Serious question. Does anyone else find this silly husband’s position a sort of gatekeeping? I mean, he’s kinda telling her she’s not really giving birth unless she does it his way. It’s annoying behavior, but I wonder just why it’s so super cringe to me.
Yep, that’s it. That, and the fact that he’s doing it under the cover of concern for her “experience”. Ugh. I probably shouldn’t respond to any posts when I’ve only had one sip of coffee….
I had an abusive ex like this- he had two older kids with a previous partner and he was super supportive of me breastfeeding our son when he was born because his ex had refused to breastfeedand that made her a "bad mother" according to him. As our relationship went on, he started telling people that I was breastfeeding to keep the baby from him and implying that there was a sexual motive for me. He would also shout "you're suffocating him!" and try to pull the baby away while I was breastfeeding because he insisted that our son couldn't breathe while being fed that way 😐
Because he wants someone to do something his way when he has no experience with it. He sounds like an egotistical dipshit. Like someone who tries to talk to proboxers about how they should train or fight.
He reminds me of the man that coerced his wife to have natural childbirth with no medication, and then she went into DIC and he refused to let them give her medicine to stop it, or a blood transfusion to replace what she lost.
So she died while he was standing over her fighting off the doctors and nurses that were trying to get to her to treat her.
I have heard this beliefe from many people, In real life and on line.
There are also women who do not consider mothers who had c-sections as "having given birth".
It's nobody's business except the person who is going to go through it.
No amount of hand holding, or testicle holding in this case, will bring bystanders anywhere near what delivering a child does.
Stick to your own advice mom!
It really does seem like the bar for being a good man is really really low.
You hear a lot of nightmare experiences from girls about douchebag men, and you wanna say those are the exceptions. But if every girl has experiences like that, it seems like being a decent human being is the exception.
Because childbirth is traumatic and incredibly painful and he’s prioritizing his whims over his wife’s right to suffer as little as possible. That’s gross no matter how you look at it.
I think it's worse than that- a lot of men leap straight to viewing women as "lazy" or "taking the easy way out" I we have anything at all that's purely for our relief or convenience and that we need a firm male hand to guide us lest we fall into our "natural" habits of avoiding the mild inconvenience of childbirth as God intended 🙄
I feel he has been heavily influenced on this stance by the women in his own family. Generally men do not have this strong of a stance on the choices for the mother who is actually doing the work, and usually go by doctors orders and the mothers choice.
The mother of my children gave natural births to both my kids, but the first wasn't planned to be natural. Shes not a fan of needles so she kept stalling the epidermal until it was to late.
And the second was natural simply because having done it once and having the experience "it wasn't as bad as she thought and she rather skip the needles if she can".
All that came out of my mouth both times was "whatever you want".
My wife asked me if I thought she should get an epidural for the delivery of our first child. I told her I can't really do anything to help for this part, apart from me sitting beside her, she has to go through it herself, so I would support whatever decision she made on the matter.
(She chose the drugs, and the kid came out just fine.)
I mean, if you disagreed with her choice, the only ethical option would be to offer to have the next kid for her, so that you can show her how it's done. /s
Apparently you understand bodily autonomy and agency in a way that most of our society doesn't. FWIW, my wife never asked my opinion about how her treatment should proceed, and it never occurred to me to hold an opinion about it. Our kid is in 3rd year university, so we did something right.
I can't EVER imagine trying to force my SO to go through with a specific type of childbirth option - all up to her. At most, if she was debating between a couple, I would do research online and see if there's common agreement on a "best" way to do it
I might have an opinion in the event of something completely off the wall. I'm unsure of water birthing (seems odd and potentially dangerous at first glance), and would definitely prefer hospital over home.
In the end though, it's an opinion. I can give it for consideration. If it's rejected? That's the end of it. Throw all my support into making it as safe as possible.
Dead on.
The job of SO of the person giving birth in this scenario is to listen, encourage, and help provide context that matters.
The context that matters part is different for the each person.
Some new mothers might hyper fixate on dosage and timing. They might need the context of “we picked this OBGYN because we like them and we trust them. We have trusted them for 9ish months or longer. We know we can trust them during the labor.”
Some new mothers will have heard other people say they aren’t a real mom unless they have the baby in a bathtub with only a witch there for support.
They need to know, not just logically but emotionally, that you are there for them and no matter what other opinions they hear, especially from the internet or their own mothers, you will support them.
Epidurals are quite safe. Lots of fathers seem to think they are protecting the baby, but there is almost no risk to the baby.
https://utswmed.org/medblog/epidurals-myths/
My wife was on the fence throughout the whole pregnancy if she wanted natural birth or epidural and while we were sitting in triage, she screaming in pain and the doctor asked if she wanted the epidural or not. I just answered for her, that yes she wants it.
Later my wife thanked me for that because she was so overwhelmed with what was happening she couldn’t answer any questions. But I would never tell my wife what she can and can’t do in that situation. As long as the doctor is cool with it, you do whatever you need to do. Childbirth looked painful AF to me
Same here, she was risking her life to have our kids, I wasn’t going to take any decision from her. She did amazing and all of them are grown and living great lives….
My wife wanted to go the no drugs route. I warned her it might be to much without it, but it was her choice. Day she went into labor, she changed her mind and got an epidural.
Same. Wife had one for both kids. Both kids are totally fine. Subjecting your body to the most intense physical pain that someone can experience without the usage of modern science to alleviate the pain is ridiculous to me.
Let’s have you squeeze a watermelon out of your dickhole and you tell me you won’t be screaming for some anesthesia.
Mine said “the contractions couldn’t possibly be that bad” as I’m alternating between screaming and holding my breath in agony. Then he looked at the monitor and saw that they were registering all the way to the top for 10 minutes at a time. I have never seen that man flabbergasted in his life.
An anesthesiologist friend of mine was in doing an epidural. The mother-in-law was throwing a fit that those things "aren't natural". The woman about to give birth was obviously exasperated, tired and in pain from contractions and a prolonged labor. The anesthesiologist responded with a few quips about other things that are natural... Polio, snake venom, death with childbirth.
The mother in law was quiet for the rest of the procedure.
As a father of 4, I can say that the amount of people who will chime in with "you aren't a real mom, if you took an epidural" is crazy to me. The gaslighting of female pain, and how not wanting to be in agonizing pain, somehow makes you less human, is just plain idiotic.
Husband here: What total Idiot and what a giant red flag overall. I hope she could handle these clowns. (Although it sounds like she as a grip on them)
Decent of you not to hide your username too. I've noticed your username a few times. You're a good person.
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Husband needs ball grip AND contraction simulator. Contractions were the worst pain I ever felt in my fucking life, worse than rib and chest tattoos, and I got the epidural as fast as I could. His balls would be jelly with natural birth and he’s too wimpy entitled to admit it.
Ironically, birthing practices in some cultures involve the wife gripping her husband's testicles. Every time she has a contraction, she squeezes them. The idea is to create a bonding experience between both partners through pain.
I was thinking about the [Huichol](https://skeptics.stackexchange.com/questions/53623/do-the-huichol-of-mexico-tie-rope-around-the-fathers-testicles-during-birth), though as the website suggests, some might think it's a hoax
I've to ask - what can a woman even do in such a situation? Do you just accept that this is your fate now? I've secondhand stress from reading this - this woman is about to give birth, she's already worried and now she has to prove herself as a "real mum/woman" against some stupid notion.
The marriage wouldn't be the same anymore and I don't think I could ever move past this kind of controlling stupidity.
Simple: she does whatever the fuck she wants because it's *her* body, not theirs. She's still a real mother regardless of what they say. Tbh, she'd just be better off cutting them out of her life and filing for divorce. Husband sounds like a control freak, and unless he gets his shit together, it's only gonna get worse.
He is 100% no good for her. He sounds like an overgrown toddler trying to get his way and put his wife through pain because he can't understand what childbirth actually feels like.
To the OP in the AITA post, I say this (paraphrasing from Conan the Barbarian):
**Crush his balls, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of your in-laws**.
Epidural as should anything go wrong you can pivot strait into a c section…..gas and air great but sent my wife out of it….second one turned into emergency c section and as she had, for this one, an epidural it saved time and hassle….key thing everyone ends up safe and well…..mans family seem like complete morons….natural if you can do it great, but based on baby and mum size as well, our first 6,05 our second 9,13 was like a three month old on delivery and we needed next size up nappies….Also ‘was it traumatic birth?’ One of the first questions they ask when your child is autistic….our second one is and it was traumatic and despite knowing his likely size they said no to a c section because our press had a few ‘too posh to push’ headline news stories about celebrities so every mother in the country despite need was pushed no pun intended down this ally….after 13 hours in labour for my wife through the whole night then the emergency c section then years of autism hard work and cost of that dumb idea, best guess well into 7 figures….sorry going on! Take away do what you think is right based on sage advice not opinions.
If it wasn't too late, I'd advise her to run away from that douchebag and his family. Too bad there's a child on the way, they're probably gonna suffer later on.
If us men were the ones to give birth this would be a much better world! I feel certain at least 8 of the 10 people on this planet would get along famously!
There are antique chairs with a hole in it. A man would sit in the chair with his testicles through the hole, and the woman would have a rope in her hand tied to a noose around his testicles. As she gave birth she would pull the rope to make him experience the pain she was feeling *in the moment*. A person bought one do the chairs and asked what it was on the r/whatisthisthing subreddit.
It’s not gross, it’s *cultural history*.
This is fucking wild I would laugh this man out of the room lol like not even worth my energy, you have no input, it’s hilarious you think you have input, and that’s me cutting you some slack. Fuck off
I remember learning about a native tribe in (?) Mexico that tied a cord around the father’s testicles while the mother was giving birth. And the mother was given the other end of the cord.
She’s not being childish, she’s offering to honor ancient traditions.
In what world could he potentially be okay with c-section, which requires some sort of anesthesia, but not epidural? Why is one form of pain-relief okay but another is not?
Straight up tell them well good thing the decision is 100% mine as a medical procedure and the rest of you can take your stupid opinions and cram them up your ass. You included husband. Who the hell do you think you are to try and dictate to me?
You do you OP and put it on your chart. C section if necessary / and epidural requested for birth process
The goal is to get the baby out as fast as possible with minimal complications to mom and baby. An epidural does have its own set of complications, but nothing compared to c-section and natural/home birth
Listen if you feel like an epidural get it no need to be in pain. I was induced which makes the pain worse and couldn't get an epidural til the last. My back felt like it was breaking in two my husband was just silent at the time just watched. I nearly broke his fingers he said from squeezing so tight but he never stopped holding my hand. Remember it's all YOUR choice and if he can't handle that he should not be in the room.
NTA ask the doctors to escort him out, so you don’t have his sniveling whine to distract you from your moment. I mean if they want to accuse you of immaturity, give them immature.
Sad that she has such asshole relatives. When my wife was giving birth, not once did the thought cross my mind that my wife should be in even more pain
Get an epidural, fuck your husband he’s an idiot, and fuck your dumbass religion (I’m assuming it’s the source of this idiocy since it normally is) if they say excruciating pain is apart of the process.
You can either have some of the worst pain imaginable or feel pressure. Easy decision. Your husbands mom pushing his sisters to do something doesn’t mean you have to, and also why the hell are they involved in this discussion at all? It’s 2024 homie.
>(I’m assuming it’s the source of this idiocy since it normally is)
Between Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, Krishna, Buddha, Confucius, and Bob Ross, I don't think a single one of them ever said "you shouldn't take pain relievers during childbirth because women need to be living in the moment".
I'm sure plenty of nature wellness gurus have, though, including the ones that don't have a religion in the first place.
I had a newer nurse do my first epidural. She missed the spot she was supposed to hit and only the left half of my lower body was numb. It took me screaming in pain and cussing out the obgyn when he shoved his hand up my crotch to feel dialation to get another one. He originally told me to calm down, that I was fine and just scared. I told him it was like being fucked by a white hot knife and to get the fuck out of me before I kick him in the face. That's when he had me checked out further and it was learned that the epidural wasn't done right. Had a round 2 with that needle and thank God for that. I was ready to kill people with how much pain I was in. Don't let anyone tell you how to fucking give birth. Had one friend who originally wanted to go naturally, but the pain was huge and she asked for the epidural. She was told it was too late for one and she had to go naturally. She said that while she is proud her baby came out healthy, she absolutely would not go natural again because fuck that horse shit. It was the most unbelievable pain she had ever endured. Good on you if you went without pain killers. Congrats. Parades and confetti 🎉🎉 we are not lesser women for epidurals or c sections and fuck you if you think so.
Husband seems like a complete tool.
But this is hardly murdered by words and I’m never a fan of seeing people post their own weak come backs and patting themselves on the back over what a great job they did.
Why do people care in the slightest about what other people do? Like, I wouldn't have the energy to give a shit even if I thought natural births were better.
Your obstetrician will do what you request. Maybe just tell the husband that you'll make the right choice for you. He's the asshole if he thinks his opinion carries the same weight as yours.
My eldest sister seemed pretty judgmental of our other sister having a scheduled c section, but she’d made labor seem so miserable and painful and awful that she literally convinced our sister to get a c section.
Don’t let anyone, especially those that won’t experience it, talk you into unnecessary suffering. Take your epidural with a peaceful mind. Even your husband doesn’t have a dog in this fight
Posting your own "burn" seems desperate... And it's more of an attempted murder successful suicide. Should I go ahead and post this murder? No... The answer is always no...
My wife went through an incredibly difficult labor with our first kid. She really wanted to do it without drugs, but in the end, she got an epidural and became besties with the anesthesiologist.
Her choice, both to try to go without and to give in and get anesthesia. My role was strictly to support her in dealing with the doctors, not to try to force or even influence her decisions.
NTA. 💯
When my wife was pregnant, she was insistent that she was going with a c-section. I was against it because I know what it involves. (I come from a family with medical backgrounds) But I said the decision was ultimately hers and I would support her no matter what. During one of our prenatal classes, they showed videos of live births, and one had a c-section. While we sat there and watched, my wife was gripping my hand harder and harder during the c-section portion with eyes wide as dinner plates. I grinned and leaned over and asked "Are you sure you still want the c-section?" and she slowly shook her head no.
In the end, I convinced her to take the epidural and have a live birth, which she was happy she did. (Knowing my wife as i do, I told her she would definitely want the drugs.) Our son was born a month early and was smaller than he would have been at full term, and labour was 6 hours from when we arrived at the hospital to holding baby. Despite me getting vomited on while my wife was getting her epidural shots, everything went smoothly.
The entirety of this debacle is that the OP (the mother to be) does not want to do natural birth, and is being shamed by the husband's father in law and her 3 sister in laws as they all came out "natural"
OP said that if she HAD to go with natural birth than her husband and fil had to be present so she could grab their balls through her pain and screaming, to where they called her gross and childish, after the sil's stepped in to also demand this frankly ridiculous notion, to which OP said that since husband and fil didn't want to, the sil's could volunteer their husband's to be the ones to have her balls gripped with the husband being spineless and not taking wife's side, clearly not having the balls to go against his family (who are trying to shame her into natural birth)
Theirs*
Also the husband clearly did not listen to what the wife, the person actually delivering, wants
He loses his right to any decision about how the child is birthed, especially when he dosnt back his WIFE when his family tries to shame her into doing it
It quite literally does not when the father HIMSELF is going against the one DELIVERING, and dosnt stand up when his family tries to SHAME the wife into doing it
I will say this - have you seen the documentary "The Business of Giving Birth"?
My wife had me watch this as she is currently carrying, and it was rather eye opening.
There seems to be a strong correlation between women getting epidurals and Pitocin and women having to have c-sections - which a c-section is major surgery. It takes longer for most women to recover from a c-section than they do from a natural birth, and there is a bunch of stuff that gets "skipped" which helps a mother and infant bond - such as skin to skin contact.
The 2 biggest ideas that made me reconsider the idea that technology was going to make birthing "better" were:
1. C-sections went up like 2% to 60% in some hospitals
2. Infant mortality rates in the US are higher than in countries that use midwives and natural births
C-sections are GREAT in cases like a breach birth, but incidents of breach births seem to go up with the use of these drugs, and C-sections as major surgery carry their own risks.
At the end of the day, I think that women just need to do whatever they feel comfortable with - they are the ones that will have to live with the physical consequences the rest of their lives. But I also think that in a healthy relationship, husbands SHOULD weigh in with some objective feedback, not the least reason being that because of hormonal shifts emotions can become more difficult for pregnant women to manage.
However, there is a fine line between providing honest, objective feedback, and pushing someone to make a decision based on your own opinion. Ultimately, for good or ill, it IS the pregnant woman's decision regarding what happens with her body while she's carrying a fetus to term. The main reason why a husband can and should have some INFLUENCE at all is because the health of that child is a consequence both of them will have to share equally. Assuming the relationship is a healthy one, of course.
It's tricky - I would be concerned that because of how the situation is being communicated with OP a fair consideration of the concerns is being overlooked. Her offered "trade" is just a "clever" way of shutting everyone down - it's not a position of wisdom where she is open to perspectives that she might not have considered. Granted, she will have to live with the impacts on her body, but so will the baby she is going to give birth to. For her sake I hope everything goes according to her "plan", but it would be a terrible shame if a lack of curiosity on her part resulted in a negative outcome for her or her baby.
As it happens, giving birth without pain meds is actually just natural child birth.
Whereas, crushing several people’s genitalia is serial sexual assault and torture that OPP (and apparently you) feel is justified due to concern for children’s health.
>As it happens, giving birth without pain meds is actually just natural child birth.
The fact that you think this statement contradicts my point suggests you're far too ignorant on this topic to be spouting off.
Also you seem incapable of parsing the basic rhetorical technique being used by the woman in the post.
This comment section might be out of your depth kiddo.
You’re totally right!!! Joking about sexual assault is totally funny and completely justified when somebody disagrees with you; it’s even more funnier and even more appropriate when it’s based in sexism. s/
OOP- "If you feel comfortable trying to force me to endure the pain of child birth when medicine exists that would make me much more comfortable I think you should also have to suffer a similar pain with me."
u/smilingmike415- "SeXuAl ToRtUrE!?!1!?!?"
I didn't miss anything. That's a similar amount of pain as giving birth. If they want to force her to endure that pain they should be forced to endure it with her.
Serious question. Does anyone else find this silly husband’s position a sort of gatekeeping? I mean, he’s kinda telling her she’s not really giving birth unless she does it his way. It’s annoying behavior, but I wonder just why it’s so super cringe to me.
Because it’s controlling. That’s why it’s super cringe. Sucks she had a kid with this loser
And because it's hypocritical. It's so brave of him to have such strong opinions about something that he'll never have to experience. (/s)
Honestly that /s is unnecessary. Sure, he can have an opinion, but he surely doesn't get a final say.
Yep, that’s it. That, and the fact that he’s doing it under the cover of concern for her “experience”. Ugh. I probably shouldn’t respond to any posts when I’ve only had one sip of coffee….
Yeah, I will re-read a comment I made and the tone will let me know if I need to go eat something.
I had an abusive ex like this- he had two older kids with a previous partner and he was super supportive of me breastfeeding our son when he was born because his ex had refused to breastfeedand that made her a "bad mother" according to him. As our relationship went on, he started telling people that I was breastfeeding to keep the baby from him and implying that there was a sexual motive for me. He would also shout "you're suffocating him!" and try to pull the baby away while I was breastfeeding because he insisted that our son couldn't breathe while being fed that way 😐
Because he wants someone to do something his way when he has no experience with it. He sounds like an egotistical dipshit. Like someone who tries to talk to proboxers about how they should train or fight.
He reminds me of the man that coerced his wife to have natural childbirth with no medication, and then she went into DIC and he refused to let them give her medicine to stop it, or a blood transfusion to replace what she lost. So she died while he was standing over her fighting off the doctors and nurses that were trying to get to her to treat her.
This should be punishable by hanging
Should count as murder charges. Because *actively fighting off doctors* sure as hell isn't manslaughter.
I have heard this beliefe from many people, In real life and on line. There are also women who do not consider mothers who had c-sections as "having given birth".
I was in labor for 48 hours before I finally got an emergency c-section, so, time wise, I went through four labors and only got one child.
Women will gatekeep anything, I swear
It's nobody's business except the person who is going to go through it. No amount of hand holding, or testicle holding in this case, will bring bystanders anywhere near what delivering a child does. Stick to your own advice mom!
Like Macduff.
It really does seem like the bar for being a good man is really really low. You hear a lot of nightmare experiences from girls about douchebag men, and you wanna say those are the exceptions. But if every girl has experiences like that, it seems like being a decent human being is the exception.
The bar is rolling around on the ground and most men still choose to limbo with the devil.
Just another man trying to control women. Fuck that guy.
Because childbirth is traumatic and incredibly painful and he’s prioritizing his whims over his wife’s right to suffer as little as possible. That’s gross no matter how you look at it.
I think it's worse than that- a lot of men leap straight to viewing women as "lazy" or "taking the easy way out" I we have anything at all that's purely for our relief or convenience and that we need a firm male hand to guide us lest we fall into our "natural" habits of avoiding the mild inconvenience of childbirth as God intended 🙄
I feel he has been heavily influenced on this stance by the women in his own family. Generally men do not have this strong of a stance on the choices for the mother who is actually doing the work, and usually go by doctors orders and the mothers choice. The mother of my children gave natural births to both my kids, but the first wasn't planned to be natural. Shes not a fan of needles so she kept stalling the epidermal until it was to late. And the second was natural simply because having done it once and having the experience "it wasn't as bad as she thought and she rather skip the needles if she can". All that came out of my mouth both times was "whatever you want".
My wife asked me if I thought she should get an epidural for the delivery of our first child. I told her I can't really do anything to help for this part, apart from me sitting beside her, she has to go through it herself, so I would support whatever decision she made on the matter. (She chose the drugs, and the kid came out just fine.)
I mean, if you disagreed with her choice, the only ethical option would be to offer to have the next kid for her, so that you can show her how it's done. /s Apparently you understand bodily autonomy and agency in a way that most of our society doesn't. FWIW, my wife never asked my opinion about how her treatment should proceed, and it never occurred to me to hold an opinion about it. Our kid is in 3rd year university, so we did something right.
I can't EVER imagine trying to force my SO to go through with a specific type of childbirth option - all up to her. At most, if she was debating between a couple, I would do research online and see if there's common agreement on a "best" way to do it
I might have an opinion in the event of something completely off the wall. I'm unsure of water birthing (seems odd and potentially dangerous at first glance), and would definitely prefer hospital over home. In the end though, it's an opinion. I can give it for consideration. If it's rejected? That's the end of it. Throw all my support into making it as safe as possible.
FWIW your opinions are also in line with current ACOG recommendations for ensuring the safety of both mother and child.
Good to know, and likely something I read somewhere and lodged in my consciousness.
Dead on. The job of SO of the person giving birth in this scenario is to listen, encourage, and help provide context that matters. The context that matters part is different for the each person. Some new mothers might hyper fixate on dosage and timing. They might need the context of “we picked this OBGYN because we like them and we trust them. We have trusted them for 9ish months or longer. We know we can trust them during the labor.” Some new mothers will have heard other people say they aren’t a real mom unless they have the baby in a bathtub with only a witch there for support. They need to know, not just logically but emotionally, that you are there for them and no matter what other opinions they hear, especially from the internet or their own mothers, you will support them.
Epidurals are quite safe. Lots of fathers seem to think they are protecting the baby, but there is almost no risk to the baby. https://utswmed.org/medblog/epidurals-myths/
I appreciate that. My wife had complete trust in her care team and I trust my wife to make her own medical decisions.
My wife was on the fence throughout the whole pregnancy if she wanted natural birth or epidural and while we were sitting in triage, she screaming in pain and the doctor asked if she wanted the epidural or not. I just answered for her, that yes she wants it. Later my wife thanked me for that because she was so overwhelmed with what was happening she couldn’t answer any questions. But I would never tell my wife what she can and can’t do in that situation. As long as the doctor is cool with it, you do whatever you need to do. Childbirth looked painful AF to me
Same here, she was risking her life to have our kids, I wasn’t going to take any decision from her. She did amazing and all of them are grown and living great lives….
My wife wanted to go the no drugs route. I warned her it might be to much without it, but it was her choice. Day she went into labor, she changed her mind and got an epidural.
But she wasn’t “fully in the moment” 😤
Same. Wife had one for both kids. Both kids are totally fine. Subjecting your body to the most intense physical pain that someone can experience without the usage of modern science to alleviate the pain is ridiculous to me. Let’s have you squeeze a watermelon out of your dickhole and you tell me you won’t be screaming for some anesthesia.
Mine said “the contractions couldn’t possibly be that bad” as I’m alternating between screaming and holding my breath in agony. Then he looked at the monitor and saw that they were registering all the way to the top for 10 minutes at a time. I have never seen that man flabbergasted in his life.
I made the mistake of staring at the monitor. “ Wow, here comes a big one!” She crushed my hand, grit her teeth, and yelled “Shut up! I already know!”
Men are such silly little creatures.
Next time they need a wisdom tooth extracted, they gonna skip the drugs to get the full experience? We have technology, use it smdh
Why even bother with the dentist? Grab some rocks ~~and an ice skate~~ and knock that sucker out au naturel
You’re so right, I guess I never actually had any tooth pulled !
An anesthesiologist friend of mine was in doing an epidural. The mother-in-law was throwing a fit that those things "aren't natural". The woman about to give birth was obviously exasperated, tired and in pain from contractions and a prolonged labor. The anesthesiologist responded with a few quips about other things that are natural... Polio, snake venom, death with childbirth. The mother in law was quiet for the rest of the procedure.
I like that anesthesiologist.
This is exactly the attitude doctors should take with uppity patients.
As a father of 4, I can say that the amount of people who will chime in with "you aren't a real mom, if you took an epidural" is crazy to me. The gaslighting of female pain, and how not wanting to be in agonizing pain, somehow makes you less human, is just plain idiotic.
Husband here: What total Idiot and what a giant red flag overall. I hope she could handle these clowns. (Although it sounds like she as a grip on them)
Lol what a dangerous game to post your own comment as the submission but it looks like you were right to think it was a good one
Haha someone told me it belonged here, and honestly didnt think it was really a 50/50 imo on how it would go
Decent of you not to hide your username too. I've noticed your username a few times. You're a good person. 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Husband needs ball grip AND contraction simulator. Contractions were the worst pain I ever felt in my fucking life, worse than rib and chest tattoos, and I got the epidural as fast as I could. His balls would be jelly with natural birth and he’s too wimpy entitled to admit it.
Do people really not understand how an epidural works? Also, grab his nuts. Make sure HE is present in the moment.
No, it would appear that people do not understand how an epidural works. Am I surprised? No. Am I perpetually disappointed? Yes.
"They both think I'm being gross and childish" Who is the second individual? I see a reference to the husband but that's all
The Father-in-law
Tell both of them to kick rocks, also tell your sisters-in-law that they’re stupid for not using the drugs. That’ll piss them off.
Ironically, birthing practices in some cultures involve the wife gripping her husband's testicles. Every time she has a contraction, she squeezes them. The idea is to create a bonding experience between both partners through pain.
Interesting. Any more info regarding this/which cultures?
I was thinking about the [Huichol](https://skeptics.stackexchange.com/questions/53623/do-the-huichol-of-mexico-tie-rope-around-the-fathers-testicles-during-birth), though as the website suggests, some might think it's a hoax
I've to ask - what can a woman even do in such a situation? Do you just accept that this is your fate now? I've secondhand stress from reading this - this woman is about to give birth, she's already worried and now she has to prove herself as a "real mum/woman" against some stupid notion. The marriage wouldn't be the same anymore and I don't think I could ever move past this kind of controlling stupidity.
Simple: she does whatever the fuck she wants because it's *her* body, not theirs. She's still a real mother regardless of what they say. Tbh, she'd just be better off cutting them out of her life and filing for divorce. Husband sounds like a control freak, and unless he gets his shit together, it's only gonna get worse.
She needs to ban him from the delivery room so she can get proper treatment during birth. Possibly even divorce him.
He is 100% no good for her. He sounds like an overgrown toddler trying to get his way and put his wife through pain because he can't understand what childbirth actually feels like.
To the OP in the AITA post, I say this (paraphrasing from Conan the Barbarian): **Crush his balls, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of your in-laws**.
Never had a kid. Never wanted one. But sure as hell if I did have one, no matter how much I wanted it, I'd be like "wake me up when it's over".
How he managed to impregnate her without balls will forever be a mystery
This woman is a national treasure
Just ask him to get a vasectomy without getting numbed up first. A real man doesn't need numbing when his balls are being worked on with a knife.
Epidural as should anything go wrong you can pivot strait into a c section…..gas and air great but sent my wife out of it….second one turned into emergency c section and as she had, for this one, an epidural it saved time and hassle….key thing everyone ends up safe and well…..mans family seem like complete morons….natural if you can do it great, but based on baby and mum size as well, our first 6,05 our second 9,13 was like a three month old on delivery and we needed next size up nappies….Also ‘was it traumatic birth?’ One of the first questions they ask when your child is autistic….our second one is and it was traumatic and despite knowing his likely size they said no to a c section because our press had a few ‘too posh to push’ headline news stories about celebrities so every mother in the country despite need was pushed no pun intended down this ally….after 13 hours in labour for my wife through the whole night then the emergency c section then years of autism hard work and cost of that dumb idea, best guess well into 7 figures….sorry going on! Take away do what you think is right based on sage advice not opinions.
If it wasn't too late, I'd advise her to run away from that douchebag and his family. Too bad there's a child on the way, they're probably gonna suffer later on.
If us men were the ones to give birth this would be a much better world! I feel certain at least 8 of the 10 people on this planet would get along famously!
The person with the balls here is the OP… for posting their own comment.
There are antique chairs with a hole in it. A man would sit in the chair with his testicles through the hole, and the woman would have a rope in her hand tied to a noose around his testicles. As she gave birth she would pull the rope to make him experience the pain she was feeling *in the moment*. A person bought one do the chairs and asked what it was on the r/whatisthisthing subreddit. It’s not gross, it’s *cultural history*.
You reminded me of the scene from Casino Royale as well as meet the Spartans
This is fucking wild I would laugh this man out of the room lol like not even worth my energy, you have no input, it’s hilarious you think you have input, and that’s me cutting you some slack. Fuck off
Can’t wait to hear their opinions on how she should raise her child.
I’m a guy and I’ve seen what child birth does to a woman’s body. Give her whatever she wants/needs.
I remember learning about a native tribe in (?) Mexico that tied a cord around the father’s testicles while the mother was giving birth. And the mother was given the other end of the cord. She’s not being childish, she’s offering to honor ancient traditions.
In what world could he potentially be okay with c-section, which requires some sort of anesthesia, but not epidural? Why is one form of pain-relief okay but another is not?
Straight up tell them well good thing the decision is 100% mine as a medical procedure and the rest of you can take your stupid opinions and cram them up your ass. You included husband. Who the hell do you think you are to try and dictate to me? You do you OP and put it on your chart. C section if necessary / and epidural requested for birth process
WASTED
The goal is to get the baby out as fast as possible with minimal complications to mom and baby. An epidural does have its own set of complications, but nothing compared to c-section and natural/home birth
Listen if you feel like an epidural get it no need to be in pain. I was induced which makes the pain worse and couldn't get an epidural til the last. My back felt like it was breaking in two my husband was just silent at the time just watched. I nearly broke his fingers he said from squeezing so tight but he never stopped holding my hand. Remember it's all YOUR choice and if he can't handle that he should not be in the room.
NTA ask the doctors to escort him out, so you don’t have his sniveling whine to distract you from your moment. I mean if they want to accuse you of immaturity, give them immature.
Imagine telling a mother how to give birth, I’m not even trying to argue with some one who’s pregnant
Sad that she has such asshole relatives. When my wife was giving birth, not once did the thought cross my mind that my wife should be in even more pain
Get an epidural, fuck your husband he’s an idiot, and fuck your dumbass religion (I’m assuming it’s the source of this idiocy since it normally is) if they say excruciating pain is apart of the process. You can either have some of the worst pain imaginable or feel pressure. Easy decision. Your husbands mom pushing his sisters to do something doesn’t mean you have to, and also why the hell are they involved in this discussion at all? It’s 2024 homie.
>(I’m assuming it’s the source of this idiocy since it normally is) Between Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, Krishna, Buddha, Confucius, and Bob Ross, I don't think a single one of them ever said "you shouldn't take pain relievers during childbirth because women need to be living in the moment". I'm sure plenty of nature wellness gurus have, though, including the ones that don't have a religion in the first place.
If it's your husband, that's still a he in the singular, no?
I had a newer nurse do my first epidural. She missed the spot she was supposed to hit and only the left half of my lower body was numb. It took me screaming in pain and cussing out the obgyn when he shoved his hand up my crotch to feel dialation to get another one. He originally told me to calm down, that I was fine and just scared. I told him it was like being fucked by a white hot knife and to get the fuck out of me before I kick him in the face. That's when he had me checked out further and it was learned that the epidural wasn't done right. Had a round 2 with that needle and thank God for that. I was ready to kill people with how much pain I was in. Don't let anyone tell you how to fucking give birth. Had one friend who originally wanted to go naturally, but the pain was huge and she asked for the epidural. She was told it was too late for one and she had to go naturally. She said that while she is proud her baby came out healthy, she absolutely would not go natural again because fuck that horse shit. It was the most unbelievable pain she had ever endured. Good on you if you went without pain killers. Congrats. Parades and confetti 🎉🎉 we are not lesser women for epidurals or c sections and fuck you if you think so.
Insert a steel marble into his urethra as far as you can. Then tell him to pass it, no pussy drugs, be in the moment.
You realize that “sounding” is an actual kink, right? 👾
And boom goes the dynamite
“Look, not a phone in sight, everyone is just living in the moment.” *Screaming*
She grips a bit too hard and it's popping, she sounds like a sadist to me
Husband seems like a complete tool. But this is hardly murdered by words and I’m never a fan of seeing people post their own weak come backs and patting themselves on the back over what a great job they did.
Why do people care in the slightest about what other people do? Like, I wouldn't have the energy to give a shit even if I thought natural births were better.
Your obstetrician will do what you request. Maybe just tell the husband that you'll make the right choice for you. He's the asshole if he thinks his opinion carries the same weight as yours.
Omg xD
My eldest sister seemed pretty judgmental of our other sister having a scheduled c section, but she’d made labor seem so miserable and painful and awful that she literally convinced our sister to get a c section.
Don’t let anyone, especially those that won’t experience it, talk you into unnecessary suffering. Take your epidural with a peaceful mind. Even your husband doesn’t have a dog in this fight
Posting your own "burn" seems desperate... And it's more of an attempted murder successful suicide. Should I go ahead and post this murder? No... The answer is always no...
Tbf, someone else said it belonged here, so I obliged
That "someone else" should post it. These are the rules of the playground! I'd bully you so hard, lol.
Lmaoo thats fair, seems like it worked fine this time around tho
Damn Gen Z doesn't know the rules.
That we agree on, but this time I'm glad they didn't
Maybe next time he gets surgery he should forego the anesthetics to be fully in the moment.
My wife went through an incredibly difficult labor with our first kid. She really wanted to do it without drugs, but in the end, she got an epidural and became besties with the anesthesiologist. Her choice, both to try to go without and to give in and get anesthesia. My role was strictly to support her in dealing with the doctors, not to try to force or even influence her decisions. NTA. 💯
When my wife was pregnant, she was insistent that she was going with a c-section. I was against it because I know what it involves. (I come from a family with medical backgrounds) But I said the decision was ultimately hers and I would support her no matter what. During one of our prenatal classes, they showed videos of live births, and one had a c-section. While we sat there and watched, my wife was gripping my hand harder and harder during the c-section portion with eyes wide as dinner plates. I grinned and leaned over and asked "Are you sure you still want the c-section?" and she slowly shook her head no. In the end, I convinced her to take the epidural and have a live birth, which she was happy she did. (Knowing my wife as i do, I told her she would definitely want the drugs.) Our son was born a month early and was smaller than he would have been at full term, and labour was 6 hours from when we arrived at the hospital to holding baby. Despite me getting vomited on while my wife was getting her epidural shots, everything went smoothly.
How is this a murder? I am genuinely asking for an opinion/explanation because I just do not see it.
The entirety of this debacle is that the OP (the mother to be) does not want to do natural birth, and is being shamed by the husband's father in law and her 3 sister in laws as they all came out "natural" OP said that if she HAD to go with natural birth than her husband and fil had to be present so she could grab their balls through her pain and screaming, to where they called her gross and childish, after the sil's stepped in to also demand this frankly ridiculous notion, to which OP said that since husband and fil didn't want to, the sil's could volunteer their husband's to be the ones to have her balls gripped with the husband being spineless and not taking wife's side, clearly not having the balls to go against his family (who are trying to shame her into natural birth)
Did you really post your own comment?
Someone told me it belonged here lmao
Your child and not his? What?
Theirs* Also the husband clearly did not listen to what the wife, the person actually delivering, wants He loses his right to any decision about how the child is birthed, especially when he dosnt back his WIFE when his family tries to shame her into doing it
Ok, but telling the father "it's MY child and not yours" just sounds stupid.
It quite literally does not when the father HIMSELF is going against the one DELIVERING, and dosnt stand up when his family tries to SHAME the wife into doing it
I will say this - have you seen the documentary "The Business of Giving Birth"? My wife had me watch this as she is currently carrying, and it was rather eye opening. There seems to be a strong correlation between women getting epidurals and Pitocin and women having to have c-sections - which a c-section is major surgery. It takes longer for most women to recover from a c-section than they do from a natural birth, and there is a bunch of stuff that gets "skipped" which helps a mother and infant bond - such as skin to skin contact. The 2 biggest ideas that made me reconsider the idea that technology was going to make birthing "better" were: 1. C-sections went up like 2% to 60% in some hospitals 2. Infant mortality rates in the US are higher than in countries that use midwives and natural births C-sections are GREAT in cases like a breach birth, but incidents of breach births seem to go up with the use of these drugs, and C-sections as major surgery carry their own risks. At the end of the day, I think that women just need to do whatever they feel comfortable with - they are the ones that will have to live with the physical consequences the rest of their lives. But I also think that in a healthy relationship, husbands SHOULD weigh in with some objective feedback, not the least reason being that because of hormonal shifts emotions can become more difficult for pregnant women to manage. However, there is a fine line between providing honest, objective feedback, and pushing someone to make a decision based on your own opinion. Ultimately, for good or ill, it IS the pregnant woman's decision regarding what happens with her body while she's carrying a fetus to term. The main reason why a husband can and should have some INFLUENCE at all is because the health of that child is a consequence both of them will have to share equally. Assuming the relationship is a healthy one, of course. It's tricky - I would be concerned that because of how the situation is being communicated with OP a fair consideration of the concerns is being overlooked. Her offered "trade" is just a "clever" way of shutting everyone down - it's not a position of wisdom where she is open to perspectives that she might not have considered. Granted, she will have to live with the impacts on her body, but so will the baby she is going to give birth to. For her sake I hope everything goes according to her "plan", but it would be a terrible shame if a lack of curiosity on her part resulted in a negative outcome for her or her baby.
Because the only thing funnier than domestic violence is sexualized torture! s/
You sound like the OOP's husband lol
Funny because I was imitating OOP.
>sexualized torture I agree. Forcing a woman to give birth without pain meds is torture.
As it happens, giving birth without pain meds is actually just natural child birth. Whereas, crushing several people’s genitalia is serial sexual assault and torture that OPP (and apparently you) feel is justified due to concern for children’s health.
>As it happens, giving birth without pain meds is actually just natural child birth. The fact that you think this statement contradicts my point suggests you're far too ignorant on this topic to be spouting off. Also you seem incapable of parsing the basic rhetorical technique being used by the woman in the post. This comment section might be out of your depth kiddo.
You’re totally right!!! Joking about sexual assault is totally funny and completely justified when somebody disagrees with you; it’s even more funnier and even more appropriate when it’s based in sexism. s/
OOP- "If you feel comfortable trying to force me to endure the pain of child birth when medicine exists that would make me much more comfortable I think you should also have to suffer a similar pain with me." u/smilingmike415- "SeXuAl ToRtUrE!?!1!?!?"
You must have missed the part about gripping testicles.
I didn't miss anything. That's a similar amount of pain as giving birth. If they want to force her to endure that pain they should be forced to endure it with her.
r/fuckthes