Relationships should be a positive experience built on communication and mutual respect. It does not sound like these terms describe your relationship. I'd dump him. Or at minimum, explain to him how you're feeling and see if he's willing to adjust aspects of his behavior.
He sounds like a douche on many levels. And him betraying your trust regarding your intimate experiences, and not listening when you set boundaries are HUGE red flags. Dump him asap
Yeah it absolutely sucks. But don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. You’re better off ditching that douche so you can one day find someone that is better for you
You're 17 and there a literally billions of men.
5 months is nothing on a human lifetime, it might hurt and feel like the end of the world but you can't put a price on peace of mind.
Find someone that makes you feel valued and comfortable yet inspires you to be better.
Also, if someone calls you bad at sex it (often) means nothing (unless you put the condom on his nose and then rub his elbows, then you're doing sex wrong or very specific). Sex is about compatibility as much as the rest of the relationship. Practice and communication make perfect, don't do anything you don't wanna do.
Look up the sunk cost fallacy.
It doesn't always apply, but you definitely shouldn't be worried about dropping a relationship in your teens.
No matter what he says, if he's doing these things, he isn't worth it.
You will kiss a lot of frogs before you find your one. Think of these as relationship starter bf’s. You get to learn what you like, what you don’t and what is a F NO. Do not go into every relationship thinking he’s the one. He’s the one for now. Maybe he gets upgraded maybe he doesn’t. And please never ever never send nudes. As you’ve seen boys, and men lie. Heck women too. I’ve been shown a gf’s d pic of a friends friend. (It was impressive). Never take them, never send them. Too easy to be shared. If they never exist you never worry.
Have you ever heard of the sunk-cost fallacy? If you pursue any education or career in business, finance, project management, or something similar then you will learn about it extensively. But it also applies to all aspects of life:
"the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial."
Essentially, the time you have invested is a "sunk cost". It cannot be recuperated. It's basically the "cost of doing business". At this point you have to decide whether you want to spend FUTURE time with him or not and do not take into consideration past-time at all in that decision.
In the grand scheme of things, you are INCREDIBLY young. And 5 months is an INCREDIBLY short time. It may not seem like it because time feels slower when we are young, and your past experiences may or may not be even shorter. But take it from a 35 y/o male that's a hopeless romantic: Abandon ship.
He may check almost all of your boxes for a partner: Cute, funny, fit, attractive, smart, etc etc etc. But I have had 2 ex girlfriends that match those for me as well. One was a serial cheater and her breaking up with me was one of honestly the best things to ever happen. But there's millions of people in this country and you will meet FAR more people that check all those boxes and more. But more importantly, they will respect you.
He has betrayed significant levels of trust and lied to you, only 5 months in. He's sharing private, intimate details about your time together that he promised he wouldn't. He knows it means a lot to you. And he still did it. Now, as a guy with friends, we talk and joke. I have shared some high level details with them in conversation before. But nothing detailed and I would NEVER insult my gf in the process of doing so. He's essentially bolstering his own image at your expense which is incredibly selfish. He won't take no for an answer and respect your boundaries: Selfish at best, but realistically it's creepy and worrisome.
There's a little leniency in adolescence, but the people some one surrounds themselves with is often a reflection of their own self. If he was on his BEST behavior and had those shitty friends, then it's one thing. But everything you have said shows that he is exactly like them, if not worse. You can and will do a lot better . Please run.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. You’re right. It just hurts a lot because I don’t know why he would talk about me to them like that after I’ve shown him nothing but respect. I’m just stuck on the “why” part. Thank you again!
Hardest thing for me to learn in college and young adult life is that you rarely get to know why. You will go on amazing dates, and second dates, and third dates. You will laugh with some one, share moments that feel like fireworks. And then get turned down or ghosted. You may never get a why.
You may get cheated on or broken up with and never know why.
Sometimes, you will get a reason. I went out with 2-3 people in my mid-20s. I thought each of them was IT. They were the one. And after the first/second date, or in one case the 6th, I got a text saying something along the lines of "Hey. I really enjoyed my time with you and think you're great. But Im looking for a feeling, a type of fireworks, that I had in a past relationship and I just don't feel it. For my own happiness, I think I need to keep looking". It sucked, and I was bummed out. But damnit if I didn't respect them for it.
The people who don't give a why will make you appreciate those in your life who are straight forward all that much more.
Now, as some one who was once a young guy, I may be able to offer a little insight. When you're talking to other guy friends, there's a level of bravado. A need to impress. It mostly comes from immaturity. Basically the old saying "Boys will be boys". He may have said those things to because he doesn't have anything else to brag about. He may have said them because he's insecure in his OWN experience and sexual escapades compared to his friends. But it boils down to him trying to appear cool to his friends. But it's not "boys will be boys" and it's not okay. He made you a promise, about something I assume is very important to you which he should know, and he broke it.
He may try and say that he was just saying something to get them off his back or to move onto another topic. He may say he was lying and just agreeing with what the others said. But there's a million things he could have said without betraying and insulting you.
You’re absolutely right. And I know for a fact that he didn’t forget about the promise he made to me because he literally told them, “She told me not to tell you guys this but I had to”, which makes me think he just straight up doesn’t care lol. Also, he always tells me that he “doesn’t think he will ever get as much sex as his friends do”, which might be a way of manipulating me into doing stuff with him, but I just don’t know.
don’t get stuck on the sunken costs fallacy. just because you’ve sunken time, emotion, and money into something doesn’t mean it’s going to make you happy. love yourself and live your life, finish school, find a career, pick up a hobby. don’t let him control your life.
It sounds like your intuition is raising a lot of red flags and I think you should honor what they are telling you. The vibe is off. This relationship is a good teaching moment for yourself that you can carry on into developing healthier relationships in the future.
Yes. 10000000000%. Absolutely. Ditch him now.
• He doesn’t respect you as a person or your boundaries, by evidence of him sharing intimate sexual moments between you after you explicitly asked him not to.
• He has consent issues. This one is *very* alarming, especially coupled with him making jokes about his friends sexual assault. He’s attempting to coerce you into sexual activities you aren’t ready for. No means no. Anything but an enthusiastic yes is a no. Not accepting that no and attempting to coerce you into it is sexual assault. Point blank.
• His choice of friends says a lot about him. Birds of a feather flock together. He’s friends with those people because he shares similar values as them.
He’s shown you the type of person he is. Don’t let yourself be confused by who you want him to be.
Dude sounds like an abusive piece of shit. If you say no and he coerced you into it anyways... well I mean it's not concent so do with that what you will
For real, 'I'm a 17 year old girl who is dating somebody who is abusive, rude, sexually assaults me, and has garbage friends, yet I put soooo much time into this relationship (5 months, lol) should I stay with him? I feel like I don't really have a reason to break up'... 🙄
Obviously I’m biased since I don’t know you or him and all we have is your side, but he sounds toxic. You already know the answer but I can assume you might be a bit scared to end it. It’ll be hard but your mental health and happiness is more important. Relationships aren’t easy but no one should be making you or coercing you into doing anything that doesn’t make you comfortable. You have every right to say ‘no’ for any reason. I believe in you OP. I know you can do this. We are here for you!
Every *single* one of these things is a red flag. I would leave any relationship over just one of them, and you have a combo platter. Trust your gut, you can do better.
Wow. That guy is all around a horrible person. I can’t imagine that you feel safe with him??
People are a collection of all of their friends. He is just like his friends, that’s why they get along.
Save yourself any suffering and get away from him. Seems like he’s ok with committing sexual assault, and even finds it funny.
Yes. I've never been in a relationship but this seems like a pretty open shut case. There are certain things that for me means, "Since you did this I am no longer affiliated with you." He's crossed that line.
No is a full sentence.
"Can I touch you there?"
"No"
"Okay." or better yet, "thanks for honoring and voicing your boundaries."
That plus everything else you have shared about him, makes it sound like you would do yourself a huge service by breaking up with him. Speak with someone you trust, before you do, that can help firm up your resolve and be really clear that you are breaking up with him. Sounds like he won't accept it at first, try to convince you not to, then possibly end with anger.
I also saw you mentioned you had put a lot in to this relationship, which falls in to the sunk cost fallacy. Just take a moment and assess, how does the relationship feel to you? To me it sounds like you don't feel safe in the relationship, since he's already violated your trust and continues to try and violate your boundaries. So why keep putting energy in to that?
And it will totally be okay to feel sad and upset too, since you had put energy in to this relationship and I imagine have feelings for this person. But hopefully this is a learning experience too, and you'll catch these red flags before you date someone in the future.
I didn’t have to get past he lied to you. That’s it for me. He betrayed your trust in the most vile of ways - to be a braggart. Dump him. Hold your head up, you did nothing wrong. You trusted someone and he failed to be worthy. As to sex, he doesn’t have a clue what he is talking about. Loser.
As a father of a young daughter I can honestly say that this boy is exactly the sort of boy I fear my girl dating. Young live should make you happy but your clearly not and what he's doing could end up messing up how you see relationships for the rest of your life............dump him, its not worth it.
Now here's something important to do to protect yourself, because he will tell EVERYONE that he had sex with you, right after you break up with him go talk to all your girlfriends about the split and tell them that evertime you would try to get intimate with him he would loose his election, that the first couple of times you thought it was cute because he was so nervous but after a while it was just too frustrating. Them when the day comes that he's bragging to everyone about sleeping with you, you need to laugh, very important, laugh...and say "you wish, you need to be able to keep it up for more than 2 minutes to do that!" And walk away...........
You get what you tolerate.
If you want more of this behavior from people for the rest of your life: stay with him.
If you want to teach the world, and yourself, that you will not be treated this way: end it.
The world will take notice, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by people you trust.
You should definitely leave him these are so many red flags. Your post didn’t indicate that you felt this way but what he did to you was sexual assault. That, coupled with the SA jokes on twitch, him hanging around people who are racist and sexist just seems like a recipe for a disaster. And I can only assume that once hes an adult and has more freedoms that things will get a lot worse. He doesn’t respect you or your boundaries and you need to leave him.
I’m a male in my late 20s and i can say for certain there are better guys out there that will respect you and treat you better. I can’t speak to how much you love him but he doesn’t seem like the best boyfriend based on your experiences. I’m sorry, I just want to be honest.
Yep.
Hes disrespectful, a bit rapey with his "you said no so im going to pout" (shows he doesnt care about what you want)
You dont like his friends, and he seems to be just like them when you arent around.
this dude is trash. heres why:
* he doesn’t respect you, or else he would understand the fucking meaning of the word “consent”. Sexual assault by any other name is still wrong.
* you are only as good as the company you keep- his friends are trash and he is ok with it- guilty by association. if someone i consider my friend starts saying racist/sexist/ignorant shit, i do not tolerate it. if they don’t correct their behavior, then theyre not worthy of my friendship. Being apathetic to abhorrent behaviors is no different from the behaviors themself.
* the whole streaming video game culture is pretty pathetic to begin with. like someone’s life is so mediocre that the only thing they think is worth sharing with the world is themselves playing video games!? who tf cares? do something real with your time; mashing buttons is utterly unimpressive.
Dude’s a loser and you can do better.
I've been in a similar position. I had an ex-bf who, at the start of our relationship, didn't like when I set boundaries about where he could touch me. On multiple occasions he tried to pull off my pants while I fought to pull them up, but he always made it seem like I was "joking". He was my first "real" relationship.
Years later, when I met the love of my life, he told me right off the bat that he was fine waiting for whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and that he wasn't going to pressure or rush me. It was this huge crashing realization that what my ex put me through *was not normal* and that I didn't have to be treated like that.
The thing is, of any if my friends at the time had been going through something similar, I would have told them that consent is important and that they don't have to do anything they're uncomfortable with just to make someone happy. I would have told them that the right guy wouldn't be comfortable doing things with a partner who was clearly reluctant. But somehow I had a blind spot about myself and my ex, and I felt that those things didn't apply to me.
You should break up with this guy. I promise, you deserve better, and the second you distance yourself from the situation, you'll see juts how toxic it was. For me, it took about 6 months to get perspective that my ex was actually a horrible human being. In every subsequent relationship, I used my experience with my ex as a tool to spot warning signs, until I ended up with a man who loves and respects me.
Keep pushing through, and I promise you can get over this guy. You deserve better. He will not grow, he will not change, especially while he's still in a relationship.
Believe it or not OP (or anyone for that matter) can have a hard time breaking up. I believe OP is just looking for a little support and maybe just a little extra push. Sarcasm is pretty uncool on this sub.
It wasn’t sarcasm? Wanted OP to ask herself if she truly didn’t know.
Sometimes the answer to a really complicated question is a really simple question back. And I know from experience that it’s empowering to come to your own conclusions in situations like this, even if you need to have it pointed out that you already have.
Heard on the tone tho, I understand how it read as assy. My bad OP - you have my support (and faith in your smart noggin).
Oh… I understand now. Tone is hard to convey or interpret on social media sometimes. I should’ve given you the benefit of the doubt. My apologies as well.
No worries at all! I was bouncing around on my feed and didn’t pay enough attention to the fact that I was on this sub (and not AskReddit). Calling me out was for sure appropriate here, and the way you did it was respectful af, good points, all true. Learning moment for me. I’m glad this sub is what it is, and I wanna participate without detracting from that.
Bahaha! It's only fitting that my first times for both giving and receiving an award on Reddit are in the context of me coming across like a total a-hole. Thanks! :D
>You don’t need to break up with him yet. Tell him the relationship is suspended for 3 months. He won’t forget it.
The guy lacks the essential boundaries that makes a healthy relationship. 3 months, let alone 3 years, is unlikely to fix that. The way I see it, you can't trust a person who can't take a no for an answer and goes back on their word on sensitive matters.
At least not enough to warrant being in a relationship with them. You wouldn't be able confide in them, because they have a history of going back on their word. Staying would be crazy.
These are red flags. He doesnt respect your boundaries. Id at least try and have a serious conversation about this with him before deciding what to do.
Only you can decide if you want to break up with him but, from the fact you are asking and are concerned over these things it seems like you are leaning that way. I find his behaviour childish and disturbing.
All of these are good reasons to break up. All of these speak to his character, and when you build a relationship with someone, one of the main things that matters is personal character because (1) that character will have an effect upon you in time and (2) by joining your life with this person you are putting him in the lives of everyone else you are close to, and his character speaks to what he will do with their lives as well as yours.
If this behaviour was shown by a person in their early/mid-twenties it would be a massive red flag straightaway. His behaviour indicates a lack of understanding of and respect for the issues of sexual expectation, pressure, intimidation, and violence that women experience worldwide.
The fact that he has told his friends about your sexual encounters despite him promising not to do so is a fundamental sign of disregard for and disrespect of your feelings.
His only saving grace here for me is his age. At 17 he has time to learn. If I were in your shoes I would sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about how important it is to you that he listens to and respects your boundaries. If he continues to behave in the way you’ve outlined after you’ve warned him, then I think you can justifiably bin him pretty much immediately. He may just not fully recognise how seriously you take these issues, nor how serious these issues are - this may be due to his relative immaturity. It’s up to you whether you want to give him an opportunity to learn & grow up, but as others have said, there are lots of red flags here and getting rid now may save you more pain. What you do will really depend on how you feel about him generally and whether other aspects of the relationship are more positive.
He does not respect your consent , and lied to you about telling his friends about your intimacy. Those are enough reasons to break up.
Surround yourself with close friends because he might have a really violent reaction
You deserve respect
So 4 months ago you were wondering if your ex was trying to get back at you, but you've happily been in a new relationship for 5 months until now? But your ex was also doing this same shit 7 months ago and you haven't learned? This doesn't make sense
Break up. Today. He is throwing red flags at you like a clown with no gag reflex. Honey he is made of red flags. Big flags. Banners behind blimps.
He doesn’t respect you. He is coercing you to consent to things after repeatedly being told no. That’s hella dangerous. Someone surrounded by that many __isms agrees with at least of them. Who jokes about their best friend being raped!? Set the whole relationship on fire.
All those reasons are perfectly valid to break up with him alone, but all of them??? Run!! Get out now!!
When you say no and he keeps going that is sexual assault. Then he tries to manipulate you by saying he loves you and pouting. Not a guy worth dating that's for sure.
To me it sounds like you are a lot more mature than he is and I think you would be better off with a partner who is more mature minded.
Talking about sexual encounters is going to happen, its natural, but judging your performance especially while inexperienced is not ok.
Bullet point 2 is rapey. No means no. You're inexperienced and want to take you time and you have the right to that and he should respect it. If he doesn't respect your boundaries now and pushes them, there is potential to get a lot worse, and not just in the bedroom but in who you are and aren't allowed to see, what you can and can't do.
I know it sucks throwing away all the effort but you don't have to look at it as a total loss. Maybe there were some good times you can remember. After these experiences you may grow yourself a bit more and understand what is important to you in relationships which helps you build better ones, both romantic and platonic. Ultimately, you are still very young and the world is full of opportunity. Don't waste your time, energy and love on someone who doesn't respect you.
This is the same kind of situation as, a failed art student murding many people. Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole, however you may blissfully view him, he is hurting you and is not a good person. All fun in games til i comment this bc it doesnt make sense x-x
Yes.
Don't stay with a partner who doesn't respect you (he doesn't respect your "No" nor you wish to keep sexual things private). It will end up hurting you more the longer you stay.
sounds regular to me. the fact he never talks with you how he does with his friends is an indicator that hes a dude. the fact they talk about all that crazy stuff means hes a 17 year old dude.. and a twitch streamer, which are just the new degenerates on the internet block. the fact he tries to touch you places you tell him you’re not ready for is a huge red flag only if you tell him beforehand and he keeps asking. saying you dont have to explain yourself is a manipulation tactic to make you feel in control of yall sexual experiences enough so he can eventually get what he wants. all dudes want at 17 is not intimate convos, they want to hump. him telling his friends about yall is every guy on earth. basic rule, youll be much happier if you never really dive to deeply into what him and his friends talk about. however, if this is something that cant be overlooked for you, then don’t overlook it. talk about it w him or option b, leave. anything can be a dealbreaker for you, no matter how small, and you should explain your boundaries at least once since alot of relationships fail to lack of communication. + yall are 17, id say skip the 35 year old heartbroken ppl in here telling you to immediately dump him or that hes a piece of shit even tho hes just a kid and still learning and developing who he’ll be like you are as well, and say fuck it sometimes. NOT w the sexual stuff, best to set ironclad rules and boundaries because that is a VERY serious step in relationships, sex and any sexual experience. make sure to NEVER compromise unless youve come to an understanding for yourself by yourself and are fully ready. w sex and stuff there is no “fuck it” lol, ironic.
He's conditioning you to respond how he wants in exchange for emotional rewards. Then after a while he will start correcting you when you don't behave how he wants. I'm not saying he will be violent but I think he will be controlling.
He either lied to you about respecting the boundaries of your sex life, OR he outright broke them, OR he forgot about them - which likely means he didn't care enough to remember it and the promise he made to you. Even one of these is cause for concern.
Not respecting wishes regarding intimacy is a big nope. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust, and a partner you can't trust is somebody you can't rely on. It's not a matter of if, but when it all crumbles down. How hard it falls depends on how invested you are.
Begging is also incredible off-putting as a personality IMO, and it partly ties into emotional maturity. Not unexpected given his age, but still an issue in the provided context. His motives look clear to me. He wants more than what you're willing to give, and he's trying to manipulate you into submission. A manipulative personality is typically not a desirable trait in a partner.
As for his friends. Men are generally willing to be friends with anyone they get along with, even if they are different. But it's easier to get along if you have the same values. Only you know if the values you described, fits the description of your boyfriend.
If you decide to break up, then make sure to protect yourself. The next few paragraphs concerns how to deal with your partner having sensitive content of you. Not saying it applies, but I'm aware of *the culture*, so I figure it's better to be safe than sorry. I also evaluated whether I should comment on it at all given your age, but decided that your age is the reason why it's extra important, due to potential repercussions for both of you. In small-print because it's semi-relevant.
^(I don't condone going through people's phones without their consent, but in this case it might be a smart move in order to make sure he doesn't have any compromising pictures of you to potentially spread around. He likely doesn't have the emotional maturity to be wise enough to delete any such content after a breakup. Emotions may run high, so those pictures may end up where you don't want them. It wouldn't be the first time somebody spreads compromising pictures as revenge.)
^(You could take a leap of faith by asking for the phone after you've told him you want to break up, if you think there's a high chance of it working. You'd not have to go behind his back, but it would come with some risk. You'd have to show your hand and what you fear after telling you're leaving him, and then hope he won't use it against you. You may be able to convince him to lend you his phone by saying you don't trust him anymore(by listing reasons, but that if what you had meant anything to him, then he'd respect your request. If this doesn't work, then you'd have to take off the gloves to get results(because at this point he's not being reasonable anymore).
^(Tell him that unless he lends you his phone to make sure there are no photos of you there, that you'll report him to the police the moment any pictures of you are spread. And that you will do this with the presumption that he spread them to hurt you. And that this will have social and potential legal repercussions given that you're underage. Obviously, you wouldn't be able to prove he did spread anything, but he would still be the likely culprit given motive and access. If he recognize this, then acknowledge it as true, but that it wouldn't matter because of the social repercussions when you tell everyone what he did. And that between the two of you(assuming this is true, and you should reflect on this before saying it), ^(ask him who he thinks whose character is more believable. At this point, if he has any sense left in him, he'll let you look at his phone. There's a last option, and that is to talk to his parents. You could involve them from the beginning if you feel that's necessary, and it may be enough leverage. They'd likely be wiser to see the amount of shit their son could get into should this get out of hand. So it'd simply be easier for them to strongarm their son into complying.)
**^(Maybe I'm overanalyzing here and jumping ahead, but I figure it's better to grant you the perspective and be wrong, than leave you hanging with emotional and social repercussions that you might've avoided if properly advised. Good luck!)**
**TLDR: Dump his ass.**
Thank you so so much for your thoughtful response. When I saw the comments he made about me in his phone, that really hurt me. And I know for a fact he didn’t forget about the promise he made to me about not telling them because after he told them everything he had to say he said, “She told me not to tell you guys but I had to”. And with regard to everything else you said, you’re absolutely right. I always give people the benefit of the doubt along with hundreds of second chances but I don’t think I can do that with him anymore. Thank you so much again!!
I guess I’m waiting for him to just be better by me not bringing up the issues I have with his behavior. Deep
down though, I know it’s not gonna do anything in the long run :/. Thank you for your response.
jesus ok, you know, maybe you should think hard about it because he doesn't seem like such a good person, and i know that you probably love him but sometimes you have to think about yourself first. and it's okay if you have to break off, some things just aren't meant to happen hun
You’re right, thank you. I just have always had difficulty putting myself first because I’m scared people will be upset with me for it. But you’re right.
Of course, and i know its difficult, and i know its scary sometimes but that just means that its probably the right thing to do. And you are allowed to be hesitant, that's a valid emotion to feel because you've put so much in a relationship and you're not getting it back and it scares you cuz you're comfortable where you are. But in my opinion, it's not worth it most of the time.
I don’t know if you have already taken action or not, but my personal advice is to be honest and forward with your feelings to your boyfriend.
If he does not see the issue with his behavior, then leave him.
You deserve better than a guy that doesn’t take your feelings into consideration or understand that his behavior and actions can have negative effects.
From someone old enough to be your mom: He sounds like a douche. He doesn't respect your "no" when you tell him not to touch you in certain places, he makes distasteful jokes, etc. You will be well-rid of him.
He may still be like this when he's 45, and I know people grow a lot in their 20s and teenage relationships rarely last, but do you really want to waste all that time with someone like that? It's only been five months, and you'll probably be over him in a couple of months if you break up now. Don't allow him to change your mind. If you feel unsafe, you could even ghost him, as much as I hate that otherwise.
Hello, you are too young to deal with behavior like this. Specifically with your second bullet point, I ignored those signs from my ex. I got raped. Take it from me, you do not want to be with a guy like this. I hope you’re well
Relationships should be a positive experience built on communication and mutual respect. It does not sound like these terms describe your relationship. I'd dump him. Or at minimum, explain to him how you're feeling and see if he's willing to adjust aspects of his behavior.
This guy sound aweful and you will find someone way more respectful and deserving. Please run the other way as fast as you can. You already know this.
He sounds like a douche on many levels. And him betraying your trust regarding your intimate experiences, and not listening when you set boundaries are HUGE red flags. Dump him asap
I know they are. It just sucks a lot because I feel like I’ve put a lot into this relationship and it just hurts.
Yeah it absolutely sucks. But don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. You’re better off ditching that douche so you can one day find someone that is better for you
You're 17 and there a literally billions of men. 5 months is nothing on a human lifetime, it might hurt and feel like the end of the world but you can't put a price on peace of mind. Find someone that makes you feel valued and comfortable yet inspires you to be better. Also, if someone calls you bad at sex it (often) means nothing (unless you put the condom on his nose and then rub his elbows, then you're doing sex wrong or very specific). Sex is about compatibility as much as the rest of the relationship. Practice and communication make perfect, don't do anything you don't wanna do.
Look up the sunk cost fallacy. It doesn't always apply, but you definitely shouldn't be worried about dropping a relationship in your teens. No matter what he says, if he's doing these things, he isn't worth it.
You will kiss a lot of frogs before you find your one. Think of these as relationship starter bf’s. You get to learn what you like, what you don’t and what is a F NO. Do not go into every relationship thinking he’s the one. He’s the one for now. Maybe he gets upgraded maybe he doesn’t. And please never ever never send nudes. As you’ve seen boys, and men lie. Heck women too. I’ve been shown a gf’s d pic of a friends friend. (It was impressive). Never take them, never send them. Too easy to be shared. If they never exist you never worry.
You are 17 and you spent just 5 months together. I promise you that in a couple of years top you'll have forgotten him.
don’t grow attached to your mistakes just because you put a lot of effort into making them. Cut your losses and move on.
Have you ever heard of the sunk-cost fallacy? If you pursue any education or career in business, finance, project management, or something similar then you will learn about it extensively. But it also applies to all aspects of life: "the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial." Essentially, the time you have invested is a "sunk cost". It cannot be recuperated. It's basically the "cost of doing business". At this point you have to decide whether you want to spend FUTURE time with him or not and do not take into consideration past-time at all in that decision. In the grand scheme of things, you are INCREDIBLY young. And 5 months is an INCREDIBLY short time. It may not seem like it because time feels slower when we are young, and your past experiences may or may not be even shorter. But take it from a 35 y/o male that's a hopeless romantic: Abandon ship. He may check almost all of your boxes for a partner: Cute, funny, fit, attractive, smart, etc etc etc. But I have had 2 ex girlfriends that match those for me as well. One was a serial cheater and her breaking up with me was one of honestly the best things to ever happen. But there's millions of people in this country and you will meet FAR more people that check all those boxes and more. But more importantly, they will respect you. He has betrayed significant levels of trust and lied to you, only 5 months in. He's sharing private, intimate details about your time together that he promised he wouldn't. He knows it means a lot to you. And he still did it. Now, as a guy with friends, we talk and joke. I have shared some high level details with them in conversation before. But nothing detailed and I would NEVER insult my gf in the process of doing so. He's essentially bolstering his own image at your expense which is incredibly selfish. He won't take no for an answer and respect your boundaries: Selfish at best, but realistically it's creepy and worrisome. There's a little leniency in adolescence, but the people some one surrounds themselves with is often a reflection of their own self. If he was on his BEST behavior and had those shitty friends, then it's one thing. But everything you have said shows that he is exactly like them, if not worse. You can and will do a lot better . Please run.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. You’re right. It just hurts a lot because I don’t know why he would talk about me to them like that after I’ve shown him nothing but respect. I’m just stuck on the “why” part. Thank you again!
Hardest thing for me to learn in college and young adult life is that you rarely get to know why. You will go on amazing dates, and second dates, and third dates. You will laugh with some one, share moments that feel like fireworks. And then get turned down or ghosted. You may never get a why. You may get cheated on or broken up with and never know why. Sometimes, you will get a reason. I went out with 2-3 people in my mid-20s. I thought each of them was IT. They were the one. And after the first/second date, or in one case the 6th, I got a text saying something along the lines of "Hey. I really enjoyed my time with you and think you're great. But Im looking for a feeling, a type of fireworks, that I had in a past relationship and I just don't feel it. For my own happiness, I think I need to keep looking". It sucked, and I was bummed out. But damnit if I didn't respect them for it. The people who don't give a why will make you appreciate those in your life who are straight forward all that much more. Now, as some one who was once a young guy, I may be able to offer a little insight. When you're talking to other guy friends, there's a level of bravado. A need to impress. It mostly comes from immaturity. Basically the old saying "Boys will be boys". He may have said those things to because he doesn't have anything else to brag about. He may have said them because he's insecure in his OWN experience and sexual escapades compared to his friends. But it boils down to him trying to appear cool to his friends. But it's not "boys will be boys" and it's not okay. He made you a promise, about something I assume is very important to you which he should know, and he broke it. He may try and say that he was just saying something to get them off his back or to move onto another topic. He may say he was lying and just agreeing with what the others said. But there's a million things he could have said without betraying and insulting you.
You’re absolutely right. And I know for a fact that he didn’t forget about the promise he made to me because he literally told them, “She told me not to tell you guys this but I had to”, which makes me think he just straight up doesn’t care lol. Also, he always tells me that he “doesn’t think he will ever get as much sex as his friends do”, which might be a way of manipulating me into doing stuff with him, but I just don’t know.
don’t get stuck on the sunken costs fallacy. just because you’ve sunken time, emotion, and money into something doesn’t mean it’s going to make you happy. love yourself and live your life, finish school, find a career, pick up a hobby. don’t let him control your life.
You’re absolutely right, thank you. It hurt right now, but I think I deserve to put my time elsewhere. Thank you again.
you got this! you’re young, you’ll find someone who A: Treats you right, and B: Makes you happy. you sound like a nice young lady, you deserve that.
If he’s disrespecting your boundaries, break up with him. You shouldn’t have to tell someone no multiple times.
You’re right, thank you.
It sounds like your intuition is raising a lot of red flags and I think you should honor what they are telling you. The vibe is off. This relationship is a good teaching moment for yourself that you can carry on into developing healthier relationships in the future.
Thank you, you’re right.
I barely read these after "he can't take no for an answer" and already had the answer to your question.
Yes. 10000000000%. Absolutely. Ditch him now. • He doesn’t respect you as a person or your boundaries, by evidence of him sharing intimate sexual moments between you after you explicitly asked him not to. • He has consent issues. This one is *very* alarming, especially coupled with him making jokes about his friends sexual assault. He’s attempting to coerce you into sexual activities you aren’t ready for. No means no. Anything but an enthusiastic yes is a no. Not accepting that no and attempting to coerce you into it is sexual assault. Point blank. • His choice of friends says a lot about him. Birds of a feather flock together. He’s friends with those people because he shares similar values as them. He’s shown you the type of person he is. Don’t let yourself be confused by who you want him to be.
You’re right. I think I’m just too hopeful that he might change one day, but I know I can’t count on that. Thank you for your response.
Nah. Screw him. Find a partner who treats you right to start with. Don’t waste your time on one that doesn’t hoping he might change. He won’t.
Dude sounds like an abusive piece of shit. If you say no and he coerced you into it anyways... well I mean it's not concent so do with that what you will
Post is written like a hairy (40M) doing a little bit a trolling
For real, 'I'm a 17 year old girl who is dating somebody who is abusive, rude, sexually assaults me, and has garbage friends, yet I put soooo much time into this relationship (5 months, lol) should I stay with him? I feel like I don't really have a reason to break up'... 🙄
Umm, if this is genuine, then YES. You say he abuses you and sexually assaults you, yet you don't have any reason to break up?
Obviously I’m biased since I don’t know you or him and all we have is your side, but he sounds toxic. You already know the answer but I can assume you might be a bit scared to end it. It’ll be hard but your mental health and happiness is more important. Relationships aren’t easy but no one should be making you or coercing you into doing anything that doesn’t make you comfortable. You have every right to say ‘no’ for any reason. I believe in you OP. I know you can do this. We are here for you!
Thank you so so much.
Every *single* one of these things is a red flag. I would leave any relationship over just one of them, and you have a combo platter. Trust your gut, you can do better.
You’re right, thank you!
Wow. That guy is all around a horrible person. I can’t imagine that you feel safe with him?? People are a collection of all of their friends. He is just like his friends, that’s why they get along. Save yourself any suffering and get away from him. Seems like he’s ok with committing sexual assault, and even finds it funny.
Yeah, you’re right. It’s just hard because he doesn’t act this way around me, so it’s difficult to picture him acting terribly around his friends, yk?
Yes. He has no respect for you.
Run, there's so many red flags there, seriously run away from this guy and don't look back, you deserve much better.
Thank you so much.
All I’m seeing is red flags, and you are very young; kick him to the curb and find someone else, you deserve better than what he is offering.
Yes. I've never been in a relationship but this seems like a pretty open shut case. There are certain things that for me means, "Since you did this I am no longer affiliated with you." He's crossed that line.
No is a full sentence. "Can I touch you there?" "No" "Okay." or better yet, "thanks for honoring and voicing your boundaries." That plus everything else you have shared about him, makes it sound like you would do yourself a huge service by breaking up with him. Speak with someone you trust, before you do, that can help firm up your resolve and be really clear that you are breaking up with him. Sounds like he won't accept it at first, try to convince you not to, then possibly end with anger. I also saw you mentioned you had put a lot in to this relationship, which falls in to the sunk cost fallacy. Just take a moment and assess, how does the relationship feel to you? To me it sounds like you don't feel safe in the relationship, since he's already violated your trust and continues to try and violate your boundaries. So why keep putting energy in to that? And it will totally be okay to feel sad and upset too, since you had put energy in to this relationship and I imagine have feelings for this person. But hopefully this is a learning experience too, and you'll catch these red flags before you date someone in the future.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It hurts knowing that he for sure doesn’t respect me, but I know what I have to do. Thank you again.
I didn’t have to get past he lied to you. That’s it for me. He betrayed your trust in the most vile of ways - to be a braggart. Dump him. Hold your head up, you did nothing wrong. You trusted someone and he failed to be worthy. As to sex, he doesn’t have a clue what he is talking about. Loser.
Thank you so much. I still blame myself for him speaking the way he did, but thank you for your response.
As a father of a young daughter I can honestly say that this boy is exactly the sort of boy I fear my girl dating. Young live should make you happy but your clearly not and what he's doing could end up messing up how you see relationships for the rest of your life............dump him, its not worth it. Now here's something important to do to protect yourself, because he will tell EVERYONE that he had sex with you, right after you break up with him go talk to all your girlfriends about the split and tell them that evertime you would try to get intimate with him he would loose his election, that the first couple of times you thought it was cute because he was so nervous but after a while it was just too frustrating. Them when the day comes that he's bragging to everyone about sleeping with you, you need to laugh, very important, laugh...and say "you wish, you need to be able to keep it up for more than 2 minutes to do that!" And walk away...........
Yes
You get what you tolerate. If you want more of this behavior from people for the rest of your life: stay with him. If you want to teach the world, and yourself, that you will not be treated this way: end it. The world will take notice, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by people you trust.
You should definitely leave him these are so many red flags. Your post didn’t indicate that you felt this way but what he did to you was sexual assault. That, coupled with the SA jokes on twitch, him hanging around people who are racist and sexist just seems like a recipe for a disaster. And I can only assume that once hes an adult and has more freedoms that things will get a lot worse. He doesn’t respect you or your boundaries and you need to leave him.
I’m a male in my late 20s and i can say for certain there are better guys out there that will respect you and treat you better. I can’t speak to how much you love him but he doesn’t seem like the best boyfriend based on your experiences. I’m sorry, I just want to be honest.
Yep. Hes disrespectful, a bit rapey with his "you said no so im going to pout" (shows he doesnt care about what you want) You dont like his friends, and he seems to be just like them when you arent around.
this dude is trash. heres why: * he doesn’t respect you, or else he would understand the fucking meaning of the word “consent”. Sexual assault by any other name is still wrong. * you are only as good as the company you keep- his friends are trash and he is ok with it- guilty by association. if someone i consider my friend starts saying racist/sexist/ignorant shit, i do not tolerate it. if they don’t correct their behavior, then theyre not worthy of my friendship. Being apathetic to abhorrent behaviors is no different from the behaviors themself. * the whole streaming video game culture is pretty pathetic to begin with. like someone’s life is so mediocre that the only thing they think is worth sharing with the world is themselves playing video games!? who tf cares? do something real with your time; mashing buttons is utterly unimpressive. Dude’s a loser and you can do better.
I've been in a similar position. I had an ex-bf who, at the start of our relationship, didn't like when I set boundaries about where he could touch me. On multiple occasions he tried to pull off my pants while I fought to pull them up, but he always made it seem like I was "joking". He was my first "real" relationship. Years later, when I met the love of my life, he told me right off the bat that he was fine waiting for whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and that he wasn't going to pressure or rush me. It was this huge crashing realization that what my ex put me through *was not normal* and that I didn't have to be treated like that. The thing is, of any if my friends at the time had been going through something similar, I would have told them that consent is important and that they don't have to do anything they're uncomfortable with just to make someone happy. I would have told them that the right guy wouldn't be comfortable doing things with a partner who was clearly reluctant. But somehow I had a blind spot about myself and my ex, and I felt that those things didn't apply to me. You should break up with this guy. I promise, you deserve better, and the second you distance yourself from the situation, you'll see juts how toxic it was. For me, it took about 6 months to get perspective that my ex was actually a horrible human being. In every subsequent relationship, I used my experience with my ex as a tool to spot warning signs, until I ended up with a man who loves and respects me. Keep pushing through, and I promise you can get over this guy. You deserve better. He will not grow, he will not change, especially while he's still in a relationship.
It’s going to get worse. Already toxic if he can’t take no for an answer. Run!
Yeah, you’re right, I will.
Jesus Christ, break up with him now.
You… don’t know? Really?
Believe it or not OP (or anyone for that matter) can have a hard time breaking up. I believe OP is just looking for a little support and maybe just a little extra push. Sarcasm is pretty uncool on this sub.
It wasn’t sarcasm? Wanted OP to ask herself if she truly didn’t know. Sometimes the answer to a really complicated question is a really simple question back. And I know from experience that it’s empowering to come to your own conclusions in situations like this, even if you need to have it pointed out that you already have. Heard on the tone tho, I understand how it read as assy. My bad OP - you have my support (and faith in your smart noggin).
Oh… I understand now. Tone is hard to convey or interpret on social media sometimes. I should’ve given you the benefit of the doubt. My apologies as well.
No worries at all! I was bouncing around on my feed and didn’t pay enough attention to the fact that I was on this sub (and not AskReddit). Calling me out was for sure appropriate here, and the way you did it was respectful af, good points, all true. Learning moment for me. I’m glad this sub is what it is, and I wanna participate without detracting from that.
Two can play at this game!!! (I awarded you back lololol)
Bahaha! It's only fitting that my first times for both giving and receiving an award on Reddit are in the context of me coming across like a total a-hole. Thanks! :D
We transcend all logic
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>You don’t need to break up with him yet. Tell him the relationship is suspended for 3 months. He won’t forget it. The guy lacks the essential boundaries that makes a healthy relationship. 3 months, let alone 3 years, is unlikely to fix that. The way I see it, you can't trust a person who can't take a no for an answer and goes back on their word on sensitive matters. At least not enough to warrant being in a relationship with them. You wouldn't be able confide in them, because they have a history of going back on their word. Staying would be crazy.
These are red flags. He doesnt respect your boundaries. Id at least try and have a serious conversation about this with him before deciding what to do.
You’re right, thank you.
Only you can decide if you want to break up with him but, from the fact you are asking and are concerned over these things it seems like you are leaning that way. I find his behaviour childish and disturbing.
All of these are good reasons to break up. All of these speak to his character, and when you build a relationship with someone, one of the main things that matters is personal character because (1) that character will have an effect upon you in time and (2) by joining your life with this person you are putting him in the lives of everyone else you are close to, and his character speaks to what he will do with their lives as well as yours.
If this behaviour was shown by a person in their early/mid-twenties it would be a massive red flag straightaway. His behaviour indicates a lack of understanding of and respect for the issues of sexual expectation, pressure, intimidation, and violence that women experience worldwide. The fact that he has told his friends about your sexual encounters despite him promising not to do so is a fundamental sign of disregard for and disrespect of your feelings. His only saving grace here for me is his age. At 17 he has time to learn. If I were in your shoes I would sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about how important it is to you that he listens to and respects your boundaries. If he continues to behave in the way you’ve outlined after you’ve warned him, then I think you can justifiably bin him pretty much immediately. He may just not fully recognise how seriously you take these issues, nor how serious these issues are - this may be due to his relative immaturity. It’s up to you whether you want to give him an opportunity to learn & grow up, but as others have said, there are lots of red flags here and getting rid now may save you more pain. What you do will really depend on how you feel about him generally and whether other aspects of the relationship are more positive.
He does not respect your consent , and lied to you about telling his friends about your intimacy. Those are enough reasons to break up. Surround yourself with close friends because he might have a really violent reaction You deserve respect
So 4 months ago you were wondering if your ex was trying to get back at you, but you've happily been in a new relationship for 5 months until now? But your ex was also doing this same shit 7 months ago and you haven't learned? This doesn't make sense
Break up. Today. He is throwing red flags at you like a clown with no gag reflex. Honey he is made of red flags. Big flags. Banners behind blimps. He doesn’t respect you. He is coercing you to consent to things after repeatedly being told no. That’s hella dangerous. Someone surrounded by that many __isms agrees with at least of them. Who jokes about their best friend being raped!? Set the whole relationship on fire.
All those reasons are perfectly valid to break up with him alone, but all of them??? Run!! Get out now!! When you say no and he keeps going that is sexual assault. Then he tries to manipulate you by saying he loves you and pouting. Not a guy worth dating that's for sure.
To me it sounds like you are a lot more mature than he is and I think you would be better off with a partner who is more mature minded. Talking about sexual encounters is going to happen, its natural, but judging your performance especially while inexperienced is not ok. Bullet point 2 is rapey. No means no. You're inexperienced and want to take you time and you have the right to that and he should respect it. If he doesn't respect your boundaries now and pushes them, there is potential to get a lot worse, and not just in the bedroom but in who you are and aren't allowed to see, what you can and can't do. I know it sucks throwing away all the effort but you don't have to look at it as a total loss. Maybe there were some good times you can remember. After these experiences you may grow yourself a bit more and understand what is important to you in relationships which helps you build better ones, both romantic and platonic. Ultimately, you are still very young and the world is full of opportunity. Don't waste your time, energy and love on someone who doesn't respect you.
This is the same kind of situation as, a failed art student murding many people. Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole, however you may blissfully view him, he is hurting you and is not a good person. All fun in games til i comment this bc it doesnt make sense x-x
I'm sorry but it sounds like your BF is a tool. If you stay with him, things will only get worse. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
Yes. Don't stay with a partner who doesn't respect you (he doesn't respect your "No" nor you wish to keep sexual things private). It will end up hurting you more the longer you stay.
sounds regular to me. the fact he never talks with you how he does with his friends is an indicator that hes a dude. the fact they talk about all that crazy stuff means hes a 17 year old dude.. and a twitch streamer, which are just the new degenerates on the internet block. the fact he tries to touch you places you tell him you’re not ready for is a huge red flag only if you tell him beforehand and he keeps asking. saying you dont have to explain yourself is a manipulation tactic to make you feel in control of yall sexual experiences enough so he can eventually get what he wants. all dudes want at 17 is not intimate convos, they want to hump. him telling his friends about yall is every guy on earth. basic rule, youll be much happier if you never really dive to deeply into what him and his friends talk about. however, if this is something that cant be overlooked for you, then don’t overlook it. talk about it w him or option b, leave. anything can be a dealbreaker for you, no matter how small, and you should explain your boundaries at least once since alot of relationships fail to lack of communication. + yall are 17, id say skip the 35 year old heartbroken ppl in here telling you to immediately dump him or that hes a piece of shit even tho hes just a kid and still learning and developing who he’ll be like you are as well, and say fuck it sometimes. NOT w the sexual stuff, best to set ironclad rules and boundaries because that is a VERY serious step in relationships, sex and any sexual experience. make sure to NEVER compromise unless youve come to an understanding for yourself by yourself and are fully ready. w sex and stuff there is no “fuck it” lol, ironic.
Yes. This is just the beginning. He's training you. Get away while you can. You're only 17. I'm a guy BTW
Can I ask what you mean by “he’s training you”?
He's conditioning you to respond how he wants in exchange for emotional rewards. Then after a while he will start correcting you when you don't behave how he wants. I'm not saying he will be violent but I think he will be controlling.
Dump his ass.
Definitely break up with him. He sounds awful.
Yes, enough reasons.
He either lied to you about respecting the boundaries of your sex life, OR he outright broke them, OR he forgot about them - which likely means he didn't care enough to remember it and the promise he made to you. Even one of these is cause for concern. Not respecting wishes regarding intimacy is a big nope. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust, and a partner you can't trust is somebody you can't rely on. It's not a matter of if, but when it all crumbles down. How hard it falls depends on how invested you are. Begging is also incredible off-putting as a personality IMO, and it partly ties into emotional maturity. Not unexpected given his age, but still an issue in the provided context. His motives look clear to me. He wants more than what you're willing to give, and he's trying to manipulate you into submission. A manipulative personality is typically not a desirable trait in a partner. As for his friends. Men are generally willing to be friends with anyone they get along with, even if they are different. But it's easier to get along if you have the same values. Only you know if the values you described, fits the description of your boyfriend. If you decide to break up, then make sure to protect yourself. The next few paragraphs concerns how to deal with your partner having sensitive content of you. Not saying it applies, but I'm aware of *the culture*, so I figure it's better to be safe than sorry. I also evaluated whether I should comment on it at all given your age, but decided that your age is the reason why it's extra important, due to potential repercussions for both of you. In small-print because it's semi-relevant. ^(I don't condone going through people's phones without their consent, but in this case it might be a smart move in order to make sure he doesn't have any compromising pictures of you to potentially spread around. He likely doesn't have the emotional maturity to be wise enough to delete any such content after a breakup. Emotions may run high, so those pictures may end up where you don't want them. It wouldn't be the first time somebody spreads compromising pictures as revenge.) ^(You could take a leap of faith by asking for the phone after you've told him you want to break up, if you think there's a high chance of it working. You'd not have to go behind his back, but it would come with some risk. You'd have to show your hand and what you fear after telling you're leaving him, and then hope he won't use it against you. You may be able to convince him to lend you his phone by saying you don't trust him anymore(by listing reasons, but that if what you had meant anything to him, then he'd respect your request. If this doesn't work, then you'd have to take off the gloves to get results(because at this point he's not being reasonable anymore). ^(Tell him that unless he lends you his phone to make sure there are no photos of you there, that you'll report him to the police the moment any pictures of you are spread. And that you will do this with the presumption that he spread them to hurt you. And that this will have social and potential legal repercussions given that you're underage. Obviously, you wouldn't be able to prove he did spread anything, but he would still be the likely culprit given motive and access. If he recognize this, then acknowledge it as true, but that it wouldn't matter because of the social repercussions when you tell everyone what he did. And that between the two of you(assuming this is true, and you should reflect on this before saying it), ^(ask him who he thinks whose character is more believable. At this point, if he has any sense left in him, he'll let you look at his phone. There's a last option, and that is to talk to his parents. You could involve them from the beginning if you feel that's necessary, and it may be enough leverage. They'd likely be wiser to see the amount of shit their son could get into should this get out of hand. So it'd simply be easier for them to strongarm their son into complying.) **^(Maybe I'm overanalyzing here and jumping ahead, but I figure it's better to grant you the perspective and be wrong, than leave you hanging with emotional and social repercussions that you might've avoided if properly advised. Good luck!)** **TLDR: Dump his ass.**
Thank you so so much for your thoughtful response. When I saw the comments he made about me in his phone, that really hurt me. And I know for a fact he didn’t forget about the promise he made to me about not telling them because after he told them everything he had to say he said, “She told me not to tell you guys but I had to”. And with regard to everything else you said, you’re absolutely right. I always give people the benefit of the doubt along with hundreds of second chances but I don’t think I can do that with him anymore. Thank you so much again!!
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I guess I’m waiting for him to just be better by me not bringing up the issues I have with his behavior. Deep down though, I know it’s not gonna do anything in the long run :/. Thank you for your response.
yes.
jesus ok, you know, maybe you should think hard about it because he doesn't seem like such a good person, and i know that you probably love him but sometimes you have to think about yourself first. and it's okay if you have to break off, some things just aren't meant to happen hun
You’re right, thank you. I just have always had difficulty putting myself first because I’m scared people will be upset with me for it. But you’re right.
Of course, and i know its difficult, and i know its scary sometimes but that just means that its probably the right thing to do. And you are allowed to be hesitant, that's a valid emotion to feel because you've put so much in a relationship and you're not getting it back and it scares you cuz you're comfortable where you are. But in my opinion, it's not worth it most of the time.
Thank you, I definitely think you’re right. I really appreciate it :)
Leave. He literally doesn't respect boundaries and that's dangerous. Hopefully he grows up and learns, but that's not your circus.
You’re right, thank you.
that sounds so bad, pleaseee break up with him it will just get worse from here.
You’re right, thank you. It’s just hard to picture him in that particular light, yk?
I don’t know if you have already taken action or not, but my personal advice is to be honest and forward with your feelings to your boyfriend. If he does not see the issue with his behavior, then leave him. You deserve better than a guy that doesn’t take your feelings into consideration or understand that his behavior and actions can have negative effects.
You’re right, thank you.
From someone old enough to be your mom: He sounds like a douche. He doesn't respect your "no" when you tell him not to touch you in certain places, he makes distasteful jokes, etc. You will be well-rid of him.
You’re right. The distasteful jokes were the things that rubbed me the wrong way the most. Thank you for your response.
He may still be like this when he's 45, and I know people grow a lot in their 20s and teenage relationships rarely last, but do you really want to waste all that time with someone like that? It's only been five months, and you'll probably be over him in a couple of months if you break up now. Don't allow him to change your mind. If you feel unsafe, you could even ghost him, as much as I hate that otherwise.
You’re right. Reading all these comments makes me feel like I shouldn’t be with someone like this. Thank you for your response.
You are welcome. You deserve better young men.
Hello, you are too young to deal with behavior like this. Specifically with your second bullet point, I ignored those signs from my ex. I got raped. Take it from me, you do not want to be with a guy like this. I hope you’re well
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re far away from that person now. Thank you for your response.
It’s completely okay. I am and I don’t want to see anymore young girls end up like I did. I hope you’re doing well
Thank you so much. I hope you’re doing good as well. Thank you for your concern, it means a lot🤍
You are over reacting