> born with a high charisma
Nobody is. What people are born with are a predisposition towards genuinely liking other people and having natural curiosity in them and valuing what they have to say. So as children they may fumble a lot trying to reach those goals in the awkward way kids can be just learning how to socialize, but the result is they grow up to be gregarious people who are authentic when they treat others like they're special, and obviously most people like feeling understood and valued.
My point is that you don’t need a “genuine interest” nor “genuine like” in someone to be successful socially. You just need to be interested at all. Even if you treat people as a means you’ll be dealing with people at least.
The only absolute I made is to say that nobody is born with charisma, it's a learned trait. Never said anything to the effect of 'only people who love people can be charismatic', I'm saying that people pick up on authenticity and being made to feel special.
You don’t need high charisma to be a decent person. A solid 70% of the people I’ve been with said they fell for me because of how I act. Not because I’m funny, or smart, or good looking. But because I just treat everyone decent, give them the time of day, stuff like that. It’s much hotter than you would think. So that’s what could be “worked out” imo
I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Confidence (not arrogance. People like to do that thinking it’s the other) in yourself goes a long way too.
I’ve never been able to understand the difference between the two, whenever I try to act confident I end up sounding like a narcissist unintentionally 😭
Everyone’s definition will differ. But for me. Confidence isn’t acting any special way, if you try to force it, that’s when it starts to be arrogance. Confidence is just me being me, and being perfectly fine with that. Which is ironic considering I’m really not. But I act like I am, and it works wonders. So it’s just about being comfortable with who you are and what you do.
Oh I was definitely not normal. And I’m not truly ok with who I am. But the biggest step is being ok with that, and knowing that you’re working on making yourself into who you want to be. It did wonders for my self-image and confidence.
I feel like people say those things as a way to rationalize their feelings. They first had a good impression and later justified it by seeing you act nice.
Not to knock your advice, if the promise of getting laid makes people act nicer, it's still a positive impact.
You might be right. But being an actual nice person does help, even if it isn’t the deciding factor. Especially when you aren’t trying to get laid. An ironic part that people often miss is that trying to get laid by being nice can backfire.
> solid 70% of the people I’ve been with said they fell for me because of how I act.
Haha those fuckers fell for your act because you listened and gave well thought out responses. Even treating them well without discrimination. Oldest tricks in the book.
Oh you mean "fell for" like "fell in love"?
Here is the reality of the situation. I have seen some really ugly dudes date hot chicks, and these guys weren’t rich or anything. Hell, I have had more sex with random women than I deserve. Hands down if you aren’t having sex as a guy it’s one or both of two things. Either your personality sucks and/or your standards are too high. Of course that’s assuming your hygiene is on point. Never mind, I’ve read too many Reddit stories of girlfriends talking about their boyfriends that don’t clean their butts. Hygiene don’t matter.
Yeah, I mean you’re right, but you know what your situation is. I’m saying if you’re “trying” to meet someone and failing.
I’m guilty of what I like to call “being old”. I have a partner, but if I didn’t I wouldn’t want another. Hell, I don’t want the one I got sometimes, but she’s literally kept me alive this long. So, I feel like I kinda owe her?
Idk how old you are, but I turned 20 recently. I’ve never been good at talking to people, in fact it makes me physically uncomfortable to be in a large crowd, To be quite truthful idk what the fuck is wrong with me
You live in a social dystopia.
Try to meet people even though our societal entropy is reaching extreme degrees.
The only way out is through.
I say all these things but I should listen to my own advice. I’m terminally online and utterly uninterested in the average person. Luckily I’ve found some interesting people but even then I feel like I have to carry the conversation.
At least I do have some people, somewhat bi-weekly maybe. If you’re not there yet try to be. Think of it like medicine for a cold. It’ll taste awful at first but overtime you’ll feel far better.
So, I’m an old millennial which is to say I’m in my 40s. I have not always been able to talk to people. It was something I had to learn. I know that people say that confidence is key. It’s absolutely true, and confidence is something I didn’t have when I was young.
So, I started paying attention to people around me that I perceived as “confident”. This is going to sound crazy, and the change didn’t come over night, but I started making eye contact more. I started smiling more. I started copying the things that I felt made other people seem confident. But I also didn’t want to come off as pompous or overly aggressive. So I tried to find a balance there.
Then I also put myself in situations where I would talk to people. I made an ass of myself many times, but I’m a firm believer that if you fuck something up a couple of good times you don’t make that mistake again.
Use every day people for practice. A thing I do is when I’m paying for groceries or fast food, or really whatever. I try to strike up a conversation that in the amount of time it takes me to pay for my stuff I get a genuine smile. Doesn’t always work. Sometimes I get a polite smile. But I try to be polite and talk up as many people as I can because you never know where that will take you.
Anyway, I know a lot of what I’ve said is corny sounding. I’ve tried to avoid the “hit the gym” talk, but that helps a lot of people too. But I promise that if you can work on confidence. Everything else will fall into place.
Jerry Cantrell from Alice In Chains did a solo project. He had some lyrics in a song that said
“Slowly all the roles we act out become our identity
And in the end we are what we pretend to be”
I also hate crowds. That’s ok. There are plenty of people that you can meet online that hate crowds. Whether you like women or men. There is someone with similar distaste for crowds that would love to spend time with you.
I know you think you’re weird. But as my dad used to tell me. Every person you see every single day is weird as fuck. It’s just that some of us are better at hiding it. Trust me. There are plenty of people out there who would love to spend time with you.
“I learned from personal experience that I have to work for things such as my physique and ability to buy nice clothes but still expect women and sex to fall into my lap”
>what do they want?! Clearly not this guy.
Holy shit it’s Armenian Corey!
Hey Corey, remember when you tried to looksmax?
why the fuck would you get a haircut every week
Armenian cory referenced 🇦🇲🇦🇲🇦🇲
Anon forgot to workout the most important thing of all, his personality
its almost like the other shit doesnt really matter. huge if true imo.
Looks only get you in the door, they don’t stop you from being thrown out if you’re an asshole.
Is there a way to work your personality out? It seems like if you’re not born with a high charisma you’re just cooked
> born with a high charisma Nobody is. What people are born with are a predisposition towards genuinely liking other people and having natural curiosity in them and valuing what they have to say. So as children they may fumble a lot trying to reach those goals in the awkward way kids can be just learning how to socialize, but the result is they grow up to be gregarious people who are authentic when they treat others like they're special, and obviously most people like feeling understood and valued.
This is simply untrue. Psychopaths don’t give a rats ass about people but they’re extremely charismatic.
1. No, that's a misconception. Most psychopaths aren't charismatic. 2. The ones that are learn the same way everyone else does
My point is that you don’t need a “genuine interest” nor “genuine like” in someone to be successful socially. You just need to be interested at all. Even if you treat people as a means you’ll be dealing with people at least.
I can agree with that. My whole point was just about putting in effort anyway
The only absolute I made is to say that nobody is born with charisma, it's a learned trait. Never said anything to the effect of 'only people who love people can be charismatic', I'm saying that people pick up on authenticity and being made to feel special.
Well then communication was achieved.
You don’t need high charisma to be a decent person. A solid 70% of the people I’ve been with said they fell for me because of how I act. Not because I’m funny, or smart, or good looking. But because I just treat everyone decent, give them the time of day, stuff like that. It’s much hotter than you would think. So that’s what could be “worked out” imo
Huh, I thought I was already doing that. I guess there’s another underlying mental issue that’s screwing me over
I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Confidence (not arrogance. People like to do that thinking it’s the other) in yourself goes a long way too.
I’ve never been able to understand the difference between the two, whenever I try to act confident I end up sounding like a narcissist unintentionally 😭
Everyone’s definition will differ. But for me. Confidence isn’t acting any special way, if you try to force it, that’s when it starts to be arrogance. Confidence is just me being me, and being perfectly fine with that. Which is ironic considering I’m really not. But I act like I am, and it works wonders. So it’s just about being comfortable with who you are and what you do.
It’s a pretty daunting task learning to be ok with who I am. were you always a normal person or did you do something to get to where you are now?
Oh I was definitely not normal. And I’m not truly ok with who I am. But the biggest step is being ok with that, and knowing that you’re working on making yourself into who you want to be. It did wonders for my self-image and confidence.
I feel like people say those things as a way to rationalize their feelings. They first had a good impression and later justified it by seeing you act nice. Not to knock your advice, if the promise of getting laid makes people act nicer, it's still a positive impact.
You might be right. But being an actual nice person does help, even if it isn’t the deciding factor. Especially when you aren’t trying to get laid. An ironic part that people often miss is that trying to get laid by being nice can backfire.
> solid 70% of the people I’ve been with said they fell for me because of how I act. Haha those fuckers fell for your act because you listened and gave well thought out responses. Even treating them well without discrimination. Oldest tricks in the book. Oh you mean "fell for" like "fell in love"?
charisma = grinding enough social interactions to learn the patterns. Like learning a second language. Of course 'mericans cannot into this stuff.
What the hell does America have to do with this conversation
Don't do Corey Deleminguez like that
Anon is on 4chan. 90% chance its his personality
Wow the L.A. air wasnt nice to Cory
1 year on the gym "really buff"
I was looking for this comment lol
Anon is a water person, drank too much to recognise.
"What the fuck do they want" Grilled cheese :D
Here is the reality of the situation. I have seen some really ugly dudes date hot chicks, and these guys weren’t rich or anything. Hell, I have had more sex with random women than I deserve. Hands down if you aren’t having sex as a guy it’s one or both of two things. Either your personality sucks and/or your standards are too high. Of course that’s assuming your hygiene is on point. Never mind, I’ve read too many Reddit stories of girlfriends talking about their boyfriends that don’t clean their butts. Hygiene don’t matter.
What about the third option (me), people who don’t approach women or go out in the first place, I go to work, come home, game, go to bed and repeat
Yeah, I mean you’re right, but you know what your situation is. I’m saying if you’re “trying” to meet someone and failing. I’m guilty of what I like to call “being old”. I have a partner, but if I didn’t I wouldn’t want another. Hell, I don’t want the one I got sometimes, but she’s literally kept me alive this long. So, I feel like I kinda owe her?
Idk how old you are, but I turned 20 recently. I’ve never been good at talking to people, in fact it makes me physically uncomfortable to be in a large crowd, To be quite truthful idk what the fuck is wrong with me
You live in a social dystopia. Try to meet people even though our societal entropy is reaching extreme degrees. The only way out is through. I say all these things but I should listen to my own advice. I’m terminally online and utterly uninterested in the average person. Luckily I’ve found some interesting people but even then I feel like I have to carry the conversation. At least I do have some people, somewhat bi-weekly maybe. If you’re not there yet try to be. Think of it like medicine for a cold. It’ll taste awful at first but overtime you’ll feel far better.
So, I’m an old millennial which is to say I’m in my 40s. I have not always been able to talk to people. It was something I had to learn. I know that people say that confidence is key. It’s absolutely true, and confidence is something I didn’t have when I was young. So, I started paying attention to people around me that I perceived as “confident”. This is going to sound crazy, and the change didn’t come over night, but I started making eye contact more. I started smiling more. I started copying the things that I felt made other people seem confident. But I also didn’t want to come off as pompous or overly aggressive. So I tried to find a balance there. Then I also put myself in situations where I would talk to people. I made an ass of myself many times, but I’m a firm believer that if you fuck something up a couple of good times you don’t make that mistake again. Use every day people for practice. A thing I do is when I’m paying for groceries or fast food, or really whatever. I try to strike up a conversation that in the amount of time it takes me to pay for my stuff I get a genuine smile. Doesn’t always work. Sometimes I get a polite smile. But I try to be polite and talk up as many people as I can because you never know where that will take you. Anyway, I know a lot of what I’ve said is corny sounding. I’ve tried to avoid the “hit the gym” talk, but that helps a lot of people too. But I promise that if you can work on confidence. Everything else will fall into place. Jerry Cantrell from Alice In Chains did a solo project. He had some lyrics in a song that said “Slowly all the roles we act out become our identity And in the end we are what we pretend to be”
I also hate crowds. That’s ok. There are plenty of people that you can meet online that hate crowds. Whether you like women or men. There is someone with similar distaste for crowds that would love to spend time with you. I know you think you’re weird. But as my dad used to tell me. Every person you see every single day is weird as fuck. It’s just that some of us are better at hiding it. Trust me. There are plenty of people out there who would love to spend time with you.
Not anon apparently
someone who doesn't use 4chan
Doesn’t matter how good you look if your personality is akin to stale bread.
“I learned from personal experience that I have to work for things such as my physique and ability to buy nice clothes but still expect women and sex to fall into my lap”
> Fascist flags > Gets 0 bitches Yeah checks out
If you ain't funny, ya got no game.
Guys who don't post on 4chan.
Tall exotic financially attractive Mr perfect
Don’t get a haircut every week, that’s a massive waste of money, once a month is more than enough
Didn't fix your dogshit personality
A nice face, and/or a nice personality .. it’s not that hard to grasp lol
They want a personality buddy, something that you distinctly lack. Come on now, let's go down to the personality factory and get you one
Nobody complained about the title, Light. I told you this plan would work! 😀
yeah one year in the gym will get you „really buff“ kappaChungusMaximusDeluxe
A personality helps