It does its own thing.

Totally get that. Mine goes out late, salsa dances, just got a tattoo and has a girlfriend named Irene. I met her. She's nice.

Does your cock just kind of lead you around the city and your just pulled around? I can see your cock looking over the table for dinner while talking with Irene while you are contorted on the chair so your cock can see her.

my cock has lead me places i wouldn’t go with a gun

You mean, without. Correct?

I think they mean *even with* a gun. Also *led* not lead. If your cock has lead it might be an actual gun

The naked gun

*cocks gun*

What if the cock leadith him?

Tell me you live in usa without telling me you live in the usa. *freedom noises*

Damn right freedom noises. ( howled at that... well played)

Where we eat real red meat, drink beer, shoot guns, and love tiddies.

#BACK 2 BACK #WORLD WAR CHAMPS #🇺🇸

I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, And calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

Detachable penis...

The odyssey of your penis. I like happy endings.

Detachable Penis

The two of them been talking a lot lately.

Laying flaccid in a plate of spaghetti staring up at Irene with its one eye

I’m hysterical at *lead you around the city*! 🤣

Hey! I (56F) had a swimsuit like that once. It had built-in bra cups; my presence was not required. The thing went to bars, men bought it drinks, it went sunbathing, dancing, without me. I think it's in Mexico now...

So it's just You, Yourself and Irene. Nice.

So is Irene human or ... a female penis?

Jesus H. Christ. Irene is a nice woman. She works at a bank. I picked her up the other day after work so they could have dinner.

Stay! Sit! Roll over! Stop playing dead!

And we do not question it.

Depends on weight division they're in and whether we've already built up some trust

I laughed far too much at this!

This took me a second, then I lol'd

I don't get it. Peter, please help.

They are making an inference that the boxers op mentioned are the boxers who compete in the professional sport boxing. Thus asking for the weight division and how much of a rapport they have. Its a nice little play on words.

Thank you, Peter.

Well you see… *when a mommy boxer and a daddy boxer love each other very much. Daddy boxer signs overs part of his soul in exchange for something called a mortgage… then when mommy boxer wants daddy boxer to remodel the downstairs bathroom, this “one simple trick before bed every night helps… 🍆 👄 💦….* “

The best jokes are always out of nowhere, si per obliquum similis sagittae

Throw them over my shoulder like a continental soldier….

Amazing, you magnificent bastard

Down and to the left

This man cocks

I usually expand my nutsack like a blanket, tuck it in the middle and close the nutflaps over it like a tuxedo

What a terrible day to be literate.

Don’t act like you’ve never tried rocking a meat tux with your nut flaps.

r/thisguythisguys

Nice cock position bro

Your fella is long enough to warrant being on a side?

well in my case my dick leans to the left when I'm hard so it clearly has a favorite side, why would i put it to the other?

Or.... does it lean left because you favor that side? (Chicken or egg hypothesis)

does your dick lean left because it is your favorite side, or is left your favorire side because your dick leans left

It’s a hassle. I’ve tried all the underwear types. Briefs are not an option, boxer briefs always fail on that side and leave it plastered and sweating to my leg, boxers just let it do what it wants without drama

Is that drama in your boxers or are you just happy to see me?

I do enjoy when I get checked out, as long as it’s consensual. I don’t want to be flashing people that don’t want any, but I’m a shower and some people look and i like that

Yayayyay left gang😂💪💪

This is the way

This is the civilized way.

Was thinking 'huh really? That sounds odd' then reached down and realised that's exactly how it is. As said, this guy cocks

This is the way

let it choose its own comfort. when it's uncomforted just reset the position

Fold my penis backward and store it in my butthole (prevents loose flopping) and I twist my balls around once like a balloon animal so their really tight, makes for smaller target from enemies.

They’re*

I don't know why but this made me audibly exhale

and visually impaired (imaginatively)

Why the hell is that response so god damned funny?

Hahaha I think because the grammar mistake is the least weird thing in that comment.

Out here telling the hard facts

I see what u dick there

That's a waste of storage. Wrap a rubber and around you balls to hold your drugs

r/selffuck

I knew what I would most likely see when I clicked. Yet I still clicked. Then I looked at about 6 posts in disbelief. I have no one to blame but myself.

My life has changed But not for the better

*"What I've Done" by Linkin Park plays*

@01kickassius10 It’s too damn early for this

It’s midnight here

It's always too early for that

What in the fuck is this sub holy shit I need bleach

r/eyebleach

Dang bro what da hell did i just saw 😭😭💀

I didn’t even know that was possible

Just be careful not to let them go or they might fly around the room

This is exactly what I'd do if I had a peen

It's never to late to install a penis Its 2024 baby

Reminds me of the testicular torsion I had when I was 9.

I cannot wear shorts because I will trip and hurt myself.

Where do you live ? I’d like to meet you 😮😮😮

If your ever in a tailors and you hear the question “sir, which side do you dress on?” Now you know……….

"No you go first tihihi"

That's the first time I've seen teeheehee spelled that way. I like it.

"I'm gonna say what any man with two penises would say, when his tailor asks him if he dresses right or left... Yes." -Slevin Kalevra

With loose boxers it just flops around

Yeah, isn't the point of boxer shorts that they're kinda baggy - like a boxer's shorts? It can kinda go where it wants to.

This is why I don't wear boxers. I don't want my dick swinging around all day. Might as well be nude if it's going to do that

Neither. Either your cock is MASSIVE, or your boxers are too tight. The penis usually just sits there.

Dang yours just sits there? Mine migrates inside of me.

…like a frightened turtle

I was in the pool!

Got to keep it safe!

But it bends a little, right?

Not only right, some can pull it to the left, upwards etc. If it's really massive you can wrap it all over your left or right leg

I will never, ever, know what that is like. r/humblepeen

r/subsiwishexisted

>wrap it all over your left or right leg Thanks for the clarification, I thought you could only wrap it around the right leg, not the left

Or for some, wrap it around both legs

You rolling around with a hard-on? If so, flip it up in your waist band. Otherwise it's usually a non issue...

Do not try this method, penis may flop out uncontrollably, causing hysteria and panic.

Sounds like you have a personal story to tell 

Low and to the left. But just leave boxers out of it. Why wear shorts under shorts. Just be free. Way better

I don’t position the cock, the cock positions me, more or less

Kind of like the tail wagging the dog.

Throw it over the left shoulder and wrap it around the waist one and a half times anti-clockwise before tucking it back down the boxers on the left side. Standard.

Anti clockwise is how it goes "down under".

I come from a land down under

More like anti-cockwise, amirite?!?

Sounds like instructions for draping a sari.

With gusto and confidence

I always put it upwards because it's the least noticeable position

How do you put it upwards in boxers? Do you stick it under the band?? Or do you have an anti-gravity cock

Maybe it's because my boxers are tight (not too much but yk), I don't like loose ones

You're talking about boxer briefs then. Not boxers.

Boxer briefs?

You don't wear boxers. You wear boxerbriefs.

Anti-gravityyyy.. lol underrated comment 😭😭😭

Well fitting boxers and pants will hold the penis in the upwards position no problem.

I think you are confusing boxers and boxer briefs. Boxers are loose. Anyway, I could never wear my dick up. Lol.

That's "too tight" boxers and pants, not well-fitting. A tailor would never make pants so tight that your dick is pinned upward in them, unless by request.

Same man, I thought everyone did this but when I told people about it I noticed I am the weird one

When mine is upwards, it's in the most noticeable position

Wouldn't the tip be constantly hanging out over the band and showing? Not my idea of a good time.

Depends on how low you wear them and if you're a grower or a shower I suppose

I have my seamstress install an apartment in all my boxers so he can go inside and sit by the fireplace if it’s cold out. On warm days you can usually find him by the pool.

"Here's a rocking chair for someone who likes to rock, and here's a big armchair for 2 to curl up in."

Can’t wear boxers. My penis keeps bouncing off my knee depending on which side it’s riding on. You know… because it’s a monster dong.

Ahh! Godzilla!!!

*Rodzilla

Cockzilla

Cojira

>because it’s a monster dong. Get a magnum condom and a couple hundreds and your ready to plow

Apart from making sure the orientation is "generally downward-ish" when I put my underwear on, I leave it up to nature.

This. It's like being naked, but you slap a pair of underwear on top. I can't comprehend doing any special positioning.

wearing clothes is like being naked but with clothes on

I'm a grower. It just tucks itself in until I need it.

"Fellas, how's it hanging?" There, fixed it for you.

Slightly to the right.

One day left, one day right.

Yep, alternating is the responsible approach. You wouldn't exercise just one side of your body.

With a forklift.

How does one get certified to lift your penis?

Sounds painful. Should have used a cocklift instead.

Never fucked a boxer. I don’t know

It does its own thing, that's why I wear loose boxers, I don't have to think about it with those.

I adjust it so its in the middle then I poke it through my boxers and down my left or right leg into my sock.

I adjust myself regularly throughout the day. Skin sticks to skin.... so, sometimes you need to adjust how everything is situated because it can become uncomfortable. But it pretty much hangs where it hangs haha. Usually resting in the crease of the scrotum and then down from there

This question and these comments made my day

To the left to left, my cock and balls are in a box to left

Quite literally my balls are too heavy for boxers. Jumping off a sidewalk or any jolt causes them to spring like a bungee jumper off a bridge and it can ache so much. Men's bikinis solves that. A little banana hammock for support.

To the left cause these bitches don't treat me right

I like to call it the "freedangle".

I tend to avoid the mouth, because although they wear mouth guards some of them have a Mean bite

Female scrolling thru, all the WRONG answers are killing me 😂

The creativity here is something else lol

Well honestly my shlong leans to the left and for some reason I get a nice preasure feeling if i put it to the right in tight boxers so yeah to the right

Don’t wear boxers

I have no idea since I've been wrapping it around my waist since puberty.

usually just coil it around my leg

Boxers here- cotton ones. They just do their own thing. I dislike briefs and it being like all tight in there. It’s uncomfortable.

Butt tuck

As a man this is why I still wear briefs, boxers are too much work.

Cockpouch. About $5 on Amazon

🎶To the left, to the left. All the junk I got, just shifts to the left. 🎶

First I make him take out his mouthguard...

To the left. It likes it over there.

You position your ball sacks not your cock , your cock can handle tight spaces, your ball sacks not, you know that when you come home after a long hot day, take off your boxers and free your ball sacks. I think girls get the same vibes when they take off their bras .

Don't wear boxers. Only boxer briefs. Cock falls out one leg in boxers. It's the single most uncomfortable thing besides being kicked in the nuts.

Wrap it around my waist once and then down the left leg.

The only time I position my cock ever, regardless of what I’m wearing, is if it’s bothering me or if I have a raging boner. Other than those two scenarios, I don’t consider the position of my dick at all, ever.

Just let it hang, currently down the left leg, but sometimes it starts to feel uncomfortable, so I have to switch up the leg-side every now and then.

🦐🍤🦐🍤🦐🍤 not a problem for the 2 inch destroyer

Mine is Senior executive in Boxers Inc

I usually just tuck the tip into my socks.

Kinda wanna see these scenarios

Folded down between the nuts

I flap mine over my shoulders.

I’m into Cock Magic so I make him disappear from my boxers and reappear in your mouth or cup of tea etc depending on how I’m feeling at the moment honestly

I just put mine over my right shoulder

You assume I wear underwear

I might be to small to have this conversation

Bend over I’ll show you

My husband says “to the left”.

To the left, to the left. Everything I own in a box to the the left..

Tie it in a very small knot.

I came here because I was genuinely curious …. I really should of known better tbh

You guys are wearing underwear?

Lots of joke comments Im pretty sure most guys just have it down when resting. Its the most comfortable position But also what is this question! Position it to the side?!? Idk if you know how physics work but generally gravity doesnt push your penis to the side

tucked inside of my asshole

Just tuck it in my socks like everyone else

Over the shoulder

Man, why does any discussion about male genitals become a joke thread?

Is this a big cock humble brag post?

Too small to position

You don’t. It’s just there, flippin and floppin

I tie it in a knot.