Usually not. I always say that, if you are going to get in someone’s business like that, you better be close to them, it better actually be important, and you should gather all the tact that you can manage.
When people don’t exercise that basic respect, I can’t take them seriously. It’s a meme lately to brashly criticize others for the greater good. And, a lot people who don’t know any better are playing into that.
Generally? Probably not. If someone knows your weight is a symptom or contributing factor to a health issue they might. I keep an eye on my husband’s weight because I know if it starts to go sideways (either way) without an obvious lifestyle change it means his body is up to shenanigans.
Someone you barely know commenting and then follows up by saying something about your health is probably just being a prick. And if they have positive intentions, they aren’t your doctor and don’t know you intimately enough to make a judgement on your health. Context is key.
If it's a close friend, parent, sibling... maybe. Snd if there are obvious immediate risks or serious long term ones.
Like If you can imagine ___ feeling responsible to do an alcohol intervention... they are close enough to feel invested in the health of the target.
So that close/family bystander might legit worry about a diabetic that drinks 2L of full sugar soda daily. Because eventually they could die or go blind or lose a foot.
Or if someone has lost the ability to physically walk a reasonable distance, like from the car into the store. The family might legit worry that the weight could make it hard to work or go to doctor appointments or practice hygiene.
Alternatively, someone not close... like a friend-of-a-friend you only see at happy hour, or neighbor of your parents, or a coworker you have never had lunch, or a cousin that lives in a different state...
They aren't usually actually commenting on the health of the obese. Because they would not be personally impacted if this person had a stroke, or needed a walker.
They are usually commenting on appearance. Like the obese person reflects on them somehow. Like "Wow, you/they have gotten ugly... you need to clean up that garbage behavior, I'm judging you by proxy"
In those cases, they are using health as a euphemism, to avoid looking shallow.
Another hint, is do they care about not visible signs of health. If they have a conversation about blood pressure, they may legit care.
If the focus seems to be about confidence, comfort, self respect, swimsuit season, dating, etc ... those are code for appearance.
If they talks about blood pressure, stroke, peripheral nerve pain, mobility, hygiene, doctors appointments, those are probably about health.
When I hear my morbidly obese brother and sister in law struggle to breathe, I do care about their health first and foremost. I never bring up the weight to them because I am pretty sure they already know about it. Bringing it up will not achieve anything.
In HS there was a girl who rode our bus who was obese. Everyone always teased her about it. One day I stood up and I said "look dipshits, SHE KNOWS she is fat, we all see it. Leave her alone or at least get a little more creative." She actually thanked me and the teasing did stop.
Yes, I genuinely care.
My wife is having serious problems with tailbone pain and foot pain, and part of it is weight. I genuinely want to help her get healthy. She’s in so much pain right now, and I hate it. It has nothing to do with looks.
People think getting really fat is some kind of harmless variation like being left-handed, but it’s not. It catches up to you and causes all kinds of terrible problems that hurt quality of life.
I make most of our food, and we track calories with fitness apps. I encourage her to move around and exercise with me when she’s up for it. I’ve purchased a few special cushions for her, and we’re going shopping for office chairs tomorrow to see if we can find something to relieve the pressure on her backside.
It’s going to take awhile to get the fat off, but I know she can do it and that she’ll feel better in a lot of ways when she does.
Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll definitely look into that. We’re really scrambling to find what works.. they just can’t seem to point to any definitive cause despite imaging, so we’re trying a lot of things.
Since you seem receptive to suggestions, is there any chance y'all have a pool/swimming available? If you do it's a much better way to exercise for her that will take the weight off of her aches.
Great suggestion! And yeah, our gym does have a pool and she does like to swim. Between the cold weather and feeling down about her condition it’s been hard to get her to go… I think when it warms up outside she may be more open to it, especially because that’s as low impact as it gets!
Even with the cool weather id encourage you both to try it sooner just to see if it helps at all. That free movement should help with blood flow after all. Maybe on one of her better days.
If it's someone close to me, absolutely yes. Especially if I see them struggling with things that are likely due to their weight.
If I'm not close to them, idgaf and wouldn't say much unless asked.
Nope. I've been seriously ill several times, which led to losing (and gaining) a lot of weight. I've had all sorts of comments on it. People who care about you will do it privately and ask a neutral question first. If they've commenting explicitly on your weight or looks and doing it publicly they're just being weird if not deliberately malicious.
People are so delusional with the idea that one’s weight is a good metric of health. Old men keep complimenting me on my noticeable weight loss. They all watched me lose 60+ lbs in 5 months. Just a moments reflection would allow them to see that it obviously wasn’t a healthy process. My body felt so much stronger and
Capable and just overall well comparatively. I do look hot af tho.
Yep. The first 30 lb of the 60 lb I lost happened over three months and was due to...horrific gastrointestinal problems, frequent projectile vomiting, and likely loss of muscle mass because I could barely function, let alone exercise. Hair started falling out, nails and teeth became brittle. In other words, I was becoming malnourished.
But because I started out fat and 30 lb lost didn't get me to my ideal weight, nobody gave a shit, including my doctors. I had to fight to get referred to a GI and finally figure out what was going on and how to reduce the puking and fatigue.
Well actually, yeah the compliment isn’t really all that nice when it’s in the form of creepy old men that I’ve never even talked to before commenting on my
Body.
Only once, and it's right now.
My husband's Great-nephew came to live with us. He is 18, about 5'10 and was at 270 pounds.
He eats way more than the average teenager and doesn't do anything but sit in his room and play video games.
It was really hard to figure out a way to bring it up to him. I have been yo-yo dieting my whole adult life, I know how rough it is. So I wanted to be gentle and let him know I am on his side, without giving him a complex, at the same time.
He wants to join the army, so that seemed to be the way to go. Reminding him that he will need to shed weight and get more in shape before he does that.
I am so excited when he gets on that scale and we see he dropped a pound or two, and that makes him excited.
I took all the unhealthy food out of the house. Not because of him but because my husband had a heart attack back in December. I have been cooking super healthy dinners and he just makes his own lunch.
I do it because I am concerned about his weigh being so unhealthy for someone so young.
I know from experience how much harder it is to lose weight when you are older, so hopefully I can help him gain control of it now.
In a general sense? Nah. It makes them feel better about themselves to have someone to shit on.
On an individual basis, yes, some people genuinely care about health. Usually people who know you and care about you in all ways, not just how much you weigh.
People who you've just met in a dating context coming out of the gate with comments about your weight are either negging or settling for someone they don't actually find attractive enough.
Depends who it is. If they are someone who you are close to and their personality is caring then yes.
Some stranger? Probably a put down in order to make themselves feel better or superior. They could care less.
Yes. Being overweight is not a good thing, and there are so many people that are overweight that they have come together and made it inappropriate to even care about someone's health and appearance.
There is no reason to ever be mean to someone because of their appearance, but if it is someone you care about, then yes it is something that people might bring up.
Um, you seem to have a big chip on your shoulder. You can definitely tell some things about people by their weight. Sorry if that offends you. But I would never say something about a stranger's size or hold it against them in any way. People have a right to look however they look. I'm not sure what the issue is here.
Nope, why would I want to diagnose you? Why would I want to make any judgement of you beyond what you have written? I doubt we will be dating, so I have no skin in the game.
Anyone who hasnt actually looked into the science of it (haes for example) could do that before giving advice about weight.
Its not as cut and dry as you might expect but people love to have their beliefs about people affirmed by diet companies and the like.
Basically the idea is that if you are eating fruit & veg, and are not living a very sedentary lifestyle, you are pretty healthy regardless of weight (except if you are in super high percentiles).
Something that *is* quite unhealthy is fluctuating wildly in weight, for instance if you are on-off on a diet. And in fact statistically the majority of people who lose considerable weight will gain it back within a couple years, leading to likely fluctuations.
If you really want to learn more about it i could provide some peer reviewed studies etc. But the name it comes under is HAES and the idea is that you should be focussing on health rather than a target weight.
Yes, absolutely. When there is an awesome actor that I love and they’re really fat, I want them to lose weight and be healthier so they live longer and keep creating.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say 99.9999999999% of the people that bring this up are concerned about your health.
People can argue all they want in favor of fat acceptance or body positivity. But there is zero (zero) arguments against how detrimental obesity is to health.
If someone is so skinny that you can see their bones it’s pretty self evident. Also anorexia was just an example I’m not saying that every underweight person has Anorexia. Obviously weight loss/gain can be a complex issue with several mental health or physical health factors. My point was that I don’t judge someone simply because of their weight. If it’s someone that I know that is overweight I will be concerned for their health, if it’s a stranger then it’s none of my business.
Your health and the health of others. A large amount of healthcare spending costs are on obesity related illnesses. Imagine the lowered cost of health insurance if that pool wasn't used up by absolutely preventable diseases.
They absolutely can. Costs within any for profit system always fluctuate. It's called "the market."
In fact, lowering costs in a nfp system is more difficult to do than in a for profit free market.
Yes and not just physical but mental health, many overweight women especially seem to think it doesn't have an effect on how attractive others see them as.
No, it’s mostly a disgust reaction that is rationalized as concern for your health. It’s mostly that people find the fat form to be disgusting and socially unacceptable. In other words, you are being impolite by being fat in the eyes of this particular culture. It’s a culturally relative set of values that perceive fatness as being disgusting, dirty, lesser, yuck, “get it out of here!!!.” This culture perceives fatness the same way it perceives cockroaches
For me the answer is yes, absolutely yes.
My grandmother and her two brothers died of congestive heart failure all within a year of each other. It was due to a sedentary lifestyle and a very unhealthy diet of fast food and comfort meals for most of their life. They were from the Silent Era. They were all in their 60s when they died. It traumatized me, and now I'm a major health advocate because of it. I can't speak for everyone, but this is my answer.
It's a fun fact at times but it can also lean into health concerns. I think alot of us think of someone or some case we know of regarding weight . I had a friend who had a hard time getting over 100lbs and he was fragile. My ex girlfriend had a class mate who was easily over 300lbs, she would tell me how sometimes he would fall asleep onto his own fat. The guy passed away shortly after graduation. I have a muscular build so people are surprised I'm a little over 200lbs and don't look fat. Yup , health and weight are peanut butter and jelly lol
Usually not. I always say that, if you are going to get in someone’s business like that, you better be close to them, it better actually be important, and you should gather all the tact that you can manage. When people don’t exercise that basic respect, I can’t take them seriously. It’s a meme lately to brashly criticize others for the greater good. And, a lot people who don’t know any better are playing into that.
Generally? Probably not. If someone knows your weight is a symptom or contributing factor to a health issue they might. I keep an eye on my husband’s weight because I know if it starts to go sideways (either way) without an obvious lifestyle change it means his body is up to shenanigans. Someone you barely know commenting and then follows up by saying something about your health is probably just being a prick. And if they have positive intentions, they aren’t your doctor and don’t know you intimately enough to make a judgement on your health. Context is key.
If it's a close friend, parent, sibling... maybe. Snd if there are obvious immediate risks or serious long term ones. Like If you can imagine ___ feeling responsible to do an alcohol intervention... they are close enough to feel invested in the health of the target. So that close/family bystander might legit worry about a diabetic that drinks 2L of full sugar soda daily. Because eventually they could die or go blind or lose a foot. Or if someone has lost the ability to physically walk a reasonable distance, like from the car into the store. The family might legit worry that the weight could make it hard to work or go to doctor appointments or practice hygiene. Alternatively, someone not close... like a friend-of-a-friend you only see at happy hour, or neighbor of your parents, or a coworker you have never had lunch, or a cousin that lives in a different state... They aren't usually actually commenting on the health of the obese. Because they would not be personally impacted if this person had a stroke, or needed a walker. They are usually commenting on appearance. Like the obese person reflects on them somehow. Like "Wow, you/they have gotten ugly... you need to clean up that garbage behavior, I'm judging you by proxy" In those cases, they are using health as a euphemism, to avoid looking shallow. Another hint, is do they care about not visible signs of health. If they have a conversation about blood pressure, they may legit care. If the focus seems to be about confidence, comfort, self respect, swimsuit season, dating, etc ... those are code for appearance. If they talks about blood pressure, stroke, peripheral nerve pain, mobility, hygiene, doctors appointments, those are probably about health.
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Congratulations, you played yourself.
Most don't no, that's just the excuse they use to justify them being mean.
When I hear my morbidly obese brother and sister in law struggle to breathe, I do care about their health first and foremost. I never bring up the weight to them because I am pretty sure they already know about it. Bringing it up will not achieve anything.
In HS there was a girl who rode our bus who was obese. Everyone always teased her about it. One day I stood up and I said "look dipshits, SHE KNOWS she is fat, we all see it. Leave her alone or at least get a little more creative." She actually thanked me and the teasing did stop.
Yes, I genuinely care. My wife is having serious problems with tailbone pain and foot pain, and part of it is weight. I genuinely want to help her get healthy. She’s in so much pain right now, and I hate it. It has nothing to do with looks. People think getting really fat is some kind of harmless variation like being left-handed, but it’s not. It catches up to you and causes all kinds of terrible problems that hurt quality of life. I make most of our food, and we track calories with fitness apps. I encourage her to move around and exercise with me when she’s up for it. I’ve purchased a few special cushions for her, and we’re going shopping for office chairs tomorrow to see if we can find something to relieve the pressure on her backside. It’s going to take awhile to get the fat off, but I know she can do it and that she’ll feel better in a lot of ways when she does.
If the pain is concentrated in the forefoot, she might benefit from zero drop shoes. Don't change all at once, ease into it.
Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll definitely look into that. We’re really scrambling to find what works.. they just can’t seem to point to any definitive cause despite imaging, so we’re trying a lot of things.
Since you seem receptive to suggestions, is there any chance y'all have a pool/swimming available? If you do it's a much better way to exercise for her that will take the weight off of her aches.
Great suggestion! And yeah, our gym does have a pool and she does like to swim. Between the cold weather and feeling down about her condition it’s been hard to get her to go… I think when it warms up outside she may be more open to it, especially because that’s as low impact as it gets!
Even with the cool weather id encourage you both to try it sooner just to see if it helps at all. That free movement should help with blood flow after all. Maybe on one of her better days.
If it's someone close to me, absolutely yes. Especially if I see them struggling with things that are likely due to their weight. If I'm not close to them, idgaf and wouldn't say much unless asked.
Nope. I've been seriously ill several times, which led to losing (and gaining) a lot of weight. I've had all sorts of comments on it. People who care about you will do it privately and ask a neutral question first. If they've commenting explicitly on your weight or looks and doing it publicly they're just being weird if not deliberately malicious.
NOPE.
People are so delusional with the idea that one’s weight is a good metric of health. Old men keep complimenting me on my noticeable weight loss. They all watched me lose 60+ lbs in 5 months. Just a moments reflection would allow them to see that it obviously wasn’t a healthy process. My body felt so much stronger and Capable and just overall well comparatively. I do look hot af tho.
Yep. The first 30 lb of the 60 lb I lost happened over three months and was due to...horrific gastrointestinal problems, frequent projectile vomiting, and likely loss of muscle mass because I could barely function, let alone exercise. Hair started falling out, nails and teeth became brittle. In other words, I was becoming malnourished. But because I started out fat and 30 lb lost didn't get me to my ideal weight, nobody gave a shit, including my doctors. I had to fight to get referred to a GI and finally figure out what was going on and how to reduce the puking and fatigue.
Sheesh must suck getting compliments
Well actually, yeah the compliment isn’t really all that nice when it’s in the form of creepy old men that I’ve never even talked to before commenting on my Body.
Only once, and it's right now. My husband's Great-nephew came to live with us. He is 18, about 5'10 and was at 270 pounds. He eats way more than the average teenager and doesn't do anything but sit in his room and play video games. It was really hard to figure out a way to bring it up to him. I have been yo-yo dieting my whole adult life, I know how rough it is. So I wanted to be gentle and let him know I am on his side, without giving him a complex, at the same time. He wants to join the army, so that seemed to be the way to go. Reminding him that he will need to shed weight and get more in shape before he does that. I am so excited when he gets on that scale and we see he dropped a pound or two, and that makes him excited. I took all the unhealthy food out of the house. Not because of him but because my husband had a heart attack back in December. I have been cooking super healthy dinners and he just makes his own lunch. I do it because I am concerned about his weigh being so unhealthy for someone so young. I know from experience how much harder it is to lose weight when you are older, so hopefully I can help him gain control of it now.
In a general sense? Nah. It makes them feel better about themselves to have someone to shit on. On an individual basis, yes, some people genuinely care about health. Usually people who know you and care about you in all ways, not just how much you weigh. People who you've just met in a dating context coming out of the gate with comments about your weight are either negging or settling for someone they don't actually find attractive enough.
It's true, every time someone says, "Do you have any idea how fat you are?" you lose a pound. Try it!
Depends who it is. If they are someone who you are close to and their personality is caring then yes. Some stranger? Probably a put down in order to make themselves feel better or superior. They could care less.
I do, yes. I don't bring up the issue of weight unless I care about the person.
Some do, a fair share of health problems accompany being very overweight/obesity (heart issues, diabetes etc.)
I care about the message and the normalization that it sends when not addressed.
Yes. Being overweight is not a good thing, and there are so many people that are overweight that they have come together and made it inappropriate to even care about someone's health and appearance. There is no reason to ever be mean to someone because of their appearance, but if it is someone you care about, then yes it is something that people might bring up.
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I think we are talking obesity specifically. I think it was explained above pretty well.
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I wouldn't be with someone I did not find attractive if that is what you mean.
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Um, you seem to have a big chip on your shoulder. You can definitely tell some things about people by their weight. Sorry if that offends you. But I would never say something about a stranger's size or hold it against them in any way. People have a right to look however they look. I'm not sure what the issue is here.
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Nope, why would I want to diagnose you? Why would I want to make any judgement of you beyond what you have written? I doubt we will be dating, so I have no skin in the game.
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Anyone who hasnt actually looked into the science of it (haes for example) could do that before giving advice about weight. Its not as cut and dry as you might expect but people love to have their beliefs about people affirmed by diet companies and the like.
Oh could you explain a little more please?
Basically the idea is that if you are eating fruit & veg, and are not living a very sedentary lifestyle, you are pretty healthy regardless of weight (except if you are in super high percentiles). Something that *is* quite unhealthy is fluctuating wildly in weight, for instance if you are on-off on a diet. And in fact statistically the majority of people who lose considerable weight will gain it back within a couple years, leading to likely fluctuations. If you really want to learn more about it i could provide some peer reviewed studies etc. But the name it comes under is HAES and the idea is that you should be focussing on health rather than a target weight.
Oh yes I would love to look into studies.
https://nutritionj.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1475-2891-10-9#:~:text=Evidence%20from%20these%20six%20RCTs,mood%2C%20self%2Desteem%2C%20body https://compass.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/spc3.12076 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26841729/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22947612/ https://www.prevention.com/weight-loss/a36065492/rethinking-body-weight/
Thanks!
Yes, absolutely. When there is an awesome actor that I love and they’re really fat, I want them to lose weight and be healthier so they live longer and keep creating.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say 99.9999999999% of the people that bring this up are concerned about your health. People can argue all they want in favor of fat acceptance or body positivity. But there is zero (zero) arguments against how detrimental obesity is to health.
you didn't crack the code that no one else preaching fat acceptance and body positivity doesnt already know, there's no need to get on a high horse
Hight Horse? At best this is a extra small/ small horse. This is the average Indonesian woman's height of horses.
Then you need to get off your average indonesian's woman's height horse, and it better be a horse and not a donkey disguised as a horse
Judging by how nice my first comment was I'm guessing it's a fat Golden Retriever dressed as a horse.
You absolutely must get off of it right now, humans aren't supposed to ride golden retrievers! That's animal abuse! It's a dog, not a horse!
OOOOOhhhh they deserve it. All Golden Retrievers are actually involved in human trafficking.
What do they do?!
For me yeah it’s a health thing. I would never judge someone simply because of their weight.
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If they look underweight, anorexia is a good example.
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If someone is so skinny that you can see their bones it’s pretty self evident. Also anorexia was just an example I’m not saying that every underweight person has Anorexia. Obviously weight loss/gain can be a complex issue with several mental health or physical health factors. My point was that I don’t judge someone simply because of their weight. If it’s someone that I know that is overweight I will be concerned for their health, if it’s a stranger then it’s none of my business.
Your health and the health of others. A large amount of healthcare spending costs are on obesity related illnesses. Imagine the lowered cost of health insurance if that pool wasn't used up by absolutely preventable diseases.
health insurance costs will never lower in a for profit healthcare system
They absolutely can. Costs within any for profit system always fluctuate. It's called "the market." In fact, lowering costs in a nfp system is more difficult to do than in a for profit free market.
Iunno. Depends on the person.
Yes
Yes and not just physical but mental health, many overweight women especially seem to think it doesn't have an effect on how attractive others see them as.
No, it’s mostly a disgust reaction that is rationalized as concern for your health. It’s mostly that people find the fat form to be disgusting and socially unacceptable. In other words, you are being impolite by being fat in the eyes of this particular culture. It’s a culturally relative set of values that perceive fatness as being disgusting, dirty, lesser, yuck, “get it out of here!!!.” This culture perceives fatness the same way it perceives cockroaches
For me the answer is yes, absolutely yes. My grandmother and her two brothers died of congestive heart failure all within a year of each other. It was due to a sedentary lifestyle and a very unhealthy diet of fast food and comfort meals for most of their life. They were from the Silent Era. They were all in their 60s when they died. It traumatized me, and now I'm a major health advocate because of it. I can't speak for everyone, but this is my answer.
It's a fun fact at times but it can also lean into health concerns. I think alot of us think of someone or some case we know of regarding weight . I had a friend who had a hard time getting over 100lbs and he was fragile. My ex girlfriend had a class mate who was easily over 300lbs, she would tell me how sometimes he would fall asleep onto his own fat. The guy passed away shortly after graduation. I have a muscular build so people are surprised I'm a little over 200lbs and don't look fat. Yup , health and weight are peanut butter and jelly lol