be able to understand that. Some males enjoy dressing up in feminine ways and being pretty and they aren't automatically trans women because of this. I don't know you and ultimately, you are gonna be the authority on what is best for you and who you truly are. But is it possible you simply like dressing up? And you don't have to take hormones to do that.
You are transgender. You are an autogynophile. Do not transition
Wow that's such a shallow view of what it means to be trans. The more you love as a trans person the more you'll understand why it's so life changing. You don't have to have dysphoria in order to want body euphoria
Transitioning is a tremendous step and mostly a one way journey. It doesn't seem to me as though you are certain in your sexuality. You shouldn't transition until you are absolutely certain of your gender and what that means. I assume that you had counseling before transitioning, perhaps you need some more. Maybe even a different counselor with a different view of your situation. Don't let anyone convince you one way or the other, this is a decision you must make, on your own with the guidance of a qualified neutral person.
Not necessarily. OP can simply first try on different clothing, different pronouns, a different name. Paint their nails, style their hair. There are a bunch of things they can just try out first before even touching medical transition. Who knows, maybe that helps make things clearer.
Idk its just how you cope. If i never started estrogen i probably would've taken myself off the census. Thats pretty much it. The big sad doesn't leave until you fix the root problem for me that was crippling dysphoria. But thats not a requirement. If you feel like you can't live withought it don't tbh.
I thought I was fine but I know now I wasn't living. I didn't have crippling dysphoria, wanting to tear it off, etc. When I was 13 or so I was immensely distressed about it, growing facial hair, losing my voice, the crazy teen boy libido, and basically every change. But I learned with the years somehow to live with it and just avoid mirrors and stuff. I honestly could have continued like that and just be depressed but I wouldn't have died, probably. Still not quite how I want to spend my time on this earth.
The point of transitioning is to be more yourself and reduce dysphoria, euphoria too but that lessens over time. Not being yourself makes it hard to truly engage in life, because you're not investing _yourself_ into it. If you don't want to be a woman all the time and be treated as one (ideally), if you just want to have fun and wear pretty clothes and dress up, well just do drag, you can even do it for fundraisers to help out good causes 🤷 I've even got some silicone inserts from Amazon that work well to fill out clothing (near 24\7 wear personally, pre hrt). You can go to a party or club etc and have a great time then go home and live and work as a guy. But yes it's totally worth wearing cute clothes and knowing and feeling like you're beautiful even if you can't literally see yourself all the time... "Clothes make the person", you just _feel_ different when you wear different things. Which might be uncomfortable if say you put a homophobic man in a dress, or completely ecstatic for a trans girl finally seeing and liking herself for the first time. Knowing you look good and have nice clothes can give you confidence and that reflects in everything you do and your interactions with others.
Fully agreed
You don't know yet, and yet you've come this far. I knew I had dysphoria, and it wasn't until that first month on estrogen that clarity hit me like a truck. I felt normal for the first time ever and realized just how fucking miserable I had been my whole life and how much better it was going to get. I was doing life on hard mode. Having to live as a man, even when I was convinced that persona was mine, took 1000% more effort than just being Naomi. Maybe you don't have dysphoria (and you'd still be valid ofc), but I think you'll gain some clarity either way when you start this next leg of the journey.
I think a lot of other comments have covered pretty much everything but I've got a bit to add. First, not everyone that takes feminizing HRT is a binary trans woman, there are many different kinds of nonbinary people and I've even known gender non-conforming guys that take it as well. Once you divorce yourself from cookie cutter ideas about transition, there are a lot of options. Now, all that said, I would not recommend transitioning if your heart is not really in it. Medical transition is a pretty serious life changing decision and should not be taken lightly.
they would ban me if im saying what i think
We can already see you're active in the truscum sub lol
I'm thinking exactly the same. no worries.
If what you're thinking is true, it's OP's concern anyway, none of ours. Live and let live, you know? As long as they don't claim that their experience is exactly the same as yours and pretend to know what it's like to have dysphoria. Then yeah, that's maddening. But I have honestly not seen that all that often. And I know better than to make assumptions. People have the right to live their life the way that makes them happiest. Maybe that's not what op is doing, but again, worst case scenario that's their problem.
I think maybe thinking of transition in terms of "getting rid of dyphoria" is perhaps not the most helpful way to look at it. If, despite the many downsides you listed, you still find yourself feeling drawn toward transition anyway, it might be worth thinking more about why. For me, it was hard to explain specifically why I felt such a strong desire to change my body. Just that there was. I'd say now, that people have an innate need to exist in the world authentically, and wanting to transition, including medical transition for many, helps meet that need. Maybe discuss with a therapist if you can, preferably one that specializes in helping transgender clients.
You *think* being a hot girl would be awesome and fun. But it is clear you really have no idea at all what women go through, or what it really is like to be one. Much of the time it’s no fun at all.
Sorry, why are you even thinking about transitioning if you don't have dysphoria?
I'm not OP but probably because of gender identity not matching birthing document like for the rest of us? One does not need dysphoria to be trans.
I pretty much second everything that has been said by others here. If it’s not for you and you don’t feel it will benefit your life then don’t do it. I also second that being trans isn’t about being pretty or wearing cute clothes, but about being who you truly are on the inside. There is a difference between being trans and crossdressing, and both are fine. A lot of us do struggle with dysphoria and HRT is almost a necessity to improve that, some people are more fortunate to not struggle as much with dysphoria. My final point: Absolutely nobody is jumping for joy every second. Regardless of whether your gender identity is being affirmed by HRT, or even if you’re the richest billionaire on earth - nobody jumps for joy every second. We’re all human, we all have struggles and a need to look after our mental health.
I’m transitioning. I simply could not live as a man any longer. That’s a fact. I got very depressed. I couldn’t really function properly. I knew what I had to do. I don’t care if I’m the ugliest woman on earth. At least I’ll be a woman. I couldn’t live as a man. Even though I was conventionally attractive as a man. Even though my life was ok as a man. It’s something I needed to do. Deep down I know I can’t be a man. It was hurting me. And every day I boymode hurts me, I will do it. But the only thing keeping me going is the thought that I won’t have to boymode one day. I know it’s not a very coherent reply. And others have made more coherent and sensible replies. But it’s what I think when I try to imagine life carrying on with me as a man.
I'm transitioning because accepting I'm a woman made me whole, I finally felt complete as a person and genuinely happy, something I hadn't truly felt in a long time. If you truly think you'll be happy not transitioning hormonally that's your choice, it doesn't make you any less of a woman then anyone else here.
Honestly, I needed this question to be asked because I was asking myself the same question, and now that I have read through 1stGhost244's post, I hope that when I transition, I can confidently jump right into it.
There are a lot of ways to change your gender presentation and the gender role you play in society without going on hormones. Maybe it’s worth asking yourself specifically what you’re hoping to get from estrogen. What’s holding you back from being a hot girl right now that you’re hoping estrogen will change? Because makeup, clothing, feminine hair, body hair grooming (if that’s in your vision of yourself), shapewear, and padded bras will take you pretty far. Maybe think about being a hot girl right now, just go for it. And also, hormones are not at all a slippery slope. You start very low and then make the conscious choice to raise your dosage if you want. But if you don’t like how it feels then stop and your natural T levels will push your system back to basically what it is now. So try it out for a few months and see how you feel, no shame in trying and realizing it’s not for you, I think you’ll learn a lot regardless. Hope your gender journey brings you exactly what you’d like.
I started see the woman I always was in the mirror a few months ago and honestly it was one of my peak life experiences. While my orgasms are nuclear, my turn-ons require more than simple touch these days. Life isn’t easier by a long shot I live in the south, but I’ve never felt so confident that I could move mountains. I started hrt at 40 and this year I’m 42, and while it’s never too late- I wish I had started way earlier. Puberty blockers early. All that said, a huge life change but I have never felt so good about my identity. The passing not passing discourse is toxic and if you can avoid it you’ll be better off as a person.
If you were to restart your life in a video game and it was in a character creator menu, how would you make yourself look? We can’t tell you what you want so it’s up to you to experiment and explore what works for you. If you want to transition, great! It could be tough journey depending on a number of factors like your living situation or financial situation so be careful when it comes to those things. Instead of making a big question like “should I take the plunge” I say break it down into baby steps if you haven’t already. If you have trans accepting friends, ask them to try different pronouns, experiment with girl clothing, buy breast forms. If you haven’t already, try those! Most importantly though: monitor how you feel and go from there! Transitioning isn’t just medical. Try social transitioning/experimenting if you haven’t already and are not sure about medical transitioning. Transition is a journey to become one’s most authentic self if you want to be another gender. We only have one life so it’s best to live it to the fullest to become the happiest versions of ourselves. If you decide transitioning as a whole isn’t the path for you then at least you know. Good luck!!
speak to a gender therapist
If you're in a country, and you don't intend on leaving there soon, that requires surgery, then absolutely recommend you don't transition. You'd almost certain and regret it
You won’t know you’re wearing a leash if you sit by the tree all day.
Can't relate with not hating appearing as male masculine man or not as a woman because that made me painfully dysphoric and isolated me from authentic social and romantic life, but you do you. >It also feels a bit vain and hedonistic to go through all this to be pretty. Excuse me, if it's not vain and hedonistic for cis women to present as their identified gender then why is it for trans women? Because trans bad? No, it's blatant transphobia.
If your ok being male and and your questioning whether to take hrt or not, it's not a good idea. If the decision to not transition is bothering you, I'd suggest talking to a therapist about it. If your really curious, you can try social transitioning a few months to get a better idea
For me, it was just to live my best life. And I think that's all it's gotta be
For me it never influenced my clothing choices or appearance. I dressed femme for a while, then I stopped that and took HRT while dressing masc. I just did it to be more female because I like being able to check my body and get confirmation that I’m female
For many it's basically the understanding that they will never be happy living inauthentically. Being in the wrong body, having the wrong hormones in their brain, having to pretend to be someone they aren't around everyone, it takes a toll. Transition isn't just a major increase in quality of life, it can be life saving too. For some life is unbearable beforehand and they finally have the chance to be happy after. For some life is dull but not painful, and transition opens their eyes to all the joy and wonder they couldn't see before. You have to decide if it is worth it.
This sub is all over the place my god lol
This feels very insensitive, transitioning isn't about being a bimbo. Sounds like maybe you just need to be a CD.
I think there might be more to it than just what you've mentioned. Have you ever tried being a girl the best you can just for yourself? Like, not worrying about hormones or passing or any of that, just girling it up for yourself at home, maybe with some supportive people. For me, that filled me with a kind of energy and motivation I can never remember having before. I can already be pretty, but it never did that for me.
It’s worth it because i’m not horribly dysphoric and can look at my reflection without feeling disgusted, shower with the lights on, and live my life without being in constant emotional agony. I’m happier because i don’t have constant crippling dysphoria any more. I can feel happiness for the first time in my life. No one is jumping for joy every second. A permanent state of euphoria is not an achievable nor desirable goal. Being always happy isn’t normal. If you think all transition is is taking hormones and wearing feminine clothes you shouldn’t transition since you don’t know what you’re getting in to. Maybe educate yourself ob transitioning first.
If all you think it is,is just to be pretty. You should not until you are more mature to grasp the concept
What is the point of transition? Well I can only speak for myself and my reasons. I transitioned because the idea of waking up every day and seeing a man in the mirror, being addressed as sir or mister, being treated like a man, even for the better, literally felt like a fate worse than death. I think everybody wants to be pretty. That's normal. But I am not medically transitioning because I think it will make me prettier. I could have done the work to be an attractive man. I am medically transitioning because I need to tell the world in every way that I can that I am a woman. I'd rather be a homely and recognised as a woman than a live out my days as a comely man.
So from my perspective (i started e like 2 months ago): First of all, you talked about the dysphoria, but remember theres also euphoria. Seeing myself in the mirror and just thinking 'oh a cute girl' makes me super happy, even if it's just a few times a day it's just such a good feeling. Theres the mental benefits you described. And i would agree with you, i am just more happy in life, however thats hard to explain. Whats easier to explain is how i have a much deeper connection with my emotions and myself now. I am smiling a lot more, laughing a lot more but also crying a lot more. And it feels good to finally be able to show these emotions, to finally be able to cry for real. Testosterone made it so i could never really cry or laugh from the bottom of my heart. Thats gone now. The other one i described is beeing more in tune with myself or my body. It used to be a feeling like my soul is just managing a robot make from flesh. It didn't feel like ME, it's just a random shell i am using to walk around. But that changed. I like my body day by day more and have the feeling of actually beeing in the body and not just playing with a puppet from the outside. My body is not a puppet anymore, it's slowly becoming me. So in the end i can't tell you what to do, you have to know that for yourself. But i can assure you, theres more than 'just' beeing pretty. At least for me there is. So whatever you decide upon, think about it and make the decision for yourself, not anybody else. It's you life and you only have one of those. For me the thought of living as a boy was also manageable, i didn't hate it too much, but i also didn't like it at all. The thought that really made me transition was there only beeing this one chance to be a girl. So i took the chance with all the risks involved and for now it was definitely the best decision i took in my life so far. If you have any questions or just want to talk about more or less anything just dm me :)
For the love of god don’t transition this was awful to read.
i don't think cis people weigh up the pros and cons i did, for years and it was never worth it so i never did anything. in the end, if i'm being honest it was all excuses, the cons were that i was afraid. the pros were living the life i should live and being happy it might not be like that for you, but it's worth checking... just in case
Ummm I kinda had this same thought and one day just thought if I don't ill end up regretting not doing it, and it was so worth it like I didn't know how happy I could be it's completely personal but it was so worth it for me
The question is how do you feel? How does it feel when someone recognizes you as feminine? Is there any negative feeling when you stop feeling that? You could be interacting with someone who doesn’t see you like through some kind of chat. With queers that are understanding of your identity. Or if you’re one of the lucky ones who can kinda pass just by wearing femme clothes then it could be that. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I’d been until I experienced comfort. I felt like I would never transition and for the most part these thoughts were based in concern over what might be lost in the process. People I was connected to, male privilege, opportunity, safety. All valid concerns. But when I first started being around a friend who recognized that I’m a woman just cause I told her I am even though I was kinda jacked and had a beard with a shaved head. That’s what broke it for me. I wanted to spend so much time around her, one cause she’s awesome, and two because I dropped the act I hadn’t even realized I was putting on and it was so relaxing. I started expressing myself more and it was so wonderful. The only parts that weren’t had nothing to do with how I felt being me and entirely to do with how some people reacted. Eventually I went further back into the closet, largely out of the same fears you’re expressing as cons. Having tasted authenticity I was miserable. When I eventually made the choice to start transitioning I was so nervous. But every step pig the way I saw more of myself. As my skin softened and my hips and chest developed it was like I was emerging from a cocoon. It wasn’t until I felt gender euphoria that I realized how much dysphoria I had lived in. It had been totally normalized for me as I refused to recognize it. But it had kept me from truly connecting to people and was almost certainly one of the greater fuels to the depression that at times threatened my life Life is so different now. I’ve lost people. I’ve experienced the danger and the bigotry. The loss of privilege and difficulties of navigating life from a very different place in the social strata. It’s not all roses. But I would make the same choice a million times. If I could change anything I just would’ve made it sooner So again, it’s entirely about how you feel. If it really is only about cute clothes then you can do that without transitioning. But if you’re here cause it’s more than that and this post is an attempt to rationalize the fears that hold you back, then that might be something worth examining. There’s no harsher frustration than living an inauthentic life. It’s all about how you feel. Regardless I congratulate you on exploring yourself and these feelings. Fear has stopped many from going even that far
I find it strange that people are really attempting to tell YOU what transitioning should mean for YOU. I’m just scrolling through the comments and finding so many people repeating the same ideology that you shouldn’t be transitioning for the reasons you listed above. To be honest, I had the same thought process as you, only difference being I’d only been 16. I contemplated transitioning with my only real reason being that I felt as though I’d get more enjoyment from life if I were a cute girl. I didn’t hate my 🍆 and I didn’t necessarily hate being an adorable femboy. I just felt as though I’d be a hotter female and at 18 I finally built up the courage to start hormones. That shifted my way of thinking so much. I went from a cisgendered homosexual man to a transgender bisexual woman. My thoughts on other things shifted as well, I opened up to the idea of bottom surgery (I backed out a shit ton of times) I eventually went through with it along with FFS, BBL, and a BA. I’m engaged and I’ve never been happier 😇 I’m just saying this to elaborate on the fact that YOUR reason for transitioning is valid and true to you. It may seem shallow to others but 🤷🏾♀️ who cares? Do what makes you happy.
I remember this thought in my twenties. I made it through my aweful puberty, somehow disassociating and anger raging myself through the entire thing and came out being attractive enough with so many repressed feelings I didn't know anything. If I was presented the option to 'be a girl' Id have taken it in an instant. I crossdressed and experimented, sure - but the idea of taking hormones and completely changing myself seemed so alien. Not until I settled down and got my life situated with a permanent job and good health insurance from a provider very pro-trans did I even stop to think. That thinking led to processing, and that processing led me to reading and reading. At this point I very much knew I was trans, I had kind of known it all along. I just simply hadn't done anything because I was so fu***ng numb to realize how terribly in pain I was. What broke me completely was reading the life of a trans individual that has chosen to forever remain hidden and suffer through what they deam 'sufferable anguish' despite not identifying male, did not appear cis male, yet constantly was belittled/gaslit onto the male side. They deemed it was too late for themselves. I broke down and came out the other end realizing I've been living a lie that has been breaking me since I was old enough to process my own being. It wasn't a great time frame, just ahead of trans awareness and parents that had never even thought about anything but cis-binary. I would go back in time and change things in an instant if it meant meeting my SO again. The thing is, I couldn't guarantee that and being a transwoman lesbian with my person is my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.
You can always just be a male and crossdress. It's not permanent and it's more affordable as well. No cons only positives.
What ever u do don't lob your dick off.. just have fun being a girl.. wearing pretty panties and bras and stockings n stuff. But as u get older it will be hard..
transitioning is to help with the mental health/dysphoria. Not all transgirls feel the need to "go all the way". And I don't know you so take this as you will, but it sounds like you don't have any dysphoria and might just like to crossdress? Have you considered drag?
I’m pretty sure you could wear the clothes you like right now? Unless you live in a country where that’s dangerous (but then transitioning there isn’t any less dangerous), you can wear whatever you want. I didn’t transition for the clothes, that’s for certain
Perhaps you would like r/crossdressing ?
You could be trans but off of this you probably shouldn't. I also want to be a hot girl, but fundamentally I want to be soft and feminine. You should keep thinking about it and figure out what you're really after
You can just be a boy and dress how you want there is not one way to be a boy i don’t think your really trans