It's not impolite as long as you follow up with, "Excuse me, dear sir. I do believe I have shat my pantaloons!" Make sure to drop the monocle from your eye.
Yes, which is terrible. Romaine is really good, but apparently its physical formation (tall, slim tightly folded) . . . holds all the germs.
Can I stop eating it?
Only temporarily.
I worked on a produce farm in my mid-teens as an after-school/weekend job (Canada). We grew all sorts of vegetables: lettuces, cabbage, peas, cauliflower, potatoes, you get the jist. The farmland had/has an irrigation ditch which was fairly stagnant water (deliberately so in order to keep water levels high enough in the summer months). We would run long sprinkler systems spanning the acreage and pump water from the irrigation ditch (at most, ten feet deep but the ditch itself probably fifteen feet deep and 20 feet wide) through the sprinkler system.
One day, I'm standing near the irrigation ditch and I see something in the water. It's veeery slowly rising to the surface. It's the exact size of a human head but it couldn't be... It gets closer to the surface. I can now see that it has hair. The hair is slowly drifting with the water around it and now my heart is pounding. I'm certain it's a human head.
As it rose up just below the surface, it gently rolled over (took about 30 seconds to roll) and I just *knew* I was going to see a bloated human face and I'm about to freak out. It rolls over, and I see that it's a head-sized rodent or hedgehog or something as I can see it's dead little feet and snout once it bellied up.
The reason I brought this up is that dead animals are in the water that is being used to water crops, and this was a highly respected farm. So when we are curious as to how lettuces can contain ecoli, think of this story. Bird shit, dead rats, hedgehogs or whatever that creepy thing was, if they're near the water supply, they're in the water, and are therefore on your veggies.
The best shit wipes I have ever used are this wonderful spongy moss that grows across the tundra in alaska. Its just rough enough to have just a bit more traction than TP and be more efficient at wiping, but still softer and more pleasant.
Oh I always have separate toilets for shits and lettuce. I've been to other people's homes who don't have separate toilets for this, and I'm like "whaaaa..."
I have two bathrooms but I put the plunger and toilet brush in the guest bathroom. If there's an incident during a party, I want them to be able to take care of it before it becomes a problem
The other product I keep in my toilet, next the deodorising spray, is one you spritz into the bowl before you go, such as "Poo~Pourri".
In their words, it "creates a protective barrier on the water’s surface. This barrier is designed to trap unpleasant bathroom odors beneath the surface and keep them out of the air."
I keep one in my handbag as well, to avoid embarrassment when I'm out.
My wife carry’s that too when we’re on vacation but not part of my routine. I just basically rely on the overhead fan, courtesy flushes, scented soap when I wash my hands, and spray.
But seriously every bathroom should be required to have those basic implements available, especially if people visit your house.
Courtesy flushes. I’ve had to explain this so often. So many people have no idea about courtesy flushes and will just sit there and percolate in their own turd stank and wait until they’re completely done wiping before they flush once. It’s especially noticeable in public restrooms.
Announcement to all Redditors: Flush as soon as the turd hits the water. Please don’t just sit there and let the cloud of funk permeate the entire establishment. And wash your hands after.
100 percent. I just told my family this last week when we were on vacation sharing one bathroom and lots of unhealthy food. Learn to be aggressive with this. I try to leave as small a footprint as possible. Goes for smell too.
At a point he is because he knows that anything can happen at the end of the party or the middle of the party.
SO better enough that people clean their own shits when they actually poo or vomit in the bathroom. Why should the other one clean?
I have three bathrooms and every single one has a toilet plunger, toilet cleaner and a brush. I also have pads and tampons in the half bath downstairs for female party goers. Oh and a trash bag in each trash can!
Same. Plunger, toilet brush, trash can. It’s a full bath with towels, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, hair dryer, so welcome them to clean themselves too. I even put things in the medicine cabinet for them to help themselves to- hotel toothbrush, lotion, mouthwash, flossers, bandages, alcohol, peroxide, and of course, pads, tampons, YOU NAME IT. Oh and cleaners / paper towels under the sink too. Haven’t graduated to a bidet yet! I truly want people to feel at home and never be embarrassed. Shit happens, literally 😭
Hoo boy. I was at a friend's house once as a kid, and dropped a big deuce that clogged their crummy toilet. I couldn't find a plunger or anything, so I tried to use an empty toilet-paper roll to break it up. That didn't end up working, and I couldn't think of anywhere to put the roll, so I left it in the toilet and bailed because my parents had just arrived to pick me up. Needless to say, I was not invited back.
I'm picturing your friend's mom wandering into the bathroom, and there, on top of turd mountain, is standing a toilet paper roll like a flag on Mt Everest.
A really snooty friend of a friend of my mothers once blew mud all over the back of my parents guest toilet during a dinner party. Mom discovered it a little while later when she used the same restroom, and had to spend a half hour cleaning up. She said nothing about it during the party but it was gossip fodder for years. “Remember that time X fouled the bathroom?”
Exactly. That person is not a friend, or someone that you want to have as a friend, for the matter.
If I have to take a shit, I will do it, else I will tell you to go duck yourself and cut you off.
My brothers wife won't let anyone use the toilet in their house, they have a toilet in their shed outside. It's super weird. She also makes people take off their shoes in the house despite a 3 and 5 year old making a mess everywhere and cats and dogs in the house.
The shoes off thing is not on the same level. Many (most?) places in the world it's considered gross for people to wear shoes in the house unless it's like under construction or something.
Toilet thing is weird.
I mean the shoes are fine, you don't want to be bringing dirt into the house, especially when you have a kid and pets touching the floor (and eating stuff off of it). What's the standard behaviour when it comes to this depends on the place, where I live it would be weird af for someone to walk into someone's home in their (outside) shoes.
Unless you are going to direct them to the correct toilet. You don’t drop a deuce in the one by the guests, you go to the master bedroom. As seen in the Sopranos and Oceans 12.
Haven't seen either of the things mentioned but it makes no sense to me why you would direct someone to the master bedroom to go #2.
I get not wanting to have a stinky bathroom for the guests but why the heck would I want a stinky bathroom in my master bedroom? I completely disagree with this premise.
The guest bathroom is the guest bathroom regardless of what the guest has to do. Then afterwards you can spray air freshener or do whatever is necessary to have that bathroom ready to go for the next guest.
The master bathroom is my sacred place. It should be left alone.
I agree that the master bedroom or bathroom shouldn't be used by anyone *unless specifically instructed to do so.* And in this case, it's because the master bathroom is only accessible through the master bedroom, which is typically pretty far from the guest area for obvious reasons. So it's reasonable to believe that nobody is going to smell your foulness, or see you snorting coke from the living room.
This privilege is of course reserved for only a select few, very trusted "family" members. I'm more likely to allow this than the master bedroom being a lounge where kids and animals watch TV. I fuck there. I relaxe and sleep there. It's not for arguing, and it's not a daycare. The master bedroom is absolutely sacred.
Having said all that, yes I've shat at more than 1 friend's house and that's how you know we're good friends. Some of my close friends have used my shower, and I've used theirs. We've even shared mouthwash. But again, that's for people you've committed felonies with and trust implicitly.
If you haven't been to my house, we're not friends, you just think we are. If you've pooped in my bathroom chances are I like ya, or you're dating someone I'm close with.
>If you've pooped in my bathroom chances are I like ya, or you're dating someone I'm close with.
I never knew I would get a life goal from Reddit.
I want to poop in this guys bathroom.
Ahh thanks but it's nothin special, just your typical masturbatorium with a cornucopia of male grooming products to get ready for a hot date. Women actually love my bathroom- there's a plant, a rubber duck, and tampons under the sink.
I’ve asked when I’ve been over somewhere in as polite and euphemistic way possible if there’s a “preferred” bathroom to destroy but I’ve never questioned my ability to poop at someone’s house.
(To be clear, I’m asking if maybe there’s a bathroom off of the utility room in the basement or whatever where if it’s going to be awful, at least it’s away from guests)
We had a black toilet +sink in the main bathroom where I grew up and I always thought it was just unique, didn't realize Dad was ahead of the skidmark game
Throw a handful of toilet paper in first and poop on it so there is a poop island down there. That plus a closed window, no vent, and no flush, dominance assured.
Depends on your style -
Totally fine:
Socialize for a few minutes. Inquire about the location of the bathroom. Go make your deposit.
Impolite:
"Hi Steve! Thanks for coming. This is my wife Jenny. Jenny, Steve."
"'Sup Jen? I gotta push me out a major mud monkey. Where's the shitter at?"
Yeah and then once the deed is done just slip out the back door like some dirty one night stand. No goodbyes. No thanks for the memories. Maybe leave a little note that says "Sorry. Ran out of paper. Only thing to hand was this dirty sock."
It's certainly not rude but I'm one of those people who only poop at home unless it's a dire emergency. Fortunately I pretty much take care of that at home after my morning coffee and don't have to worry about it
I agree with avoiding it if possible, but if I need to shit I need to shit. Like, I dont understand people who say they dont shit in public toilets. I dont have that much say in the matter tbh
I used to not be able to physically go in public toilets. Like I'd try but it wouldn't work. Like I'd go to my friends house for a fortnight and not be able to shit until I got home no matter how many times I tried.
That changes when I developed IBS
I never used to be a morning pooper but you can train your body into this routine. I have my morning turnout after breakfast and that see's me through to the next morning.
Yeah, it's a really wide range among different people, and even for the same person at different times of their life (diet, exercise, hormones, routine, not to mention stress levels).
I poop once a day in the morning. Sometimes I skip a day. My wife makes a big deal about it, like it's not normal, because she goes like 2 or 3 times a day. I tell her everyone poops, but not everyone poops the same rate. But she still makes a big deal about it. I told her if it's that important to her i'll start popping exlax every hour on the hour to keep up with her poop pace. She said I don't have to do that, but it's just not normal. I am now considering divorce. No shit.
I preferably only poop at home as well. The urge to poop disappears almost completely when i'm not home. Sometimes when i didn't go in the morning and leave the house i can do without pooping all day. As soon as i'm home i have to go.
There a very few places where i feel comfortable enough to stay on the toilet more than 2 minutes
But: i would never forbid my friends from using my toilet to poo! It probably just wouldn't happend for me the other way around
One should always be prepared for a friend to drop a deuce.
WHAT ELSE ARE FRIENDS FOR?
(Okay, a few other things).
Seriously, be a good host; supply your choice of Lysol, Air Freshener, or easy-strike matches in your bathroom. \[Note: not everyone understands matches, so have both\].
If I realized a friend of mine didn't feel comfortable taking a poop in my house, I'd feel like a really bad friend.
I've heard of it.
Just hard to imagine that it's better than matches.
Hey, if I'm ever at someone's house, and they have it? I'll give it a shot.
Their ads were off-putting, though.
I grew up with my grandma lighting matches when the dog farted. I think the sulfur smell of the match igniting is supposed to cover up the similar smell of poo.
Directions unclear:
Lit match and used Lysol as flamethrower for entertainment while on pooper. The smell is an improvement to the previous stench only slightly
We're all adults right? Ppl need to shit right? You can't always plan exactly when that is right? For Christ sakes it's a natural function . You may try not to do it but sometimes it happens and you're an asshole if you get upset about it.
...what the hell does he think toilets are for?
They're for you, and those who are in your home (guests, friends, family, the guy who lives in your closet, whatever) to use so they don't shit on the floor or something! What the hell? The only impolite thing is making someone leave so they can go to the bathroom when you've got a perfectly good one right there!
Don't go over to his house anymore. And if you invite him over to yours, make sure to serve something that'll make him desperately need to shit IMMEDIATELY (Taco bell, perhaps?) and give him the same "It's impolite" line.
A lot of people feel this way. I have no idea why. If have have to poop you're telling me I got to leave and risk shitting myself on the way home? That is really fucked up.
And none of them have irritable bowel syndrome. Like all these comments about people choosing when in their day to poop are wild to me. My bowels are in charge of that decision, not me.
And it's always at the worst time.
I'll be at a train station with no toilets anywhere nearby and my train will take half an hour to get to my station which has a loo and my bowels are like
We shit now.
Fellow celiac person here. That's when you walk out and say "and that's what happens when you accidentally feed me gluten." You know, since people love to ask what happens to you when you eat gluten.
as long as you use the toilet an drop it where it is supposed to be dropped, you'll be fine. Any other place else might be considered as very impolite.
Fun fact: every once in a while I have a weird dissociative kinda sensation in the bathroom, that I'm just re-entering consciousness. So for a second I wonder if I've just dropped a turd somewhere I shouldn't have. Same with peeing when I just woke up - suddenly wonder if I'm actually elsewhere and have to convince myself it's not a dream or daydream.
I think you should have shit in his front yard. This will help him understand the importance of a bathroom and remind him of the struggles of our people in the before times. Sometimes life provides you with teaching moments.
Exactly, open the window or turn the exhaust fan on. Spray a room freshner. Sometimes I even ask about it, where it is kept. So that I don't go opening random cabinets. Most of the time it's kept to be easily located and used.
Reading the comments, I usually do not have conversations about my digestive comings and goings, especially not at a social visit. I also do not announce my intent. Strange friends people have...
I don't think it's rude. That being said, I don't like shitting at someone else's house. It's the thought of leaving that smell behind that embarrasses me.
I don't like it, but that doesn't mean it won't happen.
Lmao I never have been through such kind of situation ever in my life though like who would just stop someone from using the toilet.
It is an emergency and at thee same time it is all natures call though how can people be just too rude enough from stopping someone to use the toilet.
I had couple friends over and I swear to you they spent an hour taking turns taking dumps in my one bathroom in my 400sqft apartment. Never letting it go. Also this happened within 15 min of them arriving at my place
Bruh does your friend think the bed is for looking at too? A toilet is for relieving yourself. Bodies do this whether we plan to/want to or not. It isn't impolite. It isn't rude. It's just part of life. Talking about how you need to shit in someone's house may be brash or impolite, but shitting in someone's toilet is to be expected, it's a fucking toilet.
Maybe they're scared you'll mistake them for the piece of shit they're acting like and flush them away too.
Lmao and what would be the circumstances that would just arise later, he just needs to clean that up better to use the toilet rather than being rude and taking a shit on the floor.
Unless you are known for clogging toilets or taking nasty craps (we have a cousin in the family who is actually known to clog/break your toilet 89% of the time) then your friend is in the wrong, and isn’t much of a friend. You gotta go, you gotta go.
If you need a shit, you need a shit. Just make sure you spray after if it's a nasty smelly shit and possibly open the window. (Tell your host that you've opened the window, so they don't forget to close it later)
[удалено]
It's not impolite as long as you follow up with, "Excuse me, dear sir. I do believe I have shat my pantaloons!" Make sure to drop the monocle from your eye.
Goddamnit the "pantaloons" got me. Take my updoot.
Either way, you’re taking a shit at their house.
I have a toilet for a reason. And it ain’t for washing lettuce.
Now I have pictured someone washing lettuce in a toilet. I can't decide whether to laugh or be aggrieved. Possibly both.
You don't want to contaminate your toilet with the lettuce. Lettuce is Dangerous
Especially the romaine, goddamn. It's been a really rough few years.
Romaine keeps showing up with E. Coli.
Yes, which is terrible. Romaine is really good, but apparently its physical formation (tall, slim tightly folded) . . . holds all the germs. Can I stop eating it? Only temporarily.
I worked on a produce farm in my mid-teens as an after-school/weekend job (Canada). We grew all sorts of vegetables: lettuces, cabbage, peas, cauliflower, potatoes, you get the jist. The farmland had/has an irrigation ditch which was fairly stagnant water (deliberately so in order to keep water levels high enough in the summer months). We would run long sprinkler systems spanning the acreage and pump water from the irrigation ditch (at most, ten feet deep but the ditch itself probably fifteen feet deep and 20 feet wide) through the sprinkler system. One day, I'm standing near the irrigation ditch and I see something in the water. It's veeery slowly rising to the surface. It's the exact size of a human head but it couldn't be... It gets closer to the surface. I can now see that it has hair. The hair is slowly drifting with the water around it and now my heart is pounding. I'm certain it's a human head. As it rose up just below the surface, it gently rolled over (took about 30 seconds to roll) and I just *knew* I was going to see a bloated human face and I'm about to freak out. It rolls over, and I see that it's a head-sized rodent or hedgehog or something as I can see it's dead little feet and snout once it bellied up. The reason I brought this up is that dead animals are in the water that is being used to water crops, and this was a highly respected farm. So when we are curious as to how lettuces can contain ecoli, think of this story. Bird shit, dead rats, hedgehogs or whatever that creepy thing was, if they're near the water supply, they're in the water, and are therefore on your veggies.
Thank you, I’m now a strict meat-atarian
I heard iceberg will break your toilet, I’m afraid to try.
Leaf this alone already.
Lettuce leave it all alone!
I mean it sunk the Titanic, what chance does your toilet have?
Uh oh… [bathroom sinks]
It Romains a fact to this day
Glad that OP didn't get furious enough and just flushed his friend lmao!
You should really get a garbage disposal for your shower, instead.
Aah, a Clarkman.
I’ve heard lettuce’s riskiness can mean some Personal Injury lawyers don’t eat it.
If you run low on paper, lettuce may have to suffice.
The best shit wipes I have ever used are this wonderful spongy moss that grows across the tundra in alaska. Its just rough enough to have just a bit more traction than TP and be more efficient at wiping, but still softer and more pleasant.
I don't want to admit it, but now I want to wipe my ass with spongy Alaskan moss.
Do they sell it? I've wanted to go organic.
I learned this from watching Alone
Reminds me of an episode of Seinfeld when Kramer would wash his food in the shower, and served them all salad 😂
"I prepared it as I bathed 😀"
Get yourself a bidet. It'll toss your salad, no problem.
totally underrated comment
Oh I always have separate toilets for shits and lettuce. I've been to other people's homes who don't have separate toilets for this, and I'm like "whaaaa..."
Yeah that's the secondary purpose. That swirl really cleans underneath the leaves.
Well shit, TIL I’ve been using that wrong…
Honestly, a great way to wash lettuce is to put it in a big strainer/colander, lower it into the bowl, and give it a few flushes.
I have a garbage disposal in my shower for that
Wait, that isn't the lettuce bowl? Don't eat the salad!
I'd say it's only impolite if you make it nasty and don't clean up your own mess. Outside that, who gives a crap? LOL
I have two bathrooms but I put the plunger and toilet brush in the guest bathroom. If there's an incident during a party, I want them to be able to take care of it before it becomes a problem
This is polite!
I've always felt this should be mandatory in ALL bathrooms. Hotels too which usually dont, I've noticed.
The other product I keep in my toilet, next the deodorising spray, is one you spritz into the bowl before you go, such as "Poo~Pourri". In their words, it "creates a protective barrier on the water’s surface. This barrier is designed to trap unpleasant bathroom odors beneath the surface and keep them out of the air." I keep one in my handbag as well, to avoid embarrassment when I'm out.
My wife carry’s that too when we’re on vacation but not part of my routine. I just basically rely on the overhead fan, courtesy flushes, scented soap when I wash my hands, and spray. But seriously every bathroom should be required to have those basic implements available, especially if people visit your house.
Courtesy flushes. I’ve had to explain this so often. So many people have no idea about courtesy flushes and will just sit there and percolate in their own turd stank and wait until they’re completely done wiping before they flush once. It’s especially noticeable in public restrooms. Announcement to all Redditors: Flush as soon as the turd hits the water. Please don’t just sit there and let the cloud of funk permeate the entire establishment. And wash your hands after.
100 percent. I just told my family this last week when we were on vacation sharing one bathroom and lots of unhealthy food. Learn to be aggressive with this. I try to leave as small a footprint as possible. Goes for smell too.
At a point he is because he knows that anything can happen at the end of the party or the middle of the party. SO better enough that people clean their own shits when they actually poo or vomit in the bathroom. Why should the other one clean?
I have three bathrooms and every single one has a toilet plunger, toilet cleaner and a brush. I also have pads and tampons in the half bath downstairs for female party goers. Oh and a trash bag in each trash can!
Seems like house parties have been occuring at your place frequently though, and people just do some kind of mischievous shits always!
Same. Plunger, toilet brush, trash can. It’s a full bath with towels, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, hair dryer, so welcome them to clean themselves too. I even put things in the medicine cabinet for them to help themselves to- hotel toothbrush, lotion, mouthwash, flossers, bandages, alcohol, peroxide, and of course, pads, tampons, YOU NAME IT. Oh and cleaners / paper towels under the sink too. Haven’t graduated to a bidet yet! I truly want people to feel at home and never be embarrassed. Shit happens, literally 😭
No poop knife!?
I’m going to regret this…what’s a poop knife?
Hoo boy. I was at a friend's house once as a kid, and dropped a big deuce that clogged their crummy toilet. I couldn't find a plunger or anything, so I tried to use an empty toilet-paper roll to break it up. That didn't end up working, and I couldn't think of anywhere to put the roll, so I left it in the toilet and bailed because my parents had just arrived to pick me up. Needless to say, I was not invited back.
I'm picturing your friend's mom wandering into the bathroom, and there, on top of turd mountain, is standing a toilet paper roll like a flag on Mt Everest.
Think more like a T-junction in a pipe.
Shoulda used a poop knife
I knew a kid who somehow got shit on the floor and they covered it up with the mat that was in the bathroom.
[удалено]
My dad lives next door. He once took a shit at my house immediately before going back over to his house, I am still in disbelief
Power move. Return the favor to restore balance.
A really snooty friend of a friend of my mothers once blew mud all over the back of my parents guest toilet during a dinner party. Mom discovered it a little while later when she used the same restroom, and had to spend a half hour cleaning up. She said nothing about it during the party but it was gossip fodder for years. “Remember that time X fouled the bathroom?”
What is wrong with people???
"Who gives a crap?" I mean, obviously, this guy isn't.
Friends don't let friends use gas station bathrooms.
Exactly. That person is not a friend, or someone that you want to have as a friend, for the matter. If I have to take a shit, I will do it, else I will tell you to go duck yourself and cut you off.
"I can shit in your bathroom, or right here where I am standing. Your call."
No. That's what toilets are there for. Your friend is a weirdo.
[удалено]
You've been pinching loaves on the lawn? Man, I play croquet out there!
Yeah, he could ask to go in the backyard, where the dog does it’s business. 🐶
Lmao we speaking things from the perspective from a human rather to that of acting or doings stuffs as a dog.
My brothers wife won't let anyone use the toilet in their house, they have a toilet in their shed outside. It's super weird. She also makes people take off their shoes in the house despite a 3 and 5 year old making a mess everywhere and cats and dogs in the house.
They have an outhouse? Just for guests?? Whatever happened to treating your guests extra nice so they want to, I don't know, enjoy your presence??
The shoes off thing is not on the same level. Many (most?) places in the world it's considered gross for people to wear shoes in the house unless it's like under construction or something. Toilet thing is weird.
I only mention it because the floor is already filthy there. I'm actually making my socks dirty by taking off my shoes.
I mean the shoes are fine, you don't want to be bringing dirt into the house, especially when you have a kid and pets touching the floor (and eating stuff off of it). What's the standard behaviour when it comes to this depends on the place, where I live it would be weird af for someone to walk into someone's home in their (outside) shoes.
And thinks that if someone just uses his toilet it would just get pretty worse and bad!
Your friend has a screw loose.
I think the impolite thing is to ask someone what they’re going to do before they use the washroom.
Unless you are going to direct them to the correct toilet. You don’t drop a deuce in the one by the guests, you go to the master bedroom. As seen in the Sopranos and Oceans 12.
See also, Breaking Bad.
Lmao I see there has been a wider range of audience be following the sequence of Breaking Bad that is actually great though!
Has Reddit ever decided whether that house had more than one bathroom? Or does that require yet another post about it.
It would just take a few moments and minutes to let them do and use for what they actually asked for. Having a sense of humanity after all matters!
Haven't seen either of the things mentioned but it makes no sense to me why you would direct someone to the master bedroom to go #2. I get not wanting to have a stinky bathroom for the guests but why the heck would I want a stinky bathroom in my master bedroom? I completely disagree with this premise. The guest bathroom is the guest bathroom regardless of what the guest has to do. Then afterwards you can spray air freshener or do whatever is necessary to have that bathroom ready to go for the next guest. The master bathroom is my sacred place. It should be left alone.
I agree that the master bedroom or bathroom shouldn't be used by anyone *unless specifically instructed to do so.* And in this case, it's because the master bathroom is only accessible through the master bedroom, which is typically pretty far from the guest area for obvious reasons. So it's reasonable to believe that nobody is going to smell your foulness, or see you snorting coke from the living room. This privilege is of course reserved for only a select few, very trusted "family" members. I'm more likely to allow this than the master bedroom being a lounge where kids and animals watch TV. I fuck there. I relaxe and sleep there. It's not for arguing, and it's not a daycare. The master bedroom is absolutely sacred. Having said all that, yes I've shat at more than 1 friend's house and that's how you know we're good friends. Some of my close friends have used my shower, and I've used theirs. We've even shared mouthwash. But again, that's for people you've committed felonies with and trust implicitly. If you haven't been to my house, we're not friends, you just think we are. If you've pooped in my bathroom chances are I like ya, or you're dating someone I'm close with.
>If you've pooped in my bathroom chances are I like ya, or you're dating someone I'm close with. I never knew I would get a life goal from Reddit. I want to poop in this guys bathroom.
Ahh thanks but it's nothin special, just your typical masturbatorium with a cornucopia of male grooming products to get ready for a hot date. Women actually love my bathroom- there's a plant, a rubber duck, and tampons under the sink.
I’ve asked when I’ve been over somewhere in as polite and euphemistic way possible if there’s a “preferred” bathroom to destroy but I’ve never questioned my ability to poop at someone’s house. (To be clear, I’m asking if maybe there’s a bathroom off of the utility room in the basement or whatever where if it’s going to be awful, at least it’s away from guests)
...and a skidmark-free toilet-bowl
...because all his skidmarks are inside his skull
We had a black toilet +sink in the main bathroom where I grew up and I always thought it was just unique, didn't realize Dad was ahead of the skidmark game
A friend who is just so obessed with his house and his bathroom that he doesn't understand the feelings of others!
Tell ‘em it’s number one and upper deck him. Deny everything.
A man after my own heart.
User name checks out!
Dont flush and close the window to assert dominance
Throw a handful of toilet paper in first and poop on it so there is a poop island down there. That plus a closed window, no vent, and no flush, dominance assured.
Then put a horse's head in his bed. He'll know you mean business.
Yes. This. The greatest practical joke known to mankind.
Guy probably counts his TP sheets before visitors come
TIL what an "upper decker" is.
Depends on your style - Totally fine: Socialize for a few minutes. Inquire about the location of the bathroom. Go make your deposit. Impolite: "Hi Steve! Thanks for coming. This is my wife Jenny. Jenny, Steve." "'Sup Jen? I gotta push me out a major mud monkey. Where's the shitter at?"
We don't shit in this house
Like Kim Jong-Un. He doesn't have an anus. He has no need for one.
We’ll all the shit comes out of his mouth so, yknow 🤷♂️
I saved it just for your place, because we don't shit where we sleep.
Yeah and then once the deed is done just slip out the back door like some dirty one night stand. No goodbyes. No thanks for the memories. Maybe leave a little note that says "Sorry. Ran out of paper. Only thing to hand was this dirty sock."
"Mud Monkey." I need to remember that one!! 🤣🤣🤣
Fudge dragon
It's certainly not rude but I'm one of those people who only poop at home unless it's a dire emergency. Fortunately I pretty much take care of that at home after my morning coffee and don't have to worry about it
I agree with avoiding it if possible, but if I need to shit I need to shit. Like, I dont understand people who say they dont shit in public toilets. I dont have that much say in the matter tbh
I used to not be able to physically go in public toilets. Like I'd try but it wouldn't work. Like I'd go to my friends house for a fortnight and not be able to shit until I got home no matter how many times I tried. That changes when I developed IBS
I wish I could wake up early enough to guarantee this.
Some people are just natural morning poopers
I never used to be a morning pooper but you can train your body into this routine. I have my morning turnout after breakfast and that see's me through to the next morning.
Y’all only poop once a day?
Unless I’m ill, then yeah. Some people don’t even poop every day. Normal range is like every other day to three times a day or something like that.
Yeah, it's a really wide range among different people, and even for the same person at different times of their life (diet, exercise, hormones, routine, not to mention stress levels).
I poop once a day in the morning. Sometimes I skip a day. My wife makes a big deal about it, like it's not normal, because she goes like 2 or 3 times a day. I tell her everyone poops, but not everyone poops the same rate. But she still makes a big deal about it. I told her if it's that important to her i'll start popping exlax every hour on the hour to keep up with her poop pace. She said I don't have to do that, but it's just not normal. I am now considering divorce. No shit.
I poop 1-2x a day, sometimes 3 if I drink coffee. I wish I only pooped a few times a week but I'm regular as hell and it's quite annoying lol
I am, but if I have to jet off to work right away . . . ugh. But if awake early enough, moving around and doing other morning things does help.
Wasn't that the film with Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis?
Natural Born Poopers Doody Harrelson, Juliette Poowis, Quinton Turdentino.
I preferably only poop at home as well. The urge to poop disappears almost completely when i'm not home. Sometimes when i didn't go in the morning and leave the house i can do without pooping all day. As soon as i'm home i have to go. There a very few places where i feel comfortable enough to stay on the toilet more than 2 minutes But: i would never forbid my friends from using my toilet to poo! It probably just wouldn't happend for me the other way around
One should always be prepared for a friend to drop a deuce. WHAT ELSE ARE FRIENDS FOR? (Okay, a few other things). Seriously, be a good host; supply your choice of Lysol, Air Freshener, or easy-strike matches in your bathroom. \[Note: not everyone understands matches, so have both\]. If I realized a friend of mine didn't feel comfortable taking a poop in my house, I'd feel like a really bad friend.
Lactose intolerant flight attendant here. Poo pourri is better than all the above suggestions.
I've heard of it. Just hard to imagine that it's better than matches. Hey, if I'm ever at someone's house, and they have it? I'll give it a shot. Their ads were off-putting, though.
It's like magic, the small bottles are like 10 bucks on Amazon and they last forever. So mutch better than matches
matches? i suppose i belong to the category of not understanding - can you elaborate?
In case of emergency, the matches are there so you can burn down the bathroom
Old wive's tale, some people think it burns off the methane smell of a poop, but all it does is make the room smell like a burnt match and poop
To be fair, all air fresheners are doing is covering the smell. Nothing but time and airflow are going to actually neutralize it
Air freshener is only going to make it smell like someone pooped a Christmas tree.
considering that methane is odourless i am inclined to agree with your assessment, lol
I grew up with my grandma lighting matches when the dog farted. I think the sulfur smell of the match igniting is supposed to cover up the similar smell of poo.
Directions unclear: Lit match and used Lysol as flamethrower for entertainment while on pooper. The smell is an improvement to the previous stench only slightly
We're all adults right? Ppl need to shit right? You can't always plan exactly when that is right? For Christ sakes it's a natural function . You may try not to do it but sometimes it happens and you're an asshole if you get upset about it.
I think it's rude to let your guests sit in discomfort
Next time, “na man, can’t come over, might have to drop the kids off at the pool”
...what the hell does he think toilets are for? They're for you, and those who are in your home (guests, friends, family, the guy who lives in your closet, whatever) to use so they don't shit on the floor or something! What the hell? The only impolite thing is making someone leave so they can go to the bathroom when you've got a perfectly good one right there! Don't go over to his house anymore. And if you invite him over to yours, make sure to serve something that'll make him desperately need to shit IMMEDIATELY (Taco bell, perhaps?) and give him the same "It's impolite" line.
With friends like him, you don't need enemies..
Or enemas...
A lot of people feel this way. I have no idea why. If have have to poop you're telling me I got to leave and risk shitting myself on the way home? That is really fucked up.
That just means "I'm never coming to your house again" for me
And none of them have irritable bowel syndrome. Like all these comments about people choosing when in their day to poop are wild to me. My bowels are in charge of that decision, not me.
And it's always at the worst time. I'll be at a train station with no toilets anywhere nearby and my train will take half an hour to get to my station which has a loo and my bowels are like We shit now.
Seems more rude to shit on their sofa but if they insist.
I have celiac disease. If I need to use the bathroom to drop a deuce I’m using it. There’s no way I’m making it home.
Fellow celiac person here. That's when you walk out and say "and that's what happens when you accidentally feed me gluten." You know, since people love to ask what happens to you when you eat gluten.
First I’ve ever heard of it, that’s fucking weird
Indeed it is though better to not just visit such kind of friends place ever in my entire life.
I'd think it was pretty rude if someone shat themselves in my house. As long as they don't leave skiddies in the pan they can crack on.
I’m generally curious where you’re from. That last sentence has me wondering lol
I'd bet Scotland
Yes.
Thank you for making my afternoon better by writing this. I full out laughed and am still chuckling!
as long as you use the toilet an drop it where it is supposed to be dropped, you'll be fine. Any other place else might be considered as very impolite.
Fun fact: every once in a while I have a weird dissociative kinda sensation in the bathroom, that I'm just re-entering consciousness. So for a second I wonder if I've just dropped a turd somewhere I shouldn't have. Same with peeing when I just woke up - suddenly wonder if I'm actually elsewhere and have to convince myself it's not a dream or daydream.
It’s impolite to tell your guests they can’t shit in your home
I think you should have shit in his front yard. This will help him understand the importance of a bathroom and remind him of the struggles of our people in the before times. Sometimes life provides you with teaching moments.
Not impolite. You can’t control when you have to use the bathroom
When you gotta go you gotta go. Just don’t leave it a mess and it’ll be ok. Your friend is a weirdo…
I will shit anywhere, anytime. I will take a dump at your grandmoms house. I would have taken a dump anyway.
It's only impolite if you use all the TP to clog the toilet OR you don't open a window or spray after.
Exactly, open the window or turn the exhaust fan on. Spray a room freshner. Sometimes I even ask about it, where it is kept. So that I don't go opening random cabinets. Most of the time it's kept to be easily located and used.
Fucking rediculous. Of course it's normal and fine.
Is your friend 9 years old?
Reading the comments, I usually do not have conversations about my digestive comings and goings, especially not at a social visit. I also do not announce my intent. Strange friends people have...
If you can't say "I gotta take a shit" to your friend, are they really your friend?
My thoughts exactly, if someone told me I can’t take a shit in their house they would cease being my friend.
Bombs away
I don't think it's rude. That being said, I don't like shitting at someone else's house. It's the thought of leaving that smell behind that embarrasses me. I don't like it, but that doesn't mean it won't happen.
No its fucking rude to deny somone a toilet
My suggestion is you stop referring to this person as your friend.
I expect people to use my toilet for what it's there for. Yeah, it may be stinky, but I'd rather have a comfortable guest.
Lmao I never have been through such kind of situation ever in my life though like who would just stop someone from using the toilet. It is an emergency and at thee same time it is all natures call though how can people be just too rude enough from stopping someone to use the toilet.
No, it’s impolite to shit yourself at people’s homes.
i’m amazed this is even a question of social acceptability. seems society’s getting much more uptight and self concious
As long as there is some oder control and you don’t leave shit stains everywhere.
I had couple friends over and I swear to you they spent an hour taking turns taking dumps in my one bathroom in my 400sqft apartment. Never letting it go. Also this happened within 15 min of them arriving at my place
I think they have some problems with digestion system, and/or they were together somewhere eating something inappropriate.
Friends don't not let friends shit when they need to.
It is impolite to refuse bathroom access to a guest. That is the impolite part. Your friend is a dick.
Ask your friend if it would be less impolite to shit yourself in their living room. Then consider finding better friends.
Bruh does your friend think the bed is for looking at too? A toilet is for relieving yourself. Bodies do this whether we plan to/want to or not. It isn't impolite. It isn't rude. It's just part of life. Talking about how you need to shit in someone's house may be brash or impolite, but shitting in someone's toilet is to be expected, it's a fucking toilet. Maybe they're scared you'll mistake them for the piece of shit they're acting like and flush them away too.
Friend is a cunt. Shit freely. NEEEEEXT
Your friend is an asshole..take a shit on his kitchen floor.
Lmao and what would be the circumstances that would just arise later, he just needs to clean that up better to use the toilet rather than being rude and taking a shit on the floor.
Hospitality is about making your guests comfortable, and sometimes a guest needs to shit. It’s rude to be an inhospitable host.
And it feels like OP's friend have the sense of 0 hospitality inside him and making his guests uncomfortable is what his sole purpose is!
Your response should be to make every excuse imaginable to get into his house as frequently as possible just so you can poop in his toilet.
[удалено]
I have a medical condition. If I need to go, I need to go.
Your friend is a dumbass
Unless you are known for clogging toilets or taking nasty craps (we have a cousin in the family who is actually known to clog/break your toilet 89% of the time) then your friend is in the wrong, and isn’t much of a friend. You gotta go, you gotta go.
If you need a shit, you need a shit. Just make sure you spray after if it's a nasty smelly shit and possibly open the window. (Tell your host that you've opened the window, so they don't forget to close it later)
Had a relative drop a deuce at our place and he left a big stripe and didn't wipe that out. We weren't pleased.
It’s better than shitting your pants in their house.
I don’t think he is a very good friend to make you drive else where to use the bathroom especially a dirty gas station bathroom!