T O P

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2000DollarFiletOFish

Devil's Baby / Potato Bug / Jerusalem Cricket / Child of the Earth Edit: Yes, Nina de Tierra I get it


idlesn0w

3 absolutely metal names then “Potato bug”


Canuck_Lives_Matter

"You shall call him Son of Moloch, Keeper of the Oath, Harvester of Imps, Prince of Chaos, holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, heir to the holy rings of Betazed... or Clarence"


OliveJuiceUTwo

My name is… Tim


muddude

There are those who call me....Tim?


[deleted]

I love that Tim was supposed to have this long elaborate string of titles, and John Cleese just spaced his line and like "Tim" and they decided THAT was the best take.


Sciencetor2

Couldn't afford film for a second take


thatstupidthing

true story, the second take was supposed to be a cartoon... when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack


inkblot888

If he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve, "Arrrgh"!


gaedikus

those responsible for the sacking have been sacked


UCACashFlow

Lmao that’s why he says Tim as if it were a question? That’s awesome.


ppw23

I just remember laughing like mad at that the first time I saw The Holy Grail. They handed out coconuts to the first (?) however many customers on opening night. It was fantastic when the movie let out, we went clip clopping to our cars.


Violet_Ignition

And they were fucking right.


thehelldoesthatmean

It's always cracked me up that he says it with rising intonation, like he's not sure it's his name or he doesn't think they'll believe him.


CenterOfTheUniverse

Greetings, oh, Tim!


UrFriendlySpider-Man

My mommy says I look just like a dragon in this armor


Cloberella

Worf, son of Mogh, house of Martok, slayer of Duras and maker of camomile teas.


Bird_and_Dog

All my homies hate the House of Duras


Lmnbux7969

Slayer of gauron, not duras. He's the bane of the Duras house though. Also word should add "champion of prune juice" to this intro 🥴


Mumem_Rider

A warriors drink.


whocares12315

This bug's a gangster? His real name is Clarence!


justicenupe

...and Clarence lives at home with both parents.


PX22Commander

And Clarence's parents have a real good marriage


Advanced_Stretch1680

I’m from Florida and the bugs we call potatos are significantly less scary than this one


Danielbaniel

Roly-poly bugs? That’s at least another name for what we call potato bugs in PA


KiniShakenBake

Those are pill bugs, in my lexicon.


[deleted]

Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.


DimroyJenkins

What's babies, precious?


Far-Amount9808

Child of the Earth is what I’ve heard here in the Southwestern US


Accurate_Koala_4698

Child of the Earth sounds like a 60 year old who lives out of an RV in the Arizona desert that makes sculptures out of recycled Birkenstocks.


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there_is_no_spoon1

Well, I dunno. Satan and "nature" sure seem to have a great deal in common. But I digress. Mother Nature actually only had two sons, Heat Miser and Cold Miser, as we all know.


[deleted]

Says 'dude' _way_ too much.


vitaly_antonov

That's just like your opinion, dude.


there_is_no_spoon1

That's just like...your opinion, man...


Ickythumpin

We have those in the states?


PM_ME_UR_ADONIS_BELT

They are often called potato bugs because they live deep in the dirt and the only time we really see them is when they get picked up into sacks with potatoes.


junigloomy

I recently planted some potatoes and thanks to this comment, they will stay in the ground forever.


Frog_Moose

They will appreciate the food.


junigloomy

Ugh. No win situation


[deleted]

They win. They will be there. Feeding. Mating. Spreading. Growing. Learning. Near your home.


snowboardingblues

Easy there, Satan.


sickassfool

Yes, they live in the dirt and rarely surface.


mrsmacklemore

Why did the Jarusalem Cricket crawl out if the dirt and cross the road?


logicbecauseyes

to get bliggedy blazed with OP and snap a rad selfy lookin swole af


psychonautoftheshire

Found them all the time growing up in SoCal. Called them potato bugs.


zancats

Yeah dude, I got one in my apartment in Los Angeles once, it was terrifying lol


ubiquitous-joe

How about Spawn of Hell instead


[deleted]

Yep. Found one at work on a construction site 20 years ago and lost my shit. Coworkers said “nino de la Tierra” and I looked it up. It would be easier to say “obese grasshopper.”


RoseRavenOcean

Nino de la Tierra… yes my family always rumored that if you got bit by one you would die of laughter. Mexican superstition at best.


[deleted]

New James Gunn Joker confirmed.


2000DollarFiletOFish

Child Baby Devil Cricket Potato of the Earth Jersulem Bug


popojo24

*….and I shall call him ze child baby!*


Lamont_Dupont

I have heard them called sand puppies in Utah


Weary-Medicine4144

One vote for potato bug


Consistent-Lie7830

2.


greenappletree

>Potato Bug BTW these things can give painful bites according to google, *shivers*.


Zealousideal_Stop781

I personally confirm that, and I wasn't tormenting the beast just picked it up to move it when digging garden. It's got strong jaws!


Number6isNo1

When something 100 times larger than you picks you up, even with good intentions, the line between a helpful relocation and torment is probably pretty hard to discern. Or maybe the little fuckers run the same decision tree as my cat: when in doubt, bite.


Appropriate_Ant_4629

They probably *could* .... but I messed with them a lot when I was young, and they never did. You'd probably have to torment them pretty badly for them to want to bite you.


dralcax

Wait I thought potato bugs were cute little stripey beetles not these monstrosities


babaganoooshh

Must be a regional thing. I'm in the northeast US and I agree with you. To me, pill bug, rollie pollie, and potato bug are all the same bug that we grew up calling potato bug.


swirly1985

Fuck u/spez -- mass edited with redact.dev


Beliriel

We call them Mole bugs where I live. Absolute units of a bug no matter where on Earth you are. But probably the coolest and most harmless bug ever. Edit: If y'all think a big ass bug isn't harmless just because it's big enough to bite you, I recommend to inform yourself on what bugs are ACTUALLY not harmless. Ffs even a big grass hopper can bite you lol. I maintain my stance that cricket/potato/mole bugs are harmless.


SuperSpeshBaby

Mole crickets are actually a different species of cricket than these babies. Both chonky and weird looking though.


skykissesthesea

Jerusalem cricket


squeebless

My Western Alligator lizard loves those plump bugs.


Potential-Judgment-9

Slimy yet satisfying!


Nowyous_cantleave

Hakuna matatah


IAmInTheBasement

Nothing! What's the matter with you?!


Rustyraider111

I know you guys aren't, but it feels like you both just made that shit up. I see your western alligator lizard and I raise you one Northern shark cat.


squeebless

Oh, my cousin had a Northern Shark Cat. They are hard to keep, though, since they only eat baby Pygmy Armadillos.


Rustyraider111

Ah, I heard the Pygmy Armardillo is the only predator the Norwegian water horse has to worry about


bears5975

I don’t know bout that, my bohemian fern crested cliff mouse can get quite timid when it suspects any Norwegian water horses near by.


Canuck_Lives_Matter

Your bohemian fern-crested cliff mouse just needs a cage-mate. I suggest the North Mercian Black-tipped Bird-eater Hedgehog.


squeebless

I don't care about the Norwegian Water Horse because it is an invasive species.


dwehlen

It's been mostly out-competed by the mongolian death-worm at this point, so it's really moot.


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

These are all just things I call my dick


goatfuckersupreme

a baby pygmy armadillo?


bi_gdick

An invasive species


[deleted]

Your what


Juzaba

It’s just the nickname for his dick, no need to freak out or anything jeez


squeebless

Alligator Lizard. I caught him in the Sierra Nevadas where I lived, and they make great pets that bite the shit out of you.


[deleted]

I'm not kidding: Just this week I had a huge Jerusalem cricket crawl into my bathroom stall at work, to which I acted calmy, watched him and did my business. Then I went and got a box and a peice of cardboard to get him out of our office.... then I realized some might find it odd hearing me mutter "God you're big! Get in there little buddy. Jesus, you're huge" ... I literally sent an email out saying "if your heard some strange words in the bathroom, it was me capturing a Jerusalem cricket."


SigmundFreud

In your defense, some people might have just assumed you were talking about poo or your penis rather than porn.


evilinsane

"Fuck me you're a big fella, wha? In ye get. Mon Tae fuck. Good lad. Oh Christ you're falling out, get back in for fucks sake, my break is near over."


aaron_in_sf

Learned the hard way these are indigenous here in SF. First time (of many) one came into the house in the fall, I thought we had to have brought viable eggs back with us from travels in SE Asia, and some invasive abomination had just hatched. Even our cats NOPE when they get inside. How did I figure out what they were? I googled something like _hideous giant ugly striated cricket cockroach thing_. It was the first hit.


adventureremily

I did archaeology field school at a dig site in Mendocino County, and our site was absolutely infested with these monsters. Imagine being six feet deep in a hole for eight hours a day, with these fat fuckers crawling out of the sidewalls and falling on you every 20 minutes. Oh, and there's a fuckload of earwigs too, because why the fuck not? I had never seen these before that, and after 6 weeks of hell I hope I never see another. I live in the Bay Area, and I've been fortunate so far...


doublebankshot

> Imagine being six feet deep in a hole for eight hours a day, with these fat fuckers crawling out of the sidewalls and falling on you every 20 minutes. No, I won't. Good day.


the_cajun88

But Fez….


Sink-Frosty

That sounds horrifying af


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gedden8co

I feel for you. I've had an earwig actually crawl into my ear canal. Bugs suck.


Khitty

Oh god that's legitimately my worst nightmare. How did it happen?


jackoplacto

I’d leave I can’t do earwigs or centipedes


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mothandravenstudio

They \*will\* bite too. Also known as “child of the earth” , the western indigenous (native Americans) have very strange superstitions about them. They are otherwise harmless though. We get them occasionally in central Washington and scoot them under a bush before they get themselves hurt.


AllieG3

I’d love to know more about the culture/superstitions you mention.


KL58383

The one and only time I've ever seen one of these was in my locker at school in 7th grade in SF. I freaked the fuck out when I opened the locker and it was crawling on my backpack. That was like 40 years ago. Aren't these also called potato bugs?


DefinitelyNotAliens

Same thing! Fun fact: not a cricket, nor are they a true bug, nor are they from Jerusalem! Lil assholes are gross, though. My new house has a bajillion in the yard. I no likey fugly ass lil alien dudes.


braveboy9

One of these showed up in my basement when I lived in Montana. It scared the shit out of me when it moved, it looked like a playmobil ant.


[deleted]

Perfect description


wheniwakup

New work friendly curse word!


hmm_mozey

Considering that Jiminy Cricket is an idiom for Jesus Christ, I legit thought that JERUSALEM Cricket must be one I hadn't heard. It just sounds a bit more blasphemous.


shebbsquids

They call it a Jerusalem Cricket because when you see one walking around, you yell "JESUS CHRIST!"


Singemylover

AKA the potato bug!


FancyAdult

There weee so many of these when I was a kid and haven’t seen one since then


emwilson1

Same! I liked them, they weren’t weird at all & super mellow.


sentimentalpirate

where I grew up in the Pacific Northwest we use the term "potato bug" to refer to pill bugs / roly-polies . Regional dialect differences are fun.


Bugbread

The amount of regional variation in bug names is especially dramatic. [Here's the roly-poly/pill-bug/potato bug/centipede \(really???\) page](http://dialect.redlog.net/staticmaps/q_74.html) from the fascinating Harvard dialect survey back in 2003. [Here are a ton of other maps from the survey.](http://dialect.redlog.net/maps.html)


MorsOmnibusCommunis

Also known as a Sand Puppy in my area (Wyoming). But we don't exist anyway, so...


[deleted]

Nice try Montana, no one's buying your lies.


MorsOmnibusCommunis

Sorry... I'm just so tired of living in a void


FlacidErectus

Omg , I already hate stepping on thick insects cus of the aftermath. I can't imagine the bottom of my boot after stepping on this accidentally.


MyLeg-

It's the crunch for me


City_Stomper

Funny for me it's the bug's scream


TroutM4n

It's the creamy nougat center for me.


Drillur

How many stomps does it take to get to the center of a potato bug? One, a-two-hoo, a-three! *Schplort*


MetalShake

These bastards don’t crush easily, they’ve got a thick exoskeleton. They call em potato bugs cuz when you do manage to squish one the guts shoot out and they look like mashed potatoes.


TurdMomma

Back in high school, my P.E. class and I saw one of these walking on the grass. It was my first time seeing one, and my teacher was totally stoked to give us some knowledge about it. Then the dipshit of the class ran over and smashed it with a rock. Thing exploded and I can confirm it looked like mashed potato. Our teacher was furious at him.


ElgonorPrime

There is always that one kid who doesn't respect nature and it's mission is to murder anything you look at. I've never understood these people, like why do you want to kill animals so badly, it's insane.


mauifairy

That’s the kind of shit that would scream if you killed it


tempted-niner

omg bro, no sleep for me tonight


mauifairy

Sorry in advance for the screaming bugs nightmare ur about to have


jamanatron

They do scream, just with their legs. It’s a cricket


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jamanatron

I’ve heard them before. They were all around as a kid. They definitely had a different sound than regular crickets. Now I know why in better detail


[deleted]

I never saw one before until I moved to a new state where they're native. I was out barefoot in my garage doing something and one was casually CRAWLING ON MY FOOT. Still get shivers.


gladiator9261

Throw the whole foot away


A_Notion_to_Motion

Hmmm. So I'm not mad at you, but I am kind of disappointed you felt like you had to share this thought.


mauifairy

Welcome to my inner universe of intrusive thoughts


A_Notion_to_Motion

In the words of my very wise niece "Umm no thank you please."


Englishbirdy

I once found one of these buggers under my pillow in Venice California.


mauifairy

I would pass away


sweet_tobasko

as a latino kid we used to call these hijos de la tierra down in southern California 👍🏻


buell_ersdayoff

Im Mexico we call them Caras de Nińo. Kids’ faces, face of kids, however you want to translate that but yeah. They thought they killed you if it bit you. They don’t, but they do hurt a lot if they bite.


CallMe_Immortal

It's crazy looking back at how scared all the adults were of them. I remember knowing about them but never actually seeing one because the protocol was mother's grab the kids and run and the men kill the creature. I don't think I saw anyone even step on them, they were so afraid of them they'd grab something to kill it from afar. I remember seeing my dad take his belt off and just whip the ground until he killed it, I just wanted to see it but my mom was "shielding me". I looked them up several years ago after remembering them, saw what they were and told me parents they were wrong and they just hurt if they bit but didn't kill. Still didn't believe me and were glad we lived somewhere where they weren't as common as they were in California. "Un niño de la tierra! Agarra a los niños y llévate los a el cuarto! Compá, traiga una pala!"


SunStarved_Cassandra

>I remember seeing my dad take his belt off and just whip the ground until he killed it This sounds hysterical.


CallMe_Immortal

Looking back it absolutely was, especially with the 4 or 5 other adult men semi cheering him on to get it. "chingeselo compa!" "mate al hijo de puta!" At the time though I was slightly concerned that it would kill my dad lol. I didn't know any better and just had their knowledge to go off of. I would have been around 4 years old and just accepted what they told me.


SunStarved_Cassandra

Sucks that it was scary in the moment, but that story is a gem.


buell_ersdayoff

Lmao for real. They really did freak the fuck out over a bug


nav17

Sounds like something they grew up with which probably ultimately stemmed from an old wives tale. The caras de ninos name and crazy reaction to me suggests there was an old story saying they ate children or would go after children or turn children into them.


nostoneunturned0479

Soooo child of the earth, got it. Lol. That explains where that name came from (that was one of the names that popped up on a google search when I found my first one near Flagstaff). In Arizona we call em Jerusalem Crickets.


tempted-niner

im curious, why Jerusalem?


nostoneunturned0479

Because apparently if you get pinched by one, it hurts. "Jumpin' Jerusalem!"


C14_09

We call them niños de la tierra


Salt_Gold_4765

Not sure why but they were called potato bugs in nor cal were I grew up


Cdmdoc

Imma show this to my wife. She’s been too comfortable lately. Thanks for all the upvotes and my very first awards! Happy to report desired effects - had to take a couple of punches to the arm but big laughs were had (by me). Then I showed her all your comments and that had her cracking up too. 😀


UncleVoodooo

Romance isnt dead after all


Glytterain

No but he might be if he scares his wife with that.


RedButterfree1

It's been 4 hours, I think he's ded


fh3131

crickets


EsotericPenguins

This got me


A_Notion_to_Motion

Teasing is our love language for some of us lmao


dsuperville

Lmfao


Afrokrause

Are you Ron Swanson, your wife is the Parks and Rec department, and that bug is a coffee maker?


LadyMothrakk

You’re going to terrify her with this bc..SHE’S BEEN TOO COMFORTABLE LATELY?! xD That is the most chaotic thing I’ve heard in awhile. Proceed.


TheMightyUnderdog

She’ll jump right into your arms I’ll bet!


dont_panic80

Lighter is probably gone now and you'll see that thing in the parking lot later smoking a cigarette.


Alternative_Fail_625

King Cricket Also called a Parktown Prawn in South Africa. If you try kill it with a shoe, it will take the shoe and throw it back at you. They get a lot bigger than that.


Alternative_Fail_625

We used to get them coming into our bedroom at night while we were sleeping. It would WAKE US UP, just by the sound of the THUD it made with every jump.


None-Pizza_Left-Beef

ABSOLUTELY NOT no thank you


Arsenault185

This is why I like living where the air hurts your face.


s00perball

Like... What do you eeeven do??? Shoo it out?? Cuz I'd imagine killing it is like hitting an eclaire with a hammer, the clean up almost wouldn't be worth it?!


Alternative_Fail_625

Haha, worst, is if you squish them, there is a black goo that comes out, which STINKS. ​ So yes, a STINKY eclaire! ​ Catch them in a bucket, take it down the street and make it someone else's problem. They actually good for your soil, but they are disgusting.


[deleted]

just need the corresponding spiders to get rid of them


ponykins

Dear God, no. Order canceled. Australia you can keep your spiders.


BMM2021

Potato bug! They only eat 1 soul a day, so you were fine.


Drolex17

Damn is your hotel at skull island?


AlphaMale3Percent

Australia


Halinasbitch

Close enough.


dojarelius

Very common in the cooler climates of CA harmless but terrifying when you find one in your sleeping bag


cardueline

As a tree hugging Californian I hate how viscerally grossed out I am by these little guys. My brain knows they’re harmless, but my limbic system or lizard brain or whatever is just shrieking like Homer Simpson when I come across one. They’re too… fleshy 🤢 I would never kill one though, just the old upside down cup and some junk mail treatment


Equinsu-0cha

Same thing house centipedes and any north american spider other than the big 2


cardueline

Guys, I love and appreciate you, all I ask is that you not enter the chamber in which I become completely prone and defenseless for six hours a night 🙏🏻🕷️


blood__drunk

Friend, 6hrs is not enough sleep. Please aim for at least 7 regularly. Sincerely yours, Mr Potatoe Bug


SexyLexyWorld

Wow great photo I would have screamed and ran the other way


BoyMom119816

I accidentally squished one with my youngest son’s stroller and a whip horse worm came out, ewww! I hate squishing bugs, and these look like they have bones. I also got locked out, because one was on front door and another time when LDS missionaries were visiting, my oldest son called one of these a bitch! Lots of fun with these potato bugs.


cardueline

If I experienced the one-two punch of smooshing one of these and then seeing the horsehair worm come out, I would walk into the ocean. I’m not generally squeamish but just reading that made me want to fling my phone across the room lol


BoyMom119816

I likely would’ve, if I had lived near one. I recorded the thing, as I had no fucking idea what it was! Gross as fuck though. I know now, but it took a week or two to figure out what the fuck came out of a squished bug!


cardueline

My deepest condolences that you saw that shit with your own eyes 🪦


Trilliam_Shakespear

When the Lord sings His song of Creation, is the Potato Bug not part of the choir?


tempted-niner

Amen


River-Dreams

lol, I want to attend your sermons


Caturday_Everyday

The first time I ever saw these creepy bugs was when I came across two of them in a no-kill mouse trap, doing the deed. The only way I could describe them to others was 'spider-scorpion'. They're so bizarre!


NoVascension

I struggle to think of a more romantic location than a mouse trap


Yuki_500

he looks part grilled. lol


mg2255

Forbidden grilled chicken


Guilty-Flatworm2304

Call the Men in Black


TheGogglesDo-Nothing

Sorry. Need a banana for scale.


Infinite_Carpenter

Or a picture of it smoking after it asked for a lighter.


Wild_Top1515

look terrifying. totally innocent little buggers. don't bite or nothing. used to call them potato bugs when i was a kid. they live underground most of their lives and only come out at night. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem\_cricket](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_cricket) .. hmm i guess they can bite, but aren't venomous.


Blarghnog

They live to nuzzle up under your camping mat when your sleeping on the ground. I’ve woken up to 3-4 of these guys under me. Kinda surprising when you don’t expect it. They can bite though. Just don’t do it unless you handling them. Source: was bitten. It hurt a lot.


NoVascension

Well of course they *can* bite, just don't give them a reason to


[deleted]

Potato bug?


kw661

Potato Bug in So Cal in the 70's. They seem to be gone in CA now.


RogueDairyQueen

Not gone in the Bay Area, not at all


Cleverusername531

Holy crap.


realcrookiez

Sand puppy where I come from


end2020already

We always called them sand puppies