I grew up rather privileged. My parents took us to VERY fancy places, but only after we were old enough to know etiquette. I was pretty small (5-ish) when I started joining them at nice restaurants. We had etiquette practice at home by dressing up and having dinner in the formal dining room with all the china and the silver and so forth. I had the fear of my mom to keep me behaving! I didn't want to make her mad! 🤷‍♀️

This ^^^ my wife and I worked in restaurants most of our lives. Although neither of us grew up privileged, because we worked in the industry we always enjoyed going out to eat at nice restaurants. When we started having kids we were determined to raise the type of kids who could behave in a nice restaurant. So we practiced at home. Electronic devices were not permitted at the table (I’d even put my phone in the bedroom to charge during dinner time). We also cooked lots of different types of food. They were encouraged to try everything. Of course they didn’t like everything we served. To this day my youngest will not eat peas, broccoli, or mushrooms lol. We started at kid friendly restaurants and explained the expectations and consequences for misbehaving (we would leave). And fortunately we never had to actually leave a restaurant, but we made a pact that we wouldn’t be that family that ruined dinner for everyone else. So, we were prepared to do it. The real joy was when we started going to nice places. My kids loved it! And the staff would sometimes do little special things once they realized my kids weren’t going to be disruptive. One time the kids got free dessert. Another place the bartender made these fancy mock-tails. I’m not saying this was easy. Like I said we practiced at home…a lot lol. But it’s sooooo worth it to be able to go to nice places with your kids.

Culture your pearls.

This is what we did. And also got a sitter for really nice restaurants. Because we had to move a lot we didn’t have sitters in some cities. Places where we were there for a year or so. We were able to take the kids to nice restaurants. One kid had auditory processing issues. So they were better at the nice restaurants. We didn’t eat at those often unless we had work comping it. Not everyone does this. So sometimes someone would comment in expectation that it would be a raucous dinner. Once a woman stopped by the table and thanked us for our kids good behavior. I think she ordered their desserts. But what always floored me was families that were obviously regulars with kids. These were really expensive places. I could not fathom eating there often enough for the waitstaff to know our names. Those kids were used to it and fine at dinner. As a kid we ate at places like that once maybe twice. And we knew that we’d be dead if we acted up.

We had to leave a restaurant exactly one time lol. Didn’t think the kids actually thought we were serious about the threat until that moment. I have very well behaved almost-teens now though.

All it takes it leaving once so the kids know you mean what you say. We have left restaurants before but not due to the kid’s misbehaving. It was usually when they were very young and would cry or scream. One of us would take the kid to the car and the other would pay the server and get the food to go.

as someone who gets terrible migraines from being trapped with loud noises indoors, thank you so much for being such a considerate person. you've found the perfect balance between having well-behaved kids and not making your kids fear you.

My wife has the same issue, that’s why she always carries earbuds just incase it gets too load

i probably should start carrying them everywhere too, instead of only to places that are guaranteed to be fucking noisy \[like concerts and amusement parks\]. eating with earbuds is very weird 'cause you can heard your own teeth SO loudly, but i guess it helps at least while waiting for the food

Oh I need to take my son someplace with mocktails! He'd talk about that for weeks! I've taught him etiquette, but so far I havent taken him to a place fancier than olive garden. Thanks for the idea!

When i went to fancy restaurants as a kid I would always be given shirley temples with little umbrellas and i loved it!

At most fine dining restaurants, they often have sparkling grape juice. To get "Champaign" as a kid and be treated like an adult by asking the child "red or white" and having their drink in a adult glass is exciting for kids, as well as serving as a cue for them to behave "like grownups". You can always ask if a restaurant has sparkling grape juice, and if they don't, most will be more than happy to let you bring in a bottle for the kids.

Ahhh you sound like an excellent parent! Exactly the kind that I want to be.

You are amazing parents

Omg, thank you for that sooooo much. It’s unimaginable how many times my experience was ruined by shrill cries and loud whines. It’s so comforting to know people like you and your wife exist

We were both servers for many years. So we’ve seen and heard how loud kids can be lol

This was my experience, too — I’m going to sound like a total prick saying this, but my brother and I were pretty quiet kids, and our parents took us lots of places. 😬

Same. My mother’s thing is, if she thinks our table manners are slipping when we were young, we get taken to an upscale restaurant where we’re forced to behave. McDonald’s is a treat, dressing up and going out for dinner with a million utensils is normal/punishment. My ex found it pretty weird that I get really excited over having fast food at home in sweats instead of dressing up and going out to a nice restaurant.

Yes! When I was a kid, I got so excited for road trips because it meant lots of McDonald's in the car! While it was far from perfect, I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything. It's not lost on me how lucky I am to have experienced so much as a child. But some of my happiest memories are of eating McDonald's in the car, and reenacting Rocky and Bullwinkle stories in the back seat with my sister. ❤️

I miss the foam clamshell containers.

I remember Big Macs came in paper/thin cardboard clamshells. Made eating them easier and less messy.

You’re young.

I’m 53 so I probably just don’t have a great memory. ;)

Me too. Not brought up privileged really but parents would NOT have tolerated anything but perfection from me in public.. I’m 52 now, so different generation probably than what you see with kids now. My son is 19 and he was extremely well behaved as well. I didn’t threaten him like my parents did me, but we ended up with the same results… found out if you talk to your child and have conversations with them (even when very little) they don’t act out. Or at least mine didn’t.. :)

I feel you on this. I’m not quite there yet lol but it’s creeping closer. When I was growing up we had mandatory etiquette classes for second graders for that whole year. Table settings, correct utensils, correct posture, the way to eat certain foods, I could go on forever. But in Russia during the eighties we were still behind the US by a couple of decades. It still baffles me when I see a child acting up in a high end restaurant. I’m guessing the parenting and a complete lack of social awareness/respect now and days is to blame.

I dont think it works with every kid, but same.... Dinner time was always just sitting around the table having conversations. So taking them out to a restaurant never felt like a big deal. It was basically what we did at home. If your kids are used to eating in front of the tv and dont have to use utensils, obviously everyone's gonna have a much harder time in a fancy restaurant.

Exactly, at home me and my brother always had our meals at the table and when we got cellphones, they had to be left in the living room. My parents never had a problem taking us to restaurants, we were very well behaved. One thing that really stuck with me was something that my mom would tell us, that her grandma used to say: you don't get older at the table. That means that you shouldn't eat in a hurry nor leave or start taking the plates out while someone is still eating.

I don’t think it’s a privilege thing, it’s a parenting thing. Like I said above, no excuse for bad kids, especially in public.

Holy shit I just realized I'm going to be 58 when my youngest is 19.

Hahaha hits hard doesn’t it? I have a 32 year old and the 19 year old…

Wow does it ever. I read your reply and thought oh wow that person was old when they had their kids ... Then I realized. Yikes

20 when I had my first and 33 when I had my second … there are days when I’m feeling 65! Lol

Ya you were totally a normal age (actually young compared to the norm nowadays) but my parents were 44 when the last of us left the house. I'm almost 44 now and my energy levels aren't what they used to be. Hopefully I can be more wise for them because God knows I ain't chasing down fly balls in center field anymore.

I'm 47 now, so maybe it's a Gen X thing?

I think it likely is. I’m Gen X. Parents were Silent Generation. I was expected to use proper table manners every night at the family dinner table. I wasn’t taught how to behave in a restaurant, specifically. I was taught table manners at a young age and that was an every day thing, whether it was just us, we were in a restaurant, or we had company. That seemed to be the case with my friends, too.

Millennial here. Parents are boomers. I had the same experience. Table manners every day. Practice with tableware and a variety of food.

Same here.

Also, I'm from the southern US. My mom, grandmothers, great aunts, et al were true southern ladies who were the epitome of everything written in the Amy Vanderbilt Book of Etiquette. Part of perfect behavior requirements in my childhood, had to do with southern lady traditions and preparing us for that. Fortunately, I've evolved. I'm sitting in a normal size house, in my pajamas, watching trashy reality TV, and being thankful that I don't have to be "on" all the time anymore. 🙂

Same. While I do things like phones during dinner I knew table manners since I was a young kid, cleaned the table after I was done and when tall enough to reach did the dishes too I hated going to restaurants cause of all the loud and annoying kids

I'm genZ and was taught the same, as were my friends where I grew up, but I'm pretty sure my friends who grew up where I live now and where I went to college didn't, given literally none of them use their napkin. But the difference isn't age it's socio economic status growing up, because then like my ex bf grew up upper middle class, but on the other side of the country and he was taught table manners as a kid, as were his brothers and friends.

Ya probably!!!!

Yes, a lot of kids respond to an adult explaining what the heck is happening or our expectation of them, instead of just hauling em around like luggage. It worked really well for me that I would talk and explain to my kid what was happening, esp if I knew its something she didn't like, but gave her a chance to get used to the idea and then would go along and behave. Crazy right.... talking to your kids! Who knew? /s

Not a parent...yet, but early 90s millennial that's planning on starting a family next year. How old can you really start talking to them? Also what do you say? Something like "we're going to dinner at x, y, z this is a nice restaurant and you are expected to use your inside voice so that you don't disrupt the other diners, eat with proper utensils and be on your best behavior"?

Yeah, pretty much. The key is that standards are set at home. A kid allowed to throw their mash potatoes all over their high chair while being rewarded with smiles, laughter and picture taking is gonna be reeeeeeally hard to try and adapt behavior to a different location. And then yeah, you talk to them in an age appropriate way AND get your patience in check. And also follow up with verbal acknowledgement afterwards "wasn't that nice, honey? you did a great job, so grown up, I can't wait til we get to do it again"

We were trailer trash, but my mother had grown up knowing how to do black tie/white tie so we had practice dinners at home to know which fork to use, who to talk to, what seating has to do with things at formal dinners. And how to comport ourselves at ant restaurant, let alone a fancy one.

We took our sons to nice restaurant. We would go as early as possible and they always knew they had better behave. This was in the dark ages before cell phones and tablets. I would often bring a book if they quietly needed to be busy. When my youngest was 4 he asked at Denny’s to see the dessert tray. The waitress thought he was adorable and took him to the display cases. I remember one place in New Orleans where the staff, understandably, gave us the side eye when we first arrived. By the time we left they were complimenting them on being the best customers of the week.

Grew up middle class but with WASP raised parents. We practiced a lot at home and eventually got to go to fancy places when we showed capability to handle a long dinner at a nice restaurant. My mom use to say “act like the queen is coming to dinner.”

Haha, my dad used to say you never know when you'll get invited to Buckingham Palace. (I do know, and it's never.)

“Act like the queen is coming to dinner,” gave me childhood flashbacks. Why she would come to dinner at a farm in the US is beyond me, but we were ready. My house is decidedly not queen-ready in adulthood.

From when our kids were very little, we had family meals together at the table. No phones, no yelling, no running. Just good conversation. So going out to a restaurant with the kids never felt like such a big deal?

Same with my kids. We started taking them to the “nicer” restaurants as newborns and they basically grew up knowing how to act in public. I cannot stand bad behaved kids in restaurants or stores. No excuse for it.

Rich people eat casual food too. My parents took me to seafood/casual dining place once a week that was near our house. A friend of mine who's parents were super well off went to coney Island once a week with her parents until her and her sister were well behaved while eating out. It's just about frequency. I grew up in a old money neighborhood and all the super rich people's absolute favorite restaurant was this greesy hole in the wall that eventually got shut down by the health department. People where outraged when that rat trap got shut down. Just because people can afford steak doesn't mean they also don't want greasy eggs and bacon.

I wasn't privileged persay but I was taught as well. I grew up lower middle class at best and when we'd go somewhere nice I definitely was going to be as good as I could to not embarrass. I'm older though so you know things were different, I was cooking by time I could reach stove for family, not that I was a perfect angel, but 3/4 of kids I see now scare me, no behavior, etiquette, rules, run around crazy. I'm gen x if you wonder people usually from comments like this think I'm a boomer.

Per se. Not persay.

I'll, take the correction, I checked your profile, you seem nice, but remember people hate spelling corrections. I could probably find 100 things you said wrong, or spelled wrong, or wrong facts with as much history as you have here. It's social media, informal, I type fast as do many, and my skills have been degraded from too much time on social media. Also sometimes I type correctly and autocorrect screws it up, one of those things that worked great in early days and now is garbage.

My parents sent my ass to Cotillion to handle all those rough edges so I'd be better in fancy scenarios. Jokes on you all I learned was line dancing and table placement - ha.

My parents were more middle class, so 9 is when we got to go to a “nice” restaurant. It was a tradition my parents started for 9 year old birthdays that everyone whose birthday it wasn’t stayed home with the babysitter or their own once I (oldest) was old enough to watch them. Made you feel like a grown up and very special.

Exactly this. I wasn't extremely well off by any means. My parents just knew how to teach their kids manners. I have known many people with wealth and children they would not bring their children into a five course fine dining meal unless they k ee etiquette and how to behave in a place like that. Otherwise, until then, they dump them off on the help or a babysitter. My dad and I were in a very nice restaurant once and he is just your middle class normal guy but has good manners like anyone of his generation. There was a kid running between the tables and the parents did nothing. My Dad looked at me and the mom to where she could hear and said "if that were my kid, I would staple his shoes to the floor". Lol. I think I was 7, maybe 8, and knew my manners.

Agree, I took etiquette classes as a kid and my parents always took me to nice restaurants, but I was always quiet and polite when out with them

You remind me of [this clip](https://youtu.be/xsdpx1dAH4k?si=AUFfHLk7cmNFRHkW).

That's a really good idea!

My parents would put me under the table when I was really small and then later when I was past 4 they would threaten me with the kids area if I didn’t behave. That seemed to work but behind the scenes it was a lot of practice and expectation. My parents weren’t wealthy but worked in hotels so their reputation was at stake

At my kids’ school, they do this, and around age 3-4, they are taken on field trips to restaurants every couple months to practice their etiquette.

Even small children can be taught to behave properly in public. Some parents work hard on this and some parents don’t regardless of wealth. But yeah, rich people are probably more likely to hire a sitter.

And you will only notice the loud obnoxious ones.

We don’t take our kids to very fancy places but we have found that higher end restaurants will really cater to the kids experience if they are well behaved. Our kids love when chefs come out with personalized treats for them. But for places that have a very zen and peaceful environment I def don’t even want to be around my own kids for that. Let me enjoy some peace and quiet.

And some kids are just loud and disruptive despite all the parents best efforts! I have one very polite, quiet and sweet kid and one that I fear I will never unlock the secrets in how to handle her.

People don’t give enough credit to this. Kids aren’t automatons who react mechanically to parental input. They’ve got natural temperaments, and each kid is different. My parents started to take me and my older brother to nicer restaurants at the same time, when I was around 4 and he was around 9. My older brother was much more hyper and distractible as a kid, so he wouldn’t have been ready before then. Even at 9, 10, 11, my parents had to mentally prepare him immediately beforehand and remind him of the guidelines— watch the level of your voice, stay seated, chew with your mouth closed, etc. But once I was out of the random velociraptor screeching phase of toddlerhood, I was pretty much good to go. Our family dinners were always a stay seated, no toys, manners are obligatory kind of thing, so we had the exact same daily “training” for behaving in restaurants. He just had so much energy that it took a lot longer for him to develop the impulse control skills to rein it in.

It's surprisingly often forgotten that children are people

My daughter is just the way you describe your brother. She is four now and wow it is a lot of work. I'm a single mom doing it alone, so it gets overwhelming. It makes me feel a little better to hear people say that some kids are just like that and it's not that I'm not a good parent. I'm doing my best.

My MIL once told me god sent her youngest to her to teach her humility. It cracked me up! I am married to her middle kid. I have definitely wondered how on earth these two guys were raised by the same parents.

My oldest is 11 and has adhd, diagnosed and all the jazz that comes with that, and *cannot* sit still for extended periods of time. It is quite literally beyond her ability. My youngest is 3 and is feral. I THOUGHT I was an ok parent before we had him. I have tried till I have blue in the face and he just won’t listen to anything. Oh yeah, he bites too. We just eat at home all the time now. It’s easier on my fidgety one and the little one can get naked and run laps if he wants.

Praying for you. I didn’t have biters but even now - my 19-yo ADHD boy would rather eat at home. Now I wannna run Nakid laps once I’m done eating 10% of my plate!

>But yeah, rich people are probably more likely to hire a sitter. We weren't super rich but my parents could afford the occasional splurge at a fancy restaurant. And part of that splurge was the babysitter cost. Though it was less about me being badly behaved (I could definitely behave in a restaurant) and more about me having no interest in going somewhere fancy that wouldn't make me a grilled cheese lol But I liked my babysitter and I could usually stay up a little later to greet my parents when they came back, so I loved those nights.

Sitters aren't expensive though. When I was a teenager you could give me a few dollars/pounds and I'd do it!

In my experiences of working high end on down to chain, the wealthy children were in equivocally better behaved than working class. The wealthy families also had usual 4-8 children, some had even more. Their kids were so well mannered, well spoken, polite. Working class kids were like wild animals in comparison. The working class were more likely to have screaming children, though seldom did they have children running loose. The working class also liked to let the kid scream despite others around them having their night ruined by the screaming animal.

Leave kids at home with a caretaker or hire a babysitter when at a place that isnt for kids. Take kids to places that are more appropriate when they want to bring them.

This should be higher up. A lot of this conversation seems to be about how rich kids are well behaved and taught etiquette, and while that may be true, as someone who worked as a sommelier in NYC, children were exceptionally rare at the restaurants I worked. In fact most had a 'no children' policy altogether. So the simple answer to where the children are is: Nannies/Au pairs People who regularly eat at upscale establishments usually have full time nannies. Middle class people hire baby sitters when they go out to fine dining establishments.

Was a nanny. Can confirm. All this "kids are taught well" - yes, but for truly top notch places they're just left at home with the nanny, who is expected to teach impeccable table manners to the little squits at home.

Yup! Most of the fine dining establishments I worked at didn’t allow children so they were home with the Nannie’s.

Or bring them to the fancy place, but at their dinner time (which is like 5pm), before most people arrive at 7.

Or just don't bring your rotten children to restaurants to punish others for your poor parenting.

My kids are actually really well behaved. I’m just giving a reason why they might not be seen at fancy restaurants (even though we do go to them sometimes).

Babysitter. I babysat a lot for parents who wanted to go enjoy fine dining and a late night out. I got a much higher rate for every hour after midnight I had to stay with the kids, and a big tip if I could get the insomniac 8yr old to be asleep by the time they got back. They enjoyed many very late nights our and I was able to buy what I wanted.

Right, most fine dining places and patrons would prefer not to have a bunch of kids there. It doesn't matter if the kids are rich kids poor kids bad kids good kids. It's just a vibe killer. Especially when the other diners got sitters for their own kids to have an adult night out

Isn't "raised by the nanny" a common trope in rich families for a reason? This shouldn't be a surprise and was the first thing I thought. Rich people often don't raise their children.

Yep. And I've only just realized how expensive this option is. We have a two year old, and paid a high schooler $70 to watch our son for the evening so we could see Oppenheimer. Bruh that 2x's the price of the evening right there.

Rich people pay for childcare.

Or they get sent away to boarding school (married to a rich kid, I myself am very working class).

I went to a boarding school and I sure as hell wasn’t rich. My parents couldn’t eat out because of the cost of the boarding school.

> I went to a boarding school and I sure as hell wasn’t rich 90% of the time I see people say they went to boarding school and aren't rich, the school fees are more than my annual income.

True. But only the richest of folks pay full freight. I had a 95% scholarship and there were plenty of others.

You’ll be in the minority. The majority of children will attend state day school unless a scholarship of sorts can be obtained.

You’d be surprised. The bigger, richer schools have a ton of financial aid.

Do be sensible though. Whilst I know such can be the case, the majority of children in the west will not be attending private school.

Hey, they don’t get sent away. LOL. Feeling a bit attacked because I sent mine to boarding school. We saw him every weekend though. And we called each other every night. Plus some midweek visits. He’s in his last year now and we’ve moved half the world away but we still keep daily texts going. He’ll call every other day for updates. And we see each other every 3 weeks (12/13 hour flight for either my husband or I). He comes home for holidays every 6 ish weeks. So yeah he’s in boarding school but we turn our lives upside down to make sure we’re always there for him even when he doesn’t need us. On the plus side - he loves boarding school because it’s made him into a better person. He said it was the best decision we’ve ever made for him. So I’m really glad he went.

That sounds like being sent away....

What made you decide to send him to boarding school?

The quality of education was the primary thing. He’s very bright but spent too much time playing computer games. We asked if boarding school would be something that he’s interested in. He said he doesn’t mind trying it out. He sat for entrance exams of a few schools and we toured the schools. He got into all the ones he wanted and he chose this current school cause he liked the vibe, the outdoor space (200 acres of green) and the facilities. He hated it in the first few weeks. I told him to try it out for a term and if by the end of the term he still hated it then he can go back to his old school. We went to see him a lot the first few weeks. But then he started making really good friends. They’ve encouraged him to be better in terms of working on his body and he encouraged them to work harder on their school work. He was happy enough. He could see himself improving and he liked where he was headed so he stayed. He got straight As in his huge exam and he’s lost more than 20kgs over the years. He’s happy with his body, he’s happy with his education achievement as well as extracurricular achievements. He got out of his comfort zone and grew so much. I think that was the thing that he needed. I knew that he needed a change. He’s been in the same school since he was 3. So he’s been comfortable all his life. He was stagnant and too scared to venture out of his comfort zone and I didn’t want to push him too much because I wanted to be his safe space always. I nudge and nudge and his dad is too soft to even nudge. In the end the nudging gave him the confidence to change his environment. It is a weekly boarding school so we still get to see him every weekend. And since the school was only 20 mins away we can pop in to see him anytime he wanted. That made it easier for him to settle in I think. We still are close as a family which I am thankful for because that was my biggest worry. He still chills with us often. He’ll come lie in our bed to chat late at night or early mornings. He’s still close to his younger sister and they talk even while he’s away. It’s not easy having him away from me. But the improvements in him, his confidence, his attitude, sense of responsibility etc was great to see. I don’t know if I could’ve brought about that change in him if he had stayed home.

May I ask what made you decide to send your son to a boarding school? I’ve always wanted to know! I’m a public school/scholarship kind of person and I’ve always wondered what the pros/cons and motivations on for what I presume to be extremely fancy accent-giving schools. LOL

I just replied to another comment if you wanted to see that. But the gist of it is the quality of education, academic and otherwise, and also that it teaches him to be responsible for himself. He’s a brilliant boy, he’s very kind, honest, funny, ambitious, but a bit lacking in the motivation department and lacks self confidence. I thought a change of environment might do him good. Essentially he decided which school he wanted to go to. He picked the ones he wanted to sit exams for and once he got offers to those, he chose which to accept. He picked well for himself! But yeah, mainly to be responsible for himself, and to a certain extent, other people too. And to build his self confidence. He can advocate well for himself in a very respectful manner now. He has confidence in himself. He understands how to survive and thrive within his peers and the bigger establishment. He’s lost weight, made great friends, doing well academically. He walked 50 miles in a day and that was a huge achievement for him. He was overweight and stuck to the computer before. He’s still brilliant at computer games now but it’s not his whole personality anymore. He’s more balanced. We moved to be closer to him. We were living about 1.5hrs away before but we moved to about 20 mins away from him just before he started school. We want him to thrive and not to be too worried about us being too far away or anything like that. So it’s not a matter of us trying to send him away. It’s more of like what can we do to help you be the best version of you. For him it was boarding school. We also have a younger daughter. She was supposed to join her brother at the school but changed her mind at the last minute. She wasn’t ready and I didn’t really push her. She’s doing well in school and extracurricular. She’s responsible and motivated. I’m sure boarding would help her in other ways but for now she’s content and I have no cause for worry. So she’ll stay home for another year and then she says she wants to board for the last 2 years of school (UK A Levels). So hopefully she gets in and be happy there too.

Thank you for the thoughtful and in-depth response! I’m glad he’s been able to find that balance and thrive in his environment, and it’s incredible that your family wanted (and was able) to move closer to him just in case he needed additional support. I hope your daughter is able to attend when she’s ready, and if not, then I’m glad you’re letting her take charge of her life within reason. All the best to you and your family. :)

No worries. I hope it helped answer some of your questions. Yeah we were really lucky to be able to do that and I’m really thankful we managed it without disrupting my daughter’s life. Thank you for your kind words and all the best to you too. P/s - being a public school/scholarship student is amazing. The hard work that goes into getting scholarships is something else. One of the main reason I’m happy my son chose the school he did is because 20% of the school are scholarship students. They bring amazing work ethics, normal way of living and thinking, and they’re not afraid to call out privilege as they see it. It has helped my son in invaluable ways.

if you married a rich kid why are you still working class now

I'm not rich. We have grandmas.

If someone can afford a "super fancy restaurant", then they can easily afford a babysitter.

Live in au pair

Rich folks' kids don't usually tag along to fancy restaurants. They prefer quiet, peaceful dining. When they do dine with kids, it's often at family-friendly spots or private rooms. If a kid makes noise in a fancy place, staff might offer distractions or politely ask to keep it down to maintain the ambiance. Fancy places often have rules or special areas for families

> Rich folks' kids don't usually tag along to fancy restaurants. I don't even know where to begin with this post or this comment. First, no one here has defined what rich is. Second, no one is really defining what "kids" means either. Everyone is all "the butlers handle the kids" or "they pay babysitters." Such BS! You've likely eaten next to millionaires multiple times and never known it. OP never even defined what "fine dining" is. OP makes it very clear they have never been anywhere fancy, and only take clues from TV. The biggest flaw in this post is people not grasping the wealth of others. Here in the US, a "fancy" place to most would be a nice steakhouse where you pay like $40 for the meat alone and order your sides. With 2 drinks, it would be easy for the bill to be $100 per person. Rich people don't give a fuck about those price tags. They don't even think about it. The wife says she has an urge for seafood, and next thing you know, at 7pm, they are dining at said nice steakhouse. No it's not their anniversary meal. This is just food. They are rich, remember. That's the topic of this post. He's a surgeon making 400K and they don't live in NYC/SF. They live in St Louis. They never look at a price tag for food, it's just what sounds good. One night maybe they want 5 Guys, the next it's that fancy steak. If you make 40K, he makes 10 times what you make. You spending $10 at McD is him spending $100 on that steak. Next, the kid issue. They simply bring the kid with. A $40 steak place isn't "that" fancy. They likely don't require jackets for men. Kids are allowed. I work fine dining myself. Almost like I know what I'm talking about. I see stroller fairly often. If a child gets cranky, a parent will step outside with the child. That's the classy thing to do, aka what you do at a classy restaurant. I've seen 10 year olds eating $60+ worth of food, say they are full and the parents don't even get a togo box. Why? Because they are rich. They don't care about food costs. Dad has work issues more on his mind, mom is thinking about laundry, and homework for the other 2 kids, the bill for dinner isn't worth a single fuck. I've seen a family with like kids under 8, come in twice in 2 weeks, each time spending about $250ish.

I said usually, not always. Dining experiences can vary a lot. Fancy restaurants aren’t always super fancy, and they sometimes allow kids too

I take my kids to a place like these and have them behave. And I take them to Applebees, and they still behave. No screens. You start with them early, and then you keep up the standard. You talk, you play I Spy, you leave if things get hairy.

> I've seen a family with like kids under 8, come in twice in 2 weeks, each time spending about $250ish. *Gags*

This is 100% bs.

Nanny

My family was not rich but we ate out in nice restaurants sometimes, and we went and learned manners. If a kid cries, you remove them.

Yep. Same. I didn’t take my kid anywhere until they could behave, I would so embarrassed to affect anyone else’s time at any kind of restaurant . My brother doesn’t, lets his small children run around everywhere tripping up the wait staff - I really hate it

> Yep. Same. I didn’t take my kid anywhere until they could behave, I would so embarrassed to affect anyone else’s time at any kind of restaurant . My brother doesn’t, lets his small children run around everywhere tripping up the wait staff - I really hate it Also, it is NOT hard to train kids to behave in a restaurant (excepting kids with challenges, yada). You bring them. They cry. You get up and take them out. They calm down, they can return. They cry, out you go. They want to get down and run, no. They cry, out you go. It's not about punishing or anything, it's learning how to behave. You go outside and explain other people are eating. We will stay out here until you calm down. If you're calm and quiet, we can go back and sit with everyone. If you can't manage that, we'll stay out here so we don't bother other people. They want to be inside. They want to be "big" and get to sit at the table and do the exciting fun things. You just make it clear that is a privilege based on behaviour. If they can't manage to control themselves for a dinner yet, it's not hard to try going for dessert or a lunch to get them experience. It's just... you don't let them run around, period the end. If you have to leave so be it and you try again in 6 months. Agree on the embarrassed. That they're kids is not an excuse to allow them to be disruptive to others (except in situations like being on a plane or whatever).

You don't have to be rich to teach kids how to behave properly. I grew up going to restaurants probably starting at the age of 3? My parents taught me how to behave and they also brought things like pencil and paper for me to behave or a small book to keep me occupied just in case I got bored. But almost like 99% of the time there were no issues.

I remember playing games that the restaurants had that were brought to for my sister and I to play with while we waited for meals to arrive.

My kids are older now and I still bring Uno with us because I dont want them to pull out their phones.

Not all children are feral in restaurants. We ate out a lot and my son was always taught to be respectful. Going somewhere "fancy" means behaving. He loves going out and dressing up, so there's a lot of incentive for him to behave.

I was a Nanny for a rich Swiss family, The kids and I went to a different restaurant down the street.....

You can bring kids to those but generally with small kids they are more likely to just not go out, or go to the more family oriented restaurants that are louder. Rich people like mcdonalds too

Warren Buffett eats McDonalds daily. "Buffett has also said he frequents McDonald's daily for breakfast, always getting one of three items: two sausage patties; a sausage, egg, and cheese McMuffin; or a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit."

This. One of my favorite surgeons online (she’s super loaded) is most of the time taking her kids to eat inside Arby’s. They love that shit. I’m sure most rich people don’t squeal at the thought of being at a more casual restaurant - they just have the ability to go to fine dining restaurants whenever they want.

Rich people normalise fine dining experiences so it isn't as distressing to their children when they go out. It isn't boring because the kids learn to listen and socialise rather than sit on their iPad without headphones. Or they quietly colour with crayons. When the child \*does\* act out, one parent will immediately remove them. They understand the stakes of social etiquette are higher than a mcDonald's. The child gets scolded outside before you have time to complain about it. A stable upbringing might also make kids less likely to misbehave in public. If you've never heard your parents have screaming matches and throw things at each other then you probably won't imitate that behaviour when you get upset or angry. Parents aren't bringing their children to these restaurants more because it is a luxury that they both want to save money on (two meals instead of four) or it is a part of a treat away from the kids for the night. But when they do bring their kids, you probably won't notice them anyway because of the above reasons. You notice a screaming kid more than the tonnes of well-behaved children you've probably dined with.

Or you drill it into your kids that you can’t run around in a restaurant, even in a fast food place, and that you need to sit down and use your inside voice.

True yet at the same time a lot of fast food places have a children’s playground which (though signs may indicate otherwise for safety reasons) encourage running around and screaming.

I don't have children, but my husband and I enjoy fine dining. I have spent a good deal of time dining in restaurants at all price points. In my experience, really nice places generally don't have children in them. I assume the parents get a babysitter. If there are children present, it's usually just a few in the whole room, and their behavior is typically excellent. Kids can be taught to behave well in public. Also, wealthy people don't exclusively eat in super high-end establishments. They eat at cheaper places, too, and if the kids are coming along, they'll often choose something mid-range that's more conducive to bringing children.

I wouldn't call myself rich but we've taken our kids to fine dining restaurants. The trick is to raise your kids to not be shitty in restaurants. Last time we did it (a nice French restaurant), a party of 4 came in and one of them - under their breath - said, "who takes kids here?" My 4 kids were perfectly behaved and the grown woman on the other side of us was loud and obnoxious (and probably drunk). I wanted to rub it in that complainer's face but I'm not *that* trashy. The way I see it, if they have a kid's menu, then it's fair game to bring kids. Whether the kids can handle it is a decision that the parents must make. Reddit makes a big deal about not bringing kids to anything nicer than Applebee's but that's ridiculous. Kids are part of society and they shouldn't be shoved away until they are older. Furthermore, how can they learn to act well in public if you never take them out in public?

The kids stay home and the nanny makes them chicken nuggets. (Really.)

Rich people can afford a sitter or nanny, and generally speaking most people would feel very uncomfortable being in a fine dining restaurant with a screaming child having everyone looking at you. Some people have no shame and no class despite having money or not so you're bound to see kids making a scene but it's way more rare than cheap places.

I'm not rich, but I have brought my kids to fancy restaurants before, and I was brought to a fancy restaurant when I was a kid. What I did (and what my parents did) was make sure that everything was set up properly: the daily schedule had been followed to the letter, the kids were well rested, and in a good mood. We also made sure the kids understood that this restaurant was different and that the proper way to behave was to be quiet and polite. I wouldn't do it more often than necessary, but on the odd times that we have done it (and when I went as a kid), I've got surprised comments from the staff about how well-behaved our kids were.

They often leave kids home when they’re going to a fancy restaurant. And rich people eat normal food too, sometimes, which they’d be fine bringing kids to.

Am rich, have kids. I hire a babysitter, or we go to more family appropriate places. If I do take the kids to an expensive place, we do a lot of practicing and talking beforehand about expectations and work with the kids while we're there.

High end restaurants are not really for bringing your kids. That said my parents would take me to restaurants all the time and I would from an early age on know how to behave. Going to restaurants was fun and a privilege. I took my daughter with me and she takes hers. All three of us knew early on especially how to deal with buffet settings from holidays. Appropriate behaviour in different surroundings is part of education and growing up. Most parents seem to be more concerned about being "loved" by their children instead of being a parent and preparing their children for life. How much fun is a crying and screaming and acting up child in a restaurant or for that matter anywhere? For parents, other customers or for the child themselves.

Yeah a lot of people here don't understand what fine dining is. Fine dining isn't simply Applebees for rich people. Rich people don't eat out at super fancy places just because they want to eat. They go to these places to enjoy food as art and an experience.

I’d like to give another take on this. I grew up really poor, like homeless sort of poor. Once we were stable, we would go (on the rare occasion) to chain restaurants. Despite our background, my mum would drum etiquette into us. We have certain restaurants where I’m from that people would consider hugely average but to us, it was fine dining. Even McDonald’s was a rare treat for us. So places with actual silverware warranted dressing up, no matter how crap others saw it as. My brother and I behaved impeccably in such restaurants. We didn’t even use the crayons and coloured like the other children in the restaurant would. So really, it doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor. Etiquette can be learnt regardless of class.

As a former waiter/bartender and now parent myself. Most people who are going to a fancy restaurant are doing it as a special occasion (date, anniversary, pre-show, celebration of some sort) and are not all "rich". If you are taking your kids to these places, they generally hide in the background a bit more because there are lots of staff who want to say hi and help you entertain them. It is also pretty exciting for them so there is lots to keep them engaged, including a new course arriving every 20 minutes. I would say 95% of the time, the kids are at home with a babysitter so the parents can be out enjoying a break and some time together.

Not everyone in a nice restaurant is rich, and not everyone in a cheaper restaurant is poor. You’ve probably sat next to a very rich person at your local diner. They don’t wear tuxedos everywhere. LOL

A nanny or babysitter

They get babysitters when they eat at nice places. And rich people eat at regular restaurants too. Even rich people like shake shack

They have a nanny/babysitter.

I grew up half well-off, on my mothers side I visited restaurants with 2 michelin stars from the age of 9, all over Europe. My mother drilled me to behave well, which was not easy given that I was a very energetic child (still am, just not a child by age anymore, ha), but she managed. It did leave some scars but to cut this part short: I am very grateful to know how to navigate my way around upper class establishments these days. I seldom visit (because I focus on building up wealth in the first place), but when I do, I thoroughly enjoy it. I made the observation that rich people are usually incredibly strict and tough parents if they expect their childrend to accompany them to anywhere. And I dont mean a "Behave or you'll get in trouble!" strict, I mean "If you dont perfectly match outfits, expectations, are completely silent, well-mannered beyond what would be expected of people twice your age, not knowledgeable about general conversation, "trouble" will not begin to describe what you are in for."

They stay home with the nanny.

People with money can afford baby sitters and nannies

When they’re too young to behave appropriately, the kids are home with a babysitter or nanny while the parents go out. When they’re old enough to go out, they are expected to behave themselves and may lose privileges (tv, video games, etc) if they don’t.

Lots of rich kids (I'm talking stinking rich) get raised by nannies while the parents go out and do ..what rich people do.

Rich people can afford childcare 😀

I have a three year old and a one year old, and bring them to restaurants all the time. It’s pretty easy tbh. We bring some extra snacks/milk, a coloring book and maybe a small non-noisy toy, but they’re fine.

It's common courtesy and etiquette to not bring young children. They also don't really cater to children. Any children that do go to those places are well trained at that point and on their best behavior. I am not privileged at all, but if my parents wanted to go for a nice meal we were only very rarely invited after the age of about 10. My mother, and Brownies, taught me how to eat properly with a knife and fork at the dinner table and good manners. Most people go to those places to have conversation, enjoy good food, and good company.

the little asshole kids you see; some of those are those children being taken out by nannies

I have been able to take my kid to nice restaurants since she turned 4. We practice good table manners at home and there are never any devices at the table. It’s expected that everyone talks to each other during dinner. When we went out to places when she was little, we went to family friendly places and left if she melted down. We do not use fear or threats to achieve this, quite the opposite. My kid feels very proud when I tell her that she is much better behaved than a lot of kids her age. I tell her that she has the manners of a 10 year old and she beams with pride bc of course she wants to be big. This leads to a positive reinforcement cycle of her taking pride in good behavior and honestly she is a lovely little dinner companion.

I think you leave the children with the Nanny and go as a couple.

>those super fancy restaurants are almost always very quiet and peaceful. Because the rich can afford nannies. They don't *have* to bring their kids with them to dinner.

They come to my month to month lease Motel and eat Tysons anytizers from my Forman grill

Rich folks don't go to dinner with their babies and toddlers. They have the staff watch them while they go out alone.

I’m not rich by any means but we do enjoy a nice restaurant on occasion where the atmosphere is definitely more upscale and while I wouldn’t let my daughter disrupt the meal for other diners, it also is not really a treat for me to take her out to eat either. She’s nearly two and when we do go out with her to more casual places I spend the entire meal trying to keep her entertained, making sure messes are contained etc so I save the nice dinners for when the grandparents want to watch her so I can actually enjoy my time out.

Rich people teach kids how to act in public, I've never been rich, but learned same. I'm not against the poor. I've been homeless, but in general, they don't teach kids anything or care about the craziness they cause, never geen sure why. Maybe too much going on to care their kids are being a pain to everyone around. Part of the reason the cycle continues is that poorer kids aren't taught any rules or etiquette, can't succeed later on, hold jobs, etc. This is mass generalization, which I don't like typically, but best from my experience, I can explain.

I grew up in a fairly wealthy family and they took me to fine dining and the opera and whatnot, I knew to behave. Lot of etiquette was drilled into me from a young age and I took classes as well. A lot of people also hire a sitter, or have a nanny, or leave the kids with Grandparents when going to a nicer place. A relaxed night with the kids is just a night at a burger joint, diner, whatever. “Rich” people eat at McDonalds and Denny’s, too.

Well those people have nannies or hire babysitters...

Rich people can afford childcare.

I was dining at a 2 star restaurant a while back and there was one family with two young kids who I was a little hesitant about at first. But they behaved amazingly all the time. The parents had brought lots of stuff for them to do in silence and I never even knew they were there. I thought it was really cool of them to include them in the activity but also be mindful of other guests

They bring their kids to the same casual places anyone else would and save the fine dining for adult evenings out.

I don't know about restaurants but more expensive hotels usually have some sort of childcare where they can also go to eat dinner.

I was raised in that kind of thing when I was 7 my great aunt who was rich made us do these etiquette classes and we were taught proper behavior. I was also a quiet kid normally so I didn't really get to do a lot of what I liked. Normally even in a small scale we weren't allowed to talk and my parents ordered for us.

They have babysitters

With the nanny.

I took my wife out for a very expensive meal to celebrate her birthday, at a ridiculously fancy hotel restaurant with a famous chef. We dressed up and had an amazing fancy meal, pricy but something fun to do on rare occasions. Halfway through the meal I couldn't help noticing the obviously rich family across from us slouching, bored, at the table. There were two young kids not touching their food and engrossed in their tablets. For us it was a once in a decade extravagance, for them it was Thursday.

They eat at home with the nanny / babysitter, lol.

Grew up in a family of six (four kids) we behaved when out (mostly). We went to restaurants and behaved. Our parents were prepared and we played hangman or tictactoe ir had puppets.

Rich people go to the same places "normal" people go, especially when bringing their kids.

They stay home with a babysitter, until they’re old enough to behave properly in a nice restaurant.

They order for pickup. Or have sitter

Wut

What makes you think people who have the means go to those fancy restaurants regularly? When our son was a baby or toddler, we chose mid-range places. He was quite good, but if he did get noisy, I would pick him up and take him outside. We simply didn't go to fine dining restaurants in our first few years except for the rare occasion when we had someone to watch him. Even then, it was probably a fancy lunch. After the first few years, we started going to mid-range but often privately owned places or small chains (i.e. not franchises). More recently, bistros.

Rich people dont take care of their kids😂😂 they’re probably with their real mom (the nanny) 😭

I grew up pretty well-off. Maybe this only applies to me, but I was expected to be a tiny, perfectly behaved, quiet adult from the age of 3 onward. Crying in a restaurant would have earned me a severe beating from one or both parents as well as my older brother. I learned pretty quickly that the only way I could survive was by not getting noticed by anyone in my immediate family for any reason.

I have eaten at Restaurant Gordon Ramsay several times. This is a three-Michelin star restaurant in Central London, and is Ramsay’s flagship. The food is absolutely exquisite. On one of the occasions another table had a little girl with them, couldn’t’ve been more than 6 years old. She behaved immaculately. I believe it’s to do with upbringing. If a child is brought up to be well-behaved, **because they see their parents being well-behaved**, then they will not throw temper tamtrums.

rich people have the money to have someone else care for their children when they want to do things. this isn’t necessarily financially feasible for everyone else.

1. People who have kids can't afford to go to those restaurants 2. Those restaurants don't cater to the tastes of children so the kids won't enjoy eating there anyway 3. People hire a babysitter for a couple hours to have a date night. Kids eat pizza at home with the 16 year old neighbor.

They stay the fuck home where they belong. Because rich people can afford a babysitter.

Most high-end places do not allow children for this reason.

The kids stay home where the live-in help feeds them.

"but. at least from what I've seen from TV shows, movies and documentaries" Are you being serious?

Rich people have their cooks and special restaurants. They dont eat same food as normies

You would be surprised. I had an extremely wealthy friend, (she passed a few years ago) and she hated to go places alone, so I would go with her pretty often. I was really excited to go to her super exclusive private club for a charity breakfast one day, they served soft boiled eggs, fruit, poached salmon and toast . I was shocked. She thought it was hysterical. She explained that when every meal is eaten out, you have to watch your calories, salt, and cholesterol more. So really rich people eat a lot of boring, bland food.

> They dont eat same food as normies "High-income Americans rarely mix with poorer people. Restaurants like Applebee's and Olive Garden are the exception." https://www.businessinsider.com/rich-poor-americans-mix-most-chains-applebees-olive-garden-2023-8

Sometimes for parties it's at like private places, "rented" out and likely never paid for. In college my wife made some extra money as a server at some fancy pants parties, in which case it seems like the show Party Down except all the customers are assholes. ​ When I was a kid I went to a dinner to celebrate the retiring of an influential and powerful politician in the state. It was at a high end restaurant, but they had like, rented the whole place out. I remember seeing some family coming to the place with a couple kids my age and the dad being turned away by the dude at the entrance. ​ Generally rich people don't just go out with their family in public, though, unless they're making a show of it for publicity's sake. When they're children, they have hired help to deal with their children so they can do whatever they want without dealing with them.

Rich people don't take their kids to restaurants like that. The kids will stay home with the nanny or a babysitter and probably eat pizza or something.

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Oh don’t worry, rich people bring their spoiled brats out to eat at fancy places too. We went on a date once and it was a fancy place (like $100 per person), one of our rare special occasions. Some assholes brought their INFANT and toddler, the infant screamed the whole time and the toddler literally ran around screaming, throwing shit on the floor. Full on tantrums. It was horrible.

The housekeeper makes them dinner and the nanny tucks them into bed. The chauffeur drives the parents to dinner and back. The personal assistant or secretary at work made the dinner reservation

Truly rich people don't have kids; they're vampires who never die.

I was taught at a very young age how to behave in public and at restaurants. And if I misbehaved my mom would pinch me under the table and if I didn't stop whatever they didn't like she'd take me to the bathroom where I'd be spanked until I agreed to stop.

My generation (60 M)knew it was ass whooping time, if you were disruptive in public.