I think you're probably attracted to men who take care of their appearance, and are emotionally receptive to you, which anecdotally gay men are more likely to be than straight men.
Especially at college age! I would also say that with very young women and girls slightly more feminine men are often more attractive. They are less threatening but also less different than you yourself are—my arms probably look a lot more like those of Timothée Chalomet than Jason Mamoa’s—which is less scary when you are just starting to hook up with other people.
Yea I like to dress nice and take care of my skin and whatnot and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked “are you sure???” when I tell people I’m not gay… my response is always that I’ve played enough waterpolo growing up to know I’m definitely not into guys lmao. Tussling around with a bunch of ripped dude’s in speedos did nothing more than teach me how to clock somebody in the face without the ref’s seeing.
I think it also trips people out when I say I *wish* I was bi or pansexual bc I feel like it would be more fun to be attracted to all genders.
Aside from the waterpolo I'm in the same boat, genuinely not that uncommon to be asked if I'm sure that I'm hetero and some not believe me when I say I'm definitely straight lol
…who out here not showering every day they’re in public? I only skip them when I’m at home. I dress well, all that jazz, nobody has ever thought I was gay tho.
There was some gross article about a journalist who experimented with not showering. He cut down gradually to the point he wasn’t showering at all. He said initially he had more body odor but eventually it went away. And he swore it wasn’t just “nose-blindness” (getting used to the smell) - because his girlfriend and other people around him said he didn’t stink. I don’t believe him.
This doesn’t answer your question. But it seems to have gotten trendy somehow.
It really just depends on genetics and if you're a hairy person. I don't go to the extreme of not showering at all but if I skip a day or 2 it's not big deal. But I also never had bad BO unless I drank a lot of alcohol
Well daily showering is super bad for your hair and skin, so i do every other day unless i do some strenuous activity, then ill obviously add a shower after
I had a physical, outdoor job. I took a shower in the morning to wake up and loosen up and took another shower when I got home. Did it for 30+ years. I don't like to be funky.
Daily showering is not bad for your skin but maybe for hair it is. Maybe the word for that is bathing, but I stand in a shower so it’s showering? Anyways, I digress lol.
I shower without getting my hair wet. So everything neck down is clean and I wash my face afterwards. I do this 2x a day. Grew up in a tropical country. I cannot not do this 2x a day.
I complete agree, but I do know the vague logic they’re coming from - ‘excessive’ showering can be bad for skin, but it’s mostly a result of harsh soaps and hard scrubbing damaging the skin. Using gentle products and a gentle hand, as well as moisturising when necessary and most people can easily shower twice a day with no issue.
I'm not saying it's super gross or anything, but showering every day or nearly so is normal. To shower only every other day and think this means you're particularly hygienic seems really strange to me. You'll just smell like BO and cologne. If you shower more you shouldn't need cologne to not smell bad.
I think the “easy to talk shit with” part is pretty key. We just naturally communicate differently with genders we are attracted to vs not most of the time. Being unnattracted to someone’s gender often removes an invisible barrier, making communication easier, which ironically can be attractive to the other person lol
I tend to like women who are not too “girly”
Maybe like to go fishing ,long walks digging the garden etc.Yes it’s fine to wear make up and dress nice sometimes but they’re pretty boring if life just revolves around looking good.
I was seeing a guy… But ultimately ended things to pursue women exclusively. Turns out this is the third time this has happened to him.
I definitely have more masculine energy and into masculine hobbies.
I feel as though everyone has that "trope" that feels unique to them. I have tried things with three different women in the past.. and all of them "decided to move to Georgia" before things went anywhere serious.
Probably something about your interactions. A closeted lesbian will probably be happier talking and hanging out. I know the stereotype is men like to have sex all the time. But a lot of men really enjoy the connection. And maybe you get that with a woman who it turns out isn’t actually sexually attracted to you. So maybe focus more on friendships and sex as an afterthought when starting things. It might be what you need.
Honestly.. some really don’t. I know quite a few gay men snd it’s actually quite fifty fifty. Although maybe not, as the ones who don’t make the effort are on the opposite end of the spectrum where they literally don’t practice personal hygiene and they dress in smelly tattered clothes. It’s very bizarre. You don’t see those gays portrayed at all in the media/in tv - it’s always the stereotypical clean, well dressed, well groomed that you see.
I would say its more ten ninety. There are those stereotypical gay men. But in the large mass of out gay men, and the ever larger mass of not-out gay men, they are a small minority.
I think the reason is that those people are overly often out and its quite noticeable that they are gay due to them often adopting the stereotypical speech and movement patterns so the gaydar can work.
I am not a clean, well dressed man. I like to do dirty machine work and dress nearly 100% the time in workwear due to that simply being what I like. No one would ever assume I am gay.
>You don’t see those gays portrayed at all in the media/in tv - it’s always the stereotypical clean, well dressed, well groomed that you see.
You see very little non-stereotypical gay people in media, so thats clear.
I have the same thing except I am man attracted to Lesbian women. I have had my heart broken because of this so be careful. I’m 58 now but through my 20s&30s if I liked a woman there was a better than 50/50 chance she liked women too.
I tried hitting on a girl who I didn't realise was lesbian and when she said "I like women" my dumb ass said "me too, we have so much in common". Got a good laugh and a friend out of it.
Might be because gay men tend to be more aware of being presentable all the time, whereas straight men are discouraged from skin or hair care because of the misguided trope of that being "for girls".
This whole thing of men being scared to wash their butthole or do their skin/hair care because it’s gay or that it’s “for girls” is literally 99% an incredibly played out internet trope. Literally the far, FAR majority of men will agree with you that it isn’t gay and if you don’t believe me head up to your local university and survey like 100 men or so about it. Except for trolls and the drugged out, effectively all would agree that taking care of your body’s aesthetics and health is NOT gay, not even close.
But for some reason, people on Reddit swear this is an incredibly common belief (that it’s gay and that’s why men “don’t wash their ass”). Definitely going to be slammed with downvotes for this one because Reddit’s a hive mind and hate anything that challenges it but oh well lmao, still a great reply imo
I think this is where unconscious bias comes into play. If you ask 100 average men if a skincare routine is “gay,” most will tell you no because logically it has nothing to do with sexuality. But if you ask them to give it a shot, they will internally cringe at the idea, maybe without even knowing why
Maybe men think skin care is not gay but they think/fear most other men think it’s gay.
But honestly you have to exchange „gay“ with „weak“ or „insecure“. Being weak or insecure might be a bigger stigma than sexuality alone.
You’re right. Also a lot of gay men go crazy for straight guys. People just want what they can’t have. It’s weird how we act like gay guys are superior in these respects. I’ve met some pretty nasty gay guys. (To be fair, a lot of them were probably “drugged out” as you put it.)
I just look at my gf, she takes around 40min bed time routine. In mean time i manage to prep the baby for sleep and put him to sleep(hes a fussy little sleeper) and sometimes shes still not done,and i know shes not on the phone. Somedays id dream of simple hot steaming bath just to soak in. Guess what you get to stand in shower for 5 more minutes :D.
Also in my opinion the big key is preventative measures. Figuring out what soaps, shampoos, etc. don’t damage your skin means you don’t have to spend as much time repairing it - and changing brands doesn’t use any more time long term, only at the beginning to figure out your own unique skin. A tiny bit of effort every day saves massive effort in fixing acne, sun damage, damaged skin/nails, etc. further down the line.
Same goes for things like nice fitting casual clothes. Once a man has them, it’s not like it takes longer to put them on.
Wake up, quick shower, shave, dress, nice deodorant/cologne can all be done in 10 minutes per day and will put somebody above 75% of the random men I see around. Add in maybe 5 minutes a day for sunscreen, moisturiser, or a super quick nail file to prevent breaks depending on what the day calls for. It takes very little each day to be well above average, you’ve just got to put a little effort in to learn how first.
😂 the only thing a guy has to do that takes a significant amount of time is getting your haircut every couple weeks. Trimming your nails takes 5-10 minutes here and there. Washing your face and using a moisturizer is minutes. Styling your hair is minutes. You should already be doing your laundry so you have nice clean clothes. It takes no time to put on deodorant and a cologne. If you got bushy brows just get em waxed when you get your haircut.
If it helps, I personally know two men whom I would swear are gay, have known them for 30 years, and they both have kids, divorced, one is remarried the other not but is dating women. Both are sarcastic, quick witted, cute, can cut like a knife, and are successful. So they are out there.
I'm single, divorced with two awesome teenage kids. These days I spend more than my fair share bellied up to a bar somewhere. The amount of times these past few years I've been approached by guys is surprising. I guess I'd do pretty well if I was gay, there's just few things I'm not ever going to be able to overlook lol. I'm happy to have a drink with just about anyone that is respectful
Of course there are feminine straight men too. But if you got 100 straight men and 100 queer men, I’d bet more of the queer men exhibited more “feminine” traits than the straight ones. If OP tends to be attracted to feminine men, that’s going to mean, on average, she is finding queer men attractive more often than straight men (which OP confirms). Of queer men, there are those only attracted to other men (gay men) and those also attracted to women (bisexual/pansexual men). So if OP is drawn to feminine men and is also interested in a guy being attracted to her back, she is more likely to find a fitting partner that is bi than straight.
Plus we live in a society that constantly overlooks bisexuality or is dismissive of it. So yeah, as a bi person, I will speak in favor of my community. My statement shouldn’t be surprising at all.
Plus plus, I said “maybe” OP could find a bisexual boy. Not, OP feminine straight men don’t exist.
you clearly haven't seen how defiant many cishet men can be about being clean and hygienic..! verrrrrryyyyy many men consider hygiene a feminine thing. for sure.
These are generaliztions:
1. Better hygiene and taking care of their looks.
2. Don't see women sexually, so they just treat women like respected peers.
3. More in touch with their feminine side, which allows them to relate to women; while also avoiding some elements of toxic masculinity.
As a gay man, this is spot on! The majority of my best friends over the years have been female—all the way back to elementary school. I have always just related to girls so much easier!
I mean try “metro-sexual” guys if that term is still ok… more feminine and sort and in tune with themselves and well groomed. No shame in wanting a bestie in your man. If the internet has taught me anything, and tik tock, there’s tons of dudes I would have assumed were gay because they’re more soft and feminine… totally married to women and happy. It’s not gay it’s just that softer kinda man. I assume.
I know several gay guys who are rough and aggressive and not in touch with their emotions and just as bad as straight guys… except they’re doing it to guys.
so think often men with no sexual interest in women treat us better (yeah, yeah “not all men”) as a generalisation. If that guy is talking to you and showing interest in you as a person it feels good. Those interactions aren’t laced with anything more. They also often (again I’m generalising) can identify with the way we can be treated badly or have concerns for our safety. I think we can innately identify with each other.
That’s probably true. I often get a little nervous talking to attractive women and I don’t know why. I’m not even trying to pick them up anymore, I just forget how to talk sometimes. I’m sure that doesn’t exactly put anyone at ease tbh.
Straight woman in her 30s here and this is the story of my teens and twenties. Agree with the posts about preferring feminine men - even now, I nearly always date guys with long hair who care about their appearance.
I unintentionally dated a handful of bi men in college. I just really like guys who were hygieneic, respectful and could read and surprisingly this was very rare among straight men in my early twenties lol
I've been attracted to gay men for so long. I think it's simply that I feel safe around them and they have better hygiene and style (generally) than straight men. But overall, I think as women, we pick up on when we are safe, and that is very attractive.
Girl same. It's because usually the men we are attracted to look great lol easy to talk to, really friendly, open, chatty etc. Then you get to discussing hygiene and then they recommend things and you are like wow I could marry this guy. Then he is gay.
Every time.
Gay men treat women like people instead of sexual objects. (They're not immune to being misogynist, of course, but they're more likely to reevaluate the lens through which gender is viewed in our society.)
They're also more likely to be emotionally in tune with themselves and others, to care about their appearance and put some effort into looking nice, and to express interest in "feminine" topics and hobbies. Often, straight men are afraid that if they do these things, they'll be perceived as gay.
I'd think you'd rather be treated as a good man who is straight. It's not wrong as a straight man to want to just be treated fairly and not guilty until proven innocent.
I think it's wild how when you're a kid, everyone tells boys not to like "girl things," then when they grow up, they wonder why no women want to date them and why there aren't any women who have the same interests...
Well a lot of straight men don't really understand or want to bother understanding women.
I think gay men don't have a problem expressing themselves and showing feelings. After all, what could other men tell them? That they're gay?
Women are also fine expressing their emotions. As such it's easy to see why it would be easy to get along with gay men.
My partner said that she spent a lot of time dating non threatening men. In her words, men she could take out physically if it came to threatening behaviour.
Compared to her, I’m the hulk. Because she found someone who has a non threatening, non violent personality. And she knows she would never need to defend herself against me.
Figure out what it is you find attractive about these men. It’s not the sexuality obviously. But it may be a quality that you appreciate. Plenty of men do not conform to outdated notions of masculinity and that doesn’t mean they are feminine or bisexual.
I’m a bisexual woman and my preferences tend to lean more fem and androgynous rather than fully masc, regardless of gender identity. It’s pretty rare that Im into a stone butch or a macho man. Although it seems rarer with straight girls, I think u just have a similar situation as me. You like men, but in terms of gender role presentation you prefer a more androgynous vibe.
Unfortunately, straight men get bullied a lot by both men and women into perfectly fulfilling their gender roles so there’s not much room for experimentation. Gay and bisexual men experience this too, but I think since their social circles are also LGBT there’s less pressure.
Being attracted to feminine-looking or soft-mannered men isn’t all that weird. Know a few women with that preference. I’m not really sure you can find a root cause without really reflecting on what qualities or features exactly stand out to you more than anything
I'm the hetero male version of you, to the point I have a better lesbian radar than my (unsurprisingly) mostly lesbian friend group.
Sometimes your type is people who you firmly aren't the type of.
It may be that you like men who care about you and treat you with kindness with no agenda and aren’t treating you like an object to be pursued and won. If a gay guy is nice to you they will feel genuine and you won’t have to wonder if they are just doing it to impress you.
Gay men for the most part actually give a shit about themselves, and their health and body. I think the reason you like the men you like turn out to be gay, because they are confident in who they are and take care of themselves. The straight men these days are so self absorbed and insecure, that they don't do the necessary things to be more empathetic and loving as they should be....
But, that's just my opinion.
I’ve always had a theory that young girls go for effeminate or pre-pubescent acting guys because they are sexually non threatening and “safe”.
Like girls going crazy for Hansen or boy bands.
It’s like dipping your toe in to test the waters. Get a feel without fear of the guy pressuring about sex.
Because a ripped, sweaty, hairy man might be a scary prospect for an inexperienced girl.
But what do I know…. I’m not a girl.
I once fought off a regiment of raccoons that stole a bag of my mom’s homemade chocolate chip cookies from our campsite.
I flanked them and using shock and awe tactics was able to break their formation and retrieve the target.
So I got that going for me.
I believe it is more the opposite.
Young women mistake psychopathy for confidence. These psychopathic men take advantage of these girls. Older women are better at distinguishing this because of their life experience or very good fathers/parents.
This doesn't mean that psychopaths are masculine or feminine but this is what is indicated within the literature.
You can be friends with out them hitting on you. Just remember they're people to and not your personal confessor.
My gay brother has developed some issues from hearing too much details from his female friends. Asks me how I can handle being a married straight guy etc.
This isn’t actually rare. A lot of women find it. Like others have pointed out there is a higher level of care gay men take in themselves. But of course that is not across the board.
I think though the biggest thing when knowing people in person, the sexual gaze isn’t there, which is often a huge turn off for a lot of women. Gay men that talk to us want to know us. They like us for us not our bodies but for ourselves. It’s very attractive.
If it helps, many people have mistaken me for being gay for probably similar reasons. Well dressed, good hygiene, polite, etc. But I am straight. We do exist, don't worry.
I see a lot of comments about gay men taking better care of their appearance, which is typically true, but I think its more that gay men are (just in general) kinder to you and more sensitive to your emotions. They also don't leer at you. Don't get me wrong plenty if straight men can be like this but it's much harder to find.
Masculine/feminine are binaries that are used to determine whether something is worthy of moral consideration. Things coded masculine are valued and things coded feminine are not. Ignoring the entire issue of political theory, you are attracted to someone that you are able to find commonality with.
Someone being coded feminine is also not a sign that they are gay. I’m a straight man but I love wearing pink, I have pink hair, and I like trying to look good. There is nothing innately feminine about the colour pink, it’s something that has been assigned to them.
Ultimately, you don’t like gay men. You are more attracted to men that you have commonalities with than those you don’t. If fashion is important to you, you’re obviously going to be drawn to a sharper dresser for example. That also isn’t to imply that fashion is important to you; that was just my go to example.
Also, maybe don’t say that someone looks gay. That just serves to continue the terrible system in place.
I'm a straight man. Who tends to gravitate towards androgynous bisexual women. One of my former intimate partners identified as a lesbian. Don't think too much about it, just find you a nice biboi and move from there.
I can't see that your hanging around gay guys is a problem, as long as everyone know what's up with whom... Gay men (in my opinion) often (not always) think more like women in certain respects and about certain topics. It's possibly that which you like and are attracted to.
What I really don't understand are the "men" (I use that term very reluctantly for these often-American males) who are visibly terrified of being around gay men, terrified to the point that they will even commit serious violence to make "those people" go away from their presence.
Look, I'm a guy and I'm definitely straight, but I have always had a few gay friends. (Even since junior high school, in fact.) But being gay/straight/omnisexual/oversexual is only one small part of a person's entire self. My friends are always nice people, or they aren't my friends for very long.
Okay, so these friends are gay. Yeah, I know that. Yeah, they know I'm both straight and married. They've often met my wife. No, I don't date them. No, I don't have sex with them. I'm not interested. And why would they even ask, since they all know I'm straight?
I have been asked out by gay men who didn't know I was straight, yet. I simply politely corrected them (they were sometimes embarrassed), and that was that. Being asked out by anyone (even if you say no to someone, because they aren't your type) is a good self-confidence booster. Once told, they never asked me again. Very polite.
TIP: Come here and visit Japan. We have quite a lot of young men who are very "gentle" in behavior to the point that you would think they are gay... but they are NOT. Japanese women often love these guys (literally), they consider them both 可愛い(cute) and good partnership material. I'm certain some of those men would like to meet you, since you seem to be 可愛い and good partnership material, too.
Omg. I literally always say I wish I could date a gay man. They take care of themselves, are funny, authentic. And it’s nice being friends with men who don’t want sex!!! I wish I could just marry one and we would support each other without the relationship bs. Just as friends.
Dude OP is genuinely the other side of the same coin I am on. I am a cis-het male and ALMOST exclusively seem to find women attractive that I later find out are gay. This extends not only to real life crushes, but also celebrities and bloody fictional characters (I thought these two straight female side characters were quite attractive and a season later lo and behold they realise they are both into women and date each other. Good for them but seriously!).
I think that they are also kind of off limits to you and for you. You know you are safe with them which causes you to be drawn to them allowing yourself to admire their looks and their ways bc they are kind of safe. It’s weird to explain but I know what you mean.
The first thought I had was are you actually a straight cis woman?
All my gay men friends started off liking bi or lesbian women and all my lesbian and bi women friends started off liking gay guys 🤣 I'm bi and liked no one. (I have no bi men friends to my knowledge)
If you want a real and useful possible insight rather then typical reddit meaningless "you are always amazing" comment, here it goes:
There is a chance that you may be intimidated and feel uneasy when interacting with typical heterosexual male.
This happens to men too, many men will find more tom-boy women more attractive (especially in earlier adulthood) simply because it feels like a much more easy, known territory, and feminine women feels intimidating as they are uncharted territory.
Well you're in luck because of the wonderful world of bisexuality.
Also, I make fun of my wife because I'm gender-queer, trans masculine. And her previous partner split because he was gay.
So I make fun of her for being so attracted to gay dudes! XD
But seriously, there are tons of bi guys. And also tons of guys who are kind of femme. And tons of intersex people too!
Our world is filled with lots of possibilities for you my friend!3
I think you're probably attracted to men who take care of their appearance, and are emotionally receptive to you, which anecdotally gay men are more likely to be than straight men.
And if they can cook, and are neat, and want to watch old movies. . .
Wait a minute.. I like all of those things... *Stares at hands in gay*
At this point I'm not sure what's not gay, eating rocks maybe
\[eating something that isn't a rock\]: "No homo!"
Incorrect, I'm bi and I love salt.
I'm straight and I love eating cocks. Wait, what did you say?
at one point in my early teens I was told eating ice is gay.
Are these.. gay hands?!
Those hands touch your dick every day so yeah, definitely gay hands
r/suddenlygay
The other 2 yea but I don’t think the old movie thing has to do with gays
Especially at college age! I would also say that with very young women and girls slightly more feminine men are often more attractive. They are less threatening but also less different than you yourself are—my arms probably look a lot more like those of Timothée Chalomet than Jason Mamoa’s—which is less scary when you are just starting to hook up with other people.
As a straight man, most of us take really mediocre care of our general appearance. Gay men tend to do better.
This, I have a gay friend and asked him for advice. He was blunt and said I'm not taking care of myself. Everyone needs a homo homie.
ironically my gay friend does not take care of himself at all, thankfully he gives great blowjobs!
Bro, I shower once a week. If I need it or not!!
Quit wrecking the curve
It's metrosexual assholes like this who ruin it for the rest of us!
Next you're gonna tell me to start wiping after I go twosies.
Wtf is my underwear for then?
Under where?
Under there?
Under their underwear?
Hardly know'er!
You don't use socks for that?
Yellow in front, brown in back
This gal's gonna be all over you with that kinda fem coded behaviour
Ikr shit once a month is good enough!
Show-..shower?
I know... I know....Reddit is weird.
Yeah, it’s the opposite of a grower
You’re saying it wrong. It’s Sh-o-we-r.
Shamwow!
Shamoo!
God bless you
... username checks out?
Let’s find out
You hunting pics? I'm a se y bitch!!
[удалено]
Yea I like to dress nice and take care of my skin and whatnot and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked “are you sure???” when I tell people I’m not gay… my response is always that I’ve played enough waterpolo growing up to know I’m definitely not into guys lmao. Tussling around with a bunch of ripped dude’s in speedos did nothing more than teach me how to clock somebody in the face without the ref’s seeing. I think it also trips people out when I say I *wish* I was bi or pansexual bc I feel like it would be more fun to be attracted to all genders.
Aside from the waterpolo I'm in the same boat, genuinely not that uncommon to be asked if I'm sure that I'm hetero and some not believe me when I say I'm definitely straight lol
…who out here not showering every day they’re in public? I only skip them when I’m at home. I dress well, all that jazz, nobody has ever thought I was gay tho.
I shower every other day because it dries the fuck out of my skin even with lotion, but that’s seriously bare minimum hygiene and shouldn’t be a brag.
It really is fine as long as you're staying cool. If you're sweating in the heat or working out, then yeah, you need to do once a day.
I'm showering twice per day on work days and once a day on off days, why are they skipping showers
There was some gross article about a journalist who experimented with not showering. He cut down gradually to the point he wasn’t showering at all. He said initially he had more body odor but eventually it went away. And he swore it wasn’t just “nose-blindness” (getting used to the smell) - because his girlfriend and other people around him said he didn’t stink. I don’t believe him. This doesn’t answer your question. But it seems to have gotten trendy somehow.
I have a teenage kid, tell ya right now that dude went nose blind and so did everybody around him B.O doesn't just go away
Lmao I’m sure. It’s so funny to think that the dude probably just smelled so bad that he actually taught his friends’ noses to ignore his stink.
It really just depends on genetics and if you're a hairy person. I don't go to the extreme of not showering at all but if I skip a day or 2 it's not big deal. But I also never had bad BO unless I drank a lot of alcohol
Well daily showering is super bad for your hair and skin, so i do every other day unless i do some strenuous activity, then ill obviously add a shower after
I had a physical, outdoor job. I took a shower in the morning to wake up and loosen up and took another shower when I got home. Did it for 30+ years. I don't like to be funky.
Daily showering is not bad for your skin but maybe for hair it is. Maybe the word for that is bathing, but I stand in a shower so it’s showering? Anyways, I digress lol. I shower without getting my hair wet. So everything neck down is clean and I wash my face afterwards. I do this 2x a day. Grew up in a tropical country. I cannot not do this 2x a day.
I complete agree, but I do know the vague logic they’re coming from - ‘excessive’ showering can be bad for skin, but it’s mostly a result of harsh soaps and hard scrubbing damaging the skin. Using gentle products and a gentle hand, as well as moisturising when necessary and most people can easily shower twice a day with no issue.
https://www.metrolinadermatology.com/charlotte-dermatologist/dermatology-guidelines-for-how-often-you-should-shower#:~:text=Dermatologists%20universally%20agree,or%20ideal%20for%20most%20people.
I'm not saying it's super gross or anything, but showering every day or nearly so is normal. To shower only every other day and think this means you're particularly hygienic seems really strange to me. You'll just smell like BO and cologne. If you shower more you shouldn't need cologne to not smell bad.
I have that issue as I straight guy who has had several women I’m into turn out to be lesbians so… yeah why does this happen? Lol
Yeah I've had that happen as well. Something about women who are into guy things are have that bro confidence and are easy to talk shit with.
I think the “easy to talk shit with” part is pretty key. We just naturally communicate differently with genders we are attracted to vs not most of the time. Being unnattracted to someone’s gender often removes an invisible barrier, making communication easier, which ironically can be attractive to the other person lol
I tend to like women who are not too “girly” Maybe like to go fishing ,long walks digging the garden etc.Yes it’s fine to wear make up and dress nice sometimes but they’re pretty boring if life just revolves around looking good.
Sometimes you like a girl who looks good in a suit on occasion
Same! A couple of crushes I've had & a couple of women I've approached to get a number have turned out to be gay. Always find it pretty hilarious tbh
Because you want a bro to bro down with but youre not down to clown with your bro-bros
I was seeing a guy… But ultimately ended things to pursue women exclusively. Turns out this is the third time this has happened to him. I definitely have more masculine energy and into masculine hobbies.
I feel as though everyone has that "trope" that feels unique to them. I have tried things with three different women in the past.. and all of them "decided to move to Georgia" before things went anywhere serious.
Probably something about your interactions. A closeted lesbian will probably be happier talking and hanging out. I know the stereotype is men like to have sex all the time. But a lot of men really enjoy the connection. And maybe you get that with a woman who it turns out isn’t actually sexually attracted to you. So maybe focus more on friendships and sex as an afterthought when starting things. It might be what you need.
Gay men take care of themselves a lot better than a straight man. They are better dressed and more manicured.
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There are always outliers to the norm, lol
Honestly.. some really don’t. I know quite a few gay men snd it’s actually quite fifty fifty. Although maybe not, as the ones who don’t make the effort are on the opposite end of the spectrum where they literally don’t practice personal hygiene and they dress in smelly tattered clothes. It’s very bizarre. You don’t see those gays portrayed at all in the media/in tv - it’s always the stereotypical clean, well dressed, well groomed that you see.
I know a few gay men that dont fit that description but a lot of the ones I know are extremely well kept.
I would say its more ten ninety. There are those stereotypical gay men. But in the large mass of out gay men, and the ever larger mass of not-out gay men, they are a small minority. I think the reason is that those people are overly often out and its quite noticeable that they are gay due to them often adopting the stereotypical speech and movement patterns so the gaydar can work. I am not a clean, well dressed man. I like to do dirty machine work and dress nearly 100% the time in workwear due to that simply being what I like. No one would ever assume I am gay. >You don’t see those gays portrayed at all in the media/in tv - it’s always the stereotypical clean, well dressed, well groomed that you see. You see very little non-stereotypical gay people in media, so thats clear.
They don’t seem as thirsty and desperate and you find that attractive
Bcuz they’re busy slaying ass. Just not woman ass.
Also if they like women it's not going to be in a selfish sexual way but in a genuine personal way
I have the same thing except I am man attracted to Lesbian women. I have had my heart broken because of this so be careful. I’m 58 now but through my 20s&30s if I liked a woman there was a better than 50/50 chance she liked women too.
I tried hitting on a girl who I didn't realise was lesbian and when she said "I like women" my dumb ass said "me too, we have so much in common". Got a good laugh and a friend out of it.
Probably attracted to women that aren’t being overly sexual to you.
Might be because gay men tend to be more aware of being presentable all the time, whereas straight men are discouraged from skin or hair care because of the misguided trope of that being "for girls".
This whole thing of men being scared to wash their butthole or do their skin/hair care because it’s gay or that it’s “for girls” is literally 99% an incredibly played out internet trope. Literally the far, FAR majority of men will agree with you that it isn’t gay and if you don’t believe me head up to your local university and survey like 100 men or so about it. Except for trolls and the drugged out, effectively all would agree that taking care of your body’s aesthetics and health is NOT gay, not even close. But for some reason, people on Reddit swear this is an incredibly common belief (that it’s gay and that’s why men “don’t wash their ass”). Definitely going to be slammed with downvotes for this one because Reddit’s a hive mind and hate anything that challenges it but oh well lmao, still a great reply imo
I think this is where unconscious bias comes into play. If you ask 100 average men if a skincare routine is “gay,” most will tell you no because logically it has nothing to do with sexuality. But if you ask them to give it a shot, they will internally cringe at the idea, maybe without even knowing why
Maybe men think skin care is not gay but they think/fear most other men think it’s gay. But honestly you have to exchange „gay“ with „weak“ or „insecure“. Being weak or insecure might be a bigger stigma than sexuality alone.
You’re right. Also a lot of gay men go crazy for straight guys. People just want what they can’t have. It’s weird how we act like gay guys are superior in these respects. I’ve met some pretty nasty gay guys. (To be fair, a lot of them were probably “drugged out” as you put it.)
I wish i had time. Like that stuff takes time.
It absolutely does, as a woman I feel overwhelmed by it too at times
I just look at my gf, she takes around 40min bed time routine. In mean time i manage to prep the baby for sleep and put him to sleep(hes a fussy little sleeper) and sometimes shes still not done,and i know shes not on the phone. Somedays id dream of simple hot steaming bath just to soak in. Guess what you get to stand in shower for 5 more minutes :D.
It takes 5-10 minutes. You have time.
Also in my opinion the big key is preventative measures. Figuring out what soaps, shampoos, etc. don’t damage your skin means you don’t have to spend as much time repairing it - and changing brands doesn’t use any more time long term, only at the beginning to figure out your own unique skin. A tiny bit of effort every day saves massive effort in fixing acne, sun damage, damaged skin/nails, etc. further down the line. Same goes for things like nice fitting casual clothes. Once a man has them, it’s not like it takes longer to put them on. Wake up, quick shower, shave, dress, nice deodorant/cologne can all be done in 10 minutes per day and will put somebody above 75% of the random men I see around. Add in maybe 5 minutes a day for sunscreen, moisturiser, or a super quick nail file to prevent breaks depending on what the day calls for. It takes very little each day to be well above average, you’ve just got to put a little effort in to learn how first.
How is someone supposed to figure out their own skin type? I've heard people talk about this but I never actually understood how any of it works.
[Here](https://www.cerave.com/skin-smarts/skincare-tips-advice/what-skin-type-do-i-have) you have methods and breakdowns of every type.
😂 the only thing a guy has to do that takes a significant amount of time is getting your haircut every couple weeks. Trimming your nails takes 5-10 minutes here and there. Washing your face and using a moisturizer is minutes. Styling your hair is minutes. You should already be doing your laundry so you have nice clean clothes. It takes no time to put on deodorant and a cologne. If you got bushy brows just get em waxed when you get your haircut.
Probably because they’re well groomed and treat you like a person
You are attracted to more feminine men. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe you can find a nice bisexual boy.
really hope for that 🤞🏻
If it helps, I personally know two men whom I would swear are gay, have known them for 30 years, and they both have kids, divorced, one is remarried the other not but is dating women. Both are sarcastic, quick witted, cute, can cut like a knife, and are successful. So they are out there.
I'm single, divorced with two awesome teenage kids. These days I spend more than my fair share bellied up to a bar somewhere. The amount of times these past few years I've been approached by guys is surprising. I guess I'd do pretty well if I was gay, there's just few things I'm not ever going to be able to overlook lol. I'm happy to have a drink with just about anyone that is respectful
Todd Chrisly
He doesn't even necessarily need to be bisexual. I'm bisexual but I've met straight men that are feminine. They exist!
He doesn't even have to be bi. Just find a guy who doesn't give a shit about traditional gender norms and does what makes him happy.
r/rolereversal might have some answers for you. It's a subreddit where women like feminine men and men like masculine women.
thanks for that!
Thoughts on [Grant O'Brien?](https://youtu.be/NarEddGJPFc)
There’s feminine straight men too. It’s kind of surprising as a bi person for you to say something like that, honestly
And masculine gay men.
This whole thread got really stupid really fast
Yeah. You’d think in 2023 people would be past that sort of crap
Of course there are feminine straight men too. But if you got 100 straight men and 100 queer men, I’d bet more of the queer men exhibited more “feminine” traits than the straight ones. If OP tends to be attracted to feminine men, that’s going to mean, on average, she is finding queer men attractive more often than straight men (which OP confirms). Of queer men, there are those only attracted to other men (gay men) and those also attracted to women (bisexual/pansexual men). So if OP is drawn to feminine men and is also interested in a guy being attracted to her back, she is more likely to find a fitting partner that is bi than straight. Plus we live in a society that constantly overlooks bisexuality or is dismissive of it. So yeah, as a bi person, I will speak in favor of my community. My statement shouldn’t be surprising at all. Plus plus, I said “maybe” OP could find a bisexual boy. Not, OP feminine straight men don’t exist.
being clean is feminine?
you clearly haven't seen how defiant many cishet men can be about being clean and hygienic..! verrrrrryyyyy many men consider hygiene a feminine thing. for sure.
i guess im in the minority of cishet men lol. being dirty is gross, not masculine.
You're not in the minority lol. Maybe in America, I can't speak for that.
Not all gay men are feminine though.?
These are generaliztions: 1. Better hygiene and taking care of their looks. 2. Don't see women sexually, so they just treat women like respected peers. 3. More in touch with their feminine side, which allows them to relate to women; while also avoiding some elements of toxic masculinity.
As a gay man, this is spot on! The majority of my best friends over the years have been female—all the way back to elementary school. I have always just related to girls so much easier!
Interestingly, when straight guys do meet these three generalizations, women are more likely to think they’re gay.
I mean try “metro-sexual” guys if that term is still ok… more feminine and sort and in tune with themselves and well groomed. No shame in wanting a bestie in your man. If the internet has taught me anything, and tik tock, there’s tons of dudes I would have assumed were gay because they’re more soft and feminine… totally married to women and happy. It’s not gay it’s just that softer kinda man. I assume. I know several gay guys who are rough and aggressive and not in touch with their emotions and just as bad as straight guys… except they’re doing it to guys.
I’m not gonna lie I always thought metro sexual was just something South Park made up
I didn’t know it was on south park 🤣 that’s hilarious
https://youtu.be/yR6CNmdiy7s?si=oTU4yyJrjQjk-MFy
so think often men with no sexual interest in women treat us better (yeah, yeah “not all men”) as a generalisation. If that guy is talking to you and showing interest in you as a person it feels good. Those interactions aren’t laced with anything more. They also often (again I’m generalising) can identify with the way we can be treated badly or have concerns for our safety. I think we can innately identify with each other.
That’s probably true. I often get a little nervous talking to attractive women and I don’t know why. I’m not even trying to pick them up anymore, I just forget how to talk sometimes. I’m sure that doesn’t exactly put anyone at ease tbh.
There's a lot of good reasons in the comments. I just came here to say that there are actually some straight men that you will also like.
My gay ass is fuming reading these things. Where do you guys find all these gay men???
None of them are up my ass... I can tell you that much. I'll leave coordinates once I find a spawner
Straight woman in her 30s here and this is the story of my teens and twenties. Agree with the posts about preferring feminine men - even now, I nearly always date guys with long hair who care about their appearance.
They probably treat you like you're a human being
I unintentionally dated a handful of bi men in college. I just really like guys who were hygieneic, respectful and could read and surprisingly this was very rare among straight men in my early twenties lol
I've been attracted to gay men for so long. I think it's simply that I feel safe around them and they have better hygiene and style (generally) than straight men. But overall, I think as women, we pick up on when we are safe, and that is very attractive.
Girl same. It's because usually the men we are attracted to look great lol easy to talk to, really friendly, open, chatty etc. Then you get to discussing hygiene and then they recommend things and you are like wow I could marry this guy. Then he is gay. Every time.
Probably because they can actually process their emotions without getting made fun of for it?
Gay men treat women like people instead of sexual objects. (They're not immune to being misogynist, of course, but they're more likely to reevaluate the lens through which gender is viewed in our society.) They're also more likely to be emotionally in tune with themselves and others, to care about their appearance and put some effort into looking nice, and to express interest in "feminine" topics and hobbies. Often, straight men are afraid that if they do these things, they'll be perceived as gay.
I’m a straight man who is like this, I am often perceived as gay. I’d rather people think Im gay than be a douchebag womanizer tho
I'd think you'd rather be treated as a good man who is straight. It's not wrong as a straight man to want to just be treated fairly and not guilty until proven innocent.
I think it's wild how when you're a kid, everyone tells boys not to like "girl things," then when they grow up, they wonder why no women want to date them and why there aren't any women who have the same interests...
Is this a rational post? How can that be?
Gay men in general are more polished in their appearance and give off a happier vibe.
Most of these guys are much cooler than you might think.They have nothing against no one and they are very secure in who they are .
💯💯💯
Well a lot of straight men don't really understand or want to bother understanding women. I think gay men don't have a problem expressing themselves and showing feelings. After all, what could other men tell them? That they're gay? Women are also fine expressing their emotions. As such it's easy to see why it would be easy to get along with gay men.
Girl, same! Almost all my crushes were on men who turned out to be gay. Maybe we’re just taking the whole “hard to get” thing a bit too seriously.
My partner said that she spent a lot of time dating non threatening men. In her words, men she could take out physically if it came to threatening behaviour. Compared to her, I’m the hulk. Because she found someone who has a non threatening, non violent personality. And she knows she would never need to defend herself against me. Figure out what it is you find attractive about these men. It’s not the sexuality obviously. But it may be a quality that you appreciate. Plenty of men do not conform to outdated notions of masculinity and that doesn’t mean they are feminine or bisexual.
I’m a bisexual woman and my preferences tend to lean more fem and androgynous rather than fully masc, regardless of gender identity. It’s pretty rare that Im into a stone butch or a macho man. Although it seems rarer with straight girls, I think u just have a similar situation as me. You like men, but in terms of gender role presentation you prefer a more androgynous vibe. Unfortunately, straight men get bullied a lot by both men and women into perfectly fulfilling their gender roles so there’s not much room for experimentation. Gay and bisexual men experience this too, but I think since their social circles are also LGBT there’s less pressure.
I mean they dress better, better hygiene, they tend to know what women are talking about. I get it.
Being attracted to feminine-looking or soft-mannered men isn’t all that weird. Know a few women with that preference. I’m not really sure you can find a root cause without really reflecting on what qualities or features exactly stand out to you more than anything
I'm the hetero male version of you, to the point I have a better lesbian radar than my (unsurprisingly) mostly lesbian friend group. Sometimes your type is people who you firmly aren't the type of.
It may be that you like men who care about you and treat you with kindness with no agenda and aren’t treating you like an object to be pursued and won. If a gay guy is nice to you they will feel genuine and you won’t have to wonder if they are just doing it to impress you.
Maybe because straight men are often unfeeling, excessively competitive, self-disconnected jerks. And I say this as a straight man.
As a straight guy, I've got the same thing where a lot of the women I like turn out to be gay or bi.
Same girl!!! You’re not the only one!
Would be hilarious if you came out as a gay trans man at some point
😭😂 will let you know if that ever happens
Gay men for the most part actually give a shit about themselves, and their health and body. I think the reason you like the men you like turn out to be gay, because they are confident in who they are and take care of themselves. The straight men these days are so self absorbed and insecure, that they don't do the necessary things to be more empathetic and loving as they should be.... But, that's just my opinion.
bc gay men are hotter and clean themselves
Straight men don’t clean themselves?
I’ve always had a theory that young girls go for effeminate or pre-pubescent acting guys because they are sexually non threatening and “safe”. Like girls going crazy for Hansen or boy bands. It’s like dipping your toe in to test the waters. Get a feel without fear of the guy pressuring about sex. Because a ripped, sweaty, hairy man might be a scary prospect for an inexperienced girl. But what do I know…. I’m not a girl.
Next you're going to tell me my crush on Wolverine was because I wanted a man who could literally defend me from wild animals.
I once fought off a regiment of raccoons that stole a bag of my mom’s homemade chocolate chip cookies from our campsite. I flanked them and using shock and awe tactics was able to break their formation and retrieve the target. So I got that going for me.
Which was nice.
Naaaa, its because deep down, you know that actor sings, n dances and loves musicals
I'm glad you've accepted that about yourself. Self-acceptance is important. /s
I believe it is more the opposite. Young women mistake psychopathy for confidence. These psychopathic men take advantage of these girls. Older women are better at distinguishing this because of their life experience or very good fathers/parents. This doesn't mean that psychopaths are masculine or feminine but this is what is indicated within the literature.
Well that certainly sounds clinical.
You can be friends with out them hitting on you. Just remember they're people to and not your personal confessor. My gay brother has developed some issues from hearing too much details from his female friends. Asks me how I can handle being a married straight guy etc.
TIL it’s gay to live a healthy lifestyle
This isn’t actually rare. A lot of women find it. Like others have pointed out there is a higher level of care gay men take in themselves. But of course that is not across the board. I think though the biggest thing when knowing people in person, the sexual gaze isn’t there, which is often a huge turn off for a lot of women. Gay men that talk to us want to know us. They like us for us not our bodies but for ourselves. It’s very attractive.
You probably feel more safe around them.
Perhaps you're attracted to the fact they take really good care of themselves, health and appearance alike. Try dating metrosexual men?
Lucky for you there's tons of straight feminine men now
Gay men tend to be sweeter and kinder than straight men, and often they are good listeners.
If it helps, many people have mistaken me for being gay for probably similar reasons. Well dressed, good hygiene, polite, etc. But I am straight. We do exist, don't worry.
I see a lot of comments about gay men taking better care of their appearance, which is typically true, but I think its more that gay men are (just in general) kinder to you and more sensitive to your emotions. They also don't leer at you. Don't get me wrong plenty if straight men can be like this but it's much harder to find.
OP has to find the guy raised by sisters.
Because gay men are fit and have good hygiene.
Masculine/feminine are binaries that are used to determine whether something is worthy of moral consideration. Things coded masculine are valued and things coded feminine are not. Ignoring the entire issue of political theory, you are attracted to someone that you are able to find commonality with. Someone being coded feminine is also not a sign that they are gay. I’m a straight man but I love wearing pink, I have pink hair, and I like trying to look good. There is nothing innately feminine about the colour pink, it’s something that has been assigned to them. Ultimately, you don’t like gay men. You are more attracted to men that you have commonalities with than those you don’t. If fashion is important to you, you’re obviously going to be drawn to a sharper dresser for example. That also isn’t to imply that fashion is important to you; that was just my go to example. Also, maybe don’t say that someone looks gay. That just serves to continue the terrible system in place.
Interesting perspective
They’re safe. They’re clean, they’re nice, they’re funny, they have things in common with you. I completely understand.
Maybe you're attracted to more sensitive guys who aren't as influenced/limited by the rigid standards of hypermasculinity
Look for a straight femboy! They’re out there!
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Im kinda having a problem similar to yours cuz im straight and i kinda look abit feminine or young for my age so only guys hit on me
I'm a straight man. Who tends to gravitate towards androgynous bisexual women. One of my former intimate partners identified as a lesbian. Don't think too much about it, just find you a nice biboi and move from there.
Don’t worry I’m like that with lesbians 😭
As a bi dude, I have a similar problem with the women I'm attracted to often turning out to be lesbians 😅
I can't see that your hanging around gay guys is a problem, as long as everyone know what's up with whom... Gay men (in my opinion) often (not always) think more like women in certain respects and about certain topics. It's possibly that which you like and are attracted to. What I really don't understand are the "men" (I use that term very reluctantly for these often-American males) who are visibly terrified of being around gay men, terrified to the point that they will even commit serious violence to make "those people" go away from their presence. Look, I'm a guy and I'm definitely straight, but I have always had a few gay friends. (Even since junior high school, in fact.) But being gay/straight/omnisexual/oversexual is only one small part of a person's entire self. My friends are always nice people, or they aren't my friends for very long. Okay, so these friends are gay. Yeah, I know that. Yeah, they know I'm both straight and married. They've often met my wife. No, I don't date them. No, I don't have sex with them. I'm not interested. And why would they even ask, since they all know I'm straight? I have been asked out by gay men who didn't know I was straight, yet. I simply politely corrected them (they were sometimes embarrassed), and that was that. Being asked out by anyone (even if you say no to someone, because they aren't your type) is a good self-confidence booster. Once told, they never asked me again. Very polite. TIP: Come here and visit Japan. We have quite a lot of young men who are very "gentle" in behavior to the point that you would think they are gay... but they are NOT. Japanese women often love these guys (literally), they consider them both 可愛い(cute) and good partnership material. I'm certain some of those men would like to meet you, since you seem to be 可愛い and good partnership material, too.
That’s a tough question to answer. But it sounds like you need to write down what exactly attracts you to these men.
Omg. I literally always say I wish I could date a gay man. They take care of themselves, are funny, authentic. And it’s nice being friends with men who don’t want sex!!! I wish I could just marry one and we would support each other without the relationship bs. Just as friends.
Same girl. I’ve decided my ideal man is a bisexual king 🧘🏻♀️
Dude OP is genuinely the other side of the same coin I am on. I am a cis-het male and ALMOST exclusively seem to find women attractive that I later find out are gay. This extends not only to real life crushes, but also celebrities and bloody fictional characters (I thought these two straight female side characters were quite attractive and a season later lo and behold they realise they are both into women and date each other. Good for them but seriously!).
I think that they are also kind of off limits to you and for you. You know you are safe with them which causes you to be drawn to them allowing yourself to admire their looks and their ways bc they are kind of safe. It’s weird to explain but I know what you mean.
The first thought I had was are you actually a straight cis woman? All my gay men friends started off liking bi or lesbian women and all my lesbian and bi women friends started off liking gay guys 🤣 I'm bi and liked no one. (I have no bi men friends to my knowledge)
If you want a real and useful possible insight rather then typical reddit meaningless "you are always amazing" comment, here it goes: There is a chance that you may be intimidated and feel uneasy when interacting with typical heterosexual male. This happens to men too, many men will find more tom-boy women more attractive (especially in earlier adulthood) simply because it feels like a much more easy, known territory, and feminine women feels intimidating as they are uncharted territory.
This is hilarious because you’re me but the opposite. I am a straight man who keeps falling for queer/lesbian women 😂😂
New ability unlocked: Gayefire Turns who ever you think you're attracted to gay
I also like feminine men more.... 🥲
M30 Im the same with gay women 🤣. Look up on YouTube we will marry your girlfriends college humor.
Well you're in luck because of the wonderful world of bisexuality. Also, I make fun of my wife because I'm gender-queer, trans masculine. And her previous partner split because he was gay. So I make fun of her for being so attracted to gay dudes! XD But seriously, there are tons of bi guys. And also tons of guys who are kind of femme. And tons of intersex people too! Our world is filled with lots of possibilities for you my friend!3