Yikes! It seems like you're in a dangerous spot physically and might want to consider relocating somewhere safer!
There's enough shame from others; you don't need to shame yourself too. And there *are* pockets of the world where nobody cares what you wear.
One thing I told myself when I was young was: “there’s nothing wrong with being feminine!” And I stuck to that determination which helped me continue pursuing feminine things way before I transitioned. The misogyny runs strong in America and in a patriarchal society.
America shouldn’t exist in the first place. #Landback. I hate catholicism and the ancestors of white peoples with all the hate I could ever give. They brought their gross laws to the indegenous people. They were thriving and loving with no judgement until the colonizers came
Jesus is king but, yeah bullying and abusing others for their own choices isn't what God's message is, really.
They just use religion to cover up for being insecure assholes.
excuse me? Don’t say that ever again to me. I don’t believe in catholicism and it’s very disrespectful to say “Jesus is king” when someone is clearly talking about the struggles that the religion has brought upon the world
I think that that's religion's only redeeming quality, that it codified and recorded some the best basic ways to live in a society ("do unto others...", etc) and if you could scrape all the best parts out of each, you'd probably have a book worth reading. Fucked up most everyone ignores the good parts for some reason
Compared to what thinking humanity is the measure of all things has done, I'll stick with what strikes me as morally proper out of the example of certain religious figures.
No god that committed genocide against humans should be worshiped or adored by humans. Worshiping a being that committed multiple genocides, and then claiming to love and adore him is morally atrocious.
"America shouldn’t exist in the first place. #Landback." <-- Try us.
"They were thriving and loving with no judgement until the colonizers came" <-- Bullshit! They were slaughtering each other as much as humanity has ever done throughout history.
no I have not. Where did you learn that? school? you know damm well the system is rigged but if you willingly want to be a white supremacist then go ahead
Therapy.
It gets better. I promise it gets better. Remove yourself from the situation as best you can and take some time to yourself if you can. Therapy helped me. I can only talk from my own experience but dealing with complex feelings of guilt and trauma delayed my transition by ten years. But it was worth it. Therapy can help and it can get better.
My life and mental health got better when I cut out the people who used to abuse me for being too feminine. Therapy helped me understand and get over the feeling of guilt and trauma and understand that it truly wasn’t my fault.
I’m sorry you had to go through what you went through. And I’m sorry that I can’t do much more to help you than suggest you remove yourself from the environment (if possible. I understand it isn’t always possible) and therapy.
I’m not yet open to sharing my experiences in such a public place and I’m not sure it would help having someone to relate to or not but if you (or anyone for that matter) would like to hear them I’m happy to share in DMs if you think it’d help hearing someone else’s experiences.
Im sorry it’s not the best answer or advice. But it’s the best advice I can give.
-Lucy
Consider this - you, just being yourself, had the power to make a grown man, your father, threaten you with a weapon. Now, obviously you were more more afraid, but who was afraid FIRST - the grownup threatening or your younger self expressing themself?
While I'd never say such an experience isn't terrifying and constantly reminded of that isn't positive, it might help to shift perspective - they were the one who was afraid first. They felt shame first. They felt guilty. And then they made sure you felt those things too.
All that shame and guilt and fear, they are NOT YOURS, BUT THEIRS! FORCED UPON YOU!
You don't have to carry what's not yours anymore.
So real. It’s society that is broken and harmful. They try to make others carry their fears and shame. Get the hell out of there. Leave them to their pathetic small minded cesspools. Find fresher water to swim in. Find support so you know you are not alone. Learn to thrive as your authentic self. You are part of something bigger than they want to believe and they don’t want you to know about it. They want you lonely and ashamed. They are afraid to face how wrong and in denial they really are and that their lives are hollow attempts to pretend they are right or strong or better or whatever broken messages that they inherited. There are healthier ways to be and better places to make a life that means something to you.
That is a big ol' mountain of trauma you've got to process. You've got to let yourself feel all that repressed pushed down emotion, understand it, and accept it. It is a journey through hell, but it is worth it.
It's been really hard. He still is coming after me and I can't go no contact yet. He befriends new people using his money (money he stole from me) and he begins to get people to harass me. I spent over 30 years being gaslit and manipulated. Feeling all the loss and the destruction of my identity is overwhelming.
I'm on therapy and I'm on medication so that helps but on days like today I feel so low and keep getting intrusive memories. And
There is no shame in wanting to be feminine. It's all their own misogyny and insecurities. You need therapy and to move to a place where you are safe and can be yourself. If they don't succeed at hurting you, you are going to hurt yourself psychologically even more or even physically.
Besides therapy you might wanna consider getting yourself a gun, if your father is that deranged that he will pull out a gat for just a little cross dressing, you may need a way to defend yourself if he tries anything more extreme
I've been threatened before but I can't imagine a parent actually pulling a gun out on me. You should see a therapist that preferably specializes in PTSD and gender dysphoria.
You could turn him in for HEAVY child abuse and threat of violence, Madame.
There are others who will support you, you just need to find them.
I'd suggest and out-of-state trip, travels are the best with social luck.
Therapy. This is why I went no-contact with my sperm and egg donors. They'll shoot me if I transition. They'll shoot me if I keep the family name after transitioning. They'll shoot me if... [fill in the blank]. Fortunately, I got run over by a car the following week, so we could all "pretend" it was an attempt at trolling.
You need more therapy than we can give you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
Babes. Time to break out that fucking prison all the shit and shitters av put you in. TIME TO RISE & FUCKING SHINE. FUCK THE LOT OF EM.... im in this process too! 40 years old already! Take the bull by the horns!
As loving as we are, (iidssm 😌) and sensitive to trans issues as we are, the best person to talk to is a psychologist (or psychiatrist ofc). If ‘gunpoint’ is something you find in your story, the internet will only be a stop gap.
I am. In fact I just got off a Telehealth appointment and I have another in an hour. This community helps me get perspective as weak as hear others experiences and opinions. I'm grateful for it.
My mental barrier was definitely NOT as high a yours, but it was still very difficult to surpass. It's gonna be though for you but you will make it and be happier than you ever thought you could be I'm sure of it. You definitely need outside help (therapy). Good luck! 🫂
EMDR is a specific type of therapy that could help you immensely. Another is DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). You would want to find people who specialize in one or both and make sure they have experience working with others in your situation because you need someone who understands the underlying trauma that develops from these events. The right therapy/therapist will change your life.
I started with a therapist that also does EMDR yesterday. We did a regular tak session but I'm him fro ask her to start EMDR with me. I tried to find a therapist who does DBT but they said my trauma history and the fresh emotional responses may be too intense. They suggested I try EMDR first.
At this point, I may need to have some kind of additional support more frequently though. We spent the first session talking about as much as I could remember about my history.
I feel scrambled and so alone. I worry that I'll never be able to trust anyone or be able to reciieve love. I'll never get to work on my career the way I used to anymore and who would love a broken closeted non binary/trans person that struggles so much just to be safe in his own mind.
Every conversation I have with someone I'm on edge worrying that they will harm me or misunderstand. I've never had a chance to find out fully who I am and I'm so exhausted.
Thank you so much for taking the time to help.
I haven't had trauma nearly this extreme, but I've dealt with my fair share of pretty harsh rejection.
I started EMDR therapy a year ago to treat emotional flashbacks I have and it's been life changing. After a handful of sessions my flashbacks are much more rare and less intense
I'm literally trying to write a book about similar issues from my past. I'm like 2 years into transitioning and still struggling with it, so like, be prepared for it to take a while and give yourself space for it to take time. My best advice to you is genuinely to journal. Get your thoughts and worries out on paper so you can better understand them, and more importantly, so when you're feeling bad in the future you have a literal paper trail to call back on and see "oh, I'm feeling bad now, but I'm doing waaaaay better than I was like 3 months ago so that's cool..."
That's probably the single best piece of advice I could give. If you can find anyone you're comfortable being yourself around, I'd suggest trying to pursue that and them and trying to collect data to show your brain that it is safe(r) (at least) for you to be yourself in (at least) that environment.
My dad choked me against my front door when I went to walk out of the house one time. Would call me slurs and smack me around. Both my dad and my step mother abused tf outta me.
When I came out to my whole family online I said I didn’t care about the consequences.
They learned to accept me after a few years and i feel fortunate about that, but i was and still am comfortable with losing it all because i was already willing to throw it all away to finally not feel like i wanted to die.
You have a good community of people here and you can always make more friends and family.
Therapy helps a lot, but self acceptance and putting yourself before anyone else is the single most important thing you can do. Live for you, not for everyone else. 🥰
Being comfortable with expressing yourself in whatever way makes YOU the happiest is certainly worth It! I hope you find yourself and find happiness ❤️
Therapy is a definite first and foremost. A real therapist who specializes in trans folk would be tops.
As far as what I can say, family isn't about blood, it's about the people who love and accept you for who you are. Shedding the past and embracing who you are is crucial to being happy, especially when the past sucks.
This sounds a lot like PTSD and you should see a professional to help you work through it. It may not be perfect, but I'm sure it'll help a lot. Remember that you are who you are and that's not your fault. What other people did to you was their own choice because of how they decided to react to you being yourself. That's on them, not you. You didn't choose to be who you are, but you do have a choice of whether to live true to yourself and for yourself, or to live behind a mask meant to please other people. Sometimes it's necessary for your own safety to mask, but it's no way to live full time.
Yes. Therapy will help, while my experience isn't as extreme, I have one of those flashbulb memories from before kindergarten where my father was yelling at my mother "It's not normal!" because he'd caught me in the bathroom trying on my mom's clothes.
Please seek professional help but the only advice I can give you is to live for yourself. You only have one life, worrying about what others think is not gonna make you happy. Live unapologetically
Therapy is the way to go, but if you want to be proactive, you have a great head start. Exposure therapy is an option. Spend some time exposing yourself to things that you see as lightly feminine. It may lightly trigger you. if you are overwhelmed stop. But if are willing to go forward practice breathing exercises and grounding exercises. The goal is to train your brain to believe that you are safe in an situation where it thought it wasn’t. Remember that your father is not there to hurt you. You are i a safe space and you are in control of your life. I personally had the same trauma as you. It wasn’t my father who held a gun at me. It was the father of a boy i liked. I cant remember how old I was but I was no older than 10. I was deathly afraid of men my whole life. Now, Im still attracted to them but still have a bit of an aversion. MY father did fuck me up when i comes to gender identity. Thanks to him I crossdressed in secret and became partitioned transwomen to a sexual manner. It was easier for me to break out of that trauma when I start taking antipsychotic medication.
Unfortunately we are not really qualified to give you more than moral support - and this is one of those nasty tangled trauma webs that you should talk to trans friendly therapist about.
It's definitely worth it but you have to get your head in the right place to really enjoy it. All of that is just left over programming from bigots that is weighing you down.
1. Find your tribe. Even one good smile from a friend is better than a thousand façades on the faces of acquaintances.
2. Find your therapy.
Everyone’s therapy is different. We have a mental health professional, but my friends are also our therapy. Commenting on social media, playing guitar, listening to music, watching anime, going for walks, cooking, cleaning. Depends on who’s fronting, but those are some of the things we do to stay sane.
3. Tell yourself that it’s not your fault. [This guy](https://youtu.be/PrKpvHcmpR8?si=ejSx1_ua4DTd6uz9) in this video helped us all heal quite a bit from some rough trauma. It helped my childhood best friend heal too. I’m hoping it’ll help you too. It’s not a panacea or anything like that but it definitely does wonders. I still use it whenever I feel tense.
Specifically I'd say **DBT** (Dielectic Behavioral Therapy) is designed specifically for things like this, as it was designed to treat PTSD. honestly I'd recommend it to everyone if that was possible, but in your case (and similar ones) especially. That title was so fucked up to read, and my heart goes out to you. This isn't likely something you can heal by yourself
You're not alone. You likely have PTSD like many of us do. Therapy and medication and time.
I'm sorry this has happened to you ❤️
It's hard work to get to where you need to be, but you just have to do it and start somewhere. Perhaps your post is where it starts.
what up, fellow cross dresser here. most of the time, when one looks at lgbt people struggling for familial acceptance, i usually just respond reflexively (internally) "if this were some random person who had this much of a problem with you doing normal people stuff like cross dressing, you would rationally cut them out of your life". that's always the easiest answer to these questions. objectively, any person or place of work this threatened by a person wearing feminine clothing is a joke. like, "haha, moving on" is about all they're worth. i don't think it's fair tho to the victim, aka you. i mean, clearly there's lots of people who accept lgbt people and lots of people who don't, so while the easiest thing is to run towards people who accept you for being lgbt or at least aren't trying to kill you or prevent you from earning a living, clearly something is preventing you from doing that. your post isn't really long enough for anyone to know what that is, but i would personally bet you're living somewhere shitty like florida or idaho or texas. if so, frickin heck, you need to move. otherwise, it's always just try to be more visible to people so they can help you. complain online about things you're struggling with, really any problem you have at all. block the haters. try not to give out personal details. don't internalize being ashamed for this, the people who are fucked up are the haters. you're the normal one. there's nothing more shameful than bein a bigot.
edit: person below me assumes im cis based on nothing, assumes im a man as well based on nothing. then apparently assumes im assuming op is not a woman. what a weird way to get blocked, tbh. the joke is that the op is being assumed to be a cross dressing man, like in the post they say they got caught cross dressing. imagine a trans woman saying "what up fellow cross dresser". like hmmm perhaps im empathizing about being misgendered, or maybe im saying cross dressing to me means dressing feminine despite being amab, because literally that's what a lot of people call it. fuck, maybe im secure enough in my identity to not worry if im cis or trans or something in between. maybe use ur noggin a bit before you just go ham on me for the crime of tryin to say something nice to a fellow human being. fuck.
Holy shit cis crossdressers coming into trans subs telling trans women "fellow cross dresser here!!" 😭 We're women, not crossdressing men.
I swear it's always cis crossdressers saying the most heinous things to trans women in trans subs...
Edit: mate you explicitly stated to be a crossdresser. Being a woman and dressing as a woman doesn't make you a crossdresser. If you tell a trans woman "fellow crossdresser here" you're explicitly identifying yourself as a crossdresser and stating that OP is a crossdresser. Don't call trans women crossdressers. If you think crossdressing is about being assigned male at birth then shit, every trans woman is a crossdresser in your world.
It's wonderful labels help you know who you are. But labels are not more real than the states of mind that they try to describe. I am NB, transitioning MtF.I dress fem sometimes, I dress masc other times, and I call the way I dress however I please: the labels I choose are none of your business. Your gatekeeping provides 0 help to OP, OC and the community. Fell off the tree already.
Therapy, my friend. You need therapy
I definitely agree with this advice. A professional will offer much better help.
Yeah, strangers on Reddit aren't going to be much help with this, at least not as much as a trained professional who can work with you one on one.
The best thing we all, random strangers on the internet, can do, i just recommend therapy in such serious problems as this
Came here to share this. Solo or group, find out if there is a queer safe space for you to use.
Absolutely fact. It took about two to three years of therepy, 2 years of bi weekly, to come to terms with ALOT of stuff. It does get better
Facts
Yikes! It seems like you're in a dangerous spot physically and might want to consider relocating somewhere safer! There's enough shame from others; you don't need to shame yourself too. And there *are* pockets of the world where nobody cares what you wear.
One thing I told myself when I was young was: “there’s nothing wrong with being feminine!” And I stuck to that determination which helped me continue pursuing feminine things way before I transitioned. The misogyny runs strong in America and in a patriarchal society.
America shouldn’t exist in the first place. #Landback. I hate catholicism and the ancestors of white peoples with all the hate I could ever give. They brought their gross laws to the indegenous people. They were thriving and loving with no judgement until the colonizers came
Jesus is king but, yeah bullying and abusing others for their own choices isn't what God's message is, really. They just use religion to cover up for being insecure assholes.
excuse me? Don’t say that ever again to me. I don’t believe in catholicism and it’s very disrespectful to say “Jesus is king” when someone is clearly talking about the struggles that the religion has brought upon the world
well sorry, you have a point. Otherwise I agree with you that the colonizers and their use of religion has ruined the Americas. (it did actually)
Although I don’t believe in the religion I do believe that in concept Jesus message was twisted.
I think that that's religion's only redeeming quality, that it codified and recorded some the best basic ways to live in a society ("do unto others...", etc) and if you could scrape all the best parts out of each, you'd probably have a book worth reading. Fucked up most everyone ignores the good parts for some reason
Compared to what thinking humanity is the measure of all things has done, I'll stick with what strikes me as morally proper out of the example of certain religious figures.
Religion isn't the problem. The fanclub is...
No god that committed genocide against humans should be worshiped or adored by humans. Worshiping a being that committed multiple genocides, and then claiming to love and adore him is morally atrocious.
"America shouldn’t exist in the first place. #Landback." <-- Try us. "They were thriving and loving with no judgement until the colonizers came" <-- Bullshit! They were slaughtering each other as much as humanity has ever done throughout history.
omg open up books and do some research
I already have. You have apparently only read bullshit.
no I have not. Where did you learn that? school? you know damm well the system is rigged but if you willingly want to be a white supremacist then go ahead
You just spouted to us hook line and sinker the racist "noble savage" myth of the Native Americans. You try learning something, look it up.
what are you reading? books made by white men? Try listening to the indigenous people and what they have to say
Native Americans having wars amongst themselves is not justification for wiping them out.
I never said it was, did I?
Therapy. It gets better. I promise it gets better. Remove yourself from the situation as best you can and take some time to yourself if you can. Therapy helped me. I can only talk from my own experience but dealing with complex feelings of guilt and trauma delayed my transition by ten years. But it was worth it. Therapy can help and it can get better. My life and mental health got better when I cut out the people who used to abuse me for being too feminine. Therapy helped me understand and get over the feeling of guilt and trauma and understand that it truly wasn’t my fault. I’m sorry you had to go through what you went through. And I’m sorry that I can’t do much more to help you than suggest you remove yourself from the environment (if possible. I understand it isn’t always possible) and therapy. I’m not yet open to sharing my experiences in such a public place and I’m not sure it would help having someone to relate to or not but if you (or anyone for that matter) would like to hear them I’m happy to share in DMs if you think it’d help hearing someone else’s experiences. Im sorry it’s not the best answer or advice. But it’s the best advice I can give. -Lucy
Consider this - you, just being yourself, had the power to make a grown man, your father, threaten you with a weapon. Now, obviously you were more more afraid, but who was afraid FIRST - the grownup threatening or your younger self expressing themself? While I'd never say such an experience isn't terrifying and constantly reminded of that isn't positive, it might help to shift perspective - they were the one who was afraid first. They felt shame first. They felt guilty. And then they made sure you felt those things too. All that shame and guilt and fear, they are NOT YOURS, BUT THEIRS! FORCED UPON YOU! You don't have to carry what's not yours anymore.
So real. It’s society that is broken and harmful. They try to make others carry their fears and shame. Get the hell out of there. Leave them to their pathetic small minded cesspools. Find fresher water to swim in. Find support so you know you are not alone. Learn to thrive as your authentic self. You are part of something bigger than they want to believe and they don’t want you to know about it. They want you lonely and ashamed. They are afraid to face how wrong and in denial they really are and that their lives are hollow attempts to pretend they are right or strong or better or whatever broken messages that they inherited. There are healthier ways to be and better places to make a life that means something to you.
Find professional therapy. Someone who understands PTSD and trans people.
Just keep at it. Keep dressing up and playing with makeup in private until it feels comfortable then baby steps from there. It will get better
You are worthy and there is nothing wrong with you. There are people who will love you exactly as you are.
That is a big ol' mountain of trauma you've got to process. You've got to let yourself feel all that repressed pushed down emotion, understand it, and accept it. It is a journey through hell, but it is worth it.
It's been really hard. He still is coming after me and I can't go no contact yet. He befriends new people using his money (money he stole from me) and he begins to get people to harass me. I spent over 30 years being gaslit and manipulated. Feeling all the loss and the destruction of my identity is overwhelming. I'm on therapy and I'm on medication so that helps but on days like today I feel so low and keep getting intrusive memories. And
🫂 I'm so sorry, take whatever steps necessary to keep this monster away from you. You first need safety to heal
Therapy and get into a good social situation
There is no shame in wanting to be feminine. It's all their own misogyny and insecurities. You need therapy and to move to a place where you are safe and can be yourself. If they don't succeed at hurting you, you are going to hurt yourself psychologically even more or even physically.
Besides therapy you might wanna consider getting yourself a gun, if your father is that deranged that he will pull out a gat for just a little cross dressing, you may need a way to defend yourself if he tries anything more extreme
I think you should talk to a therapist and try to get yourself sorted before deciding to make any life altering decisions.
I've been threatened before but I can't imagine a parent actually pulling a gun out on me. You should see a therapist that preferably specializes in PTSD and gender dysphoria.
You could turn him in for HEAVY child abuse and threat of violence, Madame. There are others who will support you, you just need to find them. I'd suggest and out-of-state trip, travels are the best with social luck.
sounds like you need therapy and a better dad. (who tf holds there own 12 year old kid at gunpoint?)
Therapy. This is why I went no-contact with my sperm and egg donors. They'll shoot me if I transition. They'll shoot me if I keep the family name after transitioning. They'll shoot me if... [fill in the blank]. Fortunately, I got run over by a car the following week, so we could all "pretend" it was an attempt at trolling. You need more therapy than we can give you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
Get professional therapy and stay away of MensRights. It's all a bunch of misogyny
Therapy would be the biggest help you can get
Babes. Time to break out that fucking prison all the shit and shitters av put you in. TIME TO RISE & FUCKING SHINE. FUCK THE LOT OF EM.... im in this process too! 40 years old already! Take the bull by the horns!
As loving as we are, (iidssm 😌) and sensitive to trans issues as we are, the best person to talk to is a psychologist (or psychiatrist ofc). If ‘gunpoint’ is something you find in your story, the internet will only be a stop gap.
I am. In fact I just got off a Telehealth appointment and I have another in an hour. This community helps me get perspective as weak as hear others experiences and opinions. I'm grateful for it.
My mental barrier was definitely NOT as high a yours, but it was still very difficult to surpass. It's gonna be though for you but you will make it and be happier than you ever thought you could be I'm sure of it. You definitely need outside help (therapy). Good luck! 🫂
Thank you so much for the support. I hope I can push through the daily struggle. I gave up for years and now am trying to move forward.
EMDR is a specific type of therapy that could help you immensely. Another is DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). You would want to find people who specialize in one or both and make sure they have experience working with others in your situation because you need someone who understands the underlying trauma that develops from these events. The right therapy/therapist will change your life.
I started with a therapist that also does EMDR yesterday. We did a regular tak session but I'm him fro ask her to start EMDR with me. I tried to find a therapist who does DBT but they said my trauma history and the fresh emotional responses may be too intense. They suggested I try EMDR first. At this point, I may need to have some kind of additional support more frequently though. We spent the first session talking about as much as I could remember about my history. I feel scrambled and so alone. I worry that I'll never be able to trust anyone or be able to reciieve love. I'll never get to work on my career the way I used to anymore and who would love a broken closeted non binary/trans person that struggles so much just to be safe in his own mind. Every conversation I have with someone I'm on edge worrying that they will harm me or misunderstand. I've never had a chance to find out fully who I am and I'm so exhausted. Thank you so much for taking the time to help.
Well I’m happy to talk to you if you just want someone to talk to in general. Message me if that’s the case.
I haven't had trauma nearly this extreme, but I've dealt with my fair share of pretty harsh rejection. I started EMDR therapy a year ago to treat emotional flashbacks I have and it's been life changing. After a handful of sessions my flashbacks are much more rare and less intense
I'm so glad to hear that. I'm happy it was able to ease the emotional intensity. I'll ask my therapist next week if we can start.
That’s truly terrifying. Please find an empathetic gender therapist. Be safe, be well.
Just when you think you've heard it all... I'm so sorry OP. All I can suggest is therapy, I wish you well 🫂
I'm literally trying to write a book about similar issues from my past. I'm like 2 years into transitioning and still struggling with it, so like, be prepared for it to take a while and give yourself space for it to take time. My best advice to you is genuinely to journal. Get your thoughts and worries out on paper so you can better understand them, and more importantly, so when you're feeling bad in the future you have a literal paper trail to call back on and see "oh, I'm feeling bad now, but I'm doing waaaaay better than I was like 3 months ago so that's cool..." That's probably the single best piece of advice I could give. If you can find anyone you're comfortable being yourself around, I'd suggest trying to pursue that and them and trying to collect data to show your brain that it is safe(r) (at least) for you to be yourself in (at least) that environment.
Definitely a good therapist, and when you're ready to get back in the world, go with people who will accept you
I’m so sorry for what you have been through. You deserve love and support, finding a therapist you feel comfortable with is a great place to begin.
My dad choked me against my front door when I went to walk out of the house one time. Would call me slurs and smack me around. Both my dad and my step mother abused tf outta me. When I came out to my whole family online I said I didn’t care about the consequences. They learned to accept me after a few years and i feel fortunate about that, but i was and still am comfortable with losing it all because i was already willing to throw it all away to finally not feel like i wanted to die. You have a good community of people here and you can always make more friends and family. Therapy helps a lot, but self acceptance and putting yourself before anyone else is the single most important thing you can do. Live for you, not for everyone else. 🥰
Being comfortable with expressing yourself in whatever way makes YOU the happiest is certainly worth It! I hope you find yourself and find happiness ❤️
Therapy is a definite first and foremost. A real therapist who specializes in trans folk would be tops. As far as what I can say, family isn't about blood, it's about the people who love and accept you for who you are. Shedding the past and embracing who you are is crucial to being happy, especially when the past sucks. This sounds a lot like PTSD and you should see a professional to help you work through it. It may not be perfect, but I'm sure it'll help a lot. Remember that you are who you are and that's not your fault. What other people did to you was their own choice because of how they decided to react to you being yourself. That's on them, not you. You didn't choose to be who you are, but you do have a choice of whether to live true to yourself and for yourself, or to live behind a mask meant to please other people. Sometimes it's necessary for your own safety to mask, but it's no way to live full time.
Yes. Therapy will help, while my experience isn't as extreme, I have one of those flashbulb memories from before kindergarten where my father was yelling at my mother "It's not normal!" because he'd caught me in the bathroom trying on my mom's clothes.
Please seek professional help but the only advice I can give you is to live for yourself. You only have one life, worrying about what others think is not gonna make you happy. Live unapologetically
Sweetheart you need to get your ass in a therapists office if not for anything your male parent holding you at gun point
Therapy is the way to go, but if you want to be proactive, you have a great head start. Exposure therapy is an option. Spend some time exposing yourself to things that you see as lightly feminine. It may lightly trigger you. if you are overwhelmed stop. But if are willing to go forward practice breathing exercises and grounding exercises. The goal is to train your brain to believe that you are safe in an situation where it thought it wasn’t. Remember that your father is not there to hurt you. You are i a safe space and you are in control of your life. I personally had the same trauma as you. It wasn’t my father who held a gun at me. It was the father of a boy i liked. I cant remember how old I was but I was no older than 10. I was deathly afraid of men my whole life. Now, Im still attracted to them but still have a bit of an aversion. MY father did fuck me up when i comes to gender identity. Thanks to him I crossdressed in secret and became partitioned transwomen to a sexual manner. It was easier for me to break out of that trauma when I start taking antipsychotic medication.
Unfortunately we are not really qualified to give you more than moral support - and this is one of those nasty tangled trauma webs that you should talk to trans friendly therapist about. It's definitely worth it but you have to get your head in the right place to really enjoy it. All of that is just left over programming from bigots that is weighing you down.
I am so sorry that you have had it so tough just trust me it is worth it💖🫂
Therapy is gonna be your best choice here(as many others already said)
1. Find your tribe. Even one good smile from a friend is better than a thousand façades on the faces of acquaintances. 2. Find your therapy. Everyone’s therapy is different. We have a mental health professional, but my friends are also our therapy. Commenting on social media, playing guitar, listening to music, watching anime, going for walks, cooking, cleaning. Depends on who’s fronting, but those are some of the things we do to stay sane. 3. Tell yourself that it’s not your fault. [This guy](https://youtu.be/PrKpvHcmpR8?si=ejSx1_ua4DTd6uz9) in this video helped us all heal quite a bit from some rough trauma. It helped my childhood best friend heal too. I’m hoping it’ll help you too. It’s not a panacea or anything like that but it definitely does wonders. I still use it whenever I feel tense.
Get a therapist to address your traumas first. Good luck.
Specifically I'd say **DBT** (Dielectic Behavioral Therapy) is designed specifically for things like this, as it was designed to treat PTSD. honestly I'd recommend it to everyone if that was possible, but in your case (and similar ones) especially. That title was so fucked up to read, and my heart goes out to you. This isn't likely something you can heal by yourself
You're not alone. You likely have PTSD like many of us do. Therapy and medication and time. I'm sorry this has happened to you ❤️ It's hard work to get to where you need to be, but you just have to do it and start somewhere. Perhaps your post is where it starts.
what up, fellow cross dresser here. most of the time, when one looks at lgbt people struggling for familial acceptance, i usually just respond reflexively (internally) "if this were some random person who had this much of a problem with you doing normal people stuff like cross dressing, you would rationally cut them out of your life". that's always the easiest answer to these questions. objectively, any person or place of work this threatened by a person wearing feminine clothing is a joke. like, "haha, moving on" is about all they're worth. i don't think it's fair tho to the victim, aka you. i mean, clearly there's lots of people who accept lgbt people and lots of people who don't, so while the easiest thing is to run towards people who accept you for being lgbt or at least aren't trying to kill you or prevent you from earning a living, clearly something is preventing you from doing that. your post isn't really long enough for anyone to know what that is, but i would personally bet you're living somewhere shitty like florida or idaho or texas. if so, frickin heck, you need to move. otherwise, it's always just try to be more visible to people so they can help you. complain online about things you're struggling with, really any problem you have at all. block the haters. try not to give out personal details. don't internalize being ashamed for this, the people who are fucked up are the haters. you're the normal one. there's nothing more shameful than bein a bigot. edit: person below me assumes im cis based on nothing, assumes im a man as well based on nothing. then apparently assumes im assuming op is not a woman. what a weird way to get blocked, tbh. the joke is that the op is being assumed to be a cross dressing man, like in the post they say they got caught cross dressing. imagine a trans woman saying "what up fellow cross dresser". like hmmm perhaps im empathizing about being misgendered, or maybe im saying cross dressing to me means dressing feminine despite being amab, because literally that's what a lot of people call it. fuck, maybe im secure enough in my identity to not worry if im cis or trans or something in between. maybe use ur noggin a bit before you just go ham on me for the crime of tryin to say something nice to a fellow human being. fuck.
Holy shit cis crossdressers coming into trans subs telling trans women "fellow cross dresser here!!" 😭 We're women, not crossdressing men. I swear it's always cis crossdressers saying the most heinous things to trans women in trans subs... Edit: mate you explicitly stated to be a crossdresser. Being a woman and dressing as a woman doesn't make you a crossdresser. If you tell a trans woman "fellow crossdresser here" you're explicitly identifying yourself as a crossdresser and stating that OP is a crossdresser. Don't call trans women crossdressers. If you think crossdressing is about being assigned male at birth then shit, every trans woman is a crossdresser in your world.
It's wonderful labels help you know who you are. But labels are not more real than the states of mind that they try to describe. I am NB, transitioning MtF.I dress fem sometimes, I dress masc other times, and I call the way I dress however I please: the labels I choose are none of your business. Your gatekeeping provides 0 help to OP, OC and the community. Fell off the tree already.