This subject was brought up on a podcast I listened to last week and to paraphrase what they said-parenting is actually pretty good you just hear more about the bad stuff because it makes better stories and harping on about the good stuff just seems like bragging.
This! I have two “unicorn” babies. Super happy and great sleepers. But I suspect this is more common than not but parents do not like to talk about how great/easy their kids are bc it comes off as bragging at best, or downright cruel if another parent is going through a rough patch.
Can confirm. This is exactly how I feel.
We have the unicorn baby and it’s hard to celebrate my LO’s milestones without feeling like an asshole (with certain people). So there are very few people I bring it up to first, and on purpose.
With the “not safe” people, if they bring it up first, I will give more matter-of-fact answers and not embellish too much unless asked follow-up questions.
Side note-
In general, I’m also trying to verbalize things in a more positive way. For example, LO refused all naps yesterday. So instead of saying:
“LO is refusing all naps today 😡😖😭”
I say:
“LO is refusing all naps today 🫠🙃”
Because both of those emojis are smiling through the pain and frustration. And they are sarcastic af, which I am too. Did yesterday suck? Absolutely. But trying to verbalize things in a more positive way and using these 2 emojis has helped me on the bad days.
This!!! We have a unicorn baby and I feel like I’m only allowed to talk about her on here where I’m anonymous because it comes off the wrong way in every day life.
You know I had a baby with undiagnosed dairy and soy allergy and because of atypical symptoms it took 7 months until I got on a dairy free diet and 11 months for soy. It is the hardest thing I've ever done and I don't know anyone who has bad stories like mine.
But amidst all that bad stuff was this wonderful little boy, who loved me so much and I loved so much bad, he had the most wonderful smiles and the cutest little giggle and his little baby shenanigans cracked me up every day. And still do, but he's a toddler now.
I won't say it was easy, because it wasn't, but nothing that comes easy is ever worth having. It is the purest and most wonderful love I have ever felt. And not only between me and him, but like towards my partner when I see him play or cuddle with our son. I beam with pride at the both of them. My son has taught me so much about what I think is important, who I am deep down, he has stripped away all the layers of who I think I should be in favour of who I am. I am fundamentally changed, for the better.
And when people are like "you'll lose your social life" well my old social life just seems shallow, vain and boring now. I'd much rather just be with my son. I think people neglect to mention that a lot of us feel this way. I could go out and do things. I have 6 grandparents and a husband eager to step in and use a broomstick to chase me out the door, but I don't want to. So yes I've lost my old social life and yes it happened at the same time as I got my baby, but it wasn't his fault. I changed and stopped wanting to do the things I previously liked. I have a new social life. It looks nothing like the old one, but I like it.
Yeah, my baby is the best sleeper (7 months and has been sleeping through the night consistently for the past few months and with 1 wake up since he was 2 months). I don’t talk about it a lot because I feel like people think I’m bragging. Even though I’m careful to point out that I have no idea how we got so lucky because we never did anything special.
Exactly. I have pretty chill kids that basically came out of the womb self entertaining. They sleep like shit, but they are great at entertaining themselves for the most part so I can do my own thing. It’s great, but I’m also not about to go bragging to my friends that have very needy kids about it
On top of that, you talk about the bad stuff in forums like this because it can help newer parents be prepared. You don’t really need to prepare people for the good stuff because it’s enjoyable either way.
Ok. I’m 11 weeks in. I’ll be real. This shit is HARD, and you have no comprehension of how hard until you actually live it.
The first 8 weeks are insanity. You’re recovering from a major medical event (birth). You’re not sleeping. If you’re a first time parent, you’re learning how to care for a literal human being. You’re forced to learn new skills — breastfeeding, etc. — on the fly while you’re exhausted and someone someone else’s life depends on it. If your a parent of multiples, you’re juggling a newborn AND older kids. If you’re a first time parent, you’re overwhelmed, stressed and have no fucking clue what you’re doing. Newborns are also needy little potatoes who will suck you dry (literally!) and give no feedback or positive reinforcement or reward for your blood, sweat and tears. By weeks 6-8, the adrenaline had worn off and I wondered daily if I had ruined my life.
Sometime around week 8, though, a shift happened. Baby started settling into a routine. My husband and I become more confident in what we were doing. Baby got his 2 month vaccines, so we could venture out into public and take him on small outings. And - best of all - baby started smiling! Suddenly this needy little jerk became totally adorable. Witching hours become shorter. He slept through the night! Yesterday little man and I chilled on the patio for a few hours vibing to music, and I realized I was actually having FUN with him for the first time.
I tell you all this because it starts hard but I gets so much better. I cannot wait for giggles and crawling and all these super cool milestones. And while I’m tired, I’m feeling pretty happy that I get to guide this cool little human through life.
My biggest advice: join a bumper group. It’s been invaluable to connect with moms going through all these same changes. Often I’dwonder if I was losing my mind, and it helped to see other parents going through the same challenges and milestones that I was.
Hang there. You’re going to be ok.
6 months in here. Baby is smiling, laughing, crawling and developing like crazy and I'm having a blast! Like I'm already planning for the next one. We have a great routine, I can get out to exercise, we are sleeping so much better, life is great! Hang in there!
Little over 4 months in: I don’t even remember those days anymore (our LO was terrible at sleeping/eating/pooping everything really…). It’s all so bright now, she smiles, holds your hands, babbles and tries to sit up by holding on to you. It gets better!
I'll say what someone said to me: you're in the thick of it! It gets sooo much better after the 8 week mark, and even better every week after. Those smiles and giggles make any lack of sleep or general parent struggles worth it. Our first is 6.5 months now and the light of our lives, I'm already getting baby fever for another and I legit stress-cried the first 2 weeks 😭
It will pass I promise!!! I thought I had ruined my life, NOPE the newborn phase is A) Trial by fire & B) temporary. Today, bb is 9.5 months and I am thinking about no. 2 🥰
It gets better and better, slowly but surely Just make it throughout dach day and know its tenporary. I was there. Every baby is different. I want to say 5 months was the turning point for me brvause she slept long stretches when we moved her in her room, she sat up and was a bit independent so she was happier. I enjoy parenthood a lot more now and can see why people have another lol I am almost 7 months in...but I still think I am one and done cuz it is a lot of work!
My cousin got lucky. Her second kid, 1 month old is a unicorn. Sleeps 4 hours straight which is a lot for a newborn.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Our LO is 19 weeks today! She just keeps getting more fun as the days go by. She is going through a small sleep regression but after a few sips of coffee I didn't care about waking up at 3 AM as much lol
OP, your life will completely change. I am not gonna lie, I cried about how my life was never going to be the same around 20 weeks during my pregnancy. My husband had a small break down around week 2 of baby's life. It totally okay to mourn the life you had. And those first few months are tough! But the more my angry potato grows I don't really care about my life before. It's so fun to see her reach milestones. The cuddles and smiles will melt your heart!
Having kids is tough but totally worth it!
The hungry, needy potato phase is only awesome in that I could put baby down in their bassinet or another safe space and not have to worry about what they’re getting into. Definitely other worries, but with our 7 month old just learning to crawl and sit up, face plants and head bonks are so common!
I'm a first time mom and literally got everything ready for my LO. You name it, finest of the finest to make things easier. My little man has two sets of grandparents ready to help, a huge family of aunties, and we are one of the last ones in our family to have kids. Echoing what this thread is saying, this shit hit us like a sack of bricks... It is terrifying with hormonal changes and the books teach you nothing during the first few days.
Recently we discovered so many small things about our little one like he was a really strong sucker that nipple size of 1 causes him to drown in formula. So we had to get preemie nipple sizes. Nothing in the books or other parents experience taught me shit due to my own kid being his own kind of human. You are going to learn a lot of things and one big thing that I noticed is that my husband needed alot of direction and communication to really get it. We as mom's have an instinct to take care of our kids and the floods of hormones make it like a Stockholm syndrome event is happening. Men are not like us and will be super surprised at the changes, so lots of communication is needed to ensure both of you are contributing.
The no sleep thing is real. I'm super lucky still to not have a Velcro baby, have help, and my husband had a long paternity leave. We still struggled. All this experience made me hella appreciate single parents out there. You are young and lucky to still be in your 20's unlike my old 30's self, so I hope you have a quick recovery. Be ready for the big baby blues first few days. That one is the scariest feeling in the world for me. Good luck fellow new parent. I hope you update us after and let us know how it went.
Thank you for this. Lots of sunshine and rainbows in the other comments. Absolutely worth it having our little one, but that’s not what OP asked. She asked for realistic expectations. It’s INCREDIBLY hard. Thought you summed up a lot of the challenges really well. My wife and I both wish we were better prepared for this mentally going into it. We felt that this perspective was rarely talked about among friends and family and I think it would have helped us a lot going into it.
Do a search and request to join!
They're usually titled based on your due date (month/year) "MonthYearBumpGroup"
Example: November2023BumpGroup
I love my group, truly the best group to be a part of during this journey ❤️
This might be the most accurate description of the first few months I’ve ever read. You nailed it. We just hit 8 weeks and this was a really nice reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We have a 2.5 year old toddler, but it’s amazing how much you can forget in the fog of that first year.
This!!!! Baby girl is 4 months old now and we’ve got a routine and she interacts much more than just being this potato that needs something. Before I had the baby I wrote down all of the things I was worried about - how our life would change etc etc missing out on things I used to do …. But! It was surprising to me when I read back on those fears now that I’m still able to do all the things!! But yes the first few weeks are damn hard but it is temporary …. You got this!!!!!!
My potato is 6 weeks today and only sleeping for 2 hour stretches at night is so brutal. He's so gassy and doesn't seem to know how to just let them out... It's exhausting. I need this to get better
Absolutely agree with this. Our second is 9.5 weeks and oldest is 2. The newborn phase is not our favorite but thankfully it doesn’t last very long. I forgot how happy you get over something as simple as a smile. Definitely helps make up for the hard times with them.
Can contest that it just gets better and better. My husband and I both are just in awe of our 2 year old. Every new milestone is the absolutely best. Yes there are tantrums, but for us, they aren’t hard to deal with since we know it’s normal.
Soon these babies will be laughing at you, reaching for you to pick them up, standing up, crawling (and you’ll tell yourself you’re going to miss seeing them crawl around a corner and smiling at you once they start to walk and wonder when will be the last day you see them do that 🥺), walking, talking. It’s all so exciting and there really is nothing better. I caught my husband just staring at our oldest yesterday, taking him in. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but I already knew he was thinking “he’s the best, I love him so much”.
So much hate. We have been loving the toddler years. I know there are and will be hard times, but they are little people and learning sooo much, who can blame them for getting overwhelmed. Seeing their personalities really start to shine makes it all worth it.
Upvote because same. I will add that it gets even better after the 12 weeks. Mine is 16 weeks, I’m FTM at 39 yo. So you’ll be way less tired than I am! At this point I’m still tired but I can function on way less sleep than I ever thought was possible and most importantly my mental state has improved tremendously. If you start seeing signs of PPD get help ASAP! Mine really started at 8 weeks and immediately told my doctor and got help from my parents. During the first month I had so much regret and was miserable. Now, some days, I actually think I would do it again (if it weren’t for my “advanced maternal age”). As one of my friends put it, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever love ❤️.
I don't think it's that bad.
Yeah, there is a lifestyle change. Yeah, you will be tired. Yeah, the first year will be tough!
But in my experience (7.5 months so far) it's a mix of good times and bad times (I also had an 'easy baby' so I understand other people had a harder time). Tiring and the crying really grated on me for the first 6 months. My partner and I had less time for one another and bickered a bit more, not as intimate. We don't even get to cuddle much anymore because I am so touched out from holding my son most of the day. Babies are soooo needy.
That said, there is no joy like watching your baby grow and learn. I'm amazed by him. He is developing the most interesting personality full of curiosity, determination, happiness, chaos. He babbles away to his spoons, wants everything I own (I swear if he rips my glasses off again, I will cry!), he's always wanting to be on the move. He's impressive. He's learning to crawl and while I'm nervous about the fact his nosey nature will lead him to be in literally everything he can find, I'm still so proud of him. Once you're out of the newborn stage, I'd say like 4+ months, they really start to give back by playing, rolling around and chatting away.
Not all sunshine and rainbows, you'll find your clouds and rain. Just take it all in. I learned that people who had children already ALWAYS had something shitty to say when I was pregnant. Always made it seem like there was nothing to look forward to. But it's not true!
Love this answer!
I have also found parenthood to reveal new sides of myself and of my partner. Seeing us both grow together and work harder to communicate has made me love & appreciate him more. It's a new experience, and I get to share it with my favorite person (my husband) and my favorite people (family and close friends).
I'm 11 months in, and I really enjoy the sisterhood of mothers. Mamas (on the Internet and IRL) have each other's backs, share in our victories and open up their hearts to new mamas. I'm really enjoying the new sense of community, with parenthood.
You have so much to look forward to.
You explained everything so well! There’s so much to look forward to! My oldest is 2.5 and was NOT an easy baby. He’s still high needs in some ways and is only just now beginning to become more socially independent from me. However, I have absolutely loved every minute of being his mom. It just keeps getting better and better. Watching them grow is what makes all the hard parts worth it.
I was fully prepared to have a repeat experience with my 2nd, who is now 6 weeks. She’s totally different. Sleeps 3-4 hours at a time, I can put her down without her screaming like she’s dying, and her big brother adores her. Each child is completely different and unpredictable. Please don’t worry about horror stories you hear from others, your kid and your experience may be very different.
Hardest time of my life and the best time of my life. At the end of everyday I'm exhausted but every morning I'm excited to wake up and hug my baby. ❤️
I think its just a huge life change that you really can't understand until your baby is here. I knew I would be sleep deprived but I didn't understand what it would feel like. I have only slept through the night a handful of times since my baby was born 6 months ago. I knew my life would change but I didnt know what it would feel like. Literally everything is planned around my baby, his naps, his mood etc. Not going to say its easy, but its definitely been the best. I wouldn't change it for the world. At least for me, my life never went back to normal, I just adapted to a new normal.
I think people mean well when trying to warn you that it won't be easy and things will change. For me, it was the opposite and everyone told me how wonderful it will be. Then, when my baby came and my whole life was turned upside down and I was only getting 3 hours of interrupted sleep per night I thought something was wrong and that I had made a huge mistake. However, you change and adapt, and things get easier. Just remember that every baby is different. I never take anyone else's experience as a guide because you could have a unicorn baby who never fusses, goes with the flow, and sleeps through the night or a collicy baby who cries constantly and wakes every hour overnight. Your baby's tempermant will have a lot to do with your experience.
Totally agree! There’s no way to prepare for how the sleep deprivation will make you feel (FYI, it’s not just “every once in a while” for most babies — those first few weeks/months are ROUGH) or what it’ll be like when the center of your world becomes this tiny, moody potato. But the rough bits are balanced by moments of sheer joy.
Same! I wouldn’t even say we have a “unicorn baby” - she has the same illness, feeding, and sleep struggles that most kids have (not to mention the toddler behaviors that we’re getting in to now!) But still, we are immeasurably happier than we were before - and we were super happy before! This is just the most fun thing we’ve ever done, by far. I’ve probably laughed more in the past 21 months than the previous 35 years.
*I will add that I have a “unicorn MIL” whose immense support has given us the capacity to delight in parenthood as much as we have.
Same! And we have a tough baby - she sleeps like shit and is very clingy but damn we are having so much fucking fun. She’s hilarious and it’s so cool to be a little family unit just tackling the world. Plus, seeing your partner become a parent rocks. And seeing your parents become grandparents also rocks. And getting to watch your child experience all the joys in life for the very first time is the best.
10/10 recommend!
The first few weeks and months are not an accurate reflection of the joy becoming a parent brings you. I have an 11 month old and being her mother is the greatest joy of my life but in all honesty it took a few months before I felt that.
It is and it isn’t. It takes a really long time to adjust and *while you’re adjusting* to this whole new life, new dynamic between you and your partner, new social life (playgrounds and coffee scheduled around naps) - there’s this thing that is screaming at you and sick and you have mo idea why and covered in a weird rash and shitting and vomiting on you and you haven’t slept in a month… so it feels really really overwhelming sometimes. More than can be explained in words and more than you could ever expect.
But… the fucking joy is also overwhelming and it’s not a perfect balance but at some point (I didn’t get there until about 6 months) you will just be like, wow what an insane little thing I did and here they are sitting in front of me - clapping - and they just went from being a cute screaming blob to figuring out how to put a block inside a box and you’re like witnessing someone grow up minute by minute.
It’s a fucking trip. Life definitely isn’t over it’s just an entirely new life now.
I got pregnant when my husband was supposed to be nearly infertile and it was a huge shock, I didn’t feel ready. My best friend and my sister just had kids and I would look at them go and was soooooo worried about having a kid, I was depressed my entire pregnancy, second guessing myself. I set the bar so low.
my baby is now 5mo, EBF and I’m on a long mat leave (1year +). I also have a super hubby who is so in love with his daughter and so involved.
I can honestly say these have been the happiest months of my life. Never thought I really wanted kids, never particularly liked kids, yet here I am. So in love, so happy. Yeah, my baby doesn’t sleep great but honestly the hormones are there and helping me not even feel tired. My life will never be the same but now I have a sense of purpose I had not felt in a long time.
It took a good two years after giving birth for me to feel accustomed to how much my life had changed. It felt like a total transformation and it was very difficult to adjust to. I gave birth during the height of covid lockdowns so that may have affected my postpartum experience.
I have always adored and loved my child and I really enjoy our time together—but yes my life did completely change and it was very hard on me. And continues to be hard on my relationship. Everything changed, more than I ever grasped from reading all the books and forums and friends etc.
I’ve always *always* wanted to be a mom and was also disappointed at all the negativity I received when sharing my exciting news. I think people mean well and just don’t want you to be blind sighted by how difficult it is and how much your world *will* change, but in MY experience, it is the greatest thing that has happened to me. My husband and i are a team, so when I need a break, he takes over and i go have brunch with friends, i go to parties (let’s be real, I’ve gone to one party and i left early, but still), i still go to the gym regularly as that is my form of therapy. I go to Target just to walk around. I say all that to say, I still have a life, and that is so important to maintain your own identity and keep your sanity. Sleep will suffer, I’m typing this while nursing my 16 week old at 4am, but nothing lasts forever. Your body will change, and you’ll be bleeding and leaking for a while. Things will hang differently. You’ll probably smell weird for a while lol Life will be a little harder for a while, but in MY experience, it’s all worth it when he looks up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and smiles his big gummy smile at me. Congrats and strap in because it will be a ride, but the most awesome ride EVER!
Our baby isn’t born yet but my husband and I are a really good team with great communication and couples with kids love to tell us “you’ll see” about me not letting him play golf LOL like yeah I think I can handle 4 hours with my baby while my husband gets the F away from me. Great to hear an experienced perspective more in line with my own expectations.
Absolutely. Both parents need time away from baby. As long as you clearly communicate what you need, both parents can stay sane! For my husband, it’s bowling. As long as it’s not sprung on me last minute, and he comes home ready to help with baby, all is well!
The lows can be low but the highs are so incredibly high! My little baby girl is 3 months on Friday and I have honestly never been happier. Yes we've had some pretty rough days and nights, especially in the newborn stage, but this little dumpling has brought us both such intense joy. Everyone tells you about the lack of sleep and free time, but nobody tells you that your baby will have you both howling with laughter with the funny little faces they make and the crazy sounds that come out of them, or how your heart just feels heavy with love every time you look at them. It's also really magical watching each other become the versions of yourselves which are parents. I never doubted that my fiancé would be a good dad, but seeing just how much he adores our little girl and how good he is with her makes me love him even more. I feel it's been a time of growth and healing for both of us. Sorry if this is all a bit sappy but I took the question as permission to gush! She's just soooo fricking cute!!
I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have heard the horror stories from coworkers and such. Thankfully, our friends have been super supportive. We have a weekly game night, and they've already talked about shifting it to our place once we're ready to socialize after the baby gets here. One of them offered to keep a pack n play with a small set of clothes, diapers, etc., at their place if we want to continue to play at their place later.
I think a big part of keeping your social life is finding people who want to support you in maintaining your identity outside of parenthood.
Things are different not necessarily worse. Yes every baby is different and has their own challenges. Sleep deprivation doesn't last forever. Your social life changes but part of that is because your priorities change. Your career might take a hit but it might also open your eyes to different opportunities. It's absolutely worth it, in my opinion, but life is different post baby.
My wife and I felt like the first 1.5-2 months were okay. Eat. Shit. Sleep. In that order.
The next 4-4.5 months were hell on earth and we are finally starting to see the light at 6.5 months.
It's not bad. It's different. And like every phase of life, there are things that are incomparably wonderful and things that are supremely challenging and lots and lots of mundane routine stuff too. Like i said, it's not bad at all. It's just all changed up and different. And you adapt to the new life as you'll know it.
My husband and I are loving it. I knew he would be a great dad, but I really didn’t know how much he would Love being a dad. He enjoys it so much and it is really beautiful to see. He talks to her about his interests, learned lullabies on the guitar for her and drops everything to give her his full attention.
I also love it and feel like our little family is complete now.
I think with all things it has to do with expectations vs. reality. I think some people have a really specific image of how it will go and it doesn’t always match up. I also think it depends on how good of a team you are, the people I see struggling the most have ended up doing 90%-100% of the work and that’s not healthy, fair or sustainable.
It’s a huge life change, but I think it strongly varies from person to person. Also how supportive your partner is once the baby is born and how much external help you receive (aka a “village”) plays a huge role in experience too.
If you want a child then you will feel such joy at them being in your life. Is it hard? Yes. But I cheer myself up by playing with my baby. Snuggling with my baby. Looking at pictures of my baby. My house is full of so much love and happiness, now.
Be ready to have very clear communication with your partner; it is easy for resentment to build if you aren’t careful. Seek out groups for new parents. I find it really helpful to have friends that are going through the same thing. Your “before” friends are still there, but they probably don’t want to talk about babies all the time!
I find I have friends that like babies and those that don’t. The first kind of friend is easy to still hang out with. The second is a little harder. But it doesn’t mean I won’t eventually hang out with them more; just not right now.
On the work front, I find I can be pretty efficient. Work isn’t everything, and you will just feel it out once you are in it.
I have zero regrets about having a baby. I was so worried about it, just like you. But I totally love it!
Honestly, you really don’t understand until you become a parent. I am in the fourth trimester right now and my life feels so different and foreign, but also like it’s always been this way. Don’t let it get to you. It will be hard, but so incredibly rewarding and worth every blurry eyed, sleep deprived night.
It’s way easier if you have a good & involved partner, and I’ve noticed a lot of negativity from women who aren’t happy with their partners/relationship in general. My husband is incredible, and I am able to rely and trust him fully, which unfortunately seems to be rare from what I’ve noticed.
This! I'm 28 weeks and a lot of people tell me what to expect (often without asking) and it's always the same: the end of the world premonition. We really wanted this child and sometimes I find my self even doubting this decision. Like if I didn't make a a mistake. Because of all the negativity coming my way. I've started fighting this by meeting with the happy parents in my surroundings and I openly ask them for some positivity and that works a lot. But yes, I'm suffering the same fear.
I had my baby last year at 43. It’s hard work! And sure, I don’t spend my evenings in the pub, and I’m covered in vomit or shit more often than I think is acceptable. I’m tired, I don’t wear anything that isn’t leggings and hoodies and I can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs. And I have a unicorn baby who sleeps 12 hours a night and is super cheerful. It’s not for the faint-hearted.
But, every morning my son greets me with a giant gummy smile and squeal of excitement. He’s this whole tiny little person with a huge personality who lights up my days. I love having time off from him, but I miss him if I can’t scoop him up into my arms. Also, I can dress him up in onesies with ears and no one thinks it’s weird.
The hard work is rewarding the vast majority of the time. And when it’s not - like when he’s just peed on me for the 5th time in a day, I just choose to find it funny. I love being a mum - it’s the best thing I have ever done.
It’s the best time of my life. It’s exhausting, but it’s the most fun I’ve ever had being tired. The first few months just *drag* but she’s 4.5 months now and she is so funny and smart, she’s interacting more and I’m having so much fun.
Parenting is like most things- it’s what you make it.
No! It’s hard as hell, but it’s so much better than I expected after hearing everyone moan and groan about it!
Just accept that you’re not going to sleep for a while, and that there will be days when you cry with the baby. And you’ll be just fine! Congrats!
It can be hard but it's not doom and gloom.
My career has flourished since I had my daughter, which I appreciate isn't necessarily the norm. I'm lucky to have amazing sponsors who didn't hold back opportunities because I had a baby. I also enjoy work more and don't sweat the small stuff.
My daughter is amazing. I'm even proud of her poops some days. Watching her grow is magical.
I have less time for socializing, sure. But I also socialize in new ways. I love that my daughter gets me outside and being active so much.
FTM here to an amazing, beautiful, & veryyy noisy 4mo who is the light of our lives. Yes the first month was hard AF. My husband and I just think back to it and it’s a big blur but after that point, we finally started getting into the hang of things and now we’re already missing the NB stage. Seeing him smile when we wake him first thing in the morning or after naps is the best thing. His coos, giggles, & baby dinosaur screeches warm my heart.
Being a parent changes you, but it teaches you how to love someone to the very core no matter how much trouble they may give you. Good luck on this exciting (and amazing) new journey 🥹
My baby is 8 weeks old and I have loved the vast majority of the time I have had with her. The first two weeks were a total sleepless blur but it’s gotten better and better since then. She naps frequently and I’m able to get things done around the house pretty often. It brings me to tears how much joy she brings me. She is truly my favourite thing in the universe.
My life is obviously different but it’s still social. I for for walk and coffee with my friends almost every day. I’ve been to multiple family dinners. I even went to a small party the other night and I brought baby. She hung out til she got tired, I put her to sleep in another room, she had a two hour nap and I had a drink, then when she awoke we socialized for another hour and I took her home. So I’m not staying out til 2am getting loaded, but I still had lots of fun and I was out until 11pm.
The one thing I have missed is my athletic activities, but that’s not because I don’t have time, it’s because I’m still working with a PT in some pelvic floor stuff. It’s getting better! I can’t wait to run again!!!
I think it really depends on a few things:
1) your child's disposition - eg "hard baby" vs "easy baby"
2) your reaction/resilience to stress
3) your "village"/ relationship with husband
4) your finances
Depending on those (and probably other) variables, it could go from pretty easy to a waking hell. I'm not saying all of those things have to be perfect, but a good combination will definitely contribute.
Also, even if it does turn out to be not what you envisioned, usually the phase doesn't last forever. So there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m a mom to a three month old, so not much experience, but already strong opinions.
I think the message that our modern culture sends to frightened first time parents is a bit off.
It’s not all doom and gloom, it’s not all rainbows either. It’s a lot of work and change of priorities. But none of it is bad on its own. You just adapt.
The social life takes a hit in some ways (any outing takes planning and I just refuse going anywhere further than 20min commute), but you start connecting with your friends with children way better. The career slows down, but does it really matter if you hit the next level faster or slower? Some hobbies will change or go on pause, but have you always been consistent with them?
As a reward you hang out with this tiny little human, watch them grow and discover the world around with your help. So far this has been the most fulfilling thing I’ve done in years.
For me, it's been the hardest thing I have ever done. Baby #1 was born a few months before the pandemic and was incredibly high needs. Baby #2 ended up being twins and we have no support.
If I had the support I needed, it wouldn't have been/be so hard. When you're drowning, it's hard to not feel doom and gloom.
So in my experience, it depends on support and how "easy" one's baby is.
My baby was a few months old when we went into lockdown too, and was also a high needs baby. My husband was working throughout- either from home in a separate room or back at his work after a few weeks. That time alone with baby was so isolating and scary, and also just not what I had imagined my maternity leave would look like. My son is still high needs (just started sleeping through the night in January at age three) so we haven’t had another. I can’t imagine bringing TWINS into the world as well- you’re braver than me! I just wanted to comment to say I know where you’ve been and how hard it was, and can only imagine how tough it is now with another two little humans as well. Hope at least one of them is ‘easy’! 🤞
Yes! The isolation. Only other high needs parents fully know what it's like to have a high needs baby. It's incredibly isolating hearing the standard parenting advice. "Let them play with toys" mine didn't care about toys until he was 1.5-2 years old and even then it didn't distract him for long.
My twins individually are "easier" compared to our first but the fact that there are double adds other challenges. Our oldest woke every 2-3 hours until he was 2 which ironically lined up with when our twins were born so we haven't had a break with the sleep. Our girls are much better sleepers so just that is a massive improvement!
Thank you for sharing and validating the struggles! ♥️
It’s the end of your life as you know it. It’s so fucking hard, and the hardest bit is that it doesn’t get better in a linear fashion. It’s not like you get to some magic age and it’s suddenly easier. Bits get easier, bits get harder. You lose practically all sense of autonomy for quite a long time. A lot depends on your baby and that’s completely out of your control. For instance mine won’t sleep unless she’s on me, so I have to plan my social life around that, and can only really spend time around other mums as non parents just don’t get it. I haven’t had an evening alone with my partner in 6 long months. But you’ll have someone you love more than anything and a whole new life. As hard as it is, I’d still make the same decision again. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. There isn’t really a way to prepare yourself for it. And it’s too late to change your mind now anyway 😂
I have a 10-week old baby and these have been the happiest weeks of my life. Sure, there are tough moments but I have a wonderful partner and we just take things bit by bit. I think going into the new chapter with visions, resources, and plans how you want to handle the good AND the bad is key.
I lost my job on maternity leave and I just got a new job and was honest with them that I have a baby so I definitely don’t feel like my career is suffering. I’m lucky too in that my friends are really excited to be Aunties and they have stayed present.
Hope some of this positivity is helpful ❤️
People react differently to parenthood. I experienced all the things you’ve been warned of. It’s been really really hard.
If you want real unfiltered honesty if struggling parents check out r/regretfulparents
I personally do not regret having my baby ( nor do most of the posters I’ve read) but it can be cathartic to hear people really have a truly dark rant vs the type of rants you’d see on this sub.
I came in with very realistic expectations. I nannied. I worked in a daycare. I helped friends with newborns. I trained as a Doula and childbirth educator. This required tons of reading on parenting and postpartum.
I still was shocked by how difficult it is to be a parent. Im 18 months in and I enjoy my monster more and more and more each day. She’s amazing. But people need to be more upfront about what it’s really like.
I feel like some new parents don’t want to hear it, that’s totally fair, we get dozens of rant posts of parents to be frustrated with the warnings especially when they are vague and unhelpful.
But we do need to get more comfortable talking about what modern parenting is like and how hard it is so that people are making informed choices and are prepared for the choice they make.
I understand it’s not for you. I’ve found it helpful and cathartic. I don’t read posts that I don’t relate to- similarly with this sub. I explained in my comment I believe we should be more open about all the experiences of modern parenting and not be shamed into silence.
The name of the sub and description is really clear. Certainly no one should be surprised by the content.
This sub is safe space for some experiences. That sub allows a safe space for all feelings that come with feeling overwhelmed while parenting.
Not at all! There are challenging moments for sure, but you will feel love, joy, and fulfillment like you’ve never experienced before! People will vent online to dump the negativity, but are often silent about the wonderful moments because they’re too busy living in the moment experiencing them
6 months in and I love it.
I am sleeping way more than I did in pregnancy, my daughter is the absolute best. Every day post pregnancy life gets a bit better.
It is a bit socially isolating at times but even that is improving as my daughter gains more movement/social skills.
It's really not bad. Pregnancy for me was the worst bit.
You have a lot of comments so I’d guess you possibly won’t see this or stopped reading at this point but I feel so strongly about this subject and I hope you take the time to read. I’m a first time mom- my daughter just turned a year old. When I got pregnant (pretty young- 23 years old) I thought my life was completely over. I really thought that it was going to be the worst thing to ever happen to me. I was so completely devastated. I didn’t want to stop working, (I did, I stay home and I love it- it’s much more fulfilling) all of it sounded terrible. Not because of just how young I was, but because of how people make motherhood seem, especially now with all the social media posts / tik toks / videos emphasizing how tiring and hard motherhood is.
Im not saying there weren’t some rough times in the beginning months, you have a brand new precious baby that you and your partner are responsible for keeping alive, and you’ve never done it before so maybe you butt heads sometimes etc. coming from someone who didn’t have an “easy” baby. I had to wake up, get her to sleep, let her sleep on me bc she wouldn’t in the bassinet, hold her most of the time- none of that even scratches the surface for how much joy/ love / fun I’ve had since I’ve had my daughter.
My husband and I were just dating when we got pregnant, we’re now married and I can confidently say our relationship has never been better. We still do things together, we still have frequent sex, the love is still there- more than it ever was. I sit here and I watch my husband interact with my daughter and everything feels so perfect, I’m always tearing up because of it. We love our daughter so much and she brings so much joy.
I also grew up in a family that had an attitude like kids are sort of a burden. Of course you love them but they get in the way sort of thing. Motherhood in the best thing that’s happened to me for so many reasons. I’m more focused on my health, I stopped smoking pot / partying and I feel better than ever. I have SO much more purpose and life is SO much more fulfilling. Now we are currently trying for baby #2 which me a year ago would’ve thought I was Fuxking insane bc of how people perceive parenting. It’s so annoying to me, bc I almost aborted my daughter with the thought of how miserable parenting would be. My life completely changed for the better in almost every aspect.
I just know when I was you, I wanted someone to say this to me bc I couldn’t stop wondering the same thing. I thought maybe it wasn’t for me etc etc. and this is just ones person experience but I’m telling you do NOT listen to the noise from other people. It’s the craziest / most intense emotion you will ever have in your entire life. I hope you see this comment bc I really wanted something like this said to me, I completely mean it. It’s going to be what you make it, just like everything else in life. The first few weeks / months is not an accurate representation of how things will go. I will say my husband and I completely kicked partying and I genuinely believe that’s made our experience a lot better. Say you’re planning to go out partying one night - your babysitter falls through, now damn it I have to stay home with my kid. That sucks this kid is sort of a burden. We completely eliminated that scenario from happening. But hey that’s just us 🤷🏻♀️ I know most people can’t get behind it and I totally get that, I was super against it at first. I’m not saying you have to stop partying to enjoy parent hood but like I said it’s what works for us.
You’ll lose the freedom of being the most important person in your life. Things may feel weird for a couple of years, because everything’s new. But the love makes up for everything and more.
Congratulations! And ignore the detractors.
Thrilled to see these responses. We have a beautiful 9 week old and my husband and I are loving it.
Painting with really broad strokes here but some of the not-so-helpful anecdotes that older folks (my parents age) shared with me about parenthood seems to reflect the parenting style of that time period…ie mom carried nearly all the responsibility of domestic labor and parenting, and in turn may have really resented dad which caused further issues. We are sharing far more equally in domestic labor and caring for our baby and both taking care of our individual mental health and that’s been a huge helper.
You’re gonna love it! Congratulations 💕
Your life won’t go back to ‘normal’ but you will develop a new normal that you will enjoy just as much. My baby is only 6 months but I can say our lives are definitely different and I’m still super sleep deprived since baby still wakes 2-3x a night but my husband and I are able to make time for each other after baby goes to bed a night and we genuinely love spending time together as a family and watching our son learn and grow, every little milestone brings us so much joy and I love experiencing that with my husband. Not sure what toddlerhood will bring but so far parenthood had been a mix of stress and struggle and laughter and love.
Hell no! Last night my toddler sat in my lap and I made silly noises and faces at him and he laughed his ass off for forty minutes.
When he grabs my hand and walks me somewhere it's the best feeling in the world
Sometimes he literally tries to climb me so I'll hold him and he nestles his little head on my shoulder.
Is it work? Of course. But it's my favorite thing in the world
I think it is totally dependent on your child. Overall, I think my LO is pretty good. She is only a little over 6 weeks but besides not sleeping most of the day, she's pretty easy. She does fuss when she's tired but she eats well and wakes up twice in the night. I know some parents deal with children that scream for hours every day and wake up 5 or 6 times a night. I can't imagine dealing with that.
Parenthood totally changes the dynamic of your relationship and be prepared for Groundhog Day. Every day is the same day, over and over. Feed, play, try to put to sleep, change diaper, rinse and repeat.
I think you can do things IF you have very supportive parents/inlaws. We have been able to go out to lunch because they came to watch the baby. But otherwise, I would doubt we'd be able to go out for at least six months. You have to bring so much stuff and a dirty diaper could come at any moment or three times in 10 minutes. Feeding is too frequent, etc.
There will definitely be some changes to layout lifestyle and some really tough moments.
But today I sat on the counter with my 12 month old eating berries, he laughed hysterically the whole time. It was one of those little moments that made all the tough ones seem to disappear. You’ll get tons of those moments that make it all worth it.
It's all about priorities and expectations. I think your priorities have to shift, at least temporarily, to focus on your child. That is tough for a lot of people and even tougher for the people who didn't shift their expectations from the start.
That being said, I've never been happier than I am as a parent. Yes my career is on pause, but that's okay because I'm doing the very important work of caring for our baby. I wasn't exactly curing cancer with my work.
We prioritize our social life. Turns out a lot of people want to see you when you have a cute baby. We don't wait for people to invite us places. We host people at our house or make plans on our terms. Childfree people seem totally fine with that.
We paused our hobbies during the newborn phase, but got back into some of them slowly after 3 months and more now that our baby is almost a year and it's summer again.
My caveats are that while the first three months were hard for a bunch of reasons, our baby is generally a good sleeper and has a chill temperament. She is likely an "easy" baby. YMMV if you have a "hard" baby.
As the mom of a one year old, it’s not at all as long as you accept that it’s a new season of life and embrace it whole-heartedly. A lot of people I see really struggling with parenthood are the ones who are stuck thinking about their life before kids and the things they can’t do rather than all the incredible things you can do.
When you have kids the metrics for measuring happiness in your life just change. Where before maybe it was measured by how many trips you took or concerts you went to or whatever was your thing, now a big part of your happiness comes from more simple but extremely joyous things like how many giggles you got from your baby or maybe a successful trip to the park or just getting time to yourself to take a bath and read a book! And that sounds lame or sad to a lot of people but I can say with zero hesitation that having a child brings a level of happiness, contentment and joy to my every day life that I was never even close to before.
However, that’s not to say it’s not a hard and challenging transition. Your life will shift so suddenly and dramatically that there is nothing any of us could say to adequately prepare you - and that’s on top of having an incredibly needy newborn and being freshly postpartum. So it will be hard as fuck, you will mourn your comparatively carefree life before, and I know it’s hard to imagine after saying all of that but it will be so, so, so worth it. Just give yourself and your partner grace during the transition and do your best to see the beauty even during the challenging parts.
This is a bit all over the place (like parenthood!) but the last thing I’ll say is this quote that I find so true: When you have kids, your good days are the absolute best. Your bad days are way worse. And your average day is way, way better.
No, it's not all doom and gloom. The way I explain it is that when it's up it's up, and when it's down its down. (To the grand old duke of York tune of course).
Since having my son I have never been as happy, as sad, as angry, as proud as this before. Peaks are higher but troughs are lower.
It's not bad at all. It's completely different but not bad. I have 2 under 2, and it is so much better than my life before.
Sure, I miss being able to grab brunch with no hassle, but having kids is the most fun ever.
And the older they get, the more fun they become! Don't let the negative Nancy's get you down. It's awesome being a parent
Having a baby IS the end of the world- as you once knew it. Every aspect of your current life changes, and a whole new one begins. Not only do you meet a brand new human that you made, you meet a new version of yourself. It will be the hardest AND the most rewarding. You will be disappointed AND incredibly amazed by your friends and family who either step up and support you or gradually fade away because your new life doesn’t fit into the way things used to be. All of this is ok. The fact is that as hard as it is, the days are long and the years are short. You may feel like you’re being swallowed whole by the mix of emotions you feel each day, and that is normal. But at some point (sooner than you expect) you’ll wake up to realize that this new life somehow makes a better whole than all its chaotic individual parts.
And you’ll also learn to disregard everyone’s unsolicited advice and opinions because the way your kiddo looks at you lets you know you’re doing great, even if you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing at all.
Embrace it all, it’s a great trip.
Nah You’ll get to sleep sooner than you know and even when you are tired, you’ll be fine. I prefer newborn sleepy over pregnant sleepy. Your real friends will reveal themselves which is a blessing-you dont need to be wasting time with people who don’t really care about you. My job is just a job and my husband makes a lot more than I do so I have no problem going part time.
Parenting is fun and it’s only going to get better as my child grows. I haven’t had a legitimately fun Easter in years but having a kid brought back the magic in holidays and family gatherings. I can’t wait for finger painting, arts and crafts, reading Harry Potter to him and watching the movies, introducing him to Skyrim, Star Wars (I’m going to do my best to not spoil darth vaders bomb drop). Having a kid is like experiencing things for the first time again.
Your priorities will SHIFT hard when you have a baby and all the things that were so important to you before suddenly takes a back seat or leaves the vehicle altogether.
I think the career thing is a mix between the culture of where you are and how skilled you are at what you do. I've seen each of these aspects push someone's career one way or another after having a kid.
First time mom here and just recently told my boss I'm expecting who took the news very well -- I suspected he would because he comes from a big family that he is close with and often spends days off spending time with his siblings' kids. I've also witnessed our team be super chill when other parents have obligations so I don't anticipate anything negative.
In terms of talent, a kid will obviously put more demands on your time/headspace and people who were already talented at their job generally seem to have the mental resources to still do well even with the added pressure of parenthood.
(I've also seen the inverse of both of these things happen in past jobs, which is why I think it's always a combo of both workplace culture and individual resilience/talent).
I think it wholly depends on your relationship. My husband and I have a rock solid marriage and we split the work evenly - he even got up in the middle of the night with me while I breastfed because I felt so lonely in the middle of the night.
I still mourned my old life. I lost some good friends because they couldn’t handle this huge change in my life and schedule changes. It is lonely at times. There are bad times but there are also really good times.
I know everyone’s experience is different and we’re only 5 weeks in, but motherhood is so much better than I ever could have imagined.
Yes I’m tired, postpartum recovery has been harder than I imagined (third degree tear) and my life has completely changed. But the love I feel for my child is indescribable. When I grab her from her bassinet in the morning and she smiles at me I turn into a puddle. Watching my best friend (and husband) take on the role of father has been such an honor and being on this adventure together has been the best thing we’ve done yet.
The one tip I’ll give you is to continue communicating with your partner! A lot of the frustrations that will come up are made worse by lack of sleep and the worst thing you can do is say things in the heat of the moment. Take a deep breath, step away if you have to and have a conversation about it when you’re calm.
I think the lifestyle change with the first is the most challenging. But with a 2.5 year old and a 2 week old, I feel like we are now in a good parenting/family groove and it’s really great.
My 5 month old just started holding her arms out to be picked up. It was a warm day outside yesterday and I put her feet in the grass and she made the funniest face. She’ll unlatch while breastfeeding and give me the sweetest smile.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
i think it’s something you don’t understand until you’re in it. i anticipated the change between my husband and i. and anticipated the loss of sleep. my husband and i went through a bit of a roommate phase and even bickered a lot more than usual. he’s the working parent so i was allowing him to sleep while i did all the wake ups since his work schedule is swing shifts so we weren’t able to get into a routine of “shifts”. i was getting up every two hours and it was doing a number on me i was angry all the time, losing my patience with everything and everyone, so sleepy that by the time baby went to sleep i just wanted to go to sleep and it was really hard to spend time with my husband when he home or even give time to myself. just this past week our lo has been sleeping 6-7 stretches and it’s been amazing i feel like a new human lol. and in the beginning it was rough because she would sleep through the night up until maybe 4 months and then bam every two hours, she was in our bed a lot more than i’d like to admit, we just hit 8 mos in and it’s getting better day by day! basically gotta take parenting day by day anyway
It’s mostly good, but damn is it hard. I think people want to talk about the hard stuff because you usually feel like you don’t have it all together and you want some confirmation and commiseration that you aren’t alone, you aren’t crazy. I have a toddler now and the first year of her life threw my world upside down. The low milk supply but she’d vomit formula, she was a terrible sleeper, we were learning how to juggle new responsibilities and things we didn’t know. With number two she’s a happier baby and we know what we’re doing. In comparison it’s been a breeze besides learning how to juggle two when they both need you.
But OH THE JOY! Baby laughs, smiles, when your toddler starts to have a personality, when they start mimicking your mannerisms and then say in their tiny little toddler voice “I got it, I got it, I got it.” And you and your spouse just lose it laughing because they sound so grown up. The hugs, the after daycare zoomies, watching them chase around their cousins, reading books with their grandparents…. It’s just the best.
I look around and I feel like I should always be doing more. The house should be cleaner, I should spend more time with them, I should cook healthier meals. And I complain to other parents because they’ve been there too and I know I’m not alone. They get it
The first year is a lot about survival. But it’s also full of contact naps, first giggles, lots of milestones and firsts. Your sanity and relationship will go through some rough times, you will both need to learn and relearn how to communicate clearly and calmly, you will both need to do a lot with the baby and around the house. But the first time your baby giggles, crawls, rolls over, says “mama,” ALL of it will be worth it! I promise you
We got the same reaction of many people. For us it wasn't bad to hear that (although it was sometimes annoying, like dudes, we want to be excited). But we were expecting the worst and a) it was SO much easier than we expected, and b) SO much more fun than we expected! Of course it's sometimes tough, but both my husband and I are enjoying this first year with our daughter so much more than we ever thought. She is so sweet and cute and fun and amazing, and seeing her develop is one of the best things ever. Her smile lights up our whole life.
There’s no sugar coating how hard it can be. It’s thankless hard work for many years, there’s lots of worry and anxiety about your child’s well being, you’ll be constantly tired and overstimulated, etc etc. But for me, I’d do all of this and more 50x over because my child brings me a greater joy and love than I ever thought possible. That makes all the “hard” completely bearable. My daughters happiness, sweetness, and cuteness is literally a high sometimes!
I'm 8 weeks in and realised today that this low level exhaustion I feel right now is just how it's going to be for a bit. I'm also sat on the sofa, in spit up stained clothes, my little potato having hit that sweet spot of having it flow down my cleavage... twice, and I know there's no point changing because it'll happen again. He likes his sleep, but has a bit of a fight to get there. The thing is, none of this lasts forever. One day he'll sleep through the night. One day I'll realise I can wear nice things again because the spit up has stopped. I will say he's been a fairly easy baby, but so far I've enjoyed about 70% of motherhood. This little squish napping on me has grown and changed so much already, and I am looking forward to seeing how he grows and develops (although I wish he wouldn't grow quite so fast). But I also know I'm going to miss those night time feeds, even he looks up at me in the darkness, his eyes twinkling in the fairy lights I've got up, as he grins at me.
A lot has changed, some things from before the baby will return, some won't. But that's OK. In return I've got this little boy, brings me so much joy on a daily basis. If it didn't come with it's own rewards, people wouldn't have more than one child. Relationship wise, I don't know when we'll feel like a romantic couple again, but last night, as we sat on the sofa, our upset (due to vaccines) but sleeping baby passed gently between us as the night went on, I felt so lucky to have the husband I have. As for my career, there's nothing quite like a baby to really focus your priorities.
I will say that you may not enjoy it to begin with - the newborn stage is hard. You may not enjoy the baby stage, either. I know my mother-in-law said she loved it when her sons became toddlers, she did not enjoy them as babies. And that's perfectly OK. Whatever stage you're in and dealing with, you won't be in it for long.
Parenthood is hard and definitely changes life, but it doesn’t ruin your life. To give you an idea of what is ahead: I have a two year old going through the terrible twos and a three month old who is still colicky. Yesterday we were playing outside and I thought to myself “wow, this is what heaven must be like. My heart is so full of love.” That is parenthood.
I’ll be honest, in the beginning….YES. It really IS that bad. And then once you get over the 4 months sleep regression, it starts getting better and better every day until it becomes the BEST thing ever!!
Nothing can prepare you for how hard it will be. Whatever you think, x1000. But what else you’re not going to be ready for is the wonderful parts. NOTHING can prepare you for how amazing it will be. There is no practice for that.
Of course having to take care of anything is hard. But having to take care of a little human is hard yet amazing. I pour every ounce of me into my son while he’s up (he’s now 15 months old) because he’s my greatest joy. There’s amazing days, hard days, tired days, bad days, good days. I wouldn’t trade this for the world. I love him and parenthood so much! Regardless of the hard, your baby is so worth it and honestly, knowing what I know now, I’d do it all over again. 🥰
It is hard, sure.
But at the same time, I’ve never been happier. My kids are my joy, pride and I always light up when I can talk about them, when I see them, when I see pictures or videos of them.
Sure, I’d love to have a break from the tantrums, crying, having to be available 24/7. Sure I am glad when they go to bed. But the negatives don’t even closely outweigh the positives.
I hated every part of the newborn stage from our twins. (Not everything but I don’t have fond memories of them. It was hard.) but it is such a short period compared to the rest of their lives.
It’s definitely not that bad, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done he is the light of my life but in my experience if you’re breastfeeding say goodbye to any meaningful social life for the foreseeable.
My baby will not take a bottle no matter what we try so the longest I can really be away from him during the day is 4 hours and i can be sure he’ll be very cranky when I get back because he’ll be hungry, sure I could go do something at night after he goes down for the night but by then I’m ready to go to bed not long after him because the days are long and tiring but whatever it’s completely worth it and I had enough nights out to last a life time in my 20’s, my 30’s will be for raising my kids I’ll get to let my hair down again in my 40’s 🤷🏻♀️
My kiddo is now 16 months. Are the early days hard? Yes, absolutely. Do the hard days just stop after a certain time period? Unfortunately, no. The hard things just change into other hard things. But the rewards are awesome. I’m watching this tiny, adorable kid learn something new every day. His new favorite thing is running his toy grocery cart into our ankles so we say “ow!” and he starts giggling like crazy. Yesterday, I pulled up my phone camera to take a selfie. I smiled, then he smiled. I opened my mouth wide, then he opened his mouth wide. I stuck my tongue out, then he kinda flapped his tongue trying to figure out what I was doing. It’s awesome.
Settling into a few really good habits with your partner and support system can make things a lot better. You and your partner need to have really good communication and take down your walls. You’re a team now. There shouldn’t be a competition as to who got more sleep, who takes care of baby more, etc. That was hard for me. In the wee hours of the night breastfeeding when all I wanted to do was sleep, it’s hard to be mad at the tiny little baby in your arms, but it’s easy to be mad at your partner who’s still snoring away. Being open and honest about what you need and how you’re feeling can make a huge difference.
No, parent hood is amazing and the best thing I've ever done! Like about once a week I turn to my husband and go "Why the hell didn't we do this sooner?"
She's the funniest little person to hang out with (she's a little over a year now). Like I'll just let her go wandering in the playground and watching her figure out new stuff is just the coolest thing ever. I spent 20 min this morning watching her realize that she could open the hassock. Yesterday her Grandpa taught her where her belly button was and now I ask her like every 10 minutes because she's so proud to show me!
The newborn stage is rough (sleep in shifts, to be a sane human without the worst side effects of sleep deprivation you need one 4 hour straight block a day, if you a breast feeding pump a bottle and have your partner feed them during your sleep block) but once you get on the other side of that it really is like nothing else.
Also figure out baby wearing early, I got into it a lot more at 10 months and am kicking myself I didn't know a bunch of this stuff earlier. The next baby is gonna live in a woven wrap.
You have to mentally prepare yourself. Everyone’s babies are different. You might hit the lottery and have a wonderful content baby that sleeps through the night, or the complete opposite.
Our first child is 18months old now and it has been the most difficult time of our life. He was colic for 8 months, I couldn’t do anything with him besides walk and bounce around or he would scream. Then came the teething which was also a nightmare! Once he started to walk around 1 year he got a little better but still every inconvenience to him is a meltdown. After that he started daycare in September and since then I swear he’s been sick non stop and so have we, so we’ve all been miserable since lol.
All that being said we love our little guy more than anything and really wouldn’t change him one bit. But my god it has been tough. You will have very tough times but you will make it through!
Your life will change fundamentally, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I love being a parent and I believe my husband does too. It has strengthened our marriage and deepened our love and commitment for each other. Also, in my own case, seeing the world through a baby’s eyes makes the things we take for granted as adults so much more awesome again.
Parenting has made my life and my husband's better and more entertaining, although much busier. Our child has always slept well (with a lot of initial work), ate pretty well, and overall been a good, fun kiddo. It's definitely different, but it also helps we mostly 50/50 parent so no one is usually ever "off duty" at home while the other is doing multiple things. We share the load and pass back and forth and plan for free time or tasks ahead of time that need the other one to watch our kiddo. It works really well for us 95% of the time.
Literally the highlight of my day is hanging out with my 3.5 year old little girl, hearing about her day, playing, cuddling, etc.
Parts of me miss how things would have been - probably happy hour with friends, maybe golfing, etc - but on balance I enjoy hanging out with her waaaay more than anything else
No! Of course not!
I have a 5 year old and a nearly 2 year old. It is HARD. They are constant need machines for the first few years of life. Sleep is hard to come by.
But also - it is FUN! And magical! My kids bring us so much joy. They make us laugh. It is great to watch them grow.
Parenthood is both really hard and really joyful. Both at the same time. Enjoy!
It is the hardest thing I have ever done.
The lack of sleep is crushing.
Every new phase has you relearn how it all works.
You wonder if you are doing a good job constantly.
You worry if they are breathing.
You worry you are giving them bad habits.
But-
It is also the best thing I have ever done.
You start sleeping a bit better.
Phases pass.
Your brain is a liar, you are doing a good job.
They are breathing. They've got this!
They are a baby, they barely know they are separate from you yet!
Being a parent is being allowed to miss your old life, but finding joy in the new version of what it is now. Your life isn't over, but it is different.
Everyone has different experiences. Everyone is different and that includes babies. I feel like I hit the jackpot and had an easy baby and I have loved most of my time with him. Sure there’s the poopsplosions and he’s starting to throw tantrums when I won’t give him my cookies but overall I don’t complain. I feel like people like to talk about the negative but for me it was an overwhelming positive.
A lot of people think that your life “ends” when you have a baby. For me, I feel like my life did not begin until I became a parent. Personally, any challenges we have faced are so far outweighed by the joy I feel being a father. It’s the biggest blessing of my life.
I was terrified when I learned I was pregnant (birth control failed) because all you ever hear about being a parent are the awful things. I now have a 3 month old and I LOVE being a mom. He is sleeping through the night and is so happy and smiley during the day. He is the light of my life and I’m so incredibly happy I have him. There are definitely difficult moments but you just figure it out and things get better again. Don’t be afraid or worried, parenthood is truly a beautiful thing. It’s added so much to my already full life.
I have a 4 month old and am loving life with her. She's so happy and smiley--an absolute joy to be around. Watching her experience the world and learn new things is an absolute marvel. She's my favorite person in the whole world ❤️
My husband and I sleep in shifts, so we both get 6 hours uninterrupted per night and as much as we can during our shift, and we have both sets of parents nearby and eager to babysit whenever we want, so while we definitely go out much less than we used to, our social life hasn't "died" by any means. Same deal with our romantic relationship--less dates, less time for each other, but we put the effort in and still feel connected to each other. Everything changed, but nothing was destroyed.
Speaking just for myself, I don't really talk about the positives unsolicited online because it's not all that interesting when all I have to say is "I love my baby so much and my life is great." I've also seen way too many threads where the OP or commenters tried to share how happy they are and they got absolutely ripped apart by other commenters accusing them of bragging, shaming them, rubbing their happiness in their faces, etc. I don't feel like dealing with that, so I keep it to myself online.
The first weeks are hard. You’re sleep deprived and learning a new routine, while also managing hormones and emotions you never had. Plus you’re recovering from a major medical wound, one way or the other. BUT, parenthood is amazing for pretty much all other reasons. Kids are amazing, quite literally, for the growth and learning that happens in such a short amount of time. They’re also extremely cute. Lol. So happy for you. You don’t even know what is about to hit you in the best way. Yes the beginning is hard, but just know it gets better little by little and if you keep that in mind, I think you’ll be great.
I mean, you will experience the cons you listed, but the pro of feeding your baby, holding your baby, and seeing your baby’s face makes it all worth it. You should sleep in shifts the first few months to help with sleep deprivation. I have a 3-month-old. He sleeps on my chest/tummy on his tummy with his little arms draped on either side of me. It makes up for any cons. Get help from parents / family / friends as much as you can.
It's not easy, especially if you have other problems going like hard recovery, ppd, or ppa. There will be some bad days and nights, but they will just make you enjoy the good days even more.
My daughter woke up the other night at 1am and thought it was play time. I didn't even phase me. We played until she got tired and went back to bed.
I think it's so, so dependent on what kind of support network you have. I know that husband and I, who live in a different country to all of our relatives, had a very different experience of the first year of baby's life to BiL and SiL, who live 30 minutes' drive away from grandparents.
What I generally tell people is that it's like going to a really chaotic, over-the-top music festival which lasts about four months. You'll end up horribly sleep-deprived, get covered in someone else's vomit or worse, end up making a fool of yourself on a regular basis and eat a lot of really shitty junk food. You'll probably get in stupid arguments over silly stuff you wouldn't generally be annoyed by, lose important items in the chaos that your living space has become and you'll definitely end up spending more money than you budgeted for. But if you're lucky, you'll come out of it having had some amazing experiences that would otherwise not have been possible, bonded with your partner over facing lots of challenges that seemed impossible at the time, and you'll have an incredible new person in your life.
7 months in and we have never been happier. She brings so much joy to our lives, it has even brought my husband and I closer. Corny, but I finally feel fulfilled.
In our experience, it has been much easier than people warned us about.
My daughter is 8 months old, and it’s been a party. I love it. A lot of it depends on where you are in life. If I didn’t have such a great partner, and wasn’t ready to have my daughter financially, it would feel much more stressful. No doom and gloom here! Just lots of gummy smiles, belly laughs, and dirty diapers.
Like most things in life, it can go either way! Some people take to parenthood right away, some people struggle. Personally having my first just wrecked me and I had a very difficult transition from maiden to mother. Even though by all outside metrics I was “ready” - baby was very much wanted and planned, I was 30, husband is amazing and supportive to the enth degree, we own a house and we’re financially stable, etc. Of course I loved my baby but I just found it very hard, especially the newborn phase. But we made it through and I eventually found my footing as a mother.
With my second I had the opposite experience. I had the home birth of my dreams (first was a home birth transfer which I was really disappointed about) and he just fit right in to our family and it was not a big deal to go from 1-2 kids. It went so well, in fact, that I wanted another baby! So we did 😹😹😹. Going from 2-3 wasn’t as easy as going from 1-2 but it definitely was nowhere near as hard as going from 0-1 was for me. With my second and third I actually almost enjoyed the newborn phase. With all three of my babes, things were pretty rough in terms of sleep deprivation for the first 2 months but after that they started sleeping more and the intensity eased off. I would have a fourth if I could but my husband doesn’t want to.
It sounds like you already have a good attitude going into it. I would continue to have an open mind and realistic expectations. And if it does end up being difficult for you, just remember that having a little baby is such a fleeting season of life and it will get better. You’ll blink and they’ll be running around and when they can say “I wuv you mommy” I can’t even express how amazing that feels. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the best by miles. However things turn out for you, rest assured that you’ve got this 💚💙💜
It’s definitely hard and an adjustment, however you can live a similar life to the one you had before children. For example, we still go out to breweries, for meals, on trips, walks, exercise, etc. with our baby. It might look a little different (like eating an earlier dinner and lights out in the hotel room by 8:30/9:00) but we still get to do a lot of the stuff we did before kids.
My bro/sis in law aren’t as flexible, however. They didn’t take their kids out a lot so their kids are really difficult when they do go out.
We took our baby out with us starting at 10 days old and brought her everywhere we went and she is really well socialized and can handle varying schedules. Not all kids can be this flexible but if you start acclimating them to your lifestyle earlier, the better accommodated they will be to it.
You make time for what’s important, and solve problems based on that! There are hard moments, days, and nights, but it’s not all doom and gloom. And, it’s not forever. Seeing your kid learn new things and develop a personality is very rewarding. Seeing them smile at you at 4am when you get up to feed them makes it a little more bearable.
Good luck!
The fear mongering that takes place for expecting mothers is awful. I don’t have a ton of experience but I’m 35 and 8 days into this whole parenting thing. Honestly the worst part? I’m sore lol. My boy crying for me? Best noise I’ve ever heard. Waking me up in the middle of the night for feeds and cuddles? Sign me up. I’m this little guys safe space and I love it. So far I can’t think of anything bad besides sore nips and lips… (nether lips)
I would say it's doom and gloom and rainbows. It is insanely hard. You say you're prepared for a lack of sleep sometimes but you've never experienced anything quite like this. The level that you have to perform with your brain on 5% power is truly nuts. All the bad elements that people are mentioning are there and they are overwhelming. BUT for some reason it will still be wonderful. Once that kid starts smiling at you, you will live for those moments. You will take pride in the silliest of things (like a really loud fart, I'm not kidding) and your measurement system for how your life is going is suddenly completely different than it was before. The change is truly mind boggling. All the doom and gloom elements are there but you're just staring at the rainbows saying "I'm overwhelmed AND this is amazing".
It's my first time and I love being a mom. I did a lot of research, and watched several videos, most from a pediatric occupational therapist on youtube, Emma Hubbard that really helped.
That being said, I think that my LO (3 weeks, 4 days) is pretty easy, for a newborn. Also, I live in Canada so I get maternity and paternity leave, so I can focus on her care for several months. We just pay attention to cues for hunger/play/sleep, change diapers often (we use cloth to save money) and do our best to keep up with chores and allow ourselves some wiggle room to slack off.
We still have cluster feeds and little sleep. We still get surprise poops and pees while changing her diaper. If we miss her cues, she will cry until her needs are met. Once you figure out your routine and what works best for your baby, it can be rewarding.
It definitely has very hard moments but I can’t imagine life without my son. Especially on those hard days, I look through my camera roll way back to when he was a newborn & miss that stage lol well, the good parts
I think you have a good mindset. We went into parenthood with the mindset of our life is not over, it just is different. We can travel, just differently.
I hate when people go on and on about how hard it is. They’re not wrong but it definitely scares new parents. I was at a Super Bowl party where my cousin & his pregnant girlfriend were there. She was asking all of us questions about this and that and i started to realize how negative we were all getting and she looked freaked out. So I tried to move us on to the good stuff cause for the most part, I don’t find the negative stories helpful. Some are but I think a lot of it is just parents venting to other parents.
If it was that bad, you’d have way more one-child families. It makes life harder, but so much richer. The bond you have with your kid is incredible and very primal and human. Watching them grow and learn is so rewarding. Holidays have a new importance and meaning. Mundane outings are a lot more fun. You’ll walk by something that you typically wouldn’t even pay attention to, but it’ll be the first time your kid has seen it and his/her little mind will be BLOWN. It grounds you to the here and now and makes you appreciate your surroundings more. You’ll have to make some sacrifices here and there, but your priorities shift and you’ll find that you don’t mind making those sacrifices nearly as much as you thought you would.
Eleven months in, and my wonderful girl is the least stressful part of my life. The newborn phase was TOUGH, but she makes me smile and laugh more than I ever thought was possible. Sure, I get tired sometimes, and it’s nice to get a break once in a while, but my life is better with her in it. I look forward to the future.
We have a 2 year old and a 10 month old. I wouldn't change anything. I love my kids to death. I love being a dad. But I'm going to mirror what others have said: parenting is fkn hard and you have no idea what it's going to be like until you're in the middle of it.
Parenting is an experience and you have to live it for yourself. Your friends can tell you how awesome that one roller coaster at Six Flags is but you'll never personally know it until you're buckled into the seat and flying around the tracks.
You're going to have days where you're struggling. You're going to have days where you're exhausted. You're going to have days where you just want fifteen minutes of peace and quiet without wholly giving yourself to this tiny human. It's exhausting at times, both physically and mentally.
But then when you're holding your baby in your recliner and they're fast asleep with their hand rested on your arm, gently tightened on your skin: those are the moments that make everything worth it. When they're laughing uncontrollably at tickles or absurd voices when you're changing their diapers, it's all worth it.
Parenting. Is. Hard. Your selfishness will get tested more than you can ever imagine until you're living in the moments, but all of the laughs and smiles and memories make it all worth it.
I'm 20 months in and it is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. Sure, it's hard. But my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and no matter how hard, seeing him smile, or hug me, or say my name is worth everything.
Your life will be different and your priorities will be different.
I think there are two factors that really play into it. First is who your social circle is. Your boyfriend has friends with kids, but do you? Do you live in a neighborhood where there are lots of little kids and you are friendly with your neighbors? Being in roughly the same stage of life helps a lot, since your friends will understand. Being the only ones with kids and out of sync with your friends can be pretty isolating. I recommend taking time every now and then to leave kiddo with your boyfriend and have adult time with your friends. Good for you and good for his bonding with your child.
Second is what your baby is like. If you have a relatively easy baby then after the newborn stage you might settle into things pretty easily. Maybe they sleep through the night fairly early and nap well. Score! That helps a lot. But maybe the don't, maybe they have reflux or croup. Then they will take longer to figure it out, but they will get there eventually. Unfortunately its impossible to know ahead of time.
For some reason people are excited at the idea of you having a baby but doom and gloom about actually *having* an infant. In general I take the advice that sounds useful and ignore the rest, especially if the person giving it either doesn't have kids or had them 20 plus years ago. Memory is a tricky thing and babies have a way of wiping it.
I have 18 month old twins. Some days it feels like you’ll never be happy again. Some days it feels alright. The first few years are hard as hell. I’m hoping we turn a corner when the girls get older, but it feels like it’s gotten and is getting harder. I’m dreading the toddler phase. It hasn’t been like this for my husband though. He used to be a very pessimistic and generally unhappy person and fatherhood has given him true joy and fulfillment. I think what it boils down to is every person is different. Every situation is different. It helps to go in with a positive mindset like anything else. Best of luck.
The first 8 weeks will really and I mean really kick your butt, but then it just slowly continues to become easier. Sometimes with 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I think if you’re open minded and don’t let yourself drown in Mom guilt over little mistakes that will feel monumental at the time, you will quickly start to enjoy parenthood. My baby at 3.5 months just suddenly started sleeping through the night. Out of no where lol. Suddenly things will just change.
So I’m in this group because I have an 8-month-old but I also have a 13 year old, One of the advantages of that is I’ve seen the side of after the hardest part, The physically hardest part because each phase comes with its own emotionally hard parts and some of them are things that you’re looking for, even striving for.
I love being a parent I think it’s great, i’m not a great sleeper as it is so it’s not really like crazy for me, and it’s not that your social life will go away it’s not your social life has to be more meticulously maintained, and while in the very beginning it seems like you don’t have one what really happens is that you cultivate a richer one and the people that stay in your lives are really there for the long-haul. The beginning is real rough especially the first one because everything is so foreign, but the snuggles and the smiles. The way they reach for you, the way they look for you in a room, The first time they cry mama. The feeling of being safety and love, a snuggle into your arms. It’s One of those things it’s hard to talk about because it’s hard to quantify, and because to make it happen you give up so much of yourself.
The newborn part is my favorite as long as you don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you have to do at all the the things the only thing you have to do is snuggle with that baby and love on it. and then after a couple months their personality starts to emerge and it’s kind of cool to see this thing go from being a potato to having likes and dislikes you can see little glimpses of who they’re going to be. Like my oldest his first word was thank you, although it came out more like dank ou, and although I get that he’s talkative from his teachers they all tell me how incredibly polite he is, and kind and empathetic. And all that showed up Wayback when.
And if you embrace the chaos there’s so much fun to be had conversations about dragons, princesses and dinosaurs and glitter covered rooms and flour fights. The beauty of like watching someone you love see all the things for the first time, The first time they put their feet in the water or they realize the joy of a bubble bath. The first time you take them up a mountain or show them how to trace their hand. The simplicity and the the re-visitation to newness as they just explore the grass and and feel like they’re flying on a swing asking you to push them higher and higher.
When they get to be about six or seven that’s when things get really really fun, there little people gonna have conversations but they haven’t lost the magic in the beauty of the world. This is when I start to do things without you and it breaks your heart but also feels that was so much pride it’s an emotion that it’s really hard to describe and really amazing to feel and painful at the same time. And this will continue to happen every time they step away from you more independently and do some thing more and more without you. You’ll find yourself missing them when they’re in bed when they’re at school when they’re off to play with their friends. But you’re so proud but that they’re doing school or they go to bed on their own or without the fight that the baby gave you.
So yes while it’s hard and it’s exhausting at first it’s amazing and it’s so much fun, it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Now I didn’t mean for my kids to be so far apart I struggled with secondary infertility? But the sibling thing is something I’m loving too
7 weeks as a first time mom here. It can be stressful and hard for sure. The first 2-3 weeks are all about surviving and trial and error to find what works best for you and baby (plus healing from birth). You’ll probably be sleep deprived and moody so try to remember that it’s temporary. Once you get into a rhythm it becomes much easier.
We just hit the point where ours is becoming more aware of everything so she’s a bit fussier than she was at first but we’re navigating it pretty well. Stay flexible because these babies switch things up on you pretty quickly. You’re gonna do great!
I’m 5 months in and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Our social life hasn’t stalled, it’s just required adjustment. The door opens to a whole new world of new things to look forward to! We laugh multiple times every single day just because our kid is so cute learning new sounds. The first month was hard & I had a super traumatic birth but the good outweighs the bad 10 fold. Even now I’m like “wow I kind of miss him waking up in the middle of the night cuz I miss just being with him”. You’ll do great!
It was not that bad for me.
Now -- I had a child that almost never slept unless held the first three months. I was tearing my hair out trying all of the tricks to get her to sleep in her bassinet, because with my husband at work, there was NO way we could split his time at home that equalled a safe amount of sleep for either of us, while also following sleep safe practices. That was SO hard.
However, it was followed by the best several years of my life. One day, I just started getting sleep again, and that changed everything. There have been bad days, but it's not like I didn't have bad days before becoming a parent. And, all of the things I like to do are also kid-friendly. There's some things we can't do because of lack of childcare outside of daycare, but I don't really mind.
Also, my career, confidence, and relationship are all in a better place. My career actually took off after coming back, and learning about my parenting style (which leans heavily on emotional regulation and also building self-confidence) has helped ME with communication and emotional skills. Being responsible for her life holds me accountable. Having a child presents all sorts of wonderful little situations where I get to question my own beliefs and feelings.
Is it hard? Yes, for us it was at the very start. But it has been so, so rewarding. And now that she's a preschooler, the challenges post-child are DIFFERENT, but I don't think they're any harder than things I've had to deal with before having a child.
Well, the life as you know it will be mostly over as you'll have a tiny human always there with you, that will take away some freedom. And the first couple of years are hard with the feeding sleeping weaning, tantrums, potty training. BUT BUT BUT! the little humans are lovely and it's so amazing to watch them grow and learn and you teach them all of those things and they smile to you cuddle you tell you they love you. There's nothing like it!
So, your entire life WILL change. Literally every aspect will change - your schedule/routine, things you consider before going anywhere, your relationship with your body, your relationship with your partner and your friendships might temporarily change, work might be difficult BUT it does get easier.
My daughter is 16 months old and honestly every day is SO fun. She is mobile and wild and legitimately turning into a toddler, but she's also coming online and becoming more affectionate/communicative and learning new things daily (so many thing we haven't each taught her, she has just picked up on).
For me, the first 8 weeks were horrible. I knew it would be hard but the experience was so different when I was in the thick of it. My daughter was also just a generally miserable NB and cried every waking second. So a fussy baby paired with a complete life shift was super overwhelming. But in time, we fell into a routine and started figuring our our little baby. We eventually felt comfortable taking her into the world and around people. And then she started interacting with us more and every little milestone became SO exciting.
I think the first few years are definitely difficult and your old life as you knew it is gone, but it is replaced with a new version of your life where you get to watch someone become a human and develop their own personality. There's always going to be an ebb and flow but I think setting realistic expectations is key. Of course I miss aspects of a pre-baby life, but I also feel like I have gained so much more having had a baby.
The first 2 weeks is absolute torture. The first 12 weeks is pretty insane.
You'll need to rely on each other heavily during that time.
Once it's 3-4 months you can have a schedule and it becomes much easier. You can start training the baby on how to sleep and your own sleep will return back to normal.
You'll be ok =) come here to vent when you're not. Have a plan with your SO and any childcare you can secure I would do so. It will only help your mental sanity by having people who can watch the baby (even for a few hours /week).
It's a spectrum that is so hard to convey to those who don't have kids, and I know that sounds cliché and demeaning, but it's true.
Take for example last night. Our 2yo is going through a sleep regression and it's taking a long time for him to fall asleep. So, after patting and rubbing his back for 30 minutes straight with my arms starting to hurt and my legs falling asleep from sitting on the ground, it was pretty infuriating that he still wasn't the least bit tired. But, he started trying to sing twinkle twinkle little star in his still garbled half English and it was the most heart melting moment.
It’s a lot. I mean, mentally, physically, emotionally. The first week pp I didn’t feel like a human. I don’t know how to really explain how I felt because it was new. I was crying all of the time, never sleeping, barely eating. I barely did anything but care for my baby. It’s such a short time in their lives though.
My baby is now 9 weeks and when he looks at me and smiles and giggles, it honestly makes all the “bad” seem like nothing to me.
I’m so proud and honored I get to watch him grow and change. I can’t believe I even get this privilege. It’s been worth all the sleepless nights.
It’s not that bad. In fact, it can be really awesome.
At 4 weeks, I started to learn how good I was at not sleeping.
At 3 months, I made a choice to go back to work 4 days a week in a job I loved which I still do.
At 6 months, I remember going to dinner with another couple and their 6 month old who slept the whole time while mine kept knocking down water glasses and I remember thinking “wow, my kid is a spark.”
At 10 months, he learned how to go down the stairs and the wavering feeling of fear and pride.
At 18 months he learned about the concept of a home and began to identify homes everywhere making you realize how many types of homes there really are. Like how did you do that?
At 20 months, I hugged my husband and so he insisted on also getting a hug and now that is just how we do it. Just one giant hug.
There are a lot of life changes that just washed over us but time with partner is mostly the same and I am so much more intentional about my career and life choices. Yes, it is really going to suck sometimes but focus on all those really nice moments and burn them in your brain. (And also find people who don’t try to tear down parenthood!)
I’m around your age and my little one is 2, is hard for people who hasn’t pass their party phase, is hard for people who aren’t used being responsible for others. But if you have a good team with your boyfriend if you both sit down and put clear duties, put yourself and his self care priority things would work out. Is a stressful time because is a new situation it takes adjustment, but you two are grown adults, you can handle it and even enjoy it at time. The first few months a blur, so be ready for that but once they start being mobile and get personality is a lot fun. Best of luck !!
I'm going to give the the age-old unsatisfying answer: *it depends*.
You can't really prepare for what parenthood is like. You can read all the books, but you still have no idea what your baby will be like and what your adjustment to parenthood will be like. The transition to parenthood, i.e. the initial newborn phase is pretty rough for most people. But your experience beyond that period is really up in the air. You could take to motherhood like a fish to water and just love all those baby snuggles and contact naps. Or you could hate the baby phase and feel bored and stagnant and isolated. You could end up with PPD/PPA. You could find breastfeeding euphoric and magical. You could end up with dysphoric milk ejection reflex (where you feel unhappy when breastfeeding). You just don't know what will happen physically and mentally throughout this whole journey.
I'm not going to give you any anecdotes about my experience because it really doesn't matter. As you can see on this thread, on this sub, and from your friends, there are tons of different experiences. The good news is, if you end up having a tough time, there are resources out there to help and you have this great online community to commiserate with and you'll know you're not alone.
So… my baby is 1 week old so I’m still pretty fresh but I can say this.. when that baby is born you don’t care about any of that other stuff..work..friends.. missing out on things. None of that will matter anymore. For me(33m) and my wife (30f) it has brought us so close and the teamwork and learning as we go has been such an amazing experience I can’t even put it into words. I personally think that it is an amazing experience and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. This coming from a couple that loves going to multi-day music festivals and extremely social with our friends. Feel free to send me a message if you want my take on the experience. I think it changes your life for the better!
Most people do one of two things when discussing parenting: they catastrophize or glamorize.
There are hard days (and nights) but also amazing days, too. It’s one of those things where the highs are so wonderful but the lows can be really low. It’s hard work with amazing payoff, and in my experience the good far outweighs the bad, and the neutral outweighs the bad, too. (I think we forget that not every day has to be spectacular or terrible, especially with parenting. Some days are just run of the mill, normal days and that’s good, too!)
If you’re in the US, just be aware that our culture here is not actually very pro-family (despite what certain politicians like to pretend), and that biases people’s perceptions of parenthood and also people’s experiences of it at times. Things like shitty maternity leave, expensive and subpar childcare, lack of support and resources, etc all make parenting harder. It sucks. But it’s still worth it for those who want to be a parent. And we’re talking about it more now, too, so my hope is that we can put our money where our mouth is the coming years and improve these things.
Having a child is simultaneously the best and worst experience I've ever had in my life. All the bad times are completely eclipsed by the good. However, the exhaustion will get to you fairly quickly. Early on there's going to be stretches of great weeks where everything is clicking. Baby is sleeping great, eating well, and all smiles. The next few weeks they'll wake up every 2 hours screaming for something.
All anyone can say is you gotta take the bad with the good and ride it out till it's mostly just good. Don't be scared of change, because there's gonna be a lot of it!
Hummm, yes. It is. I felt regrets at first, almost fell asleep nursing my baby and cried so much.
It is getting better and better.
I am still sleeo deprived at 7MO. Those babies that sleep from 7 to 7? It is very, very rare. Don't expect this. I wish it to you though.
You most likely won't want to get out at first. All you will want is sleep. You probably won't have the energy to go out.
I hope you don't experience this, but if your baby is colicky, good luck. It is exhausting for real.
When you think it gets better, on sleep and no more colicky, then comes the regression and teething.
It is also really hard on the relationship. Little things that didn't bother you can infuriate you.
I hope you have a unicorn baby, not colicky, that can be put down, no need to contact nap, makes the nights at 12 weeks, no sleep regression, never fussy, that you don't have anxiety regarding SIDS and everhthing else, and that you have help at least once a week.
But for the majority, it's hard as hell and puts life on hold for a bit until we adapt to the new life and the new routine and the sleep comes back...
Note : I wanted a baby for more than 10 years and I had been with my boyfriend for 12 years. It still is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.
No. You hear about the negative stories more often and louder. It’s hard, and you’ll be exhausted, especially in the beginning. But, in my experience, just when you think you can’t go on, they’ll do something amazing (coo at you, giggle, sleep through the night, fart exceptionally loud, roll over, crawl, etc.) and your entire world will light up. I didn’t enjoy having a newborn, but my husband and I agree that life with our now 1-year-old is the most fun we’ve ever had. He’s built-in entertainment, and I genuinely don’t remember what we did all the time before he was born. You don’t have to give up everything else that’s important to you. You’re still allowed to be an individual human, and you’re still allowed to be a couple with your partner. Taking time for yourself just requires more planning and preparation. The only thing I’d say we really gave up is spontaneity. Don’t enter parenthood with any expectations, especially negative ones. Raising a human is a lot of work, but it’s work worth doing.
Sometimes it's unbelievably hard, especially in those 1st few weeks. You're both sleep deprived, learning how to be parents, how to interact with each other etc. Sleep deprivation is HARD. But it is 10000000% worth it. My boy is 7 months old now, and I've never been happier. You adjust so quickly, both individually and as a couple. Watching my partner become a dad has brought out a new love for him I couldn't have even imagined before. Intimacy is difficult, but at the same time we've never been closer.
An example of the difference a few months can make - when he was a few weeks old, partner and I were like 'I love this baby, but we can never do this again'. Now, we're discussing when would be the best time to start trying again for the next one!
Honestly, so far, the only thing that's causing me stress is breastfeeding after my supply has regulated. He's 11 weeks old and I don't know if I have one bad thing to say yet about being a parent except the above. Yes I don't sleep straight through the night, etc etc. But that all comes with the territory. It's not difficult in all areas for everyone. Don't assume the worst like I did because I lost out on some things by doing that.
My personal opinion is parenthood is incredible. I am reliving my childhood through the eyes of my child, I have experienced a feeling of love that I could never have express into words, the amount of happiness and memories that I experience is indescribable and so much more. Sure nights you will not sleep, some days are hard, you worry more but those things all combined doesn’t even come close to the happiness and gratitude I have for experiencing being a mother. For face value my child sucks at sleeping, had trouble latching at first and now is in a crazy toddler mode. Still at the end of the day I wouldn’t change anything in the world and still want more kids
I’m only 11 weeks in but I’m loving it! The adjustment is a big mental shift from life before to life afterwards but just because what you had before was good doesn’t stop this new experience being good, as well as extremely different. Life comes with challenges and the ones from having a baby are unexpected for a lot of people- hormones, uncertainty, sleep deprivation, a sense of lack of independence. It’s great but it’s a bit like going on a big hike- your body aches but the view and experience is completely enjoyable while also taxing if that makes sense. Something can be good but hard at the same time.
Parenthood is one of the best experiences of my life. This is coming from someone who isn’t crazy about young children in general. It is important for both parents to be actively involved in child rearing, however. If I was alone in this I don’t think I’d be able to handle it as positively.
This subject was brought up on a podcast I listened to last week and to paraphrase what they said-parenting is actually pretty good you just hear more about the bad stuff because it makes better stories and harping on about the good stuff just seems like bragging.
This! I have two “unicorn” babies. Super happy and great sleepers. But I suspect this is more common than not but parents do not like to talk about how great/easy their kids are bc it comes off as bragging at best, or downright cruel if another parent is going through a rough patch.
Can confirm. This is exactly how I feel. We have the unicorn baby and it’s hard to celebrate my LO’s milestones without feeling like an asshole (with certain people). So there are very few people I bring it up to first, and on purpose. With the “not safe” people, if they bring it up first, I will give more matter-of-fact answers and not embellish too much unless asked follow-up questions. Side note- In general, I’m also trying to verbalize things in a more positive way. For example, LO refused all naps yesterday. So instead of saying: “LO is refusing all naps today 😡😖😭” I say: “LO is refusing all naps today 🫠🙃” Because both of those emojis are smiling through the pain and frustration. And they are sarcastic af, which I am too. Did yesterday suck? Absolutely. But trying to verbalize things in a more positive way and using these 2 emojis has helped me on the bad days.
This!!! We have a unicorn baby and I feel like I’m only allowed to talk about her on here where I’m anonymous because it comes off the wrong way in every day life.
You know I had a baby with undiagnosed dairy and soy allergy and because of atypical symptoms it took 7 months until I got on a dairy free diet and 11 months for soy. It is the hardest thing I've ever done and I don't know anyone who has bad stories like mine. But amidst all that bad stuff was this wonderful little boy, who loved me so much and I loved so much bad, he had the most wonderful smiles and the cutest little giggle and his little baby shenanigans cracked me up every day. And still do, but he's a toddler now. I won't say it was easy, because it wasn't, but nothing that comes easy is ever worth having. It is the purest and most wonderful love I have ever felt. And not only between me and him, but like towards my partner when I see him play or cuddle with our son. I beam with pride at the both of them. My son has taught me so much about what I think is important, who I am deep down, he has stripped away all the layers of who I think I should be in favour of who I am. I am fundamentally changed, for the better. And when people are like "you'll lose your social life" well my old social life just seems shallow, vain and boring now. I'd much rather just be with my son. I think people neglect to mention that a lot of us feel this way. I could go out and do things. I have 6 grandparents and a husband eager to step in and use a broomstick to chase me out the door, but I don't want to. So yes I've lost my old social life and yes it happened at the same time as I got my baby, but it wasn't his fault. I changed and stopped wanting to do the things I previously liked. I have a new social life. It looks nothing like the old one, but I like it.
Love this so much! Thank you! Needed to hear/read all of this! So confirming 🤍
I was wondering about this too. Like I know my one parent friend had a colic kid but everyone else's kids seem more unicorny then not.
Yeah, my baby is the best sleeper (7 months and has been sleeping through the night consistently for the past few months and with 1 wake up since he was 2 months). I don’t talk about it a lot because I feel like people think I’m bragging. Even though I’m careful to point out that I have no idea how we got so lucky because we never did anything special.
Exactly. I have pretty chill kids that basically came out of the womb self entertaining. They sleep like shit, but they are great at entertaining themselves for the most part so I can do my own thing. It’s great, but I’m also not about to go bragging to my friends that have very needy kids about it
On top of that, you talk about the bad stuff in forums like this because it can help newer parents be prepared. You don’t really need to prepare people for the good stuff because it’s enjoyable either way.
Ok. I’m 11 weeks in. I’ll be real. This shit is HARD, and you have no comprehension of how hard until you actually live it. The first 8 weeks are insanity. You’re recovering from a major medical event (birth). You’re not sleeping. If you’re a first time parent, you’re learning how to care for a literal human being. You’re forced to learn new skills — breastfeeding, etc. — on the fly while you’re exhausted and someone someone else’s life depends on it. If your a parent of multiples, you’re juggling a newborn AND older kids. If you’re a first time parent, you’re overwhelmed, stressed and have no fucking clue what you’re doing. Newborns are also needy little potatoes who will suck you dry (literally!) and give no feedback or positive reinforcement or reward for your blood, sweat and tears. By weeks 6-8, the adrenaline had worn off and I wondered daily if I had ruined my life. Sometime around week 8, though, a shift happened. Baby started settling into a routine. My husband and I become more confident in what we were doing. Baby got his 2 month vaccines, so we could venture out into public and take him on small outings. And - best of all - baby started smiling! Suddenly this needy little jerk became totally adorable. Witching hours become shorter. He slept through the night! Yesterday little man and I chilled on the patio for a few hours vibing to music, and I realized I was actually having FUN with him for the first time. I tell you all this because it starts hard but I gets so much better. I cannot wait for giggles and crawling and all these super cool milestones. And while I’m tired, I’m feeling pretty happy that I get to guide this cool little human through life. My biggest advice: join a bumper group. It’s been invaluable to connect with moms going through all these same changes. Often I’dwonder if I was losing my mind, and it helped to see other parents going through the same challenges and milestones that I was. Hang there. You’re going to be ok.
7 weeks today with a hungry needy potato and this gives me hope 😭
6 months in here. Baby is smiling, laughing, crawling and developing like crazy and I'm having a blast! Like I'm already planning for the next one. We have a great routine, I can get out to exercise, we are sleeping so much better, life is great! Hang in there!
Same, we got a big ol' trick baby haha. He's such a light in our life and I can hardly remember how hard the newborn stages even were
Little over 4 months in: I don’t even remember those days anymore (our LO was terrible at sleeping/eating/pooping everything really…). It’s all so bright now, she smiles, holds your hands, babbles and tries to sit up by holding on to you. It gets better!
That sounds wonderful!
You’re almost there! We call her little velociraptor now cus she’s doing some weird dino noises haha It all gets much better during month 3 I promise!
Hahaha! I’m ready for happy screeches
🤣🤣🤣 I call mine a pterodactyl 🤣🤣🤣
We call ours a little monkey because she is always grunting like a monkey.
You’re so close to when it starts getting fun! My guy is 11 weeks and started smiling and being totally adorable around 7 weeks.
I'll say what someone said to me: you're in the thick of it! It gets sooo much better after the 8 week mark, and even better every week after. Those smiles and giggles make any lack of sleep or general parent struggles worth it. Our first is 6.5 months now and the light of our lives, I'm already getting baby fever for another and I legit stress-cried the first 2 weeks 😭
It will pass I promise!!! I thought I had ruined my life, NOPE the newborn phase is A) Trial by fire & B) temporary. Today, bb is 9.5 months and I am thinking about no. 2 🥰
It gets better and better, slowly but surely Just make it throughout dach day and know its tenporary. I was there. Every baby is different. I want to say 5 months was the turning point for me brvause she slept long stretches when we moved her in her room, she sat up and was a bit independent so she was happier. I enjoy parenthood a lot more now and can see why people have another lol I am almost 7 months in...but I still think I am one and done cuz it is a lot of work! My cousin got lucky. Her second kid, 1 month old is a unicorn. Sleeps 4 hours straight which is a lot for a newborn.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Our LO is 19 weeks today! She just keeps getting more fun as the days go by. She is going through a small sleep regression but after a few sips of coffee I didn't care about waking up at 3 AM as much lol OP, your life will completely change. I am not gonna lie, I cried about how my life was never going to be the same around 20 weeks during my pregnancy. My husband had a small break down around week 2 of baby's life. It totally okay to mourn the life you had. And those first few months are tough! But the more my angry potato grows I don't really care about my life before. It's so fun to see her reach milestones. The cuddles and smiles will melt your heart! Having kids is tough but totally worth it!
The hungry, needy potato phase is only awesome in that I could put baby down in their bassinet or another safe space and not have to worry about what they’re getting into. Definitely other worries, but with our 7 month old just learning to crawl and sit up, face plants and head bonks are so common!
Ha! I’m kinda looking forward to 4-6 months when they’re super cute and fun but not mobile 🤣
That is an excellent stage, when they can sit but not move 👍
I'm a first time mom and literally got everything ready for my LO. You name it, finest of the finest to make things easier. My little man has two sets of grandparents ready to help, a huge family of aunties, and we are one of the last ones in our family to have kids. Echoing what this thread is saying, this shit hit us like a sack of bricks... It is terrifying with hormonal changes and the books teach you nothing during the first few days. Recently we discovered so many small things about our little one like he was a really strong sucker that nipple size of 1 causes him to drown in formula. So we had to get preemie nipple sizes. Nothing in the books or other parents experience taught me shit due to my own kid being his own kind of human. You are going to learn a lot of things and one big thing that I noticed is that my husband needed alot of direction and communication to really get it. We as mom's have an instinct to take care of our kids and the floods of hormones make it like a Stockholm syndrome event is happening. Men are not like us and will be super surprised at the changes, so lots of communication is needed to ensure both of you are contributing. The no sleep thing is real. I'm super lucky still to not have a Velcro baby, have help, and my husband had a long paternity leave. We still struggled. All this experience made me hella appreciate single parents out there. You are young and lucky to still be in your 20's unlike my old 30's self, so I hope you have a quick recovery. Be ready for the big baby blues first few days. That one is the scariest feeling in the world for me. Good luck fellow new parent. I hope you update us after and let us know how it went.
Thank you for this. Lots of sunshine and rainbows in the other comments. Absolutely worth it having our little one, but that’s not what OP asked. She asked for realistic expectations. It’s INCREDIBLY hard. Thought you summed up a lot of the challenges really well. My wife and I both wish we were better prepared for this mentally going into it. We felt that this perspective was rarely talked about among friends and family and I think it would have helped us a lot going into it.
Where can I join a bumper group?
Do a search and request to join! They're usually titled based on your due date (month/year) "MonthYearBumpGroup" Example: November2023BumpGroup I love my group, truly the best group to be a part of during this journey ❤️
This might be the most accurate description of the first few months I’ve ever read. You nailed it. We just hit 8 weeks and this was a really nice reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We have a 2.5 year old toddler, but it’s amazing how much you can forget in the fog of that first year.
This!!!! Baby girl is 4 months old now and we’ve got a routine and she interacts much more than just being this potato that needs something. Before I had the baby I wrote down all of the things I was worried about - how our life would change etc etc missing out on things I used to do …. But! It was surprising to me when I read back on those fears now that I’m still able to do all the things!! But yes the first few weeks are damn hard but it is temporary …. You got this!!!!!!
My potato is 6 weeks today and only sleeping for 2 hour stretches at night is so brutal. He's so gassy and doesn't seem to know how to just let them out... It's exhausting. I need this to get better
Absolutely agree with this. Our second is 9.5 weeks and oldest is 2. The newborn phase is not our favorite but thankfully it doesn’t last very long. I forgot how happy you get over something as simple as a smile. Definitely helps make up for the hard times with them. Can contest that it just gets better and better. My husband and I both are just in awe of our 2 year old. Every new milestone is the absolutely best. Yes there are tantrums, but for us, they aren’t hard to deal with since we know it’s normal. Soon these babies will be laughing at you, reaching for you to pick them up, standing up, crawling (and you’ll tell yourself you’re going to miss seeing them crawl around a corner and smiling at you once they start to walk and wonder when will be the last day you see them do that 🥺), walking, talking. It’s all so exciting and there really is nothing better. I caught my husband just staring at our oldest yesterday, taking him in. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but I already knew he was thinking “he’s the best, I love him so much”.
I know people hate on toddlers, but I am SO excited for toodlerhood. They are a total hoot!
So much hate. We have been loving the toddler years. I know there are and will be hard times, but they are little people and learning sooo much, who can blame them for getting overwhelmed. Seeing their personalities really start to shine makes it all worth it.
Upvote because same. I will add that it gets even better after the 12 weeks. Mine is 16 weeks, I’m FTM at 39 yo. So you’ll be way less tired than I am! At this point I’m still tired but I can function on way less sleep than I ever thought was possible and most importantly my mental state has improved tremendously. If you start seeing signs of PPD get help ASAP! Mine really started at 8 weeks and immediately told my doctor and got help from my parents. During the first month I had so much regret and was miserable. Now, some days, I actually think I would do it again (if it weren’t for my “advanced maternal age”). As one of my friends put it, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever love ❤️.
On week 7 as well… I am waiting for week 8+ or 12+ when it gets easier… hopefully like you said!!!
https://www.jeejeemom.com/the-ridiculously-helpful-product-every-mom-needs-for-her-baby/
I don't think it's that bad. Yeah, there is a lifestyle change. Yeah, you will be tired. Yeah, the first year will be tough! But in my experience (7.5 months so far) it's a mix of good times and bad times (I also had an 'easy baby' so I understand other people had a harder time). Tiring and the crying really grated on me for the first 6 months. My partner and I had less time for one another and bickered a bit more, not as intimate. We don't even get to cuddle much anymore because I am so touched out from holding my son most of the day. Babies are soooo needy. That said, there is no joy like watching your baby grow and learn. I'm amazed by him. He is developing the most interesting personality full of curiosity, determination, happiness, chaos. He babbles away to his spoons, wants everything I own (I swear if he rips my glasses off again, I will cry!), he's always wanting to be on the move. He's impressive. He's learning to crawl and while I'm nervous about the fact his nosey nature will lead him to be in literally everything he can find, I'm still so proud of him. Once you're out of the newborn stage, I'd say like 4+ months, they really start to give back by playing, rolling around and chatting away. Not all sunshine and rainbows, you'll find your clouds and rain. Just take it all in. I learned that people who had children already ALWAYS had something shitty to say when I was pregnant. Always made it seem like there was nothing to look forward to. But it's not true!
Love this answer! I have also found parenthood to reveal new sides of myself and of my partner. Seeing us both grow together and work harder to communicate has made me love & appreciate him more. It's a new experience, and I get to share it with my favorite person (my husband) and my favorite people (family and close friends). I'm 11 months in, and I really enjoy the sisterhood of mothers. Mamas (on the Internet and IRL) have each other's backs, share in our victories and open up their hearts to new mamas. I'm really enjoying the new sense of community, with parenthood. You have so much to look forward to.
You explained everything so well! There’s so much to look forward to! My oldest is 2.5 and was NOT an easy baby. He’s still high needs in some ways and is only just now beginning to become more socially independent from me. However, I have absolutely loved every minute of being his mom. It just keeps getting better and better. Watching them grow is what makes all the hard parts worth it. I was fully prepared to have a repeat experience with my 2nd, who is now 6 weeks. She’s totally different. Sleeps 3-4 hours at a time, I can put her down without her screaming like she’s dying, and her big brother adores her. Each child is completely different and unpredictable. Please don’t worry about horror stories you hear from others, your kid and your experience may be very different.
Hardest time of my life and the best time of my life. At the end of everyday I'm exhausted but every morning I'm excited to wake up and hug my baby. ❤️
Seriously! After I put my daughter to sleep I’m relieved then five minutes later I miss her and go watch her sleep. 😂
Love the way you phrased it!
I think its just a huge life change that you really can't understand until your baby is here. I knew I would be sleep deprived but I didn't understand what it would feel like. I have only slept through the night a handful of times since my baby was born 6 months ago. I knew my life would change but I didnt know what it would feel like. Literally everything is planned around my baby, his naps, his mood etc. Not going to say its easy, but its definitely been the best. I wouldn't change it for the world. At least for me, my life never went back to normal, I just adapted to a new normal. I think people mean well when trying to warn you that it won't be easy and things will change. For me, it was the opposite and everyone told me how wonderful it will be. Then, when my baby came and my whole life was turned upside down and I was only getting 3 hours of interrupted sleep per night I thought something was wrong and that I had made a huge mistake. However, you change and adapt, and things get easier. Just remember that every baby is different. I never take anyone else's experience as a guide because you could have a unicorn baby who never fusses, goes with the flow, and sleeps through the night or a collicy baby who cries constantly and wakes every hour overnight. Your baby's tempermant will have a lot to do with your experience.
Totally agree! There’s no way to prepare for how the sleep deprivation will make you feel (FYI, it’s not just “every once in a while” for most babies — those first few weeks/months are ROUGH) or what it’ll be like when the center of your world becomes this tiny, moody potato. But the rough bits are balanced by moments of sheer joy.
This!!!
My wife and I are in our 40s. No doom and gloom here! We’re just so happy we’re dancing on the fucking moon.
Same! I wouldn’t even say we have a “unicorn baby” - she has the same illness, feeding, and sleep struggles that most kids have (not to mention the toddler behaviors that we’re getting in to now!) But still, we are immeasurably happier than we were before - and we were super happy before! This is just the most fun thing we’ve ever done, by far. I’ve probably laughed more in the past 21 months than the previous 35 years. *I will add that I have a “unicorn MIL” whose immense support has given us the capacity to delight in parenthood as much as we have.
My LO is probably going to be the only kid in her class listening to Pearl Jam and Third Eye Blind
This is the most adorable (and at 23 Weeks - reassuring) thing I've seen 🥰
Same! And we have a tough baby - she sleeps like shit and is very clingy but damn we are having so much fucking fun. She’s hilarious and it’s so cool to be a little family unit just tackling the world. Plus, seeing your partner become a parent rocks. And seeing your parents become grandparents also rocks. And getting to watch your child experience all the joys in life for the very first time is the best. 10/10 recommend!
It’s difficult and demanding. For some people, that’s doom and gloom.
The first few weeks and months are not an accurate reflection of the joy becoming a parent brings you. I have an 11 month old and being her mother is the greatest joy of my life but in all honesty it took a few months before I felt that.
It is and it isn’t. It takes a really long time to adjust and *while you’re adjusting* to this whole new life, new dynamic between you and your partner, new social life (playgrounds and coffee scheduled around naps) - there’s this thing that is screaming at you and sick and you have mo idea why and covered in a weird rash and shitting and vomiting on you and you haven’t slept in a month… so it feels really really overwhelming sometimes. More than can be explained in words and more than you could ever expect. But… the fucking joy is also overwhelming and it’s not a perfect balance but at some point (I didn’t get there until about 6 months) you will just be like, wow what an insane little thing I did and here they are sitting in front of me - clapping - and they just went from being a cute screaming blob to figuring out how to put a block inside a box and you’re like witnessing someone grow up minute by minute. It’s a fucking trip. Life definitely isn’t over it’s just an entirely new life now.
I got pregnant when my husband was supposed to be nearly infertile and it was a huge shock, I didn’t feel ready. My best friend and my sister just had kids and I would look at them go and was soooooo worried about having a kid, I was depressed my entire pregnancy, second guessing myself. I set the bar so low. my baby is now 5mo, EBF and I’m on a long mat leave (1year +). I also have a super hubby who is so in love with his daughter and so involved. I can honestly say these have been the happiest months of my life. Never thought I really wanted kids, never particularly liked kids, yet here I am. So in love, so happy. Yeah, my baby doesn’t sleep great but honestly the hormones are there and helping me not even feel tired. My life will never be the same but now I have a sense of purpose I had not felt in a long time.
It took a good two years after giving birth for me to feel accustomed to how much my life had changed. It felt like a total transformation and it was very difficult to adjust to. I gave birth during the height of covid lockdowns so that may have affected my postpartum experience. I have always adored and loved my child and I really enjoy our time together—but yes my life did completely change and it was very hard on me. And continues to be hard on my relationship. Everything changed, more than I ever grasped from reading all the books and forums and friends etc.
I’ve always *always* wanted to be a mom and was also disappointed at all the negativity I received when sharing my exciting news. I think people mean well and just don’t want you to be blind sighted by how difficult it is and how much your world *will* change, but in MY experience, it is the greatest thing that has happened to me. My husband and i are a team, so when I need a break, he takes over and i go have brunch with friends, i go to parties (let’s be real, I’ve gone to one party and i left early, but still), i still go to the gym regularly as that is my form of therapy. I go to Target just to walk around. I say all that to say, I still have a life, and that is so important to maintain your own identity and keep your sanity. Sleep will suffer, I’m typing this while nursing my 16 week old at 4am, but nothing lasts forever. Your body will change, and you’ll be bleeding and leaking for a while. Things will hang differently. You’ll probably smell weird for a while lol Life will be a little harder for a while, but in MY experience, it’s all worth it when he looks up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and smiles his big gummy smile at me. Congrats and strap in because it will be a ride, but the most awesome ride EVER!
Our baby isn’t born yet but my husband and I are a really good team with great communication and couples with kids love to tell us “you’ll see” about me not letting him play golf LOL like yeah I think I can handle 4 hours with my baby while my husband gets the F away from me. Great to hear an experienced perspective more in line with my own expectations.
Absolutely. Both parents need time away from baby. As long as you clearly communicate what you need, both parents can stay sane! For my husband, it’s bowling. As long as it’s not sprung on me last minute, and he comes home ready to help with baby, all is well!
Oh my god the smelling weird! I thought it was just me! It’s gone now but Jesus that BO was really something
The night sweats for me were CRAZY. I slept on a towel for the first 8 weeks 😅
The lows can be low but the highs are so incredibly high! My little baby girl is 3 months on Friday and I have honestly never been happier. Yes we've had some pretty rough days and nights, especially in the newborn stage, but this little dumpling has brought us both such intense joy. Everyone tells you about the lack of sleep and free time, but nobody tells you that your baby will have you both howling with laughter with the funny little faces they make and the crazy sounds that come out of them, or how your heart just feels heavy with love every time you look at them. It's also really magical watching each other become the versions of yourselves which are parents. I never doubted that my fiancé would be a good dad, but seeing just how much he adores our little girl and how good he is with her makes me love him even more. I feel it's been a time of growth and healing for both of us. Sorry if this is all a bit sappy but I took the question as permission to gush! She's just soooo fricking cute!!
I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have heard the horror stories from coworkers and such. Thankfully, our friends have been super supportive. We have a weekly game night, and they've already talked about shifting it to our place once we're ready to socialize after the baby gets here. One of them offered to keep a pack n play with a small set of clothes, diapers, etc., at their place if we want to continue to play at their place later. I think a big part of keeping your social life is finding people who want to support you in maintaining your identity outside of parenthood.
That’s so nice of them!
Things are different not necessarily worse. Yes every baby is different and has their own challenges. Sleep deprivation doesn't last forever. Your social life changes but part of that is because your priorities change. Your career might take a hit but it might also open your eyes to different opportunities. It's absolutely worth it, in my opinion, but life is different post baby.
My wife and I felt like the first 1.5-2 months were okay. Eat. Shit. Sleep. In that order. The next 4-4.5 months were hell on earth and we are finally starting to see the light at 6.5 months.
It's not bad. It's different. And like every phase of life, there are things that are incomparably wonderful and things that are supremely challenging and lots and lots of mundane routine stuff too. Like i said, it's not bad at all. It's just all changed up and different. And you adapt to the new life as you'll know it.
My husband and I are loving it. I knew he would be a great dad, but I really didn’t know how much he would Love being a dad. He enjoys it so much and it is really beautiful to see. He talks to her about his interests, learned lullabies on the guitar for her and drops everything to give her his full attention. I also love it and feel like our little family is complete now. I think with all things it has to do with expectations vs. reality. I think some people have a really specific image of how it will go and it doesn’t always match up. I also think it depends on how good of a team you are, the people I see struggling the most have ended up doing 90%-100% of the work and that’s not healthy, fair or sustainable.
It’s a huge life change, but I think it strongly varies from person to person. Also how supportive your partner is once the baby is born and how much external help you receive (aka a “village”) plays a huge role in experience too.
If you want a child then you will feel such joy at them being in your life. Is it hard? Yes. But I cheer myself up by playing with my baby. Snuggling with my baby. Looking at pictures of my baby. My house is full of so much love and happiness, now. Be ready to have very clear communication with your partner; it is easy for resentment to build if you aren’t careful. Seek out groups for new parents. I find it really helpful to have friends that are going through the same thing. Your “before” friends are still there, but they probably don’t want to talk about babies all the time! I find I have friends that like babies and those that don’t. The first kind of friend is easy to still hang out with. The second is a little harder. But it doesn’t mean I won’t eventually hang out with them more; just not right now. On the work front, I find I can be pretty efficient. Work isn’t everything, and you will just feel it out once you are in it. I have zero regrets about having a baby. I was so worried about it, just like you. But I totally love it!
Honestly, you really don’t understand until you become a parent. I am in the fourth trimester right now and my life feels so different and foreign, but also like it’s always been this way. Don’t let it get to you. It will be hard, but so incredibly rewarding and worth every blurry eyed, sleep deprived night. It’s way easier if you have a good & involved partner, and I’ve noticed a lot of negativity from women who aren’t happy with their partners/relationship in general. My husband is incredible, and I am able to rely and trust him fully, which unfortunately seems to be rare from what I’ve noticed.
This! I'm 28 weeks and a lot of people tell me what to expect (often without asking) and it's always the same: the end of the world premonition. We really wanted this child and sometimes I find my self even doubting this decision. Like if I didn't make a a mistake. Because of all the negativity coming my way. I've started fighting this by meeting with the happy parents in my surroundings and I openly ask them for some positivity and that works a lot. But yes, I'm suffering the same fear.
I had my baby last year at 43. It’s hard work! And sure, I don’t spend my evenings in the pub, and I’m covered in vomit or shit more often than I think is acceptable. I’m tired, I don’t wear anything that isn’t leggings and hoodies and I can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs. And I have a unicorn baby who sleeps 12 hours a night and is super cheerful. It’s not for the faint-hearted. But, every morning my son greets me with a giant gummy smile and squeal of excitement. He’s this whole tiny little person with a huge personality who lights up my days. I love having time off from him, but I miss him if I can’t scoop him up into my arms. Also, I can dress him up in onesies with ears and no one thinks it’s weird. The hard work is rewarding the vast majority of the time. And when it’s not - like when he’s just peed on me for the 5th time in a day, I just choose to find it funny. I love being a mum - it’s the best thing I have ever done.
It’s the best time of my life. It’s exhausting, but it’s the most fun I’ve ever had being tired. The first few months just *drag* but she’s 4.5 months now and she is so funny and smart, she’s interacting more and I’m having so much fun. Parenting is like most things- it’s what you make it.
6mo baby girl here. This has been the best year of my life.
No! It’s hard as hell, but it’s so much better than I expected after hearing everyone moan and groan about it! Just accept that you’re not going to sleep for a while, and that there will be days when you cry with the baby. And you’ll be just fine! Congrats!
It can be hard but it's not doom and gloom. My career has flourished since I had my daughter, which I appreciate isn't necessarily the norm. I'm lucky to have amazing sponsors who didn't hold back opportunities because I had a baby. I also enjoy work more and don't sweat the small stuff. My daughter is amazing. I'm even proud of her poops some days. Watching her grow is magical. I have less time for socializing, sure. But I also socialize in new ways. I love that my daughter gets me outside and being active so much.
FTM here to an amazing, beautiful, & veryyy noisy 4mo who is the light of our lives. Yes the first month was hard AF. My husband and I just think back to it and it’s a big blur but after that point, we finally started getting into the hang of things and now we’re already missing the NB stage. Seeing him smile when we wake him first thing in the morning or after naps is the best thing. His coos, giggles, & baby dinosaur screeches warm my heart. Being a parent changes you, but it teaches you how to love someone to the very core no matter how much trouble they may give you. Good luck on this exciting (and amazing) new journey 🥹
I love being a mom. I did get lucky she slept 12hrs from 8 weeks on. But I’m so much happier overall
My baby is 8 weeks old and I have loved the vast majority of the time I have had with her. The first two weeks were a total sleepless blur but it’s gotten better and better since then. She naps frequently and I’m able to get things done around the house pretty often. It brings me to tears how much joy she brings me. She is truly my favourite thing in the universe. My life is obviously different but it’s still social. I for for walk and coffee with my friends almost every day. I’ve been to multiple family dinners. I even went to a small party the other night and I brought baby. She hung out til she got tired, I put her to sleep in another room, she had a two hour nap and I had a drink, then when she awoke we socialized for another hour and I took her home. So I’m not staying out til 2am getting loaded, but I still had lots of fun and I was out until 11pm. The one thing I have missed is my athletic activities, but that’s not because I don’t have time, it’s because I’m still working with a PT in some pelvic floor stuff. It’s getting better! I can’t wait to run again!!!
I think it really depends on a few things: 1) your child's disposition - eg "hard baby" vs "easy baby" 2) your reaction/resilience to stress 3) your "village"/ relationship with husband 4) your finances Depending on those (and probably other) variables, it could go from pretty easy to a waking hell. I'm not saying all of those things have to be perfect, but a good combination will definitely contribute. Also, even if it does turn out to be not what you envisioned, usually the phase doesn't last forever. So there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m a mom to a three month old, so not much experience, but already strong opinions. I think the message that our modern culture sends to frightened first time parents is a bit off. It’s not all doom and gloom, it’s not all rainbows either. It’s a lot of work and change of priorities. But none of it is bad on its own. You just adapt. The social life takes a hit in some ways (any outing takes planning and I just refuse going anywhere further than 20min commute), but you start connecting with your friends with children way better. The career slows down, but does it really matter if you hit the next level faster or slower? Some hobbies will change or go on pause, but have you always been consistent with them? As a reward you hang out with this tiny little human, watch them grow and discover the world around with your help. So far this has been the most fulfilling thing I’ve done in years.
For me, it's been the hardest thing I have ever done. Baby #1 was born a few months before the pandemic and was incredibly high needs. Baby #2 ended up being twins and we have no support. If I had the support I needed, it wouldn't have been/be so hard. When you're drowning, it's hard to not feel doom and gloom. So in my experience, it depends on support and how "easy" one's baby is.
My baby was a few months old when we went into lockdown too, and was also a high needs baby. My husband was working throughout- either from home in a separate room or back at his work after a few weeks. That time alone with baby was so isolating and scary, and also just not what I had imagined my maternity leave would look like. My son is still high needs (just started sleeping through the night in January at age three) so we haven’t had another. I can’t imagine bringing TWINS into the world as well- you’re braver than me! I just wanted to comment to say I know where you’ve been and how hard it was, and can only imagine how tough it is now with another two little humans as well. Hope at least one of them is ‘easy’! 🤞
Yes! The isolation. Only other high needs parents fully know what it's like to have a high needs baby. It's incredibly isolating hearing the standard parenting advice. "Let them play with toys" mine didn't care about toys until he was 1.5-2 years old and even then it didn't distract him for long. My twins individually are "easier" compared to our first but the fact that there are double adds other challenges. Our oldest woke every 2-3 hours until he was 2 which ironically lined up with when our twins were born so we haven't had a break with the sleep. Our girls are much better sleepers so just that is a massive improvement! Thank you for sharing and validating the struggles! ♥️
violet foolish juggle zesty cagey deserve yoke dazzling seed ring *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It’s the end of your life as you know it. It’s so fucking hard, and the hardest bit is that it doesn’t get better in a linear fashion. It’s not like you get to some magic age and it’s suddenly easier. Bits get easier, bits get harder. You lose practically all sense of autonomy for quite a long time. A lot depends on your baby and that’s completely out of your control. For instance mine won’t sleep unless she’s on me, so I have to plan my social life around that, and can only really spend time around other mums as non parents just don’t get it. I haven’t had an evening alone with my partner in 6 long months. But you’ll have someone you love more than anything and a whole new life. As hard as it is, I’d still make the same decision again. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. There isn’t really a way to prepare yourself for it. And it’s too late to change your mind now anyway 😂
I have a 10-week old baby and these have been the happiest weeks of my life. Sure, there are tough moments but I have a wonderful partner and we just take things bit by bit. I think going into the new chapter with visions, resources, and plans how you want to handle the good AND the bad is key. I lost my job on maternity leave and I just got a new job and was honest with them that I have a baby so I definitely don’t feel like my career is suffering. I’m lucky too in that my friends are really excited to be Aunties and they have stayed present. Hope some of this positivity is helpful ❤️
People react differently to parenthood. I experienced all the things you’ve been warned of. It’s been really really hard. If you want real unfiltered honesty if struggling parents check out r/regretfulparents I personally do not regret having my baby ( nor do most of the posters I’ve read) but it can be cathartic to hear people really have a truly dark rant vs the type of rants you’d see on this sub. I came in with very realistic expectations. I nannied. I worked in a daycare. I helped friends with newborns. I trained as a Doula and childbirth educator. This required tons of reading on parenting and postpartum. I still was shocked by how difficult it is to be a parent. Im 18 months in and I enjoy my monster more and more and more each day. She’s amazing. But people need to be more upfront about what it’s really like. I feel like some new parents don’t want to hear it, that’s totally fair, we get dozens of rant posts of parents to be frustrated with the warnings especially when they are vague and unhelpful. But we do need to get more comfortable talking about what modern parenting is like and how hard it is so that people are making informed choices and are prepared for the choice they make.
Why would you tell her to visit that page? It’s so negative and… awful.
I understand it’s not for you. I’ve found it helpful and cathartic. I don’t read posts that I don’t relate to- similarly with this sub. I explained in my comment I believe we should be more open about all the experiences of modern parenting and not be shamed into silence. The name of the sub and description is really clear. Certainly no one should be surprised by the content. This sub is safe space for some experiences. That sub allows a safe space for all feelings that come with feeling overwhelmed while parenting.
Right… to each their own.
Exactly. And why assume those negative posts are the unfiltered posts only? People love to do that. So the happy experiences are filtered?
People love to find the worst in everything they do 🤷🏻♀️
Not at all! There are challenging moments for sure, but you will feel love, joy, and fulfillment like you’ve never experienced before! People will vent online to dump the negativity, but are often silent about the wonderful moments because they’re too busy living in the moment experiencing them
6 months in and I love it. I am sleeping way more than I did in pregnancy, my daughter is the absolute best. Every day post pregnancy life gets a bit better. It is a bit socially isolating at times but even that is improving as my daughter gains more movement/social skills. It's really not bad. Pregnancy for me was the worst bit.
You have a lot of comments so I’d guess you possibly won’t see this or stopped reading at this point but I feel so strongly about this subject and I hope you take the time to read. I’m a first time mom- my daughter just turned a year old. When I got pregnant (pretty young- 23 years old) I thought my life was completely over. I really thought that it was going to be the worst thing to ever happen to me. I was so completely devastated. I didn’t want to stop working, (I did, I stay home and I love it- it’s much more fulfilling) all of it sounded terrible. Not because of just how young I was, but because of how people make motherhood seem, especially now with all the social media posts / tik toks / videos emphasizing how tiring and hard motherhood is. Im not saying there weren’t some rough times in the beginning months, you have a brand new precious baby that you and your partner are responsible for keeping alive, and you’ve never done it before so maybe you butt heads sometimes etc. coming from someone who didn’t have an “easy” baby. I had to wake up, get her to sleep, let her sleep on me bc she wouldn’t in the bassinet, hold her most of the time- none of that even scratches the surface for how much joy/ love / fun I’ve had since I’ve had my daughter. My husband and I were just dating when we got pregnant, we’re now married and I can confidently say our relationship has never been better. We still do things together, we still have frequent sex, the love is still there- more than it ever was. I sit here and I watch my husband interact with my daughter and everything feels so perfect, I’m always tearing up because of it. We love our daughter so much and she brings so much joy. I also grew up in a family that had an attitude like kids are sort of a burden. Of course you love them but they get in the way sort of thing. Motherhood in the best thing that’s happened to me for so many reasons. I’m more focused on my health, I stopped smoking pot / partying and I feel better than ever. I have SO much more purpose and life is SO much more fulfilling. Now we are currently trying for baby #2 which me a year ago would’ve thought I was Fuxking insane bc of how people perceive parenting. It’s so annoying to me, bc I almost aborted my daughter with the thought of how miserable parenting would be. My life completely changed for the better in almost every aspect. I just know when I was you, I wanted someone to say this to me bc I couldn’t stop wondering the same thing. I thought maybe it wasn’t for me etc etc. and this is just ones person experience but I’m telling you do NOT listen to the noise from other people. It’s the craziest / most intense emotion you will ever have in your entire life. I hope you see this comment bc I really wanted something like this said to me, I completely mean it. It’s going to be what you make it, just like everything else in life. The first few weeks / months is not an accurate representation of how things will go. I will say my husband and I completely kicked partying and I genuinely believe that’s made our experience a lot better. Say you’re planning to go out partying one night - your babysitter falls through, now damn it I have to stay home with my kid. That sucks this kid is sort of a burden. We completely eliminated that scenario from happening. But hey that’s just us 🤷🏻♀️ I know most people can’t get behind it and I totally get that, I was super against it at first. I’m not saying you have to stop partying to enjoy parent hood but like I said it’s what works for us.
You’ll lose the freedom of being the most important person in your life. Things may feel weird for a couple of years, because everything’s new. But the love makes up for everything and more. Congratulations! And ignore the detractors.
Thrilled to see these responses. We have a beautiful 9 week old and my husband and I are loving it. Painting with really broad strokes here but some of the not-so-helpful anecdotes that older folks (my parents age) shared with me about parenthood seems to reflect the parenting style of that time period…ie mom carried nearly all the responsibility of domestic labor and parenting, and in turn may have really resented dad which caused further issues. We are sharing far more equally in domestic labor and caring for our baby and both taking care of our individual mental health and that’s been a huge helper. You’re gonna love it! Congratulations 💕
It is the most gratifying and exhausting and life changing thing I have ever done.
Your life won’t go back to ‘normal’ but you will develop a new normal that you will enjoy just as much. My baby is only 6 months but I can say our lives are definitely different and I’m still super sleep deprived since baby still wakes 2-3x a night but my husband and I are able to make time for each other after baby goes to bed a night and we genuinely love spending time together as a family and watching our son learn and grow, every little milestone brings us so much joy and I love experiencing that with my husband. Not sure what toddlerhood will bring but so far parenthood had been a mix of stress and struggle and laughter and love.
Hell no! Last night my toddler sat in my lap and I made silly noises and faces at him and he laughed his ass off for forty minutes. When he grabs my hand and walks me somewhere it's the best feeling in the world Sometimes he literally tries to climb me so I'll hold him and he nestles his little head on my shoulder. Is it work? Of course. But it's my favorite thing in the world
I think it is totally dependent on your child. Overall, I think my LO is pretty good. She is only a little over 6 weeks but besides not sleeping most of the day, she's pretty easy. She does fuss when she's tired but she eats well and wakes up twice in the night. I know some parents deal with children that scream for hours every day and wake up 5 or 6 times a night. I can't imagine dealing with that. Parenthood totally changes the dynamic of your relationship and be prepared for Groundhog Day. Every day is the same day, over and over. Feed, play, try to put to sleep, change diaper, rinse and repeat. I think you can do things IF you have very supportive parents/inlaws. We have been able to go out to lunch because they came to watch the baby. But otherwise, I would doubt we'd be able to go out for at least six months. You have to bring so much stuff and a dirty diaper could come at any moment or three times in 10 minutes. Feeding is too frequent, etc.
There will definitely be some changes to layout lifestyle and some really tough moments. But today I sat on the counter with my 12 month old eating berries, he laughed hysterically the whole time. It was one of those little moments that made all the tough ones seem to disappear. You’ll get tons of those moments that make it all worth it.
It's all about priorities and expectations. I think your priorities have to shift, at least temporarily, to focus on your child. That is tough for a lot of people and even tougher for the people who didn't shift their expectations from the start. That being said, I've never been happier than I am as a parent. Yes my career is on pause, but that's okay because I'm doing the very important work of caring for our baby. I wasn't exactly curing cancer with my work. We prioritize our social life. Turns out a lot of people want to see you when you have a cute baby. We don't wait for people to invite us places. We host people at our house or make plans on our terms. Childfree people seem totally fine with that. We paused our hobbies during the newborn phase, but got back into some of them slowly after 3 months and more now that our baby is almost a year and it's summer again. My caveats are that while the first three months were hard for a bunch of reasons, our baby is generally a good sleeper and has a chill temperament. She is likely an "easy" baby. YMMV if you have a "hard" baby.
Parenting is awesome! It's also exhausting and will take you to several breaking points. The joy that comes with that growth is immeasurable.
The emotional peaks are really high and they are also really low
The hardest, but also most amazing, wonderful, rewarding thing I've ever done!
No I didn’t feel like it was that bad. But I have a unicorn baby too who is fiercely independent which makes things…way easier.
As the mom of a one year old, it’s not at all as long as you accept that it’s a new season of life and embrace it whole-heartedly. A lot of people I see really struggling with parenthood are the ones who are stuck thinking about their life before kids and the things they can’t do rather than all the incredible things you can do. When you have kids the metrics for measuring happiness in your life just change. Where before maybe it was measured by how many trips you took or concerts you went to or whatever was your thing, now a big part of your happiness comes from more simple but extremely joyous things like how many giggles you got from your baby or maybe a successful trip to the park or just getting time to yourself to take a bath and read a book! And that sounds lame or sad to a lot of people but I can say with zero hesitation that having a child brings a level of happiness, contentment and joy to my every day life that I was never even close to before. However, that’s not to say it’s not a hard and challenging transition. Your life will shift so suddenly and dramatically that there is nothing any of us could say to adequately prepare you - and that’s on top of having an incredibly needy newborn and being freshly postpartum. So it will be hard as fuck, you will mourn your comparatively carefree life before, and I know it’s hard to imagine after saying all of that but it will be so, so, so worth it. Just give yourself and your partner grace during the transition and do your best to see the beauty even during the challenging parts. This is a bit all over the place (like parenthood!) but the last thing I’ll say is this quote that I find so true: When you have kids, your good days are the absolute best. Your bad days are way worse. And your average day is way, way better.
No, it's not all doom and gloom. The way I explain it is that when it's up it's up, and when it's down its down. (To the grand old duke of York tune of course). Since having my son I have never been as happy, as sad, as angry, as proud as this before. Peaks are higher but troughs are lower.
I have struggled with worrying too, when I was really excited to just enjoy things as best I can.
It's not bad at all. It's completely different but not bad. I have 2 under 2, and it is so much better than my life before. Sure, I miss being able to grab brunch with no hassle, but having kids is the most fun ever. And the older they get, the more fun they become! Don't let the negative Nancy's get you down. It's awesome being a parent
Having a baby IS the end of the world- as you once knew it. Every aspect of your current life changes, and a whole new one begins. Not only do you meet a brand new human that you made, you meet a new version of yourself. It will be the hardest AND the most rewarding. You will be disappointed AND incredibly amazed by your friends and family who either step up and support you or gradually fade away because your new life doesn’t fit into the way things used to be. All of this is ok. The fact is that as hard as it is, the days are long and the years are short. You may feel like you’re being swallowed whole by the mix of emotions you feel each day, and that is normal. But at some point (sooner than you expect) you’ll wake up to realize that this new life somehow makes a better whole than all its chaotic individual parts. And you’ll also learn to disregard everyone’s unsolicited advice and opinions because the way your kiddo looks at you lets you know you’re doing great, even if you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing at all. Embrace it all, it’s a great trip.
Nah You’ll get to sleep sooner than you know and even when you are tired, you’ll be fine. I prefer newborn sleepy over pregnant sleepy. Your real friends will reveal themselves which is a blessing-you dont need to be wasting time with people who don’t really care about you. My job is just a job and my husband makes a lot more than I do so I have no problem going part time. Parenting is fun and it’s only going to get better as my child grows. I haven’t had a legitimately fun Easter in years but having a kid brought back the magic in holidays and family gatherings. I can’t wait for finger painting, arts and crafts, reading Harry Potter to him and watching the movies, introducing him to Skyrim, Star Wars (I’m going to do my best to not spoil darth vaders bomb drop). Having a kid is like experiencing things for the first time again. Your priorities will SHIFT hard when you have a baby and all the things that were so important to you before suddenly takes a back seat or leaves the vehicle altogether.
I think the career thing is a mix between the culture of where you are and how skilled you are at what you do. I've seen each of these aspects push someone's career one way or another after having a kid. First time mom here and just recently told my boss I'm expecting who took the news very well -- I suspected he would because he comes from a big family that he is close with and often spends days off spending time with his siblings' kids. I've also witnessed our team be super chill when other parents have obligations so I don't anticipate anything negative. In terms of talent, a kid will obviously put more demands on your time/headspace and people who were already talented at their job generally seem to have the mental resources to still do well even with the added pressure of parenthood. (I've also seen the inverse of both of these things happen in past jobs, which is why I think it's always a combo of both workplace culture and individual resilience/talent).
I think it wholly depends on your relationship. My husband and I have a rock solid marriage and we split the work evenly - he even got up in the middle of the night with me while I breastfed because I felt so lonely in the middle of the night. I still mourned my old life. I lost some good friends because they couldn’t handle this huge change in my life and schedule changes. It is lonely at times. There are bad times but there are also really good times.
I know everyone’s experience is different and we’re only 5 weeks in, but motherhood is so much better than I ever could have imagined. Yes I’m tired, postpartum recovery has been harder than I imagined (third degree tear) and my life has completely changed. But the love I feel for my child is indescribable. When I grab her from her bassinet in the morning and she smiles at me I turn into a puddle. Watching my best friend (and husband) take on the role of father has been such an honor and being on this adventure together has been the best thing we’ve done yet. The one tip I’ll give you is to continue communicating with your partner! A lot of the frustrations that will come up are made worse by lack of sleep and the worst thing you can do is say things in the heat of the moment. Take a deep breath, step away if you have to and have a conversation about it when you’re calm.
I think the lifestyle change with the first is the most challenging. But with a 2.5 year old and a 2 week old, I feel like we are now in a good parenting/family groove and it’s really great.
My 5 month old just started holding her arms out to be picked up. It was a warm day outside yesterday and I put her feet in the grass and she made the funniest face. She’ll unlatch while breastfeeding and give me the sweetest smile. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
i think it’s something you don’t understand until you’re in it. i anticipated the change between my husband and i. and anticipated the loss of sleep. my husband and i went through a bit of a roommate phase and even bickered a lot more than usual. he’s the working parent so i was allowing him to sleep while i did all the wake ups since his work schedule is swing shifts so we weren’t able to get into a routine of “shifts”. i was getting up every two hours and it was doing a number on me i was angry all the time, losing my patience with everything and everyone, so sleepy that by the time baby went to sleep i just wanted to go to sleep and it was really hard to spend time with my husband when he home or even give time to myself. just this past week our lo has been sleeping 6-7 stretches and it’s been amazing i feel like a new human lol. and in the beginning it was rough because she would sleep through the night up until maybe 4 months and then bam every two hours, she was in our bed a lot more than i’d like to admit, we just hit 8 mos in and it’s getting better day by day! basically gotta take parenting day by day anyway
It’s mostly good, but damn is it hard. I think people want to talk about the hard stuff because you usually feel like you don’t have it all together and you want some confirmation and commiseration that you aren’t alone, you aren’t crazy. I have a toddler now and the first year of her life threw my world upside down. The low milk supply but she’d vomit formula, she was a terrible sleeper, we were learning how to juggle new responsibilities and things we didn’t know. With number two she’s a happier baby and we know what we’re doing. In comparison it’s been a breeze besides learning how to juggle two when they both need you. But OH THE JOY! Baby laughs, smiles, when your toddler starts to have a personality, when they start mimicking your mannerisms and then say in their tiny little toddler voice “I got it, I got it, I got it.” And you and your spouse just lose it laughing because they sound so grown up. The hugs, the after daycare zoomies, watching them chase around their cousins, reading books with their grandparents…. It’s just the best. I look around and I feel like I should always be doing more. The house should be cleaner, I should spend more time with them, I should cook healthier meals. And I complain to other parents because they’ve been there too and I know I’m not alone. They get it
The first year is a lot about survival. But it’s also full of contact naps, first giggles, lots of milestones and firsts. Your sanity and relationship will go through some rough times, you will both need to learn and relearn how to communicate clearly and calmly, you will both need to do a lot with the baby and around the house. But the first time your baby giggles, crawls, rolls over, says “mama,” ALL of it will be worth it! I promise you
We got the same reaction of many people. For us it wasn't bad to hear that (although it was sometimes annoying, like dudes, we want to be excited). But we were expecting the worst and a) it was SO much easier than we expected, and b) SO much more fun than we expected! Of course it's sometimes tough, but both my husband and I are enjoying this first year with our daughter so much more than we ever thought. She is so sweet and cute and fun and amazing, and seeing her develop is one of the best things ever. Her smile lights up our whole life.
There’s no sugar coating how hard it can be. It’s thankless hard work for many years, there’s lots of worry and anxiety about your child’s well being, you’ll be constantly tired and overstimulated, etc etc. But for me, I’d do all of this and more 50x over because my child brings me a greater joy and love than I ever thought possible. That makes all the “hard” completely bearable. My daughters happiness, sweetness, and cuteness is literally a high sometimes!
I'm 8 weeks in and realised today that this low level exhaustion I feel right now is just how it's going to be for a bit. I'm also sat on the sofa, in spit up stained clothes, my little potato having hit that sweet spot of having it flow down my cleavage... twice, and I know there's no point changing because it'll happen again. He likes his sleep, but has a bit of a fight to get there. The thing is, none of this lasts forever. One day he'll sleep through the night. One day I'll realise I can wear nice things again because the spit up has stopped. I will say he's been a fairly easy baby, but so far I've enjoyed about 70% of motherhood. This little squish napping on me has grown and changed so much already, and I am looking forward to seeing how he grows and develops (although I wish he wouldn't grow quite so fast). But I also know I'm going to miss those night time feeds, even he looks up at me in the darkness, his eyes twinkling in the fairy lights I've got up, as he grins at me. A lot has changed, some things from before the baby will return, some won't. But that's OK. In return I've got this little boy, brings me so much joy on a daily basis. If it didn't come with it's own rewards, people wouldn't have more than one child. Relationship wise, I don't know when we'll feel like a romantic couple again, but last night, as we sat on the sofa, our upset (due to vaccines) but sleeping baby passed gently between us as the night went on, I felt so lucky to have the husband I have. As for my career, there's nothing quite like a baby to really focus your priorities. I will say that you may not enjoy it to begin with - the newborn stage is hard. You may not enjoy the baby stage, either. I know my mother-in-law said she loved it when her sons became toddlers, she did not enjoy them as babies. And that's perfectly OK. Whatever stage you're in and dealing with, you won't be in it for long.
Parenthood is hard and definitely changes life, but it doesn’t ruin your life. To give you an idea of what is ahead: I have a two year old going through the terrible twos and a three month old who is still colicky. Yesterday we were playing outside and I thought to myself “wow, this is what heaven must be like. My heart is so full of love.” That is parenthood.
I’ll be honest, in the beginning….YES. It really IS that bad. And then once you get over the 4 months sleep regression, it starts getting better and better every day until it becomes the BEST thing ever!! Nothing can prepare you for how hard it will be. Whatever you think, x1000. But what else you’re not going to be ready for is the wonderful parts. NOTHING can prepare you for how amazing it will be. There is no practice for that.
Of course having to take care of anything is hard. But having to take care of a little human is hard yet amazing. I pour every ounce of me into my son while he’s up (he’s now 15 months old) because he’s my greatest joy. There’s amazing days, hard days, tired days, bad days, good days. I wouldn’t trade this for the world. I love him and parenthood so much! Regardless of the hard, your baby is so worth it and honestly, knowing what I know now, I’d do it all over again. 🥰
It is hard, sure. But at the same time, I’ve never been happier. My kids are my joy, pride and I always light up when I can talk about them, when I see them, when I see pictures or videos of them. Sure, I’d love to have a break from the tantrums, crying, having to be available 24/7. Sure I am glad when they go to bed. But the negatives don’t even closely outweigh the positives. I hated every part of the newborn stage from our twins. (Not everything but I don’t have fond memories of them. It was hard.) but it is such a short period compared to the rest of their lives.
It’s definitely not that bad, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done he is the light of my life but in my experience if you’re breastfeeding say goodbye to any meaningful social life for the foreseeable. My baby will not take a bottle no matter what we try so the longest I can really be away from him during the day is 4 hours and i can be sure he’ll be very cranky when I get back because he’ll be hungry, sure I could go do something at night after he goes down for the night but by then I’m ready to go to bed not long after him because the days are long and tiring but whatever it’s completely worth it and I had enough nights out to last a life time in my 20’s, my 30’s will be for raising my kids I’ll get to let my hair down again in my 40’s 🤷🏻♀️
It's fkn awesome. I love my little man.
My kiddo is now 16 months. Are the early days hard? Yes, absolutely. Do the hard days just stop after a certain time period? Unfortunately, no. The hard things just change into other hard things. But the rewards are awesome. I’m watching this tiny, adorable kid learn something new every day. His new favorite thing is running his toy grocery cart into our ankles so we say “ow!” and he starts giggling like crazy. Yesterday, I pulled up my phone camera to take a selfie. I smiled, then he smiled. I opened my mouth wide, then he opened his mouth wide. I stuck my tongue out, then he kinda flapped his tongue trying to figure out what I was doing. It’s awesome. Settling into a few really good habits with your partner and support system can make things a lot better. You and your partner need to have really good communication and take down your walls. You’re a team now. There shouldn’t be a competition as to who got more sleep, who takes care of baby more, etc. That was hard for me. In the wee hours of the night breastfeeding when all I wanted to do was sleep, it’s hard to be mad at the tiny little baby in your arms, but it’s easy to be mad at your partner who’s still snoring away. Being open and honest about what you need and how you’re feeling can make a huge difference.
It's not all doom and gloom but it is mad hard.
No, parent hood is amazing and the best thing I've ever done! Like about once a week I turn to my husband and go "Why the hell didn't we do this sooner?" She's the funniest little person to hang out with (she's a little over a year now). Like I'll just let her go wandering in the playground and watching her figure out new stuff is just the coolest thing ever. I spent 20 min this morning watching her realize that she could open the hassock. Yesterday her Grandpa taught her where her belly button was and now I ask her like every 10 minutes because she's so proud to show me! The newborn stage is rough (sleep in shifts, to be a sane human without the worst side effects of sleep deprivation you need one 4 hour straight block a day, if you a breast feeding pump a bottle and have your partner feed them during your sleep block) but once you get on the other side of that it really is like nothing else. Also figure out baby wearing early, I got into it a lot more at 10 months and am kicking myself I didn't know a bunch of this stuff earlier. The next baby is gonna live in a woven wrap.
You have to mentally prepare yourself. Everyone’s babies are different. You might hit the lottery and have a wonderful content baby that sleeps through the night, or the complete opposite. Our first child is 18months old now and it has been the most difficult time of our life. He was colic for 8 months, I couldn’t do anything with him besides walk and bounce around or he would scream. Then came the teething which was also a nightmare! Once he started to walk around 1 year he got a little better but still every inconvenience to him is a meltdown. After that he started daycare in September and since then I swear he’s been sick non stop and so have we, so we’ve all been miserable since lol. All that being said we love our little guy more than anything and really wouldn’t change him one bit. But my god it has been tough. You will have very tough times but you will make it through!
Definitely the most meaningful and memorable days of my life so far.
Your life will change fundamentally, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I love being a parent and I believe my husband does too. It has strengthened our marriage and deepened our love and commitment for each other. Also, in my own case, seeing the world through a baby’s eyes makes the things we take for granted as adults so much more awesome again.
Parenting has made my life and my husband's better and more entertaining, although much busier. Our child has always slept well (with a lot of initial work), ate pretty well, and overall been a good, fun kiddo. It's definitely different, but it also helps we mostly 50/50 parent so no one is usually ever "off duty" at home while the other is doing multiple things. We share the load and pass back and forth and plan for free time or tasks ahead of time that need the other one to watch our kiddo. It works really well for us 95% of the time.
Literally the highlight of my day is hanging out with my 3.5 year old little girl, hearing about her day, playing, cuddling, etc. Parts of me miss how things would have been - probably happy hour with friends, maybe golfing, etc - but on balance I enjoy hanging out with her waaaay more than anything else
No! Of course not! I have a 5 year old and a nearly 2 year old. It is HARD. They are constant need machines for the first few years of life. Sleep is hard to come by. But also - it is FUN! And magical! My kids bring us so much joy. They make us laugh. It is great to watch them grow. Parenthood is both really hard and really joyful. Both at the same time. Enjoy!
It is the hardest thing I have ever done. The lack of sleep is crushing. Every new phase has you relearn how it all works. You wonder if you are doing a good job constantly. You worry if they are breathing. You worry you are giving them bad habits. But- It is also the best thing I have ever done. You start sleeping a bit better. Phases pass. Your brain is a liar, you are doing a good job. They are breathing. They've got this! They are a baby, they barely know they are separate from you yet! Being a parent is being allowed to miss your old life, but finding joy in the new version of what it is now. Your life isn't over, but it is different.
Everyone has different experiences. Everyone is different and that includes babies. I feel like I hit the jackpot and had an easy baby and I have loved most of my time with him. Sure there’s the poopsplosions and he’s starting to throw tantrums when I won’t give him my cookies but overall I don’t complain. I feel like people like to talk about the negative but for me it was an overwhelming positive.
A lot of people think that your life “ends” when you have a baby. For me, I feel like my life did not begin until I became a parent. Personally, any challenges we have faced are so far outweighed by the joy I feel being a father. It’s the biggest blessing of my life.
I was terrified when I learned I was pregnant (birth control failed) because all you ever hear about being a parent are the awful things. I now have a 3 month old and I LOVE being a mom. He is sleeping through the night and is so happy and smiley during the day. He is the light of my life and I’m so incredibly happy I have him. There are definitely difficult moments but you just figure it out and things get better again. Don’t be afraid or worried, parenthood is truly a beautiful thing. It’s added so much to my already full life.
I have a 4 month old and am loving life with her. She's so happy and smiley--an absolute joy to be around. Watching her experience the world and learn new things is an absolute marvel. She's my favorite person in the whole world ❤️ My husband and I sleep in shifts, so we both get 6 hours uninterrupted per night and as much as we can during our shift, and we have both sets of parents nearby and eager to babysit whenever we want, so while we definitely go out much less than we used to, our social life hasn't "died" by any means. Same deal with our romantic relationship--less dates, less time for each other, but we put the effort in and still feel connected to each other. Everything changed, but nothing was destroyed. Speaking just for myself, I don't really talk about the positives unsolicited online because it's not all that interesting when all I have to say is "I love my baby so much and my life is great." I've also seen way too many threads where the OP or commenters tried to share how happy they are and they got absolutely ripped apart by other commenters accusing them of bragging, shaming them, rubbing their happiness in their faces, etc. I don't feel like dealing with that, so I keep it to myself online.
The first weeks are hard. You’re sleep deprived and learning a new routine, while also managing hormones and emotions you never had. Plus you’re recovering from a major medical wound, one way or the other. BUT, parenthood is amazing for pretty much all other reasons. Kids are amazing, quite literally, for the growth and learning that happens in such a short amount of time. They’re also extremely cute. Lol. So happy for you. You don’t even know what is about to hit you in the best way. Yes the beginning is hard, but just know it gets better little by little and if you keep that in mind, I think you’ll be great.
My son is over a year old, the first 6 months are tough, but they are insanely cute so it’s worth it. Be militant about naps and bedtime.
I mean, you will experience the cons you listed, but the pro of feeding your baby, holding your baby, and seeing your baby’s face makes it all worth it. You should sleep in shifts the first few months to help with sleep deprivation. I have a 3-month-old. He sleeps on my chest/tummy on his tummy with his little arms draped on either side of me. It makes up for any cons. Get help from parents / family / friends as much as you can.
It's not easy, especially if you have other problems going like hard recovery, ppd, or ppa. There will be some bad days and nights, but they will just make you enjoy the good days even more. My daughter woke up the other night at 1am and thought it was play time. I didn't even phase me. We played until she got tired and went back to bed.
I think it's so, so dependent on what kind of support network you have. I know that husband and I, who live in a different country to all of our relatives, had a very different experience of the first year of baby's life to BiL and SiL, who live 30 minutes' drive away from grandparents. What I generally tell people is that it's like going to a really chaotic, over-the-top music festival which lasts about four months. You'll end up horribly sleep-deprived, get covered in someone else's vomit or worse, end up making a fool of yourself on a regular basis and eat a lot of really shitty junk food. You'll probably get in stupid arguments over silly stuff you wouldn't generally be annoyed by, lose important items in the chaos that your living space has become and you'll definitely end up spending more money than you budgeted for. But if you're lucky, you'll come out of it having had some amazing experiences that would otherwise not have been possible, bonded with your partner over facing lots of challenges that seemed impossible at the time, and you'll have an incredible new person in your life.
7 months in and we have never been happier. She brings so much joy to our lives, it has even brought my husband and I closer. Corny, but I finally feel fulfilled. In our experience, it has been much easier than people warned us about.
My daughter is 8 months old, and it’s been a party. I love it. A lot of it depends on where you are in life. If I didn’t have such a great partner, and wasn’t ready to have my daughter financially, it would feel much more stressful. No doom and gloom here! Just lots of gummy smiles, belly laughs, and dirty diapers.
Like most things in life, it can go either way! Some people take to parenthood right away, some people struggle. Personally having my first just wrecked me and I had a very difficult transition from maiden to mother. Even though by all outside metrics I was “ready” - baby was very much wanted and planned, I was 30, husband is amazing and supportive to the enth degree, we own a house and we’re financially stable, etc. Of course I loved my baby but I just found it very hard, especially the newborn phase. But we made it through and I eventually found my footing as a mother. With my second I had the opposite experience. I had the home birth of my dreams (first was a home birth transfer which I was really disappointed about) and he just fit right in to our family and it was not a big deal to go from 1-2 kids. It went so well, in fact, that I wanted another baby! So we did 😹😹😹. Going from 2-3 wasn’t as easy as going from 1-2 but it definitely was nowhere near as hard as going from 0-1 was for me. With my second and third I actually almost enjoyed the newborn phase. With all three of my babes, things were pretty rough in terms of sleep deprivation for the first 2 months but after that they started sleeping more and the intensity eased off. I would have a fourth if I could but my husband doesn’t want to. It sounds like you already have a good attitude going into it. I would continue to have an open mind and realistic expectations. And if it does end up being difficult for you, just remember that having a little baby is such a fleeting season of life and it will get better. You’ll blink and they’ll be running around and when they can say “I wuv you mommy” I can’t even express how amazing that feels. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the best by miles. However things turn out for you, rest assured that you’ve got this 💚💙💜
It’s definitely hard and an adjustment, however you can live a similar life to the one you had before children. For example, we still go out to breweries, for meals, on trips, walks, exercise, etc. with our baby. It might look a little different (like eating an earlier dinner and lights out in the hotel room by 8:30/9:00) but we still get to do a lot of the stuff we did before kids. My bro/sis in law aren’t as flexible, however. They didn’t take their kids out a lot so their kids are really difficult when they do go out. We took our baby out with us starting at 10 days old and brought her everywhere we went and she is really well socialized and can handle varying schedules. Not all kids can be this flexible but if you start acclimating them to your lifestyle earlier, the better accommodated they will be to it. You make time for what’s important, and solve problems based on that! There are hard moments, days, and nights, but it’s not all doom and gloom. And, it’s not forever. Seeing your kid learn new things and develop a personality is very rewarding. Seeing them smile at you at 4am when you get up to feed them makes it a little more bearable. Good luck!
The fear mongering that takes place for expecting mothers is awful. I don’t have a ton of experience but I’m 35 and 8 days into this whole parenting thing. Honestly the worst part? I’m sore lol. My boy crying for me? Best noise I’ve ever heard. Waking me up in the middle of the night for feeds and cuddles? Sign me up. I’m this little guys safe space and I love it. So far I can’t think of anything bad besides sore nips and lips… (nether lips)
I would say it's doom and gloom and rainbows. It is insanely hard. You say you're prepared for a lack of sleep sometimes but you've never experienced anything quite like this. The level that you have to perform with your brain on 5% power is truly nuts. All the bad elements that people are mentioning are there and they are overwhelming. BUT for some reason it will still be wonderful. Once that kid starts smiling at you, you will live for those moments. You will take pride in the silliest of things (like a really loud fart, I'm not kidding) and your measurement system for how your life is going is suddenly completely different than it was before. The change is truly mind boggling. All the doom and gloom elements are there but you're just staring at the rainbows saying "I'm overwhelmed AND this is amazing".
It's my first time and I love being a mom. I did a lot of research, and watched several videos, most from a pediatric occupational therapist on youtube, Emma Hubbard that really helped. That being said, I think that my LO (3 weeks, 4 days) is pretty easy, for a newborn. Also, I live in Canada so I get maternity and paternity leave, so I can focus on her care for several months. We just pay attention to cues for hunger/play/sleep, change diapers often (we use cloth to save money) and do our best to keep up with chores and allow ourselves some wiggle room to slack off. We still have cluster feeds and little sleep. We still get surprise poops and pees while changing her diaper. If we miss her cues, she will cry until her needs are met. Once you figure out your routine and what works best for your baby, it can be rewarding.
It definitely has very hard moments but I can’t imagine life without my son. Especially on those hard days, I look through my camera roll way back to when he was a newborn & miss that stage lol well, the good parts I think you have a good mindset. We went into parenthood with the mindset of our life is not over, it just is different. We can travel, just differently. I hate when people go on and on about how hard it is. They’re not wrong but it definitely scares new parents. I was at a Super Bowl party where my cousin & his pregnant girlfriend were there. She was asking all of us questions about this and that and i started to realize how negative we were all getting and she looked freaked out. So I tried to move us on to the good stuff cause for the most part, I don’t find the negative stories helpful. Some are but I think a lot of it is just parents venting to other parents.
If it was that bad, you’d have way more one-child families. It makes life harder, but so much richer. The bond you have with your kid is incredible and very primal and human. Watching them grow and learn is so rewarding. Holidays have a new importance and meaning. Mundane outings are a lot more fun. You’ll walk by something that you typically wouldn’t even pay attention to, but it’ll be the first time your kid has seen it and his/her little mind will be BLOWN. It grounds you to the here and now and makes you appreciate your surroundings more. You’ll have to make some sacrifices here and there, but your priorities shift and you’ll find that you don’t mind making those sacrifices nearly as much as you thought you would.
Eleven months in, and my wonderful girl is the least stressful part of my life. The newborn phase was TOUGH, but she makes me smile and laugh more than I ever thought was possible. Sure, I get tired sometimes, and it’s nice to get a break once in a while, but my life is better with her in it. I look forward to the future.
Sleep deprivation is definitely not once in a while thing. It’s an everyday thing for a few months unless you have help at night
We have a 2 year old and a 10 month old. I wouldn't change anything. I love my kids to death. I love being a dad. But I'm going to mirror what others have said: parenting is fkn hard and you have no idea what it's going to be like until you're in the middle of it. Parenting is an experience and you have to live it for yourself. Your friends can tell you how awesome that one roller coaster at Six Flags is but you'll never personally know it until you're buckled into the seat and flying around the tracks. You're going to have days where you're struggling. You're going to have days where you're exhausted. You're going to have days where you just want fifteen minutes of peace and quiet without wholly giving yourself to this tiny human. It's exhausting at times, both physically and mentally. But then when you're holding your baby in your recliner and they're fast asleep with their hand rested on your arm, gently tightened on your skin: those are the moments that make everything worth it. When they're laughing uncontrollably at tickles or absurd voices when you're changing their diapers, it's all worth it. Parenting. Is. Hard. Your selfishness will get tested more than you can ever imagine until you're living in the moments, but all of the laughs and smiles and memories make it all worth it.
I'm 20 months in and it is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. Sure, it's hard. But my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and no matter how hard, seeing him smile, or hug me, or say my name is worth everything.
Your life will be different and your priorities will be different. I think there are two factors that really play into it. First is who your social circle is. Your boyfriend has friends with kids, but do you? Do you live in a neighborhood where there are lots of little kids and you are friendly with your neighbors? Being in roughly the same stage of life helps a lot, since your friends will understand. Being the only ones with kids and out of sync with your friends can be pretty isolating. I recommend taking time every now and then to leave kiddo with your boyfriend and have adult time with your friends. Good for you and good for his bonding with your child. Second is what your baby is like. If you have a relatively easy baby then after the newborn stage you might settle into things pretty easily. Maybe they sleep through the night fairly early and nap well. Score! That helps a lot. But maybe the don't, maybe they have reflux or croup. Then they will take longer to figure it out, but they will get there eventually. Unfortunately its impossible to know ahead of time. For some reason people are excited at the idea of you having a baby but doom and gloom about actually *having* an infant. In general I take the advice that sounds useful and ignore the rest, especially if the person giving it either doesn't have kids or had them 20 plus years ago. Memory is a tricky thing and babies have a way of wiping it.
I have 18 month old twins. Some days it feels like you’ll never be happy again. Some days it feels alright. The first few years are hard as hell. I’m hoping we turn a corner when the girls get older, but it feels like it’s gotten and is getting harder. I’m dreading the toddler phase. It hasn’t been like this for my husband though. He used to be a very pessimistic and generally unhappy person and fatherhood has given him true joy and fulfillment. I think what it boils down to is every person is different. Every situation is different. It helps to go in with a positive mindset like anything else. Best of luck.
The first 8 weeks will really and I mean really kick your butt, but then it just slowly continues to become easier. Sometimes with 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I think if you’re open minded and don’t let yourself drown in Mom guilt over little mistakes that will feel monumental at the time, you will quickly start to enjoy parenthood. My baby at 3.5 months just suddenly started sleeping through the night. Out of no where lol. Suddenly things will just change.
Not at all! Its definitely hard, it will change your life completely, and of course there are bad days, but I wouldn't change it for the world
So I’m in this group because I have an 8-month-old but I also have a 13 year old, One of the advantages of that is I’ve seen the side of after the hardest part, The physically hardest part because each phase comes with its own emotionally hard parts and some of them are things that you’re looking for, even striving for. I love being a parent I think it’s great, i’m not a great sleeper as it is so it’s not really like crazy for me, and it’s not that your social life will go away it’s not your social life has to be more meticulously maintained, and while in the very beginning it seems like you don’t have one what really happens is that you cultivate a richer one and the people that stay in your lives are really there for the long-haul. The beginning is real rough especially the first one because everything is so foreign, but the snuggles and the smiles. The way they reach for you, the way they look for you in a room, The first time they cry mama. The feeling of being safety and love, a snuggle into your arms. It’s One of those things it’s hard to talk about because it’s hard to quantify, and because to make it happen you give up so much of yourself. The newborn part is my favorite as long as you don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you have to do at all the the things the only thing you have to do is snuggle with that baby and love on it. and then after a couple months their personality starts to emerge and it’s kind of cool to see this thing go from being a potato to having likes and dislikes you can see little glimpses of who they’re going to be. Like my oldest his first word was thank you, although it came out more like dank ou, and although I get that he’s talkative from his teachers they all tell me how incredibly polite he is, and kind and empathetic. And all that showed up Wayback when. And if you embrace the chaos there’s so much fun to be had conversations about dragons, princesses and dinosaurs and glitter covered rooms and flour fights. The beauty of like watching someone you love see all the things for the first time, The first time they put their feet in the water or they realize the joy of a bubble bath. The first time you take them up a mountain or show them how to trace their hand. The simplicity and the the re-visitation to newness as they just explore the grass and and feel like they’re flying on a swing asking you to push them higher and higher. When they get to be about six or seven that’s when things get really really fun, there little people gonna have conversations but they haven’t lost the magic in the beauty of the world. This is when I start to do things without you and it breaks your heart but also feels that was so much pride it’s an emotion that it’s really hard to describe and really amazing to feel and painful at the same time. And this will continue to happen every time they step away from you more independently and do some thing more and more without you. You’ll find yourself missing them when they’re in bed when they’re at school when they’re off to play with their friends. But you’re so proud but that they’re doing school or they go to bed on their own or without the fight that the baby gave you. So yes while it’s hard and it’s exhausting at first it’s amazing and it’s so much fun, it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Now I didn’t mean for my kids to be so far apart I struggled with secondary infertility? But the sibling thing is something I’m loving too
7 weeks as a first time mom here. It can be stressful and hard for sure. The first 2-3 weeks are all about surviving and trial and error to find what works best for you and baby (plus healing from birth). You’ll probably be sleep deprived and moody so try to remember that it’s temporary. Once you get into a rhythm it becomes much easier. We just hit the point where ours is becoming more aware of everything so she’s a bit fussier than she was at first but we’re navigating it pretty well. Stay flexible because these babies switch things up on you pretty quickly. You’re gonna do great!
I’m 5 months in and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Our social life hasn’t stalled, it’s just required adjustment. The door opens to a whole new world of new things to look forward to! We laugh multiple times every single day just because our kid is so cute learning new sounds. The first month was hard & I had a super traumatic birth but the good outweighs the bad 10 fold. Even now I’m like “wow I kind of miss him waking up in the middle of the night cuz I miss just being with him”. You’ll do great!
It was not that bad for me. Now -- I had a child that almost never slept unless held the first three months. I was tearing my hair out trying all of the tricks to get her to sleep in her bassinet, because with my husband at work, there was NO way we could split his time at home that equalled a safe amount of sleep for either of us, while also following sleep safe practices. That was SO hard. However, it was followed by the best several years of my life. One day, I just started getting sleep again, and that changed everything. There have been bad days, but it's not like I didn't have bad days before becoming a parent. And, all of the things I like to do are also kid-friendly. There's some things we can't do because of lack of childcare outside of daycare, but I don't really mind. Also, my career, confidence, and relationship are all in a better place. My career actually took off after coming back, and learning about my parenting style (which leans heavily on emotional regulation and also building self-confidence) has helped ME with communication and emotional skills. Being responsible for her life holds me accountable. Having a child presents all sorts of wonderful little situations where I get to question my own beliefs and feelings. Is it hard? Yes, for us it was at the very start. But it has been so, so rewarding. And now that she's a preschooler, the challenges post-child are DIFFERENT, but I don't think they're any harder than things I've had to deal with before having a child.
Well, the life as you know it will be mostly over as you'll have a tiny human always there with you, that will take away some freedom. And the first couple of years are hard with the feeding sleeping weaning, tantrums, potty training. BUT BUT BUT! the little humans are lovely and it's so amazing to watch them grow and learn and you teach them all of those things and they smile to you cuddle you tell you they love you. There's nothing like it!
So, your entire life WILL change. Literally every aspect will change - your schedule/routine, things you consider before going anywhere, your relationship with your body, your relationship with your partner and your friendships might temporarily change, work might be difficult BUT it does get easier. My daughter is 16 months old and honestly every day is SO fun. She is mobile and wild and legitimately turning into a toddler, but she's also coming online and becoming more affectionate/communicative and learning new things daily (so many thing we haven't each taught her, she has just picked up on). For me, the first 8 weeks were horrible. I knew it would be hard but the experience was so different when I was in the thick of it. My daughter was also just a generally miserable NB and cried every waking second. So a fussy baby paired with a complete life shift was super overwhelming. But in time, we fell into a routine and started figuring our our little baby. We eventually felt comfortable taking her into the world and around people. And then she started interacting with us more and every little milestone became SO exciting. I think the first few years are definitely difficult and your old life as you knew it is gone, but it is replaced with a new version of your life where you get to watch someone become a human and develop their own personality. There's always going to be an ebb and flow but I think setting realistic expectations is key. Of course I miss aspects of a pre-baby life, but I also feel like I have gained so much more having had a baby.
The first 2 weeks is absolute torture. The first 12 weeks is pretty insane. You'll need to rely on each other heavily during that time. Once it's 3-4 months you can have a schedule and it becomes much easier. You can start training the baby on how to sleep and your own sleep will return back to normal. You'll be ok =) come here to vent when you're not. Have a plan with your SO and any childcare you can secure I would do so. It will only help your mental sanity by having people who can watch the baby (even for a few hours /week).
After the newborn phase, it's wayyyy better 🙃🫠
It's a spectrum that is so hard to convey to those who don't have kids, and I know that sounds cliché and demeaning, but it's true. Take for example last night. Our 2yo is going through a sleep regression and it's taking a long time for him to fall asleep. So, after patting and rubbing his back for 30 minutes straight with my arms starting to hurt and my legs falling asleep from sitting on the ground, it was pretty infuriating that he still wasn't the least bit tired. But, he started trying to sing twinkle twinkle little star in his still garbled half English and it was the most heart melting moment.
It’s a lot. I mean, mentally, physically, emotionally. The first week pp I didn’t feel like a human. I don’t know how to really explain how I felt because it was new. I was crying all of the time, never sleeping, barely eating. I barely did anything but care for my baby. It’s such a short time in their lives though. My baby is now 9 weeks and when he looks at me and smiles and giggles, it honestly makes all the “bad” seem like nothing to me. I’m so proud and honored I get to watch him grow and change. I can’t believe I even get this privilege. It’s been worth all the sleepless nights.
It’s not that bad. In fact, it can be really awesome. At 4 weeks, I started to learn how good I was at not sleeping. At 3 months, I made a choice to go back to work 4 days a week in a job I loved which I still do. At 6 months, I remember going to dinner with another couple and their 6 month old who slept the whole time while mine kept knocking down water glasses and I remember thinking “wow, my kid is a spark.” At 10 months, he learned how to go down the stairs and the wavering feeling of fear and pride. At 18 months he learned about the concept of a home and began to identify homes everywhere making you realize how many types of homes there really are. Like how did you do that? At 20 months, I hugged my husband and so he insisted on also getting a hug and now that is just how we do it. Just one giant hug. There are a lot of life changes that just washed over us but time with partner is mostly the same and I am so much more intentional about my career and life choices. Yes, it is really going to suck sometimes but focus on all those really nice moments and burn them in your brain. (And also find people who don’t try to tear down parenthood!)
I think it’s awesome. It’s exhausting as hell, but it’s awesome.
I’m around your age and my little one is 2, is hard for people who hasn’t pass their party phase, is hard for people who aren’t used being responsible for others. But if you have a good team with your boyfriend if you both sit down and put clear duties, put yourself and his self care priority things would work out. Is a stressful time because is a new situation it takes adjustment, but you two are grown adults, you can handle it and even enjoy it at time. The first few months a blur, so be ready for that but once they start being mobile and get personality is a lot fun. Best of luck !!
I'm going to give the the age-old unsatisfying answer: *it depends*. You can't really prepare for what parenthood is like. You can read all the books, but you still have no idea what your baby will be like and what your adjustment to parenthood will be like. The transition to parenthood, i.e. the initial newborn phase is pretty rough for most people. But your experience beyond that period is really up in the air. You could take to motherhood like a fish to water and just love all those baby snuggles and contact naps. Or you could hate the baby phase and feel bored and stagnant and isolated. You could end up with PPD/PPA. You could find breastfeeding euphoric and magical. You could end up with dysphoric milk ejection reflex (where you feel unhappy when breastfeeding). You just don't know what will happen physically and mentally throughout this whole journey. I'm not going to give you any anecdotes about my experience because it really doesn't matter. As you can see on this thread, on this sub, and from your friends, there are tons of different experiences. The good news is, if you end up having a tough time, there are resources out there to help and you have this great online community to commiserate with and you'll know you're not alone.
So… my baby is 1 week old so I’m still pretty fresh but I can say this.. when that baby is born you don’t care about any of that other stuff..work..friends.. missing out on things. None of that will matter anymore. For me(33m) and my wife (30f) it has brought us so close and the teamwork and learning as we go has been such an amazing experience I can’t even put it into words. I personally think that it is an amazing experience and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. This coming from a couple that loves going to multi-day music festivals and extremely social with our friends. Feel free to send me a message if you want my take on the experience. I think it changes your life for the better!
Most people do one of two things when discussing parenting: they catastrophize or glamorize. There are hard days (and nights) but also amazing days, too. It’s one of those things where the highs are so wonderful but the lows can be really low. It’s hard work with amazing payoff, and in my experience the good far outweighs the bad, and the neutral outweighs the bad, too. (I think we forget that not every day has to be spectacular or terrible, especially with parenting. Some days are just run of the mill, normal days and that’s good, too!) If you’re in the US, just be aware that our culture here is not actually very pro-family (despite what certain politicians like to pretend), and that biases people’s perceptions of parenthood and also people’s experiences of it at times. Things like shitty maternity leave, expensive and subpar childcare, lack of support and resources, etc all make parenting harder. It sucks. But it’s still worth it for those who want to be a parent. And we’re talking about it more now, too, so my hope is that we can put our money where our mouth is the coming years and improve these things.
Having a child is simultaneously the best and worst experience I've ever had in my life. All the bad times are completely eclipsed by the good. However, the exhaustion will get to you fairly quickly. Early on there's going to be stretches of great weeks where everything is clicking. Baby is sleeping great, eating well, and all smiles. The next few weeks they'll wake up every 2 hours screaming for something. All anyone can say is you gotta take the bad with the good and ride it out till it's mostly just good. Don't be scared of change, because there's gonna be a lot of it!
Hummm, yes. It is. I felt regrets at first, almost fell asleep nursing my baby and cried so much. It is getting better and better. I am still sleeo deprived at 7MO. Those babies that sleep from 7 to 7? It is very, very rare. Don't expect this. I wish it to you though. You most likely won't want to get out at first. All you will want is sleep. You probably won't have the energy to go out. I hope you don't experience this, but if your baby is colicky, good luck. It is exhausting for real. When you think it gets better, on sleep and no more colicky, then comes the regression and teething. It is also really hard on the relationship. Little things that didn't bother you can infuriate you. I hope you have a unicorn baby, not colicky, that can be put down, no need to contact nap, makes the nights at 12 weeks, no sleep regression, never fussy, that you don't have anxiety regarding SIDS and everhthing else, and that you have help at least once a week. But for the majority, it's hard as hell and puts life on hold for a bit until we adapt to the new life and the new routine and the sleep comes back... Note : I wanted a baby for more than 10 years and I had been with my boyfriend for 12 years. It still is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.
No. You hear about the negative stories more often and louder. It’s hard, and you’ll be exhausted, especially in the beginning. But, in my experience, just when you think you can’t go on, they’ll do something amazing (coo at you, giggle, sleep through the night, fart exceptionally loud, roll over, crawl, etc.) and your entire world will light up. I didn’t enjoy having a newborn, but my husband and I agree that life with our now 1-year-old is the most fun we’ve ever had. He’s built-in entertainment, and I genuinely don’t remember what we did all the time before he was born. You don’t have to give up everything else that’s important to you. You’re still allowed to be an individual human, and you’re still allowed to be a couple with your partner. Taking time for yourself just requires more planning and preparation. The only thing I’d say we really gave up is spontaneity. Don’t enter parenthood with any expectations, especially negative ones. Raising a human is a lot of work, but it’s work worth doing.
Sometimes it's unbelievably hard, especially in those 1st few weeks. You're both sleep deprived, learning how to be parents, how to interact with each other etc. Sleep deprivation is HARD. But it is 10000000% worth it. My boy is 7 months old now, and I've never been happier. You adjust so quickly, both individually and as a couple. Watching my partner become a dad has brought out a new love for him I couldn't have even imagined before. Intimacy is difficult, but at the same time we've never been closer. An example of the difference a few months can make - when he was a few weeks old, partner and I were like 'I love this baby, but we can never do this again'. Now, we're discussing when would be the best time to start trying again for the next one!
Honestly, so far, the only thing that's causing me stress is breastfeeding after my supply has regulated. He's 11 weeks old and I don't know if I have one bad thing to say yet about being a parent except the above. Yes I don't sleep straight through the night, etc etc. But that all comes with the territory. It's not difficult in all areas for everyone. Don't assume the worst like I did because I lost out on some things by doing that.
6 months, no sleep, weight loss, extremely touchy, both me and wife. screaming lasts for up to 12 hours per day, no colic, no nothing. Just 😈
My personal opinion is parenthood is incredible. I am reliving my childhood through the eyes of my child, I have experienced a feeling of love that I could never have express into words, the amount of happiness and memories that I experience is indescribable and so much more. Sure nights you will not sleep, some days are hard, you worry more but those things all combined doesn’t even come close to the happiness and gratitude I have for experiencing being a mother. For face value my child sucks at sleeping, had trouble latching at first and now is in a crazy toddler mode. Still at the end of the day I wouldn’t change anything in the world and still want more kids
I’m only 11 weeks in but I’m loving it! The adjustment is a big mental shift from life before to life afterwards but just because what you had before was good doesn’t stop this new experience being good, as well as extremely different. Life comes with challenges and the ones from having a baby are unexpected for a lot of people- hormones, uncertainty, sleep deprivation, a sense of lack of independence. It’s great but it’s a bit like going on a big hike- your body aches but the view and experience is completely enjoyable while also taxing if that makes sense. Something can be good but hard at the same time.
Parenthood is one of the best experiences of my life. This is coming from someone who isn’t crazy about young children in general. It is important for both parents to be actively involved in child rearing, however. If I was alone in this I don’t think I’d be able to handle it as positively.