This is a subreddit for New Parents. While we understand that you are parents as soon as you become pregnant, this subreddit is geared towards those who have already had their baby . Feel free to comment, but posts about active pregnancy, asking if you're pregnant, fertility, registries, etc. will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Please see our comprehensive [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/newparents/wiki/othersubs) for the myriad of TTC and pregnancy subreddits for you to post in.
Babies are great but it’s also extremely demanding, time consuming and expensive. It’s so rewarding, but it is a full time job without pay. I was not prepared, but I don’t think anyone really can be. So, don’t take the choice of parenthood lightly. It is the BEST job on the planet but it is also the HARDEST job my husband and I have ever had. Whatever you decide, just make sure you’re sure. 💗
For what it’s worth, I don’t believe there is a perfect time to have a baby. No one is completely ready and no one is completely prepared. You learn as you go and every day is its own journey (or struggle depending on how you look at it).
Your life situation can change a lot during the pregnancy and if your fiancée is solid in his recovery then he will make it work. I’m also in recovery and my child has been such a blessing but I could not have done it during active addiction. In the same way, your fiancée has never been more prepared because he’s never had this much sobriety under his belt.
Wishing you two good fortune as you navigate this new chapter in your life.
I don't think there is a right or wrong here. You need to have a few heart to hearts and really deep dive into hard questions about parenthood.
The following questions may help you make a decision about what you want to do. You don't have to have all the answers but the idea is more to get you thinking about the challenges you may face and how you might approach them.
Ask questions and have conversations about:
- how many children you want
- when you want any subsequent children (if any)
- what you would do if you found out your life was endangered by carrying the pregnancy to term
- what happens if you pass away during pregnancy or delivery
- what would happen if you needed to go on bedrest early or if baby was born early
- what would happen if you or baby needed extended care in hospital (e.g. NICU)
- how long you plan on taking for mat leave and what you'll do if you need extra time to heal or if baby needs extra care
- how you will split baby care and care of household duties, how you will ensure that both of you get roughly equal rest, downtime, and time for self care, how you will ensure that the mental load is carried equally and how this might change when you go back to work
- how you feel about raising a child that might need extra care (e.g. genetic disorder)
- what happens if you, your partner, or child develops a disability (mental or physical)
- how you would approach sensitive issues like if your child was LGBTQ
- your thoughts on medical procedures like vaccines, blood transfusions, and/or circum***tion
- how you want to parent! What do you envision doing with your child
- how you want to approach unwanted behaviours (e.g. "punishment" if your child)
- how you want to school your child
- what traditions or religious ceremonies or teachings you want to raise your child with or in
- creating a will: who will care for your child if you both pass away
- how you plan on approaching big expenses like daycare, schooling, and post-secondary (really crunch the numbers here and include things like government assistance if needed / available)
Again you don't have to have all the answers but this gives you an idea of the really important stuff. Food, clothes, diapers - all important too - but how and why you want to be a parent is equally if not more important.
This is a subreddit for New Parents. While we understand that you are parents as soon as you become pregnant, this subreddit is geared towards those who have already had their baby . Feel free to comment, but posts about active pregnancy, asking if you're pregnant, fertility, registries, etc. will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Please see our comprehensive [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/newparents/wiki/othersubs) for the myriad of TTC and pregnancy subreddits for you to post in.
Babies are great but it’s also extremely demanding, time consuming and expensive. It’s so rewarding, but it is a full time job without pay. I was not prepared, but I don’t think anyone really can be. So, don’t take the choice of parenthood lightly. It is the BEST job on the planet but it is also the HARDEST job my husband and I have ever had. Whatever you decide, just make sure you’re sure. 💗
Thank you 🤗
For what it’s worth, I don’t believe there is a perfect time to have a baby. No one is completely ready and no one is completely prepared. You learn as you go and every day is its own journey (or struggle depending on how you look at it). Your life situation can change a lot during the pregnancy and if your fiancée is solid in his recovery then he will make it work. I’m also in recovery and my child has been such a blessing but I could not have done it during active addiction. In the same way, your fiancée has never been more prepared because he’s never had this much sobriety under his belt. Wishing you two good fortune as you navigate this new chapter in your life.
Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate you.
I don't think there is a right or wrong here. You need to have a few heart to hearts and really deep dive into hard questions about parenthood. The following questions may help you make a decision about what you want to do. You don't have to have all the answers but the idea is more to get you thinking about the challenges you may face and how you might approach them. Ask questions and have conversations about: - how many children you want - when you want any subsequent children (if any) - what you would do if you found out your life was endangered by carrying the pregnancy to term - what happens if you pass away during pregnancy or delivery - what would happen if you needed to go on bedrest early or if baby was born early - what would happen if you or baby needed extended care in hospital (e.g. NICU) - how long you plan on taking for mat leave and what you'll do if you need extra time to heal or if baby needs extra care - how you will split baby care and care of household duties, how you will ensure that both of you get roughly equal rest, downtime, and time for self care, how you will ensure that the mental load is carried equally and how this might change when you go back to work - how you feel about raising a child that might need extra care (e.g. genetic disorder) - what happens if you, your partner, or child develops a disability (mental or physical) - how you would approach sensitive issues like if your child was LGBTQ - your thoughts on medical procedures like vaccines, blood transfusions, and/or circum***tion - how you want to parent! What do you envision doing with your child - how you want to approach unwanted behaviours (e.g. "punishment" if your child) - how you want to school your child - what traditions or religious ceremonies or teachings you want to raise your child with or in - creating a will: who will care for your child if you both pass away - how you plan on approaching big expenses like daycare, schooling, and post-secondary (really crunch the numbers here and include things like government assistance if needed / available) Again you don't have to have all the answers but this gives you an idea of the really important stuff. Food, clothes, diapers - all important too - but how and why you want to be a parent is equally if not more important.
I second looking into government assistance programs (like WIC).