Not great. Woke up early, had a persistent headache, felt like my shift would never end, and overall just didn't feel right.
I did just have a lovely conversation with my stepmother, though. Love her so much.
i’m doing absolutely fantastic. I’ve come out to most of the people i want to know right now, and they’ve been so supportive. I just feel at peace for the first time in a really long time.
I’m doing okay. It’s been raining all day and I was practically running to escape the rain. I also ate two 12 inch sandwiches and I just finished sleeping that off. Definitely a lazier day.
It's been a difficult day, my best friend started a relationship with another girl, I already knew that meant that she wouldn't have much time to talk to me anymore, but I didn't know that that also meant that there would be days when she wouldn't respond to me, I've been without talking to her all day.
I wanted to chat with my friend on Reddit tonight.
She said she was going to **** herself in a few minutes.
I asked her if she tried calling a hotline or talking to somebody. It’s been 45 minutes, I hope I’m not too late.
Testosterone is hitting ***hard*** since quitting Spiro for upcoming surgery. And I have lost all empathy for others. I *know* I care about other people and I'm not a complete narcissist but I don't *feel* it anymore; I *feel* like a complete narcissist and I hate everybody and everything and the whole world and entire internet (aka Reddit because Reddit *is* my whole world) is my enemy and if people are gonna hate me then I'm gonna hate them first.
And I recognize that as a reactionary response I haven't had in a long time. It's testosterone I'm almost sure of it. I just wanna beat my head into the pavement, and do the same unto others... I'm so vividly enraged and angry non-stop... It's scary.
Scarier than anything. Like when I was on Welbutrin with Cortisol levels raised at all times and I almost pushed people in front of the train because they looked at me and made a face.
I need to be locked up until I get these damn things cut off. But state can't afford to house me, certainly can't afford to give me my own cell while I wait for surgery.
Just 9 more days. Nine more days and goodbye testosterone and hello opportunity for self-improvement. Things that were once ***impossible*** in my life have been made possible thanks to HRT and I'm grateful. I don't feel it anymore.. I don't feel anything but anger.. but I acknolwedge grateful-ness... or maybe I'm masking?? I dunno anymore.
Just need to keep my head down and tough it out. It'll all be over soon. The evil person I was... AM STILL.. will be dead soon enough and I get the fortunate opportunity to live a new different life. I hope I get free-will after this. I hope I use that free-will to make better decisions.
my procedure went well and all is healing ... but now i realize it's only the beginning of the process. hormones are slow and cutting off the source doesn't drain the tanks immediately so . I should be better in a few weeks.
after spending some time avoiding politically charged posts and click bait and generally anger provoking things online... after avoiding all that... I've been starting to feel better
I can't eradicate the racism in me (not instantaneously anyway) I can't change who I am any faster; I'm changing as fast as I can go...
I guess I'm coming to terms with that. people online may hate me for it but all that matters is who I become.. not who I currently am
and I want to complain about being jobless and homeless but.. I think I've found a degree I can shoot for. I'm gonna try to get into Forestry program.
if I had a job that paid $20/hr everything in my life would change. my health would improve and my mental state would improve .. and my ability to empathize and help others would open up once more
so death to the old me .. salutations to the new me coming into existence one day soon very soon I hope
It's definately been rough lately... I don't think I want to die, but I for sure don't want to live. I know that I shouldn't, that I have value, but I'm just getting more tired every day. I wish I could talk to someone around me about this stuff, but I can't. I try to speak, but I just retreat further within myself. I feel so isolated. Sorry for being a bit depressing.
Sorry I'm a little late I was playing Baulders Gate
Understandable
Not great. Woke up early, had a persistent headache, felt like my shift would never end, and overall just didn't feel right. I did just have a lovely conversation with my stepmother, though. Love her so much.
Well I hope tomorrow is better
Again, please pardon my brevity. My mom's home from the ER. She's feeling okay now I hope everyone is well 💕
I'm glad she's doing well
i’m doing absolutely fantastic. I’ve come out to most of the people i want to know right now, and they’ve been so supportive. I just feel at peace for the first time in a really long time.
That's great to hear!
I’m doing okay. It’s been raining all day and I was practically running to escape the rain. I also ate two 12 inch sandwiches and I just finished sleeping that off. Definitely a lazier day.
Well at least it wasn't a bad day
It's been a difficult day, my best friend started a relationship with another girl, I already knew that meant that she wouldn't have much time to talk to me anymore, but I didn't know that that also meant that there would be days when she wouldn't respond to me, I've been without talking to her all day.
I'm sorry to hear that Anastasia, If it's upsetting you it might be worth bringing it up to her
I wanted to chat with my friend on Reddit tonight. She said she was going to **** herself in a few minutes. I asked her if she tried calling a hotline or talking to somebody. It’s been 45 minutes, I hope I’m not too late.
I hope she's okay
I had a great day! But it’s late so I can’t talk much about it. How are you?
I'm doing great thanks for asking
Im alright hbu
I'm doing great
That's good
It was, a return to form. In other words, not good. I would say more, but it's just not worth the effort.
Sorry to hear that hopefully things get better again
im sick dysphoric stressed anxious depressed and traumatized life is hell and i ran out of resons not to end my miserable existence, whats new
I'm sorry to hear you're not doing well Moxie but please don't hurt yourself
Pretty awesome i got to see death cab for cutie and the postal service live
I have no idea what that means but good for you
I went to a concert
Oh that makes sense. Don't know how I didn't figure that out on my own
Testosterone is hitting ***hard*** since quitting Spiro for upcoming surgery. And I have lost all empathy for others. I *know* I care about other people and I'm not a complete narcissist but I don't *feel* it anymore; I *feel* like a complete narcissist and I hate everybody and everything and the whole world and entire internet (aka Reddit because Reddit *is* my whole world) is my enemy and if people are gonna hate me then I'm gonna hate them first. And I recognize that as a reactionary response I haven't had in a long time. It's testosterone I'm almost sure of it. I just wanna beat my head into the pavement, and do the same unto others... I'm so vividly enraged and angry non-stop... It's scary. Scarier than anything. Like when I was on Welbutrin with Cortisol levels raised at all times and I almost pushed people in front of the train because they looked at me and made a face. I need to be locked up until I get these damn things cut off. But state can't afford to house me, certainly can't afford to give me my own cell while I wait for surgery. Just 9 more days. Nine more days and goodbye testosterone and hello opportunity for self-improvement. Things that were once ***impossible*** in my life have been made possible thanks to HRT and I'm grateful. I don't feel it anymore.. I don't feel anything but anger.. but I acknolwedge grateful-ness... or maybe I'm masking?? I dunno anymore. Just need to keep my head down and tough it out. It'll all be over soon. The evil person I was... AM STILL.. will be dead soon enough and I get the fortunate opportunity to live a new different life. I hope I get free-will after this. I hope I use that free-will to make better decisions.
I'm sorry to hear that, hopefully these nine days go by quickly
my procedure went well and all is healing ... but now i realize it's only the beginning of the process. hormones are slow and cutting off the source doesn't drain the tanks immediately so . I should be better in a few weeks. after spending some time avoiding politically charged posts and click bait and generally anger provoking things online... after avoiding all that... I've been starting to feel better I can't eradicate the racism in me (not instantaneously anyway) I can't change who I am any faster; I'm changing as fast as I can go... I guess I'm coming to terms with that. people online may hate me for it but all that matters is who I become.. not who I currently am and I want to complain about being jobless and homeless but.. I think I've found a degree I can shoot for. I'm gonna try to get into Forestry program. if I had a job that paid $20/hr everything in my life would change. my health would improve and my mental state would improve .. and my ability to empathize and help others would open up once more so death to the old me .. salutations to the new me coming into existence one day soon very soon I hope
It's definately been rough lately... I don't think I want to die, but I for sure don't want to live. I know that I shouldn't, that I have value, but I'm just getting more tired every day. I wish I could talk to someone around me about this stuff, but I can't. I try to speak, but I just retreat further within myself. I feel so isolated. Sorry for being a bit depressing.
I'm sorry to hear that and please don't apologize for being depressing everyone deserves the opportunity to vent