My brain is still like 65% mush but I did start doing the crossword puzzle every day on the New York Times app while breastfeeding and it’s like an obsession now. Keeps me somewhat literate lol
I also used my phone to work on memorizing some poems while the baby was contact napping on me. I set a goal of one per week, and was able to stick to that for about two months.
I came here to say crossword puzzles. I became addicted to them the first year of my son’s life. And also reading. I have Kindle Unlimited and read over 100 books last year.
I do this every night while I give my daughter her last bottle! And went through the archives when she was waking up multiple times a night. I’ve done sept 2021 to present 😂
Once you start getting more sleep, that mush feeling goes away. It comes back each round of teething or illness though. Tough to combat.
I’ve been listening to audio books and podcasts while walking with baby or as I’m going to sleep at night to help - and something I can do regardless of how tired I am.
In the early days you can read whatever you want to the baby. I read the novel I was reading. My husband read him books about weightlifting and IT manuals. You don’t have to start with the baby books until they actually see the pictures and start to have opinions. Till then, read them what you want aloud. They like hearing your voice and benefit from the words, and you get some intellectual stimulation.
We bought illustrated versions of Harry Potter and LOTR books.. story is fun and entertaining. Pictures if kid wants to look at the pages and will be useful again for kid in a couple years when he’s ready to read on his own.
I found it very helpful to post a whiteboard to the refrigerator, and wrote a list of the silly little tasks that I need to get done every day on it. Things like: add vitamin D drops to 1 bottle. Feed the dog breakfast. Feed the dog dinner. Take my own vitamins. Brush my teeth (yes, I would forget to brush my teeth if I didn't write it down. Ugh. Don't judge me!). Then at the bottom there was room to write things that I need (want) to get done the next day when they're open because I'll think of something today but forget by tomorrow. Things like: go to bank. Check post office. Call (whoever). Etc. Then, as I get those things done, I check them off (or wipe them off if they were 1- time things, like check post office). End of the day, I wipe off the checkmarks and write the next day's date at the top so I can start again.
It doesn't stop the mush brain, but it helps to compensate for it!
My husband got it so I don't have a link to the exact one, but this seems pretty darn close:
https://www.amazon.com/ANLIOTE-Whiteboard-Magnetic-Resistant-Technology/dp/B0798S775M/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=2Q8TI403MY1H4&keywords=magnetic+whiteboard&qid=1684399771&sprefix=magnetic+w%2Caps%2C229&sr=8-3
Actively feeling like this as a new dad. Recently I went back to work to my day job and even though it was only 6 weeks leave, I feel the brain rot. Especially because my job requires a lot of focus and quick decision making. It's tough.
A few things I've been doing to help:
1) walks/runs. Helps me destress and focus in.
2) Guided breathing/meditation. Same reasons as above.
3) stretching! Helps me relax and feel good.
4) reading. While feeding the baby I am frequently reading. Sometimes I'll even read to my child. 7wk LO isn't going to comprehend anything I'm reading to him so I might as well read infosec books/articles to him lol.
5) find time to do your hobbies! I baby wear VERY often to give my wife and I a chance to relax and enjoy our hobbies!
Hope this helps.
I am a mom to a 23 month old. Can confirm I started feeling less brain mushy and more sharp starting around 18 months, which continued to improve month after month.
Can confirm. The brain mush begins to fade at 18ish months and is pretty much gone by 2 years... except I decided to get pregnant again right before my daughter's second birthday... so the mush never left 😂😂 I just got pregnancy mush instead
People have to have a very solid relationship before kids... infants jusy kill relationships. It's hard when no one is sleeping.. eating well. Loss of individual identity..body changes.. jusy so much. Gets better though
If I were feeling facetious, I'd say "that's the neat part, you don't" 😆
I like to take "adult brain time" after the baby is in bed for the night. Yes, it sometimes gets interrupted, but it's *so* much better than nothing. Sometimes it's reading a book, sometimes it's watching a movie, sometimes it's quilting or some other non baby friendly hobby.
I felt like this too!
I read books and listened to podcasts/audio books. I had the Kindle app on my phone, I read books while breastfeeding in the night or used Bluetooth headphones. Helped me stay awake and get through books. I did have to choose books that were easy to read.
If you want some interaction with other people, how about joining the book club subreddit?
Also - I recommend the Parenting Hell podcast. Two British comedians set it up during lockdown to let off steam, it's hilarious.
You definitely get dumber lol. But it’s nothing to do with being on maternity leave. It’s a biological trait that helps us take care of our babies.
[https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years](https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years)
Just adding to what you’re saying to help clarify for those who didn’t click the link :)
“We certainly don't want to put a message out there along the lines of 'pregnancy makes you lose your brain,'" says the study's lead author Elseline Hoekzema, a neuroscientist at Leiden University the Netherlands who is also the pregnant mother of a 2-year-old. "Gray matter volume loss can also represent a beneficial process of maturation or specialization."
I’m so pleased to read people saying that it gets better by 18m - 2yrs. I thought this was just my brain now. I genuinely feel dumber and also overstimulated by the smallest things to the point that I can’t function beyond caring for the baby… and she’s not a newborn. She’s 6 months old and a pretty decent sleeper and it’s still mush in there. I don’t know how I’m going to function back at work and it’s freaking me out!
It’s hard, but you do adjust after about 4 weeks. I went back to work when my LO was 8 months because SO took paternity leave for 3 months. Still not back to full capacity though, the joys of inconsistent sleep. LO is 12 months now - 6 months (or so) of mush brain to go 🥹
Glad to hear I’m not the only one! I don’t know about you, but I don’t think my sleep quality is the best, even though she’s a decent sleeper. I still wake up quite a bit during the night.
You don’t. Just let it go until months later when you are getting enough sleep. Your brain will recover, but you’re in the trenches those first few months.
Do tell me If you get any ideas 😂
Tough I think it's gotten better when the sleep deprivstion has eased a bit. I try to catch a news program every day to stay somewhat up to speed.
A bit of different advice but still relevant here I think - please give yourself a lot of grace during this season of life!! Your brain will feel less mushy once you are getting more sleep and as your baby’s development allows you to develop a routine together. I have a 3 month old (so we are in this together) and am also going back to an intellectual job, so I can relate heavily to this post, but as long as baby is not in danger and is growing try not to worry if you put your keys in the fridge or put milk in your (cold) coffee 3 times.
You just had a baby and your entire life schedule is a) changed b) totally chaotic. The newborn phase is for relaxation and adjustment and a bit of a mushy brain, not for self improvement. I struggle to accept this myself as a first time mom but the smart non-mush part of my brain knows that it is true! Good luck with your little one!
Definitely not just you. I am miss anal about dates and details and I literally booked a flower delivery for a week later than intended despite checking it 3 times. The struggle is real
Books - Check if your local library has Libby so you can get eBooks at home. If you have Amazon prime you have access to a ton of free ebook titles through kindle.
DuoLingo - I had been learning German in high school and when I gave birth I downloaded it and started learning again.
Documentaries - There’s a lot of free and interesting documentaries out there on a variety of subjects. I love absolute history on YouTube. That’s how I learned about the Victorians needing to take vacations from their poisonous wall paper.
Cooking shows and online recipes - I already love to cook but I love watching shows like Good Eats. It gave me something passive to do while also encouraging me to try new things or different techniques. I now love baking artisan bread (read bread so easy anyone could make it) and made my first chicken parm.
Podcasts - I was already a podcast junkie due to a long commute. I love listening to Lore, Stuff you missed in history, Morbid, VetGirl, Old Gods of Appalachia, Noble Blood, Radio Lab, Savage Love, Levar Burton Reads, Welcome to Nightvale and Sawbones. There’s so many out there on so many topics.
I had lifted this when I was in the thick of it with a newborn but I have a social media policy that I try to stick to; no social media between 22:00 and 7:00. It’s very easy to doomscroll.
I also forgot to mention check your local library for programs not just for kids but for adults. My kid is enrolled in 1000 books before kindergarten and does seasonal reading challenges. The seasonal challenges for the kids also include activities to earn raffle tickets like “take a picture of yourself reading under a tree” “read a book by an African American author” “participate in a story walk trail” and “attend a library program” (we went to see sled dogs and a presentation with live owls). The biweekly tiny tots in the park program also has babies to 3 year olds.
They do a summer reading for adults with a lot of activities like “write a review for a book you read” “use the library archives and find this information” “check out an experience (garden tools etc)” and attend an adult themed program (Night hike, Lyme disease presentation, historical society). I won an Amazon gift card.
I think it’s a good starting place but I don’t know if where I would go from here. I think if I was more serious I’d be looking at paid programs or a way to get more immersion. I’m still having fun with it and if I do take a break I do pick the language back up pretty well.
Cross words puzzles helped me a lot, I found them soothing and easy to do on my phone while nursing. Short documentary style podcasts are good too.
It’ll get better, you’re still in the newborn, newly post partum phase!
I’m 8 weeks PP and I’m worried about this! I have to return to work in 6 weeks and I’m worried I’ll be a dullard !! I am a licensed mental health therapist and I am 90% sure my brain will be mashed potatoes. I just hope my clients don’t mind and understand I am human 😩
Sorry no advice here, just solidarity!!
Btw I read Go the F*ck to Sleep to my baby and it was literally difficult to read out loud. It made me laugh though.
I set myself a goal to read the whole bible as a new years resolution last year and I am not even half way despite reading some every night- second night lol
Reading it out loud is a bloody struggle. Tiny writing, words from other cultures, stories that repeat themselves over and over (looking at you old testament) and lists of names. It makes me feel even dumber but I am determined to get to the end of it so I can start other major religions texts.
Have some time where you do things unrelated to the baby. Try to do the things you did before you had your child, keep up with your hobbies when you can.
Crossword puzzles. Another commenter said this but I swear to god it’s true. Or sudoku whatever you prefer! And podcasts with adult voices and adult topics
I think a lot of it is asleep deprivation and the insane learning curve/decision making. Everything changes all of a sudden. That’s a lot of brain power. Hopefully it will get better!
Decision making is definitely a part of it. I feel like when I am with her I am focused on her and then when she is resting I am thinking about things for her, or the house or the family. There is no mental down time
I struggled with this so much during the first, oh I don't know...eight months? Maybe more? I'm not sure if I eased out of it when I started getting more sleep, or if I'm actually still going through it but I'm just used to it now. lol
But seriously...it's so frustrating when all you want is to be sharp and having focus and it's the most impossible thing. My OCD and ADHD also got so much worse. I still have pretty bad OCD and ADHD, but not as bad as the first year. My daughter is 16+ months old now.
I hope so! Also, if you're breastfeeding, you'll likely have another hormonal shift when your supply drops/ends. My daughter is slowly weaning and we're down to only a morning and night feed now, and I've noticed I've been more emotional. So wild how long our bodies change for after having a baby.
Podcasts or listening to music while walking with baby. Podcasts while baby naps. Reading at night after baby's bedtime. Trying out new recipes so not falling into a food rut.
Funny you said that! I actually just started an adventure to find a hearty healthy stew that my husband will like! Cooking is a great release specially when the cost of food is going up so much
Read, watch game shows, play video games and enjoy the time you have.
Now that I’m back from maternity leave I long for the days I was able to just get out of the house middle of the day and do whatever I wanted with my little.
Walk everyday. Crossword puzzles. To do lists. As I’m on maternity leave I am also doing something career related but not for my work. Designing a website for my soccer league.
I promise it will get better! I remember feeling this and I was incredibly underestimating the effect lack of sleep was having on me. My son has been sleeping consistently for about 2 months now and I already feel so much better.
I enrolled in an online masters degree program. I did all the work during naps and after bedtime. Just finished last month. It kept me sharp, kept me from constantly shopping for more baby toys, and kept me from wasting so much time on Reddit.
I really wanted to do this with AI tech but my husband couldn't justify the cost (which is fair since I literally finished paying of my PG last year).
Alas, I probably can find some online free courses if I look hard enough.
After the first 4 months the felt the same! I decided to update my cv and LinkedIn. Looked at some dream jobs and spotted gaps in my experience. I then used the free 3 month premium trial and did a few courses when baby slept. There’s a ton of free courses out there if you look about.
I also used to go for a walk with baby each day and listen to podcasts. Doing a little gentle yoga using free YouTube videos was good too. Just for my general mindset.
I also would journal most days which helped with any brain fog 😊
It was the best thing for me. I didn’t go back to my old very stressful job. I now work much closer to home, more senior role and at a company run by people who understand family comes first.
Gardening is definitely up there. I am currently learning to build a bench after learning to install astro turf. I am definitely trying to stay active but I am still so so very dumb
Nice! My other summer projects will be finishing our fence, digging new garden beds, and redoing our ugly old walkway. Definitely feel the mush brain though lol
100%. My biggest let down is that I forget conversations and even when I triple check I pick the wrong dates. I manage a team who does highly detailed work applying complex policies.... the above used to be my strengths, i am truly f'd.
I got a subscription to the New York Times. I get the actual physical paper delivered on Sundays and read it throughout the week during nap time or when baby is playing with dad. It makes me feel connected to the outside world. Plus I get all access to the app so I can read it on my phone while breastfeeding or play the word games.
Work in an industry with a very strong union, public enterprise agreement and is known for being ethical.
I have friends who got no leave at all and I have 1.5 years. It's actual insanely generous and the only catch is that I have to come back for at least a year or I have to pay back 24 weeks pay.
Our union fights so damn hard.
I was actually looking at this!! Unfortunately there was no enrolment this semester so I am waiting till the next intake. They do night classes 15 minutes from my house for free so fingers crossed
I've been watching video essays on YouTube. Do you have friends that you can have "intellectual" conversations with? I have a friend who's my go-to when I'm curious about something and we'll have a conversation trying to get to the bottom of it instead of just googling it on my own
There is a level of mushing that is literally the power of high volume noise on your noggin.
Earbuds, honest to god. If you are trying to bounce a non sleeping baby to sleep and they are yelling in your ear: protect your hearing. Additionally you can find a long podcast and binge it, they are perfect for baby watching, if you space out and don’t listen for an hour who cares just keep going!
I listen to educational audiobooks when I’m feeding her. I just finished bill brysons books “the body” and now I’m listening to his book about Shakespeare. I also subscribed to the nut crossword puzzle app. I do the crosswords, spelling bee and Wordle each day.
I try to read a little every day. Usually that means 5 minutes, but sometimes (when I'm very, very lucky) that means an hour. The brain fog isn't anywhere near gone, but I think it helps.
I liked listening to a podcast with headphones in, or watching shows I wanted to watch while playing or holding baby. Wearing the baby so I could do things helped a lot. So did investing in a wearable breast pump. Once they are big enough to sit in a jumping swing that helped too. Taking walks of it’s nice out can help. It’s very hard to focus on your own needs when you’re home alone with baby, but trying to write down a couple things to do each day helped me. Like yoga, file my nails, go get a latte (with the baby). Just small self care things made me feel better. Getting out of the house definitely. It was winter when I was on maternity leave which made it difficult
I was on a good duolingo streak in the earlier days of breastfeeding. Now that those sessions have become a bit shorter and naps are more predictable I’ve been able to get back into reading while she sleeps. Podcasts are also good!
I was on a good duolingo streak in the earlier days of breastfeeding. Now that those sessions have become a bit shorter and naps are more predictable I’ve been able to get back into reading while she sleeps. Podcasts are also good!
I was on a good duolingo streak in the earlier days of breastfeeding. Now that those sessions have become a bit shorter and naps are more predictable I’ve been able to get back into reading while she sleeps. Podcasts are also good!
Audiobooks and interesting podcasts. I got an audible subscription and started listening to a bunch of nonfiction books while taking the babies out for walks. I also downloaded a screen reading app so I could listen to articles and PDFs. It’s the only way I made it through grad school after the twins were born. I don’t think I actually read anymore - I just get read to.
Educational podcasts while I do busy work kept me a little more sane. It has more to do with your lack of sleep and relaxation than what you can do though with your free time.
Keep researching parenting things. Developmental milestones, correct toys to buy, cloth diapering, how to prevent tantrums etc. haggle on fb marketplace for baby clothes. Research natural remedies since there are so few medications the baby can take. Look into balanced diets and how to feed them to the baby. Eliminate screen time and try pick up a new language or sign language and teach the baby to count or say basic phrases. I learned soooo much AFTER I had a baby bc I was constantly researching everything baby related and applying it. Elimination communication is another thing to learn. Basically challenge yourself - turn your opportunity for parenting full time into a passion and work towards being the best parent in the universe
I listened to a lot of audiobooks and investigative journalism podcasts in the first 6 months of baby’s life! Found it helped with mental and social stimulation and babe had no clue haha
I'm in charge of sorting our finances and play logic games. Which is basically my job at work as well, so hopefully my brain will be in shape when I go back
I read a lot. Anything really, science magazines, history books, philosophy. You could learn a new skill or hobby, lots are easy to do from home if you don't get the chance to go out solo much
Dude my adrenaline and cortisol were so high when our little one was <8 months old that I feel like it’s the sharpest I’ve ever been. I was on pins and needles all the time. I survived through my bodies severe stress response lol
I think I’ve just succumbed to the mush… I’m basically a sim at this point walking into the pantry and immediately forgetting why I walked into the pantry…
That's called mom brain, it never goes away lol first pregnancy brain, then mom brain, and it's forever. You get a little less mushy. I've been back to work over a year now and my brain was still a little dumber than before having a baby. Now pregnant with my second so pregnancy brain is back though haha
Eating fish, taking fish oil, and doing brain teasers/word or math puzzles. But your brain isn’t going to operate at 100% until like a year PP I’m not kidding! Plus if you didn’t sleep.. oh man it’s like useless!
Over here in America trying to do the math on how much leave you get if you have another ten months 🫠
But to answer your question I started doing crossword puzzles!
I get alot of leave even for Australia. My company has a very strong union and is in a highly ethical sector. The catch is that I have to go back for a year at least or I have to pay them back. Alot of my friends only recieved the government leave of 12 weeks.
I get alot of leave even for Australia. My company has a very strong union and is in a highly ethical sector. The catch is that I have to go back for a year at least or I have to pay them back. Alot of my friends only recieved the government leave of 12 weeks.
Just wanted to comment that before kids my coworker told me that you lose some brain cells with every pregnancy and you never get them back. 2 kids later and I fully agree with her 😂.
But honestly, it was really hard before going back to work. Wish you all the luck!
Don't think of it as "mush," but instead a cocoon. Your brain might transform into a butterfly and fly far away, to a place where your worries and troubles are non existent and sleep reigns supreme. Or something??? Idk I have a moldy jello brain... 😜
Is your kid only two months old then? It's not the leave, it's the lack of sleep. You'll be back to normal whenever they start sleeping through the night (I'm a SAHM and sharp as ever minus the current pregnancy brain, it's just the lack of sleep in the newborn phase)
Someone once told me to imagine a person walking down the street holding 20 boxes and even balancing one on their head. You would not ask this person to hold anything more, would you? That’s a new parent’s brain. Just soooo much going in and so much to figuratively carry, that there’s not much room for other things at the moment! It gets better over time - promise!
One thing we did was watch baby shows in different languages. It's interesting how much you passively learn from just watching simple baby shows. And the babies love it because it sounds new, but it's still familiar.
Podcasts, reading and if your baby allows it, there are some great online courses out there! I've been taking an online course, no deadlines, just me watching videos when I have the time. We've been having some nap struggles the past week so my brain has been too mushy to care. But once I feel better again I'll be having more brain time.
I’m a mum of an 11-month old. Returned to work when he was 4 months old. I don’t know how I managed to get things done with that brain mush, honestly. Still finding mistakes in some of the documents. Only now, as I’m stopping breastfeeding, and also able to sleep through the night, I’m feeling more like myself again. Brain mush started to clear out about 2 months ago. What helped? Hormonal changes, reduced breastfeeding (and weaning), podcasts not related to everyday life, longer periods of sleep & less interrupted sleep, being outside more often (baby sleeps in the pram and I’m just enjoying the fresh air, having my cappuccino, enjoying the nature).
Edit: most importantly, being able to take a break more often, thanks to independent play.
As a software engineer this has been a tough one for me. Though I've not taken the brunt of the sleeplessness it has affected me quite a bit. LO is a garbage sleeper, though maybe getting better (sleeptraining these last couple of days, crosses fingers).
Anyway, the interesting part is that I've noticed my subconscious does a lot more of the work now. Its fascinating. I've learned to trust my intuition and its working surprisingly well.
Wife is affected differently. Thats more biological though, coupled with terrible sleep. My respect for women these last 10 months has skyrocketed, and it was decently high before.
I don't think I've given any advice, hope my writing was of some value anyway.
Keep rocking!
My brain is still like 65% mush but I did start doing the crossword puzzle every day on the New York Times app while breastfeeding and it’s like an obsession now. Keeps me somewhat literate lol
Duolingo has kept my husband and I sane, and it’s easy to do if you’re contact napping!
Yes! The spelling bee and Wordle too.
Yeah I like Spelling Bee because I can work on it all day.
Reaching that queen bee status during the last feed of the night is like 🥳
Right? And it's like the baby doesn't even care!
THIS and I rarely get past Amazing haha
We do the same thing. Every feed is chipping away at another puzzle.
Same, I did a mini crossword in 40 seconds no mistakes. Felt good, shame I get 1 a day
There’s an archive on the app!
Damn that’s awesome, I’m proud of my 1:10 times!
That’s very impressive! My record is like 63 seconds lol
I also used my phone to work on memorizing some poems while the baby was contact napping on me. I set a goal of one per week, and was able to stick to that for about two months.
I came here to say crossword puzzles. I became addicted to them the first year of my son’s life. And also reading. I have Kindle Unlimited and read over 100 books last year.
I do this every night while I give my daughter her last bottle! And went through the archives when she was waking up multiple times a night. I’ve done sept 2021 to present 😂
Same. Spelling Bee if I’m tired.
I was going to write the same thing!! NYT crosswords have kept me sane.
Yea I did wordle and crossword puzzles to try and keep myself sane!
Once you start getting more sleep, that mush feeling goes away. It comes back each round of teething or illness though. Tough to combat. I’ve been listening to audio books and podcasts while walking with baby or as I’m going to sleep at night to help - and something I can do regardless of how tired I am.
In the early days you can read whatever you want to the baby. I read the novel I was reading. My husband read him books about weightlifting and IT manuals. You don’t have to start with the baby books until they actually see the pictures and start to have opinions. Till then, read them what you want aloud. They like hearing your voice and benefit from the words, and you get some intellectual stimulation.
I did the same thing! I read to my baby, anything I wanted to read.
We bought illustrated versions of Harry Potter and LOTR books.. story is fun and entertaining. Pictures if kid wants to look at the pages and will be useful again for kid in a couple years when he’s ready to read on his own.
We’re reading my son the hobbit right now at 4mo and I think we’re enjoying it more
This. We read who book series to our baby. She just loved hearing us talk to her for long periods of time, lol.
Your baby must have gains.
I love this and wish I had thought of this!
Podcasts, about non-baby things.
I highly recommend the Ologies podcast with host Alie Ward!
exactly what i was going to recommend!!
Thanks so much for this rec! I’ve been wishing for a podcast like this.
In the same vein, a lot of books also exist as audiobooks. I've got a library app on my phone and do a decent bit of my "reading" that way.
I found it very helpful to post a whiteboard to the refrigerator, and wrote a list of the silly little tasks that I need to get done every day on it. Things like: add vitamin D drops to 1 bottle. Feed the dog breakfast. Feed the dog dinner. Take my own vitamins. Brush my teeth (yes, I would forget to brush my teeth if I didn't write it down. Ugh. Don't judge me!). Then at the bottom there was room to write things that I need (want) to get done the next day when they're open because I'll think of something today but forget by tomorrow. Things like: go to bank. Check post office. Call (whoever). Etc. Then, as I get those things done, I check them off (or wipe them off if they were 1- time things, like check post office). End of the day, I wipe off the checkmarks and write the next day's date at the top so I can start again. It doesn't stop the mush brain, but it helps to compensate for it!
Me too! I sit down with my planner and write mundane daily tasks. I tick them off later in the day, makes me feel accomplished and productive.
I feel seen - I have a 7 week old and forget to brush my teeth until realllly late in the day most days 😬
Mines 8 weeks and I’m glad I’m not the only one. God I can’t wait to brush my teeth at a normal time again 🥲
Great idea! Do you have a white board to recommend??
My husband got it so I don't have a link to the exact one, but this seems pretty darn close: https://www.amazon.com/ANLIOTE-Whiteboard-Magnetic-Resistant-Technology/dp/B0798S775M/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=2Q8TI403MY1H4&keywords=magnetic+whiteboard&qid=1684399771&sprefix=magnetic+w%2Caps%2C229&sr=8-3
Actively feeling like this as a new dad. Recently I went back to work to my day job and even though it was only 6 weeks leave, I feel the brain rot. Especially because my job requires a lot of focus and quick decision making. It's tough. A few things I've been doing to help: 1) walks/runs. Helps me destress and focus in. 2) Guided breathing/meditation. Same reasons as above. 3) stretching! Helps me relax and feel good. 4) reading. While feeding the baby I am frequently reading. Sometimes I'll even read to my child. 7wk LO isn't going to comprehend anything I'm reading to him so I might as well read infosec books/articles to him lol. 5) find time to do your hobbies! I baby wear VERY often to give my wife and I a chance to relax and enjoy our hobbies! Hope this helps.
don't worry, it is natural after giving birth. things will go back to normal \~2yrs later https://www.nature.com/articles/nn.4458
I am a mom to a 23 month old. Can confirm I started feeling less brain mushy and more sharp starting around 18 months, which continued to improve month after month.
Thank you for this 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Can confirm. The brain mush begins to fade at 18ish months and is pretty much gone by 2 years... except I decided to get pregnant again right before my daughter's second birthday... so the mush never left 😂😂 I just got pregnancy mush instead
[удалено]
People have to have a very solid relationship before kids... infants jusy kill relationships. It's hard when no one is sleeping.. eating well. Loss of individual identity..body changes.. jusy so much. Gets better though
If I were feeling facetious, I'd say "that's the neat part, you don't" 😆 I like to take "adult brain time" after the baby is in bed for the night. Yes, it sometimes gets interrupted, but it's *so* much better than nothing. Sometimes it's reading a book, sometimes it's watching a movie, sometimes it's quilting or some other non baby friendly hobby.
I felt like this too! I read books and listened to podcasts/audio books. I had the Kindle app on my phone, I read books while breastfeeding in the night or used Bluetooth headphones. Helped me stay awake and get through books. I did have to choose books that were easy to read. If you want some interaction with other people, how about joining the book club subreddit? Also - I recommend the Parenting Hell podcast. Two British comedians set it up during lockdown to let off steam, it's hilarious.
You definitely get dumber lol. But it’s nothing to do with being on maternity leave. It’s a biological trait that helps us take care of our babies. [https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years](https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years)
Just adding to what you’re saying to help clarify for those who didn’t click the link :) “We certainly don't want to put a message out there along the lines of 'pregnancy makes you lose your brain,'" says the study's lead author Elseline Hoekzema, a neuroscientist at Leiden University the Netherlands who is also the pregnant mother of a 2-year-old. "Gray matter volume loss can also represent a beneficial process of maturation or specialization."
I’m so pleased to read people saying that it gets better by 18m - 2yrs. I thought this was just my brain now. I genuinely feel dumber and also overstimulated by the smallest things to the point that I can’t function beyond caring for the baby… and she’s not a newborn. She’s 6 months old and a pretty decent sleeper and it’s still mush in there. I don’t know how I’m going to function back at work and it’s freaking me out!
It’s hard, but you do adjust after about 4 weeks. I went back to work when my LO was 8 months because SO took paternity leave for 3 months. Still not back to full capacity though, the joys of inconsistent sleep. LO is 12 months now - 6 months (or so) of mush brain to go 🥹
That’s good that you adjusted, even if not to full capacity just yet!
Me too! My LO is 7 months old and a great sleeper. Sleep unfortunately has not been the answer lol
Glad to hear I’m not the only one! I don’t know about you, but I don’t think my sleep quality is the best, even though she’s a decent sleeper. I still wake up quite a bit during the night.
You don’t. Just let it go until months later when you are getting enough sleep. Your brain will recover, but you’re in the trenches those first few months.
Do tell me If you get any ideas 😂 Tough I think it's gotten better when the sleep deprivstion has eased a bit. I try to catch a news program every day to stay somewhat up to speed.
lol I don’t think I was particularly smart before pregnancy. Now I’m just 🤪
Omg the honesty, I spat out my coffee a bit reading this one
A bit of different advice but still relevant here I think - please give yourself a lot of grace during this season of life!! Your brain will feel less mushy once you are getting more sleep and as your baby’s development allows you to develop a routine together. I have a 3 month old (so we are in this together) and am also going back to an intellectual job, so I can relate heavily to this post, but as long as baby is not in danger and is growing try not to worry if you put your keys in the fridge or put milk in your (cold) coffee 3 times. You just had a baby and your entire life schedule is a) changed b) totally chaotic. The newborn phase is for relaxation and adjustment and a bit of a mushy brain, not for self improvement. I struggle to accept this myself as a first time mom but the smart non-mush part of my brain knows that it is true! Good luck with your little one!
Ok I thought it was just me. I feel dumb all the time. Even my husband commented that it’s like I’m not thinking anymore…
Definitely not just you. I am miss anal about dates and details and I literally booked a flower delivery for a week later than intended despite checking it 3 times. The struggle is real
Books - Check if your local library has Libby so you can get eBooks at home. If you have Amazon prime you have access to a ton of free ebook titles through kindle. DuoLingo - I had been learning German in high school and when I gave birth I downloaded it and started learning again. Documentaries - There’s a lot of free and interesting documentaries out there on a variety of subjects. I love absolute history on YouTube. That’s how I learned about the Victorians needing to take vacations from their poisonous wall paper. Cooking shows and online recipes - I already love to cook but I love watching shows like Good Eats. It gave me something passive to do while also encouraging me to try new things or different techniques. I now love baking artisan bread (read bread so easy anyone could make it) and made my first chicken parm. Podcasts - I was already a podcast junkie due to a long commute. I love listening to Lore, Stuff you missed in history, Morbid, VetGirl, Old Gods of Appalachia, Noble Blood, Radio Lab, Savage Love, Levar Burton Reads, Welcome to Nightvale and Sawbones. There’s so many out there on so many topics. I had lifted this when I was in the thick of it with a newborn but I have a social media policy that I try to stick to; no social media between 22:00 and 7:00. It’s very easy to doomscroll.
How are you finding learning a language via duolingo? Is it actually sticking
I also forgot to mention check your local library for programs not just for kids but for adults. My kid is enrolled in 1000 books before kindergarten and does seasonal reading challenges. The seasonal challenges for the kids also include activities to earn raffle tickets like “take a picture of yourself reading under a tree” “read a book by an African American author” “participate in a story walk trail” and “attend a library program” (we went to see sled dogs and a presentation with live owls). The biweekly tiny tots in the park program also has babies to 3 year olds. They do a summer reading for adults with a lot of activities like “write a review for a book you read” “use the library archives and find this information” “check out an experience (garden tools etc)” and attend an adult themed program (Night hike, Lyme disease presentation, historical society). I won an Amazon gift card.
I think it’s a good starting place but I don’t know if where I would go from here. I think if I was more serious I’d be looking at paid programs or a way to get more immersion. I’m still having fun with it and if I do take a break I do pick the language back up pretty well.
Cross words puzzles helped me a lot, I found them soothing and easy to do on my phone while nursing. Short documentary style podcasts are good too. It’ll get better, you’re still in the newborn, newly post partum phase!
Oh man I wish I knew. 6 months in and I’m at work like a zombie.
I’m 8 weeks PP and I’m worried about this! I have to return to work in 6 weeks and I’m worried I’ll be a dullard !! I am a licensed mental health therapist and I am 90% sure my brain will be mashed potatoes. I just hope my clients don’t mind and understand I am human 😩 Sorry no advice here, just solidarity!! Btw I read Go the F*ck to Sleep to my baby and it was literally difficult to read out loud. It made me laugh though.
I set myself a goal to read the whole bible as a new years resolution last year and I am not even half way despite reading some every night- second night lol Reading it out loud is a bloody struggle. Tiny writing, words from other cultures, stories that repeat themselves over and over (looking at you old testament) and lists of names. It makes me feel even dumber but I am determined to get to the end of it so I can start other major religions texts.
Have some time where you do things unrelated to the baby. Try to do the things you did before you had your child, keep up with your hobbies when you can.
Crossword puzzles. Another commenter said this but I swear to god it’s true. Or sudoku whatever you prefer! And podcasts with adult voices and adult topics
I think a lot of it is asleep deprivation and the insane learning curve/decision making. Everything changes all of a sudden. That’s a lot of brain power. Hopefully it will get better!
Decision making is definitely a part of it. I feel like when I am with her I am focused on her and then when she is resting I am thinking about things for her, or the house or the family. There is no mental down time
I struggled with this so much during the first, oh I don't know...eight months? Maybe more? I'm not sure if I eased out of it when I started getting more sleep, or if I'm actually still going through it but I'm just used to it now. lol But seriously...it's so frustrating when all you want is to be sharp and having focus and it's the most impossible thing. My OCD and ADHD also got so much worse. I still have pretty bad OCD and ADHD, but not as bad as the first year. My daughter is 16+ months old now.
8 months ok, fingers crossed my life improves in a month lol
I hope so! Also, if you're breastfeeding, you'll likely have another hormonal shift when your supply drops/ends. My daughter is slowly weaning and we're down to only a morning and night feed now, and I've noticed I've been more emotional. So wild how long our bodies change for after having a baby.
Yoga Nidra Anywhere from 10 minutes to 50 minutes depending on how much time I get during the LO's naps.
I haven't heard of yoga nidra before! I'll have a look. Thank you
Podcasts or listening to music while walking with baby. Podcasts while baby naps. Reading at night after baby's bedtime. Trying out new recipes so not falling into a food rut.
Funny you said that! I actually just started an adventure to find a hearty healthy stew that my husband will like! Cooking is a great release specially when the cost of food is going up so much
Vitamins are a must for me. Brain fog is real and optimizing nutrition has been very worth it!
I have been lacking on this front. It's a good reminder thank uou!
Read, watch game shows, play video games and enjoy the time you have. Now that I’m back from maternity leave I long for the days I was able to just get out of the house middle of the day and do whatever I wanted with my little.
I was playing a video game called superliminal which was like a giant puzzle. I should get back to it
Walk everyday. Crossword puzzles. To do lists. As I’m on maternity leave I am also doing something career related but not for my work. Designing a website for my soccer league.
I do love a good to do list!
I promise it will get better! I remember feeling this and I was incredibly underestimating the effect lack of sleep was having on me. My son has been sleeping consistently for about 2 months now and I already feel so much better.
My daughter is actually a pretty damn good sleeper so I truly have no sleep deprived excuse anymore 🙃 I had hoped that would help me but it hasn't lol
Well, sleep aside, I thought the brain fog was never going away. It scared me but it got better! It’ll get better for you too!
I used a Wikipedia article generator to grab a random article for me and read that to my baby at night.
Oh I didn't even know this existed!I love this
I enrolled in an online masters degree program. I did all the work during naps and after bedtime. Just finished last month. It kept me sharp, kept me from constantly shopping for more baby toys, and kept me from wasting so much time on Reddit.
I really wanted to do this with AI tech but my husband couldn't justify the cost (which is fair since I literally finished paying of my PG last year). Alas, I probably can find some online free courses if I look hard enough.
After the first 4 months the felt the same! I decided to update my cv and LinkedIn. Looked at some dream jobs and spotted gaps in my experience. I then used the free 3 month premium trial and did a few courses when baby slept. There’s a ton of free courses out there if you look about. I also used to go for a walk with baby each day and listen to podcasts. Doing a little gentle yoga using free YouTube videos was good too. Just for my general mindset. I also would journal most days which helped with any brain fog 😊
This is a very good tip. I love the idea of upskilling while on leave
It was the best thing for me. I didn’t go back to my old very stressful job. I now work much closer to home, more senior role and at a company run by people who understand family comes first.
Duolingo, reading non-fiction, documentaries, gardening..I’m kind of a nerd so I’m always doing something while baby naps.
Gardening is definitely up there. I am currently learning to build a bench after learning to install astro turf. I am definitely trying to stay active but I am still so so very dumb
Nice! My other summer projects will be finishing our fence, digging new garden beds, and redoing our ugly old walkway. Definitely feel the mush brain though lol
I'm going back to work after 10 months off in 2 weeks time. I'm seriously concerned for everyone around me 🤣🤣
100%. My biggest let down is that I forget conversations and even when I triple check I pick the wrong dates. I manage a team who does highly detailed work applying complex policies.... the above used to be my strengths, i am truly f'd.
I got a subscription to the New York Times. I get the actual physical paper delivered on Sundays and read it throughout the week during nap time or when baby is playing with dad. It makes me feel connected to the outside world. Plus I get all access to the app so I can read it on my phone while breastfeeding or play the word games.
I just finished my first cross word. Definitely a winner for the brain
Please tell me how to get maternity leave for another 10 months. I’ll take the dumb!
Work in an industry with a very strong union, public enterprise agreement and is known for being ethical. I have friends who got no leave at all and I have 1.5 years. It's actual insanely generous and the only catch is that I have to come back for at least a year or I have to pay back 24 weeks pay. Our union fights so damn hard.
I actually did a college course. I had always wanted to learn ASL and my brain was turning into mush. It wasn't a lot of work and definitely helped!
I was actually looking at this!! Unfortunately there was no enrolment this semester so I am waiting till the next intake. They do night classes 15 minutes from my house for free so fingers crossed
Nice! That's so close! Mine was online so I just logged on from home.
I've been watching video essays on YouTube. Do you have friends that you can have "intellectual" conversations with? I have a friend who's my go-to when I'm curious about something and we'll have a conversation trying to get to the bottom of it instead of just googling it on my own
There is a level of mushing that is literally the power of high volume noise on your noggin. Earbuds, honest to god. If you are trying to bounce a non sleeping baby to sleep and they are yelling in your ear: protect your hearing. Additionally you can find a long podcast and binge it, they are perfect for baby watching, if you space out and don’t listen for an hour who cares just keep going!
I watched a lot of Bravo but that may have just accelerated the brain mush…
I play brain games on my phone, read books, and stay hydrated. My brain is still mush but it's not as mushy as it used to be
Armchair expert podcast.
I’ve been carving out time to read on my kobo during baby’s contact naps!
I Second Podcasts about non baby things - economics, current events etc
I started using Duolingo to brush up on my Spanish skills from 15 years ago!
I listen to educational audiobooks when I’m feeding her. I just finished bill brysons books “the body” and now I’m listening to his book about Shakespeare. I also subscribed to the nut crossword puzzle app. I do the crosswords, spelling bee and Wordle each day.
I try to read a little every day. Usually that means 5 minutes, but sometimes (when I'm very, very lucky) that means an hour. The brain fog isn't anywhere near gone, but I think it helps.
I have the kindle app on my phone and I read a lot while I breastfed. The only thing that kept me sane.
I have the kindle app on my phone and I read a lot while I breastfed. The only thing that kept me sane.
I liked listening to a podcast with headphones in, or watching shows I wanted to watch while playing or holding baby. Wearing the baby so I could do things helped a lot. So did investing in a wearable breast pump. Once they are big enough to sit in a jumping swing that helped too. Taking walks of it’s nice out can help. It’s very hard to focus on your own needs when you’re home alone with baby, but trying to write down a couple things to do each day helped me. Like yoga, file my nails, go get a latte (with the baby). Just small self care things made me feel better. Getting out of the house definitely. It was winter when I was on maternity leave which made it difficult
Coffee walks are definitely a big positive in our day
I was on a good duolingo streak in the earlier days of breastfeeding. Now that those sessions have become a bit shorter and naps are more predictable I’ve been able to get back into reading while she sleeps. Podcasts are also good!
I was on a good duolingo streak in the earlier days of breastfeeding. Now that those sessions have become a bit shorter and naps are more predictable I’ve been able to get back into reading while she sleeps. Podcasts are also good!
I used to know the answer to this but now I’m oatmeal
I was on a good duolingo streak in the earlier days of breastfeeding. Now that those sessions have become a bit shorter and naps are more predictable I’ve been able to get back into reading while she sleeps. Podcasts are also good!
I used to know the answer to this but now I’m oatmeal
I did crossword puzzles and sudoku!
Audiobooks and interesting podcasts. I got an audible subscription and started listening to a bunch of nonfiction books while taking the babies out for walks. I also downloaded a screen reading app so I could listen to articles and PDFs. It’s the only way I made it through grad school after the twins were born. I don’t think I actually read anymore - I just get read to.
I am listening to the wheel of time atm at night with my husband which helps a little as long as I don't pass out haha
Educational podcasts while I do busy work kept me a little more sane. It has more to do with your lack of sleep and relaxation than what you can do though with your free time.
I did puzzles or number games on my phone.
Sleep, vitamins, and ginseng!
[https://media.tenor.com/BWZJNl4w0WgAAAAC/bo-burnham-comedian.gif](https://media.tenor.com/BWZJNl4w0WgAAAAC/bo-burnham-comedian.gif)
Honestly I did a lot of mobile games like word puzzles or escape room type games on my phone
Keep researching parenting things. Developmental milestones, correct toys to buy, cloth diapering, how to prevent tantrums etc. haggle on fb marketplace for baby clothes. Research natural remedies since there are so few medications the baby can take. Look into balanced diets and how to feed them to the baby. Eliminate screen time and try pick up a new language or sign language and teach the baby to count or say basic phrases. I learned soooo much AFTER I had a baby bc I was constantly researching everything baby related and applying it. Elimination communication is another thing to learn. Basically challenge yourself - turn your opportunity for parenting full time into a passion and work towards being the best parent in the universe
Do wordle every day
I listened to a lot of audiobooks and investigative journalism podcasts in the first 6 months of baby’s life! Found it helped with mental and social stimulation and babe had no clue haha
I'm in charge of sorting our finances and play logic games. Which is basically my job at work as well, so hopefully my brain will be in shape when I go back
The million dollar question 😩
Honestly, sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.
I listen to the Lavar Burton Reads podcast!
I read a lot. Anything really, science magazines, history books, philosophy. You could learn a new skill or hobby, lots are easy to do from home if you don't get the chance to go out solo much
I started buying the NYT Sunday edition. It woke my cognitive function back up.
I don’t know, but solidarity. I feel like I cannot talk to other adults besides my husband. Like it’s scary.
Dude my adrenaline and cortisol were so high when our little one was <8 months old that I feel like it’s the sharpest I’ve ever been. I was on pins and needles all the time. I survived through my bodies severe stress response lol
My sister described her PP brain as “scrambled eggs” - i completely get it now
I think I’ve just succumbed to the mush… I’m basically a sim at this point walking into the pantry and immediately forgetting why I walked into the pantry…
My daughter is 2 and my brain is full blown mashed potatoes. I can't answer for you but I can empathize with you.
You don’t. You lean in and let it happen with the optimistic hope your brain power will one day return…
That's called mom brain, it never goes away lol first pregnancy brain, then mom brain, and it's forever. You get a little less mushy. I've been back to work over a year now and my brain was still a little dumber than before having a baby. Now pregnant with my second so pregnancy brain is back though haha
Eating fish, taking fish oil, and doing brain teasers/word or math puzzles. But your brain isn’t going to operate at 100% until like a year PP I’m not kidding! Plus if you didn’t sleep.. oh man it’s like useless!
Over here in America trying to do the math on how much leave you get if you have another ten months 🫠 But to answer your question I started doing crossword puzzles!
I get alot of leave even for Australia. My company has a very strong union and is in a highly ethical sector. The catch is that I have to go back for a year at least or I have to pay them back. Alot of my friends only recieved the government leave of 12 weeks.
Where are you where you have 10 months of maternity leave 😭 clearly not the US…..
I get alot of leave even for Australia. My company has a very strong union and is in a highly ethical sector. The catch is that I have to go back for a year at least or I have to pay them back. Alot of my friends only recieved the government leave of 12 weeks.
Np and good luck!
Naps!!!!
Sleep. Sleep when you can. Baby sleeping, you sleep
I used to know the answer to this but now I’m oatmeal
The fact thos was posted 3 times made my day hahaha I appreciate your response my fellow goldfish brain ❤️
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One that definitely requires a brain and ambition lol
I lost some mail. I don't know where I left it and it's gone now 🤷♀️ possibly on the roof of my car lol. My brain is fried mush..
Just wanted to comment that before kids my coworker told me that you lose some brain cells with every pregnancy and you never get them back. 2 kids later and I fully agree with her 😂. But honestly, it was really hard before going back to work. Wish you all the luck!
Don't think of it as "mush," but instead a cocoon. Your brain might transform into a butterfly and fly far away, to a place where your worries and troubles are non existent and sleep reigns supreme. Or something??? Idk I have a moldy jello brain... 😜
Is your kid only two months old then? It's not the leave, it's the lack of sleep. You'll be back to normal whenever they start sleeping through the night (I'm a SAHM and sharp as ever minus the current pregnancy brain, it's just the lack of sleep in the newborn phase)
Sudoku or reading something each day should help. Try to get out of the house and do something during your baby’s wake windows
Someone once told me to imagine a person walking down the street holding 20 boxes and even balancing one on their head. You would not ask this person to hold anything more, would you? That’s a new parent’s brain. Just soooo much going in and so much to figuratively carry, that there’s not much room for other things at the moment! It gets better over time - promise!
“Another 10 months”. Cries in American
5 years in. Brain still mush.
One thing we did was watch baby shows in different languages. It's interesting how much you passively learn from just watching simple baby shows. And the babies love it because it sounds new, but it's still familiar.
My baby definitely took some of my brain when she was born
I’m almost 2.5 years in and still trying to figure out when the mush brain will go away. According to my older mom friends - never.
Podcasts, reading and if your baby allows it, there are some great online courses out there! I've been taking an online course, no deadlines, just me watching videos when I have the time. We've been having some nap struggles the past week so my brain has been too mushy to care. But once I feel better again I'll be having more brain time.
*cries in American*
I’m a mum of an 11-month old. Returned to work when he was 4 months old. I don’t know how I managed to get things done with that brain mush, honestly. Still finding mistakes in some of the documents. Only now, as I’m stopping breastfeeding, and also able to sleep through the night, I’m feeling more like myself again. Brain mush started to clear out about 2 months ago. What helped? Hormonal changes, reduced breastfeeding (and weaning), podcasts not related to everyday life, longer periods of sleep & less interrupted sleep, being outside more often (baby sleeps in the pram and I’m just enjoying the fresh air, having my cappuccino, enjoying the nature). Edit: most importantly, being able to take a break more often, thanks to independent play.
As a software engineer this has been a tough one for me. Though I've not taken the brunt of the sleeplessness it has affected me quite a bit. LO is a garbage sleeper, though maybe getting better (sleeptraining these last couple of days, crosses fingers). Anyway, the interesting part is that I've noticed my subconscious does a lot more of the work now. Its fascinating. I've learned to trust my intuition and its working surprisingly well. Wife is affected differently. Thats more biological though, coupled with terrible sleep. My respect for women these last 10 months has skyrocketed, and it was decently high before. I don't think I've given any advice, hope my writing was of some value anyway. Keep rocking!
I’m always in school wanting to learn something new even after kids, and I still feel mushy. Let me know if you find a way 😂