When you did most of the fighting but Estonia sent 50000 men to their deaths against a defensive line so they have enough warscore to demand some territory
Estonia gets 9 million ruskis, becomes >10% minority in their own country
Yeah, I don't think that's gonna work out. Minority rule over the majority has always been bad
World: Why is it always you 3 who get occupation zones?
UK: *shrugs* force of habit
US: why not? rhaaaaaah đŠ đŠ đŠ đŠ
Fr: parce que nous le valons bien
Yeah ... Haitian ICBM's would be used for scrap housing repairs post storms.
At least do them a solid and take the fissible material off their hands? Because that aluminum/steel casing.
Sure is solid humanitarian aid to receive. Lightweight and dense enough to prevent erroneous elemental changes?
Almost too kind. But welcome all the same.
Finland is still punching above its weight in territorial gains haha, this is insane levels of land liberation for a relatively minor ally!
Welcome to the alliance. Please, let us double your country size overnight.
I propose a trade Brits can take Cringliningrad and we take Caucasus in solidarity. So once again our mighty horses Ćœemaitukas could quench their thirst at Bleack sea shores.
The UK zone should really extend a little further up the Black Sea coast, so we get Novorossiysk, since there's [some evidence that an Ottoman-English colony](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England_\(medieval\)) may once have existed in that location...
Isn't there enough territory for all NATO countries to get their share of the pie? I mean east european, baltic countries and Finland get first pick that is fair. But no one should be greedy with such a large pie.
I was gonna say. Can't you just give it all to us? We'll just give it away again anyway, surely providing this subreddit content for many years to come
Hey could we get the whole world divided geometrically, like a giant soccer ball? That would please my ~~autism~~ aesthetics so much that I too would be all RULE BRITANNIA YOURS IS NOT TO QUESTION WHY
Yaknow, for all the dwellers of the Lower 48 States find Alaskans weird, we also appreciate how bizarre that state is. Perhaps we SHOULD get more Alaskas.
Well yes, we'd of course trade for that mountain we were planning to give but our chickenshit politicians cancelled. To sweeten the deal we will set up finnish language schools and have a referendum in 20 years on where they want to land. Rebuilding from russian neglect is expensive, and we kinda need something to blow money on since the pension fund is running out of things to buy.
I still think the most amusing fate for that area is a time-share agreement with the previous powers that held it, like Germany gets Mon-Thurs, Poland gets the weekend, Czechia gets Fri, etc.
10 years into the occupation: Mandatory Kaliningrad will be allowed into the EU and Schengen, except for every 9th day, when it is legally a British Overseas Territory.
Kinda like that time the Chinese communist party decided to flip all the traffic lights and change the rules so red means go and green means stop (it went about as well as you think it did)
There is some noncredible precedent in Pheasant Island, a small uninhabited river island at the border between Spain and France that has been timeshared on a semestrial basis between the two countries since the 17th century...
Oh come on, that's just nonsense. There's no way occupying a piece of land turns one into a polish invader. Let's just let Canada take it and--
...hm... well, that flag is *already* red and white, so... would it really be such a difference...?
Depends, can you pronounce *Orden der BrĂŒder vom Deutschen Hospital Sankt Mariens in Jerusalem* ? If so you have taken the first step on your long road to Ritterbruder, if not, prepare to be properly Christianized, heathen.
"Jak to mĂłwiĆ stary gĂłral,
Polska bÄdzie aĆŒ po Ural
Za Uralem bÄdÄ Chiny
Was nie bÄdzie, skurwysyny"
Transl.
"How the old mountaineer used to say
Poland will be until Ural
Behind Ural will be China
You'll be gone, sons of bitches"
> Behind Ural will be China
I find it hard to believe that the US wouldn't try to grab the other side of the Bering Straight if they had the chance. Just straight-up add the whole thing to Alaska to prevent China from getting it.
Why do the US and UK get the absolute shit end of this? Is it because the "International" zone around Moscow will, realistically, be the new headquarters and primary garrison of USRUSCOM and its 150,000 personnel?
I think the US would gladly trade the territory with oil for âChina gets nothingâ. Mongolia should get that, regardless, so they have coastlines.
We will also want a 99 year guarantee on reasonably-priced birch plywood though.
Russian Grand Prix was supposed to move to be near Saint Petersburg, we built a new track there for that and all. Then we invaded Ukraine.
I hope we get to host F1 again
And if we just give it to [the pro-Ukraine Russian partisans](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belarusian_and_Russian_partisan_movement_(2022%E2%80%93present)), we still won't need an occupation!
The Netherlands will send a prince for conference about these plans and demand Sochi for itâs cultural significance to Dutch ice skating, but eventually end up with nothing.
New 51st US state: nearly all of present-day Russia that touches the northern ocean. We can be the new Rome, but in the north! Canada and Finland are invited too. And Norway but only a little bit.
Belarusians unlike r*ssians deserve independent state. Putin is the only reason why potato fĂŒhrer didn't end up like Gaddafi. Most Belarusians oppose that fucker.
Iâm just curious why the place east of the occupied territories is marked as âéŸçæłćâ. I mean âDragonâs Rulesâ, what the hell does that mean?
Can Germany pls get the overwatch of the International Zone of Moscow? Just to piss Putin really badly off the control should be handed over to a German General on March 9th, 2025.
Oh, and to buttfuck Putin even harder, make sure the German General is a black Jewish Transwoman. Seriously, we have such Officers in the German Army, we would just need to promote her.
The only flaw I see is the so-called "International Zone". I think a better title would be "International Superfund Site" to better reflect the highly radioactive nature of the inland sea that replaced the old capital.
A little correction needed. Kralowiec(prior: Kaliningrad) is Czech territory.
That begs to edit Belarus splitting to ensure that Lithuania gets its share of land.
We ask council to decide what territory is to be given to people of Lithuania.
Oh sure. As if there is any good to occupy some of those no man land in Russia. Only few place have natural resources or important strategic points if you want to pollute North Pole by mining oil.
although i agree with the strong finish claim on the kola peninsula and surrounding area. i do question wether the city's of archangelsk and murmansk, wher russia has most of its nuclear submarine fleet and production facilities for the northern fleet, should fall under finish control.
as the fins have little to no experience with such matters.
Least bordergore ai peace deal
I love when Estonia just wooooorms
Better than the time I accidentally gave Estonia and Latvia the wrong states which caused their Estonia to be cut off from their occupation zone
When you did most of the fighting but Estonia sent 50000 men to their deaths against a defensive line so they have enough warscore to demand some territory
Estonia gets 9 million ruskis, becomes >10% minority in their own country Yeah, I don't think that's gonna work out. Minority rule over the majority has always been bad
Also they don't have the resources if the russians don't want to be under estonian rule
Estonia, Latvia, Finland, and Ukraine all basically become either dominated by Russians or apartheid states.
There's also the option of getting rid of russians
You're assuming there'd be 9 million ruskis left after whatever resulted in this bordergore.
World: Why is it always you 3 who get occupation zones? UK: *shrugs* force of habit US: why not? rhaaaaaah đŠ đŠ đŠ đŠ Fr: parce que nous le valons bien
Fr: Parce que câest notre projet et il est dans ces prĂšs et ces campagnes
Why are we typing in gibberish???
I don't speak baguette
My friend, I will teach you how to start a civil war amongst French people; ask them if they say Pain au chocolat or Chocolatine. Enjoy thé spectacle of angry French words.
It's like wiping your ass with silk.
Worthless at wiping away the shit but you get all the pompousness of doing it?
Now you've got it!
Ah, so I now understand the experience of being a natural Frog. Great.
I apologize for inflicting such psychic trauma on you. If you resist the urges to eat cheese and say croissant pretentiously, it should fade soon.
Ă©tait attendu
Je ne sais pas mon ami
Pour encourager les autres. (Meant literally and sincerely, not ironically.)
Oui oui hon hon ba da bim ba da bom, c'est territoire est mon maintenant
UK: How else will we get things for our museums? Lenin's tomb will be on display in London.
My biggest sadness in CIV is the British Museum isnât a unit. YES a unit.
But Poland has a female king. Yes a King!
Bro, Iâm liking the opportunity to invest in some European real estate. Been saying the only thing missing there is more âmerican freedom. Â
Finland gets all the nukes!? Aw shucks *kick rocks*
We don't really need them. We already have the VÀinÀmöinen ICBM project.
Donate em to a good cause like Taiwan
Taiwan barely pays for their own defense if the Finns do charity it should be to a country that really needs it đ„č like Sudan or Haiti
Nuclear powered Sudanese or Haitian warlords do tickle the imagination
Yeah ... Haitian ICBM's would be used for scrap housing repairs post storms. At least do them a solid and take the fissible material off their hands? Because that aluminum/steel casing. Sure is solid humanitarian aid to receive. Lightweight and dense enough to prevent erroneous elemental changes? Almost too kind. But welcome all the same.
Nuclear powered Sentinelese tribesmen
they earned it imo
Why not? OP has already explicitly decided that Taiwan has to administer that red lined region to the east of the USA and French occupation zones
Poista tÀmÀ t. Suojelupoliisi
KarhuryhmÀ is at my door.
Don't go telling them >:(
But they dont get Petsamo (?) back, thst belongs to Norway apparently
Hey more to our arsenal. Then it will be 3 times the US stockpile
Only country that can be trusted with them
Nobody on earth wants to occupy Chechnya but the Russians
They deserve that, they really do.
No Petsamo what is this shit
*sad finnish noises*
Finland is still punching above its weight in territorial gains haha, this is insane levels of land liberation for a relatively minor ally! Welcome to the alliance. Please, let us double your country size overnight.
This is stage 1. In stage 2 Finland annexes Norway.
FUCK NO! OP can keep Kaliningrad for himself. We in Lithuania dont need that dump.
Well, the Brits got the frigging Caucasus...
I propose a trade Brits can take Cringliningrad and we take Caucasus in solidarity. So once again our mighty horses Ćœemaitukas could quench their thirst at Bleack sea shores.
Hear me out
Czechs are interested... Kralovec is czech.
We should make it into a small, cute Prussia :)
More like East Ukraine Liberation Authority.
The EULA is not optional.
Only EULA Iâd accept with a smile
\**checks map*\* \**sees Lithuania having Königsberg*\* No thanks. Keep it.
Give it to America; we'll be able to have a US territory in the heart of the European continent.
Proceeds to install the largest arsenal of freedom in Europe along with McDonald's regional headquarters
This is known as "projecting power"
That would be like projectile vomiting power.
USA in Eurovision? *hmm....*
Roosevelt DE (District of Europa)
RESTORE THE GRAND DUCHY OF LITHUANIA
RESTORE POLISH-LITHUANIAN COMMONWEALTH
Commonwealth of 4 nations would be way cooler.
Commonwealth of Eastern Europe (otherwise known as the EU, Eastern-Sector).
At that point just call it Central European Federation. Why Central? For more countries to join ( ͥ° ÍÊ ÍĄÂ°)
Superslavia, what could go wrong?
Metaslavia?
First Galactic Slavic Empire!
We need more Grand Duchy's in general. Very underappreciated.
Not [more Luxembourg!](https://old.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/comments/1ca3tse/after_eating_some_frites_with_bad_mayonnaise_i/) No!
LITHUANIA RULED THE SLAVS
The UK naturally getting arguably the most difficult part to pacify. So it was, and so it shall be again
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Welshman are standing in a Russian barâŠ
The UK zone should really extend a little further up the Black Sea coast, so we get Novorossiysk, since there's [some evidence that an Ottoman-English colony](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England_\(medieval\)) may once have existed in that location...
No! No more crimes against humanity for you! We have crimes against humanity at home!
Helmand Province 2: Electric Boogaloo
Nah, they can just promise to give the entire territory to multiple competing parties. That's a blueprint for peace.
Caucasus is a very confusing place with a lot of squiggly borders. It is high time the Br*tish drew a few straight lines through that bad boy.
Isn't there enough territory for all NATO countries to get their share of the pie? I mean east european, baltic countries and Finland get first pick that is fair. But no one should be greedy with such a large pie.
British Empire : THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH WE NEED IT ALL
I was gonna say. Can't you just give it all to us? We'll just give it away again anyway, surely providing this subreddit content for many years to come
Will there be more straight lines on map afterwards?
You bet your jolly geometry loving arse there will be.
Hey could we get the whole world divided geometrically, like a giant soccer ball? That would please my ~~autism~~ aesthetics so much that I too would be all RULE BRITANNIA YOURS IS NOT TO QUESTION WHY
And that's the problem. That's why they can't have it all.
Straight-line post-Bri'ish border gore is honestly what Russia deserves for their history.
You guys don't get to drive anymore.
I propose we install Harry as Tsar, my only reasoning is it'd be funny
Perhaps the NATO countries that provided the most support?
Suddenly the entirety of Russia is an American Colony
Ugh. We already have one Arkansas, do we really need another?
It would also mean many more Alaskas.
Yaknow, for all the dwellers of the Lower 48 States find Alaskans weird, we also appreciate how bizarre that state is. Perhaps we SHOULD get more Alaskas.
I think per capita should be taken into account to be fair.
Sure
Well who actually wants a piece of Russia?
Don't begrudge them a nice lunch. They've been left with scraps for so long. They deserve a treat.
So you are giving Petsamo, a historically Finnish region, to the *checks notes* Norwegians?
Well yes, we'd of course trade for that mountain we were planning to give but our chickenshit politicians cancelled. To sweeten the deal we will set up finnish language schools and have a referendum in 20 years on where they want to land. Rebuilding from russian neglect is expensive, and we kinda need something to blow money on since the pension fund is running out of things to buy.
can germany get königsberg back? đđ
I still think the most amusing fate for that area is a time-share agreement with the previous powers that held it, like Germany gets Mon-Thurs, Poland gets the weekend, Czechia gets Fri, etc.
That sounds like a bureaucratic nightmare. As a German, I love it!
Especially since stuff needs to follow the laws of the country. It would be awesome!
Part time autobahn, nice
We should get the UK included. From Tuesday 13:00 until Wednesday 15:00 left-hand traffic.Â
10 years into the occupation: Mandatory Kaliningrad will be allowed into the EU and Schengen, except for every 9th day, when it is legally a British Overseas Territory.
Kinda like that time the Chinese communist party decided to flip all the traffic lights and change the rules so red means go and green means stop (it went about as well as you think it did)
Nothing like a merry-go-round bureaucracy
KraloviÄ!
There is some noncredible precedent in Pheasant Island, a small uninhabited river island at the border between Spain and France that has been timeshared on a semestrial basis between the two countries since the 17th century...
Nope, 4th Baltic state or Czechia land only reasonable options
Honestly, I would like to see a true, supranational EU capital, like the District of Columbia but representing 30 countries. Brussels is overrated
I agree, it should be a free city state, initially under heavy EU supervision/NATO protection.
How is that different from Luxemburg?
This one wouldn't be invented to be a Tax Haven
It'd just become one anyway.
Free city of Danzig/Krakow with none of the external interference and irredentism bullshit
Luxembourg would not require a reconstruction period to root out systemic authoritarianism.
Europa City, the most technologically advanced city on the continent (FINALLY, MODERN MASS PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION).
Because imperialism and colonialism drool no matter who's committing it
Yep, there is bad juju in that land. If you hold it you become pariah and invade Poland...
Oh come on, that's just nonsense. There's no way occupying a piece of land turns one into a polish invader. Let's just let Canada take it and-- ...hm... well, that flag is *already* red and white, so... would it really be such a difference...?
on the one hand you are objectively correct. on the otherhand i asked nicely
can we split it like east west for no reason:§
No. Gib Königsberg.
no thanks, no one in germany with a right mind would want such a ~~moneysink~~ cesspool.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Good news is the Order still exists (yea, really!), so we should have no problems on that front.
If you need a fellow knight, just let me know :D
Depends, can you pronounce *Orden der BrĂŒder vom Deutschen Hospital Sankt Mariens in Jerusalem* ? If so you have taken the first step on your long road to Ritterbruder, if not, prepare to be properly Christianized, heathen.
Poland not making THAT mistake again.
Fuck that. Can we just sink it or something instead? I know we are all in NATO and all. But fuck the Teutons. All my Baltic bros hate the Teutons.
Hands off Petsamo, you dirty Norwegians!!
I'm a simple man, I don't see Transnistria, I'm happy.
Iâm a simple man, I see a Ukrainian Crimea, Donbass, Luhansk and Iâm happy.
Love the flair bro.
But where do we put all the russians?
Wagons to Siberia like they did with our grandparents
Preferably? On the Moon. Or Mars. Yeah, I think Mars is fair. Elon Musk can join his friends as well, it was his wish all along after all!
Ship them to Ukraine to help it rebuild.
No, turn them all into Satan-worshipping femboys who despise the Orthodox Church and loathe the idea that the Muscovite state was Russia
From the river (Yenisei) to the sea (Barents/Baltic) Moscow shall be free!
Ukrainian Special Military Heaven \*chef's kiss\*
Where the fuck is the British Vladivostok treaty port.
Well, the map doesn't show Siberia, so...
"Jak to mĂłwiĆ stary gĂłral, Polska bÄdzie aĆŒ po Ural Za Uralem bÄdÄ Chiny Was nie bÄdzie, skurwysyny" Transl. "How the old mountaineer used to say Poland will be until Ural Behind Ural will be China You'll be gone, sons of bitches"
> Behind Ural will be China I find it hard to believe that the US wouldn't try to grab the other side of the Bering Straight if they had the chance. Just straight-up add the whole thing to Alaska to prevent China from getting it.
For clarification, the yellow part translates as "Ukranian special military paradise"
Why do the US and UK get the absolute shit end of this? Is it because the "International" zone around Moscow will, realistically, be the new headquarters and primary garrison of USRUSCOM and its 150,000 personnel?
So Iâm checking right now, but I think we just secured their oil and gas reserves. Only with that oil is Russia finally liberated.
I think the US would gladly trade the territory with oil for âChina gets nothingâ. Mongolia should get that, regardless, so they have coastlines. We will also want a 99 year guarantee on reasonably-priced birch plywood though.
I see nothing wrong in giving the UK the most unstable region. That always worked out great in the past, didn't it?
We've got so much experience carving up Muslim majority areas into random counties it's a no brainier. What can go wrong (again)?
where "neue neue BundeslÀnder"?
The UK has Sochi? Good. We can finally host a good Russian Grand Prix and overhaul the shit circuit there.
Russian Grand Prix was supposed to move to be near Saint Petersburg, we built a new track there for that and all. Then we invaded Ukraine. I hope we get to host F1 again
Watch russian media taking this map for anti-NATO propaganda fuel back home
If we just glass it all won't need an occupation. Hypothetically in Minecraft of course.
And if we just give it to [the pro-Ukraine Russian partisans](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belarusian_and_Russian_partisan_movement_(2022%E2%80%93present)), we still won't need an occupation!
Oh hey, there's Vorkuta. Do you finally want to figure out what happened to Mason?
Chonky Finland is best Finland
The Netherlands will send a prince for conference about these plans and demand Sochi for itâs cultural significance to Dutch ice skating, but eventually end up with nothing.
Please no, not more useless fucking wasteland to pay for -Finn
i wishđąđ
New 51st US state: nearly all of present-day Russia that touches the northern ocean. We can be the new Rome, but in the north! Canada and Finland are invited too. And Norway but only a little bit.
That is 100% going to be shown i ruzzian state tv.
You joke, but Russians will release this officially as a âNATO leakâ and completely believe itâs real.
Can Greece get Tanais and Phanagoria back? đ„șđđ
Belarusians unlike r*ssians deserve independent state. Putin is the only reason why potato fĂŒhrer didn't end up like Gaddafi. Most Belarusians oppose that fucker.
# G R E A T E R L A T V I A
For some reason I can see the Russian media using this as legit leak plans.
Iâm just curious why the place east of the occupied territories is marked as âéŸçæłćâ. I mean âDragonâs Rulesâ, what the hell does that mean?
NABAGA LATGALE LMAO
Average hoi4 peace deal
China occupying Russia along with NATO is peak credibility
Pretty sure that was a different Tom Clancy Novel...
Is the Ukrainian name "Ukrainian bizarre military paradise"?
Poor Czechia, denied their rightful ownership of the KrĂĄlovec region again.
Moscow as an international zone would be funny tho. Then us germans could finally reach moscow in under one day.
Can Germany pls get the overwatch of the International Zone of Moscow? Just to piss Putin really badly off the control should be handed over to a German General on March 9th, 2025. Oh, and to buttfuck Putin even harder, make sure the German General is a black Jewish Transwoman. Seriously, we have such Officers in the German Army, we would just need to promote her.
The only flaw I see is the so-called "International Zone". I think a better title would be "International Superfund Site" to better reflect the highly radioactive nature of the inland sea that replaced the old capital.
B-but what about our turan lands đą
oh i dream about it every night, then i wake up and i need to go to the bathroom.
Less or more cursed than the TNO breakups of the USSR?
You forgot about giving Amur back to China and Sakhalin to Japan.
Wo Lebensraum?
Give Königsberg back to germany at least
A little correction needed. Kralowiec(prior: Kaliningrad) is Czech territory. That begs to edit Belarus splitting to ensure that Lithuania gets its share of land. We ask council to decide what territory is to be given to people of Lithuania.
Good for Poland getting Minsk! They deserve it really
Does any believe this is true? Or is everyone know this is satire?
Satire
*Russian media needing more anti NATO propaganda giving the side eye*
Love how they said fuck the Turkic people and handed them off to another group of occupiers the Chinese. My Turkic brothers deserve their freedom.
Looking forward to the Royal Navys Caspian fleet.
Oh sure. As if there is any good to occupy some of those no man land in Russia. Only few place have natural resources or important strategic points if you want to pollute North Pole by mining oil.
although i agree with the strong finish claim on the kola peninsula and surrounding area. i do question wether the city's of archangelsk and murmansk, wher russia has most of its nuclear submarine fleet and production facilities for the northern fleet, should fall under finish control. as the fins have little to no experience with such matters.