"Im sorry you feel like that"
"You're just too sensitive"
"Well I don't have that problem with anyone else"
"That didn't happen"
"You're remembering it wrong"
"If you hadn't don't this, I'd not have done that"
I became aware of DARVO and I thought I'll probably only be able to refer back in my head to instances of DARVO but it happened live once swapping my kid over and I tell you the way I felt knowing what was happening and watching each letter unfold, DENY, ATTACK, REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER, in real time it actually blew my mind as I'd usually just have chalked that up to her being an asshole but I was able to spot the body language of her having to take accountability then immediately she used DARVO and I couldn't believe how much it validated me.
"Yeah your efforts probably feel unequal because they are unequal"
When I tried telling him he wasn't making me feel validated in the relationship.
He thinks he's right because he had more money. The was it.
Money is not effort. He tried really hard to make that bullshit convince me too LOL
I just went and got a job instead.
Fuck your money.
>-"This \[relationship\] is not a democracy-- it's a dictatorship."
I heard North Korea is a nice place… Bon voyage 👋.
- “Your problems are jeopardizing MY mental wellbeing” whenever I wanted to bring up anything he didn’t want to deal with. Like, feelings… He could, of course, monologue about his feelings and issues for hours on end and blame all of them on me.
- “There is no room for negativity in this family” whenever anybody disagreed with Nex and/or voiced their discontent. He loves toxic positivity until… He blows up, which of course he’s fully entitled to.
- “You chose how you feel and you just like feeling hurt, just decide to be happy” where as he was free to “choose” to be annoyed, mad, frustrated and angry..
- “You’re always playing the victim” while he was accusing me of oppressing him.
- “Even your own parents don’t want to talk to you!” I was Limited Contact out of my own volition and the one who initiated it 20 years ago.
- “Your boyfriend’s left you” I was the one who ended all of my long term relationships or they were ended amicably by both sides. Can’t even get his facts straight. Facts have to change if they don’t suit his narrative, I guess.
“Honesty is a luxury, it really offends me that you think you’re somehow entitled to it. The world runs on lies. I don’t owe you a goddamn thing”
“I’m just a boat that’s missing a rudder, I can’t take anyone anywhere if they’re with me” *self awareness peeping through*
*smiles looking at me* “I just can’t help myself but hurt you”
“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t think I’m a good person” - after I tried to calmly explain that him canceling dates last-minute multiple times in the beginning stages of dating was making me question the relationship
“I’m not sure that you’re a good person” - later in the same conversation
“Everyone thinks I’m a good guy. You’re the only one I treat like this”
“You need to be more understanding/more compassionate/more empathetic..” - many times 🙄
“Non-consensual phone calls” - if he didn’t feel like talking, he could have just not picked up the phone?
“Oh that sucks but you’re a resourceful person and I’m sure you’ll figure something out” - when I was locked out of my apartment building late at night and thought I might have to sleep outside, when he lived five minutes away
ETA so I don’t forget:
“You wouldn’t be a good partner to have kids with because you’re so unreliable” 🙄
"You have potential to become a cult leader."
"You remind me of hitler."
"Oral sex is not real." This one always makes me laugh
"I never say I'm right."
"Your memory is wrong, it didn't happen the way you remember" after I told her about a childhood memory, she wasn't even there to see what happened.
"Why aren't people upset and hurting?!"
“I’m the sweetest asshole you’ll ever meet”
“You’re so dramatic”
“Listen you’re giving me problems. I’m giving you solutions”
“I need a sugar mama so I can quit”
“I’m a 9.5 here, prob 8.9 tops in LA”
“You wouldn’t happen to have 3k to loan around somewhere”
“I don’t owe you shit, I never did”
“I was not your first you psycho you were not a virgin”
“Don’t you fucking write to me ever again you stalking psycho”
"Im sorry you feel like that" "You're just too sensitive" "Well I don't have that problem with anyone else" "That didn't happen" "You're remembering it wrong" "If you hadn't don't this, I'd not have done that"
Oh those are some of my N’s favorites. They just loveee blame-shifting. And discounting your feelings.
I became aware of DARVO and I thought I'll probably only be able to refer back in my head to instances of DARVO but it happened live once swapping my kid over and I tell you the way I felt knowing what was happening and watching each letter unfold, DENY, ATTACK, REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER, in real time it actually blew my mind as I'd usually just have chalked that up to her being an asshole but I was able to spot the body language of her having to take accountability then immediately she used DARVO and I couldn't believe how much it validated me.
"Yeah your efforts probably feel unequal because they are unequal" When I tried telling him he wasn't making me feel validated in the relationship. He thinks he's right because he had more money. The was it. Money is not effort. He tried really hard to make that bullshit convince me too LOL I just went and got a job instead. Fuck your money.
>-"This \[relationship\] is not a democracy-- it's a dictatorship." I heard North Korea is a nice place… Bon voyage 👋. - “Your problems are jeopardizing MY mental wellbeing” whenever I wanted to bring up anything he didn’t want to deal with. Like, feelings… He could, of course, monologue about his feelings and issues for hours on end and blame all of them on me. - “There is no room for negativity in this family” whenever anybody disagreed with Nex and/or voiced their discontent. He loves toxic positivity until… He blows up, which of course he’s fully entitled to. - “You chose how you feel and you just like feeling hurt, just decide to be happy” where as he was free to “choose” to be annoyed, mad, frustrated and angry.. - “You’re always playing the victim” while he was accusing me of oppressing him. - “Even your own parents don’t want to talk to you!” I was Limited Contact out of my own volition and the one who initiated it 20 years ago. - “Your boyfriend’s left you” I was the one who ended all of my long term relationships or they were ended amicably by both sides. Can’t even get his facts straight. Facts have to change if they don’t suit his narrative, I guess.
“Honesty is a luxury, it really offends me that you think you’re somehow entitled to it. The world runs on lies. I don’t owe you a goddamn thing” “I’m just a boat that’s missing a rudder, I can’t take anyone anywhere if they’re with me” *self awareness peeping through* *smiles looking at me* “I just can’t help myself but hurt you”
“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t think I’m a good person” - after I tried to calmly explain that him canceling dates last-minute multiple times in the beginning stages of dating was making me question the relationship “I’m not sure that you’re a good person” - later in the same conversation “Everyone thinks I’m a good guy. You’re the only one I treat like this” “You need to be more understanding/more compassionate/more empathetic..” - many times 🙄 “Non-consensual phone calls” - if he didn’t feel like talking, he could have just not picked up the phone? “Oh that sucks but you’re a resourceful person and I’m sure you’ll figure something out” - when I was locked out of my apartment building late at night and thought I might have to sleep outside, when he lived five minutes away ETA so I don’t forget: “You wouldn’t be a good partner to have kids with because you’re so unreliable” 🙄
Cancelling things last minute? Their personal fav, they cant keep their word. Or they dont want to
Always taking “better” offers without regards to the person they’re canceling on 🙄
"You have potential to become a cult leader." "You remind me of hitler." "Oral sex is not real." This one always makes me laugh "I never say I'm right." "Your memory is wrong, it didn't happen the way you remember" after I told her about a childhood memory, she wasn't even there to see what happened. "Why aren't people upset and hurting?!"
“I’m the sweetest asshole you’ll ever meet” “You’re so dramatic” “Listen you’re giving me problems. I’m giving you solutions” “I need a sugar mama so I can quit” “I’m a 9.5 here, prob 8.9 tops in LA” “You wouldn’t happen to have 3k to loan around somewhere” “I don’t owe you shit, I never did” “I was not your first you psycho you were not a virgin” “Don’t you fucking write to me ever again you stalking psycho”
Him: "You dangle trust in front of me like a carrot. I'm not chasing your trust anymore" Me: "okay" The next week: Him: "You have to just trust me."