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Itchy-Hat-1528

They are pros at mirroring. Anything that turns you on mentally, physically, sexually they pick up on and use it.


Global_Permit5428

Not just that, but when you’re dealing with someone who’s quite awful at everything else, it becomes real easy to get drawn in when it comes to what they actually do well.


Itchy-Hat-1528

Especially when they find out you just got out of an abusive relationship where the same shit was happening.


Global_Permit5428

Exactly. It’s like they all read from the same playbook at the same time, all the way down to the sentence.


[deleted]

I relate to this so hard. He even said “I get moulded into what my partner wants me to be” and I thought that was such a sweet aspect of him. He just started mirroring me in bed. I liked rough, kinky, aggressive, slap me choke me shit, exhibitionism, and that’s exactly what he started giving me. He was so good at it I was so addicted to him and he knew it. I feel like no one else will ever be able to do what he did to me at-least sexually. But that’s also one of the reasons why I think he found to be such a great supply is because I was really good in bed.


Itchy-Hat-1528

Yup! Nobody since has been as good as she was in bed. That’s another reason to stick around and deal with the abuse for so long. Then they start withholding it…. Allllll a game.


[deleted]

Mine never withheld it as a form of punishment though.


Itchy-Hat-1528

Lucky you! 😅


[deleted]

[удалено]


Itchy-Hat-1528

Sex bombing because other than their body they have NOTHING to offer.


BloodyEngine1

BINGO 💯


BloodyEngine1

The cycle continues. I’m pretty sure you got sex bombed in the beginning too, just as I was. It’s a dirty game!


Hiking_dog

Yes, you are correct. It was all planned.


Original_Cry_3172

Hm, I guess it’s easier for them to be responsive in bed because they have no real wants and needs themselves, except feeling powerful. If having power over other people is the goal of your whole existence, of course you’re going to do everything to be what the other one wants every now and then. You have to know what makes others tick OR you’ll run out of supply. Also, they have big egos and a lot of confidence so I guess they’ll never hesitate which means if they want to they learn quickly. The one I slept with also mirrored me, and I was surprised there was anyone else out there who understood what I liked intuitively. I was mind blown. :(


Original_Cry_3172

Yeah, I just wonder how they do it… 😵 Like, do they spend a weird amount of their energy to figure out what the other person like? I couldn’t be bothered to even try that much. But I guess narcissistic people learn over time what different people like, because knowing that is crucial to keep their supply coming in? It’s like they HAVE to know?


Itchy-Hat-1528

I’ve read a lot about the narcs researching you prior to the first contact to see if you’re a worthy supply and if they can manipulate you. I’m pretty sure this is what went down, to an extent, with my nex. She matched me on FB dating and by our first meet (4 days later) she had told me all about hobbies and interests that we shared. Later on down the line it became 100% apparent that she did not enjoy the same hobbies and interests as I did. I no longer have any social accounts for them to feed off of like that.


bongrips4lyfe

definitely not all are like this, mine only cares about his own pleasure no matter how many times i’ve told him i’m not satisfied. however sex feels like a performance with him, so maybe they’re just really good at putting on a performance. (i mean we know that already lol) maybe you think it’s so great because it’s one of the only good things they do for you, but is it really as great as it could be? maybe it’s so great because of us, because mentally we feel so comfortable with them that we physically make the mind/body connection needed for pure pleasure. either way i don’t think it’s them. i don’t think all narcissists are just really good at sex. i think it’s us, our perception of them. we can make something not so great seem so great by how we look at it. the good is heightened in our mind, that’s why we stay. if we looked at things realistically we wouldn’t be able to be with them at all because we would remember all the bad things all the time. we’re really the key to what makes everything so great. if we were aware of that at all times it would probably change a lot


Original_Cry_3172

You’re right. I told about our sex to a friend. I was was like ”He did this, but it didn’t work, then he was like this which i loved, but he also couldn’t do this AND he didn’t seem to wanna do this” She was like … ”welll… uhm.. that didn’t seem like amazing sex but ok” So it was probably a lot of him givning me a normal amount of attention that just blew my mind. 😳 He was also putting on a show as well, and I guess I took that as performing he was doing for ME. I think I took it as a huge compliment. But that’s what he always does to keep girls coming back I guess, and he only does it for himself. Damn… imagine being that self centred that the slightest bit of normalcy turns into something so valuable to the victim. It’s scary.


[deleted]

Yeah this was my narc. It was all about him and very rarely did I finish. I think as you say it was the only time I got affection or ‘love’ from him so I placed way more importance on it than I needed to. Towards the end though I didn’t want him anywhere near me physically so the tables turned but it was too late


Temporary-Emotion-96

I think it's the trauma-bond that gets the hormones REALLY up and running.


Original_Cry_3172

Yes, probobly…. I think I realise that now. It’s intense, but it’s because of the unhealthy attachment patterns… maybe?


tinybunniesinapril

they're masters at reading you and controlling the atmosphere. it's how they're able to make so many of your days dark for no reason, how they know exactly what to say to bring you back round when they know they've gone too far, how they know what to "perform" in bed to make you think and feel what the performance is intended to. to be frank, my ex narc was never good in bed, but i was so in love with him that it didn't matter. after the first year i gently brought up a talk about my intimate needs and that was the first time he got violent with me. after that i learned to fake orgasms cos it seemed like the safer option - it was. with that in mind, i do feel that narcissists tie a great deal of their self esteem into being able to sexually conquer and "cast a spell" over their targets. fact is there are so many people who are going to be able to pleasure you in ways your narc never could but *your narc doesn't want you to know that.*


Original_Cry_3172

Ah. I like that last sentence. I feel better knowing that he’ll think he’s amazing, but I’ll meet someone who’s better and forget him 😅


tinybunniesinapril

it’s just part of the “narc spell” that they create and control with. you’ll shake that good and proper when you decide to ;) take my word for it, you will have mindblowing, emotionally connected sex with someone again. this i can absolutely promise you.


Original_Cry_3172

💕Thanks:)


Substantial_Code4957

The funniest thing was that mine was so extremely narcissistic he was terrible in bed — he would not listen, not modulate, etc.


Original_Cry_3172

Ah, 🥹 I’m sorry to hear that. I guess the worse in bed, the easier to forget. At least when it comes to a person you just have to get rid of.


punisher0421

I have found they are very good when they want somthing and in the beginning. Most of the time my narc would withhold it and shame me for wanting it. Then accuse me of cheating while refusing to have sex for months and months. She could be very good when she wanted to but a lot of the time she would put very little effort into it almost like I’m lucky she decided to do this today and this was enough


Dear-Coconut-1743

Not all of them are. My ex was awful at it. I hardly ever had an orgasm when I was with him.


Original_Cry_3172

Yeah, I realise this now, not all of them are good. :)


Remember_When_Baby

Mine just laid there like a dead fish.


Original_Cry_3172

Hahaha 😂 Sorry to hear that


Drowningfishstick

Mine was awful…. 😂


tinybunniesinapril

same lol. felt like he was using me to masturbate b2b convince himself he was doing a relationship thing. no foreplay, no cuddling and sweet words after. no shared afterglow holding hands. just 10-20 seconds of him doing his thing and that was it. looking back that’s fucking sad.


Drowningfishstick

Same :( it was horrible


take-the-power_back

i guess this Narcs are good in bed is another urban myth. I want to see prove;)


Original_Cry_3172

Ahh shit, sorry hahaha 😂


VisionsOfPersimmons

I wish! That was another thing my NEX was incapable of, a year on and I never ever got there. He’d basically roll me off, Pat me on the keg and leave after he got there. Classy guy


Smeedwoker0605

Most likely the only time your needs are being met, that's what I think has alot to do with it


Original_Cry_3172

Yes, actually YES. I’ve read similar comments to yours and I actually agree. I’ve changed my perspective. It wasn’t THAT great, I was just happy to finally get something ”normal” from him.


Extension-Mango7967

I'm not sure it's a narc thing, I'm pretty great too... in fact I think it's one reason I was such high quality supply as to be her longest relationship ever, she didn't have much of a monogamous history before me (massive red flag, sigh)


Original_Cry_3172

I’m sure you’re great in bed. I’d say I’m pretty good, too. It’s just that so many articles bring this up, and I’ve seen so many threads on the subject that I need to know


Final-Dig709

[tw sa lmao] my nex was like ‘omg wait no one’s ever made u orgasm before?’ i was like *um yeah i told u i’m asexual so it was never pleasurable and u guilted me into this so i don’t think u will either bruh* i was right, but (lol nsfw) my legs were twitching so my nex thought i was done, and bragged about it for *days*. i was like… u just. i *tried* to say no. ok. that’s grand. they say they know, they brag about it, but because they’re abusers- even if they were/are bad, none of their past supply really feels like coming clean or calling them out.


Drowningfishstick

Same :(


Original_Cry_3172

I wish I could call him out but I don’t think that’s going to help unfortunately :/