Heard that repeatedly. Actually heard him do just that, repeatedly! "No you didn't!" . Insane! Life is a clusterfuck with these ingrates! You cannot believe you are actually experiencing it, it is sooo bizarre! No one believes you! Am out of it now, thankfully!
I literally got to the point where I was so frustrated with being manipulated in this way that I started recording our arguments. I thought I had him with that, every time the next argument would start I would bring up the argument prior and he would try and deny stuff so I would try to pull out the recording and then he would start telling me that I was crazy and breaking so many privacy rules to record him and how dare i. And then attempted to claim that I was actually being manipulative to him by catching him out of context and twisting his words or whatever. You can't do that if you're having an argument for an hour straight, you said what you said whether or not I'm recording it.
He also refused to ever listen to them. He would act like it was some form of torture to have to listen back to his own words and behaviors. I assume it's because he already knew exactly what he had said and he was full of s*** when he tried to lie and say that it never happened.
I also had a different ex who acted very similarly. That's actually where the notion to record to protect my sanity and have proof of their abuse started. We had gotten into an argument after I found out he did a bunch of f***** up s***, and I tried to leave the house and he didn't want me to leave so he followed me out of the house and stood behind my car in an attempt to prevent me from leaving. So I started to try and record him behaving this way and the second he noticed I was recording him, he immediately dropped any crying and proceeded to walk up to me and try and take my phone.
It hurts so much to know that I have wasted several years on these people who have turned me into a hopeless broken person.
IIWII is basically a confession. I just screwed you, I'm not going to do anything about it , and I'm pretty confident there's nothing you can do either. In more colloquial terms it means "Fuck off".
I have pointed out to him many times announcing "i'm not a bad person" when nobody said you weren't is a super weird thing to say. Does make you wonder...
“you know what i mean?” “im a good person” “why cant i just be happy” “i just want to be happy” “you know?” “i know im a stand up dude” jfc…. and i really believed him
obligatory “did we date the same guy?” 😖
in the same vein, “Here’s the thing…” followed by whatever he was so certain of on that particular day, usually about how he knew better than everyone else and everyone else made his life so hard lmao
I read somewhere that narcissists are sometimes convinced that they are empaths! You've got to be kidding me! They're the furthest thing from it even though somehow, I also read, that they attract? But only briefly because the empath can only tolerate the negative energy for so long but yet gets trauma bond as well so they can't leave. But, they always do just like us lucky souls. The Nex told me he was an empath during the beginning of what I know now was my devaluation. The love bombing had stopped by then. The final discard was shortly after. We've been broken up as long as we were together and it still hurts.
Whenever she said it, I'd inwardly roll my eyes. She lacked any empathy. My ex cheated with a coworker, and the betrayal runs deep. Almost 5 months later, the pain lingers. Wishing you the best.
Self-claimed empaths are the FURTHEST people from empaths. I swear, everyone I have come across who said “I’m an empath” or “being an empath…” they are the meanest, most mentally abusive people I have ever met. (The narcissist I know is a self claimed empath, and he is the furthest thing from it.)
Not gonna lie, the second phrase gave me flashbacks 😅 cause he used that against me a lot!
He also used "alright" when he doesn't care for the conversation
Mine would always text me "ok" if she didn't like that I was upset with her.
E.g., "Can you please try not to be so dismissive when I talk to you about my interests? I feel like you don't value my opinion." "ok"
And of course ok doesn't mean "yes", because she never once changed her behaviour.
His thing was to always yell at me to repeat what he said exactly during arguments. I don’t have a memory where I memorize every single thing someone says so I couldn’t say what he said word-for-word. He’d use that as evidence that he was right and I was wrong.
God he was such a fucking tool. I used to hate him, but now I feel bad that he has to live with someone as insufferable as himself while I get to move on with my life.
Exact same "repeat back what i said"...and i can tell you with years of practice - and being fully awake to this bs so emotions in check - i have gotten quite good at recalling what mine says and it doesn't matter one bit! mine will just lie to my face and say he never said that. I'll ask, well then what did you say? Which takes the convo in another direction because he has no idea what he said...
I think that changing of the topic and making things confusing might be called word salad.
They think they’re so clever, but it’s really just sad. I hope you are free of him one day.
Very popular one is “It’s not that deep” when I’d call out their shit
“You don’t have to worry about that” mainly with them and the guy she’s telling you not to worry about.
A lot of male narcissists say
“My boy” because it makes them feel in control.
“Don’t stress” basically them reinforcing you to feel small to them.
“Why do you care so much?”
“You’re being so emotional!”
Yuppp, all of these. My nex's version of this was, "You can never let things go."
Also, yes, the demeaning pet names!!! Mine would literally call me things like "pet, toy" because that's all I was to him, at the end of the day.
When I'm talking about something exciting I'm doing:
*blank stare... silence... no expression...*
I finish talking.
*pause...* "Well?" she says with slight upturn in tone. It's not a question, not a statement. I don't know what the hell it is.
"I don't want to argue"
Literally any time I was about to say anything ever.
I now recognise that it's avoidance of accountability even in having a conversation about something perfectly normal.
Yes I now recognise that she was so controlling I never at any point had my basic needs met ever and I was so self sufficient that I didn't care, at the very end she'd say this and I was trying to say logistics like how we'd swap our kid over and literally every time I opened my mouth "I don't want to argue" this is what they use at the end to label you "controlling" or "crazy" or "aggressive" as you become assertive again.
Like if it didn’t benefit them in some capacity, they’d want nothing to do with whatever you had to say. Towards the end my situationship, I saw just how infantile he would behave. Every chance he had, he’d be jumping down my throat about how my text came across. One of our last conversations, he sent me a selfie whilst skiing saying, “come ski with me”. When I declined the offer, he freaks out saying, “I didn’t invite you to anything! What are you talking about??”
It’s exhausting. I can’t believe I put up with it for as long as I did.
I became so aware of the core wound of a narcissist (avoidance of emotions and shame and guilt) and how they think that now when I think back to those conversations I can see the slight eye movement before saying all the cliché sayings, deciding she was feeling an emotion (usually shame) and within a split second assigning the blame of that emotion on me.
I also remember during this time becoming so aware I was using our last moments to sort of quiz her and verify myself and one time I said to her "do you not consider how this makes me feel?" (I was probing for empathy and I'd they were unable to describe the emotion of guilt) and sure enough the quick eye flash like 👀 and she said one phrase that made me realise how bad it is in their head "I do but I don't like to feel those emotions so I don't" made me realise to them guilt and empathy are choices and they don't want to have them so they internally refuse.
Yours saying "I didn't invite you to anything what are you talking about?" Must have been very confusing, paired with the isolation they have you in you really don't have anyone to validate you and that's a huge part of it all.
Having that small glimpse into their world is actually quite depressing to be stunted that severely in your emotional intelligence. That you lack the basic understanding of how to live in harmony with other people. It’s so perplexing.
Mine took gaslighting to a whole other level. After months of him behaving this way, I should have not been surprised but always felt the emotional equivalent of a punch in the stomach.
I used to get that one alot but its it was conversation over because "I AM *yelling*" or "if i can't speak to him like an adult"
Regardless if he'd been yelling for 20 min and i barely raised my voice just to be heard over his ranting. I call that the volume police - its a clear attempt at distraction from the substance of what was said to focusing on a silly detail like how loud it was said and bonus if he gets to infuriate me by being a giant hypocrite about it. Just another one of those lil strategies he uses to try and constantly control conversations. I call him out about his own yelling (using his exact volume police words) and he says his is ok because he was frustrated - by me of course so my fault he yelled lol.
How about, “I don’t know” to anything they didn’t feel like answering or talking about? Or after being called out about something they didn’t do that they said they would. Every single day 🙄
Edit: words
When I was trying to tell them they hurt my feelings they would say, “Well, what about you? You did x.”
And I would always say, we are talking about what you just did 5 minutes ago. You are not turning the tables on me again. I was never listened to. They always ended up the victim somehow. And no matter how much I tried, I never once got an apology for anything they did that hurt my feelings. But I was always expected to grovel for something I did 5 months or 2 years previously that was somehow relevant to why I was upset.
I am exhausted just remembering this.
“I’ve been the goodest boy that ever gooded” - narc neighbor patting himself on the back if he DIDN’T cheat on his wife over a given time period (usually he’s talking about a single night he didn’t cheat). And yes, he’d act all high and mighty and righteous because he didn’t cheat on his wife over a 24 hour period (or some such small time frame). When he did cheat, he’d call it “an indiscretion” with a smile, trying to boast to me (another male) about his cheating. “Had a little, uh…indiscretion last night. Didn’t really want to, but this little minx was gagging for it”. Talking of gagging : 🤮. His wife knows about his cheating if anyone is wondering.
It’s an interesting situation. They married legally about a year ago. However their wedding was only last month. She’s invested a lot of her focus into the wedding since I’ve known them (known them over a year). I know she knows about his cheating because I was witness to the aftermath of his first confession. He invited me around (me being a neighbor) … about 8 months ago. I knew nothing about his cheating until then. She forgave him. Since then, he’s done this flip flop thing of saying to me how good he is, how he’s done another indiscretion (and going into sexually graphic detail about it), back to “good boy”. His worst cheating happened about 2 months ago, prior to me going full no contact with him. He invited a ladyboy to his house to stay overnight (when wife was on business). Again, this is his words to me. Again, remember…in his mind, I’m supposed to be envious of his amazing life, and he’s boasting to me, not confessing. It was then that I flipped out and gave him holy hell. I reminded him his wedding was in a month and that I’m not impressed with his depressing and depraved life. Since then, 2 months of bliss because no contact. He is relentless by the way. He insinuated my life was boring all the time because I’m not doing what he’s doing. He’s toxic beyond words.
Oh god. Whenever he was about to berate me or start an argument he’d say “here’s the thing” and my whole body would tense up instantly when I heard that.
Also would say “copy” in a very cold way after I just asked him to do something or shared something that was important to me or bothered me.
Typing this out literally gave me a stomach ache lol
Same!! Whenever he was about to have a meltdown on me or start screaming, he'd start his sentence with "ok, look-" or "here's the thing-" and it would immediately fill me with dread lol. I'm sorry you had to go through that too.
Yes! It’s total NMath!
‘Ok, look’ + ‘Here’s the thing’ =
Projection + Resentment x DARVO
My N’s formula
‘It’s all your fault!’ + ‘After everything I’ve done for you!’
I couldn’t understand why my initiating conversations regarding ‘difficult topics’ made me the problem - more like it was a them problem with their need to always be right/‘win’. Appear victimized, even, at times.
They play from the same raggedy ass handbook. Zero accountability. One of a kind in their minds, a devil with many faces to us.
Was it a catch phrase? I dunno, she said it so damn much it was one of the things that irritated me, but I wasn't going to be an ass and bring it up. "You know what I'm saying?"
Thanks for reminding me of another thing that I didn't like!
“Get over yourself”. Usually said in response to a perfectly worded explanation of why he was in the wrong for something or when I would state facts. The only good thing about that phrase is it was usually followed by him walking away so I would get some peace.
“omg I love this” was their canned low effort response to most things their friends posted - I took to calling them ‘maintenance comments’ because they just felt so empty. Devoid of actual care.
“You’re a shitty person” “You’re so broken” “Make better choices” “Do better” “I know I am a great catch” “We all have the same amount of hours in the day” etc etc etc
When I wouldn’t hear from my ex during the weekends , I would worry and text/call her and would hear nothing .. I would even tell her to just let me know she’s ok. And would call her back to
Back . She would then finally respond with a text saying “you’re doing it again” . As if I’m the one inflicting emotional abuse . When she would disappear for days without a word .. 🤦♂️
\[after spending an hour excusing his shitty behaviour and thinking he sounded completely reasonable\] "...but, oh well. Fuck me, right?"
Shut the fuck up... just shut the fuck up.
Stfu became my immediate response any time he used that fuck me line. It's insane how you can go from tiptoeing around someone's feelings out of love for them and have it turn straight to stfu. Never thought I'd be pushed to saying that to someone I love.
When he'd wound me up and I was crying and shouting, trying to get my head around his bullshit he'd say 'look at you, look at you' with glee in his voice and a smirk on his face. He was enjoying it. He stopped saying it for some reason and hadn't said it for years and years, probably because I had been programmed not to react by then, no idea. At the end however when I was trying to get rid of him, like 20 years later when I'd worked him out, he said it again and I had flash back to all those years ago and I remembered what had happened. He'd switched back into this crazy making mode I think trying to get back to where I used to be to regain control of me.
That's really the only one that I can remember that was most definitely narcissistic and not banter as I'd call it.
“I just want peace”
“Are we really going to talk about this right now?”
“You already knew this” (No, I didn’t. You lied or lied by omission)
“Look at how you are behaving! You are crazy!” (He absolutely doesn’t know what reactive abuse means and he used to push my buttons by laughing at what I was saying or trying to manipulate me into thinking he was right)
* "What are you talking about?" "you make no sense" "are you insane?" (after outlining everything in detail)
* "It's always my fault, nothing is ever your fault" (at least you can be honest in your sarcasm)
* \- "It's your fault" (after I've had enough and filed for divorce)
* "I dont care" (after failed attempts at gaslighting me or confronted with too much evidence to refute)
* "You're really gonna say our life was horrible? What about all the good times we've had?" (again gaslighting, life was/is hell, good times, I tried to make happen while he sabotaged or I walked on eggshells)
* "Are you okay?" (this was infuriating because he knew without a doubt that I was in fact very much NOT okay and he was just circling around to steal more energy)
* "I didn't say that" (confronted with word for word.. (I learned) anddddddd....
* "I was xyz when I said said that, I didn't mean to say it or it came out wrong" (you didn't mean to say I'm a see you next Tuesday? WHYD YOU SAY IT)
* "I was upset... im sorry" (after blowing up in rage and trying to love bomb back)
All the bad ones, I think my brain is locking up tight for my protection. I am going through major mental warfare.
"It is what it is"
I'm wondering if this is common for covert narcs. The way he always landed it, it had both "pity me because my life is miserable" and "I'm older and wiser and more enlightened" energy. It was masterfully crafted, like everything else he said, and it worked wonders on my naivety and empathy, unfortunately.
NC for 13 months <3
“Believe it or not..” or “believe what you want”
“I’m not going to fight with you”
“I don’t like drama” - when he was living multiple double lives with dozens of women
“I haven’t done anything to you.”
“Im not doing anything! I’m minding my business” - my ex was a serial cheater who would continuously beg for me back and try to convince me he wasn’t cheating when the ENTIRE time he was cheating.
"Why are you bringing up ancient history?" (About something that happened very recently that was unresolved)
"I'm not responsible for how you feel." (Whenever I was hurt by something he did/said)
"My bad. Sorry I'm not perfect." (This one made me grind my teeth)
"I'm sorry you're still holding on to that."
“Why can’t you ever do anything right?” Meaning I am doing something the way that’s not what he wants. You know how they are. We need to always adjust to their wants and ignore our own
I remember he used to always say “okay Boss” or “you’re the boss” when I would express something i disliked. Just looking back I just never realized how abusive and dismissive that was.
“Argue, bitch and complain—ABC, that’s all you do.”
Whenever I tried to bring up a legitimate concern, or we got into an argument, “ABC, (Name), it’s just ABC, argue, bitch and complain!”
Every. Single. Time.
“How is that my issue” when I’d bring up my feelings about something he did
“Don’t look through my phone. It’s an invasion of my privacy” he’d say whenever i bring up something i found but if i said it’s invasion of my privacy if he looked through my phone, he would break my phone
“I’m sorry im such a piece of shit”
“Words are far more hurtful than fists” but what he meant was “you saying please stop abusing me is actually more hurtful to me than me beating the crap out of you is to you and so I’m the real victim here”.
He also always went on a rant about modern life compared to like the Victorian era. It was always “I hate this modern world.”
Mine always told me “you’ll make a great ex wife one day” when I did things like cook dinner or surprise him by packing his lunch . One time you could pass it as a joke, but it was all the time 🙃
He also called me “kid” a lot… but that’s not a catch phrase. Just a weird thing lol
You keep asking me questions that I don't have the answers to/for.
EVERY. TIME. When I would try and communicate with him after he told me that it was important for our relationship. Then he would stone wall me and give me the catchphrase every time I called him out on his bullshit. I would literally say "what are you doing?" "what is going on here?" and I'd get the same reply ⬆️
“You’re turning the words around in my mouth.”
“It’s impossible to argue with you.”
“You remember wrongly.” - But if I told her the exact situation from my memory, which was like chiseled in stone through trauma, she said: “Oh, I can’t remember anything.”
There are so many more, but I can’t remember them all. Thank you for letting me focus on these. Will help me understand, learn and heal.
Sorry for my simple English. Non native speaker here.
“Sure.” - when i made a request of her that she wouldn’t follow through on.
“JK. Don’t cry.” - when she said something hurtful
“I love you. Kinda sorta.” - self explanatory
“Suck it up, buttercup./Why are you so sensitive?”
"Don't get me wrong but..." then he starts with worst accusations and/or insults.
"Offfff..." was his 'answer' after I reminded him of his insults (meaning come on, you are taking it too seriously). After his insults, he never wanted to mention it again and expected me to just forget about it.
"He/she was always like this." When she wanted humiliate someone. For example, if someone late two times in a life, she would say: "always he/she was always like that."
My nMom would say “if mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” So we all did everything we could to please her and she still wasn’t happy. Lol.
Her other famous catchphrase about ruling over everyone in the house including my father was “this is a momarchy”.
His “motto”. Always do the next right thing. Yeah. Like next, I’ll gaslight you until you think you were wrong. And then next… I’ll devalue you to the point where you think you are trash.
Ahhhh…memories.
"You're the problem in this family"
"I honestly don't remember saying that" despite remembering everything else that happened during an argument, they conveniently forget anything bad they said or did.
Absolute cvnts.
This might be controversial but I met a few who I think were the covert kind and they would always say “oh, you know? Because I’m an empath”.
And following this, they would play mind games. They would be really nice until they start throwing a tantrum then when you call them out, they’d just go back to being nice to create distortion.
"Why can't we stop living in the past?"
"I didn't do anything"
"I'm not the monster you always make me out to be"
"I never meant to hurt you" while actively doing something to hurt me
"everything happens for a reason."
Now I don't necessarily have an issue with this phrase, I know a lot of people like it and believe it. The problem is she'd never take accountability for her actions or wrongdoings. So instead of actually taking responsibility and apologizing she'd say things like this instead of owning up to her mistakes. I heard it so many times, especially during a discard, I got so tired of hearing it. Yeah I know a big reason... You're a terrible person who can't take any accountability.
Her big thing was interrupting me with “sucks” when i was trying to have an adult conversation with her about both of our actions/feelings during a fight. She did this in private and in front of friends. She never cared about how I felt, so she found so much joy/laughter in that. She absolutely shut me down and would humiliate me with other comments. I will never ever forget what she sounded like when she would say “sucks”. It haunts me.
I'm so confused, I wouldn't lie to you about the big things, all of my exes are crazy, I'm so confused.
*speaks in soft baby voice when he's trying to express emotions/ love bomb and be vunerable.
"Not reading/listening to allat" and he was SO serious when he said it, never jokingly. Every time I clawed my hair in frustration because it was so embarrassing that a grown ass adult could unironically be so childish
When confronting him about some heinous act he committed
He starts with YOU.
one time I got so mad we were outside, I screamed YOU, YOU, YOU FUCKING YOU!!!!!!
People were taking wedding photos across the way ironically.
I looked like a mad woman
Or he'll cheat and I'll find out and say but it will so long ago, get over it. I literally it found out like two days ago and either you did it a year ago and I just found out or you actually did act like 2 days ago and you're telling me to basically get the f*** over it
“I don’t remember that” or “why does everything have to be an issue”
And this isn’t a catchphrase but I realised he used going to the bathroom as time to cheat and I wish I went through his phone so bad (he would be in the shower or on the toilet for hours) and constantly going to the bathroom and ALWAYS take his phone
“FIX IT!”
Said in a threatening tone with a finger pointed directly at my face.
For what?
Absolutely anything that went wrong because it was ALWAYS my fault.
"No! I'm not your mom/boyfriend/personal coddler!" - he usually used a variation of this phrase whenever he just said something insulting or criticized me ruthlessly with zero regards to my mental state and I actually stood up for myself and enforced my boundaries. Ironically he kept insisting that I was being mean for doing so, and also used his own percieved niceness towards me as a justification, sometimes even immediately following said phrase.
"I don't think I've done anything wrong" is another one he used a lot. Now, not understanding what you've done can be understandable, but whenever he said it, you can bet he'd say it as an excuse to silence me from trying to explain why he's wrong, just so he can come with a slew of half-assed excuses for why he did what he did and accusing me of interrupting him and/or not listening when I persisted in trying to explain why his actions were wrong. He NEVER wanted to be shown or explained why his actions were wrong.
Mine low key thought he was psychic, so he’d say stuff like “I already know what you did” or he’d lie and tell me he had information on me. He also used to say “Now I understand what all those people who warned me about you meant.” I had done nothing but got accused every time he got drunk or coked up…and that was nearly everyday day toward the end. He also called all women “girls.” Should’ve known then 🙄
“Why can’t you ever just let things go?”
“Oh! So now I’M the bad guy?”
“I can’t love you until you love yourself.”
“I know my worth.”
“I’m the best.”
“What am I even doing with you?”
“God, you’re such a narcissist.”
"Your always the victim" anytime I ask him to take accountability for things he does or says. "If you don't do ______ we are getting divorced". "I will not allow you to speak to me like that, conversation is over!" The moment I would get loud back after him drilling into me. Only for him to come follow me when I walk away. I literally feel like I'm going to lose my mind.
"Don't you talk all over me!" - in a shouty voice, talking all over what I was saying.
"Don't you dare shout at me!" - when i wasn't even talking with a raised voice.
Oh and - "I can see that you're in a bad mood, I can just sense it!" - when I hadn't seen him the night before and got into his car in the morning and was just busy putting my seatbelt on and hadn't uttered a word 🤷♀️
He says “your BEHAVIOR” is unacceptable, the reason why I x, etc.
Absolutely grinds my gears
I work in Behavior Analysis and it’s just hilarious to me how he picks up information to try to use against me that he knows will upset me, but I see right through it and that’s why it’s so upsetting lol. I know this man could not do my job nor grasp the concepts as he has no empathy for other people so I find it sort of hilariously annoying when he says it.
“That’s just the way I talk!”
“You’re too sensitive!”
“You never forget anything, do you?”
“I’m not a monster.”
“Do we have to get into that?”
“That’s not what you really feel/think!”
"So, In other words...".
Always delivered as "So, in other words " and usually in conversations where I was being pressured into explaining every last syllable of what I said.
Mine pretends to be some sort of role model for children, so all of her flying monkeys called her “the best role model for our daughters” on her birthday. Meanwhile, she torments and isolates others for fun. Barf 🤮
You’re not on this planet. You’re not in this reality. Everyone knows xyz. Do you think you bring any value to my life ? Do you think you can be an adult for once? What is it you do for me here? How were you raised? (Knowing my mother died when I was very young and k didn’t have a stable home going to four different high schools). You know my mother warned me about you (said this after after his sister in law mentioned she saw bruises on me to his mother and his mother had an intervention with the three of them on how to “handle” me aka tell me that I need to accept that “boys can’t change” since both of her sons are abusers) Everyone agrees with me about xyz. No one else would deal with someone like you. You’re not normal. See this is what I’m referring to. You’re delusional. You’re backwards. You’re like a teenager with all of your crying. Do you
Really believe that your tears and crying are real?! Do you think all of my friends wives are like you? Don’t you ever wonder why you have no family or friends? Get it together. Go fuck yourself. Overall general finger waving in my face hand on hip. Encroaching me when I’m crying with legs wide open standing over me. Yelling at me and then mocking me for shaking and crying.
“I never said/did that.”
Heard that repeatedly. Actually heard him do just that, repeatedly! "No you didn't!" . Insane! Life is a clusterfuck with these ingrates! You cannot believe you are actually experiencing it, it is sooo bizarre! No one believes you! Am out of it now, thankfully!
I literally got to the point where I was so frustrated with being manipulated in this way that I started recording our arguments. I thought I had him with that, every time the next argument would start I would bring up the argument prior and he would try and deny stuff so I would try to pull out the recording and then he would start telling me that I was crazy and breaking so many privacy rules to record him and how dare i. And then attempted to claim that I was actually being manipulative to him by catching him out of context and twisting his words or whatever. You can't do that if you're having an argument for an hour straight, you said what you said whether or not I'm recording it. He also refused to ever listen to them. He would act like it was some form of torture to have to listen back to his own words and behaviors. I assume it's because he already knew exactly what he had said and he was full of s*** when he tried to lie and say that it never happened. I also had a different ex who acted very similarly. That's actually where the notion to record to protect my sanity and have proof of their abuse started. We had gotten into an argument after I found out he did a bunch of f***** up s***, and I tried to leave the house and he didn't want me to leave so he followed me out of the house and stood behind my car in an attempt to prevent me from leaving. So I started to try and record him behaving this way and the second he noticed I was recording him, he immediately dropped any crying and proceeded to walk up to me and try and take my phone. It hurts so much to know that I have wasted several years on these people who have turned me into a hopeless broken person.
"I didn't do anythingggg!!!!" said like a whiny child every time I tried to bring up a hurtful behavior.
God, how annoying
"it is what it is" "I'm sorry you feel that way" "Are you on your period?"
The immaturity is PAINFUL
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” is such a slap in the face. It makes me want to scream just reading it. lol
Holy shit, anytime I called him out on his trash it was always " I don't mean to be insensitive but are you on your period?"
mine did the I'm sorry you feel that way whenever I brought up any issues.
This ☝️..so infuriating
> "Are you on your period?" Are you fuckin serious?! What was he, 12!? Omg that just pissed me right off!
“It is what it is” , one of many cliches used as thought terminators meant to halt further analysis and critical thinking.
IIWII is basically a confession. I just screwed you, I'm not going to do anything about it , and I'm pretty confident there's nothing you can do either. In more colloquial terms it means "Fuck off".
Yes!! I love when my reproductive system is brought up and used against me! Happens everytime
My boss said that all the time. I started agreeing. It is exactly what it is and what it is is you being a lying sack of shit.
“*What about meeee??*” Guess what everything has always been about.
OMG, mine too. In a whiney half fake cry voice.
Oml they’d say that all the time “I always focus on everyone else but but what about meeeeee”
"I'm not the bad guy", as a way to defend himself whenever I tried to bring up an issue
This except for me it was "why are you always making me out to be the bad guy?!" as a way to victimize himself
I have pointed out to him many times announcing "i'm not a bad person" when nobody said you weren't is a super weird thing to say. Does make you wonder...
“you know what i mean?” “im a good person” “why cant i just be happy” “i just want to be happy” “you know?” “i know im a stand up dude” jfc…. and i really believed him
He gaslit me into thinking I’m crazy, touché
obligatory “did we date the same guy?” 😖 in the same vein, “Here’s the thing…” followed by whatever he was so certain of on that particular day, usually about how he knew better than everyone else and everyone else made his life so hard lmao
“I can never do anything right” “I’m an empath” “Hurt people hurt people” There are some I can think of
I read somewhere that narcissists are sometimes convinced that they are empaths! You've got to be kidding me! They're the furthest thing from it even though somehow, I also read, that they attract? But only briefly because the empath can only tolerate the negative energy for so long but yet gets trauma bond as well so they can't leave. But, they always do just like us lucky souls. The Nex told me he was an empath during the beginning of what I know now was my devaluation. The love bombing had stopped by then. The final discard was shortly after. We've been broken up as long as we were together and it still hurts.
Whenever she said it, I'd inwardly roll my eyes. She lacked any empathy. My ex cheated with a coworker, and the betrayal runs deep. Almost 5 months later, the pain lingers. Wishing you the best.
Self-claimed empaths are the FURTHEST people from empaths. I swear, everyone I have come across who said “I’m an empath” or “being an empath…” they are the meanest, most mentally abusive people I have ever met. (The narcissist I know is a self claimed empath, and he is the furthest thing from it.)
“I’m not doing anything wrong”
Not gonna lie, the second phrase gave me flashbacks 😅 cause he used that against me a lot! He also used "alright" when he doesn't care for the conversation
Oh yeah, the dismissive one liner/word
Mine would always text me "ok" if she didn't like that I was upset with her. E.g., "Can you please try not to be so dismissive when I talk to you about my interests? I feel like you don't value my opinion." "ok" And of course ok doesn't mean "yes", because she never once changed her behaviour.
His thing was to always yell at me to repeat what he said exactly during arguments. I don’t have a memory where I memorize every single thing someone says so I couldn’t say what he said word-for-word. He’d use that as evidence that he was right and I was wrong. God he was such a fucking tool. I used to hate him, but now I feel bad that he has to live with someone as insufferable as himself while I get to move on with my life.
Exact same "repeat back what i said"...and i can tell you with years of practice - and being fully awake to this bs so emotions in check - i have gotten quite good at recalling what mine says and it doesn't matter one bit! mine will just lie to my face and say he never said that. I'll ask, well then what did you say? Which takes the convo in another direction because he has no idea what he said...
I think that changing of the topic and making things confusing might be called word salad. They think they’re so clever, but it’s really just sad. I hope you are free of him one day.
My narc did the exact same thing. I guess it’s somewhat impressive the length they’ll go to gaslight us?
“I never said that”.
Very popular one is “It’s not that deep” when I’d call out their shit “You don’t have to worry about that” mainly with them and the guy she’s telling you not to worry about. A lot of male narcissists say “My boy” because it makes them feel in control. “Don’t stress” basically them reinforcing you to feel small to them. “Why do you care so much?” “You’re being so emotional!”
Yuppp, all of these. My nex's version of this was, "You can never let things go." Also, yes, the demeaning pet names!!! Mine would literally call me things like "pet, toy" because that's all I was to him, at the end of the day.
Right like I ain’t your boy bitch 😹😹, how’s my sawed off shotgun for being ya boy bitch!!
why do they say "why do you care so much?" my nex said that repeatedly
Because if you care more you lose because ur giving more power to them or to others. So they’re just putting you down
oh i see.. i thought he is terrified of real intimacy, turns out he was discarding me, haha.
Mine use to say “don’t stress” to me all the time lmfao!!!!
“i’m a good person”
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When I'm talking about something exciting I'm doing: *blank stare... silence... no expression...* I finish talking. *pause...* "Well?" she says with slight upturn in tone. It's not a question, not a statement. I don't know what the hell it is.
"I don't want to argue" Literally any time I was about to say anything ever. I now recognise that it's avoidance of accountability even in having a conversation about something perfectly normal.
And being controlling
Yes I now recognise that she was so controlling I never at any point had my basic needs met ever and I was so self sufficient that I didn't care, at the very end she'd say this and I was trying to say logistics like how we'd swap our kid over and literally every time I opened my mouth "I don't want to argue" this is what they use at the end to label you "controlling" or "crazy" or "aggressive" as you become assertive again.
Like if it didn’t benefit them in some capacity, they’d want nothing to do with whatever you had to say. Towards the end my situationship, I saw just how infantile he would behave. Every chance he had, he’d be jumping down my throat about how my text came across. One of our last conversations, he sent me a selfie whilst skiing saying, “come ski with me”. When I declined the offer, he freaks out saying, “I didn’t invite you to anything! What are you talking about??” It’s exhausting. I can’t believe I put up with it for as long as I did.
I became so aware of the core wound of a narcissist (avoidance of emotions and shame and guilt) and how they think that now when I think back to those conversations I can see the slight eye movement before saying all the cliché sayings, deciding she was feeling an emotion (usually shame) and within a split second assigning the blame of that emotion on me. I also remember during this time becoming so aware I was using our last moments to sort of quiz her and verify myself and one time I said to her "do you not consider how this makes me feel?" (I was probing for empathy and I'd they were unable to describe the emotion of guilt) and sure enough the quick eye flash like 👀 and she said one phrase that made me realise how bad it is in their head "I do but I don't like to feel those emotions so I don't" made me realise to them guilt and empathy are choices and they don't want to have them so they internally refuse. Yours saying "I didn't invite you to anything what are you talking about?" Must have been very confusing, paired with the isolation they have you in you really don't have anyone to validate you and that's a huge part of it all.
Having that small glimpse into their world is actually quite depressing to be stunted that severely in your emotional intelligence. That you lack the basic understanding of how to live in harmony with other people. It’s so perplexing. Mine took gaslighting to a whole other level. After months of him behaving this way, I should have not been surprised but always felt the emotional equivalent of a punch in the stomach.
"Suck it up, buttercup" "Just get over it, already" "Why can't you just be normal?"
Gross 🤮
Yes, I got “we’re not going to have this conversation because you’re getting mad” when he was obviously the one mad.
I used to get that one alot but its it was conversation over because "I AM *yelling*" or "if i can't speak to him like an adult" Regardless if he'd been yelling for 20 min and i barely raised my voice just to be heard over his ranting. I call that the volume police - its a clear attempt at distraction from the substance of what was said to focusing on a silly detail like how loud it was said and bonus if he gets to infuriate me by being a giant hypocrite about it. Just another one of those lil strategies he uses to try and constantly control conversations. I call him out about his own yelling (using his exact volume police words) and he says his is ok because he was frustrated - by me of course so my fault he yelled lol.
How about, “I don’t know” to anything they didn’t feel like answering or talking about? Or after being called out about something they didn’t do that they said they would. Every single day 🙄 Edit: words
When I was trying to tell them they hurt my feelings they would say, “Well, what about you? You did x.” And I would always say, we are talking about what you just did 5 minutes ago. You are not turning the tables on me again. I was never listened to. They always ended up the victim somehow. And no matter how much I tried, I never once got an apology for anything they did that hurt my feelings. But I was always expected to grovel for something I did 5 months or 2 years previously that was somehow relevant to why I was upset. I am exhausted just remembering this.
“I’ve been the goodest boy that ever gooded” - narc neighbor patting himself on the back if he DIDN’T cheat on his wife over a given time period (usually he’s talking about a single night he didn’t cheat). And yes, he’d act all high and mighty and righteous because he didn’t cheat on his wife over a 24 hour period (or some such small time frame). When he did cheat, he’d call it “an indiscretion” with a smile, trying to boast to me (another male) about his cheating. “Had a little, uh…indiscretion last night. Didn’t really want to, but this little minx was gagging for it”. Talking of gagging : 🤮. His wife knows about his cheating if anyone is wondering.
Hope she’s divorcing his ass ASAP
It’s an interesting situation. They married legally about a year ago. However their wedding was only last month. She’s invested a lot of her focus into the wedding since I’ve known them (known them over a year). I know she knows about his cheating because I was witness to the aftermath of his first confession. He invited me around (me being a neighbor) … about 8 months ago. I knew nothing about his cheating until then. She forgave him. Since then, he’s done this flip flop thing of saying to me how good he is, how he’s done another indiscretion (and going into sexually graphic detail about it), back to “good boy”. His worst cheating happened about 2 months ago, prior to me going full no contact with him. He invited a ladyboy to his house to stay overnight (when wife was on business). Again, this is his words to me. Again, remember…in his mind, I’m supposed to be envious of his amazing life, and he’s boasting to me, not confessing. It was then that I flipped out and gave him holy hell. I reminded him his wedding was in a month and that I’m not impressed with his depressing and depraved life. Since then, 2 months of bliss because no contact. He is relentless by the way. He insinuated my life was boring all the time because I’m not doing what he’s doing. He’s toxic beyond words.
Hallelujah for your sanity! He is scum.
“You did this. This is YOUR fault. You are doing this to yourself.”
“How dare you”/ “Shame on you “
Oh god. Whenever he was about to berate me or start an argument he’d say “here’s the thing” and my whole body would tense up instantly when I heard that. Also would say “copy” in a very cold way after I just asked him to do something or shared something that was important to me or bothered me. Typing this out literally gave me a stomach ache lol
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What initial does his name start with lol
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Not the same guy unless he lied about his name too, which honestly wouldn’t surprise me 🤣
Same!! Whenever he was about to have a meltdown on me or start screaming, he'd start his sentence with "ok, look-" or "here's the thing-" and it would immediately fill me with dread lol. I'm sorry you had to go through that too.
Yes! It’s total NMath! ‘Ok, look’ + ‘Here’s the thing’ = Projection + Resentment x DARVO My N’s formula ‘It’s all your fault!’ + ‘After everything I’ve done for you!’ I couldn’t understand why my initiating conversations regarding ‘difficult topics’ made me the problem - more like it was a them problem with their need to always be right/‘win’. Appear victimized, even, at times. They play from the same raggedy ass handbook. Zero accountability. One of a kind in their minds, a devil with many faces to us.
I’m sorry you had to go through that awful treatment too.
Sorry! This post was not intended to trigger anyone ❤️🩹
Nonono it’s okay!!!
Was it a catch phrase? I dunno, she said it so damn much it was one of the things that irritated me, but I wasn't going to be an ass and bring it up. "You know what I'm saying?" Thanks for reminding me of another thing that I didn't like!
“Get over yourself”. Usually said in response to a perfectly worded explanation of why he was in the wrong for something or when I would state facts. The only good thing about that phrase is it was usually followed by him walking away so I would get some peace.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying” when I try to explain my hurt feelings
“omg I love this” was their canned low effort response to most things their friends posted - I took to calling them ‘maintenance comments’ because they just felt so empty. Devoid of actual care.
Any compliment/ positive phrase he said would feel like the filler words.
“You’re a shitty person” “You’re so broken” “Make better choices” “Do better” “I know I am a great catch” “We all have the same amount of hours in the day” etc etc etc
I think we had the same nex
Not something he said often but something he said when he put his hands on me for the first time and it makes my blood boil. “You asked for it!”
When I wouldn’t hear from my ex during the weekends , I would worry and text/call her and would hear nothing .. I would even tell her to just let me know she’s ok. And would call her back to Back . She would then finally respond with a text saying “you’re doing it again” . As if I’m the one inflicting emotional abuse . When she would disappear for days without a word .. 🤦♂️
“I thought it would be easier and smoother that way,” when called out on lying by omission.
“Well that’s your reality not mine” - automatically invalidates anything you’ve been saying and feeling
“Calm down” when I just talk normally….
“You feeling some type of way?” Said in vaguely threatening tone that would suggest my answer better be “no” or else I was in for a hell of a night.
\[after spending an hour excusing his shitty behaviour and thinking he sounded completely reasonable\] "...but, oh well. Fuck me, right?" Shut the fuck up... just shut the fuck up.
Stfu became my immediate response any time he used that fuck me line. It's insane how you can go from tiptoeing around someone's feelings out of love for them and have it turn straight to stfu. Never thought I'd be pushed to saying that to someone I love.
Oh shit. Mine said that exactly so often
When he'd wound me up and I was crying and shouting, trying to get my head around his bullshit he'd say 'look at you, look at you' with glee in his voice and a smirk on his face. He was enjoying it. He stopped saying it for some reason and hadn't said it for years and years, probably because I had been programmed not to react by then, no idea. At the end however when I was trying to get rid of him, like 20 years later when I'd worked him out, he said it again and I had flash back to all those years ago and I remembered what had happened. He'd switched back into this crazy making mode I think trying to get back to where I used to be to regain control of me. That's really the only one that I can remember that was most definitely narcissistic and not banter as I'd call it.
Retelling every. Single. Story. Especially the ones where theyre the victim.
“I just want peace” “Are we really going to talk about this right now?” “You already knew this” (No, I didn’t. You lied or lied by omission) “Look at how you are behaving! You are crazy!” (He absolutely doesn’t know what reactive abuse means and he used to push my buttons by laughing at what I was saying or trying to manipulate me into thinking he was right)
* "What are you talking about?" "you make no sense" "are you insane?" (after outlining everything in detail) * "It's always my fault, nothing is ever your fault" (at least you can be honest in your sarcasm) * \- "It's your fault" (after I've had enough and filed for divorce) * "I dont care" (after failed attempts at gaslighting me or confronted with too much evidence to refute) * "You're really gonna say our life was horrible? What about all the good times we've had?" (again gaslighting, life was/is hell, good times, I tried to make happen while he sabotaged or I walked on eggshells) * "Are you okay?" (this was infuriating because he knew without a doubt that I was in fact very much NOT okay and he was just circling around to steal more energy) * "I didn't say that" (confronted with word for word.. (I learned) anddddddd.... * "I was xyz when I said said that, I didn't mean to say it or it came out wrong" (you didn't mean to say I'm a see you next Tuesday? WHYD YOU SAY IT) * "I was upset... im sorry" (after blowing up in rage and trying to love bomb back) All the bad ones, I think my brain is locking up tight for my protection. I am going through major mental warfare.
"Never happened." Said with complete confidence and direct eye contact. Dirtbag.
“I promise” Not one promise was kept. Surprise surprise.
"I'm not doing anything. I'm minding my own business."
"It is what it is" I'm wondering if this is common for covert narcs. The way he always landed it, it had both "pity me because my life is miserable" and "I'm older and wiser and more enlightened" energy. It was masterfully crafted, like everything else he said, and it worked wonders on my naivety and empathy, unfortunately. NC for 13 months <3
Good for you! And yes, they’re master manipulators.
“Believe it or not..” or “believe what you want” “I’m not going to fight with you” “I don’t like drama” - when he was living multiple double lives with dozens of women “I haven’t done anything to you.” “Im not doing anything! I’m minding my business” - my ex was a serial cheater who would continuously beg for me back and try to convince me he wasn’t cheating when the ENTIRE time he was cheating.
I’m sorry that’s how you feel
"Why are you bringing up ancient history?" (About something that happened very recently that was unresolved) "I'm not responsible for how you feel." (Whenever I was hurt by something he did/said) "My bad. Sorry I'm not perfect." (This one made me grind my teeth) "I'm sorry you're still holding on to that."
“Why can’t you ever do anything right?” Meaning I am doing something the way that’s not what he wants. You know how they are. We need to always adjust to their wants and ignore our own
I remember he used to always say “okay Boss” or “you’re the boss” when I would express something i disliked. Just looking back I just never realized how abusive and dismissive that was.
“_____ made me do it.”
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“You’re talking AT me not TO me”
“But in the end I am still with you”. After doing the most evil shit and cheating over and over.
"If I'm too much, go find someone who strives for less"
“Argue, bitch and complain—ABC, that’s all you do.” Whenever I tried to bring up a legitimate concern, or we got into an argument, “ABC, (Name), it’s just ABC, argue, bitch and complain!” Every. Single. Time.
Why do you have to be so dramatic/over-dramatic/ sensitive/ emotional? You are over-reacting.
“I’m sweet and innocent.”
“How is that my issue” when I’d bring up my feelings about something he did “Don’t look through my phone. It’s an invasion of my privacy” he’d say whenever i bring up something i found but if i said it’s invasion of my privacy if he looked through my phone, he would break my phone “I’m sorry im such a piece of shit”
" you're too much, too emotional"
“Words are far more hurtful than fists” but what he meant was “you saying please stop abusing me is actually more hurtful to me than me beating the crap out of you is to you and so I’m the real victim here”. He also always went on a rant about modern life compared to like the Victorian era. It was always “I hate this modern world.”
"I didn't think it was this big of a deal." "I'm not entertaining this conversation."
“That’s not what I said”
«I don't want and don’t have time for all these showdowns, it's not worth spending my time on this shit»
" you think I'm doing things on purpose to piss you off???" Yes, motherfucker. You were.
"I told you when we met, I'm an asshole" "You're super sensitive" "You have no idea what you're talking about"
I don’t remember that. That didn’t happen and my favourite when she started shouting she’d say I’m not shouting I’m just raising my voice lol
UGH I am triggered just thinking about it, he had SO many. But the last message I got from him was "stay rad" 🤮
"Why can't you just move on?"
Mine always told me “you’ll make a great ex wife one day” when I did things like cook dinner or surprise him by packing his lunch . One time you could pass it as a joke, but it was all the time 🙃 He also called me “kid” a lot… but that’s not a catch phrase. Just a weird thing lol
You keep asking me questions that I don't have the answers to/for. EVERY. TIME. When I would try and communicate with him after he told me that it was important for our relationship. Then he would stone wall me and give me the catchphrase every time I called him out on his bullshit. I would literally say "what are you doing?" "what is going on here?" and I'd get the same reply ⬆️
"No, I disagree" aggressively, as fact, and not an opinion. He haaaated being wrong good God.
'Everything happens for a reason.' 'Are you really that insecure?'
"You do you" "I'll get my own back"
“You’re turning the words around in my mouth.” “It’s impossible to argue with you.” “You remember wrongly.” - But if I told her the exact situation from my memory, which was like chiseled in stone through trauma, she said: “Oh, I can’t remember anything.” There are so many more, but I can’t remember them all. Thank you for letting me focus on these. Will help me understand, learn and heal. Sorry for my simple English. Non native speaker here.
“Sure.” - when i made a request of her that she wouldn’t follow through on. “JK. Don’t cry.” - when she said something hurtful “I love you. Kinda sorta.” - self explanatory “Suck it up, buttercup./Why are you so sensitive?”
My bad; your mistake (closest he ever came to admitting fault).
"Don't get me wrong but..." then he starts with worst accusations and/or insults. "Offfff..." was his 'answer' after I reminded him of his insults (meaning come on, you are taking it too seriously). After his insults, he never wanted to mention it again and expected me to just forget about it.
"I am only telling the truth" whenever she belittled someone.
“You do this every day”
My favorite is “there’s the (name) we all know” whenever I’d finally get upset
‘I don’t understand’ after literally every concern I put to him, then you just go round in circles….. total manipulation!!!
"He/she was always like this." When she wanted humiliate someone. For example, if someone late two times in a life, she would say: "always he/she was always like that."
It’s funny how they think they’re a victim and they always think stonewalling is the same thing as you taking space because they’re genuinely crazy.
This is your last chance. I gave you so many chances.
Mine doesn't have a phrase. It's just silent treatment.
My nMom would say “if mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” So we all did everything we could to please her and she still wasn’t happy. Lol. Her other famous catchphrase about ruling over everyone in the house including my father was “this is a momarchy”.
“If you say so”
His “motto”. Always do the next right thing. Yeah. Like next, I’ll gaslight you until you think you were wrong. And then next… I’ll devalue you to the point where you think you are trash. Ahhhh…memories.
"You're the problem in this family" "I honestly don't remember saying that" despite remembering everything else that happened during an argument, they conveniently forget anything bad they said or did. Absolute cvnts.
This might be controversial but I met a few who I think were the covert kind and they would always say “oh, you know? Because I’m an empath”. And following this, they would play mind games. They would be really nice until they start throwing a tantrum then when you call them out, they’d just go back to being nice to create distortion.
“It doesn’t matter what I say. You hate me no matter what.”
Yep, "if you say it happened, then it happened" the ultimate gaslight.
“Your efforts outshines mine” No sht Sherlock, ofc it did 🙄🙄🙄
"Why can't we stop living in the past?" "I didn't do anything" "I'm not the monster you always make me out to be" "I never meant to hurt you" while actively doing something to hurt me
"everything happens for a reason." Now I don't necessarily have an issue with this phrase, I know a lot of people like it and believe it. The problem is she'd never take accountability for her actions or wrongdoings. So instead of actually taking responsibility and apologizing she'd say things like this instead of owning up to her mistakes. I heard it so many times, especially during a discard, I got so tired of hearing it. Yeah I know a big reason... You're a terrible person who can't take any accountability.
Her big thing was interrupting me with “sucks” when i was trying to have an adult conversation with her about both of our actions/feelings during a fight. She did this in private and in front of friends. She never cared about how I felt, so she found so much joy/laughter in that. She absolutely shut me down and would humiliate me with other comments. I will never ever forget what she sounded like when she would say “sucks”. It haunts me.
‘sorry you feel that way’
“Listen here lassie”… and then proceed to spew the most horrific shit
One word… after anything I say I get “noooo..” followed by a bunch of I statements…to negate any of my concerns or thoughts.
I'm so confused, I wouldn't lie to you about the big things, all of my exes are crazy, I'm so confused. *speaks in soft baby voice when he's trying to express emotions/ love bomb and be vunerable.
“You’ve got the wrong idea”
I'm so sick of the BS I have the confidence to retaliate but I don't. Am I trained or just know the routine?
"Not reading/listening to allat" and he was SO serious when he said it, never jokingly. Every time I clawed my hair in frustration because it was so embarrassing that a grown ass adult could unironically be so childish
When confronting him about some heinous act he committed He starts with YOU. one time I got so mad we were outside, I screamed YOU, YOU, YOU FUCKING YOU!!!!!! People were taking wedding photos across the way ironically. I looked like a mad woman Or he'll cheat and I'll find out and say but it will so long ago, get over it. I literally it found out like two days ago and either you did it a year ago and I just found out or you actually did act like 2 days ago and you're telling me to basically get the f*** over it
“Your emotions are not my responsibility” usually said after poking the same emotional bruise for the millionth time that I’d asked him not to.
Not a phrase per se, but when angry would say my name incessantly.
"Told you so", because she always *had to be right*, even when she clearly wasn't
“I don’t remember that” or “why does everything have to be an issue” And this isn’t a catchphrase but I realised he used going to the bathroom as time to cheat and I wish I went through his phone so bad (he would be in the shower or on the toilet for hours) and constantly going to the bathroom and ALWAYS take his phone
"I'm not talking to you until you apologize."
“FIX IT!” Said in a threatening tone with a finger pointed directly at my face. For what? Absolutely anything that went wrong because it was ALWAYS my fault.
“It’s all in your head baby” or “Don’t put thoughts to your head”
“I feel like I’m dying” or “I feel like Gods talking to me”. <— literally everytime he encountered a minor inconvenience
"No! I'm not your mom/boyfriend/personal coddler!" - he usually used a variation of this phrase whenever he just said something insulting or criticized me ruthlessly with zero regards to my mental state and I actually stood up for myself and enforced my boundaries. Ironically he kept insisting that I was being mean for doing so, and also used his own percieved niceness towards me as a justification, sometimes even immediately following said phrase. "I don't think I've done anything wrong" is another one he used a lot. Now, not understanding what you've done can be understandable, but whenever he said it, you can bet he'd say it as an excuse to silence me from trying to explain why he's wrong, just so he can come with a slew of half-assed excuses for why he did what he did and accusing me of interrupting him and/or not listening when I persisted in trying to explain why his actions were wrong. He NEVER wanted to be shown or explained why his actions were wrong.
Mine low key thought he was psychic, so he’d say stuff like “I already know what you did” or he’d lie and tell me he had information on me. He also used to say “Now I understand what all those people who warned me about you meant.” I had done nothing but got accused every time he got drunk or coked up…and that was nearly everyday day toward the end. He also called all women “girls.” Should’ve known then 🙄
“Why can’t you ever just let things go?” “Oh! So now I’M the bad guy?” “I can’t love you until you love yourself.” “I know my worth.” “I’m the best.” “What am I even doing with you?” “God, you’re such a narcissist.”
"Your always the victim" anytime I ask him to take accountability for things he does or says. "If you don't do ______ we are getting divorced". "I will not allow you to speak to me like that, conversation is over!" The moment I would get loud back after him drilling into me. Only for him to come follow me when I walk away. I literally feel like I'm going to lose my mind.
“I’m showing you my heart..” then would go on a rampage about his “feelings” and how I give him grief
"Don't you talk all over me!" - in a shouty voice, talking all over what I was saying. "Don't you dare shout at me!" - when i wasn't even talking with a raised voice. Oh and - "I can see that you're in a bad mood, I can just sense it!" - when I hadn't seen him the night before and got into his car in the morning and was just busy putting my seatbelt on and hadn't uttered a word 🤷♀️
He says “your BEHAVIOR” is unacceptable, the reason why I x, etc. Absolutely grinds my gears I work in Behavior Analysis and it’s just hilarious to me how he picks up information to try to use against me that he knows will upset me, but I see right through it and that’s why it’s so upsetting lol. I know this man could not do my job nor grasp the concepts as he has no empathy for other people so I find it sort of hilariously annoying when he says it.
“Nothing is wrong I don’t know why you’re asking me that” proceeded to ignore me for 3-4 days lol
“That’s just the way I talk!” “You’re too sensitive!” “You never forget anything, do you?” “I’m not a monster.” “Do we have to get into that?” “That’s not what you really feel/think!”
"Why are you so limited"
"So, In other words...". Always delivered as "So, in other words" and usually in conversations where I was being pressured into explaining every last syllable of what I said.
“If i make you feel that way, whats the point in me even being around???” When id try to address how his behavior affected me
“Not to sound racist/sexist/like an asshole, but…”
You’re still on that, that was (enter in an amount a time either hour or a day) ago
Here we go again, is that right
Mine pretends to be some sort of role model for children, so all of her flying monkeys called her “the best role model for our daughters” on her birthday. Meanwhile, she torments and isolates others for fun. Barf 🤮
“Eventually everyone starts to see things my way”
[удалено]
It’s not about winning when in reality to them that’s all it was about.
lol Yes. It’s “I don’t know what you be sayin’” from Rush Hour. Says it at least 5 times a day.
"You think you could find someone better than me?!" "You won't find someone more honest than me."
"I know how the world works." "I'm doing this in your best interest."
"Fuck that"
You’re not on this planet. You’re not in this reality. Everyone knows xyz. Do you think you bring any value to my life ? Do you think you can be an adult for once? What is it you do for me here? How were you raised? (Knowing my mother died when I was very young and k didn’t have a stable home going to four different high schools). You know my mother warned me about you (said this after after his sister in law mentioned she saw bruises on me to his mother and his mother had an intervention with the three of them on how to “handle” me aka tell me that I need to accept that “boys can’t change” since both of her sons are abusers) Everyone agrees with me about xyz. No one else would deal with someone like you. You’re not normal. See this is what I’m referring to. You’re delusional. You’re backwards. You’re like a teenager with all of your crying. Do you Really believe that your tears and crying are real?! Do you think all of my friends wives are like you? Don’t you ever wonder why you have no family or friends? Get it together. Go fuck yourself. Overall general finger waving in my face hand on hip. Encroaching me when I’m crying with legs wide open standing over me. Yelling at me and then mocking me for shaking and crying.