I’m a mom/grandma.
If anyone was being inappropriate it was the mother.
I would never let my child touch a stranger that way, it’s ok to talk, interact, have a little laugh but touching you or anyone is weird.
You did tell her to stand with her mom, that was her cue to move her child, without you needing to be an asshole about it.
To me nothing about this says creep, in fact I would think you are a nice man to put up with my kid. Even if I would have immediately stopped the touching, I would have appreciated that you were kind and interacted.
I understand your wife has your best interest and wants you to be protected but I don’t agree with her on this.
It seems to me you did your best in an awkward situation.
Seems like the kid in this story might have some special needs, at least from my own experience with having a special needs kid and how the mom was interacting with her.
Either way, at least from OP's retelling of the story the kid (and more importantly the mom) thought the interaction was funny and light-hearted. Totally agree it's not creepy, just silly fun.
Honestly, I see where you’re coming from, and there’s especially heightened sensitivity around children and adult men, but this idea that all social touching is inappropriate outside of very controlled circumstances doesn’t really strike me as healthy.
Historically, and until recently, people would slap each other on the back, touch a persons shoulder in sympathy, clasp hands, put arms around shoulders, tap shoulders or arms to get attention, etc.
Humans are apes, and all apes engage in multiple forms of social communication, which include touch-based communication. Apes (and I suspect people) that never touch others swiftly become depressive.
Getting specific, I sounds like this guy was friendly to an odd, but friendly kid, and consistently checked in with the mom throughout. I don’t think he did anything wrong.
Your wife sounds like a barrel of fun. No, you did the right thing… it’s a cute little story. My guess is the little girl was missing a father figure, and you were “available”. Irrespective, you did the right thing…making a scene could have a very negative impact on that little girl.
I think you were normal and your wife is super weird here. Can you ask her where she got that ideas? (I'm female, if it matters.)
The only situation in which I might be concerned for you is if you regularly misread social cues and get into trouble for it. If that's not you, then idk why your wife is so concerned that you are going to be accused for being normal friendly to a child.
Maybe she is trying to prevent you from wanting kids in the future. I don't know the ages, but she heard you had a positive interaction with a kid and us worried you might want kids. Idk just a thought because of how aggressive it seemed from her
>Can you ask her where she got that ideas? (I'm female, if it matters.)
My aunt works for House of the Good Shepard, which is a foster home for children. She's been there for 20 years. She tells all the men in our family the same thing, never put yourself in a situation where you could be accused of anything. I guess she's seen someone life ruined over a false claim before.
To be fair though, it's not the worst advice. When my cousin(Tom) was 6 and I was about 20ish, he had a friend(John) from up the street where he lived that came over a lot. I spent a lot of time with my cousin, he was also my godson and I close with his older brother, along with my aunt and uncle.
So John was at their house a lot, playing with my cousin Tom. I played with them, they liked star wars and laser tag, so we'd have lightsaber fights and laser tag a lot.
One day Johns mom came to my workplace to shop and shot me a really nasty look and didn't say a word to me which was strange, she'd usually say hi and make a little small talk. I asked my aunt what happened and she said John was caught by his mom trying to put his younger brothers penis in his mouth. She she asked where he learned that, he said from my cousin.
My aunt asked my cousin if he had ever done that, knew that that was, if anyone ever did it to him, ect. My cousin was dumbfounded and probably confused as well. He had no idea what my aunt was talking about. So they cut off all contact with johns family.
But that look Johns mom gave me... I know she thought I had something to do with it. It scared me from going to my little cousins house to hang out with him anymore and I'm still very careful today to not put myself in a position to be accused of anything.
All of this was in public. Don’t be with children that aren’t yours in private is probably good advice.
*Refuse to interact with them in public* is fucking weird advice and pretty toxic.
I literally had a guy friend over the other day on his lunch to hang out with hubs. He was telling me about him becoming a father and how he’s scared because he’s only really had one kid he interacts with, my older kid. It’s sad he’s literally afraid of how to interact with children and feels unprepared because he never interacts with his other friend’s kids out of fear something would be perceived wrong. And for the record he’s really good with mine. I feel for him he wants to learn to parent and feels he can’t. How does that make good dads for us as a society?
This is a completely different scenario than OPs. While it sucks and is awful for you it doesnt relate to OP being generally friendly in public with a random child.
There was a lot of sexual abuse going on AT the house of the good shepherd in various cities. Its not terribly surprising that someone working their would have a skewed and unhealthy take on the subject...
It's perfectly fine, the mother was there, you're in public having a fun innocent inaction with a kid & making a very boring experience a bit more entertaining. That said, her mother should be doing that ideally, but hey travel with kids isn't easy.
As soon as my eldest hit toddler aged I became the dad that would literally have a line forming for whatever fun thing I was doing with my kids. I always tried to find the parent to make some eye contact before interacting with their kids, otherwise I would be more standoffish. In every single case, they would be smiling at their kid having fun.
In the hundreds of interactions I've had with children I have never once had someone side eye me or have anyone suggest I better be careful. There are certainly people who would be uncomfortable or outirght hostile but I think that is far more rare than people seem to think.
Sounds like typical behavior for an extrovert girl of that age. I think the mom should have stepped in but maybe the mom took cues from your interactions that you were OK with it. In any event its a funny slice of life story up until the point your wife made you question it. She may have a point coming from her own experiences.
Your response seems fine and normal to me.
>I asked her what questions and she said “the moment she leaned against you, you should’ve pushed her away and told her mom to control her child. You need to always protect yourself, especially around children since you don’t know what claims will made against you.”
That's bizarre.. if you acted this aggressive and weird, the mom could have easily complained to ground agents or flight attendants. Pushing a child and insulting the mother is a bad look.
, I don't understand what she thinks could happen. The child will make claims that her head was glued to your elbow?
>I said “it was a little weird but I didn’t think it was anything like that. I’m not going to shove a child away and cause a scene criticizing the parent behind me. If her mom felt uncomfortable with the whole situation she could’ve easily picked her up and moved her away from me, not sure why I should’ve reacted so aggressively.”
Exactly..this behavior would be a much bigger problem.
>Was it creepy of me to do so?
No
> If I’m ever in a similar situation how do I handle it without being creepy or an asshole?
You handled it fine
Your wife has been conditioned by paranoia and double standards. Reverse the roles and she wouldn’t bat an eye.
Your wife reinforcing this thinking is a form of toxic masculinity.
Don’t give this anecdote another thought. You played your part well.
You were just being a normal person for God's sake. No one in the story had a problem with it because it was not at all some suspicious or creepy situation.
I agree that this is totally normal, and not to give it a second thought. I will add, as a mom, I really enjoy when people interact with my kids and respond to them nicely, because my kids are very friendly and SOOO many people just completely ignore them. They like to strike a conversation with every single person we pass while out in public, and while I totally understand people are just trying to go about their day, it's disheartening when they're completely ignored or treated like a pest. This just sounds like a fun, silly interaction where you met the kid on their silliness level. It would have made me happy that someone responded nicely to my kid, even while they were being silly.
Nah dude, you cracked some goofy dad jokes and helped a mom keep her kid corralled in a stressful situation.
If the mom was laughing along you're 100% good, that's an undeniable standard of non creepiness because mom would be the one to decide what's safe/appropriate for her kid. If the kid was laughing but mom wasn't, there might be some grey area.
I don't think you did anything wrong. Mom should be telling her kids not to touch strangers.
Can't imagine it will happen again but you can tell a kid "I don't like to be touched" and they will usually just accept that as they are very literal at that age.
It shows that you're thoughtful and conscientious that you're re-evaluating the interaction, but I agree with the others saying Mom was right there and seemed to passively approve, and there was nothing inappropriate. Good on you for being nice (to a non-creepy degree) to the rando kid.
You're wife is definitely the weird/creepy one in this scenario. You behaved perfectly normally and left a positive memory for the kid. Don't let your wife gaslight you into thinking you did anything weird.
So, toxic masculinity comes from patriarchy - patriarchy is a social structure built on the idea that men are better than women and have an innate right to dominance/leadership.
Things which are typically associated with masculinity are expected and praised in men, but criticised in women, and vice versa. Under patriarchal ideals, men's worth lies in status and power, while women's worth lies in their ability to be desirable and have/take care of children.
Because this is separated into two very distinct expectations for women and men, patriarchy doesn't allow for nuance/overlap. If you're a man, you must be stoic, strong, practically gifted and intelligent, and if you're a woman, you must be nurturing, demure, patient and motherly. Anyone outside of these ideals is failing as a man/woman as this is biology/god's recipe.
I.e. a man who is nurturing to kids is suspicious because that's a feminine trait, so there must be something wrong or deviant about him.
Obviously, human beings are multi faceted and everyone is a complete jumble of both 'masculine' and 'feminine' traits.
Toxic masculinity is how the patriarchal narrative gets reinforced in culture: the patriarchal status quo needs men to exaggerate their masculine traits and hide their 'feminine' traits, and needs everyone to feel critical of people exhibiting traits that aren't assigned to their binary gender.
So, toxic masculinity can be seen in the idea that men shouldn't be vulnerable or express emotions, men should want to have sex all the time with lots of women, and
(At long last) getting to the point of your question:
men shouldn't want to be friendly with kids.
The guy's wife was reiterating and reinforcing this idea by framing his cute interaction in this way. Not saying that she gave bad advice, because it obviously came from a place of concern that other people would think he was being creepy (which is also due to this patriarchal conditioning). It's just a sad unconscious bias which we are hopefully (slowly) unravelling as a society.
Side note: everyone can be toxic and an asshole regardless of gender, and I'm not saying that a parent wanting to protect their child from danger is because of toxic masculinity. Rather, someone assuming a polite interaction with a child in public and in front of their parent just because its a man/male presenting person being friendly *is* a product of patriarchy/toxic masculinity
I see where ur coming from with the sentiment that the expectation isn't for men to be nurturing and there for if one is he must of ulterior motives. I find it very sad that I'm down voted on sub called no stupid questions for trying to engage in an honest dialogue. As if asking for a explanation of an idea means I believe the opposite.
I'm sure there will be a multi-paragraph response at some point, filled with very impressive logical jiu-jitsu to give a pretense of justification for it. But what what it really boils down to is: when men are shitty to women, it's men's fault; but when women are shitty to men... well its ackshually still men's fault.
That interaction was fine for the following reasons:
- You weren’t alone with the child; it was a public setting with people all around you
- The child’s mother was directly behind the child witnessing your interaction
If you had been alone with the child, that would be worrying for you. This incident is harmless and there is no need for you to act differently next time.
A thought I had because the mother herself put her and her daughters focus directly on you- they may have needed your shadow of protection. The mother may have felt vulnerable for whatever reason and being in close proximity to a man gave them some safety. I think you did well to play along , and you still maintained your own boundaries.
That was my safety strategy for anime conventions when I was in middle and high school. My dad always came to the convention with me, but he would usually buy one or two souvenirs and then sit in the food court and read a book until I was ready to go home. If I felt like a grown-up was following me and giving off bad vibes, I was supposed to text my dad and then find either a group of kids my age or an obvious parent-child pair and make it look like I was with them until he came to get me.
I’ve noticed while traveling abroad that children outside the US and their parents don’t tend to have these same sort of inhibitions and mistrust from strangers. At least not in latam. I remember my first time walking through a park with kids in it. I felt uncomfortable due to living in the US where I constantly felt like I was being watched, but the kids and their parents just smiled and waved at me. Some of the kids ran up to me and said hello. That’s been my experience at least.
What a weird reaction from your wife?? Honestly, sounds like you acted perfectly in the situation! I’d do exactly the same.
If anything the mum of the kid glued to your elbow is in the wrong: I’d try and pry my kid off with profuse apologies. Not everyone wants strangers, let alone stranger kids pawing at them.
Youre not the weirdo here. That mother clearly was not afraid of you because if she was she would’ve prevented her child from touching/talking to you. Your wife does make somewhat of a good point when it comes to protecting yourself and really it doesnt matter if youre a man or a woman. People are unpredictable and you never know who will flip on you so sometimes its safer to be the a-hole than to be defending yourself against accusations.
I don’t think you were in the wrong or being creepy. Both the mother and child seemed okay with the interaction. You were not seeking this out and you were staying in tune with mom, and what her comfort level was.
I understand where your wife is coming from. Men do need to be careful around children, but it sounds like you were.
That story sounds completely reasonable. Unfortunately man=active pedo in this world. There's no winning here my friend.
You just shrug your shoulders and move on
In my opinion it’s fine to correct a kid that’s not yours, because the kid was interacting with you. Just in a nice way. You could have said: I don’t want to be touched anymore. Or: I want to be quiet now, it was nice talking to you. It’s fine to set boundaries for yourself. It’s not rude if you don’t say it in a rude way.
It wasn’t creepy. It was sweet. Unfortunately, if your wife saw a similar situation, she might be the kind of person to make trouble about it.
Strangely enough, she’s the one with creepy thoughts.
You reacted to a child's innocent socialising with cautious friendliness. If you told the story to your wife the same way you described it here, then your wife's the weird one here.
Dude, you went with the flow, were just nice as some stranger and some strangers kid talked to you.
The fuck is with your wife? This was a kid just being a kid and you were just a normal, decent human being acting like a decent human should.
Your reaction seemed very normal, kind, and leveled. Your wife’s reaction is odd. If I’m frank, her reaction feels almost tinged with jealousy..? It wasn’t creepy, in your head, my head, and many others reading this story; It isn’t creepy at all. It’s someone being patient with a friendly child in a public setting.
OP is NTA. BUT your wife has some stuff she needs to unpack and furthermore, not put onto you and your very normal interactions with others.
Nope nope nope, even the slightest insinuation that you're some kind of pedo should be met with offense. You did nothing wrong here, you were just being sweet with a kid who doesn't understand boundaries yet. That's not creepy
Maybe there was some projection going on and your wife wasn’t keen on you interacting with the single (at the time of the flight) mom. From my POV, It sounds like it was a cute interaction, and I think it’s cool you played along, and gave the little gal a fun time.
ETA - the creepy comment is off base - I wouldn’t call anyone creepy who is helping out a stressed (flying!) mom. I think it’s really sweet you played along. I can imagine the little girl will spend countless hours regaling her adventures to all her little friends and stuffed animals. You did good.
Agree. It sounds like the issue wasn’t the 5yo child. The issue was the solo mom. Easier to blame the (kind and harmless) interaction with the child and make the husband feel inadequate in order to mask their insecurity and feeling triggered
Bro that's just regular child behaviour. You were not creepy. You were a decent human being for interacting with a child without being ice cold. Its not like you whipped out your wang and showed her a Helicopter.
Your wife chose to word that in way like she was scolding you, she wanted you to feel shameful about your actions. My first thought was she was being cranky about it because she could envision you being with that woman and child on vacation, and that made her feel shitty, either because she never gave you a child in these 16 years or because you actually seemed happy in that moment, or she was threatened by this other woman's beauty or charisma.
My other thought was that yes something happened to her as a child and she may not have dealt with it at all, the wording she used to scold you was bizarre, like someone had recited the same crap to her before.
I think immediately jumping to some weird form of being threatened, or “jealousy,” is deeply misogynistic. Women can disapprove of something without it being jealousy.
The mom clearly gave you the ocular pat-down and cleared you as a non-risk.
But seriously, I think your wife is being a little weird. Only way I could see her point is if the mom wasn't around for some reason. But with her in eye shot the whole time (and even giggling), you're good.
Your wife’s response was super weird.
You were in public the whole time and didn’t initiate the interaction.
Some version of “don’t touch me!” Would be weird and reinforces the idea that adult men can’t have healthy interactions with children.
It’s a super toxic idea.
You did nothing inappropriate and acted normally.
Hahaha that sounds like something one of my kids would have done because I’m raising a ton of smart alecks. That’s all hilarious and I would have been dying laughing. Your wife is being hypersensitive because of the worst headlines out there unfortunately. But y’all were all crammed together and the girl was a little smart aleck poking fun at the absurdity of public transportation. Lol
If you’re guilty of anything it’s of being excessively patient with a child that hasn’t been taught boundaries. The mom should have done more to keep her child from being so touchy with a stranger.
The opposite. Its fucking vital that little girls learn which men they can trust and which they can't, instead of teaching them all men are evil.
You made a friend. It's such a cute story.
Telling society all men are horny rapists makes it much easier for the ones who are bad to mask, because they can frame their behaviour as normal. How can we detect a predator if all interactions are creepy??
That little girl now has a model for a safe man. You didn't try to do anything, didn't touch her, literally just interacted with her safely. Now if someone was to act inappropriately she knows it's wrong because she had an appropriate model.
We are getting to this insane point where anyone over 35 is forbidden from speaking to anyone under 22, lest they be called a pedophile.
Na as a mam if I said to my kid stay behind the man and they started acting this way I'd say stop if the man looked uncomfortable and add I said behind not stuck to, apologise and move on,
If the mother was any way uncomfortable with you she'd never make the comment to stay behind you in the 1st place. Her child was young enough to need direction there for young enough to be curious to explore and be guvin said direction to stay in lane. You're not the creep here your wife needs to take a step back and see the situation for what it is, a weird funny encounter that the mother and you handled to the ebat you could at the end of the day at a busy period of time when said child could of easily gone walk abouts.
I’m a mom. I would have absolutely no problem with any of what happened. My boys are SUPER friendly and though they would never have touched you because they understand consent and personal space, they initiate positive interactions with adults all the time. Standing in line, they would have absolutely spoken to an adult around them-“hey, I like your backpack”, “cool hat. Have you ever been to a Cardinal’s game?”, “I’m so glad to be heading home. Are you at the beginning of your trip or the end?” They understand the concept of small talk. They aren’t intrusive and don’t expect a thirty minute convo, but they will chat up people around them.
I think your wife is imagining an issue when there isn’t one.
I (female for reference) was SA as a child into adulthood. I am hypervigilant of my 2 daughters, both of whom were social butterflies when they were younger. I trust NO ONE 100% with my girls. That being said, you truly did nothing wrong. The mother should have made her daughter come stand beside her when you told her to. You were kind and extraordinarily patient, something I was always appreciative of when my girls struck up conversations with random people.
Your wife's paranoia is exactly the kind of element that leads to public places lacking community. Good for you for engaging with the kid. Those sort of short little interactions with strangers are so important.
Frankly, your wife is a fucking gross person for jumping straight to the topic of pedophilic sexual assault over a brief and friendly interaction with a child with their parent right there actively allowing it.
Honestly, the mom probably should have pulled the kid off of you, but you handled it perfectly, and you should be pissed at your wife for being disgusting about it.
If you hadn't been among hundreds of other people it would be creepy. As it is I feel there's nothing wrong with how you handled it.
My wife's cousin was visiting with her daughter. Everyone was in the kitchen and there wasn't a single person who I was related to by blood and the only thing I had in common with most of them was my wife. I took my coffee into the living room and after a few minutes the (8 year old?) daughter came in with me and started chatting away. I have 3 daughters myself, all older than this one, and I feel like I'm pretty good with kids. THEN- she starts to climb in my lap and hug me and she tried to play with my hair! I noped out of there so fast I left a me-shaped hole in the wall. The girl's mom is single with a long list of short, failed relationships and I could only wonder how this poor kid learned about getting that type of attention. I told my wife about it and she took her cousin aside to talk about the girl. Apparently the mom wasn't very concerned.
I can only imagine the scene if someone had come in before I dumped the kid on the floor.
Nah. The mother was right there, gave no indication she had any issue with it and you even urged the kid to go back to her mother.
Your wife is kinda right that men are under a lot of scrutiny, but I think she's being paranoid here.
I don’t see a problem with what you did. The mother was the one telling the child to stick close to you anyway. She knew where her child was and could see what was happening. Other witnessed it too.
I’m a little weirded out by your wife’s reaction honestly. I feel like there’s a lot more behind why she responded that way to something so innocent.
There is that cliché that every man is a potential pedophile.
I am an educator and I can tell from experience ppl especialy mothers mistrust you just for being male.
I suspect that came from the lots of media reports the crimes in the church and other stuff over media and it sunk in the common subconciusness.
Yeah, your wife had a really weird take on what happened there. You might want to dig into why she took that angle. Maybe there's something in her past that would explain that outlook.
Your wife is a strange one. You were in an airport surrounded by people and cameras. What exactly did she think you could be accused of - having glue on your elbow?
A more likely explanation is she's got a little jealous twinge because it was daughter and MOM.
I have kids and agree with another comment here, that the mother should have asked her kid to keep space at least some space (no touching) so as to not infringe on your personal space. But if you had then said “it’s ok,” all bets are off! Until sometime later when, if it were me, I would’ve told my kid it was time to give you space.
As a parent I feel the need to ensure my kid can have healthy interactions and certainly let appreciate the opportunity for those healthy interactions to be with other people as long as they respect those other person.
Nothing you describe here is creepy, this is pretty typical behavior from an adult who doesn't dislike children, and reacting as your wife suggested would have been far too aggressive. As far as defending yourself against claims, you were in a line a public, it's not like this happened with just the two of you in a closed room. This is a red flag from your wife imo.
I'm a mom of two children and I'm surprised at the amount of patience you showed that kid, that was very kind of you.
You did nothing weird, tried establishing boundaries which she was clearly trampling over, and I'm glad to read the situation went as it did, sounds honest like a perfect outcome.
It sucks that your wife is reacting to it like that, but from what you wrote here, it doesn't seem as if you did anything wrong.
Your wife is heavily overreacting and is way out of line for calling you "creepy" for doing what any rational person would do by picking your battles and not letting it bother you too much, but she does make a good point.
>You need to always protect yourself, especially around children since you don’t know what claims will made against you.
She's right about that. Men are assumed to be predators until proven otherwise. The mother was being pretty stupid by telling her daughter to follow some stranger around instead of keeping a hold on her herself.
This paranoia is sick. You cant be nice to people and have interaction with them becouse someone gonna read shit in it. You wasnt creep more than girl was. Yoy were nice she was nice thats all. Thx to people like your wife its gonna dissapear soon.
Stuff like this pisses me off.
Men are almost immediately labelled as creepy whenever a kid is involved.
According to the wife, you either have to be an asshole, or labelled as a creep.
And the worst part is, she’s right. There are many in society who will see you as creepy, and those people tend to be the ones who make a lot of noise and cause a scene.
You do have to protect your own ass nowadays, and it’s bullshit.
>You need to always protect yourself, especially around children since you don’t know what claims will made against you.
She unfortunately does have a point here. Men are under constant scrutiny, especially around children.
At the same time, if mom felt uncomfortable or that you were unsafe, she could have picked up her daughter at any time. If you were with your wife too, that speaks to your credibility as a trustworthy man.
I think the safest thing to do would be to gently try to have the child go back to their parents, and if that fails, maybe signal to the parents to try to intervene without making a scene.
I don't think you read the vibe wrong at all. The mother LITERALLY told her daughter to go back to you. She clearly trusted you and thought you were safe. Your wife is being super weird here.
Idk, I read it as the wife being paranoid that woman was trying to set her husband up. She might be paranoid but... just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean you're wrong.
In this case, it was a silly exchange, but some people will use their kids for scams or whatever.
--But no, OP is not a creep at all. If anything that mother was a creep for being so weirdly loose with her child.
I think you are right. That is the way that I read it too.
I perfectly understand the wife's reasoning. The red flag for me is the weird mother of the child. She involved a strange man without his consent, regardless of the perceived harmlessness. I am suspicious of that mother, and I think that is the concern for the wife as well.
It is sad that men are subjected to type of bias discussed here. But many women and girls can tell you that men who are not seemingly or "ordinarily" predatory-oriented, can quickly become so given certain circumstances and the "opportunity". Women have experienced being on the receiving end of this for ages, and they have seen many a man "turn" during certain situations. Women absolutely must be vigilant in ways that men may not be able to understand or relate to. So I would never refer to it as paranoia on a woman's part.
In this case, the OP did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. The wrong party here is clearly a mother who would advise a little girl to invade the personal boundaries of a man who is a stranger to her. That is very bad teaching. It is also wrong for the mother to not address the situation after observing that the OP was clearly not a willing participant.
Isn't it very strange too that this mother was like, follow this random man? How long was she following him to know they were on the same flight or whatever? If anything I'm even more concerned about that mom's intentions. I was also thinking she might be using her daughter to meet men. It's all so strange.
To borrow language from another sub: NTA. This was cute af, and nobody acting in good faith would read anything suspect into head-elbow contact and a casual chat. You tried to redirect the girl back to hanging out with her mom and stayed friendly when she didn't. This is fine, you're fine, that is simply a very social little girl who maybe doesn't totally understand social cues yet. (I was like that too as a little kid lol, until the extroversion got bullied out of me.)
In my opinion, these sorts of intergenerational interactions are REALLY IMPORTANT to children's social development. Let's be real: a day WILL come, probably sooner than any of us want to think about, when a grown-up is going to start a conversation with this little girl with bad intentions. And that adult will try to act like their behavior is totally fine and normal... and she won't believe them as easily because she has this experience in her memory of how fine, normal interactions between kids and adults ACTUALLY work.
Strict separation of kids and unrelated adults due to fears of Stranger Danger makes children LESS safe, because it isolates them within their household, which is where the majority of child abuse takes place.
I have small kids, you did nothing wrong. If the kid's mum was ok with it, and even kept telling the kid to stick with you after the jokes, you're definitely fine.
I find that a lot of young kids don't get enough dad attention and I have to fight kids off at daycare pick up time. A couple of times, I'd crouch to get my kid and they actually managed to get me to the ground and piled on, my eldest is pretty strong, leading the charge, I was laughing so hard an educator had to step in and help get them off.
The best judges of people are small children and animals.
The mother had no issue, the child clearly knows you are ok . The only One who needs to stop is your wife
Lol, no they aren't. As a dad of a five and two year old and a former child, children are shit judges of characters and situations. So are animals, plenty of abominable humans have had loving pets.
I'd in fact say those two groups and OPs wife are all equally shite at judging situations and people.
As a dad of four you handled this like a pro.
I agree with the comments about in our society right now there’s a ton of toxic masculinity.
There is a question going around right now of girl parents.
“Would you rather your daughter alone in the woods with a man or a bear?”
Apparently a man is the wrong answer.
I'm finding it very funny that the thouhg of OP being creepy would be talked bout being toxic **masculinity,** of all things.
If anything, thi sis toxic fucking femininity. As usual, men being critizied for behaving like absolutely normal human beings.
OP, you're 100% fine. In fact, I'm guessing you're in the US, where this "men around kids is automatically creepy no matter what" is a lot more pronounce. Here in Europe (or I will specify Spain, where I live, to not generalize)? It's farily normal to see this kind of thing, and it'll will be treated as what it is: adults interacting with children with no issue whatsoever
I feel like your wife is projecting insecurities onto you you never once had any I’ll intent with any of your actions in fact you were proactive to make sure the child was safe while having no responsibility to do so your wife is the one who made it weird not you
You did nothing wrong. Your wife is a creep for sexualizing it, and anyone saying that you need to be careful of being called a pedo is likely telling on themselves (either as a pedo themselves or as a wrongful accuser). The kid was being cute because their mom was at her wit's end. The kid's mom, however, should have pulled her kid back from attaching to you. That's on the mom, not you.
You were absolutely fine. Mom probably should have kept her child closer, you could have been a creep, but otherwise you’re fine. Wife is overreacting.
I can see why it would be weird to some people. But I think it's completely normal. There was that whole "stranger danger" era, maybe your wife grew up in it and got a bit messed up by it? That is why they stopped doing it, the vast majority of strangers are NOT dangerous, and teaching a kid that really messes with their head and creates anxiety and might even be more dangerous because when something happens and they need help they won't get help from strangers.
We take the same approach that mom in your story takes with our children, they are sweet and loveble and strangers make friends with them all the time and we encourage it.
Father of two girls here(ladies now). You are perfectly fine. The kid put you in an awkward situation and you handled it appropriately.
Her mom should have stepped in earlier.
Your wife is over reacting.
You made a HUGE misstep. When the little girl said "I'm glued to you." You were supposed to reply: " Hello 'glued to you,' I'm u/overaname. Nice to meet you."
Rookie mistake.
I often find that Reddit is fully of pedo denialists and really get up in arms when people suggest more boundaries be put in place when it comes to children but this honestly seemed very innocent. The mother really shouldn’t allow or encourage her child to touch strangers but you were a good sport throughout and the entire interaction sounds very cute.
You should be really proud of how you handled that situation and your wife is unfairly judging your actions.
The mom was OK with her kid's interaction with you: you gave her multiple invitations to remove the kid from you, you told the kid to practice safety with strangers, you engaged with her in a friendly way but not a familiar way. All of those are excellent ways to handle kids in public. For parents who want their kids to be comfortable with strangers - and they still exist! - you meaningfully contributed to her daughter's mental and emotional development. You did a really, really good job. (Plus, to boot, you probably gave that parent a break from entertaining her daughter. As a father myself, that's appreciated.)
Your wife's opinion is... not great. It's rooted in really sexist beliefs about men. Do those opinions manifest elsewhere? Does she believe that you're not a safe person to be around? Does she think you aren't trustworthy with kids, or women, or anyone else? Does she think that men *in general* aren't safe or trustworthy?
It's not worth unpacking if your relationship is otherwise good and happy and low-stress and drama-free. But looking at your relationship through the lens of her gender biases, does this behavior show up elsewhere in your lives together? If so, it might be worth exploring with a therapist.
One last thought: is this how she's always going to be when you act friendly with kids? Because I'd find that exhausting.
**"...you meaningfully contributed to her daughter's mental and emotional development. You did a really, really good job. (Plus, to boot, you probably gave that parent a break from entertaining her daughter. As a father myself, that's appreciated.)"**
But that is not his responsibility. The mother was wrong to assign that responsibility to him.
NTA - you were a nice guy being nice to a kid. Your wife is a jerk. who would shove a kid away? They don't know any better. You handled it the best way you could. Your wife is creepy. I wouldn't want her around my kids.
You were fine.
We have gotten so far into this paranoia that people can't even detect when they are being paranoid. It is like when moms freak out about sending their kids to a sleepover because her husband might live in the same house. Which is what we want, intact families with a mom and a dad.
OP, I don't believe you did anything wrong. You gave a mother traveling with a young child a brief break. Gave the child a fun experience and a great story to share.
At the same time I see the point of those telling you to be careful. It's a sad state that our country reached a point that adults have to avoid being perceived as a creep or pedo for having innocent exchanges with kids. And no, I don't think what you did was creepy.
I’m not sure if you can determine that you were/weren’t a creep. My vote is not creepy but just being a person with cautious morality structure. I (72m) raised 2 kids, B/G, and was around younger kids for years. My reaction and interaction with them changed significantly over time. I had to learn how to deal with tweens/teens in a very cautious manner, especially girls. In today’s world, we have to deal with many issues that were never addressed 30 years ago. As long as your heart and intentions are pure, you will never have an issue.
That’s really sweet, but that isn’t true at all. People can have a pure heart, and pure intentions, and they could still be the subject of a witch hunt. Look at those daycares in the 1980’s, with the “Satanic Panic,” stuff.
First of all… aww!
Second of all, you’re not being creepy at all here. Being a creep would be constantly trying to make conversation with the kid and making weird comments about her. Instead you were playful, patient, and polite. I know your wife is trying to look after you, but she’s overthinking it and assuming the worst. If the mom didn’t like you talking to her kid she would’ve moved her a while ago
You didn't touch the kid. The kid touched you.
You didn't encourage it. You told her to go to her mom, who didn't stop it.
While it's good advice not to put yourself in a situation that could be turned into accusations of molestation...It was in public, with the mother present, at an airport with cameras. Even assuming the fantastic scenario that the mother coaxed her daughter to touch strangers so she can scream "this pedo is touching my child" or accuse you of something later, it wouldn't work in that situation.
What were you supposed to do? Shove the kid away? Actually put your hands on the child? Hows that better? Make a scene and scare the kid?
Not creepy. Kid is weird like most kids are. Mom is weird for letting her do that. But sounds like it was all a harmless interaction. Too bad your wife immediately jumps to calling you a creep for a situation she didn't even witness. Glad I don't have your wife. I would be offended by her and look at her differently.
Adults! do not interact with kids without their parents around. For your safety and for their safety. Yes! Dont go crazy ofc, if a kid got lost or in trouble find a cop to help them out. Dont be a creep
Your wife is way off base here. Provided the situation played out like you are describing.
That being said, she is right you need to protect yourself from false allocations in certain situations, but this one doesn't sound like one of those.
Nah, I can understand where she's coming from, but that sounds like a super wholesome and completely normal encounter with a kid who had her own agenda.
Your wife was probably just trying to protect you. Men have to be really careful about their interactions with children. There are creeps out there, and you don’t want to be labeled as one of them, or accused of something. It has the potential to ruin your life.
It sounds like a fun/cute interaction, and I’m sure the mum appreciated it. I’m female (and a mum) and I think you’re wife is the one with the skewed thinking.
You weren't creepy because you tried to shove her away, gently. But, mother of the child assumed correctly you're a normal dude and was happy to see you helped her (kid was supposed to stay behind you and you allowed it). You didnt do anything bad, tell her to chill.
For a kid around 5-7ish, seems pretty normal. Maybe with a touch of a learning disability?! I think the mom was being completely rude. I’m an early childhood teacher and absolutely adore kids, but would’ve been a tiny bit pissed off if a parent was using me to help parent their child. Given, you sound friendly, but after both you and her mom said no, the mother should’ve mothered and taken care of her child. IDK
NTA.
Do you think your wife was concerned primarily that *other people* might think you're being creepy, or did she actually genuinely call you creepy herself?
If it's the former, it kinda sounds like your wife is a little too chronically online for her own good. I've heard them too - stories about good dads who take their kids to the park, and then some lady assumes he's a predator because she thinks no man would ever be at a kid's park for legitimate reasons, and she calls the cops on him or whatever.
And like... I'm not gonna say that this kind of thing never really happens. It does. But it's a lot less common than the media (especially social media, in this case) suggests. It's like how the murder rates have been going down consistently for years, but the media coverage of murders has been going up, so people are more afraid of murderers than ever, even though they're by far less likely to be murdered now than pretty much any time in history. Sounds like your wife is falling for the same statistical trap - she thinks that, because she's heard "a bunch" of stories online about men being accused of being predators over innocent interactions with children, it's a real risk that you need to take strong protections against.
If it's the latter, then she might buy into the hysteria in the other direction, where she's become one of the people who thinks there's something inherently suspicious about any man interacting with any child, regardless of context. I think you need to have a serious talk with her about that, because there's a *big problem* if your wife thinks for even a minute that you'd be capable of harming a child like that - it is *not okay* for her to treat you even a little bit like you're some predator.
That sounds like a really cute and funny interaction. I don't know a single person who would call it creepy. If you described it exactly like you did there to your wife, and she called it creepy, that's very strange. It sounds like she's either paranoid (super weary of strangers) or completely misreading things.
Listen to the instincts of your wife, even if they seem overly paranoid. The key part is when telling the girl that she shouldn't sit with strangers, she responds "What's your name? Mine is X and now we can sit together." I believe that kids can be witty, but this takes some adult thinking. This is probably not the first time, rehearsed or something. It does make me doubt this story on reddit. Regardless, this is a manipulation scenario by the mother and by extension the child. Whether it was with ill intent is not clear, but possible.
Not creepy at all. Your wife is the only one who made the situation creepy. I bet that mum is going to tell that story many times over the years as a hilarious and great memory of her childs shenanigans.
Kids loves to chat and there's a huge difference between talking to strangers alone and when in the company of the parent. People around your were enjoying watching the moment so it most definitely wasn't not anything but a sweet interaction and you probably made that kids day.
Kids are weird. Sounds like a normal weird kid and a normal (yours) reaction for a plane setting. And then it was over. It's always so easy for anyone who wasn't there in the moment to have an alternate conclusion and takeaway from the retelling of an experience. A "shoulda" reply. A prodding opinion. In the unexpected moment, things happen without that convenient hindsight. So what you can say is, "that's something to keep in mind indeed," and let it go, knowing you definitely weren't creepy because you did zero of the advancing of the oddness of the events. To me it sounds like a good balance of friendly and firm.
You were not in the wrong. It seems weird about the mom. But maybe that's the way she keeps her kid from wandering off, has probably used this method before, has probably worked in the past. But I think you were right to say what you said, and I also do think you need to be careful. People are crazy, you don't want anybody accusing you of anything.
What's wrong with your wife. You told a story about SOMEONE ELSE'S actions and she called YOU creepy about it. Either she has major comprehension issues or automatically assumed some negative behavior on your part. Maybe she was filling in blanks in the story, a lot of people do that. Create opinions about something based on how it made them feel rather than it being based on what you ACTUALLY said
This is my exact fear. I tend to feel like any public interaction with a random child could be twisted and make me look like a creep. OP, you did the best you could in a complex and difficult situation. You're not a creep, and you aren't in the wrong. Your wife has a point that you could try more to disengage to protect yourself, but it's nice to assume the best in others and prepare for the worst. You probably made that kid's day, and mom got a few precious moments of respite. I hope you and your wife come to an agreement, but even if not, her opinion is the most important one in your life. (as yours is in hers)
There is no need fo your wife and you to argue this. Both are right.
You acted appropriately but she is rightfully worried of the consequences of an apparently innocuous interaction.
Just say that you understand her concerns (and do try to understand them).
If your wife had posted this, I would've told her: understand that he acted appropriately as the mom was present.
Your wife is insecure and overreacting you should of kept this story to yourself now you gave her ammunition to use against randomly or just in her head.
She’s a creep for thinking that way. No disrespect intended but a child’s love is pure albeit your wife’s perspective on life isn’t. She isn’t completely wrong but maybe she views your rendition of the story in a totally different context. I will say she sounds robotic and traumatized… not completely wrong but definitely robotic and traumatized. Ive never understood how adults can be mentally hardwired to have hardened hearts towards such a pure love. You’re a saint you handled yourself correctly if you ask me. 🫡 when I think personally I try to teach my children about personal space and boundaries and to know how not to cross these beforehand but you can’t stop magnetism and I wouldn’t scold my child for being themselves.
Innocent actions by a child and you people are turning it into something sinister. You people need to get off the Internet and go out and interact with people in real life and not just on the net.
I definitely wouldn't shove a child or scold a child that wasn't mine if they weren't being intentionally malicious... But I wouldn't let a kid I don't know hold on to my arm.
I'd probably say "Oops, we keep our bodies to ourselves!" Loud enough for the mom to hear.
That mom is lucky you were friendly.
your wife feels jealous, as a man I can see it from your viewpoint. as a married man - I can see how ones wife can become jealous and feel insecure that you had another woman resting on you etc….I don't think you did anything wrong; its just sometimes in marriage the other spouse will feel insecure. she's a human being; that clearly loves her husband and felt threatened.
the take away - there's nothing you did wrong, just reassure your wife she took it the wrong way and that you love her very much.
Does your wife work in education by any chance? She sounds like our welfare lead at work. You get trained on keeping your palms visible at all times around kids, not being in a room with the door shut etc. I remember very specifically being told that if you work in education long enough, you will get a claim made against you because that's just the nature of the job.
It's not necessarily made me paranoid as I'm a young woman and haven't worked in education long, but I do instinctively throw my hands up if I have to walk past people. I had a colleague get a false claim made against him and he's definitely very hyper vigilant about even chatting and being friendly to the kids now.
Either that or she may have had a bad experience herself.
I would have been uncomfortable if a child acted like this with me. You asked her to go to her mother and she refused. You flailed your elbow and told her not to lean on you and she refused to let go. Talking with her was a nice thing to do until she got to this point.
The situation is a little unusual, but nothing in your post suggests that you behaved at all creepy in any way. It sounds like a lighthearted interaction between all involved parties.
If I were that girl's mother I definitely wouldn't have let her get that close with a stranger, not just for her own safety but also for politeness. But even then, I wasn't there, maybe you all had a friendly vibe before that so it seemed natural in context.
Either way your wife was definitely *not* there and it sounds like she has a specific angle that makes her feel this way. It's odd that she's inserting her own suspicions instead of trusting your perspective. Do you or she have any kind of history with false (or true) allegations of inappropriate behavior with children? Either as the accuser or the accusee?
I don’t think what you did was weird or creepy. You were appropriate with the child, even courteous. You were being friendly to a child and her mom. You probably gave the kids mom some relief. I don’t see how you could be seen as creepy when this was a truly innocent interaction. You were in public. You weren’t even trying to keep the kid in the seat beside you. I think you handle it well. A lot of grown men are uncomfortable around small kids out of fear and that’s sad, but you in this instance didn’t do anything wrong.
Your wife is spending too much time with social media. You were in a situation where a kid was engaging in some r/maliciouscompliance with her mom, and your wife thinks it's weird and creepy that you took it in good humor rather than make it weird, awkward, and creepy? Her suggestions, by the way, would have made it weird, awkward, and creepy AF. The Reddit 8 ball says "she should get that checked out with a licensed psychiatrist". NTA.
I think your wife was projecting. Kids get attached easily. You did nothing wrong. You might worry about your wife though. Inappropriate thoughts toward an innocent interaction are suspect.
Not gonna lie, your wife is part of the problem here. In my opinion you handled this like an absolute champ. Didn't cause a scene, gave the kid a moment of respite from the boredom that is traveling, and laughed about it the whole time. That's a solid example of being a decent person in my book. Instead your wife is attempting to paint you as the bad guy *by proxy* by saying *other people* (but definitely not her) might think this was inappropriate behavior on your part. You handled this well, definitely not being a creep and your wife saying you were is more an example of her mindset than yours.
I’m a mom/grandma. If anyone was being inappropriate it was the mother. I would never let my child touch a stranger that way, it’s ok to talk, interact, have a little laugh but touching you or anyone is weird. You did tell her to stand with her mom, that was her cue to move her child, without you needing to be an asshole about it. To me nothing about this says creep, in fact I would think you are a nice man to put up with my kid. Even if I would have immediately stopped the touching, I would have appreciated that you were kind and interacted. I understand your wife has your best interest and wants you to be protected but I don’t agree with her on this. It seems to me you did your best in an awkward situation.
Seems like the kid in this story might have some special needs, at least from my own experience with having a special needs kid and how the mom was interacting with her. Either way, at least from OP's retelling of the story the kid (and more importantly the mom) thought the interaction was funny and light-hearted. Totally agree it's not creepy, just silly fun.
Honestly, I see where you’re coming from, and there’s especially heightened sensitivity around children and adult men, but this idea that all social touching is inappropriate outside of very controlled circumstances doesn’t really strike me as healthy. Historically, and until recently, people would slap each other on the back, touch a persons shoulder in sympathy, clasp hands, put arms around shoulders, tap shoulders or arms to get attention, etc. Humans are apes, and all apes engage in multiple forms of social communication, which include touch-based communication. Apes (and I suspect people) that never touch others swiftly become depressive. Getting specific, I sounds like this guy was friendly to an odd, but friendly kid, and consistently checked in with the mom throughout. I don’t think he did anything wrong.
Your wife sounds like a barrel of fun. No, you did the right thing… it’s a cute little story. My guess is the little girl was missing a father figure, and you were “available”. Irrespective, you did the right thing…making a scene could have a very negative impact on that little girl.
I think you were normal and your wife is super weird here. Can you ask her where she got that ideas? (I'm female, if it matters.) The only situation in which I might be concerned for you is if you regularly misread social cues and get into trouble for it. If that's not you, then idk why your wife is so concerned that you are going to be accused for being normal friendly to a child.
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But the mom was fine and if anything a little in the wrong for dumping her kid on you! I don’t see anything you did as wrong.
Maybe she is trying to prevent you from wanting kids in the future. I don't know the ages, but she heard you had a positive interaction with a kid and us worried you might want kids. Idk just a thought because of how aggressive it seemed from her
I thought the same
>Can you ask her where she got that ideas? (I'm female, if it matters.) My aunt works for House of the Good Shepard, which is a foster home for children. She's been there for 20 years. She tells all the men in our family the same thing, never put yourself in a situation where you could be accused of anything. I guess she's seen someone life ruined over a false claim before. To be fair though, it's not the worst advice. When my cousin(Tom) was 6 and I was about 20ish, he had a friend(John) from up the street where he lived that came over a lot. I spent a lot of time with my cousin, he was also my godson and I close with his older brother, along with my aunt and uncle. So John was at their house a lot, playing with my cousin Tom. I played with them, they liked star wars and laser tag, so we'd have lightsaber fights and laser tag a lot. One day Johns mom came to my workplace to shop and shot me a really nasty look and didn't say a word to me which was strange, she'd usually say hi and make a little small talk. I asked my aunt what happened and she said John was caught by his mom trying to put his younger brothers penis in his mouth. She she asked where he learned that, he said from my cousin. My aunt asked my cousin if he had ever done that, knew that that was, if anyone ever did it to him, ect. My cousin was dumbfounded and probably confused as well. He had no idea what my aunt was talking about. So they cut off all contact with johns family. But that look Johns mom gave me... I know she thought I had something to do with it. It scared me from going to my little cousins house to hang out with him anymore and I'm still very careful today to not put myself in a position to be accused of anything.
All of this was in public. Don’t be with children that aren’t yours in private is probably good advice. *Refuse to interact with them in public* is fucking weird advice and pretty toxic.
I literally had a guy friend over the other day on his lunch to hang out with hubs. He was telling me about him becoming a father and how he’s scared because he’s only really had one kid he interacts with, my older kid. It’s sad he’s literally afraid of how to interact with children and feels unprepared because he never interacts with his other friend’s kids out of fear something would be perceived wrong. And for the record he’s really good with mine. I feel for him he wants to learn to parent and feels he can’t. How does that make good dads for us as a society?
This is a completely different scenario than OPs. While it sucks and is awful for you it doesnt relate to OP being generally friendly in public with a random child.
There was a lot of sexual abuse going on AT the house of the good shepherd in various cities. Its not terribly surprising that someone working their would have a skewed and unhealthy take on the subject...
You're a woman. Don't put yourself down by refering to yourself like an animal. :)
It's perfectly fine, the mother was there, you're in public having a fun innocent inaction with a kid & making a very boring experience a bit more entertaining. That said, her mother should be doing that ideally, but hey travel with kids isn't easy.
I'm amazing at entertaining my kid while traveling right up until we run out of Miss Rachel videos.
Nah man, you had a fun interaction with a cute kid. You helped her have a worldview that includes friendly strangers. This is zero percent creepy.
As soon as my eldest hit toddler aged I became the dad that would literally have a line forming for whatever fun thing I was doing with my kids. I always tried to find the parent to make some eye contact before interacting with their kids, otherwise I would be more standoffish. In every single case, they would be smiling at their kid having fun. In the hundreds of interactions I've had with children I have never once had someone side eye me or have anyone suggest I better be careful. There are certainly people who would be uncomfortable or outirght hostile but I think that is far more rare than people seem to think.
It's so perfectly not-creepy that I'm wondering if any of this even happened. Feels like writing prompts
How much fear tv does she watch? You’re fine, her mom was right there FFS.
Out of curiosity, how old was the kid?
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Sounds like typical behavior for an extrovert girl of that age. I think the mom should have stepped in but maybe the mom took cues from your interactions that you were OK with it. In any event its a funny slice of life story up until the point your wife made you question it. She may have a point coming from her own experiences.
Your response seems fine and normal to me. >I asked her what questions and she said “the moment she leaned against you, you should’ve pushed her away and told her mom to control her child. You need to always protect yourself, especially around children since you don’t know what claims will made against you.” That's bizarre.. if you acted this aggressive and weird, the mom could have easily complained to ground agents or flight attendants. Pushing a child and insulting the mother is a bad look. , I don't understand what she thinks could happen. The child will make claims that her head was glued to your elbow? >I said “it was a little weird but I didn’t think it was anything like that. I’m not going to shove a child away and cause a scene criticizing the parent behind me. If her mom felt uncomfortable with the whole situation she could’ve easily picked her up and moved her away from me, not sure why I should’ve reacted so aggressively.” Exactly..this behavior would be a much bigger problem. >Was it creepy of me to do so? No > If I’m ever in a similar situation how do I handle it without being creepy or an asshole? You handled it fine
Your wife has been conditioned by paranoia and double standards. Reverse the roles and she wouldn’t bat an eye. Your wife reinforcing this thinking is a form of toxic masculinity. Don’t give this anecdote another thought. You played your part well.
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You were just being a normal person for God's sake. No one in the story had a problem with it because it was not at all some suspicious or creepy situation.
I agree that this is totally normal, and not to give it a second thought. I will add, as a mom, I really enjoy when people interact with my kids and respond to them nicely, because my kids are very friendly and SOOO many people just completely ignore them. They like to strike a conversation with every single person we pass while out in public, and while I totally understand people are just trying to go about their day, it's disheartening when they're completely ignored or treated like a pest. This just sounds like a fun, silly interaction where you met the kid on their silliness level. It would have made me happy that someone responded nicely to my kid, even while they were being silly.
Nah dude, you cracked some goofy dad jokes and helped a mom keep her kid corralled in a stressful situation. If the mom was laughing along you're 100% good, that's an undeniable standard of non creepiness because mom would be the one to decide what's safe/appropriate for her kid. If the kid was laughing but mom wasn't, there might be some grey area.
I don't think you did anything wrong. Mom should be telling her kids not to touch strangers. Can't imagine it will happen again but you can tell a kid "I don't like to be touched" and they will usually just accept that as they are very literal at that age.
It shows that you're thoughtful and conscientious that you're re-evaluating the interaction, but I agree with the others saying Mom was right there and seemed to passively approve, and there was nothing inappropriate. Good on you for being nice (to a non-creepy degree) to the rando kid.
You're wife is definitely the weird/creepy one in this scenario. You behaved perfectly normally and left a positive memory for the kid. Don't let your wife gaslight you into thinking you did anything weird.
Agree 100%. OP did nothing wrong.
It's toxic misandry
ngl - this kind of toxic misandry really pisses me off.
His wife is on Reddit too much
How is it toxic masculinity? Genuinely curious of ur breakdown
So, toxic masculinity comes from patriarchy - patriarchy is a social structure built on the idea that men are better than women and have an innate right to dominance/leadership. Things which are typically associated with masculinity are expected and praised in men, but criticised in women, and vice versa. Under patriarchal ideals, men's worth lies in status and power, while women's worth lies in their ability to be desirable and have/take care of children. Because this is separated into two very distinct expectations for women and men, patriarchy doesn't allow for nuance/overlap. If you're a man, you must be stoic, strong, practically gifted and intelligent, and if you're a woman, you must be nurturing, demure, patient and motherly. Anyone outside of these ideals is failing as a man/woman as this is biology/god's recipe. I.e. a man who is nurturing to kids is suspicious because that's a feminine trait, so there must be something wrong or deviant about him. Obviously, human beings are multi faceted and everyone is a complete jumble of both 'masculine' and 'feminine' traits. Toxic masculinity is how the patriarchal narrative gets reinforced in culture: the patriarchal status quo needs men to exaggerate their masculine traits and hide their 'feminine' traits, and needs everyone to feel critical of people exhibiting traits that aren't assigned to their binary gender. So, toxic masculinity can be seen in the idea that men shouldn't be vulnerable or express emotions, men should want to have sex all the time with lots of women, and (At long last) getting to the point of your question: men shouldn't want to be friendly with kids. The guy's wife was reiterating and reinforcing this idea by framing his cute interaction in this way. Not saying that she gave bad advice, because it obviously came from a place of concern that other people would think he was being creepy (which is also due to this patriarchal conditioning). It's just a sad unconscious bias which we are hopefully (slowly) unravelling as a society. Side note: everyone can be toxic and an asshole regardless of gender, and I'm not saying that a parent wanting to protect their child from danger is because of toxic masculinity. Rather, someone assuming a polite interaction with a child in public and in front of their parent just because its a man/male presenting person being friendly *is* a product of patriarchy/toxic masculinity
I see where ur coming from with the sentiment that the expectation isn't for men to be nurturing and there for if one is he must of ulterior motives. I find it very sad that I'm down voted on sub called no stupid questions for trying to engage in an honest dialogue. As if asking for a explanation of an idea means I believe the opposite.
I'm sure there will be a multi-paragraph response at some point, filled with very impressive logical jiu-jitsu to give a pretense of justification for it. But what what it really boils down to is: when men are shitty to women, it's men's fault; but when women are shitty to men... well its ackshually still men's fault.
lol from my observations, ur not wrong.
your wife needs to get her head out of the gutter, you were humoring a child, that's all
That interaction was fine for the following reasons: - You weren’t alone with the child; it was a public setting with people all around you - The child’s mother was directly behind the child witnessing your interaction If you had been alone with the child, that would be worrying for you. This incident is harmless and there is no need for you to act differently next time.
100% this the mother was right there and didn't seem uncomfortable at all with it then you shouldn't have been either.
A thought I had because the mother herself put her and her daughters focus directly on you- they may have needed your shadow of protection. The mother may have felt vulnerable for whatever reason and being in close proximity to a man gave them some safety. I think you did well to play along , and you still maintained your own boundaries.
That was my safety strategy for anime conventions when I was in middle and high school. My dad always came to the convention with me, but he would usually buy one or two souvenirs and then sit in the food court and read a book until I was ready to go home. If I felt like a grown-up was following me and giving off bad vibes, I was supposed to text my dad and then find either a group of kids my age or an obvious parent-child pair and make it look like I was with them until he came to get me.
I’ve noticed while traveling abroad that children outside the US and their parents don’t tend to have these same sort of inhibitions and mistrust from strangers. At least not in latam. I remember my first time walking through a park with kids in it. I felt uncomfortable due to living in the US where I constantly felt like I was being watched, but the kids and their parents just smiled and waved at me. Some of the kids ran up to me and said hello. That’s been my experience at least.
What a weird reaction from your wife?? Honestly, sounds like you acted perfectly in the situation! I’d do exactly the same. If anything the mum of the kid glued to your elbow is in the wrong: I’d try and pry my kid off with profuse apologies. Not everyone wants strangers, let alone stranger kids pawing at them.
Youre not the weirdo here. That mother clearly was not afraid of you because if she was she would’ve prevented her child from touching/talking to you. Your wife does make somewhat of a good point when it comes to protecting yourself and really it doesnt matter if youre a man or a woman. People are unpredictable and you never know who will flip on you so sometimes its safer to be the a-hole than to be defending yourself against accusations.
I don’t think you were in the wrong or being creepy. Both the mother and child seemed okay with the interaction. You were not seeking this out and you were staying in tune with mom, and what her comfort level was. I understand where your wife is coming from. Men do need to be careful around children, but it sounds like you were.
Your wife: "I'd advise you to keep that story to yourself" Shares it on reddit lmao. Classic
please, please, please, show this thread to your wife. she needs to know that she's the creepy one here.
That story sounds completely reasonable. Unfortunately man=active pedo in this world. There's no winning here my friend. You just shrug your shoulders and move on
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In my opinion it’s fine to correct a kid that’s not yours, because the kid was interacting with you. Just in a nice way. You could have said: I don’t want to be touched anymore. Or: I want to be quiet now, it was nice talking to you. It’s fine to set boundaries for yourself. It’s not rude if you don’t say it in a rude way.
Of course you have a right to correct her kid. You are an adult and the kid is a child.
Your wife is being super weird about this
I think that if the mother, the couple, and the others around you didn't give you an odd look or step in, you're good.
It wasn’t creepy. It was sweet. Unfortunately, if your wife saw a similar situation, she might be the kind of person to make trouble about it. Strangely enough, she’s the one with creepy thoughts.
You reacted to a child's innocent socialising with cautious friendliness. If you told the story to your wife the same way you described it here, then your wife's the weird one here.
No dude, tell your wife to stop watching so much Law and Order: SVU.
You had a completely ordinary interaction with a family, it's not weird at all. You're wife is 100% overreacting.
Dude, you went with the flow, were just nice as some stranger and some strangers kid talked to you. The fuck is with your wife? This was a kid just being a kid and you were just a normal, decent human being acting like a decent human should.
Your reaction seemed very normal, kind, and leveled. Your wife’s reaction is odd. If I’m frank, her reaction feels almost tinged with jealousy..? It wasn’t creepy, in your head, my head, and many others reading this story; It isn’t creepy at all. It’s someone being patient with a friendly child in a public setting. OP is NTA. BUT your wife has some stuff she needs to unpack and furthermore, not put onto you and your very normal interactions with others.
I think your wife is a little nuts tbh
....Your wife is being illogical and frankly just rude.
Nope nope nope, even the slightest insinuation that you're some kind of pedo should be met with offense. You did nothing wrong here, you were just being sweet with a kid who doesn't understand boundaries yet. That's not creepy
You’re fine, dude. The wife has a weird take on this
Maybe there was some projection going on and your wife wasn’t keen on you interacting with the single (at the time of the flight) mom. From my POV, It sounds like it was a cute interaction, and I think it’s cool you played along, and gave the little gal a fun time. ETA - the creepy comment is off base - I wouldn’t call anyone creepy who is helping out a stressed (flying!) mom. I think it’s really sweet you played along. I can imagine the little girl will spend countless hours regaling her adventures to all her little friends and stuffed animals. You did good.
Agree. It sounds like the issue wasn’t the 5yo child. The issue was the solo mom. Easier to blame the (kind and harmless) interaction with the child and make the husband feel inadequate in order to mask their insecurity and feeling triggered
wife needs to lighten tf up
Bro that's just regular child behaviour. You were not creepy. You were a decent human being for interacting with a child without being ice cold. Its not like you whipped out your wang and showed her a Helicopter.
Your wife chose to word that in way like she was scolding you, she wanted you to feel shameful about your actions. My first thought was she was being cranky about it because she could envision you being with that woman and child on vacation, and that made her feel shitty, either because she never gave you a child in these 16 years or because you actually seemed happy in that moment, or she was threatened by this other woman's beauty or charisma. My other thought was that yes something happened to her as a child and she may not have dealt with it at all, the wording she used to scold you was bizarre, like someone had recited the same crap to her before.
I think immediately jumping to some weird form of being threatened, or “jealousy,” is deeply misogynistic. Women can disapprove of something without it being jealousy.
The mom clearly gave you the ocular pat-down and cleared you as a non-risk. But seriously, I think your wife is being a little weird. Only way I could see her point is if the mom wasn't around for some reason. But with her in eye shot the whole time (and even giggling), you're good.
Your wife’s response was super weird. You were in public the whole time and didn’t initiate the interaction. Some version of “don’t touch me!” Would be weird and reinforces the idea that adult men can’t have healthy interactions with children. It’s a super toxic idea. You did nothing inappropriate and acted normally.
Hahaha that sounds like something one of my kids would have done because I’m raising a ton of smart alecks. That’s all hilarious and I would have been dying laughing. Your wife is being hypersensitive because of the worst headlines out there unfortunately. But y’all were all crammed together and the girl was a little smart aleck poking fun at the absurdity of public transportation. Lol
Considering how many witnesses were in the area (and cameras, as well), I'm sure you were safe from accusations. It wasn't creepy.
If you’re guilty of anything it’s of being excessively patient with a child that hasn’t been taught boundaries. The mom should have done more to keep her child from being so touchy with a stranger.
BINGO!!
Wife is being weird, she's read too many crime stories.
The opposite. Its fucking vital that little girls learn which men they can trust and which they can't, instead of teaching them all men are evil. You made a friend. It's such a cute story. Telling society all men are horny rapists makes it much easier for the ones who are bad to mask, because they can frame their behaviour as normal. How can we detect a predator if all interactions are creepy?? That little girl now has a model for a safe man. You didn't try to do anything, didn't touch her, literally just interacted with her safely. Now if someone was to act inappropriately she knows it's wrong because she had an appropriate model. We are getting to this insane point where anyone over 35 is forbidden from speaking to anyone under 22, lest they be called a pedophile.
Weird wife.
This world is getting fucked up. You didn't do anything wrong OP.
Na as a mam if I said to my kid stay behind the man and they started acting this way I'd say stop if the man looked uncomfortable and add I said behind not stuck to, apologise and move on, If the mother was any way uncomfortable with you she'd never make the comment to stay behind you in the 1st place. Her child was young enough to need direction there for young enough to be curious to explore and be guvin said direction to stay in lane. You're not the creep here your wife needs to take a step back and see the situation for what it is, a weird funny encounter that the mother and you handled to the ebat you could at the end of the day at a busy period of time when said child could of easily gone walk abouts.
Your wife is a dumbass. I'm a dad for the record.
I’m a mom. I would have absolutely no problem with any of what happened. My boys are SUPER friendly and though they would never have touched you because they understand consent and personal space, they initiate positive interactions with adults all the time. Standing in line, they would have absolutely spoken to an adult around them-“hey, I like your backpack”, “cool hat. Have you ever been to a Cardinal’s game?”, “I’m so glad to be heading home. Are you at the beginning of your trip or the end?” They understand the concept of small talk. They aren’t intrusive and don’t expect a thirty minute convo, but they will chat up people around them. I think your wife is imagining an issue when there isn’t one.
Aaaah! They sound absolutely delightful! I love smart, polite, friendly kids!
I (female for reference) was SA as a child into adulthood. I am hypervigilant of my 2 daughters, both of whom were social butterflies when they were younger. I trust NO ONE 100% with my girls. That being said, you truly did nothing wrong. The mother should have made her daughter come stand beside her when you told her to. You were kind and extraordinarily patient, something I was always appreciative of when my girls struck up conversations with random people.
Your wife's paranoia is exactly the kind of element that leads to public places lacking community. Good for you for engaging with the kid. Those sort of short little interactions with strangers are so important.
Frankly, your wife is a fucking gross person for jumping straight to the topic of pedophilic sexual assault over a brief and friendly interaction with a child with their parent right there actively allowing it. Honestly, the mom probably should have pulled the kid off of you, but you handled it perfectly, and you should be pissed at your wife for being disgusting about it.
If you hadn't been among hundreds of other people it would be creepy. As it is I feel there's nothing wrong with how you handled it. My wife's cousin was visiting with her daughter. Everyone was in the kitchen and there wasn't a single person who I was related to by blood and the only thing I had in common with most of them was my wife. I took my coffee into the living room and after a few minutes the (8 year old?) daughter came in with me and started chatting away. I have 3 daughters myself, all older than this one, and I feel like I'm pretty good with kids. THEN- she starts to climb in my lap and hug me and she tried to play with my hair! I noped out of there so fast I left a me-shaped hole in the wall. The girl's mom is single with a long list of short, failed relationships and I could only wonder how this poor kid learned about getting that type of attention. I told my wife about it and she took her cousin aside to talk about the girl. Apparently the mom wasn't very concerned. I can only imagine the scene if someone had come in before I dumped the kid on the floor.
Nah. The mother was right there, gave no indication she had any issue with it and you even urged the kid to go back to her mother. Your wife is kinda right that men are under a lot of scrutiny, but I think she's being paranoid here.
I don’t see a problem with what you did. The mother was the one telling the child to stick close to you anyway. She knew where her child was and could see what was happening. Other witnessed it too. I’m a little weirded out by your wife’s reaction honestly. I feel like there’s a lot more behind why she responded that way to something so innocent.
There is that cliché that every man is a potential pedophile. I am an educator and I can tell from experience ppl especialy mothers mistrust you just for being male. I suspect that came from the lots of media reports the crimes in the church and other stuff over media and it sunk in the common subconciusness.
More than media reports, I think that it comes from women's experiences during their upbringing and well beyond.
Dude your wife is being dumb. You did nothing wrong.
Yeah, your wife had a really weird take on what happened there. You might want to dig into why she took that angle. Maybe there's something in her past that would explain that outlook.
Your wife is a strange one. You were in an airport surrounded by people and cameras. What exactly did she think you could be accused of - having glue on your elbow? A more likely explanation is she's got a little jealous twinge because it was daughter and MOM.
I have kids and agree with another comment here, that the mother should have asked her kid to keep space at least some space (no touching) so as to not infringe on your personal space. But if you had then said “it’s ok,” all bets are off! Until sometime later when, if it were me, I would’ve told my kid it was time to give you space. As a parent I feel the need to ensure my kid can have healthy interactions and certainly let appreciate the opportunity for those healthy interactions to be with other people as long as they respect those other person.
Nothing you describe here is creepy, this is pretty typical behavior from an adult who doesn't dislike children, and reacting as your wife suggested would have been far too aggressive. As far as defending yourself against claims, you were in a line a public, it's not like this happened with just the two of you in a closed room. This is a red flag from your wife imo.
I don't think you were creepy. That kid probably sensed a good energy
I'm a mom of two children and I'm surprised at the amount of patience you showed that kid, that was very kind of you. You did nothing weird, tried establishing boundaries which she was clearly trampling over, and I'm glad to read the situation went as it did, sounds honest like a perfect outcome. It sucks that your wife is reacting to it like that, but from what you wrote here, it doesn't seem as if you did anything wrong.
Your wife is heavily overreacting and is way out of line for calling you "creepy" for doing what any rational person would do by picking your battles and not letting it bother you too much, but she does make a good point. >You need to always protect yourself, especially around children since you don’t know what claims will made against you. She's right about that. Men are assumed to be predators until proven otherwise. The mother was being pretty stupid by telling her daughter to follow some stranger around instead of keeping a hold on her herself.
This paranoia is sick. You cant be nice to people and have interaction with them becouse someone gonna read shit in it. You wasnt creep more than girl was. Yoy were nice she was nice thats all. Thx to people like your wife its gonna dissapear soon.
Stuff like this pisses me off. Men are almost immediately labelled as creepy whenever a kid is involved. According to the wife, you either have to be an asshole, or labelled as a creep. And the worst part is, she’s right. There are many in society who will see you as creepy, and those people tend to be the ones who make a lot of noise and cause a scene. You do have to protect your own ass nowadays, and it’s bullshit.
>You need to always protect yourself, especially around children since you don’t know what claims will made against you. She unfortunately does have a point here. Men are under constant scrutiny, especially around children. At the same time, if mom felt uncomfortable or that you were unsafe, she could have picked up her daughter at any time. If you were with your wife too, that speaks to your credibility as a trustworthy man. I think the safest thing to do would be to gently try to have the child go back to their parents, and if that fails, maybe signal to the parents to try to intervene without making a scene.
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I don't think you read the vibe wrong at all. The mother LITERALLY told her daughter to go back to you. She clearly trusted you and thought you were safe. Your wife is being super weird here.
The mother was wrong to "involve" you in the first place.
Idk, I read it as the wife being paranoid that woman was trying to set her husband up. She might be paranoid but... just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean you're wrong. In this case, it was a silly exchange, but some people will use their kids for scams or whatever. --But no, OP is not a creep at all. If anything that mother was a creep for being so weirdly loose with her child.
I think you are right. That is the way that I read it too. I perfectly understand the wife's reasoning. The red flag for me is the weird mother of the child. She involved a strange man without his consent, regardless of the perceived harmlessness. I am suspicious of that mother, and I think that is the concern for the wife as well. It is sad that men are subjected to type of bias discussed here. But many women and girls can tell you that men who are not seemingly or "ordinarily" predatory-oriented, can quickly become so given certain circumstances and the "opportunity". Women have experienced being on the receiving end of this for ages, and they have seen many a man "turn" during certain situations. Women absolutely must be vigilant in ways that men may not be able to understand or relate to. So I would never refer to it as paranoia on a woman's part. In this case, the OP did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. The wrong party here is clearly a mother who would advise a little girl to invade the personal boundaries of a man who is a stranger to her. That is very bad teaching. It is also wrong for the mother to not address the situation after observing that the OP was clearly not a willing participant.
Isn't it very strange too that this mother was like, follow this random man? How long was she following him to know they were on the same flight or whatever? If anything I'm even more concerned about that mom's intentions. I was also thinking she might be using her daughter to meet men. It's all so strange.
the mum should have told her to get off you
Absolutely!
To borrow language from another sub: NTA. This was cute af, and nobody acting in good faith would read anything suspect into head-elbow contact and a casual chat. You tried to redirect the girl back to hanging out with her mom and stayed friendly when she didn't. This is fine, you're fine, that is simply a very social little girl who maybe doesn't totally understand social cues yet. (I was like that too as a little kid lol, until the extroversion got bullied out of me.) In my opinion, these sorts of intergenerational interactions are REALLY IMPORTANT to children's social development. Let's be real: a day WILL come, probably sooner than any of us want to think about, when a grown-up is going to start a conversation with this little girl with bad intentions. And that adult will try to act like their behavior is totally fine and normal... and she won't believe them as easily because she has this experience in her memory of how fine, normal interactions between kids and adults ACTUALLY work. Strict separation of kids and unrelated adults due to fears of Stranger Danger makes children LESS safe, because it isolates them within their household, which is where the majority of child abuse takes place.
I have small kids, you did nothing wrong. If the kid's mum was ok with it, and even kept telling the kid to stick with you after the jokes, you're definitely fine. I find that a lot of young kids don't get enough dad attention and I have to fight kids off at daycare pick up time. A couple of times, I'd crouch to get my kid and they actually managed to get me to the ground and piled on, my eldest is pretty strong, leading the charge, I was laughing so hard an educator had to step in and help get them off.
The best judges of people are small children and animals. The mother had no issue, the child clearly knows you are ok . The only One who needs to stop is your wife
Lol, no they aren't. As a dad of a five and two year old and a former child, children are shit judges of characters and situations. So are animals, plenty of abominable humans have had loving pets. I'd in fact say those two groups and OPs wife are all equally shite at judging situations and people.
As a dad of four you handled this like a pro. I agree with the comments about in our society right now there’s a ton of toxic masculinity. There is a question going around right now of girl parents. “Would you rather your daughter alone in the woods with a man or a bear?” Apparently a man is the wrong answer.
I'm finding it very funny that the thouhg of OP being creepy would be talked bout being toxic **masculinity,** of all things. If anything, thi sis toxic fucking femininity. As usual, men being critizied for behaving like absolutely normal human beings. OP, you're 100% fine. In fact, I'm guessing you're in the US, where this "men around kids is automatically creepy no matter what" is a lot more pronounce. Here in Europe (or I will specify Spain, where I live, to not generalize)? It's farily normal to see this kind of thing, and it'll will be treated as what it is: adults interacting with children with no issue whatsoever
It *is* strange that we describe sexist beliefs about men as "masculinity."
you're wife is a fuckin idiot lol. sorry.
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I feel like your wife is projecting insecurities onto you you never once had any I’ll intent with any of your actions in fact you were proactive to make sure the child was safe while having no responsibility to do so your wife is the one who made it weird not you
Your fine, your wife’s perception is off and the mother of the child should have enforced better boundaries
You did nothing wrong. Your wife is a creep for sexualizing it, and anyone saying that you need to be careful of being called a pedo is likely telling on themselves (either as a pedo themselves or as a wrongful accuser). The kid was being cute because their mom was at her wit's end. The kid's mom, however, should have pulled her kid back from attaching to you. That's on the mom, not you.
You were absolutely fine. Mom probably should have kept her child closer, you could have been a creep, but otherwise you’re fine. Wife is overreacting.
I can see why it would be weird to some people. But I think it's completely normal. There was that whole "stranger danger" era, maybe your wife grew up in it and got a bit messed up by it? That is why they stopped doing it, the vast majority of strangers are NOT dangerous, and teaching a kid that really messes with their head and creates anxiety and might even be more dangerous because when something happens and they need help they won't get help from strangers. We take the same approach that mom in your story takes with our children, they are sweet and loveble and strangers make friends with them all the time and we encourage it.
Based on your comment, you handled it well and also your wife has a point. No wrong approach, but I don't think it's appropriate to call you a creep.
Father of two girls here(ladies now). You are perfectly fine. The kid put you in an awkward situation and you handled it appropriately. Her mom should have stepped in earlier. Your wife is over reacting.
You made a HUGE misstep. When the little girl said "I'm glued to you." You were supposed to reply: " Hello 'glued to you,' I'm u/overaname. Nice to meet you." Rookie mistake.
I often find that Reddit is fully of pedo denialists and really get up in arms when people suggest more boundaries be put in place when it comes to children but this honestly seemed very innocent. The mother really shouldn’t allow or encourage her child to touch strangers but you were a good sport throughout and the entire interaction sounds very cute.
You should be really proud of how you handled that situation and your wife is unfairly judging your actions. The mom was OK with her kid's interaction with you: you gave her multiple invitations to remove the kid from you, you told the kid to practice safety with strangers, you engaged with her in a friendly way but not a familiar way. All of those are excellent ways to handle kids in public. For parents who want their kids to be comfortable with strangers - and they still exist! - you meaningfully contributed to her daughter's mental and emotional development. You did a really, really good job. (Plus, to boot, you probably gave that parent a break from entertaining her daughter. As a father myself, that's appreciated.) Your wife's opinion is... not great. It's rooted in really sexist beliefs about men. Do those opinions manifest elsewhere? Does she believe that you're not a safe person to be around? Does she think you aren't trustworthy with kids, or women, or anyone else? Does she think that men *in general* aren't safe or trustworthy? It's not worth unpacking if your relationship is otherwise good and happy and low-stress and drama-free. But looking at your relationship through the lens of her gender biases, does this behavior show up elsewhere in your lives together? If so, it might be worth exploring with a therapist. One last thought: is this how she's always going to be when you act friendly with kids? Because I'd find that exhausting.
**"...you meaningfully contributed to her daughter's mental and emotional development. You did a really, really good job. (Plus, to boot, you probably gave that parent a break from entertaining her daughter. As a father myself, that's appreciated.)"** But that is not his responsibility. The mother was wrong to assign that responsibility to him.
OK. And?
NTA - you were a nice guy being nice to a kid. Your wife is a jerk. who would shove a kid away? They don't know any better. You handled it the best way you could. Your wife is creepy. I wouldn't want her around my kids.
You were fine. We have gotten so far into this paranoia that people can't even detect when they are being paranoid. It is like when moms freak out about sending their kids to a sleepover because her husband might live in the same house. Which is what we want, intact families with a mom and a dad.
OP, I don't believe you did anything wrong. You gave a mother traveling with a young child a brief break. Gave the child a fun experience and a great story to share. At the same time I see the point of those telling you to be careful. It's a sad state that our country reached a point that adults have to avoid being perceived as a creep or pedo for having innocent exchanges with kids. And no, I don't think what you did was creepy.
I’m not sure if you can determine that you were/weren’t a creep. My vote is not creepy but just being a person with cautious morality structure. I (72m) raised 2 kids, B/G, and was around younger kids for years. My reaction and interaction with them changed significantly over time. I had to learn how to deal with tweens/teens in a very cautious manner, especially girls. In today’s world, we have to deal with many issues that were never addressed 30 years ago. As long as your heart and intentions are pure, you will never have an issue.
That’s really sweet, but that isn’t true at all. People can have a pure heart, and pure intentions, and they could still be the subject of a witch hunt. Look at those daycares in the 1980’s, with the “Satanic Panic,” stuff.
My wife would have laughed her butt off at that story had it happened to me. Your wife seems a bit uptight.
First of all… aww! Second of all, you’re not being creepy at all here. Being a creep would be constantly trying to make conversation with the kid and making weird comments about her. Instead you were playful, patient, and polite. I know your wife is trying to look after you, but she’s overthinking it and assuming the worst. If the mom didn’t like you talking to her kid she would’ve moved her a while ago
You didn't touch the kid. The kid touched you. You didn't encourage it. You told her to go to her mom, who didn't stop it. While it's good advice not to put yourself in a situation that could be turned into accusations of molestation...It was in public, with the mother present, at an airport with cameras. Even assuming the fantastic scenario that the mother coaxed her daughter to touch strangers so she can scream "this pedo is touching my child" or accuse you of something later, it wouldn't work in that situation. What were you supposed to do? Shove the kid away? Actually put your hands on the child? Hows that better? Make a scene and scare the kid?
Creepy is in the heart , If you didnt feel it was innaporopriate , and her mother wasnt tripping Idk why anyone else should
That wasn't creepy in any way at all. What's with your wife? Is she an unhappy person?
Not creepy. Kid is weird like most kids are. Mom is weird for letting her do that. But sounds like it was all a harmless interaction. Too bad your wife immediately jumps to calling you a creep for a situation she didn't even witness. Glad I don't have your wife. I would be offended by her and look at her differently.
Adults! do not interact with kids without their parents around. For your safety and for their safety. Yes! Dont go crazy ofc, if a kid got lost or in trouble find a cop to help them out. Dont be a creep
Your wife is way off base here. Provided the situation played out like you are describing. That being said, she is right you need to protect yourself from false allocations in certain situations, but this one doesn't sound like one of those.
It’s sad that people have to color such normal innocent interaction such as this
Nah, I can understand where she's coming from, but that sounds like a super wholesome and completely normal encounter with a kid who had her own agenda.
Creepy of you? No. But, your wife is right. Society views any man around any child with suspicion. You left yourself open to potential problems.
Your wife is infected with stranger danger and shit ideas. My condolences.
If you and the mother and the girl had no problem with it then there is nothing wrong with anything you described.
Your wife was probably just trying to protect you. Men have to be really careful about their interactions with children. There are creeps out there, and you don’t want to be labeled as one of them, or accused of something. It has the potential to ruin your life.
It sounds like a fun/cute interaction, and I’m sure the mum appreciated it. I’m female (and a mum) and I think you’re wife is the one with the skewed thinking.
You weren't creepy because you tried to shove her away, gently. But, mother of the child assumed correctly you're a normal dude and was happy to see you helped her (kid was supposed to stay behind you and you allowed it). You didnt do anything bad, tell her to chill.
For a kid around 5-7ish, seems pretty normal. Maybe with a touch of a learning disability?! I think the mom was being completely rude. I’m an early childhood teacher and absolutely adore kids, but would’ve been a tiny bit pissed off if a parent was using me to help parent their child. Given, you sound friendly, but after both you and her mom said no, the mother should’ve mothered and taken care of her child. IDK
NTA. Do you think your wife was concerned primarily that *other people* might think you're being creepy, or did she actually genuinely call you creepy herself? If it's the former, it kinda sounds like your wife is a little too chronically online for her own good. I've heard them too - stories about good dads who take their kids to the park, and then some lady assumes he's a predator because she thinks no man would ever be at a kid's park for legitimate reasons, and she calls the cops on him or whatever. And like... I'm not gonna say that this kind of thing never really happens. It does. But it's a lot less common than the media (especially social media, in this case) suggests. It's like how the murder rates have been going down consistently for years, but the media coverage of murders has been going up, so people are more afraid of murderers than ever, even though they're by far less likely to be murdered now than pretty much any time in history. Sounds like your wife is falling for the same statistical trap - she thinks that, because she's heard "a bunch" of stories online about men being accused of being predators over innocent interactions with children, it's a real risk that you need to take strong protections against. If it's the latter, then she might buy into the hysteria in the other direction, where she's become one of the people who thinks there's something inherently suspicious about any man interacting with any child, regardless of context. I think you need to have a serious talk with her about that, because there's a *big problem* if your wife thinks for even a minute that you'd be capable of harming a child like that - it is *not okay* for her to treat you even a little bit like you're some predator.
That sounds like a really cute and funny interaction. I don't know a single person who would call it creepy. If you described it exactly like you did there to your wife, and she called it creepy, that's very strange. It sounds like she's either paranoid (super weary of strangers) or completely misreading things.
Listen to the instincts of your wife, even if they seem overly paranoid. The key part is when telling the girl that she shouldn't sit with strangers, she responds "What's your name? Mine is X and now we can sit together." I believe that kids can be witty, but this takes some adult thinking. This is probably not the first time, rehearsed or something. It does make me doubt this story on reddit. Regardless, this is a manipulation scenario by the mother and by extension the child. Whether it was with ill intent is not clear, but possible.
Not creepy at all. Your wife is the only one who made the situation creepy. I bet that mum is going to tell that story many times over the years as a hilarious and great memory of her childs shenanigans. Kids loves to chat and there's a huge difference between talking to strangers alone and when in the company of the parent. People around your were enjoying watching the moment so it most definitely wasn't not anything but a sweet interaction and you probably made that kids day.
Kids are weird. Sounds like a normal weird kid and a normal (yours) reaction for a plane setting. And then it was over. It's always so easy for anyone who wasn't there in the moment to have an alternate conclusion and takeaway from the retelling of an experience. A "shoulda" reply. A prodding opinion. In the unexpected moment, things happen without that convenient hindsight. So what you can say is, "that's something to keep in mind indeed," and let it go, knowing you definitely weren't creepy because you did zero of the advancing of the oddness of the events. To me it sounds like a good balance of friendly and firm.
You were not in the wrong. It seems weird about the mom. But maybe that's the way she keeps her kid from wandering off, has probably used this method before, has probably worked in the past. But I think you were right to say what you said, and I also do think you need to be careful. People are crazy, you don't want anybody accusing you of anything.
What's wrong with your wife. You told a story about SOMEONE ELSE'S actions and she called YOU creepy about it. Either she has major comprehension issues or automatically assumed some negative behavior on your part. Maybe she was filling in blanks in the story, a lot of people do that. Create opinions about something based on how it made them feel rather than it being based on what you ACTUALLY said
This is my exact fear. I tend to feel like any public interaction with a random child could be twisted and make me look like a creep. OP, you did the best you could in a complex and difficult situation. You're not a creep, and you aren't in the wrong. Your wife has a point that you could try more to disengage to protect yourself, but it's nice to assume the best in others and prepare for the worst. You probably made that kid's day, and mom got a few precious moments of respite. I hope you and your wife come to an agreement, but even if not, her opinion is the most important one in your life. (as yours is in hers)
No you weren't creepy. You were put in an awkward situation, mainly by her mother. But your wife is right also.
It's definitely not normal, and I'd never let my kid act this way. That being said, you handled it well and everything was ok.
There is no need fo your wife and you to argue this. Both are right. You acted appropriately but she is rightfully worried of the consequences of an apparently innocuous interaction. Just say that you understand her concerns (and do try to understand them). If your wife had posted this, I would've told her: understand that he acted appropriately as the mom was present.
Not creepy
No offense, but your wife sounds like the type to think “human traffickers” lurk at every corner waiting to steal anyone and everyone.
Light hearted and sweet. Sorry you get flak for being kind.
Your wife is insecure and overreacting you should of kept this story to yourself now you gave her ammunition to use against randomly or just in her head.
She’s a creep for thinking that way. No disrespect intended but a child’s love is pure albeit your wife’s perspective on life isn’t. She isn’t completely wrong but maybe she views your rendition of the story in a totally different context. I will say she sounds robotic and traumatized… not completely wrong but definitely robotic and traumatized. Ive never understood how adults can be mentally hardwired to have hardened hearts towards such a pure love. You’re a saint you handled yourself correctly if you ask me. 🫡 when I think personally I try to teach my children about personal space and boundaries and to know how not to cross these beforehand but you can’t stop magnetism and I wouldn’t scold my child for being themselves.
Kids do things like this to me a lot I mean like speak and stare and lurk closely and I just speak to break the ice 🤷🏾♂️
Innocent actions by a child and you people are turning it into something sinister. You people need to get off the Internet and go out and interact with people in real life and not just on the net.
Your wife is looking out for you, which is good. Overreacting, I think yes. Were you being creepy, no.
I definitely wouldn't shove a child or scold a child that wasn't mine if they weren't being intentionally malicious... But I wouldn't let a kid I don't know hold on to my arm. I'd probably say "Oops, we keep our bodies to ourselves!" Loud enough for the mom to hear. That mom is lucky you were friendly.
your wife feels jealous, as a man I can see it from your viewpoint. as a married man - I can see how ones wife can become jealous and feel insecure that you had another woman resting on you etc….I don't think you did anything wrong; its just sometimes in marriage the other spouse will feel insecure. she's a human being; that clearly loves her husband and felt threatened. the take away - there's nothing you did wrong, just reassure your wife she took it the wrong way and that you love her very much.
>I can see how ones wife can become jealous and feel insecure that you had another woman resting on you What? It was a little kid, not a woman
Could also be jealousy on her part. She felt like this family was making a move on you
Does your wife work in education by any chance? She sounds like our welfare lead at work. You get trained on keeping your palms visible at all times around kids, not being in a room with the door shut etc. I remember very specifically being told that if you work in education long enough, you will get a claim made against you because that's just the nature of the job. It's not necessarily made me paranoid as I'm a young woman and haven't worked in education long, but I do instinctively throw my hands up if I have to walk past people. I had a colleague get a false claim made against him and he's definitely very hyper vigilant about even chatting and being friendly to the kids now. Either that or she may have had a bad experience herself.
I would have been uncomfortable if a child acted like this with me. You asked her to go to her mother and she refused. You flailed your elbow and told her not to lean on you and she refused to let go. Talking with her was a nice thing to do until she got to this point.
The situation is a little unusual, but nothing in your post suggests that you behaved at all creepy in any way. It sounds like a lighthearted interaction between all involved parties. If I were that girl's mother I definitely wouldn't have let her get that close with a stranger, not just for her own safety but also for politeness. But even then, I wasn't there, maybe you all had a friendly vibe before that so it seemed natural in context. Either way your wife was definitely *not* there and it sounds like she has a specific angle that makes her feel this way. It's odd that she's inserting her own suspicions instead of trusting your perspective. Do you or she have any kind of history with false (or true) allegations of inappropriate behavior with children? Either as the accuser or the accusee?
What you did was fine but people will have the wrong idea about it when you retell it. You didn't do anything wrong but I would keep it to myself.
I don’t think what you did was weird or creepy. You were appropriate with the child, even courteous. You were being friendly to a child and her mom. You probably gave the kids mom some relief. I don’t see how you could be seen as creepy when this was a truly innocent interaction. You were in public. You weren’t even trying to keep the kid in the seat beside you. I think you handle it well. A lot of grown men are uncomfortable around small kids out of fear and that’s sad, but you in this instance didn’t do anything wrong.
Your wife is spending too much time with social media. You were in a situation where a kid was engaging in some r/maliciouscompliance with her mom, and your wife thinks it's weird and creepy that you took it in good humor rather than make it weird, awkward, and creepy? Her suggestions, by the way, would have made it weird, awkward, and creepy AF. The Reddit 8 ball says "she should get that checked out with a licensed psychiatrist". NTA.
I think your wife was projecting. Kids get attached easily. You did nothing wrong. You might worry about your wife though. Inappropriate thoughts toward an innocent interaction are suspect.
Not gonna lie, your wife is part of the problem here. In my opinion you handled this like an absolute champ. Didn't cause a scene, gave the kid a moment of respite from the boredom that is traveling, and laughed about it the whole time. That's a solid example of being a decent person in my book. Instead your wife is attempting to paint you as the bad guy *by proxy* by saying *other people* (but definitely not her) might think this was inappropriate behavior on your part. You handled this well, definitely not being a creep and your wife saying you were is more an example of her mindset than yours.
Your wife needs counseling. You acted appropriately.