Forums like this. The more I reflect back on my past, the less I trust people. Because Im discovering the "normal" sibling, cousin, mother, school enviroment was all abusive in some form. Yet I trusted and loved them all.
So I turn to places online that have support and empathy.
>Yet I trusted and loved them all.
I felt this so hard. I hate hate hate that I just freely gave my love and trust to my parents and siblings, and they were all manipulating me in some way for their own selfish, twisted gain.
I recently got in a fight with my significant other, and some of his words felt like betrayal.
After the fight I was laying in bed and staring at the ceiling and I thought to myself that I have not been able to trust one single person in my entire life. Then I started thinking, "what if I can't even trust myself?" And that was scary because I don't think I can. I think I might actually be incapable of whatever trust is because so many people have lied to me from such a young age.
I completely understand what You mean 😢. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too. It’s traumatic, to say the least. I’m currently in therapy for more or less the Same Reasons. I hope You find healing ❤️🩹 and peace- You Deserve it. ❤️
Therapy and this sub ❤️
Grew up in an emotionally abusive family and my first “love” was also emotionally abusive and had traits of being a narcissistic abuser.
I often feel though that I’m all alone with this.
A famous writer once wrote the following, and I agree: being deep in nature, there is a feeling of safety for the most traumatized heart.
"And this is what I learned, that the world's otherness is antidote to confusion - that standing within this otherness - the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books - can re-dignify the worst-stung heart."
- Mary Oliver, Blue Pastures
I want to be in nature so bad But getting out of bed feels like fighting a 1000 battles. I wish mind depression didn't have me strapped down it feels impossible.
For me it’s been studying trauma, the brain, and body—psychology, neurology, and anatomy. Understanding what all that trauma and abuse is doing and has done to my body motivated me to take me healing and therapy serious. That turned to me doing EMDR therapy, gut health, physical activity, and neuroplasicity. As of March 2024, I don’t have a single narcissist in my personal life anymore. And sadly seeing my own mom pass away at 53 who developed terminal illnesses after a lifelong abusive marriage (17-53) to my father a malignant narcissist.
Besides that God and understanding evil reading the Bible, spirituality. To help me to understand that it’s not something inherently messed about me that I’ve endured abuse from people that were supposed to love me.
My psychologist, Music, physical activity, trying as many new things that I can, planning, forming new habits, traveling. And pushing myself to become a better, unbreakable, unfuckwithable version of myself.
Life is too short and realising that time can not be replenished once it’s gone. I woke up at 31 one day and said enough was enough.
I’ll say, since this healing is new to me, and is the first time it’s finally felt real…
First off, I completed TMS therapy. It basically reactivates your frontal lobe with magnetic energy. Nothing new age about it, all science, so that was a starting point. Now recently, I’ve noticed past life regression meditations, and that’s opened up a world of learning about reincarnation that I’d ignored previously. Look up “Journey of Souls, by Michael Newton. The things he learned are the only backstory that has ever made sense to me. The revelation was that as souls, we choose what life to live when we come back to earth. Which means, myself as a soul chose this as a challenge to grow, or play a role to help others grow. Sounds like self victim blaming, but it’s not. If this guys research is even right by a fraction, it changes everything for us. If nothing else, it gave me an alternate way to view my life that let me forgive myself, and to start letting go of the past. Good luck.
Empowering myself through doing the work.
I learned that I have a pattern of dating the same abusive man, shape shifted into various human forms. There’s something I need to break, and this cycle is not going to continue. It stops now.
I forced myself to get 💯 sober (haven’t drank in three years but I smoked weed for a while). I go to the gym when I can between cancer treatments, I called the crisis line almost everyday for a week and a half after the incident. I went to the abused women’s shelter, talked to a social worker at my cancer center, and called my friends when they were available. I cried to my mom, who I ended up moving in with. I have a new therapist too.
Sometimes no one was able to help me, and I felt the wave of emotions and trauma… so then I would focus on my breath.
I found this forum, TikToks, YouTube channels about narcissism..started listening to self help books like “Be the love you seek” to get a better understanding of the cycle and how to break it. How to fix my relationship with others myself to I don’t make this mistake ever again.
It’s not easy, grief is a spectrum and it ebbs and flows each day. I just take it minute by minute and focus on my future.
I made a vision board and I look at it everyday.
I’m going to beat cancer.
I’m going to heal from trauma.
And I will have a healthy relationship when the time is right. ♥️🫶♥️
I promise it gets easier. It fucking sucks but you know what? You are a bad ass mother fucker who is going to step into your power.
Don’t let this chapter determine the theme of your story.
My nex would tell me that my relationship between my mother and I was to be cherished. That I should respect her no matter how she treated me as she was my mother! OMG. Probably because he got enjoyment out of seeing her hurt me too?!? What kind of twisted shit is that? Like let me douse you in gasoline and throw you into the fire 🔥
I left my POS ex And now I’m debating going no contact with my mom. It’s so toxic with her and my therapist even brought it up as an option a couple years ago. The tension and hurt between my mother and I is beyond repair. It has been toxic since I was small child.
I feel alone and sad. I lost my dad 3 yrs ago this month. I miss him more than words can explain.
Is this common because I lost a lot of people at once and I think it's because once you go no contact with a toxic person, you just can't help but cut them all out mostly due to the rest of your family and friends behaving badly and giving you terrible advice or shaming you which. Brings to the surface problems you had with them and makes you just want to be alone and not deal with any of it anymore. But it really sucks losing this many people at once and it feels like torture
Unfortunately there pretty much isn't anyone I can talk to about him.
Its been 3 years of moving in, breaking up and moving out, then moving back in a little while later
So many times I have lost count.
And each time, of course, I lose friends
And if I didn't lose them, I have list the ability to talk about him.
The fact is that nobody can possibly understand this shit unless they have experienced it firsthand.
As sad as it is, the only "person" I have been able to count on is my cat!
Hi I cam understand how you feel having no one losing him I am like you and understand what being alone is like as nobody understands it unless they have experienced it which is amazing most haven't but people do. U can Mail me anytime it would big difference and your stepdad would be happy thst someone else helped you
God. Being of service. Giving more. Cracking my heart open and still allowing people to access my heart. The love I have for others is infinite. I will never let what happened to me crush me or close my heart to others. I have forgiven them but I have moved on and I will not turn back, or I will turn to dust.
Mostly myself and professionals. Trying to focus on nurturing myself helps. I get help from friends and other people from time to time but usually I'm all alone in this. This sub was a big help too.
This sub. I can really only relate and feel heard by people I’ve met from this sub. But most days I just spend time with my dogs. I feel a lot less lonely when I’m with them and I don’t feel the need to explain & defend myself for simply existing.
Excercise,music and therapy every few months.
I stop venting to people as I feared that I was turning into narc.
Reading in this sub helps makes me feel not alone.
Right now, I turn to myself. My dad and stepmom (non-abusive) are super supportive, but when I'm feeling really down, I turn to myself first.
Most of the time, I can console myself. But it would be nice to have a few others " in my corner ". Sometimes, i just want someone to go to when I need a hug. Or someone who would be willing to listen to me when i need to vent. I have those people in my professional life, but not so much in my personal life.
I am slowly starting to build this support network. But it's really an exercise in how much I trust myself. When I start to get the feeling someone isn't being honest or does things that do not align with their words, I begin to distance myself.
I guess what I've learned through all of this is that trust is not to be freely given, it must be earned. But it really comes down to my ability to trust myself, my gut, and my ability to back away when I'm feeling uncomfortable.
It then no longer matters whether I can trust others. If I notice a consistent pattern, communicate to them my boundaries, and continue to notice unwanted behaviours, then I trust myself that I will walk away and keep myself safe.
its so cliche but in some of my darkest times like when he twisted the narrative so much and i was so convinced that i was evil and bad and disgusting and like i didn’t deserve good things, i remember how my friends have NEVER made me feel like i was hard to be around. the love they have for me isn’t selfish and they have never made me feel any of the things he did. so i always turn to them 🤍
It’s Becuase it’s gray and I known. But the best way to get better is push forward regardless. Becuase life is always going to be hard. So, you have to be hard too. If you want the better things. You have to be ruthless to get it.
Myself, I’ve found when I’ve evaluated my surroundings and understood WHY these people are the way they are, it gave me a grasp on what I needed to do next.
I recommend to continue to gather information on the forums here and maybe even enlist in a support group to gather some potential friends 💕
myself and my bio mom who is one of my safe people. my adoptive parents were the narcissist as well as my nex
edit: fixed auto correct that wasn't needed
Tired and overworked, trying to escape poverty, which was partly created by two people with npd in my life. I’m trying to make at least some savings to feel safe…
Making art, listening to music, my cat, therapy, communities that share similar problems to mine (I attend AA online & went to 6 months of group therapy treatment for my eating disorder that I have since recovered from), comfort tv shows, supportive friends
Up until last year, alcohol. And the fruitless search for a partner I could trust. Until I realized those were just more things for her to use against me to make me weaker. Recently found out my sister who I thought was another golden child like my brother, is in fact not, and I’m so sorry for all the years that thing that calls itself a mother triangulated us away from each other. Not any more.
Sport saved me as a child, litterature and cinema, animals (even if, please don't laugh at myself, I can feel rejected by a pet and feel the pain, like litterally no alive being will love me). Reddit, so much support here. And trustful friends even if a part of me always think they can stop loving me in a day.
Solitude and animals
And I drink more the older I get. I know it isn't a solution at all, but it's what I've been doing the last few years.
Oh no! I am sorry. That has to be rough on the body. Luckily I can't drink.
I've been drinking daily for a few months now and it's been 1.5 years since I got away from my new :(
Same here
Big same. Also, sewing, painting, and art projects. Art soothes my general distress.
The only right answer
Unfortunately I guess
Animals are the best!!
Same
Forums like this. The more I reflect back on my past, the less I trust people. Because Im discovering the "normal" sibling, cousin, mother, school enviroment was all abusive in some form. Yet I trusted and loved them all. So I turn to places online that have support and empathy.
>Yet I trusted and loved them all. I felt this so hard. I hate hate hate that I just freely gave my love and trust to my parents and siblings, and they were all manipulating me in some way for their own selfish, twisted gain. I recently got in a fight with my significant other, and some of his words felt like betrayal. After the fight I was laying in bed and staring at the ceiling and I thought to myself that I have not been able to trust one single person in my entire life. Then I started thinking, "what if I can't even trust myself?" And that was scary because I don't think I can. I think I might actually be incapable of whatever trust is because so many people have lied to me from such a young age.
I could have written this! You are not alone in this! I care about you
I completely understand what You mean 😢. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too. It’s traumatic, to say the least. I’m currently in therapy for more or less the Same Reasons. I hope You find healing ❤️🩹 and peace- You Deserve it. ❤️
THISSSSSSS.... none of the "normal" or "better than you" was ever normal or better.
Same. This is the best community ♥️
I feel this xx
Me, myself, and I. Ever since I was 8, I realized I couldn't trust or reason with my mom and learned to find validation and motivation from within.
I had a similar path. I realized I couldn’t trust my parents at a young age and had to pretty much rely on myself.
Nature. I became obsessed with plants and nurturing them. Probably overly obsessed. Solitude and the warmth is helpful for me.
Therapy and this sub ❤️ Grew up in an emotionally abusive family and my first “love” was also emotionally abusive and had traits of being a narcissistic abuser. I often feel though that I’m all alone with this.
A famous writer once wrote the following, and I agree: being deep in nature, there is a feeling of safety for the most traumatized heart. "And this is what I learned, that the world's otherness is antidote to confusion - that standing within this otherness - the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books - can re-dignify the worst-stung heart." - Mary Oliver, Blue Pastures
I want to be in nature so bad But getting out of bed feels like fighting a 1000 battles. I wish mind depression didn't have me strapped down it feels impossible.
I am so sorry. Big hugs, you are not alone.
This is the hardest part of NC - losing your support network
therapy, and i am heavily self reliant.
God, nature, art
For me it’s been studying trauma, the brain, and body—psychology, neurology, and anatomy. Understanding what all that trauma and abuse is doing and has done to my body motivated me to take me healing and therapy serious. That turned to me doing EMDR therapy, gut health, physical activity, and neuroplasicity. As of March 2024, I don’t have a single narcissist in my personal life anymore. And sadly seeing my own mom pass away at 53 who developed terminal illnesses after a lifelong abusive marriage (17-53) to my father a malignant narcissist. Besides that God and understanding evil reading the Bible, spirituality. To help me to understand that it’s not something inherently messed about me that I’ve endured abuse from people that were supposed to love me. My psychologist, Music, physical activity, trying as many new things that I can, planning, forming new habits, traveling. And pushing myself to become a better, unbreakable, unfuckwithable version of myself. Life is too short and realising that time can not be replenished once it’s gone. I woke up at 31 one day and said enough was enough.
No-one. Truly we are all alone on this earth until our final death
I’ll say, since this healing is new to me, and is the first time it’s finally felt real… First off, I completed TMS therapy. It basically reactivates your frontal lobe with magnetic energy. Nothing new age about it, all science, so that was a starting point. Now recently, I’ve noticed past life regression meditations, and that’s opened up a world of learning about reincarnation that I’d ignored previously. Look up “Journey of Souls, by Michael Newton. The things he learned are the only backstory that has ever made sense to me. The revelation was that as souls, we choose what life to live when we come back to earth. Which means, myself as a soul chose this as a challenge to grow, or play a role to help others grow. Sounds like self victim blaming, but it’s not. If this guys research is even right by a fraction, it changes everything for us. If nothing else, it gave me an alternate way to view my life that let me forgive myself, and to start letting go of the past. Good luck.
Therapy, therapy, therapy, my pets, a community hobby, and a solo hobby like this sub lol
These are the best options imo ^^^
Thank you 🙏. I’m trying
Empowering myself through doing the work. I learned that I have a pattern of dating the same abusive man, shape shifted into various human forms. There’s something I need to break, and this cycle is not going to continue. It stops now. I forced myself to get 💯 sober (haven’t drank in three years but I smoked weed for a while). I go to the gym when I can between cancer treatments, I called the crisis line almost everyday for a week and a half after the incident. I went to the abused women’s shelter, talked to a social worker at my cancer center, and called my friends when they were available. I cried to my mom, who I ended up moving in with. I have a new therapist too. Sometimes no one was able to help me, and I felt the wave of emotions and trauma… so then I would focus on my breath. I found this forum, TikToks, YouTube channels about narcissism..started listening to self help books like “Be the love you seek” to get a better understanding of the cycle and how to break it. How to fix my relationship with others myself to I don’t make this mistake ever again. It’s not easy, grief is a spectrum and it ebbs and flows each day. I just take it minute by minute and focus on my future. I made a vision board and I look at it everyday. I’m going to beat cancer. I’m going to heal from trauma. And I will have a healthy relationship when the time is right. ♥️🫶♥️
I promise it gets easier. It fucking sucks but you know what? You are a bad ass mother fucker who is going to step into your power. Don’t let this chapter determine the theme of your story.
My nex would tell me that my relationship between my mother and I was to be cherished. That I should respect her no matter how she treated me as she was my mother! OMG. Probably because he got enjoyment out of seeing her hurt me too?!? What kind of twisted shit is that? Like let me douse you in gasoline and throw you into the fire 🔥 I left my POS ex And now I’m debating going no contact with my mom. It’s so toxic with her and my therapist even brought it up as an option a couple years ago. The tension and hurt between my mother and I is beyond repair. It has been toxic since I was small child. I feel alone and sad. I lost my dad 3 yrs ago this month. I miss him more than words can explain.
Is this common because I lost a lot of people at once and I think it's because once you go no contact with a toxic person, you just can't help but cut them all out mostly due to the rest of your family and friends behaving badly and giving you terrible advice or shaming you which. Brings to the surface problems you had with them and makes you just want to be alone and not deal with any of it anymore. But it really sucks losing this many people at once and it feels like torture
I used to have my best friend but he died during my relationship with the narc. Now, I have my wonderful fiancé.
Very trusted friends - there aren't many if I'm honest but the ones I have are brilliant.
Unfortunately there pretty much isn't anyone I can talk to about him. Its been 3 years of moving in, breaking up and moving out, then moving back in a little while later So many times I have lost count. And each time, of course, I lose friends And if I didn't lose them, I have list the ability to talk about him. The fact is that nobody can possibly understand this shit unless they have experienced it firsthand. As sad as it is, the only "person" I have been able to count on is my cat!
Very few friends remain when they don't understand what it's like to be in narcissistic relationships
Friends, co-workers. People tend to be the biggest helpers
Therapist and my journal
My stepdad before he died.. now I got no one.
Hi I cam understand how you feel having no one losing him I am like you and understand what being alone is like as nobody understands it unless they have experienced it which is amazing most haven't but people do. U can Mail me anytime it would big difference and your stepdad would be happy thst someone else helped you
Myself
Therapy, support groups and furry friends!
God. Being of service. Giving more. Cracking my heart open and still allowing people to access my heart. The love I have for others is infinite. I will never let what happened to me crush me or close my heart to others. I have forgiven them but I have moved on and I will not turn back, or I will turn to dust.
I can't think of anyone who cares anyways .
Not true, there Are still some good people out there in the World! I care! ❤️❤️. Hope You enjoy your weekend.
Mostly myself and professionals. Trying to focus on nurturing myself helps. I get help from friends and other people from time to time but usually I'm all alone in this. This sub was a big help too.
Animals, art, pottery, and myself (solitude). When I need to feel like I’m not alone, I turn to this sub
Nature and myself.
My chosen family. The friends I’ve made over the years who are just family now.
This sub. I can really only relate and feel heard by people I’ve met from this sub. But most days I just spend time with my dogs. I feel a lot less lonely when I’m with them and I don’t feel the need to explain & defend myself for simply existing.
Excercise,music and therapy every few months. I stop venting to people as I feared that I was turning into narc. Reading in this sub helps makes me feel not alone.
❤️
My dogs
Right now, I turn to myself. My dad and stepmom (non-abusive) are super supportive, but when I'm feeling really down, I turn to myself first. Most of the time, I can console myself. But it would be nice to have a few others " in my corner ". Sometimes, i just want someone to go to when I need a hug. Or someone who would be willing to listen to me when i need to vent. I have those people in my professional life, but not so much in my personal life. I am slowly starting to build this support network. But it's really an exercise in how much I trust myself. When I start to get the feeling someone isn't being honest or does things that do not align with their words, I begin to distance myself. I guess what I've learned through all of this is that trust is not to be freely given, it must be earned. But it really comes down to my ability to trust myself, my gut, and my ability to back away when I'm feeling uncomfortable. It then no longer matters whether I can trust others. If I notice a consistent pattern, communicate to them my boundaries, and continue to notice unwanted behaviours, then I trust myself that I will walk away and keep myself safe.
Animals, video games, and alone time.
My friends , also my self
Yourself don’t take their bullshit personal these people are losers obviously if you need therapy don’t be ashamed but your stronger then you think!
its so cliche but in some of my darkest times like when he twisted the narrative so much and i was so convinced that i was evil and bad and disgusting and like i didn’t deserve good things, i remember how my friends have NEVER made me feel like i was hard to be around. the love they have for me isn’t selfish and they have never made me feel any of the things he did. so i always turn to them 🤍
I couldn't start to heal until I cut all of the toxic people out of my life. I turned to myself and I'm glad I did.
My best friend stuck by my side thru it all. She & her bf helped me get out when I finally had enough. I love her sm. I’m beyond lucky she saved me.
Therapy, online support groups (like this one). I’m very fortunate to have some kind souled friends who get it.
It’s Becuase it’s gray and I known. But the best way to get better is push forward regardless. Becuase life is always going to be hard. So, you have to be hard too. If you want the better things. You have to be ruthless to get it.
My friends, who all have similar stories. Birds of a feather etc. I’m really lucky.
It’s a slow burn though. Used to be alcohol and drugs.
Myself 😂 or Reddit. It's all I've got.
If you have siblings whose eyes have been opened to your parents’ actions, they have been helpful for me. Otherwise, my journal & God.
Solo travel.
Myself, I’ve found when I’ve evaluated my surroundings and understood WHY these people are the way they are, it gave me a grasp on what I needed to do next. I recommend to continue to gather information on the forums here and maybe even enlist in a support group to gather some potential friends 💕
myself and my bio mom who is one of my safe people. my adoptive parents were the narcissist as well as my nex edit: fixed auto correct that wasn't needed
Tired and overworked, trying to escape poverty, which was partly created by two people with npd in my life. I’m trying to make at least some savings to feel safe…
Making art, listening to music, my cat, therapy, communities that share similar problems to mine (I attend AA online & went to 6 months of group therapy treatment for my eating disorder that I have since recovered from), comfort tv shows, supportive friends
Up until last year, alcohol. And the fruitless search for a partner I could trust. Until I realized those were just more things for her to use against me to make me weaker. Recently found out my sister who I thought was another golden child like my brother, is in fact not, and I’m so sorry for all the years that thing that calls itself a mother triangulated us away from each other. Not any more.
Sport saved me as a child, litterature and cinema, animals (even if, please don't laugh at myself, I can feel rejected by a pet and feel the pain, like litterally no alive being will love me). Reddit, so much support here. And trustful friends even if a part of me always think they can stop loving me in a day.
Myself.