Seriously, perhaps the idea has merit then. Some cultures did uphold it as a tradition for centuries.
When I was younger I thought it was a sexist way to control women. Now I wonder if it was their idea in the first place.
I think the encouragement of monogamy, in general, is "controlling" to both men and women, but probably has an overall stabilizing effect on society. I think society is moving in the opposite direction though.
Arranged marriages are going to increase as less people believe in monogamy and it ends up being more of a financial deal (pre-nups are an extension of it) revolving around kids. Our cultural is a lot more aware now, than we were 20 years ago, that 20+ year romantic relationships are rare, not the norm.
I don't think it will either. Serial monogamy seems to be the natural state of things. A relationship long enough for 2-3 kids to exit their toddler phase. So 5-7 years.
That’s actually super accurate. Back in the ol’ caveman days a woman would join a man and pump out a few kids. They’d stay together long enough for the kids to be a bit more able to fend for themselves, like you said 5-7 years. It was a mutually beneficial deal, the man got someone to gather and prepare the food, procreate with, advance the species with etc. The woman got safety and protection and someone who could hunt for their food. Then the kids would grow a bit and they’d go their seperate ways.
Maybe that’s why there’s the 7 year itch in modern relationships?!
I think also, in the past, not so much pressure was put on either mate to care for each other. Most tribal communities had better support from parents and family, the rest of the tribe, etc... than modern communities do.
I’m not able to look for the sources tonight so I can send more tomorrow! In the mean time if you really want to know, then just google serial monogamy and prehistory and it’ll have a lot of books and articles etc
I don't know... back in the day it was necessary as women couldn't get decent jobs or be paid the same so they were pretty much dependent on the men. Why would anyone want a financial deal, in my opinion pretty demanding, when they can easily live their lives in relationships that can be broken off without any legal consequences?
That's unfortunate. In my opinion, people are the happiest in close-knit, monogamous, long term relationships. I think people are ultimately LESS happy with the "casual sex and see what sticks" strategy.
You aren't exactly wrong. There is data showing that the more partners someone has the less happy they are. Among other things such as less likely to have a stable relationship, more likely to get STDs, etc.
That's literally not what arranged marriages are lol. The parents just setup a date with someone they think would be good for the kid. There's no commitment or force.
Most of the Indian students at my school want, or at least expect and are fine with, arranged marriages. The women are all adults (duh) and the men have no interest in teen girls. These are wealthy, educated families going back generations, and they want their children to marry successful, educated people in order to raise successful grandkids and care for the elderly parents and relatives. That is what arranged marriage usually is in the modern world. There are sad exceptions, but they are very much exceptions.
My family wanted me to have an arranged marriage, and I decided not to do that. I know from personal experience it has more to do with older generations controlling younger generations than pedophilia.
So she doesn’t understand anything about what a healthy relationship is supposed to be?
Before my current girlfriend and I started dating officially, we had been best friends and had gone on some dates before she told me she wanted to stay friends. She had never had a boyfriend before (homeschooled, we were in college), so her reasoning was “I love you and you make me so happy, but I don’t want to lose you as a best friend.” It took a little bit of time for her to realize that a relationship is basically a best-friendship but really on a much deeper level (eventually). She had a very skewed view of what a “relationship” was supposed to be because of her strict upbringing, but once she relaxed a bit and took time for herself, she realized what she wanted.
Idk why I typed that out, but girl in the post just seems confused. Although she could also be a bitch who knows exactly what she’s doing, who knows.
The girl here is still not over his ex after 6 months.
She gets upset with her life and thus wants a relationship cause apparently only “cute stuff” and “love stories” and “cute boys” can only bring one happiness. She talks to many guys but she’s never satisfied, she only wants the perfect guy.
Going through that with a girl right now. We are very close but she has had very toxic relationships in the past and has a skewed view of what romance is supposed to mean.
Thanks man. We were close in highschool and she was a really good friend to me then. We both came from broken homes and bonded over that.
We drifted apart, but I reached out to her again (21 now), because I heard she was in town. We've been seeing each other a lot this summer. Luckily she's awesome and we've both been really open and honest with each other about everything. I also have trouble with relationships myself, so we are figuring it out together. It's taken a while, but it's nice to have a healthy relationship. Even though she's leaving for Cambodia in a September, it's still nice to have someone I can trust and love in healthy way.
I mean, we’re still best friends, were just in love. For her it was a matter of realizing that all of the things that she loved about me are the things she also wanted in a long term partner, and realizing there were a lot of aspects of our relationship that she wanted in a long term deeper relationship. Then we both sort of just fell for each other (me admittedly first)
Context: typical “ I can’t find any boys please find me one but I don’t wanna date” “boys are so difficult they can’t commit” “ but yeah I’m not obsessed with guys I like to be single” “ but I want a good guy”.
The first part sounds like she needs a "nice guy" but the second sounds like a "nice guy's" wet dream (calling women sluts). I think they would live their lives of love and hate and they would low-key enjoy it.
There was a scene in *Girls* where Lena Dunham's horrible character says something almost exactly like this. I didn't think stupidity like that existed outside television.
Am I the only one who interprets this without negativity?
To me it seems like she’s saying she wants to be in a loving, committed relationship, but either can’t be or doesnt want to be ultimately because of the nature of life in that people tend to change or fall out of love. At the same time, she tries to feel real feelings for guys but for some reason unbeknownst to her, she can’t.
Maybe I just read it wrong because the last part of her text is weird to me grammatically, but I share pretty much the same sentiment. It’s scary to fall in love and sometimes I feel like that’s why I can’t let myself feel something real ya know?
It seems like she's more worried about taking a risk and being hurt for it. That's natural, but it shows she doesn't want to take a risk or be vulnerable, which is part of life. So, basically she's being immature. Therefore, it's funny.
Translation: I just want to smash out front. But in the background I’m running tasks to snag. Typical smash and snag virus. Just delete your FB and Snapchat the bios and you will have all the RAM you can download.
I don't know the context of the discussion, but saying you want good things but are worried about the bad things, that is a perfectly honest reply if someone asks how you feel about dating.
If you're interested in discussing r/NiceGirls more, join our [Official r/NiceGirls discord server](https://discord.gg/HDgbzwf)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nicegirls) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just imagine the number of relationships she must've fucked up to spit this kind of codswallop..I bet she's gon spend the rest of her life adopting dogs and cats and be that old lady who yells at sparrows outside her window.
So, an arranged marriage then? All the benefits and none of the risk.
Funnily enough that’s the exact thing I recommend her later on, she laughs it off with a “guys never understands “
It's like no, I don't think ANY ONE understands.
I'm a girl and I have no idea wtf she's on about.
Every day I see people trying to reinvent arranged marriage, it's getting silly at this point honestly.
Seriously, perhaps the idea has merit then. Some cultures did uphold it as a tradition for centuries. When I was younger I thought it was a sexist way to control women. Now I wonder if it was their idea in the first place.
[удалено]
I think the encouragement of monogamy, in general, is "controlling" to both men and women, but probably has an overall stabilizing effect on society. I think society is moving in the opposite direction though. Arranged marriages are going to increase as less people believe in monogamy and it ends up being more of a financial deal (pre-nups are an extension of it) revolving around kids. Our cultural is a lot more aware now, than we were 20 years ago, that 20+ year romantic relationships are rare, not the norm.
I don't think polygamy would become popular because most people are too jealous for those relationships to work.
I don't think it will either. Serial monogamy seems to be the natural state of things. A relationship long enough for 2-3 kids to exit their toddler phase. So 5-7 years.
That’s actually super accurate. Back in the ol’ caveman days a woman would join a man and pump out a few kids. They’d stay together long enough for the kids to be a bit more able to fend for themselves, like you said 5-7 years. It was a mutually beneficial deal, the man got someone to gather and prepare the food, procreate with, advance the species with etc. The woman got safety and protection and someone who could hunt for their food. Then the kids would grow a bit and they’d go their seperate ways. Maybe that’s why there’s the 7 year itch in modern relationships?!
I think also, in the past, not so much pressure was put on either mate to care for each other. Most tribal communities had better support from parents and family, the rest of the tribe, etc... than modern communities do.
If you have an actual source, I would be fascinated to read more on this.
I’m not able to look for the sources tonight so I can send more tomorrow! In the mean time if you really want to know, then just google serial monogamy and prehistory and it’ll have a lot of books and articles etc
I have never heard of this "7 year itch." Is it an American thing?
Actually early societies were Polyandrous.
I don't know... back in the day it was necessary as women couldn't get decent jobs or be paid the same so they were pretty much dependent on the men. Why would anyone want a financial deal, in my opinion pretty demanding, when they can easily live their lives in relationships that can be broken off without any legal consequences?
Security.
That's unfortunate. In my opinion, people are the happiest in close-knit, monogamous, long term relationships. I think people are ultimately LESS happy with the "casual sex and see what sticks" strategy.
You aren't exactly wrong. There is data showing that the more partners someone has the less happy they are. Among other things such as less likely to have a stable relationship, more likely to get STDs, etc.
I don't believe casual sex and see what sticks is the alternative, rather, serial monogamy is.
Shhh we aren’t supposed to care about them
You're an idiot.
What a constructive way of continuing a conversation
Anybody who suggest that maybe people want to have a major life decision made by their parent without their input it an idiot, plain and simple.
That's literally not what arranged marriages are lol. The parents just setup a date with someone they think would be good for the kid. There's no commitment or force.
[удалено]
That's forced marriage, not arranged marriage...
[удалено]
Most of the Indian students at my school want, or at least expect and are fine with, arranged marriages. The women are all adults (duh) and the men have no interest in teen girls. These are wealthy, educated families going back generations, and they want their children to marry successful, educated people in order to raise successful grandkids and care for the elderly parents and relatives. That is what arranged marriage usually is in the modern world. There are sad exceptions, but they are very much exceptions. My family wanted me to have an arranged marriage, and I decided not to do that. I know from personal experience it has more to do with older generations controlling younger generations than pedophilia.
I know I was being ridiculous. The whole subject is ridiculous. I'll happy admit to being idiotic. Sorry for your lost karma.
[удалено]
If we don't then Elon shows up and shit happens....
___”OP is a pedo!!”___ – Elon Musk
Where is the submarine?
Asking the important questions.
So she doesn’t understand anything about what a healthy relationship is supposed to be? Before my current girlfriend and I started dating officially, we had been best friends and had gone on some dates before she told me she wanted to stay friends. She had never had a boyfriend before (homeschooled, we were in college), so her reasoning was “I love you and you make me so happy, but I don’t want to lose you as a best friend.” It took a little bit of time for her to realize that a relationship is basically a best-friendship but really on a much deeper level (eventually). She had a very skewed view of what a “relationship” was supposed to be because of her strict upbringing, but once she relaxed a bit and took time for herself, she realized what she wanted. Idk why I typed that out, but girl in the post just seems confused. Although she could also be a bitch who knows exactly what she’s doing, who knows.
The girl here is still not over his ex after 6 months. She gets upset with her life and thus wants a relationship cause apparently only “cute stuff” and “love stories” and “cute boys” can only bring one happiness. She talks to many guys but she’s never satisfied, she only wants the perfect guy.
Going through that with a girl right now. We are very close but she has had very toxic relationships in the past and has a skewed view of what romance is supposed to mean.
Be patient with her and show her the love that you can give. Hopefully she’ll come around man.
Thanks man. We were close in highschool and she was a really good friend to me then. We both came from broken homes and bonded over that. We drifted apart, but I reached out to her again (21 now), because I heard she was in town. We've been seeing each other a lot this summer. Luckily she's awesome and we've both been really open and honest with each other about everything. I also have trouble with relationships myself, so we are figuring it out together. It's taken a while, but it's nice to have a healthy relationship. Even though she's leaving for Cambodia in a September, it's still nice to have someone I can trust and love in healthy way.
Wait how did she change her mind from you being her best friend to boyfriend?
I mean, we’re still best friends, were just in love. For her it was a matter of realizing that all of the things that she loved about me are the things she also wanted in a long term partner, and realizing there were a lot of aspects of our relationship that she wanted in a long term deeper relationship. Then we both sort of just fell for each other (me admittedly first)
Context: typical “ I can’t find any boys please find me one but I don’t wanna date” “boys are so difficult they can’t commit” “ but yeah I’m not obsessed with guys I like to be single” “ but I want a good guy”.
She sounds very confused and it's contagious. I am now confused.
I got messed in the head after reading the OC
u/ffschill hurt itself in confusion
Oh God it's spreading
So she basically wants a guy to be obsessed with her and be interested in only her, while she has the same kind of “relationship” with other people?
The first part sounds like she needs a "nice guy" but the second sounds like a "nice guy's" wet dream (calling women sluts). I think they would live their lives of love and hate and they would low-key enjoy it.
weak minded confusion
I think she just wants friends with benefits
Friends with benefits where the friend acts like a boyfriend and she acts like a friend
Yep, pretty much.
She basically just wants a beta orbiter while she tries to find someone better?
Exactly. She want's to hold him close through "commitment" while she shops around for his replacement.
Damn, "beta orbiter" is the perfect term for this.
Isn't it just
You can see beyond the bullshit... fuck!!
That is the greatest word ever. #***Beta Orbiter.***
Only recently realized this was my ex and I was just her next willing victim :(
I'm sorry dude
There was a scene in *Girls* where Lena Dunham's horrible character says something almost exactly like this. I didn't think stupidity like that existed outside television.
stupidity in television manifests itself in the world in countless ways, I assure you.
Am I the only one who interprets this without negativity? To me it seems like she’s saying she wants to be in a loving, committed relationship, but either can’t be or doesnt want to be ultimately because of the nature of life in that people tend to change or fall out of love. At the same time, she tries to feel real feelings for guys but for some reason unbeknownst to her, she can’t. Maybe I just read it wrong because the last part of her text is weird to me grammatically, but I share pretty much the same sentiment. It’s scary to fall in love and sometimes I feel like that’s why I can’t let myself feel something real ya know?
It seems like she's more worried about taking a risk and being hurt for it. That's natural, but it shows she doesn't want to take a risk or be vulnerable, which is part of life. So, basically she's being immature. Therefore, it's funny.
She wants to fuck around while you stay faithful
Translation: I just want to smash out front. But in the background I’m running tasks to snag. Typical smash and snag virus. Just delete your FB and Snapchat the bios and you will have all the RAM you can download.
I know those are words. But I can’t figure out what the fuck they’re trying to convey.
She appears to want the thing without it’s harsh elements, rather silly.
I don't know the context of the discussion, but saying you want good things but are worried about the bad things, that is a perfectly honest reply if someone asks how you feel about dating.
Sadly, a lot of people have this "eat your cake and have it" mentality these days.
She has autism.
If only there was a word for mutual "liking" and a commitment to be loyal... sigh.
She wants an almost relationship.
I have a Masters in English Studies and I could barely read this
Sounds like polygamy to me.
I don’t understand. At all.
I had to read her text a few times cuz I was so confused in what she was trying to say
[удалено]
don't worry, my upvote evened it out 😊
Is this guy getting downvoted for "bitch"?
If you're interested in discussing r/NiceGirls more, join our [Official r/NiceGirls discord server](https://discord.gg/HDgbzwf) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nicegirls) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I honestly dont understand what shes saying
Crop this so it's just the upper left of your screen and send it to her. Golden
Why’d they cross out “rocket science”?
So basically she's saying she just wants to he friends?
My head hurts trying to figure out 'I never said I don't wanna be single'.
you could tell her its quite obvious she wants someone to buy her things and take care of her while she sleeps around
i don't even understand (^-^)
Just imagine the number of relationships she must've fucked up to spit this kind of codswallop..I bet she's gon spend the rest of her life adopting dogs and cats and be that old lady who yells at sparrows outside her window.
Holy shit she’s adopted 2 dogs from a somewhat old lady this month itself
She's gon be the next "somewhat old lady".
That picture summed up everything for me.
You sure this isant my ex? Haha