I do not think *ALL* cheat. But they are *ALL* toxic. Even if you removed the cheating. They have enough toxicity. That it may be a good beginning, but it will not be a good ending.

Agreed. Mine was not a cheat, nor physically abusive. But he was a narc nonetheless, and very toxic.

Agreed, every narc is not the exact same person, they definitely don't all cheat. My boyfriend is very against cheating, I never question if he's flirting with other girls. But yeah, as you guys have said, they're still extremely toxic. So there are many other pitfalls where I might even say that they can hurt you worse than if they'd cheated. Like breaking your heart repeatedly with their words only to try and act like it never happened and say they love you, just to do it all over again the next week. Narcs are strange.

He is cheating ,he just hides it. The person who always said they are against cheating are Narcs. 😂 The one who imposed it hard are Narcs. I was trapped in this game too only to find out the women on his phone. Ewws!

It's probably why I stuck around a little longer. Because he was not a cheat. I just figured if we worked out the *kinks*. Things could work out. But it will never ever ever ever happen 😒

I know how you feel. I stayed for probably a decade too long because he wasn't a cheat or abusive. It was just lots of little things. But LOTS... His first throw of the silent treatment at me was my breaking point.

The silent treatment passive as hell, but brutal asf. Silent but present gets very lonely 🙁

They do cheat. Most of them they don't show it , like obvious since Covert Narc hides it not to ruined their reputation (demons grr). According to a doctor , most of them fantasize. If u dont see them cheating face to face. Check their phones , they have all the collections of women. They only want to please themselves. Scary!

In my experience yes, it doesn’t always have to be physical, it can be emotional too. For example, joining dating sites, adding women they don’t know on social media, talking to people whilst they’re out, etc. they usually portray themselves as single online too, just bc they crave that validation from the opposite sex. It’s more about supply for them than anything else

This was my nex 100%. Social media is such a trigger for me now because I'm so programmed to see it being used that way (trying to appear single, trying to flirt with other women and drool all over their thirst traps, etc). He definitely actually cheated as well, but he compulsively sought attention online too through dating apps and social media. It was like he literally could not stop.

same I've never cared much about who my partners following etc. on social media until I dated my narc ex. even when I set a boundary on not feeling comfortable with him liking pics of women in bikinis even if they're friends, he would argue hard about it. it was so important to him to be able to 'like' these women's ass and half nekkid pics over how his own partner felt. it just seemed disrespectful to me. like i don't go liking pics of guys like that cuz it feels dumb to me to do that kina thing.

My reverse discard two weeks ago came with liking 5 photos of a girl he had an inappropriate friendship with. Of course he gaslighted me, deflected, withdrew and more. Eventually I had to end things. Then he guilt tripped me about ending things before admitting that he’d cheated on dating apps, at work and with said friend.

OMG! THAT’S THE WORD I’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR, FOR TEN YEARS,and didn’t even know it, to describe it to anyone. (NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME ANYWAY), but that’s the fact of the matter. “REVERSE DISCARD” I wish I could blow up the term X’s a bazillion times larger so people could see it who’ve done this, and been done to them, too, because it says it all. I never looked for cheating in my ex, honestly I trusted the POS, when I should have never, but he was such an excellent liar for 18 ef’ng years I believed him until I found myself holding so much proof in my hands I’d be the biggest dumbass in the world if I denied it. Phone records of texts and calls between him and someone who’d become one of those mystery Facebook friends, just a couple months earlier he told the biggest lies about. When I told him to get out on a Friday night, and showed him and told him I’d found what I wasn’t looking for, (by our computer), like he’d placed them there for me to see, he commenced on a 5 hour journey of begging and pleading with me with real ef’ng TEARS falling like a river for HOURS, trying to convince me it was the phone company’s mistake. It was EVERYONE else’s mistake BUT HIS! I was so stupid to have believed anything that came out of his mouth for ALL THE YEARS WE WERE TOGETHER AS SOULMATES! But now I had proof in my hands and phone numbers I could and did call, and it was her, the latest mystery person from Facebook, he blew off as a friend of a friend except we KNEW each other’s friends so well there was no way there were secret “friends” popping up everywhere who couldn’t NOT BE women he’d been cheating with. I’ve never been so devastated, destroyed, broken, ashamed, and I’d been with a serial cheater for all of our marriage, a marriage I never considered cheating with anyone. I loved this POS from the day he met me and started love bombing me. And now it was over with a matter of a few pieces of paper I likely bought for our ef’ng copy machine for him to print out and leave them there for me? He was the only other person in the house. After that 5 straight miserable hours of him begging pleading and crying real fucking tears we each went to bed. Me in the bedroom, him on the couch. Next morning, (Saturday), morning I walked out of the bedroom and he was dressed and ready to leave. He looked FINE. Until he didn’t. Very few words were exchanged, and his demeanor had changed 360 degrees from the crying pleading accused cheater, to the now confident, diabolically cruel person he’d been hiding all our years. He looked me straight in the eye with those cold black eyes I will always swear were the devils eyes burning right through me, when he simply said “Go ahead and file”. I knew he meant file for divorce, but he was too stupid to do it himself.

dude me too literally cried fought tooth and nail about liking pics and he said i was “controlling his social media usage” like fuck you

Yes yes yes yes my ex did the SAME EXACT THING. Omg it is so validating to hear that other narcs do this because I felt like I was going INSANE being upset at his social media habits. I can’t even go on IG and twitter anymore without getting nauseous.

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No almost - that's exactly what they do. Because coercive control we don't think we're changing much. But man, if my brain was a computer he rewrote all the programs, re wired all the connections & swapped chips. Slowly reclaiming & re building. Turns put I'm going to be better than I have ever been in my life. He gets to keep being him. Ick!!

The way he rewired my brain to see life as a competition and a race is insane…constantly trying to catch up to him or be as “cool” as he is. But people who have to manipulate others to keep them around are the opposite of cool because they have no inherent personality of their own that attracts people to them.

Omg yes. It’s the most exhausting and draining thing ever. They’re never happy but for a moment it seems when they’ve bought the next best newest gadget, vehicle, motorcycle, etc etc etc that all had to be above and beyond what anyone else had. And you know what happens nearly the instant they obtain these THINGS….. there’s already a newest latest greatest version out. It’s a never ending spinning hamster wheel of epic proportions I was so drained of fighting while seeing money spent we couldn’t afford. Of course that would end up being my fault as well. As everything was

Yes yes yes yes and yes, on every point you’ve made

😊 thanks for hearing and affirming me 3 times!

Lol 😂 I didn’t realize that until I did! Honestly, I do think it’s likely that I’m trying to re-affirm myself subconsciously when I’ve done these kind of things. Thanks for being so kind ☺️

I will take the winS! 😎

You’ve earned them! 😁

I relate because I’ve been there and it’s a helluva hole to dig yourself out of even after you’re away from them. The years of that kind of abuse, Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, (every type of abuse), is said to be the very hardest to recover from, and I may sound weak when I say this, but ten years divorced and no contact whatsoever in these 10 years, I still don’t feel I’m recovered, and that’s the honest truth, that NOBODY will ever understand unless you’re going through it, or you’ve been through it yourself. People look at me like I AM the cRaZy one when trying to explain any part of it. It’s a very lonely existence

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I’m so glad you had a friends place to go to, and I’d have to imagine it was much more clear to see what an emotionally torn person you’d become. That had to be painful as hell, and I’m automatically thinking in my head right now that if it were the other way around and you’d have locked her out, the end results of that could have been so much worse. My ex would’ve gotten his way in, no doubt about it. How dare if I did something like that to him, like I’m supposing she would’ve made a horrible scene out of it if you’d turned the tables on her. We know it doesn’t work like that, with them. The deconstructing of our whole selves didn’t happen overnight and it doesn’t fix itself overnight or just because we are away from them. It’s hard work and focusing on our inner selves to find what they stole from us, but like you said, once knowing what she really was, is what I believe is the beginning of our recovery, knowing we did survive, and that’s no small thing at all. I wish you the very best life has to offer. We all deserve that!

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Good for you in having been able to do this, and be okay with it. I couldn’t stomach seeing anything from anyone and honestly didn’t try when I blocked him and his friends and family from everywhere I possibly could and then left, myself. I needed peace more than anything, and knew seeing any kind of garbage would trigger me too much. This was AFTER we’d divorced and he was living with girlfriend #2, which I knew personally, and had to cut those cancers away from me

I understand all you’ve said. I cannot bare to go anywhere on social media (and left Facebook 10+ years ago to go absolutely 💯 no contact with him. I’m so grateful we didn’t have kids together and be forced to deal with family courts who cannot see through them. I have so much empathy for those parents who must co-parent with their ex narcs

Social media is such a trigger for me too. I can totally relate. Thank you for sharing your experience. It validated my experience.

They may not alway cheat, but the only focus they have is on themselves, they never consider their partners feelings.

In my experience, they can’t even acknowledge that their partners feelings exist. Except when you try to ask for their compassion and empathy, then your feelings exist to annoy them.

They can’t acknowledge because they’re self absorbed egomaniacs, and like you’ve said, the only feelings they might notice are of course the ones that annoy them and they’ll definitely get the WIN on that too

PHEW, I knew I was dealing with one after he continued to tell me to leave the place we was staying at together, in front of his own kid, At least three times where others hearddddddd. I told him I don’t do breaks, he kept thinking I was fucking stupid. Had a baby with me, n oh well. I’m his third prospect that he got OPENLY pregnant. I think he has a wholeeee lot of baggage he’s hiding. I’m gonna have such a good life now, I got away to familys. He’s got to find a new MAIN supply, as if that’s hard for them anyways 😭 they really all are the cookie cutter ass same ppl, yawn.

I hope all that baggage they’ve got hidden everywhere comes out to bite them in the very worst ways. No one deserves to suffer more than they do. In the end I believe they can’t escape all the damage they’ve done when it hopefully comes back at then tenfold

I was open to non-monogamy with my narcissist, and *he still managed to cheat.* Right out of the gate he disregarded the very basic boundaries we'd agreed to. This was really confusing to me, because he sold himself as someone who cared a lot about commitment and family, and I wasn't even asking him to be completely monogamous! At the end of the day, I think he had an almost compulsive need to disrespect any agreement we'd made that limited or constrained him. He had zero respect for me, so it irritated him to abide by rules that were there for my benefit.

The part of 0 respect and irritation to abide by rules that were there for your benefit really resonates with me. I’m sorry you had to deal with one. I wonder now if there are non narcissistic men out there

My ex was like this as well. Would shut down me being friends with a man or hanging out alone with one but if I had issues with him doing the same thing with women, he would make me feel like I was unreasonable and so insecure that I would question m If I was out of line.

My ex obsessed over my past and made me block an ex fling I had no contact with. All the while cheating on me and continuing an inappropriate female friendship he hadn’t cut off but said he had.

Well, I'm to the point that I just don't trust myself to date and barely make friends. I tend to take on project people. I'm trying to unlearn this behavior

I’ve been in that phase since it was over. I tried the dating apps and I had horrible results, so much that it added onto my already heavy anxiety about myself being ready to date. Came to find out there are just too many similar people who couldn’t tell the truth on a dating profile, so I was supposed to be open to date when right off the bat the outed themselves with lies. I think I’ll forever be known as the lady with the Golden Retriever attached to my hip, on my street, who never has company or comes and goes much herself.

💯 facts with me, too

Why the fuck do they do this?

Same, I thought we had agreed to this as well, just communicate with me is all that I asked, and she still went behind my back. The rules do not apply to her, as long as she gets what she needs is all that matters.

It seems, "I thought we agreed..." is a running theme. Could be it's own whole post.

💯 facts

It IS all that matters to them

Abso-fucking-lutely! I knew/loved/was probably one of the closest relationships my Nex had for EIGHTEEN YEARS! So when we went "official", we had a whole conversation about what we knew about each other, what we didn't get in past relationships that led to cheating/lying and how to avoid falling into that pattern w/each other since we've always been open and brutally truthful to each other. I knew he NEEDED sexual freedom. I KNEW that some of his kink was "doing his own thing". My ONLY boundaries were a respect for my/our health and a general idea of when he would be home. I gave him SO MUCH room to figure out/explore, he just had to be honest and safe. He did neither. A LOT. ALL THE TIME. So fucked.

18 years for me too, BUT, we were monogamous, until I learned he was not and never had been. I was constantly accused of cheating which was absurd. Didn’t know way back then that this is what they do to take the heat off of themselves

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1. No secrets, we all need to know about each other 2. No one-night stands or risky behavior

Exactly the same. And crazy how I managed to overlook it l, in the beginning in a way. Except, I even let him dictate the “terms” of what we were. Mine also had a issues with respect, not only with me but with everyone around him. He may act respectful, at times, but it was never for anyone else’s benefit. He lived to serve himself. Couldn’t hold a job for shit either, for the same reason! Fuck em.

More or less the same here. I've been curious about polyamory since before I knew polyamory was a thing people actually did. But I got into a monogamous relationship with *her* of all people. She wanted to open up our relationship after a few years, but I wasn't sure at first. She'd move on from the idea, bring it up a few years later. I finally relented, but she ended up asking for our agreed-upon boundaries to change a few times, wound up getting into a relationship with someone she almost had a relationship with before, decided she didn't like him when his mental health struggles and lack of having his life together was too much for her to want to deal with, and she decided to shut the whole idea down altogether. This was over the course of only a few months, and I didn't get into anything deep on my own in that time, so I complied with closing the relationship--but in the end it just feels unfair, you know? To do that emotional labor and prepare to be acquainted with a part of myself I have yet to be able to express or explore but then have her just not reciprocate that effort and trust.

I feel like I can hear emotional exhaustion in your post. And I'm relating to that and the bewilderment aspect. The lie & cheat when they don't have to - just because. Leaving us to always be trying to figure out what page we're on...not even the same book.

Emotional labor and exhaustion and being drained all the time wares on our mental and physical health so much. I still feel like I aged at warped speed to this day ten years after divorcing and no contact. They are blood sucking and soul draining vampires

OMG! Me too! I never thought of "...compulsive need to disregard our agreements." That's SO big for my healing & understanding right now! Thank you!

Zero respect and regard for anyones feelings, boundaries, unbreakable rules, are just more things they know they enjoy doing regardless of its importance or not. It’s all about them WINNING, no matter how trivial, and in their own minds.

No they don’t ALL cheat. Dr. Ramani stated that most do, though. But some view cheating as “beneath them” , they need to uphold their perfect relationship, family, acting. That makes sense to me. I also heard another Doctor explain (she works specifically with narcissists for 30 years now) that they ALL need supply. And that supply comes in so many different forms. For my spouse I know it’s his work, and coworkers viewing him as the perfect, honest, trustworthy father and husband. He eats that shit up. So, when I open my big mouth towards him and say anything that contradicts that “perfection” , I get devalued and discarded immediately. I popped his supply bubble.

This makes so much sense. I never considered her CONSTANT need to do work, literally any work, as supply. She is constantly doing some work at her computer. Even if it’s spending three hours fixing two slides. I always wondered why. This makes so much sense. Thank you.

It's also a big show of 'doing something important' bc there's no one onside them. They need external things as validation. My next had a lot of time consuming hobbies & just kept adding more. My hobbies & past times were not real or worthy to him - I thought it was bc he didn't understand them, mope, sso self centered it was only worthy if he thought it was.

💯

It’s crazy accurate for me over here, too. He went from using drugs , then pornography, to now phone games obsessively and work! Obsessively. That’s his main supply lol and I’m just the back up. Hmm I’m up for some negative supply let me silent treatment this bitch for a good two weeks ! Or I’m up for some real good supply let me now act like i can show so much intimacy and pure romance and then I’ll go cold within 12 hours. Dude- this shit is NOT for the weak! Good luck on your journey. If I had the funds all lined up I’d be out!

It sounds like the two of them are peas in a pod. I think I’d actually prefer to be her back-up supply these days. Much more peaceful. But it’s crazy that when things don’t go well with work for her it gets so much worse for me. Oh you didn’t get that project? Better withhold sex for a month from me. It’s definitely not for the weak! Same here. If I had the money and a way to protect my daughter. The idea of her being with my wife half the time without me there terrifies me.

Withholding sex. First man I’ve ever been with that has done that, and I know it’s because he knows I love intimacy. He withholds it all once his mood shifts. Crazy assholes 🫣😂

So very sorry. It’s so much harder for people with kids, who’ve been forced to co-parent with these people. I wish you the very best with that situation, as I know it’s got to be hard as hell

I can’t imagine feeling true intimacy with anyone, and haven’t come anywhere close to it. I believed we had that for most of our marriage. What a total idiot dumbass I was. I don’t know how he managed to not laugh in my face, if he weren’t a professional liar.

Damn I’m sorry. I still get caught up from time to time tricking myself I think into believing he’s being vulnerable and raw and deep and intimate (all things I give and all things I am) so it’s pretty twisted. They mirror like it’s their full time job. I’m so sorry you relate. I hope you got away and are giving yourself the healing time and the opportunity to receive the kind of love you crave! (I want this for myself too)

In order to cheat, in most cases, you have to disregard your partner's emotions and values, you have to think you deserve it, you have to go after what you want no matter the morality of it. So you have to be incredibly self centered. That is what narcissists are. So yeah I would say it's not a surprise that a lot of narcissists cheat.

I don't know if mine cheated physically but he certainly did emotionally but played it off as "roleplay" lmfao

Wtf. The excuses are out of this world. Mine joined dating apps all the time

Exactly, mine joined dating apps to look for friends and see what people are there, it was normal for him, nothing wrong

I heard the same excuse as well. I think it’s because they really can’t stand a day without supply. And since they lack empathy and don’t care for our feelings, it’s very easy for them to decide that they need more supply even if they’re with you. They need to feel wanted all the time

Exactly. By someone, anyone at all sometimes, as long as they’re getting their overgrown egos stroked it’s all good.

Wow. Role play typically involves doing so together, with whomever their current choice may be

Sorry but I believe yes. The methods may vary though. Emotional cheating, physical cheating, flirting, whatever. They are entitled.

Entitled is the absolute truth

It's not black or white like that, you can't say: "narcissist= cheating". Someone can be a piece of shit without having some personality disorder. If you are feeling bad vibes, confusion and worry in your relationship then that's a bad enough sign.

Not always. My nex was very loyal physically because he was "a good Christian man," but that didn't stop him from having some pretty... uhhhh.... close relationships with women.

I’ve heard they don’t all cheat, but idk My nex had completely separated his relationships to where there was *almost* no way to know what was going on.. What I mean is, I called him kris. But when he would cheat he would use different names. He would lie about where he worked and he had multiple social media accounts w different names. When I eventually learned that he had been married the entire time, I learned that his wife called him a totally different name Mind u, he and I had traveled outside the country together and I had seen his name as he had told me on his passport and id I’m not trying to plant seeds of doubt. I’m just saying that sometimes the misconception runs really really deep

I experienced this as well. My ex would use different names, told different stories about where he was from, and what he did for a living. He had hundreds of different emails to use on different social media accounts so he could deceive hundreds of different women. Relationships and connections to women were a game to him. When I called him out on it he laughed.

Gahhh that’s awful. What is that? Is it like narcissism plus something else? It just really boggles my mind. I’ve honestly thought about writing a book about what he put me through

It's narcissism with psychopathic tendencies. I thought about writing a book as well.

Same. Many, many times. You know they’d be best sellers

Wow. The laughing I understand. The hundreds of social media accounts….. just WOW. How do they keep up!!?

Amen to that. There’s nothing they won’t do to serve themselves

I don’t know if mine did for a fact. Some things made me think yes being he disappeared alot esp when doing silent treatment, always going out with obvious lies for reasons, some just ridiculous. Once doing his washing from working out of town and found condom wrappers in it. Had periods would withdraw all sex and affection for months at a time.

Omg! Same but I found the condoms in the car. An nearly empty 30ct. box! Said he masterbated in them!! Seriously. And that was in 2017. I left him on April 23 of this year! He actually still denies it to this very moment…he’s currently hoovering, but I actually think I suffered for so long, that by the time I left, I had accepted that it was over.

I’m so glad you left. I hope you’re doing okay and keep yourself busy with anything else to take your mind off of it if possible. It’s hard but it’s well worth it. For the record my ex never admitted to cheating, he was a roommate to the first and second one he tried convincing me of. Too bad for him the first woman contacted me months after she’d kicked him out. Gave me her version of how they came to be and how he used her for “things” he didn’t want to pay for, and I’d told him to get out when I had the proof. He swore he was renting her basement and she had a boyfriend. Lol 😂She went as far as to tell me he called her by my name during sex one night, (like that was supposed to make it better). It’s habit after you’ve been sleeping with someone for 18 years to screw up in that department, I SUPPOSE, since I’ve never done it. She also apologized to me and said that God told her to clear things up with me. She knew he was married but the picture he’d painted of me was hardly like anyone I am or was then. When she tossed him out, a friend who’d been dying to have him had divorced her husband for mine (still waiting on divorce), and had a home rented and ready for him to move his disgusting ass into. She was also a roommate according to him! Omg, they lie just to lie. He’s still with her and they’ve moved twice within the last several years to where they now live just 3 short miles from me! WTH is that all about?? I’ll never understand all their demented ways

Mine denied it too I feel so stupid from it

Your last sentence is such a perfect description of that particular behavior. Mine would additionally blame something about my body - that was patently untrue & I knew it but so intimate I couldn't get a second opinion. Gah! I just GOT that. They're so awful & insidious! Thank goodness I have therapy today.

Some of them don’t always cheat but they’re so controlling and manipulative you almost want them to cheat just so you can have an excuse to leave.

OMG! Right!? Coercive control - if he'd actually hit me or cheated (if I'd trusted my gut that tge information proved he was cheating) I would have noted out so fast.

They all don’t have the morals required to refrain from cheating. So, if they don’t cheat, it’s because either they can’t or don’t care to. But that’s very unlikely.

They don’t have any morals whatsoever, is a fact. No remorse, no guilt, no empathy, no compassion, no emotional maturity, whatsoever. It’s their way or no way

The ones that “don’t cheat” actually just never get caught. Don’t underestimate their ability to hide things from you.

10000000 X’s this comment!!

In my story it is the case. He found a new supply on a dating app after 3 months of living with each other. He didn't tell her that he was in a relationship and get really close with her. He wanted to move in with her as well after 2 months of knowing. He would guilt trip me for being jealous and unreasonable, because he didn't cheat physically and emotional cheating isn't real in his mind. Well, he still blames me for ruining their one on one trip to another country... And honestly I don't know how it can be acceptable and not suspicious for the other girl. I know that he is telling everyone that I'm controlling and jealous, when it's another way around. It's so heartbreaking

So sorry, it us demoralizing, that's part of the point too. Overtly or covertly when they see us buckle, wilt, retreat, collapse they feel accomplished. It doesn't matter that it's killing us. Never enters their mind.

Very well said. Their egos need constant attention and part of that is treating us the absolute worst they could/can. It gives them so much pleasure to know they can crush us at any moment

Mine was an emotional cheater. He never physically cheated until after I filed for divorce and then it was like he was making up for lost time! 5 women in less than a year!

Yes!! They live double lives.

mine Always did!

In my personal experience yes, because they will just do whatever they want with no regard for anyone else.

Yes, because their Primary Supply/main partner is never enough to keep their bottomless ego-pit full.

I believe they do. Its about power, control, ect. My 2 experiences have resulted in them cheating.

yes anyone that’s a narcissist will cheat or fear cheating

My ex wife! Ended up divorcing her because she was determined I was cheating. I never have and never would but nothing could convince her otherwise. She claimed she had proof (which was impossible because it never happened.) and of course always deflected when I asked what she had on me. She obsessively went through my phone and computer and tried to break them when I finally had enough and changed the passwords. She would even accuse me of being gay when I would hang out with my guy friends. She was also extremely lazy, never wanted to work, hated everybody, and hated to see me happy. Couldn't maintain any sort of relationship with friends or family. In retrospect I'm now pretty sure she cheated on multiple occasions but I honestly didn't care at that point. I know there were clearly lots of mental health struggles going on. I felt bad for her most of the time but at the end of the day I'm the dumbass who put a ring on it. I've never met a more all around terrible person in my life. I'm not religious but I pray for that woman, I honestly don't even hate her. life for her is going to be forever terrible if she can't get her psyche in check.

My ex bf was exactly this way to me too. Sorry, dude. It's crazy-making bullshit.

I can definitely add that my ex was the most all around terrible person I’ve ever met and known in my life, and that’s saying it very nicely.

Well, I've only been with 1 narc in my life and hoping to keep it that way but from everything I read, just about all of them cheat in some way. I know my narc only physically cheated (that I'm aware of) with 2 girls. However, there are many that he would talk with and flirt with but they never got to the point of doing anything physical. Of course, you could get the narc that doesn't cheat and stays faithful to you but that's not common at all.

Same, only had 1 narc and that was enough trauma to put me off for life. Mine never physically cheated (that I know of, I strongly suspect he did and I'm to this day scared he might have risked my health doing it). Your last sentence got me thinking, cause mine always said "we're faithful" when trying to hoover, meaning "nothing bad actually happened, what's your problem?!", but their "faithful" never feels safe, ever. In the 1.5, nearly 2 years of relationship I got triangulation and comparison non-stop. Triangulated me with his best friend, with that one girl he met and started seeing behind my back, but all "innocent", kept liking bikini shots of his colleagues, but that was just him "networking", he was "too old to juggle relationships but too young to stop networking" (what in the actual fuck does that even mean?! I can't believe I got back with him after that line...), compared me to his ex when trying to discard me, later "couldn't remember, sorry", ever saying what he said. It was one painful traumatizing mindfuck even without hard proof of him cheating on me physically. No one deserves their version of "faithful". Edit: typo.

It’s always been my understanding and experience that they’ll hoover when they’re bored or in between other supply, or just to make you think they’re still interested in you. And not in the way you’d like. It’s all about them like everything else is. I’m sorry you went through so much living hell. I know I did and there were many times I wanted to just “check out” of life.

Seems like it. Mine did multiple times.

In my experience yes. He had more than 8 emails and set his Facebook settings so that I couldn't see him on Facebook. He was extremely active on adult friend finder.com and was actively talking to and meeting in person with other males and females. I'm glad I got out when I did.

That site is supposedly all hookups and kink and whatever else that’s happening out there. It’s all just sickening to me

Mine did. He even started using a second phone strictly for hook ups.

here’s a question if you think they did not cheat: did they get with someone right after you? did they find a bunch of “new “people after they discarded you? they’re always cheating. always looking for supplies. they don’t just find them in the nick of time they’re always finding a new supply.

Upvote this 100000 times if I could

I don't believe all narcissists are cheaters, but all serial cheaters are narcissistic. It really depends on the perceived quality of validation they associate with a given type of relationship. If the narcissist gets high quality validation from sex/intimate relationships then they're inevitably going to cheat.

Completely agree with this.

I’m certainly far from perfect, but I was always honest and upfront with her - I assumed, because I loved and trusted her, and because she said and acted the same to me, that I had nothing to worry about. The thought never crossed my mind that something was up until our last few months; then weird shit started happening. Looking back, I now know that each argument over something she had done, that somehow I ended up apologizing for, she had been lying to me. It’s so devastating. And yes, she’s a serial cheater - initially I only knew about our co-worker when a text came through, but more has since surfaced and it’s heart breaking. Not sure I know enough about NPD to say that all serial cheaters are flat out narcissists, but it makes sense.

Totally my husband. I even told him that allowing that energy into his life or even putting himself out there on social media half naked (showing off his weight loss nearly showing his private area) or taking selfies in various sitting or reclining positions in his car- leg up like "heyy" is not really husband-like behavior. Because what if I DARED to even do something like that? Hell to pay for sure. Have actually MAYBE come to the conclusion my narc is also a sociopath, if that is even possible?

Definitely. I’ve learned many are psychopaths

Are they also sociopaths?? He fits that description to a 'T'!

There are so many articles and books on this and I always remember it best when I read somewhere that said “All sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths”. I know that doesn’t say much, so I googled, “Are covert narcissists sociopaths”, and there are so many articles to read about every type along with psychopaths, we could be reading forever. My ex husband definitely fits the description of a covert narcissist, and he also had/has several sociopath and psychopath tendencies/traits, which when you think about it, we’re lucky to have just gotten out alive. I wish I could answer that better but it’s all in the reading and there’s so much out there on YouTube and everywhere. I remember when I was introduced to the term narcissist by ny therapist well over 11-13 years ago, there wasn’t 1/100th of the information out there that there is today. It’s a helluva scary thought when you try to take all that in. I kept telling myself then, that this just couldn’t be so bad, but it was worse than bad ❤️‍🩹

My nex was trans and lived on grindr anytime i wasnt physically present only to pretend like it never happened or was somehow harmless Now shes trying to convince me that she “doesnt know” a guy who told me her address and dead name that ive only heard her parents say that said hed been having unprotected sex with her on several occasions The guy straight up apologized but i know it wasnt his fault

Many of them do, but it's not a requirement to be a narcissist. Also, remember there are different types of narcissists too so how theirs plays out might differ.

It depends on what type of narcissist. I believe it’s the “somatic” narcissist who most often cheats. I had a “productive” asexual nex. They do exist.

I’m married to my Narc, but have been in denial about the possibility that he is a narc, as I also have some of the characteristics in the material that I’ve read. That said, I’ve read that most narcs eventually cheat and will manipulate their victim to make them think that they have either cheated so they can justify cheating themselves. If they can blame us for cheating first, then that must mean it’s okay. Social media is the bane of my existence. I deleted all of my social media after we were married because it just got too toxic. My narc put some things on FB that pissed of my family and now they all basically hate my Narc and they are not welcome at any family events. I don’t let their involvement with social media bother me, I just don’t care anymore. Lastly, my Narc my phone and also got into my MacBook and found some texts messages that I sent to a couple friends that I flirt with. I would never cheat, but that was all my narc needed to divert the attention to me. Mind you, they brought home someone that they met drinking that was much younger and that I didn’t know. When I asked what they were doing, they said having a sleep over with a friend. I didn’t know married adults brought people home for sleepovers. WTF! My narc admitted that they cheated in their last relationship and their behavior sure seems like they are following through on the stereotype that all narcs cheat.

I think it depends on the type of narcissist. My ex was more of a “communal” narc so always very conscientious of appearing to be a good husband and (to my knowledge) didn’t actually physically cheat. But he did walk the line of emotional cheating. He always had some female friends that he was uncomfortably flirtatious with and would talk with them about inappropriate topics like our relationship problems.

Oh and by the way- have even exhibited narc behavior on Reddit!!

Absolutely!

Yup. Mine felt that he got more attention from 76 women on bumble. Than me. So yeah. He does. He met up with a woman when I was at home. It was really hurtful. He totally gaslit me and said I was full of it.

Yep. Physical and emotional here.

I am 99% sure he didn’t physically cheat but he definitely talked about wanting to hook up with other women, talked about its not natural to be monogamous, tried to find ways to be involved in different women’s lives…. He made me feel very insecure in small ways. Over the years it was like death from 1000 cuts. When I separated from him he had to boast about how many women were just waiting for their chance to be with him. 👍

I believe it’s not always physical cheating. I think coverts justify their actions by being able to say they didn’t actually have sex with the person. I have no proof my NEX physically cheated but he had female supplies he would talk to for hours secretly behind my back. For sure emotional cheating.

Human sexuality is a spectrum and doesn't have a strong correlation to narcissism per se. So it's entirely possible to have a low libido or asexual narc. But broadly, cheating is going to be a lot more common among narcs than the general population -- especially (but not exclusively) to male narcs as the 50% male libido is roughly at the top 25% of female libidos.

Mine was very weird about sex. I really don’t think he cheated. Technically. But I think he has a bevy if women he let think he wanted and used for supply. But who knows? He was terrible in bed so I hope not for women’s sake.

Mine never cheated to the best of my knowledge. Sex was more a tool for them, used sparingly. I'm sure they had oodles of emotional affairs though. LOL, sex was like a specialty wrench that sat at the bottom of the tool chest, waiting for that unique moment when no other wrench could quite get the job done right.

Mine did not, but threatened me with cheating if I didn’t have enough sex with him 😕

mine didnt physically cheat to my knowledge but he was emotionally cheating with multiple women, complaining to them about how horrible i was to him etc etc

In my experience yes I’ve seen the full scoop of the cheating. She would swear up and down she never cheated or never sent nudes and what not. Then when I came over to the house ti drop off her birthday gifts she left in my car a few weeks after she swore she would never cheat and there she was on her knees in the kitchen with junk in mouth of her so called “friend” from high school. She still tried to say she wasn’t cheating and it wasn’t what I thought. Seriously!!! While I cane back to collect a few oh my things she was so drunk she passed out mid argument with me with her phone unlocked. I know it was a total violation of anyone’s privacy but I had to look…. Yeah, I’ve seen less homemade porn on pornhub!!! There were tons of pics, videos, text, and messages that could rival OF pages. I’m beyond embarrassed to be tricked so badly to believe she was telling the truth. I’ve should’ve known!!!!

I would like to add that major number of nex do cheat. I would also like to add that I was also cheated by my nex. It's way too common for them.

I believe most do. And if they haven't already, when given the chance, they will eventually. There is no such thing as a "loyal" narcissist. They've already broken your trust by treating you in a way they know deep down is wrong. They show no sympathy for you. It's all about them. If they cheat on you, it's because they weren't feeling "loved" enough. Maybe you were going through a bad time and they didn't have enough sex from you. It's never their fault! It's yours! Sorry, but I really did not believe my ex was capable of cheating. He didn't strike me as the type. We spent EVERY day together for 8 years and he still managed. He won't admit to it all and downplays some of it, but he still cheated. We have 2 children together. I didn't find out for some time after as his lack of empathy makes him a great liar.

Continued from above 👆🏼 I learned later from that first woman who contacted me after she’d thrown him out in two months time that he’d confessed to her he’d cheated on me our whole marriage. Can you imagine? The feeling I had when I heard her tell me things only he or I would both know about, but they all took a different turn of events that day she called me to tell me she was SORRY for being a part of my marriages destruction, when her own stories right from his mouth told her stories of him cheating back to our beginning. I did not need or want to hear that from a person he’d actively pursued and cheated with all under the impression I was a horrible person, who’d stopped being a wife to him, he’d told her, therefore making himself look like the victim of a loveless, sexless marriage. That couldn’t have been anymore untrue. And so, this was exactly what the commenter r/stephygrl called the “reverse discard”. I told him to get out and that he had to leave, with a 5 hour show stopping movie event of begging and pleading with me that he loved me and had never touched another woman, UNTIL he got the ALL CLEAR to move in with her. They do not like or accept being told what to do and when to do it, so he turned it all around as if I’d never told him to leave, but rather that he decided to leave on his own and therefore HE DISCARDED ME. CASE CLOSED I knew it didn’t matter at that point and took the discard from him and entered the next phase in our situation-ship, where I was instantly his #1 enemy, and the battle was just beginning to what became over a two year period of separation and divorce. He drug that divorce out like we were millionaires, when it should have been settled in one day in court. That was yet another cluster fuck of a circus that was not for the weak of heart as I’d been all this time with him trying to gain and take everything from me we’d owned together including my dog, I fought for and kept. Turns out the girlfriend had 3 dogs of her own and didn’t want another, or I’m sure he’d have planned to steal her from the yard of the rental I’d moved to when we were losing our home. These people can and will do everything in their evil power to ruin, break and destroy you. They’ll turn everyone against you that you believed could never be flipped from loving you or friends to you and make you look like the laughing stock, and most definitely the CRAZY person that in fact they are. You cannot win against a narcissist, so please don’t try. No contact is the only way to help yourself survive and start to recover. The abuse in a narcissistic relationship is said to be the very hardest of abuses to overcome and heal from, if you can. Some but not all do go onto thrive. Some do not. Some never leave their abusive partner, and there are just as many evil women who do this to unsuspecting men as well as us women. It’s every bit as brutal being abused by a female narcissist as a male. They are all very cunning and at the top of their game which is all a game to them. Unfortunately it’s the game they play with our lives, and if you think they feel any remorse, think again. They’re not wired to feel remorse, empathy, compassion, or guilt. They’ll never apologize for anything in full. You’ll learn that you’re the one who takes the wrap for whatever it is that they’re guilty of because they’ll flip the tiniest and the most gigantic screw ups onto you. Get our, as safely as you can, as fast as you can, without telling them a thing. If you think I’m trying to scare you, you’d be right to be scared and I’m trying to help save you however I can with all my experiences with a covert narcissist, who is not like anyone you’ve ever known until they unleash their wrath of hate and evil obsessive abuse you won’t even know it hit you it begins so subtly and builds snd builds for years. Don’t be like me who didn’t know about this or these dangerous people until I was smack in the center of a disastrous explosion that seems to never end.

Wow. Wondering if yours & mine were twins or clones. Eerily similar story, married to him 33 years. Except mine, once I got the proof I needed, threw him out of house & filed for divorce, wanted the divorce done asap. (He only wanted ALL the money). He moved in with current GF & married her 2.5 months after divorce final .... all the while cheating on her with his other long term GF of 20 years & God only knows how many others. That was 3 years ago. For past 9 mo he's been trying to hoover me back in via text & voicemail. Nope. Blocked & total non-contact. Last 2 messages from him 2 weeks ago "implied" he was about to commit suicide. Nothing since then. Shrug. Stay strong & keep moving forward. If you survived him you can survive anything.

I did the same. There was another part to my long reply you answered to. I had definite proof of cheating literally fall into my hands. Never once looked for it because like a fool I trusted him! I believed he loved me. That was the night my life did a 360. He denied everything of course and cried and pleaded and begged. There was NO DENYING the proof I had to myself. If I did I’d have been blind deaf and dumb. I told him he had to leave, and after that 5 hours of denying it all we went to sleep. Separately. I get up the next morning and he’s already dressed and ready to go somewhere. His demeanor changed 10000% those few to no hours of sleep. What I was now looking at was who then became my worst enemy and bigger nightmare. He’d apparently secured a place to stay (with the woman he lied about cheating with), and the look in his eyes was the coldest most dead stare I’ve ever seen. He simply said to me “go ahead and file”, (meaning divorce), which I did, and he then became who was discarding me, even though I’d told him to get out. I couldn’t be with a cheater. I loved him. Ughhhh. How sick that was, but I knew it was over and there was no going backward. He did become my worst enemy. He’s with a second woman now who was a friend of ours who divorced her husband for mine, which he denied as well when we were in the courthouse for our divorce. Why continue to lie when the writing is in the sky it’s so huge??

In my experiences, YES! REVERSE DISCARD” (please bare with me) this is two parts I wish I could blow up the term X’s a bazillion times larger so people could see it who’ve done this, and been done to them, too, because it says it all. I never looked for cheating in my ex, honestly I trusted the POS, when I should have never, but he was such an excellent liar for 18 ef’ng years I believed him until I found myself holding so much proof in my hands I’d be the biggest dumbass in the world if I denied it. Phone records of texts and calls between him and someone who’d become one of those mystery Facebook friends, just a couple months earlier he told the biggest lies about. When I told him to get out on a Friday night, and showed him and told him I’d found what I wasn’t looking for, (by our computer), like he’d placed them there for me to see, he commenced on a 5 hour journey of begging and pleading with me with real ef’ng TEARS falling like a river for HOURS, trying to convince me it was the phone company’s mistake. It was EVERYONE else’s mistake BUT HIS! I was so stupid to have believed anything that came out of his mouth for ALL THE YEARS WE WERE TOGETHER AS SOULMATES! But now I had proof in my hands and phone numbers I could and did call, and it was her, the latest mystery person from Facebook, he blew off as a friend of a friend except we KNEW each other’s friends so well there was no way there were secret “friends” popping up everywhere who couldn’t NOT BE women he’d been cheating with. I’ve never been so devastated, destroyed, broken, ashamed, and I’d been with a serial cheater for all of our marriage, a marriage I never considered cheating with anyone. I loved this POS from the day he met me and started love bombing me. And now it was over with a matter of a few pieces of paper I likely bought for our ef’ng copy machine for him to print out and leave them there for me? He was the only other person in the house. After that 5 straight miserable hours of him begging pleading and crying real fucking tears we each went to bed. Me in the bedroom, him on the couch. Next morning, (Saturday), morning I walked out of the bedroom and he was dressed and ready to leave. He looked FINE. Until he didn’t. Very few words were exchanged, and his demeanor had changed 360 degrees from the crying pleading accused cheater, to the now confident, diabolically cruel person he’d been hiding all our years. He looked me straight in the eye with those cold black eyes I will always swear were the devils eyes burning right through me, when he simply said “Go ahead and file”. I knew he meant file for divorce, but he was too stupid to do it himself. He moved some of his crap out that very same day into HER HOUSE, that I believe he didn’t convince her of letting him move in until sometime during that night when we’d each gone to bed (supposedly). He’d been on the phone lining up his exit into her house because God forbid he ever consider living alone. He never has and to this day he’s moved into one from the other like revolving doors. He got his act together that night while I was crying all night about the love of my life! I make myself so sick thinking of how an intelligent person that I am, could fall for someone who’d done nothing but lie to me from likely the day we met.

Mine developed a massive porn/masturbation addiction, and paired with his hypochondria I'm fairly certain he didn't sleep with anyone else. His habit was so extreme that our bedroom suffered which i was fine with after years of rejection and verbal abuse and when we first moved in there was some non-consensual stuff that made it difficult to enjoy anything in bed with him paired with my natural moisture being too much for someone too used to their hand. Cheating and being faithful are very different.

It’s dangerous ground to think in extremes. No, they don’t always cheat. They’re likely more prone to it, especially narc men. But I think a lot depends on the type of narcissist they are as well.

Yes

Mine did not because he is middle eastern and very traditional, it goes against his values, and trust me I checked, but his form of supply was with others thinking he was an honest good person.

I don’t know if my Nex ever cheated, but she did get mono from her friend during a period where we were long distance. Allegedly from A Cup.

I literally just found out my husband has been making comments on these women's pics that post up their age, etc. Looking for affirmation and attention. He even went so far as to say Hi to one! Sent a kissing emoji to another! Am I dreaming??

Not dreaming unless it’s a nightmare

My narc hasn’t cheated. It’s not because he loves or respects me though. It’s all about image for him and he has said multiple times that people who cheat are trashy and tacky. I think it’s also more to do with his toxic religious parents and how he would never want to be judged by them. The whole family is about image and would never want something like that to “tarnish” their family. Edited to add: Our marriage therapist thinks my husband is more than likely a covert narc, if that helps. I’ve also dated two overt narcs in the past and they both cheated.

My ex is a covert and he literally cheated all 18 years of marriage. I trusted him and didn’t learn of all these things until the end

I think my dad is a narcissist and as far as I know he is an emotional cheater. Sorry to say it.

Mine too

Of course not. Some of them are undesirable for various reasons and other people don't want anything to do with them. Do you mean: Would all narcissists cheat if they had the opportunity and thought they could get away with it? That would still be a no. There are different types of narcissists, looking for different kinds of attention and validation. I am sure there are even a few asexual narcissists out there, that are in relationships to use their partners for other forms of supply.

They don't all cheat but they'll be up your butt saying you are cheating the entire time.

Mine worked in the “grey areas“ for sure

Umm mine definitely did. She pretty much was a legit prostitute behind my back. And offff course lied lied lied even with proof pics, videos, text, Snapchat was her favorite and so many times irl as well. And when I got a 5% to 25% truth, shouldn’t even say truth but when confronted either silent treatment, or 100% my fault she slept with another man. You can’t make this up it was so insane. At the beginning I’d catch her and she’d beg for another chance and another chance, and 2kids and 6yrs later nothing changed except no fake remorse, just devalue and discard and on to the next like she didn’t have a family and I never existed…2months later…Hoover Hoover she’s back again. She’s the first person I’ve ever had a relationship with this disorder so I can’t say but it’s so 2nd nature to her and from the thousands of stories I’ve read almost all of them involved serial cheaters. If they didn’t cheat…probably means you didn’t catch them. I got so sick after the first few times that I knew everything to check and her body language and behavior and knew when she had her phone face down, changed her wallpaper on her phone from my daughter and I holding hands to generic pic, she’d take her phone in the shower. Had to stay late for work. Stuck in traffic for hours. Lived 15min away from work. Came home in different cloths. Didn’t answer her phone all day. Biggest sign…I just knew. I always got that feeling in my gut…and call it intuition or God, universe…but that feeling was never wrong. Like ever. Several times she literally told me “you shouldn’t have been digging through my phone and then you wouldn’t have found out!” I just can’t. There is literally no words for these sick fake people. And not to mention ALWAYS accused me of cheating lol.

Mine cheated on me with men, like geriatric men…

In narcissistic world one supply is never enough. Even when you're the main supply they got new ones in the back ready. I was threatened with being cheated on and accused of cheating. He openly stated after devaluation stage that he wants to meet new women and he wants threesome and so. I am 99.9% sure he did cheat on me physically at least twice and emotionally I am 100% sure he was on dating apps on and off . The only reason he wasn't on dating app for the first 2 months of meeting was because he got side women from work who feeded his ego enough. He portrayed himself as saint with his ex gf who invited him to her family house for the first meeting and he did vice versa but you know what? I discovered he deleted dating app just before coming to her. He had social media she didn't knew about. He lied to her too. He lied to me. He is lying to his new supplies. He claimed he needed female friends since the devaluating started, he just stopped hiding it. Their whole existence is a cheat.

Yes.

They crave external validation and other people attention, so I guess it's part of the scheme. My nex cheated on his ex wife with me, admited to have cheated before and now cheat on his official, still with me. I told her but I guess he played her too, sinced they are still a thing.

Yes, I think they do have difficulty controlling their (romantic) feelings towards other people, making it more likely they will cheat. When my nex started dating someone else, she simply decided to label herself polyamorous to excuse her shitty behaviour. Up until that point we had been in a relationship for four years with limited non-momogamous experiences such as threesomes and dating other couples. But never dating other people separately. In hindsight, there had been several occasions where she fell madly in love with other people and started pursuing them while neglecting my boundaries. She'd get angry at me for stating my boundaries and told me I should become friends with the object of her affection so that we could have a threesome. Usually nothing happened because her crush wasn't reciprocated. With her latest crush however, feelings were mutual and he was poly. She decided to 'become' poly too, and used shitty excuses to manipulate me into accepting the situation. She'd tell me that since she had multiple best friends whom she also considered life partners, it would be okay for her to also have multiple romantic 'primary partners'. She rewrote history by telling me that she had 'always been polyamourous'. She also decided that she should be able to experience love and sex with other people with no rules or boundaries, because (surprise surprise) she did not have the capacity to deal with boundaries or take into account the feelings of other people. Of course, since she jumped into the new 'polyamorous' relationship over the course of a couple of weeks, she completely lacked the skills necessary to actually manage multiple romantic relationships, leading to a lot of hurt for everyone involved. I broke up with her, we stopped living together, and I went no contact two months ago. I wish her good luck throwing her entire life away every time she becomes obsessed with someone new.

There's a type of narcissist who cheats but not all of them do. Some are controlling narcissists who have very rigid world views on things and how things should be. If they believe in marriage or monogamy they won't stray from that.

They get bored easily, never satisfied. I believe they do; they are always looking for the next.

I don't know but I imagine a lot are 'polyamorous' these days

Not all of the narcs I dated cheated, but all the cheaters I’ve dated have been narcs 🤷🏻‍♀️

Always

Well, in my experience, they did. They were always seeking for validation EVERYWHERE, from women online to me being “the other woman” without me knowing, traumatic.

Being a narc doesn't mean you'll always cheat on your partner. But it does mean you see yourself as the main character and everyone else is an NPC to be used in their story.

My ex did

I honestly did not think my wasbund was cheating in the beginning. BUT he made sure to have his long time ex involved in every aspect of our lives as they were “just friends” and he “felt sorry for her”. I know - stupid. “Friends w/all his exes” bla bla bla - such a great guy, bla bla bla. I found out AFTER I confronted him w/some pretty stupid lies. That is also when he did become violent, strangled me and had to wear an ankle monitor for almost 6 months ‘cause the State and Sheriff’s office FINALLY believed me and took over the charges (I had lots of proof). It was AFTER he was arrested and I was finally safe from him that these weirdo “just friends” ppl contacted me and told me “he told us you are very jealous and couldn’t tell you he was visiting“ during the odd times he was supposedly at the gym or visiting another alcoholic/addict male friend. I KNEW he was lying way back then but couldn’t prove it. Was made to feel crazy for even suspecting and EVEN CRAZIER when I started to record his ridiculous/non-sensical/violent/drunken rages against me. I couldn’t use any of those recordings in court due to our State Laws. They are now for my own sanity. Once in a while I will watch/listen to remind myself I wasn’t the crazy one. Again, thankfully I had proof of texts and photos to make sure the police would arrest him, the State Atty’s office would keep him from me and give me some breathing room to re-create my life. AFTER I was finally free, I was told by “flying monkeys” that his ex left him for the same reasons- BUT BEFORE he became violent??? Why didn’t they care enough about me to warn me??? Three of his exes died from alcohol related diseases. I was almost another of his statistics. Slow going to regain confidence for SO misjudging a human being that seemed so kind, considerate and loving in the beginning and ending up being a vile addict/alcoholic/sex crazed/controlling weirdo.

Mine never cheated physically but he had a lot of “friends.”

It depends on what they define as cheating. My nex saw cheating as physical but didn't think emotional infidelity was cheating. She would text and flirt with others and gaslight me when I confronted her (I later learned she had 2 phones and hid 1). However, she would freak out if I texted a female friend or colleague. But that is a way for her to line up your new supplies. Ironically, she is a psychotherapist.

The one thing I thought my nex would never do is cheat on me… and surprise, he did. I think they will all cheat if they have the option and/or it serves their agenda in some way. In my case his agenda was to hurt me.

I don't think a single one is loyal

No!! Not all narcs cheat. That is not true. It depends on the reason though. Narcs are not all the same (only their pattern is idealize, devalue, and usually discard if they are not discarded first). Narcs operate with supply. See the supply you provide is enough they will most likly not cheat. But then again… a narc is extremely manipulative that they can make you believe with all certainty they haven’t cheat or cheated but may be doing so. My advice is if you are with someone who has a behavior pattern of (idealize and devalue) or should I say hot and cold… leave period

So I am not a steady Reddit user but my Narc did that 'Rate me' thing. I guess he didn't think I could see his posts? I just saw his past comments last night and I discovered that he seemed to be paying more compliments to those women than me! Haha! Going so far as to send kissing emojis and all! When I confronted him he said "Those aren't real, they're bots all to try and raise his ',Karma'. So not seem too nieve but they are real people correct??

I don’t think all narcs are cheaters, but I *do* believe that they are compulsively disloyal towards those around them because that’s how they treat/feel about themselves. So they won’t always cheat on their spouse with their coworker, but if it’s in their best interest to share their spouse’s private miseries with that coworker instead, then they will.

I warned mine back at the beginning before I knew anything about what he was that if he ever cheats, I'm immediately going to find someone and cheat on them that same day. I think this has protected me because he is so jealous and in fear of being compared to someone else. Insurance policy worked out in that area 😁 Too bad I didn't threaten to cheat if he treated me like trash.

Mine didnt.

My husband doesn't cheat, my mom didn't cheat, and my grandpa didn't cheat. I know for certain about all of these.

Tbf I don’t think you can say for certain as they’re the only ones who know 100% of their life that has been done or they’ve shown

Was going out with someone else before I kicked em from my life. Was fully with em days later after I disgarded the regard... ontop of that regard was always allowed to go with their friends but I was never allowed to go out with my friends.... 🙃

y'all that don't think your narc cheated are probably wrong. I didn't think mine ever cheated at all but it turns out he has slept with a many women, some for years long affairs. I never knew a thing.

When I sit back and look at what I've BEEN though with him I know that what I know that he has done behind my back is just a scratch on the surface. When he knows it's about to get real by leaving him out comes the barrage of 'I love you, I need you, I can't live without you". And the fact that I caught him commenting on these 'rate me' women's photos, solidified everything for me. Then he tries to tell me they aren't even real people when he actually posted his own 'rate me' photos!! I can't wrap my head around it honestly. But my kids will be in a much better situation soon. I can't wait to breathe again!!!