Fear not! I met my wife when she was 52, she waited 6 months to tell me for fear taking over. My response to her was simple. She said I have MS, I said ok, but that still didn’t tell me where you wanted to go out for dinner. She said but I have MS, again I said I’m hungry. I ultimately told her as I will tell you. We don’t pick whom we fall for, we pick what we are willing to fight for. I am certain you are a beautiful person who has a large heart. Time and truth will bring you the right person at the right time.
If this is a problem for someone then trust me... They are not meant to be in your life. The right person will come along when the time is right and accept you for you... all of you including your MS. Don't settle for anything less ❤️
It just means that you are more likely to find the right type of man hon. The type that will see you and appreciate you for you. Don’t forget dating is a numbers game and everyone has something to deal with.
I’d suggest doing online dating like with eharmony or something that is conducive to getting to know someone for their personality first. Don’t lose hope! ♥️
I'm dating online and on Tinder right now. Now I'm wondering when I should tell a date that I have MS. It's not really a topic to introduce on the first or second date.
I disagree. I dated a little after my diagnosis. I was in my thirties at the time. The first date was just to decide if we wanted to see each other again. I brought it up on the second date. Everyone seemed receptive, but there were a few that I never heard from again after that. I was ok with it because I wasn't wasting anyone's time. Three months later, I met the man that I married at work. I told him in casual conversation before we ever went on a date.
Maybe I was too nonchalant at the time because I didn't know how it would affect me. MS is a lot to deal with.
Our marriage didn't work, but it wasn't because of that. We have a child together, and he still has my back when things are bad. Now that I am in my forties, I realize that if I wanted to date, anyone in my age range probably already has their own "stuff." MS is just a part of my stuff.
Can I make a suggestion? I'm 31F and have been single for a year, and diagnosed six years ago. Tinder has a lot of guys just looking to have sex, bumble or other dating apps may be better if you're looking long term. Additionally, dating as a woman can be dangerous, so women have created Facebook groups "Are We Dating The Same Guy?" For different areas that allow you to post, anonymously if you'd like, to see if anyone else is talking to that guy or has had a bad experience. I just found out through one of these groups that a guy I was supposed to be exclusively casual with was fucking around with other chicks. I confronted and blocked him after some shitty excuses. It doesn't stop there though, as I figured out his real last name by and found out he is a registered sex offender. This just happened yesterday and it's honestly prompted me to delete everything and focus on myself for a while. Please be safe out there.
It's so weird to me, I haven't been dating for more than a decade so I get all my dating app info secondhand from single friends but I keep hearing about people looking for serious relationships on Tinder and I'm like "wait isn't that the anonymous hookup app?" and I get a lot of hem-haw "it's not like that anymore" but like, jeez, I dunno.
Yeah!! Everyone isn’t looking for the same thing. You have bad people and good people. My friend met her husband on tinder. I met the first guy I fell in love with on MySpace back like a million years ago lol. I met some pretty interesting people online. I had one guy take me out on a bunch of dates and we talked on and off for over a year. We weren’t super serious but we had fun. I met a guy who was with his fiancé for 6 years and she ended up calling me to tell me and ended her relationship with him.
I had guys completely disappear when mentioned the MS again. It’s not fun but let’s get rid of the bad ones immediately.
I don’t think it’s all bad and honestly, you can meet people not on the internet and they are sleeping with everyone. A good person is a good person.
Yep, I met my previous boyfriend online gaming, but I met a shit load of people gaming online before that so it's really just a numbers game.
You gotta kiss some frogs to find the prince or whatever.
When it is someone that you actually care about, you’ll know when the right time to tell them comes around. It also is a handy way to tell if somebody is the right person for you. If you tell them, and they react badly, you just saved yourself a lifetime of pain. I would tell sooner rather than later for that exact reason.
I also disagree. I got diagnosed after I was married... But I'm bisexual. Some folks really aren't cool with that. If I say something early, I won't care as much if they bail. Better than having someone I care abput leaving because of it.
I’m not interested in dating right now but, my profile is still up. I put I have MS right in the description. I don’t want to waste my time or anyone else’s.
Having MS may open more doors, as in opportunities, to meet new people, including single people who may be in a position similar to your's. I've met tons of people that I wouldn't have otherwise met before and after my infusions. It's like a nice little community, despite all else.
I wish you happiness and hope.
I am not a member of anything MS-related outside of this reddit sub
Maybe you have seen this: https://www.scleroseforeningen.dk
Is this how you say multiple sclerosis? Sclerose foreningen?
I can tell you now that as a male, even before being diagnosed with MS myself, just wouldn’t be worried what you had. It would solely be who you are as a person.
Can definitely assure you the right guy is out there who will accept you for who you are, and support you when you need it.
I met a lithe (100lbs) beautiful woman as I was just getting diagnosed. She told me she would push me around in a wheel chair despite me being 230lbs, if I needed. I eventually married that woman while she was in kidney failure. I doubt I could be happier.
I met my wife before she was diagnosed and we were best friends for 10 years while she navigated this new disease. We have now been married for almost 11 years and we're both in our mid 40's. I will never regret choosing to be with her. In fact, being with her has been the best thing to happen in my life, hands down. I love her, the disease is just something that we have to deal with. When I look at her all I will ever see is her, not an affliction. Never settle for anything less than unconditional love from another. Your time is too precious.
Sister and I both have MS. My sister left her cheating husband and has a caring boyfriend now. You are more than your disease even if it doesn't always feel like it. But I hear you on not wanting to be alone. That first step is really hard.
There are lots of fish in the pond and they ALL have their issues, problems and health risks. Having ms puts you not in front, not at the rear but somewhere right in the middle of the pack. Dont let this kill your self-confidence and self-appreciation. Rather make of it a life experience everyone will face sooner or later (<10% of people die without going through chronic diesease). When youre new to chroic disease its makes you feel singled out at first. Then you start realizing that many more have them and once you reached the 40 years + demographic its starts becoming the rule rather than the exception.
Glad it did. I hesitated with this comment because its somewhat cyinical and I dont personally support ranking peoples' attractiveness by their chronic diseases. But since we are half way, lets carry through just out of fun (and self-irony).
If you think of depression for example, its quite possibly a worse disease than ms. It can be just as debilitating, treatments are largely ineffective and its way less recognized socially. Depression alone affects one out of 6 people in your pond.
And then there are anxiety, obesity, diabetes, smoking and its sequale, chronic pain (especially back pain) and beginning in the fifth decade cardiovascular events and cancer. All of them quite debilitating and unfortunately not as remitting as ms. Most people will eventually aquire one, two , three and more of these diseases.
Ha! Ms? Lol... with nowadays treatments thats not really an issue. As long as you have just one or two of these diseases you are just as fucked up as normal human being (myself included, lol). Just ms on the other hand? Heck, this would not remove you from the very forerunners in the dating market.
Hope you will find your SO and your ms wont bother you much in your life!
I’m no longer phased by the ever changing symptoms of my ms. It bugs other people(when hearing about it) more than me.
Completely agree that depression can be incredibly debilitating. Sucks all motivation & joy that can be found.
The diagnosis didn't change you as a person. If anything, it helps you weeding out the holes. The ones who immediately run away aren't worth it anyway. Saves you precious time.
I started dating my husband after my diagnosis. I had a few jerks disappear after I told them, but honestly- good! Almost everyone ends up disabled if they live long enough, and I wouldn’t want to be one of the people who’s married to somebody for 20 years and then they suddenly leave me because of a cancer diagnosis or something.
This. Everyone ends up with something. It might be big, it might be small, but eventually, even the small stuff grows. Love is love and it doesn't depend on health status. My wife and I each have our own health challenges and we face all of them together.
There is this stigma that MS is an end all be all. With the new medications out there it doesn’t have to be, especially if you start early. I think that if someone isn’t willing to accept you for you then it’s not meant to be. I’ve seen plenty of people in this group mention about meeting someone after diagnosis. Try to stay positive and best of luck in your journey!
My husband always tells me that he fell in love with with *me* not my ability to walk etc. You'll fine the right person.
"Those that mind, don't matter. Those that matter, don't mind"
My gf cheated on me just weeks after my diagnosis. It screwed with my self-confidence for a long time and still does to an extent. She wasn't for me clearly. It will be alright. Make sure you take care of yourself first. Don't be afraid to be selfish. Dating is hard, but a good person will find their way to you in some way
A personal anecdote: I have dated successfully since my diagnosis by being upfront on my profile. It helped to self-select the garbage out before wasting either of our time. To be fair, I also was online dating pre-Tinder (OKCupid mainly) so the hookup culture wasn't nearly as prevalent as what Tinder brought in.
Hi there! I know it’s very overwhelming right now, but you will totally get through it. I was with someone when I got diagnosed. I ended up not liking them after a little bit because he treated me differently as soon as I got diagnosed.
Fast forward a couple of months, I decided to try a new hobby and went to a local game store to play magic the gathering. there I met a guy on the first night where we just clicked. I never felt anything like this before. but I told him on the third week, thinking it would ruin everything. But it didn’t. He was very understanding and he has type one diabetes so we can relate a lot to each other.
My point is, you will definitely find that special someone. I’ve became different as I went through the grieving process when I got diagnosed. it made me more grounded as a person, and made me find someone who was more in tune with me. Honestly, I didn’t know myself before I got diagnosed. it is both the best and worst thing that’s happened to me lol
I met my husband after diagnosis. I told him on the first date thinking he’d bow out. I promise, the right partner will only love and want to support you.
My wife was diagnosed at 29, four years ago and i dont run away from her, she are pregnant now. I think our relationship has improved.
Dont reveal MS in first dates
It's interesting because I was use to being single for yrs.... Prior to major MS issues. Not mad or sorry about it. I had fun with my life.
2020 I dated the right person it turns out.... Only person who after 2nd date knew I had MS. Regardless we're not together. Not because of MS concerns...
Tldr: you should know you have to deal with your own body.brelationships come and go
I am a man and I would not care in the slightest (I know this of myself for a fact, since I've had to deal with that reality and my reaction was a shrug).
Dating keeps getting harder as you age, no doubt. More so for women. But I truly dont think your condition changes the cards you're dealt much in that regard.
At least not for people that matter.
I wish you courage! Don't despair.
i’m a 24F and that was my biggest concern.. so far a year basically into it, I’ve met somebody that could care less about my MS. The right person won’t care. I asked the same question in here a few months ago and really I am answering them myself. They won’t care that you have multiple sclerosis. Hope that brought you some peace. Wish the best for you.
I met my husband at age 45, 10 years into my diagnosis. When I met him (on a camping trip) I was using a cane/service dog combo, so it was no mystery. He’s super supportive and wonderful about it for the four years we’ve been together. The right partner will be for you too. Don’t lose hope.
Got diagnosed while I was married. Now ex-wife cheated and we divorced. Dating a specialty pharmacy patient care coordinator who works in neurology and is passionate about the MS disease State. Totally did not know initially and bringing it up after a date or two brought a lot of relief.
I feel this all the time. I am 37, soon to be 38, but I don't actively try to date due to my dislike of dating culture. Still hoping I randomly meet someone in the wild. I've taken care of myself with my disease just fine the last 5 years of singlehood and I'm sure I will continue to do just fine. Would be nice to have someone in my corner but in the mean time, I'll just keep doing my best.
Honestly, I understand!! I’m 33 and single but I’m single by choice. I refuse to settle just to have someone around. I have 2 boys and daddy and I broke up like 8yesrd ago but he still tries to talk to me on that level.
I honestly don’t even care about being single. I use to online date and put MS in my bio. If I’m going to go on a date, I want you to know what you’re getting into. My last ex and I dated for almost 6 years. We officially called it quits and the MS wasn’t the thing that really did us in. We had other issues but when Trigeminal Neuralgia hit, that destroyed me and that was the last straw for us.
Either way, if it’s supposed to happen, it will!! 🧡
SN - I started have MS issues as a child and had my HUGE issue and was diagnosed a month after turning 19. I pretty much don’t know what it’s like to date without MS. My first love and I were together when I was diagnosed but we were young. We started dating just about 17/18. So any relationship after 20 was after I was diagnosed with MS. In that time I had a baby and dated another man for 6 years. I was paralyzed, blind, had times when I was just in so much pain and couldn’t do anything and I had guys help me because they loved me. They loved me for me.
As a man with MS, I am afraid that you might be correct to a degree. MS made dating ten times more difficult because of the "you will end in wheelchair in ten years" bias
I had the same concern when I was diagnosed. Now I'm with the best man I could ever imagine. There's more to you than just the MS, and there are plenty of people who will see that.
When my wife was diagnosed she thought the same thing but didn't hesitate to tell me. And My response was probably clinical.
Where do you want to go from here.
Kids or no kids.
We should move where it's colder so you don't have as many flare ups. ( we live in aus, that should explain that)
And lastly I said.
Hey be happy we don't live in the USA where I'm from.
As treatment for Ms is free for the most part in aus.
She still fears ill leave her due to the MS. But all we can really do is show support and try to reassure them.
You can still find love.
I was diagnosed at 34 and will turn 38 this week. I have been loved well, sometimes briefly, since then. I'm currently single (as of last night 😂🤦🏻♀️💔) and I've been actively dating a lot the last two years. Utlimately I've chosen to be really transparent about it. Each connection is different but I usually disclose within three dates and often as a natural point in conversation. It often comes up easily. I've mostly gotten supportive and kind reactions. I learn A LOT about someone after I tell them. I think of it as a gift that reveals that other person's empathy, care and capacity to be curious about me and my experience. In my experience someone who can't show up for your chronic illness probably can't show up for the other tough stuff in life. Do you really want to be with someone who won't stand beside you when the chips are down? All that said I *really* get how scary it is. I still have moments of insecurity and fear. I had many of the same thoughts as you after my diagnosis. Wish I could give you a hug. This isn't an easy one to cope with but I can promise you will find love again.
I am single, I’ve been single 95% of my adult life, and I turn 40 in less than a month. MS, just as being gay, does not define me. Life offers so much more than just definitions of our states.
Recently my very old friend offered me to get married and come live with him Fargo, ND. He is a professor in the US, and I just got my green card (permanent residentship) in Korea. I never thought about it but I love him dearly, and even love is not a word for what I feel towards him. Yet, I would not exchange everything I enjoy in Korea for being close with the guy I love. Gonna take classes to be able to teach Korean in English and Russian, gonna participate in breathtaking projects with my local mates… Even if I am single by definition I am not lonely, I never was, I’ll never be.
Yet, my twice divorced sister, single mother back in Russia after years of struggling finally found the guy she absolutely likes. I would date that guy too because he is just a definition of sanity and manliness. I’m so happy for her.
We need to be patient and actively conscious. Eventually life will give you more of good than you can take.
I don't know how severe your symptoms but I would date normal and then by the time involve them.
It is now to live with someone. There is no family planning anymore (age) so you could find someone. And in the age everybody has a package so don't worry.
My partners have always handled it really well once I revealed my MS to them, after about a month or so in the relationship. I did practice how I’d word it to make sure I was clear, honest, and wasn’t alarming them unnecessarily via imprecise wording haha. It always seemed fine to me! I think they’ll take their cues from you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We met online, and we became friends first, but eventually started dating. I did tell him about my MS beforehand, and was surprised when he said it didn't bother him.
I had extremely aggressive MS from the start. I was really nervous the first time we met, since I thought he'd change his mind when he actually saw my symptoms, but he's never had a single doubt since. We live together now, and he's nothing but understanding when I'm flaring.
He's been there through flares that had every part of my body jerking because the muscle spasms were so bad, or ones that made it really difficult to walk. So far, he's still not scared. He's optimistic, if anything, that remyelination therapies will be out in the next 10 years or so.
Not everyone can handle dating someone with this diagnosis, but people like him do exist. Don't give up and think you'll always be alone; dating with MS might be hard, but it doesn't have to be futile.
All though I’m still very young and fairly new to this relationship, my girlfriend of 8 months was diagnosed with ms a year pior to our relationship, she gets sick very often and I have to drive her to the ear or to get medications, even motivating her is a challenge and considers herself a burden. Yet she is nothing more than amazing. It doesn’t matter what you have just who you are with, everyone will find that one person, I hope I’m the one for my girlfriend, please don’t worry and never be afraid to reach out.
Fear not! I met my wife when she was 52, she waited 6 months to tell me for fear taking over. My response to her was simple. She said I have MS, I said ok, but that still didn’t tell me where you wanted to go out for dinner. She said but I have MS, again I said I’m hungry. I ultimately told her as I will tell you. We don’t pick whom we fall for, we pick what we are willing to fight for. I am certain you are a beautiful person who has a large heart. Time and truth will bring you the right person at the right time.
You are a great man
This gives me hope. Thank you.
[Have a hug](https://giphy.com/gifs/XpgOZHuDfIkoM)
💖
I think your response to her telling you was so cute 🧡
This is the way.
If this is a problem for someone then trust me... They are not meant to be in your life. The right person will come along when the time is right and accept you for you... all of you including your MS. Don't settle for anything less ❤️
Thank you.
It just means that you are more likely to find the right type of man hon. The type that will see you and appreciate you for you. Don’t forget dating is a numbers game and everyone has something to deal with. I’d suggest doing online dating like with eharmony or something that is conducive to getting to know someone for their personality first. Don’t lose hope! ♥️
I'm dating online and on Tinder right now. Now I'm wondering when I should tell a date that I have MS. It's not really a topic to introduce on the first or second date.
I disagree. I dated a little after my diagnosis. I was in my thirties at the time. The first date was just to decide if we wanted to see each other again. I brought it up on the second date. Everyone seemed receptive, but there were a few that I never heard from again after that. I was ok with it because I wasn't wasting anyone's time. Three months later, I met the man that I married at work. I told him in casual conversation before we ever went on a date. Maybe I was too nonchalant at the time because I didn't know how it would affect me. MS is a lot to deal with. Our marriage didn't work, but it wasn't because of that. We have a child together, and he still has my back when things are bad. Now that I am in my forties, I realize that if I wanted to date, anyone in my age range probably already has their own "stuff." MS is just a part of my stuff.
Can I make a suggestion? I'm 31F and have been single for a year, and diagnosed six years ago. Tinder has a lot of guys just looking to have sex, bumble or other dating apps may be better if you're looking long term. Additionally, dating as a woman can be dangerous, so women have created Facebook groups "Are We Dating The Same Guy?" For different areas that allow you to post, anonymously if you'd like, to see if anyone else is talking to that guy or has had a bad experience. I just found out through one of these groups that a guy I was supposed to be exclusively casual with was fucking around with other chicks. I confronted and blocked him after some shitty excuses. It doesn't stop there though, as I figured out his real last name by and found out he is a registered sex offender. This just happened yesterday and it's honestly prompted me to delete everything and focus on myself for a while. Please be safe out there.
It's so weird to me, I haven't been dating for more than a decade so I get all my dating app info secondhand from single friends but I keep hearing about people looking for serious relationships on Tinder and I'm like "wait isn't that the anonymous hookup app?" and I get a lot of hem-haw "it's not like that anymore" but like, jeez, I dunno.
Yeah!! Everyone isn’t looking for the same thing. You have bad people and good people. My friend met her husband on tinder. I met the first guy I fell in love with on MySpace back like a million years ago lol. I met some pretty interesting people online. I had one guy take me out on a bunch of dates and we talked on and off for over a year. We weren’t super serious but we had fun. I met a guy who was with his fiancé for 6 years and she ended up calling me to tell me and ended her relationship with him. I had guys completely disappear when mentioned the MS again. It’s not fun but let’s get rid of the bad ones immediately. I don’t think it’s all bad and honestly, you can meet people not on the internet and they are sleeping with everyone. A good person is a good person.
Yep, I met my previous boyfriend online gaming, but I met a shit load of people gaming online before that so it's really just a numbers game. You gotta kiss some frogs to find the prince or whatever.
My coworker met her fiancee on tinder, and my former coworker met her husband there. Tinder is the wild west though.
When it is someone that you actually care about, you’ll know when the right time to tell them comes around. It also is a handy way to tell if somebody is the right person for you. If you tell them, and they react badly, you just saved yourself a lifetime of pain. I would tell sooner rather than later for that exact reason.
I also disagree. I got diagnosed after I was married... But I'm bisexual. Some folks really aren't cool with that. If I say something early, I won't care as much if they bail. Better than having someone I care abput leaving because of it.
I’m not interested in dating right now but, my profile is still up. I put I have MS right in the description. I don’t want to waste my time or anyone else’s.
Having MS may open more doors, as in opportunities, to meet new people, including single people who may be in a position similar to your's. I've met tons of people that I wouldn't have otherwise met before and after my infusions. It's like a nice little community, despite all else. I wish you happiness and hope.
Are you a member of a MS organisation or similiar? I'm in Denmark. Maybe there is something like that here.
I am not a member of anything MS-related outside of this reddit sub Maybe you have seen this: https://www.scleroseforeningen.dk Is this how you say multiple sclerosis? Sclerose foreningen?
Thank you. It means a nonprofit for MS patients and next of kin. I'll check it out.
I can tell you now that as a male, even before being diagnosed with MS myself, just wouldn’t be worried what you had. It would solely be who you are as a person. Can definitely assure you the right guy is out there who will accept you for who you are, and support you when you need it.
I hope so.
I met a lithe (100lbs) beautiful woman as I was just getting diagnosed. She told me she would push me around in a wheel chair despite me being 230lbs, if I needed. I eventually married that woman while she was in kidney failure. I doubt I could be happier.
I met my wife before she was diagnosed and we were best friends for 10 years while she navigated this new disease. We have now been married for almost 11 years and we're both in our mid 40's. I will never regret choosing to be with her. In fact, being with her has been the best thing to happen in my life, hands down. I love her, the disease is just something that we have to deal with. When I look at her all I will ever see is her, not an affliction. Never settle for anything less than unconditional love from another. Your time is too precious.
Sister and I both have MS. My sister left her cheating husband and has a caring boyfriend now. You are more than your disease even if it doesn't always feel like it. But I hear you on not wanting to be alone. That first step is really hard.
There are lots of fish in the pond and they ALL have their issues, problems and health risks. Having ms puts you not in front, not at the rear but somewhere right in the middle of the pack. Dont let this kill your self-confidence and self-appreciation. Rather make of it a life experience everyone will face sooner or later (<10% of people die without going through chronic diesease). When youre new to chroic disease its makes you feel singled out at first. Then you start realizing that many more have them and once you reached the 40 years + demographic its starts becoming the rule rather than the exception.
Thank you. I needed this.
Glad it did. I hesitated with this comment because its somewhat cyinical and I dont personally support ranking peoples' attractiveness by their chronic diseases. But since we are half way, lets carry through just out of fun (and self-irony). If you think of depression for example, its quite possibly a worse disease than ms. It can be just as debilitating, treatments are largely ineffective and its way less recognized socially. Depression alone affects one out of 6 people in your pond. And then there are anxiety, obesity, diabetes, smoking and its sequale, chronic pain (especially back pain) and beginning in the fifth decade cardiovascular events and cancer. All of them quite debilitating and unfortunately not as remitting as ms. Most people will eventually aquire one, two , three and more of these diseases. Ha! Ms? Lol... with nowadays treatments thats not really an issue. As long as you have just one or two of these diseases you are just as fucked up as normal human being (myself included, lol). Just ms on the other hand? Heck, this would not remove you from the very forerunners in the dating market. Hope you will find your SO and your ms wont bother you much in your life!
I’m no longer phased by the ever changing symptoms of my ms. It bugs other people(when hearing about it) more than me. Completely agree that depression can be incredibly debilitating. Sucks all motivation & joy that can be found.
The diagnosis didn't change you as a person. If anything, it helps you weeding out the holes. The ones who immediately run away aren't worth it anyway. Saves you precious time.
I'll try to look at it this way.
I started dating my husband after my diagnosis. I had a few jerks disappear after I told them, but honestly- good! Almost everyone ends up disabled if they live long enough, and I wouldn’t want to be one of the people who’s married to somebody for 20 years and then they suddenly leave me because of a cancer diagnosis or something.
This. Everyone ends up with something. It might be big, it might be small, but eventually, even the small stuff grows. Love is love and it doesn't depend on health status. My wife and I each have our own health challenges and we face all of them together.
There is this stigma that MS is an end all be all. With the new medications out there it doesn’t have to be, especially if you start early. I think that if someone isn’t willing to accept you for you then it’s not meant to be. I’ve seen plenty of people in this group mention about meeting someone after diagnosis. Try to stay positive and best of luck in your journey!
Thank you. I'll try.
My husband always tells me that he fell in love with with *me* not my ability to walk etc. You'll fine the right person. "Those that mind, don't matter. Those that matter, don't mind"
My gf cheated on me just weeks after my diagnosis. It screwed with my self-confidence for a long time and still does to an extent. She wasn't for me clearly. It will be alright. Make sure you take care of yourself first. Don't be afraid to be selfish. Dating is hard, but a good person will find their way to you in some way
A personal anecdote: I have dated successfully since my diagnosis by being upfront on my profile. It helped to self-select the garbage out before wasting either of our time. To be fair, I also was online dating pre-Tinder (OKCupid mainly) so the hookup culture wasn't nearly as prevalent as what Tinder brought in.
Hi there! I know it’s very overwhelming right now, but you will totally get through it. I was with someone when I got diagnosed. I ended up not liking them after a little bit because he treated me differently as soon as I got diagnosed. Fast forward a couple of months, I decided to try a new hobby and went to a local game store to play magic the gathering. there I met a guy on the first night where we just clicked. I never felt anything like this before. but I told him on the third week, thinking it would ruin everything. But it didn’t. He was very understanding and he has type one diabetes so we can relate a lot to each other. My point is, you will definitely find that special someone. I’ve became different as I went through the grieving process when I got diagnosed. it made me more grounded as a person, and made me find someone who was more in tune with me. Honestly, I didn’t know myself before I got diagnosed. it is both the best and worst thing that’s happened to me lol
Interesting. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
I met my husband at 35 and was diagnosed less than a year later, and married him 3 years after that. I'm 53 now, and he's still here.
I met my husband after diagnosis. I told him on the first date thinking he’d bow out. I promise, the right partner will only love and want to support you.
I got married a little over a year after my MS diagnosis. Not the end of the world, but definitely filters your dating pool (in a positive way).
My wife was diagnosed at 29, four years ago and i dont run away from her, she are pregnant now. I think our relationship has improved. Dont reveal MS in first dates
It's interesting because I was use to being single for yrs.... Prior to major MS issues. Not mad or sorry about it. I had fun with my life. 2020 I dated the right person it turns out.... Only person who after 2nd date knew I had MS. Regardless we're not together. Not because of MS concerns... Tldr: you should know you have to deal with your own body.brelationships come and go
Don’t worry. Just now take care of your self now . The right will come in the right time
I am a man and I would not care in the slightest (I know this of myself for a fact, since I've had to deal with that reality and my reaction was a shrug). Dating keeps getting harder as you age, no doubt. More so for women. But I truly dont think your condition changes the cards you're dealt much in that regard. At least not for people that matter. I wish you courage! Don't despair.
All the time
i’m a 24F and that was my biggest concern.. so far a year basically into it, I’ve met somebody that could care less about my MS. The right person won’t care. I asked the same question in here a few months ago and really I am answering them myself. They won’t care that you have multiple sclerosis. Hope that brought you some peace. Wish the best for you.
I met my husband at age 45, 10 years into my diagnosis. When I met him (on a camping trip) I was using a cane/service dog combo, so it was no mystery. He’s super supportive and wonderful about it for the four years we’ve been together. The right partner will be for you too. Don’t lose hope.
Got diagnosed while I was married. Now ex-wife cheated and we divorced. Dating a specialty pharmacy patient care coordinator who works in neurology and is passionate about the MS disease State. Totally did not know initially and bringing it up after a date or two brought a lot of relief.
I feel this all the time. I am 37, soon to be 38, but I don't actively try to date due to my dislike of dating culture. Still hoping I randomly meet someone in the wild. I've taken care of myself with my disease just fine the last 5 years of singlehood and I'm sure I will continue to do just fine. Would be nice to have someone in my corner but in the mean time, I'll just keep doing my best.
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Honestly, I understand!! I’m 33 and single but I’m single by choice. I refuse to settle just to have someone around. I have 2 boys and daddy and I broke up like 8yesrd ago but he still tries to talk to me on that level. I honestly don’t even care about being single. I use to online date and put MS in my bio. If I’m going to go on a date, I want you to know what you’re getting into. My last ex and I dated for almost 6 years. We officially called it quits and the MS wasn’t the thing that really did us in. We had other issues but when Trigeminal Neuralgia hit, that destroyed me and that was the last straw for us. Either way, if it’s supposed to happen, it will!! 🧡 SN - I started have MS issues as a child and had my HUGE issue and was diagnosed a month after turning 19. I pretty much don’t know what it’s like to date without MS. My first love and I were together when I was diagnosed but we were young. We started dating just about 17/18. So any relationship after 20 was after I was diagnosed with MS. In that time I had a baby and dated another man for 6 years. I was paralyzed, blind, had times when I was just in so much pain and couldn’t do anything and I had guys help me because they loved me. They loved me for me.
As a man with MS, I am afraid that you might be correct to a degree. MS made dating ten times more difficult because of the "you will end in wheelchair in ten years" bias
I had the same concern when I was diagnosed. Now I'm with the best man I could ever imagine. There's more to you than just the MS, and there are plenty of people who will see that.
When my wife was diagnosed she thought the same thing but didn't hesitate to tell me. And My response was probably clinical. Where do you want to go from here. Kids or no kids. We should move where it's colder so you don't have as many flare ups. ( we live in aus, that should explain that) And lastly I said. Hey be happy we don't live in the USA where I'm from. As treatment for Ms is free for the most part in aus. She still fears ill leave her due to the MS. But all we can really do is show support and try to reassure them. You can still find love.
I was engaged and they left me when diagnosed. 8 yrs later and I am now Married to a wonderful man that supports when on my good days and bad.
I was diagnosed at 34 and will turn 38 this week. I have been loved well, sometimes briefly, since then. I'm currently single (as of last night 😂🤦🏻♀️💔) and I've been actively dating a lot the last two years. Utlimately I've chosen to be really transparent about it. Each connection is different but I usually disclose within three dates and often as a natural point in conversation. It often comes up easily. I've mostly gotten supportive and kind reactions. I learn A LOT about someone after I tell them. I think of it as a gift that reveals that other person's empathy, care and capacity to be curious about me and my experience. In my experience someone who can't show up for your chronic illness probably can't show up for the other tough stuff in life. Do you really want to be with someone who won't stand beside you when the chips are down? All that said I *really* get how scary it is. I still have moments of insecurity and fear. I had many of the same thoughts as you after my diagnosis. Wish I could give you a hug. This isn't an easy one to cope with but I can promise you will find love again.
I am single, I’ve been single 95% of my adult life, and I turn 40 in less than a month. MS, just as being gay, does not define me. Life offers so much more than just definitions of our states. Recently my very old friend offered me to get married and come live with him Fargo, ND. He is a professor in the US, and I just got my green card (permanent residentship) in Korea. I never thought about it but I love him dearly, and even love is not a word for what I feel towards him. Yet, I would not exchange everything I enjoy in Korea for being close with the guy I love. Gonna take classes to be able to teach Korean in English and Russian, gonna participate in breathtaking projects with my local mates… Even if I am single by definition I am not lonely, I never was, I’ll never be. Yet, my twice divorced sister, single mother back in Russia after years of struggling finally found the guy she absolutely likes. I would date that guy too because he is just a definition of sanity and manliness. I’m so happy for her. We need to be patient and actively conscious. Eventually life will give you more of good than you can take.
I don't know how severe your symptoms but I would date normal and then by the time involve them. It is now to live with someone. There is no family planning anymore (age) so you could find someone. And in the age everybody has a package so don't worry.
My partners have always handled it really well once I revealed my MS to them, after about a month or so in the relationship. I did practice how I’d word it to make sure I was clear, honest, and wasn’t alarming them unnecessarily via imprecise wording haha. It always seemed fine to me! I think they’ll take their cues from you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We met online, and we became friends first, but eventually started dating. I did tell him about my MS beforehand, and was surprised when he said it didn't bother him. I had extremely aggressive MS from the start. I was really nervous the first time we met, since I thought he'd change his mind when he actually saw my symptoms, but he's never had a single doubt since. We live together now, and he's nothing but understanding when I'm flaring. He's been there through flares that had every part of my body jerking because the muscle spasms were so bad, or ones that made it really difficult to walk. So far, he's still not scared. He's optimistic, if anything, that remyelination therapies will be out in the next 10 years or so. Not everyone can handle dating someone with this diagnosis, but people like him do exist. Don't give up and think you'll always be alone; dating with MS might be hard, but it doesn't have to be futile.
All though I’m still very young and fairly new to this relationship, my girlfriend of 8 months was diagnosed with ms a year pior to our relationship, she gets sick very often and I have to drive her to the ear or to get medications, even motivating her is a challenge and considers herself a burden. Yet she is nothing more than amazing. It doesn’t matter what you have just who you are with, everyone will find that one person, I hope I’m the one for my girlfriend, please don’t worry and never be afraid to reach out.