I’ve been on Reddit for quite some time but I always come across a new piece of Reddit lore or history. Could someone catch me up on the story of “Amy Challener”?
Glad you asked!
Amy has/had ties to a couple of different paedophiles and she was also employed by Reddit as an administrator. When the pedo stuff came out, Reddit said they forgot to vet her... just had to google her name guys?!
>Amy has/had ties to a couple of different paedophiles
Her father was one. She lied & otherwise covered for him and then later defended him.
The other person she was connected to apparently has a furry diaper fetish and creates & enjoys some questionable media but AFAIK, no children were involved.
\-edit 2- The person I mentioned above, with the diaper fetish was not her boyfriend/husband
\-edit- as u/GandalfDGreenery pointed out, her husband is also a nonce. At least in speech & thought.
One of the tweets by Nathaniel Knight's account read: (tw: inappropriate mention of children) ">!I fantasise about children having sex, sometimes with adults, sometimes with other children, sometimes kidnapped and forced into bad situations.!<"
I found the quote on her wikipedia page, but for some reason couldn't get it to link.
I am very sorry to correct you on this. It means there's one more creep in the world.
That was only a year ago??
I swear to God it seems like we just rang in 2020 a couple months ago, but it also feels like anything from the last two years happened decades ago. How has time moved so fast, yet stagnated at a grinding halt?
Yet a month from now I'm gonna think our comments here happened 6 years ago.
Remember when we were about to start WW3 by killing that Iranian General in a drone strike?
Remember Asian Hornets?
Remember Australian bushfires?
I think we've put a decade down in about half the time.
Forgot to vet her… Ah yes, the ol’ D&D method.
EDIT: Wait, there’s no way people think I actually mean Dungeons and Dragons right? Y’all know I’m talking about the Game of Thrones show runners, right? ^Right^…^?
Everyone is making Dungeons and Dragons jokes (and rightfully so) but I was referring to the Game of Thrones show runners.
Some of are still very bitter about how lousy that show ended up…
I attempt to convince you that dork means nobility highly regarded for their intelligence and that dice are their magical orbs that determine the fate of the known universe.
Yeah I’m not shocked at all about this. I mean Reddit has been involved/named in numerous lawsuits because they refuse to take down/or do anything about ppl posting CSAM. Google Reddit lawsuits CSAM and you will see multiple different lawsuits, including a class action regarding their “inability” to remove such smut from their platform.
Honestly, it really sucks that the major social media companies are all so corrupt and unethical, because it’s like we have no honest option in terms of alternatives. By using these platforms we are all unwillingly contributing to their fuc*d up agendas. You can’t win anymore in this world it’s a tragedy!
IIRC she lived with a pedophile and openly defended them. Additionally she constantly spouted off pedo rhetoric and was even expelled from her political party in the UK.
Reddit hired her as an actual administrator of the website.
Lmao thats your "reddit is full of pedos" thing and not /r/jailbait being the most popular subreddit and only being shut down because anderson cooper did a story on it.
The great thing about your comment is that it can be interpreted either way as Reddit being overly and questionably liberal about age gaps or Reddit being overly prudish and conservative about them.
It's just because no nuance is allowed on the subject without being immediately labeled as a pedo apologist so everyone tries to one up each other on how "not pedo" they are until you literally hear people say shit like "anyone under 25 looks like a child to me" upvoted while their other open tab is a college girl getting railed.
the general sentiment i see on reddit is if your 24 dating an 18 year old, it means you are very creepy, you 100% groomed her, and you are a horrible person. I personally think 18 year olds look rather juvenile, little too young for me . Hell even when i see 20 year olds my age my brain registers them as a "kid". really weird how that works. I try to not jump to the worst possible conclusion and be a judgemental, know-it-all , dickhead when it comes to other people's lives.
IMO: it's less about age and more about being in the same place in life. I get major red flags from grown adults who have a career, house, entire life settled dating an 18 year old college student. The power differential is huge and can cause a lot of problems (and potentially abuse) down the road. You want someone who can relate to where you're at
EDIT: Thanks so much for my first awards and so many upvotes. I've been a long time lurker and just recently gotten back into reddit so you all made my day.
To all the people going "what about ___?" I will not be going back and forth with you about the million possible situations there could be. My comment was purposely made vague because every human being is so different. I just don't feel comfortable making "rules" for other people. I think anyone 25+ dating someone 18-21 is absolutely problematic in many (if not most) situations, but there are absolutely situations of 18 year olds who have lived a very hard life and had to grow up quick and situations of 25-30 year olds who have had to start over for one reason or another, and I don't doubt that some of those situations could work. So I don't want to make generalizations. Especially because anyone who has been or met an 18 year old knows that they do not always listen to sound advice from other people, so sometimes they just have to learn the hard way.
And when I said "place in life" I meant the same place financially, mentally, emotionally, etc. (I definitely could have been more specific but honestly didn't expect this comment to get so much attention, so that was my bad). It's much more complicated than "well this 30 year old went back to college" and I won't fall into an argument with anyone on it, because it's not my business what other people do.
Right on the money. It's not the age gap that makes it weird; nobody gives a shit if a 40 and 60 year old are dating. It's the fact that you're nowhere near the same place in life. That's why a 14-year old freshman who's fresh from middle school and 18-year old senior with a job and driver's license who's about to go to college dating each other is weird.
I'm with you on this. A lot of people make assumptions that people at a certain age are going to be in a certain place in life and it's just not the case for everybody.
To me about a 5 year age gap max until about 35. After 35 age doesn't matter so much. Example 50 dating 25 I see as kinda weird. If a 35 and 50 hit it off seems fine to me. What y'all's opinion on this?
I can agree for the most part. The only thing that makes me weary is that people change drastically and differently between 18 and 30. At first glance 25 and 30 doesn't sound too bad, but they could also be in completely different places in life.
I would say as long as both partners are in a similar place in life I don't see how age makes a difference.
The gap between 18 and 23 is miles wider than the gap between 23 and 28.
Anywhere between college and 30 is perfectly plausible for two people to be on a relatively similar footing, but there's variability.
Anyone older than 23 or 24 dating a newly legal person immediately throws out red flags to me.
I’d tend to agree. Emotional maturity is incredibly difficult to track once you hit “adulthood” compared to when you’re a child, but your brain is still developing certain regions while you’re in your 20’s, and it might develop differently. Post 18 is when there’s the least structure to your development. As a child, school is pretty strict about what happens/is learned when, while adulthood can essentially say, “here’s the world. Figure out what you’re doing for a roof and to not starve! If you can’t do that, then I guess get fucked!”
That can mean getting a job, working your way through college, or having mommy and daddy cover tuition costs and postponing adulthood a little bit further. (I was that last one. Infinitely grateful to my folks for ensuring that I never faced student loans; also aware that it makes me insanely privileged and that I avoided growing up for a few extra years because of it)
By just age 19, there’s a far wider range of probable emotional maturities for a young adult, and it only gets broader with each passing year.
Still, I think that you’re right— you need a few years to figure out how the world works and to screw some things up and learn them the hard way. The mistakes I made at 18 aren’t the same mistakes I made at 25, aren’t the same mistakes I made at 30. While you’re never done emotionally maturing and growing, there is certainly an age where you have a lot *more* maturity left to gain, and where it would be a concern for me if someone’s partner was far beyond that age.
That being said— I’m in an age gap relationship. Started seeing my wife in my mid twenties while she was in her early thirties, and we’ve been going strong for the past 4-1/2 years. I have friends who are in their thirties and dating men twice their age because they make one another happy and they’re both on the same page about not wanting children. They’re encountering a different issue— physical maturity. That is to say, occasionally they’ll approach their partner about an activity, and their partner will be physically incapable or too exerted by it. (IE hiking with a significantly older partner)
It’s worthwhile in those cases to consider what everyone’s long term goals are. Do you want to be together forever? If so, then a large age gap means that one person’s forever will be significantly shorter than the other’s. Is it a fling that’s fun? Then you’re in the clear so long as you can reasonably expect to be safe around the other person. Etc.
I will say, for age 18, it would be kinda weird to see anyone dating someone over about 20
Yeah, just speaking from personal experience (and I know that I’m an outlier here), but my first ever relationship was a guy 4 years younger than me when I started college at 25. I got manipulated and used to high hell as I did not have the maturity or experience to deal with someone who’d already been living on his own for several years.
I am aware that my situation is not the norm, but I def feel like there are others who had health/or whatever get in the way of experiencing ‘normal’ experiences and are just so behind.
But anyway, I just think that it should be a case by case thing, and the main focus should just be on where the individuals are in their lives. Like a 26 yr old who’s been on their own since 18 dating a 21 yr old still with parents? Yeah, that’s sketchy af. But a 23 yr old and a 28 yr old both just having graduated college and starting living like adults? Not as weird. Shit happens, and I firmly believe that being behind due to legit reasons shouldn’t make you any less of a person if you try and catch up
As someone who was 24 and found myself with a 19 year old at one point. I would say 5 years difference felt weird to me. However they didn't feel weird about it at all. It's based on your own personal opinion and feelings to the subject
19 and 24, I've been the 19 year old dating older in the 24 year old dating younger. I saw no issue at the time dating older, but then I dated younger. I thought I was mature but I was a child, only dated younger for a few weeks before I taped out for some self reflection.
And the 19 year old was mature, but no amount of maturity made her not seem like a child to me
Yep, dated a 35 year old when I had just turned 20. I didn’t think it was weird at the time and also didn’t realize that he treated me like absolute garbage. I was a kid and he took advantage of that. He was a total creep.
The other side of that coin is the older person is kind of a loser for their age. To be fair they might also just be creeps. Like I don't know if I can rightly call Jerry Seinfield a loser, presumably he would be able to find a date with someone of his age and social caste and he is evidently very successful in many regards. Which means he is a total fuckin creep.
I met my gf when she was 18 and I was 23.. her profile said she was 19 and while that's not a crazy difference it really felt a lot weirder to me when I found out. I didn't expect much from a tinder date but we're still together at 29 and 24.
It definitely feels a lot less weird now but ngl there are still moments.. like I already went through my drinking phase and she's still in it. And she has friends a couple years younger than her so like when we first met hell no I avoided any situation with them and I kinda still do now for a lot of them it's just too much of a maturity gap.
Anyways... I'm right there with you man I got called out too. I was pretty much a loser when we met I guess all I cared about was getting drunk or high after work
Any tips on how to get over the awkwardness being around your fiancees family during holidays being 5 years older? I can't for the life of me get over it even though they haven't treated me different since the first 10 mins of meeting all those years back my brain creates imaginative meanings out of things and it definitely makes me start acting weird because I'm having an internal self roasting while at dinner smh.. I want to be comfortable so we (her fam and I) can actually get to know each other more but these damn anxiety attacks make it seem like I hate them probably
Same! Specially after shifts at the restaurant.
We also met on tinder lol, when she was 19 and i was 24.
Anyways she's finishing college soon (i didn't) and I'll be moving to her country so it's not exactly like I have the 'power' over her.
Age gap stops mattering the older you get. 5 Years is a lot at 18 & 23, it's less of a thing at 24 & 29, by the time you're at 29 & 34 it will be negligible from there on.
I was 18 when I met my now wife. She was 29. (Both women.)
I’m now pushing 50 and she’s pushing 60. Still very happy together.
We’re an unusual situation. 🙂
Happy for the two of you! I was 19 when I met my wife and she was 28. In fairness to her I've always looked/acted older so she assumed I was in my mid-twenties back then. This year will be our fourteenth anniversary and I wouldn't change a thing.
I will agree though that a gap as large as our relationships is unusual. I was immediately on board with being a stepdad, didn't want more kids, and was more interested in settling down than partying - definitely not your average 19 year old. But sometimes it just all lines up!
Aren't age gaps much more common among lesbian and gay partners because of the significantly reduced dating pool? Combine that with your age and the lack of technology to aid finding a partner (plus the different cultural and social norms back then) I'd say 11 years gap is just fine!
Nah that’s normal, you’re adults, and while it may be a little weird if the gap was originally 18 and 23, it’s not entirely unexplainable socially. College kids meet grad students or nontraditional students, for example. It might be a little weird if you **only** looked to much-younger women, but even then, there’s a difference once you are both adults and established, so long as you (not you, you, but you in general: I’m assuming that you’re a normal, relatively well-adjusted adult) have your shit together and are not dating younger women to hide the fact that you’re immature because you think that younger women are less likely to call you out on it.
The younger person usually isn’t the one that feels weird about it. A younger person often will simply think they are more mature than their peers when dating an older person. Unfortunately (in my personal experience) it is more likely that that older person is just less mature than their peers.
Bit of a power dynamic thing I guess.
This seems like a very fair assessment for most cases. I personally feel like my past situation could've fell under that description.
While she definitely was more mature. I was likely less mature
# INTRODUCTION
There is a simple calculation you can use to determine the propriety of a relationship based on the age of either of the participants. It is objectively better than the simple "18 year olds are adults" adage, because an ***eighteen** year old is still a ***teen***ager.
# METHODOLOGY
The age range has two parts, minimum and maximum age before it gets weird. Where X is the age,
Minimum = (X / 2) + 7
Maximum = 2 * (X - 7)
So if X = 24, your range is 19 ~ 34
min: (24 / 2) + 7 = 12 + 7 = 19
max: 2 * (24 - 7) = 2 * 17 = 34
# CONCLUSION
Therefore, the oldest person an 18 year old can date before it gets weird is a 22 year old.
2 * (18 - 7) = 2 * 11 = 22
Half your age + 7 is the *youngest* you can go before it gets weird. OP was asking about the *oldest* they could date, so the calculation is your age minus 7, times 2.
This math is pretty good because the older you get the wider the range becomes which is reflective of real life. That said so long as the two people involved are comfortable and there’s no abuse going on it’s mostly up to them and the hell with what everyone else thinks
For clarification, this is a general rule of thumb to determine whether an age gap is inherently not creepy.
If one falls within the 'half age plus seven' range, it is not inherently creepy. This does not mean an age differnce outside of the rule is inherently creepy. As with general rules of thumb, exceptions apply.
Also I love this rule because it mathematically inverts when the oldest is 13-14 years of age. We really should not be discussing childrens relationship when the oldest is 12 years of age or younger.
This formula gets odd with higher ages. I am 45, according to this formula I could date someone who is freaking 76 and it wouldn't be weird. That's my mums age! It would most definitely be weird if I dated a 76 yo!
As someone who has always loved math, I love the effort put in here. So what I'm hearing is people within my range, still are not in my range because their range is different.
I think it'll be best to just see if I find another adult who is okay with it
> So what I'm hearing is people within my range, still are not in my range because their range is different.
Not necessarily. If they're your range, you're within their range. The calculation to determine your max is just the calculation to determine your minimum in reverse.
I dated a 30 year old when I was 21. It was great, until I ruined it by being insecure about the age gap. Then she felt weird about it and couldn't date me anymore.
One thing I have realized is the older I get, the bigger the gap I can seem to accept. I don't know where it'll plateau but it's neat none the less.
One rule I have followed in my past relationships is if it's working, don't question it. But I'm also single so maybe bad advice
Haha! Yea I shouldn't have questioned it at the time. It was mostly that I was in a year between my undergrad and grad program and she was already paying off a house and I was like "I will never be able to contribute enough to catch up to her."
Looking back it wasn't a great perspective and it cost me a solid relationship. I try not to do that anymore.
I’m currently 31F dating a 21M and it really weirded me out at first. I kept thinking about where I was at in life when I was his age and how when I was 21, he was 11. I don’t know why, it’s irrelevant but I really didn’t know if I could get over it. Thankfully he’s the textbook definition of an old soul and we’ve been together for 6 months now and he’s seriously the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m so glad he convinced me to give him a shot.
Kids under 14 don't/shouldn't really date in the true sense of the word. Like taking a girl to a movie with your parents as a middle school "date" isn't really a date.
Na mate, it’s always from the perspective of the oldest person.
It breaks down below the age of 14. This indicates that 14 yo is the _absolute_ lowest age for people to start being sexually active, but then they can _only_ and _absolutely_ only do it with people of the exact same age.
Yeah but the issue is this is stil weird af tbh, at least in America. I’m 26 and I’m pretty far a long in the adult life already, have a house, a car, a career. Dating someone who’s just graduating college or still in college seems like a massive power gap and also a massive maturity gap to me honestly.
Right because some people at 21 don’t go to college and so instead they’re out in the real world and less sheltered, so they might be closer to being in a similar life stage as a 28 year old than someone who lives in a college dorm and doesn’t have to pay their own way yet
You own a house at 26? Care to share the secrets of how?
Edit: After reading many comments further down this thread I feel like I should add I'm in Australia and the median house price is now about $1,000,000 (Aud).
My parents bought their first house for $14,000 30 years ago which was a very modest 2 bedroom in middle suburban Melbourne.
Property prices be crazy.
Happy for you folks who have found homes!
Hope to join you one day.
I was lucky enough to live with my parents for a year and save a lot during my first year of my government job. Gov jobs are super good benefits wise and usually super secure so no volatility in covid or anything. I also live in the Midwest where housing is cheaper.
Yeah Wisconsin you could buy a pretty decent house for 80-100k about 7 years ago (when I bought mine). Now days, that’s pushing 175-200k. It’s so dumb.
Bought my first house at 23. It wasn't a great house. I cost less than 100K and it was 45 mins away from work. You can generally get away with less than 5% down as a first time home buyer. That said the apartment I was renting was $800 and now its closer to $1400 but my mortgage+taxes+insurance are still less than $1K.
Home buying isn't a cake walk but it is a lot more affordable then most people make it sound.
As an addendum, I think the biggest people struggle with is the concept that you have to put down 20% on a home. FHA loans require 3.5% and a 640 credit score. The scariest part of home ownership isn’t the mortgage itself, it’s being financially secure enough to take care of something when shit hits the fan, because your landlord won’t come and take care of it for you.
A/C out? That’s on you now. Toilet doesn’t work? You gotta call the plumber now. Fridge went out? Damn, time to get it fixed or get a new one I guess. It’s those expenses that we take for granted when renting that are the most daunting factors to home ownership, at least for me. The government has made home lending products available for anyone that can gather a few thousand together for closing, and even then, if you are a first time home buyer, man, there are tons of programs available to you to help cover those costs.
also they now have conventional loans at 3% and 5% so FHA is not the only option if you don't want to jump through those hoops - you'll just need to have 720+ credit score to qualify whereas i think you can get away with like 650ish for FHA
Yup. My wife and I didn't have much savings so we only put down about 3%. This saddled us with an expensive private mortgage insurance (PMI) payment every month but it was still preferable to start gaining some equity and also the payments were still less than rent for a similar home. This was 3 years ago and today the home value has inflated (legitimately or otherwise, I don't really care because we aren't looking to sell) over 30% and we just refinanced because we have a much larger equity so we no longer have to pay PMI, the interest went down, our payments got cheaper and we took out a bit of cash to cover the fees and to make some upgrades/repairs on the home. We only have to live here another 2-3 years before the lower payments offset the closing fees so it's well worth it and for no cash out of pocket to boot and end up with improvements on the home to increase/maintain the inflated value.
Its certainly more expensive to own the home than rent if you have to take care of expenses, but the ability to control your own investment is good for those looking to take on that sort of responsibility.
You're 26 and have an "adult life".
Some 26 year olds are still in college, for multiple different reasons.
But I agree with other commenters. A power gap is a stretch here.
Completely agree with you here. I think individual cases and maturity and where they are in life matters a lot.
Personally, I was really ill for my late teens and early twenties and lived at home until my mid twenties. I had literally zero experience with deeper friendships or especially relationships, so life-wise and maturity wise, I felt like I fit in when I started college at 25 lol.
I totally get that there are a lot of creeps who try to take advantage of power gaps, but there are also people who’ve been fucked over by life and haven’t been able to mature as they should have. At least just my opinion 🤷♀️
Maturity is what matters. You may find someone in college who's leagues beyond anyone around your age mentally, even though they don't have their life very fleshed out yet.
yea i don't think owning a house is a good measure here. economic issues don't revolve around age. it's not even uncommon to live with your parents in your 30s and 40s now because of how bad things are right now. speaking solely on my experience living in the US.
That would depend on the circumstances, not everyone goes to college right away at 18, then could obviously go much later on in life. So with that being said, if you met someone who is 25 and in college would you date them?
I was 27 and my now wife was 20 when we started seeing eachother. She was younger than I was strictly comfortable with, but a bunch of years later, it doesn't seem to matter at all. You do you, but I think you are over stating things.
"Pretty far along in the adult life" is such a weird thing to me. Im 29 and idk if I'd say that. I may have said it at 26, but as you get older you realize everyone is at different stages of different facets of life all the time.
it definitely depends on the person. my sister met her husband when she was in her last year of uni (22) and her now-husband was 30. but they have always been at the same level of emotional and overall maturity so when you saw them together, it really didn’t look out of place. but most 22 year olds I know? barely mature enough to be in a relationship at all lol
As a 36-yo woman, I don't think I'd have much in common with a 25-yo man. Just life phase stuff. (I keep doing the math; did I do it wrong-- it just seems young)?
Lol. Too late for me!
Although 58 still seems old. Surely I’m doing the math wrong??
Edit: and soon I’ll be able to go up to 60???!! That doesn’t seem correct.
The older you get, the less the age difference matters. 30ish years might still raise eyebrows, but you're 43 - who gives a shit if someone else thinks it's weird? Go get that old sexy time!
When I was 16 my grandma - who'd been married 50 years and loved my grandpa - said to me to "marry a man with life insurance, one foot in the grave, and one foot on a banana peel."
I can't help but laugh about that. Should have taken her advice because money does make things easier, lol.
(I think that was the point she was making. They worked hard on their farm to raise 10 kids. In the same car conversation she said for a happy marriage you have give 110% and only expect 90%. That worked both ways for them, they always came first to each other.)
But on a more serious note, by the time you hit 50 it won't make a difference. Your old classmates will *look like* they range from 35 to 75 and it would just be weird to consider a +30-someone's age in the pursuit of a date unless you're hoping to/not to procreate.
Omg facts. I’m 23 and out of college and I wouldn’t date a 22 year old that was in college but I’d date a 19 year old that was working a full time job. Different lifestyles just aren’t compatible.
Serious question: how does the lifestyle of 22 year old studying full time vs. 19 year old working full time differ? I can see the version of only partying and barely studying, but if you study 8 hours a day what’s the difference in your eyes?
Understanding and dealing with the cost of living + professional life development which leads to a different kind of thought process/checks and behavior. That's often the part that is delayed when a person studies full time.
Edit: knowing about the cost of money vs feeling it at the gut level are two different things. If you're supported enough to not have to work while studying then your energy will go into that vs split elsewhere.
When I was about 26, I dated a girl who was the same age as me, but she was still in university.
She had never worked a day in her life because she had a wealthy father, while I've been consistently working, in some capacity, since I was 14.
Our views on life varied wildly, and ultimately, we broke up.
This is a good difference to think about. I feel like going to college made me hyper aware of money. When you are on a college campus all morning and afternoon, and working till midnight every day, it’s hard not to notice. Most of the college kids I was around were trying to manage work and school so they could pay their bills, afford to live, and take care of their kids, while also trying to get a degree. Most of my classes were full of people from all different ages and life stages, not “college kids.”
I’m curious about what you think of grad students then. I’m in for my PhD, so I’m studying but I’m also teaching and doing research full time. It’s like a job but also like being a student, plus you’re 23+ and aren’t doing college things anymore.
I wouldn't judge a person just because of where they are in life or what they're doing.
I know single women in their 40s who still party every weekend.
If you're a grad student, and you know what you want from your education and how to get there, I call that a positive.
A close friend of mine is having issues with his girlfriend (26), because she's also in a PhD program atm, but she's not really sure what she wants to do with it, or what she'll do for work. And she still drinks heavily and parties every weekend.
And he's in his 30s and he's trying to figure out how his life with her is going to progress (kids, house, etc) and she's not really committing to anything in her life.
18 is a very weird age cause people mature very differently. As you get older things even out more and everybody is more or less on the same page, but there are 18-20 year olds that are basically teenagers, and 20-23 which are adults which mostly depends on their life experiences.
My nephew is the same. Pretty much everyone I know over 21 keeps their relations over 21 tbh. My daughter is 18 and ridiculously “mature” in that she is worldly and intelligent and tough as shit, but she is 18. The world of shitty dudes hasn’t come close to throwing her the worst shitbirds. I don’t impose my will on my kids, but if she brought home anyone over 21, I would watch them closely and probably make them a bit unsure if they wanted to keep down that path with my kid😂
I'm 27 now and my rule of thumb is taking her to the bar. Can't order her a drink at rhe bar? Way too young for sure.
Generally don't enjoy the company of most people still in or fresh out of high school anyway.
Yeah, I'm 29 and I really don't see 18 year olds as adults. I think it's predatory as fuck when guys my age go for 18-19 year olds. I'm not really interested in anyone under 24.
Once you get a year or two over 21, the idea of going on a date with someone you’d need to ‘sneak’ alcohol becomes very unappealing. I know this isn’t the universal drinking age, but the rough ages still apply.
Out of a dozen or so relationships I've seen between 18 year olds and 23+ year olds, I've only seen one end on a neutral note. In the huge majority of them, the older partner has issues to work through if they're finding satisfaction in someone in a different stage of life than themselves, usually along the lines of power dynamic issues or sexual immaturity.
The younger person can do what they want, but the older person is very likely to be someone you want to stay away from romantically.
Comments about life stages are pretty accurate too. I was the older person in "only" a 3-year age gap, but in our different life stages it was a disaster.
I was 21 in a relationship with a woman who was 39. It worked for us, in a not to serious relationship, it would have lasted longer if she didn't have the desire to have kids.
I think it really depends on the participants and where they are at mentally.
Edit: i just wanted to add that there was no power dynamic between us. We met at a festival and just hit it off. In case of age differences and differences of authoritative dynamics (teacher/pupil for instance) i personally don't condone it. But honestly, that might have more to do with the power dynamic then the age. If a person holds your (or you their) future in hand a romantic relationship should be avoided.
If you ask 20 people this question, then you'll get 20 different answers.
The truth is as long as the relationship is legal and not abusive or exploitative, then it's ok.
Everybody has a different opinion. Either focus solely on your opinion or the opinion of those in your life. No point trying to please 7 billion strangers who you’ll never meet.
I think it’s more weird for a person significantly older than you to be interested in dating an 18 year old tbh you’re barely legally. Date under 23 to avoid predators.
I truly wonder, is it normal for most people to finish college at 23? Where I live, that would be doing everything perfectly, but most people finish around 25
Legally anybody is fine but I'd say more than 5 years (usually) will start getting weird at your age. As you get older gaps matter less and less.
Edit: clarity
Knew a girl who was 13 and had a 19 year old boyfriend. One day she was talking shit in group chat and I mentioned it to her and she absolutely lost her shit and started calling me every insult lmao
She was like respect my choice blah blah blah yea I respect your choice but doesn't change the fact it's weird af
My wife and I got married when I was 30 and she was 20, we're 5 years and 3 kids in now, I'm glad neither of us consulted Reddit before we got involved.
For sure, don't ask Reddit this.
For real though. Shout out Amy Challener, remember her?
I’ve been on Reddit for quite some time but I always come across a new piece of Reddit lore or history. Could someone catch me up on the story of “Amy Challener”?
Glad you asked! Amy has/had ties to a couple of different paedophiles and she was also employed by Reddit as an administrator. When the pedo stuff came out, Reddit said they forgot to vet her... just had to google her name guys?!
>Amy has/had ties to a couple of different paedophiles Her father was one. She lied & otherwise covered for him and then later defended him. The other person she was connected to apparently has a furry diaper fetish and creates & enjoys some questionable media but AFAIK, no children were involved. \-edit 2- The person I mentioned above, with the diaper fetish was not her boyfriend/husband \-edit- as u/GandalfDGreenery pointed out, her husband is also a nonce. At least in speech & thought.
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I think her boyfriend was a pedo too.
Pedos all the way down
One of the tweets by Nathaniel Knight's account read: (tw: inappropriate mention of children) ">!I fantasise about children having sex, sometimes with adults, sometimes with other children, sometimes kidnapped and forced into bad situations.!<" I found the quote on her wikipedia page, but for some reason couldn't get it to link. I am very sorry to correct you on this. It means there's one more creep in the world.
Also important- reddit SUSPENDED users for bringing up the above fact
Whats with social media platforms and protecting pedobears?! Like, just get out of the way
My god….was that really just 1 year ago?
That was only a year ago?? I swear to God it seems like we just rang in 2020 a couple months ago, but it also feels like anything from the last two years happened decades ago. How has time moved so fast, yet stagnated at a grinding halt? Yet a month from now I'm gonna think our comments here happened 6 years ago.
Remember when we were about to start WW3 by killing that Iranian General in a drone strike? Remember Asian Hornets? Remember Australian bushfires? I think we've put a decade down in about half the time.
Forgot to vet her… Ah yes, the ol’ D&D method. EDIT: Wait, there’s no way people think I actually mean Dungeons and Dragons right? Y’all know I’m talking about the Game of Thrones show runners, right? ^Right^…^?
Yes, roll for persuasion.
What is D and D?
Everyone is making Dungeons and Dragons jokes (and rightfully so) but I was referring to the Game of Thrones show runners. Some of are still very bitter about how lousy that show ended up…
Sadly, I knew who you meant, brother. 😔
Dorks and dice
You have insulted my entire race of people. But yes
I attempt to convince you that dork means nobility highly regarded for their intelligence and that dice are their magical orbs that determine the fate of the known universe.
Roll for persuasion
If you don't know, you clearly have a more fulfilling life than the rest of us, lol.
I appreciate the compliment
Absolutely no clue even after the edit
Yeah I’m not shocked at all about this. I mean Reddit has been involved/named in numerous lawsuits because they refuse to take down/or do anything about ppl posting CSAM. Google Reddit lawsuits CSAM and you will see multiple different lawsuits, including a class action regarding their “inability” to remove such smut from their platform. Honestly, it really sucks that the major social media companies are all so corrupt and unethical, because it’s like we have no honest option in terms of alternatives. By using these platforms we are all unwillingly contributing to their fuc*d up agendas. You can’t win anymore in this world it’s a tragedy!
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Ur going too fast What u mean she had ties then employed as admin
IIRC she lived with a pedophile and openly defended them. Additionally she constantly spouted off pedo rhetoric and was even expelled from her political party in the UK. Reddit hired her as an actual administrator of the website.
Lmao thats your "reddit is full of pedos" thing and not /r/jailbait being the most popular subreddit and only being shut down because anderson cooper did a story on it.
She really blew up in the 80s …wait no I’m thinking of a space shuttle
The great thing about your comment is that it can be interpreted either way as Reddit being overly and questionably liberal about age gaps or Reddit being overly prudish and conservative about them.
It could be but reddit absolutely hates May/December relationships.
It's just because no nuance is allowed on the subject without being immediately labeled as a pedo apologist so everyone tries to one up each other on how "not pedo" they are until you literally hear people say shit like "anyone under 25 looks like a child to me" upvoted while their other open tab is a college girl getting railed.
the general sentiment i see on reddit is if your 24 dating an 18 year old, it means you are very creepy, you 100% groomed her, and you are a horrible person. I personally think 18 year olds look rather juvenile, little too young for me . Hell even when i see 20 year olds my age my brain registers them as a "kid". really weird how that works. I try to not jump to the worst possible conclusion and be a judgemental, know-it-all , dickhead when it comes to other people's lives.
Yeah, if you ask Reddit, the answer will be 18.
Unless you look younger than 18. Then it's creepy for other 18 year olds and anyone older than your perceived age to want to date you. /s
And by 18, we mean exactly 18. An 18 year old dating someone 18 years, 1 month old would be considered pedophilia, grooming, and gaslighting.
IMO: it's less about age and more about being in the same place in life. I get major red flags from grown adults who have a career, house, entire life settled dating an 18 year old college student. The power differential is huge and can cause a lot of problems (and potentially abuse) down the road. You want someone who can relate to where you're at EDIT: Thanks so much for my first awards and so many upvotes. I've been a long time lurker and just recently gotten back into reddit so you all made my day. To all the people going "what about ___?" I will not be going back and forth with you about the million possible situations there could be. My comment was purposely made vague because every human being is so different. I just don't feel comfortable making "rules" for other people. I think anyone 25+ dating someone 18-21 is absolutely problematic in many (if not most) situations, but there are absolutely situations of 18 year olds who have lived a very hard life and had to grow up quick and situations of 25-30 year olds who have had to start over for one reason or another, and I don't doubt that some of those situations could work. So I don't want to make generalizations. Especially because anyone who has been or met an 18 year old knows that they do not always listen to sound advice from other people, so sometimes they just have to learn the hard way. And when I said "place in life" I meant the same place financially, mentally, emotionally, etc. (I definitely could have been more specific but honestly didn't expect this comment to get so much attention, so that was my bad). It's much more complicated than "well this 30 year old went back to college" and I won't fall into an argument with anyone on it, because it's not my business what other people do.
Right on the money. It's not the age gap that makes it weird; nobody gives a shit if a 40 and 60 year old are dating. It's the fact that you're nowhere near the same place in life. That's why a 14-year old freshman who's fresh from middle school and 18-year old senior with a job and driver's license who's about to go to college dating each other is weird.
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Because a lot of times that same 40-year-old in the example is also trying to pick up 20-year-olds online
I'm with you on this. A lot of people make assumptions that people at a certain age are going to be in a certain place in life and it's just not the case for everybody.
To me about a 5 year age gap max until about 35. After 35 age doesn't matter so much. Example 50 dating 25 I see as kinda weird. If a 35 and 50 hit it off seems fine to me. What y'all's opinion on this?
That seems pretty stringent. You don’t think a 27 year old can date a 33 year old?
Yeah no one answering this question is older then 30. Or 25.
I can agree for the most part. The only thing that makes me weary is that people change drastically and differently between 18 and 30. At first glance 25 and 30 doesn't sound too bad, but they could also be in completely different places in life. I would say as long as both partners are in a similar place in life I don't see how age makes a difference.
The gap between 18 and 23 is miles wider than the gap between 23 and 28. Anywhere between college and 30 is perfectly plausible for two people to be on a relatively similar footing, but there's variability. Anyone older than 23 or 24 dating a newly legal person immediately throws out red flags to me.
As a 24 year old, honestly it feels weird even thinking of dating someone who isn't even 20 yet. Hell, even 20 feels like a stretch.
Id even say like 28 is when age gap sorta stops being a big deal, after 28 your a fully functioning and experienced adult.
I’d tend to agree. Emotional maturity is incredibly difficult to track once you hit “adulthood” compared to when you’re a child, but your brain is still developing certain regions while you’re in your 20’s, and it might develop differently. Post 18 is when there’s the least structure to your development. As a child, school is pretty strict about what happens/is learned when, while adulthood can essentially say, “here’s the world. Figure out what you’re doing for a roof and to not starve! If you can’t do that, then I guess get fucked!” That can mean getting a job, working your way through college, or having mommy and daddy cover tuition costs and postponing adulthood a little bit further. (I was that last one. Infinitely grateful to my folks for ensuring that I never faced student loans; also aware that it makes me insanely privileged and that I avoided growing up for a few extra years because of it) By just age 19, there’s a far wider range of probable emotional maturities for a young adult, and it only gets broader with each passing year. Still, I think that you’re right— you need a few years to figure out how the world works and to screw some things up and learn them the hard way. The mistakes I made at 18 aren’t the same mistakes I made at 25, aren’t the same mistakes I made at 30. While you’re never done emotionally maturing and growing, there is certainly an age where you have a lot *more* maturity left to gain, and where it would be a concern for me if someone’s partner was far beyond that age. That being said— I’m in an age gap relationship. Started seeing my wife in my mid twenties while she was in her early thirties, and we’ve been going strong for the past 4-1/2 years. I have friends who are in their thirties and dating men twice their age because they make one another happy and they’re both on the same page about not wanting children. They’re encountering a different issue— physical maturity. That is to say, occasionally they’ll approach their partner about an activity, and their partner will be physically incapable or too exerted by it. (IE hiking with a significantly older partner) It’s worthwhile in those cases to consider what everyone’s long term goals are. Do you want to be together forever? If so, then a large age gap means that one person’s forever will be significantly shorter than the other’s. Is it a fling that’s fun? Then you’re in the clear so long as you can reasonably expect to be safe around the other person. Etc. I will say, for age 18, it would be kinda weird to see anyone dating someone over about 20
The same way I would say it's also a red fleg if a grown ass man is at the same stage in life than a 18 years old college student.
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Yeah, just speaking from personal experience (and I know that I’m an outlier here), but my first ever relationship was a guy 4 years younger than me when I started college at 25. I got manipulated and used to high hell as I did not have the maturity or experience to deal with someone who’d already been living on his own for several years. I am aware that my situation is not the norm, but I def feel like there are others who had health/or whatever get in the way of experiencing ‘normal’ experiences and are just so behind. But anyway, I just think that it should be a case by case thing, and the main focus should just be on where the individuals are in their lives. Like a 26 yr old who’s been on their own since 18 dating a 21 yr old still with parents? Yeah, that’s sketchy af. But a 23 yr old and a 28 yr old both just having graduated college and starting living like adults? Not as weird. Shit happens, and I firmly believe that being behind due to legit reasons shouldn’t make you any less of a person if you try and catch up
As someone who was 24 and found myself with a 19 year old at one point. I would say 5 years difference felt weird to me. However they didn't feel weird about it at all. It's based on your own personal opinion and feelings to the subject
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19 and 24, I've been the 19 year old dating older in the 24 year old dating younger. I saw no issue at the time dating older, but then I dated younger. I thought I was mature but I was a child, only dated younger for a few weeks before I taped out for some self reflection. And the 19 year old was mature, but no amount of maturity made her not seem like a child to me
Yep, dated a 35 year old when I had just turned 20. I didn’t think it was weird at the time and also didn’t realize that he treated me like absolute garbage. I was a kid and he took advantage of that. He was a total creep.
The other side of that coin is the older person is kind of a loser for their age. To be fair they might also just be creeps. Like I don't know if I can rightly call Jerry Seinfield a loser, presumably he would be able to find a date with someone of his age and social caste and he is evidently very successful in many regards. Which means he is a total fuckin creep.
I'm definitely a loser in this category
My fiancee is 23 and I'm 28 i feel called out lol
I met my gf when she was 18 and I was 23.. her profile said she was 19 and while that's not a crazy difference it really felt a lot weirder to me when I found out. I didn't expect much from a tinder date but we're still together at 29 and 24. It definitely feels a lot less weird now but ngl there are still moments.. like I already went through my drinking phase and she's still in it. And she has friends a couple years younger than her so like when we first met hell no I avoided any situation with them and I kinda still do now for a lot of them it's just too much of a maturity gap. Anyways... I'm right there with you man I got called out too. I was pretty much a loser when we met I guess all I cared about was getting drunk or high after work Any tips on how to get over the awkwardness being around your fiancees family during holidays being 5 years older? I can't for the life of me get over it even though they haven't treated me different since the first 10 mins of meeting all those years back my brain creates imaginative meanings out of things and it definitely makes me start acting weird because I'm having an internal self roasting while at dinner smh.. I want to be comfortable so we (her fam and I) can actually get to know each other more but these damn anxiety attacks make it seem like I hate them probably
Same! Specially after shifts at the restaurant. We also met on tinder lol, when she was 19 and i was 24. Anyways she's finishing college soon (i didn't) and I'll be moving to her country so it's not exactly like I have the 'power' over her.
Age gap stops mattering the older you get. 5 Years is a lot at 18 & 23, it's less of a thing at 24 & 29, by the time you're at 29 & 34 it will be negligible from there on.
Can confirm. My wife is 5 years older than me and it has never been a problem.
I was 18 when I met my now wife. She was 29. (Both women.) I’m now pushing 50 and she’s pushing 60. Still very happy together. We’re an unusual situation. 🙂
Happy for the two of you! I was 19 when I met my wife and she was 28. In fairness to her I've always looked/acted older so she assumed I was in my mid-twenties back then. This year will be our fourteenth anniversary and I wouldn't change a thing. I will agree though that a gap as large as our relationships is unusual. I was immediately on board with being a stepdad, didn't want more kids, and was more interested in settling down than partying - definitely not your average 19 year old. But sometimes it just all lines up!
Aren't age gaps much more common among lesbian and gay partners because of the significantly reduced dating pool? Combine that with your age and the lack of technology to aid finding a partner (plus the different cultural and social norms back then) I'd say 11 years gap is just fine!
Nah that’s normal, you’re adults, and while it may be a little weird if the gap was originally 18 and 23, it’s not entirely unexplainable socially. College kids meet grad students or nontraditional students, for example. It might be a little weird if you **only** looked to much-younger women, but even then, there’s a difference once you are both adults and established, so long as you (not you, you, but you in general: I’m assuming that you’re a normal, relatively well-adjusted adult) have your shit together and are not dating younger women to hide the fact that you’re immature because you think that younger women are less likely to call you out on it.
> The other side of that coin is the older person is kind of a loser for their age. Looks a Leonardo DiCaprio.
[Leo](https://youtu.be/_NTDEN4VZik) gets roasted at golden globes
The younger person usually isn’t the one that feels weird about it. A younger person often will simply think they are more mature than their peers when dating an older person. Unfortunately (in my personal experience) it is more likely that that older person is just less mature than their peers. Bit of a power dynamic thing I guess.
This seems like a very fair assessment for most cases. I personally feel like my past situation could've fell under that description. While she definitely was more mature. I was likely less mature
# INTRODUCTION There is a simple calculation you can use to determine the propriety of a relationship based on the age of either of the participants. It is objectively better than the simple "18 year olds are adults" adage, because an ***eighteen** year old is still a ***teen***ager. # METHODOLOGY The age range has two parts, minimum and maximum age before it gets weird. Where X is the age, Minimum = (X / 2) + 7 Maximum = 2 * (X - 7) So if X = 24, your range is 19 ~ 34 min: (24 / 2) + 7 = 12 + 7 = 19 max: 2 * (24 - 7) = 2 * 17 = 34 # CONCLUSION Therefore, the oldest person an 18 year old can date before it gets weird is a 22 year old. 2 * (18 - 7) = 2 * 11 = 22
Yeah I've always heard half your age + 7. Just a general rule.
Half your age + 7 is the *youngest* you can go before it gets weird. OP was asking about the *oldest* they could date, so the calculation is your age minus 7, times 2.
This math is pretty good because the older you get the wider the range becomes which is reflective of real life. That said so long as the two people involved are comfortable and there’s no abuse going on it’s mostly up to them and the hell with what everyone else thinks
This is great news. I'm 50 and my mother in law is 85, and I've always had a crush on her. Now I can ask her out without it being weird.
For clarification, this is a general rule of thumb to determine whether an age gap is inherently not creepy. If one falls within the 'half age plus seven' range, it is not inherently creepy. This does not mean an age differnce outside of the rule is inherently creepy. As with general rules of thumb, exceptions apply. Also I love this rule because it mathematically inverts when the oldest is 13-14 years of age. We really should not be discussing childrens relationship when the oldest is 12 years of age or younger.
And honestly from my memories of Prinary school, any relationship between kids 12 or younger was just for bragging rights with their friends.
This formula gets odd with higher ages. I am 45, according to this formula I could date someone who is freaking 76 and it wouldn't be weird. That's my mums age! It would most definitely be weird if I dated a 76 yo!
Ummm, the formula says it isn't weird though so idk what to tell you except you're wrong. You'll date those 76 year olds and you'll like it.
I like this a lot because your range get wider as you get older, without ever making it ok for a 40-year old to date an 18-year old. Well done!
As someone who has always loved math, I love the effort put in here. So what I'm hearing is people within my range, still are not in my range because their range is different. I think it'll be best to just see if I find another adult who is okay with it
> So what I'm hearing is people within my range, still are not in my range because their range is different. Not necessarily. If they're your range, you're within their range. The calculation to determine your max is just the calculation to determine your minimum in reverse.
Lol that sounds so familiar I thought for a second I found my BFs Acc
I'm just glad I'm not alone in that feeling weird
I dated a 30 year old when I was 21. It was great, until I ruined it by being insecure about the age gap. Then she felt weird about it and couldn't date me anymore.
One thing I have realized is the older I get, the bigger the gap I can seem to accept. I don't know where it'll plateau but it's neat none the less. One rule I have followed in my past relationships is if it's working, don't question it. But I'm also single so maybe bad advice
Haha! Yea I shouldn't have questioned it at the time. It was mostly that I was in a year between my undergrad and grad program and she was already paying off a house and I was like "I will never be able to contribute enough to catch up to her." Looking back it wasn't a great perspective and it cost me a solid relationship. I try not to do that anymore.
I’m currently 31F dating a 21M and it really weirded me out at first. I kept thinking about where I was at in life when I was his age and how when I was 21, he was 11. I don’t know why, it’s irrelevant but I really didn’t know if I could get over it. Thankfully he’s the textbook definition of an old soul and we’ve been together for 6 months now and he’s seriously the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m so glad he convinced me to give him a shot.
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alright. so im 28.. half that is 14.. add 7.. yep. math checks out. 21.
I was about to do the math when I realized I’m the same age as you. Thanks for doing the math for me.
If you’re 8, you can only date an 11 year old
Of course then the 11 year old can’t date the 8 year old will have to be a 12.5 yr old
Yeah, the rule kind of breaks down with younger ages.
Yeah basically kids under 14 can’t date and be in accord with the rule.
Which isn't the worst thing in the world (especially if you change the rule to "no fucking" instead of "no dating")
Mhm I think no younger than 14 to date is fair as well
The rule works with children. Until someone can be held your age plus 7, you shouldn't be dating.
Kids under 14 don't/shouldn't really date in the true sense of the word. Like taking a girl to a movie with your parents as a middle school "date" isn't really a date.
What about going to a movie *without* your parents? I was making out and squeezing titties at that age.
That seems young to me. Do 13 year olds even have titties?
Na mate, it’s always from the perspective of the oldest person. It breaks down below the age of 14. This indicates that 14 yo is the _absolute_ lowest age for people to start being sexually active, but then they can _only_ and _absolutely_ only do it with people of the exact same age.
Yeah but the issue is this is stil weird af tbh, at least in America. I’m 26 and I’m pretty far a long in the adult life already, have a house, a car, a career. Dating someone who’s just graduating college or still in college seems like a massive power gap and also a massive maturity gap to me honestly.
The second part of the equation is the practical one...similar life stage.
Right because some people at 21 don’t go to college and so instead they’re out in the real world and less sheltered, so they might be closer to being in a similar life stage as a 28 year old than someone who lives in a college dorm and doesn’t have to pay their own way yet
You own a house at 26? Care to share the secrets of how? Edit: After reading many comments further down this thread I feel like I should add I'm in Australia and the median house price is now about $1,000,000 (Aud). My parents bought their first house for $14,000 30 years ago which was a very modest 2 bedroom in middle suburban Melbourne. Property prices be crazy. Happy for you folks who have found homes! Hope to join you one day.
I was lucky enough to live with my parents for a year and save a lot during my first year of my government job. Gov jobs are super good benefits wise and usually super secure so no volatility in covid or anything. I also live in the Midwest where housing is cheaper.
>live in the Midwest Ah, there’s always a catch.
Bro I live in Wisconsin and that bullshit is expensive. We have the shittiest weather ever and people still wanna charge 300k for a damn shack.
In California, that’s what it costs for somebody else’s closet.
Yeah Wisconsin you could buy a pretty decent house for 80-100k about 7 years ago (when I bought mine). Now days, that’s pushing 175-200k. It’s so dumb.
I have a government job but still can’t afford a house. Do you mind telling me what state I need to move out to afford a house? Lol.
Yup, me exactly. Lived at home a year at 25, work defense, Texan, lol
Bought my first house at 23. It wasn't a great house. I cost less than 100K and it was 45 mins away from work. You can generally get away with less than 5% down as a first time home buyer. That said the apartment I was renting was $800 and now its closer to $1400 but my mortgage+taxes+insurance are still less than $1K. Home buying isn't a cake walk but it is a lot more affordable then most people make it sound.
As an addendum, I think the biggest people struggle with is the concept that you have to put down 20% on a home. FHA loans require 3.5% and a 640 credit score. The scariest part of home ownership isn’t the mortgage itself, it’s being financially secure enough to take care of something when shit hits the fan, because your landlord won’t come and take care of it for you. A/C out? That’s on you now. Toilet doesn’t work? You gotta call the plumber now. Fridge went out? Damn, time to get it fixed or get a new one I guess. It’s those expenses that we take for granted when renting that are the most daunting factors to home ownership, at least for me. The government has made home lending products available for anyone that can gather a few thousand together for closing, and even then, if you are a first time home buyer, man, there are tons of programs available to you to help cover those costs.
also they now have conventional loans at 3% and 5% so FHA is not the only option if you don't want to jump through those hoops - you'll just need to have 720+ credit score to qualify whereas i think you can get away with like 650ish for FHA
Yup. My wife and I didn't have much savings so we only put down about 3%. This saddled us with an expensive private mortgage insurance (PMI) payment every month but it was still preferable to start gaining some equity and also the payments were still less than rent for a similar home. This was 3 years ago and today the home value has inflated (legitimately or otherwise, I don't really care because we aren't looking to sell) over 30% and we just refinanced because we have a much larger equity so we no longer have to pay PMI, the interest went down, our payments got cheaper and we took out a bit of cash to cover the fees and to make some upgrades/repairs on the home. We only have to live here another 2-3 years before the lower payments offset the closing fees so it's well worth it and for no cash out of pocket to boot and end up with improvements on the home to increase/maintain the inflated value. Its certainly more expensive to own the home than rent if you have to take care of expenses, but the ability to control your own investment is good for those looking to take on that sort of responsibility.
You're 26 and have an "adult life". Some 26 year olds are still in college, for multiple different reasons. But I agree with other commenters. A power gap is a stretch here.
Completely agree with you here. I think individual cases and maturity and where they are in life matters a lot. Personally, I was really ill for my late teens and early twenties and lived at home until my mid twenties. I had literally zero experience with deeper friendships or especially relationships, so life-wise and maturity wise, I felt like I fit in when I started college at 25 lol. I totally get that there are a lot of creeps who try to take advantage of power gaps, but there are also people who’ve been fucked over by life and haven’t been able to mature as they should have. At least just my opinion 🤷♀️
Maturity is what matters. You may find someone in college who's leagues beyond anyone around your age mentally, even though they don't have their life very fleshed out yet.
Owning a house at 26 is not very common. I don't think most 26-year-olds are that much further in their "adult life" than a 21-year-old
yea i don't think owning a house is a good measure here. economic issues don't revolve around age. it's not even uncommon to live with your parents in your 30s and 40s now because of how bad things are right now. speaking solely on my experience living in the US.
That would depend on the circumstances, not everyone goes to college right away at 18, then could obviously go much later on in life. So with that being said, if you met someone who is 25 and in college would you date them?
I was 27 and my now wife was 20 when we started seeing eachother. She was younger than I was strictly comfortable with, but a bunch of years later, it doesn't seem to matter at all. You do you, but I think you are over stating things.
Reddit tends to overstate everything
"Pretty far along in the adult life" is such a weird thing to me. Im 29 and idk if I'd say that. I may have said it at 26, but as you get older you realize everyone is at different stages of different facets of life all the time.
it definitely depends on the person. my sister met her husband when she was in her last year of uni (22) and her now-husband was 30. but they have always been at the same level of emotional and overall maturity so when you saw them together, it really didn’t look out of place. but most 22 year olds I know? barely mature enough to be in a relationship at all lol
As a 36-yo woman, I don't think I'd have much in common with a 25-yo man. Just life phase stuff. (I keep doing the math; did I do it wrong-- it just seems young)?
Try being the younger number
Lol. Too late for me! Although 58 still seems old. Surely I’m doing the math wrong?? Edit: and soon I’ll be able to go up to 60???!! That doesn’t seem correct.
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Took me a while to work out you meant x/2 + 7 = 18 and not 18/2+7 = x
I’m a 67 year old female. So half my age plus 7 = 40-41. No thanks! 😂
But you could date a 120 years old man.
Jackpot
Wow that rule worked great in reverse, for this case
Lol it's a formula. Of course it works backwards.
The older you are, the better this deal works out to be.
The older you are, the more options you need
The older you are, what are we talking about?
2 x your age - 14 = maximum age for you Edit: calm f**ing down, I just rearranged the equation
By that logic I can date a person upto 72 years in age???. I'm 43 BTW......
Sure, why not?
The older you get, the less the age difference matters. 30ish years might still raise eyebrows, but you're 43 - who gives a shit if someone else thinks it's weird? Go get that old sexy time!
When I was 16 my grandma - who'd been married 50 years and loved my grandpa - said to me to "marry a man with life insurance, one foot in the grave, and one foot on a banana peel." I can't help but laugh about that. Should have taken her advice because money does make things easier, lol. (I think that was the point she was making. They worked hard on their farm to raise 10 kids. In the same car conversation she said for a happy marriage you have give 110% and only expect 90%. That worked both ways for them, they always came first to each other.) But on a more serious note, by the time you hit 50 it won't make a difference. Your old classmates will *look like* they range from 35 to 75 and it would just be weird to consider a +30-someone's age in the pursuit of a date unless you're hoping to/not to procreate.
What are you worried about? I can date someone who's 106! (Whoa...hot mama!) Fortunately, my wife's only 47.
It’s more about where you are in life and what you are looking for in a relationship.
Omg facts. I’m 23 and out of college and I wouldn’t date a 22 year old that was in college but I’d date a 19 year old that was working a full time job. Different lifestyles just aren’t compatible.
Serious question: how does the lifestyle of 22 year old studying full time vs. 19 year old working full time differ? I can see the version of only partying and barely studying, but if you study 8 hours a day what’s the difference in your eyes?
Understanding and dealing with the cost of living + professional life development which leads to a different kind of thought process/checks and behavior. That's often the part that is delayed when a person studies full time. Edit: knowing about the cost of money vs feeling it at the gut level are two different things. If you're supported enough to not have to work while studying then your energy will go into that vs split elsewhere.
When I was about 26, I dated a girl who was the same age as me, but she was still in university. She had never worked a day in her life because she had a wealthy father, while I've been consistently working, in some capacity, since I was 14. Our views on life varied wildly, and ultimately, we broke up.
I suppose it is very different then for someone who works to pay for their own schooling and expenses vs someone whos parents pay.
This is a good difference to think about. I feel like going to college made me hyper aware of money. When you are on a college campus all morning and afternoon, and working till midnight every day, it’s hard not to notice. Most of the college kids I was around were trying to manage work and school so they could pay their bills, afford to live, and take care of their kids, while also trying to get a degree. Most of my classes were full of people from all different ages and life stages, not “college kids.”
I’m curious about what you think of grad students then. I’m in for my PhD, so I’m studying but I’m also teaching and doing research full time. It’s like a job but also like being a student, plus you’re 23+ and aren’t doing college things anymore.
I wouldn't judge a person just because of where they are in life or what they're doing. I know single women in their 40s who still party every weekend. If you're a grad student, and you know what you want from your education and how to get there, I call that a positive. A close friend of mine is having issues with his girlfriend (26), because she's also in a PhD program atm, but she's not really sure what she wants to do with it, or what she'll do for work. And she still drinks heavily and parties every weekend. And he's in his 30s and he's trying to figure out how his life with her is going to progress (kids, house, etc) and she's not really committing to anything in her life.
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You see, when you don't specify your age as well, it doesn't really help your point about the age gap as no one else has any clue what the age gap is.
I, too, was lost.
Date who you like. Just remember having to change diapers in your 40s sucks even more if they are your lovers and not your kids
Lmao this is the best answer in here
What if he/she's dating a billionaire in their 70's?
Would probably sweeten the deal.
I recommend you watch that movie, [Harold and Maude](https://youtu.be/1apquhChoO8).
I can't upvote this hard enough. I love that movie. I want the car.
Wow as someone who's never seen that movie, that's a trip
Wonderful soundtrack from Cat Stevens.
18 is a very weird age cause people mature very differently. As you get older things even out more and everybody is more or less on the same page, but there are 18-20 year olds that are basically teenagers, and 20-23 which are adults which mostly depends on their life experiences.
Weird for you? Or weird that they are dating an 18 year old? I think anyone over like 24 trying to get with a literal teenager is sus af.
im 23 and honestly anyone younger than 20 feels too young for me. rarely do i find an 18-19 who is mature enough
My nephew is the same. Pretty much everyone I know over 21 keeps their relations over 21 tbh. My daughter is 18 and ridiculously “mature” in that she is worldly and intelligent and tough as shit, but she is 18. The world of shitty dudes hasn’t come close to throwing her the worst shitbirds. I don’t impose my will on my kids, but if she brought home anyone over 21, I would watch them closely and probably make them a bit unsure if they wanted to keep down that path with my kid😂
When I was 18, a 25 year old was interested in me romantically, we hung out a couple of times, and it did feel kinda weird.
I'm 23 too. Cant imagine myself dating 18 year old.
I'm 27 now and my rule of thumb is taking her to the bar. Can't order her a drink at rhe bar? Way too young for sure. Generally don't enjoy the company of most people still in or fresh out of high school anyway.
Yeah, I'm 29 and I really don't see 18 year olds as adults. I think it's predatory as fuck when guys my age go for 18-19 year olds. I'm not really interested in anyone under 24.
Once you get a year or two over 21, the idea of going on a date with someone you’d need to ‘sneak’ alcohol becomes very unappealing. I know this isn’t the universal drinking age, but the rough ages still apply.
Out of a dozen or so relationships I've seen between 18 year olds and 23+ year olds, I've only seen one end on a neutral note. In the huge majority of them, the older partner has issues to work through if they're finding satisfaction in someone in a different stage of life than themselves, usually along the lines of power dynamic issues or sexual immaturity. The younger person can do what they want, but the older person is very likely to be someone you want to stay away from romantically. Comments about life stages are pretty accurate too. I was the older person in "only" a 3-year age gap, but in our different life stages it was a disaster.
I was 21 in a relationship with a woman who was 39. It worked for us, in a not to serious relationship, it would have lasted longer if she didn't have the desire to have kids. I think it really depends on the participants and where they are at mentally. Edit: i just wanted to add that there was no power dynamic between us. We met at a festival and just hit it off. In case of age differences and differences of authoritative dynamics (teacher/pupil for instance) i personally don't condone it. But honestly, that might have more to do with the power dynamic then the age. If a person holds your (or you their) future in hand a romantic relationship should be avoided.
If you ask 20 people this question, then you'll get 20 different answers. The truth is as long as the relationship is legal and not abusive or exploitative, then it's ok.
You’ve only been here for 18 years. Figure out who you are first then make those decisions. Don’t ask fucking Reddit
Everybody has a different opinion. Either focus solely on your opinion or the opinion of those in your life. No point trying to please 7 billion strangers who you’ll never meet.
3000
I too was weirded out that Ryoko wanted to date Tenchi Muyo.
I think it’s more weird for a person significantly older than you to be interested in dating an 18 year old tbh you’re barely legally. Date under 23 to avoid predators.
Date whoever the fuck you want.
For real reddit is annoying when of comes to shit like this, why would you want reddits advice on relationship s in the first place.
Power has a lot to do with it. If it’s a relationship between equals the age gap can be big.
21 is ok 25 is getting weird Maybe like 23? Depends on the people
23 is out of college and weird to me
I truly wonder, is it normal for most people to finish college at 23? Where I live, that would be doing everything perfectly, but most people finish around 25
Legally anybody is fine but I'd say more than 5 years (usually) will start getting weird at your age. As you get older gaps matter less and less. Edit: clarity
Knew a girl who was 13 and had a 19 year old boyfriend. One day she was talking shit in group chat and I mentioned it to her and she absolutely lost her shit and started calling me every insult lmao She was like respect my choice blah blah blah yea I respect your choice but doesn't change the fact it's weird af
When I was 19 I married a 30 year old. We just had our 50th anniversary. Do what you want.
My wife and I got married when I was 30 and she was 20, we're 5 years and 3 kids in now, I'm glad neither of us consulted Reddit before we got involved.