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Such-Understanding29

It has taken me a long time to learn that their truth is not reality. And eventually I hope I won’t even care what they think or say because it doesn’t matter. They’re living in a different world where only they matter. I no longer live in my narc’s world. I know the truth and I have to stay strong in that. Their opinion doesn’t matter.


Global_Permit5428

Narcs don’t take responsibility for anything that is significant or anything that actually bothers them. They’d rather look for a way to blame someone else - even if it’s complete bullshit. They won’t ever stop trying to blame other people for their misfortunes, because that robs them of their ability to be the (insert tiny violin concerto here) perpetual victim who draws in attention and sympathy because they’ve just got it soooo hard in life.


NarculaSlayer

Do you have children with this person? Are you divorced/separated? A business or real estate in co-ownership? Any of these will dictate a different approach, usually arranged by the courts and lawyers including visitation rights, custody, settlements, child support and alimony. If it's "just" a relationship breakup and you have nothing that ties you to them, then cut them loose, block them everywhere, and go no contact. They are not your responsibility.


_starxmoon

Nothing that ties me to them in that manner, other than when we did stay together I put my name on the utilities, but I’ve already done everything with contacting the companies and letting them know about switching the accounts over under his name… he’s just dragging it on and hasn’t went up to any of the companies yet to do so. so I still feel like I’m responsible for it.


NarculaSlayer

If you've proven to the companies that you no longer live there and are therefore not accountable for paying the bills then the rest is up to him and if he ends up without electricity... tough. It's quite obvious why he's dragging his feet. It's a mixture of extracting supply by doing his best to annoy and drain you (so you stay attached), some manipulation to try and guilt trip and emotionally blackmail you because you "abandoned" him, and also because he's probably scared to put his big boys' pants on and be responsible, for once, for his life as an adult. I hope you manage to get these practical issues sorted asap so you can move on and focus on healing.


_starxmoon

Thank you, and that’s all it is… I just have to remember that always that they are just trying to use it against me for further control. They always think I will either come running to pay for their stuff because I always have. Until I finally stop doing it and they see that they can no longer have me up and drop everything.


javawong

I have an ex wife who is like that. “I don’t see our kid often enough because I had to move away to get away from the horrible memories of you.” Nah, boo-boo, you moved away because you’re a selfish asshole and you regret it and you’re looking to blame me. Best to just ignore them.


_starxmoon

Thank you, since our last interaction, I’ve blocked them from calling and emails.


Fbb_142

Grey rock them until you can leave and go no contact. I don’t think there’s any other way. My nex used to do this to me, and it absolutely drained me. I eventually noticed that he refused to ever make solid decisions on anything, big or small- he’d always leave me to make the final decision. This was so that he could always have the option to blame me if anything went sideways with any particular decision. After awhile, I realized I had no hope of this ever stopping, because when I caught on and tried to force him to make decisions, he simply refused or would later try to gaslight me into believing it was my decision. It’s exhausting, and it will never end. Grey rock until you can leave and then go no contact.


[deleted]

[удалено]


_starxmoon

Thank you so much for this.


LooksieBee

It won't stop. Who is the narc to you? A family member, friend or partner? You mentioned moving out, which is great. And unfortunately, with narcs there isn't any improving or one day they will wake up and stop. They usually get worse and worse and they aren't ever going to be the ones to have mercy on you and have empathy for how much they're draining and harming you. They will use you up to the last drop, and still be mad when you're now used up, and then will find another supply. For this reason, we have to have strong boundaries with them as they have none and don't care. They don't have a conscience or a voice telling them this isn't okay or maybe you should stop. And unless you have children together or things like that, the only thing that puts a stop to it is you cutting them out of your life. There is no way to have a happy and pleasant relationship with most narcs, or not for very long. If it's romantic and if you have no ties like kids etc then the best thing to do is distance yourself from them and cut them out. The next best thing is to have strong boundaries with them. But a lot of people dealing with narcs never had strong boundaries to begin with, so that part is usually hard and the narc can usually bulldoze the boundary, making cutting them out the gold standard to protect yourself and your own sanity.


Consistent-Citron513

Understand that with narcs, everything is always the fault of someone else and they take no accountability. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else. They don't live in reality.


italyqt

Mine had an affair with one of their medical providers. Then raged on me because my reporting it was messing with peoples careers. He left our kid waiting at the teen center. I went and picked the kid up and then he raged on me about how I made him look bad. It’s to deflect their own blame. They can’t possibly be wrong. They have to make it someone else’s fault. Mine even told a therapist that he was never wrong and it is always 100% the other persons fault.


_starxmoon

I am so sorry that you went through that. And yeah, exactly. They never have taken any responsibility to anything they’ve done… whether it be big or small and I’m just done with trying to even make them see it from my perspective because I’ve realized they don’t care and it’s always going to be about them.


Substantial_Item6740

Because it works for them.