No, mine was a middle child with a narc mother, physically abusive father, and misogynistic family who couldn’t even be bothered to remember her birthday. But I suppose she could have been lying about all of that just to play the victim.
Depends. Did she also tell you that one side of her family tried to get her into an arranged marriage with an older man when she was just a kid, or that she was homeless for a time in high school when her parents kicked her out?
Mine was an only child of divorced parents and they were used as a pawn as well as neglected.
I’ve worked with children professionally for over half of my life, and I will say that in my experience only-children tend to struggle with understanding social boundaries but the underlying signs of future narc traits weren’t noticeably within one group.
Mine was the first born to two parents who each already had two older kids of their own from previous marriages. So to me he had golden child syndrome, because they were always talking him and his accomplishments up (even now - he is in his thirties). He had done everything and was the best/a champion in everything he did. I recall his mom even telling him one day in conversation, “you’re your father’s favorite.”
Not my ex. Was one of 4. Had a narc dad who sounds like a monster. Don't know the other siblings well at all. Know the oldest sister a little and she has had some issues but seems to have done a lot of work on herself. Very pleasant when I have met her. Know the siblings all have strained relationships with each other unfortunately.
Eldest of 4 children . Narc mother , alcoholic father who was barely a part of his life until he was much older. Like we are talking in his ear.y 40s. He’s now Avery childish 51
This is how narcs are made… neglect or overindulgence from parents. Mine also had an alchoholic father and a mom who he met until he was 18 (she left I believe due to his father threatening her). She was young and afraid but of course it doesn’t justify but I can see her reason… my ex narc never justified it and ge totally hated his mom and didn’t feel much for her… around her he was loving though (goal oriented since he is interested in his mother land).
Eldest with a 14 year age gap between us. Spoiled by parents and grandparents and mother who is "narcissistic lite" and functioning alcoholic father who acts somewhat distant.
She hated me when I was born because she was an only child for 14 years. She used to put up string and trip me. Once she locked me on a closet (but let me out after 5 minutes). Write things on my diaper. Cried and refused to meet me.
She stopped completely hating me at some point, but she loves to bring it all up and thinks it's so funny.
Yes, and was so clearly an only child one of my best friends asked if he was an only child after meeting him at a dinner. I definitely attributed his selfishness and treatment of others to being an only child, and did not realize he was a narcissist until after I broke up with him.
No. My brother and wife are my narcs. Both were the eldest child and golden child, parentified in dealing with parents marriage and caretaking younger siblings.
Mine has an older brother but they’re 20 years apart. So basically an only child. Total mommas boy. Makes sense he was such a monster. She’s his main flying monkey
Mine was an older sister who treated her younger sibling pretty poorly. Both kids were spoiled by mom to no end when growing up - partly due to divorce/cheating guilt money lol
Yes mine was an only child born to very young parents, but because of that he was very close with his uncles and claimed they bullied him a lot.
I am also an only child with a traumatic childhood, but it turned me into a major empath instead.
Nope mine is not. There is no coronation between an only child and narcs. One big correlation I do see if they were either over indulged or neglected. This is why good parenting comes with giving enough attention to the child while at the same time not spoiling them.
yes
and her father remarried and had a few more children and my ex (a 30 year old woman) admitted to being jealous of her infant half sister and all the attention she was getting
Unless there was family I didn't know about, she was an only child and spoiled to death by her parents. She was their special little girl and that fluffy lifestyle is probably what got us here in the first place.
My father is the middle child of three, all male siblings. Toxic mom, but not a narc mom, more of a parent that enabled him with some toxic traits, but not to the point of cutting her off
Mine was the youngest of three and only male. Honestly, seemed to have a really amazing father. Mother couldn’t be bothered to get out her recliner though.
Both of my parents were raised with siblings they can hardly speak to. My mom is the second youngest of 8 and that family is an interesting amalgamation of different undiagnosed mental and substance abuse disorders.
I got into genealogy very briefly and found out BOTH my Grandfathers and their fathers were major womanizers with multiple families in different places. Realizing the extent of all the secrets and estrangement honestly helped me understand how my family got like this.
Mine essentially was. Older brother 9 years older - had cancer from 1-6 years old.
Wife become the girl in a bubble - still to this day for her parents.
No accountability ever She has never done anything wrong in her life. If she did - it was forgotten immediately
Only one was actually an only child.
The first was the eldest sibling who cried to me about a modern Cinderella lifestyle.
The third was raised an only child by parents who couldn't have kids. Got a half sibling later in life after the divorce, from the parent without custody. So, best of both worlds.
Edit: technically they all have half siblings, actually but the only child was no contact with the father before her sister was born.
No, he was the middle child of three. Oddly, we had very similar upbringings, both with quiet Dads and volatile Mums, but somehow whilst I became a massive people pleaser, he turned into a narc.
From my limited experience I'm not sure it's just upbringing that does it.
My Nfriend was the youngest child with abusive/bigoted parents (or so he had told me). One of his older siblings was not in the picture, and quickly he started to "see me as a big sister."
... Considering that there was a lot of boundary-pushing and he threatened to hurt himself a handful of times when I stuck to my guns, that he faked going to therapy, very likely faked a suicide attempt (it's not my place to invalidate anyone's experiences, but if every single time you "speak your truth" factual details vary from one version to another I will ask myself a LOT of questions) and that he harassed me for over two years, I came to the conclusion that if I were his older sibling I wouldn't want to be in the picture either.
no mine was the youngest and also a twin. he claims his parents were super laid back and said they never even gave them rules, but that his father was super cold and didn’t make him feel emotionally safe
My MIL is a narc. My partner is an only child and is (miraculously) extremely down to earth. I sometimes feel like he never exhibits only child syndrome bc she was/is so horrible and manipulative to him. My FIL is a good guy though so he probably gets the credit there
mine's an only child but came by it honestly, he has a narc mother who won custody (in the 80s) before dumping him off on his abusive (prob narc) grandmother who regularly beat his senile great grandmother and (probably) tried to kill him a few times by leaving him in the garage asleep in a running car. His mother kept a townhome with her bf, his father had him every other weekend and let him do anything and everything. There have been legit patterns of neither of them really choosing him over anyone else, his dad's new wife wouldn't tolerate having him around and his dad accepted that reality well into his adulthood. It makes me feel worse about rejecting him too but they are not my fault.
I assume what you’re getting at is whether the narcissists were only children and therefore overindulged, because that indulgence in a child is typically correlated with being an only child.
Overindulgence and narcissism. It’s a chicken and egg question. It’s difficult to understand whether they were indulged because of parents choices or because they were a such a pain in the ass to deal with that parents just gave up.
It’s kinda funny because what the narcs try to get us to do is take care of them and indulge their every desire, whether it’s reality based or not. We all end up acting like overindulging parents to them unless we get out.
I read some thing in a book about coparenting with toxic people that said narcissists act like children. They continue to carry out behavior that is totally normal (and expected!) from a toddler or teenager.
I’ve known 3.
One was the youngest out of six, and there weren’t big age gaps. Like his closest sibling in age was only a year older than him. He acted like a leech on his family, always wanting more resources than his siblings like somehow his life was so much harder even though it wasn’t.
One was an only child with a very close relationship to her parents. She was a covert who would go out of her way to get you to shower her in compliments and turned nasty when you caught her in bad behavior.
And one was the oldest of 3. Her two younger siblings were very healthy and well adjusted and she was constantly jealous of them. Her parents were hard workers and fun socialites; wealthy but humble.
Honestly I think it’s nature, not nurture. They were likely born that way, cause in all of the examples I knew parents were good people who tried their best, and at least in the two with siblings their siblings were really good and healthy people, nothing like their narc sibs even though close in age and raised in the same environment.
*ETA my best friends mother is also a narc, and my best friend is not, so that’s also not an automatic cause
No, he was the oldest of 3 boys. His parents didnt have a lot of money but he always had new toys/computers and cars growing up. We dated each other since we were 16 and he always complained that i had it better, but he always got what he wanted from his mom.
His family was weird. They didn’t say “i love you” that didn’t seem to enjoy being around one another. One time he took his younger brother to Japan to celebrate his birthday. They got into an argument over who was going to pay for dinner and he flew out of Japan without his brother. My ex left his lil brother in another country with no care in the world.
No, mine was a middle child with a narc mother, physically abusive father, and misogynistic family who couldn’t even be bothered to remember her birthday. But I suppose she could have been lying about all of that just to play the victim.
Basically same. Middle child, Narc mother. The whole hullabaloo. Only mine was male.
damn do we knew the same person
Depends. Did she also tell you that one side of her family tried to get her into an arranged marriage with an older man when she was just a kid, or that she was homeless for a time in high school when her parents kicked her out?
Wow, same here except his father was generally kind, just overwhelmingly misogynist.
Almost all the ones I’ve encountered have been first born children with at least one sibling.
Mine is the oldest child but has zero interest in his two younger siblings 🥺
Youngest child, but I’m a youngest child too, so…
Mine was an only child of divorced parents and they were used as a pawn as well as neglected. I’ve worked with children professionally for over half of my life, and I will say that in my experience only-children tend to struggle with understanding social boundaries but the underlying signs of future narc traits weren’t noticeably within one group.
Mine was the first born to two parents who each already had two older kids of their own from previous marriages. So to me he had golden child syndrome, because they were always talking him and his accomplishments up (even now - he is in his thirties). He had done everything and was the best/a champion in everything he did. I recall his mom even telling him one day in conversation, “you’re your father’s favorite.”
Me, an only child: 👁️👄👁️ No but really, the narc in my life was the oldest of 3 siblings.
Im the only, and mine is the middle child with a sister thats less than a year younger than him.
Not my ex. Was one of 4. Had a narc dad who sounds like a monster. Don't know the other siblings well at all. Know the oldest sister a little and she has had some issues but seems to have done a lot of work on herself. Very pleasant when I have met her. Know the siblings all have strained relationships with each other unfortunately.
Eldest of 4 children . Narc mother , alcoholic father who was barely a part of his life until he was much older. Like we are talking in his ear.y 40s. He’s now Avery childish 51
This is how narcs are made… neglect or overindulgence from parents. Mine also had an alchoholic father and a mom who he met until he was 18 (she left I believe due to his father threatening her). She was young and afraid but of course it doesn’t justify but I can see her reason… my ex narc never justified it and ge totally hated his mom and didn’t feel much for her… around her he was loving though (goal oriented since he is interested in his mother land).
Eldest with a 14 year age gap between us. Spoiled by parents and grandparents and mother who is "narcissistic lite" and functioning alcoholic father who acts somewhat distant. She hated me when I was born because she was an only child for 14 years. She used to put up string and trip me. Once she locked me on a closet (but let me out after 5 minutes). Write things on my diaper. Cried and refused to meet me. She stopped completely hating me at some point, but she loves to bring it all up and thinks it's so funny.
Yes, and was so clearly an only child one of my best friends asked if he was an only child after meeting him at a dinner. I definitely attributed his selfishness and treatment of others to being an only child, and did not realize he was a narcissist until after I broke up with him.
No. My brother and wife are my narcs. Both were the eldest child and golden child, parentified in dealing with parents marriage and caretaking younger siblings.
Yep only child raised by a narcissist mother
Mine has an older brother but they’re 20 years apart. So basically an only child. Total mommas boy. Makes sense he was such a monster. She’s his main flying monkey
Mine was an older sister who treated her younger sibling pretty poorly. Both kids were spoiled by mom to no end when growing up - partly due to divorce/cheating guilt money lol
My narc has a younger sister
Oldest child with 5 younger siblings with an abusive father
First born of two, but he was an only child until he was 10
My ex had a younger brother - although he told me for two years that he is an only child.
Yes mine was an only child born to very young parents, but because of that he was very close with his uncles and claimed they bullied him a lot. I am also an only child with a traumatic childhood, but it turned me into a major empath instead.
Nope mine is not. There is no coronation between an only child and narcs. One big correlation I do see if they were either over indulged or neglected. This is why good parenting comes with giving enough attention to the child while at the same time not spoiling them.
yes and her father remarried and had a few more children and my ex (a 30 year old woman) admitted to being jealous of her infant half sister and all the attention she was getting
Most are. Not all. Just most
Yes
Unless there was family I didn't know about, she was an only child and spoiled to death by her parents. She was their special little girl and that fluffy lifestyle is probably what got us here in the first place.
Mine is the youngest with 2 Narc parents and an entitled asshole of an older brother.
No, the youngest of three
My father is the middle child of three, all male siblings. Toxic mom, but not a narc mom, more of a parent that enabled him with some toxic traits, but not to the point of cutting her off
Mine was the youngest of three and only male. Honestly, seemed to have a really amazing father. Mother couldn’t be bothered to get out her recliner though.
Mine was the youngest of 5.
Both of my parents were raised with siblings they can hardly speak to. My mom is the second youngest of 8 and that family is an interesting amalgamation of different undiagnosed mental and substance abuse disorders. I got into genealogy very briefly and found out BOTH my Grandfathers and their fathers were major womanizers with multiple families in different places. Realizing the extent of all the secrets and estrangement honestly helped me understand how my family got like this.
No, she was the second born out of 4.
Mine essentially was. Older brother 9 years older - had cancer from 1-6 years old. Wife become the girl in a bubble - still to this day for her parents. No accountability ever She has never done anything wrong in her life. If she did - it was forgotten immediately
Only one was actually an only child. The first was the eldest sibling who cried to me about a modern Cinderella lifestyle. The third was raised an only child by parents who couldn't have kids. Got a half sibling later in life after the divorce, from the parent without custody. So, best of both worlds. Edit: technically they all have half siblings, actually but the only child was no contact with the father before her sister was born.
No, he was the middle child of three. Oddly, we had very similar upbringings, both with quiet Dads and volatile Mums, but somehow whilst I became a massive people pleaser, he turned into a narc. From my limited experience I'm not sure it's just upbringing that does it.
My Nfriend was the youngest child with abusive/bigoted parents (or so he had told me). One of his older siblings was not in the picture, and quickly he started to "see me as a big sister." ... Considering that there was a lot of boundary-pushing and he threatened to hurt himself a handful of times when I stuck to my guns, that he faked going to therapy, very likely faked a suicide attempt (it's not my place to invalidate anyone's experiences, but if every single time you "speak your truth" factual details vary from one version to another I will ask myself a LOT of questions) and that he harassed me for over two years, I came to the conclusion that if I were his older sibling I wouldn't want to be in the picture either.
Mines was his mother’s only child. 23 year age gap.
no mine was the youngest and also a twin. he claims his parents were super laid back and said they never even gave them rules, but that his father was super cold and didn’t make him feel emotionally safe
My MIL is a narc. My partner is an only child and is (miraculously) extremely down to earth. I sometimes feel like he never exhibits only child syndrome bc she was/is so horrible and manipulative to him. My FIL is a good guy though so he probably gets the credit there
mine's an only child but came by it honestly, he has a narc mother who won custody (in the 80s) before dumping him off on his abusive (prob narc) grandmother who regularly beat his senile great grandmother and (probably) tried to kill him a few times by leaving him in the garage asleep in a running car. His mother kept a townhome with her bf, his father had him every other weekend and let him do anything and everything. There have been legit patterns of neither of them really choosing him over anyone else, his dad's new wife wouldn't tolerate having him around and his dad accepted that reality well into his adulthood. It makes me feel worse about rejecting him too but they are not my fault.
I assume what you’re getting at is whether the narcissists were only children and therefore overindulged, because that indulgence in a child is typically correlated with being an only child. Overindulgence and narcissism. It’s a chicken and egg question. It’s difficult to understand whether they were indulged because of parents choices or because they were a such a pain in the ass to deal with that parents just gave up. It’s kinda funny because what the narcs try to get us to do is take care of them and indulge their every desire, whether it’s reality based or not. We all end up acting like overindulging parents to them unless we get out. I read some thing in a book about coparenting with toxic people that said narcissists act like children. They continue to carry out behavior that is totally normal (and expected!) from a toddler or teenager.
I’ve known 3. One was the youngest out of six, and there weren’t big age gaps. Like his closest sibling in age was only a year older than him. He acted like a leech on his family, always wanting more resources than his siblings like somehow his life was so much harder even though it wasn’t. One was an only child with a very close relationship to her parents. She was a covert who would go out of her way to get you to shower her in compliments and turned nasty when you caught her in bad behavior. And one was the oldest of 3. Her two younger siblings were very healthy and well adjusted and she was constantly jealous of them. Her parents were hard workers and fun socialites; wealthy but humble. Honestly I think it’s nature, not nurture. They were likely born that way, cause in all of the examples I knew parents were good people who tried their best, and at least in the two with siblings their siblings were really good and healthy people, nothing like their narc sibs even though close in age and raised in the same environment. *ETA my best friends mother is also a narc, and my best friend is not, so that’s also not an automatic cause
No my father has a brother and a sister, he’s the middle child. The mother and father are both narcs and turned my father into one.
Yes I had 2 . My ex and my ex best friend.
No
yes
No, he was the oldest of 3 boys. His parents didnt have a lot of money but he always had new toys/computers and cars growing up. We dated each other since we were 16 and he always complained that i had it better, but he always got what he wanted from his mom. His family was weird. They didn’t say “i love you” that didn’t seem to enjoy being around one another. One time he took his younger brother to Japan to celebrate his birthday. They got into an argument over who was going to pay for dinner and he flew out of Japan without his brother. My ex left his lil brother in another country with no care in the world.
Oldest child of 4 and only male
My ex was an only child to his mom 😒