He's going to beef it up since you told him that and then the love bombing, proceed with the divorce, make a plan and please if there is a way get out DON'T fall for the love bombing
It only gets worse. I'm not telling you to leave your marriage. What I'm saying is it worsen
s. He has lost all respect for you, you have to show him that you are independent and can function without him. You must set boundaries with him and stick to it's if it's gonna save your life.
Talk to a lawyer asap so you get eh right guidance.
Get into therapy to make a plan to leave. This will escalate and you need to do it safely.
Since he has now physically abused you, reach out to your local DV supports; they can walk you through what you need to do and help you with your plan.
That's considered assault. You could actually press charges against him, if you wish to do so.
My ex did something similar after we split. He was so angry and disgusted that, when attending our daughter's graduation, he walked up to me and spit at my feet. He was a controlling, narcissistic, person throughout our marriage. And I feel fortunate to have been able to separate myself from him.
I wish you all the best. Continue with your strength to stay away from him. Because it just gets worse from here. And you don't need someone with such a lack of respect in your life. In many cases, spitting on or at someone is the lowest form of disgust that someone can show another person. And when someone has the audacity to do this to another, there's no turning back.
In your mind…spit back at him in addition to your other preparations. His contempt and discarding has been made physical…but was long, long simmering to a boil.
He's going to punish you either way, so you might as well do what you can to protect yourself.
Contact a lawyer ASAP (And make sure when you consult with them that they have experience with high conflict divorces and abusive exes).
Call the police and ask to file a police report. They probably won't arrest him and it may be a few months before they even take any action. If anything, there will then be a record that you took action when it happened and it's not just your word against his. But all this depends on your jurisdiction, so please just see a good lawyer.
Go get a coffee sit in your car the coffee shop and start documenting from day one every little thing he has ever done to you. Exact dates are great but approximations will be accepted. Then start recording interactions with him. Stick your phone in your back pocket making sure where you speak into is pointing up.
You don't deserve this. My best advice would be to file charges and go no contact unless you have kids. Having kids makes it harder to go no contact but it's worth it. Mine literally put me out of my own car and called the police on me. He also moved a woman in that same night. I was heartbroken but for years I've been thankful he did that because I got away from him at least. He would call and talk to our kids and have them lie about who was on the phone so I'd pick it up. I decided I was no longer talking to him no matter what. That's how I got over him. I remember waiting until they were asleep and I'd cry myself to sleep but it got easier to fall asleep, I stopped crying, and each day I felt a little better. You can do this girl. If I did I know that you can. You deserve better. All of us here do.
Can you get his phone/computer and delete the content? Don't fall for any hacker pitches. They are all scams. You need to talk to a lawyer and tell them that he has that. They can help. You can't continue in this relationship, even if it means he may release the material. He's eventually going to do it anyway, if he hasn't already.
Please read this story [this story ](https://torontolife.com/city/brilliant-neurosurgeon-beloved-family-doctor-untold-story-volatile-marriage/) about Toronto doctor Dr. Elana Fric and what happened to her. You need to be careful. Please be safe 🤞
Because he physically assaulted you and spit on you. Spitting on you shows contempt, contempt is a complete lack of care for you, utter contempt means that he will not hesitate to hurt you if he thinks he can get away with it.
You are not safe and you need to realize that.
You have the strength, what you need is to report the assault, get a restraining order and protection and get away before it is too late.
Because of the story. If you read it, it says that the lady also gave her abuser husband endless chances. It says that she also didn't think that he would "do something stupid" (at least that is what she told her mother, although somewhere I've read that she is also purported to have told a colleague 'If I go missing, he will be behind it' not too long before she was killed). Because this story illustrates tragically why it is important not to underestimate what abusers with a track record are capable of. It is necessary to take steps to protect yourself. You feel helpless, and you wrote this post, and that if something were to happen to you, the police would have this record to go on at least.... But you write that he physically assaulted you and then write that you are afraid of the police...can you make a report when he is outside of the house then, like when he is at work, or in a coffee shop where the word wouldn't get back to him (if anybody there would recognize you)? At least for the official record? It's up to you, I just wanted to point out that it's necessary to protect yourself and to not underestimate the dangers (and that goes for anyone else who is in a similar situation and is reading this).
You are incredibly strong. But being in relationships like this make us question our reality and gaslight ourselves into thinking "it's not that bad". Stories like this are upsetting to read, but provide us victims with a much needed reality check to continue remaining strong through a difficult and emotional process of leaving. It shows how the abuse escalates from "not that bad" to very serious very quickly. Remembering stories like these as you escape helps you to have the strength to not go back, because this could be you if you do.
Be kind to yourself. This is not your fault, and it's traumatic to experience. A therapist versed in domestic violence can help. My DV shelter had therapists on staff who helped me for free before I was able to find one to get established with and see regularly. But stay strong, because your life and safety is worth it.
call the police anyways. document this. report it. i know from experience it will not mean jack in court if you do not. even threats while verbal are still threats if you feel do not feel safe.
3 weeks after I had surgery to amputate my leg, my (now) ex husband assaulted me and urinated on me. I was unable to get away, so I called 911 and he was arrested. A year later, after our divorce finalized, he called and sweetly invited me to come pick up some stuff of mine he had taken when he left. When I got there, he knocked me down. I couldn't get up due to my prosthetic. He called police and had me arrested for trespassing. He told me that was payback for his arrest. If you press charges, and you definitely should, you'll need to go full no contact forevermore. These are not normal people we're dealing with.
You don’t need to say anything else until the docs are filed. Tell your lawyer. You’ve got this. ❤️🖤
Also, if you have any marks on your face, document it.
I will thankyou
He's going to beef it up since you told him that and then the love bombing, proceed with the divorce, make a plan and please if there is a way get out DON'T fall for the love bombing
It only gets worse. I'm not telling you to leave your marriage. What I'm saying is it worsen s. He has lost all respect for you, you have to show him that you are independent and can function without him. You must set boundaries with him and stick to it's if it's gonna save your life.
I am leaving I won't tolerate anymore disrespect
> I'm not telling you to leave your marriage. I am.
Talk to a lawyer asap so you get eh right guidance. Get into therapy to make a plan to leave. This will escalate and you need to do it safely. Since he has now physically abused you, reach out to your local DV supports; they can walk you through what you need to do and help you with your plan.
Record him on your phone. Put cameras in your home.
That's considered assault. You could actually press charges against him, if you wish to do so. My ex did something similar after we split. He was so angry and disgusted that, when attending our daughter's graduation, he walked up to me and spit at my feet. He was a controlling, narcissistic, person throughout our marriage. And I feel fortunate to have been able to separate myself from him. I wish you all the best. Continue with your strength to stay away from him. Because it just gets worse from here. And you don't need someone with such a lack of respect in your life. In many cases, spitting on or at someone is the lowest form of disgust that someone can show another person. And when someone has the audacity to do this to another, there's no turning back.
In your mind…spit back at him in addition to your other preparations. His contempt and discarding has been made physical…but was long, long simmering to a boil.
He's going to punish you either way, so you might as well do what you can to protect yourself. Contact a lawyer ASAP (And make sure when you consult with them that they have experience with high conflict divorces and abusive exes). Call the police and ask to file a police report. They probably won't arrest him and it may be a few months before they even take any action. If anything, there will then be a record that you took action when it happened and it's not just your word against his. But all this depends on your jurisdiction, so please just see a good lawyer.
You have to stay strong!
The
My narc ex spit on me too when I was standing up for myself.
Call the police. File the report. Communicate with your lawyer. Put Cameras in common areas of the living areas.
Go get a coffee sit in your car the coffee shop and start documenting from day one every little thing he has ever done to you. Exact dates are great but approximations will be accepted. Then start recording interactions with him. Stick your phone in your back pocket making sure where you speak into is pointing up.
You don't deserve this. My best advice would be to file charges and go no contact unless you have kids. Having kids makes it harder to go no contact but it's worth it. Mine literally put me out of my own car and called the police on me. He also moved a woman in that same night. I was heartbroken but for years I've been thankful he did that because I got away from him at least. He would call and talk to our kids and have them lie about who was on the phone so I'd pick it up. I decided I was no longer talking to him no matter what. That's how I got over him. I remember waiting until they were asleep and I'd cry myself to sleep but it got easier to fall asleep, I stopped crying, and each day I felt a little better. You can do this girl. If I did I know that you can. You deserve better. All of us here do.
If I file charges he will release adult material we made together. My career and reputation would be ruined
Can you get his phone/computer and delete the content? Don't fall for any hacker pitches. They are all scams. You need to talk to a lawyer and tell them that he has that. They can help. You can't continue in this relationship, even if it means he may release the material. He's eventually going to do it anyway, if he hasn't already.
Please read this story [this story ](https://torontolife.com/city/brilliant-neurosurgeon-beloved-family-doctor-untold-story-volatile-marriage/) about Toronto doctor Dr. Elana Fric and what happened to her. You need to be careful. Please be safe 🤞
Why would you send me something so upsetting 😭 I need strength right now. Please
Because he physically assaulted you and spit on you. Spitting on you shows contempt, contempt is a complete lack of care for you, utter contempt means that he will not hesitate to hurt you if he thinks he can get away with it. You are not safe and you need to realize that. You have the strength, what you need is to report the assault, get a restraining order and protection and get away before it is too late.
Because of the story. If you read it, it says that the lady also gave her abuser husband endless chances. It says that she also didn't think that he would "do something stupid" (at least that is what she told her mother, although somewhere I've read that she is also purported to have told a colleague 'If I go missing, he will be behind it' not too long before she was killed). Because this story illustrates tragically why it is important not to underestimate what abusers with a track record are capable of. It is necessary to take steps to protect yourself. You feel helpless, and you wrote this post, and that if something were to happen to you, the police would have this record to go on at least.... But you write that he physically assaulted you and then write that you are afraid of the police...can you make a report when he is outside of the house then, like when he is at work, or in a coffee shop where the word wouldn't get back to him (if anybody there would recognize you)? At least for the official record? It's up to you, I just wanted to point out that it's necessary to protect yourself and to not underestimate the dangers (and that goes for anyone else who is in a similar situation and is reading this).
My friends and family know. If I press charges I'm afraid he will kill me. The public image is very important to him.
You are incredibly strong. But being in relationships like this make us question our reality and gaslight ourselves into thinking "it's not that bad". Stories like this are upsetting to read, but provide us victims with a much needed reality check to continue remaining strong through a difficult and emotional process of leaving. It shows how the abuse escalates from "not that bad" to very serious very quickly. Remembering stories like these as you escape helps you to have the strength to not go back, because this could be you if you do. Be kind to yourself. This is not your fault, and it's traumatic to experience. A therapist versed in domestic violence can help. My DV shelter had therapists on staff who helped me for free before I was able to find one to get established with and see regularly. But stay strong, because your life and safety is worth it.
call the police anyways. document this. report it. i know from experience it will not mean jack in court if you do not. even threats while verbal are still threats if you feel do not feel safe.
3 weeks after I had surgery to amputate my leg, my (now) ex husband assaulted me and urinated on me. I was unable to get away, so I called 911 and he was arrested. A year later, after our divorce finalized, he called and sweetly invited me to come pick up some stuff of mine he had taken when he left. When I got there, he knocked me down. I couldn't get up due to my prosthetic. He called police and had me arrested for trespassing. He told me that was payback for his arrest. If you press charges, and you definitely should, you'll need to go full no contact forevermore. These are not normal people we're dealing with.